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blindbeta · 2 years

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Why Writers Should Consider Giving Blind Characters Canes, Guide Animals, or Other Mobility Aids + How To Choose One

(Note: This post is admittedly long and full of information. Make use of the headings to read the parts you are interested in. I have provided many links, which you can read as you go or save for later. I suggest saving this post and taking your time with it. I am also willing to answer any questions for people who have difficulty reading long posts. While I considered breaking this post into parts, I decided to keep all the information in one place for ease of sharing and reference, especially because multiple sections of the post refer to other sections contained within it.)

When I read for blind characters, my most common suggestion for writers is to give their character a cane, guide animal, or utilize another mobility aid. Most stories I beta read feature totally blind characters or people with very little vision, such as only seeing colors. Despite this, it is extremely common for me to suggest giving them a cane or guide animal because they are rarely portrayed using mobility devices. Because this is such a common suggestion, I wanted to create a post about it.

Most of this will be about mobility aids for people who aren’t familiar with them or are still deciding what tools are best for their character. It will also be mostly for modern, realistic, or semi-realistic stories. I will create a separate post for fantasy and science fiction mobility aids, use of magic or magical items, and writing stories set in or inspired by times before formal mobility tools existed. However, I believe this post can benefit anyone who is writing a blind character or anyone who wants to learn more about blindness. Mobility tools are a big part of blind culture, blind communities, diversity of blind experiences, and accessibility.

Learn About Mobility Aids

Here is a comprehensive post by visually impaired fiction writer and blogger @mimzy-writing-online which contains information about canes, O&M, guide animals, etc. If you are not familiar with canes, start there. It contains helpful information for body language, use of canes, and resources for descriptions that any writer will find valuable. The post also has a section on guide animals and sighted guide.

Here is a post I made about crafting fictional guide animals, although I have no experience as a guide animal handler myself. I made sure to research and include links, so it should still be a good starting point. It also has information about differences between service animals and emotional support animals.

Sighted Guide / Human Guide

First, terminology discussion. Sighted guide is a more common term and more examples come up when I search this term. Sighted guide refers to when a person with vision helps guide a blind person. The guide can be abled or also blind themselves. I have guided my friends before and they have guided me. I have often said that, in a way, sighted guide is a misnomer because someone who has less vision or no vision can also guide someone with more vision just as well.

The term human guide makes up for this misnomer by being more accurate. A TikTok by AskABlindPerson or @askablindperson on tumblr, explains this well. Here is a link to the video. The video states the following:

“I’m blind and I definitely prefer to say human guide rather than sighted guide because you don’t inherently need vision to guide and a blind person can do it too. And it doesn’t have to be that the blind person who’s guiding has more vision than the other person either. It can just be that they know the area better than the person they’re guiding, or it could be that they just have better cane skills or independent travel skills than the other person. Because not everybody has equal access to the same exact opportunities for training. So a blind person can also guide, which is why I like to say human guide because it’s more inclusive.”

Not everyone minds which term is used, however. Some people also only use one term because it was taught to them first, rather than because of any particular meaning.

Below are some examples of sighted / human guide and when it is often used.

Here is an article titled How to be a Sighted Guide

Here is another helpful page with information on certain situations such as narrow spaces.

Here is a video by London Vision.

While human guide can be someone’s main mobility aid, it is often used according to the situation.

Situations in which your character might want to use sighted guide include:

-crowds, where a cane might be difficult to use or someone has a companion they would like to avoid being separated from

-while in lines, mostly to provide descriptions of what happens around them or to let them know when to move forward in the line

-ground that is uneven or steep may cause someone to want to use sighted guide rather than a cane, although this will depend on the person. Using a guide and a cane is also possible. A guide animal may go around the obstacle

-when going inside an unfamiliar house or indoor location, usually for locating a specific room

-navigating unfamiliar areas

-public transport

-guide animal handlers may choose to either do traditional sighted / human guide while using the guide animal or give the command for their animal to follow the person without holding onto them

Guides allow the blind person to gain additional information about their surroundings through conversation with the guide. Human guides can also aid in navigation by providing helpful directions or landmarks. Human guides can be used with a white cane or guide animal. They can also be used without any other mobility aid.

People from cultures who place high value on interdependence, especially on family, may wish to use more human guides. People who have anxiety or disorientation may prefer to use human guides or simply travel with someone else for security. Other people who might tend to use more human guides include: people who have moved to an unfamiliar area, people who are losing vision, people who have recently become blind, people with other disabilities or health concerns, or people who prefer the company of others.

In stories, human guides can portray character relationships, establishing trust and respect. Perhaps a character already knows how to guide, showing familiarity with blindness. This mobility tool can display the helpfulness of a stranger or be the start of a meet-cute. Additionally, showing how good or bad a character is at guiding can show compatibility between characters. I also believe that writing guides into a story can allow for detailed visual descriptions or conversation between your characters.

Imagine character A slowly learning to trust character B, culminating in letting that character be a human guide.

Sonar Devices

I wanted to include a section for these because they aren’t often discussed.

Sonar devices are intended as a supplement for use of a cane or guide animal. Unless the sonar and cane are paired together, such as with the WeWalk cane. While they could be used by themselves, this should probably only be with the addition of a guide and in non-crowded, familiar area.

Here is a video review of the Sunu Band by TheBlindLife.

Here is another review comparing two devices: the Sunu Band and the Buzz Clip.

Note how the devices are used, especially with a cane. The cane is used to detect objects from the waist below, whereas the sonar device is used to detect objects above the waist. This includes objects like tree branches.

Sonar devices work by detecting objects in front of the user and giving a tactile alert, such as a vibration. Vibrations increase the closer one gets to the object, giving a continuous vibration when right in front of it. Moving away from the object, such as stepping to the side, will stop the vibration.

This device could allow blind characters to be more active an create interesting opportunities for descriptions.

Why Does My Character Need a Cane, Guide Animal, or Human Guide?

A few reasons include:

1. It will be more relatable for blind audiences if characters move through the world like they do

2. It is more realistic for stories set in our world or worlds meant to be realistic save for a few elements

3. It allows audiences who aren’t blind to understand how blind people move through the world. In the case of sighted guide, it also offers depictions of politely and efficiently offering help to a blind person, which may include not offering help at all.

4. Canes and guide animals give your blind character some visibility, as the cane, and to some extent the guide animal and harness, signify to others that a character is blind or otherwise disabled in some way. As for sighted / human guide, it offers an extra voice for advocacy purposes or the added visibility that someone is being helped.

5. Mobility tools allow blind people to participate more in a world that is rarely accessible for them at a basic level. I almost always find this is true in books as well unless the writer makes a point to include universal design.

6. Mobility aids improve navigation, increase safety, and increase interaction with the world.

Why Would Anyone Need To Know My Character is Blind?

Safety is a big factor.

In this video titled Using A White Cane While Legally Blind by Cayla With a C, Cayla discusses some of the benefits of using a white cane. One of these is that the cane works as an identifier, letting people know the person using it can’t see so other people need to watch out for them. She mentions it is also important for cars and bikers to know cane users can’t see them well or at all, meaning they don’t expect a cane user to move out of the way.

Both Cayla and Molly Burke share in their videos that people are more likely to offer help when they use a cane.

How Do Mobility Aids Help Blind People Navigate?

It depends on what mobility aid is used.

Canes offer more tactile information and direct contact with the environment. Canes allow someone to feel changes in the ground, such as going from carpet to tile. They make it easier to feel steps or broken sidewalk. They allow blind people to be aware of obstacles, such as a chair, rather than simply going around them they way they might with a guide dog. They help blind people locate landmarks they need in order to be oriented in their environment and navigate their way to different places. For example, they may search for a bench, knowing a drinking fountain is across from it.

As for guide animals, because I am not a guide animal handler myself, I wanted to include quotes from a few sources.

The Guide Dog Foundation says the following in a very useful Q&A:

“In short, guide dogs are taught how to find and follow a clear path, maneuver around obstacles, and stop at curbs. They follow their teammate's directions, and they know that they can disobey only in the face of danger.”

And according to International Guide Dog Federation:

“A guide dog is trained to guide its owner in a straight line unless ordered otherwise. The dog will avoid any obstacles en route, above or around you. It will stop at stairs, doors and kerbs. The dog will not decide where to go; it is up to the vision impaired person to instruct the dog on the direction for the dog to go and the dog will safely guide the person as instructed. The vision impaired person will already be familiar with regularly travelled routes and the dog will quickly become familiar with these too.”

And International Association of Assistance Dog Partnership has a page that explains the categories of tasks performed by guide dogs, as well as other types of assistance dogs.

Sighted / human guide can be used with a family member, friend, or helpful stranger. It can be a primary mode of O&M or used when needed, meaning it be used even if someone already has a cane or a guide animal.

Usually, human guide involves contact with the guide. It can also include the guide orienting the person they are leading by describing surroundings such as “there is a bench to the right” or “we’re near the door” or it can involve telling someone where steps are.

How Do I Know What My Character Should Use?

What your character chooses will depend on their lifestyle, level of vision, age, where they live, culture, religion, and their needs as a blind person.

In the post on guide animals, I went over a few reasons someone might choose a guide dog or a guide horse.

Here are some articles about canes vs guide animals. Although the ones I found focus on dogs, I believe many points made about guide animals can be applied to miniature horses as well.

Guide Dogs vs White Canes: The Comprehensive Comparison

The link above includes the following:

“One of the biggest and most obvious differences between a guide dog and white cane is that a guide dog is trained to avoid obstacles along their pathway. A white cane helps locate impediments so that the blind person can decide how best to maneuver around them.”

Another article that may help:

White Cane vs Guide Dog: Why or Why Not?

White Canes and Guide Dogs - What’s Actually the Difference?

Here are some videos:

Guide Dog vs Canes - Pros and Cons by Molly Burke

White Canes vs Guide Dogs by Challenge Solutions

White Canes vs Guide Dogs - Which is Better? 21 Pros and Cons by Unsightly Opinions

Guide Dog vs Cane, Which is better? by Ashley’s Advice

I also wanted to discuss a few more points.

1. Multiple disabilities

People with multiple disabilities may prefer different methods. For example, those who use a stabilizing cane may have different reasons for choosing their mobility aid. I went into that more in this post here.

It would be difficult to cover all other disabilities here, but I will attempt to include some things to consider.

Consider any pain, weakness, or other difficulties your character may have around their hands, wrists, arms. Canes require repetitive use of these areas.

Consider any sensory issues your character has. Sensory issues may come into play with cane vibration and the tactile information given by canes, especially as it differs between surfaces. The video by Challenge Solutions listed above discusses pain caused by vibration and repetitive movement, for someone who already deals with this. It goes into more detail, mentioning that a dog may lessen this difficulty compared to cane use.

Consider phobias or traumas that may make service animals, especially dogs, a bad choice for the character, their loved ones, or community. In contrast, consider how a service animal may help provide comfort to characters with traumas unrelated to animals

I hope that provides a starting point for thinking about how other disabilities may impact someone’s choice when deciding what mobility aid is right for them. I hope this is helpful is choosing a mobility aid for your character.

2. Financial Considerations

Consider financial difficulties. While guide dog schools often provide highly trained dogs, weeks of training, a harness, and some essentials for free, it depends on the school. Some schools may cover the dog’s veterinary care, while others may not. Some may provide one bag of food. Some may cover costs of transportation to the training school, but may not cover the cost of missed work. Challenge Solutions lists several costly areas that go with having a dog, such as grooming or toys.

The amount the training schools cover is so varied that one cannot assume anything about how the blind person keeps up with care of their dog. They may have trained with a school that covers the most costly things, leaving them to buy the occasional treats and toys, while other schools may not cover much after the dogs and handler leave the school, causing financial difficulties that may or may not have been fully anticipated. Financial situations of blind people with guide animals cannot be reliably assumed.

Canes, on the other hand, are a one-time payment per cane, if they aren’t already free. While canes do require replacement tips and while people do go through canes quickly, the cost is not comparable to that of caring for a guide animal.

For writers, it may make sense to have your fictional world contain schools that continue to cover costs over the guide animal’s life. Or perhaps veterinary care is free in that world. Either way, this may be something to consider. The character’s financial situation can show a lot about them and the world in which they live.

3. Additional thoughts about safety and discrimination

Safety has many different connotations in blind communities. Some people consider safety to mean social safety, as alerting others to blindness may explain any behavior that would be considered strange or rude.

Some consider safety to mean physical safety from tripping, falling, running into objects or people, or having them run into you. This is especially important with vehicles.

Still others consider safety to mean being able to navigate and orient oneself, such as when traveling alone.

Some people consider safety to mean interpersonal safety and the fear of being harmed due to being perceived as vulnerable.

Molly Burke mentions this particular subject at around 19:22 to 20:47 in her video here. To paraphrase, she says that having a big dog with her makes her feel safer as a blind person. Molly states that the white cane may increase her vulnerability as it identifies her as a potential target due to her blindness.

I mentioned that it is helpful for people to be identified as blind, such as with a cane and, to a lesser extent, a guide dog. That is still true. This may provide protection by alerting others that they may need to look out for a blind person instead of expecting that person to avoid them or their vehicle.

On the other side, a cane may alert others to vulnerability in a way that is harmful to the blind person. Due to this factor, blind people may feel safer with a guide dog because the presence of a dog may make others hesitate before doing them harm. I am not sure if the same can be said for those with horses, but it is possible horses may still act as a deterrent. In the video by Challenge Solutions, Caitlyn says that while guide dogs are not trained to be guard dogs and should not be aggressive by nature, it can feel safer to travel with a guide dog. Caitlyn says the following: “They are dogs and I would like to think that they would have a protective instinct if a situation arose where that was needed.” She adds, “I think there is more of a protective aspect to guide dog usage than white cane usage. At least I always felt a lot safer with my dog than I do with my cane.”

I also wanted to include thoughts about discrimination.

Some blind people may worry they will experience more discrimination using one mobility aid over another. This may influence their decision. To give brief examples, people with service animals may be turned away from places they are allowed to go. They may need to advocate for themselves more because of this. Another example might be feeling like people judge them or stare at them more when they use a white cane. They may be grabbed or shouted at more often when using a white cane, as described by Challenge Solutions, or they may be ignored or go unnoticed in other cases. In fact, some blind people are only spoken to in public because of guide dogs acting as a conversation starter.

However, feeling invisible in society seems to be a common issue for many disabled people. Some people also talk about being invisible in some areas and uncomfortably visible in other areas. While a blind person’s choice of mobility aid may influence this, the common disabled experience of both invisibility and hyper-visibility might still follow them.

Additionally, myths about blindness, which I wrote about in this post here, may also cause people to accuse cane users of faking if they have residual vision, which can lead to them feeling unsafe or like they cannot use their residual vision without receiving negative attention. This may cause some people to want a service animal, as in the case of a guide dog, some people may assume they are simply walking their dog or training a guide dog. This may be a way some blind people try to avoid being accused of faking blindness. However, blind people with guide animals may also be accused of having a fake service animal or be accused of not really needing their service animal. Additional barriers may include general public ignorance about laws around service animals or differing laws around access per country.

All of the above can put a lot of strain on people who are just trying to get from point A to point B.

Sighted guide may come with some issues as well. Finding someone who is willing to guide and a helpful guide may be challenging unless a blind person is already using a trusted friend or family member. In social situations, other people may misunderstand use of human guide, believing that they should address the guide rather than the blind person. Use of this mobility aid may also come with judgment from others about the blind person being incapable, lazy, or a burden on others. None of these are true, but they can be judgments people make.

Sighted / human guide may be a preferred form of O&M for people who have recently gone blind or are in unfamiliar areas. Additionally, blind people who come from cultures where interdependence is valued may prefer to use a human guide with or without another mobility aid. It is also important to note that the nature of the blind community also celebrates both interdependence and dependence, and these may not always mean the same thing as they do to people who aren’t blind. This is also true when it comes to using mobility tools and techniques.

What Should My Low Vision Character Use?

The majority of blind people have some residual vision, including low vision. Which is part of why most of the blind community doesn’t use canes, along with lack of training. Unfortunately, many people with residual vision are, however subtly, turned away from using canes or other mobility aids. Based on stories from friends, suggestions in this post by @mimzy-writing-online, my own experience, and information online, I will suggest a few reasons this might be the case.

A big reason has to do with believing they have too much vision to require a mobility aid. The idea of not being disabled enough is both an internal an external issue for people with residual vision. This is because people often claim that if a person can see some, they must not require mobility aid. Mobility aids are seen as a last resort, rather than a way to make life easier. This can lead to self-doubt, confusion, or guilt for a blind person. They might feel as if they are ungrateful because they believe other people have it worse. Conversely, some people may have been taught that relying on a mobility tool is shameful, giving up, or reveals a lack of independence. And sadly, some blind people with residual vision may be afraid of rejection or standing out from others.

This leads me into another reason, which is: believing they will experience more discrimination or social exclusion when using a cane. Unfortunately, this can be true. However, it is also true to that not using a cane can cause others to judge someone for things they do or don’t do as a blind person.

Disclosure is an option that works for many. However, blind people cannot always disclose to everyone they interact with, such as to strangers spotting them outside. Disclosure of blindness can also be fraught with accusations of not really being blind, not looking blind, or not being blind enough to count as blind. These accusations sometimes happen when using canes as well. Denial of help, denial of accommodations, and accusations of faking are common.

In some circumstances, the opposite can happen. Instead of being accused of faking, the choice to use a mobility aid might bring about helpfulness from strangers or concern from loved ones. There may be concern that the vision loss has progressed or that something is wrong. After all, suddenly using a mobility tool can inspire alarm in people who aren’t used to them, because the prevailing thought is that mobility tools are only for totally blind people. And the incorrect message behind this is that being totally blind is negative.

Characters choosing to start using a mobility tool could ease themselves and loved ones into it by being open about their plans. They could experiment with cane use, marginally increasing use over time. Or they could simply use a cane as often as they need to, addressing concerns as they are brought up. Portrayal of communication about mobility aids between a blind character and their family could be a lovely addition to a story.

Lastly, blind people are expected to rely on residual vision for as long as possible, in as many situations as possible. Even if it causes pain, disorientation, or anxiety. Even if seeing is exhausting or frustrating. Even if it isn’t safe. However, the other side of this is that many blind people with residual vision enjoy seeing colors or shapes. They may enjoy being able to describe things to friends with less vision.

But their sight may not always be enough to forgo using a mobility tool safely.

It is my opinion that anyone on the blind spectrum or with declining vision can benefit from use of accessibility tools, whether it be learning Braille or training with a cane.

People with low vision can use canes when they feel it is necessary. Examples may include times where they may need extra visibility or extra contact with the ground as they walk. They may choose to use a cane when crossing the street for added safety. Same applies to using stairs. They may bring their cane only to unfamiliar environments or out with them at night. They might feel like using it one day or in one place and not the next. They may have a condition that is not stable from day to day. Overcast weather or dim lighting could make it necessary to pull out a cane. They could simply want to use their cane or decide to leave it at home because they felt like it.

A blind person does not need to a full-time cane-user to be allowed to use one. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. If they need it, they need it. It is that simple. It will be the same with your low vision character.

Characters may also switch up mobility tools depending on what is best for where they’re going and what is accessible to them. For example, someone may use a human guide for extra safety while in a new city.

Why I Want More Mobility Aids in Media

This is just my opinion, but I would like to see more characters using mobility aids blind people use in real life. This helps to normalize use of these tools for people who are not familiar with blindness. This allows blind people representation that is more true to life. It also adds more detail to stories that wouldn’t otherwise be there.

There is also something off about blind characters who don’t use anything, specifically because most portrayals of blindness involve characters who are totally blind. Why are these characters walking around absolutely everywhere with no familiar way to navigate? Why are tools used by the blind community rejected when it comes to stories about blind characters?

I suspect it is because of a few factors:

1. Not knowing how mobility aids work. Another deterrent could be the difficulties of research and, in live-action media, wanting to avoid training usually sighted actors in use of these mobility tools.

2. Not wanting the blind character to seem too hindered

3. Wanting the mobility aid to be cooler or more interesting if it does exist. This varies by genre and the period in which the piece of media is set.

I find it strange that most stories about blind people do not feature blind characters using tools or techniques blind people use in real life. It sometimes feels as if blindness is a decoration writers add to their story without thinking about how it would impact their character.

My suggestion is to consider the amount of vision your character has, along with their lifestyle, and choose a mobility tool that works for them. I know that some of you are writing characters who can technically move through life without using a mobility aid full time. In these cases, it would be fun to see characters who are transient mobility aid users.

Closing - Not Everything About Blindness is Difficult

I hope this post was informative. I know that some of it may feel contradictory in nature, but that seems to be part of diversity of experience people have with mobility aids. Not everything has to be true for your character or will be true to their experience. Additionally, don’t feel pressure to portray the difficult aspects of mobility aids or being blind in public spaces; it is good to have stories where blind characters are treated well by everyone. There are days when blind people have nothing but lovely interactions with others and when safety is not a concern.

While I mentioned some negative aspects of being blind in this post, there are many positives as well. This can include opportunities to meet new people and have conversations. This can mean getting the chance to use cool gadgets other people don’t get to use. It can also mean being able to experience the world in unique and fun ways, such as noticing little details about the world. It can mean appreciating colors, lights, smells, sounds, or sensations. It can also mean cool navigation tools and techniques.

I will post a part 2 soon. It will include information for writers of science fiction, fantasy, and stories set in historical times. As always, if anyone has anything feel free to share. I will add any responses here as edits to this post.

If you found this post helpful, my pinned post has many more links. I accept asks or messages with questions. I also offer beta reading for blind characters.

-BlindBeta

#blind characters #writing blind characters #ableism #accessibility #white canes #guide animals #sighted guide #mobility aid

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jewishconvertthings · 1 year

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How to Immediately Ingratiate Yourself in [Most] Jewish Communities

(*caveat that I'm an American, liberal Jew, so my experiences are not universal despite being common)

So you've just started going to shul and you're worried about fitting in with the congregation. Or, perhaps, you're moving out of the community you converted in and are worried about finding your place in a new community. Maybe you're switching shuls. Whatever the reason, you're starting in a new community and want to be accepted right away. Here are some tips for becoming a rapidly accepted fixture in the community:

If your community has a weekday minyan, go to minyan. That will show you who the real machers are in the community: the ones who make services happen regularly and who aren't shy about calling or texting people to get butts in seats. If you're Jewish, you might be Jew #10, the perennial hero of daveners everywhere. If not, you're communicating to them that possibility in the future. (No one was more excited for me to finish conversion than the minyan regulars.)

Okay but what if I'm a woman (or not halachicly male person) attending a non-egalitarian community? If it's liberal orthodox community and/or has a partnership minyan, I'd still consider going. I attended morning minyan at my Modern Orthodox shul for months before I completed my conversion because it was less awkward than going to the Conservative minyan and having to clarify that no, they still couldn't count me yet. (And I really liked the people and the post-minyan drash the rabbi would give.) They were actually delighted to have me holding up the women's side of the mechitza and welcoming in the occasional women who would come for a yahrzeit.

Do you have rhythm and/or are possessed of decently good coordination? Learn the cup song! [Tutorial] People will be very excited albeit potentially confused if it comes out that you didn't grow up going to Jewish summer camp. (I'd just tell them you saw the song on the internet and thought it looked fun.)

Are you musically talented or a semi-competant guitar player? Many communities would love to involve you in the songful parts of the service if you let leadership know.

In general, pay attention to what your community is always begging for volunteers for, especially things you can do as a non-Jew or not-quite-yet-Jew if that's your situation, and sign up for one or two things you think you'd be good at. I would say it's better to pick one thing and focus your energy on being THAT guy rather than trying to do a little of everything (voice of experience here.) Real life examples I can think of: being a greeter, arranging set-up for events, helping out with food prep such as kiddush or post-minyan bagels, running groceries to homebound congregants, delivering mishloach manot if your community does that, childcare or assisting with children's activities if you like kids, etc.

Put a fair amount of energy into remembering people's names and faces, and try to work out early who is related to whom. Bonus points if you can file away information about their lives that they tell you during your conversations with them.

If you're asked to do honors by the gabbai, try to say yes to anything you know how to do and are qualified to do halachicly. If you're not Jewish, many liberal communities will still let you open the ark or take a multi-person aliyah with someone who is Jewish, or have you read some of the contemporary English language prayers. Bonus points for if you are able to learn and perform hagbah (especially if you're left-handed/able to hagbah when the sefer Torah is heavy on the left side.)

Honestly, if you're between the ages of 18 - 35, most communities will be thrilled you're there and tripping over themselves to get you to come back. In combination with the above? You're their new best friend. If you are older than that or still a minor, they will still be very happy to have another friendly and helpful face, even if it's just that you regularly attend minyan.

Good luck and here's to becoming a beloved fixture in your new community!

#jewish convert things #convert advice #converting to judaism #jumblr

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izvmimi · 4 months

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summer masquerade - yuuta x reader

cw: long-distance relationship. canon-compliant. one mention of underage drinking. reader without cursed technique but can see cursed energy. reader implied to be of african descent. assumption that yuuta speaks limited english. a/n: a masquerade is the act of spiritual performance, often to chase away spirits or for political commentary. this starts in the time yuuta spends overseas in africa traveling the continent

A hot summer afternoon, years now in the past, Yuuta Okkotsu first sets eyes on you through the veneer of dust kicked up by frenzied footsteps, soulful ululations and the beating of drums that seemed to never cease, but you’ve been watching him long before he notices you, or at least demonstrates that he’s noticed you. Out of a clay bowl, you’re sipping on palm wine despite being clearly underage, but your parents are far at the other end of the crowd and will not notice, and once you’re deep in the brush, in the less strictly governed remote village where superstition and ritual reign, you’ve decided those kind of silly rules don’t really apply to you anymore. After all, you never want to come to these events, but you come from a family that honors tradition despite living in an ultra-modern mansion in the capital, and thus your presence at the masquerade is indispensable.

But Yuuta Okkotsu’s is not.

The two of you find yourself locked in an unspoken standoff of some sort. It’s difficult to read his expression, but his large dark blue eyes are looking straight at you, barely squinting in the hot overhead sun. You try to discern what he’s saying with his look, if it screams Stop looking at me versus I invite you to speak your mind, before deciding your next move, but it’s quickly evident that your only chance to answer the question is to ask. You hope you don’t look hostile because that’s not your intention in any way but he sticks out terribly, like a sore thumb, with his slightly bronzed but still pale skin, straight dark hair and his hoodie despite the sweltering heat.

He’s clearly a foreigner. It’s not good for foreigners to be at these types of masquerades. Bad juju, you think.

You tut to yourself then sip your drink one more time and decide to approach, wondering if the two languages at your disposal including English, will be sufficient to communicate. Most foreigners understand some English, after all. Yuuta doesn’t learn this from you until years later, but the first time you met him, you’d started wishing you were more worldly, so that you could speak to him in his native tongue, and he would tell you that he wished he was better at yours.

The then-teenager watches you approach with the type of curiosity one offers a person who is not yet a threat but can potentially be. From the way that you’re looking at him, you’re not hostile, and your smile is polite, but it’s not all the way warm, although he can imagine that you do have the capacity to smile warmly, to the right people.

“Hi,” you start. Your voice is honeyed sweet, and he doesn’t reply immediately but his facial expression goes from disaffected to flustered quickly, as though he didn’t actually expect you to walk up to him despite your visual exchange. You tilt your head slightly, wondering if he doesn’t speak English, but quickly you hear another voice next to you.

An older man, African but clearly not your countryman, and he raises an eyebrow at you. You’ll learn later that his name is Miguel, despite being from Kenya, and you won’t ask more details past that.

“Can I help you?” He’s also speaking in English, with a slight British lilt to it. You blink, surprised, then look back at your age-mate then back at him.

“Are you two together?” you ask.

The two of them immediately appear to not be on the same wavelength - one says yes, and the other says no - and you anticipate that it’s like this often. You soon find out that you’re right - Yuuta recounts that those years touring Africa with him were sink or swim, where he was more of an unwitting, hapless intern, rather than a lauded apprentice.

The way Miguel says no at the same time Yuuta says yes makes you giggle loudly, probably due to the warming of your skin from palm wine and your appropriately low tolerance, and Yuuta’s face seems to warm as though empathetically, the blush in his own cheeks less subtle.

Yuuta blushes often, even now, and it will forever be one of your favorite things about him.

“Are you from this village?” Miguel asks. You technically are, but you’re technically not, in some ways as much of a foreigner as they are. He’s information-gathering, clearly, and it intrigues you, but it’s not the only thing that does.

Your eyes draw quickly to the younger person’s hands.

“Yes, but remotely,” you reply to Miguel, then point to Yuuta’s left ring finger.

“You have a contract, don’t you? With a spirit.” you ask, and that simple question is where it all begins.

At the time you knew nothing about cursed energy, nothing about the world Yuuta lived in, that Miguel lived in, that you were just on the periphery of, but one thing was true. You could see spirits, ever since you were young and you could see a particularly strong one, emanating from that ring. Formless, but present and unmistakable. Yuuta looks at you with surprise.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he lies in accented English. You don’t argue with him, instead turning to the dancers. The masquerade in their elaborate costume has started to whip at people’s feet and many are clearing the compound in fear and laughter. The three of you do not move. There are no real spirits here, aside from the one that is linked to Yuuta Okkotsu.

“I always knew they were frauds,” you joke as you watch the being that’s supposed to dispel evil spirits not turn one glance in your direction. Yuuta doesn’t understand your joke from the furrow in his eyebrow but when he looks at you now, it’s with curiosity rather than apprehension but you’d rather know more about him. He’s the real deal.

—

Miguel doesn’t get as much useful information as he can about your clan as he hopes when your family welcomes him like long lost brethren in your compound in the city just a week later. Yuuta listens intently and speaks carefully, and you wonder how much of it is his personality and how much of it is a language barrier. Miguel drinks all of your father’s finest beer and asks you to fetch groundnuts like you’re his own daughter and it annoys you, a joyous reprieve when your parents ask you to take Yuuta out on the city and come back in a couple of hours. Trailing a Japanese boy on the timid end whose heart and soul is impossibly linked with a monster is not what you’d intended on this summer, but it remains one of the most memorable summers of your life.

He tells you about Rika over skewered suya from the street merchants, and you don’t bat an eyelash as you chew, and tease him about her.

“Will she eat me if I’m too nice to you?”

“Rika doesn’t eat people,” he defends. The spooky monsters of your country are always hungry - eating adults, kids, children, the like. You nod, popping the cap of a bottle of soda on the edge of a table. You miss and pout, and Yuuta, to your surprise, takes it for you, repeating the motion but successfully.

You look at the underside of the cap and lament the lack of prizes. Yuuta watches you drink the soda, and neglects his own malt drink.

“You can keep being nice to me,” he mentions before the night ends, as though the reminder is crucial, as if it hasn’t been hours since you made your joke. Miguel doesn’t hear him, drunk and boisterous, thumping your father’s back a little too hard. Yuuta’s attention is back to his companion before he can notice that your cheeks are warming again, and this time not from the alcohol.

—

Yuuta leaves your country, then soon your continent and you don’t think you’ll ever see him again, just wisps of him every time you see a vengeful spirit in the distance and pray that it behaves before you call onto your family to dispel them, but months pass and you receive that first email.

He’s awkward with his words, a few of his phrases don’t make complete sense and you can tell the thesaurus is up in another internet browser as he asks you how you’re doing, but you reply kindly just the same, and he’s better through text, better still through video chat.

Yuuta starts off telling you little, but soon he doesn’t skimp on the details of his frankly terrifying life and in some ways you wish he would, but Rika protects him and he’s strong in his own right. You learn of all his friends, deaths and not; you learn of all his triumphs and his failures. Your heart flutters with every email, mostly because you're glad he's still alive.

That's just part of it.

Yuuta comes to see you again when you’re on the cusp of turning 21, and it’s the second time he’s come to see you, but the first time he’s come alone, without Miguel flanking, without the pretense of dispelling spirits and getting stronger.

He’s there for you, and only you.

You no longer live in West Africa but instead in Europe, in a small apartment that you’re lucky to afford while furthering your education, and your Japanese is now middling but enough to make him laugh.

He still speaks to you in English, improved over years of vid and voice chat.

“Happy birthday” is whispered over lit candles and followed by your first real kiss.

—

Rika doesn’t eat you, regardless of how kind you are to Yuuta over the next few years.

The day before your wedding, you press your forehead against hers and thank her for protecting him all this time, you thank her for meeting him first. She doesn’t make a single sound, but as you press your hands against her monstrous face, you can feel the wetness of her tears before she vanishes. You’re unsure if she’s just as thankful for you as you are for her, but you love her just the same.

You touch down to the country where you first met just hours later to begin the traditional portion of the wedding and your father asks Yuuta to bring his ‘village’ - Gojo, Miguel, Maki, Toge, Yuuji, Megumi and Nobara, among others, touch down before the end of the night.

Yuuta does not like the taste of palm wine but chases it down with the taste of your lips by the end of the ceremony, which he finds much sweeter.

—

Your wedding band sits in the same spot as Yuuta’s childhood promise ring, one enveloped by the other. You hiss as your ring finger slips and you accidentally drop a box, Yuuta’s faster reflexes catching it before it makes it to the ground.

“Shit, sorry,” you pout and he smiles, patting your cheek gently.

“Just be careful okay, sweetheart?”

You’ve lived in Japan for three years now, settling in two years before you got married and now moving from your first home to this new one. Housewarming gifts abound and are waiting to be unpacked, and you and Yuuta have been working tirelessly to organize everything before your friends burst into your house and ask you why there are boxes settled as high as the ceiling in one corner of your living room.

You glance at Yuuta as he tries to decide the best position for his katana, holding it in his right hand. Finding your way over to rest your chin on his shoulder, you whisper in his ear,

“Let’s take a break, actually.”

Yuuta turns and looks at you, a gentle tilt of the head appraising how serious you are before he chuckles to himself.

“You know, Maki will literally not let us hear the end of it if this place is messy when she gets here.”

Despite this, he’s following you to the couch which is the only piece of furniture you have set up now. The two of you plop down and Yuuta sighs in relief, and soon you’ve rearranged your positions, and your head now lays in his lap as he pets your hair.

A moment passes where the two of you relax, your breaths synchronized as your pulse slow, and then suddenly Yuuta speaks.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” you ask. Your eyes flicker up to his, and he leans down to look at you more closely, a soft smile on his face.

“For approaching me first.”

You blink, then laugh.

“It’s been over a decade.”

“Still thankful,” he replies. You stop, your gaze steadying as you look at him, your heart rate picking up in speed, your soul calling out to him again. There’s an unspoken standoff of some sort, once again, but Yuuta moves first this time, his lips pressing to yours.

If you hadn’t approached him that day, the ten years of your life would have been different. Your chin tilts upward as you kiss him more, your hands cupping his face, then wrapping around his neck.

“I love you.”

Neither first nor in any way expected, but true nonetheless.

#yuuta x reader #yuuta okkotsu x reader #daydreams: jjk #mimi's notes

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actual-changeling · 8 months

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Do you think Crowley would be more emotionally open without Aziraphale? I’ve never thought about it, but I’ve just read the tags of your last ask and now I’m really interested

Short answer? Yes, absolutely.

Long answer? Also yes, but it's complicated. <- past me was correct, this got very long, my apologies.

What-if scenarios are always part canonical evidence/part subjective interpretation, because the only Crowley we know is the one who spent six thousand years orbiting Aziraphale.

Still, there was a pre-Aziraphale him, up until Job I presume, which is when they started being lonely together, and we do see what they were like!

The Starmaker is his 'before', the being he was before the doubt, the war, the fall. Before hell and the garden and Aziraphale. She is the blueprint the Crowley we know is built on. In the short time we have with her, she's incredibly emotive—with both positive and negative emotions—and her body language is soft, almost fluid.

Showing emotions is simply a natural part of being a person, and what exactly that looks like obviously varies; but this angel has never been punished for doing so. There are no consequences, it's safe to exist however she wants (though not much longer).

After this, we get Crawley what I assume is more or less a short amount of time after the fall. Everyone got settled in hell, and once the institution was functional, they now needed to actually have humans running around on earth. Otherwise there are no souls to torture.

Even here, Crawley is still open, still smiling, still soft, although a bit more covert in their body language. She laughs and—this is the important part—questions God right on there on the walls of Eden.

Even after falling for asking question, she does not stop, not for one moment. Despite the trauma they undoubtedly must have gone through, Crawley sees an angel, slithers up to him, and strikes up a conversation, trusting that he will not hurt them.

Now, this is where subjective interpretation comes in, because we have no information of what the fall was actually like. They got punished for asking question, for rebelling, for trying to change the system—but in my opinion, they never got punished for having emotions.

In the modern day, angels are terrified of making mistakes or asking question, but they are still emotive, they physically express their feelings. Some are more intense in their expressions, others subdued, but from Muriel all the way to Gabriel, they talk about emotions, they show emotions, and that in of itself is not a crime.

Hell is just as—if not more—emotional than heaven. Just remember Hastur when Ligur was melting and then later during the trial, or Beelzebub when ze summons Crowley in the first episode.

Yes, they communicate in code a lot, but only when it comes to very specific kinds of information and interactions, not when someone is going insane over the blaring alarm.

Why does all of this matter?

Because it proves that the level of emotional suppression Crowley and particularly Aziraphale have reached is not taught by either heaven or hell.

Instead, just like Aziraphale's claims that 'heaven is watching', it is a rule system instated by himself for himself, and by extension for Crowley; he set the requirements for interaction and forced Crowley to meet them if he wanted to be around him.

We don't see Crowley laugh the way he did as Bildad or the Starmaker anymore, we never see him carefree or joyous or sad. I mean for fuck's sake, he HIDES behind his glasses, a physical manifestation of the repression he's caught in.

Humans wouldn't notice his eyes in the same way the police doesn't notice them at the convent in Tadfield. The glasses show up during Job, and we know Crowley already had a plan to go against orders, so glasses it is. However, he doesn't wear them during the crucifixion, which comes after Job. Crowley tells us she spent a lot of time with Jesus, so you'd expect her to be wearing them, but she isn't—whatever her relationship with Jesus was, she seemed to trust him a lot, and Aziraphale wasn't around.

Aziraphale is the one who demands silence, who never wants to talk about anything he himself hasn't approved as a 'safe' topic, he and his fucking forgiveness whenever Crowley questions God, calling him a demon and pushing him away whenever he openly shows affection towards Aziraphale.

So yeah, of course Crowley cannot regulate his emotions and has no idea how to express himself now, Aziraphale has shoved a gag down his throat for six thousand bloody years and still wants it to stay in place. Our closed-off Crowley would not exist without Aziraphale's continuous presence in his life, and that is a hill I am more than willing to die on.

Crowley is getting his heart broken in the worst, most violent way imaginable both times. But now? His face is stone and steel, one third of it hidden away behind black-out glasses. No tears, no words, no desperation, no flying hands or fluidly moving body.

This is the kind of person you become when someone else forces you to make yourself small, when emotions are punished and affection withheld until you act the way they want. It's horrible, it's unhealthy, and it destroys parts of yourself that you will never get back, no matter how hard you try.

So, in conclusion, yes, without Aziraphale's influence, Crowley would be softer, more open, and we would still see remnants of the Starmaker in him—but we don't.

#alex answers asks #alex talks good omens #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #good omens season 2 #go2 #aziracrow #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable husbands #ineffable wives #ineffable spouses #ineffable divorce #the final fifteen #good omens meta #crowley meta #getting ready to receive anon hate in 3 2 1...

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tokyosmega · 1 year

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the atla universe if languages existed

hey there! ever wondered what avatar would be like if the nations actually spoke different languages? me too! here's my idea of how it would go:

(set during avatar: the last airbender, might add more during korra times another day)

quick disclaimer: i am an american who speaks american english and conversational france french. all of my language knowledge comes from youtube or school. this is just a silly little headcanon i needed to write down.

WATER

Within the water tribe’s language system, there are two main languages: Northern Water and Southern Water. Northern Water is spoken by the Northern Water tribe and Southern Water is spoken by the Southern Water tribe. Despite having similar names, the two languages are very different. When the Water tribes lived as one on the water lionturtle, they all spoke the same language (which we will call Olde Water), but after separation, they evolved independently. Think of the relationships between the two water languages as the relationship between French and Spanish. Their words can be similar (sol/soleil, luna/lune) because they share roots from Latin (or in this case, Olde Water). Northern Water and Southern Water share roots to the point where a Southern speaker and a Northern speaker would not be able to understand each other but could probably pick out a few key words from their speech. Similar words are things that are native to their area, while less common things that did not exist/were unknown during Olde Water times have differing words (the word for “polarbear-dog” is probably similar in both languages, but the word for “badgermole” is probably different). If the tribes met often for peace/community reasons (perhaps annually), then both languages would contain loanwords from the other tribe. For example, if sea prunes are a Southern Water tribe staple, then the word for “sea prunes” in the North is probably the same as it is in the South. Neither language has any sort of written component- it is completely oral.

Another, more niche language also exists within the Water language family, and that is Foggy Swamp. This language also originates from Olde Water, but has a great amount of Earth influence, since the swamp itself is in the Earth Kingdom (influence specifically from Omashu). Someone who speaks Olde Water would understand Foggy Swamp to the extent that someone who speaks American English would understand Pidgin English (that is, they would have to focus intently and would be able to get the jist of their speech). A Northern Water or Southern Water speaker would not be able to understand them at all, since their languages have developed so drastically from Olde Water. However, one could trace roots of words in Foggy Swamp back to Northern or Southern Water. An Earth speaker would not understand them at all either, but would be able to trace back loanwords and modern terminology (the word for “swamp” or “cat-gator”, for example, would be a lot more similar to Earth than it would be to Northern Water or Southern Water). Foggy Swamp also does not have a writing system.

EARTH

Because it covers such a vast space, the people of the Earth kingdom used to be incredibly linguistically diverse, with almost every city speaking differently than the next. During Kyoshi’s reign, Chin the Conqueror took over most of the kingdom and standardized the writing system (similar to the Qin dynasty in China), and therefore heavily influenced spoken language in the Earth kingdom. As an after-effect, Common Earth, also known as simply Earth, is the most widely spoken language in the world, to a similar extent as English or Mandarin Chinese. It is taught as a second language in every nation and it is hard to find a city where there are no Earth speakers. Everyone in the Earth kingdom speaks or understands Earth. Omashu Earth is an accent that is spoken primarily in the city of Omashu, and has tonal differences from Earth, similar to the difference between New York English and standard American English. Aside from Omashu Earth, the other areas of the Earth kingdom that were taken over by Chin do not have distinct accents. There are some slight variances, especially in the Southern islands between the Air temples, but all speakers of Common Earth can understand each other perfectly. Common Earth has a stable writing system that does not vary.

Despite Chin’s attempt to standardize language within the Earth kingdom, the places he did not conquer held fast to their respective languages. Ba Sing Se Earth, which can also be called Upper Ba Sing Se Earth, is the language that differs the most from Common Earth due to Ba Sing Se’s impenetrable walls cutting them off from the rest of the kingdom. Since both languages are derived from Olde Earth, they share similar writing systems, but neither language can understand each other (similar to the relationship between Cantonese and Mandarin). The walls between the Upper and Lower ring also created Lower Ba Sing Se Earth, where grammar is more simplified, due to the hasty lifestyle of a lower-class worker. Both Upper and Lower Ba Sing Se Earth speakers can understand each other, but Upper Ba Sing Se speakers might not be able to understand Lower slang. Their writing system is exactly the same. Kyoshi Earth is spoken solely on Kyoshi island, and is very similar to the former language of the people of Yokoya. It is not understandable to any other Earth speakers and functions similarly to the relationship between Japanese and Mandarin Chinese, with a different yet similar alphabet to Common Earth. The Si Wong tribes, who inhabit the Si Wong desert, speak various independent languages, but are collectively known as Si Wong Earth. Their languages have many loanwords from Common Earth due to trade. Their written language is syllabic and simple, similar to Cuneiform.

FIRE

Most of the Fire nation speaks the same language, but there are three main dialects within the Fire Nation language system. The most commonly spoken dialect is aptly named Fire, but is also known as Common Fire. This language is spoken within the Fire nation capital, Caldera, but is mainly used within the greater land mass of the Fire nation. It evolved from Olde Fire and is the most basic form of Fire nation speech. The most similar dialect is more of an accent with some different slang terms and is known as High Fire. It is spoken by the citizens of Caldera, especially the nobles. It is completely understandable to those who know Common Fire and vice versa. The relationship between the two languages is similar to the relationship between Canadian French and Quebecois. The main difference between High Fire and Common fire is pronunciation of words and tonal patterns within sentences and phrases. The last dialects all get looped into one group and are collectively known as Provincial Fire. Provincial Fire is spoken on the outskirts of the mainland and into the chain of islands off of the Fire nation. It varies greatly depending on what island or area of the mainland it is spoken in and has differences from Common Fire that are similar to Korean’s differences from its provincial dialects (speech pattern and tones, different slang terms). The further out one gets from Caldera, the stronger the dialect. Written language within the Fire nation is the same across all of the dialects and characters are similar to Mandarin Chinese as they are pictorial and syllabic (from canon).

The Sun Warriors are the only ethnic group of the Fire nation that speaks anything other than Common Fire. The Sun Warriors speak Sun Fire, which originates from Olde Fire as well, but has changed greatly since it was spoken within such a small group of people. Someone who speaks Common Fire would not understand Sun Fire at all, but could probably pick out a few words that have similar roots to Common Fire. Sun Fire has two written languages- one is reserved for spiritual leaders and spiritual texts, while the other is used by all people. Visually, it is similar to the differences between Japanese’s Kanji and Kana writing systems, where one is more simplified and one is more traditional. Spiritual written Sun Fire is more similar to written Common Fire.

AIR

The people of the Air nation only have one language: Air. Due to a high need of proper communication, as well as people constantly moving from temple to temple, or growing up at one and working at the other, Air nomads developed only a single language from Olde Air. Air nomads have a robust writing system to allow writing of incredibly complex ideas and air nomad journeys. Most nomads learn multiple other languages as they age, so they can succeed no matter where they find themselves in the world. Due to the destruction of the Air temples, Air is almost a completely lost language. Remaining speakers include Aang and his children, as well as a few Earth kingdom elders who learned the language from friends and passed it down to their children.

MISC.

Cities born out of the 100-year war, like Cranefish Town (Republic City), are another story. The Fire nation mandated that all colonies only speak Common Fire in hopes of destroying the culture of the city, but despite that, a hybrid language developed: Earthen Fire. To a non-speaker, Earthen Fire sounds like Common Fire, but the grammar structure is very Earth based (a Fire speaker can understand Earthen Fire in the way that a Dutch speaker can understand Afrikaans). It also incorporates many loanwords from Earth. The writing system involves the exact same characters as written Earth, so it almost sounds like Fire spoken with an Earth accent.

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twstbookclub · 3 months

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Fatal Attraction

Summary: Two lives stripped away in a moment's glance before they could even enjoy the gift of love presented in front of them. Caused by strife and wrath, this tragic tale is not one to be taken lightly. Pronouns: Gender Neutral POV: 2nd Admin/Writer: Kai⚔️ Tags: Azul Ashengrotto, Romeo and Juliet, angst, heavy angst, character death, be warned this is depressing Word count: 6,201

I'm gonna totally true here, I had so much fun writing Azul's angst fic, because I took one of my favorite pieces of literature and turned it into a fic-esque work. So, this takes inspiration from Romeo and Juliet, specifically the 1996 version of "Romeo + Juliet" with Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes. That version is a lot more modernized to use guns and drugs, etc but I tried my best to minimize all of that to give a less TW tag. I did take some dialogue from the actual literary piece and translated it into modern language, BUT NOT TOO MUCH cause it was honestly really hard 😭

6k words is insane to me because it's more than Malleus or Sebek

I am so sorry Azul stans

Lights illuminate the quiet streets at night, while the city comes alive during the day. However, two rival mafias operate in the town, hidden from the ordinary citizen's eye. Amidst the danger, a casino is the only place where people can forget their problems, but two lovers only need each other for peace.

Azul Ashengrotto is a hitman and negotiator for one of the mafia factions. Well known for his work within the organization and occasional work as a dealer in the casino, Azul is as cunning and deceptive as they come, but it's just his nature.

Azul strolls around the casino with his usual smirk, basking in the glory of a successful negotiation with a company. The other casino staff congratulate him, but he brushes it off, knowing it's all part of his job.

“There’s no need to congratulate me! It is simply my duty as a negotiator.”

After setting his things down, he jokes with some of the casino staff before heading off to prepare for the evening.

Sitting in the garden of your home, you sigh and admire the flowers as the day starts. The day feels long, and sadness makes it feel even longer. You have always been kept within the property of your home. You’re a child of a mafia organization, but your father is hellbent on keeping you from the outside world. You need more, but where could you get that without permission? Suddenly, during your train of thought, a familiar voice interrupts your thoughts.

"Well, good morning, cos," said the voice, playfully interrupting your thoughts.

"It’s still morning?" you respond, letting out a small sigh.

“The day’s barely begun?” Asked Cater, confused.

“Oh, Seven, this day feels too long and dull.”

“But it’s a good day! What sadness lengthens your hours?” Cater asked, trying to sound playful to lighten that solemn look in your eyes.

“Having to sit here and waste away makes my days long and dull, cousin.”

Cater sighs and tries to speak, but your mother calls for you with an alarmed voice. Shrill screams of your name echo, reaching the sky from how loud she is.

You hurriedly ascend the staircase to the second floor, stopping at the middle platform where your mother stood with pinched eyebrows and a subtle frown.

“Madam, I’m here. Is something the matter?”

“Finally! Come! We have something important to discuss. Cater—you can leave,” she said, pushing Cater away. Your mother paused as if something dawned on her at that moment. She shook her head and hastily added, “Wait! Cater, come back! You’re part of this, as well.”

You and Cater rushed to your bedroom and were made to sit on your bed. Maids rushed inside your chambers, and you found yourself being tugged around by each one. The familiar sensation of a brush and the smell of powder filled the room. The sound of rustling fabric and barked orders disturbed the silence.

“Despite what your father says, you are of age. You should go out more—find someone to give you thrills in life!” Your mother exclaimed, helping herself to sit at your vanity table. “I’ve been your mother for many years now, and I’m deeply concerned about your… self-isolation. This is only what I think is best!”

The rest of that conversation was mostly your mother telling you how “the world is your oyster” and that you should take advantage of it. You could only listen until she was tired of lecturing you and walked off to do other things. It ended with Cater helping you get ready.

“Alright. You heard the woman. You’re lucky that I know exactly where to take you,” Cater says with a sigh and starts looking through your closet for you.

The sound of shuffling cards, chips clattering on the tables, and cheers from winners rang through the different halls and rooms. Different themes exist on every floor depending on the games. A floor filled with different slot machine games was filled with neon lights and bright colors to accommodate the vibe. One of them had restaurants galore for each type of economy class that was visiting. Vibrant, blinding colors greeted you, and the mind could easily be overwhelmed by the sight. It smelled of cigarettes and smoke everywhere, and servers held trays of crystalline glasses filled with golden champagne.

Cater brought you to a casino to de-stress. He was familiar with this place, so he knew you’d be okay here. You walked around independently since Cater left you to play a round of Hearts with others he knew.

You watched how people crowded around the poker and baccarat tables. There was a mix of emotions lingering in the casino air: concentrated, frustrated, happy, and angry to name a few. When you turned to another section, you leaned against a pillar and looked in front of you, meeting a pair of bluish-purple eyes.

He was looking at you, too. He looked—

Gorgeous.

You stepped behind the pillar and poked your head out enough just for your eyes to meet his own again. The stranger gave you a modest smile and a gaze so fine that you just had to smile back. Dressed in a black button-up with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, fabric fitting his frame as two top buttons were open.

His hair was a pretty gray, and the beauty mark under his lip made his features come together like a perfect painting. His smile grew wider, and he looked away. Then you felt your cheeks grow hot.

It was an unfamiliar feeling. One only your maids and mother would describe to you as love, but is this really what it was? It felt right, but it was too new to confirm true.

When you met his eyes again, he had his hand out for you to take. You looked at the floor momentarily before moving closer and letting your palm touch his, and he guided you to sit at his table.

You looked around, then noticed it was a table of blackjack. Hmm… a simple game. He didn’t let go of your palm and dealt the cards with his free hand. You smiled softly and stared at how he held your hand as if you were glass.

“You do realize that holding a stranger’s hand for this long is not normal,” you said while looking into his eyes, prompting a laugh to escape his lips

“Well, dear stranger, what is normal? It’s certainly not us.”

“How so?” you asked as you tried to slip your hand away again, but the gesture was met with a firm grip.

“Any other person would’ve walked away from a man with wandering eyes,” he said while leaning closer to you, but you moved away with a smile.

“Would it not be stranger if we were closer than this? Though, I don’t wish to interrupt how you are dealing with this game.”

“Oh? Do you wish to be closer? Closing the distance is not a problem to me.” His offer was tempting, but the words your mother spoke of flashed through your mind. Maybe this is something you should be doing?

“I… can allow that,” you whispered loud enough to reach his ears, quite confident that this was something you wanted

“Then stay while I deal as I please,” he whispered as he leaned closer, noses brushing for a moment before you moved away and stood from the chair you were in.

“Oh,” you laughed playfully and went towards the nearby bar, and he followed you without a complaint, “what a tease. I must say, you’re very forward and quick to act.”

“Wasting no time is what I do best,” he said, following you, watching your movements. “People call me charming and witty, but no praise will amount to anything if I fail to leave an impression on you. Don’t leave me feeling this empty, darling.”

“Why empty? Is the time spent with me so far not fulfilling enough?”

The man placed his fingers under your chin and made you look at him, then he took off his glasses in a swift move. “No, and I won’t be satisfied until I can do this...”

You felt a smile creep up as he pulled you closer and gave you a gentle kiss, only starting. After that gesture, you looked at him and kept your composure.

“Better,” Azul said after that short kiss, a smug look on his face, but he didn’t let you go.

You were a bit surprised by the feeling, but you couldn’t complain. “Is it?”

“Very. It makes me want more…” He whispered before kissing you again, this time letting it linger much longer.

“You kiss as if you learned from a book,” you spoke softly after breaking it, but he only moved lower towards your ear and neck.

“Hey, we can’t do this. As much as I enjoy your company, you are a mere stranger at the end of the day,” you said and pushed him back lightly, then tried to walk off. The man moved closer again and sat you down on a bar stool.

His lips found yours again, but you couldn’t lie to yourself. Your body could only respond to the kiss almost instantly. His hands didn’t let go of your waist, yet your own were on the nape of his neck and shoulder.

You don’t know how much time had passed, but you snapped out of it once Cater called your name. “Hello, Earth to cousin? We have to go!”

Cater looked at the man whose arms you were in and sighed in disappointment, clicking his tongue and pulling you away. “Come on!”

While getting pulled away, you kept turning around to watch as the man followed you, a determined look on his face as he tried to catch up. You were pulled up the stairs to the floor above and joined with the bodyguards you arrived with.

The man remained at the bottom of the stairs, but he stared at you in disbelief.

“His name is Azul Ashengrotto, a hitman from the mafia your family fights against all the time! He’s the right-hand man,” Cater whispered to you, and you felt the smile on your face disappear. You stared down at the man but couldn’t utter a word.

“Is that…? No—they can’t be,” Azul whispered, still in disbelief.

After staring momentarily, you were pulled away, and Azul had to follow again. This continued, even with your head turning back a few times, just to meet the man following at a distance.

Azul stood at the casino door while you left, watching as your car left with a regretful expression in his eyes. “Not knowing and finding out too late—how the hell did we end up finding each other this way?” he said to himself as you stared back at him from the moving car, then he went back into the casino grounds.

After arriving home, you walked around your garden under the moonlight and sighed softly. You moved yourself to squat in front of the pool at the end of the concrete path, looking up at the moon.

“Azul Ashengrotto… Who could he really be? What does his name have to do with anything?”

“The group that rivals my family name, but what is in that name? It’s not a hand, foot, or any other part belonging to me.” You stare down at your reflection in the water and smile softly at the thought of that man you had a slight moment with at the casino.

You stand up and sigh, “Should he tell me he doesn’t like it, I would change it in a heartbeat—”

“Then should we change that name?”

You spin around and scream as he puts his hands on your arms, but the shock causes you to fall back into the pool with him. You quickly come up to the surface and spit out the water in your mouth, then stare at the pale indigo eyes on you.

“What are you doing here!? Did you follow me? If they see you, they’ll murder you!” You whispered loudly because of the panic, but your reaction made Azul laugh.

“That is the least of my worries.”

“But you’re the Ashengrotto, an ally of my mortal enemy—”

“I will neither, if you dislike it. What can they do to me?” He whispers the last part, moving closer and touching your cheek. “I was able to see you again. I’m satisfied with that. It’s better to be killed by their hatred than by the torture of not seeing you. You love me and I love you, so let them find me here. I want your love for as long as you’ll allow me to have it.”

You stare at his features for a moment before he kisses you softly, the quiet night enveloping the both of you. It was slow, but you could feel how he felt the same for you as you did him. The more time that passed, the more passion was being shared.

The pool water was warm, but the way he grabbed your hips with one hand and kept your head in place with the other gave you a chill down your spine, simply from how he made you feel.

You pulled back after a while longer and felt your face burning, so you avoided looking at him. “The moon's light can only hide me so well, and now you’ve heard me speak tonight. Do you love me? I know that you’ll say yes, and I will take your word for it.”

You spoke while backing away to get out of the pool, and he followed, leaving kisses on your neck when he could. “If you love me, say it faithfully.”

“I swear by the moon—”

You sighed and pushed him back. “Don’t swear by her ever-changing beauty unless your love has conditions.”

“Then what do I swear by?” Azul asks, looking at you with confusion in his expression.

“Don’t swear at all. If you must, swear on yourself. If it comes from your heart, then I’ll believe you.”

“The love in my heart…” He whispers, then gives you light kisses again, but you quickly break it and turn away.

“Don’t. Although I enjoy this, I will have no joy in this promise tonight. It’s too soon, too rash, and—like a lightning strike—it will be gone too soon,” you said and climbed up the ladder to get out of the water, but his sudden call out made you stop.

“Will you leave me so unsatisfied?”

You turn around and look at him with surprise. “What satisfaction could you have tonight?”

“To tell me that your heart belongs to me”

He was right. He had declared his love for you, but you hadn’t done the same for him. Was this real? You smiled brightly and ran back into his arms, falling into the pool with him again.

“I gave it to you before you even asked!” You exclaimed before falling back in with him, your lips landing against his into an underwater kiss.

Coming up to the surface, you hear Cater calling for you around the house, and you shout. “I’ll be there!” You turn to Azul and pull him out, hurrying him to leave through a secret gate.

“I leave you with a few more words before good night. If you’ll allow me the honor of marriage, let me know tomorrow—in a way that I can visit you—where and what time we’ll marry,” you whisper with a smile and hold his hand through the iron bars of the gate.

Cater shouted again, and you could only shout once again. “I’m on my way!”

“May all of my fortune and my will always follow you. If you do not mean well, I beg you not to argue and leave me alone to grieve. I will send someone over to the casino tomorrow,” you told Azul before letting him go, not before giving him a kiss.

“I am yours, and you are mine. I’ll be happy to hear from you.”

“I hope you have a wonderful night.” You smiled again and ran off, and Azul walked off as well. Shortly after, you gasped to yourself and tried to find him again, rushing towards him.

“Azul!” you called out, catching his attention, and his smile only brightened your heart. “At what hour should I send for someone?”

“By 9 in the morning.”

“I won’t let you down. It’s an eternity until then.” You laugh softly and pull your necklace off you, giving it to him. He took it gladly and tightened his fist to avoid losing it.

“Good night, darling.” He said and walked away, looking back at you a few times until he was completely out of sight.

“A bittersweet sorrow that is parting, that I shall say ‘good night’ until tomorrow.” You said with a smile. Finally, you ran off into your home.

The next day, you were home alone, and you waited with anticipation for your cousin to arrive back to you. As soon as the door opened to your bedroom, you jumped up and saw Cater come in with a tired expression.

“Cater!”

“Oh, hey, cos,” he says and tucks himself into your bed, your expression turning into disappointment.

“Cater! What does my love say?”

“Your love? Oh! That negotiator guy,” he says, “… Hey, where are your parents?” Cater asked, looking at you with a cheeky smile.

“Where are my parents?” You sigh from frustration and pull the blankets off the kid. “Don't keep it from me any longer! What did Azul say!?”

Cater laughs before standing from the bed and going to your closet. He looks at your more formal clothing and then picks something out for you. “When you go out today, meet him at the church. There, a man waits to marry you later today.”

Your eyes lit up with excitement as you heard the news. You took the outfit into your hands and left to change, finding even more reason to leave your home today.

Arriving at the church, you noticed the cars parked in front were all the same. When you entered the wide chapel, your eyes instantly met his, and the warm golden lights illuminated the design.

You had always been here before, but how the room lit up now was mesmerizing. Seeing Azul made the moment even better because it was only you and him. You made your way down before meeting with him, and how sweet he was.

Speaking vows and promises while looking at your love in the eyes, you could finally understand why a wedding day was so important. You knew you would never forget this day even if fate decided to take you away tomorrow.

His hands held yours and carefully slipped a silver band on your finger. That was it. You were officially married to him.

“I love you,” you whispered, seeming as if now was a dream that would slip through your fingers.

“I love you too,” he responded, giving you a kiss to conceal it together.

Azul had to leave after that because his negotiation work was urgent, but he still ensured you arrived home safely.

Under that guise, Azul arrived at his own mafia’s headquarters. The room was a bit tense as he walked into his boss’ office, only to find a man tied on the marble floor. The room was dim and added to the atmosphere that the organization strived for.

At the snap of a finger, the man became unmasked, to reveal one of your relatives. Azul looked surprised but quickly had to hide it.

“Boss. Is… this him?” Azul asked, looking his boss in the eye, but he was feeling a cold sweat for once.

“That’s right. You already know what you have to do. Don’t disappoint me, Ashengrotto.”

Azul nodded once and gestured to the guards to follow him with their victim, and he left behind them with a tense feeling.

Your relative? One whom he now shared names with through his dearly beloved, but did he really want to kill this man?

This man was a spy. Playing his organization like a game of chess, he could get away with it for a while, but his boss knew the truth from the beginning. The boss wasn’t an idiot, they wouldn’t be in the place they're in now if that was the case, so it wasn’t surprising.

This was different now, though.

Azul stared at this man’s back with hesitation. He didn’t want to do this to you, but this was his job. You knew that, too, but that wasn’t an excuse. Yet, if he didn’t do this, it was his life on the line along with this man.

You sat in your room while staring up at the statues of the Seven in your room, a warm smile on your face at the thought of your new husband, a lingering sadness that you couldn’t spend time with him.

“Oh, Seven… If only the stars could show me my husband now. If anything should happen, may the heavens take his soul and place it among the stars, so his radiance could illuminate the night, that not even the moon could compare,” you whispered to yourself while imagining Azul, causing you to smile more than you already were. “If only I could see him soon..”

Azul stood in front of the captured man with a bitter look in his eye. He called the guards off to be alone in the room, still hesitating about the choice in front of him.

“You know, you’re trembling… it’s obvious, buddy.” The man said with a laugh, his busted face still dripping some blood onto the floor.

Azul’s eyes widened, his voice slightly trembling. “What? Don’t say a word. Do not provoke me.”

“Why? Is the big man, Ashengrotto, finally scared?”

“Shut up—”

“What a baby. How the hell are you the right-hand man, if you can’t pull the trigger?”

“Don’t say anything else!”

“In my organization, you would’ve been killed for being this weak!”

“You don’t know a damn thing!” Azul yelled, swiftly taking out his gun and putting it to the man’s head. “Do you not wish to be saved? I can do that. I don’t want to do this. Not for…” His voice trailed off, a lump forming in his throat.

“Don’t be fucking weak. Do it!” The man yelled, messing around with the assassin in front of him. This man knew what he was doing but didn’t know the consequences.

The gun was taken off its safety as Azul took a deep breath, putting his personal emotions aside and speaking quieter. “To my beloved relative by name… May the Seven help you.”

The man grew confused before he was met with darkness. The sound of the gun echoing through the large room was enough of a message that it was over, but guilt started to take over the new silence.

“Shit… What the hell did I do?’ Azul whispered to himself before dropping the gun and staring at the corpse in front of him with disbelief.

You stared at the statues once again with a confused look on your face, at a loss for how to react. It had been a few hours, but you had just been told the news about your relative being killed by your husband’s hand.

“Say it isn’t so? Seven, don’t betray my heart this way… Am I supposed to criticize my husband? Speak ill of him? For the love he had for me, am I supposed to think of him as a traitor? Give up his word for actions?” You spoke to yourself, pleading with the gods above to give you an answer, but you received nothing.

Your heart ached at the deafening silence, and not even your ancestors could help you in this. It felt like your bloodline was shaming you for confiding in a sworn enemy, but you couldn't control who you could love...

Was it truly so easy to blame yourself for this?

Azul had quickly become a target under your family’s watchful eye. He had to do something, and quickly. Azul stared out the window from his office before he took a breath and fixed his glasses, only coming up with one answer.

“Guards, take me to them. I’ll be staying the night. In the meantime, prepare a burial.” Azul said calmly before grabbing his coat and leaving quickly.

You sat on your bed and tilted your head, hugging one of the pillows while thinking. Your mother left you to rest for the night, and you took the opportunity to lock yourself in. You let out a sigh and slowly stood up.

“Am I supposed to deny him? Divorce him for what he did? What a cruel thing to do to someone I love,” you said to yourself, but then you heard footsteps come in through your window.

The sound immediately caught your attention, and you were met with Azul standing there with regret in his eyes. You slowly went closer without your eyes moving away, scared that he would disappear.

“I’m sorry,” Azul whispered, his already sad eyes becoming glassy with the tears he couldn’t keep back anymore. “I swear to you and the Seven above, I didn’t want to do it—”

“I believe you. I can see it in your eyes. It was either that… or death, right? I know how this business goes, but that still won’t stop me from loving you.” You responded just as quietly, then looked over his body to make sure he didn’t have any injuries. Just doing this made your heart race.

Your hands slid down his coat to take it off, the ruffling sound of it hitting the ground mixing with the sounds of breathing and pattering rain hitting the ground outside. It made you a bit relieved that he could reach you before the rain began, but your heart rate wasn’t slowing down.

You loosened his tie and took off a few buttons so he could relax, but you were nervous. You guess… it’s kind of late to be nervous when you’re already married to him. Regardless, your hands just went with the flow, even if you didn’t have any experience in this aspect.

Azul watched your movements carefully before he leaned closer, taking off his glasses in the process. Your eyes met his indigo irises, your hands made their way to his neck and shoulder, and your heart was about to explode.

You willingly closed the space and kissed him as you knew he was about to do the same to you, but he returned it so gently. It was different from the time you met at the casino or in the pool that same night, but it felt perfect. Neither of you wanted to let go.

Morning came too fast. Azul woke up to the harsh reality of what was going to happen today. Any slight movement he made easily woke you up, but you could only give a small groan since you weren’t ready to get up yet. That noise made him smile and laugh before he sat up to see how you slowly opened your eyes

“It’s too early, and not time for you to go.” You whispered with a tired voice, still exhausted from the events of the day prior. Azul quickly moved to hover above you within the blink of an eye as your words caused him to feel warm.

“Then let’s not get out of these sheets—delay the morning by never coming out. I can appreciate just how divine my spouse looks while you look up at me like that.” Azul began playfully, slowly becoming genuine and affectionate with his words.

Before you could respond, Cater ran into your room and closed the door behind him, causing Azul to fall off your bed from surprise. “Your mother is on the way! Quick!” He said with panic, swiftly moving around to help out.

Azul got all of his things and you let him escape from the window, following him onto the balcony. He pulled you into a kiss for a moment before letting you go. “Stay safe. I’m sorry for what I did.”

You shook your head and gave him a gentle smile, placing your lips against his for a few seconds. “I love you. I love you more than anything. My life is yours.”

“My love…” Azul said somberly and sighed, placing a small kiss on your forehead. You felt the emotion he was feeling by just the way he was acting, and it left you confused. You looked at him with concern before giving him your ring from the day before.

You kissed the engraving on the band before placing the ring in his palm. “Just be safe. I will try to find out if something grave is being planned in hopes of stopping it.”

Azul just stayed quiet before he pushed you back inside your bedroom and quietly left. That was it between you two for now. You stared at the bed in front of you as your stomach began to turn in a bad way, but you could only whisper something to yourself as you fixed the robe you had put on when rushing.

“Letting someone out and bringing light in—why do I have a feeling that it will be in vain?”

Azul stood in the church that had become special to him less than twenty-four hours ago, holding a small bottle in the palm of his hand, along with your ring and necklace beside it.

There was a war going on outside. He was the head that they wanted to capture for killing your father’s brother, an eye for an eye, and he didn’t want you to be brought into it. He was thankful that you could forgive him and still keep your love, but he didn’t deserve it after making you grieve for the loss of a relative and the loss of his presence beside yours.

He made sure to kiss the ring and the cross charm from your necklace, before putting them both on and staring up at the painted murals from the church’s ceiling, a soft expression at the memory of exchanging vows that were so fresh to him.

Without much hesitance, Azul popped open the small container and dropped some pills into his palm. His boss gave him these after he proposed to fake his death until this was over, composing a plan once a certain number of their kin had been killed in his stead.

One, two, three. Pills disappeared as Azul swallowed them. The drugs were quick, as he felt his heart begin to slow down and his breathing was coming to struggle for air. The church echoed the sounds of his quick suffering, until turning as quiet as the sleeping city he committed his sins.

In the morning, Cater ran into your room to find you clutching your chest, but not a single tear in your eyes. You were more shocked than anything. Your father stopped the war at the moment of finding out that their target was dead. Your husband was dead.

Cater, who was breathing heavily from running, went over to your side with a saddened look, letting out a sigh at the immense despair he could feel around you. “Cos, I’m sorry, but now… what’s your plan?”

Silence.

Nothing was your plan. How could there be a plan? The love you harbored couldn’t be shared with the one you married anymore. You let out a shaky breath and closed your eyes, a hidden tear finally dropping down your cheek.

Cater noticed your silence and went to lock your door, “He’s laid to rest at the church. I’ll take you to him.”

Your body was simply guided by Cater now. He dressed you the best way that he could, in a way that your parents wouldn’t find suspicious. You hadn’t uttered a word or looked at him, but instead kept yourself together as if it was taking its time to affect you.

Your parents believed that you were grieving over your uncle’s death, so they left you alone. With that, Cater could take you over to the church during the sunset hour.

When you arrived, he guided you in and let your eyes lay upon the empty cathedral. The door closed behind you as Cater didn’t step in to leave you on your own. Finally being by yourself, you could relax as tears filled your eyes at the sight of the bed at the end of the aisle.

You slowly made your way closer and closer, each step making a sound that echoed through the space. The closer you got, the more detailed his body became. With gentleness and care, your hand wrapped around his and it felt weird.

“My love, death hasn’t taken your warmth yet?” You speak quietly and caress his cheek while holding back your tears. “You look as if life is still within you, and a peaceful sleep is all that affects you,” you said while leaning down to place a soft kiss on his cheek.

“Even your lips are as warm as the day. How precious…”

You went quiet after and closed your eyes, letting out a small sob before covering your eyes with your hands. The tears ran down your cheeks before being wiped away, not wanting to cry too bad after.

“What a cruel world we were born into,” you say quietly to your husband’s body before you look up at the ceiling above you, memories flashing through your head. A smile finally showed on your face at the thought of Azul, like his face and name always had these days.

You looked down as you held something in your hand. A small dagger with a black shine to it. You placed the tip of the blade at your chest and pierced yourself with it, the pain not being at all the same as losing the love of your life. You only let out a small wince and looked down at your husband, only to find him with a look of horror and his eyes wide open.

“No, you—” Azul started but quickly reacted to sit up and pull you to lay down where he was, struggling breaths coming from you as the blood seeped out of your wound. Azul tried to take it out, but your grip on the handle was strong even though your body was growing weak.

“What—” You whispered, tears falling down from your eyes as you tried to think, but you could only stare at Azul with a blurry vision from how fast your life was being taken away from you. “Why…?”

“Why? To protect you. Why would you follow me?” Azul asked with tears coming up to his own eyes. He held you tightly as if that would stop the slow death you were experiencing, but he wasn’t doing anything. He couldn’t. “Why wouldn’t you want to live?”

“Live…” You whispered, your slow blinking accompanied by a small smile only made this more bitter than it was, a gasp coming from you before you spoke again. “I couldn’t live without you.”

These words were soon followed by silence. A quiet breath was let go from you. Your body grew limp and still. Your hands had finally let go of the dagger that had you inflicted on yourself, but it was too late.

Azul just stared in a still stance, still holding you. He waited for something. Anything. A sign of life. Something to check if you were still there with him. When he didn’t get anything, he let out loud sobs while holding your lifeless body close to him, even putting out a few screams from the agony that surrounded his heart.

Every sound and movement he made echoed and pierced his ears with desperation and regret. If only he had told you the plan. If only he ran away with you instead, you would still be alive and smiling at him.

After his moment of grieving, he looked up and down at you, but then his eyes stopped at the blood-stained clothes you had on. His eyes locked onto the dagger before he carefully pulled it out and stared at the blade.

The question he asked you earlier wasn’t in his mind anymore. Even if he stayed alive, he would die at the hands of your family once they realized that he was alive and that you died with him beside you. He couldn’t live without you either.

He stared at you for a moment before he took your hand into his and he closed his eyes. He placed the dagger against his neck and let out a breath before his body fell right next to yours, and a deafening silence befell them.

Two lovers. Both alike in dignity, now gone in mere moments from their organization’s strife. Young adults with so much more to life and love to share, could not stop the rage of others. A love story that ended so tragically changed the outcome of the respectful lives that they could’ve had.

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tropes-and-tales · 1 year

Note

Ooooooooooooooh can I request “It’s not a big deal. Let’s just get it over with.” with everyone's favorite cowboy Rhett Abbott?

AN: 18+ only. Smutish.

AN: Wouldst thou like to have some yee-haw angst?

Your face prickles with heat when you finally work up the courage to ask him. It shouldn’t be a big deal—you and Rhett grew up together. Your mothers were best friends and the two of you were born within a month of each other. It shouldn’t be a big deal because you are—were—the best of friends, thick as thieves for the longest time.

It’s a big deal because you’ve drifted apart in the past few years, your friendship faltering in the face of puberty—the line between girl and boy drawn in more stark contrast to the easy camaraderie of childhood.

Still, you consider Rhett a friend, even if not a best friend. Still, you can’t think of anyone else to help you. Still, you think he’ll agree despite his cloying crush on Maria which so far (as far as you know) hasn’t come to anything beyond Rhett casting his big blue eyes on the pretty girl from afar.

“Huh?” he replies when you ask. He pauses in his motion of polishing a leather bridle. You’re in his family’s barn; you sought him out when you knew Royal and Perry weren’t around.

You swipe your sweaty palms along the thighs of your jeans. “I want to lose my virginity before I leave,” you repeat. You will yourself to look at him—it hardly helps to sell yourself as an assured, modern woman bound for college in the big city if you can’t meet his eyeline.

He stares back at you, and you can’t make out his expression. It’s curiously blank but you think you see the gears turning behind his eyes.

“Why?” he finally asks.

You lift your hands, drop them. “Because it’s going to be tough enough, moving away. I just…want it to be over. One less thing to worry about.” You turn your head and gaze at the mountain range outside of the open barn door. “Remember how scared I used to be about breaking a bone, to the point that I obsessed about it? And then I finally broke my wrist and my fear disappeared? It's like that.”

“Sex isn’t like breaking your wrist,” he points out, and you roll your eyes.

“Well, I wouldn’t know, would I?”

He turns away and goes back to polishing tack. “Why me?” he asks, and you can almost pretend you hear a shyness in his voice.

You don’t want to get into your reasoning. You don’t want to make this a thing.

“Why not you?” you counter with a shrug, and he stills again, hitches his shoulders up nearer his ears. He blows out a heavy sigh and tells you he’ll think about it.

-----

He calls you that night. “Okay” is all he says.

-----

The friendship you used to have with Rhett: how you shared your secrets and hopes and dreams. How he cheered you up when your parents died. How you built a secret fort in the foothills on your ranch, how you had a code language that you used to pass notes to each other. That Rhett is long gone, but maybe some lingering remnant of the friendship remains.

You set a date, and you expect Rhett to just take you someplace convenient. His family’s barn. The bluff where people park to make out. You expect you’ll lose your virginity awkwardly, in the cab of Rhett Abbott’s pick-up truck, but he surprises you.

He takes you outside of Wabang. He takes you to the nicest hotel in a fifty mile radius. You follow him to the room and you see that he’s nervous—his hand trembles, fumbles with the key card at the door.

It’s a nice room by rural Wyoming standards. You’re touched at the gesture, touched at his nerves, now apparent—the way he lifts his ballcap, rakes his hand through his hair. The way his eyes dart around the room, settle on your face, then dart away.

“How do you—” he starts, but he stops abruptly.

“However you think best,” you answer, honest. You have no experience beyond one sloppy kiss that a distant Tillerson cousin pressed on you at the winter formal a few years back.

“This is weird, right? It’s weird.” He looks at you, and he’s so wide-eyed that you laugh. Your laughter cuts the tension, and he smiles, then laughs too.

“It’s not a big deal. Let’s just get it over with,” you offer.

“It’s kind of a big deal,” he argues. But he starts to move—shrugs out of his denim jacket, kicks off his boots.

“It doesn’t have to be.” You shrug and hope it makes you look casual.

When you leave Wabang, you want to leave yourself behind. You want to step in a new persona, a completely new you. You want to leave behind the grief of your fractured family, the anxiety and pressure of being the perfect daughter in tribute to your dead parents. You have a picture in your mind’s eye of the type of woman you can be once you leave Wabang: cool, unbothered, effortless.

Rhett nods at you, uncertain, but you take a deep breath and walk over to him. Stand in front of him. An invitation.

He nods again, and then he reaches out. He lays his hands on your upper arms, tentative. He draws you closer to him, and when you’re close enough, he bends his head and kisses you.

It’s better than the Tillerson cousin’s kiss. It’s careful. It’s chaste, at first. His lips are a little chapped, rough from working in the wind and the sun, but he’s gentle.

He eases you into the kiss, curls his arm around your shoulders to draw you closer. He shifts his other hand to your jaw, tilts your head to deepen the kiss. His mouth moves against yours, sucks gently at your lower lip until you gasp, open your mouth to him. His tongue touches yours, and your stomach dips at the sensation.

He eases you into more: his mouth breaks away from yours, and he sucks hot, wet kisses along your jawline, along your neck. You groan at the sensation, the bolt of lust that rockets through you.

You’ve never felt anything like it—so immediate, so insistent. Your desire has always been a vague, indistinct thing. It’s always been abstract: seeing an actor you think is cute, reading a historical fiction novel with sexy scenes. This—Rhett’s searching kisses, his calloused hands working under the hem of your shirt to slide against your skin, the quiet groans he looses—is real.

You try to mimic him. You kiss the side of his neck, you nip against the tendon standing out there and smile at how he groans when you do. You untuck his flannel shirt, the t-shirt underneath, and you run your hands over the hard planes of him, all those muscles forged by ranch living.

He gets your shirt off of you, and his hands are on you immediately. He cups your bra-clad breasts, runs his thumbs over the lace edging along your skin. Then he bends his head and kisses you there: between your breasts, over the tops of them. He hooks his fingers along the cups and pulls them down, exposing you, and your nerves finally kick in. You flinch away, cross your arms over your chest.

“You okay?” he asks. He looks at you, his blue eyes wide with concern.

“Yeah, yeah.” You mutter your reply, feel your usual prickle of embarrassment. “I just need a moment.”

“Maybe we should stop.”

“No, I just need a minute.”

Rhett steps back, leans against the dresser and crosses his arms. “I don’t think you’re ready for this.”

The moment is unspooling from you. The persona you want to adopt once you leave Wabang suddenly seems laughable, a childish fantasy. Of course you’re going to still be you at college—the same insecure, anxiety-ridden mess. Driven to perfection that leaves you feeling hollow instead of fulfilled. The overthinker, the sad girl.

“No, I’m ready—”

“You aren’t.” He shakes his head. “This was a bad idea.”

And just like that, the moment ends. It’s like ice water down your spine, and you feel stupid and immature and a million miles away from the man who used to be the boy who used to be your best friend. You’re standing in front of him with your breasts exposed and you feel so utterly embarrassed that you wish a hole would form under your feet and swallow you.

“I’m ready,” you argue weakly, but he’s already tucking in his shirt.

“You aren’t, and I don’t know why I let you talk me into this.” He rakes his fingers through his hair, rough, then puts his hat back on.

“I didn’t twist your arm, Rhett Abbott.” His tone stings, and you twist away from him to readjust yourself and pull on your own shirt. “I asked for a favor and you said yes. You called me and said yes. You booked this hotel room and drove us here.”

“I shouldn’t have. Shouldn’t have done any of it.”

“Fine, great.” You spit out the words and stay turned around so he doesn’t see the tears that rise in your eyes. “You made a giant mistake, coming here with me.”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Shoulda held out for Maria, I guess.” It’s mean, a low blow, but you don’t care at the moment.

“Yeah, I shoulda,” he snaps back. “Instead of pity-fucking the town orphan.”

You suck in a breath and whip around to look at him, and the look on your face—it must clue him in to what he’s said. What he can’t take back. The thundercloud of anger melts from his expression and it’s replaced by shock, then regret.

“Shit, no. I’m sor—”

“Fuck you, Rhett.” You cut him off and the tears start in earnest, making him swim in your vision. You bend down and scoop up your jacket, your purse, and you pivot to flee into the bathroom.

“Wait—” he says, and you feel his hand on your arm but you shake him off, slip his grasp. You make it to the bathroom and slam the door, lock it just in time to keep him out.

You hear him pleading with you through the door, but you can’t make out the words. Your crying drowns him out, makes him sound like he’s underwater, and all you can tell him is to leave you alone, to leave you, to never speak to you again.

-----

It takes a long time to pull yourself together. You curl up on the cool tile of the floor and let yourself cry, and you know that only a little bit of it is Rhett and the entire miserable situation with him. It’s more than that; it’s the grief you’ve bottled up for years, and you bleed it out a little in this hotel room outside of Wabang.

Then you pull yourself together. When you leave the bathroom, Rhett is nowhere to be found.

You swallow your pride and call your uncle. Your mother’s brother has been raising you since your parents died, and you’ll be eternally grateful for him stepping in and keeping you out of foster care.

It takes him half an hour to get to you, and when you slide into the cab of his truck, he studies you without saying anything. You know you look like a disaster, and being stranded in a hotel outside of town…you know how it looks.

Ten minutes into the drive, he clears his throat. “Everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine.”

He nods, keeps his eyes fixed on the road. “Boy problems?”

“I know how it looks, but I promise it isn’t—”

He lifts one hand from the steering wheel, holds it up. “Not my business. I trust you. I just need to know if there’s some shithead that needs a tune-up. I gotta rough a boy up for mistreating you, you let me know.”

You smile. Your uncle has always been awkward in his unexpected role of father and guardian, but he’s always been sweetly protective.

“Seriously….you okay?” he continues.

You sigh and turn to look out your window. “No, but I will be.”

#ask game #rhett abbott #rhett abbott imagine #rhett abbott x reader #outer range #tropes and tales

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runwayrunway · 1 year

Text

No. 1 - Lufthansa

We begin with a large fish even by the standards of the large pond in which we operate. A very intentionally chosen large fish. Deutsche Lufthansa is Germany’s flag carrier and the second largest carrier in all of Europe by passenger volume. In 2018, they unveiled a new standard livery for their fleet of airplanes, and it...well. It’s this.

Even the presentation - good lord, is this an auto show?

My feelings on Lufthansa’s 2018 livery are visceral. There’s no mental evaluation required, no taking it in, thinking about the choices made - I look at the modern Lufthansa livery and immediately, profoundly know that I hate it. And that’s not just because of the specific choices made - which are bad - but because of the space they occupy amidst a creatively barren wasteland within livery design. This is going to be a very long post, which isn’t standard for this blog, but my goal for an introduction is to break down exactly the sort of design that made me feel the need to start doing this to begin with.

But in reality that’s only the beginning. Yes, Lufthansa’s livery is specifically disappointing, but it is so much more than that. It is the purest distillation of the greatest challenge aviation faces today, far weightier than scheduling issues, outdated IT, and runway incursions. It is not the worst example of it, not in the slightest, but it is a large airline which has a very textbook presentation of symptoms and thus feels like a great example to describe exactly what I hate about this sort of design. Let me explain.

Essentially, airlines have found a formula. It goes as such:

Almost entirely white body. (There is a name for this trend: Eurowhite.) In some cases, there may be a colour on the underside, generally either a light grey or whichever secondary shade the airline has committed to. In the case of this Lufthansa livery, it is just white.

Aside from the white body there will be either a single colour (generally some dark blue, or less often some sort of red) or a few colours, usually but not exclusively on flag carriers to match their national branding. (The proliferation of red, white, and blue flags out there means that a disproportionate number of airline liveries are these colours.) Unless it is literally just a white plane meant to be as generic as possible for short turn-overs when leasing, it will at least attempt to have some sort of design, but it will be minimal, and:

All of the detail will be on the tail. There may be coloured winglets or engine nacelles, but other than that it is only at the rear of the plane that you begin to see any interest. Usually this is just a logo, though it may be an abstract design which looks like a default tumblr header. It will often only be on the tail, with nothing at all on the body proper.

The name of the airline written in a sans-serif typeface which is set as default on at least one word processor. Rarely will anything creative be done with this. It will (usually, except in egregious cases) match the impotent attempt at graphic design which has been confined to the empennage and it will have all the charm of a large retail chain’s flyer describing the benefits you’ll definitely totally get if you work for them - sickeningly corporate. Low-cost airlines may slightly vary the theme by putting their website onto the livery, either towards the back or just instead of the airline’s name. The brave will also write it on the ventral fairing, but most don’t even bother with that simple act. Some airlines have their name written in the language spoken in the country they’re based in, usually beside the English text, but most are only in English despite operating in countries where this is not the most widely spoken language.

Not every livery which has these features is badly designed, as seemingly small changes can make all the difference. There is the occasional livery that fits most, if not all of these features that has some clever tweaks or design choices which makes me actually think it’s fine, acceptable, maybe even decent. (I have taken the initiative of making sure a few of these are among my early posts, just to demonstrate that it can be done). And some airlines depart from this entirely and come up with something even more hideous. Yet I somehow find myself respecting even these more than I do Lufthansa.

The Corporate Standard Livery Design (Lufthansesque design, if you will) is - and I do not think I am being dramatic at all here - an epidemic. Taxiing through most airports, you sometimes have to actually try to tell the planes parked around you apart in the sea of red, blue, and mostly white. And I spend a lot of time looking at planes.

These liveries do not only fail to inspire me. They instill in me a profound disgust. They are not trying to be good. They are trying to be what I described earlier - decent, not worth complaining about, because that’s cheaper and easier than designing something good. Graphic design is not anyone’s passion here. They’re just trying to toe the line. They’re so poisoned by the modern minimalist-design brain virus that they don’t realise that to be acceptable a livery this simple needs to do something interesting. There must be a creative decision made somewhere, a compelling feature, or you may as well be flying an MLA-formatted plane. In their striving for adequacy they become not just ambient, but lukewarm. They are a bottle of water which has sat in the sun for so long that when you drink it, even though you’re overheating and parched, it feels only negligibly better than the air you’ve been breathing in.

To be fair, I do not only hate the Lufthansa paintjob because it exemplifies whatever-ness. Even in an industry saturated with gross in-flight nothingburgers served with some stale biscuits and a paper cup of Lipton tea, Lufthansa manages to offend in specific and unique ways.

Throughout its long history Lufthansa has had a handful of different liveries, but from 2018 onwards this has been the situation. They’ve never been brilliant, but it’s only gotten worse over time. I normally would commit to a separate post for historical liveries, but in a move that I don’t foresee becoming particularly common I’d like to talk about the history and evolution of Lufthansa’s liveries from the golden age to now - the fall, if you will.

(image: lufthansa bildarchiv)

Their early liveries were already pretty much plain white or metal, but they still had a few features that made them seem a bit less like photocopy paper which was meant to be printed plain blue but only got through a tenth of the sheet before ink ran out. To begin with, they used a lighter blue and combined it with a vivid yellow to add some actual visual interest. The layering of the yellow over the blue where it curves around and below the nose and on the ends of the tailplane actually draws the eye. The font choice is nice and legible, spaced apart in the center of the fuselage. I imagine it was easy to read even from far away. (Shame it’s a bit blocked by the wings from some angles, though.)

(image: lufthansa bildarchiv)

This early 707 design keeps the cheatlines extending past the nose but makes them sharper than the ones on the Connie to match the sleek profile of the jet. Back when this plane was painted adding white to your plane was a choice rather than the thing everybody was doing, which allows me to respect it for the choice it was instead of considering it the factory default. The bottom half, denoted by the cheatline, is left unpainted, which only adds to the sleekness of the overall profile, and the text is clear and plain but still aesthetically pleasing. The 707 is by modern standards pretty antique-looking; you can take one look at one and tell it isn’t particularly streamlined. This paint scheme, though, makes the plane look sharp and aerodynamic, despite not being revolutionary. I would go so far as to say I like this particular livery. This is, unfortunately, as good as it gets.

Oh. Oh no...

Let’s assess the damage here. The cheatlines now simply meet at the front without wrapping down to the belly of the plane and the nose is a simple black tip. I like it when airlines paint their planes’ radomes, and I wouldn’t mind it here if not for what it was replacing. The font has been replaced with a generic sans serif font which is closely spaced and put up into a corner, like the name on a homework assignment - it’s not really part of the total package, just there for administrative purposes. Most upsetting to me is the tail. While I wouldn’t say I love the little section on the old plane, it at least felt like it belonged there, creating a second blue-and-yellow layer above the white. Its placement on the fin above where it begins to taper gives the plane a bit of an aerodynamic feel. It’s certainly not changing the world, but it feels at home in the livery.

The new fin is a sharp downgrade. With nothing to mark the transition the fin abruptly goes from the white of the upper fuselage to a shiny blue which contains an enclave of the only yellow to be found on the entire aircraft. This makes the yellow stand out, as it has nothing to tie it in with the rest of the plane, and the fin itself feels almost like it’s been Frankensteined onto the fuselage from a different plane by a different airline. There’s nothing to mediate the transition from a block of white to a block of blue, like how the cheatline separates white and grey. It just is blue now, stop asking questions. This also means that the only part of the plane that the eye is really drawn to is...the tiny portion of the whole that is the fin, which may as well be floating detached in midair.

This is foreboding. Knowing what I know now, it feels like looking back at when a romantic partner began to act strange years later, after the divorce, as you walk by the house he bought with his mistress.

(image: g najberg)

The most recent, and only, time I flew on Lufthansa was in 2014 and was aboard one of their 747-400s. (Actually, if you’d still like to fly on a passenger 747, Lufthansa is basically your only option.) At the time, they looked like this. This is...just sad. They got rid of the cheatlines, because that’s trendy now, and they painted the whole plane white and made an attempt at lip service to the old metal lower half by painting just a bit of the plane grey, like if a human stepped into a puddle of paint that only covered the very sole of their foot. And I’m being generous by showing a 747, a plane which inherently makes any livery look less boring by being interestingly shaped itself, instead of the classic slightly pointy single-decker tube. Not to mention the double-decker design makes the text vertically centered instead of the default Lufthansa look of awkwardly shoved nearly all the way up the fuselage.

In defense of the modern livery, it’s possible to argue it’s an improvement on this. Honestly, looking at them next to each other, it’s difficult to pick out which one I find less defensible.

But then you see D-AIDV, an A321 painted in a heritage livery, and you feel the immediate, visceral “no!!! no go back!!!” as you remember that this is a false dichotomy and we could have something so much better if they weren’t peer-pressured into generic modern design.

And for what? For this?

(image: hvdfonts)

For the third time, I remind you of what we have been reduced to. We have achieved a state of reductio ad absurdum where this barely qualifies as a design. This plane is more or less a white blot. You can put as many insets as you want and it is still a white blot.

I am relatively sure that the font used is literally Helvetica. EDIT: I have been informed that it is not, in fact, Helvetica, but a custom typeface that happens to look almost exactly like Helvetica. This is, in my own opinion, worse! They did apparently use Helvetica in the past, though. Here is a very detailed description of the design process of the font, which manages to contain a grand total of zero ideas.

I would hate this on its own already, but it’s also so closely spaced and located so far up that it makes me feel like I’m suffocating. In my own experience as a dyslexic person, kerning is the single weightiest feature when it comes to if I can easily read something or not. While Helvetica, ugly though it may be, is generally considered a very legible font, any benefits from that are more than cancelled out by committing to making sure the entire name of the airline fits between the frontmost two doors with room to spare. It feels almost hostile.

Now, all given, I at least somewhat enjoy the shade of blue used for this livery, which is darker than the normal fare. I do miss the way the grey broke up the endless white space, though, and I mourn the yellow even more - in addition to being something to look at, losing it has also lost any visible reference to the flag of Germany, the country for which Lufthansa is the flag carrier. They don’t even have the black part of the German flag despite that being basically free. If they went for black instead of dark blue I would honestly respect this a hell of a lot more. One of the most recognizable flags in the world and instead your airline looks like a discount SAS.

Yeah, I said it. If we want to go even further with comparisons by including airlines that aren’t Lufthansa, this is basically the SAS livery. Except not, because the SAS livery does a lot that this doesn’t.

This is about Lufthansa, not SAS. I’ll look at SAS soon enough, because comparing their look to Lufthansa’s has made me appreciate it in a way I never used to. But I don’t think I need to elaborate too much for it to be clear why SAS’s livery works and Lufthansa’s doesn’t, despite the superficial similarities. SAS took their absolutely horrid previous livery and turned it into something which might not wow anyone but at least feels uniquely theirs, while Lufthansa had something which accomplished much the same and then diluted it into nothingness, Eurowhite writ large. Two washes and you’d wonder if your Lufthansa flight is actually a Smartlynx lease.

The way that the blue slices into the bottom of the fuselage and doesn’t fully cover the tailfin is...something? It’s a design element. It’s not nearly enough to save it, but it’s a design element. However, this presents another issue specific to Lufthansa’s paint job, best demonstrated with a specific plane:

(image: lufthansa)

Lufthansa is the world’s largest operator of the Airbus A340, a somewhat eccentric airplane which is perhaps best thought of as a four-engined A330. I love this airplane, and am delighted seeing it overhead on my walk home from work, because Lufthansa is kind enough to operate a daily service with it to my home airport, but that’s beside the point. The point is this: what I have pictured is specifically the A340-600, which is the world’s second longest in-service airliner. Yes, longer than the A380 and the 747-400, and, in fact, only shorter than the 747-800. With a plane this long, the Lufthansa livery creates an incredible look of rear-heaviness. This plane looks like it should uncontrollably pitch up until it’s perpendicular to the ground every time it takes off. Of course this effect is less pronounced on shorter aircraft, but it’s still there, and I dislike it.

You can barely even tell there’s paint at all on a much smaller plane! And the white bit on the front of the rudder which looks okay on a conventional empennage looks downright horrible when it’s only on the very tip of the t-tail’s forward point.

Oh, and when you take the windows out for a freighter conversion it gets even worse.

This is a generic-brand airplane. It genuinely reminds me of generic branding. There is a specific brand that has this exact appearance and I can’t remember what it is but it’s right there and I’m fairly sure I’ve seen it at CVS. I don’t think that’s what you want to go for when designing an airline livery, especially for an airline representing a country, but if Lufthansa wasn’t going for that they’ve failed.

__________________________________________

Overall, Lufthansa’s livery is superbly boring and not terribly well thought out. It’s not worth this absolute dissertation on its own, but I’ve singled it out to complain about general trends, and for that I probably owe it an apology. Said apology is predicated on the fact that it is still a very underwhelming and bad design which could have used a lot more thought. There are a million ways this could have been made decent, and none of them were implemented because that would have taken effort and time and creative vision. I think this post actually required more time and effort than Lufthansa put into designing their planes.

That said, Lufthansa gets a final grade of D. It’s...bad, it definitely is. There’s the vague flavour of the start of something, like the very distant smell from a barbecue happening three blocks away, but is that really even a redeeming factor?

No. The second-largest airline in Europe should be able to do better. If I have to stare at rows upon rows of their planes any time I’m at a German airport, they should have the decency to make them interesting to look at.

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reallyprofoundkryptonite · 5 months

Text

I have a post about this somewhere… but at one point me and @amyrafiercebladeartz had a roleplay where Krogan got frozen in bewilderbeast ice and miraculously survived so i figure i might share a bit of ideas i have about this again. (Gonna @duoatomica here too hehe)

Viggo Grimborn is immortal (Krogan is technically as well, which is why he survived. Krogan DOES NOT know he is immortal. He just thinks death really does not want to touch him. (It is how he survived getting his facial scar after all.)

So Krogan is dragged into the basement of a museum to be chipped out of the ice he’s in because he’s supposedly an EXTREMELY well preserved mummy. Viggo gets called in as the resident “Norse Know it All” in the area to see if he can possibly identify the body (which is at this point just… slightly dehydrated.

As the ice is slowly pulled away from Krogan’s body, it comes to Viggo’s horror that he can see that the body is BREATHING. At first he doesn’t think anything of it, but it does freak out the others that are surrounding the behemoth who is, at this point, very much still unconscious. The cold of the room is keeping his mind in a state of slumber, and Krogan- he knows that is who it is, much to the horror of everyone else in the room- doesn’t like it.

As he begins to grow more aware, his awareness of the fact that he is being stared at comes to his attention, and Krogan starts to shift, his body cracking and ice crystals beginning to break as he unthaws. That is when someone calls in medical, and they set up an impromptu medical bay in the room to keep a track on his vitals.

Krogan awakens to the sounds of people speaking in an unfamiliar language. One that makes him uncomfortable in how mildly familiar it is. And a familiar voice that is not quite fitting into the memories in the fog of his mind.

I am going to add that Krogan has mild amnesia. Or a form of it. He cannot access most of his memories in it due to the fact that he was in a stasis for so long. He has the faintest memories of who he is except for the trauma and fear of his own trauma that has been thrusted at him by people. His name, his past, everything is quite foggy, and it is up to Viggo to help him put the fractured shards of his mind back into place as they appear one by one.

Krogan does find Viggo familiar, once he is able to see again as his eyes slowly unthaw and heal from being frozen, so everything is quite muggy. Due to the familiarity of Viggo and his voice (no matter how they left off.) Krogan automatically seems to cling to Viggo, who is confused by his cuddly nature in front of people due to it being out of character for the giant of a man, however, it makes more sense as he begins to realize that Krogan clings to him because he is something familiar. Which in Krogan’s addled mind, familiar is safe.

Viggo, despite still feeling wary of the man, decides to let him grow closer. He ends up dragging Krogan up to the main floor a little bit after hours, because A. He probably needs a hospital, so he needs to bring him medical attention to make sure he’s okay, and B. He is clear… ish to bring him home.

Krogan does not like the hospital.

Viggo doesn’t make him stay longer than he has to.

Viggo also keeps in touch with the museum to make sure they know their… subject… is doing okay. Krogan sleeps most of the day, which gives Viggo time to study him and make sure he gets fluids in him, which is the only real problem Krogan seems to be having. Keeping food down. He feels sick to his stomach constantly, and is part of the reason why he is also always sleeping.

The nausea fades as time goes on. As he heals, and comes to his senses about what happened, the fear starts to hit about the modern world for Krogan. Innocence fades and the sense of “okay this is normal” turns into terror at the smallest of modern things, down to the car in Viggo’s driveway and his phone.

Viggo did not expect any less. Krogan has returned to his more standoffish state, which is, slightly upsetting, however Viggo can cope with the situation. It will be fine.

Probably just gonna end up calling this the “shards of ice au.”

#httyd #krogan #httyd rtte #krogan rtte #krogan httyd #rtte #httyd fanart #httyd fandom #httyd au #fanart #viggo #viggo grimborn #viggo/krogan #Shards of Ice AU

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silver-hwaberry · 2 years

Text

TEN: missing you

Warnings: Handjob, oral (m receiving), suggestive language, swearing, very very mild hair pulling

Word count: 7.1K

Taglist: @kiwibaekie @fudgeflyssworld @kodzukein @elk-1998 @khjcoo

The guys were a week into their promotions. I had barely seen them, as their days started very early and ended late at night. They were doing music shows every day, offline fansigns and online fancalls, interviews. There were a couple of days I went with them to the music shows and got to be there when they got some wins, too. I felt so proud of them watching their names being called out. On the days they had online fancalls I was working to help with any translations, but overall each of them did well speaking to their English-speaking fans.

When they would come home, it was dinner, then bed for them. Yunho was stealing kisses when we had little moments alone, which I was not objecting to. Wooyoung had no issues with PDA in front of the others and I was getting used to it as well. It no longer felt alien to kiss Wooyoung in the kitchen, be taken into the hall by Yunho for a cheeky kiss away from the others and then to have Seonghwa kiss me minutes later. Yeosang was slowly becoming less shy with me as well, and one morning he initiated a back hug as I was waiting for the kettle to boil. Seonghwa had spent a night in my room after he fell asleep on my bed while we were talking. I didn’t have the heart to wake him up, as I could see how exhausted he was.

I hadn’t got to spend any time with the others though because of the heavy schedules. I knew that once promotions were over, I would get to see them more. Maybe it was selfish of me but I was missing them.

The days that I wasn’t with them, I was working on my bedroom and settling into the apartment. Some furniture for my room was delivered and despite the guys telling me they would build them for me, I got stuck in and did them myself. I may not be DIY savvy, but my dad taught me how to build at least a flat pack! ‘No daughter of mine will be unable to build a bookcase with step-by-step instructions!’ he said the day he taught me. It was a fun day though, and I was glad he showed me as I could now easily assemble my furniture and those of my friends for years now.

My bedroom was slowly coming together, and it was feeling like home. Today my new bed had arrived and the guys who delivered it took away the old bed. So I had spent most of the day building it. As I lay out the fresh bedding on top of it, I feel happy. I take a step back to look at it and smile. I slowly turn around to look at the room. Fairy lights hanging from the walls, photos of my family and my friends dotted around the room, my style showing in it.

I go into the laundry room to check the time left on the washing machine. It is nearly finished so I pull out the clothes airers and set them up in the back part of the lounge so they were out of the way. I hang up the damp clothes when the machine finishes, then flop onto the sofa.

I take a deep breath and look around the lounge. I have done my room, cleaned the apartment which to be honest wasn’t even untidy or dirty to begin with because of Seonghwas daily cleaning routine, and washed the guy’s clothes that were in their wash baskets. Admittedly, I had to video call my mom to ask her how to work the washing machine as it was very modern and I was used to the basic ‘put your clothes in, laundry powder, fabric conditioner, close door and press on button’ machines.

I switch on the TV and log into my Netflix profile San had created for me. I spend the rest of the day lying on the sofa watching tv until I hear the door lock chime and the guys coming in. Hongjoong had texted me earlier to say they were bringing home pizzas for dinner so not to cook anything.

“Hey Luna!” San says as he comes into the lounge

“Sannie!!” I smile, jumping off the couch to hug him

“Oh, someone’s in a good mood!” He chuckles, his arms hold on to me tightly

“Hey! I am always in a good mood!” I pout playfully.

“I cannot deny that, my little sunshine.” He replies.

“Are you free tonight?” I ask, looking up at him.

“If it isn’t a schedule, then I am always free!” he grins back at me

“Well, you are usually playing games with the others on your nights off.” I say.

“Is someone jealous?” He teases, leaning down to look at me in the eyes. “Would someone rather I play with them instead?” a lopsided grin appears on his face

“Depends on what you would want to play.” I counter determined to not let his flirting cause me to blush

“With you and only you.” He says as his hands move down to my hips, pulling them subtly into his and my tummy flips.

I know I am fighting a losing battle with him now, especially with that smirk of his and he now knows it too, as I feel heat spread across my cheeks. I cannot out flirt him.

“You are so cute when you get flustered.” He chuckles lightly, his hand touching my warm cheek. “Would you like to spend time together tonight?” his voice is softer and no longer teasing

“Only if you want to. It is cool if you don’t.” I say.

I hate the fact I am sounding and feeling like a little schoolgirl talking to her crush. I am not normally this shy or unsure of things. I already know they like me. They wouldn’t have asked me to move in or be with them if they didn’t. Plus they keep telling me too. However, with certain members, I feel somewhat uncertain about myself. I am incredibly aware that each of them is different and feels comfortable at a different pace. I find I am second guessing myself more than I usually do, as I am trying very hard not to rush any of them or have them feel like I am favouring other members or ignoring them.

“Of course I do Luna.” his hand on my cheek gently tilts my head upwards so I look up at him. “What would you like to do?”

“Well, I was thinking maybe we could watch the 2nd episode of The Sound of Magic?” I say.

“Absolutely! We will do that.” He smiles at me before pulling me back into his body again.

“We could watch it in my room? I have my new TV set up and it will be quieter in there, too.” I say nervously.

Although we had a few cuddle sessions here and there, I wasn’t sure if we were at the cuddling in a bedroom stage yet.

“Sounds good to me, sunshine.” He replies, “Hungry?”

“Yeah! I could eat an entire pizza.” I say as I detach myself from him

“Then an entire pizza you shall have.” He laughs as he takes my hand into his, his thumb affectionately rubs my skin.

He leads me into the kitchen. The guys were already sorting out the pizza boxes on the island counter. It feels comforting having them back home, knowing they were in an environment they could fully relax in. A place with no cameras watching their every move, staff telling them where they need to be, what to do or even what to say. Moreso, a place they are not working. As soon as Wooyoung sees me he drops what he was doing and rushes over to kiss me, pushing past Hongjoong to get to me.

“Rude!” Hongjoong mumbles as Jongho chuckles

“Missed you.” Wooyoung whispers as our lips part

“Missed you too.” I respond with a quick peek at his lips before San pulls me to a seat at the kitchen island

“How was your day Luna?” Seonghwa asks me before kissing my cheek

“Good! I finally got my room all sorted out.” I answer.

“Is there anything left that you need for your bedroom?” Yunho asks

“Just a chair for my desk. I know the type and style I want, but I can’t find one I like.” I reply as Wooyoung sits beside me. I feel his hand squeeze my thigh and smile at me. I smile back and lean over to give him another peck on his pouty lips. I knew he wanted more, but I like to tease him, the same way he teases me.

“Let me know what you want, style, colours, any photos and I will see what I can do.” Hongjoong says.

“That would be great, thank you.” I smile at him as he nods in reply.

“Did you wash clothes?” Yeosang asks. “It smells like laundry day in here.”

“Yeah, I hope you dont mind that I washed some of your clothes. I noticed the washing baskets in the halls were getting full.” I reply. “I will do more tomorrow.”

“You don’t need to wash our clothes. We don’t expect you to do these things, you know.” Seonghwa says.

“I know, but I had an entire day free while you guys have been working all day and night this past week. I already told you I will help around the house.” I say as everyone sits down around the island counter to eat. “I honestly dont mind. It is actually nice having a washing machine at home too and not have to drag a giant bag down to the launderette. Plus, it means you guys can fully relax tomorrow on your day off.”

“Well, thank you for doing the laundry for us. We all appreciate it.” Mingi says from beside me.

“Speaking of tomorrow’s day off, what are your plans for it?” I ask, sliding a slice of cheese pizza onto my plate.

“Sleep!” Wooyoung says instantly

“Play games.” San and Yunho say at the same time.

“I am going to meet up with Maddox in the studio tomorrow.” Hongjoong says.

“I was thinking of going to my studio in the morning.” Mingi hums.

“Gym.” Yeosang simply says

“Do you have any plans?” Seonghwa asks, his hand on my lower back.

“I am meeting up with my Uncle Jihoon in the morning. We are going to walk up to Namsan Tower.” I reply.

“That sounds good. Do you do that often?” Jongho asks.

“We try to. I got little time off in my old job, so it wasn’t a regular thing, but we go to walking trails whenever we can.” I reply. “It is our uncle and niece time.”

I notice Hongjoongs eyes linger on me and he smiles softly before continuing to eat. He knows my uncle helped me during a rough period and got me into exercising. The walking trails were something we did together, just the two of us. It gives us the opportunity to catch up with one another and talk. It is something I enjoy doing with him.

When we are finished eating, we all tidy up. I ignore the pleas for me to go relax and help to clean up. There weren’t many dishes to be done, so it didn’t take long, especially with 9 people. Most of the guys go up to their rooms to get changed and do their own thing for the rest of the night.

“I am going to have a quick shower. I won’t be long.” San says to me

“Take your time. I will be in my room, so just come in when you are ready.” I reply.

“I am looking forward to having you all to myself tonight.” He whispers before he kisses my forehead and leaves as I watch him go out of sight

So am I. I have been wanting to spend time alone with him for a while now. His forehead kisses were sweet, but I wanted proper kisses now.

“So cute!” I hear Seonghwa comment from behind me.

“What is?” I ask, turning around to look at him.

“That look you gave San as he left.” He smirks. “Little stars in your eyes.”

“Shut up! I did not have little stars in my eyes!” I reply, hitting his arm playfully.

“You so did.” He chuckles. “It is cute, though. The way you two are with one another is sweet.” the teasing in his voice is gone. “It is like watching young love bloom in slow motion.”

“Are you still OK with all this?” I ask, mainly to check in with how he is.

“Of course I am, darling. I enjoy seeing you happy, but I also really like seeing the other members be happy with you. Are you still doing ok?” He asks

“I am. I am still getting used to everyone’s different levels of affection and their levels of comfort with me, too. As you know, I am a very cuddly person. I would cuddle 24/7 if I could. I am trying to find a balance of not forcing myself onto someone who isn’t ready, but also making sure no one feels ignored or left out.” I reply.

“None of us feel that way. So don’t worry.” he says.

“Oh, I have been meaning to tell you that my mom told my dad about us. I meant to tell you after our date, but we were rather preoccupied.” A small laugh escapes me as I remember that night.

“Understandable that you forgot, given what we were doing to one another afterwards.” He smirks as his hands grab my hips and pull me into him. “So what did your dad say about me?” his voice falters ever so slightly, his dialect showing a little and I can tell he is nervous

“Just that he wants to meet you next month when they visit, but basically he approves.” I reply, my hands drifting up to his shoulders. “He wants to give you the ‘dad talk’ though.”

“Oh god.” Seonghwa groans

“Don’t worry. He will put on his army face. He will look scary, but trust me when I say that he is not scary. Not one bit. He has never approved of any boyfriend in the past, so you have major plus points already.” I smile, one of my hands cupping his cheek as I go up on my tiptoes to kiss his lips.

“Army face sounds very scary, though.” He replies.

“I won’t lie. It is fucking terrifying when he puts it on.” I laugh lightly. “But that face does not last for long. He is a kind and gentle man. He is just protective of his family. Once he meets you, he will see that you are amazing, sweet, funny, kind and a gentleman, that you take care of me and he will like you. Trust me, Hwa.”

Seonghwa smiles down at me before scooping me into his arms, my legs wrapping around his waist as he places a series of kisses on my face, as I can only laugh.

“I trust you darling.” he says. “Now go get ready to watch your show with San.”

He places me back on the ground, but I keep a hold of him in my arms, resting the side of my head in the crook of his neck. It has been a while since we were this close to one another and I have missed him. I have missed all of them. More than I realised.

Seonghwa smiles down at me before kissing me tenderly and I feel his hands caress my neck. I have missed this closeness with him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He whispers

“See you tomorrow.” I reply.

He leaves to go get changed and I am alone in the kitchen now. I get some snacks I had bought earlier hoping San would be up for watching tv with me, including some mint choc chip ice cream that I knew he liked too.

“Oh Mingi, I need to ask you a question!” I say as I see him walk past the kitchen.

“What is it princess?” he smiles

“What do you want for your birthday?” I ask.

“I don’t need anything from you.” He replies.

“If you think I am not buying you a present, then you are very mistaken!” I laugh.

“Well, there is something I would like.” He says.

“Oh, tell me!” I smile at him.

“I would like it if you were to come to The Show.” he says. “Unless you already have plans.” He adds quickly

“I have plans.” I say.

“That is alright.” he smiles but I see it is slightly forced.

“Sorry Mingi.” I say, reaching up to stroke his face.

“Honesty Luna, don’t apologise. It was too short a notice for you, anyway.” He says, placing his hand over mine.

“It is just it’s my boyfriend’s birthday and I plan to spend as much of the day with him as I can. Completely spoiling him.” I smile at him.

“It is ok, you dont need to expl…. huh?” He looks confused before his eyes pop open widely as he realises what I said. “Luna!!” He laughs as I go onto my tiptoes to hug him properly. “You had me for a second.”

“It is my first time getting to celebrate your birthday, so of course I want to spend time with you. I know you will be busy with work, so I won’t bother you too much.” I say as he wraps his arms around my waist.

“You could never bother me. Any time I get to spend in your presence makes me happy, even if you are with the others. I like just being in the same space as you.” He says

“Oh Mingi.” My voice is soft, and I can feel a small lump in my throat at his words. “You don’t feel like I ignore you, do you?”

“What? Of course not. There are so many of us and only one of you. I understand you want to spend time with the other guys.” He says, looking down at me.

“I want to spend time with you too, though.” I hold him tightly.

“I know you do, and we will.” His voice is low and comforting. “When the time is right.”

“I am sorry. I will make more of an effort.” I say.

“Hey, look at me.” He whispers tilting my head up. “Just keep being yourself with us. No apologies and no effort required. Ok?!”

“Ok.” I nod, laughing lightly as he bends his knees so his face is level with my own. “How about dinner tomorrow night? You and I, my treat!”

“You don’t have to...” He begins

“I WANT to, for your birthday.” I say, my hands reaching out to touch his face since it was actually within reaching distance for a change.

“OK. I would love to have dinner with you.” He smiles. “Now give me another hug before I go to the gym. I need some of your Luna energy.” His arms tightly wrapping around my waist.

“Luna energy?” I ask as a loud laugh escapes me, and my arms automatically go around his neck.

“Luna energy!” he laughs too, lifting me off the ground as he straightens up. “You always seem to have a never ending supply of energy, always on the go and moving around. I need to steal some of it tonight to get me through this gym session I have been putting off all week.”

This is the closest we’ve been physically and our first proper hug. We have had no time together since that day in his studio where we held hands and nothing else has progressed since then either. So it feels nice to be hugging him so closely. I am unsure what to do with my legs. Should I hook them around his waist or keep them dangling? As if he reads my mind, I feel his hands move to my thighs, pulling them up and around him.

“It is bad if I think you don’t need the gym?” I say. “You are already pure muscle.”

“How do you think I got this way?” he laughs

“True.” I giggle. “Well, anytime you need any energy, I am here. Luna hugs available 24/7.”

“You may regret saying that.” he says

“Never!” I reply, smiling at him before resting my head on his neck. “I missed you today.” I find myself saying quietly

“I missed you too.” His voice is soft with arms securely around me, making me feel safe in his arms and I can’t help but smile to hear him say he has missed me too.

We stay like this for a few more minutes before mumbling he needs to go to the gym before his motivation disappears. Once I am safely back on the ground, Mingi bids me a good night and leaves the apartment. I go back into the kitchen to get the snacks and head to my bedroom. I give the room a quick spruce up, switch on the fairy lights, put on a wax melt and set up the snacks and drinks on my bed.

“Your room is amazing!” San says as he comes in. “It looks so different from how it did before!”

“What did it look like when Hongjoong was in it?” I ask, curiosity getting the better of me.

“It had these really awful green walls. Like vomit green.” He says with a disgusted face as I laugh.

“I feel bad Hongjoong gave up his bedroom for me.”

“Don’t. He barely even slept in it. He was always either at the studio or he would fall asleep on the sofa if he came home. So it is nice to see someone actually using this room.” He replies. “Is this your sisters?” He picks up a photo frame from my desk and looks at it.

“Yeah. That is Soojin and Hyejin.” I answer, pointing at them

“They are so cute!!” He smiles

“They really are. Very cute, but very cheeky, though.” I reply.

“So basically like Wooyoung then?” he laughs

“Pretty much.” I giggle. “They get away with it too. Like Wooyoung!”

“Who is this little one?” He asks, pointing at another photo.

“Yours truly!” I say, putting my hands up to frame my face and put on my best aegyo face.

“No way!! I thought that was one of your sisters!” He gasps. “It’s like triplets!” he holds both photo frames together to compare

“My mom always says that.” I reply.

“I see your strawberry addiction started from a young age!”

“Ah yes!” I laugh. “There was a point I ate strawberries with every meal and would cry if I couldn’t.”

“And you finally grew out of that stage just last week!” he teases

“Hey!! That is mean!” I pout, pretending to be upset as he laughs, pulling me in for a hug.

“I am sorry, sunshine! You love your strawberries, though, and it is adorable!” His hands moving to my lower back.

“Soojin is obsessed with strawberries, too. My dad said she is a mini-me.” I say.

“You must miss your family.” His voice is soft.

“I do, but we message each other every day, talk as much as we can, and they visit a lot, too. During covid I didn’t see them for 2 years, that was difficult but I was thankful for video calls.” I say.

“My family is only an hour’s flight away, but I miss them like crazy most days.” He says. “You were really young when you moved here as well.”

“Moving is second nature to me. I did struggle at first, being apart from my mom, and the twins weren’t even 2 years old when I moved too. So I missed a lot of their younger years.”

“It seems like you have a good bond, though. I heard you on the phone with them last night.” I must look weird at him as he quickly adds, “Oh, I wasn’t eavesdropping. I was in the lounge and your bedroom door was open. I could hear you all laughing.” His face is flushing slightly.

“It is ok.” I smile gently at him to let him know I am not annoyed. “I think for living thousands of miles apart, we are close. We just talk often and as many video calls as we can, too. They send me messages on their iPads every day. It is nice. I love when I get them.” I say as he replaces the frames where they were.

“It is good you are so close.” he smiles. “Plus, their British accents are so cute!”

“Just wait until you meet them! They are even cuter!” I giggle.

“You would want me to meet them?” He sounds surprised.

“I mean, only if you wanted to. Obviously, you aren’t obligated to meet anyone from my family.” It comes out in a jumble of words, but it doesn’t seem to faze him as he continues to smile at me.

“I would love to meet your family.” He says. My eyes widen a little as this and I can only stare at him. “I know your parents think Seonghwa is your boyfriend so obviously if I were to meet them it wouldn’t be in that capacity and I am ok with that.”

“Would you like to meet them in a boyfriend capacity?” I hear myself ask him. It wasn’t a question that was on my mind before, so it just pops out.

“I mean...” His hand scratches the back of his head as his eyes dart around the room. “I am ok with just being a friend.”

He leans forwards and just as he is about to kiss me, he quickly diverts his lips to my forehead. His words ‘just being a friend’ echo in my head and it makes me suddenly second guess my relationship with him.

“Lets watch the show. I don’t want the ice cream to melt.” I say, trying to change the conversation and get those words out of my head before I start to overthink and doubt myself even more.

“Then we will start with the ice cream.” he says as we sit on my bed

I set up the show as he opens the tub of ice cream and we settled into the pillows behind us that were resting on the headboard. There is a clear gap between us, because I am unsure now. San digs his spoon into the ice cream before putting it to my mouth.

“The cutest person in the room gets the first taste.” He smiles as I swallow it.

“Then shouldn’t you be feeding it to yourself?” I say as he moves closer to me.

“No one is as cute as you.” he replies, his finger taps the tip of my nose

I feel a small flutter inside my stomach at the way he is looking at me right now. How the fairy lights behind us are making his brown eyes sparkle. I force myself to look away and back at the tv as the opening song begins.

“I want to go to that amusement park! It looks amazing all lit up like that!” I say.

“I will take you somewhere like that one day.” San says, feeding me more ice cream.

We continue to watch as we eat the ice cream and all the snacks and by the time the episode has finished, so has all the food and we are sitting even closer to one another. During the episode, I felt his hands move my legs on top of his. His hands hold on to them, delicately moving his hands up and down every so often.

“That was a great episode.” San says, “Do you believe in magic?” he imitates the magician

“Annara sumanara!” I reply as we both laugh.

His hand moves higher up my leg as we look at one another. There is a bit of a silence between us as we smile at one another.

“Well... it is getting late.” he says, looking into my eyes. “I should let you get to sleep. You need a full rest for your walk tomorrow morning.”

“You can stay here tonight. If… if you want to.” I say nervously

I really don’t want our time together to end and I feel 100% comfortable with him being here with me. However, I don’t want to rush him.

“I do.” he replies quickly. “I just need to go brush my teeth.”

“Cool.” I smile, relief flooding me

“I’ll be quick, I promise.” He smiles back at me.

As San leaves my room, I clear off the bed, brush my teeth, switch off most of the fairy lights, only leaving the ones behind my bed as I like to sleep with them on. I pull back the covers and get into bed just as I hear a knock at the door as San slowly comes in. I can feel a small bubble of nerves inside me as he gets into my bed. San pulls the covers over us as we lay side by side, facing one another.

“Your bed is so comfortable.” He chuckles, burrowing down into it.

“It is!” I reply as he pulls me into his arms.

“Is this ok?” he asks

“More than ok.” I smile. “You are very cuddly.”

“So are you, sunshine.” He says as I feel his hands press against my back.

“I like when you call me that.” I sigh happily, nuzzling into his neck. “Why ‘sunshine’ though?”

“Because you are like a ray of sunshine to me. It is cheesy, I know, and I never meant for it to be a nickname for you. The first time it just slipped out and when you didn’t seem weirded out by it the second time I said it, it just became natural to say it to you.” he replies.

“It isn’t cheesy at all. I really like it.” I say. “This is nice.” I add, moving my leg to rest on top of his.

“It is.” he replies, kissing my forehead

“I can switch off the fairy lights if they are bothering you.”

“Don’t. They are nice.” He replies. “It makes you look even more beautiful than you already are.”

“San…” I sigh softly

“I know, I know you don’t like compliments, but I cannot not say what I am thinking. Especially for you.” He replies, his hand stroking my face.

We look at one another for a few moments as his hand moves to my neck. My eyes fall to his lips briefly and back to his eyes. The soft glow of the lights above our heads highlighting his stunning features and his brown eyes.

I gasp lightly as his head moves, his lips pressing against mine for a few seconds. He pulls back to look at me, his eyes searching mine. As if he is looking for any signs of hesitation or rejection from me.

“Was that ok?” He asks softly

“Yes.” I nod and move forward to kiss him again.

The kiss slowly grows into something more. His earlier words disappearing with every movement of his lips against mine. A heat rising between us, I throw caution to the wind and move my hand down his body to his lower stomach. I hesitate for a second until I feel his hips roll and I slip my hand underneath the material of his pyjama bottoms. Unintentionally, it also goes under his boxer shorts too, but I go with it.

I want to gauge his reaction before I touch him, so I move my hand to his hip and squeeze it. His kisses become more needy at this action. His hands grip onto my waist harder, causing my hand to move further down. My fingers brush along the base of his cock, his hips roll against me again.

“You are such a tease.” He moans

“Sorry, I am not trying to be.” I say as he kisses down my jaw.

“We can slow down if you feel we are going too fast.” he says, pulling his lips away from my skin

“I don’t want to slow down San.” I reply, taking my hand out his boxers but keeping it on his waistline so there is still a physical connection between us. “You’ve worked so hard this past week and I’ve seen how exhausted you have been every night. How far you have pushed yourself physically with each performance. I have watched your fancams, and you looked like you were going to pass out at one point. I was so scared watching it.”

“I was fine, don’t worry!” He smiles at me

“I worry about all of you, but especially seeing how you have pushed yourself.” I place a kiss on his lips, resting my forehead against his. “I just want to make you feel good tonight, though. I also don’t want to rush you either, if you aren’t ready for this part.”

“Luna, look at how fucking hard I am. I am more than ready, but only if you are as well.” He says.

I don’t need to look to know, as I can feel it pressed against my thigh. I decide to be honest with him about what I want tonight. “I want it to be about only you tonight, not me.” I slide my hand back into his boxer shorts

“You don’t want me to… touch you?” He asks, his head dropping back into the pillow as my fingers wrap around the base of his cock

“I do San. You have no idea how much I would love for you to touch me.” I giggle, kissing his exposed neck. “But another night, because tonight I want it to be all about you.”

“I’ve never had a woman say that to me before. It is usually the other way around. They want me to make them feel good. It is what I can do for them.” He replies and I can see even from the glow of the fairy lights he is blushing. “I don’t want you to think I am selfish in bed, though, because I am not.” I let my fingers grasp around him slightly firmer, causing his eyes to close and a small hiss to escape him. “Oh, fuck.” He gasps.

“I never would. It is me wanting to do this. Will you let me?” I kiss his neck again, my hand moving to the tip of his cock and rolling over the top. I can already feel some precum leaking, so I swipe my thumb over his head, causing a sharp intake a breath from San.

“I will not say no to that offer...” he grins before moaning once more at my hand movements “…but I also don’t think I will be able to keep my hands off you.”

“I won’t object if you want to feel me up.” I say, pushing him onto his back. “But tonight is about you.”

I position myself over him, my knees on either side of his thighs, as I lean down to kiss him. His hands immediately grab onto my ass. The kiss is heated from the start as his tongue enters my mouth. I take my hand out of his boxers and manoeuvre myself so I can pull at his pyjama bottoms and boxers. San lifts his hips and helps to fully remove them, sliding them down his legs using his feet as my hands pull off his t-shirt. I can’t help but place kisses over his chest as I stroke him, his body reacting instantly.

“That feel good?” I ask him sitting upright, resting on his thighs.

“Y-Yes.” San whines

I set a steady pace with my hand, pumping his cock as he lies underneath me, panting quietly, the odd curse falling from his lips. I focus my eyes on his face, watching every expression he is making as I try to learn what he likes and what he doesn’t. His hands that were gripping onto my thighs moving under my sleep shirt, making their way to my breasts.

I lean down once more, so my lips are ghosting his. He lifts his head to connect them, but I pull back just far enough so they are still close but not touching. His eyebrows furrow and he pouts at me at the lack of contact.

“S-sunshine…. please…” his little whines are beautiful to me

“What does my Sannie want?”

“K-kiss me.”

There is something about hearing him beg me that turns me on and gives me a boost of confidence, too. I have never been this assertive so quickly. I tilt my head to give San what he wants. His kisses are needy and addictive, too. I have to force myself to pull away from him and remind myself what I wanted. “Baby… can I use my mouth on you?”

This question causes his entire body to react, his finger tips dig into my thighs as he nods frantically. Without stopping my strokes, I move off him and settle down on the bed. My mouth is literally watering looking at his cock in my small hand. I collect some of the saliva, letting it drip out of my mouth and over his tip.

“So fucking hot!” San moans, his eyes fixated on me

I give him a wink and a smirk before I lick a strip from the underside of his cock until I am at the tip, putting it in my mouth.

“Oh shit… your mouth.. fuck..” he pants louder as my tongue swirls around his tip.

I already know I can’t take him fully in my mouth as it has been too long since I last did this but I am determined to make him feel good and have him come. What I can’t fit in my mouth, I stroke with my hand.

“Oh fuck.. not going to last long.” He pants as I continue to move my hand on him and suck on his tip. With my free hand I softly play with his balls and it is like flipping a switch.

“Luna, gonna come.”

I take my mouth off him. “Do you want to come in my mouth?”

“Can I?” He asks and I don’t answer. I can tell from his desperate eyes looking at me and whimpers that he does.

I continue my actions, hollowing my cheeks as much as I can, taking a bit more of him inside my mouth and his hand suddenly grasps onto my head, his fingers wrapping around my hair. He isn’t being rough, but it turns me on, especially when his hips thrust towards me. I begin to suck harder and within seconds his body twitches, deep groans coming from him and I feel the hot liquid shoot into my mouth. A little more powerful than I was expecting, causing me to gag slightly as I pull back from him, swallow quickly so I didn’t spit it out as I cough. More cum pours out of his slit, leaking down his cock. Without thinking, I lean down and clean it with my tongue. He tastes amazing.

“Holy shit… that was… fuck!” He lets out a breathy laugh. “Come here.” His hands reach for my face, pulling me up to kiss him. His tongue mixing with mine, his throat making beautiful little moans.

“Was that ok?” I ask. Now that it is over, I am suddenly feeling really self-conscious. Was I too much? Did I go too far? It usually takes a while to get that demanding in bed.

“That was the best head I’ve ever had.” He places little kisses on my lips.

“It wasn’t even a proper blowjob.” Surprised at his response, especially since I couldn’t take him fully into my mouth.

“Well, if that wasn’t a proper one, then you will need to give me a warning before you give a proper one, because that was so fucking hot. I have never come that hard… ever.” He smirks at me. “Were you ok though? You were coughing. I wasn’t too rough, was I?”

“No.” I smile at him. “You weren’t. I just was a little shocked. It went straight to the back of my throat and I gagged a little. More from surprise, though.” My hands stroke his sweaty hair. “It has been a while since I’ve done that with someone and I couldn’t really take you fully in.” I confess. “I will be able to soon, though.”

“You don’t need to force yourself to do something you aren’t ready for” The way he is looking at me right now is different. His eyes are filled with affection. “ You were amazing, honestly.”

“I’ll be back in a second. Stay here.” I kiss him before rolling out of bed and going into my bathroom.

As I wet a washcloth with warm water, I can still taste him on my lips. I’ve never tasted something so nice before. It was hard to describe how he tasted. All I knew was I liked it and that I would want more. I rinse out the excess water from the washcloth, grab a towel and go back into my bedroom to see San hasn’t moved. He is still sprawled on my bed, but his eyes are now heavy. Trying not to disturb him too much, I clean him up as he looks up at me.

“It should be me taking care of you.” His voice is low, I can hear how tired he is.

“Another night you can.” I smile down at him as I lift his discarded bottoms from the floor.

He takes them from my hand before I take things back to the bathroom, rinsing the washcloth and putting it in the laundry basket along with the towel. I rinse my mouth with some mouthwash before leaving the bathroom.

From the glow of the fairy lights, I can see San has put his boxers on, his eyes closed, and arm outstretched on my side of the bed as if he made room for me. I crawl into the space beside him to find he is asleep already. I kiss his cheek, whispering ‘good night’ even though I know he can’t hear me and cuddle into his bare chest. The warmth of his body and his steady breaths lull me into a sound sleep with only the sounds of muffled footsteps upstairs in the background.

#ateez #ateez smut #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez ot8 #ateez ot8 x fem!oc #kim hongjoong #park seonghwa #jeong yunho #kang yeosang #choi san #song mingi #jung wooyoung #choi jongho #ateez romance #polyamourous

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