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motorsportbarbie13 · 19 days ago

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Aftermath - Chapter 3

When Lando leaves you heartbroken after you get tired of trying to make nothing into something for far too long, Max steps in to help you pick up the pieces.

warnings: this chapter contains language and descriptions that illustrate abuse (mental and emotional). lando is abusive, full stop but like many survivors of abuse, it takes reader a bit to claw herself out of this. as a survivor of abuse myself, I am doing my best to give this story line the most respect and care that i can. please don't engage with my work if you find any of the topics triggering.i'd also like to point out that this is a character i am writing, i in no way am insinuating or implying the real lando is like this in any way. pairing: max verstappen x leclercsister!reader word count: 4.9k

(Extra special shout out to @nitaekook for beta reading and holding my hand through this fic 😂❤️)

Aftermath - MV33 - Chapter 1 Aftermath - Chapter 2 Master List

“Where do you want these plates to go, my dear?” Jade asks from across the kitchen.

You glance up at her from your spot on the brand new couch that was just delivered to the new apartment that morning. You’re sitting cross legged unpacking a box of the few things that you had brought over from the old apartment. In the kitchen, your best friend Jade (who is also Arthur’s girlfriend of about a year thanks to your meddling) stands holding up one of the new plates that you bought with her yesterday.

“Wherever there’s room.” You say with a shrug, not really caring where the plates go because everything feels weird.

The apartment is pristine with its gorgeous hardwood flooring that Charles had refinished before you moved in, floor to ceiling windows that face out towards the water, and that new house smell that is totally unfamiliar and a little unnerving. You should be happy, shouldn’t you? Finally being free of the stifling apartment that you had shared with Lando should fill you with so much optimism and a sense of relief, shouldn’t it? But that’s not the case. Not even close. You’re scared and nervous and just the thought of deciding where those plates should go seems like the heaviest question you've ever been asked.

Simply picking out the plates yesterday with Jade had been an ordeal and you had needed to take several moments to yourself while shopping. You liked your old plates that you had bought with Lando the week you moved in with him but at the same time, the thought of taking those to your new apartment was more painful than leaving them behind.

Jade must notice your anxiety because as soon as she finishes putting the plates and bowls in whatever cabinet that suits her fancy, she comes over to sit next to you on the couch. When she wraps her arm around your shoulders you melt into her in a desperate attempt to stop a fresh flood of tears from falling. It seems as if all you’ve done since leaving the old apartment was cry and if you’re not crying, you’re barely fighting off an incoming panic attack and jumping with every ding of your phone.

“What’s going on, my love?” Her voice is gentle, like she’s talking to an injured animal that she doesn’t want to spook. It makes you feel pathetic, helpless, and angry for how much Lando has damaged you when he should have been loving you.

You’ve known Jade for years now and she’s always been one of your closest friends. It was Jade that had been the first of your friend group to pull you aside almost a year ago to ask you if you were truly happy with Lando. She had seen the light dim in your eyes as your relationship with him progressed and watching you lose your spark had scared her. When you had told her the morning after your art show last month that you had finally decided to leave Lando, it had been so hard for her to tamp down her excitement that you had finally worked up the courage to leave him.

“I should be happy, right?” You ask, voice cracking a bit with the heavy weight of what closing the door on the apartment for the very last time had done to you that morning. “I mean, I know I’ve been miserable for…” You scoff, “a really long time so shouldn’t I feel something other than heartbreakingly sad?”

Jade tips her head so it rests on your shoulder, a humming sound playing at the back of her throat. “You’ve been with him for a long time, of course you’re going to be heartbroken. Youu’re doing the right thing though, I promise you. He couldn’t even stop playing that stupid video game long enough to support you last month!”

You nod, memory flickering back to the fight in the hallway in front of Max. You hadn’t heard much from him in the weeks since that night aside from a few texts here and there and you had expected that. He probably was mortified at how you had behaved, embarrassed for you that you had allowed yourself to be treated that way in front him.

You wouldn’t have blamed him if he thought you were a weak little girl who deserved the treatment Lando doled out to you. It was the only way you could rationalize his silence. Seeing how far you’d fallen, how much you’d changed, had obviously had an effect on Max and he had decided he’d seen enough. It didn’t surprise you and you didn’t blame him. Jade was one of your only remaining friends and losing yet another person you trusted and valued in your life was just another thing Lando had taken from you.

“I’m just so glad you finally are taking your power back, love. I know it feels all wrong right now but when you go from the chaos that you’ve been living in for so long, I’m sure the calm of this apartment feels wrong. You’ll get used to it. It might take some time but you’ll get used to it.”

Your head swivels around to look your best friend and you search her face for any sign of her lying to you. You desperately want to believe she’s right, that you’re making the right choice. You know you are, deep down in your soul, but you’ve been with Lando for so long and have spent so many nights listening to him rant and rave about how he’s the only one who could ever deal with your dramatics that you wonder if Jade is wrong and Lando is the one who’s been right all along. You don’t voice the doubts though, knowing that those kinds of things are something that you should probably keep to yourself. So instead of voicing all of the fears that are bouncing around in your chest, making it feel heavy and tight with the pressure of doing something that absolutely terrifies you, you just nod and lean further into Jade’s shoulder.

“I know.” You whisper, staring out over the open living room that is littered with small boxes and suitcases.

With the help of your brothers and Jade, you had started moving your things out slowly while Lando had been otherwise distracted. Just a small box of clothes and trinkets here and there, over the last month while Charles had the apartment renovated and cleaned. When it was finally ready last week, you had begun looking for furniture and making final plans.

The timing had worked out perfectly, with the apartment finally being finished perfectly aligning with a weeklong trip Lando had planned to go to Woking to spend time in the sim at the MTC. He rarely bothered you during these working trips, hell he barely bothered you during any of this trips, but his work trips were different, so you knew you’d have a solid week to get everything that mattered to you out of the apartment before he would be any wiser.

“He’s going to be so mad when he comes home and my things are gone.” You murmur, staring down at your phone which hadn’t received so much as a text message from him in almost 48 hours.

You hadn’t bothered telling Lando you were leaving, that you were done with him. You shied away form confrontation on even the best of days so telling the man that you’d spent the last three years building a life together that you were leaving him was terrifying. When you had started moving small boxes out while Lando was still in town, you had half expected him to notice but that had never been a problem. He hadn’t even noticed you leaving on several occasions with boxes of your books or suitcases of clothes.

A larger part of you had another reason for not telling him, though. You knew that if you told him before you were fully moved out he’d try to get you to stay. He’d try to convince you that things would get better, that this time would be different. All the things that he’s said before when you spent the night crying over his neglect. And you knew you’d fall for it. You knew you’d go running back to him if you didn’t get out before he found out. Lando was persistent and an expert manipulator, you knew that and you still fell for it over and over again so this time you were trying to give yourself the chance to put yourself first and not fall back into his trap.

“He’s going to learn his lesson when he comes home and finds that you’re finally moving on.” Jade says, tone firm but still gentle. She knows what it’s like to be in a relationship like you have with Lando and when you had called her that morning last month to tell her you were finally leaving him, she had decided she was going to make sure she’d do everything in her power to keep you from going back to him. Getting you unpacked and settled in your new apartment was a huge step forward, one Jade hadn’t been sure you would end up following through with.

You nod, hoping she’s right but you have a feeling deep in your gut that when Lando gets back into town tomorrow morning he’s not going to see it that way. He’s going to be angry and he’s going to try to get you to come back home to him.

Looking around your new apartment though, you feel something settle in your bones that you haven’t felt in a very long time. It’s a feeling of attachment to this place. Like if you’re careful and thoughtful, this little apartment tucked away in one of the most exclusive buildings in Monaco could be the best opportunity you have for getting your life back on track. You could heal here, you can feel that in the way the sunlight spills through the windows in the living room, in the way your anxiety allows you to breathe when you stand in the kitchen surrounded by things that you bought yourself, and in in the way you feel when you settle yourself on your brand new bed that will have never shared an intimate moment between you and Lando. Those memories have all been left behind and this new apartment seems like the perfect place for a new beginning.

As Jade comforts you on your couch, your brother is across town arriving at the Monaco Sports Club where he has a game of padel scheduled with Max that afternoon. He had offered to cancel on him this morning when you spoke to him on the phone, saying that your first full day in the apartment was more important than any padel game, but you had insisted that he keep his game. You had wanted a bit of space to breathe from your brothers, who you knew meant very well and you were very grateful for but sometimes, the three men got to be a little suffocating. So, against his better judgement, Charles had skipped coming over that afternoon in favor of hanging out with Max.

Max hasn’t stopped thinking about that night last month when he witnessed Lando being needlessly cruel to you. He had every intention of calling Charles that night, had every intention of telling him how the British driver was actually treating you but something had stopped him. He had needed a little more time to process everything that he saw. Max knew that Lando could be an asshole but he never could have guessed that he would have treated you the way he did that night he brought you back to the apartment. It had shaken him and it had taken him a bit to figure out exactly how to approach it with Charles because he knew if Charles really knew how Lando had been treating you, Lando might not make it to the next race alive. Because while everyone knew the relationship was toxic and Lando wasn’t a good boyfriend, no one really realized just how bad it had gotten until Max saw behind the curtain that night of the art show.

When Max had invited Charles to play padel today, he had finally decided to tell him what had gone down that night. It had taken so long because Max kept waffling between ‘this is none of my business’ and ‘she’s everything’ but when he spotted Charles walking through the padel courts towards him, Max was surprised at how happy Charles looked.

“You look happy.” Max observes before giving his friend a hug.

“Oh, it is a very good day, mon ami.” Charles is practically glowing as he smiles over at his long time friend.

Max lifts a brow, it’s been a while since he’s seen Charles look this optimistic and he wonders if it has something to do with you.

As if Charles reads his mind, he continues, “We finally got the apartment finished and as of this morning, she’s fully left that piece of garbage.” A smug smile plays at the corner of the Ferrari driver’s mouth.

The relief that washes over Max is surprising. He hadn’t realized how truly worried he was for your well being until that moment. The guilt that sets in though has his chest aching. How could he have gone so long without saying something to someone about what he had seen that night? Max carefully weighs his decision that he had been so set on just moments before. If you’ve already left Lando and are settling into your apartment, does Charles really need to know what happened that night? It would only cause more drama and Max knew that more drama and anxiety was the last thing you needed.

In a split second decision that he knows could come back to haunt him, Max decides to keep quiet for now.

“That is the best thing I’ve heard all day.” With a genuine grin, Max bounces the padel ball against the floor.

Charles beams back at him and Max can almost see the stress that his friend has been carrying around recently melting away from his features. He had known that your brother was worried about you, had known your entire circle, or what was left of it, was worried but now that this was really happening, Max could practically feel the relief rolling off of Charles in waves.

“You’re telling me.” Charles mutters before walking to the other side of the court to get the game started.

Max hadn’t meant to end up in your old neighborhood, truly he hadn’t. He had been on a run the morning after playing padel for a few hours with Charles when he passed the bakery that was a few blocks from your old apartment. He hadn’t meant to come this far but the pressures of the season were starting to get to him as they usually did around this time of year and he had needed extra time to clear his head. The fact that he couldn’t seem to get you off his mind either plagued him the entire run too. The way you had felt pressed against his side as he walked you home that night last month, the way your cheeks flamed with humiliation as Lando had laid into you in front of him when he walked you to your door, everything about you seemed to be invading his thoughts and it worried him.

It worried him because he couldn’t let you get under his skin like this. He knew it was a dangerous game he was playing, knowing what you’ve been through and allowing himself to wander down that road. He was just happy you were safe now and hopefully you would start to get that spark back that he knew you still had in you. Everything else would have to wait.

So when he passed the bakery you had pointed out as your favorite the night he had walked you home, he couldn’t help but follow his feet inside. The smells of freshly baked bread and sweet pastries washed over his senses as the bell above the wooden door jingled, announcing his arrival. He knew exactly what he was looking for before the woman behind the counter even asked and before he was able to second guess his decision, Max was walking out of the bakery moments later with half a dozen of what he knew were your favorite almond croissants.

A housewarming gift, he told himself. Because what other way should Max welcome his newest neighbor to the building where he had lived for the last two years? He knew these were your favorites and if he had to guess, wandering back into your old neighborhood just for some carbs was probably at the bottom of your ‘to do’ list right now, even if they were heavenly pieces of baked bread and sweet almond filling.

While Max made his way back across town, laden down with a large pink bakery box, you were just getting out of bed and starting your day. Anxiety, a feeling that seemed to be your constant companion lately, sits heavy on your shoulders as you move around the new apartment. The quiet hush that blankets the small space is different than the stifling silence you're used to in your apartment with Lando. It was unnerving to say the least but if you allowed yourself to pause for even just a moment, you could almost feel your soul breathing a sigh of relief.

That wash of contentment is short lived though when a knock at your front door sends your heart rate spiking through the roof. You know that Lando was going to be home today but didn't know what time. It didn’t even cross your mind that there was no way it was him outside your door because he simply didn’t know where you had moved to but just the thought of someone who you weren’t expecting waiting for you and the possibility that it could be your now ex-boyfriend had you spiraling.

Reaching for your phone, you pull up the security system app that Charles had insisted you get installed, despite the fact that this was a very well secured building with its own doorman downstairs 24/7. The person standing outside your door has confusion knitting your brow together.

Pancake ingredients forgotten, you pad towards the door shuffling through various emotions: relief that it isn’t Lando waiting for you on the other side, apprehension about seeing the person that was patiently waiting in the hallway for you, and a bit of relief that you hadn’t lost this person like you thought you might have.

“Max, what a pleasant surprise.” You murmur when you swing the door open.

In front of you, the Dutch driver is dressed for a workout in athletic shorts and a t-shirt, his blond hair covered in a backwards baseball cap. You’re surprised at the shimmer of pleasure that works its way up your spine when he smiles at you but quickly squash the feeling, remembering the pity on his face as Lando had yelled at you that night he walked you home.

“I was on a run this morning and remembered you saying this bakery was your favorite. I thought I’d bring you some almond croissants as a sort of ‘welcome to the building’ present.”

Warmth spreads through your belly at the gesture and you hold the door open to welcome Max into the apartment. “Welcome to the building?” You ask, confused.

Max grins back at you, rubbing at the back of his neck as he follows you to the kitchen. “I live up in the penthouse. I moved in about two years ago.”

Surprise flickers across your face. When you started dating Lando, your friendship with Max had grown distant so it shouldn’t shock you that you didn’t even know where your friend lived. “Oh, I didn’t realize.” You whisper, guilt settling like a stone in your stomach.

Max watches you bustle around the kitchen, decidedly avoiding eye contact with him. For a few moments he just observes you, trying to decide if he should leave or push. Charles had mentioned yesterday that you were nervous about living alone and Max wanted to make sure that you were okay. He knew he should probably leave you alone to continue to settle it, with it being only your second day in the apartment alone, but there was something keeping him rooted to the spot where he stood in the middle of the kitchen.

“Are the almond ones still your favorite?” He asks, shattering the silence that had settled over the room. He knows you’re easily spooked now and Max desperately wants you to be comfortable about him. Maybe if he distracts you from whatever storm is brewing in your head, you’ll open up a bit.

His patience is rewarded with the first unguarded smile he’s seen from you in a long time. “I can’t believe you remembered.” You laugh, reaching for one of the croissants in the open box.

“You used to put these things away like nobody’s business when we were younger.”

The blush that creeps across your cheeks has Max gripping the edge of the counter. The two of you fall into a comfortable conversation of safe topics, mostly about your new apartment and how Max’s cats are doing. You like this, the way you feel around him but you can almost feel your body bracing for the other shoe to fall. You keep waiting to have something stupid slip out of your mouth, causing Max to berate or make fun of you.

Much to your surprise it never happens though and you spend the next hour talking through memories of when Charles and Max were fighting it out on the karting tracks when you were younger. Max remembered you well from those days, how you would beg to tag along with him and Charles and the older boys.

The sun sits high in the sky when your phone start buzzing loudly on the counter. At first you ignore it, too lost in the conversation you and Max are having, the way he is so attentive to everything you have to say and how he asks you questions like he’s genuinely interested in what you have to say. You don’t want the attention he’s giving you to end but when your phone starts buzzing for the fifth time in a row, you get up off the couch to retrieve it. It was probably just Charles checking on you, you hand’t heard from him all day after all.

Your heart sinks and your stomach churns when you see the caller ID though. “Fuck.” The whisper that tumbles off of your lips is broken and harsh, causing Max’s head to snap towards where you’re leaning over the counter, forearms braced on either side of your phone.

“Everything okay?” Max gets up off the couch to join you in the kitchen, concerned over the way you’ve suddenly gone white as a sheet as you stare down at your phone like it’s about to reach up and strangle you right there in the middle of the room.

In the couple of hours that you had spent catching up with Max, you had completely forgot that Lando was due to get home soon. “I guess Lando has discovered I’m gone.” The way your voice shakes has Max’s heart squeezing.

“He doesn’t know you moved out?”

“Well he does now.” You quip, nervous chuckle falling from your lips. The text messages came in first, it looked like. Nearly a dozen of them and as you scroll through the messages, your face heats. Of course this is going to happen with Max here. Why is he always a witness to your humiliation?

Where are you? Why is the closet half empty, where are all your clothes? Baby, why is your treadmill gone? And your Peloton? Where the FUCK are you??? ANSWER ME NOW WHERE ARE YOU??? DID YOU LEAVE ME THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY YOU’RE DOING THIS TO ME RIGHT NOW ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE NOW COWARD

Shortly after the messages stop, the calls start. You stare down at the phone as Max watches as call after call comes through.

“You don’t have to answer him.” Max murmurs, coming to stand right next to you. You have to resist the urge to lean into his warmth, to collapse against the quiet strength that rolls off of him in waves.

“It’s only going to get worse if I don’t.”

“Does he know where you are?”

You shake your head, tears threatening to spill over. Why was this all happening right now? You knew you were safe, that he had no idea where you had moved to but just the thought of being in the same city as him when he was this angry is enough to have the panic threatening to strangle the breath straight out of your lungs.

“Then you’re safe. He wouldn’t ever do anything to put his career in danger, Dovie.”

You have to laugh at the statement because it’s so true. Lando would never do anything to put his career on the line. He’d do whatever it took to keep you in line under his thumb, no matter how mean he had to be to control you but when it came to his career? His first love? He’d never do anything to put his seat in question and you knew that. You had always come second to racing and what Max said was the total truth.

Max watches you shrink into yourself as the calls continue to come in, one after another, and he knows he has to do something. He glances at the time and instantly gets an idea. “I was supposed to go to dinner with Danny in an hour. What if you leave the phone here for the night and come to dinner with me?” He pauses, seeing the panic flicker across your face. “With us. Come to dinner with us.” He corrects quickly. “I’ll call Charles and see if he’s free too? It’s been a while since we’ve all had dinner together.”

Your eyes drop down to the phone, now quiet for the moment, and weigh your options. You know you’re not ready to talk to Lando but the fact that you’re ignoring him makes you feel like a coward. You’re going to have to speak to him sometime but maybe it was okay if you put if off for a few more days. Dinner out with Max, Daniel, and your brother sounds so appealing but you still hesitate.

“Come on, Dovie. You can’t spend the whole night starting at the phone. He’s going to keep calling and it’s not good for you to be alone right now.”

The pain that slices through your heart at the gentle coaxing Max’s tone takes on is almost unbearable. Why is he always the one to see you laid so bare, so vulnerable?

“How did I let this happen, Max?” Your voice breaks, soft and uncertain as you turn into Max’s waiting frame. Without hesitation, Max’s arms circle around you and he pulls you deeper into his chest. Something settles in him then, almost like he’s relieved you’ve allowed him in. The way you shake while he holds you has his chest aching and he’d really like to give the McLaren driver a piece of his fucking mind right about then, but he knows that’s going to have to wait for now. You’re much more important.

“You were in love, schatje and that’s okay. You trusted him and he broke that trust. It’s not a reflection of you, sweet girl, its a reflection of him. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”

You sob quietly into his chest, soaking his t-shirt through with your tears as the dam finally breaks. Humiliation threatens to drag you under but you allow Max’s words to resonate through you. They soften the sharp edges of your heartache and regret, knowing that someone like Max, who you respect and have known for nearly your entire life, doesn’t think this entire thing is your fault. You sink into his warmth, clutching at the fabric of his shirt, allowing his steady breath to ground you.

Max just stands there, a quiet pillar of strength that he can feel you desperately need right now. Hr murmurs quiet reassurances to you as you cry against him, slowly rocking you back and forth. “Come on,” Max coos, lips brushing against the top of your head. “Go take a shower and then lets go to dinner. I’ll call Charles and see if he’s free. You haven’t seen Danny in ages, right? It’ll be good to get out.”

Dragging in a deep breath, you hold the air in your lungs until they pinch. “Okay.”

With one last look at your phone, you turn away and walk down the hallway, leaving Max starting at your phone which has finally gone quiet. For several moments, Max just stands at the counter in the kitchen, unable to move. Relief floods his veins when he hears the shower start though and he knows that you’re finally making a small step towards getting out from under Lando’s control.

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vivelegalite · 9 months ago

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dear dead boy detective (especially paynland) enjoyers: have you yet heard of the biggest gift bestowed upon the fandom so far, aka jayden's charles playlist? the one he mentioned in interviews? well, he dropped it on twitter at 19th of may. and man, do i have stuff to say about it.

there's a lot of 80's bangers, for sure, great to get into the mood and character, but some of the choices...

i'm gonna focus on a few of my favourites, songs that made me go insane when i saw them. honorable mentions: - category 1 (so devoted the lines blur): ain't no mountain high enough by marvin gaye and tammi terrell, there is a light that never goes out by the smiths, inkpot gods by the amazing devil - category 2 (family life): family line and summer child by conan gray, seventeen going under by sam fender, matilda by harry styles, father by the front bottoms - category 3 (being queer in the 80s): smalltown boy by bronski beat, boys don't cry by the cure - category 4 (there's no heterosexual explanation for this one): good luck, babe! by chappel roan, yellow by coldplay, fight or flight by conan gray (is this about monty? the cat king? i need answers!), the prophecy by taylor swift, arms tonite by mother mother, sweet by cigarettes after sex, head over heels by tears for fears

this list is by no means complete or comprehensive!

and now, the songs that made me go the craziest: (they're predominantly in charles' pov as it's his playlist)

found heaven by conan gray

the only reason this song made it into the list and not the honorable mentions instead of smalltown boy is that it makes almost the same point, just so much more explicitly. i don't think i have to say much about it, it's a story of a young person griping with their queerness, being forced to leave home, a common theme of the playlist. "you're in love, you found heaven" when he chose edwin over his own afterlife, heavily implied to be heaven, and built his heaven with him on the mortal plane? ouch! (and we see this same notion repeated in another bop from the playlist, heaven is a place on earth by belinda carlisle).

2. like real people do by hozier

"i miss kissing" charles rowland, 202X romantic meaning aside, the verses show a sort of a common understanding the boys have around the manner of their deaths and their lives before it. we already know from the show they don't really talk about it, with edwin not knowing about the severity of the abuse charles suffered. it feels like one of them saying "let the past be past, we're together now, yeah?". but also, jayden: can there ever be a platonic explanation for this? ghosts can't touch, can't feel, so they wish they could just kiss like "real" (alive?) people do?

3. flaws by bastille

not the most romantic song, but i absolutely love how well it fits their dynamic. despite his edwardian brand of repression, edwin truly is the one that's more open about his feelings (recognising of course that in this case, the bar is so low it's in hell. haha, get it). edwin has worn his flaws upon his sleeve, and charles has held them buried - eg. bottling up all of his anger and resentment towards his family and his own death. the song presents a very sweet outlook, in which their flaws are brought up to the surface (for example, charles' outburst against the night nurse in episode 4), but they learn to accept them as they are, an extension of themselves.

4. a pearl by mitski

you know it's gonna get intense if there's a mitski song in the mix.

the song is about a person who finds love in their partner, someone who treats them way better than they've ever been treated - and yet they cannot bring themselves to reciprocate the affection ("it's not that i don't want you, sorry i can't take your touch") despite reciprocating the feelings themselves because of the trauma. charles is known to bottle things up ("you're growing tired of me and all the things i don't talk about"). the person in the song recognises the love the other person holds for them ("you love me so hard and i still can't sleep"), which reminds me of charles' response to edwin's confession. not a "no", but a "maybe, as time passes".

5. fair by the amazing devil

this one made me genuinely gasp when i first delved into the lyrics. it's simply so sweet, such a genuine and domestic portrayal of love. at first i thought it was way too open about being a love song (normal text instead of the subtext i'd be used to) for jayden to choose it with edwin in mind, but... there's no one else it can really be about. it's far too domestic, too "established" to refer to crystal. refers to a relationship that's laster for a longer while.

the narrator in the first verse is a person deeply in love with the other person, someone who loves to make his lover laugh and simply drinks in their presence. the "he" in the song i believe is charles, while the "she" refers to edwin. edwin promises to fight off anyone - or any feelings pulling charles down (we can see this in the first episode: "you ever think... what if death did catch us? she'd force us to go to the afterlife and split up" "i will make sure this never happens."). charles feels left behind by the world (seeing as he clings to crystal at first, refering to her as "someone their age who's still alive") and believes edwin to be so much stronger than he's ever been. i'm not going to break down the song verse by verse, but if you read it yourself while subbing out "he" for charles and "she" for edwin you'll see just how sweet (and... strangely very in character?) the song is.

6. work song by hozier

if the previous song made me gasp when i saw the lyrics, this one made me go "NO WAY" out loud when i saw the title. the first one verse is just pure toothrotting sweetness, but the chorus is what i want to draw attention to:

when my time comes around lay me gently in the cold, dark earth no grave can hold my body down i'll crawl home to her

HELLO? charles, who keeps escaping death and afterlife to be able to stay with edwin? charles, as he literally takes his last breath with edwin right there, choosing to be by his side rather than move on? charles, who keeps choosing him despite night nurse's promises and threats? charles, who literally crawled through hell for him?

verse 2, to me, can be interpreted as referring to when charles died. edwin found him at his worst, and he "woke" up with his presence comforting him. he was shivering due to hypothermia and his injuries. edwin didn't ask him about what happened or pushed him, he simply listened. the lines "i didn't care much how long i lived, but I swear, i thought i dreamed her" are pretty self explanatory.

in verse 3 we still see the same attitude of "damn the afterlife, at least we have each other" as charles portrays througout the series. they're free, and heaven and hell are simply words to him.

7. orpheus by vincent lima

i literally have no words for this one. it fits too well. if you want commentary for this one, just... i don't know, rewatch the staircase scene.

8. francesca by hozier

(cracks knuckles) this is the big one. the album francesca is from, unreal unearth, is based on dante alighieri's divine comedy, a fourteenth century poem about a man venturing into hell, purgatory and eventually heaven. the eponymous francesca is one francesca di rimini, a woman who was politically married off to a man older than her, called giovanni malatesta. francesca didn't love him, and eventually fell deep in love with giovanni's younger brother, paolo. the two carried on with the affair for years, before being murdered by giovanni upon his finding out. francesca and paolo are mentioned in canto v of the first book, inferno, as two souls damned in the second circle of hell, lust. their punishment is to be permanently locked in a hurricane, swept away by the winds the moment they manage to get close enough to touch one another.

as opposed to their portrayal in the poem, the song is from the perspective of paolo, explaining that no matter the punishment, he wouldn't change anything about his life because he got to know, and love, francesca.

the first verse brings to mind the scenes in hell, especially on the staircase ("do you think I'd give up? that this might've shook the love from me? or that I was on the brink? how could you think, darlin', i'd scare so easily?" as an echo of charles' "sorry. no version of this where i didn't come get you"). "my life was a storm since i was born, how could i fear any hurricane?" could relate to charles' tumultuous family life, an assurance that nothing he has to deal with while by edwin's side will faze him given the things he's lived through. no, despite everything he's suffered through, charles wouldn't do anything differently - because his (admittedly shitty) life led him to edwin ("i'd tell them, put me back in"). we already know charles would choose him over heaven, willingly sacrificing his own afterlife to stay with a boy he's known for hours, someone kind enough to keep him company as he drew his final breath. all of it - his father's abuse, his schoolmates' bigotry, the pain of his own death, as well as everything he's gone through since - he'd do it all again, for edwin.

"for all that was said of where we'd end up at the end of it" could be taken as an allusion to the fate the boys would meet at "at the end of it", when they're finally caught by death and separated, or as more of a general "if you sin, you will go to hell when you die" (up to you to decide what the sin itself would be - an interpretation that would work with other songs on the playlist is that one such sin would be same sex attraction). then their hearts ceased, they never knew "peace", nor did they want to find it in death. their deaths were too soon, them being ripped away from life, but even though it would break his heart: charles would ask to do it all again.

the outro, i think, beautifully pulls it all together: heaven is not fit to house a love like theirs.

to wrap it all up:

jayden, what were you cooking in there? what do you know??

#please interact w me please please please i need dbd moots <3 #dbda #dead boy detectives #dead boy detective agency #paynland #payneland #painland #paineland #chedwin #charles rowland #edwin paine #edwin payne #dead boy detectives agency #dead boy detectives analysis #aough jayden your mind #my art #<- my umbrella trashcan tag

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livinginadumpster · 7 months ago

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The way Dead Boy Detectives handles queerness and labeling of sexuality is honestly so refreshing. The way it's handled makes is very obvious that it's not the kind of media in which characters are assumed straight until proven otherwise; the characters' sexualities are left undefined because the focus isn't on specific labels, it's on the relationships between characters.

As the show goes on, it becomes abundantly clear that the characters' sexualities are a non-factor. Sure, Jenny dates women, but a label is never put on that. Same with Edwin - he is clearly interested in men, but not once in the show is he labeled as gay. It's not necessary in either case; labeling these characters wouldn't add anything to their stories or character arcs. The show is completely relaxed about labels because they're almost never a part of or even relevant to the plot.

And so, in a show that is so utterly unconcerned with labels, it would also be exceeding strange to impose the label of "straight" on any character. Characters like Charles and Crystal, who clearly demonstrate attraction to the opposite gender, don't come across as strictly heterosexual, they come across as people experiencing human emotions. And a character like Niko, who never expresses romantic attraction to anyone, really can't be assumed heterosexual either, because it simply wouldn't be in line with what we know about her.

Heterosexuality never comes across as the default in this universe. It never seemed as if the writers automatically assumed any character, no matter how background, to be straight. Queerness is explored not as a defiance of the norm but as just another way of loving someone. In a world where being queer is always viewed as alternate or deviant, and where coming out is a lifelong process that begins again every time you meet someone new because you're always assumed cishet, this kind of complete abolishment of heteronormativity is a breath of fresh air. Seeing queerness handled in such a casual way onscreen honestly feels a little bit revolutionary.

#I would love to see gender be explored in this universe #maybe it's just me projecting but #I feel like it would be fascinating to see a character whose gender outside the binary was treated the same way queer sexuality was #just as another facet of life that doesn't require any particular notice #it would honestly be really validating #dead boy detectives #edwin payne #charles rowland #crystal palace #niko sasaki #jenny the butcher #jenny green

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velvet4510 · 2 months ago

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You know, when it comes to the four Cherik actors, the old men walked so the young men could run.

We all give McAvoy and Fassbender the love they deserve, but honestly we wouldn’t have any onscreen Cherik at all if those two old Shakespeare vets hadn’t laid such a strong foundation a whole decade prior in the original trilogy.

Remember that Stewart and McKellen had no beach divorce to work off of. First Class wasn’t even a thought in any writer’s head yet when the OG trilogy was filmed. And yet they understood the assignment from day 1 - the “exes who never got over each other” vibes are just pouring off of both of them in every scene, especially from their eyes, starting from the very first moment Stewart’s jaw drops and his breathing stops as he sees McKellen in the shadows of the Congress crowd, and McKellen then manages to make a threatening line like “don’t get in my way” sound so … gentle. Be it outside Congress or in the plastic prison or outside Jean’s house, you can feel the weight of their shared history bearing down on them, a weight so palpable it’s on the verge of crushing them both every time they so much as lock eyes.

And you can see echoes of the young men Charles and Erik used to be in their performances … you can fill in the gaps with First Class details thanks to their level of nuance.

Every time they call each other “old friend,” you can hear the underlying emotions they haven’t figured out how to express aloud, and the hidden knowledge that those two words only scratch the surface of what they really are to each other.

Within Stewart’s heartbroken look in all of his closeups in their first scene on the Congress walkway in X1, you can see the yearning of a man remembering the first time this other man walked away from him and wishing he knew how to convince him to stay now, like he did then.

Within McKellen randomly name-dropping Charles throughout the trilogy (like when Sabretooth reports the X-Men knew about Rogue and when he’s headed to Alcatraz), you can hear the obsession of a guy embittered by years of opposition but with a secret piece of his heart still living in that moment when he first heard a beautiful voice in his head pulling him back from the darkness.

Within Stewart’s whispered “what’s happened to you?” at the sight of a bruised eye, you can see the grief of a man remembering the sense of a wave of horror and trauma pouring off someone down in the water, and now seeing that same someone has been abused again, and just like then, he wasn’t there to stop it, to protect Erik from getting hurt.

Within their suppressed smiles in the prison scenes and their repartee outside young Jean’s house, you can tell these two banged 40 years ago. You can feel faint echoes of the two guys who once sat on a bed showing off their powers and saying stuff like “more tea, vicar?” and “you’ve never looked more beautiful, darling.” (I even noticed that at the end of X1, in the “I will always be there” exchange, the camera placement leaves their hands out of frame, so they’re obviously touching each other’s arms in that moment but we can’t see exactly where - it makes me imagine that Charles briefly touched Erik’s hand before being wheeled away and that’s why Erik sits frozen for a moment before toppling his king. Again, it’s those actors’ nuances that give birth to these implications.)

Within McKellen’s facial expression of pure anguish and his scream of “CHARLES!” at Jean’s house, you can hear the soul being ripped from the body of a man whose life was, long ago, forever changed by the words “there’s so much more to you than you know, not just pain and anger … there’s good too, I felt it…”

You know two actors are at the top of their game when they’re able to convey the exact history of their two characters long before any actual prequels imprint that history in canon.

I do wonder if Stewart and McKellen watched First Class before they filmed Days of Future Past - it’s impossible to tell because regardless, they once again gave it their all, especially in the Rogue Cut. They took a little sentence “in other words, a door” and a little piece of direction to smirk and nod, and somehow made it one of the most flirtatious/erotic moments of the series. And then of course at the end, they gave us the most heartbreaking moment of the series and one of the top 10 most heartbreaking moments in any comic-book movie ever, period. You know the one.

I’m just so impressed with them for what they started. It all started with them. They knew what they were doing.

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bunny-jpeg · 6 months ago

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Hiii can I please have a profiteroles with a side of Martini and juice served by Charles Leclerc

bakery menu

want to order something? check out the menu! there are all kinds of things on it for your liking! these delicious items are waiting for you! if you want to submit for an order outside of formula one, please do! as for this, i feel so bad that i haven't written enough charles! charles is who got me into f1 originally, so to not write him a lot feels so weird! (the verstappen brain rot is real)! as for this, i love a good mafia au.

profiteroles ("come away with me. for a week, together. anywhere you want, we'll go.") + martini (mafia au) + juice (cockwarming) served by charles leclerc (formula one)!

cw: smut/pwp, mafia au, mafia boss!charles, cockwarming, clingy!charles, breast play/worship, college student!reader, devoted!charles

you often found those mafia romance novels that were sold in the grocery stores rather amusing. the cheesy covers and titles, the dumb plots and the over exaggeration of characters. it was all very.. funny.

mostly because you had nabbed yourself your own mafia lover. and while he was one of the most dangerous men in monaco. around you he was a huge suck-up.

while in public he was smiles and a sharp eye. behind the scenes he was vicious and scary. but, when it was just the two of you alone in the mansion you called home. charles leclerc, was mafia prince of monaco, wanted nothing more than to feel the soft flesh of his lover between his calloused hands.

and love you like the precious gem you were.

he had come from a week in the netherlands. it was always nice to see his long time friend, you knew business was talked about, but you tried not to pry too deeply. charles tried to keep your name and face out of that line of work, the last thing he needed was his princess to have a price of her head.

for all everyone knew, you were a simple university student in one of the most beautiful places on earth. he had arrived home and beckoned for you to join him in the shower.

you kissed his bronzed skin, you chuckled when he returned the kisses. even brushing his lips across each of your fingers like a quiet worship.

he noticed the bandage on your finger and held your hand up to you. he tilted his head to the side like a puppy as he asked, "what's this, what happened?" his voice tinged with concern.

you chuckled, "i was chopping onions a few days ago and i nicked my finger. trust me, it was nothing serious. just keeping it covered to heal." you smiled at him.

he nodded and kissed your fingers, "you have to be careful, mon amor. i can't have you getting hurt when i'm not here." he kissed the bandage softly.

once your shower was done, you helped dry him off before you took him to the bed to get comfortable. you were both naked and curled up in bed together. you chose a movie to put on in the background while you became reacquainted with his body and him with yours.

you pressed your palm against his and noticed the difference in your hand sizes, "what was holland like, it's been so long since i've been there."

he chuckled, "same old, same old, mon amor. max had asked about you, he always asks about you. i told him to back off, he cold have any woman he wanted. but you are mine."

you giggled, "he's probably saying it to get under your skin." while you flew under the radar most of the time, at least with forces that could hurt you. but close friends of the family knew of you. like max verstappen, a close ally of charles. as a result the dutchman knew to mess with charles he simply had to bring you up.

it was like the time he mailed you a nijntje plush and charles was almost on the next flight to utrecht to kick his ass. in reality you had asked max to do that for you because you wouldn't be able to get it in monaco. (charles just forgot).

your lover's hands roamed your body and his cock twitched between his legs. he said softly, "i need you. i've needed you all week. you were all i could think of." his jaw tensed, "you drive me mad, mon amor. you're all i ever want."

you got him seated upright against the headboard and you straddled his waist. with a little help you sank down on his cock, but you didn't ride him. instead you warmed his cock as you straddled him. it slipped in with ease and the feeling made him shudder.

he wrapped those strong arms around you and held you. you got comfortable against his chest and kissed at the side of his neck. he melted into your touch, loving the feeling of you around him.

"i thought about you every moment i was away." he dipped his head towards your chest, he peppered kisses along the soft flesh, "i wondered if you were eating, sleeping, if you were going to classes." he sighed.

"i know, my dear." you said as you held him close to your chest and combed your fingers through his dark hair, "you were constantly texting me. i'm sorry that i couldn't text you during my lecture, you know all about that professor."

he sighed, "i could kill him."

you pulled away further and wagged your finger at him, "don't you care, leclerc. he is one of the best professors in the region." and he whined, you let him press himself back to your chest.

you let out a small noise when he mouth captured your left nipple. his hands explored your bare back, yearning for the closeness. his cock was heavy inside of you and you played with his hair.

the movie played on in the background, the light from the television cascaded you in a soft glow. you rolled your hips a little to give him a bit of friction, which made a shiver run up his spine.

"i love you." he said.

"i love you too." you yanked on his hair a little bit and he moaned with your nipple in your mouth. he played with your breasts, cupping them in his hands.

oh lord, you were perfect. those beautiful eyes looked to you and you smiled down at him. you leaned in and kissed his forehead. you rolled your hips a little more and let the feeling wash over both of you.

to just be so softly intimate felt nice, after time apart from one another. to feel close to your mafia boyfriend, felt good. he left a few marks across your soft breasts which only made you clench around his cock.

"you're my whole world, mon amor. to the ends of the earth, i love you."

"and i love you, charles." it wasn't the easiest thing being in love with someone so powerful. but the way he looked at you, the way he wore his heart on his sleeve for you. all the risks seemed to fade away, you loved him and he loved you.

you two continued to kiss once more, you knew that he was getting hot all over. his skin felt electric as you pressed your hands on his chest. you could feel his racing heartbeat as the two of you made out.

he looked up at you as you held his face, you rubbed the scar on his cheek, you could see the hearts in his eyes. "my world." he said.

"my universe."

he chuckled, "you always have to one-up me, huh?" he kissed your neck softly as felt the shudder of pleasure through his body. he knew he was close, he held onto you while the movie played and softly thrusted up into you. he couldn't handle it anymore. he kissed at your collarbones and groaned against your warm skin.

"i love you."

"and i love you more, forever. you are mine until the sun swallows the earth whole." he promised. he just wanted to be smothered by you, to hold onto you tightly. to love you with all of his heart.

he was in heaven, heaven was you. you were the angel that whatever god sent down to him. and he'd worship the ground you walked on until the ends of the earth. you were his soul, his beating heart.

not even the mafia lifestyle could pull the love he had for you out of him. you were the reason why he never got cold.

he shuddered as orgasm took over. then it ended with you on your back and him looming over you. those eyes of his transfixed you as he panted heavily. he pulled you in for a kiss, "i love feeling close to you." he said quietly. he looked down at you, his cock still buried in your at the hilt, the movie droned in the background. he kissed your jaw, "come away with me. for a week, together. anywhere you want, we'll go."

you smiled at him and draped your arms around him. you yearned for your own orgasm, you leaned up and kissed him on the lips, "i'd like to go back home."

"home? i thought i was your home." he pressed himself against you, his mind clearing up from the orgasm.

"i mean my childhood home." you played with his hair, "you've shown me your world, now i want to show you mine. it might not be as extravagant as monaco, but.... i want to make memories with you there."

he perked up at the thought. you wanted to show him your life. the life you had before you met. he broke out into a grin and wrapped his strong arms around you. he kissed at you face and said, "of course. i would love to meet your family, see your home. thank you! thank you!"

you smiled and kissed him once more. even with his cock still snugly inside of you. it was cute to see him light up. you've seen the headlines and his face in the paper. you've seen what he's capable of. but when he was with you, he was nothing more than a sweet puppy.

you kissed him once more before you shifted and asked, "now why don't you make me cum before we start to make plans, handsome?" you giggled as you pulled him in for a kiss once more.

those romance novels were silly, because if they were writing mafia bosses the way that your beloved charles was, the stories would be a lot less steamy and a lot more clingy. <3

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asidian · 1 month ago

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I've talked about how amazing the women of Dead Boy Detectives are and how much I love Crystal, and one of the things that truly makes her shine is her carefully written emotional character arc.

She has two, actually, and they play off of each other and intertwine in ways that are honestly fantastic to watch.

The first and foremost is her journey to become a better person.

When the series starts, she's a selfish character.

Selfish in the very literal sense of the definition: she is focused on her self. Her problems are the most important thing to her, and every time she has a conversation, she makes it about what she's going through.

Every time she talks to someone, she steers the conversation toward her problems. The narrative goes so far as to call her out on it through Jenny, in the scene where Crystal says, "Everybody is always thinking about themselves, all the time."

Jenny's reply? That's what Crystal is doing, too.

Jenny's right.

In the first episode, Crystal, while justifiably upset over the awful situation she's in, nevertheless spends a fair portion of the episode angry that the boys aren't helping her enough, when they've done nothing but try to help.

When she talks to Niko through the bathroom door in episode 2, she turns the situation to her own family.

In the Devlin house, when Charles gets caught in the loop, she frames the misfortune in a very telling way.

Edwin says that he's lost Charles. Crystal says that she's lost the only person on her side.

When Charles is poised to confess to the struggles he's had with his repressed anger at the end of episode 4, he doesn't get the chance.

Crystal brings up her own problems again, and whatever else Charles had meant to say falls by the wayside.

So what turns her around? What gets her to the point where she ends the series, confident and willing to put everything on the line for the people she cares about?

Her other character arc.

For the entire series, Crystal is preoccupied with the idea that she's nothing special without her powers. Nobody wants her, she has nowhere to belong, and the only thing that makes her worth having around is her powers.

David tells her that again and again.

It's a recurring theme in her mindscape scenes: he hammers home how much he only wants her for her abilities and that she's worthless and helpless without them.

She's been through an absolute nightmare, and it's left an impact on her.

She's come to believe him, and she's afraid that the boys think of her the same way.

Edwin has framed his opinion of her exclusively in terms of usefulness so far. Even Charles, who's been nothing but supportive at every turn, initially pitches the reason she should be allowed to stay at the agency in terms of what help she'll be able to provide.

Crystal hints at her insecurities to Niko at the start of episode 6, when she loses her powers.

That's why she's so insistent that she keep her power loss from the boys rather than ask them for help.

When Edwin wants her to assist on a case while her psychic abilities are missing, she only gets more upset, because it's her powers he wants, and she doesn't have them anymore.

Everything changes after the boys find out she's lost her powers.

They make no move to oust her from the agency. The very first thing Charles asks her, above all else, is: are you okay? That's the priority.

But more than that, Charles stands up to David for her. He says he'll do it any time she needs him to, and that she's special with or without her powers.

The change is immediate.

From this point onward, Crystal starts looking out for the boys in a big way.

She saves the day at the end of episode 6, keeping the boys from almost certain erasure at the hands of Teethface.

In episode 7, she's ready to go to literal hell in order to save Edwin from whatever torment he faces there.

And in episode 8, of course, she saves the entire day, storming the proverbial castle to rescue the boys, who are busy damseling it up.

Not only does she come to their rescue, but we see her set aside her personal concerns, willingly and without hesitation, to do so. She's come a long way from the version of herself in the first episode, the selfish girl who made everything about her own problems.

She was ready to cut these boys out of her life to spare them the person she had been.

Instead, she comes to them when they need her the most and shows them who she is now.

#dead boy detectives #dbda #crystal palace #edwin payne #charles rowland #dbdacharacterappreciationweek #meta commentary #save dead boy detectives

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anxious-witch · 8 months ago

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I know, I know we talked about the forest scene with Monty, Edwin and the Cat King to death. But, but. Hear me out.

Edwin was ready to both forgive Monty and thank the Cat King right then and there if they didn't push him, aka crossed a line in the sand for him.

When the Cat King initially informs him of Monty's betrayal, this is Edwin's reaction:

He looks confused, he looks hurt. But he doesn't look angry. Not yet. When he says "Were you just pretending to be my friend" he sounds hurt, but when he sees how Monty is affected, he still looks oddly touched. Especially when Monty says: "At first, yes! Then...no."

I know we joke about Edwin being awful at reading people, but Monty is obviously distressed and Edwin reacts to it. Besides, Monty is his friend. He wants to believe it wasn't all a ploy. But then, Monty makes a fatal mistake and brings up Charles. Immediately, Edwin's expression falls and then it turns angry and says: "Even if it were true, you are a bloody crow!"

We see Edwin forgive Simon, his killer, the person who was responsible for sending him to Hell, in mere minutes, once he finds out why Simon did it. I don't believe for a second he wouldn't have forgiven Monty in a heartbeat if Monty properly explained himself, instead of falling back to his hurt feelings and in turn, trying to hurt Edwin the same way by bringing up Charles. Which is a shame, because they really could have used each other's help.

As for the Cat King, I think it's a very similar story too!

Immediately after Monty walks away, Edwin closes his eyes and says: "I am such an idiot." And the Cat King nods, but you can already see most of the anger Edwin held towards Monty dispersing.

When the Cat King stops him from leaving and says: "I came all the way into this ridiculous forest to save you, I think I am at least owed a thank you," Edwin doesn't seem mad. I'd even go as far as to describe his expression as soft surprise. I think he is thankful, in that moment. And why wouldn't he be? The Cat King did save him from a trap.

It's only when the Cat King brings up a second kiss, implying he should thank him by kissing him, does Edwin grow angry again.

Also, importantly, the way Edwin pushes the Cat King away is almost gentle. Bitchy, and pissed off, for sure, but also gentle. Like, if it was someone who I genuinely didn't want anwhere near me, I'd shove them away by the shoulders, and with much more force. And sure! Edwin isn't a type for violence, but c'mon. We know he is capable if pressed, as seen when Esther hurt Charles.

Edwin keeps his anger tightly locked, only letting it out through his words. He practically spits out "I am not your toy to yank around." But even so, the only tense action we see from his is the way he cocks his head and demingly looks thr Cat King up and down.

Only after the Cat King threatens him, does Edwin get up in his personal space and almost violently(by his standards) shows him the bracelet, saying "This is all that you are. Do you understand?"

My point is, if both the Cat King and Monty essentially told/showed Edwin their actions are somehow tied into his reciprocation of his feelings. Funnily, enough, I feel like if either of them didn't base this interaction on that, and instead rather connected with Edwin emotionally, they would have had a shot at getting exactly what they wanted that night. Monty, Edwin's forgivness and the Cat King, Edwin's thankfulness, perhaps even a sense that he owes him, next time they see each other.

Which is great! Because it shows us sm about the characters, their flaws, and their priorities! But yeah. Talking about shooting themselves in the foot.

I also think that, for all we joke around Edwin holding grudges, he is actually incredible in how quickly he forgives people, as soon as they show the skightest initative for change/goodwill. Part of me hopes he and Monty meet again, just so Edwin can understand his pov, the same way he understood Simon and thr Cat King's but alas. I suppose we'll see

#dead boy detectives #edwin payne #monty the crow #monty finch #the cat king #catwin #montwin #rio's rambly analysis

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deliciousangelfestival · 3 months ago

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The Imperfect Couple - 18

Character: politician!Bucky x ex-wife!reader

Summary: A separated couple must pretend to be happily married while the husband runs for Vice President, dealing with old issues and political pressures during his election campaign.

Warning: Triggering conversation. Mentioned about sexual assault.

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist || If you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee on Ko-fi 🙏🏻

Author Note: After this, you will hate Steve more.

Thank you to everyone who has read this chapter. Leave a comment and Reblog, please. I'd love to hear your thoughts. ❤️

The news spread like wildfire: The First Lady has passed away from a sudden heart attack. The entire nation reeled at the announcement. It was a tragic day for the country, and the collective grief was palpable. You and Bucky struggled to believe it, exchanging shocked glances as you watched the news unfold on screen.

The twins, pale with grief, approached their father with questions in their eyes. “Why, a heart attack?” one of them whispered.

Steve’s expression was controlled, his answer calm. “Because with that, everyone will stop asking,” he replied. A sudden heart attack is understandable. Even General Carter died of one.

Just as Steve had predicted, people accepted it readily. “A heart attack? That’s horrible,” they’d say, before letting the matter rest. It was as if the finality of the explanation sealed Peggy’s fate in a way no one dared to question. And yet, to you, something felt out of place.

Only two weeks earlier, there had been news that Peggy had collapsed, and the doctors advised her to rest. You found yourself shaking your head as you spoke to Bucky. “She was so healthy, so careful with her lifestyle. Doesn’t it feel… odd?”

Bucky’s gaze was hard, thoughtful. “It does,” he admitted. “It really does.”

🌸🌸🌸🌸

The day of Peggy’s funeral arrived, a somber, overcast morning where gray clouds seemed to hang like a veil over the city. Dressed in black, the crowd of mourners filled the space around the somber cemetery, their faces etched with grief and disbelief. The country mourned the First Lady’s loss, and people lined up to pay their respects to Steve and the grieving family. You and Bucky observed from a distance, your expressions reflecting both sorrow and skepticism.

Caroline and Julius were also present, looking somber as they approached Hazel and Julius, standing silently nearby. Carol, her face set in sadness, touched Hazel’s arm gently. “Let’s go give Steve our condolences,” she whispered.

“You two go ahead,” Hazel murmured, looking away. Her eyes shifted, and a shadow of guilt crossed her face. She couldn’t bear to look at Peggy’s sons, William and Charles, standing on either side of their father, too young to fully understand the depths of their loss.

Carol frowned. “Hazel, don’t be stubborn,” she said softly. “Come on, Julius.” The two of them moved toward Steve, leaving Hazel standing there with her head bowed, biting her lip.

Julius, his voice low and respectful, extended his hand to Steve. “We’re deeply sorry, Steve. Peggy was a remarkable woman.”

Carol echoed his sentiments. “Yes, Steve. She’ll be missed so much. Our hearts are with you and the boys.”

Steve nodded, his face a well-practiced mask of grief. “Thank you both. Peggy loved you both very much.”

As the guests continued offering their sympathies, Natasha appeared at Hazel’s side, touching her arm and gesturing discreetly. Hazel hesitated but glanced over, catching your eye. You nudged Bucky, motioning in Hazel’s direction, but he shook his head. “Let them go,” he said quietly. “Not here, not now.”

Following Natasha, Hazel found herself being led to a private corner, away from the public’s eyes. Steve was already waiting, his hands clasped tightly behind his back. As Hazel approached, she looked pale, her posture small, as though she wanted to shrink away.

“Why do you look like you want to hide?” Steve asked, arching an eyebrow, his voice a low murmur.

Without a word, Hazel handed him her phone. Her hands were shaking. Steve took the device and glanced at the screen. What he read there made his expression falter, if only for a moment. The message on the screen was Peggy’s final words:

"I’ll give him to you. But know that each time you’re with him, I will always be the thorn between you two."

Hazel’s voice trembled as she spoke. “I found this after she…after she died. She sent it before… God, Steve, she’s gone because of me.”

Steve stepped forward, gently placing his hand at the back of her neck, pulling her head to his shoulder. “No, Hazel,” he murmured, his voice smooth and unyielding. “None of us lifted a finger. It was her choice. Her own doing.”

Steve held her tightly. “You’re my only anchor now,” he said softly, his hand stroking her hair. His tone was oddly calm, as if nothing truly rattled him.

Hazel gave a slight nod, though her face remained haunted. Steve’s grip around her tightened, but his gaze held a glint of satisfaction, a twisted sense of relief. Peggy’s demise, as he saw it, had finally cleared the way.

Later, as guests continued offering their condolences, Bucky made his way to Steve. His handshake was firm, his voice steady. “Steve,” he said, his eyes meeting his in an unreadable gaze. “My deepest condolences. Peggy was… well, she was a force.”

Steve’s expression was solemn, though his eyes glinted with something inscrutable. “Thank you, Bucky,” he replied smoothly. “I know Peggy always respected you.”

Bucky paused, holding Steve’s gaze a second longer, as if searching for something beneath his composed exterior. “If there’s anything you or the boys need, don’t hesitate to let us know. We’re here for you.”

Steve gave a small nod. “I appreciate it, Bucky. Really. This will be hard for the boys, but we’ll get through it.”

Bucky’s jaw tightened as he stepped back, his gaze never leaving Steve’s. “Take care of yourself. And of them.” He glanced briefly toward William and Charles, whose solemn faces seemed carved in stone, their small hands clutching each other as they mourned.

When Bucky returned to your side, he was silent, his eyes hard with an unspoken realization. Both of you had been deceived by Steve’s flawless facade for years, but now, something dark and undeniable seemed to lie beneath.

🌸🌸🌸🌸

Three Weeks Later

Carol sat on the sofa, her eyes fixed on the TV screen where Steve’s face appeared at an international summit, calm and composed, every bit the statesman. She frowned, resting her chin on her hand. “It’s not even a month since Peggy’s passing, and already there’s talk about him looking for a new partner,” she muttered with a casual nonchalance. “Should I introduce him to one of my friends?”

Julius, seated across from her, snapped his head up, a look of disbelief etched onto his face. “Carol… you were Peggy’s friend. How can you talk like this?”

“Because I was her friend, I want what’s best for Steve,” Carol replied, dismissively scrolling through photos on her phone. “Peggy would want someone from our circle by his side, someone appropriate. Maybe Emily? Or Kelly?”

From across the room, Hazel’s voice interrupted, quiet but firm. “Mom, you don’t have to go through all that trouble.”

Carol looked up, her eyes sharp. “Oh, but I insist,” she said with a sigh of self-importance. “Steve’s in his prime. Women would kill to be with him. Even women your age, Hazel.”

Hazel paused, her teacup clinking against its saucer as her hand trembled slightly.

Carol turned to Julius with newfound excitement. “Maybe we should introduce him to your cousin who just got divorced. She’s still young, and she can bear children—Peggy would approve of someone in our league taking her place. Steve has a mistress. I don't want that woman took Peggy's place.”

"Carol. Stop," Julius said, his voice sharp, cutting through his wife rambling.

A flicker of annoyance sparking in her eyes. “What? Imagine having someone actually related to the President by blood," she insisted, folding her arms, her tone dismissive as if Julius didn’t understand the gravity of her idea.

Julius took a step closer, his face tightening. "We already have," he replied quietly.

Carol looked at him in disbelief, then scoffed. “I don’t mean Bucky," she shot back, waving a hand as if the idea were absurd. "He's still just the Vice President. And I don't even want to think about him having kids with that woman.”

Julius’s expression darkened, his jaw clenched as he leaned closer. "He won’t forgive you if he hears that," he warned, voice low and tight, the threat clear. He knew how much Bucky loves you, even Bucky already gave a warning to Caroline, she still won't accept it.

She felt the heat of his words but only tilted her chin up defiantly. Julius took a deep breath, struggling to contain his frustration. "Carol," he said in a grave tone, “I’m giving you a warning. This is the last time." His hand closed into a fist, and the silence that followed was thick, crackling with unspoken tension.

“Mom. You can stop now,” she said, her voice edged with a firmness that made both her parents turn. “There’s already someone from our family related to the president”

The room fell silent. Carol’s fingers froze on her phone, and Julius looked up from his drink, confused. Hazel met their eyes steadily.

“Nate,” she said, her voice just above a whisper, yet each word felt as though it struck with the force of a hammer. “Steve is Nate’s father.”

There was a stunned pause, a dead silence before Carol’s phone slipped from her hand and hit the floor with a loud clatter. Her face turned pale as her mind scrambled to process the revelation, her hand covering her mouth in shock.

“All this time,” Hazel continued, her voice quiet but steady, “you wanted to know who Nate’s father was. Now you know.”

Carol’s face twisted, disbelief transforming into a horrified expression. She lunged forward, gripping Hazel’s shoulders tightly, her nails digging in. “Tell me this is a joke,” she hissed.

“You… you always kept things to yourself, dropping these bombshells when we least expect it. You came home one day, huge belly, and just announced you were pregnant, like it was nothing.” Her voice wavered, a mixture of anger and desperation. “You made me hide my face from our friends, miss every gathering because of you!”

Hazel stayed silent, even as her mother’s words lashed against her.

“Haze—Hazel,” Julius interjected, his voice a strained whisper, barely able to meet her eyes. “Is this true?”

She nodded. “Yes, father.”

“But why him? Of all people… what could he possibly give you that we haven’t?” Carol’s voice quivered, the shock laced with bitterness.

Hazel met her mother’s eyes, unflinching. “Because he listened to me. He understood me.”

Julius’s face hardened. “We gave you everything, Hazel. How can you say that?”

She drew in a breath, her expression bitter. “That’s the problem. You gave me everything I never asked for. All I ever asked is for both of you as my parents to listened to me.”

Carol scoffed, her face paling as realization settled in. “Listening?” she muttered, rubbing her forehead as if it hurt. “You keep talking about that. I don’t even know what you mean.”

Hazel’s hands trembled slightly, but she steadied herself, her tone cold. “Do you remember when I told you my ballet teacher kept touching me? That’s why I quit. But you didn’t believe me because he was ‘experienced,’ and you said I was overreacting.”

A silence so heavy settled in the room that even the ticking clock seemed deafening. Carol’s face twisted with a fleeting look of guilt, but it passed quickly.

Hazel’s gaze shifted to Julius. “And you—do you remember when I told you I was drugged by your best friend’s son at that party I didn’t even want to go to? You made me go. I came home, barely able to stand…” Her voice broke, the words hanging heavily in the air.

Julius covered his face with his hand, his shoulders slumping as the reality crashed down on him.

“I am your daughter!” she yelled, the hurt and anger of years pouring out. “And all you did was listen to their excuses. That was my breaking point. That’s why I left.”

Julius’s face fell, and he murmured, almost to himself, “Then… you met Steve.”

Hazel nodded, her voice softening slightly. “I was vulnerable. And after hearing me out just once, do you know what he did?” She looked at her parents, her gaze hard and unwavering. “He made sure that ballet teacher never danced again. And that boy? He’ll never see daylight without a drug in his system.”

Carol heard the news that the former ballet teacher got into an accident, leaving him unable to move his fingers or toes. As for Julius, he heard from his friend that the son ended up in rehab. His case is worse than Shawn's.

Carol gasped, horror dawning in her eyes. “You’re the woman Peggy mentioned. The mistress…”

Hazel’s voice was a whisper, calm yet unyielding. “Yes. I’m the other woman. The homewrecker. Whatever you want to call me, I am it.”

For a moment, a heavy silence settled in the room. Hazel scoffed, looking from her mother to her father. “Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted? Your grandson is the President’s son, your son the youngest Vice President. Now you can tell that to all your friends.” She shot them a hollow, bitter smile, watching as her words landed. Carol looked down, her face flushed with shame, while Julius couldn’t bear to meet her gaze.

Turning, Hazel strode from the room, leaving her parents in stunned silence. For the first time, the weight of Peggy’s suicide note no longer haunted her. Steve had been right. Peggy’s death wasn’t her burden to bear. And with that realization, she walked away, shoulders straight, head held high.

In the deafening quiet that followed, Caroline sank onto the couch, feeling a mix of shame and a deep, gnawing guilt. She was beginning to understand. All those times she had cursed the “mistress” Peggy hinted at… it had been her own daughter.

“Julius,” she whispered, voice cracking as she reached out for her husband’s hand.

But there was no answer. Julius sat, staring into space, his face ashen. When she touched his shoulder, his body slumped.

“Julius!” she screamed, shaking him, but he didn’t respond. Her world spun as panic surged, echoing her daughter’s revelation with one devastating blow after another.

Julius suffered a stroke and required emergency surgery, leaving the family on edge as they gathered at the hospital. The fluorescent lights flickered overhead, casting a harsh glow over the sterile waiting room. You and Bucky arrived, and he turned to you, his brow furrowed with concern. “Where’s Hazel?” he asked, scanning the area for any sign of her.

“Don’t. Mention that name,” Caroline snapped, her voice taut with tension. “That girl has ruined Peggy’s marriage.”

Bucky’s eyes widened in disbelief. “You knew?” he pressed, the shock evident in his tone.

Caroline's eyes flared, realization dawning on her. “Wait! You knew all this time?” She stepped forward, her hands gripping his collar, her fury palpable. The Secret Service agents on standby instinctively moved closer, but Bucky raised a hand, stopping them. “Stand outside. This is a family matter, and keep this secret,” he commanded. They nodded reluctantly, stepping away but keeping their ears perked for any sign of trouble.

“No wonder why Steve chose us,” Caroline sighed, her shoulders slumping slightly as the weight of the situation settled in. “But I still can’t accept this. No, I don’t. He used Hazel's innocence.” Her laughter was manic, echoing off the walls, a bitter sound that filled the room.

“Does he think he can underestimate me? He’s just a nobody without a strong background. He’s nothing without the Carters.” Caroline’s voice dripped with disdain as she spat the words, but when she noticed Bucky’s silence, her eyes narrowed.

“You have a plan, don’t you?”

Bucky nodded, his expression serious. “I do.”

“Good. Me too,” Caroline replied, her tone fierce. “I won’t accept being humiliated.”

🌸🌸🌸🌸

Bucky turned his gaze to you, his expression shifting from determination to concern. “Dear,” he said, his voice steady but laced with urgency.

“Hmm?” you replied, sensing the gravity in his tone.

“I’m telling you right now,” he began, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that sent a shiver down your spine, “from this moment, everything is going to turn ugly. You might end up hating me in the end.”

You felt the knot in your stomach tighten. Why is he telling me this?

“I told you before, you could stab me, poison me,” he continued, his voice unwavering. “I meant it. You could do it when you felt that I was way out of line.”

He’s serious, you thought, a mix of fear and disbelief coursing through you.

“You should’ve said this before I married into the Barnes family,” you shot back, your tone sharper than intended, but the weight of his words hung heavily in the air between you.

Bucky’s eyes softened slightly, yet his resolve remained. “I never wanted you to be caught in the crossfire.”

His jaw tense, and he took a deep breath as if preparing for the weight of the world. “If this is too much for you,” he said, his voice steady but low, “you could leave.” Also, the one-year agreement to help him is coming to an end.

The finality of his words struck you like a punch to the gut, and you felt a flicker of panic surge through you. “No. I won’t leave,” you responded fiercely, the conviction in your voice surprising even yourself.

Bucky’s brow furrowed, and he studied you, as if searching for signs of doubt in your eyes. But all he found was unwavering resolve. “You really mean that?” he asked, his voice almost a whisper, a blend of surprise and hope.

You nodded, a small smile breaking through the tension. “The first time, it was me helping you become vice president,” you reminded him, your heart racing with the unspoken promise that lingered between you. “Now, I’ll be beside you as you become president. I won’t let this position slip away to another woman.”

“Then let’s face this together,” he murmured, his breath warm against your skin. The space between you charged with anticipation, every unspoken feeling bubbling to the surface. The world outside faded away, leaving just the two of you in this moment.

A slow smile spread across Bucky’s face, warmth radiating from him. The tension that had permeated the air shifted into something different—something electric. In that moment, the world around you faded, leaving only the two of you and the undeniable connection you shared.

Bucky leaned in slightly, closing the distance between you, and your breaths mingled in the charged space. The weight of your words hung in the air, promising both conflict and a shared future. You reached out, your fingers grazing his jaw, feeling the warmth of his skin under your touch.

He moved closer, tilting his head slightly as if to capture the moment forever. The longing that had been building between you ignited, and without thinking, you both closed the gap.

The kiss was genuine, filled with unspoken promises and a shared understanding of the battles ahead. It was tender yet passionate, a release of the tension that had held you both captive for far too long. As your lips met, time seemed to stand still, the world outside forgotten. In that moment, you were not just allies in a political game but partners, united in a bond deeper than either of you had anticipated.

When you finally pulled back, your foreheads rested against each other, breaths mingling in the charged air. You could see the reflection of hope and determination in his eyes, and for the first time in a long while, you felt like you could face whatever challenges lay ahead—together.

Author Note : The next chapter will be the end.

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