#because i was a ball of anxiety about this

[heavenlyraindrops]

The Devil Made Me Do It | Arcane | Silco x Reader | Chapter Ten

available on AO3 and Quotev | visit the first tag for other chapters | warnings: very brief mention of blood, profanity, smoking

summary:

In the midst of an unfortunate run-in with the enforcers, you meet the young revolutionary Silco, and by extension, his friends Vander and Felicia. Growing close friends, you get through life in the undercity together, determined to make Zaun a better place. Until tragedy strikes, and betrayal and carelessness stabs hard enough to turn you bitter. Years later as time solidifies the scars, Silco proves to be a thorn in your side. You, in his. Hatred festers. And your world cracks further open.

Chapter Ten:

You tugged your black top, which had ridden up your midriff, back down towards your belt as you stormed into the Last Drop, shoving patrons as you passed through the crowd. Sevika was at a table, ashtray half-full and glass half empty.

Scowling, you grabbed her arm, the one concealed by her cloak. Your hand made contact with metal through the fabric.

She stared at you. “[name],” she said flatly. You snatched your hand away, balling it into a fist. 

“Tell me-“ you stabbed a finger at her chest, “there’s been men at my doorstep at least three times this week.”

She scoffed. “Probably because you run a brothel.”

“You know that’s not what I mean,” you hissed. She stared at you, a frown carving a notch into her forehead, before nodding at her tablemates. Slamming her palms onto the surface a little too hard she slowly heaved herself up.

“Let’s talk somewhere else,” she said.

You watched as she went to a corner, nodding at a door. You stared at her incredulously.

“Go in there with you?” You yelled over the din. “You must be insane.”

She groaned, and within moments you were both standing outside.

“You look real different, dressed like a normal person.” She nodded at your toned-down appearance. You scowled, flicking a hair out of your face. “Almost didn’t recognise you.”

“Whatever.” You took out a cigarette, rolling it between your fingers between placing it in between your lips. You’d dropped any efforts to keep up your beguiling, siren-like facade around Sevika- there was no point. You flicked open your lighter, palm shielding the flame.

“So what’s all this about men outside the brothel?”

“They’ve been heckling my girls. And guys,” you added. “I assumed they had something to do with your- boss, considering the fact I have something he wants.”

You couldn’t bring yourself to say his name, now that someone was actually listening.

Sevika must have taken notice of this, because her lips twitched. But she didn’t mention it. “You know, you look a lot like when we were younger. Before everything went to shit.”

“Did he send them?” Your voice was stone cold and hard. Sevika scowled at this.

“Of course he fucking didn’t. You think he’d stoop that low? I thought you knew him.”

You took a deep drag on your cigarette, not meeting her eyes as you exhaled. Your leg threatened to bounce with well-concealed anxiety. “Well, I don’t now. I want these bastards dealt with.”

Sevika crossed her arms. “Since when do I have to deal with your problems? Last I checked, it’s not you I’m working for.”

You scowled. “Well, something’s telling me that this is gonna be your problem soon enough,” you snapped. “Considering the fact that they’re looking for your boss.”

She paused. “Wait, what?”

“They keep bugging us about him. No idea why us,” you sneered, “because I’d rather shoot myself in the foot than be associated with you or his people, but sadly that’s the case. So hurry up and fix this before I send them your way for good.” You pushed the cigarette into her chest. “Enjoy, errand-girl.”

And with that you turned around and stalked off, pulling your coat around you as your brisk steps carried you away from the Last Drop. Breath misting in the air, you turned to look at Sevika. But all you saw was the door swinging shut as she disappeared back into the bar. 

-

You hurried back into the brothel, a gust of warm air enveloping you in a snug, cozy embrace. Immediately the feeling was quenched as you turned and saw a girl with big glassy eyes and mousy brown hair looking up at you, arms outstretched.

You gingerly shrugged off your coat and dumped it in her hands. She followed you to your office, hovering anxiously around the beaded curtains.

“What is it?” You sounded miffed.

“Your coat, Madam. I was instructed to leave it in your office.”

“Then why’d you make me take it off?” 

But nonetheless, you beckoned for her to come in. She placed it on a hook in the corner, and you curled your finger, calling her forwards. A cigarette dangling from your bottom lip, you placed something in her soft palm.

She unfurled her fingers. “Do you know what that is?” She shook her head.

You took it back from her, flicked it open, and pushed down. Flame erupted from the lighter, illuminating a freckle on her face. Her eyes widened and she shuffled back.

“Don’t be afraid,” you said, snapping it shut. You gently but firmly took hold of her wrist, tugging it forward and pushing it back into her hand. You leaned back, arm slung across the back of the couch, and gestured to your cigarette.

She leaned over the armrest and, with a trembling thumb, pushed down as you’d shown her. The flame jumped a little too close to your face and you moved your head back, eyes widening, as she hurriedly snapped it shut.

She froze, waiting for a reprimand. But you didn’t say anything, just sucked on the cigarette and smiled at her, eyes looking at her without turning your face. You tipped your head back and let the smoke curl in the air.

“Hand-eye coordination needs some work,” you commented. She nodded.

“Yes, Madam.”

“What’s your name?”

“Alice-“

Your eyes widened, chest tightening.

“-son.”

You blinked. “What?”

“Allison,” she repeated timidly. You were shaking, she noticed, and took a quick step back.

Chewing on your lip, your eyes crawled across her face desperately. She looked…

Scared.

You could taste blood on your tongue. You released your bloodied lip from between your teeth, then soothed it with your tongue.

This girl is not Alice, you reminded yourself. 

“You look tired,” you remarked, relaxing. “Have you been getting a good night’s sleep?”

“No,” she admitted silently. You tilted your head, raising an eyebrow. “The mattresses are hard,” she said regretfully. “Not that I’m complaining, Madam,” she added hastily.

You chuckled. “No, please. Feel free to complain.”

She couldn’t tell if you were being sarcastic or not, as you patted the spot on the couch next to you. She clambered onto the cushions obediently.

You took another thoughtful drag, then blew out the smoke, cigarette poised in between your fingers as you leaned into Allison.

“Will I tell you something important?”

She nodded, eyes wide.

“I used to have a daughter just like you.” You looked the girl up and down. “Same age, same eyes, same hair. Almost the same name.”

Allison knotted her little fingers together in her lap, looking up at you in wonder as you smoked some more.

“But she died.” Your tone was flat. 

Allison recoiled. “Killed by enforcers,” you continued. You looked at the little girl, silently staring at her.

Then you sighed.

“You can sleep on the couch tonight, if you want. A welcome change from the mattresses.” You leaned forward and stubbed out the cigarette on the ashtray that lay on the table, next to the long-wilted rose, and rubbed the bridge of your nose. “I’d have them changed if they weren’t the best we could afford in Zaun. Piltie bastards are probably sleeping well into the afternoon.”

She didn’t say anything.

“My bedroom is that door,” you told her, pointing to a door next to a bookshelf. “The office locks from the inside.”

“This is too generous, Madam,” Allison whispered.

You scoffed. “Not at all. You’ll have a job, you know.”

Allison looked up expectantly, and you stumbled around your words to find an excuse. “Uhh… clean up the office every now and then. And lock it once I go to bed.”

Allison smiled. “Alright.”

“And if I have anything else that needs tending to then expect the responsibility to fall to you, in the case that you’re able for such tasks.”

Allison nodded, bowing her head. “Yes, Madam.”

You flicked your hand at her. “Right, now… go away.”

Allison scuttled away into the front entrance of the brothel, cutting across and eventually disappearing into another narrow hallway. You followed after her, looking around. Beads, lanterns, curtains. Sickly sweet incense, mist swirling across the floor. A new client had just passed in through the doorway. She was looking behind herself nervously as she hurried in.

You silently watched her from the spot in the corner you’d chosen to lean on, obscured by the sheer fabric draped across the ceiling. She disappeared hand in hand with one of your men, and a tall, broad figure stepped into view.

Sevika.

You brushed the sheer drapes as you emerged, mist coiling around your feet as you walked.

“I thought we already spoke today,” you said steadily, expression even as you studied her face.

“What if I came here for your services?” She sounded amused.

“You don’t look like it. Hurry up, tell me what it is.”

Sevika squared her shoulders, gaze roving around the all-took familiar room. It eventually settled back on your face.

“He wants a meeting with you.”

“What?”

“You deaf?” She tilted her head. “He wants to meet with you in his office. Tomorrow night.”

“No.” Your response was fast.

You couldn’t face him. You’d rather never speak to him face to face again- your last in-person interaction, despite years ago, had been quite fond and you knew that whatever version of him you’d meet if you went would simply take on the image of the man you used to know.

Sevika frowned at you. “Are you okay?”

You were breathing hard. “No, I’m not. Get out.”

She stepped towards you. “[name].”

“What’s it about?” You hissed. “I’ll talk to you. Come on.” You stepped towards your office.

For a moment, you thought Sevika would protest, but she simply followed you silently after a quick moment of hesitation. You shut the door properly.

“Sit down.”

“I think I’ll stand.” There was a glint in her eye you didn’t miss.

“It wasn’t a request.”

Sighing and rolling her shoulders back, she assumed her usual position on the couch.

You didn’t sit down, choosing to remain standing. You crossed your arms, leg shaking. “What’s the issue?”

“It’s the men. They’re here for, er, other people.”

“What?” She couldn’t be any less clear- your pounding head was beginning to grow fuzzy. 

“You’re harbouring more wanted men and women than you think, or than you’d like to admit. We need to round them up, and finish them off,” she said steadily. You frowned at her.

“I’m not giving up innocent people,” you spat.

“Believe me, [name],” her voice was strained with exasperation. “They are far from innocent. Just hand them over, and this whole ordeal can be over. No more men at your door, no more Silco breathing down your neck.”

You took a deep breath, rubbing your face, considering her words.

“And I have your word that whatever happens to them next will be deserved, be it good or bad?” You asked quietly.

She was surprisingly solemn in her response. “You have my word.”

“Fine. I’ll round them up, and drop them off tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow night, the Last Drop. Ten o’clock.”

You scoffed. “Yeah, whatever you say. But-“ you held up your hand. “I want a trade.”

She stared at you. “What?”

You scowled. “You think I’ll just give away my men for free? I want something in return.”

She suppressed a groan. “And what might that be? Money? Shimmer?”

You bit your lip, thinking. “I need collateral.”

She stared at you blankly. “Well, we don’t have collateral.”

“Something I can hold over his head,” you ploughed on. She laughed. 

“You know I’m right here, right? It’s my boss you’re scheming against.”

“I don’t give a flying fuck. Whatever, just- give me men in return.” 

“Wh- men?”

“Employee for employee.” You’d fully regained your composure by now, and you adjusted the cuffs of your sleeves. “It’s only fair.”

She stared at you incredulously. “Well, who would you want?”

“I’ll take my pick when the time comes,” you hummed, waving her out. She scowled, flinging the door open. Hand still on the doorknob, she paused, twisting her head around.

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?” She snarled.

You grinned. “So I’ve been told.”

[thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai]

Happy Birthday, Yuuri!

To commemorate the birthday of our precious Katsudon, I would love to share with you this uplifting and light-hearted one-shot:

Summary: After another failed attempt at qualifying for the Grand Prix Final, Yuuri returns to Detroit on his birthday, defeated, disheartened, and determined to quit skating. All he wants is to mourn his missed chance to skate on the same ice as his long-time crush and idol in peace. But his roommate Phichit has different plans. Because a defeat is no reason to give up on your greatest dream.

Characters: Katskui Yuuri, Phichit Chulanont, Celestino Cialdini, Phichit's hamsters

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Self-confidence issues, Friendship, pre-canon, Viktor Nikiforov makes a cameo as merch, Phichit is the most annoying and most caring best friend, canon compliant, Yuuri lives and trains in Detroit, is this a pillow or an inflatable doll

Excerpt:

Yuuri sighed. The tears that had lurked in the corners of his eyes ever since his disastrous free skate two days ago welled up. “I will never make it to an international podium. I wanted to skate at the same level as Viktor, to stand on the podium with him. I wanted to win a gold medal for Japan. Just once. But I can’t see it ever happening.”

Phichit picked Taeng from his shoulder and handed the tiny fur ball to Yuuri. “But you’re getting there, Yuuri! You made it into the last group! You achieved a new personal best!”

I achieved this personal best with a higher base score and good programme component scores, but this can compensate for the flubbed jumps only so much. Other skaters are just better than me. It’s better to quit before my inaptitude destroys my last chance to impress Viktor.

“I was lucky because two skaters missed their jump combination,” Yuuri said, cupping the tiny hamster.

“See? Every skater has good and bad performances! That’s life! Just keep going, Yuuri! Viktor Nikiforov would never give up!”

Viktor Nikiforov is a natural and a genius. He’s never been in a situation where he thought about giving up.

“Yuuri.” Phichit patted Yuuri’s leg wearing a broad grin. “I’ve got you a gift that will cheer you up and keep the dream alive.” He pulled a long object enveloped in hearts-and-balloons wrapping paper from under Yuuri’s bed, “There you go!”

“Um, Phichit-kun.” Warmth spread inside Yuuri. He released Taeng on the comforter. ”You shouldn’t have.”

Phichit’s brown eyes shone with sincerity. “You’re my best friend, Yuuri. You helped me when I came here last year. You helped me build a labyrinth for my hamsters. Of course, I’ve got you a gift.” He pressed the huge, squishy object into Yuuri’s arms.

“Um, what is this? This feels either like a sleeping bag or a corpse wrapped into a rug.”

His friend’s laughter filled the small room. “Yuuri!” he exclaimed. “You’re almost right! You can take it with you to bed and there’s someone inside.” He picked up another hamster from the floor—Pensri, and set her on his shoulder. “So, it’s basically someone to sleep with.”

What? This was so typical for Phichit. I shouldn’t have told him I never had a relationship.

“If this is an inflatable doll, Phichit-kun…”

----

In the almost 4 years since I've discoverd Yuri!!! On Ice, Yuuri has given me so much. Because of of him, I was able to overcome my anxiety issues and figure out the last of my queer labels. Thank you for existing 💙��⛸

[astriiformes]

WORLD'S BIGGEST SIGH OF RELIEF

Professors say they can still write my letters of rec even though I got them my application materials fairly late. Folks I really thought I'd dug my own grave here.

[daily-hanamura]

[seagull-scribbles]

*Aggressively throws this at your head*

[bucketfullofstrawberries]

BREAKING NEWS: STUPIDEST MAN ALIVE (ME) SAVES HIMSELF FROM NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE (GETTING HACKED ON DISCORD) BY MANAGING TO SNUFF OUT A SCAM PRODDER BEFORE FRIENDING A POTENTIAL WEIRDO AND GETTING MY SHIT FUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!! HUZZAH!!!!!!!!!!!! I LIVE ANOTHER DAY!!!!!!!!

[bogkeep]

is it really plausible that i, a bundle of neuroses barely held together with duct tape, could have Anxiety for real

[wekillitwithfire]

truly something so empowering in just saying ‘fuck it we ball’. what a life changing mentality

[sailforvalinor]

!!

[biohazard-inevitable]

I think I’m going to explode I can only babysit so many anxiety spirals at a time universe why do you test me so

[bleakfated]

might do some dash lurking after i make dinner. slowly chipping away at drafts and asks in the background.

also heads up that i may archive if my ask box doesnt start behaving after i empty it because it is indeed still eating things and spitting them out months later

[akkivee]

the reason ichiro’s under the impression people just text their feelings at each other is because that’s how kuukou love mailed him all the time lmao

[mythcaels-a]

i always want to get into finding some way to do graphics commissions but still not knowing where to start or if my graphics are even good enough for it.

[blood-ology]

Man, I sure love shows about the hopeless future of the earth in the face of capitalism and climate change (<- me when I fucking lie)

[jorvikzelda]

I finished the stripe B)

[tittysuckersworld]

just went back through all my old art posts, and just, wow. i have inproved. like yeah, i still fumble and draw some stuff silly or bad. but its all mine. i made that. its less cringe at the bad art and more "wow i did that once." like i used to know where my very first sewing projects were, and whenever i looked at them i would laugh a little cause the stiches were inches long(like 3 cms) and the fabric was horible and the lil details i tryed to add looked like shit. plus the tiny pillows wernt even stuffed right, but it was mine. i made that. i took some fabric i liked from the fabric store and some extra stuff i had on hand and made it. i even worked really hard so no raw edges would be showing. they sucked and were some of the worst things ive ever made, but i made them. it was my start. now gotta gonna hopefully find all my old sketch books and find the drawings i was proud of to wonder at and redraw because gosh darn it i love art sooooo much. creation is just the best