#because that was really the only big thing that broke them apart. he genuinely thought their relationship was great. and it was

[nukacourier]

After meeting each other again I imagine Arcade saw the ring on James' finger and assumed he was married

Probably worried about it for a few days before finally asking about it and James had to awkwardly explain that no, he's not in a relationship, he was just hanging on to it because he was planning on proposing to Arcade with it and couldn't bring himself to throw it away after getting his heart completely shattered when he was pushed away

Arcade probably felt bad and tried to explain himself/apologize but James just takes it off and hands it to him and tells him that it should've been his in the first place. Basically as a way of saying "I'm willing to rekindle this relationship if you think you're up to it". Also sort of because he wasn't gonna chase after Arcade this time and that it's now Arcade's own decision if they wanna be serious

[m1ssunderstanding]

My thoughts on Beatles 64

Am I a terrible person or something because I’m genuinely having such a hard time wrapping my head around these people’s reactions to their president getting shot. Like I can count on one hand the people I’d give a fuck about in DC and I’m not crying if that happens. I’m angry. I’m scared. But I’m not sad.

Who is this covering all my loving? It’s pretty.

I will forever love Paul and George’s big and little brother dynamic. Deep, cloudy scouse: they’re in perfect synchronization. Bright, squeaky scouse: Are they? Like, where is George’s little chimney sweep costume?!

And Paul’s sharp tone calling John’s name. I don’t know, I could obsess over any little scrap of footage of them. I just love picking apart details that reveal dynamics.

George’s insecure, curious, “Are you filming now?” Compared to his over-it, sardonic, “Are you recording our conversation?” He aged about twenty years between 64 and 69.

John’s reaction to his own voice in his ears is always a straight shot of joy.

I like that they’re showing all the boys. You know, because if only girls like them, then they’re just a silly pop group, but if boys like them too, well. That’s something else, isn’t it?

One of my favorite moments. No wonder Paul took so well to shepherding. His blood pressure spiking if John gets out of arm's reach. And John is of course so happy to be pulled back in.

Their hair really was so fluffy!

John spreads his legs when he’s playing because he’s an anxious attachment. Paul keeps his legs closed because he’s avoidant. In this essay I will.

This mix of She Loves You is really highlighting Ringo’s drumming for me. He’s so talented and attractive.

This is why Paul’s my favorite, genuinely. Because he goes from the most polite, people-pleasing, tender-heart to an absolute mean girl cunty bitch in the span of less than a second.

Ringo is the quickest wit, I’m telling you, and if anyone says otherwise, I’m cancelling you for classism.

Why is it always Paul these middle aged creeps feel the need to touch? I mean, I know why. But it makes me sick. That kind of thing is reserved for the mutuals. Definitely not cops.

It’s literally sooooo funny for me seeing this guy choke up about She Loves You. Like I’m genuinely happy for him, but I was literally just over at my husband’s grandparents double-wide and they Still go on about how stupid the Beatles haircuts were and how they remember the days before the Beatles when there was ‘real’ rock and roll on the radio.

So, Paul’s been telling the story of Jim critiquing She Loves You for literally sixty years now, and originally it was with mix-ins from John and George and without a lot of artificial sweeteners. Here’s the sixty-year-old version:

Back home in Liverpool, we used to sing over some of our songs to relatives—I did to my Dad and my aunties,” he recalled. “My Dad would look at me looking disappointed. ‘I don’t know young Paul,’ he’d say. ‘I try to get you to speak properly, and you drop your aitches. Why sing ‘Yeah, Yeah’ when you mean ‘Yes, Yes?’ I tried to explain this was the whole point of the song,” Paul continued. John broke in: “Anyone ever heard someone from Liverpool singing ‘Yes’? It’s YEAH.” Paul continued: “Well, we just laughed. My Dad gave us some of the worst advice ever. He said this music thing will never last. It’s all right on the side, he’d say, BUT PAUL IT WILL NEVER LAST!” “Remember,” said George, “he always wanted us to sing ‘Stairway to Paradise’?” – Ray Coleman article 1964

What a cutie. Shouldn't be allowed.

“That wasn’t really the case.” (that America was the land of the free). He always almost gets to his political views. You know? Microdosing? Left-bating? Maybe both. Whatever.

I LOVE their funny little accents with all my heart. John does posh scarily well.

Ringoooooooo!

“Go on! Defy convention!” Quotes that define the speaker. He should sell t-shirts with that slogan.

This girl’s Brooklyn accent and her confidence are so beautiful!

Why did they buy John an ID I’m actually dying! Oh! They don’t mean, they mean like Paul’s and Ringo’s bracelets. Got it. Okay. I was like ‘are you trying to help him ten years in advance with his immigration struggle?’

The juilliard girl is phenomenal.

I want the nylons and I want the shoes.

“Would you do me a tremendous favor?” “I’m not gonna kiss you like Elisabeth Taylor.” See? Ringo is the funny one. Ringo is so fucking sharp and nobody gives him the credit he’s due.

Ronnie Spector you deserved better, Queen! I love her. She’s so gorgeous, she’s so cool, she’s so young and energetic!

Two excellent Lennonisms right in a row. “Have you been watching the newsies?” and “I don’t care,” I say as I care caringly. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, he has the most sunshiny smile in the Beatles.

Ringoooooo!

Not the picture of JohnandPaul singing together as “with lovers and friends” plays.

Love Paul offering Ringo a candy. In yet another accent. People need to make them talk in goofy accents more in fic because it’s incessant. But I just love them offering each other food. It’ll always get me.

See, this is what I love about John. “People have been tryna stamp out rock and roll since it started.” “Why do you think that is? What are they afraid of?” “I always thought it was cause it came from black music.” He’s not ‘honest to a fault’ or whatever the boomer men love to say. But he’s very, very blunt, and he’s not going to try and skirt anything. You know?

Literally the most embarrassing thing a person can ever be is white.

“I thought it was very weak. You know what I think, I call a spade a spade. I thought it was weaker than weak.” Cook him! And then the mimicking! I love him so much! Holy shit, that would’ve been so enraging.

And then the quiet sass of the guy being interviewed right after. “Well, the versatility, the originality. I like anything that’s original.” I love some clever tumblr web-weaving in my documentaries.

In my husband’s grandparent’s defense, the “real rock and roll” they loved before the Beatles was literally only black artists.

I love this picture for ever. Look at how tight he’s holding on to John with one hand and the other hand raised in joyous triumph, engagement bracelet visible. This is Paul in heaven.

“The whole assumption of male vs female is not prominent. They’re sort of in-between.” Yes. Love. Keep going.

Ringo’s got all the quips, again. “Ringo, look over here!” Puts his hands up. “Don’t shoot!”

I didn’t know Smokey Robinson and the Miracles went to the Cavern, that’s cool! And here I was thinking I wouldn’t learn anything new from this doc. His whole interview is very lovely and generous.

I always think “You’ve Really Got a Hold on Me” probably spoke to John in terms of his relationship with Paul, but I go there so easily. Anyway, Smokey Robinson had every right to be pissed that they released a cover of his song without even asking. Like that would be illegal nowadays, right? And yet he’s so kind about it.

We talk about how scary Beatlemania was and we should because it was, but it really puts it in perspective for me personally hearing Smokey say he was shot at for trying to use the bathroom.

Oh I love that we have footage of Paul taking Ringo’s picture! Makes me think of “eye of the storm” obviously, but also the way he’s mocking the photographer's jargon of the time as he’s doing it. The fact that he ended up marrying a photographer who made a point to depict him as not just “some doe eyed sex object” in her pictures, and also of his song “pretty boys” and his quotes about the sexualization of “male models”. Definitely not about anything he himself experienced. Anyway, thoughts. Strings. Pins. Etc.

Also Ringo turning to the camera still filming him, “what do you think I am, a monkey?” Remember that part in this footage where Ringo says something like, “are we ever going to have a break from all these cameras?” And he’s exhausted. It really seems like, from the footage selected by this doc at least, that Paul and Ringo were doing the bulk of the lifting at this time just with cooperating with the show biz stuff. And isn’t that (interesting? Sad? Poetic? Good?) that they’re the ones still cooperating sixty years later.

How dare they cut out “but we ain’t written no poetry!”

As John’s panicking, “how are we gonna – have you seen the kids? How are we gonna get in, then?” Paul’s just calmly going, “Hi girls!” With a patient smile and a cute little wave. “I’ll just go in and speak to the people first, okay?” I love Paul “calming-down-other-people’s-hysteria-is-my-calling-in-life” McCartney.

Cute, George introducing a song he’ll do a viral backflip to in twenty years.

I wonder what that letter is. John’s being very tender with it.

“You’re fired!” “It’s Love Me Do, whacker!” With the sweetest most innocent smile. I love when John is John, you know?

“To me they’re all obviously low or middle class, highly illiterate, unintelligent wild kids seeking a little fun and pleasure . . . I think there’s something very strange about it at the same time, something very sick. . . . I’m sure that sexual reasons have something to do with it. They find the Beatles sexually attractive and they’ve made some kind of psychological tie with them. I think the whole thing’s a little bit frightening and quite sick.” Where’s that old meme with Trump describing the democrats in the most hateful terms he can think of and people being like “yep that’s me”?

Paul stopping to say goodbye by name to each of the people who've been in their hotel room one by one. It’s giving *Opra voice* “and you please don’t hate us and you please dont hate us and you please don’t hate us”

Ringo coming back because he went the wrong way is the most me-core thing.

Paul will come in with the random shouts and yelling in the middle of a song he’s singing lead on all the way from the very beginning and all the way to the very very end, huh.

I just get filled with so much rage at this image of the Bernstein family, especially after the footage of the Gonzalezes. Like, I know I need therapy. I know. But it costs money. Anyway, all rich people can go straight to hell. “I was allowed to wheel the TV set down from the library, down the corridor and into the dining room.” Oh, were you! Well, you must be very special, then.

I wonder if Paul’s title of his exhibition has anything to do with this quote from John about “It was like being in the eye of a hurricane.”

The girl hanging on Ringo like a jungle-gym is me. I love the way he flirts, it’s so smooth, physical, casual.

Classic John moment and he doesn’t even open his mouth.

My dearest wish is that these two are happily married now, holding hands in the theater watching this.

The voice of the woman asking Paul “what do you think of the American TV” sounded extremely like Linda’s. I sort of panicked for a second. Linda’s voice is lower, but the accent and cadence and the sort of wealthy slouch is the same.

I love them picking up on the dystopian beginnings of America’s version of late-stage capitalism and broadcasting the ridiculousness of it all to a public that didn’t know any different. “The situation in China is very bad. Have you ever wondered, when you’re eating at home?”

The guys setting up wearing Beatles wigs? Ew. Why?

Ringo’s so funny! “Watch any band. If anything goes wrong, they go – Blame the drummer.” And he’s so endearing and sweet. “I just always wanted to be IN the band, not like ‘oh, I’m over here.’” Reminds me of his quote about being lonely as an only child and ending up with three brothers. What a tenderheart.

Huh. Always thought some idiots just set up his rostrum backwards. The rest of the stage spinning around it makes much more sense.

That little smile between the two of them.

George in tears! Poor baby! I really do think, with the way this affected him on another level than it affected the others, and with the way he talked about his experiences at the Inny compared to Paul (not that you can trust Paul to say anything actually gets to him) that George maybe was more sensitive to classism than the others.

I hope Paul said something to that affect to George after. “They’re working at an embassy. We’re on the road, rocking. I don’t give a flying fuck.” You know? I could see it.

Another thing I love about John. You need that guy on your team, whatever it is you’re trying to accomplish. That when people are being bitchy, you tell them to fuck off and you leave. I bet Paul, George, and Ringo were so relieved that John did that for them.

After Ringo talked about not wanting to be back behind and separate from the band, I’ve noticed all three of them stepping back sometimes to stand more in line with him when they’re not singing. I don’t know if it was conscious or natural, but either way, I love that they did that and I’m sure Ringo did too.

The looks and smiles

I usually maintain that Paul is only sexy from 60-61 and from 68-98 and from 18-now. But. This is just objectively hot, I don’t care who you are.

It’s so sweet to see George being such a ham, getting John to do silly bits with him, putting on a waiter’s uniform and passing out drinks, climbing up in the luggage compartment. I wish they could’ve somehow kept it at a pace that was manageable for him so he could’ve kept on being so happy with his life, you know? I mean it’s not like it just disappears completely. There’s some of it in Get Back and even in Anthology, but it’s just not the same.

This is what happens when you’re a slut, Paul. You get paternity suits that ruin your mood. Shame, shame.

Interesting that Paul points out Brian’s “defying convention” by having them play their scandalous rock and roll shows in all these “hallowed halls”. I’d never thought about it as Brian’s conscious decision but obviously it must’ve been, and that’s very clever and snarky of him.

“That man, who is strong enough to be gentle, that is a new man.” Betty Friedan is pro-beatle. We love to see it!

Watching Paul try to behave like a human being on stage with all of his early twenties energy is honestly painful. It’s like Kurt Vonnegut’s Harrison Bergeron, you know? Like I can just see him aching to let himself free, but there are weights put in place for a reason. I know Brian was right to calm them down, and this documentary is proof that if he hadn’t done his taming, either they never would’ve made it or there would’ve been all-out class warfare or something, but it breaks my heart, it really does.

Ronald Isley, again, just like Smokey Robinson, being so so charitable here, and managing to do so without playing down the fact that things were absolutely rigged against him and his group at the time. “We should be on the Ed Sullivan show doing . . .” Yes. Yes.

I looked it up, and this quote is genuine. “If it wasn’t for the isley brothers, we would still be in Liverpool.” – Paul McCartney. That’s one thing I love about him. He’s always giving – very much due – credit to his black contemporaries. People ask him about Elvis and he always says, “yes, and Little Richard.” People say he was the most innovative bass player of his time and he says, “yes, and Fred Thomas.”

Ringo literally gets me every time. George: I don’t remember Wales. Ringo: It was before you joined the group.

The way Paul talks about George living “the good life” is very much in the tone of an older brother who’s helped his little brother do well for himself, you know? It’s adorable.

Of course Paul’s out feeding seagulls.

Not even going to comment on the “i love you” thing. Nope.

Okay I do have to say, the end of this guy’s story about going to liverpool and getting deported is incredibly sweet. I was kind of ignoring him, and then when he said he met John during Imagine, I sort of braced myself. But it turned out absolutely adorable. I love John’s little antenna miming and that he promoted this guy just for having made the front page of the Liverpool Echo. It’s all very John, very endearing.

I hope Paul and this weepy old guy had a talk about healing yourself from abuse through music. There’s like a 1/100 chance, but I still hope they did.

John loves a good boat analogy, doesn’t he? “There was a ship going to discover the new world. And the beatles were in the crows nest on the same ship [as everyone else] and we just said ‘land ho!’

Love the use of “Roll Over Beethoven” as the final song.

[wato1876]

wato im halfway thru parrots unstable vid and the way you left actually hit me so hard. ARGHAGAGRG

everyone else acting: yeah, I don't know if this is it... wato1876: *on the verge of tears, staring at Wifies, "always have a way out"*

you make me sick /pos

I’m glad you enjoyed my amateur voice acting! Everyone puts in a lot of effort, I just find it very easy to put emotion in my words, and its fun, it adds depth to an otherwise very high octane. Disappointment is very common in unstable and that tone is heard a lot, but Wato wasn’t sad because *they themself* didn’t have a way out, yes they wanted to be safe, but essentially their entire world was crumbling around them, all their friends went every which way. Wato may have a hard outer shell, and extremely blunt, but what hurts more is seeing someone who cares so genuinely much about something being ripped at one by one. If Wato was the first to go, it wouldn’t have been as bad, but seeing everyone leave before him sunk him deeper and deeper into pain. The idea of Parrot seeing his final hope seep through his hands and the devastation he must feel really is what broke Wato.

I have experienced things like this IRL (obviously not as severe, but the sensation you get leaving high-school for the very last time, and standing alone as the field slowly clears for the very last time). I react the way I do because my character has a lot of empathy (the point it hurts him emotionally), and understands why people do things they do. Wemmbu abandoning Sky Civ -> He wants to save himself and truly didn’t care if it meant risking himself. Wifies leave Parrot last episode when going to Farlands -> He just wanted what was best for Parrot since he too saw Parrot ripping himself apart.

Wato secluded himself for so long because he knew he was susceptible to being hurt, and he knows having friends/attachments is a weakness. He knows they are but still cares about people. I tried to show Wato as a dynamic character that changes throughout the videos and reacts how any normal human would. Confused and scared. Not every line is perfect and every action won’t make full sense, but when have we- humans- been perfect.

I like the humanity in a character, the imperfections. That is what makes a good character. Not their tragic downfall, but just the limits of a being.

If I had a beefier computer, I’d make something insane. Editing speed because of lag is my only bottleneck. I love stories, always have. This is just a small slice of stories I want to convey. Even End Barrens was not to what I wanted it to be.

Wato1876

Thought I should at-least give y’all one big character lore drop before I go to bed for the night. What can I say, writing is fun.

[lavendewr]

love, or the lack thereof (1)

summary: she’s flawed in a way no love has ever last in her presence. until jungkook comes, she got to feel that same raw emotion for almost her whole life. but she’s flawed. and no love has ever last in her life.

pair: non idol!jungkook x f.reader

tags: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, exes to lovers.

warnings: mention of suicide, depression, dysfunctional family, oc is at the rock bottom in this..poor her, jungkook is a bit ignorant at first but he’s getting better :)

next

“if im all yours, then take me back.”

The weather was rather gloomy that night along with wet and puddles on pavement outside. The city was quiet than usual that night making her wonder if she's disassociating at the moment.

She is a broken glass. There's nothing keeping her together anymore. The only thing that makes her stay is maybe the thoughts of others if one day they ever find out a live has been taken voluntarily. They could be saying things like "Oh look at that, she's so pathetic and weak for ending her life." such thing could happen in the moment we live in.

She continued strolling through the empty streets, light flickering above her as she keep walking towards her home.

Home. For her, it was rather a heavy word that should be use correctly. Not a building with living hell inside. For her, it was more like a feeling of comfort, home. A feeling where you are free to be anything you want and are not bound to something.

Finally arriving at a tall big apartment in front her, she entered casually as she bit her lips. Eyes wavering and her hands were shaking slightly.

Entering the elevator, she quickly pressed the seventh floor and close the door afterwards only to leave her with silence.

The elevator beeps, pulling her out of her own trance as she realised she already arrived. Taking in a deep breath she stepped out and walked until she came on a halt in front of a familiar door.

She knocked with a shaky hands.

The door opened after a few minute and she was greeted by a pair of doe eyes staring back at her. She was close to breaking down right outside of the door but the person pulled her in and close the door.

She's finally home.

Neither both of them broke the heavy air that was dancing around them. She only looked down, watching the distance between their feet while he was staring down at her, eyeing all her little details over and over again.

"Why are you here? Thought I made it clear before. There's nothing between us anymore." he spoke, tightly. His gaze was sharp with a tint of soft lingered somewhere inside the orbs.

Her lips quivered as she took a second to ponder if it's really a great decision to come here. Holding her own shaking hands, she pondered again how do things turned out like this.

Is it because of her? All her life there's never been someone who is committed to her. There’s no one who genuinely love her. Nobody. Not even her family. School friends. College friends. They all forget about her at the end of the day. She wondered if it was a curse that fall upon her to make her feel so much alone.

Until he came that one day into her life. He was her childhood friend. First friend, first crush, first ever love. All her memories were full of him. She was glad. She was happy.

Spending time together was so good. They both enjoyed each other's company so much. They trusted their life with each other. They confided into each other. They were inseparable.

Maybe life is starting to get better. She thought. Or maybe it was just a joke that she never understands  and always be the victim.

In every happiness there is despair. She couldn't believe her ears the day she heard that he dont want anything to do between them anymore.

She couldn't understand. Never.

Her head hurts at that point. She’s back to square one. People left her again for no exact reason. It was the same cycle over and over again and in all honesty she was fucking tired of it.

Was it her fault? Was she that worse that every time she get attached to someone, they always managed to leave her? What is there in her that they see? Are they disgust with her?

She never understands.

She was crying. In front of him. The first person who she ever confide in and told all her problems.

"Don’t leave me. You know I have no one anymore at this point. What did I do? Tell me. I swear I would change myself. Tell me what I did wrong." she placed her forehead on his shoulder as she let the tears running free. Hands gripping tightly on his shirt.

But her question was never answered.

She bit her lips harder this time supressing herself from letting out a sob. "What the fuck did I do for you to leave me? Tell me."

She was getting impatient.

She pulled away gazing up at the man in front of her who was also crying with his mouth shut. She gritted her teeth and pulled his shirt collar.

"Say something!" she cried out.

"You promised me. You promised me no matter how fucked up I am, you will never give up on me. What makes you give up right now? What did I do wrong. Fuck, Jungkook! Just tell me already!" she said again, tears were running out of her control as she pulled his face closer.

Jungkook was crying, staring at her. But he couldn't say anything. He can't bring himself to say something.

She slowly letting go of his shirt.

Nothing ever stays.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA For telling my partner I'd like to bring my ex into our relationship?

I'm copying this over from r/relationship_advice, because the responses are giving me the impression they don't really get what polyamory is & I'm hoping tumblr does. For reference: there's me (29M), my ex (28, Trans Man), and my partner (30M).

My ex and I were best friends in high school, went to the same college, & dated through the tail end of undergrad, for about a year and change. We ended things on very good terms, the only reason we broke up was a difference in life paths: I stayed in the city to get my Master's, he traveled constantly for his work (he's a sculptor who makes these huge custom multimedia pieces, they're genuinely some of the most beautiful things I've seen). We fell out of touch for the most part, but I'd see him popping up on social media occasionally, or he'd text me when he was in town and we'd hang out, along with some other school friends.

The last time I saw him before our present situation was about 3 1/2 years ago today. We went out for drinks, he came back to my place after, and we ended up hooking up. He stayed in town for about a week, and we hooked up a few more times, and then he left again. He sort of dropped off the face of the earth after that, but he'd always been pretty sporadic, especially when he had a big project, so I didn't think much about it.

Not long after that, I met my current partner. He's truly one of my favorite people in the whole world; he's incredibly thoughtful, and earnest, and passionate about his morals & principles (he's an environmental lawyer), and more than anything, he's someone I never feel like I have to pretend with. He asked for my number, we had our first date a few days later, and ended up staying awake the entire night just talking about anything and everything, so we went ahead and got 5am pancakes and called it our second date. We've been together for a little over 3 years now, we've been moved in together for about 2, and while we've had the occasional fight or rough patch I can definitely say I love this man, and I plan to spend the rest of my life with him.

So, the big change.

About a year ago (~2 years since seeing my ex, my partner and I have lived together for about a year at this point), my partner and I are having a night in, and there's a knock at the door. It's my ex, looking absolutely ragged, holding a 15 month old baby. As in, a baby who was conceived 24 months before then. Yep, it's pretty much what you're guessing. I let them both in, we had a sit down in the kitchen, and he told me everything he'd been doing in the past 2 years in between me cussing him out for keeping it all from me in the first place. I really do want to keep this as short as possible, so to give you the super condensed version:

She's my daughter, he's completely sure about that, there's no one else he's been with the math is even close to correct for

The second he found out he was pregnant, he more or less panicked. He's got a whole Thing about feeling like he's irresponsible/not a "real" adult, and this really set him off, so telling me felt like "admitting to fucking both our lives up" at the time. His OB/GYN said some pretty awful shit to him about not being more careful as a trans man too, which just made it all even worse

Because of all that, he'd genuinely planned to just never tell me I have a daughter & raise her completely on his own, but a few things compounded to force his hand:

The birth was really rough on him, and his recovery was slow enough he was having trouble going back to work, to the point where money was getting tight

On top of that, our daughter has celiac disease, and between paying out of pocket for blood tests & spending more on baby food she's safe to eat, things got desperate enough he went and took out a really dodgy loan from a scummy payday company

He was at our door because all of this had finally spiraled to a point where he'd lost his apartment, they'd been sleeping in his car for about a week, and he couldn't think of anything else to do

I think I was probably feeling every human emotion in existence at the same time through all of this, but the thing I remember most from the whole conversation was the way my partner kept drifting right back to the baby, and the soft way he looked at her. We put my ex & daughter up in a hotel room for the night and told him we needed to talk, and we'd discuss our options in the morning, but I think even then I kind of knew what our answer was going to be.

Sure enough, for the last year and a half we've been co-parenting our little girl, all three of us. We didn't want to juggle who's got her, or force my ex to find a place to stay, so we've turned my partner's home office into our daughter's room, and redid most of the downstairs layout so my ex could move into an actual bedroom, rather than just sleep on our pullout couch in perpetuity. We finally succeeded in convincing him that rest and recovery was more important than trying to contribute to the house finances right away, and it's been magical watching all that stress and terror slowly fall off him. It's like he's a little more alive again every time I look.

Which is where my question comes in.

I'd like to restate, I love my partner 100%. None of this changes that whatsoever. If I ask, and he says no, that will be the end of the discussion for me completely. But I have eyes. My ex is, objectively, a very attractive man. I know we work well together, and I have to admit I'm very curious to see where that same chemistry could lead now that he's not on the other side of the country half the time. I've also been noticing these little moments between him and my partner. Nothing I'd consider crossing a line, but I've caught my partner checking my ex out several times, as well as vice versa, and they get along remarkably well. Sometimes I'll go to enter a room, and see them both sitting there laughing and chatting and playing with our baby, and I'll just hang back to watch because it makes me so happy.

Add to all that, we're pretty deeply ingrained in each other's lives now. My partner and I don't often go out on dates alone anymore, but the last few times we did it felt as if my ex was missing from the table. We watched a movie together last night, and my ex sat in the middle of us with his feet in my partner's lap and his head on my chest, and it felt just as natural as my arm on my partner's shoulder. It's not about just having sex with him, and it's not that I'd want to invite any old person into our relationship. I know we already all love each other, and I think there's potential for that to become romantic between the two of us and my ex.

It just feels as though we're all holding our breath, waiting for someone else to say it first. My ex certainly isn't going to bring it up when he's living rent free in "our" home (it's his home too, but he doesn't seem to see it like that yet). My partner grew up sheltered enough that I'm not sure he's ever heard of polyamory at all, so he's not going to bring it up. That just leaves me.

My problem is, if I'm wrong about what I think I'm seeing, or if I bring it up the wrong way, I can't take it back. I don't want my partner to feel insecure or betrayed, I don't want my ex to feel pressured or put on the spot, and I definitely don't want my daughter to lose any of us, which I know could happen if we aren't all on the same page. Or worse, if we do all date and it goes badly.

Should I just keep this whole thing secret? Is that even worse? Would I be the asshole for opening this can of worms on everyone else?

Help!

[foreverlittlesoshi]

All Of Our Foolish Notions

noah sebastian x reader

content warnings: angst and cheating

word count - 1.7k

an ~ the beginning is heavily based off my personal life and something i've gone through recently so this was my way of letting go

The world felt like it was collapsing on you. A dream couldn’t have possibly led to this. no way. You couldn’t believe it. 

Maybe it was a little strange to go through someone’s phone over a dream but you couldn’t help it. The dream was too realistic and caused you to worry for a couple days before getting the bravery to check. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise because you had certain doubts about Sam and reading the messages just confirmed them.

I miss you, Kali

I miss you too, Sam.

How could he say that to her? Why would he say that to her? He always said she treated him so badly yet he’s putting in the effort to talk to her? Anger and betrayal ran hot through your veins but you couldn’t help but look further and sadly found more. Just what you wanted to see. An intimate video that was definitely not of you two and the date/timestamp was a couple months ago and just a day before your one year anniversary.

You quietly put his phone back down, carefully not to wake him up and just stared at him. It felt like a bigger slap in the face that he was sleeping so peacefully while you felt like your heart was being ripped apart. Choking back the sobs felt like pure hell but you didn’t want him to see you like this because it’s not like he would even care.

The energy to even stand up couldn’t process in your head so you crawled back to your side of the room and grabbed your phone, quietly crawling to the bathroom and locking the door. You only knew one person who could help you out in this situation and maybe it wasn’t the best to call another man but he was your best friend.

“Hey, are you okay? it’s 1 am.” His voice was too relaxing to hear though you felt bad because he sounded groggy.

“He’s been cheating on me. with his ex of all fuckin people, Noah.” Saying it felt like a bigger punch in the gut. 

“Hold on, what?” He said more clearly and wiping the tiredness from him.

“I-I had a dream the other night, i guess my subconscious trying to tell me something so i started to overthink but i didn’t ask because i didn’t want to start an argument and tonight i finally broke. I know i shouldn’t have but i went through his phone and saw-“ a painful sob left you, “he literally filmed them having sex just a day before our one year anniversary.” 

“I’m gonna fuckin kill -“ “No, please just help me get out of here. He’s not even awake. I just want to leave.” Begging him made you feel so small but you couldn’t help it. 

“I’ll be there soon.” 

“Thank you.”

-

When Noah arrived, it made you feel a little better though it still all felt like a big blur packing your things quickly, quietly and carefully to not wake up Sam. Maybe it was the power he had over you but you felt guilty, just leaving and not even leaving a message, note or anything. Just the key to his apartment on the coffee table and walking away from someone you spent a year of your life with. 

“This is stupid to ask but are you okay?” Noah asked as you tossed your bags into his car and you couldn’t help but chuckle weakly.

“I just feel really fuckin stupid. It doesn’t help this situation but i had already caught him in two lies about her before i found this out and i just made excuses for him. I thought the last time was the final straw but clearly not. The worst part is somehow i feel like i deserve this.” You confessed and could feel the anger rise again. 

“No, you fuckin don’t. Don’t ever say some stupid shit like that again. He’s an insecure stupid little prick who doesn’t even know that he just lost the best person ever.” Maybe he let his feelings out a bit but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stand the fact that you genuinely believed you deserved to get cheated on and treated like garbage.

“Let’s just go back to yours before i go back in there and punch him.” Saying as you headed to the passenger side.

Even while having your heart broken, you let your anger get the best of you and Noah couldn’t stop his heart from beating faster. He always thought it was cute.

-

The amount of crying you did exhausted you to the point you didn’t even feel Noah carrying you to his bed and tucking you in.

“Don’t leave me.” you mumbled to him.

“Just wanted to make sure you’re comfortable first.” He tells you as he crawls into the bed, you automatically cling onto him and let out a sigh of calmness. 

“I love you so much and thank you.” He shouldn’t have taken it too seriously but he couldn’t help it. It was killing him that you were going through this pain but he didn’t want to make it worse by confessing to you and messing with your mind/feelings more. 

“If only you knew.” You swore you heard him say but decided to not say anything and just fall asleep.

-

Getting back on your feet again wasn’t the hard part of getting over your last relationship, the hard part was realizing your feelings for Noah. You didn’t want to admit it though because you don’t want to make him feel like a rebound or taking advantage of him. You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if he thought about himself that way.

Drinking wasn’t the right choice but you were so overwhelmed that you didn’t know what else to do and honestly, you didn’t mean to get too drunk either. You just wanted to stop thinking about everything so you could calm down though maybe going out with the whole group wasn’t helpful. 

“Are you ever going to confess to him?” Folio’s voice broke your thought process.

You didn’t want to answer him at first, instead downing another shot of tequila. 

“I’m just scared.”

He scoffed at your response, “Of what? It’s clear that he loves you.”

Noah’s words replayed in your head from that night, “If only you knew.” and the memory made the alcohol hit ten times harder. 

“I don’t want him to think of himself as a rebound. He’s too special to me. I love him but i don’t want to hurt him.” You could tell you were slurring your words but he still acknowledged what you were trying to say.

With the alcohol hitting hard, you couldn’t even tell if Folio said anything else. All you could think about was Noah and everything you two had been through. Seeing his hardships from a young age, letting him stay with you when you two were teenagers and your family treating him like their own, going to his local shows with his old band, the fallout, seeing him mature and grow while forming bad omens, his past flings, his breakdowns, his decision to cut his hair short after so many years and seeing bad omens blow up with just pretend and all the success they received. 

It hit you hard. You were in love with him. Maybe you always had been but just refused to accept it. You were there for him through everything and he was always there for you. Why didn’t he ever confess?  was the main question in your mind.

“Where is he?” you asked Folio.

“Outside with Jolly.” Once he told you, you tried to quickly stand up but stumbled. “Let me help you out.”

Folio helped you through the crowd, guiding you out the door and the cool air sobering you up just a tiny bit. 

“NOAH!” yelling his name immediately got his attention and he rushed over. 

“Are you okay? Did some-“ “She’s fine. Just drunk.” Folio warned him and Noah sighed with relief. You tried to hug him but you just fell into his chest bursting out into a giggling fit as he held onto you so you wouldn’t bust your ass on the ground. 

“I’ll take her home and I’ll text you guys later.” He said guiding you to his car, buckling you in and making sure you’re comfortable. The ride was quiet until you finally spoke up.

“Why haven’t you confessed to me yet?” 

He felt like his heart genuinely stopped for a moment. His throat dried up, his face became red and his stomach started hurting.

“I don’t want to have this conversation when you’re drunk.” his voice was stern which caused you to whine.

“I was just-“”I will not have this conversation when you’re drunk.” To be honest, he shocked you with how stern he was again and decided to drop it until you woke up the next morning.

-

The raging hungover headache woke you up though the blinding sun wasn’t helping it and trying to remember the night hurt your head more. 

“Here.” Noah said startling you while holding some ibuprofen and a glass of water. Quickly downing both and thanking him.

“Why didn’t you ever confess to me?” You ask him finally sober. Seeing him squirm from the question surprised you. Did Folio lie to you? 

“I was just scared of you rejecting me and leaving.” he confessed avoiding your eyes.

“Noah,” your heart was feeling like it was going to explode, “It may have taken me a lot longer than you to realize my feelings but i do love you and i always have.”

“Really?” His timid voice made your heart hurt. 

“Absolutely.” you reached for his hand, it felt so clammy yet still so soft and kissed his hand softly, “I love you Noah.”

“I’ve always loved you and i always will. I love you, more than you will ever know.” He felt relief after so many years of hiding this secret from you. “Can i kiss you?”

You couldn’t help but chuckle, “Of course.”

Soft lips met yours, the kiss just felt right and like it was meant to be. You couldn’t help but feel bad for not realizing your feelings sooner than later and putting him through hell. 

When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours and cupped your cheeks as he asked, “Will you finally be mine?”

“Absolutely Noah.” 

title comes from Lucky Ones by LIGHTS

[fuctacles]

Ao3 | divider by @penny00dreadful

Steve was taking a break from calling clients and munching on his sandwich when his frazzled co-worker stormed in. He never liked the guy, and could never trust someone driven by money like that, but the stormy look on his face gave him a pause. Bill was always composed and giving off the air of a rich boy looking down on anyone else. Whatever put him in such a state must have been big. 

When Bill disappears behind the doors of their manager, Steve curiously leans towards Angela. 

"What's gotten into his pants?" he murmurs, hoping for a piece of gossip.

Angela scoffs.

"Idiot thought he could sell the Creel House."

Angela wasn't a pleasant person. But she was also blunt and always ready to talk shit. And she had the cutest cats, even if she was a bit obsessed with them. She was Steve's go-to for office gossip. And sometimes extra information he missed as one of the newer employees. Office lore, as Dustin would call it.

"What's the Creel House?" he asks genuinely. She eyes him like he's stupid, but he's dealt with those stares long before her, so he holds it down until she folds.

"It's this old house we haven't been able to sell for years, probably around a decade. There's all kinds of stupid rumors around it, like curses and hauntings," she tells him with an eye roll. He snorts to let her know he shares her opinion, as scoffs, snorts, and eye rolls were the language she understood the best. "Bill thought he could go for it after his selling streak last month. Guess the streak just broke." She smiled in that evil way only introverted old ladies could. A chill went down Steve's spine, but he snickered alongside her. 

"What a loser," he commented and focused back on his sandwich, but his imagination was running wild about how the house might look. As soon as he was done with his paperwork for the day, he went looking for the file on Creel's House. 

His manager eyed him weirdly, but he assured him it was mostly curiosity speaking through him.

The file had photos from soon after it was built and more recent ones, after a decade of neglect. There weren't many capturing the interior, but if it was anywhere similar to the outside, it should be in good condition for small renovations. It was big, too. Could become a home for a family, their dog, and visiting friends. Maybe someone's lesbian best friend and her love interest, too...

Needless to say, as soon as Steve found out about it, the house wouldn't leave his thoughts. It had a huge backyard that extended into the woods behind it. It was cheap for a house this size, probably because of its bad rap. And, the most important part, it was closer to Robin than the apartment he was currently renting. 

The last thing to check off on his list was seeing it in person. 

His manager didn't take his request well. 

"You think you can do something Bill couldn't?" he asks with his eyebrows raised. 

It takes all of Steve's strength not to scoff. 

"I'm not planning on selling it. I'm actually considering buying it."

That seems to only amuse his boss further. 

"Ha! You wouldn't be the first. Be my guest then." He shrugs, turning to reach a locked cabinet where the keys to the houses are stored. He hands him the ring of old keys. "Knock yourself out." He grins.

"Thank you." Steve nods and turns around to leave the office as soon as possible. He didn't share his plans with any of his coworkers, not interested in hearing their opinions, but he could feel the amused stares Angela was giving him over her coffee when he was packing to leave for the day.

When he's passing by her desk, she leans forward on her elbows, her proper, trimmed nails posed like claws on the mug. 

"Any plans for the weekend, Steven?" she asks with all the charm of a feral cat. 

Steve knows for a fact that Angela doesn't care about her coworkers' lives unless there are felines or police involved. There's only one reason she could be asking, and it's inside the pocket of his blazer. 

"Not really. Might visit a friend." He shrugs. "You?" 

"Well, good luck with that," Angela completely ignores his question. "I hope nothing spooky happens on your trip," she says as if she hopes something does happen to him.

"Thank you, Angela, you too." Steve nods to his coworker and leaves hastily so nothing evil attaches to him before he even enters a haunted house. 

The house was located an hour's drive away, and he didn't want to rush his exploration, so he waited for the weekend to come around before he went to see it. According to the map, it's been built off the main road, giving a sense of privacy and solitude. It was more part of the forest than the nearest neighborhood. A great place for an eccentric loner or a loud family that didn't want to be a bother.

Steve packed the house files, a notepad, measuring tape, and some lunch for his trip. And, upon some consideration, the upgraded walkie Dustin had given him. He wasn't going to risk being stranded miles from civilization without the means of contact. 

It was a Saturday, before noon, but he dialed the number he called at least once a week.

"Hello?" His favorite person picked up on the third ring, the tone of her voice indicating she had been asleep not so long ago.

"Hey Robs."

"Steve! What's up?"

His smile grew. Hearing her always felt better than he imagined when grabbing the phone, and soon he might be able to see her in person. 

"Do you have any plans for tonight?" he asks coyly, leaning on the wall in his kitchen. 

"I have some papers left to grade and might go grab drinks with the girls later. What about you?"

"I'm about to head out to scout a new house," he says, thumbing at the keys in his pocket. He doesn't want to share his plans yet, since they were mostly wishful thinking. Maybe the repairs were too out of his budget, maybe the house has gotten worse since the last photos of it had been taken. Or maybe there was something weird about it like everyone claimed. "It's on the way to Indianapolis, so if you don't mind, I could make a detour—"

"Do I mind?!" Robin screeches into his ear. He grins despite the volume briefly disorienting him. "I haven't seen you in a month, get your ass down here!" 

"Well, how could I say no, when you ask so nicely," he laughs.

"Damn right, I do!" she snickers back. "Now go go go, the sooner you start driving, the sooner you get here!"

"Okay, Jesus, so bossy."

They say their 'see you soon's and Steve grabs his duffel bag. Even if the house is a total bust, at least he'll spend the weekend with his best friend. 

The house is not a total bust.

He almost misses the turn leading to it, hidden behind overgrown bushes. The drive quickly turns from asphalt to gravel and then disappears completely, and he hopes the overgrown grass framed with young trees is leading him in the right direction.

His worries subside when he spots the roof peeking from between the trees and he's soon rolling into what probably used to be a driveway.

The sound of his car door closing resonates loudly in the rural scenery, scaring some birds above him. As he eyes the bushes between himself and the house's entrance, he wishes he had taken something other than a club with him. Albeit the worst of it has been torn or pushed aside, probably by Bill who's been here before him. The house itself looks like the pictures, maybe the ivy on the side has grown since then. Despite its age of about forty years and being abandoned, it still looks nice. 

He rounds the car and opens up the trunk, where he always had a couple of necessities. A first aid kit, a fire extinguisher, a flamethrower, and such. And the metal bat he reaches for right now. It's better to be safe than sorry, as he's run into squatters before.

He locks the car and using the bat, moves the bushes out of his way to the porch. He tries the steps first, and they seem sturdy so he steps up to the door. The colorful glass in its frame forms a rose. He's not a big fan of the design choice and wonders if it would be hard to get a matching door without it.

The hinges creak loudly when he pushes inside and takes the first proper look at the house's interior. Whoever planned the placement of all the windows did a great job because it felt illuminated from the inside, despite the dust covering everything. On his left is a study room, covered by shelves and with a huge window to provide proper reading light. He gives the cozy-looking chairs a cursory glance and moves on. On the right extends the front porch but with a couple of steps he finds the living room, with an old TV and a collection of couches that indicate the previous owners had a huge group of friends. 

Further down, he finds the dining room, the steps to the back porch, and the kitchen, where he stops for longer. Because there on the fridge, in colorful letter magnets, somebody has spelled 'fuck off'.

Steve snickers. He thought it was a nice touch for an allegedly haunted house. 

Some of the magnets were holding up drawings of dragons and similar creatures. He spotted some yellowing Spider-Man stickers too, so maybe whatever kids used to live here were also little nerds like his friends. Curiously, he opened the fridge to find an ancient can of Coke inside. The cupboards held long-expired jars of herbs, rice, and pasta. It seemed like the house was never properly cleaned out. 

Next on his journey was the upstairs, where he found three bedrooms and two bathrooms. The master bedroom held the biggest and most expensive bed he's ever seen. Dragging it upstairs, even in parts, must have been hell. It had a canopy too, semi-translucent and dark. It partially hid the painting hanging over the headboard, and he had to step closer to take a look at it.

It was another dragon, with its wings spread and toothy mouth dripping with drool on a small figure beneath it - a woman in a skimpy dress, with dragonfly wings. Steve makes a face. 

"A man of peculiar taste, I see," he murmurs to himself, backing away from the bed. The rest of the walls had similar paintings of mythical creatures, making Steve wonder what kind of person the previous owner was. And why would he abandon art and furniture that must have cost a small fortune? 

He opened the door on the side, which turned out to lead into a small walk-in closet. It had a full length mirror and the few things left on hangers looked more like costumes than regular clothes. The owner must have been an eccentric artist type. An actor, maybe? Or a musician, he notes, spotting an empty guitar stand in the corner. 

At least the bathroom looks relatively normal if you don't count the gargoyle faucets added in.

The guest room paintings are far more tame, giving the impression the owner wanted the saucy ones for himself. Aside from that, there's nothing really exciting about them. The furniture looks to be on the more expensive side, but if Steve didn't have his realtor knowledge he proably wouldn't even notice.

He checks the windows, which seem to be in good shape, maybe one or two need replacing, and others just need extra insulation. The back porch looks even better than the front one, but the backyard is a mess. It's surrounded by a tall fence to keep the wildlife away, but throughout the years, the forest started creeping through, the roots digging beneath, plants dropping their seeds to grow. It would be a lot of work to get rid of it.

The whole house was a lot of work, but not as much as Steve had feared. The construction was solid and it stood against weather and abandonment for years without taking much damage. He probably wouldn't need professionals for most of it. 

He stood in the middle of the foyer, listening to his guts while looking around the abandoned, empty house. He knew he had time to make a decision. He could talk it out with Robin if he wanted, although keeping it a surprise sounded more fun.

Giving the ground floor one last lazy stroll, he spots a door he had missed earlier. It's smaller than the usual door, making Steve assume it leads to the basement. Or, as the wooden plaque on the door claims, "The Dungeon". Which was not mentioned in the house plans he'd looked through. 

He pulls out the key ring from his back pocket to look for the right one, though he doesn't remember 'basement' being among the labels. He flicks through all of them again.

Main. Back. Master. Guest 1. Guest 2.

No basement in sight. 

Perhaps the key went loose from the keyring, or it was somewhere in the house. He wasn't about to go on a wild goose chase to see some cobwebs and spiders when the alternative was getting on the road to see his friend. 

He steps into the library once again, probably the most normal room of them all, and takes a closer look at the titles on the shelves. It's more fantasy, as he expected, with some classics he's heard about from Dustin, but mostly titles unknown to him. He finds a whole shelf of D&D manuals, too. He picks one up with a curious hum, wondering if there's a way to get those even if he doesn't go with the house after all. 

He's not sure how old the game is (Dustin had told him multiple times, but he always forgets) but he wouldn't be surprised if all the released material so far was in here. He gently places the paperback back in its place, assuming that they were stored in order and he didn't want to disturb that. He took a step back to take the room in.

Walls covered in books, floor to ceiling, a fireplace with figurines on the mantle, four cozy armchairs, and a low table with a map under a glass pane. Middle Earth, of course. 

The Party would love it, he muses. It doesn't feel like a coincidence, that the house he considers buying, has things that would appeal to his friends. But he knows he has to make a smart decision. And nothing clears his mind better than a night out with his best friend. 

read the rest on Ao3

[namelessprayers]

lu guang could never understand what made a tragedy so much more superior when crafted with a romance. that always seemed so superficially dictated by society, so obviously manufactured by the world's overwhelming obsession with love.

then, when cheng xiaoshi kissed him, it was like something snapped.

because cheng xiaoshi kissed like it wasn't their first time. cheng xiaoshi kissed like they had all the time in the world. cheng xiaoshi kissed like he wasn't the dead man which lu guang would risk the world to keep alive. they kissed as though time was not of the essence, as if they could somehow transcend it.

and it was tender, and right, and troubling. so troubling.

because he wasn't ignorant, and when they broke apart for air, lu guang could only clutch desperately at cheng xiaoshi's shirt and bow his head down, refusing to look him in the eye. to pass it off casually, he nuzzled his face into cheng xiaoshi's neck, hardly able to stand upright without holding on like this might all evaporate into a dream.

"awh, you really are like a cat." cooed cheng xiaoshi, naive, blissful, all too familiarly and achingly genuine. how sweet, lu guang couldn't help but say to himself.

but it didn't feel as sweet as it looked, because all lu guang could attempt was to not imagine cheng xiaoshi with blood on his chest. lu guang belatedly realized, now he wouldn't just remember everything else about cheng xiaoshi, but also how he tasted and smelled on top of it all. it was a harrowing thought.

and additionally, it seemed apparent that this was a big change. it was a problem big enough to possibly make or break the timeline.

"hey-" started cheng xiaoshi, only to be cut off by lu guang pulling him back in for another kiss. he decided that the timeline was a problem for another day, and secretly, lu guang was hoping that this timeline would be different in a better way. improved, perhaps.

he thought, stupidly, that love could somehow be enough.

then, when cheng xiaoshi died, streaking lu guang's hands in a far too familiar shade of red, another thing snapped.

it became apparent that they weren't getting any time.

lu guang's jumps became less of a dull pain that simply needed to see cheng xiaoshi and live through their friendship again, it became something feral, something carnally desperate. he wasn't sure how to live without getting fifty or more years of this; this, being cheng xiaoshi looking at him that way, kissing him that way, knowing lu guang without the imminent end looming overhead.

and it wasn't fair. yet inexplicably, lu guang began less drained each time, instead becoming somewhat reinvigorated each return, each reignition of what he sought so hard to maintain.

but it was futile, a matter of time, and they were running out.

lu guang could tell, with every shift that got further and further as well as closer and closer, time was mocking them.

because he could see them lasting. he could easily imagine them eighty years old, changed but still the same, stubbornly holding onto the habits of their youth and each other.

he knows cheng xiaoshi would still drag him to pose for a needless amount of photos and hang the pictures everywhere around their living space. he knows cheng xiaoshi would still buy him elaborately childish cat themed apparel and he'd still wear it because it's comfy despite looking ridiculous. he knows cheng xiaoshi would still order his milk tea with the ever consistent levels of sugar and ice.

it especially hurts, because instead of having memories of repetitive routine in old age, lu guang is intimately stuck with the feeling of cheng xiaoshi dying in his arms, bleeding out, taking a final breathe, over and over again.

so he tries, claps and dives back to the beginning without hesitation, any attempt to salvage what feels natural, what feels right. lu guang can't stop time, but he'll live forever if it's the only alternative.

and though the love enhances the pain of loss, it also enhances the joy of living, and lu guang finally understands the value of a tragic love story; in every scream and every timeline and unavoidable death and slightly reiterated kiss. lu guang just has to let it linger, end and all, hoping that one day it'll finally pay off somehow.

[michaelmilligan]

Do y'all even know how much I rotate post-canon Midam in my mind? Like, every day my brain is speed-running a fix-it where Michael is brought back.

And it can go so many ways.

Michael getting brought back, immediately rushing to Adam, and Adam accepting him back with only love and relief in his heart? Absolutely believable.

Michael being brought back, dragging his feet about going to Adam even though he desperately wants to see him, but also he pretty much betrayed his brothers and sided with God, and when he does finally go see him, Adam hits him with the whole 'How could you, I thought we were friends!' and takes a really long time to be convinced that Michael still likes him and wants to be with him? ALSO absolutely believable.

There's so much in between that, and there are of course several factors influencing which would be more likely - like how much time passes until Michael is brought back, whether Adam has been spending time Sam and Dean or not, and how much they told him, if anything. But at the end of the day, there is I think one big question that decides where it comes out to. And we simply don't see enough of those two on screen to be able to answer that question with any clarity.

The question is, how much of their feelings have these two shared?

And I don't necessarily mean this in a romantic way. I'm all for big dramatic 'I love you's and all that, but this would work just as well with a queer-platonic, or purely platonic, relationship between the two. In fact, I think even if they had exchanged 'I love you's before rapture, that still wouldn't answer this question.

The thing is, how much do they know about the depth of each other's feelings? Do they both know just how much the other wants to be with them? Does Adam know that Michael would burn the world if he asked? Does Michael know that Adam doesn't need him to kill for him, he needs him to LIVE for him? Does Adam know that the reason Michael didn't go back to Heaven is at least 90% him? Does Michael know that Adam isn't just keeping him around because it's convenient, but because he genuinely enjoys hanging out with him?

There is a lot of interpretation here on my part, but yeah, I think whatever configuration you put these two in (romantic/queer-platonic/whatever else), these two are just absolutely unhinged about each other. As in they cannot imagine a life without each other anymore. Adam just spent at least a thousand years with Michael alone. That's the equivalent of several human lifetimes! And for Michael, it's of course considerably less, but do you really think he has been this close with, this focused on anyone since Lucifer fell? Since his family broke apart, and he became a general above anything else? Do you think he isn't absolutely thrilled to have Adam, a guy who doesn't always agree with him but likes him anyway, a guy he is literally chilling in the same body with, as close as two people can conceivably be? You think he's not insane about that guy?

Anyway, this got off track, but I truly do believe that how the fix-it goes depends on whether they know this about each other. How secure they are about each other's feelings. Because I think if Adam knows how Michael feels about him, he's more likely to think along the lines of 'Michael was manipulated by his abusive dad and went back to him, man I wish I could have been there and helped him untangle his emotions, he must have been at rock bottom :(' and less likely something like 'Michael went back to his dad as soon as I was gone, guess he never cared about me at all'.

And I guess in the end it does come down to Adam, because while I can see Michael being insecure and not knowing if Adam will take him back, he would also jump immediately if Adam called for him in a prayer or anything like that. Meanwhile, if Adam is angry, I think Michael would withdraw pretty quickly, which Adam would take as confirmation that Michael never really cared much...

So, yeah. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it can go many ways, and to me it depends heavily on whether they (especially Adam, but also Michael) know how much the other cares for them.

[ensinia-internetstranger]

I wouldn't call this exactly a revival of my old Pizza Tower TDI AU but I had sudden cravings. I doubt it'll go beyond just these though because Damien is the only character I pay attention to Anyways, beware of Pizza Tower spoilers (just in case), extra yappery, and some art below the cut

So, Yapping about our favorite little Skinwalker I'm calling him Faux Damien instead of Fake Damien for two reasons, because A it goes hard and B Damien feels like the type to just use big or 'fancier' words in regular speech because he wants to To elaborate on the "Legs & boots are kinda the same" bit, uh. You don't see them because I didn't draw his lower half but he has these knee-length boots he wears because style, and Faux made an attempt to recreate this but it kind of just made it's legs really wonky and fucked up, MS doodle for reference

The og Damien's boots have a cut off point, are different colors even if similar (not shown) and his feet start at his ankles, as feet do. Faux's boots don't, and are just a solid color with the rest of it's legs, it's "feet" start at the knees and are more hoof-like, it doesn't really have ankles The logo on Damien's jacket is only on the right arm, not the left. Faux's "Jacket" has it's distorted logo on both arms. Similarly, Damien's jacket has a zipper, Faux's does not If Faux concentrates really really hard, it can look like a near perfect copy of Damien, down to even fixing it's less obvious mistakes. However, this makes it difficult for it to attempt communication and often leaves it completely nonverbal, poor thing is ass at multitasking it's disguise This goes for communication too, if it thinks hard enough it can spew out coherent words and phrases, although this leads to it's more Damien-Like appearance falling apart It doesn't understand much of what it says anyways, just parrots things it's heard from the other bosses. The most coherent thing out of it is just various taunts it blurts out during the chase (I.E. the audible "PEPPINO, COME OVER HERE NOW" in the OG pizza tower's chase theme for Fake Pep) These were taught to it on purpose by Lauren (My Pizzahead in this AU) for the sake of unnerving Damien It is often stuck in a constant state of :< or :3. Very goober It does in fact kill and eat the smaller Damien clones (Like the pep clones you see in the WAR level an stuff). There's a reason Lauren kept the failed subjects It's made out of some sort of fucked up Pizza Dough, it doesn't feel pain though it does understand when it's being threatened and acts accordingly. It does also mimic the other bosses and Damien's reactions to pain, though none of it is genuine And now for some bonus doodles and a teeny bit of yappery about the actual Damien in this AU thing (The first image is not an accurate height comparison I just wanted to draw the sillies, the second image however. Is)

Damien doesn't OWN the restaurant he works at like Peppino, he's just an underpaid delivery boy When Chris (our Pizzaface) showed up and announced the fact that he was going to death-ray the restaurant, he specifically mentioned it was being done to spite Damien (AKA, Lauren thought it was funny). So the boss made it his problem specifically Once the delivery scooters or whatever they're called broke down, Damien's solution was to run his ass all the way to the house on foot and deliver the Pizza that way. This has happened on multiple occasions, it's the "lore" explanation for why he's so fucking fast

[batsovergotham]

Wait omggggg for The Night Remains, is there gonna be some sort of love triangle/ past relationship w/ dick??? Whether there is or not I’m soooo excited for this new fic. Batman comics are literally my ONE THING so this is kinda a dream come true lmao. It’ll be fun to see how Mark chooses to navigate through Gotham and work with The Bats, learning that, though they may not be powered, they are NOT to be underestimated

WAIT STOP SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE EXCITED you don’t even KNOW how unwell i am over The Night Remains rn it’s literally renting out my entire brain and it’s NOT leaving any time soon

OK OK LISTEN I NEED TO YAP REAL FAST

• FIRST OF ALL no love triangle shit with dick i SWEAR

dick is literally just baby robin here full chaos mode like he’s actually batwoman reader’s son at this point i don’t make the rules

reader’s super young too like EARLY twenties, 23-24 tops, MAX, she’s more bruce-coded than barbara-coded honestly the only thing she shares with barbara is the batwoman name and even then it’s hanging on by a thread

so like. dick?? practically HER KID. we’re safe.

• now the actual messy history??? it’s with SUPERMAN. and it’s DELICIOUS

so batwoman reader meets clark super early like 18 years old mask barely broken in cape still fresh she clocks him IMMEDIATELY

because hello giant walking god weapon with a moral compass, gotham-trained brain goes study that immediately

and guess what. feelings happened. oops.

they ended up dating. they WENT PUBLIC (mistake??? yes. iconic??? also yes.)

and the media tried to TEAR THEM APART bc the vibes were so crazy gotham’s billionaire orphan and a literal nobody reporter from nowhere?? the tabloids had a FIELD DAY

but they stuck it out bc they’re stubborn idiots and clark? was her first everything. first kiss. first love. first body. first person she let really see her behind the mask.

BUT of course trauma said no happiness allowed and guilt and gotham and vengeance ate her alive so she pushed clark away not bc she stopped loving him BUT bc she genuinely thought she didn’t deserve anything soft until she fixed everything broken in her world

they broke up (around 20yo) but LIKE the love did not evaporate bro it was STILL THERE

so sometimes when it got Bad (capital B) and she couldn’t breathe from the weight of everything??

she’d go to him. physically. because it was the only time she could open up without collapsing

clark (being clark) let her. no questions. no pressure. just love in whatever way she could accept.

eventually he moved on with lois (clark/lois endgame YESSSS) but clark never dipped out on her completely bc he KNEW she needed someone even if she’d never ask

ALSO during this clown fiesta she adopted dick and clark was THERE for that too and dick loves clark so bad like uncle/big brother energy it’s disgusting and adorable

CUT TO MARK GETTING THROWNNN INTO GOTHAM

not for a good reason not for field trips

he’s there because he needs to learn how to think before punching the sun in half he’s learning detective work. critical thinking. how to be careful. actual stealth. how to work a crime scene without leveling a city block.

and the bats??? they humble him IMMEDIATELY it’s beautiful

AND THEN...

AND THEN CLARK SHOWS UP LMAOOOO

just being normal checking in like “hey kiddo how’s it going” and mark???

mark on the outside: “haha nice to meet you dude :) love your work :)”

mark internally: screaming. vomiting. spontaneously combusting. fetal position in his brain.

because it’s one thing to KNOW your girl had a life before you and another thing entirely to STAND ACROSS from the man who was her first kiss first love first touch first EVERYTHING

and act like it’s fine mark TRUSTS her he LOVES her he KNOWS she’s with him now but that old gravity between her and clark??

that unspoken thing that exists between people who have been broken together and survived it??

he FEELS it

and it makes him wanna rip his hair out and scream into the void

and the best part

THE BEST PART

is that all that jealousy and panic and need is just simmering under his skin

and when it finally cracks ohhhhh bestie

it’s going to be FILTHY. it’s going to be DESPERATE.

he’s going to grab her like he thinks she’s going to vanish if he lets go for even a second and it’s gonna be messy and raw and perfect

and none of us are going to survive it

i’m not going to survive it

you’re not going to survive it

we’re all going to cry and throw up together

thank you for giving me the excuse to scream about it i love you forever <333

DISCLAIMER ITS NOT ANGSTY OR ANYTHING I SWEAR THEY TALK THROUGH IT

ー 🦇

[luffyvace]

”headcanons for Reigen and his childhood”

—@princeasimdiya12 resquested these through message :)

Little Reigen was probably a little silly :3 who also probably went through some stuff ⚠️ TW: angst

To start off on a good note I wanna go ahead and say if somebody were to ask him ‘how was your childhood’ he’d respond “it was good, I had a good home n’ my mom was the best cook 😼, my dad always played ball with me too👌” although it’s much deeper than that, he isn’t lying technically.

Anyway on to the sillies :3 His mom actually is a really good cook 😍👩‍🍳 she could cook and bake in fact 😚 (when she didn’t burn the deserts <3) yeah idk what happened but she always just seemed to forget she was baking?? But she didn’t forget when she was cooking….? Idk 🤷‍♀️ Maybe because sometimes baking takes longer in the oven? Again- idk, but it never broke out into a fire so that’s good….although they had to leave the house cuz all the smoke 😁 which leads me to say his mom would end up telling the neighbors (they lived in apartment when he was real young, like up til 7) so they could get out too (cuz smoke like- slips through the cracks of the doors). Everyone opens the windows and doors until it airs out. Before then everyone’s outside relaxing or playing. (Reigen and his dad was the only ones playing).

The couple upstairs was a young couple with no children and there was a old married couple downstairs. Which essentially means Reigen didn’t grow up with other children, at least in his apartment. On the block, yeah but they either weren’t cool with him or were older kids. So yeah, Reigen mostly played with his father. They’d play baseball a lot and Reigen was the batter but he always got hit in the face whenever his dad pitched 😚👍Playing ball with him was his happiest moments, at some point he wanted to be a baseball player actually. He was so fond of it, even his room was baseball themed.

⚠️Angst part:

At school he had friends. Not the type where your excited to see them every day, nonono- the type that occasionally talked to you when they were bored, or if you did something cool. Yeah, those friends :( He clang onto that because that was the most he got. It’s not that the other kids hated him, they just had they’re groups….and he wasn’t apart of any. He was also the class laughing stock 😤 The teachers saw him occasionally talk to students so they never thought twice about the situation 🤦‍♀️ (Check on the poor baby!! 💥💥) He was really chatty when he did get the chance to talk and it was mostly him spewing “cool” lies about his life. Bragging, trying to big himself up to make others want to be his real friends. Buuut that never happened. Actually I wanna say he made one (actually 4 but we’ll get into that later) real friend in high school but he was a foreign exchange student—and he never got the chance to get his number before he went back.

Overall things got better into his teens for a while, until they didn’t. His earlier years played a factor but the teens really did it as to why he is how he is today. At first he had a friend group. It was like 3 dudes and him. They were genuine and had lots of fun together. They met on summer break and two weren’t from his school, the other was but in a different class from him. A pair in the group met in middle school and loved to skateboard. Just thought I’d mention it. Anyway they eventually split ways, not for any reason in particular—they just drifted apart :/

when he turned 11 is when his dad stopped playing with him and he changed his room from baseball themed. He was pretty upset about it but one of the reasons he stopped was because he was his dad had to focus on work more and picked up more hours. So he ended up wanting the weekends for resting and not playing. A year later when he was 12, his parent’s marriage got really rocky- like almost to a divorce—he never found out what happened but something did and completely fixed the problem?! Not overnight of course- but things looked up a lot. He stayed in his room a lot that year and he never bothered asking, only happy to know they were staying together.

Fluff again ♡:

uh random to lighten the mood.. he really loved his mother’s banana pudding. (If he could he would still eat it to this day). But he doesn’t visit her often enough. They email more than anything.

His favorite meal for breakfast was waffles. For lunch? Grilled cheese :) and for dinner he looooved takeout 😋 yeah he’s a pretty takeout obsessed dude and even though his mom can kick more butt in the kitchen than the restaurant cook can he just always had a taste for it 🤷‍♀️ His favorite takeout was Chinese food. Although he could never use the chopsticks he always tried :P

This isn’t my usual headcanons writing style but I decided I wanted to do it like this instead because the paragraphs are a bit long 😅

I do hope you don’t mind dear 💗 enjoy your tea 😊☕️

[wooahaes]

mm, i got a really big problem...

pairing: non-idol...? mark lee x fem!reader

genre: comedy? fluff.

word count: ~0.7k

warnings: an apartment door nearly gets knocked off its hinges based on how loudly it was opened.

daisy’s notes: haha! you thought this was over! now its over for real i promise. (its midnight for me hehe)

At exactly midnight, the door to your apartment was probably broken now.

To paint the scene more clearly: you, the birthday girl of the day, had been curled up in your bed... alone, because your boyfriend had been away for work. Despite the way he had pouted at you the day before he left (”I can take you with me, just hide in my luggage, they won’t know--” after his attempts to fly you with them separately didn’t work because you also had work), Mark had grown more... okay, in a sense, that he wouldn’t physically be there with you for your birthday. The two of you had already decided you’d have a make-up date after he came back (which was supposed to be tonight, since midnight had struck) and rested up. It genuinely didn’t bother you at this point: his work was important to him, and he wasn’t the one in control of when he had to leave and come back. Hell, he was supposed to be back on your birthday, the birthday date being later was because you knew he’d be exhausted.

So when your apartment door suddenly burst open with the force of someone trying to break in, your first thought was, pretty reasonably, “Oh, fuck, someone just broke into my apartment, I should get ready to run and call the cops.”

Except thirty seconds later, your bedroom door flung open to, and you were met with the face of your panicked boyfriend. “Did I make it?! It was, like, two minutes to midnight when I got here and I, like, booked it up the stairs, bro.”

You merely stared at Mark at first, processing what the hell just happened. Because, truly, what the fuck just happened.

“Baby?” He said amidst all the huffing and puffing--how fast did he book it up the stairs? “Did I miss it?”

All you could do was look at your phone, time clicking on to reveal it was not only past minute, but barely a few minutes past midnight. Wordlessly, you held your phone up, and saw the devastation on his face.

“No! Oh my god. I thought we had time,” he made his way over to you. “I got an earlier flight and everything. Aw, man...”

Finally, you found your voice. “Mark... What the hell?”

He sat down at the foot of your side of the bed. “Okay. So... We got an earlier flight. Or, well, I mean I did... and so did a couple of the guys to make sure I didn’t die on my way here, although Donghyuck said he’d be there to comfort my widowed girlfriend if I did die on my way here--” Sounded like him. His flirting with you (and your boyfriend, to be fair) never stopped since you and Mark had never been bothered by what was clearly a joke. “--and I was gonna come surprise you and be like ‘I made it!’ but I didn’t, so now the surprise is kinda ruined even if it does mean I’m back here now--”

Instead of letting him continue to ramble about how he missed you, something he always did when returning from trips, you just pulled him in to kiss his stupidly cute face. He merely smiled into it, kissing you back immediately. When he drew back, you could see the way his eyes were glimmering.

“Hi, baby,” he giggled. “I know I’m late, but happy birthday. I’m home.”

“Mark, you nearly broke the fucking door!” Someone called from the living room. The two of you shared a look, and he grew more flustered.

“Also... I may have ditched my bags on the stairs. And I think Chenle was already following me up since I forgot some of my shit in the car, so...”

You giggled, planting a quick peck against his lips. “Go take care of things,” you said. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

He started to move, only to turn back, smiling as he kissed you one more time. “I love you,” he said. “I’m glad I’m home.”

You were, too.

taglist: @twancingyunhao​

[shreddeddescent]

i think the the untrained eye the way ive presented my leo and raph might make it seem like their characterization has been reversed (someone might be like aha rise fan ass) but like i think the way i see them is like. okay. raph is the oldest brother and they all know that, but he gets to a point where he just cant be the one in charge. and despite leo's immaturity at a younger age, he really comes into his own when he's you know.....not being abused by an evil fucking father. shredder's conditioning never worked on leo cuz it all went into raph first, and then raph broke apart when he hit puberty cuz alllllll that specific conditioning went out the fucking window.

so trying to make leo get his brothers in line never worked. and he actively fought. and he was actively punished for lashing out about it. that sounds like a classic raph thing you know, being angry and acting out. but we're talking about a kid whos 12 and never had to do that being hit with responsibility. very much like ahaha NO? ends up punished. ends up getting raph punished. shredder thinks its cuz raph coddled him. he thinks tang shen coddled his kids when she was around, now he needs a new woman to blame. so if leo fucks up, raph gets punished too.

raph seemed more put together younger cuz he was barely letting himself be aware of how bad the situation was. he picked up the pieces of his brothers and never worried about himself.

being in a safe environment let leo turn into the mature one who was able to handle being a normal teenager without fear, and it turned raph into a fucking maniac who didnt understand that no one was about to hurt him again. he cant handle it, he gets way too close to his mom about how fucked up his dad is and he resents his brothers for not seeing her the same way he does.

i should also say it seems like ive been neglecting the donnie and mikey part. what i think is interesting about their perspectives is that they don't exactly feel caught in the middle of it, but they're both aware their father didnt care about them as much as leo and raph.

mikey was told he was coddled, he ended up malnourished in a way that stunted his growth and it makes raph specifically see him as way younger than he is and he parentifies himself to mikey, which he accepts cuz like. that is the closest thing to a parent mikey has. they have a weird relationship, mikey genuinely sees raph as mom sometimes, definitely more than he'd ever see splinter as one. she tries, but its very much like 'you just showed up when i was 9 i dont know you but thanks for caring'. he's the same age as donnie but has somewhat age regressed in the sense of like "oh, people need someone to be happy! and be funny! i can keep this together cuz im okay! people need a baby brother thats me! im fine!" but hes not.

donnie was very much aware shredder saw him as spare parts because he was born broken to his father. chronic pain, he's weak. he didnt fight as good. he was told he just wasnt trying hard enough, that shit was all in his head. while he knew that wasnt true he didn't fight anything, he behaved. he thought he'd be killed over anything, so he moreso observed the situation, recognizing the patterns of abuse and processing it a little faster. he was ignored for the most part, used as the bargaining chip for his brothers. 'i could simply give him to stockman to make use of his DNA'. empty threat, he's only got four turtles. waste of money to get rid of him. he knew that, maybe his brothers didnt. he and raph kinda bond over being broken from birth in a way. even though donnie is the fastest one to point out no raph, youre a boy, stop talking about yourself like your body is broken and wrong. he kind of oversteps but only because he hates the idea that raph thinks he's just as broken as him for something so fucking common.

leo's a good big brother to mikey and donnie, he doesnt treat them like they're babies as much as raph does, hes aware of their capabilities more. aware of their mental states more. post escape, raph bonds with splinter too much, leo bonds with them. they might sneak out sometimes and pretend they're cosplayers out in the street. he lets them go have fun like normal kids. hes a good brother, he's determined to let them be kids when he didnt get to be one.

raph would fucking lose it if he knew leo let them do that. but he sleeps all fucking day and has no idea. he's way too in his own head now cuz he's got time to fucking think for once. and he doesnt want to.

[reggieblk]

I want to hear more about the unhealthy relationship, post breakup one 👀

aaah pickle thank you for asking!! <3

It's a oneshot I started but never finished because I got to the smut part and was like... I don't want to write this rn...and just never picked it back up xD but I will finish it one day !!

Here's the beginning as a snippet :

“So, what do you think of coming back to mine?” Cedric asked with a bright grin. He looked a bit guilty, as if he couldn’t believe he was saying something so scandalous. 

And Harry had to ignore how he could hear the sound of a charming voice echoing through the years with an easy, albeit presumptuous, “Come to mine,” after a first date.

Harry had been dating Cedric for a while by now. They’d gone on five dates, and Cedric had been nothing but lovely during all of them. He was kind, considerate, always looking to do things Harry enjoyed while learning more about him. It had started with a coffee date, followed by a picnic in the park, a cinema date, and then two lovely candle-lit dinners in restaurants Harry had chosen. 

Cedric had only ever planted a daring kiss on his cheek whenever he’d dropped Harry off after their dates, and had only held his hand as they walked through the streets to get to their destinations. 

They’d never kissed, they’d never slept together, they’d never gone back to each other’s apartments—and Harry was grateful for it.

Because, as much as he appreciated Cedric, Harry just couldn’t bring himself to want him. He was lovely, and charming, but he wasn’t him, and Harry hated himself for even daring to think that.

The truth of the matter was, Harry didn’t want kind and considerate, or lovely and a good-listener. He wanted someone he could pick a fight with, someone he could push, someone he could trust to be just arrogant enough to presume they’d be sleeping together on the first date. Someone who was a bit mean, someone none of his friends liked, someone who liked to pretend he could control Harry when they both knew it was just that Harry tolerated his controlling tendencies while he tolerated Harry’s bad temper. 

He’d met Cedric through their mutual friend Oliver Wood, and he’d been nothing but charming since then. Harry had thought that he might finally move on when Cedric had asked him out for coffee with a crooked grin and flushed cheeks. 

Evidently, that wasn’t the case.

Which led Harry to deflate in his seat in the restaurant, his easy smile dropping and his fingers twitching uncomfortably in Cedric’s loose hold. “I’m really sorry,” he said, cringing and feeling awful at having to reject a perfectly lovely man just because he wanted someone to be mean to him.

Cedric didn’t even flinch, his smile not dropping in the slightest. 

“It’s—you’re lovely,” Harry said, taking his hand back, huffing in frustration. “You’re perfect, actually—I just—”

“Oliver told me you’d had a difficult breakup,” Cedric said gently, reaching over to cover Harry’s hand in his. “Riddle? Wasn’t it?”

And Harry’s face broke out into a stupid grin that he couldn’t even dream of biting back. 

Cedric’s smile did falter then, just in the slightest. “You know, I think that’s the most genuine smile I’ve seen on you, Harry.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry said quickly, shaking himself of the stupid grin. “It’s just—calling him that reminded me of a stupid joke—it’s nothing.”

“Tell me,” Cedric prompted, achingly gentle. “I’d love to know what this guy has that the mention of his name puts that smile on your face.”

Harry felt his cheeks flush bright red, humiliated at still being so affected by him. “He has this really stupid way of talking sometimes, condescending, using big words. And I always said his last name suited him—always talking in riddles. He hated it.”

“Well, he’s certainly a lucky man if he got you to fall in love with him,” Cedric said with a bright smile, though Harry recognised the well concealed flash of hurt in his eyes. 

“He’s a twat,” Harry said, almost automatically. He sighed. “And you’re not.”

“And that’s what I’m lacking?” Cedric asked with an amused sort of smile.

Harry groaned, burying his flaming face in his hands. “I’m so sorry. I really—I wish I could just choose.”

“It’s fine, Harry, really,” Cedric said, so kind, so understanding—and Harry almost hated him for it. It was like holding everything he could have just out of reach from him. “Maybe you just have a preference for awful people? So to speak.” He laughed, as if it were a joke.

It wasn’t a joke, it was literally true.

“I think you might be right,” Harry said, laughing along even though he felt just a tad dejected.  But perhaps Cedric was right, and maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing. People could be arrogant and self-serving without being awful. And maybe Harry just had a preference for those types of people. Where was the harm in that?

[saytrrose]

Do you feel comfortable telling us what happened at your parents' house?

Sure! But be prepared for a long ramble.

My stepmom is a really conservative transphobic narcissist.

My housing plan this year is a tiny room freshman dorm and had a bed, closet and desk. I share it with my bestfriend, Kayla.

My housing plan NEXT year has been decided, I am going to move into a 4 room apartment style dorm, where we all have our own rooms, 2 people each share a bathroom, and we even have a living/kitchen area. I’m very excited!!!

I broke the news to my parents, and said that Kayla and I would share a bathroom on one half of the dorm, and our friends Micheal and Brayden would share the other side.

She expressed concern over two “girls” being with two “guys” and I told her it would be fine because both Brayden and Micheal are gay men, and are engaged to eachother too. To which when she heard this she was “oh okay.”

But then she brought up the possibility of the housing office not allowing us to be co-ed, girls and boys sharing a apartment style dorm together and I had Micheal’s permission to tell my mother that he was a transman, meaning he is afab, to ease her nerves. I explained that the housing office obviously did not care as long as we all knew eachother and agreed on it.

She then proceeded to rant on how gender is so confusing, and for 2 days straight refused to use Micheal’s name, instead referring to him as “the girl who wants to be a boy.”

I told her that it’s not complicated at all, and she asked me “So are they gay or straight?” And I told them they are gay men, which I had already told you prior. She then asked me “well has the wannabe boy had any surgeries?” And that’s when I started to genuinely get pissed off.

I said “First, that’s an inappropriate question to ask. What would you do if a random person kept inquiring on your genitals? It’d be an issue wouldn’t it?” To which she then interrupted me, saying “Oh so they don’t. Yeah I thought so. So they are straight until they get surgery.”

I told her that we are in COLLEGE and that’s a lot of money, time and healing to take into account and Micheal is infact on hormones and looks his gender, acts his gender, sounds like his gender, and so on. I then decided to de-stress, and promptly left the whole house to go on a walk which apparently to her, was very inconsiderate and rude.

On top of all that, she consistently helicopters over me, anytime I touch my phone she’s “what are you doing.” “Who are you texting.” “What are you texting them.” “Why are you doing that on your phone.”

One time I went to my room for a singular hour to go through some of the things I packed and got at the thrift store, just deciding what to leave home and take with me you know, nothing big. I walked out once dinner was done, and she loves to use a bitchy voice and say “look who came out of their room.” “Look who’s alive and decided to join us.” And when I try to say I was literally gone for a fucking hour she accuses me of being too “antisocial.”

Also, we have 5 dogs at our house. Almost all are abused. They live in kennels constantly unless they are ushered outside to potty. There is Jax, poor old man is 14 and has prostate cancer. He has severe arthritis as well and struggles to walk. There is Shepherd, he has one big tumor on his spine and about 5 itty bitty ones around it too- but all non-cancerous. Past his hip bones he is hairless due to skin irritation and scratching/biting. Then there is Mac, the golden lovely child of the house who is the only one not in a kennel ever, roams the house, only one allowed on furniture and more. There is Charlotte, a hurricane Harvey rescue who is a gorgeous and pretty cocker spaniel/poodle. She’s pure black for the exception of white paws and a white heart on her chest. She’s super sweet but gets screamed at everyday for whining in the kennel but good news!! My friend Kayla is in the process of adopting her to help get her out of the house and into a better home. Then there is Pickles, my poor baby that my stepmom hates the most. Just yesterday she was scolded for curling up next to me which was apparently “possessive behavior” so she took her shoe off and beat her in in face 4 times until she was whining and barking- and then got yelled at for getting defensive and snapping once at her.

It’s horrible.

Did I mention all of this is in the span of 24 hours?

More that happened, my stepmom asking me to constantly check the mail to see if my VA check has come in. It comes the first week of each month- sure, but calm down I don’t need to check 3 times a day. Also she only cares so much because my stepmom is blind, is jealous everyone else is putting an effort into their lives and is desperate for some ounce of control and wants us to give her money for her smoking addiction.

Also my check didn’t come in LOL but that’s alright, my awesome sister said she’ll swing but next weekend and snatch it up for me.

It’s just exhausting. Thats just ONE day there- I can’t imagine what summer is going to be like. My sister gave me the idea to get a job like my stepmom wants, but get it here in my college town so I don’t have to be home. Which is genius!! Pickles stays with me, safe and not getting abused. (She’s so scared of everything when she’s home, and it’s so hard to try to help her heal from ptsd when it’s recurring- ik if I do this it will be best for her.) AND I don’t have to be there which fucks with my own mental health.

Also, stepmom isn’t trying to get my money. That’s nice too.

Sorry guys this is more so a vent now, but hey if you read this far than thanks for listening 😭