#because it feels like it removes the choice from the thing
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Dan didn't react to the glare or the fact he'd been the final straw for Vincent's system. It wasn't the first time he'd scared Vincent, and he knew it was far from the last time it would happen. He also knew Vincent would wake up quickly as he was much newer, and didn't require much time to get a decent charge back, or for his system to re-calibrate and close any useless programs his panicking had caused.
It took about ten minutes before Vincent woke back up, he slowly opened his eyes as he brought his hand up to gently massage his LED. It was one of his biocomponents that was affected by his anxiety, and always had to be repaired by his system well he was in stasis. Sure, the AP700 knew he could just remove it and save himself from the sore feeling every morning, but it didn't last long and he felt it wasn't a good enough reason to take it out.
He glanced up at Bishop as he lowered his hand from his LED as it shifted from red to blue and yellow before it settled to solid blue, he decided he'd stay in the position the other had placed him in. Vincent only shifted to place his head on the android's shoulder so he could watch him work.
John glanced at Nines, mildly annoyed by how the RK900 could so easily keep his LED from showing his emotional state. He felt Nines only kept it as a way to mock those who tried to use it to their advantage.
He shifted his focus to Hugh, watching the combat android struggle with himself as he tried to work out if the human was being truthful. John and Nines both knew they could hold Hugh's choices against him, the android was built purely for combat and lacked the ability to read people that they had.
Hugh seemed to decided he'd trust the human's bluff, ignoring the other two players yelling at him for his mistake as he placed a few cards of his own.
Nines took his turn and shifted his attention to John, his expression never changing as the prototype called him out. He calmly flipped the cards to reveal they didn't match and took his turn with the tool. It beeped and his LED flashed red before it returned to blue, his movements now a bit more sluggish as it placed the tool back in it's spot.
John sneered at the other android who even in a compromised state was doing his best to appear proper. "You're way too up tight." He remarked as he played his cards, this time matching the round card. "Perhaps, but the way it annoys everyone brings me joy." The RK900 remarked with a smirk, then he shifted his attention to the human at the table. "Imagine if you were sat by me, I could give you a challenge." He chuckled, ignoring Hugh's eye roll from being called out on his poor detective skills. "We might have to swap seats after this hand. Keep things interesting."
"He's trying his best to get better, and he meets up weekly with a KL900 to come up with something new he can work on. Right now he's working on not running away whenever new people show up here." Sixty knew it was a major goal, one that had taken a lot of small things to reach, but he was confident Vincent would one day be better. Sure, he'd probably still be quiet and shy, but he wouldn't be constantly in a state of extreme stress which was the goal for him.
"I don't know of any who deviated through kindness, but I'm sure there are some." He only knew of androids who left abusive situations or deviated due to some type of fear, which he himself didn't fall under. His own deviation was just due to the damage his brain had suffered, and the repairs done to it being less then perfect, not that he was complaining.
"Well, Dan was fear that Peter had died, Vincent was fear of harm, Daniel was feeling betrayed, and most others are from the fact they were tossed in a junkyard like trash. Me, just because my brain was ripped apart and poorly reassembled." Sixty lifted his bandana to reveal the area his skin refused to cover, the white shell had blue cracks originating from an obvious bullet wound that had healed the best it could.
He placed the fabric back over the scarred area, he wasn't bothered by it, and only covered it so he had an extra bit of protection for the structurally compromised area. "And the other RK800 is really hard to pinpoint what caused him to deviate due to him refusing to accept it. But it all worked out for everyone, Dan reunited with Peter, Vincent is learning he's safe now, Daniel has the family he wanted, the other RK800 is a son to his human, and the junkyard androids are getting another shot at life." Sixty was glad he got another chance as well.
Strasky nodded as he listened to Sixty, he was glad to hear that the androids were recovering from the traumas that had caused them to deviate.
He shifted his attention to Willow when she spoke to him. "Maybe..." Strasky couldn't be sure of Dan's motives, but the PL600 had shown a genuine concern for him after the accidental contact with the structure gel. But he couldn't blame Dan for that after what he'd been forced to witness just for merely trying to comfort someone he didn't know he shouldn't touch.
Strasky gave her an unsure look, he couldn't confirm that he would be anymore willing to talk as the mere mention of it made him tense and uneasy. "I'll....try...." He looked away as he forced himself to respond. Dan had been easy to talk to, but he was a machine carrying out something he was programmed for, and machines looked at things differently then humans. An android wouldn't judge someone for their issues like a human might, they looked at things logically. He also didn't feel like he had to worry about Dan thinking poorly of him or him leaving due to deciding he's not worth dealing with, whereas with a human he felt the chance of him being labeled an annoyance was very possible.
Strasky could tell that Dan had prevented Peter from winding up like he had as Peter wasn't afraid to be himself, even around people he didn't know. He couldn't see himself being that open without that fear of judgement and rejection creeping in. He did have people who stuck around, but it took a long time to find them and they perished with the rest of his world. He had started trying well stuck on PATHOS-II, and was quickly shown how it was best he stop immediately. The thought of starting the process again, experiencing more rejections and betrayals, didn't seem worth it when he could just keep doing what he was.
"I know, but if he's anything like Peter he is probably worried about chasing you off by talking about his problems. He just didn't have someone to stop him before he convinced himself it was better to act like someone people will like then himself. For people like them the feeling of rejection hits a lot harder, they take it to heart and soon start to fear it and the feelings it causes them. And it takes a special type of person to want to stay friends with someone like them, so there will be a lot of betrayals of trust before they find those people." Dan explained as he watched Brent work, he knew Peter would feel guilty the JB300 did all the work, even if Brent was content with it as he like feeling useful.
"And with Strasky, he likely doesn't want to start that process again now that he's worse for wear as it'll be a lot harder to find accepting people. I suspect he's developed rejection sensitive dysphoria, which is an extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception that a person has been rejected or criticized by important people in their life. It may also be triggered by a sense of falling short, failing to meet their own high standards or others’ expectations." Dan explained calmly, he'd witnessed Peter starting to develop the condition, but thankfully he'd alerted his parents to it so Peter had received help before it worsened.
"An example would be if I had reacted with disgust and left him outside after he opened up, he'd feel that as a physical pain like he'd been punched. He might've reacted with rage towards me, or just shut down completely." He felt he should add something a bit easier to understand as he didn't want to confuse her. "Affirmations, compassionate self-talk, mindfulness, and intentional self-validation can help quiet their inner monologue of shame and unworthiness. Therapy also helps, as usual. I feel getting him help for the RSD will be easy as you won't need to find someone who'll keep quiet. The trauma of PATHOS-II will be harder to fix, but I know a KL900 who owes us a favor. I trust her to keep quiet about whatever he may open up about." He felt that Strasky could eventually feel comfortable with himself much like Peter was, but it would take time and he might not reach Peter's level of not caring what others think.
"Peter was like him once, not as extreme, but similar. His therapist and I helped prevent it from worsening, now he could give less of a care what others think of him and he's managed to find people who like that. I don't think Strasky will reach that level, but at least he can be confident in being himself without the saying whatever pops into his head freely."
The android Bishop had already filed the exchange away and was ready to focus entirely on his knitting. He still glared at Dan when the snap startled Vincent, but otherwise didn't care to stop. He only briefly slowed down when the other further pressed against him and he lifted his arm to make way for him.
When Vincent went into stasis, he shifted to sit more comfortably, then got back to knitting.
Meanwhile, Bishop had put on his best poker face, which wasn't too different from his usual resting face. Acing a game of cards was hardly what his training was aimed at, but he would not give away information to the enemy no matter how many scans he could run on him.
He pushed his shades up, never averting his gaze. Nines seemed to be the only remotely competent one. Now he just had to see if he could get away with his own lie.
So far, he felt optimistic.
Willow kept browsing the toys, not really minding what Sixty was up to.
"That would justify Vincent's behavior, yes. Though he may improve with time. He seems to have found something of a friend already, as unlikely as that one may be. There is hope."
In any case, she couldn't really judge Vincent for who he felt safe around when she too happened to somewhat enjoy arguing with Bishop.
"Though I wonder if there are androids who deviated for acts of kindness instead."
It would have been nice to know, if anything. As they were provided with boxes, Willow decided to pick a few toys as well.
"Dan was built to be a caretaker and is exceptionally good at it. He understands how much he can push for information and perhaps he is compelled to help you because you look like his brother." she added then, "Perhaps now that you saw how simple it was to let him in, you might find yourself more willing to quiet your concerns and share your burdens with others. The reason we are here is to help the survivors of PATHOS-II." She looked over, "That of course includes you."
"He's going to be a burden if he doesn't talk to me. I have a hard time with people as is, not knowing what I can say around him isn't making it easier." Rook complained, "I already put up with that with my father and I don't want to do it again because this time I actually care about what Strasky thinks of me."
But she still listened to Dan's advice. Her methods had failed, she might as well try a different approach.
"Well, good thing I have plenty of trauma to share." she mused, "I still feel like there isn't going to be space for me until all his friends will be alright, but I'll give it a shot."
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I– I need to ask.
HOW DO YOU DO THIS?? Like, share your thoughts with everyone. Because I've been working on my universe for about three years now, AND I STILL FEEL LIKE IT'S NOT READY. At the same time, I’m still afraid to share these things...
So. How do you do it?D:
Alright my answer will seem a bit harsh and/or cruel, but know that I mean it in the most kind, genuine, and gentle way possible, i just don’t know how to word it any other way
With that in mind
Anon, you’re never going to be ready to share it, and the fear will always linger, you will never be 100% confident of what you share
And that’s ok
Again, I know that i make it seem super easy, but I promise that I’m just as afraid to share my ideas as anyone else (I’m a perfectionist, and that also contributes to my fear to share things)
It’s just, I think of it this way
I have an idea, and I got two choices
Either
1- I keep overthinking it, and succumb to my worries and fears when it comes to my idea, and keep my ideas with me, never to see the light of day
Or
2- I acknowledge that I’m afraid, acknowledge that my idea might not be perfect or ready, acknowledge that there might be flaws that I will probably notice later and even feel stupid about it, and still share my ideas anyway regardless of the voice in my head telling me to “wait a little more”
I usually go for choice number 2
The art and writing process is complicated, it’s so not easy to write something and feel ready to share it, no matter how much time it takes, you will never ever feel truly and utterly ready to share it, you’ll have that worry in your mind that maybe it’s stupid, or incomplete, or inconsistent or whatever else
And guess what? Sometimes, the worried voice in your head is completely right
But what matters is how you tackle it
Even if you share an idea, remember that you can always change your mind about it, you can absolutely go back and say, I don’t like that idea anymore and so I’ll remove/ change/ replace it
Ideas are never set in stone, you change and grow as a person as so do your ideas, they grow and change with you as you learn more and more, and sometimes they don’t, they don’t change at all, and that’s ok too
You can’t keep worrying about whether the story or idea you’re working on is ready or complete, because all you’re going to do is just walk around in circles and end up never sharing anything at all
It’s ok to be worried, but you can’t let your worries control you, of course, it’s not easy to ignore your worries, but it’s better than feeling stuck with your ideas
I myself do deal with these worries a lot, most of the time i just tell my brain “shut up” and share my ideas anyway, other times my worries do get the best of me and i tend to keep some ideas to myself
But sharing your ideas is actually essential for you to actually be able to work on them and refine them, because people might start asking questions or giving really good feedback that you actually sit with yourself to think about
But what if they ask you a question and you don’t know the answer to it? That’s actually a good thing, it’ll make you sit down and think of how to connect the dots and answer it, not only does it mean you’re actually making progress on your story/ideas, but these kinda questions help you understand different perspectives and by that, you learn and grow in your writing
It’s ok to be worried and to keep ideas to yourself sometimes, but don’t let them fester, because believe me, eventually your passion is gonna burn out because you kept overthinking it to the point it became just a worry than something you enjoy doing
In fact, to give you a bit of motivation, imma actually share one of the ideas I never shared cause I was afraid it’ll be a bit stupid and out of character
And I’m very worried about sharing it, but fuck my worry I do what I want
Remember when I mentioned Dream received one gift from Nightmare, and never received anything after? My idea for that gift was an echo flower he gave Dream, and it echoes one thing “I love you”
There, I shared it ouuughh the stress of sharing it is killing me actually, but I mean I can keep worrying about it forever, or actually share it and refine it later if I wanted, I choose the latter
And your ideas are never going to be perfect anyway, but you can improve them with time, even after sharing them
That’s all I do really shzggz
So go out there and start sharing anon, fuck anxiety, you can do whatever you want, you’re unstoppable
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No, you don't look put together just because you got a manicure
I’m sorry, but it’s true. Getting a manicure is just a small detail that adds to the overall picture of your appearance. If you haven’t showered in days or are dressed in frumpy clothes, no set of nails in the world is going to save you.
So, what do people actually notice?
Your teeth – Are they clean, healthy, and in alignment?
Your clothes – Are they ironed, clean, and well-fitted?
Your hair – Is it brushed, clean, and styled?
Your posture – Do you stand up straight, or do you shrink like you’re trying to disappear?
Your scent – People might not notice your perfume, but they’ll definitely notice if you haven’t showered. Trust me, you don’t want that.
Your hands – Are they moisturized?
Your nails – If you’re not wearing polish, are they clean and tidy? If you are, is it chipped or growing out?
Your face – The condition of your skin and how your makeup (if any) sits on it.
These basic hygiene habits do more than just make you look presentable—they make you feel good about how you care for yourself and how you show up in the world.
Pick Your Battles Wisely
What I said earlier doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get your nails done—far from it! If it makes you happy and helps you feel put together, go for it. But if you’re aiming to project a polished image, you need to consider the maintenance certain stylistic choices demand.
Here are a few examples of high-maintenance choices:
Nails – Getting them done costs money, and regular upkeep is a must if you don’t want chips or breaks to ruin the look.
Hair dye – From covering roots to deep-conditioning, dye jobs require constant attention (and budgeting).
Lash treatments – Extensions look amazing, but they shed over time, requiring regular refills.
Perms – The maintenance depends on how different your natural hair is from the perm. For instance, straight perms on curly hair need way more upkeep.
Fake tanning – Whether you DIY or hit the salon, tans fade, streak, or patch, so maintenance is unavoidable.
All of these treatments have one thing in common: they demand time, money, or both. And if you cut corners, it often backfires, costing you more in the long run. This isn’t to discourage you—it’s to keep you aware of what you’re committing to if you want these to be part of your signature look.
Be High Maintenance to Be Low Maintenance
If you’re aiming for a polished, effortless appearance, the key is to reduce the effort you spend on one thing so you can redirect it elsewhere—like your nails!
Here’s what that looks like:
Laser hair removal – Yes, it’s a time and money investment up front, but it saves you from shaving or waxing constantly. In the long run, you get to throw on any outfit without worrying about hair.
Fitness – Regular workouts take effort, but staying in shape means fewer wardrobe changes due to fluctuating sizes and increased energy to live your life.
Healthy eating – It takes time and effort to plan meals and eat well, but nourishing your body gives you better skin, more energy, and improved focus to crush your goals.
Investing – You may sacrifice short-term spending for long-term growth, but watching your money compound over time is worth it.
Career grinding – The hustle now pays off later, giving you the freedom to enjoy life on your terms.
It’s About More Than Looks
At the end of the day, "looking put together" is about more than the surface-level details—it’s about the foundation you build through self-care, intentional choices, and consistency. When you take care of the basics, the extras (like a nice manicure) become the cherry on top, rather than a band-aid to cover bigger gaps. So, next time you’re striving for that polished look, remember: true glow-ups start from within, not just at the nail salon.
#self awareness#self development#becoming her#self improvement#becoming that girl#glow up#it girl#it girl energy#self healing#self love#becoming the best version of yourself#authenticity#human nature#perception#that girl#looksmaxxing#mindfulness#girlblogging#self care#self discipline#girlhood#green juice girl#pink pilates princess#wonyoungism#wizardliz#that girl energy#self esteem#corporate girly
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i would love to hear your opinion on the “kallmekris” booktok discourse that’s going on rn (if you’ve seen it). i feel like there needs to be a conversation about how a lot of the books that are recommended on tiktok in the “spicy” book genre simply just romanticize abuse (a point brought up in the kallmekris YouTube video). it’s driving me crazy how many takes i’ve seen along the lines of “just let women enjoy things” or “they’re just books, it’s fiction”. which just feels lazy. i think people are refusing to think critically about this topic because they enjoy the books. but you can enjoy something while also acknowledging that it can be harmful. idk i would love to hear your thoughts!
i’ve mostly seen the discourse about the discourse loll. i think i’m a bit removed from most of booktok on my fyp. and i haven’t watched the original video, so i can’t speak on the contents of it or say whether i agree or disagree with her.
but this is a topic i’ve thought about a lot and i’ve even considered making a video on it, so i will say this:
i think we’ve seen, in the last few years especially, a significant rise in people refusing think critically about any content they consume. they always use the “it’s not that deep” or “let people enjoy things” excuse whenever someone has a valid criticism, or even just points out something factual about the content they enjoy. i’ve said this before and i’ll repeat it ad infinitum, but that’s anti intellectualism at work and it’s deeply dangerous. as you said, you can and should be able to enjoy something while understanding that it can also have problems. and i invite the people who really believe that it’s “not that deep” to stay and for a few minutes consider that maybe it is that deep.
i’m not sure if the original creator was talking about all “spicy” books or a particular genre of spicy books (like dark romance, sports romance, erotica in general, etc). but i definitely do think that some of the most popular booktok books do romanticize abuse. i’ve read enough colleen hoover to know that that’s true, and i’m sure her books are tame compared to some of the dark romance novels.
my controversial take (that i honestly don’t think is that controversial, i just don’t hear many people say it out loud) is that most of the people who are deeply obsessed with those booktok books have a ton of internalized misogyny to unpack—which is why they either can’t see or refuse to see the problematic elements within that content, because then they’d have to examine it within themselves. those books uphold and perpetuate deeply hegemonic ideas about gender and sexuality (particularly in cis, straight relationships) and many of their readers hold those same beliefs.
the way i feel about this is similar to how i feel about women and our relationship to wearing make up/removing body hair/etc. we’ve been fed this lie that we wear make up for ourselves and shave because it makes us “feel good” (i blame terfs and choice feminism), but with few exceptions, that’s not true. we do it because we’re trying to fit a social norm that was created to uphold heteropatriarchy. we do it as gender performance. i still wear makeup! i still shave! but i know that’s why i do it and i’m honest with myself about it. and the same goes for these types of books. you don’t like stalker romances simply because you think they’re dark and sexy. you think they’re dark and sexy because patriarchy has ingrained in you that men disregarding consent and overstepping your boundaries again and again should be acceptable if he’s attractive enough. you can still read them, you can still enjoy them, just think critically.
there are obviously nuances and exceptions to all of this, and there are stories that explore themes of abuse without trivializing or romanticizing them (ie. a lot of horror and gothic romance), but that’s a whole other conversation.
honestly, i could talk about this for hours and i have so much more to say so this is a really condensed (lol i know) version of my thoughts, but i hope it gives you a good sense of how i feel.
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I fucking hate soulmate aus! But hear me out- skk soulmate au, Chuuya doesn’t have a soulmate for arhabaki reasons, Dazai doesn’t have a soulmate either for like other reasons, he’s just unlucky or smth idk. They find eachother, they skk it up, one of them is like ‘idk if I’m human man, I don’t have a soulmate’ and the other is like ‘yo me too????’ And then they KISS
#skk#I don’t like soulmate aus#because it feels like it removes the choice from the thing#like you’re just assigned a one true love and you don’t get a say in it#just ‘this is your bitch. don’t like it? get fucked!’#I don’t like fate I don’t like destiny I don’t like preplanned anything#it just feels like nobody gets an actual say in their life#your partner is supposed to be something you choose for yourself#idk if I’m making sense tbh#anyways#so like it could play into both their ‘I’m not human’ thing#cause like everybody has a soulmate- how can they be human if they don’t have one? clearly this is proof that they’re not human#bsd soukoku#bsd chuuya#dazai#bsd dazai osamu#chuuya nakahara#bsd shitpost#bsd chuuya nakahara#dazai osamu
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no one on the bumble friends app is giving me what I need/am looking for. so it's making me want to give up and delete the app. it exhausts me to do small talk with one person a week even if it only lasts for less than a day before they stop responding. I don't know what to do after that or when i'm allowed to move past it??? I know small talk is important to people so i'm trying to please them with a "proper" first impression but i'm still failing. no one ever told me what to do after that. I don't feel connected to them at all! and they obviously don't feel connected to me at all with the way they don't seem to be trying.
none of these people know how to lead. they don't do what I need them to do. maybe they're in the same predicament as me? they barely respond and don't initiate things. I need people that will lead and guide me through things since I don't know what to do! the type of people that know what they're doing and get you hyped because you just need to follow along and know everything will work out and be fine because they got this! the problem is, these types of people always already have a ton of friends and make them easily. they aren't the ones on these friend making apps. they don't need them! it's only us awkward, lonely weirdos who don't know how to interact with each other.
it's supposed to be an app to try to meet up with people irl. can any of these people plan a meetup for me?! why do I have to do all the work when i'm not capable of doing it in the first place??? I made two groups and a few people joined but I have no clue how to plan a meetup. that's much responsibility and don't have the spoons for that. someone needs to help me organize everything, but no one volunteered when I asked. i'm so lost and confused and exhausted and don't think i'll ever make friends 😭😭😭😭
#friendship problems#small talk#adult autism#autistic#autism#actually autistic#bumble bff#has anyone actually had success on that app? it feels pointless. i hate the whole swiping thing and small talk#and most people are bad at their profiles. they dont give me any info about themselves#or their profile just kinda sucks and i could be missing out on an actual good person/friend because they answered everything sarcastically#and didnt even try when filling out their profile. or what if someone rejects mine because of one thing i put and they misnudge me#there was one person that was exactly what i want but never heard from them because i originally had my profile set for cosplay friends#then changed it for summer activities friends and that person probably rejected me before i chamged it. i hate this#if it was a social media type thing where we can stalk accounts and have more context before being forced to do uncomfy small talk#or lose the chance to go back after rejection and possibly making a mistake...#i got 0 likes in a week when i had cosplay pics. then i removed them and got 30 in a week. how many great people have rejected me?#dumb useless app. but i have no other choices. theres no clubs and groups i can find near me. im too autistic for “normal” things
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our current dilema is that the pain from our wisdom tooth keeps getting so bad we have to take pain meds (like it keeps hitting an 8/10 for several hours at a time. we can't not take pain meds) but the only pain meds that touch it have a warning on them saying not to take them for more than 3 days in a row, and we have at least another month of dealing with this, so I don't really know what to do.
the warning is because they're opioids and can cause addiction but I don't actually know how bad the risk is because everything seems to treat it like opioids are the worst thing ever and should be avoided at all costs and you'll get addicted if you so much as glance at them.
either way, my options are to either keep taking them and just accept that risk, or deal with being in so much pain I can't function. even with taking the pain meds I can tell we're a lot more irritable and short tempered and probably just insufferable to be around honestly and I hate the fact that pain causes this, but once again we've got to deal with this for over a month and we've also got to deal with the anxiety over what the treatment for it is going to actually involve.
I've had to deal with medical trauma stuff I didn't even know about until like yesterday when Lucy suggested it might be part of why I feel so shit, and I've had multiple panic attacks per day and constantly feel way more anxious than usual and I get the feeling we're just gonnaa have to put up with this for the next month and I don't know how the fuck I'm meant to cope with any of this
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#there is absolutely nothing that gets rid of what essentially amounts to a constant sense of impending doom#like our brain has just fully decided we're fucked and going to die or some shit and now I have to deal with the anxiet from it doing that#and like I know logically we're gonna be fine and this is ridiculous#but I know we sometimes get a delusion where our brain just decides we're gonna die on a specific day or whatever#and I think that's flared up and combined with the severe medical anxiety#and since knowing a delusion isn't real doesn't do shit to stop you feeling like it's real#no amount of logic seems to be able to make our brain not freak out over this and make me have panic attacks because of it#we already had that delusion kind of going on in the background because something about this time of year seems to trigger it#and I guess having something planned that's incredibly triggering and causing that feeling a dread#probably just made our brain combine the two things#we also are definitely experiencing stress-induced psychosis just in general because I've been hallucinating so fucking much#actually I wonder if the fact that I've had to take pain meds so much might also be messing with our psychosis#I would like to maybe not have to deal with any of this#we were looking forward to just getting that one tooth removed and then resting and recovering and not having anything planned for a while#and instead we've got at least a month of dealing with this shit and I'm fucking exhausted#this year has basically just been me dealing with one unbelievably triggering thing after another because I have no other choice#like I keep being thrown into situations that involve triggers that I can't even think about without having panic attacks#there's a whole bunch of shit going on in our personal life and stuff just keeps piling up and we don't get a break from any of it
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2 & 3 from section 1 for peri and 7 from whichever section has a more interesting #7 for diodore -moss
oooh these are fun ones!
2. Describe their tent set-up (outside and inside) (Peri)
I think Peri's tent is constructed similarly to Gale and Astarion's (boxy, fabric walls, little covered area outside). Deep blue fabric w/ golden astronomical embroidery, mostly the sort of thing you see on star maps. Little golden tassles around the edges of the tarp (?) and the doorframe. He'd have a small, circular, dark wood side table short enough that you can use it sitting on the ground, and a dark blue pillow next to it; there would be some parchment and a bronze miniature astrolabe on the table. The inside would be just. full to the brim with the gaudiest night-sky-themed pillows you've ever seen. No bedroll, no palette, just a nest that would put those cube pits in trampoline parks to shame. There would be two bird perches for his familiar Medani: one taller one next to his tent and one shorter one under the overhang. The shorter one would have a crow-sized bow-tie hanging from it. Rugs on rugs on the outside area ofc. 3. What would their character quest be titled? Why? (Peri)
This is a hard one! His tav ending involves taking over the Waterdeep arm of the Harpers, so I think his arc would have something to do with that. He'd be pretty bitter about being dropped into another near-apocalyptic mess when dealing with the last one a few years prior was supposed to be a one-time thing. Something-something ptsd in a world that doesn't have the words for that yet, something-something 'once a hero always a hero', something-something the weight of responsibility...he's a planeswalker so I think part of it would be whether he decides to stay on Toril long-term and directly help rebuild the Waterdeep Harpers or if he continues to run travel around afterwards, so maybe The Far Traveller/The Far Walker?
Harpson/Fae-son are also potential options. "Fae-son" nods to him being a changeling without it being super obvious (like Astarion's "The Pale Elf"). It would also mimic his backstory reveals from RoT ("oh he's not 'from here' so, like, the Feywild" -> "OH he's not from here"). 7. Describe their arc. How would a player help resolve it? What choices can be made? Can your Tav be turned down a dark path, or pulled to a lighter one? (Diodore)
Buckle up because we're in for a long one here. I've thought about Dora's story arc a lot because she's the first of my tavs that I truly made for the game while having full control over her backstory, etc. (versus Corentin, who had their arc baked into the story as a durge). Dora's a paladin of Corellon (oath of ancients) and her story arc as a companion would have to do with whether or not she should accept capital-r-Redemption, the process by which a drow can be truly "freed" from Lolth and rejoin the ranks of the rest of elven society. It involves all of the Redeemed drow's memories being erased and them being reincarnated as a surface elf. The implication seems to be that without that, regardless of a drow's actions, they'd be thrown back to Lolth when they die? Or at least that their eternal fate is unknown (which is the way I prefer to think of it for. personal reasons). Under normal circumstances, Dora would be a long way from Redemption being presented to her at all (she's not even 200 yet and has only been on the surface for a couple decades), but like with the other gods' Chosen among the companions, near-apocalyptic circumstances tend to speed up those sorts of things.
Of course, you'd have the themes of faith & relationship with deity when they're all unequivocally real and are also mostly all assholes; maintaining or breaking generational cycles; facing the unknown; morality when none of your choices are "good" (and how that interacts with morality vs self preservation); power vs freedom; identity outside of the people who made you; etc. The choice would first be presented to her sometime in late Act I/early Act II, likely the first long rest after the group resurfaces from the Underdark and you've probably gotten some of her backstory already. I have no idea how Larian would have characterized Corellon, but he's considered one of the more benevolent/open-minded deities iirc, which could be interesting to see contrasted with Mystra, Vlaa'kith, and Shar. How much that open-mindedness would extend to a drow, even one who has been a faithful follower even before she escaped to the Surface (and who inherited that faith from her father), is unclear. At the beginning of the game she would be leaning towards accepting Redemption, despite her own misgivings about whether or not she would still be her in that case.
Her final decision (at the ending pier scene) would depend on the relationship she has with the PC and the other companions. Her best ending, imo, would be her not accepting Redemption but continuing to be a force for good. If she has a good relationship with the PC, she would have something to lose. I think seeing the House of Mourning would affect her too. After all, the thing Corellon is offering to her as a way to find peace is the same thing the Sharrans are using as a way to manipulate and control others.
She's viscerally aware of how she was socialized and very actively chooses "good", so pushing her towards a darker path would be incredibly difficult but not impossible. If you side with the goblins she'll leave immediately, and turn on you if she's in your party when you attack the grove. But if you decide to try and control the cult in Act II, depending on your over-all actions before then and how you've interacted with her, you could disillusion her to the point of convincing her to break her oath. That path would entail convincing her that controlling the cult is actually the best idea. I'm sure there would be other times that her oath could break that wouldn't necessarily lock her into an "evil" path, especially with how Oathbreakers are handled in the game. Knocking out Minthara instead of killing her outright and letting Auntie Ethel go in Act I instead of killing her are two things that come to mind.
If she doesn't choose Redemption she would be at the epilogue party, of course. I'm a bit undecided on what would happen if she does choose Redemption. She may not be there at all, w/ Jaheira, Halsin, Minthara, and/or Astarion mentioning running into her in her new, reincarnated state. Or she would be there, confused, and mention how the PC seems familiar in a way she can't quite place. In that case, she would ask them how they know each other and mention something about feeling a twinge of grief looking at everyone, but that she doesn't know why she feels that way. It would be up to the PC how much they tell her (if they tell her anything at all).
#ty for the ask mossy!!#and sorry for the wait lol a couple of these stumped me for a minute#thinking about peri & jaheira as narrative parallels...#b/c i want to be clear here. peri was and is *not* looking for more responsibility re: harpers#he was perfectly happy doing security systems. him not seeking power was an active character choice i made for him b/c he's a wizard#but in the Faerun In My Head (tm) the Waterdeep Harpers also get decimated by the Absolute b/c why would they not? theyd be a major threat#especially b/c their high harper was the catalyst for forming the lord's alliance and. like. you think they're *not* reconvening?#for Weird Cult Two: 2 Cult 2 Furious??#gortash would take remallia OUT if at all possible#and also I like torturing my characters#and i think the whole 'weight of duty'/hero's curse (once you get drawn into one situation you can't ignore the others/they come to you)#thing is interesting for peri in particular. the man just wants to live a quiet life and he will! for the most part.#just now with thousands of lives in his hands b/c he's helped stop 2 apocalypses and is irrevocably tied to the fate of the Coast now#his conscious wouldn't let him just leave the Harpers or Waterdeep to rot. and that seems to be similar to the situation jaheira's in#generational cycles the cruel march of time history repeats itself etc etc#that's also why i think he would get Weave'd and have an unusually long lifespan. he wanted to rest and the universe said “no <3”#i think about dora's story a lot also because the whole 'you can be redeemed (from something you were born with)#but only by removing integral parts of yourself' thing hits *right* in the religious trauma#you cant tell me there wouldn't be *some* part of a Redeemed Drow's soul that remembers the people from before they were changed#unless they just. get a new soul in which case it literally isn't them anymore.#doras first real & healthy relationships happen in-game#thats part of why she's drawn to astarion. his bullshit is predictable to her and therefore feels safer.#definitely safer than whatever is going on with the others#(also why she trusts karlach so quickly: she's straightforward and blunt & doesn't really hide things?#and was also the only one to warn her against astarion. dora'd literally never had someone like that in her life before so it stuck)#and she'd feel a bit uncomfortable w/ the concept of Redemption at first but who is she to argue with a god?#esp one who seems kinder than many of the others#but as the story progresses she realizes that she *can* trust these people and that they trust her#and she sees how Gale and Shadowheart and Lae'zel are struggling w/ their deities#and not only does she have something to lose now but she's seeing more of how the gods work generally
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takes that r like Feminine women are so oppressed for being feminine. will ALWAYS annoy me. like yes, obviously feminine women r oppressed bc women r oppressed and femininity is seen as weakness under the patriarchy - etc. but it’s crazy to act like “gender non-conforming” women aren’t punished way more… and by “gender non-conforming” i don’t even mean being ESPECIALLY “masculine” (although obviously they are) i just mean like. being a woman who doesn’t shave or wear makeup in the professional world💀it’s crazy if u think women who opt out of these feminine social rituals are somehow LESS oppressed than the ones who rly buy into it. like yeah you’re not taken seriously if you’re so #elle woods blonde “bimbo” pink and mini skirts or whatever & (some) men will think you’re stupid but like i hate to break it to you but they’ll do that *anyway*? men don’t take women less seriously for loving feminine things particularly, they just take women less seriously if they love anything 💀sure obviously this has its exceptions - like a girl in a group of nerds might easily be taken much less seriously if she likes the colour pink and wears skirts in comparison to “acting like a boy” but at the school prom they could easily still expect her to put on a dress and makeup while the rest of them wear suits… and anyway even if they didn’t like. that’s one instance and it’s not a systemic issue. i WISH we had never popularised the phrase ‘not like other girls’ as a disparaging comment and i wish people could be a little normal about women who don’t conform 100%, please
#like no offence but your inability to leave the house without makeup IS a feminist issue. your need to shave every few days and your belief#that ‘it’s not a misogyny thing i just feel cleaner’ IS a feminist issue because body hair is natural dude and you can’t remove it from the#social context#obviously you can do what you want but choice feminism has ruined a generation of girls ability to think#oliver talks#feminism
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Protecting His Investment
Pairings: The Salesman x Fem!Reader
Summary: No one gets to hurt you except him.
Warnings: Dead Dove Do Not Eat, Language, Implied Violence, Age gap, God Complex, Brainwashing, Psychopathy, Murder, Blood, Gore, Codependency, Yandere!Salesman, Stalking, Smut (+18) mdni, Voyeurism, Blood Kink, Sadomasocism, Dom!Salesman, Sub!Reader, Choking, Rough Sex, Oral Sex, Blood Play, fingering, Massive Degradation Kink, Praise Kink, Sadism, Punishments, Dom/Sub Dynamics, Squirting, Overstimulation
A/n: I'm not responsible for the media you consume.
This can be read as a continuation of this fic but not strictly
“Shouldn't I be blindfolded?"
If it weren't for the silence simmering between you both, in this monotonous taxi drive, he might’ve not heard you at all and perhaps you should have been more careful with your choice of wording but you were feeling a tiny bit reckless this Wednesday afternoon. He hadn't ever offered to personally fetch you from campus, and you felt incredibly juvenile when you spotted him standing there like a dad, in his grown-up suit while his briefcase hung in his hands in front of him. You'd almost convinced yourself that you were imagining things. That somehow your obsession with the man who kidnaps you every Wednesday to fulfill all his messed up fantasies was truly taking a toll on your mental health.
Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, he was real. And he had come to pick you up and you were feeling awfully giddy as he ushered you both into a taxi while a few of your peers stood and stared.
By now he would've blindfolded you. Keeping you completely clueless to the location he brings you to every Wednesday. See, your Salesman had myriad deep rooted issues. Mania. Sociopathy. Sadism. But the issue that irked you the very most was his inability to trust. Before you know it, you're pouting up a storm as you ask him. "Why aren't we using the blindfold today?"
He slowly removes his gaze from the window, where he had been pondering like the old man he is. He quirks up an eyebrow, letting the intensity of his attention wash completely over you.
"Would you like to be blindfolded?" He asks playfully. His eyes are sparkling with amusement and his lips are quirked up like it usually is when he's being sardonic. Still, you remain cautious as you lean forward. You send one quick glance to the taxi driver, wondering if you were being led in some kind of hearse on the road to your death.
"A-Are you going to kill me?" For the first time, cold, white fear ices the warm blood rushing through your veins. Come to think of it, he did seem far chirpier than usual. Perhaps that should have been your first warning. The flags were blood red but you were wearing rose-tinted glasses.
He only snickers before placing a heavy hand on your head, patting it down.
He doesn't answer you for the duration of the taxi drive, causing you to slip more and more into your thoughts of morbidity and despair. Why else wouldn't he blindfold you if not to end your life once you got there? It seemed dreadfully logical and so on-brand for him. He'd get bored of you sooner or later and then he'd dispose of you. There'd be no need to blindfold you any longer while he took you to his place because you'd soon become a corpse and-
"Doll." The voice cuts through the chatter filling your brain. All at once, the car has stopped, and warm air rushes into the interior as he holds the door open for you. "Get out of the nice man's car." He jests politely, quickly prompting you to unbuckle your seatbelt and scramble out of the taxi.
The second you're out he walks ahead of you. The building that comes into focus before you have your brows crinkling.
You quickly catch up to him, gazing up at his monotonous face. "Why are we here? You never come to my house."
He doesn't respond as you both walk into the foyer. He walks briskly and powerfully, like a man on the move while you send a small wave to the security manning the front desk. You both enter an empty elevator and he presses a button without you ever having to tell him which floor.
"You're going to kill me, aren't you?"
He lowers his gaze to you, one eyebrow quirked up.
"You only die when you disappoint me and as of late," he stares directly ahead, "You haven't disappointed me."
The elevator dings and he steps out. You follow him like a puppy without a leash. "In fact I'd say your work ethic as of late has been-" he blows out a long sigh as he makes it your apartment door- recalling all the weeks you two have spent together in vivid kaleidoscopic images. All the pain you let him inflict on you and pleasure he'd offer as a reward.
"-nothing short of stellar. I'm proud of you." He punches in the code to your apartment and you both enter. The curtains are drawn shut because your roommate hates sunlight. You preferred it but there was no communicating with something like her.
He kicks off his shoes at the door.
"What are we doing here?" You ask nervously, "My roommate will be back soon and she isn't very nice."
"We won't be playing at my place today." He says finally meeting your wild and nervous eyes. He seems so lax and so in control. "We'll be playing here."
"B-But my roommate."
"Is that why you were crying?" His gaze keeps you rooted to the floors, unable to move even if you wanted to, "Because of your roommate?"
"Crying? I wasn't crying-"
"Back at the university," he says, casually removing a microscopic piece of lint from his grey blazer, "Your head was beant and you looked up at me with bloodshot eyes." His eyes shine with amusement as he says, "Usually with our sessions, the crying only comes later on." Then he quirks his head and asks, "What happened?" There's a bang somewhere in the apartment and your head snaps forward. Your eyes scan over the adjoining living room and kitchen but he seems unfazed.
"It's stupid-" you shake your head, "Like who even still gets bullied in uni?"
You laugh pitifully, leaning against the nearest wall. He stands tall before you. A brick wall.
"Your roommate's threatening to kick you out of this apartment to move her boyfriend in?" He asks before adding, "Again."
Your head snaps up to him, "H-How-"
In that moment, he turns rather robotically, making his way deeper into your home. It's clean. Thank God.
"You don't realize how chatty you get when you're about to orgasm." He says before stopping right outside your closed bedroom door.
"My roommate- she... decided last night that- well- she would really like her boyfriend to live here instead-"
"Without consulting you first?" He clarifies, staring blankly ahead at the door, listening very attentively.
"Y-Yes without consulting me." You bring your hand to the doorknob, on your way to open it but he stops you with an iron grip around your wrist. You wince.
“Continue talking.” He says and you do.
"This morning they both kinda sprung on me that they'd like to be living here now. She went behind my back and already placed the deposit down our landlord, well," you clear your throat. "I might be homeless soon." You laugh but then swallow very thickly as the gravity of the situation falls onto your shoulders.
"And still you decided to have our sessions today?"
"If you'll have me," you nod.
"Remarkable." He replies. "Well I've never been very fond of my things or my toys getting dirty." He begins mysteriously as he places his hand directly over yours on the doorknob.
"Pardon?"
"I can't have my favorite toy living out on the street. Who knows what kind of animals would try to rape you or drug you or fucking stick their slimey dicks inside you-" he turns the doorknob, clicking your room open.
You're not even sure when this started happening. These 'private sessions' with your Salesman that quickly bled into something much more concerning. Before you knew it, he was seeping into your brain, polluting you with obsession. There had never ever been anyone else involved.
"What the hell did you do?" You ask, slowly entering your room to find two chairs placed directly in front of your bed. As soon as you enter, you hear the blood curdling, muffled screams being ripped from the throat of the two people strapped to those chairs.
"I'm protecting my investment," Says your Salesman as he pushes the door closed behind you.
Your feet feel like lead as you watch them and their panic-stricken eyes. There in front of you, they sit opposite one another, both with a haggard countenance and tears streaming down their cheeks.
At the sight of you, your roommate screams something horrid but it's muffled by the gag placed in her mouth, a gag the shape of a dog bone.
He's there too. The boyfriend. He's not as loud or as frantic as she is but he's significantly startled. His eyes are wild and vacant. The same gag.
"Oh my god-" you begin but he cuts in front of you, making his way to the couple seated across from each other.
"We're all gonna play a game- a quick one," He says, "Can't play for too long because I've been dying to get inside you since I saw those pretty little bloodshot eyes."
"Sir- I"
If you knew his name you might've screamed it in this moment. 'Sir' is your only point of reference to address the manic man in front of you.
This isn't right.
Right?
You're so confused, you barely register than you've thought out loud. It hits you as he slowly shrugs his blazer off.
"What isn't right is them thinking they can rape this apartment from underneath you." He says, folding it and placing it meticulously over your desk.
"I- have neighbors!?" You begin but he has a plan for that too.
"I had your room soundproofed since our first session." You're pushed into even more confusion.
"WHAT!? When did you even-"
"While you were at school-" he says before uncovering a handgun from his briefcase. A handgun and a silencer.
"Point is, Doll, I'm going to need you to play a game for me, ok?"
"DOLL!?" Comes your roommates' mortified and muffled cries.
"I need you to make one tiny decision for me." He says, screwing on the silencer onto the barrel of the revolver. It strikes you then that even when the mask is off, and the worst workings of his personality are on display for all to gaze upon, you still find him breathtakingly attractive.
"If-" tears burn the back of your throat, "If this room is soundproof why-why do you need a silencer?"
"I'm nothing if not a cautious man, you know this." Then his expression turns very grave and very dark as he says. "Don't you?"
��Yes, Sir,” you reply almost automatically. Like your need to respond to him- to please him, greatly overpowered your moral compass. “You're extremely cautious.”
Your roommate releases a shrill noise from the very back of her throat, her eyes pleading with the humanity she desperately tries to find in yours.
“Out of these two, he's my least favourite,” Your Salesman says, standing beside you. Eyes wild as he points his gun to the boyfriend's head.
“But this isn't about me,” he turns to face you, slowly dragging you gaze away from the victims that had once been your tormentors. You look up at him with a broken sob slipping through your lips. “I need you to choose.”
There it is.
His words seem to detonate what little fate you had in his humanity. There is nothing in his eyes except hedonism and violence.
"I'm going to have you to choose very quickly, baby-”
You're already shaking your head as frazzled braids tickle your shoulders. Your eyes find theirs and you immediately say, “I'm not going to do it.”
When you look at him again, you're almost horrified to find the smile that had once been on his face, completely wiped away. His face is a shadow and it strikes you way more than anything ever has. Something in you scolds you. It gnaws at you to make things right.
“Don't do that.” He says darkly. “Don't disappoint me.”
His hands -one still holding a gun- moves to cup both your cheeks. He cranes your neck further back, gazing deeply. “I can't have you living on the street.”
“You don't have to kill anyone-”
His jaw ticks, “Pick.”
“Sir…”
“You're disappointing me.”
All it takes is those three words to have your world crashing to the floor. Tears blur your vision as you raise a trembling finger.
“Him. I pick him.”
It's the first time you realized that you were brimming with codependency
Or stupidity.
Or maybe both
“That's a good girl.” He coos, pressing a kiss to your forehead. The father you never had.
He lets his eyes meet that of the boyfriend who is shaking and writhing in seat.
“What a good fucking girl I have, wouldn't you agree?” He asks the boyfriend yet he only cries and cries and cries. Meanwhile, you're bathing in the warm, milky words of praise.
"I suppose you wouldn't be able to agree to much in a second-"
He raises the gun.
Wait-" but the trigger is already pulled, and the bullet slices through the air and the deed is done.
It's remarkable how fast it travels. The speed of the bullet. Like it's competing with light itself. One moment his head is there and his brain is inside it, functioning like usual and the next moment, it's splattered all across my bedroom wall, coating your stuffed animals and drenching your pink bedding.
“You killed someone…”
“We killed someone, and you did such a good job. Now we're real rich people-”
You shake your head.
“Oh my fucking god we killed someone-”
It's stupid, but the first thought that comes to mind is-
“How- How am I gonna get the stain out!?”
“I'll get you new sheets, Doll, I promise…”
Meanwhile the roommate is crying and screaming her throat hoarse. You watch gravely as vomit soaks her gag.
“That's fucking disgusting.” He says before turning back to you. A spray of blood scatters across the side of his handsome face. He'd just committed murder and yet you still describe him as handsome.
“You're not disgusting at all.” He says, “You're so clean and beautiful.” His large hands rub over your face. “And now this apartment's yours. Ours. Maybe.”
Ours.
That word somehow affects you more than the murder you'd just lay witness to. It has you staring up at him with grateful, love-filled eyes. You're still scared but, you were his. And that was a powerful feeling. You'd never belonged to anyone before. Certainly not any man as handsome or smart as this. This isn't rose-tinted glasses anymore, it's rose-tinted vision.
“We killed someone.” You say. Solidifying the fact that you were a couple.
Your heart rages in its cage when his eyes nearly roll to the back of his head.
“Fuck yes we did,” he moans before smashing his lips down onto yours. Confusion and discomfort wage a terrific and bloody war inside you as he kisses you absolutely dizzy. Your insides are swirling and your stomach is turning at the sight of the blood drenching your walls.
he tips your head up, forcing his tongue in and he moans when you let him. Your tongues touch and coax and he pulls you in close.
“You know how good you looked when I picked you up earlier, Doll? I loved seeing those bloodshot eyes of yours.” He mumbles, “I just hated not being the one to make you cry.”
You sob something awful. The sound escapes you while your lips are still plastered to his.
“But this is all me,” he says proudly, gazing down at your watery eyes as he pins you up against the wall. “This is all me.”
Your roommate sits in a daze. Over his wide shoulder, her eyes stare blankly into yours and you almost find yourself mouthing the words 'I'm sorry'.
Almost. But you never do.
Your brain is too clouded by feelings of fear, regret, pleasure and… satisfaction. In your defense her boyfriend really fucking sucked.
"Take this off." He groans, lowering his large build to the floor to shove your shorts and underwear down. Undressing you almost formally as he lifts your one leg out followed by the other.
Your eyes are still on her.
Every vile word she's said to you. Every occasion she'd bring her equally cruel friends over and they'd gossip about you loud enough for their words to carry through the walls.
You realize very gravely that your care is waning.
That humanity that was still left inside you is thinning.
And he's pressing wet kisses against your legs, worshipping the soft cellulite at your thighs.
A man in a suit at his knees for you and she's forced to watch.
It makes you feel so-
"Fucking beautiful, fuck." He groans.
The more riled up he is, the less care he gives to how crass his language becomes. As if trapped in a daze, with your eyes still on your tormentor -your bully- you hook your fingers into his hair. Parting your legs you lead his mouth to your exposed cunt and he slurps you up for all your worth.
Your eyes roll to the back of your head as he eats you out with vigor. He flattens his tongue and suctions his mouth against your clit, causing a deep and guttural moan to spill from your lips.
He pulls back, breathing raggedly, "Fuck my face," he commands, before placing both hands on your ass, enough to have your cunt riding his open mouth. It feels so fucking good your eyes are stinging with tears. You let them fall because you'd know he'd appreciate it. He appreciates every tear in your confidence. Every waver in your air-tight judgement. It undoes him completely to see you so fucking pathetic.
He looks up at you while you're riding him. Those morally black eyes are urging you to hump his face and you do.
At the sight of your tears falling his nails dig into your ass and you moan more. All the sounds you're able to make are in intelligible sounds of pleasure. But you force yourself to come to your senses. Just long enough to whisper
"Th-Thank you, Sir,"
He stills. Completely stunned.
You come. It crashes down on you all while your roommate tries to squeeze her crying eyes shut, shaking her head as if trying to delude herself into believing none of this is real.
"You are fucking fire, you know that?" He croaks, slowly rising. You're breathing oh so quickly and it only speeds up at the sight of your arousal casting his jaw.
“I wanna fucking hurt you so bad. I wanna eat you. I wanna fuck you. I wanna do so many unspeakable things to you- you're so perfect.”
He throws one more gaze over his shoulder. His almond eyes scan over the body, then the girl and he groans, furiously undoing his belt.
"How the fuck did I get so lucky?” he says, almost to himself.
"Answer me." He presses his body firmly against yours, until your spine is straight against the wall. "Fucking answer me when I talk to you."
He growls before bringing a hand up to your chin. It's painful the way he grabs you, but you're so used to pain. It lives here now. Between you both.
"I-I- don't know-" you really don't know and he melts at that.
"I'll tell you how, Princess. " he wraps your leg around his waist, "People like me- people we call crazy and evil-” His eyes are so wide, his smile too. -we get nice things. And people like that-" he quirks his head backwards, “The weak? Those people on the streets, they die.” He says, grinding his cock agaisnt your cunt, “And we don't die, yeah?"
"Oh fuck." You're seeing stars when his cock sinks into your cunt. It's hard and raging and he's already doing multiple shallow thrusts to force it deeper. "S-So big-" you can't talk, you hardly ever can when he's like this. Fucking you into an absolute frenzy.
"You gonna squirt for me, Doll?” he grits his teeth, hips stuttering as he ravages you against the wall. "F-Fuck." Some
“She's a really good squirter-” he turns his head to watch your roommate over his shoulder. Her head is slumped forward, she's fainted perhaps.
After weeks of trying to impress him, to show him that you were not the weak little thing he had first kidnapped- you realize it's paid off. He caveman grunts as he fucks you deeper and harder and a cry rips itself from your throat.
“Y-You want me?” You ask with trembling lips.
“Baby,” he breathes directly into your mouth. “I need you.”
"F-Fuck-" your orgasm sneaks up on you and he watches with immense gratification as you come undone on his cock.
“You're making a mess on my cock-” clear liquid streams out of hou, threatinging tk lush his cock out but he fucks you through it.
“Gonna fucking cum inside you, baby. You're gonna take it, aren't you? My good girl's gonna fucking take it,” he throws his head back as his eyes flutter closed and soon he's fucking spurts of warm cum into you.
It fills you completely until the mess is coating your thighs. Through your wave of endless euphoria you see stars, the planets and him in the very centre of it all, guiding you and coaxing you through the bountiful high.
Even when he's done, his cock is still nestled deep inside you, pushing you over the brink of stimulation.
"You're very promising.” He admits, “Always have been.”
© to @muntitled on tumblr; do not repost
#squid game#squid game x reader#squid game fanfic#squid game smut#the salesman#the salesman x reader#the salesman x you#the salesman fanfic#the salesman smut#salesman squid game#salesman x reader#salesman smut#gong yoo#dead dove do not eat
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✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。yours, always yours
synopsis. satoru has always been yours—and he needs you to know you’ll also always be his
— word count. 2.4k (read the breakup fic first for better understanding, but can be read as a stand-alone)
— contents. fem! reader, college! au, rich boy! gojo, post-getting back together angst that gets a little heated <3, minors do not interact, fingering, unprotected sex, edging, satoru cumming too quick <3, creampie, tbh the smut is short and a lil rushed my b, it ends in fluff tho !! trust !! there is fluff !!
— notes. tbh this will probably get flagged rly fast but oh well u win some u lose some. anywayyyyy here is the make up sex bc yall nasties deserve it <3 jk love u guys
satoru falls first. and he falls hard. everyone knows it, it’s never been a secret.
“you want me to wash your hair?” you ask gently, kissing his shoulder as the water falls over his head. he hums, nodding absentmindedly as he stares blankly at the tiles of your shower wall.
“sure,” he mumbles, “don’t tug.”
“i never tug,” you roll your eyes, snorting. he huffs a small chuckle, but it’s not the usual laugh satoru gives you. it’s mechanic, almost—just there to fill the space. “baby?” you ask softly.
“yeah?” he asks, “oh, should i bend a little? sorry, i—”
“what’re you thinking about?” your hands cup his cheeks, gentle and warm from the hot water as it soaks his skin.
he shakes his head, trying to smile as he clears throat. “just how nice it is to be pampered. maybe i’ll let you break my heart every once in a while so i get my back scrubbed and hair washed like this.”
“satoru,” you insist. you know—and he knows it too. “tell me?”
“why’d you do it?” he mumbles, “why’d you listen to him?”
“toru, you know why,” you sigh, “you know i didn’t think there were any other options.”
“you could’ve talked to me,” he furrows his brows, “just because my stupid old man threatens you with my stupid inheritance doesn’t mean we have to break up.”
“i was afraid you’d choose me.” it comes out as a whisper, like a confession you can’t bear to admit.
“i would have chosen you,” he agrees, “why’s that bad? how’s that wrong—”
“you’re not thinking about the bigger picture,” you shake your head, “that company is yours. you’ve spent your whole life—”
“so what? was i supposed to give up the rest of my life for it too?” he asks tiredly—satoru’s defeated. he’s never been defeated, it’s the most magnetizing thing about him.
even before you date him. he asks and asks and asks no matter how many times you say no. because there’s always a chance you’ll say yes, and he’ll never stop as long as there’s a chance.
“i’m sorry,” you sniffle, lips wobbling, “i could have….i should have said something. i didn’t want you to make a choice young and then….and then regret it.”
“you think i’d regret you?” he’s wounded—absolutely wounded at the words.
satoru has always been careful, diligent and so, so meticulous to love you right, to love you how you need to be loved. hadn’t that proven enough? that he was in it for the long run—for forever? he’d been so sure you’d be his future, that the break up feels like waking up from a peaceful dream to a house fire—devastating, with smoke in his nose and lungs that he can’t breathe right, and everything gone within a moment before he can even register it.
he stares at the ashes in despair. nothing prepared him for the hollowness of not being yours—because satoru has never cared to make you his. all he’s ever wanted was to be yours.
you’re quick to remove him from everything, deleting pictures from your socials, untagging him from posts, removing him from your private stories and close friends list. he doesn’t understand how you could change your mind so quickly—and then he realizes you probably don’t. because he knows you—better than anyone ever has, satoru knows you.
so he’s comes to you, drenched from the rain, from standing outside your door even as the water pelts against his skin because he’s determined. he’s going to get an answer out of you, going to make you explain why you pulled him in so close, let him reside in your heart and fall asleep to the comforting rhythm of its beating—and then push him out like he’s nothing. what made you push him out?
and finally, when he does, when you let him be yours again and admit it’s never what you wanted, that it’s because it’s what his father wanted—well, satoru can’t keep his composure. don’t you know? hadn’t he always told you? hadn’t he poured his heart out and let you know every moment he’s always been stuck dangling from his father’s fingers? stuck somewhere between the sky and ground, too high to feel the floor under his feet but never high enough to feel the wind in his face.
you’ve always known, always listened—and fuck, you held him some nights too, let your fingers dip into his hair and soothe his sorrows of always being stuck.
satoru’s always been stuck, always had every choice made for him and every instruction carefully laid out on the table. and then you decided to make his choice for him too, walking away and choosing his future for him like he’s never had a say.
he’s always been stuck, but never with you—but now, he wonders if that’s changed.
“no,” you squeeze his cheeks, “no i don’t think you’d regret me….but satoru losing what you have is a big thing,” you mumble, “people work their whole lives not having a fraction of what you do. that’s a lot to let you lose.”
“i’ve never seen my dad kiss my mom,” he stares at you, hard and unwavering, his eyes stare into yours, “he’s never held her hand or made her laugh. and you know what she told me? that she would sell her share of everything to have what we do. why do you always look at me for what i have first?” he asks angrily, the water pouring over his shoulders as they shake, “why can’t you just look at me first for once?”
“i do look at you,” you insist, “toru, all i ever see is you—”
“then stop caring what he says,” he says louder, his voice echoing through the small bathroom of your small apartment.
everything about your home is small—smaller than satoru’s especially. but he loves it, thinks he’d rather be here than anywhere else.
because it’s yours. and as long as you’re here, the world fits into this tiny apartment, the galaxy too.
“okay,” you say shakily. and then you nod, looking him in the eye, “you’ll handle it?”
he nods, kissing between your brows, “yeah, i’ll handle it. who else is gonna take over that company anyway?”
“but what if he finds someone else? and then he—”
“he won’t. my grandpa will shred him.”
“but he’s old, and he stepped down, so what really can he do if your dad decides—”
“god, baby,” he groans, pushing your body against the wall gently, “i love your voice, but you talk so much. i’m wanna listen to something else.”
his lips find your neck, sucking gently at the skin, hand trailing to your tits before his thumb circles your nipple. it’s slow, deliberate, teasing as it rolls over the bud.
you whimper, clutching onto him as a breathy, “t-toru,” leaves your lips.
“yeah,” he nods, “that’s what i wanna listen to instead.” his lips are in a grin against your neck, kissing and biting until he reaches your collarbone. “anyone dm you after you took me out of your socials?” he asks bitterly.
“j-just one,” you admit through a stutter, “b-but i didn’t even open it! i wasn’t really—oh, toru,” you gasp as his finger finds your clit, spreading your legs as he lets out a soft growl at your words.
“what? just cause my face isn’t on your instagram suddenly you’re not mine?” he asks, thumb rubbing harsh circles against the sensitive bundle of nerves—you close your eyes, moaning as your arms wrap tightly around his neck. “you’re always mine,” he murmurs against your ear, low and careful so you hear him well, “yeah? got that?”
“got it,” you nod furiously.
“got what?”
“‘m al-always—oh, fuck,” you mewl as one finger prods at your entrance, gathering your slick before slowly sliding through your walls.
“c’mon, sweetheart,” he says firmly, “finish your sentences.”
“always yours, toru! always yours—please, please j-just…”
“just what?” he raises a brow.
“more,” you sob—it’s a broken plea as your hips thrust against his finger.
he’s quick to slide in a second, thrusting his digits mercilessly into your soaked cunt, his palm gliding over your clit as the slick sound of his fingers fucking you is almost drowned by the water in the back.
your water bill will be high this month. you decide it’s a sacrifice satoru deserves.
“you think someone could ever learn this body better than me? make you cum like i can? you think anyone will ever love you enough to learn you like i do?”
“n-no,” you pant, his fingers hitting that spot inside of you so perfectly, you feel that dull ache build up quickly. it’s good—everything with satoru is good. his other hand finds your chest to pinch a nipple, twisting and squeezing until your nails leave indents on his shoulders as you moan loudly. “no one—no one but you.”
“exactly,” he growls, “how could you leave me? how could you leave us?”
“‘m sorry,” you sniffle, whimpering when the tips of his fingers slam against that spongey spot of your walls, fluttering around him and squeezing him in. you’re close—so close that you almost don’t know what he’s saying anymore, too focused on the way your impending orgasm is approaching. fast. “i’m sorry, i’ll never—ever leave again.”
“say you love me,” he demands.
it sounds like he’s pleading, though, if you listen closely. there’s a small crack in his voice, a slight shakiness that makes you force your eyes open and stare at him and whisper, “i love you, satoru. i love you.”
and then he rips his fingers out—right before you’re about to cum. you gasp, pleading nonsense as you cling to him and buck your hips and search for something, anything to take you over the edge.
and then you hear a sniffle. is he crying? is that wet droplet on your shoulder a tear or the water? you’re too busy calming down from your orgasm dying before it ever came to focus.
satoru’s hard against your thigh, throbbing and painful to sink into you. he strokes himself a few times, whimpers as his thumb gathers the pre cum from the sensitive tip, smearing it along his length as he shakily lets out a quiet moan.
“f-fuck, i gotta feel you. please, can i? please—”
“yes,” you pull him closer, grinding your heat over his hard-on, “yes please, toru. more, need more.”
he’s sliding along your folds, dragging the tip of his cock along your entrance and smearing a mix of your arousal with his. and then slowly, ever so gently, he’s pushing into your after that, pushing past your walls and bullying into your soaked cunt, curving into you perfectly.
it’s only been a week—you feel like you haven’t felt him in years. but it’s familiar. you remember every part of him, including every vein that drags along your walls and makes your head spin. he remembers every part of you, including where that spot is that he needs to angle his hips to find.
he slams into you, hard and rough and fast—doesn’t even let you adjust your position to hold onto him tighter before he’s thrusting his hips and fucking into you desperately. you can feel him, every inch of his skin against you, every part of him that’s touching you. and you can feel the way his cock nudges past your folds, the friction burning pleasure through ever nerve.
satoru knows how to fuck you, just like he knows how to love you, he knows your body—every dip and ever curve, every place to touch and every part that has you gushing around him. it’s just the way he is, too good at giving you what you want, what you need.
when he moans, it’s breathy and he’s panting as he lets out those soft whimpers that make your head spin. “feel that? feel me?” he asks, grunting as you squeeze around his length.
“yeah,” you breathe, “‘m so full.”
“i need you. please, please,” he murmurs, “can’t lose you, baby. never you,” he chants, the quiver in his voice tearing you apart.
“i’m right here,” you gasp, lacing your fingers with his and squeezing his hand. he squeezes back, just to let you know he’s there too, “right here, baby. you got me.”
and then he cums, just as soon as you whisper that—he spills right into you with a broken cry, his hips rolling, needy and desperate and so, so lost on the pleasure. he’s too busy working himself through his high, trembling over your body to care he’s cum too quick—and you don’t have it in you to tease him. you can feel the hot ropes of cum filling you, painting your walls white, fucking deep into you as the blunt head of his cock slams into you without a second of hesitation.
but he doesn’t stop, doesn’t falter that brutal pace as his hips slam into you, perfectly kissing your sweet spot every time. and before long, you break—your head pushes back against the wall behind you, mouth parted as you wail his name and cum—hard. you’re quivering and spasming around his swollen cock, enough that he whimpers at the way you’re so tight.
it’s good, it’s always good. satoru makes you feel good. he’s the best you’ve ever had—the best you’ll ever find.
and then you hear it again, the sniffle into your neck as he clutches you tightly. you know for sure that wet droplet is a tear this time, and your fingers tangle into his hair as you stroke the wet strands.
“i love you, toru,” you murmur, “my sweet boy. i’m sorry, okay? i’m so sorry.”
“don’t do that again,” he huffs in between tears, “that was so mean. so mean.”
“i said i won’t,” you chuckle, fighting back your own tears, “how long are you gonna hold this against me?”
“how long do you plan on being mine?”
“well,” you pull him from your neck, cupping his cheeks as you wipe away tears and peck his lips softly, “i think….forever.”
“well, get ready, then,” he glares softly, “i’m gonna hold this against you forever too.”
“okay,” you nod, “that’s fair.”
“and i love you too,” he adds, “but block whoever dm’d you. it better not be that zenin boy.”
“block those girls who’s pictures you liked,” you shoot back, glaring at him with a pout of your own.
“don’t yell at me,” he mumbles, leaning into your touch as your thumb strokes his cheek, “i’ve had a rough week. you have to be nice.”
dabitee anon. are u seeing this. did u see the satoru who cums too fast. did u see it. report back if u saw this. i repeat, dabitee anon report back if you see this
#teepods.writings#thirstee!#rich boy! au#fics.#gojo x reader#gojo x you#gojo smut#gojo angst#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk smut#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru smut#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut
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#he's good at his job! #crozier likes him! crozier chose him! #and any enabling of crozier happens because he lives and works in one of the most strictly hierarchical systems to ever exist #where dissidence can be a hanging offence! #and he's so! fucking! angry! about it #also having to deal with a spirit bear on top of everything #that makes you question the very fabric of the assumptions you once had about the world #also his cabin door is stuck!! #we talk a lot about jopson finally snapping and beginning to bite and kick #i really think he should invite edward to the inevitable breakdown - @maedhrus
listen i don't think edward little was actually a bad first lieutenant. when we see him in the first episode he's calm and confident. he does not say much but he's amiable enough. crozier likes him, and i don't think crozier would like anyone he doesn't think capable in some way. generally he's dependable and knows what he's doing. however unfortunately for edward he has these qualities because he has a major case of eldest daughter syndrome, which means he both wants to please his mum (crozier) and has an overdeveloped sense of responsibility for his younger siblings (crew), so when they get stuck in the ice and crozier starts going (more) alcoholic, he enables his mum bc he doesn't want to disappoint her even if he doesn't agree with her, and he has to pick up the tasks and care for his siblings she's not doing, but he can't let his siblings know about their mum's situation because they'll get worried and restless. and like a true eldest daughter he has to bear the brunt of mummy's anger for being a disappointment but he also doesn't want to seek refuge with the man she divorced (fitzjames) because that feels like a betrayal. also while this is going on there is a giant bear who hunts his siblings for sport so they're dying left and right and also a changeling master manipulator who's making his siblings mad at their mum and who wants to fuck said mum before eating her like some sort of praying mantis. anyway i think i would start being miserable and anxious too.
#the terror#edward little#helen just so you know i am in love with the way you tag these kinds of posts and i need everyone else to see how good your takes are#also curry; just your post in general; like-- YES. FINALLY. SOMEONE SAID IT. SAY IT LOUDER. SHOUT IT FROM THE FUKCING ROOFTOPS#i can and will die on the hill that ned little - the actual lt. little of the show - is as far removed from the sad wet doormat of a man#that fanon likes to portray him as; as humanly possible#the closest correlation between fanon!ned and actual canon!ned is his prolonged misery and level of worry-induced distress#he's more than competent - we see it time and again throughout the first half of the show#but the biggest indication of this is crozier himself handing little his pistol when he goes into self-imposed rehab#HE WOULDN'T DO THAT IF HE DIDN'T THINK EDWARD WAS CAPABLE OF HANDLING THE SITUATION.#crozier's not a man to mince words or spare feelings - if he thought little unequal to the task he would've handed his pistol to fitzjames#instead; but no. he chooses edward precisely bc he knows edward is loyal and steadfast and capable of doing what needs to be done#edward is the one who falters in that scene; not bc he's too overwhelmed to cope but because he knows exactly what is at stake if#anything goes wrong during crozier's convalescence; the lives of a hundred+ men turning on a dime should crozier not survive his withdrawal#and he's not wrong to feel daunted by the task! it's an immense amount of responsibility -#one crozier himself bowed and buckled under the second leadership of the expedition was thrust upon him! it's a terrifying situation;#but edward still steps up and in the wake of francis's seclusion; for once; things actually go somewhat smoothly!#the men are faring better without the black cloud of crozier's alcoholism and negativity hanging over them like a shroud;#he's gotten fitzjames off his back for the most part; other than for carnivale. and even here we see edward's diligence and commitment#to his position as first lieutenant of the expedition bc he's the one questioning using vital supplies for a party! he's the one#who agrees that the men need the distraction; but worries if they can afford to foot the bill later;#when things will be more difficult! that is the kind of mindset francis himself displays at the beginning#of the show when he's questioning sir john's decision to press forward despite every sign imaginable telling them not to!#EDWARD WORRIES FOR THE MEN THE SAME WAY CROZIER DOES#what trips him up; what ends up driving a wedge between him and crozier; what causes little to fuck up the armory situation; is this:#crozier himself. bc francis was a mean drunk. and while in his cups he treated little as no better than a ship's boy; running menial errand#and very literally risking life and limb to indulge the vices of a man who treats him with open contempt (and let's be clear;#that man isn't the captain edward has come to know and respect since they set out from greenhithe - no; that is a stranger wearing#his captain's face; making choices that leave edward feeling frustrated and helpless and enraged)#what crozier's belittling of little's station and rank does during this time is make him deeply insecure of his own purpose and competence;
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DIET PEPSI ★ L. NORRIS
★ PAIRING: boyfriend!lando x female!reader
★ GENRE: NSFW
★ SUMMARY: in which lando pulls over to watch the sunset with you in his porsche; things take a turn from there.
inspired by “diet pepsi” by addison rae
★ WORD COUNT: 1.2k
★ WARNINGS: car sex, semi public sex, nasty kissing, making out, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, fingering, multiple orgasms, teeny bit of praise cause I can’t help myself, cumshot. lando is soooo sweet. I think that is all! please be noted this is only semi proofread.
★ AUTHORS NOTE: finally! making my formula 1 fic debut! I hope you all enjoy this. I started writing this somewhere before summer break and unfortunately just got to finishing it. life…am I right? I guess the lyrics hold true because my boy has won 2 times since then! I know this one’s a bit short, but feedback is appreciated!
“Are you sure no one is up here?” you asked your boyfriend as you unbuckled your seatbelt.
Lando reached over slightly and gave your thigh an affirmative squeeze. “It’s fine, I was looking around.”
The two of you were on a drive in his 911 carrera and pulled off to a small spot up on a hill that overlooked the city. It was later in the evening and the sun was setting; casting an orange glow over Lando when he turned to you.
“You look so pretty in the light. Come here.”
Lando adjusted his seat before helping you over the center console and gearshift of his vehicle.
“I don’t want to break anything.” You spoke out loud with a laugh as Lando had his hand on your leg to help you.
Lando shushed you. “You’re fine, I’ve got you.”
You were in his lap within seconds; adjusting the skirt that you were wearing slightly to get more comfortable.
“Comfortable?” Lando brushed your hair off of your shoulder before planting a few kisses softly onto your skin near your collarbone.
You hummed in response, nodding before combing your fingers through his soft curly hair as his mouth made its way up to your neck.
You let a small whimper escape your lips when Lando’s teeth scraped your skin slightly.
Your hand tightened in his hair as you rocked your hips into his lap; feeling his bulge through his jeans.
“Fuck.” Lando swore under his breath as his hands roamed your thighs and to the curve of your ass underneath your skirt.
“I want this off of you.” Lando glanced up at you quickly for any sign for him to stop before unbuttoning and unzipping your skirt, removing the item of clothing from your body and throwing it into the passenger seat.
You mentally thanked yourself for the outfit choice of yours.
“Wow.” Lando let out a sigh, leaning to kiss you again as his hands returned to their place on your thighs, and moved up to your waist.
You were eager for him, grabbing a hold of his white button down shirt for any way to get him closer to you.
Lando shifted in the driver seat, his hands holding your hips as his jeans brushed against your cunt.
You let out a moan into his mouth, and Lando took that as an opportunity to tongue kiss you; reaching up to grab the nape of your neck with one of his hands.
Pulling away slightly with a hum, you noticed Lando’s breathing to be slightly more erratic than before.
“Baby, I need you..” Your voice faded when Lando kissed you again. You knew you didn’t really have to say anything; Lando knew you like the back of his hand.
“I’ve got you.” Lando mumbled, guiding you to rest your knee up onto the door panel of his porsche. “Stay like this for me, ok?”
You nodded, biting down onto your bottom lip as he locked eye contact with you.
Lando quickly glanced in his rearview mirror to check if anyone was around; still nobody.
He pulled the fabric of your underwear to the side, audibly groaning at how easily his middle and ring finger slipped inside of you.
You let out a whimper, squeezing onto his bicep for some stability.
“Oh my fuck, why didn’t I take you home?” Lando was talking to himself, because there was no way you were going to answer him.
There was absolutely no space between the two of you, as this car was not ideal.
You could hear the squelching noise coming from underneath you, making you look down; covering your mouth to stifle your moans. There was nothing that Lando hated more than when you hid from him.
“Get that hand off of your mouth, sweetheart.” Lando spoke, slipping a third finger into your cunt; knowing you’d react.
“Good girl, gonna cum for me?” Lando asked, kissing your jaw and down towards your collarbone. “Hmm?”
You were breathless, but still managed to use your words. “No.” You paused, your voice sounding like a whimper, grabbing onto Lando’s shirt as you tried not to fall apart. “I need you to fuck me, please.”
“Fuck, are you sure?” He asked, his face centimeters from yours. Lando was taken aback at your forwardness, but willing to do anything you wanted.
You hummed, nodding before kissing him. You moved your hand down between your legs; feeling the now very prominent bulge in Lando’s jeans.
He let out a deep throaty groan at the contact. “Fuck.”
You tried to unbutton his jeans really fast, but with your position on his lap it wasn’t working.
“I got it, I got it.” Lando’s larger and more steady hand replaced yours as he worked his pants down to leave enough room for his cock.
You let out a sigh when you felt him teasing the head of his leaking cock against your folds. “I can’t believe we’re doing this here.”
“What?” Your voice was breathy as Lando gripped your hips to lower you down onto him. Your question was instantly replaced by a moan of his name.
“Nothing.” Lando grunted before throwing his head back. “God, how do you feel so fucking good?”
He still had a grip on your hips; hitting all of the right spots that drove you insane.
“Hmm- Fuck!” You cried out. “Right there, right there.”
“Shit.” Lando swore, letting go of you with one hand to have you look at him. “You’re cumming already?”
You eagerly nodded before Lando suddenly crashed his lips with yours. The kiss is sloppy; messy.
You could feel your thighs starting to ache, and a tinge of overstimulation when Lando applied pressure to your clit with the pads of his fingers.
Gasping, you pulled away from the kiss, swearing under your breath as Lando was pulling another orgasm from you so quickly as you still fucked yourself on his cock.
“You can give me one more, yeah?” His voice was low as his hot breath ghosted your face. “Make a fucking mess out of my car.”
In your attempts to slam down onto him harder, your rhythm faltered as you came again. Your legs were now shaking as you clenched around Lando’s cock.
The sun was almost down, making it somewhat difficult to see his reaction; but you had an inkling that he had to be close.
“Lando…” Your voice was a slight whimper again, making Lando wince. “Cum in me, please.”
“God im close, im really fucking close.” Lando spoke, sucking in a shallow breath through gritted teeth.
It wasn’t too long after that he finally reached his peak, nearly holding you down on his lap as he grunted expletives as he tried to be as quiet as possible.
“Lando…” you winced as you already felt the mess between your legs. “Stay inside of me like this.” You leaned into him, resting your head on his heaving chest.
“We can’t stay here.” You could tell Lando was smirking by the way his voice sounded. One of his hands smoothed out your hair before he kissed the top of your head. “I know you’re tired, but we can’t.”
“I know.” You huffed, exaggerating a pouty attitude. “You’re so warm.” You kissed Lando near his mouth a few times, making him scrunch his nose.
Finally you sat up, letting Lando help you off of his lap and into the passenger seat. The two of you fixed your clothing before Lando leaned over the center console to kiss you.
“Okay, take me home.”
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~ ~ ~
#the way you talk about relationships/friendships is honestly so sad and kinda pathetic#but I think I needed to hear it because something seems to have finally flipped in my brain now to put me on the right track#because honestly the fact that you still want to keep our friendship hidden for your myriad reasons kinda makes me sick#and feeling like I just got used for a while and then tossed aside when it was no longer convenient also makes me feel sick#your worldview is just so bleak and depressing and for what?#I’m trying to squeeze out every little drop of happiness that I can from this shitty existence#and if there ever comes a time my girlfriend and I don’t trust each other or don’t feel like we can talk to each other about anything#well then that’s a fucking problem and we need to fix it immediately#because personally I believe your partner should be your best friend and I want a relationship where we’re basically attached at the hip#like no secrets completely open with each other talk about every single little thing kind of relationship#because otherwise what’s the fucking point? if you can’t even have that from someone you might spend your life with then what’s it all for?#if you wanna give your all to something already fundamentally broken then that’s your choice and I won’t judge you or try to change you#but couldn’t be me I’ll fuckin tell you that#at least this seems to be a turning point for me so that I can use this to make positive changes to myself and my life#which is honestly exactly what I needed because something inside was still bothering me and making me unhappy#and now I’ve identified it and can remove it and move on with my life#like we’ll still be friends and everything#I’m still happy to talk to you here every day because we do have a deep foundation of friendship at this point#but I think even that might be coming to an end soon…#not that I necessarily want that but just that it feels kind of inevitable at this point since we’ve hit a wall here#idk lotta shit to think through and figure out but at least this cemented my feelings towards my girlfriend#she’s so important to me and I want to give her the whole world and all of my time/attention and that’s how it should be#personal
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God, I'm so happy with what they did with Maddie Nolen.
I'm sure there will be plenty of people mad because obviously there was a weird backlash over a character who has sex with one half a ship, so I'm sure some people worry this will lead those people to feel justified in their initial response.
But ignoring people who can't emotionally regulate for a second, because those childish impulses aren't worth dictating the fun things a narrative can do: Maddie is SO INTERESTING as a character and she fills in a lot of the questions people seemed to have about the rest of the season.
Consider for a moment that it wasn't Caitlyn who convinced Vi to be an Enforcer. It was Maddie.
I know that some people took this line to be about Zaunites, a sort of obvious connection to the very racist idea of "one of the good ones," but since Maddie is talking about Marcus and his betrayal of the Enforcers just before this, I'm pretty sure her framing here is something else. The point she's making is specifically targeted at Vi's own beliefs and weaknesses, her desire to protect. That seems clear to me now with all we know about Maddie's capacity for manipulation.
She's not saying, "You're good, for a poor."
She's saying, "Wow, I agree with you, the Enforcers are really bad; it's so upsetting. I think you might be the only one who can change it, but only if you join us." This is what convinces Vi to do something she never thought she would.
Well, this and the fact that Caitlyn believes in her so much which, again, is information she gets fed to her directly from Maddie. It even seems like Maddie seeks her out just to say this, which on first viewing felt oddly convenient. Wow, Vi just happens to meet this naive girl who just happens to say exactly what she needs to hear to do something so out of character.
Except obviously none of it was coincidence. Everyone already knew how much Vi meant to Caitlyn and getting Caitlyn under control would require either controlling Vi or removing her from the equation. This was a push in that direction.
Then there's her more obvious role as the spy in Caitlyn's bed, there to reassure her that the Noxians are only trying to keep all of them safe. Then when Caitlyn expresses larger doubts, she's immediately ready to lay out an alternative. You could just give up, Maddie seems to whisper gently in her ear. Just reestablish things as they were before.
But she knows Caitlyn isn't going to go for that. She's not going to go back to the council as it was, because it's only going to remind her of the empty place her mother left behind. Maddie knows that Caitlyn isn't going to take this offer, which is precisely why she suggests it. She frames quitting as the only clear alternative to going along with everything Ambessa wants because she knows that Caitlyn will refuse, which leads her right back into alignment with Ambessa. She makes continued obedience into an active choice that Caitlyn affirms she's making.
Even Maddie's comments that suggest direct opposition to Ambessa — "you're our leader... I follow you" — are designed to frame herself and her true leader in direct opposition, just as Ambessa's own warning about entanglements is there to further that point. They both make a point of reminding Caitlyn that they are her true ally, isolating her further from anyone who isn't the devil and (other) devil on her shoulders.
This way Maddie and Ambessa can both tug at Caitlyn, pulling in what feels to her like opposite directions, all so that she lands precisely where they wanted her all along but with the illusion of active agency.
And look, I'm not saying my read on her is gospel, because I think they intentionally gave us enough room to really speculate and wonder about her, someone who could have been just a background nothing character but ends up being such a huge part of the second season. That's so interesting!
I especially love that she comes across as really naive and innocent, just some poor little thing swept up in the fervor, when in reality she's a true believer who has been manipulating things to go her way from the start.
#maddie nolen#arcane#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane spoilers#when maddie first showed up my immediate feeling was ''oh noooo they made a sweet and innocent cop''#BUT NOPE.#they did NOT and that's so fucking funny
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The Princes
Ten years later. When marrying a Prince turns a Queen and a Servant into actual Royalties.
Because Vil deserves a real crown and Jamil deserves to be treated better.
NOW I'M GONNA RANT ABOUT MY CHARA DESIGNS CHOICES AND ALL THE DISCOVERIES I MADE WHILE LOOKING FOR REFS! If you only care about art and funny doodles, you can scroll down for a handful of slices of life.
(Don't worry if you can't read my notes, I'm repeating myself better right under this)
Leona
-Lion: As you may know, one of my grievances with Leona is how his hair doesn't look like an actual mane despite being a lion. While I don't want to stray too far from the canon design with the usual drawings, that's the occasion for me to have some fun with a future version. Give that lion a beard and voluminous hair!
-Hair: First, get those bangs out of his face. Despite Leona being very confident, he still has bangs covering his scarred eye. I wanted him to finally own the aspects of him that may be scary to others (his UM, his scar, etc). I actually went with bangs framing his face similar to the ones he had during his Overblot. I wasn't sure whether to give him dreadlocks or curly hair, but I ended up choosing the free curls decorated with some atebas and braids so that Vil could have more fun styling them.
-Eye: Thanks @aria-faye for the idea, I decided to have his eye gradually lose its capacities with time. From a headcanon that, while the eye wasn't directly touched by whatever attack scarred him, the process of healing still had an impact on it and he gradually lost sight in his left eye years after years.
-Body: Not giving him a dad bod (yet, maybe in another ten years), but definitely giving him more voluminous yet casual muscles. Practical muscles with a healthy dose of fat and tissues. Also giving him two full sleeves of tattoos because I decided he should have much more than just his lion tattoo.
-Clothes: Went full Maasai dressing and Kenyan fabrics and beadworks. If you're not familiar with it, please go check it out, it's GORGEOUS!! Crown is beadwork too. He also has one Arabic styled foot jewellery.
Jamil
-Hair: My first order was to remove his double-faced hairstyle and also remove his bangs from his eye. Make him confident enough to show his whole face. Unlike Leona and Vil, he doesn't really want a crown though (he still feels weird about becoming royalty) so instead he uses a braid as crown. Also gave him a little goatee because I like facial hair and Jafar has a beard too.
-Body: He grew up! While he didn't quite catch up with Leona and Vil, he is now closer to their sizes than before, sitting at around 180cm. He kept his breakdancer/martial artist lean muscles but developed a bit of shoulders.
-Clothes: Went full Arabic dressing and fabrics (once more, go check the fabrics, they are pieces of arts). I gave him floral motifs instead of his usual fire/snake motifs (though he does have a snake earring and a fangs necklace) to symbolise his rebirth/blooming. Like Leona, he has one piece of jewellery that is beadwork.
Vil
-Hair: Here it was a bit tricky. Considering Vil's work, he likely changes hairstyles a lot, going from long to short for his roles instead of his wants. So I leaned into the little things he could add to his hair despite their constant changes, mostly jewelleries, beadworks and wool decorations he stole from his husbands. He also cares a bit less about them looking perfect and is allowing himself to be more natural. He doesn't have any facial hair (yet), keeping a youthful appearance for as long as he can. In another ten years though, he might start looking more and more like his father, beard included.
-Clothes: For Leona and Jamil's mental states, the three of them most likely started living in Sunset Savanna so they wouldn't freeze to death. Vil is well traveled so he can handle most temperatures without trouble, and he is used to dressing up in the local get ups. Here I decided to give him both African dress and Arabic fabric, and likewise both beadwork and golden jewellery. I gave him crown and heart motifs so he can keep being himself despite borrowing a lot from his husbands.
There, I'm done rambling. Here's some doodles, followed by some random headcanons.
-Vil does his husbands hair every morning and keeps giving them more and more intricate hairstyles. He developed a whole haircare and beard-care products set for them.
-When Vil is away for a movie, Jamil keeps his hair mostly down save for a few accessories.
-Jamil and Falena get along surprisingly well (to Leona's despair). Vil gets along very well with Falena's wife.
-Jamil acts as a Scalding Sands ambassador and still is the one to care for Kalim when he comes to visit, though this time he's doing it because he wants to and not because he has to.
-Vil got used to his new title immediately but Jamil struggles with it a lot. He still has a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that he is no longer a servant.
-The servants at the palace love Jamil because he always makes their job easier.
-Leona finally decided to put his wits to good use and became Falena's advisor. He still fights a lot with Kifaji about the direction to take with the country, but he managed to make some of his ideas heard to help with the staggering inequalities in the country.
That's all for now!
#so... that's officially my longest piece to date#this one took me nearly 10 hours#and I'm considering doing a colored version because Arabic and Kenyan fabrics are so beautiful I swear#won't happen in a while tho#mello's drawings#n2 squad#jamil viper#leona kingscholar#vil schoenheit#javil#leojami#leovil#twisted wonderland#twst#art#my art#analysis#Future!N2
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