#because my lit review is DONE

[birlwrites]

Okay!! Question number 3!!! What do the other marauders think of regulus in ttdl? Remus and Peter. And what does regulus think of them? Do they also dislike him because of what they heard from sirius?

OK HERE WE GOOOOO

so: anyone who's ever heard sirius rant about regulus more than once knows that sirius is simultaneously super invested in regulus's life and also absolutely determined to make clear that it's out of anger, like in a 'he did the most ANNOYING thing today' way instead of a 'i miss him so i talk about him to other people since i can't talk to him' way

remus is... let's call it aware that sirius is a biased narrator. he thinks that sirius absolutely still cares about regulus and it's fairly likely that regulus cares about sirius. he also thinks that maybe things would be better if the two of them sat down and had one honest heart-to-heart. and he thinks that the likelihood of this happening is nil.

peter is 100% on sirius's side here but less militant about it than james is. he's offended on sirius's behalf that regulus didn't reach out after the disownment, even once they were at hogwarts under one roof again. but remus has managed to persuade peter that sirius is probably presenting regulus in the worst light possible and also? hasn't been a close confidante of reg's in a long time? so peter's on the side of 'well maybe regulus had his reasons but he's still been shitty to sirius'

as for what regulus thinks of them, i don't think he spares much thought for peter afhslghfjksjgkf - like yeah that's one of sirius's friends but he's not one of sirius's best friends. in regulus's head, james is sirius's best friend, and remus is sirius's other best friend - as in, not james, but still very much a best-friend-type relationship

like regulus very much ranks sirius's friends according to how close sirius is with them, and then that's how much regulus cares about them (in a bad way afhlsgjshfj). i don't think he finds remus *annoying* in the same way that he finds james annoying, but he's close with sirius (this New sirius) so he obviously can't be that great

the other thing is that remus is the quidditch commentator! that'll come up in the ttdl chapter i'll post tomorrow, as a matter of fact, which renders this excellent timing

remus's commentary style is biased, but not to the same degree as lee jordan's - remus likes poking fun at his friends just as much as he likes doing it to the other teams, so although he is very much on gryffindor's side, i'll go ahead and call his commentary style. humorous. there are ad hominem attacks, naturally, and he makes some truly shitty puns on players' names, but he's overall a little less 'THIS IS LIFE OR DEATH' than lee jordan is, u know? so he's more chill

regulus is just kind of resigned to being the target of a bunch of these ad hominem attacks - it would be a stretch to say he's offended, because he doesn't really. care enough to have actual feelings about it? like, here's an excerpt from ch 29:

*

"Buckner makes an early shot on goal, blocked by Nott," Lupin's voice says. "Professor, I just thought of a pun."

"If you absolutely must," McGonagall's voice says in the background.

"Her name is Nott because she does not let the other team score. And... I seem to be receiving a thumbs-up from Fleming, I guess she appreciated that one. Vanity in possession, the Slytherin Chasers are wasting no time moving the Quaffle back to the other side of the pitch—you know who does seem to be wasting time? The Seekers. They are twiddling their thumbs up there. Not sure if that's a long-term strategy or if they're waiting for opportunities—anyone who's seen Slytherin play anytime in the last few years is fully aware that Regulus Black does not like sitting still on the pitch, much to the detriment of the opposing team when he decides that he'd rather be a Bludger than a Seeker. We all know he lies about saying he saw the Snitch."

This seems to Regulus to be unfairly targeted. It's not as if McKinnon doesn't do the exact same thing.

"Mr. Lupin, I've asked you in the past to refrain from the ad hominem commentary," McGonagall's voice says. "If you can't restrain yourself—"

"You'll get a first-year who knows nothing about quidditch to commentate, I know," Lupin says.

*

like sure, regulus is like 'well that's unfair mckinnon does it too' but he's definitely not surprised that remus is bringing up the (100% true) fact that regulus interferes with the opposing team under the guise of claiming to have seen the snitch, and he's also not particularly hurt by it. naturally any pro-gryffindor commentator is going to be biased against the slytherins

i guess to sum it up, i'd say:

remus about regulus: probably the most sympathetic to regulus out of all of the marauders, although he's far from impressed with regulus's communication skills and doesn't like knowing that sirius is struggling as a result (although sirius doesn't show *that* much interest in communicating with regulus either, it's at least more - remus has heard about sirius trying to initiate conversation and being rebuffed. you know, like in chapter four, 8 million years ago)

peter about regulus: not all that sympathetic - aware that they're very much only getting sirius's side of the story, but sirius's side of the story is very compelling and, like remus, peter has heard the tales of Regulus Being Impossible To Talk To For Five Fucking Seconds

regulus about remus: sirius's other best friend, who doesn't seem to be a complete and total asshole but nonetheless is very much Sirius's Best Friend and therefore he sucks even if regulus doesn't have an exact, fully fleshed-out diagram of how - but regulus doesn't have the same urge to spite remus that he does to spite james, and remus is overall a less emotionally charged person to him

regulus about peter: oh yeah, the other one. close friends with sirius, but not a Best Friend, and therefore, whatever - unless they interact, in which case regulus does not like him, but in general regulus doesn't devote any time or energy to thinking about peter

[fantasy-costco]

I just turned in my last assignment for my first semester of grad school and was it good? Absolutely not but good God at least I'm done

[xaykwolf]

Dissertation proposal edits...radiation that specifically turns grey matter to goo...

What's the difference?

[fiercynn]

poetry outlets that support a free palestine

after finding out that the poetry foundation/POETRY magazine pulled a piece that discussed anti-zionism because they "don't want to pick a side" during the current genocide, i decided to put together a list of online outlets who are explicitly in solidarity with palestine where you can read (english-language) poetry, including, except where otherwise stated, by palestinian poets!

my criteria for this is not simply that they have published palestinian poets or pro-palestine statements in the past; i only chose outlets that, since october 7, 2023, have done one of the following:

published a solidarity statement against israeli occupation & genocide

signed onto the open letter for writers against the war on gaza and/or the open letter boycotting the poetry foundation

published content that is explicitly pro-palestine or anti-zionist, including poetry that explicitly deals with israeli occupation & genocide

shared posts that are pro-palestine on their social media accounts

fyi this is undoubtedly a very small sample. also some of these sites primarily feature nonfiction or short stories, but they do all publish poetry.

outlets that focus entirely on palestinian or SWANA (southwest asia and north africa) literature

we are not numbers, a palestinian youth-led project to write about palestinian lives

arab lit, a magazine for arabic literature in translation that is run by a crowd-funded collective

sumuo, an arab magazine, platform, and community (they appear to have a forthcoming palestine special print issue edited by leena aboutaleb and zaina alsous)

mizna, a platform for contemporary SWANA (southwest asian & north africa) lit, film, and art

the markaz review, a literary arts publication and cultural institution that curates content and programs on the greater middle east and communities in diaspora

online magazines who have published special issues of all palestinian writers (and all of them publish palestinian poets in their regular issues too)

fiyah literary magazine in december 2021, edited by nadia shammas and summer farah (if you have $6 usd to spare, proceeds from the e-book go to medical aid for palestinians)

strange horizons in march 2021, edited by rasha abdulhadi

the baffler in june 2021, curated by poet/translators fady joudah & lena khalaf tuffaha

the markaz review has two palestine-specific issues, on gaza and on palestinians in israel, currently free to download

literary hub featured palestinian poets in 2018 for the anniversary of the 1948 nakba

adi magazine, who have shifted their current (october 2023) issue to be all palestinian writers

outlets that generally seem to be pro-palestine/publish pro-palestine pieces and palestinian poetry

protean magazine (here's their solidarity statement)

poetry online (offering no-fee submissions to palestinian writers)

sundog lit (offering no-fee submissions to palestinian writers through december 1, 2023)

guernica magazine (here's a twitter thread of palestinian poetry they've published) guernica ended up publishing a zionist piece so fuck them too

split this rock (here's their solidarity statement)

the margins by the asian-american writers' workshop

the offing magazine

rusted radishes

voicemail poems

jewish currents

the drift magazine

asymptote

the poetry project

ctrl + v journal

the funambulist magazine

n+1 magazine (signed onto the open letter and they have many pro-palestine articles, but i'm not sure if they have published palestinian poets specifically)

hammer & hope (signed onto the letter but they are a new magazine only on their second issue and don't appear to have published any palestinian poets yet)

if you know others, please add them on!

[avis-writeshq]

pairing: early seasons!spencer reid x sunshine!fem!reader genre: fluff, pining, best friends to lovers warnings: reader struggles growing her nails out, reader gets her nails done. vietnamese women are the best at doing nails i swear (also if you get the reference you win another kiss) wc: 1.08k

Spencer thinks you deserve all the best things in life. There are various reasons for this but the one that sticks out to him the most is that fact that you have always been exceedingly kind to him. You have always listened to him when he talks and never once tried to belittle him for any of his interests. A part of him thinks that it’s because your ages are so similar. Another part of him thinks that you’re just pitying him. He truly hopes that isn’t the case. 

He makes you your coffee in the mornings. He knows how you take it– which milk you prefer, the amount of sugar. He has even gone as far as to buy your favourite instant coffee brand– the kind that are unreasonably expensive and have to be bought through a weirdly sketchy website despite its raving reviews. He remembers the way your eyes lit up as you held the familiar box excitedly and he can’t help but preen at the memory. 

“Thank you for coffee, Spence,” you chirp as you spy your unofficially assigned mug on your desk. You’re wet from the rain, the shoulders of your coat darkened from where your umbrella has dripped water onto it. “Hotch would’ve killed me if I had to spend another five minutes at the kitchen. It’s not my fault my train came fifteen minutes late.”

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, watching as you shake your hair away from your face before warming your hands with the mug. “I did tell him that there was a correlation between rainy weather and increased train delays which could have been a reason that you were late.”

You smile, clearly amused, asking, “how did he take it?”

“He pointed out that I’m still earlier than the rest of the team,” Spencer responds sheepishly, his cheeks growing pink. “I planned my train route for when the rain would be the least heavy.”

“I should follow in your footsteps,” you muse, sipping at your coffee and sighing in relief. “You always make this better than me.”

“I’m glad you like it,” he murmurs, his hand brushing against his scarf. “I was– um, I was wondering if you wanted to get lunch together later?”

You laugh softly and he relishes in the sound. “I only just got here and you’re already asking about lunch?”

He feels his cheeks glow hotter as he scrambles to explain himself. “Well– usually– uh, JJ usually asks you so I guess I wanted to ask before she did. And you have lunch with Garcia a lot so I thought I should ask when you get here and– sorry, is that wrong?”

“No, of course not,” you assure, beaming. “I’m touched that you think that I’m so popular that you need to book an appointment with me.”

“You are popular?” He says it like a question because a part of him is genuinely baffled that you don’t realise how well liked you are. He has found that you always manage to command the attention in the room and he has seen first hand the way people would be instantly drawn to you. He finds that he is no different. 

“I promise you that I am not as popular as you believe I am,” you say with another laugh. “I’m flattered though, truly. I’d love to have lunch with you.”

Spencer cannot stop smiling.

*** 

“You’re whipped.”

Spencer shoots JJ a look, his cheeks glowing hot with embarrassment. “I am not whipped.”

“You have been staring at her talking to Officer Deetmore for the past six minutes and twenty seven seconds,” she points out, her eyes narrowing. 

“They’re probably just making small talk.”

Emily shrugs from her desk, mixing her cup noodles around. “I don’t know, I’m surprised that she can hold a conversation with someone so intellectually disinclined.”

JJ snickers. “You’re just mad that he mislabeled a file and spread the profile.”

“Intellectually disinclined.”

“Guys,” Spencer pleads, inconspicuously gesturing to you saying your farewells and already heading in their direction.

You’re smiling although it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. Your arms are folded over your chest, a classic sign of discomfort, and your hands are tucked into your armpits. “Hey. What’s going on?”

“Are you alright?” Spencer asks instead of answering, soft enough as not to call attention to your little group. “What’s wrong?”

“Hm? Oh. I broke a nail.” You show him briefly– your natural nail has split at the corner just where they’re gaining length. “I’m a little bummed. It caught on the zipper of my go-bag.”

“Do you want to get your nails done after the case?” He asks, brows furrowing. “I have a nail clipper and file in my bag.”

JJ can’t help but be amused at this new fact. “You have a nail care pack in your bag? What, do you just take it around with you everywhere?”

He shrugs, ignoring the slight jab, pulling out the little pack from his satchel and handing it to you. He is well aware that you take pride in what you look like, especially your nails. You’ve told him the reason before, that your school was so strict that they wouldn’t let anyone grow their nails long and if they did they would be cut short by the nurse. He thinks that it’s borderline abuse. 

“Manicures are expensive,” you murmur, your eyes downcast as you focus on clipping each of your nails to an equal length. “Are we even allowed to have our nails done?”

“Federal Enforcement Resources states under grooming guidelines that ‘Makeup (including fingernail polish and artificial nails) may be worn by employees but must be professional and must not interfere with the proper use and handling of equipment necessary for their assigned duties’,” Spencer provides helpfully. “I can pay for your nails, too, if price is the issue. The bakery I buy my banh mi from has a nail place next door. I’m sure I can get a discount.”

You laugh as you file down your nails into a smooth edge. “You want to pay for my nails?”

“Oh, um, yeah.” He nods, cheeks suddenly hot and he wipes his palms on his slacks. “If you’d let me.”

“Gosh, well, at least take me out to dinner first, Spence.” You say it with jest, your eyes lighting up with mirth.

He doesn’t seem to catch your joking tone, nodding in earnest. “Alright. After the case, how does Saturday sound? I can pick you up at 6?” 

Emily and JJ are all too pleased. 

reblogs are always appreciated !!

[shirakow]

˗ˏˋ꒰ summary ꒱ ; he wanted to practice kissing with you .

‧₊ ᵎᵎ 🍇 pair ⋅ ˚✮ ; Rody Lamoree x GN!reader . College AU pre dp

. . . words ; 1.2k+

WARNINGS ! semi-nsfw, like one mention of addiction, whiney rody, and also no genitals or gendered terms used !

⁺ ⛧ ; i made this instead of continuing to make my reviewer for like 5 tests tomorrow. Someone wish me luck and maybe I'll pop out another vincent x reader by saturday ^3^ love you guys endlessly . Also made this while listening to the an evening with silk sonic album. Def worked for motivation

"Please?" Rody begged on his knees in front of you, his eyes pleading you for help as he clasped his hands together in a praying manner like you were his God.

You could only sigh and shake your head, "Fine. I'll practice kissing you." You murmured a bit shyly. Despite being incredibly against the idea —not that you would mind—you were just nervous because Rody was literally asking you to kiss him.

Actually, the term he used was make out but that's too embarrassing to think about.

It hit you in the wrong way because you were best friends, that's all you've ever thought of him. Sure you were glad he was comfortable enough to ask you for tips on this, but hands on teaching? Consider yourself fucked!

Perhaps there were lingering feelings in the back of your head that you never paid any mind to as you were never this nervous for a damn kiss.

Rody's eyes immediately lit up at the agreement, even if a bit hesitant. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," he tackled you into a hug, pushing you down on the couch with his full weight flush against yours.

You smacked the back of his head multiple times to get him off before he could crush you, which he did thankfully. The two of you sat faced to face, the way Rody twiddled with his fingers did not go unnoticed by your keen eyes.

"If you're nervous, you could just back out now while we still haven't done anything." Who were you kidding? By the looks of it you were even more nervous than him! By the way your feet couldn't help but bounce itself on the ground whilst you anxiously waited for his answer.

"I'm not nervous! I'm just embarrassed..."

"Same thing you nut job." You quipped with a sigh.

"Just, come on." If he wasn't gonna initiate it, then you'll do it. You could tell how much this meant to Rody, or else he wouldn't have asked you in the first place.

Because if there was one thing that Rody hated in the world aside from cleaning: it was to burden others. Besides, he's done so much for you in the past, it's only right you pay him back even if with a mere peck on the lips.

You scooted closer to Rody, your knees brushing against one another as you placed your hands on his chest. He looked down at you with his blush growing more prominent, yet you only did nothing but stare at him. "W-What're you looking at?" The almighty Rody Lamoree stuttered.

"Backing out?" You teased with a small chuckle. A grumbled curse erupted from his throat and before you knew it, his lips were against yours.

Well that was surprising.

They were soft, tentative, and more importantly: incredibly gentle. It was like he was trying to learn for his own gain but prioritizing your comfort at the same time, which was quite lovely if you do say so yourself.

Your hands on his chest moved up to caress his jaw, then his neck, then his cheek, and finally his hair which earned an unexpected whine from Rody. You fought back a smile that threatened to form on your face at the sound, and he could easily tell as your lips were connected after all.

Rody mumbled a quiet 'shut up' that was immediately drowned out when he kissed you deeper. But you noticed it was too sloppy. This caused you to pull away slightly, leaving only an inch between your lips that Rody fought to keep closed by the way he chased after you.

You put a finger against his plush lips which in turn earned another whine from the male in front of you. "Calm down big guy... Don't rush, or else you'll chase away the person you're pining for." You whispered breathlessly, and Rody pursed his bottom lip out like a pleading dog.

"I'll... I'll try..." He grumbled as you put your hand back down to his shoulder. Rody pressed his lips against yours once more, starting off slow, and gradually growing deeper like you instructed him to.

He grazed his teeth against your bottom lip, the feeling making your breath hitch. Noticing your reaction, Rody decided to tread the waters and gently bit your lip, before pulling on it while maintaining hazy eye contact.

"Sorry... Just wanted you to open your eyes and look at me while I kiss you..." Rody said in a raspy voice as his blush deepened. You hadn't even noticed that you closed your eyes, you were too busy feeling him to feel your own sight go away for just a split second.

He was starting to get the hang of it, that's for sure.

Rody's calloused hands finally found somewhere to put themselves on and that being your hips, which he then pulled onto his lap as he leaned back on the couch; his thumbs gently caressing and rubbing circles under your shirt.

You just let him do what he want, this was all just for practice anyway, right?

"Can I..." Rody trailed off as he pulled away, his face flush and mouth agape—gasping for breath. You could only imagine what you looked like right now if he was this disheveled already. "... Can I french kiss you?" Rody bit his bottom lip as he thumbed at yours.

"Wouldn't this already be considered a french kiss?" You chuckled at your pun.

Rody rolled his eyes and let out a breath that you could only guess resembled a laugh. "Yes or no is all I wanna hear... Please?" He quietly begged you, staring up at you with his pretty green eyes that were lidded from all the kissing.

"That's all you wanna hear?" Another groan from him. "You're insufferable..." He used his hand to part your lips as he stuck the tip of his tongue out, before suddenly pulling you down and shoved his tongue inside your mouth.

It made you gasp against his lips, but you leaned into it invitingly. You placed your hands on his shoulders for support as he explored every inch of you.

For someone claiming he hasn't made out with someone for the duration of his entire life: this sure didn't feel like it. Your fingers threaded through his hair and grabbed a fistful of his dirty orange locks, making him moan into the kiss, albeit a bit too loudly.

Rody made you grind against him, his hands gripping onto your hips for dear life. "Mmmm...~ feel good... keep going... please..." He whispered as he pulled away for air, before pulling you back down for another round of tongue kissing.

It was messy, but you started not to care a few minutes ago. You were completely drunk on Rody's taste, and by the looks of it—he was already long gone. "Y-You'll help me out, right?" Rody panted while throwing his head back, helping you grind on his groin.

"P-Pretty please?"

And who were you to decline such a pretty face begging for more?

Safe to say the day after that was far from normal, because now he's completely addicted to kissing you.

© shirakow . reblogs and reposts are greatly appreciated <3 .

[the---hermit]

05|06|2024

New day new struggles working on this history paper. I cannot stress enough how stressed I am about how bad the new research interface of my uni is, I feel like ever since they did the big update it's super complicated to get results that have to do with what you are looking for and that are accessible too. Moreover no one cares about this topic because I genuinely cannot find anything. I have found a couple of articles to help me with context but not much. By the end of the week I plan on finishing reading and highlighting what resources I have found and then I'll see what I can make of them, and get back to the professor. I am procrastinating emailing her back because I have no idea what to say tbh. My English lit review on the other hand is going pretty well, and reviewing in the afternoons seems to be a good plan. Since I am a bit more tired having to review out loud helps me with staying focused, and I also don't have to read historical sources all day, or else I'd lose my mind. This afternoon I struggled to stay focused anyway, but at least I got some stuff done, if I had to continue my history research I wouldn't have done anything probably. My brain is just very very tired again.

Today's productivity:

started my morning with an audiobook

more struggling looking for historical sources (I found a couple more but I am keeping those for the very end because they are once again not 100% relevant to what I have to do)

read and highlighted quite a few sources I downloaded at the beginning of the week (a couple were more or less useful a couple were a waste of time, but maybe I'll quote a couple of context details in the end, who knows. At the moment I only need to read two more and then I am done with my first round of secondary sources, but one of those might get deleated because I'm pretty sure is totally useless)

got to practice my French because of a couple of said historical sources, and wrote down the new words I learned today (surprisingly my understaning is better than I expected giving that I have not used my French in years, I should really get back to it more seriously)

continued my first outloud review of all my English lit materials (today I started working on the Shakespeare part, it will take a couple of days to finish it, especially bc today I didn't do as much as I had hoped)

wrote a little summary of a couple of sentences for all the scenes of The Merchant Of Venice in order to review it without having to reread it for the fourth time

[amuseoffyre]

@triflesandparsnips made a rather spiffy observation on my post about Ed and face-touching:

It may be worthwhile, considering how much face/mouth violence Ed is sensitive to -- and when we see or hear about it -- to do a review of how much of that face sensitivity is also associated with food and eating.

And hooboy, I ended up down a rabbithole thinking about Ed and food and it got so long, it earned itself its own little post.

These are all the food/eating related moments that tie in directly to Ed having strong emotional responses. I didn't limit it to just the face-touching because there's a lot of emotional mess going on as well.

When Stede wakes him for brekkie in 1x04, he recoils immediately as he wakes, until he realises who's beside him (especially pertinent since Ed wakes in 2x03 and asks if anything was done to him while he was unconscious - he even anticipates harm while sleeping).

in 1x05, when he's being taught the intricacies of dining and the French captain slaps on his big red trauma button while he's sitting at a dining table and already feeling out of his depth with all the tablewear.

Cut to the flashback in 1x05 which has him and his mum talking quietly in one part of the room, but his father is there, slumped and drunk on the family dining table, setting the domestic sphere as a place of constant present threat.

Later in 1x05, when he's alone at the party, he's freaking out over not knowing how to deal with this kind of fancy-folk dining and then someone touches his face - double-whammy of the emotional stuff and the physical.

1x06 gives us the main flashback to his childhood and his father's violent reaction to 'slop' and 1x07 has stressed, out-of-his-comfort-zone hangry Ed, trying desperately to keep up the Blackbeard appearance ("Blackbeard can't be seen treasure hunting!") and again, something touches his body/head unexpectedly and he lashes out defensively.

There is so much going on in the brekkie scene that I can't even get into it here. Ed trying to code-switch between the way he interacts with Stede and Jack respectively, but most significantly, when Jack talks over him and ignores him trying to change the subject about violence he's done in the past, Ed shrinks down in the chair, doing the small-and-quiet thing he does when he's unhappy (one day I will yell about Ed taking refuge surrounding himself with gold/yellow things - blankets, chairs, robes, pillowforts. His version of the battle jacket).

1x10 has several moments. First is the marmalade - there's something child-like about the blanket fort and eating sweet sticky things with his fingers, taking comfort in food and hiding.

The second is something that is viscerally explained in S2 - when he forcefeeds Izzy his own toe. The contrast of the brutality and the very paternal "now don't forget to chew" like an adult talking to a child gave me chills the first time I watched it.

The last thing in 1x10 isn't necessarily food, but hooooboy there is something in the way he sets himself up at what was Stede's brekkie table, putting on the worst of personas possible, that is very much reminding me of his dad at the table in a bare, empty home, lit by a single candle, in that first flashback.

And now, into S2, and our man starts things in a totally healthy and normal way - eating the cake with his weapon. And, more importantly, "did everybody get cake?" Again, we have the juxtaposition of implicitly care-taking language against the surrounding violence and brutality.

The gravy basket tells us so much as well - he wakes up to the horror of being vulnerable, trapped by his own body and force-fed by someone who we learn had a habit of forcefeeding live crabs to people and who had threatened to flay Ed's skin off and feed it to him. He's rightfully afraid that anything Hornigold feeds him might be poisoned.

Once again, we have the parental energy of "open up for the cargo ship" tangled up with the fear of threat and violence and horror - poisoning, flaying and force-feeding.

Ed's fear has the two utterly bound up together, inescapably so. His father shaped his childhood and Hornigold stepped into that role when Ed became an outlaw.

But even in this messy and horrifying confrontation with his own psyche and layered up with the horrors he's lived through as a boy, some part of Ed still desperately wants the comfort and security of food and home, especially when the food his subconscious is gathering for him are the ingredients for Māori boil-up, something his mother would very likely have made for them.

It speaks measures that the three things he wants to live for include good food and warmth and orgasms. No fame. No glory. No reputation. Just to be loved and safe and warm and fed.

Jump forward to 2x04 and dinner with Bonny and Read. Ed is unsurprised by the degree of violence happening throughout, but does hesitate when poison comes into the equation - "I got the present you left for me in my glass" - Ed immediately sets down his glass, staring at it warily. Again, calling back to the Gravy Basket and his fear that anything given to him might be poisoned.

He's already on edge and off-balance - "not sure what's real and what's the basket" and there may or may not be poison and knives and the person he trusted may or may not betray him again and he's already spinning out when Anne - who had already declared her intention to provoke Ed and Mary - cheerfully lands the bombshell of why Stede left him.

No small wonder he storms out of the room, but it does lead to them having a much-needed conversation and he and Stede are on a much steadier footing after.

And then, of course, we have the breakfast of 2x07. This one is especially significant because Ed makes the brekkie then disposes of his leathers. He's actively trying to step from one mode of life to another, from the Blackbeard-and-Piracy into the domestic, softer life he's been quietly craving his entire life.

Only, as he says himself, "I don't think I've ever made regular breakfast for anyone before". He's trying, but it's something new and unfamiliar to him and it's "my way of saying thank you".

And lastly, we have the scene with the fisherman and his son where Ed has shoe-horned himself into what he thinks is the solution to all his problems and also includes a father-son dynamic, because our man can't do anything without his daddy issues rearing their ugly head.

Once again, Ed is out of his depth, but at the opposite end of the scale from the party ship. This is a place he thinks he should fit but he doesn't. This is the domesticity he craved, but without understanding or appreciating the real work that is needed to get there.

And once again, over a meal, he has an angry father expressing violence. "Control your pop-pop!" he tells the boy who is around the same age as he was when he killed his father. But he doesn't fight back, he doesn't strike out at Pop-pop, and the son steps between them and pulls his dad back several times.

And it's this father-figure's words that ring in Ed's ears when he realises Stede may be in danger. "If you were ever good at anything, do that". And if there's one thing Ed Teach is good at, it's fighting for the people he loves.

In conclusion our Mr. Teach wants a safe and comfortable home-life, with food and warmth (and orgasms), but he has no real experience of what that is really like or how to get it. His entire life has been a succession of threats and danger and men who would do harm to people in their charge, especially when they were unarmed, defenceless and vulnerable.

He doesn't know how to be safe yet, because he's never experienced it. All he's known until this point is a life of violence and danger and while he tried to move away from that, the violence and danger was still there - as Stede put it, there's no escaping it in their line of work.

But now, at the end of S2, for the first time in his life, he is actually able to say "No, I need to be away from piracy" because his whole journey through both seasons has been him trying and trying to step away from the life that has him by the throat.

And now, he's finally been able to do it and he's not alone. He has someone he's safe with and who is willing to do the work with him to help him figure things out. And give him good food, warmth and, of course, orgasms.

[ladymonterosa]

Bound souls - Part 1

1. Maybe not everything is fine

Sitting at the back of the classroom, I tried to hide behind my cascade of red hair. Today's lesson dragged on slowly, like a winter day. The professor's words bounced off the walls, forming an indistinct murmur that couldn't penetrate the barrier of my thoughts. My mind wandered far from the yellowed pages of the classics, traveling to a more personal and troubled place.

My gaze kept falling on the screen of my iPhone, discreetly positioned next to my notebook. Occasionally, the screen lit up, but it was just a trivial notification, an app update, or a reminder. It had been weeks since I had heard from them, and every day the silence grew more deafening.

The professor's voice rose in tone to emphasize an important passage, briefly bringing me back to reality. I tried to concentrate, to grasp the thread of the discourse on William Blake's poetry, but it was like trying to hold sand in my hands. Every time a thought formed in my mind, another, more insistent one, replaced it. I glanced down at the open book, Blake's verses blurred like a forgotten dream. I picked up a pen and started doodling absentmindedly on the margins of the pages, the curved lines and small drawings reflecting my restless state of mind. A wave of frustration washed over me. My mind began to race, trying to find a plausible explanation. Maybe he was busy with his studies, or perhaps with his job as a technical assistant. But deep down, I knew something was wrong. Sure, it wasn't unusual for Jordan to ignore my messages, but when they found the time, they would respond, even if just with monosyllables. This time, though, the waiting time was longer than usual. It had been two weeks since our last meeting. I still remembered his bright smile and the warmth of his hand in mine. We had talked for hours as if the outside world didn't exist. Everything seemed so perfect. And now, this silence. A silence that felt like betrayal. Every day that passed without a word from him was like a small knife digging deeper into my heart.

I was tempted to send another message, to ask for explanations, but a voice inside me told me to stop because I knew they wouldn't appreciate it.

Sighing, I briefly closed my eyes, wondering if I had done something wrong, if there was a moment when I said or did something that pushed him away. I reviewed every conversation, every gesture, desperately trying to find an answer. But all I found was a maze of doubts and uncertainties.

The sound of a notification startled me. My heart began to beat faster as I grabbed my phone. My hands trembled slightly as I unlocked the screen, hoping with all my might that it was finally Jordan. But it wasn't the message I was waiting for. It was Marianna, sitting not far from me. Her message was brief and simple: "Everything okay?"

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and felt my shoulders drop, heavy with disappointment but also with slight relief. At least someone cared about me. I quickly replied, "Yes, everything's okay, thanks," even though I knew my clever friend wouldn't be so easily fooled.

I went back to staring at the blank screen, hoping the next sound would be the right one. At the end of the lesson, Marianna approached me with a caring smile. "Freya, is everything really okay?" she asked, putting a loving hand on my shoulder. I nodded, but my smile didn't reach my eyes.

"Come on, let's go get a smoothie at the new campus stand. They say they're delicious, and I think a break would do us good," Marianna suggested enthusiastically.

I hesitated for a moment, looking at my phone again. But then I decided she was right. Maybe a bit of distraction would help me stop obsessing over that message that wasn't coming. "Okay, let's go," I finally replied, trying to convince myself that a smoothie with Marianna was exactly what I needed right now.

*＊✿❀ ❀✿＊*

We arrived at the campus stand and ordered two fruit smoothies. Marianna chose a strawberry-banana mix, while I opted for a mango-pineapple smoothie. With our drinks in hand, we decided to go to the campus park to relax and enjoy the afternoon sun. We found a spot under a large tree and sat on the grass

I tried to focus on the conversation with Marianna, but my eyes kept returning to the screen of my iPhone. The phone remained silent, as if my words had gotten lost in the digital abyss of nothingness. Marianna noticed my distraction and, after a while, decided to confront me. Putting her smoothie down and looking me in the eyes, she asked, "Freya, what's wrong?"

I tried to force a smile, but I knew it wouldn't fool anyone. "Nothing. It's just… I've had a bit of a complicated day, but it will pass." Marianna sighed, knowing I wasn't telling the whole truth. "Freya, I know you too well. This has to do with Jordan, doesn't it?"

I could no longer avoid the question. I lowered my gaze, nervously playing with my smoothie. "Yes," I finally admitted. "I haven't heard from him in weeks. I don't know what happened. Everything seemed perfect, and then… silence."

The blonde looked at me with understanding but also with a hint of disappointment. "Freya, I've always told you what I think of Jordan. His reputation on campus isn't the best, and you know it well. They're not reliable, and they only care about themselves and their ranking. I don't want you to suffer because of someone like that."

Her words hit me like a cold shower. "But Marianna, Jordan isn't like they describe. With me, it's different, really."

She shook her head, the disappointment evident. "Maybe he made you believe so, but look where you are now. You're wasting your time and energy on someone who doesn't deserve you. You're one of the most popular and intelligent girls on campus. You deserve better, someone who is reliable and caring, not someone like Jordan who disappears without explanations."

I felt a knot tighten in my chest. "But what should I do? I can't stop hoping everything will go back to how it was."

Marianna smiled at me affectionately, but with a determination I had never seen before. "You need to think about yourself, Freya. Your happiness can't depend on someone who doesn't respect you. Find someone who appreciates you for who you are, who is there for you in difficult times, and who doesn't leave you in this limbo of uncertainty."

I took a sip of my smoothie, enjoying the sweet and refreshing taste. The mango and pineapple blended in a symphony of flavors that brought me back to reality, at least for a moment. Maybe Marianna was right. Maybe it was time to stop waiting and start living.

Seeing that her words had started to make an impact, Marianna decided to seize the moment. "Listen, there's a student party tonight. I've heard it will be a lot of fun, with live music and many of our friends. Why don't you come with me? It could be the first step to freeing yourself from the memory of Jordan and having some fun."

I hesitate for a moment, the thought of going to a party while feeling so vulnerable scares me. But then an idea takes root in my mind. I look at Marianna, her encouraging smile and her hand extended towards me. "Alright," I finally say. "Let's go to this party. Maybe you're right, a bit of distraction will do me good."

Marianna smiles, visibly relieved. "Great! It'll be fun, I promise. And who knows, maybe you'll meet someone interesting."

We exchange a mischievous smile as we get up to head back to campus. If my friend knew what I really had in mind, I'm sure she would kill me once and for all.

＊✿❀ ❀✿＊

The evening falls quickly, and I find myself in front of the mirror getting ready. I'm wearing a simple black dress that's tight in all the right places, paired with white stiletto sandals. I've decided to leave my hair down. As a final touch, I have cat eyes and bright red lipstick. Marianna is waiting for me at the door, ready and radiant.

We arrive at the club, where the energy is contagious. The music fills the air and the rhythm is irresistible. Marianna guides me through the crowd towards a group of people she knows. "Freya, meet Alex and Tom," she says, pointing to the two guys. Alex is tall and blonde, with a contagious smile, while Tom is shorter, with dark hair and lively eyes.

"Nice to meet you, Freya," says Alex, extending his hand to me. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Nice to meet you too," I reply, shaking his hand.

Tom looks at me with wide eyes. "Wait a minute... are you Freya Hill, the famous actress?"

I nod slightly, a bit embarrassed. "Yes, that's me."

Tom grins widely and pulls out a notebook and pen from his backpack. "Could I get an autograph? I'm a big fan of yours!"

I laugh and take the pen, signing the notebook. "Sure, here you go."

Tom seems over the moon, but it's Alex who really captures my attention. "It must be incredible to be a movie star and attend university at the same time. How do you manage it all?" he asks, genuinely interested.

"Yes, it's quite challenging," I respond. "But I like the idea of having a normal life and studying like everyone else."

Alex smiles, moving slightly closer. "Well, I must say that's really impressive. You know, you're even more beautiful in person."

I feel my cheeks blush slightly. "Thank you," I murmur, feeling a strange mix of nervousness and excitement.

Marianna watches the scene with a mischievous smile. "Freya, do you want something to drink? I'm going to the bar with Tom to get something."

I nod. "Yes, please. A Virgin Mojito for me."

As Marianna and Tom head towards the bar, Alex moves even closer. "So, Freya, what do you like to do when you're not on set or in class?"

I smile, feeling a bit more at ease. "Well, I like to read, especially great classics like Pride and Prejudice or Wuthering Heights. And I love traveling and taking photographs. What about you? What do you like to do in your free time?"

"I love hiking. There's something special about getting lost in nature, away from the chaos of the city. And I'm a big music enthusiast. I play bass in a local band."

"Wow, that sounds fantastic," I reply. "I'd love to hear you play someday."

"Maybe we can arrange something," Alex says with a charming smile. "You know, it's rare to find someone you can talk to so easily."

I nod, feeling a connection growing between us. "Yes, it is. It's nice to meet someone interesting."

We start chatting, and I find out that Alex is not only funny but also fascinating. We talk about everything, from favorite movies to personal passions, and I realize that I'm starting to relax and enjoy the evening.

When Marianna returns with the drinks alongside Tom, she sees Alex so close to me. "It looks like you're already making progress," she whispers in my ear, making me laugh.

After drinking part of my drink, I feel the need to go to the bathroom. I excuse myself from the two guys and Marianna and head towards the club's restroom. I enter the bathroom, the noise of the music muffled by the walls. As I approach the sink to fix my hair, I look up and am left speechless.

In front of me, reflected in the mirror, is Jordan Li in her female form. My heart starts pounding, a myriad of questions and feelings overwhelming me. "Jordan... what are you doing here?" I ask, my voice barely a whisper.

Jordan approaches with a tense expression. "What, I can't come to a club without your permission?" she replies, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

My breath becomes shallow; I didn't expect to find her here, let alone so angry. "That's not what I meant. It's just... it's strange to see you here."

She steps closer with a determined stride, her eyes never leaving mine. "Strange, huh? Like that little scene you were putting on with those two? What was that, innocent fun?" Her voice is sharp, each word a jab.

I feel caught off guard. "Jordan, we were just talking. There's nothing wrong with that."

She shakes her head, her face contorted with frustration. "Just talking, sure. And I'm supposed to believe that?"

I stiffen, trying to stay calm. "They're just friends. It's none of your business, anyway."

"None of my business?" Jordan responds, raising her voice.

Anger starts to rise within me, fueled by her hypocrisy. "It's not! Jordan, you're the one who disappeared! Without a word, without explanations. And now you come here to make a scene?"

She takes a step forward, her hands clenched into fists. "I've been busy."

"Busy? Jordan, you just decided to vanish. You can't do that and expect me to wait around without knowing anything."

A heavy silence falls between us, broken only by the distant thump of the music. Jordan lowers her gaze, the tension slipping away from her body, replaced by something else. Then, she looks up again, this time with a mocking smile on her lips.

"I think I get it, you know? Tonight, you came here with a specific goal in mind. A little revenge, perhaps? You decided to pay attention to those two idiots to get noticed by me and make me pay for my lack of attention towards you."

Even though she had caught me off guard, I feign indignation. "Are you kidding? Believe me, Jordan, not everything revolves around you and your paranoias. I don't need games to show you how angry I am."

She steps forward, closing the distance between us. "Oh, really?"

Her closeness makes me feel a mix of anger and desire, but I can't give in. "I have the right to go out and have fun with whoever I want, and I don't need your approval to do it."

Jordan moves even closer, reducing the distance between us to just a few centimeters. "Maybe," she whispers as she brushes my hair with her fingertips, "Tell me... would you feel the same if I told you that I've missed you terribly these past weeks and that I want you to come back to my dorm to show you how sorry I am?"

Her warm breath touches my skin, and for a moment, the temptation to accept her proposal makes its way into my mind. But if I want to win the war, I can't be easily swayed. I gather all my strength, keeping my gaze steady on hers. "I'm tempted, I admit. But it will be another time, Jordan. Someone else will think of consoling me tonight."

"Someone else?" she repeats, her voice cracking.

"Yes," I reply decisively, leaving her speechless. But, as I turn to leave and return to the party, something, or rather someone, grabs my arm, stopping me. I turn back towards her in a fury, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

They don't respond, at least not with words. Jordan takes a deep breath, while her grip on my arm tightens. Before I can react in any way, I find myself pressed between her and the wall, with her lips on mine.

It's clear that something is wrong with me.

Every time I see they, it's as if my brain turns off the reason switch and turns on the chaos switch. My heart beats faster, my thoughts get tangled, and I'm overwhelmed by a myriad of undefined sensations. It's as if  they had a power over me, a power that I can't explain or control.

Marianna is right. I should protect myself, build a wall around my heart, and keep they out forever. And yet, here I am, once again in their arms.

They always manage to get into my head, to manipulate my emotions. It's as if they had a power over me, something I can't break. She makes me feel vulnerable, confused. Every time I promise myself it will be the last, that I won't fall into her trap again. And every time I fail.

Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I'm the one who can't put an end to this story, to say enough once and for all. But how do you do it? How do you leave everything behind when every fiber of your being is tied to her? When even the mere thought of losing her completely breaks your heart?

I need to find a way to regain control, if not of my heart, then of my actions. With an effort, I push her away, breathing heavily.

"You can't always behave like this, Jordan," I say, my voice trembling.

Jordan looks at me, breathing heavily, her eyes fixed on mine. For a moment, I think she's about to say something, but then she just shakes her head. "You have five minutes," she says, her voice sharp. "Five minutes to meet me in the car and leave with me. If you decide not to, I'll leave."

Their ultimatum hit me like a punch in the stomach. I stand still, my heart pounding in my chest, as she walks away, leaving me alone in the bathroom. The door closes behind her with a sharp sound, and the noise of the music fills the space again.

Indignant at their attitude, I decide to ignore her. I walk out of the bathroom with a determined step, ready to return to my friends and enjoy the evening. Who does they think are? I hadn't realized how arrogant  they were... did they really expect that with an ultimatum like that I would run away with them? If so, then they are in for an unpleasant surprise. I head towards the table, trying to push her words and touch out of my mind.

But every step I take, every sound of laughter and music around me, seems to make me rethink what she said. The way she looked at me... I can't shake it off.

When I reach the table, Marianna greets me with a smile, but I'm lost in my thoughts. "Everything okay?" she asks, noticing my troubled expression.

"Yes, everything's fine," I reply mechanically, but inside me, a battle rages. And common sense has lost.

I excuse myself again, this time without explanations. I walk away from the table, heading towards the club's exit.

As soon as I step outside, the cool night air hits me. I look around for Jordan's car and see it parked a little way off, with her leaning against the hood, arms crossed, eyes fixed on me.

I approach slowly, my heart pounding wildly. "You've decided to come," says Jordan, with a triumphant smile on her face.

"Don't be too sure of yourself," I reply, trying to keep a firm tone. But she seems to ignore my warning.

When I get close to the car, Jordan gallantly opens the door for me. "Please," she says with a theatrical gesture, the smile still on her lips.

I get in the car, feeling her gaze on me. I close the door with a slight huff, giving her a stern look. "Don't think this means you've won," I say, as she gets into the driver's seat and starts the engine.

Jordan smiles again, this time with a touch of sweetness. "I think I just did, freshman." Part 2

[hwaslayer]

project: make you love me (jyh) | two.

♣︎ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: yunho can’t stand how you’re so wrapped up in the notorious campus fuckboy, park seonghwa. he would gladly love you the way you deserve, despite being shy, awkward and the complete opposite of seonghwa. thus, when he finds himself spending more time with you over literature reviews and random study sessions, he decides to take on the challenge to win you over.

—pairing: jeong yunho x f. reader x park seonghwa

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers/friends to lovers, college au | fluff, angst, (eventual) smut

—word count: 3.6k

—chapter content/warnings: nothing too bad since we're still in the beginning stages of things lol, cussing, friends being supportive, friends being instigators and projecting!!, hwa still being hwa, yunho being shy and awkward but very caring

You scrambled to get your literature review done, almost forgetting that you had to send it to Yunho before officially submitting it to your professor. It's a bit past midnight when Seonghwa decides it's time to drop you off— even if it gets incredibly late, he'd prefer to drop you off at home rather than let you stay.

All Seonghwa's bullshit plans.

You yawn as you quietly step into your shared apartment, careful not to wake your roommates as you pull out your laptop and finish your lit review on the kitchen island in the dark. It fucking sucks that absolutely nothing is coming to you for this review because now, Yunho is probably going to think you're just flat out dumb for not being able to see what everyone else sees.

"Hey." You whip your head up so fast you almost give yourself whiplash. Seungmin groggily walks out of his room and into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water. "Why are you working out here in the dark? Did you just get home?" You nod.

"Mhm. Forgot I had to finish that literature review and send it to Yunho."

"Forgot already?"

"Shut up, okay? Not my favorite assignment to work on. Besides, I wanna give him some time to review it and chew my ass if he needs to. Rather him than Dr. Nelson at this point." You type away, probably hella nonsense and gibberish about the movie at this point.

"Hm." Seungmin hums as he quickly drinks his water. "Don't stay up too late."

"I won't. Just gonna give this a few more words then send it off." You sigh. God, you almost regret asking Yunho [out of all people] for help. He's super smart and he always knows what he's doing. Was this the right route to go? Maybe you should've just asked Dr. Nelson and dealt with it.

"Mkay. Goodnight then, Y/N." Seungmin yawns as he drags himself back to his shared room with Soobin. You decide that you're gonna take another 10 minutes to finish off the review, giving it everything you can think of right now. If it needs tweaking or any additional details, Yunho can surely step in and help. You feel exhaustion hitting you quickly, giving your review the last bout of energy you have left before you shower and call it a night.

"Done." You say to yourself, sending it off to Yunho as an attachment. 

He probably won't look at this until later.

You make sure to double check your emails and assignments, keeping track of everything that's due and needs to be turned in—

Ding.

You peep the notification that pops up on the bottom right of your laptop screen.

"1 New Email from: Jeong Yunho (jeongyh@kq.edu)"

"What the fuck?" You mutter to yourself. It hasn't been a whole 10 minutes since you sent the email. You click on the notification anyway, letting it bring you to the new email in your student inbox.

— do you have time to meet really quickly later today? i wanna go over your review with you. cool if you can't though, just prefer to talk to you in person instead of marking up your page without any explanation to back it up.

You sigh and sit there, trying to remember your schedule for tomorrow. You do have a 45 minute break in between your morning classes. Hopefully, he's free.

— sure! i'm free from 10:15-11. does that work for you?

"1 New Email from Jeong Yunho (jeongyh@kq.edu)"

— yup, i don't have class till after lunch. i'll be working at one of the booths in the library.

You sit back and respond, feeling a bit of relief.

— cool, see you. :) thanks for your help.

Yunho sits at his desk, feeling a bit awkward and nervous even though you can't see him right now. It's probably a little pathetic at how quick he opened up your email, but to be fair, you seemed like you really needed the help and that's what he wanted to give you. You aren't necessarily writing bad reviews, since you're hitting all the right points. But, he has Dr. Nelson figured out. He doesn't want just the facts— he wants you to think outside of the box, write out the emotions, feelings, outcomes of all the actions, give examples, state what your thoughts are on how this effects the surroundings, other characters. You just need to add that little umph to your reviews and give him more than the bare minimum. Yunho gets it though, it's not easy to tap into that all the time. That's why he's here to help. 

He's hoping he can be the help you need.

"Did you come in pretty late last night or was Seungmin sleep walking?" Soobin scratches the side of his head as the two of you walk towards the library.

"No, that was me." You chuckle.

"Did Seonghwa at least walk you to the door? Cause that's late."

"Yeah right." You scoff and Soobin shakes his head. "Whatever though, he drops me off as close as possible to our building."

"Still. He should at least walk you halfway."

"Mm, yeah." Is all you respond with. "Anyway, lunch later? I have to meet with Yunho to talk about this review."

"Oh? You're actually meeting with him? That's new. I feel like that's something out of the ordinary for Yunho."

"He asked if we could so that he could explain better instead of just marking up my review." 

"That's nice of him."

"Yeah, hopefully I'm not too much of a pain in the ass."

"Doubt it. You just need a little guidance, that's all. Sure he'll be super helpful." Soobin smirks. "He seems to not go out of his way for people, maybe he likes you."

"Are you serious right now? All because I need help over a literature review." Soobin laughs.

"Just saying. I already like Yunho way more than Seonghwa."

"Okay, I'm leaving. I'll see you later." You roll your eyes and enter the quieter side of the library where the booths are located. It's easy to spot Yunho, especially with that towering figure of his even while sitting. Today, he's wearing a navy and white flannel, with a grey shirt underneath. His hair falls to his face as he leans over to write some notes. He has one finger placed on a page in his textbook, while the other hand is busily writing away. He glances to and from every now and then, only looking up at his surroundings when he feels you approaching.

"Um, hi." You awkwardly stand near the booth with your books tucked against your chest. He simply looks at you before giving you a tiny, pursed smile and returning his attention to his books.

"Hey." He moves his book and notebook closer to himself in order to give you some room. "Sorry, just need to finish this right quick."

"That's okay. Take your time." You slide in awkwardly and set your books on the surface of the table. "Thanks for going over my review."

"No worries." He says softly before finishing up his notes and shutting his books closed. He brings out his laptop and types away to unlock it, pulling up your document before turning the laptop towards you. "So."

"Sorry, I know it was bad." You look at him, a little shy and embarrassed. He tilts his head a bit and furrows his brow while looking at you.

"Huh? No, it wasn't bad, Y/N." He lets out a small chuckle. "You're hitting the right points, Dr. Nelson is just super complex and wants you to use these facts a bit more." He points at a line in your review. "You talk about the characters feelings here after an upsetting moment, which is right. But, how does it affect their surroundings? Their actions, the people around them, what they get themselves into to cope. How does feeling bad branch out to all these things? Why? How does it contribute to their overall attitude, to the overall character?" You nod. 

"It seems so easy to talk about, but I don't know why I have so much trouble doing it. I feel kinda dumb." He shrugs.

"You're not. You just have to dig into the details a little more and use those examples instead of staying safe and stating what we know already. It's easy to stay safe because you know what you're stating is gonna be right. Dr. Nelson just wants a little more than that, is all."

"Thanks, Yunho." He gives you a toothless smile.

"Of course. Uh," He scratches his temple. "Let's go through everything else? So, I can be of better help to you?" You nod.

"Only if you're okay with it."

"Yeah. Just wanna make sure I help you out correctly." He lets out a shy chuckle before thoroughly going through your literature review with you. He asks you the right questions, allowing you to edit your own document on his laptop while the two of you continue to converse. He shares his thoughts and the things he's included on his review, making it easier for you to understand what you were missing and leaving out in your own.

Literature was never your favorite. You partially didn't care enough to put in enough effort, hence the lack of patience and understanding with the assignments— the lack of patience and understanding with your own professor.

As 11 closes in, you sit and look at your fully edited review feeling content. You look at Yunho, a small toothless smile on your face while he awkwardly glances around the library to avoid long eye contact. He gently taps his hands against the surface of the table, waiting for you to break the silence.

Which, you eventually do.

Thank god.

"Yunho, I feel so much better about this." You slide the laptop over to him. "Thanks for helping me, seriously. I don't know what I'd do if I had to see Dr. Nelson's comments again."

"It's not a problem." He shrugs. "I um, can continue to look at your reviews if you want?" Your eyes light up as you nod delightfully.

"Really?"

"Sure."

"I have to repay you somehow, that's too much on your plate isn't it?"

"It's not. I wouldn't offer if it was." He chuckles a bit.

"Lunch one day?"

"You don't have to."

"I would like to. Or, if our schedules don't work, we can always meet for coffee and go in on the café desserts."

"Sounds good." He smiles and pulls out his phone to slide it towards you. "Mm, do you think I can grab your number? Sorry, don't mean to be lame about it. I just figured it'd be easier instead of emailing each other. Unless that's what you.. prefer?" You chuckle and shake your head.

"No, this is totally easier. Don't worry." You plug your number in before sliding it back to me. "There."

"That's me." He says after giving you a quick ring so you can save his number on your own phone. You start to gather your things to start heading to class when you hear a familiar laugh come from one of the aisles to your right. You turn over your shoulder to catch wind of the noise, finding Seonghwa deep in conversation with another classmate, another senior girl [actually this one is probably Hyeri?] She seems to be laughing at his jokes, even though they probably aren't that funny. Somehow, the way he looks at her [along with any other female who isn't you] breaks your heart.

Breaks your heart even though there isn't anything else left to break.

Seonghwa briefly makes eye contact with you before his eyes quickly dart to Yunho, then back to Hyeri in front of him. You quietly continue to gather your things and swallow the lump forming in your throat, unsure why you allow this feeling to completely ruin your mood. Yunho takes note, for sure though. Again, he's not sure if he should feel bad because you surely knew what it was like getting tangled with Seonghwa. That was no secret on campus. However, he's an empath, and seeing that you've been kind and calm around him— he can't help but feel bad. A tiny bit sad, upset even, that you continue to let yourself mess around with Seonghwa when you deserve so much more.

Yunho challenges Seonghwa a bit though, letting his eyes linger on him until Seonghwa breaks away first. He checks on you and parts his lips slightly because he wants to say something, anything— he's just not sure what. Eventually, he settles with:

"Are you okay?" It's clear you're not and Yunho immediately feels stupid as fuck for settling with that question.

"Hm, yeah. Just tired, is all." He nods, watching as you slide out of the booth and swing your bag strap over your shoulder.

"Don't hesitate to text me if you need anything else. I'll try and help." When he says it, he's hoping you can catch onto the fact that he's someone who could listen to your troubles. He's not good with words or opening up to people, but he thinks he could at least offer that after seeing the way you sank in front of him. His eyes dart back up to you when you tuck your books back to your chest and smile at him.

"I will. Thanks again, Yunho. Lunch or coffee soon, okay?" You say sweetly before leaving him back to his lonesome. 

"How was your date with Yunho?" Soobin asks as he forks his salad and takes a big bite. You glare at him before shaking your head.

"This is how rumors spread, you idiot." Chaery smacks him on the back of the head, making him laugh but slightly wince in pain at the same time.

"I'll whoop your ass if you say that word and Yunho in the same sentence one more time." You roll your eyes. "My literature review session with him went fine. He did help me out a lot, practically added another page to my review from all the edits we made."

"That's good." Soobin says, laughing. "Are you gonna have him review your literature stuff from now on?"

"Probably, it comes so easy for him. Or, maybe I just lack the patience." You shrug. "But, his help would definitely be nice. I need to push my grade up."

"Mhm." Soobin wiggles his brows.

"He's pushing this Yunho agenda so much." You point at Soobin while looking at Chaery and she shrugs.

"I mean don't get me wrong, I'm on the same bloat." You glare at her. "But, I'm on your side more than anything!" She quickly bounces back, making you sigh.

"I give up." You mumble as you rest your chin on the palm of your hand. Suddenly, your phone vibrates off to the side, making you lazily tap your screen to see who the notification is from.

"Better not be Seonghwa." You glare at Chaery once again.

"I'm taking this to the couch." You stick your tongue out before grabbing your phone and walking over to the couch in the living room. Because it's not, and you don't really wanna deal with your teasing friends even more.

yunho: btw, i like this website if i don't really wanna dig too deep into the details

yunho: it's a good website that summarizes a lot of the themes in books, and they have a huge catalog

You smile and respond back, feeling appreciative that he thought of you.

yunho: srry for the triple text, hope i didnt bother

you: you didn't. thank you, yunho :) i'll bookmark this that way i won't have to bother you so much lol

yunho: you're not a bother haha but np. have a good night!

you: you too!

Then, another comes in. And of course it's Seonghwa. But, the message isn't your typical message, no. It's a message that easily rubs you the wrong way because why? Why does Seonghwa like to pull this shit?

seonghwa: since when did you talk to jeong yunho? lol

you: why does it matter?

seonghwa: it's a simple question?

you: you're ridiculous, you know? we're in the lit same class. again, not that it matters .. ?

seonghwa: how am i ridiculous? lol

you: whatever seonghwa

seonghwa: why are you upset, baby? i'm just asking. i don't see what yunho's point is

you: he has no point, he's just helping me out.

seonghwa: okay, sure lol do you wanna come over? could use your company ): 

you: not tonight

you: maybe you can call hyeri, or whatever her name is. i'm spending time with my roommates

seonghwa: baby, seriously? i was talking to a classmate. can we not fight over dumb shit again?

you: goodnight seonghwa

You sigh out of irritation, tossing your phone aside. It's a bit close to 10pm, but you feel like getting some fresh air and taking a quick walk around the complex would do you some good. 

"Chaery, can we take a walk?" She looks at you and nods.

"Sure."

"What about me?" Soobin asks with a mouth full.

"You're eating."

"I can take it with me."

"It's girl talk." He cringes a bit and shakes his head.

"Nevermind. Be safe, come back soon." You chuckle just as Chaery walks out of your shared room in a hoodie. She has one of your jackets in your hand, handing it over as she gets closer.

"It's a bit cold tonight. Jacket?" 

"Thanks." You smile at her as you throw it on and zip it up, sliding into your slippers before walking out. Chaery is right; the air is colder, crisp. It has a little bite, especially against your skin. Chaery wraps her arm around yours, pulling you close for extra body heat.

"What happened, babe?"

"Huh?"

"You told Soobin it was girl talk." You laugh a bit and nod.

"Oh yeah, right. It is." You sigh as you hold her close. "Nothing, it's just Seonghwa. He texted me just to ask when I started talking to Yunho and what his point was. Got on my nerve."

"Ew, what's his problem? Y/N, seriously. You can do so much better than him. I know it's not easy, and I know he has his moments with you. But baby, you deserve someone who is always sure about you and who will be happy to flaunt you off."

"I know." You sigh. "It's like every time I think about leaving, he does something to keep me close."

"But, it shouldn't be this way, you know? You shouldn't have to wait for these moments. It should happen every day if he really cared about you."

"Yeah." Is all you can say because what can you say? It's hard to break it off with Seonghwa because this is your routine, something you've gotten used to— his presence is something you've gotten accustomed to. Even if it he isn't necessarily the best, he keeps you company. The kind of company that you like.

"How was meeting up with Yunho? Did he help you with your review?"

"A lot. He is super helpful, and he offered to keep helping me."

"Aw." Chaery giggles. "That is so sweet of him."

"He's actually really kind, and patient. I offered to take him out for lunch or something one day."

"Cute. Yeah, you should! Get to know him. Maybe he just needs a little pushing out of his shell, you know? You could probably help him in return." You shrug.

"Maybe? He's still—" Suddenly, Chaery's eyes shoot up to the figure ahead. She does a little gasp before making a cute noise and dragging you closer.

"Yunho!" She says, waving at him. He looks a little startled, but he stops in his tracks and waits with his hands in his pockets— a shy, small smile creeping at the corner of his lips. "Wait, oh my god! I didn't realize you lived here, too! I mean, so does the majority of campus, but still!" You sure as hell didn't know either, and you feel a bit bad that you just probably never noticed. 

"Uh, yeah. I just live over there." He points at his building.

"Who do you live with?"

"Kang Yeosang." Chaery nods.

"Ah, cute. What a pair." You give her a look before shifting your attention back to Yunho. He quietly waits for the next part of the conversation, his eyes softly gazing over you. 

You're cute.

"What are you doing out here this late?"

"Could ask the same for you two." He chuckles and nervously scratches at the nape of his neck. "I, uh, can't sleep sometimes. The walk kinda helps."

"Ah, I see. Makes sense."

"So.." He awkwardly says, shifting weight from one foot to another. "Also couldn't sleep?" You shrug.

"We just needed to get out and get some air." Chaery cuts in for a follow-up to avoid any Seonghwa talk. Though, she knows Yunho wouldn't do that to you. 

"It's getting late though, and pretty cold."

"We're just gonna walk to the end then walk back."

"Hm, okay." 

"It was nice running into you." Chaery smiles. "I hope you can get some rest tonight!"

"Hopefully. Have a good night." He looks at her, then you; he gives you a very tiny, very subtle nod of acknowledgement. With that, the two of you walk past to continue your walk, Chaery praising how gentle and good-looking Yunho is until the end of the walk. Yunho knows the community is safe, but he cuts his walk short just to head up to his building and get a better view of yours. He hangs over the railing near the stairs, catching sight of you and Chaery. He watches as you circle back around to your building, slowly heading up the stairs. He can hear your laughs from where he stands, and he's glad you seem to be okay tonight.

It's good that you have great friends by your side.

When your figures disappear into the hallway, Yunho feels content, relieved— knowing you've both made it safely home. He turns on his heel to make it to his own apartment, greeted by a dark living room with echoes of Yeosang yelling at his PC.

At least you're okay. 

At least you're not outside, waiting in the cold.

At least you're with good company.

♣︎ taglist: @s-nsanshine @soupbinlily @tyongff-ff @jiminiscricket @g1g1l @staytinyinmybpack @woomyteez @gfksz @bitchwhytho @savluvsmingi @thisisntmyrightera @hyukssunflower @miriamxsworld @tmtxtf @kuromibabe04 @lmnhead @carrietwrites @tournesol155 @persphonesorchid @txt-yaomi @marsattacks @mxnsxngie [bold = can’t tag 😭]

[ace-of-d1am0nds]

The Bear: Color and Control

obligatory long post warning

The Bear is all about control. Who's in control; how much control does each person have over themselves, each other, and the space.

While we see it in most aspects, the one thing I think demonstrates these power struggles best is color and lighting.

I think most pieces of media are about control and I might just be a pretentious film major so call me out if I'm being incredibly wrong here. But hear me out.

White: the "peace"

I'm not a SydCarmy truther or anything but let me just say the evidence is evidencing. This is the scene in which Sydney and Carmy are testing out menu options at Carmen's apartment. The scene is washed with a striking white light because, at this moment, they have complete power over the food in front of them, the relationship between them, and the emotions they are feeling. Now I say the evidence is evidencing because I scrubbed through almost all of season 2 for this post and nearly every scene with Claire isn't lit with a white light, it's lit like most of the scenes in the show: a warm toned neutral light. But that's beside the point.

Blue: the lack

The first scene of season 2 is one of Marcus talking to his mom in a coma. He is bathed in harsh blue light because he has little to no control over his mother's health. We see the blue light over and over again across the show but this is one of the few that doesn't have that conflict in lighting. This scene is clear as day. Marcus is powerless over this situation. And he seemingly is at peace with that.

The Disruption of White: the loss

In season 2, when Carmy starts changing the menu without consulting Sydney, we see the normally intense white light of the kitchen being dulled into a colder hue. This may be a stretch but I think this is supposed to represent Sydney grasping for a share of what Carmy continually takes for himself. The warm light directly over only his head, shows how he alone feels like this is "normal". He believes that he has done no wrong. He can't see how he's hurt Sydney. Yet.

In season 3, episode 2. The through-line is the lights. The kitchen light, harsh and exacting and ever-present throughout the season and the kitchen's environment in general, is fritzing out. The only people who don't point this out are Carmen and Richie. During their argument, they are fighting and vying for control. Meanwhile, everyone else is losing said control. Everybody, repeatedly, is trying to calm them down, trying to regain a semblance of peace in the kitchen. To no avail. Until Marcus comes in, of course; the only person who seems to be content with the lack of control he has over his life.

The Split Screen: My Favorite Shots

The following gifs are courtesy of @tragicsiblings

This whole scene. This whole episode, mind you. Is about Carmen Berzatto losing control. He gets stuck in the walk-in and realizes everything he didn't consider and everything he's losing at this moment. Meanwhile, Richie is in his element. It's friends and family night. He's prowling the dining room like it's nobody's business. He trained for this. Richie is trying to exert his power over Carmen to force him to calm down. Obviously, we know this doesn't work. So Richie, because he can, goes back to work. He runs the brigade. While Carmen stays stuck. Stuck in the walk-in but more importantly stuck in his own head.

This scene, man. This scene is a montage of Carmen yelling at everybody to work faster, better, etc. Meanwhile, Richie is shown only in extreme close-ups of his eyes as he surveys the front of house. As they do, they get into an argument. This is intercut with a barrage of reviews calling the restaurant a failure. The line I want to focus on is "Richie doesn't get a hold." I'm translating this to mean "Richie's not in charge here, I am." But this shot. Richie and Carmen make eye contact through the glass of the window into the kitchen. The line down the middle and the triangles mimicking the glass on the wall show their distance. This moment, among others, is why the front and back of house are, as Richie likes to point out, dysregulated. It's because their two leads are at odds with each other.

Carmen will never give any of his power or control over to any of his partners, whether it be the menu to Sydney, the finances to Nat, or even a stake in the business at all to Richie. Carmen Berzatto, at his core, needs to be in control.

[birlwrites]

ttdl sneak peek: an unexpected reunion

we're going sensational for this snippet! in which regulus bites off a little more than he can chew in an attempt to... well, you'll see.

*

Regulus leaves a respectable amount of distance between himself and Carrow, who is doing an admirable job at not turning around to see who's behind him. The distance makes clear that Regulus is not involved in this fight, whatever it is. He's ending it.

Regulus summons up an impression of Father, self-assured and dry, coolly composed but expectant all the same. "Would someone care to explain the disturbance?"

A chillingly familiar scoff comes from beyond Carrow.

Oh.

And Sirius says, loud enough for everyone to hear him, "Use your imagination."

Shit.

[bl-sensei]

Hazbin Hotel songs review: Stayed Gone

This song doesn't have a French title, but if it had one it could've been "Regretter d'être rentré" (lit. Regret coming back).

Pros:

Vox sings "You're not welcome down here anymore" (Say hello to a new status quo), I don't know why they didn't keep "status quo", but I like the translation;

Vox sings "Say goodbye to radio / We prefer video / we want sounds and images in Hell" (While he hid in radio / We pivoted to video / Now his medium is getting bloody rare) there isn't the idea of him being a coward, but I like that he says that people prefer video;

Alastor sings "For a while, you've been demanding / a stylish media / that offers quality" (yes I know it's been a while / since someone with style / treated hell to a broadcast) I like that he says that people asked for him to come back and that he's qualitative unlike Vox;

Alastor sings "Vow gonna regret / Playing" (Your status quo / Will know it's race is run) and I like that he threatens him.

I love Alastor's French va, Maxime Hoareau , he's awesome. I didn't even realize it was him, I didn't even know he could sing! I can't say how happily surprised I was! I love his energy, he was perfect, so it's a pro.

Cons:

In French Vox doesn't call Alastor a coward;

In French Alastor is far more familiar, so it was surprising when I learned that apparently him saying "fuck you" to Lucifer was the 1st he'd swear in English. In this song, he sings (Instead of one of his mediocre whorish little TV shows) (instead of a clout-chasing mediocre video podcast), the word he used in French is dated so it suits him in a way, but hearing him say "whorish" was quite a shock tbh; he also calls Vox a French equivalent of "loser" but far more familiar, so this one was quite a shock too;

We lost the idea of Vox being insecure and thriving only thanks to Valentino and Velvette; but instead, they call each other useless so I guess it cancels out?;

Alastor's French va has a bad tendency to not do the rhymes in [e] and [ə] (ex: tolerate is pronounced / ˈtɒl.ə.ɹeɪ̯t/ [tbh idk if that really helps]). We can often switch the two pronunciations (usually it depends on the region) so you can make them rhyme as long as you pronounce it correctly, which he tends not to do. Not a huge problem but it ticked me;

We don't have the parallelism "I'm gonna make you wish that I'd stayed gone", instead we have "let me remind you who I am", which is good too but I love figures of style;

Alastor sings "Because my voice / Is your friend" (Tune on in / When I'm done) and I don't think he could really be called a friend lol.

It was really complicated to rate this song because the lyrics changed a lot. As a whole, the song is not great, but not terrible either. The translation is very different, but the ideas stayed more or less the same. I'd say the song is OK if you only speak French, but it's better in English. I give this song a 6/10.

[bookshelfmonkey]

Thanks for the tag @storkmuffin :)

Are you named after anyone? Not my first name, which I just chose because I liked it, but one of my middle names is Bowie (as in David Bowie).

When was the last time you cried? A couple of weeks ago, when I was feeling completely overwhelmed by the state of trans rights globally and especially in the UK (where I live) and the ongoing tragedies happening as a result. (Sidenote: it's weird to me how little I've cried since starting T, I used to cry multiple times a week and now it's every few months)

Do you have kids? No.

What sports do you play/have you played? I swam for about 6-8 years as a kid but always kinda hated it, and eventually quit when the dysphoria became too much. I did football and badminton on and off too, but was never really good at anything (asthma & possible dyspraxia & hypermobility etc.). Now I'm trying to run and work out mostly just to stay healthy. I'd like to get back into swimming but can't really afford to go to a pool regularly and I'm scared to go by myself. I also go to a lgbtq+ football club weekly when I'm in my hometown (my friend started an under-18s one which I used to do too and it was pretty much my only positive experience of sports).

Do you use sarcasm? Rarely, and only with close friends where we mutually joke like that with each other.

What's the first thing you notice about people? I actually don't know. I think most of the time I'm too caught up in the anxiety of meeting someone new that I'm more focussed on myself.

What's your eye colour? Bluey grey.

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings. I'll watch some scary movies but sometimes they just make me too anxious to enjoy them.

Any talents? I can read pretty quickly with good comprehension (I like to take my time when reading for fun, but as an english lit student who always has a fuck ton of essays and shit to read, it's handy), I can bake really good gingerbread, and I'm weirdly good at immitating people's walks (the same way some people can do voice impressions).

Where were you born? A small city in south west england (not saying more than that for safety/privacy).

What are your hobbies? I read (a lot); I write fiction, poetry, book reviews & TV show reviews (see pinned post on where to find some of these); I embroider and sew; I enjoy baking and cooking but don't do it much atm because I don't like my flatmates so I spend as little time as possible in our kitchen where I might see them; I like going for walks but it can be difficult to get out into nature without a car (ironically) and sometimes I just solve number puzzles/do maths for fun.

Do you have any pets? Yes, this idiot (affectionate). Technically she lives with my parents, but still. Her name's Pepper and she's a generic black cat (it's hard to work out breeds of cats and she's an adopted former stray so there's no breeding history or whatever).

How tall are you? 1.72m

Favourite subject in school? It alternated between english literature and maths.

Dream job? Author/forest wizard/please don't make me enter the workforce (I'm a uni student atm)/I don't know what I want to do with my life.

@yourlocalcorvidcryptid @autisticfordprefect @feral-enfield-with-wifi sorry if any of y'all have already done this and I missed it.

[titaniasfairy]

john price might be a little territorial

cw: fem!reader, soft dom!price, oral (fem receiving), fingering, p in v,

honestly got this idea after @glossysoap mentioned needing to experience beard burn 😭

18+ MDNI !!

being a liaison for the SAS unit, specifically the task force 141, was working out wonderfully for you.

despite you being a glorified paperwork handler, the job had its perks. with government healthcare and a pretty hefty salary, you were going along just fine.

not to mention your co-workers, who are just lovely. most of them have become your best friends who you can tell anything to.

soap who’s just a sweetheart, always trying to help you in whatever way possible. you remember one day where he brought you lunch because you were so busy with your reports, saying he couldn’t stand to see you hungry.

gaz who’s so patient with you! he doesn’t mind if it takes a little longer to get his files turned in or his mission reviews typed up. some nights he’ll even bring you a cup of coffee to keep you awake.

ghost who’s just a gentle giant. always telling you dad jokes to brighten up your day, going above and beyond to make you smile. he’ll leave sticky notes on your desk with silly puns or inside jokes to make the day a little easier.

and captain john price, who never fails to make you cum. after a long, hard night he’ll come knocking on your office door to lay you down on your desk and fuck you with his fingers. his thick digits will curl up into your g-spot to make your legs spasm and your back arch.

if you ever needed an off day to destress or relax, best believe he’s at your door the moment he finds out. in his eyes, the best way to destress is to bend you over the bed and fuck you into oblivion.

while your moments with him are so blissful, the second he leaves you’re stuck in a state of loneliness. you’ll lay in your bed that just feels so cold without his warming presence. john says he can’t spend the nights, afraid of what would happen if anyone found out about your relationship.

but this idea changed all so suddenly.

the team was out one night celebrating their recent mission. they sat in a dimly lit pub drinking in celebration. while john was only a bit buzzed, the rest of the team was piss drunk.

gaz and soap were arm wrestling , and simon was acting as a ‘judge’ for the contest. the three of them were laughing hysterically when price’s phone rang.

you were still on base getting some reports done, and had to ask john an important question on filing the documents. you got your answer and thanked him before hanging up.

when john put his phone away, the boy’s focus was now on him and his phone call. gaz asked if it was you on the phone with a cheeky look on his face and john nodded.

“did ya’ see what she was wearin’ today? i could barely take my eyes off of er’ arse in that skirt.” johnny said while sipping his pint.

“cmon, soap be a gentleman.” kyle said while nudging his teammate’s shoulder.

“don’t deny it! you n’ LT were just goin’ on about how good her tits looked in that blouse last week!”

“he’s right, gaz.” simon mumbled out from the other side of the table.

all the while price was clenching his fists furiously. he couldn’t stand having his men talk about what was his— what only he could have. he stood up suddenly and gathered his things.

“i’m goin’ home, got laundry to do.” it was a bold face lie. price had no intention of going home, not until he claimed you for the night.

before the boys could say anything john was gone. he slammed the door of his truck closed and started the engine, dead set on making you know you’re his.

price’s hands gripped the steering wheel hard, his jeans growing tighter just at the thought of what he was going to do to you.

without having to think about it, his feet led him to your office and knocked on your door loudly.

your sweet voice called out “come in” and he barged into the room, slamming the door behind him.

“john, what’s wrong i thought you went-”

“strip.”

his words took you off guard and you gave him a confused look by squinting your eyes and furrowing your brows.

“what are you talking about-”

he interrupted you again

“i said strip. do it before i make you.”

you closed your laptop and began unbuttoning your blouse, fingers nervously shaking in anticipation of what was to come. you shrugged the blouse off and threw it across the room while john hummed in approval.

“turn around and take the skirt off.”

his arms were crossed and his gaze was intensely fixed on you. you turned slowly and john got a good look at your ass in that tight pencil skirt you were wearing. you unzipped the skirt and threw it onto the pile before you hastily took off your heels. you were left in your bra and panties, a wired t-shirt bra and your cotton underwear.

you turned back around and john advanced on you by grabbing your waist and pulling you into a hot kiss. his teeth clashed against yours and his tongue fought its way into your mouth while your hands held his face.

his hands lingered on your body and palmed your breasts through your bra. john pushed you up against him and you could feel his throbbing erection through his jeans, making you moan softly.

“gonna show them all who you belong to.” john’s words came out in a growling voice and before you could respond, he picked you up and placed you on your desk. his lips traveled from your mouth to your jawline and eventually falling to your neck. he left dark marks with his lips and teeth, effectively claiming you with his marks.

between moans you huffed out in protest, “john- people will see them.” your hands moved to push him away, but he persisted.

“let them see. let them know who gets to please you like this.”

you’ve never seen john so possessive, he’s always been cautious with your meetings, too scared to have everyone know of your secret. the hanging threat of the consequences always loomed over his head, but now it seemed like the captain had nothing to lose.

his words went straight to your core, soaking your panties with arousal. john reached his hands behind your back and freed you from your bra. his eyes immediately glued onto your tits as your nipples hardened from the sudden cold air.

greedy hands groped your breasts while john’s lips wrapped around the bud of your nipple and sucked hard. your fingers ran through his short hair and gripped hard when his teeth grazed against you.

he moved his mouth to the other breast, repeating his actions. his hand slid down your stomach and into your soiled panties. you could feel him smile against you when his fingers ran across your wet slit.

“so wet for me, love. you been thinkin’ about this all day?”

it was like he could read your mind. ever since you woke, dirty thoughts of john and his cock filled your head. your thighs squeezed together with every word he spoke.

“yeah.. been needy all day for you.”

he took his mouth off of your breast and gave you a soft kiss. “i know, love. i’m gonna take care of it, f’you.”

his hands moved to rid you of your panties, leaving you completely naked on your desk. john’s lips left a wet trail of kisses down your body, landing on the hood of your pussy. soft blue eyes started into yours as john sank to his knees in front of you.

john took hold of your thighs and left small pecks on the inside of them. he teased you relentlessly, making you ache inside. you needed his mouth and whined out to let him know.

“if you want something, you have to ask.” he mumbled out against the plush of your thighs.

you whimpered out, but to no avail. john’s eyes stared into you and you had no choice but to beg.

“please eat my pussy! i need to feel your mouth on me, john.”

“that’s better.��

his mouth latched onto your sex and began to lap at your inner folds. it was messy and wet the way his tongue ran along your cunt and slobbered on your clit. you muffled your moans with your hands and arched your back, trying so hard to get even closer to him.

you ground your hips into him and held his hair with your fingers. his lips latched around your clit and sucked hard. john began to palm his length through his jeans, making him moan against your core. the vibrations against you only made your peak come faster.

his beard stung against your thighs, only adding to your pleasure. you were sure that tomorrow it’d hurt like a bitch, but right now it was fucking divine.

“taste so fucking good, love.” john’s middle and ring finger slipped inside of you, causing your mouth to let out an involuntary moan. john chuckled and circled your clit with his thumb while thrusting his digits into you.

“go on, baby. let everyone know who you belong to.” in reality there was no one left in the office area. everyone had either gone to their barracks or the dining hall.

you moaned out as his fingers curled inside you, hitting that spot only john could reach. your legs shook and he could tell that you were close.

“you gonna cum for me? gonna wet my fucking fingers with your juices? come on love, let go for me.”

his lips wrapped around your clit once more, sending you over the edge. you moaned out in bliss while your body spasmed. you soaked john’s fingers with your cum as he continued to thrust them into you.

once you came down from your high, john carefully removed his fingers from you and sucked them clean. after which he kissed you hard, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.

while his tongue was busy in your mouth, his hands began to unbuckle his belt and undo his pants. john pulled down his jeans along with his boxers and revealed his achingly hard length. it throbbed at the feeling of the air, standing tall at about 7.5 inches.

john pulled his lips from yours and aligned his cock to your entrance. “you ready, dear?” his eyes were filled with gentleness and lust and you could only give him a small nod. his hips slowly thrusted forward inside you, filling you up by the second.

when his hips were flush against yours and he was fully inside you, he kissed you softly. “you feel so fucking good. no one else gets this but me, you understand?” the feeling of his cock inside you was so overwhelming that you could only let out a whiney “mmhm!”

after your response, john began to thrust his cock into you hard. his hands gripped your thighs as pounded into you. his cock was so big that it hit every spot inside you, leaving you a crying mess below him.

your moans were reduced to small ‘ah ah ah’s while john let out grunts and groans from the feeling of your cunt squeezing around him. he swears that you’re the tightest pussy he’s ever fucked.

his balls slapped against your ass and the sound of skin on skin filled the room. john pushed your legs back against your chest, getting the deepest angle he could. your tummy bulged with him inside you and john’s eyes focused hard on your abdomen, pressing his hand on the prominent bulge inside you.

“you feel that baby? i’m so fucking deep inside you, love. wonder how your tummy would look if it was full with my kid.”

your eyes shut at the thought of john impregnating you and your cunt squeezed around him, sucking his cock back inside of you.

“you like that, hm? like the idea of carrying my baby? gonna tell everyone who’s it is? tell everyone it was me who did this to you?” john’s grip on your waist tightened and his thrusts were harder.

your orgasm began to rise up again, getting closer with every thrust inside you. john’s grunts became full on moans and his thrusts began to stutter. your hands groped your tits and your fingers swirled your nipples, bringing you closer to release.

“come on, love, let’s cum together. i need to empty my balls in this tight little cunt. need to give you my baby, need to breed this wet pussy.”

before john could finish his sentence you were moaning out and cumming on his length. his seed began to spill inside you in long fat ropes of his cum while he let out pornographic groans into the air. you threw your head back and rode out your high as john did for his.

once the both of you were spent, john slowly pulled out of your pussy and pulled your panties back on before putting his own pants on. he sat in your office chair and pulled you into his lap while you were still nude.

he held you against his chest while running his hand up and down your back. you felt complete with him, you found solace in these moments with him.

“i don’t want us to be a secret anymore, love. i can’t take it.”

you lifted your head and stared into his eyes in disbelief. “but what about-?” he shushed you and held you close.

“i’m not worried about that anymore. i want everyone to know you’re my girl.”

[study-with-aura]

Tuesday, May 7, 2024

It felt like there was more writing than usual today, so my hand started hurting. I had to switch to typing for a few things, but that's okay. For some reason, I also started to feel quite fatigued just before my lunch break this morning. I made some green tea to drink with lunch, and that seemed to help. Normally my parents don't like me having caffeine, but they are okay with me having it if I feel like I need it. They aren't fans of it on a daily basis, which is strange because I know both of my parents drink coffee every morning!

I hope everyone is doing well this week! I know it is the end of the academic year for some of us, and it is a very stressful time! But we got this! We are almost done! <3

Tasks Completed:

Geometry - Probability Review + honors review

Lit and Comp II - Reviewed Units 4-6 vocabulary + read the news + submitted fable writing assignment to Mom for grading (97%) + looked over non-fiction writing assignment + CLEP Test practice question

Spanish 2 - Reviewed La Comida vocabulary + reviewed the preterit and imperfect

Bible I - Read Matthew 19-20

World History - Watched a video on Margaret Thatcher + read about Indira Gandhi + read about Golda Meir + typed up a paragraph for each female world leader (typed because I wrote out a lot today and my hand hurt)

Biology with Lab - Answered questions about flower structure and reproduction + continued germination lab

Foundations - Read more on virtue + completed the next quiz on Read Theory + worked on the outline for my argumentative speech

Piano - 60-minute piano lesson + practiced for one hour

Khan Academy - Completed High School Geometry daily mastery challenge + completed High School biology daily mastery challenge + completed World History Unit 6: Lesson 12 (parts 2-3)

CLEP - Completed Sample CLEP Test Questions 46-60

Streaming - Watched The Cuba Libre Story Episode 7

Duolingo - Studied for approximately 30 minutes (Spanish, French, Chinese) + completed daily quests

Reading - Read pages 196-228 of Into the Bright Open by Cherie Dimaline

Chores - Laundry

Activities of the Day:

Personal Bible Study (Philippians 3)

Ballet

Pointe

Journal/Mindfulness