#because that was really the only big thing that broke them apart. he genuinely thought their relationship was great. and it was

[nukacourier]

After meeting each other again I imagine Arcade saw the ring on James' finger and assumed he was married

Probably worried about it for a few days before finally asking about it and James had to awkwardly explain that no, he's not in a relationship, he was just hanging on to it because he was planning on proposing to Arcade with it and couldn't bring himself to throw it away after getting his heart completely shattered when he was pushed away

Arcade probably felt bad and tried to explain himself/apologize but James just takes it off and hands it to him and tells him that it should've been his in the first place. Basically as a way of saying "I'm willing to rekindle this relationship if you think you're up to it". Also sort of because he wasn't gonna chase after Arcade this time and that it's now Arcade's own decision if they wanna be serious

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA For telling my partner I'd like to bring my ex into our relationship?

I'm copying this over from r/relationship_advice, because the responses are giving me the impression they don't really get what polyamory is & I'm hoping tumblr does. For reference: there's me (29M), my ex (28, Trans Man), and my partner (30M).

My ex and I were best friends in high school, went to the same college, & dated through the tail end of undergrad, for about a year and change. We ended things on very good terms, the only reason we broke up was a difference in life paths: I stayed in the city to get my Master's, he traveled constantly for his work (he's a sculptor who makes these huge custom multimedia pieces, they're genuinely some of the most beautiful things I've seen). We fell out of touch for the most part, but I'd see him popping up on social media occasionally, or he'd text me when he was in town and we'd hang out, along with some other school friends.

The last time I saw him before our present situation was about 3 1/2 years ago today. We went out for drinks, he came back to my place after, and we ended up hooking up. He stayed in town for about a week, and we hooked up a few more times, and then he left again. He sort of dropped off the face of the earth after that, but he'd always been pretty sporadic, especially when he had a big project, so I didn't think much about it.

Not long after that, I met my current partner. He's truly one of my favorite people in the whole world; he's incredibly thoughtful, and earnest, and passionate about his morals & principles (he's an environmental lawyer), and more than anything, he's someone I never feel like I have to pretend with. He asked for my number, we had our first date a few days later, and ended up staying awake the entire night just talking about anything and everything, so we went ahead and got 5am pancakes and called it our second date. We've been together for a little over 3 years now, we've been moved in together for about 2, and while we've had the occasional fight or rough patch I can definitely say I love this man, and I plan to spend the rest of my life with him.

So, the big change.

About a year ago (~2 years since seeing my ex, my partner and I have lived together for about a year at this point), my partner and I are having a night in, and there's a knock at the door. It's my ex, looking absolutely ragged, holding a 15 month old baby. As in, a baby who was conceived 24 months before then. Yep, it's pretty much what you're guessing. I let them both in, we had a sit down in the kitchen, and he told me everything he'd been doing in the past 2 years in between me cussing him out for keeping it all from me in the first place. I really do want to keep this as short as possible, so to give you the super condensed version:

She's my daughter, he's completely sure about that, there's no one else he's been with the math is even close to correct for

The second he found out he was pregnant, he more or less panicked. He's got a whole Thing about feeling like he's irresponsible/not a "real" adult, and this really set him off, so telling me felt like "admitting to fucking both our lives up" at the time. His OB/GYN said some pretty awful shit to him about not being more careful as a trans man too, which just made it all even worse

Because of all that, he'd genuinely planned to just never tell me I have a daughter & raise her completely on his own, but a few things compounded to force his hand:

The birth was really rough on him, and his recovery was slow enough he was having trouble going back to work, to the point where money was getting tight

On top of that, our daughter has celiac disease, and between paying out of pocket for blood tests & spending more on baby food she's safe to eat, things got desperate enough he went and took out a really dodgy loan from a scummy payday company

He was at our door because all of this had finally spiraled to a point where he'd lost his apartment, they'd been sleeping in his car for about a week, and he couldn't think of anything else to do

I think I was probably feeling every human emotion in existence at the same time through all of this, but the thing I remember most from the whole conversation was the way my partner kept drifting right back to the baby, and the soft way he looked at her. We put my ex & daughter up in a hotel room for the night and told him we needed to talk, and we'd discuss our options in the morning, but I think even then I kind of knew what our answer was going to be.

Sure enough, for the last year and a half we've been co-parenting our little girl, all three of us. We didn't want to juggle who's got her, or force my ex to find a place to stay, so we've turned my partner's home office into our daughter's room, and redid most of the downstairs layout so my ex could move into an actual bedroom, rather than just sleep on our pullout couch in perpetuity. We finally succeeded in convincing him that rest and recovery was more important than trying to contribute to the house finances right away, and it's been magical watching all that stress and terror slowly fall off him. It's like he's a little more alive again every time I look.

Which is where my question comes in.

I'd like to restate, I love my partner 100%. None of this changes that whatsoever. If I ask, and he says no, that will be the end of the discussion for me completely. But I have eyes. My ex is, objectively, a very attractive man. I know we work well together, and I have to admit I'm very curious to see where that same chemistry could lead now that he's not on the other side of the country half the time. I've also been noticing these little moments between him and my partner. Nothing I'd consider crossing a line, but I've caught my partner checking my ex out several times, as well as vice versa, and they get along remarkably well. Sometimes I'll go to enter a room, and see them both sitting there laughing and chatting and playing with our baby, and I'll just hang back to watch because it makes me so happy.

Add to all that, we're pretty deeply ingrained in each other's lives now. My partner and I don't often go out on dates alone anymore, but the last few times we did it felt as if my ex was missing from the table. We watched a movie together last night, and my ex sat in the middle of us with his feet in my partner's lap and his head on my chest, and it felt just as natural as my arm on my partner's shoulder. It's not about just having sex with him, and it's not that I'd want to invite any old person into our relationship. I know we already all love each other, and I think there's potential for that to become romantic between the two of us and my ex.

It just feels as though we're all holding our breath, waiting for someone else to say it first. My ex certainly isn't going to bring it up when he's living rent free in "our" home (it's his home too, but he doesn't seem to see it like that yet). My partner grew up sheltered enough that I'm not sure he's ever heard of polyamory at all, so he's not going to bring it up. That just leaves me.

My problem is, if I'm wrong about what I think I'm seeing, or if I bring it up the wrong way, I can't take it back. I don't want my partner to feel insecure or betrayed, I don't want my ex to feel pressured or put on the spot, and I definitely don't want my daughter to lose any of us, which I know could happen if we aren't all on the same page. Or worse, if we do all date and it goes badly.

Should I just keep this whole thing secret? Is that even worse? Would I be the asshole for opening this can of worms on everyone else?

Help!

[foreverlittlesoshi]

All Of Our Foolish Notions

noah sebastian x reader

content warnings: angst and cheating

word count - 1.7k

an ~ the beginning is heavily based off my personal life and something i've gone through recently so this was my way of letting go

The world felt like it was collapsing on you. A dream couldn’t have possibly led to this. no way. You couldn’t believe it. 

Maybe it was a little strange to go through someone’s phone over a dream but you couldn’t help it. The dream was too realistic and caused you to worry for a couple days before getting the bravery to check. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise because you had certain doubts about Sam and reading the messages just confirmed them.

I miss you, Kali

I miss you too, Sam.

How could he say that to her? Why would he say that to her? He always said she treated him so badly yet he’s putting in the effort to talk to her? Anger and betrayal ran hot through your veins but you couldn’t help but look further and sadly found more. Just what you wanted to see. An intimate video that was definitely not of you two and the date/timestamp was a couple months ago and just a day before your one year anniversary.

You quietly put his phone back down, carefully not to wake him up and just stared at him. It felt like a bigger slap in the face that he was sleeping so peacefully while you felt like your heart was being ripped apart. Choking back the sobs felt like pure hell but you didn’t want him to see you like this because it’s not like he would even care.

The energy to even stand up couldn’t process in your head so you crawled back to your side of the room and grabbed your phone, quietly crawling to the bathroom and locking the door. You only knew one person who could help you out in this situation and maybe it wasn’t the best to call another man but he was your best friend.

“Hey, are you okay? it’s 1 am.” His voice was too relaxing to hear though you felt bad because he sounded groggy.

“He’s been cheating on me. with his ex of all fuckin people, Noah.” Saying it felt like a bigger punch in the gut. 

“Hold on, what?” He said more clearly and wiping the tiredness from him.

“I-I had a dream the other night, i guess my subconscious trying to tell me something so i started to overthink but i didn’t ask because i didn’t want to start an argument and tonight i finally broke. I know i shouldn’t have but i went through his phone and saw-“ a painful sob left you, “he literally filmed them having sex just a day before our one year anniversary.” 

“I’m gonna fuckin kill -“ “No, please just help me get out of here. He’s not even awake. I just want to leave.” Begging him made you feel so small but you couldn’t help it. 

“I’ll be there soon.” 

“Thank you.”

-

When Noah arrived, it made you feel a little better though it still all felt like a big blur packing your things quickly, quietly and carefully to not wake up Sam. Maybe it was the power he had over you but you felt guilty, just leaving and not even leaving a message, note or anything. Just the key to his apartment on the coffee table and walking away from someone you spent a year of your life with. 

“This is stupid to ask but are you okay?” Noah asked as you tossed your bags into his car and you couldn’t help but chuckle weakly.

“I just feel really fuckin stupid. It doesn’t help this situation but i had already caught him in two lies about her before i found this out and i just made excuses for him. I thought the last time was the final straw but clearly not. The worst part is somehow i feel like i deserve this.” You confessed and could feel the anger rise again. 

“No, you fuckin don’t. Don’t ever say some stupid shit like that again. He’s an insecure stupid little prick who doesn’t even know that he just lost the best person ever.” Maybe he let his feelings out a bit but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stand the fact that you genuinely believed you deserved to get cheated on and treated like garbage.

“Let’s just go back to yours before i go back in there and punch him.” Saying as you headed to the passenger side.

Even while having your heart broken, you let your anger get the best of you and Noah couldn’t stop his heart from beating faster. He always thought it was cute.

-

The amount of crying you did exhausted you to the point you didn’t even feel Noah carrying you to his bed and tucking you in.

“Don’t leave me.” you mumbled to him.

“Just wanted to make sure you’re comfortable first.” He tells you as he crawls into the bed, you automatically cling onto him and let out a sigh of calmness. 

“I love you so much and thank you.” He shouldn’t have taken it too seriously but he couldn’t help it. It was killing him that you were going through this pain but he didn’t want to make it worse by confessing to you and messing with your mind/feelings more. 

“If only you knew.” You swore you heard him say but decided to not say anything and just fall asleep.

-

Getting back on your feet again wasn’t the hard part of getting over your last relationship, the hard part was realizing your feelings for Noah. You didn’t want to admit it though because you don’t want to make him feel like a rebound or taking advantage of him. You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if he thought about himself that way.

Drinking wasn’t the right choice but you were so overwhelmed that you didn’t know what else to do and honestly, you didn’t mean to get too drunk either. You just wanted to stop thinking about everything so you could calm down though maybe going out with the whole group wasn’t helpful. 

“Are you ever going to confess to him?” Folio’s voice broke your thought process.

You didn’t want to answer him at first, instead downing another shot of tequila. 

“I’m just scared.”

He scoffed at your response, “Of what? It’s clear that he loves you.”

Noah’s words replayed in your head from that night, “If only you knew.” and the memory made the alcohol hit ten times harder. 

“I don’t want him to think of himself as a rebound. He’s too special to me. I love him but i don’t want to hurt him.” You could tell you were slurring your words but he still acknowledged what you were trying to say.

With the alcohol hitting hard, you couldn’t even tell if Folio said anything else. All you could think about was Noah and everything you two had been through. Seeing his hardships from a young age, letting him stay with you when you two were teenagers and your family treating him like their own, going to his local shows with his old band, the fallout, seeing him mature and grow while forming bad omens, his past flings, his breakdowns, his decision to cut his hair short after so many years and seeing bad omens blow up with just pretend and all the success they received. 

It hit you hard. You were in love with him. Maybe you always had been but just refused to accept it. You were there for him through everything and he was always there for you. Why didn’t he ever confess?  was the main question in your mind.

“Where is he?” you asked Folio.

“Outside with Jolly.” Once he told you, you tried to quickly stand up but stumbled. “Let me help you out.”

Folio helped you through the crowd, guiding you out the door and the cool air sobering you up just a tiny bit. 

“NOAH!” yelling his name immediately got his attention and he rushed over. 

“Are you okay? Did some-“ “She’s fine. Just drunk.” Folio warned him and Noah sighed with relief. You tried to hug him but you just fell into his chest bursting out into a giggling fit as he held onto you so you wouldn’t bust your ass on the ground. 

“I’ll take her home and I’ll text you guys later.” He said guiding you to his car, buckling you in and making sure you’re comfortable. The ride was quiet until you finally spoke up.

“Why haven’t you confessed to me yet?” 

He felt like his heart genuinely stopped for a moment. His throat dried up, his face became red and his stomach started hurting.

“I don’t want to have this conversation when you’re drunk.” his voice was stern which caused you to whine.

“I was just-“”I will not have this conversation when you’re drunk.” To be honest, he shocked you with how stern he was again and decided to drop it until you woke up the next morning.

-

The raging hungover headache woke you up though the blinding sun wasn’t helping it and trying to remember the night hurt your head more. 

“Here.” Noah said startling you while holding some ibuprofen and a glass of water. Quickly downing both and thanking him.

“Why didn’t you ever confess to me?” You ask him finally sober. Seeing him squirm from the question surprised you. Did Folio lie to you? 

“I was just scared of you rejecting me and leaving.” he confessed avoiding your eyes.

“Noah,” your heart was feeling like it was going to explode, “It may have taken me a lot longer than you to realize my feelings but i do love you and i always have.”

“Really?” His timid voice made your heart hurt. 

“Absolutely.” you reached for his hand, it felt so clammy yet still so soft and kissed his hand softly, “I love you Noah.”

“I’ve always loved you and i always will. I love you, more than you will ever know.” He felt relief after so many years of hiding this secret from you. “Can i kiss you?”

You couldn’t help but chuckle, “Of course.”

Soft lips met yours, the kiss just felt right and like it was meant to be. You couldn’t help but feel bad for not realizing your feelings sooner than later and putting him through hell. 

When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours and cupped your cheeks as he asked, “Will you finally be mine?”

“Absolutely Noah.” 

title comes from Lucky Ones by LIGHTS

[fuctacles]

Ao3 | divider by @penny00dreadful

Steve was taking a break from calling clients and munching on his sandwich when his frazzled co-worker stormed in. He never liked the guy, and could never trust someone driven by money like that, but the stormy look on his face gave him a pause. Bill was always composed and giving off the air of a rich boy looking down on anyone else. Whatever put him in such a state must have been big. 

When Bill disappears behind the doors of their manager, Steve curiously leans towards Angela. 

"What's gotten into his pants?" he murmurs, hoping for a piece of gossip.

Angela scoffs.

"Idiot thought he could sell the Creel House."

Angela wasn't a pleasant person. But she was also blunt and always ready to talk shit. And she had the cutest cats, even if she was a bit obsessed with them. She was Steve's go-to for office gossip. And sometimes extra information he missed as one of the newer employees. Office lore, as Dustin would call it.

"What's the Creel House?" he asks genuinely. She eyes him like he's stupid, but he's dealt with those stares long before her, so he holds it down until she folds.

"It's this old house we haven't been able to sell for years, probably around a decade. There's all kinds of stupid rumors around it, like curses and hauntings," she tells him with an eye roll. He snorts to let her know he shares her opinion, as scoffs, snorts, and eye rolls were the language she understood the best. "Bill thought he could go for it after his selling streak last month. Guess the streak just broke." She smiled in that evil way only introverted old ladies could. A chill went down Steve's spine, but he snickered alongside her. 

"What a loser," he commented and focused back on his sandwich, but his imagination was running wild about how the house might look. As soon as he was done with his paperwork for the day, he went looking for the file on Creel's House. 

His manager eyed him weirdly, but he assured him it was mostly curiosity speaking through him.

The file had photos from soon after it was built and more recent ones, after a decade of neglect. There weren't many capturing the interior, but if it was anywhere similar to the outside, it should be in good condition for small renovations. It was big, too. Could become a home for a family, their dog, and visiting friends. Maybe someone's lesbian best friend and her love interest, too...

Needless to say, as soon as Steve found out about it, the house wouldn't leave his thoughts. It had a huge backyard that extended into the woods behind it. It was cheap for a house this size, probably because of its bad rap. And, the most important part, it was closer to Robin than the apartment he was currently renting. 

The last thing to check off on his list was seeing it in person. 

His manager didn't take his request well. 

"You think you can do something Bill couldn't?" he asks with his eyebrows raised. 

It takes all of Steve's strength not to scoff. 

"I'm not planning on selling it. I'm actually considering buying it."

That seems to only amuse his boss further. 

"Ha! You wouldn't be the first. Be my guest then." He shrugs, turning to reach a locked cabinet where the keys to the houses are stored. He hands him the ring of old keys. "Knock yourself out." He grins.

"Thank you." Steve nods and turns around to leave the office as soon as possible. He didn't share his plans with any of his coworkers, not interested in hearing their opinions, but he could feel the amused stares Angela was giving him over her coffee when he was packing to leave for the day.

When he's passing by her desk, she leans forward on her elbows, her proper, trimmed nails posed like claws on the mug. 

"Any plans for the weekend, Steven?" she asks with all the charm of a feral cat. 

Steve knows for a fact that Angela doesn't care about her coworkers' lives unless there are felines or police involved. There's only one reason she could be asking, and it's inside the pocket of his blazer. 

"Not really. Might visit a friend." He shrugs. "You?" 

"Well, good luck with that," Angela completely ignores his question. "I hope nothing spooky happens on your trip," she says as if she hopes something does happen to him.

"Thank you, Angela, you too." Steve nods to his coworker and leaves hastily so nothing evil attaches to him before he even enters a haunted house. 

The house was located an hour's drive away, and he didn't want to rush his exploration, so he waited for the weekend to come around before he went to see it. According to the map, it's been built off the main road, giving a sense of privacy and solitude. It was more part of the forest than the nearest neighborhood. A great place for an eccentric loner or a loud family that didn't want to be a bother.

Steve packed the house files, a notepad, measuring tape, and some lunch for his trip. And, upon some consideration, the upgraded walkie Dustin had given him. He wasn't going to risk being stranded miles from civilization without the means of contact. 

It was a Saturday, before noon, but he dialed the number he called at least once a week.

"Hello?" His favorite person picked up on the third ring, the tone of her voice indicating she had been asleep not so long ago.

"Hey Robs."

"Steve! What's up?"

His smile grew. Hearing her always felt better than he imagined when grabbing the phone, and soon he might be able to see her in person. 

"Do you have any plans for tonight?" he asks coyly, leaning on the wall in his kitchen. 

"I have some papers left to grade and might go grab drinks with the girls later. What about you?"

"I'm about to head out to scout a new house," he says, thumbing at the keys in his pocket. He doesn't want to share his plans yet, since they were mostly wishful thinking. Maybe the repairs were too out of his budget, maybe the house has gotten worse since the last photos of it had been taken. Or maybe there was something weird about it like everyone claimed. "It's on the way to Indianapolis, so if you don't mind, I could make a detour—"

"Do I mind?!" Robin screeches into his ear. He grins despite the volume briefly disorienting him. "I haven't seen you in a month, get your ass down here!" 

"Well, how could I say no, when you ask so nicely," he laughs.

"Damn right, I do!" she snickers back. "Now go go go, the sooner you start driving, the sooner you get here!"

"Okay, Jesus, so bossy."

They say their 'see you soon's and Steve grabs his duffel bag. Even if the house is a total bust, at least he'll spend the weekend with his best friend. 

The house is not a total bust.

He almost misses the turn leading to it, hidden behind overgrown bushes. The drive quickly turns from asphalt to gravel and then disappears completely, and he hopes the overgrown grass framed with young trees is leading him in the right direction.

His worries subside when he spots the roof peeking from between the trees and he's soon rolling into what probably used to be a driveway.

The sound of his car door closing resonates loudly in the rural scenery, scaring some birds above him. As he eyes the bushes between himself and the house's entrance, he wishes he had taken something other than a club with him. Albeit the worst of it has been torn or pushed aside, probably by Bill who's been here before him. The house itself looks like the pictures, maybe the ivy on the side has grown since then. Despite its age of about forty years and being abandoned, it still looks nice. 

He rounds the car and opens up the trunk, where he always had a couple of necessities. A first aid kit, a fire extinguisher, a flamethrower, and such. And the metal bat he reaches for right now. It's better to be safe than sorry, as he's run into squatters before.

He locks the car and using the bat, moves the bushes out of his way to the porch. He tries the steps first, and they seem sturdy so he steps up to the door. The colorful glass in its frame forms a rose. He's not a big fan of the design choice and wonders if it would be hard to get a matching door without it.

The hinges creak loudly when he pushes inside and takes the first proper look at the house's interior. Whoever planned the placement of all the windows did a great job because it felt illuminated from the inside, despite the dust covering everything. On his left is a study room, covered by shelves and with a huge window to provide proper reading light. He gives the cozy-looking chairs a cursory glance and moves on. On the right extends the front porch but with a couple of steps he finds the living room, with an old TV and a collection of couches that indicate the previous owners had a huge group of friends. 

Further down, he finds the dining room, the steps to the back porch, and the kitchen, where he stops for longer. Because there on the fridge, in colorful letter magnets, somebody has spelled 'fuck off'.

Steve snickers. He thought it was a nice touch for an allegedly haunted house. 

Some of the magnets were holding up drawings of dragons and similar creatures. He spotted some yellowing Spider-Man stickers too, so maybe whatever kids used to live here were also little nerds like his friends. Curiously, he opened the fridge to find an ancient can of Coke inside. The cupboards held long-expired jars of herbs, rice, and pasta. It seemed like the house was never properly cleaned out. 

Next on his journey was the upstairs, where he found three bedrooms and two bathrooms. The master bedroom held the biggest and most expensive bed he's ever seen. Dragging it upstairs, even in parts, must have been hell. It had a canopy too, semi-translucent and dark. It partially hid the painting hanging over the headboard, and he had to step closer to take a look at it.

It was another dragon, with its wings spread and toothy mouth dripping with drool on a small figure beneath it - a woman in a skimpy dress, with dragonfly wings. Steve makes a face. 

"A man of peculiar taste, I see," he murmurs to himself, backing away from the bed. The rest of the walls had similar paintings of mythical creatures, making Steve wonder what kind of person the previous owner was. And why would he abandon art and furniture that must have cost a small fortune? 

He opened the door on the side, which turned out to lead into a small walk-in closet. It had a full length mirror and the few things left on hangers looked more like costumes than regular clothes. The owner must have been an eccentric artist type. An actor, maybe? Or a musician, he notes, spotting an empty guitar stand in the corner. 

At least the bathroom looks relatively normal if you don't count the gargoyle faucets added in.

The guest room paintings are far more tame, giving the impression the owner wanted the saucy ones for himself. Aside from that, there's nothing really exciting about them. The furniture looks to be on the more expensive side, but if Steve didn't have his realtor knowledge he proably wouldn't even notice.

He checks the windows, which seem to be in good shape, maybe one or two need replacing, and others just need extra insulation. The back porch looks even better than the front one, but the backyard is a mess. It's surrounded by a tall fence to keep the wildlife away, but throughout the years, the forest started creeping through, the roots digging beneath, plants dropping their seeds to grow. It would be a lot of work to get rid of it.

The whole house was a lot of work, but not as much as Steve had feared. The construction was solid and it stood against weather and abandonment for years without taking much damage. He probably wouldn't need professionals for most of it. 

He stood in the middle of the foyer, listening to his guts while looking around the abandoned, empty house. He knew he had time to make a decision. He could talk it out with Robin if he wanted, although keeping it a surprise sounded more fun.

Giving the ground floor one last lazy stroll, he spots a door he had missed earlier. It's smaller than the usual door, making Steve assume it leads to the basement. Or, as the wooden plaque on the door claims, "The Dungeon". Which was not mentioned in the house plans he'd looked through. 

He pulls out the key ring from his back pocket to look for the right one, though he doesn't remember 'basement' being among the labels. He flicks through all of them again.

Main. Back. Master. Guest 1. Guest 2.

No basement in sight. 

Perhaps the key went loose from the keyring, or it was somewhere in the house. He wasn't about to go on a wild goose chase to see some cobwebs and spiders when the alternative was getting on the road to see his friend. 

He steps into the library once again, probably the most normal room of them all, and takes a closer look at the titles on the shelves. It's more fantasy, as he expected, with some classics he's heard about from Dustin, but mostly titles unknown to him. He finds a whole shelf of D&D manuals, too. He picks one up with a curious hum, wondering if there's a way to get those even if he doesn't go with the house after all. 

He's not sure how old the game is (Dustin had told him multiple times, but he always forgets) but he wouldn't be surprised if all the released material so far was in here. He gently places the paperback back in its place, assuming that they were stored in order and he didn't want to disturb that. He took a step back to take the room in.

Walls covered in books, floor to ceiling, a fireplace with figurines on the mantle, four cozy armchairs, and a low table with a map under a glass pane. Middle Earth, of course. 

The Party would love it, he muses. It doesn't feel like a coincidence, that the house he considers buying, has things that would appeal to his friends. But he knows he has to make a smart decision. And nothing clears his mind better than a night out with his best friend. 

read the rest on Ao3

[michaelmilligan]

Do y'all even know how much I rotate post-canon Midam in my mind? Like, every day my brain is speed-running a fix-it where Michael is brought back.

And it can go so many ways.

Michael getting brought back, immediately rushing to Adam, and Adam accepting him back with only love and relief in his heart? Absolutely believable.

Michael being brought back, dragging his feet about going to Adam even though he desperately wants to see him, but also he pretty much betrayed his brothers and sided with God, and when he does finally go see him, Adam hits him with the whole 'How could you, I thought we were friends!' and takes a really long time to be convinced that Michael still likes him and wants to be with him? ALSO absolutely believable.

There's so much in between that, and there are of course several factors influencing which would be more likely - like how much time passes until Michael is brought back, whether Adam has been spending time Sam and Dean or not, and how much they told him, if anything. But at the end of the day, there is I think one big question that decides where it comes out to. And we simply don't see enough of those two on screen to be able to answer that question with any clarity.

The question is, how much of their feelings have these two shared?

And I don't necessarily mean this in a romantic way. I'm all for big dramatic 'I love you's and all that, but this would work just as well with a queer-platonic, or purely platonic, relationship between the two. In fact, I think even if they had exchanged 'I love you's before rapture, that still wouldn't answer this question.

The thing is, how much do they know about the depth of each other's feelings? Do they both know just how much the other wants to be with them? Does Adam know that Michael would burn the world if he asked? Does Michael know that Adam doesn't need him to kill for him, he needs him to LIVE for him? Does Adam know that the reason Michael didn't go back to Heaven is at least 90% him? Does Michael know that Adam isn't just keeping him around because it's convenient, but because he genuinely enjoys hanging out with him?

There is a lot of interpretation here on my part, but yeah, I think whatever configuration you put these two in (romantic/queer-platonic/whatever else), these two are just absolutely unhinged about each other. As in they cannot imagine a life without each other anymore. Adam just spent at least a thousand years with Michael alone. That's the equivalent of several human lifetimes! And for Michael, it's of course considerably less, but do you really think he has been this close with, this focused on anyone since Lucifer fell? Since his family broke apart, and he became a general above anything else? Do you think he isn't absolutely thrilled to have Adam, a guy who doesn't always agree with him but likes him anyway, a guy he is literally chilling in the same body with, as close as two people can conceivably be? You think he's not insane about that guy?

Anyway, this got off track, but I truly do believe that how the fix-it goes depends on whether they know this about each other. How secure they are about each other's feelings. Because I think if Adam knows how Michael feels about him, he's more likely to think along the lines of 'Michael was manipulated by his abusive dad and went back to him, man I wish I could have been there and helped him untangle his emotions, he must have been at rock bottom :(' and less likely something like 'Michael went back to his dad as soon as I was gone, guess he never cared about me at all'.

And I guess in the end it does come down to Adam, because while I can see Michael being insecure and not knowing if Adam will take him back, he would also jump immediately if Adam called for him in a prayer or anything like that. Meanwhile, if Adam is angry, I think Michael would withdraw pretty quickly, which Adam would take as confirmation that Michael never really cared much...

So, yeah. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it can go many ways, and to me it depends heavily on whether they (especially Adam, but also Michael) know how much the other cares for them.

[acowardinmordor]

Contractual Obligation

The plan went perfectly, is the thing. TMZ got the scoop, Tiktok had hundreds of reaction videos in the first few hours. They were trending on Twitter. Which was good. Steve would get his pay day, Eddie would get past the rumors and back to the good press, back to the path towards platinum records. According to the plan, Eddie would even have new ideas and inspiration for his next album.

It was only five months. Long enough for the gossips to pick it up, long enough to be a big deal, not long enough that anyone would expect Eddie to be too broken up about it.

Steve torched all his social media accounts a few hours after TMZ posted the story. He had to. The handful of messages and notifications he saw while deleting it all made his stomach flip. Once it calmed down a bit, he might make anonymous accounts again, if only so he could follow the kids and see the weird pictures of Robin's travels. Not with his own face though. Part of the agreement. Steve Harrington wasn't going to exist online as himself for a minimum of three years. That would keep anyone noticing that he got paid. It would also keep Steve from being torn apart by Eddie's fans.

It wasn't like he had to worry about money for a while. That was why he signed the contract with the PR firm. They needed to erase the memory of his slut era - capped off with photos of Eddie in a decadent orgy - show that Eddie Munson was capable of a committed relationship, and then get him single again. His sales were better when he was single, and being seen on celebrity dates was great for PR. They needed someone to play a part to make the change.

Steve's dad hadn't cut him off or thrown him out for being queer, or for how he got GNC when the mood struck. No, Richard Harrington was a proud liberal supporter, and didn't give a damn about any of that. But Steve flunked out of his degree in business at Richard's alma mater, and that was unforgivable.

So he was working days at an amazon warehouse, and overnight at a 24 hour diner in Chicago, because he needed money to keep his crappy studio. The PR team found him at the diner. Steve accepted the job and the contract without knowing who the hell Eddie Munson was. It was that much money. Steve really should have thought through the final phase of the contract before he signed. But it was almost a quarter million dollars for just under five months of work. "Work". Five months of dating a guy who permanently altered Steve's brain chemistry with his first smile.

Steve knew this was his fault. How he felt was his own fault. He wanted the money so he took the job, and he agreed to the terms. He went in with open eyes. Eddie didn't know Steve wasn't a genuine relationship. A real moment of serendipity that put them in the same place. Didn't know there was an end date inked and signed before they ever met. Steve agreed to this stupid fucking job because his parents cut him off and he wasn't used to having to budget for food and use coupons and hunt for deals to get phone service.

He may have flunked out in his junior year, but he was a business major. Steve read the contract and knew there was no getting around the financial penalty if he broke the terms. Seven fold repayment. How biblical of them.

He wasn't stupid. Eddie had the cash to cover the contract breach. And the inevitable court case over it. But Steve was stupid, and when he signed, he'd thought it wouldn't matter to either of them. Then Steve realized it mattered to him, but thought Eddie would be fine. He was a rockstar. Surrounded by friends. Endlessly laughing and happy. Eddie would get over Steve quick. It was just a couple months with some broke college drop out.

Then he saw Eddie's face three days ago when the rockstar found his boyfriend in bed with two models.

So yeah, Eddie had the cash, and maybe if Steve had told him from the start, he would have spent it, but now? Eddie didn't have a poker face. He walked into the scene set up by the PR team - Steve in bed with two peppy blonde models after standing Eddie up on a date - and Steve knew there was no way Eddie would cover anything. The truth could have helped early. Now that it was done? Telling Eddie the truth would only hurt him more.

All the stories were on Eddie's side. The firm made sure of that. Photos were already being 'found' by the gossip sites. Steve had been 'cheating' for weeks. Really had fucked both women that night to satisfy contractual obligation and to make sure Steve knew there was no fixing it. Steve had his fifteen minutes of fame, and the thing he'd be known for forever, was the guy who cheated on Eddie Munson.

His phone pinged with a message from one of the only two numbers saved to it. The way his chest soared and sank in the moment before his brain caught up was awful. Hope and fear, neither of which made sense.

Steve had deleted all of his socials. The PR firm had taken his old phone and disconnected the number. Now he had a brand new samsung, with one contact for the PR agent, and one for Robin. One was a threat, the other was a lifeline.

Robin's message was a calendar with her locations for the next month, and a link to AirFrance. It was a good idea. She was absolutely furious with him, and had been since he told her about the contract a month ago. She was still his best friend. Eddie was famous, but mostly an American celebrity. Steve could be a no one easier in Europe.

His phone, the one he handed over, had hundreds of contacts and thousands of messages and conversations across apps. Hundreds of photos of him and Eddie. Messages and voicemails and stupid jokes and memes.

This one had the default background, the default apps, and a single conversation in the messages. Robin was going to scream at him when she saw him, but she'd give him a hug first.

That was a better choice than sitting in the dark in his new apartment, which was too big, and too nice for crappy stuff they'd moved from his studio. He tapped the link she sent, and started looking for the first available flight.

[wooahaes]

mm, i got a really big problem...

pairing: non-idol...? mark lee x fem!reader

genre: comedy? fluff.

word count: ~0.7k

warnings: an apartment door nearly gets knocked off its hinges based on how loudly it was opened.

daisy’s notes: haha! you thought this was over! now its over for real i promise. (its midnight for me hehe)

At exactly midnight, the door to your apartment was probably broken now.

To paint the scene more clearly: you, the birthday girl of the day, had been curled up in your bed... alone, because your boyfriend had been away for work. Despite the way he had pouted at you the day before he left (”I can take you with me, just hide in my luggage, they won’t know--” after his attempts to fly you with them separately didn’t work because you also had work), Mark had grown more... okay, in a sense, that he wouldn’t physically be there with you for your birthday. The two of you had already decided you’d have a make-up date after he came back (which was supposed to be tonight, since midnight had struck) and rested up. It genuinely didn’t bother you at this point: his work was important to him, and he wasn’t the one in control of when he had to leave and come back. Hell, he was supposed to be back on your birthday, the birthday date being later was because you knew he’d be exhausted.

So when your apartment door suddenly burst open with the force of someone trying to break in, your first thought was, pretty reasonably, “Oh, fuck, someone just broke into my apartment, I should get ready to run and call the cops.”

Except thirty seconds later, your bedroom door flung open to, and you were met with the face of your panicked boyfriend. “Did I make it?! It was, like, two minutes to midnight when I got here and I, like, booked it up the stairs, bro.”

You merely stared at Mark at first, processing what the hell just happened. Because, truly, what the fuck just happened.

“Baby?” He said amidst all the huffing and puffing--how fast did he book it up the stairs? “Did I miss it?”

All you could do was look at your phone, time clicking on to reveal it was not only past minute, but barely a few minutes past midnight. Wordlessly, you held your phone up, and saw the devastation on his face.

“No! Oh my god. I thought we had time,” he made his way over to you. “I got an earlier flight and everything. Aw, man...”

Finally, you found your voice. “Mark... What the hell?”

He sat down at the foot of your side of the bed. “Okay. So... We got an earlier flight. Or, well, I mean I did... and so did a couple of the guys to make sure I didn’t die on my way here, although Donghyuck said he’d be there to comfort my widowed girlfriend if I did die on my way here--” Sounded like him. His flirting with you (and your boyfriend, to be fair) never stopped since you and Mark had never been bothered by what was clearly a joke. “--and I was gonna come surprise you and be like ‘I made it!’ but I didn’t, so now the surprise is kinda ruined even if it does mean I’m back here now--”

Instead of letting him continue to ramble about how he missed you, something he always did when returning from trips, you just pulled him in to kiss his stupidly cute face. He merely smiled into it, kissing you back immediately. When he drew back, you could see the way his eyes were glimmering.

“Hi, baby,” he giggled. “I know I’m late, but happy birthday. I’m home.”

“Mark, you nearly broke the fucking door!” Someone called from the living room. The two of you shared a look, and he grew more flustered.

“Also... I may have ditched my bags on the stairs. And I think Chenle was already following me up since I forgot some of my shit in the car, so...”

You giggled, planting a quick peck against his lips. “Go take care of things,” you said. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

He started to move, only to turn back, smiling as he kissed you one more time. “I love you,” he said. “I’m glad I’m home.”

You were, too.

taglist: @twancingyunhao​

[delyth88]

X-Men rewatch 6

X-Men: Dark Phoenix. I hadn't seen this one either. That might have been a good thing.

Okay. I think filmmakers should be banned from telling this particular story ever again.

I mean I guess this wasn't awful from a general movie point of view, but from a fan and character point of it really went in to destroy, didn't it? Like, I now have an unpleasant taste in my mouth. It took what I had come to love and just broke it.

Sigh.

I can't say I wasn't warned.

But this is unlikely to get a rewatch for a looong time if ever.

Both films that have tried this storyline have sucked. Not being a comics reader I wasn't sure which parts were fundamental to the story, so going into this one was a bit like Russian roulette - which characters are going to die this time? Given I'm now a certified Charles Xavier fan I am selfishly glad it wasn't him this time, but Raven? That was totally unnecessary. (As a Loki fan I am completely allergic to killing off beloved characters for shock value and to make your new big bad look more powerful. Just stop it. Okay?)

But beyond that, what I hated the most about this was how they twisted everyone just a little too far in to the evil mirror universe. *rolls eyes*

It was rather excruciating to watch Charles talk of superheroes and later be cut off by the president. Which I can only assume was there to make sure the audience knew that the other's were right about how he was being overconfident and putting people in harms way, and... I'm not exactly sure what else. The moments where this thread worked best for me were when it was more personal conversations. (Although the kitchen scene with Hank just seemed out of almost nowhere.) Jean's conversations with Charles I thought worked better - we could see how it looked from both sides and how Charles genuinely thought he was doing the best thing for Jean. I truly thought she was going to kill him again, so it gave me hope that he go through to her in that moment.

It's a shame Raven wasn't around to have a heart to heart with Charles. I think that would have been enlightening. And Hank seemed to change so abruptly that it didn't feel convincing.

Perhaps if it had been a couple of years for me between Apocalypse and Dark Phoenix it might have seemed more natural. But coming directly after three movies that had a really strong bond between the characters to this, I really felt I was missing some backstory here.

Thinking about this I've also realised there weren't any moments in this that felt like there was as much of a connection between the characters as the first few. Each one of those had at least one knock out moment for me between Charles and Erik, and sometimes the others.

Although, I did feel the weight of the world building and the previous films when Charles tells Erik that if they fight here on the streets of New York they will have lost what they've been working for. It has been so much work to get to a world where they are not feared and hunted, and the exchange with the guard and Nightcrawler in the transport about how the guard's kid had looked up to him hit home. :( And then we watch them tear it apart. But somehow it didn't ring as true to me as the other key decision points in the previous films. I had been thinking to myself that they had had remarkably believable motivations for each of the characters for their actions, and the scale of them, up until this film. :/ I dunno. There was just something missing.

Maybe it was that the key relationship this time was between Charles and Jean, but it just was as strong as the one between him and Erik that has been the foundation for the last three films.

And now, help me out here. What actually happened at the end? Did Charles just decide to retire and leave the school? Did he just feel too guilty? Did he feel he needed to leave because he had gotten too above himself? Was he pushed out? Is he homeless now? Or did they just rename the school in Jean's honour and he's stepped away from the day to workings of it, but is still welcome there? Did Erik just offer to help him move the his island? I'm not clear. Whatever it was he clearly was unhappy about things, but I WANT TO KNOW MORE! lol

I thought it was interesting that Erik really did seem to have settled down to live a peaceful life. I appreciated how he was prepared to defend his people, and then help the authorities escape. And here again, I think it really needed to have hit home harder that Raven was dead, because it just didn't seem to work for me that he was so dead set on killing Jean.

Still, I did enjoy seeing them all working together on the train.

I did appreciate Charles eventually acknowledged he'd done the wrong thing by Jean to Hank and the others on the train, and there did seem to be some sort of redemption for him through Jean's forgiveness. But not fully, maybe only not from himself. I don't know.

I missed the light and energy of the Charles from the previous films.

I do wonder if that's part of the formula for the X-Men - the contrast between Charles and Erik. The continual hope for something better from Charles, and Erik's quest for vengeance. And when you disrupt that balance the line goes slack. Here Charles took on too much of the darkness, and there was no-one left pulling in that direction anymore.

Y'know, if Raven had been injured such that Jean thought she'd been killed but had survived and then been able to have that conflict with Charles I think that would have been more satisfying. She could have been fighting for the family she loved and the ideals they had originally set up the school on. I think to have seen her, the person who has always been sceptical of hope and seeing the good in people, going up against Charles and being the example of what he used to be before he got too carried away would have been more powerful. And then her and events bringing him back to the place he needed to be.

Maybe this was meant to be a lesson on becoming too entitled and arrogant. But the resolution sucked.

Hmmm... what else can I say.

Oh yeah. The weird aliens. I don't really want to say this, but I think they needed more screen time. lol They felt like such a side plot. Who were they? Why did they want to take over earth if they could just use the power of the pink space lights to terraform Mars or any other planet? Did the blond one have enough of the power from Jean to do that? She certainly seemed to have significant power of some sort after Jean transferred some of it. All in all they didn't spend enough time on them for me to care about them or feel any sort of sympathy towards their cause. They may as well have been a random natural phenomenon.

Oh yeah. Her Dad sure seemed to be a jerk. And again that shouldn't have felt that way to me.

So yeah. A very unsatisfying film.

[luffyvace]

”headcanons for Reigen and his childhood”

—@princeasimdiya12 resquested these through message :)

Little Reigen was probably a little silly :3 who also probably went through some stuff ⚠️ TW: angst

To start off on a good note I wanna go ahead and say if somebody were to ask him ‘how was your childhood’ he’d respond “it was good, I had a good home n’ my mom was the best cook 😼, my dad always played ball with me too👌” although it’s much deeper than that, he isn’t lying technically.

Anyway on to the sillies :3 His mom actually is a really good cook 😍👩‍🍳 she could cook and bake in fact 😚 (when she didn’t burn the deserts <3) yeah idk what happened but she always just seemed to forget she was baking?? But she didn’t forget when she was cooking….? Idk 🤷‍♀️ Maybe because sometimes baking takes longer in the oven? Again- idk, but it never broke out into a fire so that’s good….although they had to leave the house cuz all the smoke 😁 which leads me to say his mom would end up telling the neighbors (they lived in apartment when he was real young, like up til 7) so they could get out too (cuz smoke like- slips through the cracks of the doors). Everyone opens the windows and doors until it airs out. Before then everyone’s outside relaxing or playing. (Reigen and his dad was the only ones playing).

The couple upstairs was a young couple with no children and there was a old married couple downstairs. Which essentially means Reigen didn’t grow up with other children, at least in his apartment. On the block, yeah but they either weren’t cool with him or were older kids. So yeah, Reigen mostly played with his father. They’d play baseball a lot and Reigen was the batter but he always got hit in the face whenever his dad pitched 😚👍Playing ball with him was his happiest moments, at some point he wanted to be a baseball player actually. He was so fond of it, even his room was baseball themed.

⚠️Angst part:

At school he had friends. Not the type where your excited to see them every day, nonono- the type that occasionally talked to you when they were bored, or if you did something cool. Yeah, those friends :( He clang onto that because that was the most he got. It’s not that the other kids hated him, they just had they’re groups….and he wasn’t apart of any. He was also the class laughing stock 😤 The teachers saw him occasionally talk to students so they never thought twice about the situation 🤦‍♀️ (Check on the poor baby!! 💥💥) He was really chatty when he did get the chance to talk and it was mostly him spewing “cool” lies about his life. Bragging, trying to big himself up to make others want to be his real friends. Buuut that never happened. Actually I wanna say he made one (actually 4 but we’ll get into that later) real friend in high school but he was a foreign exchange student—and he never got the chance to get his number before he went back.

Overall things got better into his teens for a while, until they didn’t. His earlier years played a factor but the teens really did it as to why he is how he is today. At first he had a friend group. It was like 3 dudes and him. They were genuine and had lots of fun together. They met on summer break and two weren’t from his school, the other was but in a different class from him. A pair in the group met in middle school and loved to skateboard. Just thought I’d mention it. Anyway they eventually split ways, not for any reason in particular—they just drifted apart :/

when he turned 11 is when his dad stopped playing with him and he changed his room from baseball themed. He was pretty upset about it but one of the reasons he stopped was because he was his dad had to focus on work more and picked up more hours. So he ended up wanting the weekends for resting and not playing. A year later when he was 12, his parent’s marriage got really rocky- like almost to a divorce—he never found out what happened but something did and completely fixed the problem?! Not overnight of course- but things looked up a lot. He stayed in his room a lot that year and he never bothered asking, only happy to know they were staying together.

Fluff again ♡:

uh random to lighten the mood.. he really loved his mother’s banana pudding. (If he could he would still eat it to this day). But he doesn’t visit her often enough. They email more than anything.

His favorite meal for breakfast was waffles. For lunch? Grilled cheese :) and for dinner he looooved takeout 😋 yeah he’s a pretty takeout obsessed dude and even though his mom can kick more butt in the kitchen than the restaurant cook can he just always had a taste for it 🤷‍♀️ His favorite takeout was Chinese food. Although he could never use the chopsticks he always tried :P

This isn’t my usual headcanons writing style but I decided I wanted to do it like this instead because the paragraphs are a bit long 😅

I do hope you don’t mind dear 💗 enjoy your tea 😊☕️

[shreddeddescent]

i think the the untrained eye the way ive presented my leo and raph might make it seem like their characterization has been reversed (someone might be like aha rise fan ass) but like i think the way i see them is like. okay. raph is the oldest brother and they all know that, but he gets to a point where he just cant be the one in charge. and despite leo's immaturity at a younger age, he really comes into his own when he's you know.....not being abused by an evil fucking father. shredder's conditioning never worked on leo cuz it all went into raph first, and then raph broke apart when he hit puberty cuz alllllll that specific conditioning went out the fucking window.

so trying to make leo get his brothers in line never worked. and he actively fought. and he was actively punished for lashing out about it. that sounds like a classic raph thing you know, being angry and acting out. but we're talking about a kid whos 12 and never had to do that being hit with responsibility. very much like ahaha NO? ends up punished. ends up getting raph punished. shredder thinks its cuz raph coddled him. he thinks tang shen coddled his kids when she was around, now he needs a new woman to blame. so if leo fucks up, raph gets punished too.

raph seemed more put together younger cuz he was barely letting himself be aware of how bad the situation was. he picked up the pieces of his brothers and never worried about himself.

being in a safe environment let leo turn into the mature one who was able to handle being a normal teenager without fear, and it turned raph into a fucking maniac who didnt understand that no one was about to hurt him again. he cant handle it, he gets way too close to his mom about how fucked up his dad is and he resents his brothers for not seeing her the same way he does.

i should also say it seems like ive been neglecting the donnie and mikey part. what i think is interesting about their perspectives is that they don't exactly feel caught in the middle of it, but they're both aware their father didnt care about them as much as leo and raph.

mikey was told he was coddled, he ended up malnourished in a way that stunted his growth and it makes raph specifically see him as way younger than he is and he parentifies himself to mikey, which he accepts cuz like. that is the closest thing to a parent mikey has. they have a weird relationship, mikey genuinely sees raph as mom sometimes, definitely more than he'd ever see splinter as one. she tries, but its very much like 'you just showed up when i was 9 i dont know you but thanks for caring'. he's the same age as donnie but has somewhat age regressed in the sense of like "oh, people need someone to be happy! and be funny! i can keep this together cuz im okay! people need a baby brother thats me! im fine!" but hes not.

donnie was very much aware shredder saw him as spare parts because he was born broken to his father. chronic pain, he's weak. he didnt fight as good. he was told he just wasnt trying hard enough, that shit was all in his head. while he knew that wasnt true he didn't fight anything, he behaved. he thought he'd be killed over anything, so he moreso observed the situation, recognizing the patterns of abuse and processing it a little faster. he was ignored for the most part, used as the bargaining chip for his brothers. 'i could simply give him to stockman to make use of his DNA'. empty threat, he's only got four turtles. waste of money to get rid of him. he knew that, maybe his brothers didnt. he and raph kinda bond over being broken from birth in a way. even though donnie is the fastest one to point out no raph, youre a boy, stop talking about yourself like your body is broken and wrong. he kind of oversteps but only because he hates the idea that raph thinks he's just as broken as him for something so fucking common.

leo's a good big brother to mikey and donnie, he doesnt treat them like they're babies as much as raph does, hes aware of their capabilities more. aware of their mental states more. post escape, raph bonds with splinter too much, leo bonds with them. they might sneak out sometimes and pretend they're cosplayers out in the street. he lets them go have fun like normal kids. hes a good brother, he's determined to let them be kids when he didnt get to be one.

raph would fucking lose it if he knew leo let them do that. but he sleeps all fucking day and has no idea. he's way too in his own head now cuz he's got time to fucking think for once. and he doesnt want to.

[reggieblk]

I want to hear more about the unhealthy relationship, post breakup one 👀

aaah pickle thank you for asking!! <3

It's a oneshot I started but never finished because I got to the smut part and was like... I don't want to write this rn...and just never picked it back up xD but I will finish it one day !!

Here's the beginning as a snippet :

“So, what do you think of coming back to mine?” Cedric asked with a bright grin. He looked a bit guilty, as if he couldn’t believe he was saying something so scandalous. 

And Harry had to ignore how he could hear the sound of a charming voice echoing through the years with an easy, albeit presumptuous, “Come to mine,” after a first date.

Harry had been dating Cedric for a while by now. They’d gone on five dates, and Cedric had been nothing but lovely during all of them. He was kind, considerate, always looking to do things Harry enjoyed while learning more about him. It had started with a coffee date, followed by a picnic in the park, a cinema date, and then two lovely candle-lit dinners in restaurants Harry had chosen. 

Cedric had only ever planted a daring kiss on his cheek whenever he’d dropped Harry off after their dates, and had only held his hand as they walked through the streets to get to their destinations. 

They’d never kissed, they’d never slept together, they’d never gone back to each other’s apartments—and Harry was grateful for it.

Because, as much as he appreciated Cedric, Harry just couldn’t bring himself to want him. He was lovely, and charming, but he wasn’t him, and Harry hated himself for even daring to think that.

The truth of the matter was, Harry didn’t want kind and considerate, or lovely and a good-listener. He wanted someone he could pick a fight with, someone he could push, someone he could trust to be just arrogant enough to presume they’d be sleeping together on the first date. Someone who was a bit mean, someone none of his friends liked, someone who liked to pretend he could control Harry when they both knew it was just that Harry tolerated his controlling tendencies while he tolerated Harry’s bad temper. 

He’d met Cedric through their mutual friend Oliver Wood, and he’d been nothing but charming since then. Harry had thought that he might finally move on when Cedric had asked him out for coffee with a crooked grin and flushed cheeks. 

Evidently, that wasn’t the case.

Which led Harry to deflate in his seat in the restaurant, his easy smile dropping and his fingers twitching uncomfortably in Cedric’s loose hold. “I’m really sorry,” he said, cringing and feeling awful at having to reject a perfectly lovely man just because he wanted someone to be mean to him.

Cedric didn’t even flinch, his smile not dropping in the slightest. 

“It’s—you’re lovely,” Harry said, taking his hand back, huffing in frustration. “You’re perfect, actually—I just—”

“Oliver told me you’d had a difficult breakup,” Cedric said gently, reaching over to cover Harry’s hand in his. “Riddle? Wasn’t it?”

And Harry’s face broke out into a stupid grin that he couldn’t even dream of biting back. 

Cedric’s smile did falter then, just in the slightest. “You know, I think that’s the most genuine smile I’ve seen on you, Harry.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry said quickly, shaking himself of the stupid grin. “It’s just—calling him that reminded me of a stupid joke—it’s nothing.”

“Tell me,” Cedric prompted, achingly gentle. “I’d love to know what this guy has that the mention of his name puts that smile on your face.”

Harry felt his cheeks flush bright red, humiliated at still being so affected by him. “He has this really stupid way of talking sometimes, condescending, using big words. And I always said his last name suited him—always talking in riddles. He hated it.”

“Well, he’s certainly a lucky man if he got you to fall in love with him,” Cedric said with a bright smile, though Harry recognised the well concealed flash of hurt in his eyes. 

“He’s a twat,” Harry said, almost automatically. He sighed. “And you’re not.”

“And that’s what I’m lacking?” Cedric asked with an amused sort of smile.

Harry groaned, burying his flaming face in his hands. “I’m so sorry. I really—I wish I could just choose.”

“It’s fine, Harry, really,” Cedric said, so kind, so understanding—and Harry almost hated him for it. It was like holding everything he could have just out of reach from him. “Maybe you just have a preference for awful people? So to speak.” He laughed, as if it were a joke.

It wasn’t a joke, it was literally true.

“I think you might be right,” Harry said, laughing along even though he felt just a tad dejected.  But perhaps Cedric was right, and maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing. People could be arrogant and self-serving without being awful. And maybe Harry just had a preference for those types of people. Where was the harm in that?

[saytrrose]

Do you feel comfortable telling us what happened at your parents' house?

Sure! But be prepared for a long ramble.

My stepmom is a really conservative transphobic narcissist.

My housing plan this year is a tiny room freshman dorm and had a bed, closet and desk. I share it with my bestfriend, Kayla.

My housing plan NEXT year has been decided, I am going to move into a 4 room apartment style dorm, where we all have our own rooms, 2 people each share a bathroom, and we even have a living/kitchen area. I’m very excited!!!

I broke the news to my parents, and said that Kayla and I would share a bathroom on one half of the dorm, and our friends Micheal and Brayden would share the other side.

She expressed concern over two “girls” being with two “guys” and I told her it would be fine because both Brayden and Micheal are gay men, and are engaged to eachother too. To which when she heard this she was “oh okay.”

But then she brought up the possibility of the housing office not allowing us to be co-ed, girls and boys sharing a apartment style dorm together and I had Micheal’s permission to tell my mother that he was a transman, meaning he is afab, to ease her nerves. I explained that the housing office obviously did not care as long as we all knew eachother and agreed on it.

She then proceeded to rant on how gender is so confusing, and for 2 days straight refused to use Micheal’s name, instead referring to him as “the girl who wants to be a boy.”

I told her that it’s not complicated at all, and she asked me “So are they gay or straight?” And I told them they are gay men, which I had already told you prior. She then asked me “well has the wannabe boy had any surgeries?” And that’s when I started to genuinely get pissed off.

I said “First, that’s an inappropriate question to ask. What would you do if a random person kept inquiring on your genitals? It’d be an issue wouldn’t it?” To which she then interrupted me, saying “Oh so they don’t. Yeah I thought so. So they are straight until they get surgery.”

I told her that we are in COLLEGE and that’s a lot of money, time and healing to take into account and Micheal is infact on hormones and looks his gender, acts his gender, sounds like his gender, and so on. I then decided to de-stress, and promptly left the whole house to go on a walk which apparently to her, was very inconsiderate and rude.

On top of all that, she consistently helicopters over me, anytime I touch my phone she’s “what are you doing.” “Who are you texting.” “What are you texting them.” “Why are you doing that on your phone.”

One time I went to my room for a singular hour to go through some of the things I packed and got at the thrift store, just deciding what to leave home and take with me you know, nothing big. I walked out once dinner was done, and she loves to use a bitchy voice and say “look who came out of their room.” “Look who’s alive and decided to join us.” And when I try to say I was literally gone for a fucking hour she accuses me of being too “antisocial.”

Also, we have 5 dogs at our house. Almost all are abused. They live in kennels constantly unless they are ushered outside to potty. There is Jax, poor old man is 14 and has prostate cancer. He has severe arthritis as well and struggles to walk. There is Shepherd, he has one big tumor on his spine and about 5 itty bitty ones around it too- but all non-cancerous. Past his hip bones he is hairless due to skin irritation and scratching/biting. Then there is Mac, the golden lovely child of the house who is the only one not in a kennel ever, roams the house, only one allowed on furniture and more. There is Charlotte, a hurricane Harvey rescue who is a gorgeous and pretty cocker spaniel/poodle. She’s pure black for the exception of white paws and a white heart on her chest. She’s super sweet but gets screamed at everyday for whining in the kennel but good news!! My friend Kayla is in the process of adopting her to help get her out of the house and into a better home. Then there is Pickles, my poor baby that my stepmom hates the most. Just yesterday she was scolded for curling up next to me which was apparently “possessive behavior” so she took her shoe off and beat her in in face 4 times until she was whining and barking- and then got yelled at for getting defensive and snapping once at her.

It’s horrible.

Did I mention all of this is in the span of 24 hours?

More that happened, my stepmom asking me to constantly check the mail to see if my VA check has come in. It comes the first week of each month- sure, but calm down I don’t need to check 3 times a day. Also she only cares so much because my stepmom is blind, is jealous everyone else is putting an effort into their lives and is desperate for some ounce of control and wants us to give her money for her smoking addiction.

Also my check didn’t come in LOL but that’s alright, my awesome sister said she’ll swing but next weekend and snatch it up for me.

It’s just exhausting. Thats just ONE day there- I can’t imagine what summer is going to be like. My sister gave me the idea to get a job like my stepmom wants, but get it here in my college town so I don’t have to be home. Which is genius!! Pickles stays with me, safe and not getting abused. (She’s so scared of everything when she’s home, and it’s so hard to try to help her heal from ptsd when it’s recurring- ik if I do this it will be best for her.) AND I don’t have to be there which fucks with my own mental health.

Also, stepmom isn’t trying to get my money. That’s nice too.

Sorry guys this is more so a vent now, but hey if you read this far than thanks for listening 😭

[sometimesiammybpd]

this one is a rough one to talk about. that's how i'm gonna start this.

i've only ever been in one real relationship. i had no luck in high school and to be fair, my method was pestering people over and over again until they usually stopped talking to me. safe to say it didn't work out all that well. it also was the aforementioned "toxic era" which to me says that even if i had gotten lucky enough to have someone date me, i probably would have been extremely emotionally abusive at the time because in hindsight, i was to a lot of my friends. so unlike most, i'm grateful to not have dated anyone in high school because i just . . . didn't know myself and wasn't ready to change. and putting that on someone like it's their responsibility now would not have been okay. and yeah, it sucked at the time because i was so unwilling to accept i was in the wrong at any point that i believed there was no genuine reason for people to not want to go out with me. and of course, i was always wrong. like so badly wrong it's not funny. either way, that's how it was until the end of senior year for me. that's when i met my now ex. we're gonna call him nathan for the sake of the post because this isn't going to be me shitting all over him and i don't want to leak his info anyways.

nathan and i met through an instagram comment section of all things. i don't remember the specifics outside of us talking because i thought he seemed cool. neither one of us thought it'd ever go anywhere and i honestly never even saw us being friends for that long as it was. except that we kinda just hit it off from the start. the usual awkwardness was there at first, but i mean it was smooth sailing. and then i realized i liked him. with bpd, it was pretty early on for me and he did NOT like me back. at all. but, this was still in the point of time where i never let it go until i got an answer and i effectively pressured him into saying yes the first time. i didn't know this until later because nathan told me himself. i still am so mad at myself for doing this and trust me when i say, i wish we could go back to before either one of us ever crossed paths with the other. for his sake more than mine. we only lasted a week after he said yes because of a big reason. up to this point, nathan and i talked all the time and i knew things about them that they didn't tell anyone else. obviously would not reveal any of those even if it was to save my own life. but the important detail here is for reasons i will not say, nathan was not comfortable with sex to a point he had ptsd because of it. i have to also make it clear that he did NOT ever get an official diagnosis, at least as of when we last spoke. it's briefly important now but becomes unfortunately really important later.

so, we broke up after a week. nathan wanted to show me that he trusted me and offered to spend the night at my house, which was a fucking huge thing for him. i said i'd like that and we made plans for that friday that he'd come and sleep over. he'd take my bed upstairs and i'd sleep on the couch because i did really want him to feel okay and comfortable. for most of the relationship's life span (all four times we dated, not just the first), i never even saw him sexually. i never had sexual attraction because he was not comfortable with it and all that mattered to me was that i liked him romantically and he kinda seemed to feel the same way. anyways, the friday comes and we go to the mall first as a date. that part was fun and fine. we went to hot topic and i got my first ever MCR shirts. still wear the hell out of the basic fan "black parade" shirt. and then we went to my place. the mall went fine. the drive went fine. but once we were alone in my mom's apartment, he shut down because of the ptsd. i knew something was wrong immediately because he fell silent instantly and froze up. after ten minutes, maaaaaybe a little bit more(?), i asked him "do you want to go home?" and of course he did. so i took him home. i felt so bad for him and he kinda came out of it at the very tail end of the drive when we were by his house, but it was clear he had shut down mentally and there wasn't really anything i could do. i was 18 here and on the drive home, i cried my eyes out. i felt really bad for him but i was also afraid he was going to want to break up. it was one of the worst days of my and i'm sure his life. when i got home, i messaged him on insta saying we should break up and we did. and i ended up falling into my worst habit at that time and writing a bunch of cryptic posts that were clearly directed towards him but i wouldn't say it to him. and the next day, he texts me telling me that he couldn't forgive me because i manipulated him and turned his ptsd into my issue. that's how breakup one ended.

before i go into anything else, this is how i'm gonna handle this post. everything i just told you was past me. that's how it was for me in the moment. present me sees it differently. i don't think i could have helped the crying because it really did freak me out. but everything after? i so wish i could undo. it was not okay for me to tell him i cried, or tell him we should break up, or write the posts that i did. i don't actually know if i mentioned the "telling him i cried" thing above but that was also a big part of it. i did make his ptsd about me and i don't excuse that. i really don't. i don't even think we should have dated because i really did pressure him into going out with me and he didn't even like me at the time. i thought he did but he didn't. and he made that clear later on because all of this kept coming back up.

there then was in-between time where i did spend a lot of it trying to repair what i damaged or broke after that day. and i meant everything i was doing. i didn't want to lose him because he was the most important person in my life for over a year. but eventually nathan said he'd give me a second chance and we started dating again for the second time. the key difference this time was he actually liked me back. and it was fine for a while. this one lasted almost seven months. his love language was insults and nothing else and i took it because i really did love him. i was also so infatuated with the idea of being in a relationship that i didn't care that we had nothing in common and all of that shit. this is not me dragging him either. it's just that we really were never compatible.

nathan had a lot of issues from things that happened that were not his fault. but it fucked him up and he didn't want to deal with it. his main coping mechanism was drinking and smoking weed. mainly drinking. and i don't mean he'd get drunk every night. he'd be drunk by morning. he'd be drunk all day and night but would only drink more as the day went on. and i ignored it for a long time because i didn't want to upset him. he didn't really ever take the issue of his alcoholism lightly. mainly because he didn't want to admit he was one. anyways, that's not the point. we broke up twice during this period. i say four times in total because it was, but i considered both of these to be the second time because i don't remember us staying broken up with for all that long after the second time into the unofficial third. to explain why we broke up the second time, i have to explain one other very important thing about him.

without further details or context i refuse to give because it's not my story to tell, nathan did not like people touching him especially in a romantic way. hugging, kissing, all that stuff. and i knew this. i have always been a physical attraction = love kinda person, so it wasn't easy but in the end i didn't care because i just wanted to be with him. and when we broke up the second time, it was after we saw sonic two. we had talked about us holding hands because it was the one thing he was okay with doing. the day of, i made sure of it and then went to go get him because nathan couldn't drive. and when he gets into my car, he reveals that he doesn't want to because he's germophobic. this one is harder to talk about because i was in the wrong for being mad at him for saying no. but at the same time, i was told over and over that yeah we can. it was the one thing i thought we could do, physical attraction wise. i never had my first kiss at this point. i had never hugged someone outside of my family or held hands with anyone. and y'know, it was exciting for me. but when he told me this, i kinda just shut off. we watched the movie and then on the drive home, i was so pissed that we broke it off either that night or the day after.

our timeline is so messy that i don't remember when this happened but we had another break up (pretty sure this was the unofficial third one). this one was weird. i had severe anxiety and insecurity issues during this and with undiagnosed bpd, it only got worse. i had a habit of apologizing for nothing, except for one time. i had sent a text before going to bed and after he was asleep that read something like

"i'm sorry i'm not a good girlfriend. i'm really sorry i'm not good enough for you.... and a bunch of other shit i don't remember."

and i went to sleep. i woke up to paragraphs up on paragraphs of messages from him. nathan kinda just laid it all out there. he told me i had been making him upset for months, but that he didn't want to tell me or upset me. so he ran to his friends behind my back and was venting for months which led them to say to him that i was a "manipulative, abusive piece of shit." honestly, i still don't know if they were right about that or not. but i remember him ending all of this. paragraphs and paragraphs of soul-crushing shit with "don't worry, i won't break up with you." i almost didn't respond because i didn't know what i was supposed to say. i pretty much had assumed up to that point that everything was fine and it wasn't. i kinda lost myself at that point and a certain friend of mine could easily recall the conversation that followed the receiving of those messages. i ended it that time.

the real third time we dated, it was... the worst time. because at this point, i was losing feelings for him. and this time, he initiated it. this is really the point it all went to hell. somehow, i made him comfortable enough to want to try and have sex again. although, i'll explain in a bit what he told me about how he wanted it to go down. it was not okay. it started with him sending me a series of nudes and led to him asking if i'd be okay having sex with him. i had no feelings for him and a lot of my feelings that still existed were mostly frustration. but i said yes. and i want to make this clear: originally, i did NOT say yes because i was sexually attracted to him. i was so used to doing whatever i could to help him and this was a big deal for him. i had no intention of doing this because i just wanted to lay him. and this is where my biggest issue came in that i honestly didn't even know i had at the time.

a big thing that comes with most people who have bpd is something called hypersexuality. if you don't know what that is, basically it's like a sex addiction. when you're horny, it's all you can think about to the point that most people with bpd will go out of their way to get sex even if it means putting themselves in horrific situations that could get them hurt, killed, given an std, whatever. and for me, i have come to learn that with mine especially, once someone introduces sex into the relationship, i literally cannot view it the same no matter how hard i try. cause all i can think about is the sex. and most if not all of the time, i'm NOT sexually attracted to whoever it is. i rarely get down peoples where i'm repulsed by it which is also what happens with people with hypersexuality. and it fucking sucks. it makes things so difficult and drives people away. i want to go into this more in its own post, but that's what's important for this. and one more very important thing: me knowing this doesn't excuse what i did then. and no. it's not what you're thinking most likely.

so nathan wanted to warm up by sending nudes. getting comfortable showing me his body, i guess. and i was at first saying fine because he said it helped and that's all i cared about. but then the hypersexuality started to take over and all i started to want was the sex. i was still not sexually attracted to him. i never was. i know that sounds like it makes no sense or isn't really the truth, but it is. it happens so much more than i want to admit. so he kept sending nudes except that i started to ask for a lot. he told me at first that i could ask for some. and because all that stuck in my head was sex, i asked him for a lot and the worst part for me that i did to him was basically only talk to him for it. the explanation is that i started to seriously resent him because for over a year at this point, all i felt like i did was take care of him and basically try to fix him myself. and it wasn't like he didn't lean into it himself which only solidified that that had to be my purpose in the relationship. it's why i said yeah initially to him asking if we could fuck. it's why he wanted to date the final time because he told me himself that it made him feel better about it than if we were just friends. we never had sex and i never forced him to have sex with me. i need to make that clear. i would fucking never and i don't take that shit lightly. but i went way too insane with the nudes and i made him severely uncomfortable and kind of didn't realize it ever. he had to tell me when it was beyond too late to stay friends that it made things worse. but besides all of that, the way it ended is all i remember.

and before i say that, i want to tell you what he wanted in order for him to be okay with us having sex. i couldn't ask if he was comfortable or if what i was doing was okay. he told me he'd immediately shut down once we got into it and i had to basically just . . . go through it with it anyways. he told me he wouldn't be speaking and i kind of had to r-word him basically. i'm not even kidding. this stuff i don't remember agreeing to because it came after the initial "would you have sex with me" question. because it made me severely uncomfortable for him to unironically say i'd basically be r-wording him but somehow it was okay.

this entire thing makes me . . . really uncomfortable to relive. uhm, so, uh. i wanted to take him to kings island. we both were not the biggest fan of roller coasters, but i thought we could ride some of the smaller ones together. i thought it'd be sweet. and i feel like if i didn't miscommunicate things, it would have been. because i do remember telling him he didn't have to ride rides if he didn't want to. i meant to say the real rides as they're called. rides like diamondback, vertigo, the beast. not shit like shake, raddle, and roll (which is a contained ride where you go in circles until it slows down. it's fun and only lasts like five minutes, give or take). that day, i asked my best friend at the time to come with me and him. i knew it wouldn't end well and yeah, it didn't. he agreed to and we went to go get nathan. the ride there was fine, but after we got him, it wasn't. nathan had an abusive father, so any signs of anger shut him down and a particularly stupid mother fucker got me to scream for a second because he didn't know what he was doing and almost got us killed. actually. nathan freaked out thinking i was going to hit him and i had to calm him down. the rest of the day was a $200+ waste of money (i paid for both his ticket and mine). from the getgo, it was clear he wouldn't even try the effective kid (or "all ages" depending on who you ask) rides. it made me so angry because at the time especially, i thought i had communicated it well and didn't get it. in hindsight, i could have done it better. infinitely better. but i don't excuse him letting me buy him a ticket just for him to not effectively using it. every time we went on a ride, he'd sit on the curb like a child in timeout and it just . . . yeah. after two rides and a meal, we left because i couldn't do it anymore. i still remember him asking me if i was mad at him when we were leaving. this is another "i don't really know who's at fault" one or if there is even a right answer for that.

there's more that happened after we broke up, but i wrote the stuff regarding sex last and i don't like to think about that. because i don't like how bad i was then. how desperate and how i treated him. because i apologized a million times, but it does a lick of shit. and i didn't deserve for him to accept the apology anyways. i still don't and i don't want him to. in his story, even if i never crossed that line physically, i did with the nudes. i made him feel like he couldn't say no and i will never be able to undo that.

the overall point of sharing all this because for all the stuff he did do in return, to me, nothing comes close to our final time together and the way i acted. and it's something i think about every day and something i probably will til the end of my life. i have brought this up in therapy and the hypersexuality. it's one of the things i am trying so hard to understand and control since i can't afford medication. but i have nothing since then but try and change and stop myself from ever doing that again to someone else.

there's no positive message for this one. so, uh, yeah.

[ashxrdavenport]

the basics:

name: asher davenport species: vampire (dracula lineage) age: 29 location: salem occupation: bartender at willow's watering hole, professional lowlife gender: cisgender male (he/him pronouns) fc: casey deidrick

timeline:

tw: violence, drugs.

salem born and bred, asher is the only child of your average, run-of-the-mill middle-class family. his mother, a tired, stay-at-home-mom, and his father, an emotionally absent salesman were never particularly good or caring parents – nor rich, or even well-off, but life had always been comfortable enough under their roof.

when asher was 10, stay-at-home mom decided she didn’t want to stay at home anymore and ran off with some dude named joe. joe? jack? john? he doesn’t remember anymore... after she left, his father took to drinking and quickly lost his job (and temperament).

he and his now alcoholic, and occasionally aggressive father had never been close or even friendly, but their relationship soured even further as a rebellious asher entered into puberty and became and their home environment turned violent and unstable like a ticking time bomb.

since his father could never hold a job for too long, asher soon started working after class and would spend days away from home, sleeping in friend’s places or even at his current workplace to avoid spending time in his father’s presence.

still, my boy was broke asf, so you can bet your ass he was shoplifting from a young age, because he couldn’t stand the idea of not having the things he wanted.  (might still do it to this day, so please don’t judge! or do!)

at around 19, he moved to new york to get away from salem and his father, and maybe have a better chance at accomplishing something in his life. the only problem being, he never knew what he wanted to do with his life besides making music.

he worked at a record store and as a bartender for a while, until he met a group of people with whom he formed a rock band – they played, mainly at bars and small venues. they even got to open for a few big names, but they never really made it. asher genuinely believes that that is because he was the only truly talented, tortured poet in the group.

at one point, a friend of a friend comes into the bar and starts talking to him about how these people he knew were looking for someone like him, who worked at a popular spot in the city to deal drugs for them. asher takes up the offer without a second’s thought, and quickly, drug dealing becomes his main source of income. 

asher had a run in with the police, spend two months in a state prison, and shortly after, his band fell apart.

he decided to come back home and lay low for a while, as he tried to figure out what to do with his life.

the gang he had been working for found out asher had stolen a considerable sum of money over the time he had worked for them and decided to come to salem to settle his debts. since asher had already spent most of the money he had taken, there was not much he could do to repay them, so they decide to take turns beating him up to teach him a lesson. the assault leaves him on the verge of death, and that’s when gwen comes in and saves his life, turning him into a vampire.

it has now been less than a year since he was turned so, as much as he has finally gotten used to what being a vampire is like, he is still trying to wrap his head around the existence/rules of the supernatural, in general.

good traits: resourceful, bold, independent bad traits: erratic, insubordinate, temperamental

[renaisguy]

"Forde! You're back!"

Yarne had sat this big thing out - the last time was… uhh, nope, he didn't want to think about what happened there again. He still had nightmares about those four riders…

"Are… you alright? I know when I went on my last big mission thing, it went…"

Horrid. Disastrous. Almost broke the taguel.

"Not the best. If you wanna talk about what happened for yours, you can always talk to me, though! I… may not be the best at understanding emotions, but I can try! Especially when it comes for my friends."

And Naga, did Yarne see Forde as a friend now - Yarne saw him almost as… a mirror to his Shepherds. No one in particular, but… if you threw him into that apocalypse, Yarne thought… well, he'd be safe with them.

"Or, if you just wanna rest… you do that. Just know you're not alone."

Yarne had… no clue what happened out there, honestly. How could he? All he really knew was that last time was a hell on earth he hadn't seen since the Risen…

“Hello Yarne.” Forde pulls the man into a brief hug, couple of pats on the back. “Glad to see you again.”

Yarne is concerned for his well-being - understandably so, given the last big mission. But this time, Forde can keep a genuine smile on his face when he recalls the month’s events.

“I really appreciate it Yarne, but please don’t worry. This was nothing like that mission.” For a start, it really was only a month. “But if you want to hear about it…”

“Each week, we got to do different activities, and if we did well enough we got to stay for the next one. And you know what? I was so good, I was there until the very end.” He grins.

“The first week…” He’d kinda napped through it, but Yarne didn’t need to know that. “Was pretty calm. I built a sandcastle, planned a party, prevented the island from blowing up, nothing too special.”

“The second…” He’d only gotten through it because of Knoll, but… “We fought a giant lake monster! Ah, but don’t worry. The only damage was me losing a hairband.” And accidentally destroying two tomes, but… “Do you know Gerome? He was one of the guys I fought alongside, it was great.”

“The third…” He’d done a lot and accomplished little, but… “I was wandering around a labyrinth, training with some of the cutest creatures I’ve ever seen.” 

“And last week…” He’d gotten the whole team off track and lost them the game, but… “We we’re just answering questions about our fellow players. It was fun, apart from all the trapdoors.”

“Anyway, it was a lovely time… but exhausting. I’m thinking of taking a vacation.” 

[d3n-rf]

See life has so many ups and downs

Just when things start to pan out

They can seemingly fall apart.

The important part is

Is to know these are tests

These are lesson

Designed to strengthen us

And be who we are destined to be.

There is something greater in us all.

I see it so clear

When you put yourself first

Lord,

It’s the most amazing gift

You see your future clearler

You focus on yourself

You know, I’ve been through a lot

I experienced the worst type of

Relationship as a young naive girl

Me being who I am, I’m not one to victim shame

I know my heart is big and I know who I am

All that he did and all that he said

Made me lose a lot of people

Yeah that is hurtful but they weren’t real friends

Because If they were real they see the truth

But I’ve always been different

People don’t understand asrtand

Some question my intentions

But my love is just pure

I never needed validation

And I didn’t need to fit in

See my ex, he was taunting, he was mean and he was controlling

He silently abused me, manipulated me

That is something I can’t change

It doesn’t matter what I say because that pain will never go away

But I know who I am

And I don’t like the drama

So I keep my mouth shut and I let the lies arise

It makes me shake to talk about the hurt

I’d rather leave it all

Because I know who I am

I’m a good person and those that see

Are the ones meant to be surrounded by me

I don’t need no sympathy , I don’t need no pity

I have a mind of my own and I can get through it

Had to fully lose myself

So that I could be free

From all of those

That only used me

You see, I’ve always been me

And I’ve always been kind

I was so naive

I didn’t realize people were different

I thought the world was just like me

With loving hearts and real intentions

I didn’t see the evil that was ahead

My mom always told me

I need to stop seeing the good in everyone

But it’s always been what I’ve seen

I didn’t understand how much hate there was

So going though what I did

It hurt and it broke me

But I was to good for all of the hate

People don’t care when you are in pain

I literally thought that they did

I do… I’ve always cared… to much

For the ones I loved

That’s what makes me different and I’m easy to break

That’s why I have my guard up

And I try not to let them see

I realize now I am different for a reason

There’s people like me

I just gotta keep believing

I don’t want the fake

I only want the real

So I keep my circle small because I value who I am

I put myself first because I know my

Worth

I don’t like to fight, I like people who see the world how I see it.

People who are kind, real, compassionate.

See— life, it’s very weird, you know.

I had a lot of friends growing up. I mean, I was still bullied by certain people in certain situations

I didn’t always handle it the best way.

I’ve always been really kind. From the time I was young

I always stood up for people.

No seriously,

You can ask my family.

I’m a good person.

I’m not someone who is fake.

No, I’m going to tell you exactly how I feel.

If you ask me a question, I’m gonna be honest.

If that hurts your feelings, I am sorry. But I keep it real.

When I had any friendship, I always talked highly about my friends, and loved them.

I was never one to be like, hey.. this persons a “mean name””

I like to have good friends, who are good people in all aspects.

respectful, mature, honest, loving, genuine.

Real friendships.

A lot of people, I’ve found enjoy getting really wasted with a bunch of friends, who aren’t really friends… I mean, they all talk shit about each other …

When they’re sick, their friend isn’t there to take care of them.

When they need someone to talk to, it’s “fuck that person” let’s get hammered!!!!

And go clubbin and fuck shit up

Legit…

There is people like that.

No morals,

Always seeking a man,

Needing approval of others,

Feeding into drama,

Associating with bad energy

Drinking practically everyday

Attracting the same time of men

Doing drugs socially

Spending most of the money the make, on partying.

Not thinking about a future, what they want.

I think a lot of what happened here

Is social media.

I think seriously, a lot of these young adults they sit here and they have to be popular, there so into social media, they are not paving a life for themselves

Back before social media was a thing,

People moved on with their life’s.

They settled down

They had families

They focused and envisioned what they want there life’s to look at

Friends become old faces

And you meet your neighbours or your call leagues

You’d grab a beer once and a while

And your get back to life

Now the problem is

Especially girls. But guys too

They crave this social media. They crave friends, romances, drugs,

Realistically that’s for people I’m there 20s

We gotta grow up some time

But these people never will

These are the same people who will

Believe in lies

Instead of asking for the truth, or searching for the truth themselves by analyzing behaviour

But the problem is.

1. these people like drama. They are drama, but they like drama

2.. These people love to party, and shut off emotions.

3. They love to avoid life

3. They Avoid getting help

5.Ignore boundaries

And then like to think that people who don’t paritcape in the behaviours , are drama

This generation forgot to grow up

And that is what’s wrong with a lot of the world today

How do we survive in a world where people are more concerned on how they look, who they are dating, and how their friend see them then making a plan for a future.

That’s where I’m different

So I struggle a lot

You know

Truthfully

Like I said earlier

I’ve always been a really nice person

I remember, coming home from school. In KINDERGARTEN and telling my mom she needed to pack a lunch for a girl at school , because she didn’t have food.

I was that girl.

I was the girl who in grade 4,

Seen a little girl being bullied because she was different.

, I went up to her after that class and asked her if she wanted to hang out with me at recess. I made sure I was always nice to her going forward and made sure she didn’t feel alone.

Yes I’ve always been that girl.

In grade 4,

I told my mom my dog shadow didn’t seem right.

she said that’s weird , why do you say that

I said he just seems different

Well, the very next day

My mom took my dog to the vet because he couldn’t poop or pee.

Turns out my dog had cancer and soon after passed

My mom was amazed at my intuition.

In grade 8, I had a younger friend. His name was tristian. Tristan Walsh.

He was great at taekwondo. We did taekwondo together, he was very talented.

We went to the same school, he eas I believe 3 years younger then me so he would of been in grade 5

When I witnessed an older boy pushing tristian around

I walked over, and I sternly said, stop picking on my friend . Or we’re gonna have a problem. I said , listen buddy, I know you, Your Kristen’s brother

If you ever do what you just did ever again I will kick your fucking ass

And tbh with you tristian should

He’s a beast at taekwondo

He could kick your ass

So if I was you

I would back off and leave him alone

And he did, just that.

So where I’m at in life. Im not necessarily judgemental

But I feel because of my mentality, I’m going to always look like a problem.

Why is she always alone?

Why doesn’t she have a boyfriend?

That’s what makes someone in todays society

Not who they aren

Ur who they are dating, and how many friends they have.

Like no, I have friends . Maybe not many

I went through so hard ass shit, for a long time with someone I have no respect for

That person participates I’m things I was always better than, but couldn’t quite escape

I’m not worried about people’s opinions

I want to find my future, my beautiful future.

That I made for myself

Not some rich man I used to get to where I need to be.

Not by sitting there laughing drunk talking about other people to make myself feel better.

No.

I have goals

I’m gonna make life happen

I’m going to have that beautiful dream house I’ve always wanted.

I’m going to have a nice pool in the back yard

And a pool man to take care of it for me.

I’m gonna find my passion, make my money

Plan my life.

I will love me, and only me until I meet someone worth settling down for, someone with as much passion as I have.

Someone who thinks business, thinks smart.

Has a mind of their own.

Doesn’t need validation

Just what’s to grow and be happy

I need a man that doesn’t feel like he needs the paparazzi.

You can all be watching, but we won’t be watching you

I will find that perfect person.

But until I find what I want

I don’t want anyone else

I have gaols

I want to achieve so much,

I want to become a billionaire

So I can take care of my sister.

So I can give my mom and dad lots and lots of money.

So I can take care of my one true friend.

And so I can make the world a better place

Full of love

Laughter

And joy

We have a bunch of people walking areound destroying there own life, bar hopping, dick hopping, chick hopping .. etc

All getting stds from the same people

Everyone knows each other

There life is a competition

That shit must be exhausted

For real though.

This is some people’s life’s

Isn’t that crazy??

My life is me

live like not one is watching

No one is judging

I’m not famous

Why do you care?

Why do you stalk me?

Why do you talk about me?

I’m not famous, why do you care

See, I don’t associate with that. That’s waste energy. I’m above that energy, which is why I’m a queen.

I’m real, some hate it

Some love it

It’s me.

Im just a girl

Trying to live her best life

J-D-R-F —“””:,) F@44😘