#because it makes me super nauseous
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I'm working on a flight scene in this fic and blanked for a moment on what people do while their plane is boarding, because in flight entertainment usually doesn't work until in the air and how I spend my free time (dosing myself with xanax and nondrowsy dramamine and trying to forget every single second that I'm on a plane) is far different from how normal, sane people spend their time
#listen I am not afraid of turbulence or the plane going down#I just want to exit my body every time the plane dips slightly and I wish I weren't this way#because it makes me super nauseous#this coming from the woman who enjoys watching mentourpilot's videos on YT#I wasn't always this way; I just had a bad flight to paris in 2013 and it's been A Bad Time every flight since#Kaila writes things#cw drugs#f: All that’s best of dark and bright
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I Am Going To Lose My Shit :)
#froggie personal#yall tell me why I feel like shit rn#the POTS is handing my ass to me today#I felt like shit yesterday too but I foolishly thought that it was a one-off day#like I need to eat something cause my stupid ass PMS symptoms are making me hungry#which in turn makes my POTS flare up#but I'm also nauseous so I don't wanna eat cause throwing up is a No#and at work some mom complained to my boss (I teach swim lessons) cause I couldn't work with her kid very much#like I'm sorry that another parent came in with their kid WHEN THEY WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO#AND HAD US TAKE HIM SO WE COULDN'T WORK WITH EVERYONE THE ENYIRE TIME#and your kid almost had a meltdown when you tried to out her in the water so pardon me-#-I didn't want to be a random stranger that dragged her into deep water and made her freak out#like jesus christ the kid is 2 I'm sorry that I didn't want to scare her away from the water but she's literally a toddler#and holy shit why am I so tired I've done legitimately nothing today#like I slept until 10 and conveniently missed my morning practice#only worked for an hour and emptied the damn dish washer#why did I have to lay down for an hour after work and now lay down again#and to top it all off my skin is acting up because of course it is#so now it's both dry as shit and super itchy#please I just need the shit to stop for a little bit
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thought my long covid getting worse now that i have a job would be better bc quote "last year I stayed home with long covid FOR FREE like an idiot. this time I'd at least get paid" but it's like... actually last time was better bc now I gotta prove I'm actually sick and feeling bad and not just trying to get out of work due to laziness. fucked up.
#doddie redet#what always fucks me up the most is the 'but CAN you *activity that is exhausting*??' and it's like. yes! probably!#but I'll feel terrible the entire time while I'm doing it and also feel terrible after. like sure I can go for a walk but it'll make me#super nauseous and dizzy. but I /can/ do it! easily! I did do it in fact! i hated it and I'm still feeling bad but I could even do it again#does this mean I should be going back to work because I could probably do it and not pass out maybe? I don't know!
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babygirl i am so fucking nauseous rn
#my anxiety does this super fun thing where it ALSO makes me nauseous#nausea is of course the worst feeling in the world#so now I'm waiting to meet with an important faculty member and trying not to throw up#I've never actually puked from anxiety. But I've definitely felt bad enough that I thought I would#pls pray for me in so stressed#im making a Big Life Decision and I'm. hnfgggg. stressed#ive talked to a bunch of different people about it and like I've done research so. I'm not super unprepared? But I still feel underprepared#I don't know what I'm doing or if I'll regret it and I know that part of life is taking chances#but I can still feel anxious about this especially because this is an Expensive decision#lilac post#anyways. im just venting while I wait. i hope she's nice hngggg
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#i feel so much worse today#my headache is killing me again#my appetite is gone#my body cant decide if its cold or hot#my nose is super stuffy#im dizzy#im nauseous#im scared its going to get worse#i took another covid test#if this one comes back negative i might cry#not because i want covid but i just want to know whats making me feel so awful
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its 2:06 i have not been able to get a single minute of sleep and and i have to be up early enough to shower and do my hair and eat breakfast so i dont puke and then be at work by 6:45
#ive had sleeping problems literally forever but they havent been as bad the past few months so im not used to zero sleep anymore#eururhshfj#and sleeping really badly makes me super jauseous and lightheaded and unfocused all day#i wsnt to call in sick but im opening and i already left early once last week because i was too nauseous to stay
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i have had a shitty 48 hours and all i want is a nap
#i was handed a new project at work unexpectedly and had to start it completely on my own#and that was so stressful and then i came home to a sick kitty#and got basically zero sleep last night from trying to take care of her and worrying about her#and so i'm exhausted and then at work had to finish the project and help with another#and had to get missy a vet appointment and get her to that today too#and now i have to figure out how to get her to use a new litter box so i can get a urine sample from her to take back to the vet tomorrow#and i still haven't gotten all the christmas presents i need to get#so some of my friends just won't get gifts until late cause there's no way they'll be here on time now#and i'm on my period and i have a headache and i need to do laundry because kitty pooped on my sheets#and threw up on her towels#and i'm really tired which means i am starting to get physical symptoms (thanks for always doing that body 🙃 it's so helpful)#so my lunch is making me super nauseous which fucking sucks#i'm just done
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I have not been diagnosed with autism but took this out of curiosity and got 192 (a ton of the questions were super relatable though some were worded pretty badly but this caught me off guard)
If you don’t know your score, take the test here
#still fighting to get tested for autism and adhd because me and my family have had concerns#though the doctors are like “you got tested like 16 years ago you don't need tested again”#like I don't know about you but people have told me its odd that I will have an emotional breakdown when my daily routine changes#and certain smells and textures legit make me nauseous#the one with covering the ears from loud noises hit super hard#and the one with volume control was spot on#too loud#AND THE ONE WITH TRAIN SCHEDULES#I write down train schedules in my area but that's likely from the hyperfixation#but still I have train schedules memorized by heart and will spontaneously tell people#alright sorry had to get all this out#conductor's rambles#also I'm not self diagnosing btw I promise#this was just out of curiosity bc so many people had mentioned it to me
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i feel like the meds im taking are not helping at all and if anything theyre making it worse
#duloxetine girl i liked you at first but u suck rn.....#god i wish i was normal i wish i didnt feel sad and alien and miserable all the time#and now on top of that i feel nauseous and heavy and my mind is all tangled and i cant focus#duloxetine made me so sleepy at first i had to start taking it at night until one day i felt like i was dying#bc my heart was about to jump from my throat and i was sweating buckets#so i had to change the time again and now i take it in the mornings but all it does is make me sick#when i took it at night (paired with quetiapine) it worked soooo well bc i slept better & had energy + will to do things#now i sleep terribly and have no will. my psychiatrist says i give up too easily (true) and i cant keep a routine (also true) but like#how can i even do those when my brain doesnt help.... i already force myself 2 eat n piss n shit which r basic living organism things#is living just forcing yourself to do things forever and ever because you have to#is there no treat at the end of this suffering road#and i feel bad bc im not even Rawdogging life FOR REAL like i have it soooooo easy. living life at Extremely super easy mode#and yet i struggle.....#i should be moss or a bacteria or a rock#222
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I always thought of diabetes as a thing you either Have or Don't but I looked into it a bit and man I was like extremely close to being diabetic before medication and literally follow the same treatment as type 2 diabetics (metformin and blood sugar monitoring). Hell if I had another blood test before starting the meds I may have been considered diabetic medically. Anyway I had the worst blood sugar crash of my Fucking Life tonight and had do the test it, drink orange juice, test again to be able to go to bed safely and it all just sucks. I don't want to deal with this happening for the rest of my life.
#It was 61 mg/dl which isn't like You're Gonna Die but is low for diabetics and almost too low for non diabetics#Didn't get any sleep last night so I was ignoring the symptoms chalking it up to that#But I had blurry vision was super pale and got extremely nauseous then threw up (Badly.)#I basically thought it was getting better walked to my bedroom from the bathroom and immediately threw up on all my stuff -_-#On the plus side this is like emetophobia exposure therapy. Sometimes something is so gross the panic doesn't even set in#It's just well. The worst possible scenario (vomit on my personal belongings and person and clothes) happened. Let's deal with it#Meanwhile if someone says their stomach hurts I start having an anxiety attack#Well anyway. Guys I don't want to deal with my body trying to kill me every 2 weeks forever.#It'd almost make me feel better if I could just say I'm diabetic because atp there's not a big difference between my life and a type 2#It's just that mine is theoretically reversible (and it's getting better with meds!! just slowly.)#but genuinely if i have to take diabetes meds forever to not be diabetic am i not just diabetic but well-controlled?? i have to ask my endo#I'm also feeling less leery about considering myself maybe disabled from all this cause like#it's manageable when it only happens at night but if this happened in public it'd be a nightmare#I would crash a fucking car if this happened while driving#Ugh. I wish glucose monitors were cheaper and I could just use one of those. Very hard to test your own blood when you're Fucking Dying
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Having my driving exam in three hours and oh. My god my body is NOT cooperating with me
Wasn’t able to sleep at all last night, felt awfully nauseous all throughout. I usually wear a little necklace but the mere feeling of something brushing against my throat makes me feel like I’m suffocating right now. Rationally, I know that my hoodie isn’t trying to strangle me, but yeah no, screw rational thinking right now I guess? Sometimes I think my anxiety isn’t that bad and then I end up in a situation like this
#emeto tw#you see the thing is. I normally never have breakfast#If I don’t eat at the exact right times during the day it throws off my whole rhythm and blood sugar#one day I’d like to know what’s up with that but anyway#rationally I know that I should grab a bite to eat and something to drink. but eating in the morning just makes me#feel sick or get heartburn or makes me super fatigued#so I’d rather rawdog this exam hungry than to risk eating the wrong thing and making things worse#but that’s not a very smart idea either for obvious reasons#I’m stuck. and I feel like I’m being strangled#rationally I also know that I have good chances of passing because my worst fault in the last lesson was going above the speed limit for a#couple seconds#I’m shit scared of parking though#I guess I’m lucky because it’s the Tesla and that has a bajillion cameras but still#I’m scared of not remembering where to turn on the lights in that damn thing#or not signaling properly because this dumb thing has the indicator buttons on the fucking steering wheel so help me WE HAVE ROUNDABOUTS HER#have you ever tried pressing the correct button among ten others on a moving object while doing five other things at the same time#yeah anyway. I’m still nauseous but uhhh I guess let’s do this
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it is week 5 and every week has been crazy like. give me. a break. please.
#my lab partner two weeks ago had to go to a conference across the country#so he was super busy and meeting up to meet him was exhausting. cause i didnt know what i was doing and he was busy#and the project requirement was wack. we had to alternate tasks it was just easier to meet in person#last week one of my lab partners ALSO had to go to the same conference that my other partner was prepping for#so my prof was like lemme just pair them up. congrats ning you are now in a group of two when everyone else is three#which is like. okay. cool#my lab partner this week had two internships so he was super busy#i am also. super busy. i am fighting the assignments#i am fighting the mental illness. it fucking sucks bro IT FUCKING SUCKS#I SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET THINGS DONE WITHOUT HAVING TO FIGHT MY BRAIN#also fighting an infection. i am so fatigued. cant work cause the brain dont work. cant work cause the infection makes me uncomfy and tired#someone confessed to me last week. come the fuck on#so my lab partner. im thinking i need to pick up the slack this week im so glad my partner will probably help me#HE HAS. A FAMILY EMERGENCY#GOD ARE YOU OUT THERE? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?#im so fucking tired lmao. 5 weeks of this shit.#like i dont blame my lab partners at all. i am also so terribly tired. i hope they are all okay#i think i need to go back to the doctor's. i told my mom and shes like#you feel back because you eat too much salt. you dont drink enough water#ALL I DO IS DRINK WATER!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED THE SALT BECAUSE IM ALWAYS NAUSEOUS. I NEED THE SALT BECAUSE IT MAKES MY BRAIN WORK BETTER#THANKS MOM THANKS MOM THANKS MOM THANKS MOM#THE GUY THAT CONFESSED TO ME? i didnt submit an assignment for two weeks cause the day i met him? i KNEW IT#I KNEW HE WAS INTO ME AND IT BOTHERED ME SO MUCH. I FORGOT TO SUBMIT AN ASSIGNMENT ISPENT HOURS RECORDING#DAYS MULLING OVER. AND DIDNT CATCH THAT I DIDNT SUBMIT IT FOR 2 FUCKING WEEKS#GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK#shout out to my lab partners. they have all been so very nice when i am dumb as fuck! i hope they find lots of money on the ground#jesus fucking christ i wish i was smart. god i wish my brain fucking worked. i wish my body wasnt trying to keel over#i wish my class tomorrow wasnt at 9am
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NOT an artist I really admire reposting fanart they made in like 2017 of one of my BIGGEST ick ships of all time!!!! Right before I was gonna go to bed!! OH MY GOD!!
#its not just a ship that i dont like for whatever reasons like it literally makes me nauseous to think abt it#like in the year of our lord 2024 you put this on my feed I THOUGHT I WAS SAFE jfc#it was a really popular ship at the time and i just. oughhh if you know me you probably know the ship bc i literally. its so so gross to me#and it sucked bc Ive had to unfollow them and idk if I'll be able to read their stuff for a while... godddd#like am i overreacting maybe but its shit from when i was a teenager and its super uncomfortable for several reasons#i think they may have blocked me before actually on one of my accounts because i was posting “anti” shit or whatever. i always wonfered why#it unfortunately makes sense now#god I really like their art now too fuuuck#ill probably still read their comics and shit but it just feels shitty. like to know that they STILL like that ship#they were even in the desc like “any discourse your ass gets blocked” like !! oh my god !!#like im happy they still like something they made that long ago. yes good for them in that regard#just it being that ONE ship and the fucking timing like i am about to snap on god and jesus and the holy spirit#ANYWAYS. okay fuck. just had to vent gang#continue on your bullshit have a good evening#vent#rant#my shit
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god. no one prepares you for the irritation and anger that comes when assistive devices and medical equipment actually fix your problems.
#okay to reblog#i'm in the midst of a super bad flare exacerbated by my menstrual cycle right now#and like so i'm still feeling symptoms even with the socks on but like that's because my uterus is trying to stage a coup#(ooo i hope i picked the right coup to spell... we'll hope)#like so i still can't eat right now because i'm nauseous just being Upright at all#but before i put the socks on and all day yesterday i was feeling *woozy* about it even just sitting up in bed#i feel SIGNIFICANTLY better this morning so far which means it *is* just a flare and i'm not sick or somehow dying faster than normal#but like. it still feels bad and i cannot believe how long i went through life thinking i was just randomly getting sick for a day#i knew my period took me out i didn't realize how much it was taking me out until i gained some sort of reprieve from my symptoms#and now when i take them off i Notice which makes them feel worse#and it's just like...#okay here's my inner capitalist coming out i'm working on him#but like... how many days of work did i miss how much money did i lose because my blood doesn't come back from my legs right?#how much time how many things have i missed out on because my body is like this and i didn't know it could be fixed by putting on a pair#of compression socks#i will probably have a similar breakdown when i eventually acquire a wheelchair#because i 100% need one i can see this now#and that... feels bad to say but also like relieving?#i was right i was right the whole fucking time#since i was Very Fucking Small#i don't understand why no one else saw these things as a problem until i found my new family#i don't understand why this wasn't concerning to anyone until NOW#and now i'm getting it fixed and i'm so glad i'm getting answers and getting things fixed but like#why did it take so long?#why did i waste half my life doing things the hard way? why couldn't it have been easy?#in order to be able to experience the world i cannot be standing for very long i cannot be forced to walk for long periods of time#i HAVE to be able to sit down for most of it and that is limiting and frustrating and#i am losing control over what i can do with my body and that was the ONE THING i had control over for the hardest parts of my life#it's what got me through the fucking abuse and neglect was that i knew what i could do with my body#and now i'm losing those things and it is *terrifying*
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i think i’m killing myself a bit by trying to be a good person and i don’t mean that in a “i’m better than everyone” way. like the last couple years i feel like ive kinda made my own personal definition of the social contract in relation to like… cooperation and the advancement of humanity. not bc i want other ppl to think im good but bc i genuinely believe that type of shit is the only way to a better society in the long run. but i give everyone around me endless grace for misunderstanding and being emotional and selfishness but when i do the same things i feel like im in physical distress and deserve to be punished for being a hypocrite
#i’m nauseous pretty much all the time and i feel like all my friends hate me and ive isolated myself from everyone#i don’t know how to be myself without feeling like im making everyone around mes life worse#im in this thought cycle that’s just like maybe because you have to try so hard at all of this deep down ur actually just lazy and annoying#and selfish and hypocritical#i think i really just need therapy at this point and also probably to start taking my meds again#but my anxiety makes me so nauseous and my meds make me nauseous so im also just barely eating#unironically i feel like im being hunted for sport like my heart will randomly just beat super hard#or tears start springing up for literally no reason#shut up chloe
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day ruined!!
#i have to wear clothes that look bad on me and i am upset about it#i hate hate hate clothes that aren't big and uglish i hate that my parents feel like their fucking judgement is welcomed i fucking hate#to be so upset about this!!#all things considered i have bigger problems but something that makes me feel super shitty is being remained i am fucking ugly#so when clothes are bad and accentuate my stupid ugly body the wrong way i feel nauseous#also my mother is super awful in general and called me things because i see a therapist#notes of a countryside dandy
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