#it unfortunately makes sense now
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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NOT an artist I really admire reposting fanart they made in like 2017 of one of my BIGGEST ick ships of all time!!!! Right before I was gonna go to bed!! OH MY GOD!!
#its not just a ship that i dont like for whatever reasons like it literally makes me nauseous to think abt it#like in the year of our lord 2024 you put this on my feed I THOUGHT I WAS SAFE jfc#it was a really popular ship at the time and i just. oughhh if you know me you probably know the ship bc i literally. its so so gross to me#and it sucked bc Ive had to unfollow them and idk if I'll be able to read their stuff for a while... godddd#like am i overreacting maybe but its shit from when i was a teenager and its super uncomfortable for several reasons#i think they may have blocked me before actually on one of my accounts because i was posting “anti” shit or whatever. i always wonfered why#it unfortunately makes sense now#god I really like their art now too fuuuck#ill probably still read their comics and shit but it just feels shitty. like to know that they STILL like that ship#they were even in the desc like “any discourse your ass gets blocked” like !! oh my god !!#like im happy they still like something they made that long ago. yes good for them in that regard#just it being that ONE ship and the fucking timing like i am about to snap on god and jesus and the holy spirit#ANYWAYS. okay fuck. just had to vent gang#continue on your bullshit have a good evening#vent#rant#my shit
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hands you all this cal to announce i’ve FINALLY finished fallen order (by which i mean i finally picked it up again after those couple hours i played a few months ago and then finished the whole game in 2 days lol)
#cal kestis#bd 1#jedi fallen order#jfo#star wars#my doods#anyway HOLY CRAP YOU MEAN STAR WARS WAS ALLOWED TO BE GOOD BEFORE ANDOR (2022-)??????????????? AND I DIDNT KNOW??#i love cal i loved the story i love how cinematic and amazing it looked good lord#i don't think i've ever played a game which gets such an amazing sense of scale across#like all the great temples or fallen starships were just Wow#like bracca ALONE gobsmacked me. seeing all these things i grew up watching in tcw as wreckage was like Ough Wow and THEY FELT SO HUGE#im just. wow!!#and THAT FINAL MISSION HUH. MOST FEAR INSPIRING VIDEOGAME ENCOUNTER EVER#my only criticisms are the awkward navigation/ level design in some areas and maybe the ending felt a bit lackluster somehow#i say somehow bc i dont get how lol#the reason im making this post past midnight is bc i got off work at 10pm and then immediately had to finish it LOL#anyway big heart emojis im very happy i sat down and actually played it finally#i want jedi survivor now LOL unfortunately it costs money and i have a rule i never buy games in release year lol#tbh i never rlly buy games til they're £20 or less
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If I said I was hard at work in the Fic Mine chiseling out one word at a time and placing it in my cart ever so gently. Would you believe me
#Mako Cabbage Merchant Arc? <- funny little joke that makes no sense to anyone. for now.#anyway. i really wanted to finish my korrasami wip before the wuko one but unfortunately. i am slow as shit.#so i switched around the order so the wuko one will be ready in time for the. the thing. can u forgive me.
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kinktober: guns
words: 2.5k
warnings: 18+ only!, smut, gun kink, p in v sex, unprotected bc dont be fcking dumb!, hand kink as well kind of, f receiving oral and handjob, blowjob, being fucked by the gun (silencer), mild degradation but also praise, mentions of drug dealing, somehow still soft rafe idk yall im unable to write rafe being anything but a softie
taglist: @drewstarkeysbae @thelomlisrafecameron @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @slut4drudy @drewsbabygirll @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @jjmaybankisbae @seeingstarks
your eyes widen at the glint of black metal in the low lighting, watching the way rafe works the rag over the piece. you control your gasp when you realize what it is that you’re holding, but you can’t help but take a step back in shock.
you stumble, not realizing how close you were to the hallway table that decorates your home. rafe looks up at the noise, his eyes meeting yours. you can’t tell what emotion crosses his face. he simply sets the handgun down on the coffee table, still partially disassembled.
“rafe-” you begin, but you don’t have the words to finish as he stands up, stalking over to you, his usually comforting figure suddenly imposing when shrouded in the darkness of night.
“baby.” rafe says softly, taking your face in his large hands. “what are you doing awake?” “i-i heard you come in, and i waited for you to come lay down and when you didn’t i came to check on you.” your voice is barely above a whisper, but in the silence of your house, rafe hears you clear as day. he stands still, and you take the moment to apologize, “i’m sorry.”
rafe lets out a deep breath, his face reading the guilt of your apology. “it’s okay.” he presses his lips to your forehead, wrapping his arms around your shoulders as he holds you to him. it takes you a beat, but you wrap your arms around his waist in a tight embrace.
“come here.” rafe says after a moment, sliding his hand down your back and leading you into the living room instead of hiding in the hallway. you take cautious steps, eyes on the disassembled gun on the table.
“sit down.” rafe keeps his voice gentle, but it’s a command, not a request. you sit down on the couch, and rafe slides next to you. he gives you a moment to look at the pieces of metal on the table.
you know why rafe has a gun. he tries to keep that part of his life silent, but you know he helps run the drug scene on the islands of the outer banks. you’ve never been exposed to the violent nature of what he does but you’ve helped him count money and sort packages. he protects you when it comes to the actual sale, you haven’t even met one of his clients, at least not that you know of.
“it’s okay rafe, i knew you had a gun.” you say. you’ve seen him discreetly tuck it into his waistband when you’ve been out, and did not fail to notice the way he keeps it on his bedside table when he thinks it’s too dark for you to see at night.
“but you haven’t really seen it before baby.” rafe picks up what looks to be the frame of the gun, and he turns it over, showing you all the different sides before placing it on your lap. he gives a nod of your head and you pick it up, surprised that the disassembled part is still so heavy.
“should i- should i learn how to…?” you ask, not having the heart to tell him that you want to, because if anything happens to rafe, you want to be able to protect him as well, even though he doesn’t need it.
“if you want to, i’ll teach you.” rafe presses a kiss to your cheek, taking the metal back out of your hand. he begins to explain the different pieces of the gun and what they do as he reassembles it. your eyes track the movements of his hands, his slender fingers moving each part into place. you bite your lip and press your thighs together, and it doesn’t go unnoticed by rafe.
“are you turned on, princess?” he asks, no judgment in his voice, rather fascination from how you, his sweet girlfriend, can be so turned on by his gun as he sets it back down on the table.
“no!” you squeal, which just gives you away even more. “pants off.” rafe commands, and you know better than to go against him. you stand up off the couch for a millisecond to shove your pants down to your ankles then sit back down, keeping your thighs locked closed together.
“that is not what i meant, and you know it.” rafe commands, placing his hands on your waist and twisting you so you’re facing him. “if you’re not going to be good, i’m just going to have to do this myself.” he guides you backwards so you’re laying your head against the arm of the couch. he takes one ankle and slides it off the edge of the cushion while moving the other one to rest against the back of the couch, spreading you open wide.
“are you still going to deny being turned on?” he asks, eyes on your underwear sticking to your pussy, wet patch clearly visible.
you smartly decide to stay quiet, and rafe gives a little hum of approval at your choice to no longer continue to deny, knowing the amounts of pleasure he can bring you as he pushes his thumb over where he knows your clit is, not wasting any time as he rubs it over the material.
you let out a moan, back arching off the couch as he touches you. all tiredness you previously felt from suddenly waking up in the middle of the night is going.
rafe smiles down at you, seeing his girl so easily and quickly thrown into pleasure just with one of his fingers. he moves faster, watching the wet patch grow even bigger. he drags his thumb down, pressing against the spot until his thumb presses slightly into your hole, the fabric of your underwear still acting as a barrier.
“n-no, let me take them off, please.” you beg, but it doesn’t dissuade from doing exactly what you expected, gripping your underwear with both hands and literally tearing them straight down the center like the material was tissue paper.
you grumble something about liking that pair, and rafe calms you by pressing a kiss to your knee that’s hooked over the side of the couch. “i’ll buy you another pair.”
he kisses down your thigh, occasionally nipping at your skin until he reaches your cunt, taking a deep inhale of your scent before sticking his tongue out, lapping at your slickness as he gathers it all onto his tongue.
you try your best to keep your hips still, thighs already burning slightly from being spread so wide. you moan rafes name as his tongue slides up away from your hole and over your clit, flicking repeatedly over the sensitive bud before pulling back far too early.
you watch as rafe picks the gun up off the table, making your eyes go wide.
“my sweet princess, turned on by my gun.” he turns it over in his hand, and you don’t fail to notice that he’s left several parts on the table, probably whatever interior mechanism that makes it actually fire so his toying with it remains safe.
“who would have known that the innocent good girl i first starting dating would turn into such a slut?” he grabs the silencer off the table, slotting it onto the end of the gun. your eyes watch in fascination at his movements.
“my own personal whore. you’d let me do anything to you, wouldn’t you?” rafe questions, running the tip of the silencer against your thigh, slowly dragging it closer to your center.
“you’d even let me fuck you with my gun.” his words make you gasp, coupled by the smooth metal of the silencer coming into contact with your dripping folds. it’s so cold that you can’t help the shiver that runs through your body.
rafe continues to move the silencer against you, partly to tease, partly to get it covered in your juices. “you’re gonna let me, right princess?”
rafe looks to you as you silently nod, worried if you open your mouth you’ll start to beg, beg for him to put the gun inside of you. rafe presses it against your hole, and your eyes widen at how big it feels, like two of his fingers are trying to enter you, but you’re slick enough that when you take a breath to relax, he’s able to push in, breaking the ring of your hole.
“fuck!” you whine, rafe not giving you any time to get used to the sensation as he continues pushing it inside of you, until the entire silencer is buried in your pussy, the barrel of the gun far too large to fit inside.
“just breathe.” rafe mumbles softly, wanting to continue but not wanting to hurt you. you follow his instructions, sliding your eyes closed as you get used to the foreign object.
when rafe can tell your body has calmed down, he pulls the gun out slightly, watching the way your wetness sticks to the metal before pushing it back inside of your body.
you lift your hips slightly to give some reprieve to your thigh muscles, as well as give rafe a better angle as he moves quicker, starting to thrust the gun against you.
his thumb comes back to your clit, now able to touch your bare skin and the pad of his finger feels burning hot compared to the coldness spreading from within you. rafe presses his thumb against you, keeping the intensity constant instead of rubbing.
“there you go.” rafe smirks, “my good fucking slut.”
his praise makes you glow, especially as your high starts to build from the way the silencer is pressing inside of you. the dirtiness of the action just pushes you even farther.
“gonna-” you warn, when suddenly rafes thumb is off your clit, the silencer halting all movement, lodged deep inside of you.
“you ask permission to cum, slut.” rafe tells you, deciding to push you even harder.
“please, let me cum.” you beg, hands fisting the material of the couch.
“no.” rafe simply says, moving the gun again. “no, because my girl isn’t going to cum for some piece of metal. you’re going to wait until i’m done having my fun and then cum on my cock, understood?” “y-yes.” you nod, flopping your head against the couch as it repeatedly presses inside of you, your clit pulsating at the need to release everything you have inside.
“please.” you sob, feeling tears slide down your cheeks, unable to hold back your impending orgasm much longer.
rafe pulls the gun out of your, making your cry out, missing the sensation instantly. “no, no, rafe please.” you beg.
“shush!” he says, delivering a slap to your inner thigh. “if you were patient at all you’d realize i’m going to fuck you now.” you sit up, blinking your eyes open in the low lighting as rafe tugs his shirt over his head. you take the moment to unbutton your pajama top as you watch him stand, unbuttoning and sliding off his jeans and underwear at the same time.
your mouth waters at the sight of his cock, unable to control yourself as you sit up, giving your legs a reprieve from the stretch as you take him into your mouth, sucking the head of rafes cock as your eyes roll back in your head, tasting the saltiness of his precum against your tongue.
“can’t resist, can you?” rafe laughs, knowing how much of an oral fixation you have.
you hum around his cock, bobbing your head but not taking him anywhere near fully into your mouth, enjoying playing with the head of his cock with your tongue.
you kitten lick at his tip repetitively, waiting for rafe to inevitably pull you off to fuck you. he lets you have your fun for a bit longer before tapping the back of your head.
you pull off with a satisfied smile, laying back and resuming the same position on the couch, spreading your cunt wide to show him that you’ve gotten even wetter from sucking him off.
“my pretty slut.” rafe smiles, kneeling on the couch between your legs. he grabs a throw pillow that was discarded onto the floor at some point, shoving it under your hips to raise your cunt up to the perfect angle to fuck.
rafe rubs his cock against you before jutting his hips forward, sinking fully into you in one fluid motion. you let out a curse, boobs bouncing as he immediately starts up a rhythm.
your cunt clenches tightly around him, rafes moans coming to match your own as he moves within you, feeling your tight walls, remembering that his gun was just where his cock currently is.
he picks the gun up off the table, still gleaming with your slick. he sticks his tongue out, licking up the side. “you taste so good.” he moans, keeping his free hand on your hip to hold you in place as he thrusts.
“want to taste yourself?” he asks, but doesn’t even give you a moment to respond before pressing the silencer against your tongue, mouth already open from moaning.
you wrap your lips around the metal, indeed tasting yourself on it. you suck at the gun, keeping your eyes on rafe as you do.
rafe moans, feeling his cock swell inside of you. he would keep fucking you all night, but he can’t hold himself back any longer as he moves faster, plunging as deep inside of you as he possibly can.
“fuck, please let me cum!” you cry out, reaching a hand down to rub at your clit, your fingers not feeling as good as rafes, but doing the job.
“wait for me.” is all rafe can gasp out, watching you immediately take the gun back into your mouth after asking.
rafe lasts a few more hard thrusts before he’s releasing inside of you, and you follow quickly, rubbing yourself to completion as you feel your cunt flooding with cum.
rafe continues to gently thrust throughout your orgasms, both coming down together as he sets the gun back on the table. he collapses forward, his naked body pressing against your bare one.
“god, you really are the most perfect slut.” rafe mumbles, pressing kisses to your shoulder as he slowly pulls out, knowing his cum is going to leak all over the decorative pillow you’re sat on, liking the idea of ruining another piece of furniture from his insatiable need for you.
“love you.” you whisper, tilting your head to the side to give his hair a kiss.
rafe leans up, pressing his lips against yours in a fierce kiss, saying the words for him.
“why don’t you go upstairs and wait for me, sweetheart?” he asks, sitting up and giving you a hand to help you sit as well, your body burning as the exhaustion sets back in. “i’ll be up in a minute, i have to clean my gun again because someone got it all dirty.”
#idk shit about guns#so this very well not make a lot of sense when it comes to like the ~parts~ lol#i think this is the last kinktober fic#i will obviously keep writing kinky stuff#i have a couple requests im still gonna fill#but unfortunately i am just super busy right now lol#i barely had time to finish this fic#i thought today would be less crazy but nope!#kinktober#rafe smut#rafe fic#rafe fanfic#rafe fanfiction#rafe x reader#rafe cameron smut#rafe imagine#obx smut#outer banks smut#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron drabble
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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i have been cooking an over-complicated roleswap au for. a VERY long time
#mix of tristamp/trimax where i cherry-pick my favorite plot points designs and characters to create the ultimate mess of an au#just how i like it#unfortunately ‘group of dysfunctional shitheads find themselves having to collaborate’ is one of my fav tropes of all time#it’s not a 1:1 roleswap#more of a. narrative role swap? place/purpose in the story moreso than actions#some are more straight-forward#others are based on vibes#knives and vash easy. legato and meryl easy. elendira and milly is more hand-wavy but it makes sense i swear#i asked myself “what would happen if they were in this scenario? how would it change if a diff personality handled it?#and how they were shaped differently by the world due to the slight shift in story#it’s a lot of fun! i’m enjoying planning it. will i ever write it? who knows!!#‘what are the ships’ ‘yes.’#you’ve heard of polygun now get ready for polygung#trigun#trigun stampede#trigun maximum#charlie’s art#millions knives#elendira the crimsonnail#legato bluesummers#livio the double fang#razlo the tri punisher of death#swap au#roleswap au#designs
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hey. i'm turning my chair around and sitting in it backwards now because i want to speak specifically to people with ocd. this is a targeted post and is not meant to apply to the userbase of this website at large or to serve as a policy decision.
hi. do you know what scrupulosity means? it is a strong, intense, often painful concern about morality or religion. it's very common for religious people with ocd, actually—the fear that you've sinned, that you will sin, that your thoughts themselves are sinful. you're afraid of being an evil person. every thought and feeling you have is scrutinized to exhaustion in case it's proof that you're evil. this also happens for non-religious people with ocd, it's just that ours will look different; it's often a preoccupation with social justice issues. you care a lot about being a good person, right! most people do. you want to be a good person, you want to be kind to others and to dismantle oppressive systems where you can. i'm making some assumptions here, but they're based on my specific audience base.
so, there's this thing that happens online, especially on tumblr and twitter—not because bluh bluh platforms bad, but because of the ways in which information is propagated on here. people used to tag for these posts sporadically but don't do so as much anymore. you know posts that exhort you, the reader, specifically, to take action? they tell you not to look away, not to bury your head in the sand. they tell you to give and to agitate and to donate time, money, resources.
those posts used to make me intensely, deeply anxious. i don't mean mild agitation, i mean life-ruining, day-occupying panic that seizes your entire body, and thoughts that don't leave your brain. guilt that paralzyes you because you, personally, cannot go kill the politicians responsible. you don't have enough money to do more than donate a few dollars, and sometimes you don't even have that. but because of where you live, because of the fact that you have internet access and you're literate enough to read these posts, you know that you have a level of privilege that most people never will. you're aware of that privilege because you're reasonably in-tune with social justice movements and you've probably spent some time dissecting your own privilege to examine your biases. (that's not a bad thing; i'm not here to condemn that. stay with me, if you can.)
there's a thing that can happen if you've lived with ocd like this for a long time where you become kind of incapable of telling what's addressed to you personally and what isn't. everything feels like a personal exhortation. you have trouble saying no, or knowing when you're overextended, because other people have it worse. how dare you enjoy relative comfort when people are being bombed or drowning in a climate change -induced flood or being crushed to death in a crowd panic. how dare you not be aware of it at all times, always, constantly. how dare you look away. don't look away.
i want to tell you about something i went through, if that's okay. a lot of people who follow me will already know this, but i haven't talked about this aspect of it very much publicly. in 2020, while visiting my partner in southern oregon, we had to evacuate from wildfires twice in under 24 hours. that was a really, really bad fire season, caused and perpetuated by a combination of global climate change and colonialization practices that destroyed traditional indigenous fire management strategies across the west coast of north america. fires stretched from bc to california. we wound up fleeing south, and then had to flee back north again, hemmed in on three sides. i flew back home to bc shortly afterwards, and i have this vivid, awful memory of seeing my home mountain range, the cascades, choked out with smoke from the window of an airplane. the woman in front of me sobbed the entire time until we touched down.
i remember thinking at that time that it was insane the entire world wasn't stopping. what i was experiencing was apocalyptic in scale—the fire we ran from the first time was part of a complex that chewed up entire towns. it wasn't the first fire season, nor the worst for the continent, nor the world. but all i could think in the moment was why aren't we doing anything, this is going to be all of us in a decade, why are people looking away.
if i had gone online and posted that, it would not have been morally wrong of me. there's no ascribing morality to a reaction like that. i mean, if i'd gone to someone who suffered in the years prior in australia or california and told them that ours was So Much Worse, that would have made me an asshole, but i didn't do that. i made some upset facebook posts targeted at the trump voters in my family, but i had no way to express at the time the sort of clawing panic of WHY AREN'T PEOPLE DOING ANYTHING??
the answer to that, which you probably know, is: what would they have done? we were sheltered by friends we evacuated with, but what power did a mutual in new york or wales or singapore have to affect a wildfire in oregon?
so, come back to the present day with me again, if you will. i said above that posts worded like this used to make me really, really anxious. in the span of time after the fire, i developed ptsd, and my ocd ruined my life. i took an extra year to graduate after i'd finished all my coursework because i could not send in the forms required. i was too busy spending 10-16 hours a day rearranging furniture in my room, or lying in bed, full-body tense, until it felt like my teeth would crack from the pressure. i'm medicated now. i'm grateful for it. i have more tolerance for these posts because i've been there. i know the op isn't doing anything wrong, because they're not wrong. why isn't the world stopping to look at a natural disaster, or a genocide? the world should not be like this.
you are not the world. you are someone with a brain that will torture you to death given the chance. you know how learning to reckon with your privileges, whatever they may be, requires you to not try and escape them? you need to be able to hold in your head that yes, you benefit from something that isn't fair; yes, other people should have that benefit, and that they don't is unjust. but you need to, for example, not try and weasel your way out of being white because you're uncomfortable with the guilt that it produces. you need to not go online and say well not ALL americans because you can't sit with the idea of being complicit in american imperialism. if you have ocd, you need to apply that to your own brain, too. you need to apply it to every post that you see. you need to know that people are not speaking directly to you, they are crying out in pain and fear. they are not doing anything wrong. they are scared and hurting.
they do not benefit from you taking on all the guilt of that fear and pain. i am not saying this to absolve you of the guilt. i am saying that you need to be able to exist with that level of guilt without allowing it to paralyze and destroy you. if you can't do that right now, i'm not here to cast judgement on you. blacklist phrases. i had "wildfire" blacklisted for a long time. i'm sure i missed aid posts because of it. the alternative was me being nonfunctional. for a long time, i had donation posts blacklisted across the board, because the way my ocd worked meant that i was neurologically incapable of knowing where my own limits were, and i would give money i did not have. if you need to do that, this is me giving you permission. doing this does not make you evil. it does not make you morally bankrupt. it makes you someone whose brain is trying to fucking kill them, and the world needs you to not let that happen.
this is not a post about how you're exempt from caring about the world if you're mentally ill, it's about how you cannot apply that care to anything useful if you're having massive panic spirals every other day about the guilt that you feel. your guilt should not rule your life. if it does, i say this kindly, but you very likely need medication. i'm sorry if you don't have access to that right now. you cannot think your way out of ocd. you cannot think your way into stopping neural activity. you cannot guilt your way into being a good person; you have to be able to exist with the guilt and not let it rule you in order to do that. nobody benefits from your brain trying to martyr you in the name of solving the world's suffering.
you need to be able to function, free of crushing and paralyzing guilt, before you can help anyone. you are not an effective ally like this just because your brain tells you that it's necessary.
#bark bark#ocd tag#actually ocd#also i want to say this now: if you do not experience ocd i do not want your 'well actually' takes on this.#again. this is not a site-wide thing i think everyone should do#do not mistake this for me saying that it's ~okay~ to be wilfully ignorant about genocide or climate disaster#i am speaking to a very specific clinical population whose brains do not work in a way that people outside of that population understand#the guilt you experience with ocd is not the same guilt that everyone has just turned up#it warps your entire personality. it warps your sense of right and wrong#you will deal with it for your entire life unfortunately#(even medicated i still absolutely have Intense White Guilt episodes lol#i just try not to make them my loved ones' problem#because part of handling pathological guilt has to be responsibility without overresponsibility)
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I’ve been thinking abt this recently, relating to Violet’s arc when you don’t save her, and wanted to see thoughts as you posted about her relationship with Minerva.
I don’t think it’s crazy for me to headcanon that in 403 when the bomb explodes, Minerva actually abandons Violet prior to it occurring (maybe being drawn by AJ’s gunshot depending on your choice??), because it makes absolutely no sense for them to go “stop the bomb” and then only one of them is burnt to shit. An explosion from such a close distance would’ve logically left both of them at least mildly burnt.
It makes more sense for Minerva to be totally fine in the kidnapped Louis route, but in the Violet route, I can’t help but feel like Violet saying “Where’s Minnie?” with such frustration when she shows up on the beach is due to something occurring.
But knowing Skybound and Telltale, they probably just forgot how explosions work.
LMAO 💀 at that last sentence BUT YES i do at least agree that something had to have happened between them during the explosion but its been hard to figure out exactly what that couldve been 🤔
but jokes aside lets try to give the writers some credit. if vi was so horribly scarred WHY wasnt minnie harmed as well if they were supposedly together? i think its a fair question to ask. especially since in 404 minnie and vi are completely separated with minnie already on the beach and vi struggling to get to shore by herself (burned and blinded 😭). and her "WHERE IS SHE??" does sound pretty furious (and atp she regrets what she did on the boat and tries to apologize to clem a minute later so why would her anger be directed at clem and louis?). we know minnie sacrificed sophie to save herself so why would it be so hard to believe she did the same to vi in the explosion? or did vi possibly try to protect her? or both?? minnie lets vi take the brunt of the hit for her and then leaves her?? i cant imagine minnie giving up on trying to stop the bomb either since shes delta now and definitely wouldnt want the boat to explode. and youd think minnie would be leading the way since kidnapped vi was in a cell the whole time. vi says they headed to the boiler room together to try to stop it but then it seems like everything just kinda went black 💣💥
but if minnie didnt abandon vi before the explosion, why wasnt minnie near vi in the water post-explosion? minnie had to have left vi alone and vulnerable at some point in all of this and we know how vi feels about being abandoned... minnie is more focused on trying to save the remaining delta and doesnt seem to have even tried looking for vi if they Were separated by the blast (and if they were together when the bomb went off (which vi says they were) minnie wouldve known vi was caught in the blast, but it doesnt seem like she cares)
violet being violet i do think shes still also worried about minnie on some level because her whole thing is being the "protector" of the group and her feelings towards minnie are (as she later admits) Very messed up atm (shes always just wanted to save her). where saved violet recognizes minnie has chosen the delta in 403, i think here on the beach is where kidnapped vi is forced to accept it, and she realizes who it is she can Truly rely on instead
#I LOVE CLEM VI AND LOUIISSSS the bestest friends forEVERRRRR little triad 😭💕 packaged deal Do Not Separate#her sad little “just dont let go of me ok?” makes me fucking CRYYYYYY shes forced to rely on her friends now to protect HER instead 😭#sorry this is mostly just speculation but its all we have 😔😭 but it makes for interesting fan content 😏 what do You think happened?#the explosion with a kidnapped vi is unfortunately kinda hard to make sense of while theres definitely less confusion with saved vi#twdg#bourbonificould#replies with lexi
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hello friends, i hope everyone is doing well-- in light of recent events, i'll be a bit more sparse than usual in terms of activity here. our hospital center is one of, if not the biggest systems in the us southeast and while we don't know what will happen with programs like ivf (which we were forced to stop for a short period when roe v. wade was overturned), gender affirming care, and abortion, we're doing our best to accommodate those who come to our clinics as best we can. i personally have a lot going on working with fronts alongside our young palestinian group as well as the hospital systems but will share every resource that we come across.
for any afab individuals who might find themselves carrying, please please please look into all of your options. our obgyns are legally barred from disclosing abortion clinics and options regarding abortion once someone has disclosed to them that they are pregnant. however, you are within your full right to ask about options IN THE FUTURE IF YOU ARE EVER PREGNANT BUT BEFORE YOU ARE. this means asking at routine checks where you can have them done, what types of abortion are available up to what length of time, SO LONG AS YOU ARE NOT CURRENTLY CARRYING. many of our providers are side-stepping repercussions by asking before it is too late, so if you can remember to do so just to have that safety net in the back of your mind, i implore you.
another resource is this spreadsheet here detailing physicians willing to perform tubal sterilizations. no questions about spousal agreement, dissuasion about "regretting it in the future", or any hoops that many doctors present these days. there are physicians in this sheet all across the globe, not just the us so it's a resource to consider for my international friends as well.
my heart goes out to everyone impacted by the decision shared this morning, and please don't hesitate to reach out if there is anything that i can do. my resources are limited, as the state that i'm earning my degree in is one of the most stringent but i will do my best to help.
#politics//#abortion//#PSA.#unfortunately i'm not in charge of anything for the palestinian youths for birmingham but one of my close friends is#and i will share resources as i see them alongside any opportunities to help#he's been in contact with the mayor / greater southeast region so hopefully i'll compile something soon#i'm sorry if this is poorly worded i'm very flustered right now#but i hope this makes sense ;___;#medical//
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going from the detailed keep to just three decisions is such a drastic change, not to mention it says nothing about dao or da2? are those games just gonna have one default worldstate? i wonder how's that gonna work with varric literally being in the game is he just never gonna mention hawke?
Yes, I admit it bothers me, too - I hope it really was an early build used to avoid spoilers, and that more options will be available in the full game, but I doubt we will see choices from DA:O and DA2.
Iirc Epler said the focus will be on northern Thedas, and consequently choices from the two earlier games won't be addressed. I can understand this tbh - after all, I doubt Tevinter, Rivain, or the Veil Jumpers in Arlathan would discuss or even care about the ruler of far, rustic Ferelden.
Divine Victoria can simply be mentioned with her title, and since mages and magic are seen in a different way in northern Thedas compared to the south, it makes sense for them not to mention the fate of the Circles in Ferelden and Orlais. And considering there are two crazy elven "gods" wreaking havoc and corrupting the land, I doubt Rook, Antaam-occupied Antiva, and Weisshaupt have the time to pay attention to these "distant" things (even though I WAS expecting one of the available choices to be about the Wardens, since the Inquisitor can choose to exile them to Weisshaupt).
Speaking of Varric and Hawke, yeah, I have no idea how that will be addressed. Twelve years have passed since someone was left in the Fade, and it's pretty much confirmed that this person is dead and won't come back at this point, despite all the fans' funny pictures of Hawke coming out of a Fade rift we saw over the years. So, if Hawke was left in the Fade, Varric would have no reason to mention them, since they are long dead and there are much more "important" things to focus on at the moment.
If they're alive... we know that Hawke goes to Weisshaupt after the events of Inquisition, but again, many years have passed since then, so they probably went there to check, saw that things were weirdly quiet, and went back home, their mission concluded. No way they remained in the Anderfels for more than ten years - so even in this case, Varric would have little reason to mention them.
No matter how the devs try to spin this, it can't denied that the events of Veilguard wouldn't exist without Inquisition's. It's basically a direct sequel, even though Bioware is clearly doing their damnest to try and lure in new players unfamiliar with the series, doing everything they can not to scare them off with too many unfamiliar references and characters.
It stands to reason that the events of Inquisition are those that should majorly affect Veilguard's, but it's really odd how simply one (!) choice from the main game and two from its Trespasser DLC are offered.
The biggest concern is the Well of Sorrows - both Morrigan and the Inquisitor are in the game, so how is the game going to address that event? Will it be completely ignored, like a soft-reboot? Will they force Morrigan to be the canon choice no matter our world state?
Or maybe the Inquisitor won't have a very big role (and there's the problem of their personality, too, which wasn't a "fixed" one like Hawke's) or maybe there's something about the Inquisitor's character creator Bioware is hiding/didn't share on purpose to surprise the fans.
#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#da:tv spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lafaiette's space#anon#i'm sad about the lack of dao and da2 choices too#but it does make sense#unfortunately the focus is entirely on northern thedas now#and we spent three games dealing with ferelden orlais and their influence on the free marches/kirkwall#but the choices for inquisition... yeah those worry me a bit
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when i was little i had above average reading and writing comprehension + i was creative so all the adults around me constantly expressed how much they believed i would become an amazing prestigious author as an adult. little do they know im now an unemployed highschool dropout writing doomed gayass transformers fanfiction on my notes app in a decrepit hole in the ground and i really AM the most ultimate writer on the planet
#i actually forgot i was allowed to write for so long and only just remembered like a few months ago#ive always been very into art and i love drawing and i draw all the time and have been drawing forever and so i guess over time i allowed#the external categorization of me as an artist to become my bounds????? like. i have a friend who writes so. i am the artist and if i write#i am gonna be like infringing on their identity. WHAT. genuinely makes no sense who made me think this way bruh#ewww ive been infected w the bruh disease recently i literally cant stop saying bruh not even bro i just keep saying bruh i almost said boi#the other day what is HAPPENING TO MEEEE#is this what being a transformers fan is#textpost#text post#roykiller07 bangers#art#transformers#transformers one#yall what is the tag for optimus prime x megatron i love those freaks sm#i made myself sound worse for the bit i promise im an unemployed hs dropout in a cool gay autistic way not a sad unfortunate burdenous way#justice for sad unfortunate burdenous unemployed dropouts though ppl judge them way too harshly omg#these tags have become a stream of consciousness now. afix your eyes to the funny joke part of the post pretend the tags arent even here
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so hey guys i finished dungeon meshi yesterday and i'm still thinking about it
#ria.txt#i spoiled myself so at first i was like 'this is bonkers wtf are they doing in those last few chapters?????'#but then it was like. yeah. i see#love those ch when it's just clearly putting the squad into Situations#also. izutsumi#what i really liked was how tightly the protagonist and the deuteragonist were wound up in the overall themes#the plot the themes the conflict the characters it was very neatly connected#hence i am also now accidentally invested in whatever going on between laios and marcille#not just platonic not romantic not enemies i just think they work well tgt and deeply care for each other its great watching them develop#it's the leader + most trusted advisor / anxious girlfailure + the annoying freak she's somehow attached to vibes#haha that rabbit chapter with marcille. hahha i was like what the fuck man. it was funny and then boom whump [tears streaming down my face]#those shapeshifter chs were sooo much fun esp seeing other chara's perceptions of each other. stealing that#the changeling ones were great too elf senshi is the fucking funniest he looks sooooooo unserious#marcille's evolving perception with death starting with saving falin and saving the squad and her nightmares of outliving everyone-#-and her dad and her 'temper tantrum' and UGH when at the end she said she was fine with falin not coming back.... WAAA. OUGH.#i think dunmeshi handled the trope of 'prophecy of chosen one becoming king' pretty well and it makes sense why laios is the protag#the worldbuilding is so thoughtful as well i liked seeing different characters with different worldviews interact#very solid and well rounded series wooo#the main 4 has such a fun dynamic together#anyways. dunmeshi au.....#more like borrowing the worldbuilding bc charas are too nuanced for a one to one comparison#ren is like some prince of his own species but he's like 34th in line and no one cares about him so he fucks off to eat monsters#which is why he's both snobbish AND a total freak when it comes to his food taste#false is originally in for the money from ren and plans to scam him but unfortunately the cringefail swag captures her#martyn is Obnoxiously Clueless and thinks he's smart but he's not. he's resourceful but also pathetic and crazy#stress cant cook but she thinks she does so everyone goes (≖_≖ ) when she picks up a pot. they delegate her to killing and chopping duty#the mvp is iskall who keeps on saving everyone's asses and somehow has resources for everyone#i think ren is actually aware false is going to scam him but he has too much money to spend anyway and he thinks shes cool so he lets her??#and somehow she doesnt take the money and run. and goes back to eating monsters w/ the party. everyone is crazy
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oh, i figured out aya's skill.
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd aya#ngl this like is making me lose my mind because she's had one this entire time#and it's so fucking obvious in retrospect#but was like. was introduced. slowly. it was not really obvious at first. but you can look back and see how it's present even in the ova.#anyway i don't mean to tease but i wrote out about a third of the theory and then started cracking open other parts of the story with sarah#and now i'm exhausted so i'm going to sleep#but i am certain. like there is no doubt in my mind. that i know what aya's skill is. it fits textually and metatextually#and explains a cryptic comment asagiri made in an interview.#where he said watch aya. like. most of what's been incredible has been obvious.#but no. you can see her skill. and it's SUCH a love letter to aya koda.#in a way i was worried he wouldn't pull off. because it felt like her skill was going to manifest from the stress. and it would be like op.#which isn't. who she was. she was a subtler sort of brilliant. one who exemplified virtue. and this skill is so. it's so good. it's fitting#it also explains akutagawa's dragon outfit.#like. there are a lot of theories i've had that are theories. this is not one of them. we might get the confirmation next chapter.#unfortunately i will need to lay out some confucian concepts for it to make sense. hence why i'm saving this for later. but i'm.#asagiri is insane i want to pick his brain and also follow him around like mary magdalene and learn from him.
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idk if it was the venus retrograde or what, but july 2023 was quite literally the worst month i've ever experienced in my life like.....every single day? awful? worse than the last? it's more likely than u think
#u know sometimes you'll experience something bad in the moment and look back later like lol that was fine actually!#not july :) she was actually really bad :)#tmi but if u wanna know why i was gone lol#my partner of 6 years cheated on me in early may. on her birthday. at her party that i planned. with her coworker. and i saw it#on top of just being like. completely devastated? i was just so embarrassed? i hardly told anyone because it made me feel like#just SO worthless. and then i was embarrassed about feeling worthless and it was a whole thing#anyway they started dating in july and it was really tough for me#it was like every day i'd wake up and have to like grieve? and come to terms with reality? and accept that a lot of my future plans#were no longer going to happen - at least with her :/ it's a really tough thing to grapple with#esp since it felt like she wasn't nearly as sad as i was - which unfortunately makes sense but still sucks#ANYWAY im doing a lot better now lol i started telling people in my life and letting them be there for me and it's helped so much#it's still hard sometimes but i know now that i'm gonna be fine eventually#this is so dumb to post on my sims blog but it feels good to get it off my chest so SUE ME I GUESS
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hi oomfs! it's been a while.
felt the urge to log in here again because i was hit by a sudden bout of nostalgia (in the middle of a quarter life crisis because i am growing old but i still feel so young blablabla all that good stuff)
fyi, i'm now 24... time sure flies. i think the last time i was consistently active here was halfway through high school when i was 15-16. now i have a degree in public health and i'm already halfway through med school. that's insane.
wondering how many of you from back then are still here. how has everyone been? i hope you're all doing good :)
#ocean.txt#i'm so bad at keeping in touch w/ ppl unfortunately#i've been reconnecting w/ things i used to love and i remembered this blog still exists#i used to spend hours a day making edits for this blog or writing fanfiction and poetry#kinda sad to admit that younger me was much better at all those creative pursuits than present me#the ironic thing is my old laptop was a dinosaur... now i have a better laptop but i do nothing on it except study#i love what i'm doing now but at the same time i'm mourning for my past self if that makes sense
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