#because i put the first rehearsal as a conflict

[adventures-in-mangaland]

Even More Dead Boy Detectives Fic Recs

I've discovered some amazing new authors since my last post! And writers I've already recced have published more great stories So here's another fic rec post!

Who? You mean your teammate in the Codependency World Cup? (series) by RoseGanymede95

I couldn't chose! They're all great! Basically a series of Edwin and Charles through the years and on cases pre-show. It scratches that adjusting-to-being-dead/newly-escaped-from-Hell itch and the authors writing is magic! It also fleshes out a really interesting conflict in the payneland dynamic: Charles' drive to protect Edwin at all costs clashing with Edwin's guilt over putting Charles at risk/depriving him of some ideal afterlife. Parts one and four also introduces Constantine/Johanna and part three revolves around an absolutely gut-wrenching temporary break-up. 😢

In Hell I'll Be in Good Company by laylabinx

Charles rescuing Edwin from Hell does not go smoothly. Just. Bucketloads of Trauma for both of them. And for you, the Reader. It's so good though!

your fangs in my neck (like an anchor like a vow) by shadowquill17

Vampire Edwin AU! It's great because it combines the (homo)eroticism of vampiric feeding with Charles' whole bisexual crisis and post-confession Edwin worrying about making Charles uncomfortable. Also Charles is some kind of demigod/immortal agent of divine vengeance which is an AMAZING detail and I desperately want to see some fanart!

The same author's ongoing story to the pain is also excellent though very angsty (cw temporary character death). I'm anxiously waiting for an update!

To Memory Now I Can't Recall by engineering_madonna

This is an amnesia fic and the most recent in an established relationship series. The first two installments feature the boys getting together and navigating their new relationship, so pulling the old 'character A forgets their whole romantic relationship with character B' trope hits especially hard! The whole series is lovely, but I am WEAK for temporary-amnesia.

Lemonade & Sunrises by paraph

A Quiet Place AU! The boys are alive, but they're the only ones. Very bleak but in a way that makes me want more!

1999 au (series) by websters_lieb

The boys figure their shit out in the 90s. Also, Edwin gets to read Maurice and queer theory. The cases in both stories are compelling and the author's writing and characterisation of the boys are excellent.

I also recommend offer me that deathless death which is about the boys' first meeting, Charles' funeral and the birth of the agency.

if I could reach the stars (i'd give them all to you) by ObsessedWithFandom

Charles falls first, Edwin falls harder. This is an AU of the author's excellent Charles' bisexual awakening fic, which I also highly recommend. It has lovely OCs and Charles having a sweet little friendship/romance with the boy he saved in canon, which actually makes his death a whole lot more tragic.

Came up from that lake of fire by ghostinthelibrary

Charles and Edwin get caught escaping Hell and promise to capture a demon-eating ghost called The Deathless in exchange for their freedom. With the added twist that they get to be alive again! An exciting case, high stakes and all the alive-again culture shocks and emotional/interpersonal drama you could ask for.

gig officially gigged by laiqualaurelote

Band AU! It shouldn't work but it does. Which might also be an in-universe review for the band tbh. Idk, I loved Edwin's massive obscure musical instruments and Charles being his unpaid roadie. Peak Found Family Feels.

No Rehearsing It, No Reversing It by DontOffendTheBees

Charles overthinks being in love with Edwin, my beloved. This time with increasingly flimsy pretexts for why they NEED to kiss. Just perfect Idiots in Love, no notes.

The Case of David Bowie's Made up Sexuality by williamvapespeare

The agency attempt to help a living lesbian couple deal with a haunting. Meanwhile, Charles struggles through his bisexual (re)awakening. With bonus past (living) Charles no-homo-ing himself to the nth degree. Pure of heart, dumb of ass, indeed.

The lamps are going out by CasiHuman

Vengeful Spirit Edwin AU! Has some interesting ghost lore and Edwin being convinced his touch is painful to Charles (love that trope!). Also features some of the author's adorable/hilarious fanart at the end.

just frame the halves (and call them brothers) by Anonymous

Crystal stumbles upon the ghost of Edwin's older brother, who hires the agency to free him and his platoon from the battleground they've been haunting. Case fic with interesting details about Edwin's family life and an awkward as hell family reunion.

the case of the very long ferry ride by obsceme

Sex pollen but with skin hunger, so it's more touching turned making out and hand jobs in a bathroom. Interesting use of ghost lore and it's cute and well written.

Form 239, Schedule L by sanctuary_for_all

Charles Rowland's Love Language is Acts of Service: The Fic. So many feels! Plus Afterlife worldbuilding and some quality Night Nurse rep.

don't go sharing your devotions (lay all your love on me) by Hephanna

The boys and Crystal accidentally summon an alternate universe version of Charles. He's very... handsy. Charles being jealous of himself is objectively hilarious and it looks like it could be heading towards throuple territory. Possibly even a foursome, if alternate Edwin figures out parallel universe travel. Which he probably will.

Still a Better Lovestory by Vamillepudding

Hanahaki disease! Charles is on the case but Edwin's being weirdly uncooperative about his own curse. I loved the worldbuilding (there's a whole sisterhood of washerwomen!) and the angst, plus the writing is excellent.

The author has also written Eternal Sunshine, in which Edwin is cursed to feel no love of any kind. It makes for an interesting character study, contrasting cursed Edwin, his public reserve and his actual personality.

[tsumuus]

The night air was cool against your skin, the breeze carrying the scent of cherry blossoms from the school grounds. It was the kind of night that made you feel like time could stand still, just for a moment. But you knew better- time was running out.

Graduation was looming, and with it, the inevitable end of the familiar rhythm you and Atsumu Miya had fallen into over the years. The late-night conversations, the shared looks that spoke louder than words, the casual touches that lingered just a bit too long. It was all about to change. You’d been in this undefined space with him since your first year, a situationship that was always on the brink of becoming something more but never quite crossing that line.

But tonight, you were determined to make a decision, to get it off your chest once and for all.

You found him sitting alone on the bleachers, gazing out at the empty volleyball court. His usual cocky grin was replaced with a rare, contemplative expression, as if he, too, could feel the weight of the impending end. The sight of him like this tugged at something deep inside you, making the words you’d rehearsed in your head for days catch in your throat.

“Atsumu,” you called softly, stepping closer.

He looked up, his eyes meeting yours with that familiar intensity that had always made it hard to look away. “Hey,” he said, his voice quieter than usual.

You took a deep breath, the words finally finding their way to the surface. “I have to tell you something. I don’t think I can keep it to myself any longer.”

He raised an eyebrow, a hint of a smirk playing at the corner of his lips. “Oh? What’s that?”

You swallowed, your heart pounding in your chest. “I love you, Atsumu.”

There it was- out in the open, hanging in the air between you like a fragile thread. For a moment, everything seemed to stop. You searched his face for a reaction, for any sign of how he felt about what you’d just confessed.

Atsumu’s expression softened, but instead of the response you’d hoped for, he let out a quiet sigh, running a hand through his hair. “It’ll pass,” he said, his tone almost dismissive, as if your confession was nothing more than a fleeting whim.

You blinked, not sure you’d heard him right. “What?”

“It’ll pass,” he repeated, looking at you with a mixture of resignation and something else- something you couldn’t quite place. “It’s just… You’re caught up in the moment. We’re graduating soon, everything’s changing. It’s natural to feel… this way.”

You felt a sharp pain in your chest, like the air had been knocked out of you. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. You’d imagined so many different scenarios, but none of them involved Atsumu brushing off your feelings like this.

“I know what I’m feeling,” you insisted, trying to keep your voice steady. “It’s not just because of graduation. It’s been there for a long time, and I-”

“Stop.” His voice was firmer now, and you could see the conflict in his eyes. “I don’t want you to regret saying this later. We’ve always been… this, and maybe that’s all we’re supposed to be.”

You stood there, the weight of his words settling over you like a heavy blanket. He wasn’t rejecting you outright, but he wasn’t accepting your feelings either. It was like he was putting up a wall, trying to protect both of you from something that could ruin the delicate balance you’d maintained for years.

“I just thought…” Your voice trailed off, the confidence you’d felt earlier slipping away. “I thought we could be more.”

Atsumu looked down at the ground, his jaw clenched. “Maybe in another time, another place,” he said quietly. “But right now… I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

The silence that followed was deafening. You could feel the tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. Not here, not in front of him.

“Okay,” you whispered, taking a step back. “I guess that’s my answer.”

Atsumu didn’t stop you as you turned to leave. He just sat there, watching as you walked away, his expression unreadable. You didn’t look back. You couldn’t.

As you made your way back home, the words he’d said echoed in your mind, over and over again.

It’ll pass.

But the truth was, you weren’t sure it ever would.

masterlist

[the-s1lly-corner]

uh, hi i’m pretty new to this but can you do a tadc headcannons for a reader who constantly wears a box and/or paper bag on their head because they don’t like how they look?

i’m not expecting you to see this! i’m just curious

TADC cast x reader who wears a box on their head due to their looks!

sorry it took me so long to get to this! my feelings have been in a bit of whirlwind lately and my motivation has taken a nose dive and i may or may not have stopped answering requests chronologically in favor of answering the ones that are easier on my brain </3

CAINE:

assuming he knows you wear it because you feel insecure, i think he would do his best to try to uplift you; especially if you guys are friends and/or partners! he cant stand the idea of you not liking yourself as much as he likes you, you know? makes it a point to tell you that he thinks youre attractive, as well as giving you extra affection... kind of goes overkill, will likely do way too much to try to cheer you up. like im talking he probably dedicates a firework show to you or puts your name in lights, stuff like that to let you know that he cares a lot... but hes got good intentions, i promise!

POMNI:

i think she would find out about the reason behind the box after you open up to her about it. she always just assumed that it was a part of your digital body... and it very well could be, just detachable, like how zooble can take parts of themselves off... not the best at comforting you and telling you youre pretty, but i think her awkwardness and stammering makes her words more sincere. they dont sound rehearsed and scripted, you know? it sounds more natural and earnest. you cant help but believe her when she says she thinks youre pretty, if you decide to show her what you look like under the box

RAGATHA:

also very sweet about it. does not ask for you to take off the box, but she does express that you can unwind around her... very reassuring whenever its brought up, in fact i dont think she wound bring it up unless you did, fearing that she would make you feel pressured to take it off. little scenario but i do think that if you took the box off around her for the first time she kind of just. doesnt notice for a moment before actually paying attention and she kind of just stands there and stares, before simply saying youre beautiful. doesnt make a big stink of it, you know?

JAX:

has probably drawn on your box at least once or put something on it (gum, stickers, slime, ect) but i dont think he would keep doing it when he finds out why you do it... though.... he does purposefully break gangles mask/steps on it so im not... actually sure about that. hmm... i think he would try to play it casual when you bring up your thoughts of yourself to him, though it may come off as him minimizing your feelings. to put it simply jax doesnt think there should be a huge fuss about it. i mean its not like its your real face... might lead to some conflict due to him not having much empathy, for you.. apologies to the jax enjoyers but i do think he would steal the box to try to prove that its not that deep

KINGER:

also thinks that the box is just a part of you before you fill him in on the reasoning around it. displays some brief curiosity before apologizing for prying. i think he would have a similar scenario to ragatha where he wouldnt realize that you took the box off around him for a minute... though unlike ragatha, he doesnt just say youre pretty. i think he would pick apart every part of your face and complement it.. though, i think he generally complements every aspect of you, face or not... you know? not quite as bold as caine, but just as much of a sap, you know?

ZOOBLE:

kind of understands, since theyre a little... complicated and they like switching out their parts to fit whatever feel that want to have that day. but im not sure how deep their feelings would go, because i can kind of see them being similar to jax in this scenario, but less of an asshole. they wont take your box, nor will they write off your insecurities because they actually hold some understanding to them. i think they would offer to help you find a look that you feel comfortable with, sometimes a little something can change a lot of things, you know? but if its something more deep rooted, they would let you talk about it... doesnt speak much on the box since ultimately thats youre business. though, you cant help but notice them complimenting your skills and talents more now that youve opened up to them

GANGLE:

i think she would relate to it. i recall seeing someone say that gangle isnt actually more confident and happy with her comedy mask, rather its a false thing to pretend theyre happy. and honestly, i can see it. id tag the person but i saw this a while ago and i failed to save it </3

moving on, i think she would find some kind of relatability in you. like sure, its not the exact same thing, but you guys are both hiding aspects of yourself behind an object. she wouldnt ever dare make you feel pressured to take it off around her. i think out of all the characters, asides ragatha, shes the best with making you feel comfortable. you can take it off around her when youre ready. i dont think she would flood you with compliments, but i do think she would do her damndest to make you feel good about yourself. leaves you lots of notes reminding you how much she values you + little doodles

[floradinterlunium]

The Car Conversation Was Actually Validating !

Anyone that pays attention can see that Jungkook can spend all day with Jimin and still miss him when he isn’t near.

Anyone that pays attention can see that Jungkook’s love language is quality time. This is why he so frequently visits Jimin at night, because it’s the only time they have alone together. For Jungkook it doesn’t matter if he spends all day with Jimin if that time is spent with him and other people. This is why we get Tae saying things like “Jungkook is keeping Jimin from coming.” Or why Jikook have been coined the “All nighter friends.” Or why they will stay up ALLLL night together regardless of their busy schedules…it’s the only time they ever have alone together. 

So why do I say all this…I say this because some people struggle with not seeing the big picture...or to put it more simply they struggle with contextualizing conversations like the Car Conversation.

In the car conversation Jungkook and Jimin both implied they hadn’t spent time together due to their conflicting schedules. And we all knew this. This is what every Jikooker was shouting since their solo careers started. When Jimin was busy Jungkook was not, when Jungkook was busy, Jimin was not. This made it difficult for them to see each other. That said, we also know for a FACT that they did see each other within that time. Jungkook goes to JM’s rehearsal, Jungkook records Letter in the studio with JM, Tae and Jimin hangout with Jungkook, they have drinks together before Jins enlistment, they see each other at concerts, JM mentions discussing music over drinks with Jungkook for hours, JK mention (although disputed) JM moving his lamp, Jungkook and JM both correspond over lives together, and there are other times we can suspect Jm was over JK's. So it’s clear that they did see each other and talk during their busy schedules.

SO why did JK speak as though they never did? It goes back to what I mentioned first...Jungkook seems to quickly go through Jimin withdrawals...he often looks sad the minute Jimin is pulled away from him and simply doesn't like it.

Or sometimes JK would even cheat if it meant being near or on the same team as Jimin.

Above all else, JUngkook desires Jimin's time and attention. He wanted JM to make more of an effort to see him, which is why JM defends himself in this conversation with but "I did call you."

But, the calls and the times they did see each other weren't enough for JK. Most of the times they’d seen each other was around other people, it wasn’t quality time. Jungkook was used to seeing Jimin daily…and that daily went to once every blue moon and often with other people around. Jungkook was clearly bothered by this…the car conversation and Jungkook’s lives made this clear. Jungkook was not okay with this distance .

Jungkook in that same conversation says if it weren't for these trips they probably wouldn't have ever been able to hang…in my opinion this statement alludes to his busy work schedule and ultimately their enlistment ."We wouldn't have been able to have quality time together prior to enlistment" is the sentiment I felt. Jimin responds looking into JK's soul "that's why I came here" Neither one of them knew at this point that they were going to be able to enlist together, so in their minds if they weren't able to do these trips they would have been separated for a year and a half. So when Jungkook said “you’re here finally,” this was elation…it’s a sign that their “distance” wasn’t by choice. It was circumstance. They wanted to be together. and now that they were he was happy!

People taking this conversation to mean they aren't that close are wild... because it actually proves the opposite! They are incredibly close...so close in Jimin's own words he went to NYC and Connecticut and did this show to be spend time with Jungkook. And even Jungkook in the midst of his busy schedule did this show to spend time with Jimin. If that does not SCREEEEEAAAAAM closer than close to you . . . Than think about what he said a little deeper . .

Jimin wanted to spend time with Jungkook so he planned to travel to NYC to see him, but due to military restrictions he could only travel out of country for work, so he came up with the idea for a travel show. All to spend time with Jungkook. This can be downplayed but JM confirmed this by saying..."that's why I came here!" And what was Jungkook's response to all this... "you're finally here." Not just yay you're hear...no...you're finally here!

So if that convo got you doubting ask yourself why? We been knew they weren't hanging out as much as they were before due to work schedules,,,this convo confirmed it. We been knew JK was struggling with not having his Jimmy (don't let that laugh fool you) this convo confirmed it. We speculated this whole travel show was a ruse to spend time together...JM slick confirmed it!

[sophieinwonderland]

My headcannon is that when human beings first came to existence, they were supposed to have alters and headmates to share the load of work, but then it just went away, but all of them are still in the back of every person’s mind like: “Dude, what the hell? Tell Tiffany you didn’t wanna go to that party! Screw being late to school, pet that damn dog!” And we just perceive that as our thoughts and talking to ourselves. /j

—Geovanni

Seriously though, what do you think (or is there evidence of) a survival mechanism behind plurality, or did it begin when urban and modern society began due to stress and such?

Ooh! There are so many layers to this! This is going to be fun! 😊

20,000 BC

I think we can start with dissociation, because let's face it, living in the past probably would have been pretty traumatic. And it makes sense people would have a mechanism to separate themselves from that trauma.

Imagine the year is 20,000 BC. You're a child being raised in a home made of the bones of the mighty mammoths. The world outside is a harsh, frigid wasteland. It's kill or be killed. And you've been taught this from a young age. Your youth is preparing to hunt the monsters that stalk the land, like the great beast whose bones were used to construct your home.

As you grow, you likely would find yourself living a dual-life. On one hand, you're the killer, the hunter of monsters. On the other, you need to be kind and caring to your family and friends because humans are social creatures. You need to be able to put the killer inside you to sleep when you're at home.

I don't usually think of the metaphor of having a work self and home self as being a plural thing. But I think it might become one when your "work self" involves entering a dangerous world of monsters where you need to hunt to survive every day.

This, I feel, is a good explanation for the evolutionary advantage of dissociation to our ancestors

But that leaves out non-traumagenic plurality.

Before we get to this, let's talk about something that isn't plural itself but is related.

Evolution of Dream Characters!

Here's one curious feature of humanity that we all kind of take for granted...

We have a holodeck in our head! An ability to, every night, create realistic mental simulations of the world.

There are many explanations for this ability, but personally, I take the view that it's intended as a conflict simulator. A danger room without the danger. How do you ensure that a species will survive the dangers of the world? You let them simulate the dangers they expect will happen every single night. It's like how a speech will go better if you rehearse what you're going to say first. Being forced to simulate a hunt will you make better prepared for it.

In my opinion, dreams are rehearsal for battling sabretooth tigers.

This is why so many dreams involve conflict, and even why we so often have nightmares. A nightmare is just your mind simulating how you would deal with something you're afraid of.

But where this gets really interesting and scary is that dreams don't just simulate circumstances and creatures. Dreams simulate people.

This also makes a lot of sense from an evolutionary perspective. There's an advantage to being able to predict how other people would react to you, and replay scenarios in your mind to train yourself for human interaction.

The strange thing is that these temporary people that we call dream characters are often fully autonomous. Even most lucid dreamers who learn to control other aspects of their dreams still can't control their dreams characters.

To me, this only makes sense if dream characters are temporary dissociated agents. Not exactly alters since they don't front. And not even full headmates since they don't last longer than the dream. But using similar mechanisms.

Evolution of Tulpas and Daydream Characters

With all of this in mind, I want to point out that daydreams and imagination exist for a similar reason as dreams. They're to simulate things. The difference is that daydreams and imagination are usually more controlled and less autonomous. You choose the simulation you want to run.

The reason that tulpas are able to exist is that, if someone were to imagine the same character over and over again, the brain might see that character as being more important. Conscious control over an imaginary character slows the simulation down and can interfere with it running, so the simulation needs to become automatized. And over time, with repeated interaction, that simulation could grow to develop its own autobiographical memories and become fully sapient.

In 20,000 BC, it wouldn't be recognized as a headmate, but probably some sort of external spirit or deity.

But why do these things work this way? Why is it possible for tulpas to exist, be sentient, and even front?

The brain is lazy

I think the brain's design cut corners and uses the same mechanisms for all of these that it uses to make the singlet "self."

There's a certain logic to this. If you need the brain to simulate other sentient people, why wouldn't it just use the same ones it uses to simulate the host?

Especially when the brain wasn't designed. These various mechanisms likely just evolved out of each other. Did the brain evolve to simulate a "self" first and later evolve to simulate "other" people? Or did we have the ability to simulate other people first, and later our sense of self evolved from that?

Whatever the case may be, I'm sure one did evolve from the other, and this is the reasons for a lot of the oddities we experience in plurality.

Anyway, that's my theory! 😁

[annawrites444]

Matchups!

@sugutoad

A/N: I'm so sorry this is like a week late I was swamped with school and theatre rehearsals 😭 Thank you for your patience <3 ALSO we are name twins... Annas for the win :D

I was also soooo conflicted on who to pair you with because I see you with both Jason AND Percy equally, but Percy matches your type moreee to me sooo...

I matched you up with......Percy Jackson

Okay Percy is YOUR guy-you have this alluring personality that honestly just drew him in... Like the tide.... get it... (okay im done lmao)

But anyways he's definitely head over heels after he first meets you, I always see Percy as this really well balanced guy, I mean yes he has his moments like any other teen but he is a very understanding guy. Sally raised him RIGHT.

If you guys are ever in a conversation and someone speaks over you or if he interrupts you by accident I know for a FACT that he's sticking up for you making sure you're heard and understood.

On another note, he really does love your voice, I mean he loves everything about You but your soft voice really does calm him in the best way.

It's a canon thing that children of Aphrodite have the most magical eyes and I know he can just absolutely lose himself in yours, he would definitely throw some compliments your way.

Speaking of insecurities and struggles, Percy has had his fair share of insecure moments and while he is more on the social side, he completely understands if you need to kinda take a break from people

and though he hasn't had younger siblings to take care of he is 100% there for you. (Yk how in the show he tells Annabeth to "Be A Kid" I think he would be like that for you too) He would want you to of course put yourself first, yes being there for your siblings is important but taking time for yourself is vital :)

And when you feel like your judgment may be clouded I think Percy knows how to balance that out well and be reasoning with you too

OOOh and the sense of humor, I know Percy has very witty and dry humor at times- I can picture you both throwing out line after line of sarcastic remarks trying to one up the other

He loves the banter you guys might have during quests you're both on or in camp on a regular morning during breakfast, he would just love to joke around with you

Following that earlier point I made- when you pressure yourself too much and sort of spiral, whether it's because of your parents or because of school, Percy is always there to reassure you, and while an 85 to you may be disappointing to him it deserves high, high praise.

I think he would try to work with you to not be so hard on yourself, like when you have to be there for your siblings, your parents, for school, and additionally for camp too??!! You need to just take a breather and he is totally up for that. He would be the first person at your cabin door knocking with some movie snacks (chocolate included) and be down for a binge watching session of your favorite anime or other comfort shows <3

BAKING- okay so, You and Percy bake one night at camp when you sneak into the kitchens after curfew. You came prepared with your hair tied back, apron on and ready. Percy on the other hand was in pajamas with his hair in his eyes but nonetheless was so excited to be there. You both get out your ingredients and when you begin making blue cupcakes. While you are practically a pro at this, Percy is getting batter on himself and on his workspace and while he's stirring some even flies into your hair. You yelp in surprise and flick some batter from your spoon onto his shirt, thus begins your blue-batter-food war. Safe to say you only had enough batter for a few cupcakes but you guys had fun regardless.

I see Percy's personality and yours meshing well together, especially your love languages, when you're a demigod you live a risky life so you're never sure if you'll make it back from a quest to your loved ones, because of this (Percy especially since he's a kid of the big 3) you and Percy make it a point to take a few days out of the weeks you're at camp to dedicate them to each other, he would love to just sneak you into his cabin and cuddle up on a cool night and just talk with you, (yk the meaningful convos people have late at night? thoseee) he would talk about anything with you, running his fingers through yours long hair, he would memorize every expression you make. He'd memorize everything about you to imagine to himself whenever he's a part from you

I hope you enjoyed the matchups ( I absolutely love the match up you gave me <3 )

*also lmk if you're interested in another matchup bc I equally see you with Jason and would love to write for you and him too :) *

Thank you!!

-Anna

[snobgoblin]

too tired to draw but I got Danny brainrot so I'm gonna take this ask game and just fill out the ones I want to lmao

💛 How easy is it for your character to laugh?

see you really have to catch him off guard because he tends to be kind of stern and standoffish? he wants to be respected (and is very socially awkward) so he generally won't laugh unless you really throw something unexpected at him- or unless hes very comfortable with you. also he hates puns and will groan when hearing them (glances at Julian)

💛 How does he put himself to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

stimming... often he'll fall asleep watching some weird little moving doohickey. he can't let his thoughts get to him or he'll be up all night. this way he sleeps like a rock. sometimes he sleeps against the window if it's not too cold and watches the fog swoooosh in the moonlight

💛 How easy is it to earn his trust?

depends on your definition of "trust". like he trusts Portia pretty easily because she spilled secrets to him first and he knows he has leverage over her, in a way. but he will NOT let you have any leverage over him unless he has something on you first. part of it is paranoia from living in a world with magical beings- he won't even give his full name to strangers for fear of them having power over him. he doesnt trust easily to say the least

💛 Does he consider laws flexible, or immovable?

pretty flexible. part of him is like "rules i must follow rules i must have defined boundaries" but another part of him is like "all these rules are made up and arbitrary anyway so I should just be guided by what I consider to be right or wrong" so he's conflicted about it I guess. he does pay his taxes though. unlike Asra and Lucio

💛 What was he told to stop/start doing most often as a child

READING PEOPLES MAIL. he's naturally curious so he would go through his father's satchel when he was home and snoop in people's business. he learned how to not leave any evidence he was in them, which he uses for some investigations

💛 Does he swear? Does he remember his first swear word?

he doesnt usually. he may occasionally say "damn it" or "gods" if he's really screwed but he's really not one to swear. he's super tame with it. if he's really done with Lucio's shit in any route he might say "let's kick his ass"

💛 How does he cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

INVESTIGATES. if he's confused he will ask questions. if he can't ask questions without drawing suspicion he will Find Out Another Way whether that be books or going through your belongings, in extreme cases

💛 What color does he think he looks best in? Does he actually look best in that color?

he thinks he looks great in gold and he does but honestly he looks good in any color he's very handsome. my favorites to put him in are deeeeep red and purples

💛 What animal does he fear most?

you would be hard pressed to find an animal he IS afraid of tbh. he happily approaches snakes, wolves, and poorly trained (biting) hunting dogs- he's not afraid of bugs either

💛 How does he speak? Is what he says usually thought of on the spot, or does he rehearse it in his mind first?

he lives in his mind and lot. he thinks more than he speaks and he doesn't always realize it. if it's a planned meeting or something he'll often rehearse or try to prepare but he's not generally *too* anxious about it. just socially awkward. but he doesn't dwell on it too hard usually especially if he's working at a higher goal

💛 Is he easily embarrassed?

yes.

💛 What embarrasses him?

being perceived slash being vulnerable in any way shape or form. if you see him doing anything that can't be seen as cool and mysterious or respectable in some way he thinks he's ruined

💛 What is his favorite number?

15

might revisit this game later but for right now I have satisfied the brain worms

[kyupidos]

08/??/23’s delivery 🏹✉️ genshin impact

time spent with themヽ( ･∀･)ﾉ_θ彡☆Σ(ノ `Д´)ノ,ヽ( ･∀･)ﾉ_θ彡☆Σ(ノ `Д´)ノ ;; summary. ‘where they do invite you when time is free?’

characters. cryo vision holders : chongyun, ganyu, kaeya alberich , ayaka kamisato ( separate ) ;; platonic . 🖇️ tags. reader is gender neutral ( you/your ), reader isn’t specified to be anyone in particular ( just close to the character ), fluff

📡 _a/n. really hope the genshin fandom treats me kindly. first genshin post, so i’m posting for the cryo vision holders because they’re ICONS. simple post bc why not? also, haven’t played since early 2022 so apologies if these are ooc/conflict w canon!

chongyun

— the purely positive yang energy filled exorcist chongyun is quite the fan of the spoken tales of liyue, so oftentimes he’ll ask you to come along with him when he knows you have the time.

— he may invite you to the library or anywhere else that stores or rehearses stories, but most times he’ll bring you along to listen to the stories of iron tongue tian at third-round knockout, where you both may find yourself immersed in the story within minutes of its start.

— every now and then, he’ll casually whisper to you some commentary in regards to the story, asking for your’s as well. though, some random thoughts might end up mixed in as well. ‘i wonder if this really is based off a true story,’ and ‘ah, wait, i ran out of popsicles..’ are just some of the phrases you may hear.

— though, sometimes between the two of you, it’s just plain silence as you listen to the words of the storyteller before you. not that it’s any issue, it’s a comfortable silence and you know for a fact that you’ll end up indulging in long commentary and critique when the story is done.

— but if you turn your head to face him, it’s clear to see how much he enjoys this time spent, especially since it’s time spent with you.

ganyu

— whenever ganyu gets a break off a work, she particularly likes to spend her free time at wangshu inn. and, when she knows that you’re free too, she finds it in herself to invite you to spend time there with her.

— frequently with you, she loves to just relax and engage in conversation with you, about just anything really, as she drinks some water in a tea cup and offers to get you your preferred beverage. every now and then she might unconsciously bring up work, so don’t hesitate to remind her that this is her time off.

— on a slightly separate note, she may also ask you for advice on random subjects, like clothing to wear and starting a garden. she’s rather unsure about these sorts of things herself, at least on how to start, so she appreciates all sorts of input. even if it leads to her failing miserably, she still wants your opinions.

— all in all, she just really appreciates having a nice and relaxing conversation with you, it truly does put her mind at ease knowing your opinions and thoughts on certain topics. the qilin might also even vent her frustrations with you, and allow you to do so as well. knowing what’s on your mind seems to soothe her all the same.

kaeya

— calvary captain kaeya quite enjoys spending time in taverns, spending more time there than he does at the knights headquarters. though if you don’t like the atmosphere? he’s fine with that as well, hanging out just outside and sitting down on a bench to enjoy his favorite wine, and for you to enjoy your own preferred beverage.

— most of the time it’s random small talk, though it’s also just a sort of ‘go with the flow’ sort of thing, if you get that. he might ask you about your time in mondstat, or if you’re strong enough ( especially if you have a vision ), he’ll ask if you want to join him on his knightly excursions. though he really just wants a lesser load, it’s nice to fight alongside you as well. if you’re up for it.

— though he won’t invite you if it’s particularly dangerous, he’s still sure to tell you all about it, whether through an elaborate and possibly exaggerated tale or a dramatized complaint of the overwork. he might not be able to tell you some bits, due to having to keep things private for the knights of favonius, but he’ll tell you whatever he can mention, if you’re interested.

— back on the topic of random conversation, he actually gossips quite a bit with you about whatever it is he happened to overhear that particular day. all in good fun though, unless you have any drama you’re willing to share, which he is ready to listen to, with commentary and everything.

ayaka

— it was a bit hard to pin down exactly where she’d like to hang out with you, so taking inspiration from her story quest, most likely she’d take you around inazuma city, visiting various locations all the while.

— now, it’s not exactly the calmest of times to hang out with her, but she does her best to make you feel comfortable nonetheless. perhaps she may bring you to a restaurant to try the foods, or to ‘oruga textiles & kimonos’ to get some inazuman fashion advice.

— she might accidentally end up busying herself along the way, but not to worry, because whenever this is the case she promises to make it up to you, and make it up to you she does. at the end of every outing, she’ll invite you to kamisato manor, drinking tea and chatting away until it’s time for you to resign for the day.

[t-nd-rfoot]

Hi can I please get the 7th prompt from forbidden love w/ either bob or Mickey? Ty!

BEFORE YOU DO aka The Best Man For You

The most important decision should be made at your wedding, not before it.

Summary Mickey asks you to choose between your head and your heart the day before you get married

Pairing Mickey Garcia x engaged!reader

Theme angst

Warning/s reader is engaged to someone else; mentions of cheating; mentions of toxic relationship; emotional cheating?; conflicted feelings; prompt altered to fit dialogue

Word Count 701

Note Hi, Anon! Sorry huhu there was no specified list between the two forbidden love prompt lists so I just chose 😬 Also, sorry if I made you wait for this, I was literally halfway through my first draft when I realized the prompt wouldn't work with it 🙃 nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it and thank you for requesting!

Playlist (coming soon)

If you enjoyed this, please reblog! Reblogs are the best way to support creators (writers, artists, gif makers, everyone!) on this platform. Share the content, share the love!

“Don’t marry him.”

Your eyes shifted across the mirror and found Mickey—your fiancé’s best man—locking the bathroom door behind him and rushing over to you.

“Mickey, what are you—”

You were suddenly wrapped in Mickey’s arms, forehead resting on yours, hands cradling your cheeks.

“Don’t marry him. Please, please, please don’t marry him,” he whispered and begged, “you know he’s not right for you, and you know how I feel about you, and I know deep inside of you, you feel the same way.”

Guilt and longing battled inside you.

It pained you to know that Mickey tugged on your heartstrings more than your fiancé did. He was a good man, you kept trying to convince yourself. He provided for you just like any dutiful partner would. He greeted you with a kiss every morning and night—sometimes, he’ll even look up from his phone as he did so. He always asked you how your day went—before he locked himself up in his study. He showered you jewelry and flowers—only once, you saw someone else’s name on the card. He is a good man, you kept trying to convince yourself, in front of everyone else. And that’s what matters.

But then there was Mickey. It always confused you how he and your husband were related because they were polar opposites. Your fiancé was a talker; he was a listener. Your fiancé was stubborn; he was adventurous. Your fiancé was extravagant; he was simple. But Mickey was also the closest thing your fiancé had for a brother, so you maintained a boundary. And while the two of you have kept things platonic for the most part, you couldn’t help but notice all the subtle comments and gestures that said otherwise.

And little did you know how it hurt him to see your cousin dangle you like a little accessory: nice to show off to everyone only to take you off and stow you away until he needed to use you again. How you had to ask for his opinions on the wedding plans because his cousin couldn’t care less, only wanting to ‘lock you down.’

“I leave for base the day after tomorrow. If we leave now, we have time to get your things ready so you could come with me. We’ll never have to leave each other again.”

“Mick…” Tears welled in your eyes. Not just because your emotions were flooding, but because he was right. You constantly tried to put out the flame you held for him, but you couldn’t deny anymore to yourself that there was always something there. But how would it look to his family—to your fiancé—if you up and left him for his cousin at your dress rehearsal?

Your hands fell from his arms as you shook your head. You wanted this too, but there was too much at stake, and you weren’t sure if you were ready to face the consequences.

“We can’t—”

“No, sweetheart. You can’t.” He didn’t even want you to finish that sentence, not ready to accept your decision to push through with the wedding that isn’t meant to be. “I’ve been wearing my heart on my sleeve for you, and you…throw it away. Every time, you choose him, and I don’t know how much more I can take.” His voice strained of the emotional exhaustion he’s put himself through to do this.

“I’m sorry,” he said, trying to calm down, “but please, please. I promise you, if you do, you won’t ever regret it. Or I’ll be gone. Forever.”

You knew he wasn’t just talking about his deployment anymore. If you pushed through with this wedding, whatever was happening between you can’t go on.

“I…” You couldn’t find the words.

He could sense the wave of emotions inside you. So instead of demanding an answer, he held on tightly to what little patience he had left and kissed your forehead, as though that might soften the battle between your mind and heart.

“We still have time. If you want this, meet me by the fountain outside. I’ll be waiting for you.”

And just as quickly as he came in, he left, waiting for you to make the biggest decision of your life.

Disclaimer  I do not own Top Gun: Maverick or any of its characters. Please do not copy my work or translate without my permission.

(edited layout)

[rewordthis]

Watching Bucchigiri?! and waiting for the last episode to air can be conflicting.

Do I want it to end or do I hope for a second season for some more explanations (highly unlikely btw)? Do I let it go, because from the get go it was an incoherent attempt from the producers to connect dots randomly put on the paper? Or do I stay for the music, some cool characters (ok 2— but still) and the ‘what may be’? Genuinely asking here...

Arajin, as an antihero-type (more like pathetic) mc sure isn’t the first one I’ve seen, but good god he’s the stupidest!

He’s so blissfully blind and singleminded that to be honest, I see what Senya felt attracting him and possessed him. lmao Even he mentions that this is the way of life and a innate trait of those aspiring to become honkibito; to singlemindedly pursue their goal: to become honki.

Notice how it is shown, that the crypt in the temple opens the same time that Arajin rehearses his introduction for his female classmates in his new school. Peak confidence moment for him, if you ask me! 🤭

Following that logic, of genies being attracted to specific traits of their vessels, the bullet hit Arajin because Senya had chosen him. He actually says first thing when he sees him: “またはずれか” aka: “another miss?”, which means that he’s already tried to posses people many times before.

But, I want to point out some things that are showing through in the series, and this is going to be one long-ass and winding post, so buckle up I guess, if you dare to read further down below the cut!

◆ As for those of you that have a short fuse and still opened this, I’ll be kind and tell you that you can skip to the last paragraph (green colour) for what my expectations are for the final episode. Cheers~

◆ So here we go:

1. Honkibito: 本気人 or マジン (majin) as Senya says and Usagi-san has already very coherently explained here, are spirits that are free to posses whoever they feel more attracted to or consider strong enough for their goals and can equally, easily abandon anyone that doesn’t have it in him. It: is the overpowering desire/will (nozomi) that one holds in his heart. Also, in my boop-induced stupor, I commented on a post, that honki may have been a word play for stars, seeing how the theme is 1000+1 nights and Senya’s symbol is the sun while Ichiya’s is the moon, but love, I am not sure when my moments happen correctly… I was just thinking that 本(hon) can invoke a recall on 本能(honou) instinct -> 炎(hono) flames -> 星(hoshi) stars (because they burn) -> 欲しい(hoshi-i) desire (this is completely inaccurate though, in terms of how the actual pronunciations are and the kanjis… I’m sure the kanjis don’t stem from the same sources either) and I also, actually thought that 本鬼 or 本生 could be other ways to write it. Because 本鬼 could be read as honki: real/wood demon (Akutaro refers to Senya as oni (demon)): and in the Chinese astrology there’s the demon star (7killings and represents the warrior — though it represents the wrong way of using power) and I mostly based what I said about stars on the thought that, what if it means it falls under a wood master since wood grows tall to reach the sky and they fight to reach their higher/true selves? Because aspiring to reach your higher state is like aspiring to get a seat on the sky, appointed by Zeus(!) and that meant you had to die in battle as a true warrior for that to happen (also the spirit probably needs to be free and not “sealed”, too) — hence why they turned into genies instead. (Still new to Chinese astrology here though, and honestly very fucking confused… 😵‍💫 Sorry… ) But there is actually, arcane knowledge about how someone could become a Hero in ancient times which was happening during time intervals in correspondence with the zodiac cycle, however one had to be initiated through a ceremony; one such being The Eleusinian Mysteries. And 本生, can it be read as honki, too (huge stretch here. Help!)? Because that may apply to the spartan/straight-way of life the warriors live, but apparently there’s also a famous buddhist work that is titled Jataka Tales, which I had no clue until now, when I tried to search the kanjis... Ok. I think I exhausted my stupidity quota with this one, I should be studying a lot more consistently than just brain-dumping everything in a mixer and expect a smoothy later. Haha 😅

2. Senya and Ichiya were once humans. And by the time they were killed they were very much vulnerable and well, human and killable. Ichiya, especially was very much in anger at that time without managing to solve the issue he had with Senya…

3. They were sealed (Senya’s words) when they were killed after the wars had ended. (Poor guys did their mission and didn’t get to play after… 🥺) This actually leads me to believe that their souls ie: spirit (気) was bound by a spell to not the bullet (because how else was Arajin able to reshoot himself? the bullet never gets lost or the pistol refilled…), but rather the crystals on the pistols. Each one was killed by only one pistol with their corresponding colour on its crystals. By the way, it is said that crystals can be bearers of supernatural powers or cages of spirits, because of their close relation to the earth and therefore all the energies that run through her. If you have seen anything from Jujutsu Kaisen, these pistols are what is considered a “cursed object” practically.

4. The fact that nobody can see Senya or Ichiya (they can’t even see each other, please! 😫), unless they touch the bullet makes me think that their spirit gets projected into the material world through there but it’s otherwise only seen by their vessel because they are part of its aura. Also, I don’t think ichiya ever really possessed Akutaro because he probably didn’t shoot himself. I mean, we don’t see him having a bullet on him, ever. And if he did have, he would have been alarmed by Ichiya asking him to put the pistol in Matakara’s hands and shoot himself, no? Sir, I think Ichiya only rode him until he could find Matakara, but I’m not sure how. 🧐 Maybe the black spirit was how he possessed him. Or maybe not. Also, maybe because Ichiya wanted to leave but couldn’t until someone he wanted more would use the gun (and Akutaro wasn’t dying atm) he just stayed to search for someone strong. Ichiya has been out at least half a year before Senya found Arajin. Upon finding out about Senya he can feel the clock ticking. And he sure didn’t know about Senya’s state until Arajin punched Akutaro. He realised that this was his chance! He was also pressed, to force Matakara into using the gun because he’d never do it on his own…. And Ichiya really wants to fight Senya… And maybe genies are able to stay as long as either of them wants to merge… I mean, both Senya and Ichiya tried to leave mid-fight to let their vessels die during it or to force them make up their minds maybe, but somehow they were both still connected to them and stick around because they wanted for their vessels to make a resolution in their heart and use their power. Arajin didn’t want Senya but Senya wanted him, so he stayed until Arajin literally felt betrayed by him. I think Senya was able to leave the whole time, he just chose to stay. He was amazed that Arajin was even able to initiate a merge all by himself. He’s one special idiot, if you ask me. But after finding out what merging meant, there was no point in staying with someone that didn’t trust him anymore… 😕

5. Why did I mention aura earlier, though? How is it into play here? Because Matakara could see Ichiya’s darkness lurking in the temple ever since he was a little kid. And I’m steadfast on my belief that this darkness stems from Ichiya, because not only was it on his side in the panel picture but it also seemed to form a writing of his name when it settled…. But, back to the point. Why could Matakara see it? Could his brother see it, too? Well, I’m not sure about Mitsukuni, because he didn’t seem to notice it, but Matakara could definitely see it. It’s because he has a pure soul. There’s honestly nothing better — and worse at the same time — than someone having a 100% pure soul. They are kind, bright and a treasure (ironic — I know…) to those around them, but darling, they are hell broken loose when they get a change of heart and play for the other team. Matakara’s pure, kind side is a lot like Makoto’s from Free! but at the same time I get many Keisuke/Kurosuke vibes from him! (I mean, I still have beef with NitroChi for never releasing official birthdays for that vn! 😤 I always feared that Keisuke could be a Libra, but he’s far more likely to be an Aries at this point.) I also had flashbacks at how Marito called Matakara Arajin’s dog, of how Kurosuke was mad at Akira because he thought he treated him like a dog! 😭 As n said: “stagnant water gets dirty and can’t return to its original state again…’.  Dear god! This must be one of the most beautiful allegories I have seen in anime, if not in general. Water cleanses, is the source of life, but when it pools it gets dirty and dangerous… It’s how powerful a weapon true purity can turn out to be… (Stray thought, btw, but why do you think angels are portrayed as ferocious warrior beings but are still the most pure, huh?)

6. Also, Matakara’s birthday is a day that signifies constant change in the person’s life. It’s frustrating that these individuals are supposed to realise later in their life how the family they originated from hadn’t really helped them at all at evolving or how they need to make ‘amends’ of sorts with their mom especially, to feel comfortable to forge bonds. Yeah… I don’t think so, darling. They are considered saviours of some sort, which in turn puts pressure on them, but in a good way. What triggered me the most reading this, is that they are loners in their core and only consider like one or two people ‘theirs’. Anyone noticed how he only calls Mitsukuni, nii-chan or Arajin, Ara-chan and how fixated he is on ‘saving’ Ken-san for last? Anyone? I’m accepting offers! It’s because these are the two most important people in his life. They are his bonds. His only, truly, fully acknowledged bonds! Kenichiro, is only tangentially important to him, because he was the only one that was second to his brother. Nothing more. So, very sorry for those who got upset when he told Zabu that he doesn’t really know him, because he absolutely meant it. It’s the truest thing in the whole freaking series. There is this darkness that Ichiya latched onto, which honestly must be SO deep, that it makes me feel powerless knowing there are people out there who do feel like this… He knows full well, that no one of his “buddies” knows how deep this darkness runs — they can’t even begin to imagine there is darkness in him to begin with — he doesn’t really even know how deep, himself. He felt oppressed for keeping it under wraps all this time, because it first got out when his brother went to juvy, and that was just him lashing out, mind you. Now he has a magical being telling him that he needs to be this way— he needs to turn into a monster himself and embrace this darkness to become truly strong. He won’t get over it until he realises that nothing is his fault and everything changes because that’s just how life is supposed to be.

7. Here I want to speak about that shadow/darkness that follows Ichiya, that from the beginning I honestly though it to be his “human despairs” that he had tried to get rid off; but for someone to separate and reject parts of their soul can produce incredible frustrations and pain that can result in those energies manifesting in a separate entity of sorts but which is still fed by the broken counterpart, so it stuck close after his death. I genuinely believe this fraction of his soul is still on the loose because he didn’t want to acknowledge it and that he’s not whole even as a spirit. But it’s also possible as it was pointed out, that it is an entirely different entity that possesses him, I still, beg to differ though…

8. I have a huge fear that Mitsukuni was a Libra. Libras and Aries are opposing signs and energies. No matter how good a relationship they had or how much Matakara admired and loved his brother, he’s bound to feel frustration around him. Because Libras can be exhibited as extremely righteous, which to be fair is highly subjective; I’d probably categorise them into the self-righteous bunch. Imagine an Aries now having to live up to these standards. Fucking hell… Not to mention that feeling this way, can also make someone feeling like they are being ungrateful towards the Libra person who showers them with attention and tries to spoil them by doing as many favours to them— even favours they didn’t ask for… 😒 This is an incredibly tentative power balance that can tip over super fast super easily. 😬 In one word: HELL.

9. I also just remembered how there’s a huge difference in how Senya and Arajin are activating their merge to the way Ichiya and Matakara do. As I mentioned above, Arajin is the one reluctant to merge but ends up being the one asking Senya and even activating it on his own during the time he faces Akutaro; he is the one with the overpowering will in their merge. Matakara on the other hand is accepting Ichiya inside him and surrenders his body to him, completely relinquishing and entrusting his everything to him, making himself to be the one with the weaker will despite how he naturally is before Ichiya possessing him.

Just look at him here, how he takes Ichiya in him: eyes closed and stance wide open… 

Again, completely giving himself over to Ichiya and in a sense, self-sacrificing in order to find the strength he’s so desperately wishing for. Oh my gosh, he’s such a beautiful character… *I hate them producers* (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

10. Now that I remembered this, his blood type is O. In Japan most politicians or company directors etc, are people with blood type O and so they are also considered “the leader”… just so you know. 😑

11. Also, also! I haven’t really understood the reason the genies ask for “what is your wish” in this anime in particular, because it’s not like their going to make it happen, but it probably is required in order to establish a connection to the soul and the desire of their chosen fighter. I mean, how can you connect and even “merge” with someone, unless you know what their heart truly yearns for?

12. One more thing. Along with Arajin being themed by chinese tradition, there are other elements throughout the series, like some of the character names and even at how they arrange time. For example, Matakara asks Ken-san to meet him at “the hour of the rooster”, which is about 17:00 - 19:00.

◆ Change of heart; change of… clothes: What is the significance of Matakara being designed to have a hoodie? It must be convenient for someone his size. Hm. 

I believe that being interested in fighting as a “sport” or a “self-defining” means (as is the case here) is extremely unlikely one would make such a choice in real life. How so? Because wearing chains, piercings, hoodies and generally having loose items on your person, could prove a weapon or a leverage in your opponent’s hands and be used against you during the fight (sort of when being a goalkeeper and shooting the ball to your own nets kinda thing…). So in a way that, unconsciously, makes those characters look far more assured on their strength. Besides Matakara, other known characters that habitually wear hoodies despite their involvement in close combat are Akira (TnC) and Yuuji (JJK), who are also considered exceptionally strong and they also know it. One other example in the series that stands out, is Marito. The chains and piercings he’s wearing are all a means to say he’s got nothing to expect from those facing him. There may be that there’s just enough respect among those fighting that they wouldn’t resort to such tactics, but then again, Matakara did throw dirt in his eyes when he became desperate, so this is just to say that Marito is insanely strong and also insanely assured about himself— if not just plainly insane. In other words, the design is such that evokes characters with confidence and awareness of the gap that separates them from their peers, something to which it can be ascribed the why and how Matakara tries to be fair during fights up until Ichiya enters him.

Now, I’m sure it’s quite noticeable how Matakara’s light blue hoodie and white undershirt has given its place to a dark navy blue one with a black undershirt. This is because “darkness” is the theme metaphor here. Ichiya said when he transferred to Matakara that Matakara has a deep darkness in him to which he could fit in more better. That was what Ichiya was drawn to— like how Senya was to Arajin. Also, I’m pretty confident that Ichiya had his eyes on Matakara ever since he was a child and could see the “monster”… I also think, that the way Senya thought this to be a sign when he found out about Arajin and Matakara training as kids to become honki, is an indication of the genies being drawn to souls with this desire. Matakara, to be sure, also never left the town and kept visiting the honki temple, which means Ichiya could probably “sense” that original darkness he was drawn, evolving. He rode Akutaro when he had the chance, to manage and get out to look for that darkness. I kind of think, that maybe this has to do with the fact that spirits cannot be seen or be able to see since they don’t have eyes. Spirits are energies that you can feel, however. In that same vain, Ichiya must have recognised Matakara’s darkness during the gang war and was finally able to see for himself how really strong the kid was. The fact that he was able to strategically draw him out while using Akutaro’s grudge against Kenichiro was a very pleasant moment of success for him, I’m sure… 

Matakara as Ichiya keeps urging him to do, has to “throw away his weak (kind) heart” to become truly strong. There is an underlying point to this as well… One where he is currently learning to be more proud of himself, therefore exposing the bullet on his chest. It’s not a dark secret. It’s something he’s embracing and honestly in Matakara’s case, I’m happy he does. The most important thing for me though, has to be the location of the bullet. It’s smack right in the middle of his chest. Close to his heart. And therefore very strongly and deeply rooted in the one place he is stronger (or weaker, depends on how you perceive this). Matakara’s pure heart has center and spotlight. Unfortunately, this very same heart is being broken time and again and that is his biggest frustration. This is why he was wearing an undershirt that was covering his chest before. Because his darkness is in his heart. It’s where he feels weaker, unsure of himself, where the genie can patch a hole in his host’s soul. Does he have an inferiority complex? Most probably. Does he blame that on others? No. Not even Arajin. All he wants, is to become stronger. Strong enough to beat the monster. It’s not even a monster in my opinion — it’s misplaced frustrations that got too strong and got a life of their own (note 7 above).

Also, darkness: apex predators are blending in and lurking in the shadows, hidden away until they spot their prey. Then they make their move, kill, and leave. Does that behaviour remind you someone? Yes, it does. It’s how Matakara has started facing his opponents. “Again”, as Zabu comments. He goes up and challenges them out of the blue, plants them into the ground and then just walks away… 🥺

The really hard part though, is how he had to beat Zabu, because he clearly didn’t want to as is shown in the scene before Zabu catching his leg to stop him, where he doesn’t look at him as he lies on the ground; he just knew he had to overcome his “softness” and actually beat to death someone that was a “companion” to him in order to not falter in his pursue of “himself”. This kid is fighting to find his place not just in the world around him, but in the world within him. He’s always looked into the world without being able to point where he fitted in and once Ichiya challenged this (“friends are for the weak”), he was forced to go against his instinct of fitting in and forging bonds and move into a state of standing for himself. When Ichiya said that “the thing you lack is anger”, so he could initiate a merging process and urging him to lose himself in his anger, wasn’t to say that Matakara just needed to be angry at everyone, but more likely that he had to acknowledge his frustration and be able to draw out a real desire in him to fight not just for the sake of fighting and being accepted but for him to finally stand up for himself, for what he wants— how he should not be feeling guilty for who he is, because let me tell you, he feels so fucking guilty for himself. For being weak. For being a burden. For being angry at himself for never being ENOUGH! He needs to be blinded to be efficient, so the fact that anger is what can trigger this blindness is needed for him to not think and hold back anymore. And the fact that he’s so kind means that he’s never held a grudge. He never felt entitled to get angry at someone. He always, always wanted for things to be peaceful. Super ironic if you know anything about Aries. He’s literally the odd one in the bunch. But pure Aries really don’t hold grudges; they boil and fight and forget about it on the spot. For his birthday especially, there’s a tendency to ignore rules and have issues with authority (looking at Ken-san 👀) but generally being the warrior type individuals, that are seen as the heroes of the group. Kid never had the chance to built self-esteem, though or a defence mechanism. And this acceptance of his darker parts is actually a very important foundation that he’s laying out for himself to learn that some times change is inevitable. Darkness is inevitable. Negative emotions and shitty situations are part of being alive and it’s absolutely valid to feel bad and frustrated and to want more… And that (accepting his darkness) it will make him stronger. “But he’ll be unable to live with himself afterwards”, you’ll say… Yes, he will be tortured afterwards for what he did. He will bitterly regret beating Zabu and anyone the way he did, but he will have proof that he’s not weak. He’s not a burden. He’s not less!

★ I also keep seeing people talking about how the series refer to idolisation and honestly, I don’t think that’s the case at all.

Idolising someone means that you have put them on a pedestal and consider them far out of your reach and eventually give up on trying to reach those individuals. And that it’s simply not what’s happening with Matakara. 

Now, if we’re talking about Mahoro, sure; she even refers to Marito as “god” and has an extremely unhealthy obsession with him to the point where he even has to treat her like a pest to push her away— even though I’m sure he loves his little sister; I mean, who’s brave enough and eats that horror of a bento if they don’t love their sibling who prepared it for them? Especially if they have the chance to throw it out without anyone seeing them??? 😨

★But with Matakara it’s a different story. His whole negativity and frustration doesn’t come from idolising Arajin. I mean he does look up to him but he’s not thinking of him being out of his reach. He just thinks that he’s the weak one of the two.

We see him actively (aggressively, more like it) trying to become stronger. We see him aspiring to reach Ara-chan. 

Trying to get close and live up to his brother’s legacy, who was even considered a living legend among these yankies (and now I want you to try and imagine having to grow up next to a literal demi-god (look point 8 above) among common mortals, I seriously want you to imagine the pain and frustration of never measuring up to them for a moment here… because you see them in their everyday; how they move and hurt and live and breathe into this world… and you still can’t be like them… imagine the inhibitions and doubt this plants into someone’s psyche…) and now that he’s dead, Matakara will never be able to reach him no matter how he tries, because bro has ascended without him, before he ever tried to fight him even as a joke. There is a recurrent theme through the series that you become stronger and acquire power by continually challenging and winning over gradually stronger opponents. You literally “build up” your strength and your way to the “top” as it is mentioned in the series from even as far back as episode one, whatever meaning that “top” may has.

He even, still, wants to be a honki person, who from what we know so far, is questionable anyone ever managed to actually achieve it. (We just don’t have the requirements to know how honki-ness is achieved! 🙄) And the only thing that is actually wrong with Matakara is that he’s miserably failing to objectively asses himself and perceive how he appears to the others, and that’s because he was never in an environment that gave him the opportunity or the tools to build a strong sense of self. His parents literally abandoned their children, with Matakara seemingly not even in the age to start attending grade school. His brother, who by the looks of it was about 9-10 (they have roughly a 5years difference— depending on whether Mitsukuni was the same age as Kenichiro (Arajin, you bitch, come and say to my face that a 21yo is an old man and I’ll rip you a new one! What are we 30-somethings supposed to be huh?! Grr! ( *｀ω´)) or if he became an early leader), was also a kid that had to look after him even as he had no means to provide for even himself since he was underage and couldn’t work. They both had to be taken in and live as a “burden” to the new owner of their family’s old bathhouse…

How the fuck does any of you saying that, can’t realise that this kid literally grew up to consider himself inadequate and unworthy and being fucking torn and tormented so deeply in his soul, that he actually believes he’s just NOT ENOUGH!!! is beyond me. And you dare fucking chalking it up to simple idolisation… (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾

How can someone have such a single-angle-view perception to get so blind? This is “Arajin blissful blindness” on your part and I’d like you to think twice before you come into my house talking shit like that. (Not that the producers gave a fuck either to think this through, apparently…) _(:3 」∠)_

※ We are a Matakara & Ichiya wildlife safehouse and we don’t serve tea to haters and surface-tension-level character supporters here, the doors are open for you to go away if you don’t like that. 🐾 * gently boops you out the door*

We also don’t want to hurt anybody, just to achieve enlightenment. 💖

˚✧₊ As for why Ichiya acted like a dick in the first place, I am inclined to suspect, that this was probably because he realised that this was the end for him… 

I mean, he was angry at Senya for holding back, and generally it is showcased that when real friends compete for the same goal they need to do that seriously so that the other gets the satisfaction that they lost to someone stronger than them at least and even more so that they won because of their own powers and not because they are viewed as either too respectable or weak enough to be let to win. 

In the same vain, Senya is indeed like Matakara, because he’s not just holding back from Ichiya for being friends. He’s shown so far, to have such a strong respect for Ichiya, that he at times seemed to be ambivalent about wether he’d be able to really win over him. He’s unknowingly downplaying himself in front of Ichiya which in turn is also a form of weakness to boot, too. 

He’s making Ichiya double the mad he actually is this way because a) Ichiya wants to know who’s the stronger between them for real and b) Senya is risking his becoming of a honki, since he’s essentially running away from fighting seriously. If you’re not able to face all your opponents equally, you are not able to become a true warrior/fighter/whatever and stand alone. The top has room only for one, and one must always be prepared for the loneliness he’ll have to face. You need to rise as someone that has no human weaknesses.

But Senya knowing how serious Ichiya is, is also probably afraid of how much Ichiya will push himself during the battle and that’s why he said “if we fight seriously, one of us could die” to which Ichiya actually said that he’s prepared for even that outcome. And what is Senya supposed to do, then? Do his — so far, one and only (gege when I catch you gege) — friend the favour and grand him his deathwish, without even understanding “why” himself or try and talk him out of it while finding out the problem and meeting him halfway?

Here I should probably add what I wrote in a reblogged post, where I state that I think what Ichiya is also concerned for, is that they need both Ichiya himself and Matakara to push harder in order to achieve perfection, but that can only happen when you overcome your humanity. Ichiya sees being human as a hindrance and therefore pushes for all three of them to abandon that aspect of themselves. Ironically, while doing so he falls in the same trap he initially tries to pull his friend out from and now his vessel, too. Being angry and frustrated is a sign of humanity, therefore a weakness.

Ichiya’s birthday, represents people born on this day, usually having an innate “darkness”, as Ichiya said in anime, too where they can feel the pain and sorrow of this world. In order for them to achieve their higher goal, which is to stop feeling so powerless to save this world from its sorrows (because Virgo is the perfectionist and the helper of sorts of the zodiac), they end up hating their own humanity and trying to overcome it (see note 7 above) even if that means that it is to their own detriment. They pursue this with great zeal even if they die, because death will eventually come for all and they know it. They understand that the time anyone has in life is finite and they internally mourn for this. They also feel pressed by this knowledge, because they want to achieve as much and as best as possible by that time.

I also love how Matakara is an Aries and Ichiya a Virgo, because those two signs are traditionally incompatible but they can work out and polish each-other if they happen to interact. 😊 As signs in aspect, Virgo and Aries are also considered to have a “karmic” relationship, exactly because of the hard lessons they will force on each-other. Surprisingly, or maybe not so much, the cool, collected Virgo will stick around and work with the usually hot blooded Aries to teach him patience and methodology, especially if they have already chosen the Aries. If the Virgo finally forms a bond, it's usually reluctant to leave later. Aries on the other hand can remove themselves the minute someone bores them, but since the Virgo is aggressively independent, they can be kept in a state of continual mini-wars that push the Virgo to open up bit by bit and thus bring the Aries before unexpected discoveries and truths they didn’t even imagine. From outside, they seem to both stick with each other out of sheer stubbornness but the truth is that they take important lessons that hone their less evolved traits of their characters and they are keen enough to recognise that. ie. The Virgo learns to be more honest in sharing their feelings (tenfold in Ichiya’s case btw— imagine how much better he’d be at communicating with Senya after being with this kid for a bit more time…) and Aries learns how to objectively asses and look at themselves. Of course, a fall out is always possible if their energies and other planet aspects are not in favourable positions but, I’d say in this case it’s safe to assume that a soul-that-lived-centuries-ago-turned-magical-being, was somehow fated to be compatible with the soul that needed its guidance the most. (Honestly, this has so much potential and pain and hope to unpack that the fact the series were so half-assed, literally pains me as an astrology enthusiast. Ah, the greatness we could witness had the producers been a fraction more serious and enthusiastic about this project… 🥺😔)

Ok. At this point, I’m sure I have forgotten a shitload of things I wanted to mention when I started and also have messed up somewhere and made mistakes, but mercury is retrograde and the last episode is this Saturday, so I’m writing this knowing that’ll probably be smacking myself and wanting to edit it in a month from now but for now— fuck it, we ball! 🫠😎

I also want to thank anyone who had the steel nerves to be able to read this far… You truly are a force to reckon if you managed to tolerate my incoherent ramblings until this point. I’d like to thank you from the bottom of my heart and hear your thoughts in return~ 🥰

▼For closing, I really want to say what I expect from the last episode before it airs! So here it goes…

I believe both Senya and Ichiya will fully merge with the kids for the fight. They will battle to the brink of death. I hope it’s bloody and satisfying to Ichiya because he won’t rest otherwise. But I think, like Senya said that he “has no intention of staying longer with Arajin after he found out the reason behind Ichiya’s change”, that they might actually not be able to fully return to their original forms and so, maybe the genies will eventually be integrated into Arajin’s and Matakara’s bodies and consciousness completely. Maybe they’ll even be forced to do that because, what if Matakara ends up being near death and the only way to survive is for Ichiya to fully give up into him? Hmmm??? (I’m looking forward to hitting this one! 😎 they could even resume their training to become real honki people; both the kids and the genies) The fact that merging is dangerous enough for someone to die in itself is very important to consider, but as hinted by Senya’s words there is a possibility to retain or even return a vessel’s soul— which has me thinking Sukuna of sorts... Now, if we were looking at a tragedy genre, Matakara would end up dead no doubt, btw. The other option seems to be that Ichiya finally gets defeated and so maybe his soul is able to rest with Senya actually managing to achieve becoming a true honki; I… wouldn’t particularly mind this outcome but I’m not sure how it’d be for the boys… especially Matakara. I honestly think it’d be a little cheesy. I also think Arajin will get a bit taller as a result of that merge and I think that the shadow we see in the ending theme, it’s going to be his new self after that fight. And hey~ Maybe he’ll even get the girl… no matter how shitty a personality she displayed so far… 🫤 We may even get a glimpse of what happens some 3 or 10 years down the road. Who knows?! 

Now guys, I hope you had a good read. <3 If you stumbled on something that confused you, feel free to ask about it. Or tell me I’m wrong. Works either way! :P

Asks are open for all if anonymous is your thing, too. 📥

Let’s see what the last episode has in store for the fandom this Saturday together, shall we? 🤗

🩵💙🌙💙🩵

[emma-cantmakeuphermind]

Just A Project | VI

Nathan Prescott x Reader

Masterlist

Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Warnings: swearing, no nathan :( kind of shit writing, second half is mostly filler

Words: 1.2k

I woke up at 8:47 this morning completely ready for today. I got up, did my morning routine and put on something comfy but casual (A/N: you can wear whatever you want, I'm not a fashion slut). I organize my room a little bit, because why not. It’s still a mess, but now an organized mess. As I look around my room at the subtle progress I made, my stomach growls in hunger. The thought of a Two Whales breakfast teasingly enters my mind. Suddenly I’m leaping to grab my pocket essentials, heading out of the dorms to the bus stop.

While I’m waiting for the bus I am completely zoned out, daydreaming about that beautiful breakfast. When out of nowhere I feel a pair of hands on my shoulders pulling me out of my thoughts. I jump slightly turning around to the sight of Rachel Amber and Chloe Price. The startled expression quickly dissolves into a smile. I don’t know Chloe that well, the only times I’ve really interacted with her have been with Rachel as well. I’d consider her my friend though, she’s really cool, and she inspires me to not give a fuck.

Rachel on the other hand? We’re pretty close. All because Dana spontaneously joined the Drama club and asked me to join as well. Drama was never really my thing so I opted out and was a part of the Tech Crew instead. That was freshman year, feels like forever ago. At first our friendship just started as casual conversations during rehearsals, then she asked to hang out after one night, then boom. Our hangouts became almost a daily adventure. Even when she met Chloe, she didn’t forget about me or hangout with me less. That's just how good of a person Rachel Amber is.

“Well if it isn’t the dynamic duo, Rachel and Chloe.” I smile at both of them, their company is always welcomed. “What are you guys up to?” Knowing well enough that they’re always up to something. Rachel chuckles and says, “Well,” She draws on, “we saw you all peaceful like, and we just couldn’t have that, now could we?” I giggle at her antics as Chloe leans over Rachels shoulder. “I mean, what kind of friends would we be, if we just let you have peace?” The blue haired girl smirks. Rachel swats a hand at her and asks, “What about you, Punzel? What were you up to before our presence graced you?”

I roll my eyes at the nickname, a smile never leaving my face. Punzel, I earned that nickname when I first met Rachel. She was trying to get my attention, but didn’t know my name. Back then I had long Y/H/C hair that basically reached my thighs. So she just called out ‘Rapunzel!’. That was the beginning. Ever since she shortened it to ‘Punzel’ because she deemed Rapunzel was too much of a mouthful.

“I was just about to catch a bus to The Two Whales. I’m dying of hunger.” I state with my head thrown back dramatically. “Oooh, breakfast sounds good!” Rachel's eyes light up and she turns to Chloe, “What do you say, Price?” Chloe nods, “Yeah, I’m starving too, and hopefully, if I show up with you two, Mommy Dearest will bless us with a discount!” We all share a laugh before Chloe continues, “But we are not taking the bus.” She haphazardly turns around and pulls her keys out of her pocket and waves them in the air above her head. “Onwards to the Chlo-Mobile!!!”

—————————————————————

We arrived at the diner after a short while, the ride was filled with laughs and a little bit of weed. Mostly on Chloes part, she offered me a puff, but I declined. I did have things to do today after all.

Once we settle down in one of the booths we spend a few moments chatting and catching up. Chloe tells me about Deputy Dildo and their latest conflict. I hate dealing with him at school as is. Imagine having him live in your own home. About half way into the conversation Chloe gets a little too heated resulting in Rachel calming her down. They are the cutest couple, totally perfect for each other.

I told them about the whole Nathan situation, both of them having opposite reactions. Chloe was shit talking him in five different languages, while Rachel did her best to defend him. Sometimes I forget that they’re friends, they seem so different. Then again, she is with Chloe.

It’s not long before Joyce strolls over to our booth and asks for our drinks and orders. I settle with a classic breakfast consisting of crispy bacon, scrambled eggs, and some toast. I also ordered (your choice of coffee or tea), it’s a must for early mornings like this. When our food arrives we all dig in getting lost in conversation.

—————————————————————

The rest of our morning is spent bitching about whatever comes to mind and we all come to a conclusion that we need to hangout more often. When we're all done eating, I check the time. 10:42, I still have about an hour until I have to meet Nathan at the track field. The three of us pay and head out back to Chole’s truck.

The drive back to Blackwell was pretty silent. I just enjoyed the scenery of Arcadia Bay, and realized that I needed to do that more. That must sound pretty ironic coming from a photographer. But hey, I’m human too, sometimes life just gets in the way. My mind then drifts to Nathan. Here comes that burst of excitement again. God, I need to chill out, this meeting is just for the project.

We pull into the Blackwell parking lot and I hop out. “Thanks for the ride guys, I owe you!” I say. Rachel waves me off while Chloe speaks, “Are you kidding? Don’t worry about it Y/N/N, you can catch a ride anytime.” They both give me a smile, and Chloe winks. My face goes red at the action, and they both chuckle at me. “Bye, Punzel!” Rachel says, I wave and walk away, as they drive off.

I wander the campus a bit, looking for anything to try and kill time. I see a few friends like Hayden. I go up to him and sit down next to him at the tree he’s under. “Heyy, Y/N! To what do I owe the pleasure?” Hayden smiles at me warmly. I smile back with a chuckle. “Hi Hayden. How are you?”

I’ve known Hayden for a while now. I also know he’s one of Nathan’s best friends. Rachel and Dana both say he has a crush on me, but I don’t see it. For all we know he's just being kind, though he does act flirty, I’ve seen him act like that with others too. He’s just a really good friend, probably one of my best, like Dana and Rachel.

We talk for a while, mentioning whatever comes to mind. He also brings up Nathan and the project. Wait, does that mean Nathan has been talking about me. I hope that's a good thing, I don’t really plan on getting on his bad side.

—————————————————————

I don’t even know how much time has passed talking to Hayden until my phone dings. It’s a text from Nathan.

N: “nrd, where u @” 11:54

I shoot him a quick response.

“hey, omw :)” 11:54

I say goodbye to Hayden and head over to the track field with a smile on my face.

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

no orchestra social this week (it’s next week) but at least we have a REHEARSALPOST!!! everyone clap and cheer for the REHEARSALPOST!!!!

started off rehearsal today with tita conductor informing us that our normal once-a-term sunday night rehearsals were no longer an option due to another group being given the rehearsal space at that time

“we’ve had that spot forever,” she said in the most peeved tone, but we all agreed on pushing it a few hours earlier for the sunday night rehearsal leading up to the winter concert next year

our two trumpets stood to help the percussionist find a snare stand and tita conductor commented “the committee is taking charge there”

no concertmaster today because. he’s technically not supposed to be at rehearsals at all due to a course conflict but he happily skips the class to make it to rehearsal. however this time he had to take a midterm so he was out of commission for the day

however the associate concertmaster seemed to not have been informed and. didn’t tune us. so principal oboe had to tell tita conductor “we’re not tuned” just as she was about to give directions

tita conductor looked significantly put out and said “oh, sorry! [concertmaster] usually does it…” and looked aside sadly at the first violin i stand

she tried to conduct the third movement of dvořák 8 in 1 from the outset. it failed miserably. “i didn’t expect that to work on the first try,” she told us after putting us out of our misery

there’s a small part in the third movement of dvořák 8 in the second violins that’s only tricky because (and i’m going to try and explain it as accessibly as possible since i am aware i am speaking to an audience where not everyone is a musician) it requires you to switch quickly between ways of thinking about the number of beats in a measure, which can really throw you off.

for my visual people it looks like this. try reading it out loud.

this was marked as one of my Problem Spots in my patented Go Through The Whole Piece And Write Down The Problem Spots method and i pretty much mastered it in a few minutes of focused practice over the weekend

so come rehearsal time, i did it at speed and was the only one in the section who managed to get it right (W for me)

i was looking at tita conductor to make sure i was in time with her baton. she looked down at me, made direct eye contact, and bestowed upon me one of her trademark full-face well done, you! smiles

i smiled back up at her, which quite literally caused me to forget what i was playing so the next note i played was horrifically out of tune as i tried to remember where i was (L for me)

had to walk away sadly with my bundle on a stick to get to my midterm and as i got up from my seat tita conductor said out loud in the most plaintive voice “oh no, we’re losing you…” 😭

i returned for quartet only to find nobody in the quartet there, so i went to ask tita conductor if she could open our customary room

she passed me her densely populated keyring complete with keys to her car, house, and practically every room in the music department, pointed out which one was for the room in question, and let me unlock it myself. i left my things in my room and gave her back the keys; returning, i saw our violist coming back from their class

the remaining members of the quartet trickled in, and as we were getting ready to begin i showed them the results of me getting bored in lab and perusing opera on video dot com.

astute readers will remember i found something that absolutely shocked me on opera on video dot com last friday. well it was a video of an opera tita conductor did. in 1993. which would have been about a year before she started to teach at iskul bukol.

concertmaster took a look, furrowed his brow, then realization came over his face. realization did not come as quickly for ate dean, who stared at my screen confusedly before viola gave her a very unsubtle hint and she looked mildly perturbed (which was, to be fair, also my reaction last friday).

we had just tuned and were discussing what we wanted to read first when lo and behold—tita conductor showed up and stood in our midst, exactly where she would have been standing had she been a podium. old habits die hard ig

which, after several minutes of us goggling at a youtube video of her from about a decade before 75% of us were born and 25% of us had gotten a bachelor’s degree, was. an interesting experience. all four of us were looking up at her like 🥺🥺🥺🥺

(she had a scheduling question primarily for concertmaster and ate dean since neither had been at rehearsal, but. still.)

we sightread the beginning of schubert’s death and the maiden quartet (no. 14) up through the end of the second theme which went not terribly for a first reading together and after a long day. i especially loved the little duet moment i had with ate dean with the second theme in f major it was so cute

went to put things away and i stayed back to let tita conductor know we had cleaned up (she was still in her office. by this point it was 8pm.)

i knocked on her door and she shouted COME IN from inside so i muscled open the door as far as i could (it is a very heavy door) and poked my head inside to talk to her before taking my leave

anyway i love doing music because my friends are there. so jot that down

[notsosilentsister]

What not many people know about me is that I am - can be, with some effort - a half decent actress. I used to dabble in acting in college. The highlight of my career was the role of Gaston, a regular at the titular Lapin Agil, in the Steve Martin play Picasso at the Lapin Agil. The play is about Picasso and Einstein meeting in a Parisan bar at the turn of the century, discussing the respective merits of art and science, and finally bonding over their shared awe for each other's genius. Gaston is an old Frenchman, who only cares about sex and booze. His definining characteristics are that he's perpetually horny and incontinent. His catchphrase is "I have to pee!". He has a long monologue bragging about his sexual exploits which end in his lover (or himself? my memory is hazy) having to be hospitalized due to exhaustion, which our director originally cut, presumably because it contributes nothing to the plot, and very little to the theme. She put it back in, because she liked me, I have to assume, and wanted to give me a bit more to do. It was the role I was born to play.

While the girl other girls playing men in this production used binders, I decided to do without them. Gaston was a fat guy, he could have man boobs. I remember the first rehearsal in costume. Everyone looked awesome in their period costumes, the effect was well worth the discomfort of corsets and binders (I know, I know, well-fitted corsets are not uncomfortable, but let's just assume that the ones used in this production weren't well fitted) . I hadn't found anything in my size at the costume rental, so I had borrowed an old suit from my grandpa. Our very talented make-up artist gave me a red drunkard's nose. It looked extremly convincing. On the bikeride back to my flat, I suddenly found myself crying. I still feel the surprise of those tears on my cheek, quickly enough dried by the airstream, but still dropping relentlessly. I almost never think about the way I look, but here I was, having just looked at myself, devastated by that all too effortless image in the mirror of that old goat Gaston and completely caught off guard by the extent of my devastation.

I sometimes joke that I am a woman just as I am a catholic - assigned the role by accident of birth, raised in the spirit, but mostly lapsed in practice, never quite ready to let go of it for largely sentimental reasons. And maybe that's even true, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't go deep. I might sometimes be flippant about my womanhood, but when I think of that sudden and utter devastation I felt on that ride home from the rehearsal, there is no other way to describe it but gender dysphoria. There was not enough difference between my costume and my regular look. I hated the thought of potentially being seen like that, not too differently, at any rate, beyond the stage. Still, that time playing the old French drunk in college was one of the most fun things I ever did. Because I quickly snapped out of it and reminded myself that it's just a play. I'm a ciswoman who greatly enjoys drag. Precisely because it's not who I actually am. For me, it's a vacation away from home. Sometimes I just need a change of air. For a short while, I don't have to convince anyone as a woman, because that's not the role. And I don't have to convince anyone as a man, because it's just a role! I find that quite liberating. But eventually, I return. If I didn't return, it wouldn't feel like vacation, it would feel like exile.

People often have quite conflicting ideas about the role of performance in a person's life. I think there are at least three different types of performance. There's the performance that serves you, because it becomes reality ("fake it till you make it", an unskippable step of almost any learning process; studies show that people will reliable perform better when they imagine and consequently comport themselves as already possessing the skills they aim to acquire). There's the performance that drains you, because it denies reality (the never diminishing, often too costly, rarely sustainable efforts of masking, slowly but surely setting you on the path to burn-out). And finally there's the performance that serves you, because it is not reality, and by not being reality, drawing it into sharper relief. The trick, I guess, is to not get them confused.

[bendyguitarpick]

I've been watching the avatar series and honestly, I think this warrants a bullet points review bc I have a lot of opinions, and some are unexpected. I haven't been following a y discourse online about the show bc I wanted to form my own opinions before I finished it! This is episodes 1 through 5.

Right off the bat in episode 1, the first thing that strikes me as a huuuge issue is that Aang does not argue with monk gyatso before running away. It's a problem that keeps coming up in this show, and its that all the conflict is deflated from the characters and given to the plot. Instead of a young character making a mistake and learning from the end result, our protagonists just respond in a way that's removes any of their decision making from the driving force of the story. Aang didn't run from his responsibility out of fear, he just needed to clear his head!- our sweet baby boy remains the moral compass!

That being said, I do think the rearranging of the plot in thr first episode is absolutely the right move for the show. The pace is immediately set and it works.

The visuals (costume and set design) feel very very shiny and new, like how all netflix shows end up looking, overly saturated and costumey.

The casting for aang and zuko is one of my favorite things EVER. They are probably the most competent actors so far tbh. That little boy is giving it his all 🥲

Sokka and suki!!! Another instance where all the conflict and resolution feels unearned because there was nothing to resolve! Fine, you can choose to remove the sexism arc, at its center, this sokka and suki introduction is about sokka developing a level of humility that he will need in order to learn from the people we see him meet on this journey. Sokka comes in in the live action show a clueless small town warrior who gets shown the ropes on the big stage, but for what? We see suki chew him out but because there's no real conflict, he's just some shmuck getting chewed out for no real reason other than not knowing enough. It's completely hollow.

Ok this leads me to the fight scenes. They're bad! The only one that I liked was Bumi and aang, we had sustained wide shots, a creative use of bending, and the actors movements feeling well rehearsed. The opposite was the case for nearly every other fight smh.

Katara my beloved 😭 she is shockingly underwritten and I'm trying to figure out why. She gets so little active screentime that isn't just parroting the plot back to aang and sokka. All her passion and life is dead flat. I was praying they'd give her her painted lady momentand it never came, she never had a moment. It's such a huge fuck up to leave one of your three LEADS out to dry like that.

That being said, I had my little fangirl squee when jet and the freedom fighters were revealed. The casting just had me absolutely giddy 😭

And that's just katara compared to everyone else! Because at the end of the day this is the most poorly written dialogue I've seen in a show in so freaking long. It is written so stilted and klunky, and the actors are given so little direction, the end result is so dry and lifeless. It is honestly the single worst part of the show.

Our characters are no longer active decision makers in each town they visit! The plot is just happening to them! It's an extention of that conflict criticism, our heroes don't have anything to learn, they're just along for the ride! No opinions or conflict here!!

But... the one thing that absolutely is working for me... is the story. All the plot changes have been the right move every time. Combining episodes has worked so well in this short season format that it's kept me following along every time! Putting like four episodes into one omashu episode??? And having them connect in a way that makes sense??? Ik completely impressed

So far, it seems like awkward dialogue and overly shiny visuals has bogged down a show that really really could've worked in the live action format! The plot has still succeeded in keeping me engaged for the hour run time of each episode, along with the really great aang and zuko moments.

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Pride Month Character Sexuality Headcanon Moodboards 1. Yasmine - Lesbian 2. Demetri Alexopoulos - Gay 3. Moon - Bisexual 4. Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz - Bisexual

Welcome back, Cobra Kai pride month moodboard followers!!! This time let's hear it for Moon Nolastname, our one canon bisexual queen!!! She's so important to me fr <3 <3 <3 Granted, her dating a girl for 2 seconds was not NEARLY the epic sapphic romance she deserves, but I'm still so happy it's canon she likes women <3 <3 <3

I also still maintain that she has more chemistry with every female character she's ever interacted with onscreen (including that one random blonde girl in the pink dress who she danced with in the prom episode) than she ever had with Eli, eat your heart out bird boy akjsdnhukyghju

ANYWAYS I figure I don't need to back up why I think she's bi when it's been literally confirmed canon by Word of God (if you want to count that, anyways), so I'll use this bit to dive into why I'm a Lesbian Yasmine/Biseuxal Moon truther and why Moon being bisexual (and not a closet lesbian) actually makes perfect sense to me!

Throughout the show, she definitely shows enough general interest in boys to lead me to believe she doesn't exclusively like girls. She's lowkey flirty with a guy named Rory as early as 1x02 (the one she wants to do a flip for her insta channel!), and she seems to be the one to make the first move with Hawk in 1x09. In the soccer episode of Season 3, we see her having a friendly chat with a football player that could be seen as a little flirty. Compare this to Yasmine (who I think is a lesbian!), who doesn't really interact with any boys outside of Kyler in S1 and doesn't even really acknowledge Brucks, despite him following Kyler everywhere. In later seasons, Yasmine only really interacts with Demetri (and occasionally Eli) while Moon is shown to be amicable with Demetri, Miguel, minor male side characters like Rory, and enough boys and girls to throw an enormous house party in 5x08!

So admittedly I am one of the biggest h*wkm**n haters of all time. Catch me still in denial that they got back together in S4 because no they didn't <3 HOWEVER!!! From how, uh...spirited their first make-out session was in 1x09, I can buy that there is definitely physical attraction there, if little else. Whatever emotional connection they do have I think is shallow at best and actively based on falsehoods at worst--Moon only really likes Hawk's fake overconfident facade, and isn't shown to have much interest in him beyond surface-level things (I mean, for fuck's sake, she said she liked his biceps and his cool hair while dumping him, like!!!). Hawk, meanwhile, seems to kinda put Moon on a weird pedestal and seems more obsessed with the idea of her than Moon herself. In any case, you don't need to have a deep, profound attraction to all of your preferred gender(s) for your sexuality to be valid, so...even with pretty shallow feelings for Eli, Moon's bisexuality is still totally valid and should be respected <3

Mentioned before, but I do think her initiating with Eli in 1x09 shows some genuine attraction there! And commenting how hot he is in 1x10, too XD It's so impassioned and spur-of-the-moment that it doesn't feel rehearsed and inauthentic in the same way Yasmine's "attraction" to boys often does to me. Moon seems to definitely like muscular, athletic boys--and girls too, if Piper is anything to go by! We love a bisexual with an overlapping type XD

If y'all have spent any time on my page, I'm sure you've heard me rant about Moon's planet-sized crush on Yasmine XD I think a lot of her S1 behavior (and generally hanging out with a "mean girl" clique that seemed counterintuitive to like...how she works as a person) could be explained by her having a crush on Yasmine. She backs Yasmine up unconditionally, even when she feels conflicted about it (like with Sam in the weed-smoking scene in her car), which would make a lot of sense if she had/has feelings for Yas. No coincidence, imo, that she finally gathered up the courage to ditch Yasmine as soon as she found a new mean hottie to swoon over XD No real judgment here btw I was Just As Cringe in high school. We all were.

Also worth noting that she's the only character who acknowledges Yasmine's existence while she's out of town in S2--including Demetri, the guy who supposedly "would kill his friends to get Yasmine to spit in his face"! And it's not even in an explicitly negative context. It kind of sounds like Moon's giggling and kicking her feet about Yasmine having the same bikini as her XD

In later seasons, Moon taking Yasmine back despite Yas's lack of remorse and readily being her best friend again seems to hint that Yas means a lot to her--maybe in a way that goes beyond a simple platonic friendship? The full-body check-out and butt glance she does with Yas in S4 is probably the most damning thing I can give you. I mean.

LIKE. GIRL. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT.

I could not wear shipping goggles here if I tried. I have watched this scene dozens of times, and Moon is so obviously checking her out that I thought I was going crazy. HOW did this make it into the show??? HOW did they show us THIS and then expect us to buy Moon is into her ex who she's mildly friendly with and who she doesn't even talk to until the girl she really likes is fully preoccupied???

Absolutely batshit.

We've also got Moon a) breaking into excited screaming when Yasmine shows up at the prom and b) completely ignoring Eli the entire prom to hang around Yasmine and Demetri and continually steal glances at Yasmine XD This girl is gone as fuck. Let her date Yasmine, dammit!!! Clearly Eli is not her first choice!!!

Even in S5 she's sitting way too damn close to Yas in that brunch booth and laughing at Yas's dumb little joke about torturing Anthony. She's still gone as fuck. Justice for Moon!!! Let her go out with her dream girl, dammit!!!

And Moon's attraction to girls isn't limited to Yasmine and Piper!!! There's the aforementioned girl in the pink dress she was dancing with at prom (this lovely lady)

AND!!! I would argue Moon even seems to be kind of into Sam, at times! She definitely seems guilty about booting her out of the friend group back in S1, and she's lowkey giving bedroom eyes when the two of them are talking about Robby in S2 XD She looks a bit smitten during the sensory deprivation pod scene as well, and seems pretty down to put her arm around Sam whenever she can :P

Bottom line is, Piper was in fact NOT a phase in the least and I will forever be annoyed that the show kind of implied she was by having them break up for enigmatic reasons (which the conservatives could EASILY spin as "well she didn't ACTUALLY like girls she was just CONFUSED and Piper the Evil Cobra Kai was feeding this poor innocent straight girl's delusion!!!") and then having Moon go back to the male and supposedly straight ex who she had long since outgrown and lost feelings for. Like sure, Moon found a new relationship she seemed happy in and free to be herself in (something she notably could NOT really do with Eli), but CLEARLY that could never have the same (or greater!) emotional weight for her than a brief fling she had with some dude based on literally nothing except physical attraction -_____-

Whew, that got longer than I thought it would XD ANYWAYS, bottom line is that even though Moon canonically swings both ways and is so incredibly valid and sexy for it, I personally think she should date more women. The one exception to this is Robby Keene because Moonkeene is literally the only mlw Moon ship in the show that actually works, and I can and will die on this hill.

Also ngl it would be SUPER funny to see S3 Eli throw a bitchfit because his ex is going out with the mf he hates most in the world and there ain't nothing he can do about it. Like what are you gonna do??? Yell at Moon like she's your fookin property??? That's why she dumped your sorry ass in the first place. Get rekt, bird boy.

Used soft pastels for this because that very much feels like it fits Moon's vibe to me! She's just so wholesome and easygoing--it definitely suits her <3 Very happy I found such appropriate crystal pics to use :D Also I CANNOT tell y'all how long I have had that crystal-and-strawberry smoothie bowl pic saved, looking for the perfect moodboard to use it for...AND BY GOD, I FOUND IT. Sometimes dreams really do come true, kids XD

...I also really want to try that irl now. Like what ARE those crystal things made of??? Are they crunchy??? Are they chewy??? Would they break my teeth??? Guess I'll never know now ;_____;

Now fully convinced that Moon has little shiny colored glass jars in her room with sprigs of lavender and other incense and aromatherapy flowers in them. Her room is a little apothecary full of healing aromas and I love that for her <3

Realized while making this that she's also very ocean-coded (YasMoon and MoonPiper are BOTH water x fire ships, bless). In the ATLA universe, she'd probably be a waterbender healer. Sam would probably be a waterbender too, but she'd be much more Katara-esque and jump to use it for violence XD

As always, pic credits available upon request!

[schraubd]

Lift Every Jewish Voice and Sing

Apropos my earlier post about the prospect of a Jewish florist asked to make an Easter flower arrangement, I found this article about Jewish singers who regularly sing in churches during the Christmas season to be quite interesting.

It seems quite clear that religious majorities and religious minorities have very different understandings about the degree to which they can be expected to encounter and interact with other faith traditions, including messages that contradict their own beliefs. Church singing was, above all, a good job in a profession where regular paydays aren't always easy to come by. The singers accordingly generally viewed church singing as just a job -- even though the hymns they sung would have (understandably) expressly Christian messages, even though they sometimes encountered direct antisemitism there. They draw a clear distinction between singing a rehearsed song versus praying in their own voice.

For what it's worth, I tend to view singers as towards the far end of spectrum ranging from "jobs expected to serve anyone who comes in the door" to "jobs where the professional has absolute discretion to pick and choose clients." The further you proceed down that spectrum, the more justifiable it is for a professional to refuse to take a job for whatever reason they want -- so I don't feel it would be unreasonable for a Jewish tenor to turn down a church job, even as in practice they typically seem able to maintain the conceptual separation I argue the florist should have. But the nebulousness of the spectrum (where do florists fall? I think somewhere in the middle, but reasonable minds can disagree on that) is part of why the anti-discrimination/free speech issues here are so difficult.

In any event, though, I wanted to flag the piece less because it illustrates any major theoretical point, and more for it says about how many Jews think about these issues in practice. Simply put, we can't afford to be hypersensitive in the way that many Christians -- perhaps for the first time experiencing the barest hints of conflict between their religious precepts and the public arena -- demand the law provide protection for. To borrow from Kimmy Schmidt: "It's so funny what people who aren't minorities think is oppressive!"

via The Debate Link https://ift.tt/QarwVAX