#because it just kinda felt like they were anyway and I think it would be nice
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twijaxx · 2 days ago
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Female Itoshi Rin x Female reader, Vampire Rin, She is lowkey kinda possesive? smut, occ Rin.
wc: 0,6k
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The sun lightly peaked thru your window, you didn’t want to wake up just yet, but you decided to look at your phone to see what hour it was. 10:34 shit, that’s kinda late for you, so u decided to finally get up from your bed and do something productive since it was your day off.
“ahh… what i’m gonna eat for breakfast today?..”- you thought as where sitting on the toilet “i wanna eat some cereal” the thought suddenly popped out in your mind as you wipe yourself down there. (what the fuk am i writing) Blood, fuck you started your period, the worst six days every woman can go thru every month. You put on your pad (omfg i’m cringing so hard) and went to the kitchen for some pain killers.
As you walked in you saw your gorgeous girlfriend Rin, but something was off.. it was bright outside and she was just sitting on the couch like nothing happened?! “Rinnie it’s bright outside! what are you doing here?!! you’re gonna burn yourself” ahh you forgot to mention, Rin was a vampire so it really was confusing when you just saw her in the middle of the day in your living room, since half of the time she’s showing up when the sun comes down so she don’t hurt herself.
“Nahh it’s fine, it’s just.. a little warm..” “are you sure? i don’t want you to get hurt baby” -you said as you sat on Rin’s lap slowly kissing her face. Oh yea you came here to take painkillers and eat breakfast, so you stopped kissing her and stand up to do what you came here for, but she grabbed your waist and pulled u back on her lap.
“where do you think you’re going? you where so surprised that i’m here just a moment ago, and now you want to go somewhere?” What’s gotten into her? she usually don’t act like that only sometimes… Oh right, she probably know you are on your period by now. “Rinnie i just want to eat breakfast and take some painkillers, i started my period my stomach hurts..” - you said as you tried standing up again, she let you go this time. “that’s why you smell so.. ripe” What the fuck did she just said? “what…?” -she didn’t respond, so you just ignored that and started your day.
The day quickly ended, it was time for sleep now and you decided maybe Rin wanna cuddle together till you fall asleep?? that was almost an hour ago and now you’re just laying there while Rin is between your thighs eating you out like she didn’t ate for years!
You can’t remember how many times you came already.. four? five? You didn’t bother counting, it just felt so amazing, you were so sensitive because you were on your period ;3 You felt like the coil in your stomach is about to snap again!
“Rin ahh! i’m a-about to cum! mhhh!” You saw stars as you came on Rin’s tongue but she just kept licking between your folds! her nose bumping against your clit “Ri-nnie, no more!”
“You’re doing such a good job… my sweet girl can give me one more, right?”
You where too far gone to respond, just screaming out her name as she kept going and going. Good that you lived in the middle of nowhere cause you would already get noise complaints from the neighbors :3
You didn’t know when you came again but Rin slowly helped you come down from your high and you watched her pull away, her chin was covered in blood and your slick, was that a bad moment to say she looked heavenly? anyways, she just stood up without a word.
“Where are you going?…” She didn’t respond, but she came back seconds later with a wet rag and started cleaning you up, then she laid down beside you pulling you into her arms.
“I love you [name]… but you are aware that vampires are not able to feed off period blood right?”
“I love you too Rinnie… wait.. what?!”
tags: @isaisliterallyhim <3
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Chat did i cook[flushed] lowkey it’s one of my first long “fics” but i guess its because its fem lock AND I FUCKING LOVE FEMLOCK and i love rin too the ending was kinda rushed cause i ran out of ideas THANKS FOR READING POOKS😝 oh and from everyone’s request… uh… i told yall… im lazy as fuck BE PATIENT
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mommyslittlebird · 11 hours ago
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It Felt Like Coming Home
WandaNat x Reader
Summary: After being strong for so long, the veil starts to slip.
CW: Dissociation, Crying, Hurt/Comfort
Word Count: 2.2k
A/N: Gang, I don't know how long this slow burn is gonna last. I might have to adjust to a medium paced burn, cause I apparently don't know how to write a blossoming relationship in a compelling way. For that reason, this one is kinda short.
Chapter 3 of A Room of Your Own
The next morning you found yourself awake earlier than usual. Again. You had a habit of not sleeping well when adjusting to new environments. So you once again made your way to the kitchen before sunrise, where you once again found Wanda leaned up against the counter in the same silk robe from yesterday.
She smiled over her coffee mug when she saw you. “Good morning! Can I make you a cup of coffee?”
You nodded, taking a seat on a stool at the island. 
“Same as yesterday? With my creamer?” 
“Yes please,” you yawned. 
She slid the mug across the island and leaned forward against the counter. “Did you sleep okay?”
You took a sip of coffee and nodded. You hadn’t really slept okay, but you didn’t have any desire to share that with Wanda. She was clearly trying very hard to make you comfortable. She wasn’t buying it. There was clearly something under the surface that didn’t escape her notice. She let the silence sit for a long moment, hoping you would say something. There was a warm glimmer in her green eyes urging you to speak up. You looked down into your mug, idly tapping the mug with your pointer finger. 
Realizing you were going to need more prompting, Wanda spoke again. “How are you feeling? About everything.”
You shrugged, not looking back up at her. You felt surprisingly fine, aside from not sleeping much. But there was another feeling too. One you couldn’t quite describe. It felt like you were stuck in a perpetual hypnopompic state, trapped in the liminal space between being asleep and awake. You were probably just tired. “I’m alright. Just tired, I think. I always have a bit of trouble sleeping in new places.”
Wanda nodded, not entirely satisfied with your answer, but unwilling to press you any further. 
You both turned your head as a very tired looking Natasha came through the doorway. Even with bedhead and tired eyes, she was beautiful. And the smile that spread across Wanda's face as her wife approached was breathtaking. They were picturesque: a type of beauty you could see even through your grief. You had a good feeling about them. Naive as it may be, you were compelled to trust them.
“Morning Y/N,” she yawned, wrapping her arm around Wanda’s waist. “I trust Wanda is taking care of you?” 
You nodded and smiled at them both. “She is.”
“Mmm, she always does,” she hummed, kissing her wife’s cheek. Natasha poured herself a cup of coffee, setting up next to you on the island. She slid you a pen and a pad of paper. “Wands and I are gonna go to the store in a bit. If you’re up for it, you can write down a list of the things you want. Favorite foods, snacks, school supplies, whatever you want.”
You cautiously took the pen. “Oh you all don’t have to go shopping for me or anything just because I’m staying here.”
Natasha leaned against the island, bracing her elbows against the marble. “What if I want to?” She asked in a low, almost testing tone before straightening back up. “It’s really no problem. We’re going to the store anyway. No reason to have you make a separate trip.”
You smiled. You really did hate the grocery store, so you weren’t going to argue. “Careful,” you said lightheartedly. “I might get used to you spoiling me. Then you’ll really have to kick me out.”
Wanda chuckled. She loved seeing this witty, playful side of you peak out beneath your shy, meek exterior. Natasha seemed to bring it out of you. Natasha seemed to bring it out of a lot of people. You couldn’t see the mischievous smirk that spread across her face. “Oh don’t worry. By the time Nat and I let you go you’ll be so high maintenance you won’t settle for anything less. I think you’re due for a good spoiling.” 
A faint blush rose to your cheeks as you finished your list and slid it back to Natasha. “Five items. Woah. I tell you what Wanda, this kid really pushes the limits,” Natasha teased, setting the pen and paper back down in front of you. “Make it ten and I’ll promise to reign in Wanda when it comes to spoiling.” She gives you a wink as you quickly scribble down a few more things. 
************
After a quick trip upstairs to get dressed and ready, they both headed off to the store, leaving you alone to explore the house. The house wasn’t necessarily a “mansion”, per se, but it was certainly bigger than any house you’d ever lived in. Every room had its own special charm. You carefully perused all the repurposed bedrooms and storage spaces you came across, thoroughly exploring all of your surroundings.
Your favorite room, though, was Wanda’s office. It appeared to be a repurposed bedroom on the top floor with a massive window lining the wall and a huge L-shaped desk. It was cluttered, but in a way that made it look more lived-in than messy. Best of all, there was a small indentation in the wall where you guessed there used to be a closet that Wanda had fashioned into a reading nook. The nook sat, pristine and unused, but you could see yourself curling up there for hours. Maybe Wanda would let you sit here and read while she worked. 
You were so caught up in your thoughts you didn’t even hear the front door click open as Wanda and Natasha returned from the store. 
“Y/N? We’re back!” You heard Natasha call from the foyer. You quickly left the office, closing the door as if you were scared they would catch you. You weren’t sure why the idea made you so nervous. They made it clear you were free to explore. You just naturally felt like an intruder, despite being a welcome guest.
“And we have a surprise for you!” Wanda sang as you came down the steps. 
She sat down a number of paper bags before pulling a mossy green blanket from one of them and handing you the silky soft material. You smiled and took it from her, rubbing the soft material against your cheek. 
“I know we’re still getting to know each other, but I noticed yesterday how much you love soft material and I thought you might like a new blanket for your new bed,” she explained, swaying nervously on her feet. She was worried you weren’t going to like it. 
You hummed contently, unwrapping the blanket and throwing it over your shoulders. It was so incredibly soft and it was big enough to cover your whole bed. Much more suitable than the throw blankets you’d brought with you. “Thank you so much. It’s so nice and soft.”
“And we got some popcorn and ice cream because we were thinking about having a little movie night,” Natasha added. “What do you think? We could gather up all the softest blankets and build you a little nest.”
You stood still, shocked by the suggestion. You thought in staying with them, you’d just be a roommate, coming and going with a few scattered interactions. But this wasn’t just a passing interaction like morning coffee was. They were proposing that you spend the evening together. They wanted to hang out with you.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” Wanda blurted out after a long moment of silence. “You’ve had a rough couple of days. If it’s more beneficial to just take some time to yourself, hang out in your room, that’s absolutely fine. It’s just a suggestion. If you wanted company.” 
“A movie sounds nice,” you said quietly, pulling the blanket tight over your shoulders. 
Wanda visibly relaxed and smiled softly. “Then I’ll put these groceries away while you two find some blankets.”
“I found one!” Natasha shouted playfully, picking up your blanket wrapped form and carrying you to the corner of the couch where she gently set you down. “You stay here and get comfortable. I’ll go round up some more soft things.”
Both women returned a few minutes later, Wanda with a big bowl of buttery popcorn, and Natasha with a random amalgamation of blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals that she promptly dropped directly on top of you, burying you in the heap. 
“Natalia Alinovna Romanoff!” Wanda shouted disapprovingly, setting down the popcorn bowl and rushing to dig you out. You emerged with a giddy, content smile, snuggled up with a fuzzy body pillow. “She could’ve suffocated.”
Natasha jokingly rolled her eyes, which earned her a playful slap on the bicep from Wanda. She couldn’t possibly stay mad at Natasha after watching you happily wiggle under the comforting weight of the soft blankets. You twisted and flopped around like a puppy walking in circles and scratching its pillow so it could lay in its bed just right. The women smiled and giggled affectionately. 
After a few minutes, you finally settled, surrounded in a nest of blankets. 
“Do you have something in particular you’d like to watch?” Wanda asked, grabbing the remote and settling in next to Natasha on one end of the large couch. 
You shrugged but they couldn’t see it under all the blankets. “I don’t know. Maybe Robin Hood or The Aristocats. Something lighthearted and old.”
Wanda clicked the remote, waving her arm in different directions to try to get the TV to respond. After a moment, Natasha took the remote and easily found an old movie on Disney +. Wanda sneered and scrunched up her face. Natasha kissed her nose. 
The movie played in the background, but you spent more time paying attention to the women curled up on the end of the couch. They weren’t “cuddling”, per se, but their bodies weren’t pressed tightly together with their legs nearly intertwined. They both looked so at peace with each other. You yearned for that feeling. 
“You wanna join us?” Natasha asked almost playfully when she caught you staring. 
Wanda, who was closer to you, opened her arm and beckoned you over. 
You paused for a moment before emerging from your blanket nest, crawling up and laying hesitantly beside her. You rested your head in the crook of her arm, but kept your hands curled up against your own chest. 
“Well hang on now, I want some cuddles too. Get over here,” Natasha said with a mischievous smile before pulling you in between them. You giggled as you were gently pulled over Wanda plopped into a small spot on the couch in between them. You nearly head butted Natasha in the process. Wanda pulled your new blanket from the heap and tucked it around the three of you. Natasha wrapped her arm around you and smiled. “Much better.”
You settled into Natasha's chest with your back pressed up against Wanda while she ran her hand gently up and down your spine. You sighed, content in their cocoon of warmth. You felt so supported and loved, affectionately squished between the two women. 
“Are you alright, honey? You're shaking,” Natasha asked, looking down at you with a hint of concern. You furrowed your brow in confusion. You weren’t shaking. But as you started to pay more attention to your body, you noticed she was right. There was a small, almost imperceivable tremble in your muscles. Almost imperceivable unless you happen to be laying on top of someone, of course. 
“And your muscles are so tight. Like you're constricting your entire body,” Wanda added, sitting up to look at your face. “If this is making you uncomfortable we don’t have to…”
“No,” you interrupted. “No it’s not that. It’s just…” You were suddenly aware of your body in a way you hadn’t been in quite some time. It felt like returning to a home you didn’t remember leaving. It was like when you’re going somewhere and you get to your destination, and you can’t remember the drive. You were just… home.
Before you even recognized it, the shield you had unintentionally built started to crumble. Tears fell from your eyes, wetting Natasha’s shirt. “Oh poor baby, you must be exhausted, living with your body so… activated all the time,” Wanda cooed sympathetically.
Neither of them were surprised. In fact, both women acted as if they had anticipated this. Natasha pulled you closer, cradling your head under her chin and gently rocking you. “It’s okay. You're safe now, baby. We’re not gonna let anything happen to you. We’re gonna protect you.”
Their words only made you cry harder, but in a freeing, cathartic way. Wanda rubbed the back of your head gently, leaning over to say “Let it out. We’ve got you, angel. You don’t have to be scared anymore.”
Their words seeped into your bones, giving you permission to crumble as you sobbed into Natasha’s chest. They both continue to soothe you, rubbing your back and stroking your hair. Neither of them chided or rushed you, giving you time to adjust. Wanda brought you some water. Natasha helped you sit up as she pressed the cool glass to your lips. 
As your sobs faded to sniffles and your eyes started to droop, Natasha whispered “It’s alright. You can fall asleep here. We’ll get you to bed.” You drifted off, finally relaxed and at peace.
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boszbichblitzo · 2 days ago
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As Blitz watched Stolas sink deeper and deeper into despair, guilt ate at him. He didn't want to make the owl cry, he didn't want to hurt him at all, but everything about this just felt so fucking wrong and unfair! And to have Stolas making him feel wrong for being upset by all of this seemed so fucking backwards.
He was torn on how to respond, anger flaring up right alongside his guilt. He'd been an ass that night at Ozzie's, he knew that. He'd invited Stolas out just to use him as a means of getting inside to spy on Moxxie and Millie and then he'd lashed out at the owl later that night, but Stolas had hurt him too! He'd acted fucking ashamed of being seen with Blitz after the imp had just begun to realize his own feelings and now he had the fucking gall to act like he'd ever cared about anything but his body? "I– .....probably should've been fucking clear about why I was inviting you out, I guess. But don't fuckin' act like you didn't do shit too, Stolas." Blitz started, his voice a little tight as he tried to fight off his own emotions and just hold onto anger. "You acted fucking embarrassed and ashamed when you got called out for fucking me. I might've been the asshole first, but if you really 'liked' me, why the fuck did you look like you wanted to crawl under a fucking rock as soon as someone pointed out we were together?"
Blitz's tail lashed behind him in annoyance and he let out a soft huff, turning his face away in a meager attempt at hiding the pain on his face, the tears beginning to well in his eyes. "You're wrong. Ozzie might not come to collect some kinda debt from me, but then again, he might. All you did was make me someone else's problem without even havin' a single conversation with me about it first." His guilt twisted a little harder as he saw the tears begin to fall, but he was already in too deep now to just stop at this point. "What the fuck was I supposed to think? All you ever do is act horny around me. All we've ever done together is fuck, and that's.... fine. I don't understand what's changed, why you wanna suddenly get rid of me. Was I not doin' a good enough job? You know you could just fucking tell me that instead of throwing me away, I can always do better." There was a touch of desperation mingling with the anger in his tone now. As much as he'd complained about the deal and the way Stolas tended to treat him and speak to him, he was comfortable with their arrangement. He knew what was expected of him and without getting any feelings involved, he'd been pretty confident he couldn't fuck it up, but it looked like he'd somehow managed to do just that anyway.
"I wanted to come here and fuck you like we agreed on." He answered, ignoring the actual intent behind Stolas' question. He wasn't ready to confront what he actually wanted just yet, because what he wanted and what he deserved were two totally different things and the owl would have to be crazy to actually want more from someone as fucked up and emotionally stunted as Blitz.... right? "I spent all day getting ready for tonight. I went out shopping for shit just to make you happy and you don't even wanna look at any of it! You just decided to spring this feelings bullshit on me outta nowhere and I don't fucking know how to talk about any of this! At least if you'd told me this is how you wanted to spend the night, I could'a fuckin' prepared a little!"
The prince watched as Blitz moved away from him ending the cuddling and sat up, perhaps Blitz was right... it was better to continue this face to face no matter how difficult it was to be looked at right now. Stolas shifted to sit up too and tucked his long legs under himself while clasping his talons together in his lap. "I know its a lot Blitz.... perhaps reading more books than I had conversations growing up may have stunted me in more ways than I realized... I sorry for laying all of this down at your feet without warning..." It was hard enough to ask Blitz to come to his home directly but he suspected that he would have lost his nerve if he had told him that they would be talking... or Blitz would have maybe not have come at all.
Stolas peered up at the imp through his lashes as he slide off the bed to face him with emotion the owl couldn't quite decipher beyond the anger he was familiar with. "Yes its because I like you... your different than anyone I've ever known but the first night you tried to steal the book, It was the first time in my life I didn't want to vomit and wash the feeling of hands off me... I wanted to see you again..to not feel numb again... so I offered the thing you wanted in exchange... it was selfish" He breathed and shifted to wrap his arms around his knees hugging them to his chest to give himself comfort as he continued. "It was Ozzie's... when you asked me out on that date, I wanted so badly for it to real but when I saw your employee get on the stage I realized that it wasn't...You weren't there for me... then with all those eyes on me suddenly in the spotlight without alcohol to numb the anxiety I hid." He tucked his face into his knees with a shudder before he spoke again. "You were right....'Don't act like what we have is anything other than you wanting me to fuck you' you saying that I realized that was all we would ever have with this deal... and I wanted more... I wanted to get to know you... I wanted to go on real dates. It's stupid, wishfully thinking of a lonely pathetic man" He chuckled wetly into his knees.
At the comments of tying Blitz down to some other royal he barely knew and being a glorified sex toy Stolas couldn't stop the hiccupped little sob that escaped his beak without his permission, well at least I know how Blitz feels now... how he had seen their nights together. "You would be no more tied to Asmodeus then anyone else who has legal businesses in Lust, if I continue to lend you the book someone will eventually learn about it... Stella could learn about it! she's already sent an assassin to kill me once if she knew what we were doing... we could be arrested, your business dissolved or worse." He pressed a talon to the still healing holy wound in his shoulder... though the doctors say that there will always be an ache, "Is that what you think about our nights together? that you were just a sex toy to me?" He looks up from his knees to look Blitz in the eyes tears freely steaming down his white face plate.
"What do you want Blitz? what do you want to happen tonight? what do you want to happen to the deal?..... what do you want to happen to us? what do you want?"
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cent-scratchnsniff · 20 days ago
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Please don't hurt yourself
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#library of ruina#hod#hod lobcorp#hod lobotomy corporation#hod library of ruina#erm... michelle. hii michelle. going to have to spoiler tag for you though baby#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobcorp spoilers#okay i think thats it#no shading because this made me want to KILL YMSELF#it looks fone w out it anyways. yay. thank you filter after effects for saving my ass this . hurt me so muchh to try to finish#nothing specific that had me make this. at least from lobcorp lor. its more of having more empathy towards my past self or when i was young#than me. right now. it feels as if the past is so devoid of my current self yet i know that its Me. its just so distant. to the point where#at times it feels as if the me of the past is devoid of the current me. im told im very empathetic? hard to tell. that im patient and kind#or more of understanding to everyone but Myself. so when i try to be kind to myself it feels impossible. but im able to do it to my past se#which makes a disconnect. please dont hurt youself. please dont hate youself. you dont need to do that. i know you want to live it hurts#i know. its alright to want to live. you dont need to apologize and feel Guilty. but never towards Myself. to console and wish to soothe bu#not to the current self. to pardon and accept but not to this Me. so i wanted to put it down kinda. felt most similar to hod ish.#its guilt for living. apologizing for existing. wanting to be accepted and pardoned. but also forgiving and accepting the self of before#not so much forgiving. forgive is a weird word. the hurt never leaves. and the guilt is there regardless. but. yknow. accept#sorry some random shit. yappin. who gaf abt that guy. who was that guy. anyways. hod <3 HODD!!!#just like to ramble abt what i think abt when i go to make pieces. since i uhh dont really have anyone to tell who would care. so. awkward.#god thats embarrassing actuallt migjt delete if im not lazy asf later. loser oversharing on the internet AHH 💥💥#uhmm back to the actual piece. the proportions and fhe coloring were having me feel like i was dging trying to get it right. almost#considered just gettinf rid of it and scrapping the whole piece. didnt though. wanted to have it done and finished. hod <3#the feeligns described arent what i would relate w hod? but closest chatacter towards the general thougut. so wanfed to draw her#i wanted to do more w ligjting and such as well. but it never ended up getting in. maybe later
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spotaus · 2 months ago
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New Age AU (The Magic Retreats)
Hi guys!!! So, I wrote this one in a fit of passion, but here's a brief take 2 on the most important chapter of the fic and the first one I posted! (In which Night becomes Tiny again :] ) As always this drabble is unedited and un-checked so uhh. Good luck!
(HI @ancha-aus , @papiliovolens , and @mutzelputz welcome back!)
   The days felt like they were growing longer again. Maybe it was the change of the seasons, or the workload ramping up again making his nights bleed into his mornings. No matter the case, Nightmare was lucky to have moments of rest from his endless piles of debts and taxes and laws and requests that were strewn all about his office. They were nice, neat, piles now, but they seemed to be an endless cycle. He'd solve one problem and it would result in a new report of catastrophe somewhere else.
   Often, he wondered whether it was that his Mother's ruling style had truly worked, or if she'd ignored it. After all, she'd been a God amongst mortals, why would she care for a few challenged livelihoods amidst her paradise?
   The sharp clash of metal on magic drew Nightmare's attention back to the present. Against all odds, he'd managed to convince Cross to start training his sword again. When Cross had first started getting lessons to properly control his magic, harnessing even whisps of Nightmare's own spells on occasion, he'd quickly neglected his physical training. Over the last few weeks, Nightmare had voiced his worry that Cross might find himself up against another foe like Dust. One who he couldn't simply control. He needed to re-learn his old battle tactics. Only then, he'd promised, they would move on to harnessing both at once.
   So, now, he was sparring against Horror in the training room. Nightmare sat off to the side on the benches, Dust and Killer on either side of him watching intently. Two of his tendrils hovered readily before him, ready to pounce to intercept any wayward attacks or truly dangerous intent, though he trusted his Knight to not put his newest comrade in any real danger. The other two tendrils lay lax behind the bench, curling comfortably beneath where his other Knights sat at his sides.
   These were the sorts of daily distractions he enjoyed. Which pulled him away from the stress of the papers and the outside world. He could focus solely on his charges and how best to help them. They helped him so often, he just wanted to return the favor.
   His eyelight followed the movements, as Horror stayed more or less right on Cross's tail. His axe swung slower than normal, and it was obvious he was taking the training seriously without giving Cross a heart-attack from the force of his normal blows. It wasn't often Nightmare allowed them to pair up precisely because of that. Horror had no magic for Cross to control, none that would help him at least. Meanwhile, Horror's brute strength could snap Cross like a twig if something were to go slightly awry.
   A swing of the axe, Cross's longsword cracking against the handle as he blocked. A push-off, sending Cross back a few steps before he swung. Missed. The axe was on him again, this time towards his side. Cross jumped over it, swung his sword. Missed again. The axe came in again, from above. A narrow block, one which forced Cross to his knee, before Horror let up.
   Horror was simply a marvel of physical combat. He hadn't been a good fighter when Nightmare met him, but he'd learned very quickly. From watching the guards, from listening to Nightmare. Though, Nightmare was almost positive Killer had actually been his biggest influence. Killer, the cockpit, single Knight at that time. He'd taken Dust under his supervision at the time, practically heading the dismantling of the crime rings Dust knew so well all on his own. Meanwhile, Nightmare was working with Horror to understand how to fix the farming situation across the kingdom. Once things settled, and Nightmare expressed interest in having Horror stick around, it was Killer who showed off in combat training. Horror spun off his feet and pushed off his hands in the way expected of a much smaller, leaner, monster. Very similar to how Killer fought when he was playing around.
   It was evidently too unfamiliar for Cross. He'd been taught formal swordplay, but here in this kingdom? That was about as useful as playing with a slingshot and trying to operate a trebuchet. It seemed similar, but it could only get one so far.
   Cross had been steadily improving, of course. Just a year or so ago, Cross had been besting all the rest of the royal guard out on the training field. But placed against Killer, the best of the best at practical combat, no holds bar? He'd fumbled. Now, Nightmare knew Cross could hold his own against his proudest Knight. That meant a lot in such a short time. Pride filled his chest at the thought, as he watched the two of them clash again and again.
   He knew his time was running short for today. He'd had Dust and Killer work on their team-building and attack him earlier on in training while Cross and Horror were warming up. As he already knew, they were chatty, but very efficient in their coordination.
   "On your left!" Killer would call out. Dust would simply duck as Killer instead vaulted over his head as though emerging from the shorter Knight's shadow, knife in hand, glowing red with energy.
   Killer's use of deceptive verbal cues was a talent he'd come up with all his own. Nightmare remembered him pestering Dust over it every dinner for a week after he'd first thought of it. Dust had seemed annoyed at first, but Nightmare could tell after the first session of them trying it out, against him? He'd been unaware, and if his magic didn't work separate from his mind on occasion, they would have gotten him in the first two minutes.
   They'd used it again earlier, and even after several years it still kept Nightmare on his toes. He figured that was why he felt tired as he watched the two locked in mock battle before him. The cognitive challenges did tend to make his socket heavy with sleep. And he hated to admit it, but he always knew about when to end their afternoon trainings, because it lined up with when his mind would start to lag. Even years later, his body still seemed to respond to the familiar draw of a long-discarded bed time.
   He'd let them exchange a few more blows, before calling it off and ushering them all off to clean up before dinner. Even if he knew only Cross and Dust would go wash up. Horror would go change out of his training gear into clean clothes, he hated to look messy at the dinner table, abd Killer would simply stick to his side like glue.
   It never was a point of complaint, he appreciated the commitment, but sometimes he really did wish he'd at least take a moment to swap clothes. Sometimes he tracked all sorts of dirt and scraps of magic out of the training room and into the halls.
   Mm. The clashing seemed to have reached a rhythm. That meant Cross had gotten familiar with Horror's movement patterns again. It never lasted long, Horror was very adaptable, but it did mean that Cross would be locked into the stalemate now, or it'd be an easy defeat for Horror. Better to call it now and send them off with a bit of praise. They never ceased to impress him, they'd all grown so much.
   "Alright, end the match." he called. It didn't take hardly a moment for the order to register after his voice carried to the two monsters.
   Cross was the first to pull away, with Horror letting his swing fall short and his Axe's momentum swing up and into the air. He caught the grip and almost immediately stuffed it back into its own holster along his back. Cross sheathed his sword, and while a bit out of breath, he still grinned triumphantly and bowed amicably to Horror. Horror returned it with a nod. Their little ritual.
   "Wonderful work today, all of you." Nightmare announced, his front two tendrils slinking back to his sides as they no longer had danger to be hyper aware of. To defend against. "Tomorrow, I want to see you two spar again, I believe you are making great leaps in progress, Cross. Dust will provide you both with terrain obstacles in the form of erratic magic attacks to simulate a more turbulent battle field and provide Horror with more opportunity to practice dodging." The suggestion seemed well-recieved, and Nightmare let his good eyelight turn to Killer, who sat grinning beside him. "Killer, you and I will be doing more endurance training for your magic."
   "Looking forward to it, my Lord," Killer replied.
   That made Nightmare chuckle a bit. Once upon a time, Killer would tense up at the premise of magic training. Then, as he grew bolder, groan at the mention. He was not proficient in the sort of magic Cross, Dust, or he himself relied on, but his preferred weapon was a knife or two summoned by his own soul. Since it was magic, Nightmare insisted he learn to better sustain and alter it rather than letting it atrophy in the wake of his extensive physical training. Now, seeing him grin lazily at the idea, not a worry weighing on his soul? It made Nightmare feel a lot more justified in making the rambunctious Knight do the more "boring" practical training.
   "If we understand what to expect for the afternoon tomorrow, then you are dismissed. I will see you all at dinner," he declared. Humor filled his chest at the warmth which rolled off his knights at the mention of food. Dinner was always cooked by Ccino, and Ccino was the best cook. Nightmare would know.
   He watched as Cross gave a little salute before he turned on his heel to begin to follow Horror's lumbering gait towards the heavy doors separating this room from the hall. The newest Knight's voice was quiet, but excitable as he started to reflect on his techniques to Horror. He always debriefed after a training.
   Beside him, Dust swung forward off the bench and landed silently, already moving to follow the other two. His body-language always seemed disgruntled, and his expression was hidden under his darkened hood, but Nightmare knew he was pleased with his work tonight. Content with what he had accomplished.
   "Cross is gettin' a lot faster." Killer's voice was calm beside him, and Nightmare followed the other's hollow gaze to where the other three were discarding their gear, hanging it up on the racks near the door where they always stored the supplies.
   Four spaces, one for each knight. Killer had gouged his name into the wooden base of his own years ago.
   "I agree." Nightmare let one of his tendrils wrap at the ground around a leg of the bench. "It helps that he is eager and willing to improve on his skills. And that he has others to lean on as he continues to learn."
   Killer's scoff quickly devolved into a laugh at the thinly veiled praise. It wasn't unusual of him to slip it into conversation. A quick, gentle nudge of praise. Acknowledgement and appreciation. Killer had heard to most of it, and Nightmare often worried he'd find it insincere.
   As far as he knew, he never did.
   "You should go put up your armor as well." Nightmare suggested, nudging at Killer's back with a tendril.
  
   "Yes, sir." Killer chimed, the sharpness of his laughter still on his tongue.
   Nightmare rose simply, and Killer pushed off the bench with a quick hop. His feet planted, and Nightmare waited for him to take a step towards where the others were before moving to follow. It felt right, to see them all in one spot. Relaxed.
   He moved to follow Killer's quick steps, only... All at once his vision seemed to double, and he halted himself. He could feel his tendrils lash out, moving to stabilize him against the floor of the training room. He still stood upright, just barely, but it seemed all his balance had left him. Instinctively, in a fit of habit, he shut his good socket and took a moment. The swaying feeling he was gripped by, even after a deep breath an counting to five, did not fade. The darkness which usually seemed to calm him only seemed to make the swaying worse. He could not tell if the motion was coming from him, or I the ground beneath him was shifting like the deck of a boat. Without his vision he couldn't orient up versus down, let alone find his stability again.
   Opening his good socket provided him with orientation, though his vision still danced and swirled. He was looking down, down towards the brick ground, from the space behind his palm. When did he place his hand to his socket? The view included his legs, which he recognized now were shaking, and his tendrils which were trying to hold him in place.
   And...
   He jolted at the contact he could see but hadn't felt in the slightest. He skull reeled up so that he could see who had touched him. One hand on his elbow. The other- when did he grab Killer's arm? When had Killer turned around to look at him? Why was Killer looking at him like that?
   It was Killer, who had ahold of him, though he couldn't feel the Knight's touch, and he couldn't tell if he was gripping the other's arm at all. Though he was, he could see it.
   His vision warped again with the quick movement. A desperate bid to look past Killer. Was there a threat? The blurry form of Dust shot past him, he thought. Horror and Cross still seemed to be by the door.
   The ceiling. Why was he looking at the ceiling? No, wait, the floor now. It grew closer, in the space between himself and Killer, as the opening for him to see it grew smaller. Then he couldn't see it at all, his vision replaced swiftly by- training gear. The leather smell invaded his senses as the rest failed him. He couldn't feel Killer, though he knew the knight was near to him. That, as far as he could tell, Killer had caught him. That he'd sunken to the ground under his own weight.
   Why?
   His socket wasn't being helpful. It seemed, from what he saw, that his tendrils were trying to melt away as they moved errantly to slap onto Killer's back or the ground beyond. Surely that wasn't right? His tendrils had never wavered. He shut his socket again, letting his skull sink into the training armor again.
   It didn't occur to him for a few moments, that he couldn't hear his knights, until he suddenly could.
   The voices were loud and grating, breaking his wobbling darkness once again as he tried to force his socket back open. What was wrong with him?
   "Horror, I said go get Ccino! Now!" Killer. He'd know that voice anywhere, though he didn't like the angry tone. Like fire spitting from his tongue seemingly right above Nightmare's skull. "This isn't some sort of test, I- I don't know what this is. It can't be good."
   Nightmare tried to reach out. Not physically, it felt he still couldn't control his limbs. No, he tried to sense. Did the others know what was wrong with him? Was the rising panic in his chest originating from his own emotions or theirs? Had... had one of them done something?
   No, it wasn't them.
   "Shit." Somewhere behind him, he heard Dust's voice hiss. "His magic levels are dropping. And fast."
   For a second, Nightmare was stunned. What did he mean his magic levels were dropping? Though, it made sense. Somewhere deep in his chest he could feel it, the swaying motion as his magic tried to peel away from his bones. He-
   "What do you-" Killer still sounded frustrated, and he too spat an expletive a moment later.
   Nightmare, for the briefest moment, thought he felt touch again against his skull. He let his blurry socket fall closed again, the vision only worsening as his magic rocked with unseen waves of revulsion.
   "Cross, try to grab his magic," Killer ordered.
   The familiar splattering of the young Night would've been comforting, if the suggestion didn't fill him with dread. Killer knew better than that. They'd agreed Cross could only touch on controlling his magic. Nothing more. It was too vast.
   "W-what! I- I shouldn't-" Cross attempted to stammer a defense, but Killer was quicker with words. Always had been.
   "Just try. Now. Hold it in place and see if it stablizes." The command was a lot more controlled than the previous one, but his tone was leaving no room for error. "When the King and Ccino are unavailable, I'm in charge. Listen to me."
   Nightmare had never heard Killer take charge in such a way before, and in his haze he might've written it off as a product of his imagination. All of this being some sort of weird hallucination. But he felt the invasive force of Cross' magic snake over his bones.
   He'd felt it before, a sort of blanket or hand-hold aimed at the ends if his tendrils which could make them twitch a bit with Cross's own will. This time he felt it creep up the length of his spine and dig unseen claws into his shoulder blades. He could feel it, just like he could now feel Killer's chin and shoulder, where his skull had been tucked. He could feel the hand supporting his back, the other his side. He felt limp as the forceful magic washed over him.
   Nightmare gagged.
   Cross's magic caught on something, like a hook finding the fish, and for a brief few moments, Nightmare felt like he had a ball of gunk in his non-existant gut. Something heavy and feral, trying to escape.
   For just a moment, he regained a breath of awareness. He felt his Knight supporting his weight, he felt the nakedness of his back where his tendrils had completely abandoned him, he felt the emotions of the three still with him. Fear. Confusion. Anger. He didn't like it much. He still couldn't move his limbs.
   And just as quickly as it was stable, the hold on the wild magic slipped away. Like the fish had broken the string.
   It flowed up, like the force of a dam finally released. Through his ribcage, past his shoulders where Cross's magic seemed to dissipate all at once, into his mouth.
   Nightmare regained some semblance of control over his body at that moment. As the magic seemed to rush towards freedom. He shoved away from Killer all at once, the chill of the stone hitting his palms heavily and his socket opening if only to watch as he lost it. That dark, thick, sticky magic that had marked him as a bad omen. That had gifted him the power to rule in place of his twin. Protect those he loved.
    It spilled to the stone before him, and he was stunned to watched that, as he heaved suddenly labored breaths, it sunk away. Disappeared. Just like that, instead of his familiar darkness, the protective shield, the instinctive defense he had grown to know, he was staring at the floor. And the space in which his wobbling arms hid under too-big sleeves, and from the cuffs escaped perfect, pearly-white bone. Bone he could never seem to reach no matter how hard he scrubbed with water and soap. Bones that seemed so frail in the torchlight.
   "My king?"
   Nightmare let his eyelight raise from the ground. It wasn't as wobbly anymore, his vision slowly coming back to normal. He still took his time trailing from the ground, to look at Killer's pants. He was on his knees, hardly an arm's length away. Then the edges of his chestplate. His arms were outstretched, hovering barely away from touching Nightmare. He shook at the closeness, but didn't dare try to move. Killer's soul was wobbling. Nightmare's boww furrowed at the sight. It was very small, but he'd always notice the little changes and moves. Though, he noticed an absence of something at the back of his skull as he stared. Something missing.
   Killer's face was last. He looked serious, his dark sockets not a new sight, but Nightmare hardly saw Killer so serious. He'd seen the look before. Usually when he'd see someone bothering Ccino. It had always been brief, quickly disguised under his patented sadistic grin. Killer just watched him now. As though he was sone glass sculpture ready to tip off the end of the table.
   He hated, as he stared, that he couldn't- he could feel-
   He tried to shift, to whip his head to look for the knight he knew should've been behind him. And he was right, of course. A glimpse of Dust's shadowed skull and tense body-language told Night he was on high-alert, but Nightmare hadn't been able to feel him. Hadn't sensed his presence at all. No emotions, no aura, no nothing.
  
   "Woah, steady!" Killer yelped as Nightmare felt himself tilt.
   Looking up at Dust had disoriented him. The weight distribution was different now. His body listed to the side, and he flinched when arms wrapped around at his sides and tugged his upper half onto soft fabric. Killer's legs. Killer had caught him.
   "My king, Nightmare, it's you, right?" He sounded the same. Something told Nightmare he was uncertain.
   "Y-" His attempt to speak was short-lived. His voice wasn't right. It was high-pitched and raw. All the rumble and low tones entirely missing. He couldn't be sure if he stopped on account of keeping his pride alive, or if he feared speaking in a voice he hadn't heard in years.
   It didn't help that he couldn't feel them. No matter how much he tried, the only feeling in his chest was his own solitary anxiety. Balling up tighter and tighter, an old friend come home again. If he could tell what they were thinking- if he could know if he was safe...
   He bit back his panic, holding in the weakness which was threatening to give him away. Though, what else was there to give? If he was right, then the prophecy had finally rejected him. Left him as an offering to a pack of wolves.
   Nightmare knew he was shaking, but some irrational part of him thought that if he kept his socket shut that this would all be some absurd night terror and he'd wake up cozy in his bed, or exhausted at his desk, or maybe passed out on the floor. Somewhere else. Anywhere else.
  
   "What's wrong?" That voice was deeply familiar, and all at once Nightmare felt like he had a surge of strength. "Why did Horror rush me back here? Where is our King?" It was Ccino. He sounded more frustrated than anything else, but he didn't need to feel his emotions to know the rise to his tone. The worry buried there.
   "We finished training and everything was fine," Killer explained, tone as even as he could muster, "But when we were on our way out, he just collapsed."
   Nightmare pitied him, having to tell Ccino any sort of bad news. Nightmare didn't think as he attempted again to shove himself up. If only to catch a glimpse of Ccino.
   As he peered barely over Killer's shoulder, he saw what the others did. Ccino had some sort if flour or wheat all down the front of his nice apron, and a few streaks along the thighs of hid pants from where he'd probably wiped his hands along the way. His expression was a mix of concern and fury that set Nightmare's soul into a pretzel-twist of regret, and his eyelights scanned the room as he rapidly approached Killer. Obviously looking for answers.
   Only, Ccino arrived to Killer's side, and his growing rage seemed to stop all at once, alongside his steps. He stared down at Nightmare with wide eyes. Nightmare stared up at him wearily. The king's sockets were beginning to water. Ccino's expression, the way his balled fists twitched and relaxed, the way he seemed to lose all the tension I'm his body, just getting a glimpse at him. Ccino recognized his face, no doubt about it.
   "Nightmare?" Ccino's voice was small.
   Nightmare fumbled a bit as he tried to launch away from Killer. Having Ccino so close to him simply... broke whatever had been holding back the emotional damage within. It didn't help in the slightest when Ccino crouched and immediately tugged him away from Killer and into a gentle bear-hug there on the floor.
   For the first time, in a very long time, he found that the welling of tears in his sockets didn't result in dark, tarlike, goop that fell in chunks down his skull. This time the tears were real, a transparent lilac which raced down his cheeks abd planted themselves against the fabric of Ccino's tunic and apron. He wasn't wearing his fur, he was smart like that.
   Ccino's arms wrapped around his back like they always did, and Nightmare felt himself slipping. Ccino was safe. He had always been safe.
   Nightmare didn't have time to begin sobbing as he had expected, or to even begin to hyperventilate into Ccino's shirt or curl into a ball against his chest. The moment Ccino nuzzled the side of his skull, his vision went blurry again.
   At the tightening of Ccino's grip, he heard Dust's voice again. "Magic-loss. A lot of it." Faintly rolled into his mind like a distance voice two doors over. He didn't quite catch when Killer started to speak again, or Ccino worriedly said his name. Dust was right, the magic was gone. Out of nowhere. It was a lot for his little body to handle.
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edwinisms · 7 months ago
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I know how it sounds at first, but I really gotta feel bad for the boys that sacrificed edwin; I mean even the term “sacrificed edwin” paints them in a more sinister light than they really deserve– considering that wasn’t really, actually their intention.
they were bullies, they were homophobic (and/or were self loathing gay boys themselves taking it out on edwin, or were equally likely peer pressured into acting a certain way), they planned something stupid and mean to do to an innocent, anxious boy with the goal of scaring the shit out of him, all because he was effeminate and an easy target. but they didn’t know or expect any of the ritual stuff to be real. they were all laughing and joking during the ritual because it was just that to them– a joke. a cruel joke, but a joke.
teenagers can be mean and stupid and they usually regret it as adults and grow out of it / grow from it. they were stifled the chance to grow out of it, at least while alive. none of those boys deserved to be instakilled and sent to hell; they’re really not that much less deserving than edwin himself. they were all just kids, after all.
#random thought but. yeah……#I mean think about if crystal happened to be killed somehow pre-demonic intervention#she would’ve been deemed deserving of hell by the standards we’ve seen. no doubt about it. if the dragon guys were pulled to hell then yeah.#she would be as well. simply put- she was a bully#she was also a teenager. not a fully developed person. a very damaged and neglected teenager at that#it’s kinda like the criminal justice system right. it’s like. hey you really think sending them to be tormented is the most humane and#efficient way to heal these kids of what makes them act out and allow them to grow and improve?#Crystal’s such a good case to look at because she’s. well. to compare to The Good Place which you can probably already tell I’ve watched 800#times and adore with all my heart. she’s kinda the michael of the group#no one knows it at first but she’s actually kind of a terror to people most of the time. but she’s put in a situation where she#suddenly has a support system- people who care about her and want the best for her- she’s given a purpose and realizes how much better it is#to use her powers to help rather than hurt (well. sometimes helping can involve hurting but you get it)#and by the time she’s regained her memories and has a place in the agency it’s much easier to reflect on her life and be like huh!#this system kinda fucking sucks!#not that edwin wasn’t an example unto himself but he was a ‘clerical error’ not a ‘rightfully’ condemned person#with his situation someone could argue that the problem isn’t with the system being wack as a whole- it should just be maintained better so#these ‘errors’ don’t happen and all the good kids go to their afterlives and the Bad Evil Kids go to hell.#yes yes I know they’re not in hell forever (hopefully) but uhh Simon was still there for over a century and for fucking What?#gay self-loathing and catholic guilt? his intentions were clearly not Truly Evil and more than anything he seems to have been punished using#how much he hated himself for being gay and how guilty he felt for it all. like shit aren’t those feelings enough of a punishment? if he had#lived through that ritual and edwin hadn’t– do you think he would’ve been Okay? I think it would’ve crushed him. chronically#man. anyway#this was an especially long ramble huh#rambling#edwin#edwin payne#dead boy detectives
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rebornrosess · 2 years ago
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had a dream greg tried to drown himself in a pool just so tom would do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on him????????
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lettersiarrange · 5 months ago
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Has time always moved this fast? I'm genuinely asking. In 200 years we went from Bridgerton to AI. The everyday lives of people in each of these eras feel like universes apart. I'm no historian, but it seems like the everyday lives of people between 1500 and 1700 weren't that different.
Have humans throughout time immemorial reflected on life 30 years ago, 100 years ago and commented on how vastly different it was? It feels like we're running at a breakneck pace in the modern era. The It Gets Better project was founded in 2010 because gay people were so universally ostracized that lgbt teen suicide rates were off the charts. And while we're still pretty far from full LGBT equality, openly having a problem with gay people existing is a pretty fringe opinion now that's fairly universally frowned upon, even in the southern US.
I'm pretty sure the first time a woman wore pants in congress was in the 90s.
Culturally, technologically, resource-wise, it feels like every 5 years we leap 5 decades forward. Is it just our own preoccupation with the era we live in that makes this moment feel so significant? Or are we actually moving as quickly as it feels?
I know people have always laughed at the grandpa's who complain "when I was your age...", but has the gap ever been this wide? Or is there truly something special about now.
#before someone @s me about *but some people still disapprove of gay people existing!!!*#i know. I'm from the south.#but even southerners know it's no longer something they're allowed to talk openly abt because doing so will make people think they're crazy#they may privately have a problem with gay ppl existing and say so amongst friends family and church#but nowadays it's the kid who's weirdly hung up on jimmy having a boyfriend who's uncool and strange. no one else has a problem with jimmy#even the radical conservatives are aware they ostracise themselves by throwing a fit abt gay people existing#that's why they're so fucking mad. that's why they're fighting so fucking hard. their opinions haven't changed#and 15 years ago they were on the side of the majority and now their opinions make them weirdos#they're evil but i kinda get why they feel like it's everyone else going crazy around them and not their own opinions that are the problem#again. there may yet be some spaces and schools in the US where it's still weird to be gay. but i would say that is the outlier#anyway that's not really my point i just know this site doesn't have reading comprehension#I'm genuinely curious as to whether time always feels like this or if it's us#yes every century has wars and pandemics and dynasty changes that impact history#but it kinda feels like the experience of a pandemic in 2020 with a smartphone and doordash is pretty significantly different than#the experience of a pandemic in 1500. 1300. etc. which maybe felt a lot more similar to each other.#and not to even mention the rapid changes in fashion!!!
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emmodii-mode · 1 year ago
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Just finished my first playthrough of BG3. Romanced Lae'zel, but ending up turning into an Illithid because the idea of making Orpheus or Karlach do it didn't sit well with me (or my character).
I told Lae'zel to leave with Orpheus in the end (I heard she wouldn't stay with a ghaik anyway, which she's valid for, but also, it doesn't feel right to ask her to stay when I know how much her people mean to her). And like-
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Her face before she flies off---
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She looks so heartbroken and sad.
#emmodii rambles#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate series#lae'zel#spoilers#i don't regret my choices and i do love a good angsty story. but at the same time... OOF.#may you find a new source of joy in the astral realm my queen :'(#for anyone curious- i played a githyanki which i heard is the only race that can fly off with her or something?#but well. again- didn't quite fit my character to have someone else turn instead pfffft#ALSO HE'S A CLERIC OF ILMATER AND A REDEEMED DARK URGE. self-sacrifice is kiNDA TO BE EXPECTED HAHAHA.#anyway- do give romancing lae'zel a shot guys. she may be a hardass at first but it's really because she cares a lot#also slightly off-topic but as a dark urge gith... durge grew up in a city so like. wonder how out of place they woulda felt with the#other githyankis anyway. i think i read somewhere that a gith durge realises they don't really feel connected to creches and stuff#which is interesting and makes me curious about how exactly they were made. cuz they have the traits and knowledge of the race but didn't#grow up with them. i guess the easiest answer would be 'god magic shenanigans' but STILL.#trust me to overthink things hahaha XD#if anyone's curious what happened to my guy in the end--- we followed wyll and karlach to avernus hahaha#what are the devils gonna do? steal the soul we don't have?? TRY IT BITCH#of course i did reload multiple times to have my character kill himself. because that was another option that felt possible for his charact#...and also because i wanted to see how companions would react to it. krewfjewlkrjewklrjewl- although the narration for durge suicide#is also quite interesting! of course maybe that's just me being mentally ill eff (/lh) but having a kill that isn't going to murder daddy?#gives a redeemed durge some control and a final say at last. which is still sad but a nice way to tie up their death methinks#ANYWAY- time to go find a way to convert him into a full-on OC. elves and dwarves are one thing but giths are blatantly dnd so i'mma have#to figure that out for my own story lore and universe--- some kinda new species? humanify him? or convert to another existing general speci#hmm hmm hmmmmmmmmmm-#emmodii plays bg3
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dallonwrites · 2 years ago
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my autistic ass when i would try to explain to my non-autistic writer friends how my ocs don’t just feel like characters/plot devices/narrative tools, they feel like fully fledged people that just live inside my brain who i just have access to for some reason and the stories i write are merely a snapshot into their fully fledged personhood/lives. and that that these feelings don’t mean i’m unaware of my role/agency/responsibility as the writer who has the final say in these characters and how they are written it just means that my writing process feels very intuitive and i can only describe it as “listening” and “getting to know” these people that just live inside my brain in a way that i don’t feel like i can completely elaborate on. and because of this i would actually consider these characters “real” in their own way because the impact and influence they have had on me as a person beyond just my writing is so real and not having them would feel like i’m missing a part of myself 
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stranger-awakening · 2 months ago
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I went to a concert two nights ago at the band had a row of LED strobe lights behind them facing the audience that were flashing constantly, which effectively made them impossible to see. Strobe lights at concerts don't usually effect me too much but I've never seen a set up like that before. I've never been to a concert and had a very bright light flashing directly into my eyes which - naturally - is impossible to block out (in my experience, usually, lights face the band for what I assumed were obvious reasons).
So, I started to feel nauseous and because those lights did not stop flashing for multiple songs I realised this was gonna be the whole concert. This band was going to flash a ridiculously bright light directly into the people trying to watch them for seemingly the whole time and no one one their team designing their set at any point realised that was a ridiculously bad idea. So, I did something I've never done before and fully walked out of a concert 15 minutes in, and now I have intense, one-sided beef with one of my favourite bands
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livvyofthelake · 4 months ago
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well basically like raise your hand if you’ve ever been blocked by a close mutual you though you were actually friends with and not just fandom-mates because you expressed an emotion they didn’t like because apparently they only want to interact with people who watch the same media as them and when you didn’t anymore they stopped talking to you and the media you DID have in common they gave up on once they found something more popular and seeing as that thing happened to be your favorite thing you graciously let them have because you believed you were friends and they would treat it with care and love but they didn’t and it made you feel like they didn’t respect you or like you or think of you as a person but rather as a faceless entity who sometimes could make Posts about tv shows you have in common. despite the fact they know what your face looks like because they’ve seen it because you’ve gotten together on zoom and watched movies together like friends do but that doesn’t mean anything i guess if you try to delicately have a conversation about how you feel because they just immediately dismiss you and start talking to you like you’re coworkers in a polite email chain because you said you didn’t like their tv show. which was a fact they already knew but didn’t take seriously because they were apparently never viewing you as a person! or has that only happened to me.
#and i’m not trying to make a callout post and start drama this is just my blog where i talk about my life#and i wouldn’t start drama because i’m not stupid enough to think anyone would take my side because no one likes me more than this other#person i’m pretty sure. due to the everything about me that kinda sucks i guess#but more so to do with the fact that there is a very small number of people on here i actually feel like. friends with. and everyone else#just follows the fandom posting they like best. which is fine and i do that as well#but i would probably be devastated if someone else i thought i was friends with didn’t pick me. so i’m not saying anything#i mean you could ask. but lately i’ve felt very fleabag season 2 episode 1 opening scene dinner. so#(‘no one’s asked me a question in 45 minutes’)#anyway. yeah. awesome. ok#um and it should go without saying that if there’s a traitor in my midst (dramatic way of saying that. i’m not actually like. beefing)#don’t like. send this post to who i’m talking about and make shit awkward. you’d think that’s common sense but it’s not#when i was ousted from stranger things fandom for committing the heinous crime of not liking steve there was a lot of insane shit that#happened. which i do not care to repeat. who sends someone’s vaguepost to the person they were vaguing that’s such bad etiquette fr 🙄#and i can’t believe how nice i was about it to those people i should have killed them that shit was so stupid#you had to be there#and also this isn’t fandom drama i’m just sad. so it’s completely different#because the fandom drama example i just gave was pure pettiness and bitchiness tbh. i was 20 what do you want from her
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nihiltism · 2 years ago
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ok so while my ds is getting sand poured into it at alarming rates I'm thinking about how jrpgs in specific have a really weird desync with How Important Death Is. like some address it better than others but it very frequently happens where if you take a step back youll go "am I wild or is everybody just like, Really down with murder in this game". and consequences for said murder, especially in a characterization sense but even just actual physical consequences, don't really happen? unless it's a vehicle for conflict but like. when it is a vehicle for conflict it feels weird because why are These Guys actually taking the fact we killed somebody in broad daylight seriously and coming after us for it while all the other npcs and even the main party took it like it was another saturday evening
see I Think where the issue lies is in the fact that everything is in its own little world when you're in a battle? like. when you fight an enemy and you get leather out of it it's seen as something the enemy Drops and not. their hide. when you defeat a character in a battle it does just feel like you Defeated them. unless there's dialogue afterwards that says otherwise you don't even mentally assume you killed em you just wounded them enough to make them flee or dissolve or whatever. and it's Weird to just. have that assumption there because for a lot of games it really isn't clear if you're killing them or defeating them !!
that last point is extra important when you have the specific brand of Skittish Hero / Noble Hero Who Doesn't Kill People / Rational Hero In Way Over Their Head or whatever where you really don't think they Would kill a guy just to get them out of the way. in that case it's REALLY weird because it's hardly brought up. even if it Is brought up that that guy Sure Did Die the mc doesn't tend to actually have a reaction ??? and I don't know why this is ???? like Any written reaction would be more interesting than nothing even if the guy doesn't have a full on crisis about taking another life having them go "oh shit, The Consequences" would be nice. really anything except (oh cool we can advance the plot now).
I will also mention that Some deaths do matter plot wise but very frequently what makes them matter is how much of it is linked to an in game battle I think. if your mc just finishes a fight and comes back to the overworld and the guy's Disappeared or Dissolved or whatever it means they don't matter. if the guy's still around after the fight it means it's more significant, especially if they're still alive but wounded or Really Shaken Up. because this clears up the indistinguishable line between if a battle is lethal or not and if a character decides to deal a finishing blow now it's Way more telling of their character. even though this is basically the same thing that happened in the (killed In A Battle) scenario. just with more dialogue. I will also mention that the person who deals the finishing blow is Rarely Ever that good hearted protagonist and often they'll even go :0 at somebody else committing a murder despite them instigating and helping murder quite a few people. just. In Battle. so it's less bad. I guess.
this is leaving out the fact that in party deaths are often a Major Major Blow because like. ok that's fair. that's A Guy You Knew that's understandable. anyway I don't really know where I'm going with this I just think it's interesting how in these types of games death can swap from not mattering at all to mattering a Lot and if u don't think about it too hard u don't even question it. I'll probably be putting some examples in the tags idk
#i will note that in this specific instance most of my party Is actually super down with murder like vocally#so its less weird but it Is weird that the mc does. Not Seem The Type.#i mean not to say he should have tried to spare everybody i think its kinda neat that he doesnt but#if the fact that he doesnt was brought up at all thatd be interesting. have him acknowledge he killed a dude#but no hes just kind of standing there like (ok what next) no leaning one way or another#these would all be interesting reactions if they were actually Brought Up in dialogue but no its just. oversight#anyway this is about sand but ive also felt this about live a live and even bits of twewy#like specifically in lal the fact that the edo chapter Exists and killing people is just Battling Them made me look at Every Other Chapter#thru a lens of (okay am. am i killing these dudes.) and the answer is I DUNNO#like the guy exploded into a cloud of mist theres no way hes Not dead but its STRANGE#this felt most noticeable in the imperial china and present day chapters because they had mcs who decidedly did not feel down with murder#specifically present day because masaru is fighting this guy for the crime of killing a guys. and woa. he killed a guys. with his Hands#i think theres only a handful of deaths in lal that actually mean anything and you can tell which they are because they dont explode#like in You Know The Part with The Character I Cant Say that guys i think the only time defeating an enemy Leaves A Corpse#ok actually thats a lie the Other Guy I Cant Say in The Chapter Before That also died like that and that was equally important#s also worth mentioning that said first guy can ? also die without leaving a corpse? just turn to ash??#depending on where u go with him. which is weird right. thats weird right.#maybe that just means (hey youre not supposed to feel bad about him dying this tiiiime)#anyway its 5 am ill post this in the morning#veespeaks
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orcelito · 7 months ago
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ok i am actually so very angry and there's literally nothing i can do to fix it. life keeps going on. she might even be happy. and fuck dude, i'll make sure im happy too, i was a fully developed person before she was in my life and i'll continue to be one without her. but God Damn, the fact that she can just do something so blatantly awful and unfair to me and then run off without any actual repercussions is just so fucking rankling to me.
like perhaps she feels guilty. she said she did when it was all going down. but it was just something she "needed to do". so obviously she didn't feel guilty enough or she wouldnt have done it like that lmaoooo
i really did deserve to have a good solid yell at her. but unfortunately, by the time i did see her in person i just wanted her out of my fucking life. so. no yelling was done, unfortunately.
#speculation nation#the duality of being a deeply resentful and angry person. and being a person that Tries to be mature and peaceful.#like im not gonna actually Do shit even tho i keep wanting to message her just to yell at her some more again#it's like there's a beast in me that keeps yelling for retribution. she wronged me in such a disrespectful and humiliating way#and yet she just gets to walk away like it was nothing? live her life like it was nothing?#be in 'love' with her new 'soulmate' after cutting me off like a rotten limb?#i feel so DEEPLY angry. i want to spit vitriol and fire. i want to dig my claws into her bones. make her really FEEL how i feel.#i want to wander into her dreams and make her experience what i felt. every miserable second of silence.#the humiliation of admitting you might be falling in love only to be told you were never loved at all.#and i want to knee her in the gut and spit in her face and really make her regret ever fucking wronging me#but unfortunately im a stupid fucking pacifist so all the aggression and anger and violence has no FUCKING outlet#ive been. trying to not think about it too much. ive been trying to just live my life. because i dont want her to run my life.#but the anger keeps catching up to me. filtering in when i dont expect it. endless constant fucking thoughts coming back to me#on and on and on and on i live and i eat and i read and i game and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i HATE AND I HATE#the greatest injustice is that i cannot make her truly feel every single ounce of my resentment and anger#it's so overwhelming i think i could choke on it. and she gets to live her FUCKING happy little life with her stupid fucking 'soulmate'#i hope it collapses around her and she loses her too so she's single and alone and miserable and regretting all of her fucking impulsivenes#she deserves to have it fail after what she did to me. and all i can really do is hope that karma has its fucking kiss for her.#if only curses were real. what i wouldnt give to put some energy into that karmic payback lmfao.#ok . ok ok ok ok love and peace on planet earth. i am shifting out of vitriolic little shit mode.#just had to let some of the steam out. im still angry but i am going to go back to not thinking about it.#i think i should go on a nice long bike ride tomorrow. to decompress and work some of the steam out.#it's something that she can never take from me. something that is so wholly mine. fuck that stupid bitch and fuck her new girlfriend too#...............................ok NOW im shifting out of vitriolic mode. lol#negative/#WAHOOOOOO i am certainly not taking this breakup well. but i dont think anyone would be lmfao.#all things considered i think im doing a pretty great job at handling this breakup.#bc at least im only recounting unrealistic threats and fantasies on my tumblr dot com instead of messaging Any of this to her.#i may kinda want her to read it so that she knows anyways. but i wont message her directly. bc i am Trying to be at least a little mature.#complaining on my tumblr dot com so i dont message my ex with more vitriol. gotta cope Somehow.
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ceolocunt · 8 months ago
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fightingdragonswithwho · 2 years ago
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hate to be a hater on the main … but this season of ted lasso excels (once again) at team dynamic and the found family elements and i think the finale absolutely nailed that, i cried, i laughed, it was perfect on that. now as for the individual stories and relationships… yeah, let’s leave it at that
#(rant below ignore me)#i think making longer episodes allowed them to add stories that felt so pointless to me#what was the point of zava? to make jamie understand something about himself? could have done that better with just the roy plot#i would have understood roy and keeley breaking up of it was like ‘let’s both grow as individuals’#and roy kinda did but apparently not enough because his plot at the end is how he do better so i guess he didn’t#jamie had the best development only to then lose part of it by throwing the random video comment?? like why??#keeley my love … from the random friend that added nothing to the story to an undervelopped love interest plot line … they did u so dirty#why the hell was ted so emotionally off this last episode instead of actually talking the time to proper end things with london and everyone#rebecca was SOBBING and ted was like ‘well gotta go’ ??#it’s not about the ship or anything but what ?? and rebecca … love that she stayed with the club#but to have her end up with some random creepy man she met once and whose name WE DONT EVEN KNOW#i have no issues with ted going home to his son. it makes perfect sense. but it felt so weird#the nate plot was wrapped kinda poorly too??#sam colin and most of the guys from the team were amazing#and the found family and team dynamic was still amazing as always#the beard and jane relationship was always weird to me because it feels like joke after joke of.. abuse?#do they get married or was it a dream?? and if so was the whole sequence a dream? and if it wasn’t WHO DID THE CGI FOR THE WEDDING 💀#we spent more time with these characters this season and it doesn’t feel that way and idk this season felt weird at so many points#I LOVE THIS SHOW I DO!! first 2 seasons are one of my all time favourite seasons of a sitcom!! and i still enjoyed a lot about s3 <33#anyway sorry to be a hater on the main but it was just a weird season to end it on#anti ted lasso#<- i really don’t wanna upset anyone i just felt like ranting a little 💀 pls don’t hate me#ted lasso spoilers
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