#because henry deserves to know all the ridiculous things his son has done | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

winterscaptain · 4 years ago

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an unrivaled force of nature.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader

a/n: thank you all for taking this ride with me. we’re almost finished, so tell me what you think, how you felt, how you are. i couldn’t do this without you.

words: 3.3k warnings: language, sad

summary: “give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o’er wrought heart and bids it break.” - william shakespeare, macbeth. a eulogy, an offer, a return.

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | requests closed!

You brush some wayward snow off of Anderson’s coat as he puts his pallbearer gloves on, and one corner of his mouth tips up. “Thanks.”

“Mhmm.”

You have to do something. Staying still and letting your restlessness eat at you right now is not an option.

Will tacitly asks for your help with the little buttons on his pair of gloves, and you secure and smooth them over his wrists. When you’re done, he presses a kiss to your temple before taking his place on the curb.

Derek is crisp and stone-faced, his gloves perfect as he prepares for Haley’s arrival. You cross to him, placing a hand on his shoulder and kissing his cheek. His eyes shut for a second, but otherwise, he doesn’t move.

There’s a tug on the hem of your coat, and you find Jack standing before you. You kneel to his level and needlessly fuss with his collar.

“Are you coming with us?”

You nod. “Yes, my love. I’ll be right there with you and Aunt Jess and Dad.”

He nods and grabs your hand. You keep his fingers tucked into your palm as you stand back up. Aaron’s a little ways off, speaking with the Father before the hearse arrives. You lead Jack to his side, and he absent-mindedly puts a hand on his son’s head.

When you move to give them a little space, Jack holds you fast, so you settle for stepping just off Aaron’s shoulder. Jessica approaches you then, and you hug her with your free arm.

“Thank you for being here,” she whispers. “I know it’s -” Her breath catches. “I know it’s hard.”

You shake your head where it rests on her shoulder. “Anything for you, anything for her.”

She leans back, and you catch Aaron’s final words as the hearse arrives.

“...Thank you, Father. I appreciate it.”

+++

You walk a little in front of Emily, behind Jessica and Aaron. Jack let you go and is walking steadily beside his father. You have no idea where Aaron’s head is, but all you can do is be there, on his six, just like you always are.

The pallbearers set Haley into her place with a reverence that makes you dizzy. Or, maybe that was just the tears already pushing at your eyes or the fact that you couldn’t stomach breakfast.

The Father starts to speak. Jack looks up at you where you stand behind Jessica, and reaches for you. Jess makes some space, and you settle in beside her. Your hand falls to Jack’s shoulder, and Jess tucks her hand into the crook of your arm.

Sooner than you thought possible, Aaron leaves Jess’s other side and pulls his notes from his coat pocket. His hands shake.

“W.S. Gilbert wrote, ‘It's love that makes the world go round.’ And if that's true, then the world spun a little faster with Haley in it.”

How does he always know what to say?

“...Haley was my best friend since we were in high school.”

You’ve thought about it before, and you know you’d think about it again, but the loss of a twenty-five-year friendship makes your heart ache. There’s part of you that wishes you could check out, let your mind drift as you stand in the December chill.

But you can’t. You have to feel this. You need it.

You can’t leave Aaron, Jess, Jack alone in this.

“We certainly had our struggles, but if there's one thing we agreed on unconditionally, it was our love and commitment to our son Jack. Haley's love for Jack was joyous and fierce. That fierceness is why she isn't here today.” He takes a breath. “A mother's love is an unrivaled force of nature.”

He looks around and you meet his eyes. Your sole focus is your breath. He can see it in the cold air, and does his best to match it. It’s your eyes and the eyes of his son keeping him upright today. You nod, and he turns back to his notes.

The whole exchange takes less than a second.

“And we can all learn much from the way Haley lived her life.”

So so much.

“Haley's death causes each of us to stop and take stock of our lives. To measure who we are and what we've become. I don't have all those answers for myself, but I know who Haley was. She was the woman who died protecting the child we brought into this world together. And I will make sure that Jack grows up knowing who his mother was and how she loved and protected him,” he swallows thickly, “and how much I loved her.”

Aaron loves like you’ve never seen before. He’s reserved, quiet about it, but somehow it’s also the most obvious thing about him.

His love is deep and intense and all-consuming.

You see it in the way he watches his son.

You see it in the way he deftly guides victims to safety, making them feel safe on the worst day of their lives.

You see it in the way he takes care of all of you on long days and longer cases, the way he tells you all to get some sleep.

In short, you’ve never once doubted his love for Haley.

You choke back a sob, and you can hear Jess do the same beside you.

He collects himself again. “If Haley were with us today, she would ask us not to mourn her death but to celebrate her life. She would tell us -” His voice breaks along with your heart and he takes another breath.

You can feel Dave shift beside you and you’re not sure what he’s going to do, but you reach for his sleeve, letting go of Jack for just a second. “Let him,” you whisper. He looks at you, nothing but concern in his eyes. You nod. “Let him.”

Dave nods, and you return your hand to Jack’s shoulder.

“She would tell us to love our families unconditionally.” Another crack in his voice, another in your heart. Your tears flow even faster now, your hand shaking where it rests on Jack. “And to hold them close, because in the end, they are all that matter.”

You take stock of your own family. Derek stares straight ahead on the other side of Haley’s casket, but his eyes are misty. JJ is practically a puddle, her lashes wet and blue eyes oddly beautiful - the color brightened by her tears. Emily’s beside her, as is Will with Henry in his arms.

Dave, Spencer, Penelope - all in shambles.

Jessica.

Jack.

Aaron.

Haley.

She’s your family too. You’ll love her for the rest of your life. You’ll love her son. You’ll love her Aaron. You’ll not only love them for yourself, for them, but for her.

Aaron’s right. Family is all that matters.

“I met Haley at the tryouts of our high school's production of The Pirates of Penzance. I found our copy of the play and was looking through it the other night, and I came upon a passage that seemed appropriate for this moment.” He settles himself again with another deep breath. You're proud of him - for breathing, for speaking, for being brave.

You knew there was no way to prepare, but it’s harder than you thought - standing here, listening to Aaron attempt to summarize all that Haley was, is, to him.

Even harder still? Knowing that the last time you spoke to her, embraced her, laughed with her is already behind you.

You look down and your tears fall into the grass. The story of how Haley and Aaron met is one of your favorites. Once, Haley snuck you into the garage and showed you the photos, making you swear that the knowledge will go to your grave.

For you, Haley? Anything. I never need to breathe a word of seventeen-year-old Aaron in tights and a ridiculous hat.

"Oh, dry the glistening tear that dews that martial cheek…”

That’ll be just for us.

“...for, oh, they cannot bear to see their father weep."

+++

“No, not today.” You look across the table at JJ, who stands as her phone rings. “They can’t call us in.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

The next minute or two is tense while you wait for JJ to finish the call. She returns, and you know just by the look on her face you’re not going to like what she has to say.

So, you preempt her. “Tell Strauss they need to send another team.”

She shakes her head. “No other teams available.”

“I’ll get Rossi,” Derek says with a sigh. There’s nothing you can do. He walks out onto the patio and exchanges a few words with Dave and Aaron.

After a minute, Derek and Dave leave Aaron out on the patio. He turns, looking at all of you through the window for a moment before turning his back, resting his elbows against the stone balustrade.

You gather your things, following Emily out into the main foyer, but you lose your breath along the way, your shoulders sinking and your eyes dropping to the floor. Will places a soft hand in the middle of your back.

“You alrigh’?”

You shake your head, pulling a sharp inhale in an effort to keep your tears at bay, and he catches JJ’s wrist. She looks back for just a moment before reaching forward for Derek, tugging a little on his sleeve.

Your acting unit chief turns around, a softness in his dark eyes. The rest of the team is staring at you. An overwhelming feeling of weakness, almost humiliation, falls over you.

Why can they leave him and I can’t?

Derek heaves a sigh and says, “Five minutes,” gesturing with the tiniest dip of his chin. The rest of the team follows him out like a pack of well-trained ducklings. JJ’s hand runs down your arm as she passes, and Will presses a kiss to the side of your head.

Sometimes, you think, Will is a better man than any of you deserve.

You send him a silent thanks and turn on your heel, almost jogging out into the cool night air. It’s more than kind of Derek to release you for even a moment - he doesn’t have to, but you know the role is wearing on him.

The more time you get with Hotch, he figures, the faster he can come back to work.

Aaron hasn’t moved by the time you reach him. You breeze to his side, only slightly out of breath. His scotch sits untouched in front of him, but you can’t fault him for that. Today is not the kind of day that can be blunted by alcohol.

You’re quiet for what feels like a long time, just sharing space with one another.

“You should go,” he says. “The team needs you.”

“I -” You cut yourself off, afraid of sharing too much. There’s so much you could say, so much you need to say. Both to him and to Haley.

You miss her. Even when she was in WITSEC, there was the hope that one day she would be home, ready to greet you with a wide, crooked smile and, if you were lucky, a laugh.

That hope is gone and with it, parts of your life you never thought you’d lose.

Fuck it. Nothing you can say will be wrong.

“I wanted to be with you for another minute before we left.”

Aaron’s quiet, but his shoulders drop just the smallest amount. “Thank you.”

You tip your head to the side, letting it rest on the edge of his shoulder. I wish we didn’t have to leave you.

I know, his sigh says. It’s okay.

Tears spring into your eyes again without prompting. It seems your heart has been breaking since Hotch’s voice first wavered in his eulogy. The grief radiating off him in waves only amplifies your own.

There’s a thickness in his voice as he speaks again. “She really liked you, you know. She -” He clears his throat, a useless endeavor. “She loved you.”

A little smile pulls at your lips and tears leave your eyes - just two - without your permission. “I know.” Quietly, you add, “I love her, too.” The past tense is too painful, so you keep her with you in the present.

“She trusts you with Jack. Always has.” He huffs a humorless laugh. “Can’t even say that for myself.”

There’s nothing you can say to that, but you shake your head. An inaudible, “Yes you can,” leaves you. You know he hears it - the little smile that pulls at the corner of his mouth tells you as much.

Belatedly, you realize it’s probably been more than five minutes, but you can’t bring yourself to care.

“Can I ask you for something?”

You lean back, looking him in the eye. “Anything.”

“Can you -” He stops, his lip quivering and tears pushing at his eyes. He swallows, his jaw tight, as he collects himself enough to speak without losing it. “Can you help me keep my promise?”

Your brow tugs in the middle. “Which one?”

“All of them,” he says. “I want Jack to know -” He can’t finish, but you watch him. He knows you understand. “I also promised to spend the rest of my life making up for…” He gestures vaguely. “...this.”

You reach toward him, pressing a fervent kiss to his cheek before hooking your chin over his shoulder. You cling desperately to his coat, knowing if you hurt him, he’ll tell you.

He returns your embrace, locking his arms around your back. A whisper leaves you. “Of course.” Now that you’re pressed against him, you’re not sure if you’re shaking or he is, but you only hold him tighter to stem it.

There are no other words exchanged between you as you pull away and meet his eyes. You needlessly smooth his collar.

When you make your way to the door, you turn over your shoulder once more. He’s watching you. “See you when we get home.”

He nods. Be safe.

You offer him the smallest of smiles. Always.

+++

It’s the middle of the night when your phone rings. You answer it before looking, your last name rough as it leaves your mouth.

“It’s Hotch.” His voice is just more than a whisper, but of course, you’d know it anywhere.

You sit up straight in bed, rubbing your eyes. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? Is Jack alright?”

There’s a sigh. “Nothing. I’m...fine. Jack’s asleep here with me, but I just…” He pauses. “I just needed to know you’re okay.”

The tension leaves you as relief floods your system. “Yeah. I’m okay. We’re sleeping in shifts. I’m back on in,” you check the clock on the bedside table, “four hours.”

“Ah,” he says. “I’ll let you sleep then.”

You know he’s about to hang up, but you stop him. “Hotch, wait.”

There’s silence on the other end of the phone, so you can only hope he’s listening.

“If you want to stay on for a little while, I can’t promise I’ll stay up, but you don’t have to hang up.”

A heavy exhale sounds in your ear. “Really?”

“Yeah.” You tuck yourself back into bed. “I can talk about nothing, if you want. I’m no Spencer, but I’ve picked up a few of his tricks.”

“Alright,” he says with a quiet laugh. “I don't want to keep you up, but -”

“Oh, please. Let someone take care of you for once, would you?”

There’s a huff followed by silence, so you take your cue. You tell him all about the drive out to the crime scene today - it was a gorgeous, winding road through the Tennessee mountains. There was plenty of snow and the air was crisp and cold.

You skip over the case details, just describing the landscape as best you can. Your yawns come faster than your words after a while, and you figure it’s time to check in.

“Hotch?”

There’s a little shuffle on the other end of the line, and a little hum. That’s good enough for you.

“Goodnight, Aaron.”

Another hum. “Night, sweetheart,” he slurs.

You know he’s barely conscious, but that doesn’t deter the adrenaline rush. You manage a, “Sleep well. I’ll text you in the morning,” before hanging up. You stare at the dark screen of your phone for a moment. The dark is the only thing there to hear your whisper. It listens.

“I love you.”

+++

There’s another call in the late afternoon. You step out to take it. Derek hardly takes a second glance at you as he and the rest of the team continue working.

“Aaron?”

“Hey,” he says. “Strauss just left.”

Your brow crinkles. “What?”

“We did have a meeting scheduled, but she came to the house so I wouldn’t have to take Jack to the office or leave him here.”

“That was...generous.” It was hard to find the word, but you got there eventually.

He sighs. “Yeah, I thought so too.”

“So, what’s up?”

I know you’re not calling me without reason so just spit it out.

“She offered me retirement. Full pension, full benefits.”

Your heart drops and you try to hide the anxiety in your voice. You’re not sure it works. (From his end of the phone, it doesn’t.) “Are you going to take it?”

“That’s the thing -”

You check the team on the other side of the window. Derek taps his watch, and you nod.

“- Jess offered to take Jack whenever I’m away. She wants to.”

You’re speechless. You can’t say you’re surprised, knowing Jess as you do, but it's so big. She’s basically becoming a mother overnight. “Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“Aaron, I’m so sorry -”

“- Get back to the case. I just wanted to tell you because...I don’t know. I’m gonna sleep on it and then figure it out in the morning.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” You check the time. “Kiss Jack goodnight for me, will you?”

“Of course. Good luck.”

“Thanks.” You hang up, neither one of you stuck on pretenses of politeness anymore. You slip back into the room with an apologetic glance at Derek.

Spencer looks back at you. Hotch?

You wave him off. Later.

+++

You're antsy to get off the plane, your knee bouncing, and your lip between your teeth. With Derek’s permission, you fly out of the office like a bat out of hell in the afternoon light, trying to make it before the sun sets.

You know exactly where to find him.

Parking the car, you step out and button your coat against the chill. He’s visible from here, on the bench, with his elbows resting on his knees and his head bowed.

You don’t know this, but of course, he knows you’re coming. He’s not surprised when you sit beside him. He offers you a hand and you take it.

“Have you told her, yet?”

There’s an almost-smile on his face, closer to something you recognize than anything the week prior. “Told her what?”

“That you’re coming back to us. That this team, this work, is who you are?”

His eyes are trained on the temporary marker as he replies. “You know I don’t have to tell her. She already knows.”

You look at him for a second, studying his profile. “I’m proud of you.”

He looks at you, almost doubtful.

With the smallest of smiles, you add, “She’s proud of you, too.” At another questioning glance: “She told me as much, last spring. She’s so proud of you, Aaron.”

He nods with a deliberate slowness and turns his gaze back to Haley. He squeezes your hand.

You squeeze back.

+++

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wefoundloveunderthelight · 3 years ago

Text

A Story in the Life of Killian Jones and Emma Swan by GleefullyCaptainSwan Chapter 2/2

Read on AO3: | Part 1 | Part 2

Or on FF

Stacy's Tortured Crew: @teamhook @kmomof4 @stahlop @lfh1226-linda @ilovemesomekillianjones @itsfabianadocarmo @mariakov81 @qualitycoffeethings @zaharadessert @jrob64 @jonesfandomfanatic @natascha-ronin @tiganasummertree @xarandomdreamx @therooksshiningknight @batana54 @superchocovian @onceratheart18 @ultraluckycatnd @snowbellewells @karlyfr13s @the-darkdragonfly @xsajx @deckerstarblanche

Part 2:

Emma turned toward him, standing in front of his hotel room, an anxious look on her face. “I need to talk to you.”

“Are you crazy? What if Neal sees you?” He pushed open the door to his room and ushered the woman quickly inside.

“I’m sorry, I know this is insane, I shouldn’t be here.”

“You’re right you shouldn’t be. Why are you here?”

The boy whined loudly in her arms. “I’m sorry, is there somewhere I can I lay him down, he hasn’t had his afternoon nap.” Without waiting for a response, she laid her son on the bed, talking to him quietly as she tucked the covers over his shoulders. He could barely take his eyes off her, watching as she ran her fingers through the boy’s hair.

She looked up at him and everything in his body threatened to shut down. “Emma, you really shouldn’t be here.”

“I’ve been thinking…” She sighed. “My parents didn’t want me.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“My parent’s they abandoned me when I was a baby, I spent a lot of years in foster care, but no one ever really wanted me. When I was old enough I emancipated, moved out on my own. I’ve never really been afraid of being alone, of not being wanted…but Henry…” She looked at her son, sleeping in the bed. “I don’t want Henry to ever feel like his father abandoned him.”

“I already told you, lass, I’m not here to ruin your life. I most certainly have no intention of hurting your child’s chances either. I have no plans to reveal your secret to Neal. I’m not that kind of man.”

“I believe that, and that’s part of the reason I’m here.” She shook her head. “He deserves to know his father. His real father.”

“But that would mean…” He stepped away from her.

“It would mean that I need to talk to Neal.” She replied softly. “I know.”

“You can’t do that. It would destroy him.” A sick feeling was growing in his stomach. Neal would never forgive either of them.

“I can’t live with this guilt; I get a sick feeling in my stomach every time he looks at me.” Killian chuckled at the similarity of their feelings. “I didn’t do any of this to hurt him, I thought I was protecting him and Henry, but I have lied to him, and he deserves to know the truth.”

“You’re getting married tomorrow.”

“I’m perfectly aware of that.” She said quietly. “But I can’t walk down that aisle and promise myself to be faithful and true to him if I don’t tell him the truth first.”

“So, you’re just going to tell him the truth, and then what? You walk down the aisle, and everyone is happy?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t get that far in my thought process.” She laughed.

He watched the woman from his place in the room. He was still angry at her, even though he knew she had no way of finding him anymore than he did her after they separated that night. Neither knew the other’s name, they had no way of contacting each other. But he was still angry as he looked over at the young boy asleep in his bed. He had a son and he had already missed so much of his life.

Killian had been up all night on the balcony thinking about his life, the things he had screwed up, things he had done right. Killian had spent every moment thinking only about himself, making his mark on the world, he never once stopped to think about anyone else. Sure, he had his brother, and he would do anything for Liam or even Robin and Neal, but when it came down to it, he only ever took care of himself.

But now…knowing that he had a son, suddenly things felt different. It was like the entire game had changed.

“He has my eyes.” He finally responded. “But he has your nose.”

She laughed, and when he looked up he realized she had tears in her eyes. “Sometimes when he’s sleeping, he does that thing with his jaw that you do.”

“Pardon me?”

“He clenches a bit when he’s sleeping. I remembered you doing that too…” She stared off in the distance. “That night.”

“You watched me sleep?” His brow rose when she turned to look at him.

“A bit. I had a lot on my mind. Plus, you’re kind of easy on the eyes.” He chuckled softly. “Pretty sure he got his attitude from you, that was apparent last night.”

“Are you saying I had an attitude?”

“Actually, you were kind of a dick, but it was warranted, I’m sure it was a shock last night.”

They each smiled and Killian realized how easy it was to fall into a conversation with her, the back and forth, give and take, the same reason he felt drawn to her the night at the bar. He stepped forward and offered her his hand. “Hi, I’m Killian Jones.”

She shook her head with a gentle laugh and an unsure look on her face before shaking her hand with his. “Emma Swan.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Emma.” He said with a nod.

“Can you ever forgive me?” She asked, biting her lip.

“There’s nothing to forgive, love.”

“I know this is going to be awkward and uncomfortable, and hell I have no idea how Neal is going to react, but I want you to get to know him. I want that for Henry. And for you.” Her eyes shimmered with wet tears. “It’s not your fault you didn’t know and if you had, I have a feeling that things might have turned out differently.”

“I probably would have done something ridiculously stupid.” He mumbled.

She laughed, “I want you to know something…about that night.”

“Love, there’s no need to…”

She cut him off. “Yes there is. Neal and I had been dating, not exclusively, but we had been dating for about three months when I went to the conference. He had asked me to move in with him and I wasn’t ready for a commitment like that.” He leaned back against the wall, watching her face as she spoke. “Then I met you.” She looked over at her son for a moment. “I didn’t sleep with you because I was confused about Neal.” She said firmly, turning her attention back to him. “My whole life I’ve always done what I wanted, I never had to worry about how it affected anyone else.”

She stepped closer to him, and he swallowed, trying not to choke on the pit that was forming in his throat. “That night, with you, I had never done that before. You need to know that I wasn’t the type of person to just jump in bed with a stranger.”

“I never assumed that love.”

“Good.” She said with a soft smile. “But after you fell asleep, I just laid there, thinking about what I had done.”

“You regretted it?” He responded with sadness.

“No, not a single minute.” Her hand slid against his arm, and she looked up into his eyes. “There isn’t a single day that goes by that I don’t look into my son’s eyes and think of you. No matter what happened, you gave me Henry and being his mother is the single most important thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

He scanned her eyes, seeing the honesty of her words as she spoke. “If I had known about him, I swear to you I would have been there. I would have helped.”

“And that is why I want you to be a part of his life.”

He looked over at the boy sleeping peacefully in his bed and smiled. “I’d like that very much.” Turning back to her he sighed. “So, what will you do now?”

“I don’t know yet. I need to talk to Neal, try and explain all of this.”

“He won’t take this news lightly.” He warned. “I’ve known Neal all of my life. Are you sure you want to do this? We could find another way so that you didn’t need to expose yourself.”

“I won’t lie to him anymore and I can’t ask you to do it either.”

“I’d offer to assist, but I’m not certain my presence would make it better.”

She laughed again, a sound that soothed his beating heart. “This is something I need to do alone.” She walked over to her son, scooping his limp body into her arms, and depositing him into his stroller.

A look of worry washed over his face, he was certain Neal would react poorly to the news, he couldn’t blame him, if he put himself in the man’s place, he wasn’t sure he would remain calm either. “You can stop worrying about me. I’m a big girl.” She responded to his obvious concern.

“I don’t doubt that, however I would feel better if you could keep me apprised of the situation. I don’t want to walk into Neal’s fist without first knowing it’s coming.” He chuckled.

She rolled her eyes and held out her hand, when he gazed at her quizzically, she smiled. “Phone.” He pulled his phone from his pocket, handing it to her as she punched in her number and sent herself a text. When she was finished she passed it back to him. “I’ll let you know.”

He peered down at his phone and opened the text.

Killian: Hey it’s dark and stormy

He raised his brow and looked at her. “My drink order?”

“Your general attitude.” She teased, pushing the stroller past him, and reaching for the door. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”

“Emma.” He watched her leaving, a nagging feeling telling him he needed to be honest with her as well. She may be marrying Neal, but she meant something to him, she always had. He reached out and gently tugged her by the arm. “That night changed me too. I may not have known about Henry but being with you that night…I thought about you often.”

“Killian…” she replied with a frown.

“Don’t fret lass, I’m not about to declare my undying love for you or anything, I just want you to know that it wasn’t just about sex for me, you were different, I never understood it, but you were. I tried to find you many times, at other conferences, on the faces of people I passed on the streets. I never stopped thinking about you, what could have been, I just…I wanted you to know that it meant something.”

“It meant something to me too.” She said with a sad smile, twisting the handle on the door and opening it.

“Hey Killian, you finally finish with that nap of…” Killian stared into the eyes of his best friend as he looked between his fiancé and himself. “Emma?”

“Neal…” Emma stepped toward him, and Neal pushed away from her.

“What the fuck is going on?”

“Emma was just…” He started to explain, to come up with anything to make Neal stop glaring at him with the heat of thousand suns. Emma put her hand on his chest.

“Killian, don’t.”

“What the fuck.” Neal yelled. “Are you fucking my fiancé? You couldn’t wait to get one last jab in at your ole best friend, is that it?”

Killian swallowed. “Stop it Neal. That’s not what happened.”

“No? So, you’re just sneaking out of his hotel room, the day before our wedding because you were picking out bridal patterns?” He screamed.

“Mate, don’t shout at her.”

“Don’t fucking tell me what to do!” He yelled, stepping into Killian’s space.

“Everyone stop shouting.” Emma demanded, stepping between him and Neal.

“I can’t believe you would do this, Emma. You’ve known him a whole day.” He glared at him. “And you, you just couldn’t wait to use that Jones charm on her. Were you that jealous that I finally got a life that you wanted to ruin it for me?”

“I would never do that.” Killian argued. “I was happy, I am happy for you. You’re my best friend.”

“Bullshit. Friends don’t do this. Not this Killian.”

“Neal, if you would please let me explain.” Emma interrupted.

“Explain what? That the day before our wedding, you just had to have one more roll in the hay, before you got stuck with my dick forever, and of course to jab the knife in further you just had to pick him. Honestly Emma, I would have accepted it being anyone else, but him. Why him?”

“We weren’t sleeping together.” Emma closed her eyes as she spoke just as Robin approached the group.

“What’d I miss?” Robin asked anxiously.

“Just my best friend having a go at my fiancé, with my fucking kid in the room.”

“Um…What?” Robin turned toward him. “I thought we talked about this last night, you were going to walk away.”

Neal narrowed his eyes. “Last night? Jesus Christ, how quickly did the two of you fuck after meeting?”

“I didn’t have sex with her, Mate.” Killian said forcefully.

“So, you’re going to stand here and tell me that you’ve never had sex with Emma?”

Killian’s jaw tensed as he looked at Emma, his eyes gazing back to Neal. “Don’t do it, Killian.” Robin warned beside him, and Killian gritted his teeth. He couldn’t lie to Neal.

“I can’t do that.” He responded, just as the fist connected with his face and he crumpled against the wall.

“Jesus Neal.” He heard Emma yell as a pair of arms grabbed him around the elbow, pulling him back to his feet.

“Someone want to tell me what the fuck is going on.” He heard his brother’s booming voice from the other end of the hall.

“Oh good, the gang’s all here.” Killian chuckled as he spit blood from his mouth onto the ground.

“Killian fucked Emma.” Neal growled and his brother turned a disappointed eye his direction. Killian shrugged his shoulders.

“It wasn’t recent.” He growled.

“What the hell does that mean?” Neal laughed.

“It was a long time ago.” Killian heard Emma’s voice behind Neal and Neal turned to face her, the change in his direction allowed him to see the woman, tears falling down her face. “I met him at that Vegas convention that we both went to.” Robin sighed beside him. “I never meant to hurt you; I didn’t know what I wanted then. You wanted to move in, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that kind of commitment.”

Neal’s shoulders sagged as he leaned against the wall. Emma pressed forward, taking his hand. “I came back to you, I decided I needed to grow up, to take a chance so I came home, and we moved in together.”

“So, to be fair, one could say that shagging me, pushed her to you.” Killian joked, something that no one witnessing the scene found funny.

“Shut the fuck up, Jones.” Neal spat and Robin shook his head disapprovingly as if to tell him now was not the time.

“I never told him my name and I didn’t know his.”

“And you never showed us a picture of the woman you were with; I had no way of knowing my dalliance in Vegas was in any way related to you. I didn’t even know where she lived, Mate. The first time I had seen her since then was last night, I swear.”

“I don’t even know how to process this.” Neal blew out a ragged breath. “I knew you weren’t sure about moving in with me, but when you got home, you just seemed different. I never questioned it.”

“I was sure.”

“Because you had sex with him, and then suddenly you could settle for a life with me?”

“No, I just, I couldn’t be that person, the one-night stand person, I needed to grow up.”

“So, you moved in with me so you could be a responsible adult?” He asked sarcastically. “Isn’t that romantic. Here I thought you did it because you loved me.”

“I did.” She argued. “I do. I just…”

“God, I don’t feel like I know you at all. Everything I thought about our life has been a lie.”

“That’s not true, Neal.” She pleaded.

“Would you have even stayed with me if you hadn’t gotten pregnant right after we…” He paused, his hand slowly covering his mouth as if the realization was taking over, the moment that Killian had been dreading the entire time. “Oh God.”

“Neal, can we please go and…”

“He’s not mine.” He whispered, staring at the floor. “Those goddamn blue eyes.” He muttered, an angry laugh following. “He’s not mine, is he?” He asked angrily as his eyes raged with fire.

Killian dropped his head to his chest, he felt Robin’s hand on his shoulder.

“No.” Emma cried, and Killian wanted more than anything to wrap her in his arms and hold her, to protect her, but he knew that it would only make matters worse. “I’m sorry Neal, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry brother.” Killian responded quietly.

“Don’t.” Neal pushed away from the wall. “I don’t want either of you talk to me. I can’t even look at you without wanting to vomit on the floor or punch you in the face.” He growled in his direction. He marched toward the other end of the hallway as Emma sunk to her knees crying next to the stroller. Killian looked toward his brother, sadness on his face.

“I’ll go talk to him.” He said with a nod. “Take care of them.” He said to Robin.

“Emma.” He walked toward her, and she looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

“I’m fine. Please, don’t look at me like that, I’m fine. I deserved everything he said.”

“Aye, myself included, but that doesn’t make it any easier to hear.

“Can Henry rest in your room? I just need to take a walk.” She said, standing and brushing herself off.

“Do you need company?” He asked sincerely.

“No. I need to believe alone, I just need to think.”

Robin nodded and Killian watched as she walked down the hallway, her arms wrapped around her waist.

~*~

Emma could feel her heart pounding in her chest, she knew the conversation with Neal was going to be difficult, but having him find her with Killian, having the truth come out the way it did was never something she anticipated.

She deserved his ire, she deserved the words he threw at her, yet it didn’t make it hurt less.

Emma knew that if she had never gotten pregnant, she may not have ever needed to bring up her indiscretion, but she could never say that she wished she hadn’t had Henry. She could live with her mistakes, she would own the consequences, but no matter what those ended up being, she would always have her son.

She loved Neal, but if he couldn’t forgive her, she could live with that as long as she had Henry.

No matter what Neal decided, she would be fine.

She walked around for what felt like hours until she wandered into the pool area. She sat down on one of the lounge chairs, staring at the water spilling over the small waterfall built into it.

“Hey Ems.” She looked up to see Neal walking slowly toward her, his hands shoved deep in his pockets as he looked around nervously.

“I’m so sorry.” She said softly as the tears threatened to fall again.

“I know.” He took a seat on the lounger and exhaled. They sat in silence for a moment, neither sure what to say. “Did you always know?” He turned toward her calmly. “That he wasn’t mine?”

Emma shook her head, the tears finally leaving her eyes. “Not at first, no. Honestly, it didn’t occur to me to think anything at all…” She shook her head. “But then he was born, and he had those beautiful blue eyes and that dark hair and…”

“I always knew Jones would make beautiful babies.”

“I hoped I was wrong, I really did. But when I realized the truth, I had no way of knowing who his father was, and I wanted him to have a father who would love him, and you did love him so much.” She cried.

“Answer me something, Em.” He took her hand and held it in his. “If you could have known sooner who he was, would you have still chosen me to be his father?”

“I…” She didn’t know how to answer that question. She realized last night that it would be wrong to keep Killian from knowing his son, that it would be unfair for Henry not to have the chance to know his father. “You don’t have to be his dad for him to love you like one.”

“But would you still choose me? You were so unsure about us moving in together. You ran, like you always did, and you ran into another man’s bed. Without Henry, would you and I still be together?” His voice was low, and calm.

“I do love you.” She replied, choking back her tears.

“I know that Em, but you didn’t answer the question.” He said with a laugh. “I think it’s because you already know the answer.”

“I came home to you, I didn’t know I was pregnant then, I still came home to be with you.” She sobbed.

“And how long would that have lasted? Vegas scared you. Being with Killian scared you, so you ran back to me, to safety.”

“No. I wasn’t scared, I realized I needed to take responsibility, be a grown up. That’s what being with Killian did for me.” He smiled, running his hand across her cheek.

“I don’t want you to be with me because it’s the right thing to do. I want you to be with me because there’s nothing else you want in the world except for me. To know that you can’t picture your life any other way.”

“That’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not. Losing you isn’t fair either.”

Emma choked back her tears. “What are you saying?”

“I love you, Ems, I’ll always love you, but…” She felt her heart crumble in her chest. “I don’t know if I’m a big enough man to look in that boy’s eyes and know he’s Killian’s every single day and not feel like I’m having a knife stabbed in my chest every time he stares back.”

“He can still be your son.”

“I’m not walking out of his life. I’ll always be there for Henry, and after I learn to be ok with this, I’ll be the best Uncle I can be, but I’m not there yet.”

“What about us? I swear to you, I never looked at another man once we moved in together.” She cried.

“I think we need some time...”

“I don’t want time, I want you.” She begged.

“And if you still feel that way after some time apart, then we’ll talk. But right now, I can’t be with you.” Emma’s tears pooled in her eyes, she felt heartbroken and embarrassed.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, we’ll talk alright. Whatever happens, you’re gonna be alright.” He stood up, looking at her one more time. “I’ll contact all the appropriate people and make the cancellations, just take care of Henry. I’m gonna stay at the office for a while, you take the apartment. I’ll come see you in a few weeks.”

“I don’t know how to do this.” She cried.

“You’re the strongest woman I know, don’t count yourself out yet.” He walked away, disappearing around the corner before Emma sunk down into the lounger, covering her face as she sobbed.

~*~

Killian watched the boy playing in his stroller, the way his lip turned up when he smiled, the sparkle of his blue eyes.

“How’s your eye?” Robin asked from the bed.

“I’ll live. He should have hit me harder.”

There was a knock on the door and Robin got up to open it. Liam walked through the door and nodded at Robin. When their eyes met, Killian looked at the ground. He was sure his brother had to be disappointed in him.

“He’s have a conversation with Emma now.” Liam announced. “Had to do a lot of talking to make that happen instead of what he wanted to do.”

“What’s that?” Killian asked.

“Kick your ass.” He laughed.

“You should have let him.” He exhaled.

“Cut the martyr shit. The way I see it you had sex with a woman at a convention center. Nothing villainous about that.”

“He’s been raising a kid that he thought was his for two years.”

“Which you knew nothing about, right?”

“I wouldn’t have lied to him about that for two bloody years.”

“Alright then, that’s the end of it.” His brother said matter-of-factly.

“Mama.” The boy babbled from his stroller. “Want mama.” He said with a frown, tears threatening in the angry corners of his eyes.

Killian looked at Robin and Liam for assistance. “He’s your kid.” Liam shrugged.

“I don’t know what to do with him, I’ve been a dad for all of 24 hours.”

“Then you better figure it out fast.” Liam said, raising his brow, a look that told Killian that Liam had expected that Killian would be taking his responsibilities seriously from now on.

Killian bent down, pulling the boy from the stroller. “Ok lad, I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to be doing here, so I’m gonna need you to work with me here.” He held the toddler against his chest.

“Mama.”

“I know, she’ll be back soon, right now you’re stuck with me.” He laughed.

“Maybe that’s the cause for his angst.” Robin joked and Liam gave him a disapproving nod.

“I’m Killian.” He announced to the boy. “You don’t know me yet, but I’m hoping we can be friends.” He spoke softly and the child stopped crying as if trying to hear his words. “I know I haven’t been around before, but I promise I’m not going anywhere.” His mouth was set in a frown, large beads of water sat on his chubby cheeks from the tears he had shed.

The boy reached out and put a hand on Killian’s cheek and he felt his heart stop.

There was a knock on the door and Liam stepped back to open it. Neal was standing on the other side of the door. Killian supposed it was a good thing he was holding Henry, at least this way he was certain Neal wouldn’t strike him while he was holding the lad. They made eye contact and Killian suddenly felt guilty for holding Henry, his heart broke at the way Neal seemed to shrink from the sight of seeing Killian holding the boy he had thought until today was his son.

“I think we need to talk.” He responded, and Killian nodded.

“Aye.”

“Let’s get something to eat.” Liam announced, smacking Robin lightly on the back. “No fighting.” He lectured them both as if they were children. When the door closed behind them, Killian walked over to the stroller and set Henry into his seat.

“You have no idea how much I looked forward to you meeting him, and now…” He sighed. “Now seeing you with him…”

“I’m sorry, Neal, I truly am.”

“All our lives you beat me in everything, you were the first to walk, said your first words earlier than me, took the prom queen to the dance…”

“None of that was a competition.”

“Maybe not to you, remember Sandy Griffins?” Killian shook his head that he didn’t. “Of course you don’t, because she didn’t mean anything to you, but she meant everything to me. She was the first woman I ever loved, I waited for her at the coffee shop every day for a year waiting to ask her out. And then out of nowhere, she shows up with you.”

“Ever think that maybe if you had spoken to her in that year instead of just watching her, you might have gotten to her first?”

“It never mattered, you were the one who could draw, you became the architect, and I was always just the other guy.”

“I wasn’t out to get you, Cassidy.”

“Maybe not, but this time, this time I won. I found the most amazing woman I had ever laid eyes on, and she was mine. And I made sure she stayed mine. I kept her away from you. And finally, I had the life, a woman I was going to marry, and a boy, a beautiful perfect baby boy who was all mine!” Killian sighed sadly. “And somehow you took all of that away from me again.”

“Why did you never talk to me about how you felt before? I’ve always loved you like a brother; I have never held ill will or malice toward you. But you have to know that if I had known that Emma was your girlfriend I never would have pursued her.”

“And yet here we are.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Leave. Go back to England and never come back. Stay away from Emma and Henry.” He spoke in an even but flat tone. Killian stared at his friend before looking down at the boy in the stroller.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

“Not even to save our relationship?” He asked.

“You’re my brother and I love you, and I’m sorry for what this has done to you, I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling right now, but I won��t abandon the boy. I may not have been there when he was born or been able to watch him grow like you have, but I am the boy’s father, and I would never walk away from that responsibility.” He paused. “Even for you.”

His jaw tensed and then he pushed away from the wall, causing his body to tense. “Good.” Killian shook his head in confusion. “You’re right, you haven’t been there. Did you know that Emma was in labor for 23 hours with him?” Killian gestured that he didn’t. “It was a hell of a pregnancy, she was sick most of the time, and when she went into labor she wasn’t even sure she could get through the ordeal. But Emma’s a strong woman and even after 23 hours she kept her strength and Henry was brought into the world at three o’clock in the morning. I took one look at him, and I knew I would protect him for the rest of my life.”

“I’m not trying to take your place.”

“I know. But he’s gonna need his father, and don’t you dare let anything, including me, ever get in the way of you being there for him.” He wrapped his arms around Neal’s back and embraced him. When they finally broke the hug, he looked at the man.

“So now what?”

“Now I go lick my wounds and figure out who I am.”

“What about Emma?”

He sighed. “I don’t know.”

“She came home to you; she chose you to be Henry’s father.”

“I know, but there’s something I learned about Emma a long time ago. She has a fear of being abandoned, did you know her parents left her when she was a child, just tossed her out like she was trash. Emma would never want that for her son. She would have stayed with me even if it wasn’t her choice.”

“But you were her choice.”

“Yes, her only choice, because she couldn’t find you.”

“That’s not fair, we spent one night together, that doesn’t mean that my being in her life would have made a difference in whether she choose you or not.”

“Perhaps not, but a part of me will always wonder.”

“But you love her.” He argued.

“You know me, I’m a selfish prick, I love that woman, but if I have to wonder if she loves me as much as I love her, the moment I question that, it’s never going to be enough.”

“So, you’re just going to end things with her? Just like that, the day before your wedding?”

“Don’t get too excited, I’ll still kick your ass if you pursue her right now.” He said seriously.

“You really think that little of me?”

Neal sighed. “She’s an amazing woman, I wouldn’t blame you for going after her, I’m just asking that you don’t. I don’t know what’s going to happen between her and I, but I’d like to have the opportunity to figure that out. You’re Henry’s father, there’s nothing I can do about that, but until an hour ago, she was going to be my wife.”

“You have my word.”

“Now…” He said with a laugh. “I think I’m going to drown my sorrows in beer.”

“You want company.”

“Not tonight, maybe next time.” He said with a smile that told Killian that even though things felt awful now, eventually they would be ok.

He walked over to Henry’s stroller and ruffled the boy’s hair. “He really does look like you.” He smiled widely. “Poor kid.”

And with that, Neal walked out the door.

~*~

Emma wandered the grounds of the hotel for what felt like hours, she knew she needed to get back to her son, to go home and pick up the pieces from the explosion that was her life. She felt emotionally numb by the time she found herself standing in front of Killian’s hotel room. She knocked on the door and waited until she saw his face on the other side of the door.

“Are you alright, love?”

“I’m honestly not sure right now.” She laughed. “But I will be.”

She stepped into the room, seeing her son sitting on the floor surrounded by a mountain of pillows and blankets. She caught his eye and laughed. “I wasn’t sure if it was safe for him to roam.”

She sat down in the middle of the pillow fort and covered her eyes. The little boy laughed and grabbed her hands away from her face. “Mama pee a boo.” She laughed, scooping the boy into her arms, and squeezed him tightly. “Too much.” He complained and Emma released him with a giggle.

“Sorry baby.”

“What will you do now?”

“Well, the wedding is off.” She sighed. “Not that I should have been surprised by that.”

“Aye, I heard. I’m sorry.” She stood up, looking at his face.

“Does it hurt?” She touched his eye and he winced.

“Just my pride.” He joked.

“So, when do you go back to London?”

“I have to do a presentation on Sunday for an important client, my flight leaves tomorrow morning.”

She shook her head and exhaled. “Well, I hope you’ll keep in touch. I did mean it; I want him to know his father.”

“Aye, I was going to talk to you about that.” He paused. “I do have to go home for a short time, but I would like to return, have an opportunity to get to know the lad. If you’ll permit it.”

“I would like that, but doesn’t your brother need you at home?”

“I think he can manage without my physical presence. I haven’t taken a vacation in years.”

“As long as you are sure, I don’t want to be the cause of any more problems for you.” She said seriously, not wanting to inconvenience the man’s life further after upending everything he knew in the span of 24 hours.

“You’ve given me the opportunity to get to know my son, you’re trusting me with something so precious to you, and I don’t intend to let you down.”

She felt the tears slide across her cheek, afraid that she was about to break down again, not wanting to show that kind of weakness in front of the man in the room. “I’m sorry, I’m trying to hold it together here.” She laughed, looking up to see him walking toward her. She tensed when he reached her.

“Even the strongest woman is allowed to fall apart now and then.” And without another word, he wrapped her in his arms and held her against his chest. For the first time that day, Emma let someone else be her strength as she released all of her weight against him, letting the tears fall freely. She allowed him to lead her to the corner of the bed, pulling her down on his lap as she released the remaining grief and anger of the last few hours, letting the stress fall free from her.

She didn’t know how long they sat like that, how long she allowed him to brush his fingers through her hair, to whisper reassurances against her scalp. She didn’t know why she even allowed a man she had barely known for more than a few days to see her so vulnerable; she only knew that she didn’t want to feel alone.

“Mama, up.” She turned her head to see her son pulling himself up to stand beside her. Emma simply reacted, lifting her son into her lap, and kissing the boy’s cheek. It was only then that she realized how ridiculous the moment was. Holding her son while she sat in Killian’s lap on his bed in the middle of his hotel room.

She looked up, meeting his eye as his dark orbs looked through her, his hand drawing lazy circles against her back. “I uh…”

He cleared his throat, moving his arm, giving her the opportunity to remove herself from his embrace. “Yeah, it’s getting late, I’m sure the lad is tired.”

He helped her put Henry’s things into the stroller and walked her to the door. Emma turned before she reached it. “Killian…” She paused when she realized how close he was to her. “I don’t know that I can give you anything more than the chance to know Henry. I mean, I just ruined one relationship before I could walk down the aisle, I’m not sure that I’m going to be ready for anything besides friendship.”

“I get that you find me devilishly handsome, striking one might say, but I’m afraid you’re going to have to control yourself around me, love.”

“Ok smartass.” She smirked, pulling the door open and pushing the stroller into the hall. “Don’t be a stranger.” She remarked before making her way back to her empty apartment.

~*~

A few years later

“Happy birthday to you.” A chorus of voices sang to the boy at the table.

“Make a wish baby.” Emma told her son and Killian watched him blow out the candles, his eyes squeezed shut. He could hardly believe the boy was turning four.

“What did you wish for, lad?” Killian asked the boy.

“I can’t tell you that, daddy.” The boy giggled when Killian lifted him out of his chair and blew kisses against his neck.

“Ok, put him down before he pukes up his pizza.” Emma swatted at Killian as she brought the plates to the table. “Do you want cake, Neal?”

“I’m watching my weight, Ems.” Neal joked as he pressed a hand to his stomach.

“Watching it go where?” Killian remarked with a wink.

“Bite me, Jones. I’m serious, I’ve been going to the gym five times a week lately. You might want to step inside one now and then, those jeans are looking a little tight.” Killian waited until Emma turned around before flipping Neal the bird.

“Would you two make yourself useful and deliver these to the backyard.” She passed a plate to each of them and pushed them out the backdoor.

“Women.” Neal remarked loudly before she shut the door behind them. “We’ve got cake.” Neal announced to the men in the backyard.

“Finally.” Robin took the plate from Killian’s hands and dug in immediately. “Did Em make this?” Killian rolled his eyes as the man spoke with his mouth full, sitting down in the seat across from his brother.

“Store bought, when do you think Ems would have time to bake?” Neal joked. “I swear she hasn’t stopped working for two months straight.”

“Someone should give her a day off.” Killian stated loudly as he popped the cap on his beer.

“Trust me, I’ve tried.” Liam responded. “She always cancels it.”

“Who needs a vacation when I have you guys.” Emma’s voice interrupted them, with Henry running through the backyard holding a small sailboat in his hand and a cowboy hat on his head.

“Look what dad got me.” Henry announced, holding the boat up proudly in his hands.

“That’s a pretty neat ship there, lad.” His brother inspected the small boat.

“Where’d you get the cool hat, son?”

“Uncle Neal.” He said loudly. “You wanna try it on?” He pushed the hat into his hands and Killian slipped it onto his head.

“You’re head’s too big, daddy.”

“You’re just not cool enough for the hat, Jones.” Neal teased, lifting Henry into his arms, and running through the yard with him.

“You want to go out tonight?” Robin asked when it was just he and Killian left at the table. Killian looked across the yard at Emma throwing away plates of food.

“I think I’m just gonna help clean up here and head back to the hotel. I have a couple projects I need to complete. Wouldn’t want the boss to fire me if I miss my deadline.”

“All work and no play, brother.” Liam said with a wink.

His eyes continued to follow Emma who was watching her son play with Neal with a soft smile on her face. Killian could hardly believe how much his life had changed since finding out Henry was his.

The first few months had been awkward and sometimes quite explosive. While Neal was accepting of his inclusion in Henry’s life, he wasn’t always accommodating. Killian had been true to his word, while he still lived in London, he made sure to visit the boy a few times a month. Flying back and forth was exhausting and after a few months he realized he couldn’t keep up at that pace.

He had begun spending every other month in the states, doing virtual presentations to complete his job tasks and then returning to London and keeping up with Zoom calls to Henry and Emma. It wasn’t always easy, but Killian was determined to make it work.

Spending time with the boy had been more rewarding than anything else he had ever done in his life. The first time he called him daddy, Killian thought his heart had stopped. It was the greatest day of his life.

Emma had been very helpful in learning the new role of being a father, she was always patient with him, always offering tips when Henry wasn’t looking to assist him in doing the right thing. He admired her for the way she was raising the boy on her own. Even if Neal and Killian were always around to take turns watching him when she had to work, or even just spending the day with him to allow her to sleep, Emma was always taking care of her boy.

He had been the one to suggest to his brother to hire Emma on as a designer for the firm. She was working day and night for half the pay at the company she was employed by, and Killian knew that working for his brother would allow her medical insurance and benefits for her and Henry. The move had paid off, Emma was a great asset to the company, she was very talented, though she said it had more to do with her adding a woman’s perspective to a company full of men.

Either way, Killian was happy to have her, even if it was not in the way he wanted to have her. Killian had made the promise to Neal not to pursue Emma while they were figuring out their relationship and he had kept his word. As far as he knew, Neal had begun dating other women, maintaining a relationship with Henry as “Favorite Uncle” just as he had promised.

Emma did not seem concerned with Neal’s dating, nor did she seem interested in dating anyone herself.

Killian had spent so much of his time focused on his son that women had become something of a non-issue to him. He had no time to focus on anything besides his son…and Emma. They had become good friends during the past few years, he had even spent the night at her new home on multiple occasions while visiting Henry. After many nights spent on her couch, the next visit he found a portable bed set up for him in the office.

They had flirted on occasion, usually after nights of having a couple of drinks after work, but never anything that crossed the line between them. Not that he hadn’t thought of it, he had on many occasions, but never acted on it for fear or ruining the peace they had found in their little family.

“You know, Neal is bringing a woman with him tonight. Tamra I think is her name.” His brother interrupted his thoughts.

“I don’t think I’ve heard her name before.”

“I met her last time we visited, but I think it might be serious this time.”

“Interesting, he never mentioned her.” Killian said with a shrug.

“Well, I think he’d like to sire his own children eventually without your assistance.” Robin joked and Killian laughed loudly. “You sure you haven’t been with a woman lately, perhaps he’d better show you a photo of his date before they take this any further.”

“Very funny, Mate.” Killian growled.

“My point has been lost.” Liam continued. “It appears that Neal has moved on, which leaves other options open to you.”

“Other options?” Killian asked with a raise of his brow.

“Perhaps with the boy’s mother?”

Killian frowned and turned his attention toward Emma. “I’m uncertain how to navigate through those dangerous waters.”

His brother stood, watching the scene in front of them. “A man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets.”

The rest of the evening his brother’s words resonated in his brain like a clock that wouldn’t stop ticking in his ear. He had a choice, do nothing, and let everything continue how it was, a peace between Emma, Neal, and himself. Or pursue an opportunity with Emma, and risk upending everything they had built.

He lifted the garbage bag out of the trash can, tying it off and walking it to the curb. When he returned to the house, Emma was standing at the sink washing dishes. “I think that’s all of it.” He announced and she turned toward him with a smile before returning to the task at hand.

“I just put Henry down if you want to catch him before he’s asleep.”

He nodded and walked to the back room, peeking into the room at his son. “Hey kiddo, did you have a great birthday?”

“The best.” He beamed happily. “Are you leaving?”

“Aye, as soon as the house is back in ship shape order.” The boy frowned. “But I’ll be back tomorrow before I leave for my flight.”

He sat up in his bed as Killian approached him. “Why don’t you live here?” Killian had always expected this conversation, though he wasn’t prepared with how he would respond.

“Well, my work is in London.” He sat down next to his son.

“But I’m here.” He said with a whine. “And mommy.”

“I know, and I’ll be back to see you next month.” He ran his hands through the boy’s hair, a frown forming on the child’s face.

“But I’ll miss you.”

Killian’s heart broke seeing his son upset, he would do anything in the world for the boy not to see him hurt. “I know Henry, perhaps I can convince your mother to take a vacation and you could come and visit me in London, would you like that?”

He smiled brightly, “Would I get to fly?”

“Absolutely.” He leaned over and kissed the boy on his head, laying him back against his pillow. “Now get some sleep, it was a busy day for you today.”

“I love you daddy.”

Killian smiled, kissing the boy’s forehead. “I love you too, my boy. Have pleasant dreams.”

He stepped out into the hall and found Emma standing against the wall. “Now he won’t stop talking about flying for a month.” She said with a smile.

“Sorry if I overstepped, but I would very much enjoy it if Henry came for a visit.”

“I think he would like that too.” She said, handing him a glass, he took a sip and smiled.

“Dark and stormy, haven’t had one of these in a while.” He followed her to the living room and took a seat next to her on the couch.

“I’ve been thinking…”

He narrowed his eyes. “I hope it didn’t hurt too much.”

She pushed her shoulder against his with a small laugh. “What if Henry and I came to stay with you next month?”

“You’re serious?”

“Liam has been bugging me about coming to visit headquarters, he has a few clients he wanted to get me in touch with over there, thought it might be a good time to do it.”

“So, you’re just coming for business purposes?”

“And so that Henry can visit you, unless you know of any other reason for me to visit?”

He swallowed, watching her eyes dance playfully as she stared at him. “Perhaps if you had a friend with knowledge of the town, he might give you a tour.”

“I have plenty of friends in London.” She said with a shrug.

“Maybe a friend with a bit more intimate knowledge of…” He leaned toward her.

“What if I was interested in something a little less friend and a little more intimate.” His eyes widened and a smirk grew on his face.

“That depends, love.” She frowned, glaring at him. “Do you intend to give the gent your name first?” She slapped him on the shoulder, shoving against him playfully, and his hand wrapped around the back of her neck, pulling her against him as his lips captured hers. Kissing her was different than he remembered, not the act itself, but the feeling that immediately overtook him when she returned the kiss with passion. It was like electricity attacking his spine, and the rate that his heart was pounding in his chest was faster than he remembered.

When they pulled apart, she kept eyes closed, her tongue gliding against her lips as if she were savoring his taste. When she finally opened her eyes, she was staring at him with uncertainty, as if she wasn’t sure what she wanted to say next.

“That was…” She blinked slowly as if caught in a trance.

“Worth the wait.” He finished. “Though I would have waited a lifetime if that’s what you wanted.”

“Why? All these years you never even attempted to hit on me.” She asked seriously.

“You’re the mother of my child, my best friend’s ex, a co-worker, and the love of my life. Do you have any idea how hard it is to navigate through that kind of storm?”

“I’m sorry, can you back up a minute, I’m what?”

“Mother of my child, my best friends…”

“Not that part!”

“You’re the love of my life.” He replied honestly. “I never wanted to push you in one direction or the other, I told you I would be here for you as a friend and I meant it, but that hasn’t stopped me from falling in love with you. You are incredibly talented, a hard worker, a beautiful woman. Believe me, I’ve tried not to develop feelings for you, but watching you each day with our son, the way you care for him, how deeply you love, I couldn’t stop myself.”

She launched herself into his arms, her lips attacking his mouth, his jaw, it was as if she were enveloping him in her embrace. Suddenly she pulled back, her eyes dark and wanting. “Hi.” She said softly and he couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Hey.”

“Not to sound too forward, but I find you very attractive, perhaps even striking, and the accent is sexy as hell. I was thinking maybe you’d want to spend the night with me?”

“That’s mighty presumptuous of you, love?” She bit her lip. “However, while you are correct in your assumption, I was actually hoping it would be more than just the one night.”

“How long were you thinking?” She asked with a look of hope in her eyes.

“However long you’ll have me, Emma Swan.” He grinned.

“I’m thinking it might be a long time, Killian Jones.” She smirked.

“Aye, that it may.” Lifting her from the couch, he carried her to her room knowing that tomorrow she would wake in his arms, and they would start a new chapter. A chapter of family, a chapter of forgiveness, a chapter of love in the lives of Killian Jones and Emma Swan.

#stacy's fics #a story in the life #killian jones #emma swan #captain swan modern au #captain swan #captain swan fics #captain swan au

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oc-character-development · 3 years ago

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I got tagged by the brilliant @eighthman-bound. I’ve never done one of these before, because I never get tagged in anything, so this should be fun!

Rules: Share the titles of each of your current WIPs and if your followers ask, share a preview of the title they find the most interesting. Tag 10 mutuals if you’re curious to see what they’re working on!

Ah, I have so many Work in Progresses that I don’t know where to start 😂 (most of these are going on my A03 account but I’ll probably post the links on here). I’m going to sort them into categories, give a title and a bit of a description to make it easier. And I’ll do the ones I’m determined to finish even if it takes a really long time, here we go;

The Tangent-verse/Society Verse:

(the Tangent-verse/ Society-verse is a Doctor Who AU my friends and I created last year and I love it to bits):

The Sins of A Father- Focuses on one of the companions, Henry Yates (who is the son of Mike Yates in this universe BECAUSE CAPTAIN YATES DESERVES BETTER!), having a run in with an organisation that basically tried to kill him when he was a kid and he learns a secret that potentially changes everything he thought he knew about his old man...

The UNIT Birthday Bash- January 1981, Mike Yates realises his five year old son is depressed, and decides to try and cheer him up a bit by throwing the best birthday party ever and bringing back UNIT birthday week (basically tooth-rotting fluff).

Redacted- a story that is told from multiple points of view in multiple parts:

The Doctor- The TARDIS, the Doctor lands at a nightclub on the 14th January 1995 with his young companions Violet and Percy after getting a distress call on the Tardis, to find Torchwood are doing something sketchy.

Scarlett- Future companion, Scarlett Latimer is having a terrible week, her terrible older brother is back out of prison, she handed in a assignment late and to top it all off she’s been broken up with, so when her coursemate and flatmate drags her to a nightclub, things can only get worse right?

Tom- The next morning, Torchwood’s head medical officer, Tom Mackintosh, storms into the boss of Torchwood One’s office at Canary Wharf after learning that they’d retconned the entire night club, and promises to bring hell on Earth if he finds anything has gone wrong with it, but he has a very valid reason to be concerned about it...

Henry- Henry Yates wakes up to his phone ringing with little to no memory of what happened the night before, except that he’s meeting a girl he met at the night club for a coffee. he chalks it down to a bad hangover, but as he realises years later, that wasn’t exactly the case.

When You’re Dying Of A Dalek Virus- Stuck in the early 1970s and whilst The Doctor, Scarlett, Sergeant Benton and The Brig are all out looking for a cure for a fatal Dalek virus, Henry, infected with said virus, has a chance to talk to his father, Captain Yates, before he’s even born, he just needs to he careful not to give anything away which is more difficult when you’re dying...

Carry On- After being suspended for fighting at school, eleven year old Henry runs away from home, in the four hours it takes to find him, panic ensues.

Hijacked- Violet, a feral fifteen year old test subject from the 26th century, decided to hijack the Doctor’s adventures, or at least, that’s how she likes to tell it...

Futility- Seventeen year old companion Percy Newman is trapped in a dire situation, and he’s not coming out of it alive. (This one is really dark, like the darkest thing I’ve ever written dark, my friends can vouch for how messed up and dark it is so I’m sorry in advance).

A Prehistoric Event- Mike Yates is drinking his sorrows away at a bar, fortunately, or unfortunately for him, an friend of his enters and as it turns out, she needs his help chasing down a stupid Pterodactyl.

The Ginger Beer Incident- When The Doctor accidentally gets drunk, shenanigans ensue.

Never him- The Doctor is refusing to regenerate, fortunately the hallucination of an old friend is there to convince him otherwise.

Crossovers:

You Should kill Us- A self indulgent, Endeavour/ Doctor Who crossover: Morse, Thursday and the series 6 Oxford crew take down the Silence after the moon-landing with a bit of help from The Eleventh Doctor and the Ponds.

The Atlantean Paradox- okay this is technically a Tangentverse set thing now but losely so it’s going in here- A multi-fandom crossover, The Tenth Doctor, Jack Harkness and a UNIT solder, Millie Stone, arrive in London in the 1800s, only to find the city ransacked by Reapers, and they soon discover something is going terribly wrong with the universe...

Other:

First Decision- Fallout 3, James has just lost Catherine, and now has to make a decision about the future of his child, The Lone Wanderer.

The Sandford Mystery- An original story, that I’ve been working on since I was about twelve. Jeff Baker wakes up with a gut feeling on the day of a school trip that something terrible is going to happen, everyone tells him to stop being stupid, but he’s proven correct when he, his twin sister Dawn and new girl Amy are stuck in a time loop and the only way to get out of it is to complete the instructions given. Play the game and work out the correct solution to the sequence of events given. However Jeff soon realises that there’s more to this game that meets the eye... and could link into the disappearance of another student, Kit O’Connor...

Who I’m Tagging: I get ridiculously nervous about tagging people and and I’m not really mutuals with anyone on here (except obviously the person who tagged me), so I’ll come back to this once I think of someone to tag.

#doctor who #classic who #classic doctor who #tenth doctor #eleventh doctor #captain jack harkness #mike yates #endeavour #endeavour morse #fred thursday #fallout 3 #lone wanderer fallout 3 #the lone wanderer #james fallout #original story #original characters

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randomfandom815 · 4 years ago

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Defending the women of LOST/Sexism in LOST

People say they don’t like Kate Austen because she’s “annoying” “can’t choose between Jack and Sawyer” “always wants to join every single mission”. Kate has way bigger things to worry about than sorting out her romantic feelings. Yes, she is developing feelings for both Jack and Sawyer, but she doesn’t have time to figure them out while trying to survive on the island. And the fact that people don’t like her because of the whole “I’m coming with you” thing is a little ridiculous, because they’re hating Kate for wanting to protect her friends and do whatever she can to help. You know who else does that? Jack. But plenty of people love him for those very same reasons. Yeah, a lot of Kate’s character was centered around the love triangle, but that isn’t the character’s fault, it the writers’s.

Then there’s Claire Littleton. People always complain about her “my baby!” thing, but... she only actually says that a few times, AND, if your child was taken from you or you thought your child was going to be hurt, wouldn't you be worried out of your mind? Wouldn’t you want to do anything to help them? People also criticize Claire for her entire Season 6 arc. She was alone, on the island, thinking everyone had abandoned her, with only the MIB for company. She was also tortured by the temple Others, who she thought had taken her child. Claire was a single mother who just wanted to keep her son safe, give her a break.

Sun-Hwa Kwon is a character who actually doesn’t receive that much hate, but there is still the fact that people don’t like her because she left Ji Yeon to go back to the island for Jin. Here’s the thing: Sun had no way of knowing what was would happen on the island. She had no way of knowing that Jin had time traveled to the past, and she had no way of knowing what would happen with the MIB/Locke. She thought that she would be able to go to the island, bring Jin and the others back, and the two of them would reunite with Ji Yeon. And then in the submarine incident, Sun didn't want Jin to stay. She wanted him to live and take care of Ji Yeon. It was Jin who made the decision to die with her, not Sun.

Shannon Rutherford is a very unlikable character. Even I don’t enjoy her character, or Boone, and that is a view shared by many other people in the fandom. Many people call her selfish, spoiled, and just plain rude. And she was all of those things, but that wasn’t her entire character. Remember, they had all just been through a plane crash, landed on an island with no chance of rescue. Also, friendly reminder that she was only 20 years old. She was scared, and her way of coping with that was to try to do something normal. Let’s not forget, in Pilot, Part 2, she volunteered to go on the mission to fix the transceiver. She was constantly feeling useless, and it didn’t help that other characters, especially Boone, were constantly putting her down and mocking her. When she started to see Walt, she genuinely made an attempt to help him, even though she wasn’t sure if he was even there. Her death was untimely, and I wished we had gotten to see her grow more as a person. Also, her death was used for shock value and to further Sayid’s character development.

And now, one of the most hated characters of LOST, Ana Lucia Cortez. Now, while the characters I mentioned above were shit on and criticized, Ana Lucia was absolutely hated by the fandom. People hated her attitude, her toughness, her dislike of most of the people around her, and the fact that she killed Shannon (who, by the way, was just as disliked by many Ana Lucia haters). You know who else has a similar attitude? Who has that same toughness and dislike of people? Who else killed someone? That would be Sawyer, a fan-favorite, white male character who is beloved by the fandom. Now, for the last point, what I am comparing here is Ana Lucia killing Shannon to Sawyer killing the man he thought was Frank Sawyer in Australia, right before flight 815. Ana Lucia killed Shannon because she was trying to protect the people she was leading (including Sawyer!) from who she thought was the Others, and killing Shannon was an accident. Sawyer killed the man completely on purpose and out of revenge. Oh, and it wasn’t even the right person. Yes, I am aware of the man Ana killed long before flight 815 out of revenge, but if we can take her very small amount of character development, in which she refused to kill Henry Gale, a known Other at that point. Whereas Sawyer was still willing to kill a bunch of people in Season 6, the end of his character arc. And yet, Sawyer is still in most people’s top five characters lists (just to be clear, I do not hate Sawyer at all, and this is not anti Sawyer but pro Ana Lucia). You may argue that people love Sawyer because of his character development, which I do agree with. However, Ana Lucia was never given the chance to have Sawyer-like character development because she was killed off in the same season that she was introduced in. She wasn’t even allowed to be in the church in the flash-sideways, and she didn’t get to “move on.” Ana Lucia deserved way better than the death for shock value that she got.

Next up on the list is Juliet Burke. She, like Sun, also isn’t the target of a lot of hate, but there are still things that need defending. The first thing is, of course, her sudden change of mind when it came to detonating the hydrogen bomb in Season 5. Yes, it was selfish of her to endanger everyone on the island just because of the way Sawyer looked at Kate. But if the plan did actually work, which she thought it would, that meant she would lose everything she had gained over the past few years, including Sawyer. Juliet is incredibly kind and feminine while also being badass at the same time, which is amazing because you don’t usually see those two traits coinciding (usually a badass character isn’t very feminine and a “traditionally feminine” character isn’t a good fighter). As for all of her motives in Season 3, Juliet was trapped on the island for three years. All she wanted to do was leave and go home to her sister. Yes, she manipulated Sun, but right after that, she made things right by helping Jack make a plan to stop the Others. Her death was heroic, and I’m glad she was finally able to be happy in the flash-sideways. (I am declining to mention her whole relationship with Goodwin and all the drama with Ben, although I might dive into that in another post).

Now, the character Rose Nadler has almost nothing that needs to be defended. She is a constant wise voice of reason who isn’t concerned with the drama of the rest of the survivors. Her relationship with her husband Bernard is very sweet, but she doesn’t let that stop her from doing the smart thing (like stopping his SOS sign idea). Not only that, but Rose has one of the best (and most meta) lines on the show: “If you say live together, die alone to me, Jack, I’m going to punch you in the face.”

Another character who doesn't need much defending is Charlotte Lewis, but not for the same reason as Rose. Charlotte was done dirty by the writers. Of the science team, she is the least fleshed out and explored. She had a single flashback and a little bit of exposition information from Ben, but that’s pretty much it. Every significant thing she did was for the sake of other characters. She had a fake-out death so Ben would reveal that he had a spy on the boat. She was taken to the Barracks so that members of Jack’s group would have a reason to go there. Her going to the Barracks was also an excuse to get Miles and Kate there. And she only died/was dying for shock value, to up the stakes of the time flashes, to provide more questions to the characters and the audience, and to further Daniel’s character development. In the flash-sideways, all she did was go on a date with Sawyer and further his character development. She didn't get to go to the church and move on. Daniel and Miles, the other members of her team, on the other hands were given compelling backstories and centric episodes.

Penelope Widmore is similar to Charlotte in that there isn’t much to defend because she doesn’t do much that affects the plot. Nearly everything she does is about Desmond, and the writers barely even gave her a personality. I’m sure Penny was an actually interesting person, if they had bothered her to give her any storyline that didn't involve her love interest.

Danielle Rousseau is a character that kind of slides in and out of the story as needed. Now, Danielle isn’t the subject of a lot of criticism just because she isn’t very focused on, but from what I have seen, here’s what I have to say: Danielle was alone on the island for sixteen years. And for sixteen years, she had to live with the knowledge that she was forced to kill the man she loved and her team. Not to mention the fact that her daughter, Alex, was taken away from her when she was just a week old. Can you blame Danielle for being paranoid? Her death was not a fair end to the character, and it was only used to kill off Danielle quickly and provide shock value.

Her daughter, Alex Rousseau, is similar to Charlotte and Penny in that she doesn’t need to be defended because everything she does is to affect other characters. In this case, those characters are Ben and Danielle (especially Ben in the later seasons). Danielle’s entire character is centered around the fact that she lost Alex and has been searching for her, and Ben’s motivations after Season 4 are largely motivated by Alex’s death. She herself doesn’t have much of a character arc, and her death was only to provide shock value and further Ben’s character development.

Another character that falls into the category of not having much to defend because every action is for someone else is Libby Smith. Once the tailies and the main survivors joined together, she was almost immediately shoved in a relationship with Hurley. The only things we knew about her backstory were that her husband died, she was a clinical psychologist, she was in the same mental hospital as Hurley, and she gave Desmond a boat. That’s it. She didn’t have a centric episode, and she only appeared in other people’s flashbacks. Her death was only to provide shock value and further Hurley’s character development, as well to show that Michael betrayed the survivors.

Notice how many of these women died for shock value and/or to further a man’s character development? Notice how many of these women are disliked for traits that other characters are loved for? Notice how many of them barely exist as their own character without a man? I love LOST, I really do, but their treatment of female characters needed a lot of improvement.

#lost #lost tv show #abc lost #lost tv series #fandom sexism #sexism in fandom #kate austen #claire littleton #sun-hwa kwon #shannon rutherford #ana lucia cortez #juliet burke #rose nadler #charlotte lewis #penelope widmore #penny widmore #danielle rousseau #alex rousseau #libby smith

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elizabeethan · 4 years ago

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The Days We Defend (Will Turn to Gold)- Chapter 9/10

Everything is perfect, until it isn’t. Killian and Emma have spent months building a life together after finally defeating Neal and Gold, but when the Dark One dies and his power becomes untethered, everyone in Storybrooke is at risk, and some decisions may have lasting consequences.

Sequel to Walk With Me (I Think We’ll Find A Way)

Previous Chapters

Read on Ao3

A/N: Surprise, it’s early! One chapter to go after this one!!! Let me know what you think... It’s a doozy.

Thank you to my good pal @the-darkdragonfly for being an amazing beta!

Tagging: @courtorderedcake @kmomof4 @stahlop @klynn-stormz @laschatzi @emelizabeth88 @lfh1226-linda @kday426 @elisethewritingbeast @timeless-love-story @captain-emmajones @gingerpolyglot @ebcaver @ilovemesomekillianjones @teamhook @superchocovian @itsfabianadocarmo @tiganasummertree @gingerchangeling @jrob64 @onceratheart18 @xhookswenchx @winterbaby89 @swampmedusa @ultraluckycatnd @dancingnancyy @love-with-you-i-have-everything @shireness-says @snowbellewells @hollyethecurious @ouatpost @daxx04 @the-darkdragonfly @donteattheappleshook

They wait outside of the vault for what feels like hours. Realistically, it couldn’t be more than thirty seconds before someone speaks up, but the tension is palpable to everyone present, thick enough to slice with the dagger they just entrusted in the hands of Baelfire.

“So, how is this supposed to work?” Emma asks the Apprentice, breaking the silence in what Killian can sense is overwhelming nerves.

“You, as the Savior, are the proprietor of the most powerful Light Magic. As the person who removed your potential for darkness, I am the possessor of the counter to your lightness. Combining our powers will charge the hat enough to absorb the Darkness.” His answer is casual, as if it should be obvious to them all.

She’s pacing nervously, rolling her eyes at his mention of the removal of her potential for darkness. Killian almost wonders what may have happened if she had taken the darkness all those weeks ago based on the removal of such, but shoves those thoughts from his head. “It’s all a bit ridiculous, if you ask me,” she says.

“I’m sure it seems that way, but you must believe in your ability to wield your magic, Savior.”

“He’s right, mom,” Henry adds. “If anyone can get my other mom back, it’s you.”

She shoots her son a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes as she rings her hands together, holding them close to her just below her ribs. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, kid,” she murmurs.

Killian sighs, realizing once more that the more time that passes, the greater opportunity Bae has to cheat them all. Before he can voice his opinion, though, Robin speaks up. “Should we go in and check now? It’s been a few moments.”

“Yeah,” Emma breathes out. “He’s had more than enough time to subdue her.”

Once they’re inside, Emma pushing the tomb away from the vault’s entrance effortlessly with her magic, they creep down the dark stairs and into the halls of Regina’s safe haven. It’s dank and smells of mildew, and he wonders why she wouldn’t use her Dark Magic to polish the place up a bit.

“Savior,” the Apprentice says, “we’re close enough; we can pause here to charge the hat.”

Emma nods, taking a deep breath and hugging herself around her middle, crossing her arms stiffly in her stress. “Okay,” she says with her voice low.

The Apprentice’s explanation of what she needs to do seems somewhat complicated, but despite her inexperience with her magic, Emma seems to understand perfectly. The two of them stand across from one another with the hat sitting between them and he waves his hands over it until it begins to move. As he works, Emma glances up at Henry and Killian, giving them an encouraging but not quite believable smile.

Before they know it, the cylindrical lockbox housing the hat is jumping in place until the hat itself appears. The Apprentice continues to explain what she should do, and she concentrates harder than he’s ever seen her; the look of determination on her face gives him hope that this will work. Her resolve and conviction makes it impossible for him not to believe in her. The bright look of surprise across her features once the two of them stop using their magic tells him that it must have worked, and the hat glowing in anticipation of its use.

“You did it!” Henry exclaims, rushing to her and wrapping her in a hug which she returns easily. “I knew you could.”

Killian releases a breath that he didn’t know he was holding, stepping towards her and taking her hand once she’s released from Henry’s grasp. She goes to him happily, a triumphant smile across her face as she lets go of his hand in favor of pulling him into a tight hug.

“Job well done, Swan,” he says into her hair. “We never doubted you for a second.”

She pulls from him and giggles softly, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips and then stepping away, a silent agreement made among all of them that they must continue on. Once they’re far enough into the vault, sneaking quietly along the stone floor, they hear the quiet conversation going on between Regina and Bae.

“I saw what he said this morning,” the Dark One says confidently. “I used mirror magic and was able to see exactly what my son thinks of you these days. It shouldn’t be hard to convince him that I’m doing the right thing here.”

“You’re insane,” Bae responds, groaning in pain suddenly.

“No, I’m motivated. There’s a difference. Your little plan didn’t work like I’d hoped, so I suppose I’ll have to go with my backup plan.”

He’s breathing heavily as he says, “and what, you think killing me is the best way to go about getting what you want?”

Killian sees Emma tensing as she picks up her pace, tucking herself behind a corner close to where Regina and Bae have met. She glances back at everyone else nervously as the conversation continues.

“I finally found the spell I need to remove the darkness. I only need one more special ingredient.”

“Wait!” Emma shouts forcefully, as if she didn’t think before revealing herself in a desperate attempt to stop Regina in her tracks. “Regina, whatever you’re doing, just wait.”

“Savior,” she says venomously. “I was wondering when you were going to show yourself.”

It’s clear that she knew that Emma was here all along, but whether she’s aware of the presence of the other five people standing in her vault, he can’t be sure.

Emma steps around the corner fully, making herself seen and holding her hands up placatingly . “We have a plan, Regina. If you want to remove the darkness, we can help you with that.”

“Right. I’m sure the princess of Light Magic is going to help the Dark One. Step away, Miss Swan, and let me finish what I’ve started.”

“How long have you had his heart?” Emma asks, and Killian desperately wishes that he could see the scene playing out behind this wall.

Regina laughs lightly, ominously, and says, “I’m not surprised you didn’t notice. Meanwhile, how quickly did you realize that he had the pirate’s? I suppose that goes to show how she truly feels about you,” she says, and he can only assume she’s speaking to Bae now.

“Please just put it down,” Emma begs. Killian has to assume that she got the dagger away from Bae somehow because she evidently has his heart and can control him, likely coercing him into giving it to her. Otherwise, he’s certain that they would have commanded her to stop as they had planned.

He sees Henry starting to stir, so he holds up a hand and shoots him a glare that says don’t even think about it. The last thing they need is for Henry to put himself in harm's way. The lad leans back against the wall silently.

“Give me the hat and maybe I will,” she negotiates.

“Regina, please just trust us. We want to help you, and we have a plan. A good plan! We can help you get the darkness out without hurting anyone.”

Regina scoffs, her laughter reminding Killian of the person she was back in the Enchanted Forest years ago. “Who, you? You and the old man are going to help me? You think you're more powerful than I am?”

“I never said that!” Emma tries despondently. Then, Killian hears the unmistakable sound of magic being wielded followed by Emma’s desperate shout: “no!”

As he rounds the corner, all semblance of logical thought evacuating his mind quickly, he hears Baelfire cry out in pain and sees him collapse to the floor of the vault. Emma falls to her knees beside him, sobs wracking her as she hysterically shakes his motionless form. When Killian’s eyes finally find Regina, he sees her holding her closed fist above the glowing hat that she must’ve conjured away from Emma, the last remnants of dust sprinkling out of her hold as the hat’s brilliance strengthens. He sees a manic smile splitting the Dark One’s face as he rushes to Emma’s side in a useless attempt to comfort her.

He has no idea where anyone else is. He thinks he hears Robin shout, but it isn’t clear over the sound of Emma’s keening. He runs his hand along her spine when he reaches her and she spins, releasing Bae and throwing herself into Killian’s chest forcefully. Her tears dampen the skin of his neck. Her cries deafen him to the ruckus surrounding them. He almost doesn’t notice Henry boldly rushing towards the Dark One in violent haste.

“What have you done?!” he screams, and both Killian and Emma snap apart and turn towards the lad just in time to watch him thrust the dagger towards Regina’s throat.

“Henry,” the Dark One says against the blade, her eyes bulging as they meet his own. “Put the dagger down.”

Killian recognized the look on the lad’s face just before he leapt for her: it’s the same one he himself wore just before he killed his own father.

“Tell me why you did this,” he demands, his voice wrought with emotion.

Regina, unable to defy the laws of the dagger, answers, “he had no idea how to be a father to you.”

“Now he’ll never have the chance to learn!” he screams, pressing the blade until a trail of crimson paints her flesh.

“You deserve better than him,” she insists assuredly, though her head is held high in avoidance of the weapon.

“I deserve better than you!”

“Let me remove the Darkness. Then this will all be over! We can be together again!” she begs against the scalloped edge.

Killian stands slowly, pulling Emma along behind him, and they move closer to Henry as carefully as they can. “We had a plan to remove it that didn’t involve murder!”

“Henry,” Emma tries timidly. “Kid, please put the dagger down.”

“She killed my dad,” he reasons, not turning his gaze from Regina. “She has to pay.”

“If you do this, the only person who will pay is you.” Emma's voice is eerily calm now, as if something has switched in her and her motherhood instincts have taken over to give her what she needs to talk her son through the crisis he’s battling.

“I can’t let her get away with this!” he shouts. “She killed him right in front of me!”

“Kid,” she says, stepping away from Killian and towards the lad to put a careful hand on his shoulder. “We will make sure that she’s held accountable for this. Let me take the Darkness out of her and we’ll put her where she belongs.”

“She doesn’t deserve to live.”

“This isn’t you, Henry. You’re a good kid, you know right from wrong. You know what happens to you if you go through with this.”

“Lad,” Killian says, surprising himself. “Don’t let your mother see you become the Dark One.”

His shoulders relax. His arm loosens, the dagger falling from Regina’s flesh and dragging a bit of blood along with it. She lets out the breath she was holding in suspense and collapses slightly against the table behind her.

Emma turns towards the Apprentice and flatly says, “please take care of this now,” before Henry turns, drops the dagger to the ground, and throws himself into his mother’s arms.

Regina reaches for the dagger but Killian grabs it first. “Take him outside, love,” he instructs Emma.

Once they’re gone, the Queen sneers at him angrily as the Apprentice prepares for the spell to remove the Darkness and store it in the hat. “I almost had you,” she says, smirking.

He can’t help but to roll his eyes. “You never had me. How long have you had his heart?”

“Oh,” she says casually, “it wasn’t until after the curse broke. Don’t worry, that was all him.”

“So you knew we would try to disarm you with the dagger, then?” David asks.

“Of course. I figured the curse would break eventually, and when it did I had to be ready. Oh, congratulations, by the way.” She turns back towards Killian. “I must admit, you and the Savior breaking the curse was a fun surprise.

He rolls his eyes again, desperate to not engage her in further conversation. “Do you want us to remove the Darkness or not?”

“Yes, and then I’d like to see my son.”

He laughs. “I can assure you that is not happening.”

“Why, because I took care of a problem for him? We all know Neal wasn’t cut out to be a father. I mean, look at what he did. This was all based on his plan.”

“Take a look at what you did,” Killian spits, gesturing towards Bae’s crumpled, lifeless body, trying not to think about the young boy he used to know.

“It would be a miracle if Henry ever speaks to you again. You’ve just murdered his father in front of him,” David adds.

“Tell me, how is that any different from what you did all those years ago, Captain?”

He snaps his head towards her too quickly, fearing Emma’s father learning more about his sordid. “We agreed not to speak of that.”

She chuckles darkly. “You murdered your own father with his son in the next room. How are you any better than me?”

He hardly thinks before taking the dagger and pressing it to her throat, pushing her against the table and overpowering her easily. “Listen,” he commands, fully aware that she has no choice. “I made a mistake; I’ve made many. And since then, I’ve made amends. I feel regret over the things that I’ve done and the harm that I’ve caused. You just murdered your son’s father right in front of him and show no remorse. Don’t begin to compare us because we are nothing alike.”

He releases her once the Apprentice speaks, informing them that he’s ready as long as they are. “You have to want to have the Darkness removed, Dark One.”

“I do,” she insists. “Just do it already.”

He takes the dagger and waves it ceremoniously, reciting a spell that honestly sounds a bit ridiculous before waves of black are drawn from her chest, right where her heart would be if he believed she had one. The scene playing out before him reminds him of the violent onyx whizzing through the air mere weeks ago when she became the Dark One.

The Apprentice is shaking with exhaustion as he continues to chant, holding the dagger in his hands above her heart until all of the black ribbons have flown into the hat. Once the room fades to silence, he falls to the ground, Regina collapsing just after him.

The room is silent for far too long. No one moves. No one speaks. No one knows what to do.

“What now?” Robin asks, his voice flat and his expression blank as he stares at Regina’s still face.

“We’ll have to remove them and… and the body,” Killian chokes out. “Are they alive?”

“Both are. The Apprentice doesn’t look so good, though,” David answers. “Would be a lot easier if we could magic them out of here.”

“I’m not letting Emma come back down here!” Killian snaps, turning to sneer at her father.

“I wasn’t suggesting that,” he starts and though he looks as though he could say more, he stays quiet. “Why don’t you go up and check on them.”

“We've got to get—”

“Go,” he insists. “Robin and I will make sure Regina gets to where she needs to be, and we’ll take the Apprentice to the hospital.”

“What about him?” he gestures towards Bae’s stiff frame.

David sighs. “We’ll figure that out. Right now… your family needs you. Make sure Henry’s out of here. He doesn’t have to see anything else today. ”

His words weigh heavily in the space between them, the air feeling thicker suddenly as he admits his acceptance of Killian’s presence in his daughter and grandson’s lives. “Aye mate,” he breathes in response, taking one last look at the state of the room and turning towards the exit.

When he gets outside, the sun is nearly setting and the humid summer air leaves him feeling hot and sticky in his leather jacket. He finds Emma and Henry a few meters away from the stone structure, Emma sitting on the ground and her son’s head resting in her lap. His stomach twists in knots at the sight of them. The lad has been through enough already without having to be involved in what he’s just witnessed.

When she hears him coming, Emma looks up through tears, her brows pinching together as she appears to hold in more tears. She runs her fingers through Henry’s hair soothingly, but it’s clear that he’s difficult to console. He has every right to be.

Killian sits beside her, as close as he can get, and she somehow presses closer and rests her head against his shoulder. He wraps his arm around her so that he can run his hand along her arm. “Robin and your father are working on… cleaning up.”

“It’s done?” she asks through silent tears.

“Aye,” he just about whispers. “It appears to have worked.”

“Where is she?” he hears Henry mumble from his mother’s lap.

“Passed out, lad. To be transported to the hospital.” He nods in response, otherwise staying still. “We should go now. Pick up the baby and head home.”

Emma sighs, her breath stuttering, then says, “you’re right. Let’s get you home, kid.”

Henry’s silent and stoic as he stands from his mother’s hold and brushes off his thighs. He’s turning towards the car before Killian and Emma can even stand.

~~~~

Corrine, as emotionally intelligent as she is, keeps asking everyone what’s wrong. Emma tries making grilled cheese for dinner, hoping her favorite comfort food will entice Henry, but he stays on the couch and doesn’t say a word. She hardly touches her own, neither does Killian, and Corrine wonders aloud why everyone is so sad.

“We’re okay, baby,” Emma tells her softly, running her curled finger down her cheek and giving her a soft smile. “Don’t you worry.”

“Momma, Henny’s okay?” she asks through a mouth full of grilled cheese.

“He…” she starts, glancing over to Killian briefly. They’ve talked in the past about how they don’t wish to lie to her despite her young age, but this is too much for her to understand. “He’ll be okay, Coco. He just needs some time.”

She nods as if Emma’s words make complete sense to her and takes a giant swig of the chocolate milk she shouldn’t be drinking.

“What did you do with Mimi and Ollie today, love?” Killian asks her, trying to maintain an air of positivity for her.

“I play,” she answers. “I dance.”

“Did Ollie enjoy dancing with you?”

“No.”

Emma snorts softly, a genuine smile gracing her features in response to their humorous child. “No? He doesn’t like One Direction?”

She begins to pout, shooting him eyes filled with such pathetic sadness that it pulls at his heartstrings. “No, Baby Shark.”

“Ugh,” Emma says. “No Baby Shark in this house. We’ll stick to one direction, right Coco?”

“Mom,” they hear from the entrance of the kitchen, and each of them turn towards the source of the voice.

“Hey kid, hungry?”

“No thanks,” he says softly, his voice somber but slightly less angry than before. “I was hoping you could take me to… to my mom’s house. I have some stuff there that I want to move over here.”

She pauses and then turns to face him entirely. “Of course, Henry. Whenever you're ready.”

Killian and Corrine spend the evening together while Emma takes Henry to Regina’s. They were apart for nearly a month, aside from the few hours he could see her per day, so he’s happy to have the opportunity to reconnect with her. Her favorite activity to promote such reconnection is dancing.

Her favorite band has a variety of upbeat songs that he can easily hop around to, picking her up and bouncing her on his hip as she laughs and shrieks. At a certain point, she ends up in only her shirt and diaper, her hair having fallen out of the tiny updo it was in and landing in a wild mane around her face as she holds her fists in front of her and jumping to the beat of the song that plays loudly over the stereo.

“Hi momma!” she screams when Emma walks through the door, running for her at full speed and crashing into her legs.

“Hi!” Emma responds excitedly, the grin across her face as she picks her up squeezing at his heart. Henry walks in behind her with a box of items, smiling softly at Corrine and heading towards the stairs.

“Turning in, lad?” he asks.

“Yeah,” he answers, pausing briefly and sighing. “I’m just… I just wanna go to bed.”

“Aye. Well…” he starts, but is unsure of how to continue. He feels as if he should say something, but isn’t sure what he needs in this moment.

“We’ll be here, kid,” Emma supplies, simple and encouraging as he nods and heads up the stairs.

“Momma hugs Duddy now,” Corrine says, pointing towards Killian while still in Emma’s arms.

She laughs lightly, tickling Corrine’s bare thigh and asking, “oh, she does, does she?”

“Yes. No kiss,” she insists.

“I can’t kiss your mummy?”

“No!”

He wraps the two of them in a tight squeeze, sandwiching Corrine between her parents and sneaking in a quick kiss against Emma’s temple.

She turns to him and gives an indignant look, saying, “Coco said no kissing!”

“No, Duddy! No kisses for Momma, only for Coco.”

“My mistake.” He kisses her plump cheek and is rewarded in kind with a bright giggle. “Time for bed now, lass. I think we’ve done enough dancing for one lifetime.”

“We dance, momma.”

“Aye, we danced, momma. Next we’ll be learning a waltz.”

“Walls.”

Emma laughs, hiking the child up higher on her hip as she tries hard to settle her hair, though seemingly finding it impossible. “You know how to waltz?”

“First rule of dancing,” he says, taking her free hand and leading her towards the stairs once the music is shut off, “pick a partner who knows what they're doing.”

She gives him a look that he can’t quite read before leading him up the stairs and providing him with a lovely view of her ass along the way.

~~~~

Her thighs squeeze his hips tightly as she bounces above him, her breasts suspended tantalizingly over him as her nails dig into his shoulders. Her quiet pants and whispered moans drive him to harden his grip on her hip, sitting up slightly and using his blunt wrist to press into her back and pull her closer to him. She wraps her arms under his, hugging herself tightly to him and letting out a cry into his ear as he bends his knees up to deepen his thrusts into her.

“Don’t stop,” she practically begs, clinging to him as if her life depends on it. “Fuck.”

“So good, love,” he agrees as the coil in the base of his stomach tightens, almost ready to snap. “Gods, you feel so perfect. You’re perfect.”

“I love you,” she says through a strangled cry as she clenches around him and finally lets go; finally gives him permission to do the same.

He holds her so tightly that he doesn’t think she can breathe, but she doesn’t complain. Panting into his ear, her nails still digging crescents into his back, she hugs him close.

“I love you too,” he says once they’ve both caught their breath. She hums in contentment and kisses his neck before lifting herself from him and letting out a soft grunt as he slips out of her.

She spends a moment in the bathroom before returning, learning from last time and tossing his sleeping pants at him before dressing herself and crawling in. “You alright, love?” he asks, to which she shrugs.

“Where did Regina end up?”

“The asylum. We were able to use the cuff that blocks her magic before she awoke.”

She stays silent for a few moments, continuing her ministrations through the hair on his chest as if it’s soothing her.

“Today sucked,” she finally says.

“Aye, it did. I’m sorry.”

She sighs, tucking herself closer to him and resting her head on his chest. “Not your fault.”

“I’m not saying it is; I’m saying I’m sorry that you lost someone important to you.”

Squeezing her arm over his chest a bit tighter, she nuzzles her nose into a patch of the hair on his chest. “Yeah… you’re not mad, are you? About… I mean, I know my reaction was a little—”

“Emma,” he interrupts, “I could never be angry with you for something like that. No matter what happened, Bae was someone important to you.”

She sniffles a bit, moving to wipe a tear from her cheek before saying, “it feels weird. I can’t believe he’s gone.” He hums in agreement as he runs his hand up and down along her spine, occasionally combing gently through her hair. “After all the shit he put us through, I’ll admit that there was a time that—” she chokes on her own words, needing to take a deep breath before continuing. “Sometimes I wished he would just go away and not come back. But I didn’t want… I didn’t want Henry to lose his dad.”

“I know what you mean, Swan.” He rolls them gently so they’re facing one another, her leg tucked between his knees. He runs his fingers through her hair and down her cheek as he says, “it’s alright to be confused by this. Despite all that he did, he still loved you, in his own way. And he loved your son. He just had a horrible way of showing it.”

She nods against his forehead, her nose rubbing against his own making him unable to resist kissing her softly. “I know you’re right.”

“Did the lad say much earlier?”

She shrugs. “Not really. All he said was that he’s okay but he wants to live with us. I think he needs time.” He nods in understanding as she continues. “What he saw today— what he saw his own mother do… I don’t know how to help him live with that.”

“You're his mother, Emma, and I know you know what’s best for him. We’ll be here for him, however he needs us.”

“Yeah,” she nods.

“Perhaps a few visits with the Cricket would be prudent as well.”

“Probably.”

He kisses the tip of her nose, the skin cold against his lips, and says, “sleep, darling. We can deal with everything tomorrow.”

“Love you,” she says as she drifts off. He follows closely behind, sleeping soundly with her in his arms.

~~~~

#The Days We Defend #days we defend ff #walk with me #sequel #captain swan fanfic #cs ff #once upon a time fanfic #ouat ff #cs ff au #ouat ff au

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littleredroseonthevalley · 4 years ago

Text

Marry Thy Neighbour

Summary: Susan and Ernest are arranged to be wed. Neither party seem so sure about that match.

Rating: T - Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes.

Notes: When I was a kid, my grandmother used to say that, for an even marriage, one should marry their neighbours. Funny we didn’t have much in the way of neighbours.

Enjoy!

Susan stole surreptitious glimpses of him during the church service, wondering if he already knew, if his father had broken the news to him already.

Well, she was quite sure that he knew. What she was not so confident about was if he even knew who she was. She was always rather part of the background than the crowd, preferring to be secluded and alone, while he… Susan could not say he loved to be seen, but it does not seem up to him. His blond hair and clear eyes, not to mention his fortune and manners, has him a coveted bachelor, followed around by all debutantes in the county.

He was always casted into the sunlight while she hid behind the shadows.

The only similarity she could name between the two was their aristocratic blood, and the fact they were neighbours. Maybe that is exactly why this happened. Of course, Susan knew that their parents have been good acquaintances for ages, even if as it stands, she never actually got the chance to properly meet the Sinclaire boy face to face besides short encounters at the church.

She did not mind that, she was beyond too shy. Stupid of her, possibly very stupid, but she did fancy him. Nothing too big or life-threatening, but she always eyed him carefully, just this time her glances were beyond more frequent and alert.

An arranged marriage.

God, she was not even sure if she fancied the male gender quite enough. Yes, as mentioned, she did like Ernest, but she never even considered having any chances, so the thoughts of him was just as crazy as any of her fantasies.

Despite of their fathers seemed to think, she was beyond too low for his status, no matter how blue the blood in her veins was pumping, no matter how deep the earldom’s coffers might run, she was absolutely certain that it must be someone else more suitable.

She knew that her mother had most likely praised her to the esquire and his wife, but for them to fall for that? She thought of them as wiser.

The adage, in the elders’ eyes, held true, that one ought to marry their neighbours, but Susan and her younger brother, Henry, were proof it was weakly enforced. Their mother hailed from France, having fled the Revolution at her homeland. Hardly an even match. Yet, the Earl seems to believe his children should do as he says, not as he does.

Susan, putting it roughly, was an outcast, as mentioned again and again, she was a dull conversationalist, a melancholic soul. She was smart, yes, and an accomplished lady, but nothing extraordinary at all.

Heck, Susan being the pathetic being she was, has no other suitors. She has never even held hands with anyone before, let alone kiss or touch in any other way.

That is the reason she never acted on her infatuation. Ernest was a fantasy only, nothing more. A fantasy that she was now arranged to marry.

Besides, he was always with that other girl. She had to be some sort of country aristocrat, as there was little opportunity for Ernest to socialize with anybody else. She was tall, poised and blonde, the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. So, really, probably this whole sham was the Countess’ savvy in action, interested in a match, that made a giant fuss at how great her daughter was. False advertisement, she did love that, and God above, was Susan ready to disappoint.

It was Christmas Eve and while Susan wanted to avoid her family and their engagements as much as possible, a reward they got themselves for trying to decide her future, she was now back at her room, a sigh passing her lips as her handmaids tried to make her minimally presentable.

It was probably the first time in years that the Sinclaire family would come over with their heir, the same happening to them just with Susan, the two scions seeming to avoid each other like the plague.

Tonight, was her reckoning. She could only hope it would not hurt that much.

*_*_*_*_*

Ernest was taken back when he saw her.

He knew who she was of course, his stepmother would never shut up how great the Earl’s daughter was. He paid no mind to that though, seeing her very rarely, and when he did, he barely let his gaze linger. She seemed to be one of those people who did not like being looked at, so he did not torture her.

She looked fragile enough for Ernest not to touch, but seeing her now was leaving him breathless. He has never seen her outside her demure church attire, under the Countess’ watchful eye, or with her hair let loose. He defended himself with the declaration that this sight would be a shock to anyone.

She looked stunning, eyelashes brushing over her cheeks as she looked down, uneasy under the county’s judgement, slender fingers tugging at the sleeves of her black dress, to try and hide herself more, no matter how perfectly it hugged her curves, her button-like, delicate nose, the wavy and soft chestnut hair falling in a waterfall-fashion, framing nicely her heart-shaped face, and Ernest loved that the most, beyond all of it. She was truly beautiful and he did now wonder how he ever dared to pull his gaze away from her.

After dinner he had to do it. It was rehearsed. Ernest was even quite angry at his father and stepmother, but he was a dutiful son and would never do anything to disobey them. So, as he knelt down on one knee, Susan stood, or actually placed in front of him by her own mother, he began speaking what he had memorized that day earlier.

Susan barely heard any word that passed his lips, she was looking at his eyes. They were empty, not a single emotion she could grab on to, and that was when she cracked.

Before that proposal, she was going to bear what her parents were forcing upon her, but as she looked at him, she felt a sort of hurt, a maim on her soul. Leave it to her to fall in love with the bloke she would end up having such a complicated situation with. This is why he was a fantasy, because he could never even like her.

The reality was right in front of her as he was proposing, there was no emotion and as he slipped the ring upon her finger, she decided. She would leave her home and run away. She will not bear not being loved back, or force the person who she does not even deserve to spend the rest of his life with. Not in such a salacious manner.

*_*_*_*_*

As the season passed and Spring came, it was no surprise that nothing has really changed between the two of them. The only ostensive difference was the shiny band looped around Susan’s finger.

She probably could have taken it off, it was not as if Ernest would notice either way, and her parents were busy with preparations for their return to London, but she found that she liked it being on her finger. The thought of belonging to someone was comforting and made her keep it. Belonging for a short time of course, but still, being loved and needed was not something she came by often, so she let herself be rewarded at least for this.

There was another difference too, one that Susan did not notice. Ernest’s eyes now lingered upon her more often, so often it had been noticed by others.

Not by the girl though, not by his fiancée, he was careful enough for that, knowing how she was and how she looked at him that night. The whole thing really did put a tiny crack on his heart, because he did not want this, he did not want to hurt her, but he knew that he already had, and the feeling of wanting to protect her was now here, and for God’s sake, he has already taken a liking to her.

That afternoon, her grandmother was holding a tea party at their garden, and she had invited her usual fanfare. Susan had been walking out of the manor house, walking towards the tents set up at the lawn in a fashion resembling a woman marching to the galleys. She was yet to talk with anyone and she was ready to flop on to bed and just forget all about it.

Before she could reach the tent, however, she was stopped. The girl Susan noted to be always hung by Ernest’s neck stood in front of her, lips pursed and arms crossed. Susan tried to walk past her, but Felicity Holloway, one of the many daughters of the Viscount Lochdale, only shot her a look.

A warning.

To avoid a more violent confrontation, Susan stood by, lowering her own gaze much to Felicity’s amusement.

“You know, I have always seen you looking at him, always, but he never looked back. Not once. So, it did not bother me, but now, I do not know what on the seven hells have you done, he will not look away. I am here to warn you, one move closer and you will regret it.” She threatened.

If anything, Susan found it ridiculous, but she has never really had the confidence to put her in due place, so maybe this was quite normal in the jaunty world.

“I think you should really have a word with him, or his parents in that matter, I do believe they chose the wrong person, you two seem lovely together.” Susan offered, still not daring to look up at her as she twisted her ring off her finger, her mind completely made up as she tried to steady her breathing. “You should take this. It would look better on you.”

She took her hand, placing the circular jewel, that matched Ernest’s signet ring, in her palm as she gave her a sad smile.

*_*_*_*_*

Now, the crack that Ernest had carried in his heart the whole season was completely crippling, his heart was shattered the moment he sees the golden band on Felicity’s gaunt finger.

He does not know why or how, but it breaks him. Then, he is angry, so angry he is shouting at the Holloway girl, peeling information at how she obtained the ring piece by piece, storming out with it before he could set up much more of a scene. His father would be hearing of it already, no need to shame his family any further.

By the time he calms down, the whole party knows. Poor, shy Susan, who very few have heard about, has gotten herself tied up with the Sinclaire family.

Truly, Susan had expected to have some peace until Summer, not to have her life and appearance scrutinized until she could leave her father’s house and hide somewhere in the continent, but after Felicity confronted her, all of that was left behind and she was now throwing her things inside her trunk, her mind buzzing with how she could explain herself to her brother when she came calling for him in Cambridge.

A knock on the door interrupted her then, Susan biting her lip and praying to anyone that it was not her grandmother, probably the only person who would care enough to hear about her side of the scandal, even if it was only for strategize damage control.

Alas, God heard her wishes, but it was far worse than her grandmother. Ernest stood in front of her at the hallway. Susan’s eyes wide as she tried to shut the door straight in his face, him quick enough to stop her. He fished the ring out of his pocket, showing it to the girl in front of him who only managed to look down.

“Why did you give this to her?” Susan’s eyes widened even more if possible, his voice so broken as she desperately tried to avoid his gaze. “Why would you give this to her?”

“I did not think it mattered to you. It mattered to me, and she is way more suitable for you. She is a suitable bride, you ought to concur. I am sure you could talk it through with you parents, and she would make you happy.” Susan said quietly, but the room was empty so he heard it perfectly clear.

“I do not want her, I want you.”

“That is nice of you, Mr. Sinclaire, but you do not have any need to. I know what I am and I will not force it upon you, you do not deserve it.”

“That is exactly why I never looked at you, you are too timid.” The young man said, evenly. “You do not want me to, so I did not, but I was forced to and I am glad I was. Because you are stunning, Miss Foredale, I do not know why those sad eyes of yours make you view yourself like that, but I do not even come near finding one flaw in you.

“You are kind, you are the only one I ever known who will stay after the tea to help your handmaid take the porcelain back to the kitchens. You are the most intelligent lady in the county, I am sure you spend more nights in the library than your room, you love knowledge. You are obsessed with tea, you are gifted, you are beautiful. You are shy, you will flinch or blush to the slightest touch, even if it is just your brother’s hand coming to pick the same piece of toast at the table. That is not even all of it, but that is all I managed to find out just by watching you these days, and if I just…”

“You really do not have to, Mr. Sinclaire. You want to please your parents, I understand it. You do not have to lie to me.”

“Lie?” He scoffs. “You do not… You do not believe me?” He said in disbelief.

Susan’s self-loathing getting the best of her as she sniffled, trying her best not to let the tears falls.

“I am not lying, if you know me even the slightest bit, you know I would not say this to anyone. I am not a man of empty flattery. Please, Miss Foredale...” He trailed off, leaving them in silence with only her occasional sniffles, while he thought on what he could say to make the situation right. “How about… What do you think if I take you on a date, yes? How about that? Maybe you would see that I am not lying then?”

*_*_*_*_*

To Ernest’s great elation, Susan agreed to give it a shot at his plan. So, he took her to a fair in the county town, chaperoned, of course, by her handmaid.

People were whispering around them as Susan buried herself further inside her scarf, Ernest throwing glances at her to make sure that she was okay. After the day of bonding and looking at the wares, they just stood outside, admiring the snow, Ernest admiring her more than snowflakes, even though he was playing it off for her not to see.

He, then, watched her take out her hands from her dress pockets, stretching her fingers for them to immediately turn redder from the cold. Seeing this, he just went for his instincts, grabbing her palm with his own, watching her cheeks colour as he took off one of his gloves and placed it upon her hand.

“For a moment I thought we would hold hands.”

“Well I wanted to! But it seemed more logical this way; warmer.” Ernest beamed, Susan giggling at him as his own cheeks tinted, but he smiled because he had earned a laugh from her. “Also, your ring is now on your finger.”

Susan looked at him confused, but she took off the glove, the gold band not inside it but on her finger now. She pursed her lips, trying to make herself look angry, but she was actually flattered. Yes, she still kept her things packed, still not believing that he could like her, but for the moment she went with it.

“You are quite scheming when the proclivity hits you, Mr. Sinclaire.”

“Aye, but I think you are starting to like it, Miss Foredale.”

“I think I just might.” She said before grabbing his hand and dragging him back to the fair.

*_*_*_*_*

Taglist: @catlady0911; @choicesyouplayandmore; @cocomaxley; @hellospunkiebrewster; @shelivesinthewoods; @snickette; @tornbetween2loves; @youvileevillittlecockroach

#desire and decorum #ernest sinclaire

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seriouslyhooked · 4 years ago

Text

Feels Like This (Part 6)

Emma Swan is a once lost girl who is now making good. She has made a way in the world for her and her young son, Henry, and after years of hard work, Emma is in her last stretch of schooling for the career she’s always wanted. Unexpectedly, she finds herself in a tiny nation no one’s ever heard of for her last year of study. She knows nothing about the place except that it’s beautiful, has a world-renowned child life program, and is filled with possibility. Meanwhile, Prince Killian is hardly happy with the title he received at birth. As the second in line for the crown, Killian has long tried shaking his royal duties. He built a career in the royal navy, and has stayed out of the limelight, but his ship has been called to port indefinitely at the request of his brother, the King. Fate (in her many forms) brings Emma and Killian together and the resulting fic is a cute, fluffy, trope filled romp featuring heart felt moments, a healthy dose of insta-love and an assured happily ever after. Story rated M and will have 12 parts. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5. Available on FF Here and AO3 Here.

A/N: Hey everyone – so I will start this chapter by saying we have quite a bit of intrigue happening here. Some of you may not be thrilled with where I am leaving things, fair warning it is not the fluffiest of places, and some may even call it a dreaded cliff hanger, BUT I promise that the next chapter for this story is already prepped and will be ready for posting next weekend. You will all be way happier with me in the next few chapters, but in the meantime, I hope you still enjoy the fic and I can’t wait to hear what you all think!

How the fuck did it come to this?

The question had been plaguing him since the moment he left Emma’s side yesterday afternoon and landed in the middle of a political minefield, and he was no closer to an answer about how to get out of this giant mess.

Of course, he knew the facts: yesterday his brother had called him to parliament, a place where Killian very rarely played a role. He hadn’t been there in years, and even then, it was only a formality, but this time he was summoned through some antiquated process no one had ever heard of. What ensued thereafter was nothing short of a disaster. His mandated presence was initially thought to be merely a stall tactic, but then everything flipped and suddenly his brother lost control of what was supposed to be a historic day for the passing of landmark legislation.

Since taking the throne, Liam had been working diligently to change the very system of governing in Montenarro. He wanted more representation for the people, and to have more democratic processes in spite of the presence of the monarchy. He’d worked tirelessly for years to endear his cause to a largely unresponsive parliament, and finally he believed he had enough votes to make a bold and substantial change. He’d even made sure to cover his tracks, getting every signed-on lord to publicly state their support of the bill, but it turned out there were traitors in their midst, and when Killian arrived it became a full-blown spectacle filled with anger and hostility and nonsense.

For nearly an hour Killian bore witness to the political betrayal and the humiliation that followed. A group of usurpers, led by a Viscount with a long held vendetta, proceeded to fill the hallowed halls of parliament with lies and slander and speculation. Most of it actually centered around Killian, and all of it was completely preposterous. These lords were ‘suspicious’ of his absence from public life since being discharged from the navy, of his hesitancy to return to his role as Prince, and of his lack of ‘direction.’ The men went on and on about what kind of message it sent to the people when leaders failed to lead and represent the interests of the citizenry. It was absolutely ridiculous and infuriating. He’d been out of the military for one month – one month! – and apparently failing to return to center stage in that time made him untrustworthy and ‘wayward.’ There was absolutely no consideration for what he’d gone through in serving at all. In the end it didn’t matter – he was always a prince before he was a man, and expectations didn’t waiver, no matter what he’d given to this country or its people.

Liam, to his credit, was absolutely furious, and he’d made sure to lambast the men who criticized Killian, pointing out their dishonor and their disrespect for men and women in uniform. He reminded them all of how out of touch one must be to assume that a man or woman who’d been on active deployment and been party to war would want to just jump back into the fray with no caution or hesitations. Every soldier was different, and every single one of them deserved respect when they’d fought valiantly and enduringly for the country’s safety and interests. It helped Killian to hear his brother’s candid disdain for these men and their actions, and though they had never really discussed the ghosts of Killian’s service, it reminded Killian that Liam understood and that he valued the sacrifice he made all these years. But still it all came to nothing. The lords did not bow to any call for decency, the bill never was presented, the motion was halted, and despite how ridiculous it all was, a nefarious dialogue had been started. Now some people were curious about where Killian was and what he was doing, putting Liam in an incredibly uncomfortable place. In fact, it was so bad a situation that he’d done something he had never done before – he’d gone back on a promise he made to Killian.

That reneging of his word was the ultimate show of dishonor in Liam’s eyes, but it didn’t help Killian that his brother was sick over this choice. Killian was still being sacrificed in a way for the sake of saving face, and the way it would be done meant that Killian was, for lack of a better phrasing, royally screwed. He was totally and completely fucked, because right now, within the next, oh ten minutes or so, he’d be leaving with his family in the royal precession headed for the capital. It was one of the nation’s most cherished holidays, a celebration of independence and military success, but Killian had missed it for years and intended to miss it this year as well. He hadn’t felt ready for such a moment, loud, rambunctious, and public as it was. He’d been nowhere near crowds like this in many years, and the sound of fireworks and sparklers might trigger something in him, along with the high intensity of the crowd itself. But when Liam requested this, Killian kept those fears quiet. He was ashamed to admit that weakness, and now he was making a huge public appearance, one of the largest of the year. Still in spite of all the anxiety that would come just from the processions, it wasn’t even the worst part. No, the worst part was that – through the agonizing stupidity of his own choices – he still had not told Emma the truth.

This lack of disclosure did not come from lack of trying. He’d been forced to remain in chambers in Parliament without his phone until almost midnight, and by then it was too late to call her or go and see her face to face. Emma was asleep for the night and he couldn’t bring himself to tell her in a voicemail. He’d then decided to go to her this morning, but there was physically no way for him to do so. Every route, and he did mean every route, from the palace to her house was blocked off for the processions or being monitored by the media. It was truly nightmarish. As such, he’d done the only thing he could think to do. He wrote out his feelings to her, his worries and his confession. It was long, it was ugly, but it was real. In the letter he apologized profusely for never telling her the truth. He acknowledged that any pain she would feel was his fault and his alone, and he practically begged her to give him another chance. As soon as it was written he entrusted it to one of Jefferson’s team and he waited twenty minutes for confirmation that it was delivered to her home.

The seconds ticked by while he waited for her reply, slowly and terribly, and finally he caved and sent her a text. It said he was thinking of her, and reiterated his intention to talk to her more tonight. Now here he was, hours later, and he’d still heard nothing. He was in excruciating pain, and the only thing worse than not knowing where Emma stood was that he was forced into the customs and practices of this holiday. He was made to go along with a song and dance he hated, and now he was wearing his royal regalia, feeling a fool and a sham and a downright wretch.

“That collar is not going to get any more comfortable for fidgeting with it,” his grandmother’s voice said, drawing his attention back to where he was, outside waiting for the procession to begin from the castle grounds.

His mother and grandmother were set to ride in the coach as he and Liam rode behind them on horseback, but his grandmother wasn’t interested in complying with the order to sit patiently and wait until the very last minute. Instead she ushered him towards her, and began straightening his royal suit. She tidied all his medals and the pins of his military service, and made sure each line of his jacket was crisp and clean. It was clearly something she’d been doing for many years, and the action came naturally to her, so much more so than for Killian.

“For someone who detests the charade of royal life, you really do look so handsome.”

“Thank you, Gran,” he said, but he didn’t mean it. The words were kindly given, but impossible to value when there was so much else he was desperate to engage with.

“But there’s something more, isn’t there? You’re worried about this. Why? Because it’s been a while?” He shook his head. “Is there somewhere you’d rather be?”

He bit back the retort that there were about a million places he would rather be, but she knew his feelings. “There’s a woman isn’t there?” Bloody hell, how had she figured that out?

“Aye,” Killian admitted after a moment’s hesitation. It was no use hiding from his Gran. The old woman was like a blood hound, drawn into the smallest scent and hell bent on tracking until the truth was out.

“And you’re missing her now, are you?” his grandmother said with a nod. “Good. Real loves never bloom for the faint of heart. A good dose of yearning, and a little bit of missing your fair maiden won’t kill anyone. It’s just one day, dear.”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that, Gran.”

“Things usually are. I’m assuming she’s not from any of the royal circles. If she were there’d be far more chatter afoot. Not a one of those ladies of court can keep a secret. It’s positively ludicrous.”

“She has nothing to do with this world,” Killian agreed, woeful at the fact that she might reject it, but so glad Emma was not like those other women. She was so much more wonderful for being real and genuine. He would never change a thing about her. It was everyone else who should change as far as he was concerned.

“She’s uneasy with you being a prince, isn’t she?”

“She will be.”

“Will be?” his grandmother asked, her brows furrowing together in a look of actual concern. “I’m sorry, my dear. I don’t understand.”

“She didn’t know, Gran. She’s not from here. She’s a woman I met at the Institute. Her name is Emma.”

“Emma,” his grandmother said, nodding, like this announcement of his affection for a stranger who worked at their family’s charity was the most natural thing he’d ever said to her, despite the fact that he’d never mentioned to any of his family how much Emma meant to him. “But what do you mean she didn’t know? You mean about the holiday service?”

“About any of it. She didn’t realize I’m a prince. I’ve only just told her this morning in a letter.”

“That’s not possible,” his grandmother said and then her hand came up to cover her mouth in what could only be described as horror. “Oh my word. You’re serious. This morning? A letter?! Killian, what were you thinking?!”

“I wasn’t,” he admitted, running a hand through his hair in distress. His grandmother’s agitation only added to his own. “I’ve gone about things all wrong, Gran. I know that.”

“Explain it to me, Killian. Make me understand. How did it come to this?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t. At first I thought she knew who I was, and then she didn’t and it was selfish of me not to tell her-,”

“You can say that again,” his grandmother quipped, seemingly annoyed on Emma’s behalf though she didn’t even know her. “Foolishness. Pure foolishness.”

“I know I’ve messed up. I’ve known it all along, but if you knew her, you’d understand. I didn’t want to risk it. Emma defies explanation. Special isn’t the term, for she’s so much more than that. I know it was wrong not to tell her front the start, but I just wanted…” He trailed off, knowing it was useless trying to explain.

“You wanted to be yourself, without the title and the attention,” his grandmother said with a sadness in her voice. She knew his heart in this, and she felt for him, but tragically it changed nothing. “Oh my boy, my dear, sweet Killy, this is quite a mess to be in.”

They were both quiet for a moment, thinking to themselves, and Killian felt sick to his stomach at all that he’d done. This was truly all his fault and the guilt was beginning to unravel him. His grandmother though, was not yet done figuring this out. “So what did she say about it all? How did she take the letter?”

“She hasn’t responded,” Killian said hopelessly, bringing his phone up to check again. Yet again, nothing. Silence from his Swan.

“She probably needs time,” his grandmother said sympathetically. “And you’ll give her just as much time as this procession lasts before seeing her.”

“But the events after -,”

“Are not your concern,” his grandmother said vehemently. “You are hereby excused from those.”

“Gran, it’s not that simple. Viscount Mabrey -,”

“Viscount Mabrey can hang,” his grandmother said with a viciousness he’d never witnessed. It wasn’t refined but it was real, and he agreed with the assessment entirely. As the man who was leading this circus of speculation about his life, Mabrey was Killian’s worst enemy at the moment. “And I don’t care what Liam says. You shouldn’t even be here. Making you choose between Emma and the family… It’s just cruel, never mind undignified and unfeeling.”

“He doesn’t know about her,” Killian said and Gran laughed. She actually laughed and shot him a look like he was foolish.

“Are we speaking of the same Liam, your elder brother? The King of this country and sovereign of this crown, not knowing every last detail at play in his kingdom? Unlikely. No, he knows about her. Jefferson will have told him,” Gran said, prompting discomfort in Killian’s gut. Then she appeared to look a bit more forgiving as she weighed the possibilities. “Though perhaps no one has realized her ignorance on your origins. I certainly didn’t know.”

Killian’s brow furrowed at her comment, but his confusion was distracted by another question from her. “Did you ask her to come here at all? To see you? What are we to expect?”

“She was never planning to watch the procession, and I can’t imagine she’d want to now,” Killian confirmed, reiterating what Emma had told him previously. “She and her son were planning to go to the beach for the day, and no matter what state she may be in,” his throat closed up at admitting that she’d be hurting because of him. “Emma would never break a promise to her boy. They’ll likely miss the whole thing.”

“Mmm,” his grandmother replied. The hum was so noncommittal it only added to Killian’s agitation. But then she turned to him and looked serious. “Well you answer me this, Killian, and be warned if you lie not even the Gods of old can help you, do you truly care for the girl?”

“Yes.” In fact, caring for Emma was an understatement. His feelings, new as they were, went so much deeper than that.

“Do you love her?”

“Yes,” he admitted, knowing that this bond he felt to her was not a fleeting sort of fancy. He did love Emma, for all her many pieces. The way she loved helping people, the nurturing way she always had, the light in her eyes, the lilt of her laugh. She was perfect and good and true, and he never had any hope of deserving her, but damn did he want to. So badly it left an ache in his chest.

“And is there anything you won’t do to make this up to her?”

“No, ma’am,” he replied firmly, knowing that promise was absolute.

That was part of what was killing him now. He wanted to go this instant and beg forgiveness like a man. To look her in her eyes and explain to her how this had all come to be. Yet he couldn’t even give that to her. He was bound by a duty to his family, and he had never resented that duty more in his life. Even now he considered the merits of being here. He could go, show her how much she meant to him, and how she’d always come first from now on. But doing that would only humiliate his family. It would add flames to the fire and mean giving up the loyalty he’d always had for the people he was closest to.

“Good.” She answered, nodding her head and clapping her hands together in a matter-of-fact manner. “Well, dear, sometimes people make bad choices, and when they do, they must make amends. That’s all that can be done. You must do everything you can to make this right. It’s as simple as that,”

“That’s it? No sage counsel or particular detail on how to go about it?” Killian asked. He was desperate for guidance here. Should he call her? Should he wait? Should he go to her? What was he meant to do? What could be done at this point?

“My dear, the mistakes of men are frequent and seemingly unending. A queen does herself no favors getting mired down in them,” she said with a sigh, not helping him with the reminder that he was among those mistaken men. But she shook her head and then affectionately patted his arm in a sign of support. “Just remember this: your heart always knows which way to go. You’ll make this right, and when you do, I’d like to officially meet this young woman. All right?”

“Okay, Gran.”

With a quick pat to his cheek, his grandmother turned and entered the carriage with his mother who was watching curiously. The two of them shared a few words, but Killian didn’t pay much mind, for at the same moment Liam descended from the palace and things began moving rather quickly. It was time for them all to depart, and Killian could only gear himself up for what would be a painful few hours and hope that everything would somehow be okay.

…………………….

Waking up this morning, Emma had to admit to herself that she was really and honestly happy. The feeling was somewhat new for her, certainly in such a bold and front and center way, but after yesterday with Killian it was impossible to feel otherwise. The hope that he’d inspired in her and the heat that she still felt all these hours later, all prompted a smile she let loose as soon as she woke, and that had stayed with her all morning. To know that this man who had her tied up in knots felt the same way made her feel like a kid with their first crush. But despite the strange fluttering in her chest that came and went, and the constant distraction that her mind seemed plagued with these days, she didn’t actually hate it. If anything, Emma craved this feeling, loving that for the first time in so many years she felt eager to take a chance on something and someone other than herself and her son.

She’d been ready to take that step a while ago, feeling the draw to Killian for some time now, but after yesterday and that kiss, she was totally lost. She may be guarded, but Emma Swan was no fool. She could admit defeat when beaten, and right now her interest and her hope that this might be something real and true had won out. Hours later she could still taste him on her tongue. She felt the silky strands of his hair on her fingertips and the hard lines of his body pressed against her. The heat and the spark between them was all consuming, and the look in his eyes when they broke apart and he promised he’d see her soon -

“Mom, do you think I should bring my snorkeling mask or my regular goggles?”

Emma jumped at Henry’s question, which forced her out of her daydream so quickly she had whiplash. She shook her head, reminding herself that this was not the time or place. She was on Mom duty right now and she was supposed to be packing their lunch and snacks for the beach. But last night, when she was alone and all her responsibilities were met for the day, she’d allowed herself to imagine what could have happened if things were different. Would the moment have lasted longer? Would it have ended at the preserve?

“Mom?” Henry asked, his brow furrowed in confusion at her continued distractedness.

“Sorry, kid. Let’s go with snorkeling. It’s been hard for you to find the space to do that to this point, but I think today you’ll have the room to try.”

Henry agreed with her thinking and raced back to his room to grab his things while Emma chastised herself for her wayward thoughts. Now was totally not the time to be caught up in thoughts of Killian, hard as it might be to resist. She and her kid were spending the day together and she needed to focus on that. Henry and her had planned this outing all week, and she wanted to be present with him, even if a niggling though in the back of her mind wondered what it would be like if Killian was coming too. She already knew that Henry and he would get along. Killian had a way of making every kid he met love him, and her son was smart. He read people even better than she did, and Henry loved a good story, which Killian had plenty of.

“Someday maybe,” Emma whispered aloud as she packed the sandwiches in their temperature-controlled bag, but she knew there was no maybe. If things headed where she hoped they would, Killian and Henry meeting would come to pass, and probably soon. But for now, she’d soak in these precious moments with her kid and enjoy a little R and R down at the seaside.

Placing all of their picnic supplies in one bag and double checking that her tote had sunscreen, books, and other things they’d need down by the water, Emma stayed focused on her task. She took comfort in the mental checklist she had going, and when she was confident that they had everything, Henry appeared, carrying his snorkeling gear and smiling a megawatt smile that made her heart so happy.

“You have everything you’ll want for the day?” Emma asked and when Henry nodded she gave him another chance to double check. “Remember we won’t be home until late.”

“I know, Mom. We’re still going to the Center for a visit right? Cook said she’s making that fancy chocolate cake again!” Henry said, nearly as excited by the prospect of this dessert as he was for their beach day.

“Yup. I already told Marco to expect us. Dinner will be served at six thirty.”

Henry threw his fist into the air in some kind of celebratory move and Emma laughed at his antics, shaking her head and looking to all the stuff they had to get out the door and to the coastline. “And you’re totally sure you don’t need to see the parade? It may be fun,” Emma suggested, but she secretly hoped Henry would want to stick to their original plan.

“No way! Beach beats parade every day of the week. Especially this beach. It’s the best!”

Emma appreciated her son’s dedication to sunshine and the seaside. Truth be told, she and Henry had been burned by enough New York parades to be a little jaded. They always sounded like a whole lot of fun in theory, but there was a huge crowd of people which Emma never loved, and at every event there were people who just wanted to get wasted. It was pretty stressful as a parent, and Henry never really liked the noise. He was a quieter kid and preferred more peaceful moments, which were rare when living in the city. As such, they tended to avoid big events like this and made a habit of being wherever the masses weren’t. Today they’d decided the beach might be a good option. They’d managed to go a few times since arriving, and it was always fun but busy. Today they may have more space to themselves, and both she and Henry loved the idea of a beach to themselves.

It was still wild to Emma that they lived in a city with such easy access to a coastline, and not some questionable harbor view, but glorious, magazine worthy beaches. Everyone who lived here acknowledged that they were a hidden gem, and Emma knew if the world ever got wind of what they were missing in this tiny country then flocks of people would descend. She hated to imagine that though, since most of the charm of this country came from its authenticity. There were no touristy gimmicks or ploys. People here were just people, welcoming and friendly, not driven by a dollar. It was totally refreshing and deserved to be preserved and protected. It also made Emma think all the time that maybe she was doing Henry a disservice living in New York. Montenarro wasn’t really a viable option forever, at least she couldn’t bring herself to hope they’d be that lucky, but there must be other places in the US where she could find a job that had more of these things they loved. They’d miss Mrs. and Mr. H, but they were retired now and always talked about their want to travel. Who knew, maybe something could work out?

“Okay Mom, I’m ready to go. We better get a move on.”

Emma took in Henry all decked out in his beach gear and ready to trek across the city and she bit back another hearty laugh. Her boy was an adventurer through and through. He loved anything that felt like a quest and right now he was harnessing all the energy of kids in the throes of some magical imaginary universe. She loved his propensity for this kind of excitement, so she attempted to match it, gathering her things and saluting him as their leader as the left the apartment and locked the door behind them.

As they headed out, Emma couldn’t help thinking that she hoped the kids at the institute were having a good start to their day. This year none of the children would be attending the parade. Apparently there were some issues in years past with some older kids running off to meet friends and younger kids getting lost in the hustle and bustle of the festivities. It turned out to be a logistical nightmare for the staff, and so they decided they’d have their own celebration at the same coves along the cost that the older kids had driven to weeks back. Almost everyone, save the very little babies, would be going, and Emma and Henry had been invited as well. She’d come so close to saying yes, especially when she thought about seeing Cecelia and the others enjoying their day at the beach, but she knew there was a lot of time left to share such memories with them all and that tonight they’d join everyone for dinner and some fun and games. For now, she wanted to make sure her son felt special and supported. He was such a good sport about being in camp all the time while she worked and went to school. She didn’t think that he resented it even a little, but she felt like her first duty was to be a good mom and to give Henry the attention and affection he so rightly deserved.

“Excuse me, Miss?” a woman with bright red hair asked just by their front door. Emma recognized her peripherally. She’d definitely seen her in the neighborhood before. “Are you Emma Swan?”

“I am,” Emma said, and the woman let out a relieved breath. “Can I help you with something?”

“Yes, I’m sorry. My name is Merida. I live just there,” she pointed to the other house out here on the side street. “We received this this morning – or well my daughter did. I love the girl but if you catch her half asleep, she’ll say anything to shut you up and head on back to bed. Anyway, a royal courier came to deliver this earlier, asking for an Emma Swan, and she swore that’s who she was, took it, and then promptly fell asleep. I’m so sorry for the delay, I only just saw the thing in her room. But I promise it was never opened. As you can see the seal is still very much intact.”

“It’s no problem,” Emma said accepting the letter which was addressed in beautiful script. It had her name on it and a seal on the back with the same lettering as the foundation. She smiled, thinking it must be from the kids. They were so excited for their celebration today that she could totally see them making fancy invites and using an institute seal for adornment. She also didn’t think anything of a ‘royal courier.’ That was a thing in Britain too, right? It was the queen’s post or something. Countries with monarchies were just cute like that.

“Oh good, hopefully it’s nothing too timely,” Merida said with relief. “But either way you best believe my Iona received a stern talking to this morning.” Just then a bang came from Merida’s house and they all looked over there. Emma and Henry were concerned, but Merida only sighed and shook her head. “Those blasted boys of mine will be at it again. Dead set on turning every last hair on my head gray. Anyway, apologies again, and perhaps we can have you two over some time. I’ll do my best to wrangle this motley bunch before you do, aye?”

Merida made the offer even while jogging back into her house and Emma and Henry barely had time to say sure before she was back inside. They turned to each other and just shrugged, laughing. Then Henry pointed to the letter. “What do you think it is?”

“Probably something from the institute. But nothing that can’t wait for the beach,” Emma replied, and Henry smiled, following her down the lane in the direction of their plans.

Slowly but surely they made their way down the roads, but the more they walked, the more the patterns of foot traffic began to change. When they started, there were very few people along the street, but the further they went the fuller the streets became. Soon they were overrun with people, and admittedly all of them seemed to be having a great time without any kind of discernable drunkenness or issues.

“Wow, today must be a bigger deal than we realized,” Henry said, his eyes taking in the same sight as her, which was their increasingly familiar neighborhood flooded with happy parade goers.

“No kidding. Are we sure this isn’t the berry fest you read about?”

“They’re called montecaris, Mom. And no, that’s in August. It lasts a whole week. Today’s about a battle that happened a long time ago or something.”

“Must have been some battle,” Emma said. Looking back at Henry, she was struck with worry that he might feel like they were missing something big, especially when confronted with the throngs of people out here celebrating. “We could probably put the beach off a bit if you wanted to watch…”

“No way! I’ve got a full day planned and we’re already late. We gotta get going.”

Emma agreed and stuck her hand out for her son, more as precaution than anything else. With the crowds growing so dense she didn’t want to get separated from him. Henry understood and stuck close to her, but Emma noticed that the people congregated out here today for the celebrations were so much kinder and less intrusive than people back home. This might be a big party for people, but it wasn’t at the expense of families and non-celebrators. No one was taking things too far, and it made maneuvering through the streets much easier than expected, which Emma appreciated. They actually made great time, all things considered, but towards the end of their journey they hit a roadblock, quite literally.

“The road’s closed, but how will we get to the beach?” Henry said with a sad effect that reminded Emma of when he was younger. He never whined, her son, but he did get a teensy bit dramatic. It had much more impact in her opinion, and the pang of sympathy she felt at his disappointment had her rethinking this strategy.

“Excuse me, miss?” Emma asked a woman who looked to be walking with her own young children. “Do you have any idea how we could get to the beach?”

“The footbridge is still open,” the woman offered. She pointed them in the right direction and Emma remembered seeing it a few times while coming in and out of the city. It wasn’t far from here, and she and Henry were grateful for the insight. They made their way in that direction, and by chance they had to walk the parade route to get there. As such they were seeing so much of the parade while still heading to the beach.

“Kind of feels like the best of both worlds, huh Mom?” Henry asked and Emma nodded. It was really something to be sure, and as they walked they saw all sorts of processions. People in traditional dress dancing, musicians, acrobats. There were soldiers dressed up in old regalia and veterans from wars long past, but it didn’t seem like anything out of the common way. Only when the footbridge was in sight did the air seem to change around them and the whispers all began.

“They’ll be out soon, Mama,” a little boy said jumping up and down. “King Liam and his horse!”

“Yes, darling. They’ll be here any moment. Look, here they come.”

Henry was the one to stop moving at this point, drawn into the promise of seeing actual royalty in the flesh. Emma stopped with him and looked out into the street, feeling a flutter of intrigue as she did. Watching the procession at this stage felt like stepping into a movie. There were guards in their stately dress and horses with people she assumed must be some kind of current soldiers. All of the steeds they rode in on were darker, but behind them were white stallions drawing a carriage. Wow, she thought those were a figment of imagination. People really rode in those? Emma supposed they must, and then she got a good look at the women in the cart and she was convinced they must be royalty.

The way these two women were dressed was pristine and beautiful, and both women wore tiaras in their hair that reflected the light so beautifully in the summer sun. From what she could tell, both of them were older, though one was raven haired and the other had shifted to a silky silver. Emma wracked her brain trying to remember what she’d heard in passing about the royals. She knew there was a reigning Queen before who was much older, and apparently good friends with the Queen in England. She’d stepped down from her post years back, however, and now there was a King. She’d seen him, King Liam, on magazine covers in the grocery store. He was young, but always looked so serious, and Emma imagined he must be somewhere here too.

Sure enough, when the carriage passed there were two black horses, both giant, like Clydesdales. Both had royal riders as well, and Emma knew the first one was King Liam. He looked just as serious now as he had in the photos, and Emma wondered if it was hard to be King. It must be all-consuming, but still, a smile wouldn’t kill anyone, would it?

“Wait, Mom, that’s the King!” Henry said, his attempt at a whisper coming out comically loud. “He’s so big. I bet he’s super strong.”

Emma couldn’t argue with the assessment, and the stateliness of the man looked even more imposing in his formal regalia astride a horse. But there was something about him that was familiar. The darkness of his hair under his crown and the square of his jaw evoked something in her, and so, she realized, did the particular shade of blue of his eyes. She had trouble placing it before, but now she knew they looked like Killian’s. How strange that she should think that. She was only reminiscing the other day that she’d never seen eyes like his anywhere before.

Intriguing as the connection was, Emma didn’t think much of it. Instead her eyes moved to the other horse, and immediately her heart lurched. Was that? Oh my God, that was Killian! Her Killian, and he was…

“Prince Killian’s here this year!” a young girl said on the street beside them with awe. “Wow he really is handsome, just as handsome as King Liam, don’t you think, Mama?”

“Undoubtedly, dear,” the mother said but Emma barely heard them. She was stuck with the glaring and absolutely crazy realization that the man she’d been circling around for weeks, the man who’d kissed her senseless only yesterday, was a Prince. Like an actual, full-blown, royal. She was stunned and shocked, so thrown by this twist she hardly knew which way was up. All she could do was take this in and try to make sense of it all.

From where she stood in the crowd, Emma could see that Killian was dressed in the same uniform as his brother. Medals of valor covering his coat to a much higher degree than the King, so much so they almost didn’t fit. Despite being astride a horse, everything about him looked impeccable. The lines of his clothes were crisp and unforgiving, and his form on the stallion spoke to extensive experience. Still, she couldn’t say he looked comfortable up there. His expression was not nearly so serious as Liam’s, but Emma could see his uneasiness, even if it was subtle. Many others may not realize, but Emma saw pain in his eyes. Even now, when thrust into confusion and disarray, Emma felt like she could read him. He was uncomfortable up there, being ogled at by so many people and hearing all the noise and celebration. Still he was gorgeous, looking gallant and regal and all too good to look away from.

Seeing him this way filled her with a chaotic sense of conflictedness – on the one hand she still saw the same man she felt herself falling for, but on the other hand he’d shielded the truth from her. He was a prince, a freaking prince! And she was… well just Emma. It made her sick to her stomach to think about how much must separate them. She’d already felt the pressure of that just thinking he was rich and foreign, but throw royalty into the mix and she felt unbelievably foolish. This could never work. She was delusional if she thought that the two of them could amount to anything more than a mere flirtation given everything, and a wave of dread and despair crashed over her. She felt feint from the mix of sadness and betrayal and her heart was pounding in her chest. Panic began flowing. She had to get out of here.

As if her distress called to him in some way, Killian’s attention diverted from the procession and he looked into the crowd. In a matter of seconds his gaze found her, and she saw the look on his face, feeling the impact too acutely. He was surprised by her being there, and then looked pained himself. She was too stunned to move, but he didn’t feel the same. He stopped his horse, and looked about to climb down when a voice called out to him.

“Killian!” It came from the King, Emma and Killian both looked to him and Liam looked to Emma before turning back to Killian and shaking his head. “Not now.”

Emma didn’t know how to take that. Was he saying not now as in ‘not now, we’re in the middle of a parade here’ or as in ‘not now with your inappropriate and unacceptable life choices’? The former made sense to Emma, but the latter was what she was afraid of. Here she was, a totally normal person, a single Mom from another place with no freaking clue he was even a prince. What was Killian even thinking when it came to her? She was dying to know but also too afraid to face it. Killian, meanwhile, looked liable to go against his brother but he ultimately looked to her and she read the greatest wish of his heart as clear as day.

I know I fucked up, Emma. I know this is crazy, but please let me explain. She even watched his lips move and she read his words “please, Emma.” Her heart clutched in her chest. She closed her eyes unsure of what to do and then Henry pulled at her hand. Emma broke her attention away from this earth-shaking revelation and looked to her boy.

“You okay, Mom? You look a little funny.”

“Uh, yeah, Henry, I’m fine. Just a lot of people,” she offered emptily. She hated to lie to her son, but what could she say? Something like, don’t worry kid, I just think I have a date set with the Prince and even though it’s completely insane and he hid this from me, I can’t bring myself to hate him? Or maybe, to be honest I was actually falling for this man, like really falling, and I don’t know if I can stop even though I have to because we live in different worlds and I feel like my heart is breaking in my chest? No that wouldn’t work either, so a lie it was.

“You want to go home?” He asked and Emma shook her head, knowing that home was just about the last place she wanted to be. She needed distraction from whatever the hell this was, and if she added disappointing Henry to the list of things she’d done today, she’d never get past this.

“No way.”

“Okay! Last one to the footbridge is a rotten egg!” Henry said, taking off, and Emma spared one last look at Killian before she left.

In his eyes she saw everything, grief, sorrow, an attempt at about a million apologies. This was wrong. He had really messed up and she was hurt by his choices, but despite it all a small voice in her heart told her not to run. She should give him a chance to explain, as hard as that might be. She deserved those answers, even if he didn’t. With her mind made up, she wanted to convey to him that this wasn’t totally over but only then did she realize that the parade had stopped. Everyone was distracted by something in the main carriage, but it wasn’t emergent. In fact, the people were laughing, but Emma had clearly missed the joke. She looked back to Killian, whose eyes were trained only on her, and without any more delay she nodded, a silent show that she would listen even if she was hurt and confused. She only saw the beginning of his relief take form, before heading back to her kid, and though it was incredibly hard not to look back, she pushed forward, knowing that right now she couldn’t engage with whatever was happening. It was just too much to contemplate and too overwhelming to consider without knowing the whole truth.

……………………………..

Oh, Dear Lord in Heaven, what a day it had been.

Public outings were always tiring to Queen Eleanor, despite her lifetime of participating in them. But today was especially energetic, and that was putting it kindly.

She still could not fathom how in the world her grandson had been so thoughtless. How could Killian think that keeping the truth for this long would be okay? Surely, he realized that the longer he waited to tell Emma who he was the worse it would be. And then today, seeing the moment where Killian and Emma noticed each other out there in the precession, was like witnessing a car wreck before her very eyes.

The fright she’d had was instant, and she gripped onto Meera’s arm so quickly her daughter-in-law had thought her ill. Then Meera looked to the crowd and saw Emma too and she herself was tense and worried. It was all so terrible. The shock on the poor girl’s face, the hurt in her eyes, but there was more too. There was strength there, and feelings under that hurt that did give Eleanor a bit of hope. Everything wasn’t lost, but it was getting damn close. Killian tried to go to her, as he damn well should, but then Liam scolded him, keeping him there. It took everything in Eleanor not to snap at her eldest grandson for interfering.

“It’s not safe, your majesty,” Jefferson whispered to her from his position close by, reading her frustration. “She’d be a target if the public takes notice.”

“Oh – oh - oh barnacles!” she said with frustration, before inspiration struck. “Stop the carriage!” she cried to the attendant and immediately he did.

“What are you doing?” Meera whispered, alarmed at the break in protocol, but hoping for a good explanation.

“Buying them some time. Keep watch of them. Be discrete but don’t miss anything. We need every detail we can get,” she whispered, before turning to the street and waving her hand to a nearby man. “Excuse me, sir, I just wanted to say your cap is absolutely delightful.”

The man was stunned at her comments, and he should be. This was absolutely untoward. Royalty never did anything like this, but damn the customs. This was her grandson’s life, his future, and she’d do anything she could to see it aided and improved. When the man on the side of the road collected himself, he smiled and blushed, an uncommon sight for a man of at least 65 years of age.

“Please, your majesty. Take it.”

“Oh I don’t think I -,”

“It would be an honor,” he said.

“Are they good?” she asked Meera quietly.

“Just a bit more time. Her son’s perked up now. What a beautiful boy. Reminds me of Killian at that age.”

“Focus, Meera.”

Eleanor nodded to the security team and the man came forward. Offering her the hat. She smiled at it, taking in the tacky mess of patriotic color and appreciating it for what it was – a colorful distraction from the moment. She made up her mind to commit to this idea, and the crowd gasped as she put it on her head and then laughed happily. Some people even cheered at her attire, praising the new look that must make her look positively ridiculous.

“Okay, we’re good,” Meera said and Eleanor smiled graciously to the man who’d provided this opportunity to distract.

“Thank you very much, sir. A happy holiday to you and yours,” she waved pleasantly before telling the footman to drive on.

She’d then proceeded to commit to this charade for the rest of the outing, taking different gifts from parade watchers across the city. Even Meera engaged, accepting some colorful beads and a flag from some children who brought them forth along the way. She didn’t dare look at Liam the entire time, but she knew, even if it was unusual, that this would be a win for the king in the long term. The people had responded marvelously, and she’d managed to help both her grandsons in their quests at the same time, thank the Gods.

As soon as they arrived back at the palace, Killian was off like a shot, readying himself to go see Emma. They spoke with him briefly inside the palace before his departure, but she didn’t dwell on those important words now. Eleanor still didn’t know where he’d eventually find her or if he already had, but she hoped he would. Now though, hours later, Queen Eleanor was hiding out, trying to avoid another conversation that must eventually come.

“So are you going to tell me what that was all about today?” Liam asked, causing her to jump from where she was in the quiet of the library. Her hand came over her heart instinctively and she scowled at him.

“You take great liberty, my dear, scaring an old woman like that.”

“I take liberties?” he asked with a laugh. “Gran if this is another of your jokes, I’ll tell you now I don’t understand it and I’m not amused.”

“I know, my dear, but I just had to do it. Killian and Emma needed time.”

“You know about her?”

“Know about her, who do you think found her in the first place -,” Oh blast it! She wasn’t supposed to say that. Rats, now she had to tell him everything. This was not what she’d wanted at all.

“So you and Mum, you’ve been planning this,” Liam said some time later when the truth was revealed. “You’re matchmaking. Does Killian know?”

“No, he most certainly does not.”

“He’ll be furious when he finds out.”

“The moment she forgives him he’ll be nothing short of ecstatic.”

“And so that’s when you’ll tell him?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Gran.”

“Liam,” she parroted, knowing she sounded like a child but not caring.

“Bloody hell, Gran, I don’t know how you manage it,” Liam said, shaking his head as a low chuckle rumbled from his chest.

“I manage this family with the wisdom, grace, and know-how of a professional, Liam. You’d do well to remember that.”

He muttered to himself some things she couldn’t hear, but then he squared his shoulders and grew serious. “Look, Gran, as long as you promise not to interfere anymore, I will keep your secret.”

“When you say interfere -,”

“Gran, leave this to Killian. He needs to do this himself. Please.”

“All right dear, I will leave it alone.”

“Good. And you and Mum better not be planning anything like this for me.”

“You really think there’s just another woman who happens to be at the institute who would also be perfect for you?”

“No,” Liam laughed, forgetting the promise he asked for in the face of what he saw as a lunatic notion. Little did he know there was such a woman, and the ball was already in motion on that front as well. Still Eleanor did everything she could to shield that from him, attempting to appear the frazzled grandmother instead of a scheming assistant to cupid. Before he could press her further, a knock sounded at the door, Jefferson appeared, and Liam was called away. “We’ll finish this discussion later.”

“Not bloody likely,” she whispered under her breath and Liam raised a brow.

“What was that?”

“Nothing, dear. Nothing at all.”

Post-Note: Okay so there we have it. I keep making these chapters so much longer than I think I will, but there’s just so much I want to accomplish. I know it would have been better for everyone’s anxiety levels if I had Killian and Emma talk things out in this chapter but there simply was not time. Not to worry though, next week’s installment will definitely have that and I think you’ll all forgive me for my slight cliff hanger when you read the next chapter. Anyway, I would love to hear what you all are thinking and I appreciate every comment and review and message you guys have sent the past few weeks. It’s so awesome to have you all with me in this and I genuinely hope you’ll stick around to see what’s coming next. Anyway thanks so much for reading and have a great rest of your weekend! -Emily

#captain swan #captain swan fic #captain swan ff #captain swan au #cs fic #cs ff #cs au #cs fluff #cs angst #cs royals #cs royals au #prince killian #killian jones #emma swan #the whole storybrooke gang #ouat au #feels like this #feels like this au #feels like this 6

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ssa-lesbian · 4 years ago

Text

this life is controlled confusion (2/3)

word count: 2.75k words

JJ’s relationship with blood and Emily.

-> read on AO3

I II III

(S5E3, Reckoner. Contains descriptions of gore and vomiting.)

because i craved this word: i want

-sappho

—

Henry has her blue eyes and golden locks, with only Will’s lankiness as the only similarity between the love of her life and the coward who left her.

Which isn’t a bad thing, she realizes, tucking her phone away after getting off a call with her son and Garcia, who was taking care of him during the overnight case. The New Orleans cop wasn’t in his (or her) life anymore, and for the best. Will, who had run away the moment she told him of the pregnancy; Will, who begrudgingly agreed to pay child support only when JJ threatened to take him to court with Hotch as her lawyer; Will, who she hadn’t seen since Henry’s birth— he didn’t deserve any bit of Henry.

JJ doesn’t know how to thank Garcia and Spence; they have been a blessing, taking their roles of godparents as seriously as possible. When out on overnight cases, Henry would stay over at Auntie Pen’s, who spoiled him rotten and made sure he had everything he could ever want, and on girls’ nights, Uncle Spence would take over and engross him in the world of whatever Middle Age books he had on hand. And sometimes, on the really long nights, JJ would call Emily, who’d be on her doorstep within minutes and stayed until the sun rose.

“Auntie Emmy,” Henry called her.

It always drew a broad grin from her, face glowing with happiness, and JJ would watch, standing beside her and smiling.

She didn’t know what they were, to be honest. What all the touches, the dancing, the looks meant. What it meant that Emily was always there for JJ and that JJ was always there for Emily. They’ve said “I love you,” definitely, but they also say that to the others.

After that night in Atlanta, JJ had found herself drawn to Emily. Something in the way her brows furrowed together in the BAU conference room, in the way the corners of her mouth tilted upwards when she caught JJ looking at her, in the way she held children with both the gentleness of a mother and the ferocity of a lion, and sometimes, JJ has wondered what it would be like if Emily were Henry’s mother as well.

But her little blond angel was all of theirs, with what Auntie Pen called his “gorgeous sapphires” and what Uncle Spence called “recessively inherited blond genes,” and in the really dark nights, he’s JJ’s light, illuminating her world.

Which may also be her weakness, she supposes. Because after coming back from maternity leave, it is so hard to not open the case files and see her Henry in the papers, so tiny and gray, and maybe it clouds her judgement when choosing cases for the team and in the field.

This case is no different. JJ is biased, obviously; Judge Schuller opting to hunt down those who had done wrong, especially to children? She understands. She really does, so maybe that’s why she stays so close to him, shielding him from the onslaught of reporters, vision distorted from the harsh sunlight and only following Morgan’s shouting so as to find the path to the waiting police vehicle. A swarm of reporters slithers in through the cracks, and JJ actually feels someone grab her arm. She turns on them, pulling together all of her liaison training to not slap the yelling frenzy confronting her.

There’s a harsh bang! and something wet splattering onto her, and JJ jerks back instinctively, hands flying to her face to wipe, but her fingers come away hot and heavy. There’s something in her mouth, a distinct metallic taste, and as she stares at the dark maroon dripping from her fingers and watches Judge Schuller crumple to the ground, she knows—

“Get down!” she hollers, hands flying down to her holster to draw her gun, but it’s like she’s screaming into nothing, there’s this empty plane of silence all around her and a sharp ringing in her ears. JJ can see mouths moving, can see Rossi’s horror as he clutches the fallen judge and Morgan’s twisted fury as he scans the perimeter, and maybe JJ should be thinking about what this means but it feels like acid, melting away at her face, and is this what Roz felt?

Morgan’s in front of her now, holding out a hand, mouth moving, and she stares at him, head pounding, chest heavy, the ringing only growing louder, and he stops moving, only looks at her.

“Morgan,” she tries to say, but she can’t hear herself, and when her mouth opens she can feel the blood all over her skin and where her muscles flex and she’s covered in someone else’s blood.

She doubles over, Morgan catching and holding her steady as she retches, and when she’s done, the ringing has died down but she still feels inexplicably dirty.

“It’s okay, JJ,” she hears someone say, rubbing her shoulders, “it’s okay. Rossi, I think she’s in shock.”

“No,” JJ tries to protest, but her lips are heavy, coated in her bile and his blood, and she retches again, shaking. It’s all over her, soaking into her shirt and dripping down her chest and she’s sinking into it, settled in a tub of nothing but his hot blood, and JJ reaches out to grab her—

It’s Morgan, Morgan’s firm hands who hold her as she comes back, gasping for air, and he’s saying something but JJ can’t hear because—

“Emily,” she says, “Emily, I need Emily.”

JJ’s completely topless when someone knocks on the door of the hospital’s bathroom, and she only barely stifles her yelp when through the door, “JJ, it’s Em.”

“I’m not wearing anything,” she says.

A pause, and then, “This isn’t the first time.”

JJ can hear the smile in her voice, and she goes to unlock it, her other arm going up to cover her chest. Emily slips in, quietly and stealthily, and she breaks into a smile, although JJ doesn’t miss the concern in her eyes.

“Hey,” she says quietly.

“Hey,” is JJ’s response. She reaches out, and Emily meets her halfway, taking her hand into hers and intertwining their fingers. Her soft touch stills JJ immediately, and somehow, for the first time in the past thirty minutes, she exhales easily.

They stay like that, hands locked and studying each other, and from how close they are, JJ can make out each individual eyelash and the little flecks of gold nestled in Emily’s eyes.

“I look awful,” JJ says.

They tried to wash her face in the ambulance ride to the hospital, some poor paramedic dabbing at her face with a wipe, but she was shaking and flinching too much, recoiling behind the shock blanket they gave her, and when they suggested a sedative, JJ almost said yes. Almost lost herself in that cloud of nothing, before she got the text from Emily that she would meet her at the hospital.

“I can do it,” she told them.

The paramedic raised their eyebrow at her and said nothing, only giving her the wipe.

At the hospital, they screened and gave her more wipes and a water bottle before sending her off to a bathroom, and the moment she locked herself in, she ripped off her blood-stained shirt. JJ was going to throw it away, burn it, whatever, there was no chance of the blood washing out, and when she saw her bra, bloodstained as well, she tore it off and threw it onto the ground with her shirt. Except the blood was still on her, and she took the wipes and started scrubbing and for a few horrible moments it was like the blood would not wash off of her and it was just spreading and she was covered in blood and she was dirty and disgusting and she was—

A hand cupping her cheek shocks JJ out of her memories, and she flinches at the touch before melting into it, closing her eyes and nestling into the softness of Emily’s hand, inhaling that lavender scent.

“I brought you your clothes,” Emily murmurs, hoisting up JJ’s go bag, and she hums as an answer, taking the arm at her chest to cover the hand on her cheek.

They’re standing close enough to each other that JJ can feel the gentle puffs of Emily’s breath on her and the warmth that only she has. Like in this bustling hospital, it is only the two of them. When she opens her eyes, it’s to meet the smokey brown ones of Emily, staring at her with a tenderness JJ has seen only when they’re together.

“Thank you,” JJ says finally, taking the bag and stepping back reluctantly, unwilling to leave the warmth of Emily.

The brunette smiles, still watching her, and JJ laughs as she turns around, reaching into the bag.

“What are you waiting for?” JJ asks, finding a soft piece of fabric and pulling it out before stopping herself. “Em—”

It’s a gray t-shirt. It’s Emily’s gray t-shirt, made from some incredibly soft cotton and ridiculously oversized, and JJ turns to Emily, gripping it in her hand.

“This isn’t mine,” JJ says.

Emily moves closer to her, reaching out to gently push the shirt towards JJ, a cheeky grin on her face.

“I know,” she says. “But I also know this is your favorite shirt of mine,” she adds, and JJ stares at her blankly until Emily sighs.

“Jayj, it’s for you.”

“What?”

“I thought you would want it.”

The way Emily looks, with her soft eyes and gentle smile and with so much love radiating from her, JJ wants her. She steps forward before wrapping her arms around Emily, pressing their bodies together and burying her face in her hair. Emily melts into the embrace, one arm going to JJ’s back, the other tangling in her hair, and JJ feels clean. Calm. Good.

Thank you, she tries to say.

JJ knows Emily understands.

And when they’re on the jet back home, when Emily slides into her seat and sets a mug of coffee (one cream, two sugars, just how JJ likes it) down in front of her before patting her knee, JJ thanks her with her eyes, watching Emily as she shifts in her seat for a moment before settling in and taking her novel to read. The initial adrenaline pumping through her body has thoroughly washed out of her, and she’s tired, with only enough energy to trace Emily’s body— the perfect arch of her neck, the slope of her nose, the curtains of her hair— with her eyes.

And she’s cold, despite the soft blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and JJ is tired enough that when she leans onto Emily, tucking her head underneath Emily’s jaw and resting on her collarbone, she doesn’t care that she’s in full view of her boss and that maybe this is breaking protocol. But when their eyes meet, Emily’s warmth gives JJ the energy to hold Hotch’s gaze, to not be afraid, and maybe she’s imagining things, but Hotch’s eyes soften almost minutely before he turns back to his papers.

Emily drops by JJ’s apartment after she puts Henry to sleep, a text notification from JJ’s phone alerting her of the brunette’s arrival, and when she goes to open the door, the sight of Emily, out of her work clothes and in casual jeans and a sweatshirt, causes a smile.

“Hey,” JJ says, stepping back to let her in. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to drop by,” Emily says, stepping into the apartment and out of her boots, and JJ raises her eyebrow.

There’s something else under there, she knows, that Emily won’t say out loud. It’s routine at this point, her coming over after any particularly hard case, and while JJ protested at first, she won’t deny that she enjoys waking up next to her. Or that Emily does keep her grounded.

And it goes both ways, she knows. Not that Emily would ever tell her, but if she ever sought JJ out, it was because she found peace in JJ.

“Wine?” she offers instead.

They end up on the couch in front of her TV, JJ curled up into Emily’s side, the brunette gently combing through JJ’s hair while rewatching Lilo and Stitch. It’s one of the many Disney movies JJ has for movie nights with Henry, and eventually Emily, when she realized how much Emily enjoyed animated films (not that she would ever tell Morgan or Penelope). Emily takes a sip from her wine glass, eyes never leaving the screen as Jumba and Pleakley dissolve into another mindless argument, and then asks her a question so quiet JJ has to ask her to repeat it.

“Do you ever wonder how Disney managed to sneak in a queer couple into a movie made in 2002?”

“What?”

Emily nods, the edges of her mouth curling up as she sneaks a teasing smile towards JJ. Over the course of the movie, they’ve shifted around to the point that JJ’s almost on top of Emily, her head nestled underneath her chin and her knee resting on Emily’s leg, JJ’s fingers tracing patterns over her jeans.

“Think about it,” Emily says. “Pleakley and Jumba are stuck together for the duration of the film, and they go undercover as a female-male couple, with Pleakley dressing and enjoying his female dress wear.”

JJ’s fingers still, resorting to only gently rubbing, and she listens to Emily’s heartbeat underneath Stitch’s shrieking. Truthfully, she hasn’t been listening for the past half hour, but she’s watching this enough times with Emily that she could recite it by heart.

“I hadn’t thought about it like that,” JJ says. “But nothing about this movie is conventional, so it’s not surprising.”

“Do you ever wish Will was a better man?”

JJ startles, lifting her head to stare at Emily, who flinches and shakes her head immediately.

“Sorry, that was so— wow, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine, just—”

JJ has never seen Emily so panicked, which is saying something, considering she’s also seen Emily get smacked over the head with a wooden plank and, and instinctively, she reaches out to take Emily’s hand in her own.

“Where did that come from?” JJ asks.

Emily shakes her head, fingers fidgeting and eyes downcast, and JJ’s heart swells.

“Hey,” she whispers, raising her other hand to Emily’s head.

When she doesn’t flinch away, JJ gently cups her cheek and slowly brings her up to eye-level. There’s a rawness in her eyes that makes JJ want to hug her, take her, kiss her, anything to ease the pain.

“It’s just me,” she whispers instead. “You can tell me.”

Emily almost melts into her hand, eyes fluttering closed before opening, and she exhales.

“I just wondered if you’re happy,” she says quietly. “I’ve always wanted— but I can’t—”

Their fingers intertwine, but JJ doesn’t prompt Emily on. Lets her speak for herself.

“I don’t know if I could ever find someone to raise a family with,” Emily says at last, and there’s a raw desperation in her voice that sneaks past her usual compartmentalization.

JJ squeezes her hand.

“I don’t need Will to be happy,” she says. “I have Henry, and I have you.”

She wonders if Emily will understand in the silence that follows, her thumb rubbing JJ’s hand, in the way that Emily looks at her, gazes at her, cheek still cradled in her hand, like JJ is the night sky. Emily shifts her weight, and JJ pulls her hand away, but then she’s pulled into an embrace, her body pressed flushed against her co-worker’s. Emily’s arms are wrapped tightly around JJ, burying the blonde’s face into her shoulder, but their weight is uneven, and Emily falls back onto the armrest, JJ on top of her.

This is not how co-workers should be acting, she knows. Morgan did not call out Spence’s name when struggling with his own trauma, they did not spend so many nights in the same bed and wake up curled in each other’s arms, they did not wonder if they could raise a family together.

And yet here they are, JJ nestled on top of Emily and between her legs, arms holding them close, Emily clutching JJ in some desperate hold as though she is afraid of losing her, and JJ wants to hold her even tighter and revel in her lavender scent and tell her, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, I love—

#oh the ANGST #the PINING #gaymers they are in LOVE #jemily #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fanfic #jemily fanfic #jemily fanfiction #my art #jj #jennifer jareau #jennifer jj jareau #emily prentiss #YES i quote sappho #i'm a disaster gay what do you expect from me #tlicc

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ultrahpfan5blog · 4 years ago

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Rewatching Snyderverse Part 2 - Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Before this movie came out, I was unimaginably excited. I am a 90′s kid, so I grew up watching BTAS and STAS and then Justice League and Justice League Unlimited. So watching Batman and Superman interact on screen for the first time was something I was so ready for. Plus, on top of that we had Wonder Woman in the movie as well. There was no way this movie could be less than awesome. I hadn’t loved Man of Steel, but I thought it was decent enough that Snyder could build on it if he kept his worst impulses a bit more restrained. Unfortunately what happened was that he just doubled down on a lot of things that I had a problem with in MoS and introduced a host of new issues as well. When I had initially walked out of the theatrical edition, I was desperately trying to convince myself that I liked the movie. It took a couple of more rewatched to get over my denial that I really didn’t like it much at all. I watched the UE much later and while its an improvement, it doesn’t convert it into a good movie.

Firstly the good parts, Ben Affleck essentially carries the film. When he was cast, I was indifferent because I hadn’t seen enough of him to have an opinion either way. But he was really good. He’s not quite Christian Bale, but Bale had the benefit of better writing. But he really delivers as the bitter and hardened Bruce Wayne/Batman. He carries off the charismatic womenizing business man side as well as the brutal Batman side of the character with equal ease. Jeremy Irons is also an excellent Alfred. I quite enjoyed how Snyder made the Bruce/Alfred dynamic more of two colleagues working together compared to the more father/son relationship of the Nolan movies, Irons really delivers the only bits of humor in the movie. Gal Gadot as WW was a surprise bit of casting. I didn’t think much of her as an actress from the F&F movies and sometimes her dialogue delivery is still a little suspect but she was quite a badass as Diana/WW. And her appearances and scenes, especially alongside Affleck, are pretty good. The visual aspect of this scene is impeccable. There are some glorious shots accompanied perfectly by the score. The shot of Superman saving the girl from a burning building and the people treating him like a god, the Superman memorial sequence, its all very well shot and composed. The entire opening sequence is glorious and you truly get the weight of the horror that regular people would have experienced when the battle of Metropolis happened. You can never make complaints of Zack Snyder as a visual director. The action is superb. The Batman warehouse scene might be the most badass superhero fight sequence I have ever seen, rivalled only by the Spider-man 2 train sequence and TWS highway fight. The Batman and Superman titular fight is also well done as is the final fight sequence. There are interesting ideas planted in this movie. The idea of a world grappling with the existence of Superman and how he fits within our society is genuinely fascinating.

But unfortunately, Snyder does a lot more wrong in this movie than he does right. Firstly, I just felt embarrassed for Henry Cavill in this movie. Any charisma and warmth he showed in MoS is just sucked dry by the layers of misery the film just piles on. Cavill spends the entire movie just scowling and grimacing and I don’t even feel I can blame him because that’s what Snyder has him do. Its just a royal waste of an actor who looks like he is the perfect casting for the role. Amy Adams has a reasonably substantial role and Lois and she’s fine, but it feels throughout that the film is trying to find a way to keep her relevant because they have committed to the idea of her being the key. There is an entire sequence where she throws away the Kryptonite spear, then has to retrieve it, and then almost drowns in the process. That’s where the film feels like its trying way too hard to give Lois Lane something to do. Like with MoS, I just don’t buy the Cavill and Adams chemistry and therefore its all the more difficult to accept the idea that she’s the key to Superman. Jesse Eisenberg is pretty terrible as Lex Luthor. I don’t know what Snyder was thinking. Again, I kind of have difficulty laying blame on Eisenberg because he gives a very Eisenberg performance, which is what Snyder must have been going for. It just doesn’t work at all. He just comes off as an unstable person right from the beginning. There are one or two scenes where he hits the right note, but otherwise its a very cringey performances and it really affects the film negatively. There is a whole host of talented actors who are wasted like Holly Hunter, Laurence Fishburne, and Diane Lane.

The film is just so over plotted. Its like 3 movies fighting for space in one movie and it works against each movie. There is a compelling Batman movie in here, along with a pretty dull Superman movie, along with a Justice League setup film. The theatrical edition had some terrible editing and there were subplots that just didn’t make sense. The UE is definitely a more coherent movie as it makes the africa plot make more sense and gives some of the scenes more room to breathe, but the truth is that I was bored for about 2 hours of the UE. So much of it is just dull conversation and posturing between characters. The only parts where the film comes to life is when Affleck and Irons are on screen. I have no problem with an action lite superhero movie, but then the dialogue and the situations need to be compelling and not so monotonous. The film also just does not have enough time to suitably come up with a reason why Batman and Superman would want to fight. I mean, I really liked Affleck but the justifications he comes up with to want to straight up murder Superman make no sense. He’s a bit of an idiot and gets manipulated by Lex way too easily. If you really pick apart the Lex Luthor plot, it would unravel so easily because it relied on some many things that were beyond his control. Superman’s reason to be against Batman has a bit more in the UE, but its still not enough. Then there is the completely ham handed Justice League setup. I mean, someone who has no idea of Injustice or deep DC mythology would have no clue what the Knightmare sequence was and what the Flash cameo meant. I now have more context having read what Snyder planned to do, but at the time it didn’t make any sense. We still have no clue why Bruce is having these future memory flashes/dreams. Not to mention the ridiculous JL setup videos, set with logos for all the heroes. The idea that someone at Lexcorp spent the time to come up with the superhero logos for WW, Flash, Aquaman, and Cyborg was just too funny. Its just the most lazy way to do a JL setup. Of course there is the infamous Martha scene which is a ridiculous scene no matter how you choose to explain it. I know what the point was. Doesn’t make the execution an less silly. Then on top of that we get thrown into a Doomsday/death of Superman story in the last half hour. Doomsday basically looks like a big mutated turtle. I recognize that Doomsday is not the most nuanced character, even in the comics, but surely he deserves better than this. There have been animated films and cartoons that have adapted Doomsday much better. Like with MoS, this film also ends with an three back to back action sequences with no room to breathe, though I admit that I enjoyed the action sequences here more than in MoS.

Anyways, the film ended up a big disappointment for me and a lot of my issues stem with decisions that Snyder clearly made with the characters and with the story. The UE was definitely better but not by a huge amount. The theatrical edition was a 3/10, and the UE was about a 4-4.5/10 for me. I have heard that ZSJL is the best of his DC movies. Hopefully that turns out to be the case.

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atlantic-riona · 4 years ago

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modern Helen and Penelope, Sherlock, and Tempest Mac? (If you don't feel like doing all of these, please just pick your favorite--I'm just intrigued by ALL of these.)

ooh you managed to pick all the older ones! I am quite fond of these still, so I’ll do all three!

putting it all under a cut because it got quite long:

modern Helen and Penelope was a modern AU (as the name suggests), but there were still gods and magic and heroes, plus a bunch of other mythologies were included as well. basically, the plot sort of revolved around Helen, who’s going to be in an arranged marriage, deciding to abscond with Paris, which kicks off a whole bunch of other things (I don’t quite remember the details anymore, but I do distinctly remember that the Irish heroes got involved somehow, and the...uhhh...well, some other heroes got involved too but I never wrote any of their names down, so 😅). but it also revolved around Odysseus and Penelope falling in love, which I’m a sucker for. in honor of that, here’s the part I wrote with Odysseus:

Her heart skips a beat as she realizes who she’s looking at, and she hastens to finish before Helen catches on. “With—what’s his name, Odysseus, I think.”

“The island king’s son?” Helen sounds disinterested, and Penelope silently thanks any gods listening. “I can’t remember—is he one of the good-looking ones? They’ve all become a blur.”

“He—” Penelope’s tongue, usually so nimble, stutters to a halt. All she has to do is say no, and her cousin will move on. But she can’t bring herself to lie. Not about him.

Helen watches with growing interest as Penelope makes a few inarticulate sounds before subsiding into a blushing silence. “You know what? Maybe I should refresh my memory. Come on, cuz.”

She strides away, moving with easy confidence as Penelope, her stomach filled with dread, follows.

Her cousin has the ability to be seen or to be Seen. In other words, there are times like now, where the two of them pass through crowds with barely a second glance from anyone, and then there are times when Helen is the center of any room she walks into. And she can switch back and forth with ease.

Odysseus and his friend are bent over a table covered with hastily drawn maps and pretzels acting as soldiers. Someone nearby laughs, loudly, and her heart pounds in her ears. Odysseus is shorter than the other boy, but has broader shoulders. Recklessly, Penelope decides that despite the other boy’s good looks and easy smile, Odysseus has a far better smirk. Neither of them look up as the girls approach.

“So you see, the king really ought to have placed his troops there.”

“Ah, but have you considered,” says Odysseus, picking up another pretzel and eating it, “that the river was too exposed for a stand against the invaders? At the time, the forest seemed the better option.”

Helen leans over to look at the maps. “Goodness,” she says airily, as if the very sight of the battle maps are too much for her, although Penelope has played enough strategy games with her cousin to know that Helen would wipe the floor with anyone at this table, not including Penelope herself. “All those pieces look so very lonely. Surely you cannot win a war with so few soldiers?”

“Well, they represent battalions, not individual soldiers,” says Odysseus absently, and then he looks up.

From the way that he and his friend become still, it’s clear that Helen wishes to be Seen. They’re transfixed, the way one stares at a comet or tornado. Penelope might as well be the air, for all they see her.

In a fair world, Penelope might have been considered beautiful.

In that world, Helen would have to not exist.

As it is, Penelope contents herself with being considered wise beyond her years, although wisdom seems a poor consolation prize in moments like these.

“Helen,” Odysseus says finally. He clears his throat. “Aren’t you supposed—”

She reaches out and covers his hand with her own. “Oh, that. Being cooped up all day is no fun, I tell you. So I convinced Penelope to take me here with her.” Odysseus’ gaze drifts to Penelope. He has very lovely brown eyes. Helen clearly doesn’t care for the shift in his attention, for she laughs prettily and Penelope does not exist again. “Let’s keep this our little secret, shall we? And by that I mean don’t tell my father.”

Odysseus nods slowly. He looks around, up, down, and finally settles on asking, “Won’t you sit down?”

“Oh, you’re so thoughtful,” Helen says, and promptly does. The other boy does as well, which leaves only the one seat—Odysseus’.

“You and Penelope will have to share,” Helen observes, sharp gaze trained on her cousin.

Penelope takes a deep breath. “I’ll stand, thanks.”

may actually pick this one up in the future, idk

Sherlock was a mini-play I wrote for my high school; they were doing a play (with Sherlock Holmes) that needed a “fake start,” one that was really ridiculous, so I wrote one for them that I thought might fit the bill. I have a lot of favorite ridiculous moments but here are a few:

SHERLOCK (abruptly): How’s Mary?

WATSON: //children...oh, Mary’s fine, she’s fine - so’s Henry’s two little sisters, Emma and Jane. Right terrors they are. Twin disasters, you might say. (He chuckles.)

SHERLOCK: Twins?

WATSON: How did you -

SHERLOCK: Your enjoyment in that atrocious and badly delivered pun gave up the game.

HENRY: The kids nowadays call that a dad joke.

---

HOLMES: You took your time slinking out from the woodwork again, my old enemy.

MORIARTY looks embarrassed.

MORIARTY: I had to make tenure. My apologies for delaying our little games, Holmes.

HOLMES: Quite understandable. You cad.

MORIARTY: I deserved that one, I’m afraid. But not anymore than that, Holmes!

HOLMES: I apologize. I had to get it out of my system.

MORIARTY: Of course.

---

HOLMES: To answer your question…

He realizes that he doesn’t know her name.

HOLMES: ...er, dear, Moriarty is in fact about to offer us tea.

MORIARTY: Quite right. I put the kettle on before you woke up. Two sugars as usual, Holmes?

HOLMES: Once again you try to trick me, old enemy. You know perfectly well that I drink it black.

MORIARTY snaps his fingers.

MORIARTY: Foiled again, Holmes!

it was meant to be really bad, because Holmes (the real one for the play) comes out and demands to know what Watson (the real one for the play) is writing, at which point the actual play would start 😂😂

Tempest Mac is, I think, the only sci-fi story I’ve ever written?? it’s about this little girl in the future, in space, who’s Catholic and who meets an alien, while also solving important mysteries (like where the cookie jar went 😂😂)

that...was pretty much all the plot I had planned out, I think

but here’s what I had:

Someone had moved the cookie jar again.

Tempest Mac made a thoughtful face as she considered the scene of the crime. Then she went and fetched a tall stool, a flashlight, and a thick book detailing the customs and mannerisms of the Hazien people (which she was only a quarter of the way through, having only started at breakfast this morning). One never knew what might come in handy.

Just as she had gotten the book settled in place on the countertop, with one foot balanced neatly on the stool and the other on the book, and was peering into the highest cupboard with the flashlight, a shrill, startled voice rang out behind her. “Tempest! What on Earth do you think you’re doing?”

“Finding the cookie jar, Aunti,” Tempest replied calmly, still shining the flashlight into the cupboard. In addition, they weren’t on Earth, they were on Haz—a few hundred lightyears away—so really, Aunti should have said, ‘What on Haz do you think you’re doing?’ but she knew when to let things go. “Somebody’s moved it again.”

“You don’t need a cookie right now, you’ve just had lunch,” her aunt scolded, lifting her off the stool and onto the ground without hardly any effort. “Wait until after dinner.”

“I don’t want a cookie, I want to know who keeps moving the cookie jar,” Tempest protested, but Aunti paid her no heed and sent her out of the kitchen to water the small garden out back.

Tempest Mac was six years old, small of stature, and what some people referred to as ‘precocious.’ Tempest gently argued with these people that no, she wasn’t precocious, she simply thought thoughts in a sensible way. Nevertheless, her grave eyes, quiet way of asking commonsense questions, and aptitude at reading far above her age level made the debate moot, as far as people were concerned.

Most people would rather chalk up things and people who don’t appear to make sense at first as anomalies, rather than investigate further. But then, this is because many people see the world like a black ink stamp pattern on a clean sheet of paper—easy, simple and pretty, in an orderly, bureaucratic sort of way. If the world is ordered and lovely in its organization, then so too can lives and people be the same way. If the world is a jumbled, chaotic, sloppy finger-painting done by an overenthusiastic four year old, then it is much harder for people to convince themselves that their lives may be ordered and simplistic. Such is life.

There’s a reason “Aunti” is spelled the way it is, but for the life of me I can’t remember why

#ask #my writing #I hadn't read the Sherlock one in years and I'd forgotten all about it 😂

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rueur · 4 years ago

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Morning Pages No. 61

Monday 24th August - 1:04pm

I know that it’s a bit late in the day to start this entry, but I needed another bit of a morning off. Evan and I had an early night last night but we had sex first. We were both so tired afterwards due to consistent daily workouts, that we ended up falling asleep naked and staying asleep till about 8am. To be clear, we went to bed around 10:30pm, so it was a long night of sleep for both of us. I’m grateful for it though, because even though my calves still hurt like crazy, I do feel refreshed and like the healing process is underway. What did we do this morning? The son of a bitch restarted Breath of the Wild and we’ve both been playing on his new save file. I have to buy another copy of that game because I really want to replay it now. Even so, I have a lot of work to do and I’m yet to make proper headway on Julie’s new site. It’s coming along relatively fine in Squarespace but I’ve only worked on it for about an hour and I’ve yet to add the privacy policy and finetune a lot of the product links. I feel like we’ll absolutely need to add some copy for the products, and definitely put a disclaimer about the use of fabric softener either at the top of the description or below...or both? It’s pretty important.

I’ve been chatting to Sarah on Whatsapp. I feel like Sarah is a bit of a better influence on me than Wren, but I hate that I’m comparing them both in my head. I just feel a bit disheartened in my relationship with Wren, because of all the horrid experiences I’ve had with them over the course of this year. It’s been quite confronting to see how Wren acts when they’ve decided they’re in a more dire situation than me...like I’m not even sure if that’s what’s happened, but that’s what it’s felt like to me. I can’t understand how they’ve just been able to decide that just because they’re living alone, this time is harder on them? I don’t know. And even if it is harder, which I can admit that it most likely is, that doesn’t mean that I should have to incorporate addressing their pain into my life on a daily basis. I was willing to chat every day. But I also don’t want to feel like my life has to be placed on hold for them, whenever they may want me. I’ve felt like that enough in this friendship as it is. I’ve given them whatever I’m capable of giving, and I’ve given them a hell of a lot more than I’ve given any other friend I have ever had. Except, maybe, for Malith. But Malith has certainly given me more than I’ve given him. Goddamn. I’m fighting the urge to delete this whole paragraph, but I deserve to express myself. This year has been fucking hard for me. I’ve not been suicidal, because that part of my life is over. Even if Evan and I break up, that part of my life will always always be over. It’s no longer an option in my head, to go down that route. It’s a time-waster. There are better things to do than yearn without end, than wish for better than you’ve got. I’ve been dealt both a bad and good hand, and it’s only bad because I see it as so. It’s only good because I see it as so. Wren needs to learn that everyone has fucked up mums, figuratively speaking. Everyone has SOMETHING that they wish they had lived without. Everyone has SOMETHING that they wished was just a smidge better than it was. I don’t want any part of explaining all the fucked up shit that has happened to me over the course of my childhood. I don’t want to have a dick-measuring contest when it comes to depression and trauma. Fuck that. I’d much rather live in the present and be happy with the life I’ve built for myself. Even Wren needs to feel their privilege to a certain degree. It would be ludicrous if they didn’t. Two apartments, a job that they love that compensates them really fucking well, and an abundance of resources that provides them with independence and agency. I have so little of all that they have, and I’m working my ass off for next to nothing in return, just building up a resume that may not even receive a stolen glance at the end of all of this mindful building. Who knows? My fate rests in the hands of people who I feel quite sincerely don’t want me to succeed. I have a name and face and degree that is just...unhireable. But I don’t let that beat me the fuck down, because I know that I work harder and fucking smarter than anyone else on that pile of resumes. So I keep going, knowing that my work will become of a benefit to whichever organisation I end up representing.

My whole being right now is just revolving around entering the industry, like properly becoming a content writer and being able to actually use my degree to begin to pay off that motherfucking HECS debt. I know I’m swearing a fucking lot, but I feel like it’s actually helping me so I’m not going to stop. I don’t care who reads this and who judges me for it because at the end of the day, you’re the ones reading these sensitive pages on a blog that I’ve told nobody about. How did you get here?

I’m feeling paranoid, fired up. I can feel it in my fingers. My hands are freezing cold, and Evan’s in the one room that has the heater and he’s sitting there on his ass with the door shut. And I’m starting to feel like maybe I always find myself on the outside because I allow myself to get there. I have to start standing up for my damn self, but also...I know how to choose my battles, I suppose. Is it knowing how to choose your battles if you partake in a MINIMAL number of battles? Like a fractional amount of battles to the battles that you could have potentially fought in? Fuck. Nicky’s sleeping on my white vest. I may need to patch that up, but the inner fabric is so sheer, I’m not entirely sure how it’ll respond to a needle and thread. I may need excess fabric...we’ll see.

My cross-stitch order is on the way, and I’m excited to begin this new activity. I bought a hot air balloon pattern for Wren, I’m not sure if I’ve already said that. I’m looking forward to learning how to do this, because apparently it’s quite similar to knitting? Or at least the basics of knitting. I’ve heard that cross-stitch is a good introduction to knitting. After this, it may be good to see if I can give crochet a go too, but it’s also a little bit intimidating. I mean crochet is all about three-dimensional creations, whereas cross-stitch and knitting are generally more...patterned art, scarves, and blankets. Still functional, but more veering on the side of two-dimensionality. I’m a touch surprised that ‘dimensionality’ is a word. It feels like the kind of word that a primary school-aged student would assert is ‘ACTUALLY A WORD’, even though you know it’s not. OH, listen to this fresh hell! That ‘SNACCIDENT’ Typo lunch mug thingo we have says that the word ‘SNACCIDENT’ is a VERB, which is plain RIDICULOUS. If the word ‘accident’ is a noun and they’re claiming that ‘SNACCIDENT’ is a verb, then a sample sentence using that word would read as follows: ‘Henry snaccidented’. VERBS ARE FUCKING DOING WORDS. In no CONCEIVABLE UNIVERSE would ‘SNACCIDENT’ be considered a VERB. My fucking lord. These pages are just RAGE-FILLED, aren’t they? Which is actually pretty interesting, because I don’t feel mad? I feel fine. I feel a little bit annoyed that it’s almost 1:30pm and I’ve not done a lick of work either today or yesterday. I’m thinking I should send Julie a text today asking if she’d be free to meet up again sometime early next week, maybe Tuesday or Wednesday? I feel like I could make great progress on the website during that time. We shall see what happens. We shall see what I eventually get around to doing. I need money, gosh darn...

I feel like I’ve been writing a lot about money during these pages, and I understand why. Money has become a bit of an issue for me since moving out, which I know...doesn’t necessarily need to be said. But you must understand that I’m studying AND working AND working AND working AND working. And I’m still not making that much. It’s frustrating. I’m trying not to think about it right now because of lockdown and the fact that the bulk of my situation is currently out of my own control, but this is all really because of the house. Just knowing that Evan and I are ready for that step is enough for me to just want it now. The issue is - as is usually the case - MONEY. If we had enough for at least a 10% deposit, that would be insane. But a 10% deposit on a house valued at $500,000 is $50,000, and combined we only have HALF of that. If we could potentially get some rich parents or guardians to match what we have, then we could actually do it. But who even has rich parents or guardians? And I don’t think my dad would sign off on this until maybe after we’re married? I’m fighting the urge to go check if the house is still even listed online. I’m hopeful that it’ll be up until we have the money. Or maybe until we can get to a combined $30,000, to give us a bit of a buffer once we’ve given the rest of our money to whichever gross corporation decides to grant us a loan. Ahhhhhh. Why does this world try its hardest to strip you of all your agency? Why is it that so many people struggle to even find a place to be? A place to call their own? It’s cruel. I can only hope this archaic order is on its way out. I was hoping the realities of climate change, or police brutality, or perhaps even COVID-19 would pave the way for the people’s revolution, but I now feel it may be something more innocuous, more unexpected. Something that the bigwigs won’t see coming, as the people themselves won’t see it coming. Even so, everybody knows that it’s on its way. The ultimate fight between the oppressors and the oppressed, and the one brawl that may reveal the future of western society. Democracy is indeed dead. We’ll see how quickly the next system comes into place, and exactly whose side that system will be on. And as for the universal base income, I find myself rooting more and more for it, but I also know that it may be provided to us as a band-aid, built to keep the people’s revolution at bay. But as long as there are billionaires, there’s no way that the revolution won’t be coming. Exponential growth cannot occur unless it’s built on the backs of millions, billions. This current system is just not economically viable, which is ironic considering that ‘economic strength’ is usually the reason capitalists vouch for capitalism. I believe capitalists are just people who haven’t shirked their ‘American Dream’ yet, who basically still believe in Santa Claus. I’m not even sure what to call myself. A social capitalist? I believe people should feel compelled to build their businesses and to innovate their industries, but I don’t believe in penalising those who have ‘valueless skills’. I also refuse to believe there is such a thing as a ‘valueless skill’. Perhaps being able to write stream of consciousness entries is a valueless skill. That may be the only thing.

#morning pages #streamofconsciousness #61 #artistsway #money #wren #work

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wefoundloveunderthelight · 4 years ago

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The Love Cruise - by GleefullyCaptainSwan

Read on AO3: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Or on FF

Tagging: @stahlop @kmomof4 @lfh1226-linda @teamhook

Chapter 2: On Your Feet for the Captain

Killian stood at the base of the plank staring up at the large ship he was about to board. He marveled to think that he, Killian Jones, was about to Captain such a large vessel.

“Can I help you?” Killian turned to his left and down at the short girl staring up at him.

“Sorry, Lass, just admiring the view. She’s a beauty.” He gestured toward the ship in front of them.

“She’s a game changer.” The woman marveled. “State of the art medical equipment. Best in her class.”

“Aye, so I’ve been told, do you work in the Medical center?”

“I do. Name’s Tink Bell.” She announced with an enthusiastic smile. “Are you working on the ship?”

“Aye, I’m her Captain.” He nodded to the girl and looked back up at the massive ship. “It’s nice meeting you, Lady Bell.”

“The girls are gonna get a kick out of you.” She mused, staring at him adoringly before she headed up the plank.

“A goddamned love cruise.” He groaned and mumbled to himself as he followed her up the plank.

“Welcome aboard Captain.” The man greeted him at the end of the gang plank.

“Thank you, can you direct me to my quarters? I’d like to drop off my things before I head to the bridge.”

“Certainly, sir, follow me.”

Killian followed the man through the narrow hallways, his hands lightly teasing the walls as he examined every nook and cranny of his new lover. When he was left alone in his quarters, he stood on his balcony, inhaling the smell of the sea. “Ok girl, I promise to take care of you, if you take care of me.” There was a knock on the door.

Opening the door revealed a man in a white uniform. “Good afternoon, Captain, they are ready to provide the brief on the bridge.”

“Thank you, I’ll be up there in a minute.” The man left him alone and Killian changed in silence into his uniform. Checking his reflection in the mirror, he exhaled and headed to the bridge. He loved the quietness of the ship only the crew on board before allowing passengers to board, he passed many of his crew members, nodding as they strolled by him along the way.

As approached the bridge, he whispered under his breath. “Ok Jones, get your shit together.”

“On your feet for the Captain.”

His chest puffed as he entered the bridge. He had to admit, he felt like a schoolkid walking into the room. Listening to his First Mate, Smee, walk through procedures was almost like a drug to him. When the report was done, he made his way through the ship, introducing himself to each member of the crew he met. When he made it to the atrium, he spotted Robin standing at his desk.

“Well, we made it.” He remarked. “Ready to witness all the debauchery and indecency my heart can handle.”

“Captain Jones, these next two weeks will be a defining moment of our lives.” Robin proclaimed, holding his hand to his heart.

“If I survive the next two weeks, that may be my defining moment.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” Killian turned toward the angry voice, seeing Regina Mills making a beeline toward them. “Why are you here?” She glared at Robin.

“Hello, M’Lady, we meet again. You are still as ravishing as the last time I saw you.” Killian rolled his eyes; his friend was really laying it on thick.

“Don’t M’Lady me, why are you here?”

“I work here.” He announced proudly. “Looks like you and I will have plenty of time to get to know each other finally.”

She scoffed, “Not on your life, it’s a big ship, just steer clear of me.” She turned to face Killian. “I see he brought his whipping boy with him. Whatever did they hire you two to do? Cook, entertainer,” She turned with disgust at Robin. “Janitor.” She said looking down her nose at him.

“You might want to offer a bit more respect to your Captain.” Robin said with a shrug.

“You?” She said in horror.

“That would be me.” Killian interjected, holding out his hand. “Captain Jones. I don’t think we’ve officially met, last time I came in right about the time the liquid started flying.”

She paled slightly. “I hope you have better manners than this one.”

“Aye, I’ll ensure he behaves this time, Ms. Mills.”

“See that you do.” She added before stomping away.

“Maybe this is going to be more fun that I thought.” He mused as Robin’s eyes followed her adoringly until she rounded the corner and disappeared.

~*~

“So, you’ll be here when I get back from camp?”

Emma looked over at her son’s face, his small round features staring at her expectedly. “Of course, sweetie, I’ll be home before you even get back from camp.”

“Good because I want to tell you all about it when I get home.”

“And you know how much I love when you give me all the details.”

“And the ship won’t sink right?”

“Henry, we’ve talked about this, the ship won’t sink. People go on cruises all the time.”

“I just want you to come home to me.”

“I will always come home to you, Henry.”

“I love you mom.”

“I love you too, Peanut.”

Emma dropped Henry off at Granny’s, kissing him on the forehead and getting in a cab on her way to The Wooden Nickle to meet with the rest of her group.

“I didn’t think you’d actually show up.” August teased her as she entered the bar.

“Well, you know me, I’m not one to skip out on a challenge.” She shrugged, “Besides, I’m just going to have fun with my friends.”

“I’m happy you agreed to do this.” He said honestly. “You deserve to be happy.”

“I am happy, August.”

“So, you’ve said.” He said simply as Ruby and Will came stumbling into the bar, their hands full of luggage.

“My God, it’s two weeks, not two months.” August teased.

“You can’t limit me to one outfit a day. There are going to be men I have never met on this ship; they haven’t seen all my outfits.” Ruby complained with a pout.

“Explain that to the bloody person who has to carry all this garbage.” Will dropped the bag from his hands onto the ground.

Behind them David walked in the door with his suitcase, staring at the array of bags at Will’s feet. “I thought we were only going for two weeks?”

~*~

Killian read through his checklist from his seat on the bridge. He glanced at his watch; they would be boarding passengers in the next 30 minutes. He felt the familiar flutter of butterflies as he called out items from his list to confirm they were ready to sail. He was excited and nervous to Captain such a large vessel. The sea was the place that he felt the most at peace.

Perhaps that is why he moved into a houseboat after Milah’s death, despite the protests from his brother and Robin.

He couldn’t imagine sleeping in the bed they shared with her no longer there. He also couldn’t sleep there without waking up in a cold sweat remembering the night the phone rang, an unfamiliar person offering him condolences. His wife gone in an instant from an aneurism. There were no goodbyes, no last kiss, she was just gone in a single heartbeat.

But he had to admit that he wouldn’t miss his bed on the houseboat either. Robin had been honest about the size of his quarters on the ship. Perhaps the next 3 months at sea would be a good change for him, a chance to get his head right.

“Sir, passengers are boarding now.”

“Thank you, First Officer Smee, let’s run through the rest of the checklist.”

~*~

“Name and Identification please.” The portly woman standing behind the counter of the cruise ship terminal stood waiting for their documents as they checked in.

“Ruby Lucas.” She announced, handing over her ID.

“Emma Nolan.” Emma passed the ID to the woman.

“I can’t believe we are about to get on that for the next two weeks.” Ruby stared up toward the ship and Emma had to admit it was quite impressive standing below the immaculate ship.

“I hope I don’t get seasick. Do you think I should take my Dramamine now?”

“The worst of it should only last for the first 48 hours.” The lady behind the desk offered. “But I would take it before you get on board. It can be quite disorienting at first.”

Emma dug in her bag, popping the pills into her mouth, and swallowing with the last gulp of her water bottle.

“Alright ladies, you are all set. Here are your cruise ID’s, these will open the door to your room so don’t lose them.”

They finished signing their documents and met up with the boys who had all checked in before them.

“How come you get your own room?” Will was whining as they joined the group.

“Because I paid for this whole trip.” August shrugged and Will winced.

“Works for me, I guess we’re roomies Mate.” Will patted David on the shoulder.

~*~

“Oh my God, look at this room.” Ruby threw herself down on the bed as soon as they entered their room.

“Wow, August must have paid a pretty penny for this.” Emma was astounded at the room, complete with a small sitting area and large balcony.

“This is going to be the best two weeks ever.”

While Emma was nervous about being away from Henry for so long, she knew she would have been away from him at home while he was at camp anyway. At least this way she could distract herself and she had to admit, being on board this luxurious ship was not a bad way to do it.

There was a knock on their door and Ruby jumped up to answer it. “Hello Beautiful.” Will was leaning in their door frame, he was wearing the most ridiculous looking button-down shirt, covered in palm trees and flamingos.

“What are you wearing?”

“It’s my vacation look, like it?” He modeled his shirt, walking through their room and spinning quickly as he got to the other end. “My shorts are khaki.” He ran his hand down his shorts and back up to his shirt. “And this, is the money maker.” He flipped the collar up on his shirt. “Now, which one of you ladies is escorting me to tonight’s launch party on the Lido deck?” He looked between them.

Emma jumped up from the bed and wrapped her arms around Will’s neck, planting her lips on his cheek. “My hero.” She giggled. “Find your own, Rubes, this one’s mine.”

“You heard the lady.” Will said proudly.

“I’m just going to change really quick. Are we meeting you guys up there?”

“Aye, we are heading up in a minute, your brother takes a long time to get ready. Are you aware of that?”

Emma snorted loudly. “Try growing up with him. That hair, right?”

“Bloody hell, he’s worse than a woman with that. I left him fluffing it in the bathroom. I was feeling less like a man the longer he took. No wonder he’s single, eh?” He shut the door behind him, and Emma and Ruby quickly changed into their sundresses for the party.

Once they were ready to leave, they hooked their arms together and found their way to the Lido deck. “My God look at all the fresh meat.” Ruby marveled as Emma felt her anxiety increase at the number of men and women gathered on the deck, many already coupling and pairing up for the evening.

As soon as she saw Will standing by the railing, she ran to him and wrapped her arm around his waist. “There’s my date.” She giggled, holding on to him like a life vest.

“Hello, love. Are you ready to set sail?”

“Ready for the adventure of a lifetime.” She jumped when a loud horn blared on deck signaling the ship being ready to push away from the dock.

She felt an arm around her shoulder and looked over to see her brother, smiling brightly. “You look happy.” She chuckled.

“We are on the ocean, wind in our hair, our whole future in front of us, what’s not to be happy about?”

“Well, Will says it took you an hour to do your hair, you sure you’re excited about the whole wind scenario?”

“You aren’t going to ruin my mood with your negativity, sis.”

“Will, I’m pretty sure that girl is checking you out.” Emma turned to seek out the woman that Ruby was pointing out to Will. A few groups away was a short, brunette, smiling in his direction.

“Bloody hell, I’m not a piece of meat. Where’s my girlfriend?” He turned, dragging Emma back to his side and wrapping a protective arm around her neck.

“She’s cute.” Emma whispered.

“Hey, I thought you were on my side?” He whined.

“Where did David go?” She asked, looking around.

“He’s talking to that girl over there.” Emma swung around and located her brother, standing by the bar, laughing with a short haired woman.

“That was quick.”

“Always the charmer.” Will added.

David came back toward the group with a bucket full of beer. He passed one to each of the group. “Already meeting people?” Emma inquired.

“Sorry?”

“Don’t act innocent, I know what the David Nolan flirt looks like.” She flipped her hair and laughed, her head tilting back as she exhaled.

“Whatever, she tried to steal my beer, so I introduced myself.”

“A thief, those are the worst kind.” Will scowled.

“Well, it was a misunderstanding, so it was all good.”

“What’s her name?” August asked stepping into the conversation.

“Mary Margaret. She’s actually friends with the woman who’s been eye fucking Will.”

“Shit, she has spies already.” He reached out, grabbing Emma by the hand.

“Must be really hard to be you, William.” Emma teased.

“It’s the worst.” He groaned.

~*~

“Let’s take her out, Smee.” Killian announced with an adventurous smirk, guiding the ship out of the dock and into the open seas. The feel of the ship shuddering beneath his feet, the controls in his hand as he turned her toward the ocean was exhilarating and brought him back to the time Liam let him take the helm of the Battleship during their time in the Navy. The sea was an intoxicating mistress and one that he would love for his entire life.

A few hours later after the ship was full speed ahead in the open waters, Killian excused himself from the bridge and made his way back to his quarters.

“Jones, I was just coming up to see you.” He turned to see Robin approaching his room.

“I see you are still alive, so Ms. Mills has not made you walk the plank yet.”

“I’m about to go check her out. She’s giving her ‘Welcome Aboard’ speech on the Lido deck right now. Thought I’d go give her a hand.”

“One that she will most likely break.” He laughed as Robin ignored his comment.

“You coming?”

“To the launch party? I don’t think so.”

“Come on, Mate. It’s your first night as the Captain of this beautiful vessel, don’t you want everyone to greet and fall in love with Captain Jones?”

“That is my exact fear.”

“Fine, but you will have to show yourself eventually around the decks. Passengers always have questions for the Captain. At least put on some civvies and head up top to watch the sunset tonight.” Robin left him in the hallway, mulling over his options for the evening.

~*~

“And again, I want to welcome you all aboard The Love Cruise, may our home be yours for the next two weeks.”

The dark-haired woman was giving a speech about all the fun they were about to embark on, but all Emma could focus on was the claustrophobic feeling of being surrounded from all sides. “I’m just gonna get some air.” She yelled into Will’s ear.

“Beer? Yes, I’ll take one.” He yelled back. Emma nodded and then pushed her way through the crowd. Perhaps a drink wasn’t a bad idea.

“What’s the drink of the day?” She asked the bartender as she approached, happy to be away from the large crowd behind her.

“Pineapple margarita.” He held up the large pineapple, “Comes in a pineapple.”

She laughed. “Who could say no to that?” She handed over her ID card and turned to watch as the crowd was whipped into a frenzy, the cruise director and another man hyping the crowd as the music started to blare through the speakers.

“Here you go Miss.”

She took the large pineapple, complete with umbrella and flower and walked further down the deck toward the front of the ship, away from the crowd and noise. The drink was ridiculously over the top, but she reminded herself that she was on an over-the-top cruise where singles came to meet up and perhaps an adult drink in a large fruit wasn’t that ridiculous after all.

She sipped her drink as she leaned over the rail, watching the water in the ships wake ripple in the last light left before the sun dipped below the ocean’s view.

“I hope you have no plans to jump, I’m a fairly good swimmer but the water is quite cold.”

Emma flinched and turned to the offending intruder when her heart caught in her throat. Standing before her was the most gorgeous man she had ever laid eyes on. The waning sun shimmered in the dark strands of his hair, his blue eyes reflecting like pools of bright light staring back at her.

Oh my God Emma, say something!

“No plans currently at the moment but I’m reserving my right to jump later.”

“Well then I guess you’ll have to alert me when the time comes so that someone will be there to fetch you.”

His voice was smooth and addicting and she was conflicted on being annoyed that he was interrupting her private moment but also trying to come up with an excuse to get him to continue speaking to her with his incredibly sexy accent.

Stop it.

She realized he was still looking at her and suddenly she didn’t know how long she had been standing there in silence looking like a cat that swallowed a canary. She did the only thing she could do and started laughing. However, she was sure if that was not an improvement on the silence or if she suddenly just turned into a crazy person laughing for no reason.

As if recognizing her inner turmoil, he leaned against the rail beside her and spoke again. “This is my favorite part of the ship.”

“The rail?”

What the fuck, Emma. Why would she say that?

He chuckled, “The bow of the ship. Looking out at the ocean, seeing where she’s taking you, no other feeling like it.”

“You aren’t about to expose some weird kink to me and ask me to pose like they did on the titanic or anything, right?”

He scrunched his nose, “That’s a kink? Perhaps I don’t understand that word as well as I thought I did.”

She couldn’t stop the snort from escaping her and quickly cupped her mouth.

“So, tell me love, why are you not at the party with all the other desperate singles?”

“Would you believe me if I told you I was blackmailed into coming on this cruise?”

It was his turn to laugh loudly and she immediately noticed the adorable way his eyes crinkled when he did.

“Blackmailed? Well, that is scandalous.”

“I could ask you the same, unless you were stalking me and followed me back here to get me alone?”

“I can assure you, there was no nefarious plot besides wanting to get away from the crowd, the same as yourself.”

“Blackmailed as well?” She joked.

“In a manner of speaking, yes.”

“My friends mean well, but I’m just not, into this.” She looked around at the boat, and back toward the crowd of people dancing.

“Aye, I suppose I’ve never been a fan of the smell of desperation, honestly.”

She found herself laughing again, something he seemed to be very good at eliciting from her. “I should get back to my friends before they send out a search party or think I’ve hooked up with someone and ask for a million details.”

He nodded to her as she pushed off the rail. “Might I ask for your name?” He paused, “In case you are in need of assistance when you throw yourself overboard in the future.”

She bit her lip, staring at him in the moonlight. It can’t hurt to give him your name, it’s not like you’re going to run into him again on this giant ship. “It’s Emma. Emma Swan.” She stated quickly, hoping if he was a stalker that giving him her nickname instead of her last name would slow him down in finding her again.

“Nice to meet you, Emma.”

She turned, walking quickly back towards her friends. When she found them, Will was looking around nervously. “Oi, I thought you dumped me already.” He put his arm back around her shoulder and she leaned against him, swaying to the music as they listened to a band performing on the stage under the stars. “Hey, where’s my beer?”

#The Love Cruise #tlc #my fics #stacy's fics #emma x killian #killian jones #emma x hook #emma swan #captain swan #captainswan #captain swan au #captain swan fics #captain swan modern au

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stahlop · 5 years ago

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Once Upon a Time 3x01 “The Heart of the Truest Believer” Review

Reviews 1x01 1x02 1x03 1x04 1x05 1x06 1x07 1x08 1x09 1x10 1x111x12 1x13 1x14 1x15 1x16 1x17 1x18 1x19 1x20 1x21 1x22 2x01 2x02 2x032x04 2x05 2x06 2x07 2x08 2x09 2x10 2x11 2x12 2x13 2x14 2x152x16 2x17 2x18 2x19 2x20 2x21 2x22

Well, here we are. Season 3! And we are in Neverland! And Peter Pan is an evil little sucker. And Rumple has some emotional connection that we don’t know about. Plus a lot of fighting, evil mermaids, flying, and some things going on in the EF. This episode deals heavily with the idea of belief and believing, so I think we’ll be seeing a lot of that in this story arc. So batten down the hatches, we’ve got an unbelievable season ahead (see what I did there? Huh? Huh? Whatever.)!

Summary: While Emma tries to dissuade her parents, Regina, and Hook from tearing each other apart, Henry encounters a scared Lost Boy on Neverland and reminds him of the power of belief. In the Enchanted Forest, Neal goes to his father’s castle to figure out what’s going on with Emma.

Opening: Henry and Peter Pan flying.

New Characters:

Peter Pan: Although we don’t know he’s Peter Pan until the end; he finds Henry when he’s running away from the Lost Boys and pretends to be another scared boy. My only problem with this is that the actor playing Pan looks at least 16, so him pretending to be scared to an 11-year-old Henry is a little odd. Maybe it’s supposed to be believable because Felix (Lost Boy Leader’s name according to the credits) is creepy as fuck. Also, why are the Lost Boys so old? Wasn’t the whole point of coming to Neverland to never grow up and be a kid forever? Wendy (in the Disney version) wanted to go there because she was being kicked out of the nursery because she was almost 13. So why are the Lost Boys teenagers? This makes no sense to me. But I digress. Henry tells him how Pan sent people to kidnap and the boy tells him if Pan sent for him he wants him for something. The basic gist of this whole ‘game’ is that Pan is pretending, he wants to make sure that Henry’s belief in magic(?) is real, and tricks him into using pixie dust in order to fly. Only then does Pan reveal himself to Henry and that he basically needs him because he has the heart of the truest believer. And then, in the most menacing way, he calls the Lost Boys and says they’re going to play. Yikes! What has Henry got himself into?

Character Observations:

Emma: We start with Emma giving birth to Henry 11 years ago. Her leg is shackled to the hospital bed and there is a prison guard watching over her. She absolutely refuses to see the baby when it’s born and says she can’t be a mother. But she’s absolutely devastated. We then move to the Jolly Roger where they are going through the portal, a true picture of a mother going after her son. Mary Margaret and David try to cheer her up, but instead, she blames them for giving her hope, for telling her that life is a fairy tale when that’s not her experience, and she can only go off of her experiences when saving Henry. She is just letting them have it while trying to keep herself together, and it’s some of the best acting I’ve seen Jennifer Morrison do on this show. She is so tired of the optimism that David and Mary Margaret have about everything and just wants them to realize that so many bad things have happened to them and to deal with that. But they refuse to deal with reality and still hold on to hope, aggravating Emma even more. Gold comes out, now dressed like Rumple, and tells everyone that he is going to get Henry back. Emma, still upset from her talk with her parents, wants to know why Gold doesn’t think she can get Henry back. He tells her she doesn’t believe in her parents, magic, or herself. Emma says she’s pretty sure she believes in magic after everything they’ve seen, and that’s exactly the point. She only believes in what’s in front of her, she can’t talk a leap of faith without evidence, and since Neverland runs on imagination, that’s not going to fly. He basically tells her she’s the same person who came to Storybrooke and she can’t do anything without a little hand holding. Emma takes her stress out Sarah Connor style by doing pull ups down in the crew’s quarters, delighting Hook to no end. Hook gives her Bae’s old cutlass to fight with. They toast to Neal with some rum before their lovely moment is interrupted by a mermaid attack. Everyone attacks them in different ways, but Mary Margaret and Emma catch one in a net and decide to bring it on board the ship. Everything starts going to hell when they bring her aboard. She calls a storm and everyone starts arguing with each other. You can see that Emma is finding this very strange and that this isn’t normal fighting. Regina finally turns the mermaid into a wooden statue and Emma is freaking the fuck out, especially because a wall of water comes at them after she does that. Emma and Hook are desperately trying to regain control of the ship while Mary Margaret and Regina duke it out. Hook and David end up fighting as well and Emma finally realizes that their fighting is causing the storm. She can’t get their attention, so, in a leap of faith, she jumps off the ship, which probably would’ve gotten them to stop fighting even without the rigging that flies off and hits her in the head, knocking her out under the water. Luckily, everyone works together to save her, and they get her back on the ship and she doesn’t have any type of head injury (not even a bruise!). But their working together gets the storm to stop and Emma gets in an ‘I told you so’ after she coughs up the water that could have drowned her. They finally make it onto Neverland and Emma goes into leader mode. She even admits that she was wrong and Gold was right about belief. Her parents think there’s a right way to find Henry, but Emma wants them to be who they are and do whatever it takes, no matter the consequences to save Henry and just cooperate with each other. Regina questions Emma’s role as something other than the Savior. She tells Regina she is a mother and their leader. She’s pretty much had enough of Regina’s lip and basically tells her to keep out of her way as they try to save Henry. They head off into the jungles of Neverland. So Emma has finally accepted her role as Henry’s mother and is finally taking a leadership role instead of letting everything just fall in her lap. We’ll see how she fares with Henry’s other mother.

Gold: He’s not very helpful to anyone. He does decide to dress more Enchanted Forest appropriate by wearing his crocodile skin outfit. He tells Emma that he’ll be the one to get Henry back since she doesn’t have enough belief. His speech borders on religious when he talks about taking a leap of faith (something Emma does later by jumping into the water and Henry does with the pixie dust), and then he vanishes from the ship, leaving his cane behind (I guess being back in a magical place makes it so he doesn’t need his cane anymore). First he comes across the carnage that is Greg and Tamara. She is still alive so he makes it so she can tell him what happened to Henry. Tamara tells him that Henry ran, and then tries to justify her actions by saying she didn’t know she was working for Pan. She also apologizes for killing Neal. She asks for his forgiveness and Gold is done with this. He almost looks like he’s sympathetic to her plight, but then rips out her heart and crushes it. Bye bye, Tamara. You really did get what you deserved. He wanders around the island until he senses Felix nearby and tells him to come out. Felix addresses him as Rumplestiltskin and Gold does his little Rumple hand gesture with the biggest expression of disdain on his face. It’s hilarious. Felix tells him Pan welcomes him to the island and is happy to see him again. So now we know that Pan and Rumple have some sort of past together. What it is remains to be seen. Gold finds it hard to believe Pan wants him there. Felix tells him as long as he’s not there for the boy, he’s welcome, otherwise he’s Pan’s enemy. So I guess he’s Pan’s enemy. Gold tells him nothing’s changed then. So I guess they’re already enemies. Felix tells him he won’t survive against Pan. Gold isn’t particularly disturbed by this. He’s more concerned about how many Lost Boys he can take with him when he goes down. Gold thinks their confrontation is over until Felix throws him a straw doll which instantly reduces Gold to tears. Holy crap! Who knew Gold could be so emotional when it didn’t have to do with Belle or Neal? Felix says something about things they haven’t thought about in years having the ability to make them cry, so I’m assuming his doll has something to do with Gold’s childhood. Felix leaves Gold crying over the doll in the middle of the jungle. Well that took a turn.

Regina: Annoying as ever, she immediately lays into Hook for the ship slowing down, and if he didn’t realize what the purpose of their trip was, it was to go rescue Henry (because they went through a portal just for the hell of it?). Like this whole conversation is completely ridiculous. Then she tells Hook about how Greg called her a villain, which she seems incredulous about (does she really not think she’s a villain, she is the Evil Queen after all), and that Greg said villains don’t get happy endings. Hook and Regina reflect on this and how they might have been wasting their lives if that’s true. Didn’t they have a similar conversation when they were below the library in The Evil Queen? Where Hook asked if their pursuit of vengeance was basically an ending and not a beginning? So, Regina doesn’t see herself as a villain, and she continues this belief throughout their journey. When the mermaids are attacking, she’s not a villain by sending fireballs after them. When Emma and Mary Margaret capture one, she yells at her (and is not above torturing her) for information, eventually causing a fight between herself and Mary Margaret (Regina wants to kill her or torture her for information, whereas Mary Margaret wants to free her), and Regina turns the mermaid into a wooden statue satisfied that that will end the storm. Except it brings a huge tidal wave upon them instead. She seems genuinely shocked that this plan didn’t work. Listen to Emma and think things through, Regina!!! Always thinking in the short term and never looking at the whole picture. Mary Margaret and Regina continue to go at it with each other (involving an actual fistfight between the two of them) and Regina, once again, plays the victim when Mary Margaret tells her to stop ruining her life. When Emma jumps off the ship she tells Mary Margaret she can’t see her in the storm to bring her back up. But they all end up working together to save Emma which stops the storm. Once they dock, Regina says she can fix the Jolly Roger and they can go with Hook’s original plan, but Emma tells her to save her magic and says that Pan already knows they’re there. Emma makes a moving speech about believing in each other and Regina poo poos this as her wanting them all to be friends. That’s not even close to what she said. Emma says they just need to be who they are to succeed and she calls Regina a villain in this speech. Regina keeps a very cool facade when Emma goes on about being a mother and their leader (both roles that are usually Regina’s forte), but seems to be on board when they go further into the jungle.

David/Mary Margaret: I just want to roll my eyes at their optimism like Emma does. Their unwavering belief that everything will work out is very annoying. They are genuinely shocked that Emma doesn’t share their optimism. You can see that Mary Margaret is doing all she can to not dissolve into tears when she tells Emma that her experience is all she has to go on and she could share some of her wisdom with her. But Emma reminds them that they are the same age with the same amount of experience. Ok, I see where Emma is coming from, but being the same age does not give them the same level of experience. They both have different experiences that they can both learn from. Mary Margaret is doing everything she can to placate Emma, but Emma is pissed off. Mary Margaret tells her that the moment she lets go of her belief the moment things will ultimately get worse (how much worse can it get? You’ve already been cursed, lost your daughter, Johanna was killed, and now your grandson has been kidnapped?). I’d be frustrated too. David and Mary Margaret are trying to control the ship when the mermaids attack, and David’s the first to do something useful by making explosives and shooting the mermaids with the mini cannons (I will not be capsized by fish). And he looks hot doing it. Whew! Mary Margaret gets the idea to catch the mermaids, I’m not really sure what the thought process there was. Later on she thinks that talking to them and seeing if they can make some sort of deal with them will work, but all in all, the capturing a mermaid plan basically almost killed them all. When questioning the mermaid, David first goes from the yell and threaten approach (even bringing a sword to her throat, and Mary Margaret looks horrified at this), while Mary Margaret thinks that killing them with kindness is the way to go (she thinks they are scared of Pan and doing his bidding, even though Hook tells her mermaids are liars and just want to kill them). Regina continues to try and kill the mermaid even though everyone else tells her not to and she brings on a huge tidal wave when she turns her into wood. Mary Margaret blames Regina who doesn’t think this is her fault. She wants her to undo the spell and Regina calls Mary Margaret a naive princess, so Mary Margaret punches her! Damn girl! Get out all that pent up frustration! They continue punching each other so David goes to break them up, but Hook tells him to let them fight because he needs him to help with the ship, but he uses a derogatory term for women and David punches him. So now they’re fighting. He even tries to stab Hook with his own hook. Talk about cold blooded. They finally all get their acts together when Emma jumps in the water to stop them from fighting. Mary Margaret and David are terrified. They all work together, with David jumping into the water to save her and the others pulling them up with rope. Once on the island, Emma tells them all they need to work together and David and Mary Margaret don’t want to work with Regina and Hook. I’m confused as to why they think they’re there then if they weren’t all going to work with each other. David wants to do things the right way (which is what exactly?), but Emma says they just need to be heroes while Regina is a villain and Hook is a pirate. They need those skills to get Henry back. When Emma says her skill is being a mother, Mary Margaret gets the proudest look on her face. Like Emma’s finally understanding what being a parent is all about. And then after she tells Regina to either help or get out of her way, David is the first to follow with a proud daddy smirk on his face.

Henry: Basically, he’s running from the Lost Boys. He has belief in magic and flies. And now Peter Pan and the Lost Boys have him surrounded.

Greg/Tamara: They know they’re in Neverland because it’s the mother lode of magic. They want to destroy it. Henry asks them who they work for that works on Neverland, but Greg says it’s none of his business. The Home Office takes care of them. Henry wonders how they’ll get back home once they destroy magic, but Greg is deep into the ‘it doesn’t matter as long as it gets done’ belief to worry about little things like getting home. They immediately realize something is wrong when their communicator is filled with sand. Tamara even wonders if it’s a toy and Henry remarks that it’s a good thing they don’t ask questions. Greg just gets angry while Tamara starts getting worried. Greg builds a fire to send a signal, but Tamara thinks the broken communicator was intentional. That’s when the Lost Boys emerge. They tell Greg and Tamara they’re the Home Office, and Tamara is getting really frightened now that they know the Home Office is run by teenagers. Henry clarifies that they’re the Lost Boys. Henry’s confused as to why the Lost Boys want to destroy magic, and Greg reminds him that that was their mission. Felix tells him they only told him what he wanted to hear so they could get Henry. Tamara finally gets some balls and asks how they’re getting home and Felix tells her they aren’t getting home. Greg tells them they aren’t getting Henry, but Felix summons the Shadow who rips Greg’s shadow from his body and kills him. Tamara tells Henry to run and gets shot with an arrow from a Lost Boy. Now, I have to admit, I really didn’t like Greg, but this was an awful way for him to die. After everything he went through as a kid he just wanted some justification in destroying magic, and unfortunately, he found the wrong organization who just used him for their own means. Tamara manages not to die right off the bat and is found by Rumple later. He heals her so she can tell him where Henry went. She apologizes for everything and asks him for forgiveness over what she did to Neal. But Rumple don’t play that game and takes her heart and crushes it. RIP Greg and Tamara, you will not be missed in the slightest.

Neal/Mulan: Ugh! I really wish Neal was just dead and I didn’t have to deal with all this. First off, we get no explanation about how they rescued Phillip from the wraith, he’s just there with them. Neal wakes up and is bandaged pretty modernly for being in the EF. Mulan immediately thinks he’s lying about being from the EF since he’s wearing clothes like Emma and Snow did. Which makes no sense because she knows about the curse and how they were all from the EF, so of course he’d be wearing modern clothes if he was from the same place they were. Once Mulan mentions Emma and Snow, Neal wants them to help him find her because Emma’s in danger. He also mentions Henry and Aurora quickly comes to the conclusion that he’s Henry’s father. Mulan questions how Neal got there, but he explains about the portal. He tells her they’re all considered fairy tale characters, or legends. When Aurora can’t make contact she thinks the worst. Neal realizes he needs to go to his father’s castle and reveals his father is the Dark One. Mulan and Neal have a deep discussion about why Emma never mentioned him when she was there. Neal says he broke her heart and then never came back for her even though he loved her and he regrets it. He claims he didn’t try because he didn’t want to be rejected. Or, maybe because you were engaged to Tamara up until she shot you? Seriously, what is up with all the Neal retconning. He didn’t want to risk seeing his father so he let Emma go to jail for him and then didn’t ever look for her once the curse broke because he’d moved on and still didn’t want to deal with his father. This whole still loving Emma thing is bullshit! Mulan seems to understand his regret more than she should. Still wondering if she’s in love with Phillip or Aurora. They get to the castle and Neal realizes that someone is there because they left out a goblet of wine. Then an arrow comes shooting near his head and Robin Hook makes his entrance. Neal is in disbelief. He tells Robin he can have the castle, he just needs to find something first and Robin believes he is the son of the Dark One, because who would admit to that if they weren’t. He also tells Neal that Rumplestiltskin spared his life and Neal wants him to help him find whatever he needs to pay for that debt. Neal is looking for something magical that his father would have hidden away. Neal finds his father’s old cane, swings it around, and uncovers a magical cabinet. Convenient. Neal claims it’s blood magic that made it so he could uncloak the cabinet. Neal finds a crystal ball and laments about how he’s been running from magic most of his life and now it’s the only thing that can help him. Boo hoo. But he can’t make the crystal ball work. Like your father said, you have to believe. Mulan tells him he needs to think of Emma and not a place. And when he does he recognizes that she’s in Neverland. Uh oh!

Questions:

I get having a guard while Emma is giving birth, but shackled? I’ve given birth three times and trying to move without help after you’ve given birth is almost near impossible. I’m honestly surprised she didn’t break the cuff with the sheer force that is necessary to give birth.

With the way Henry fell out of that portal (and that he couldn’t brace himself since his hands are tied), shouldn’t he have broken something? That was a pretty high fall from the portal.

Why didn’t Greg and Tamara’s portal spit them out in water since they went into it in water?

Why does Regina ask Hook about the ship slowing down? He hasn’t cast anchor, it’s not a car, it doesn’t just slow down. That’s not how it works. If Hook hasn’t put the anchor down then the ship is slowing down most likely due to lack of wind, or the fact that they just shot out of a portal, not because of anything he’s doing.

How is Aurora’s dress not shredded by now? She’s in the same dress that she was wearing in Broken.

Why is Aurora’s first reaction to not being able to reach Henry in her dream that he’s in trouble and not that he’s not asleep?

How does Neal a) know about his father’s castle (he left the EF before Rumplestiltskin owned a castle), and b) know where this castle is?

Doesn’t wearing a bag crossed over where Neal just got shot hurt? He’s acting like he was never shot at all.

Anyone else think David’s face is a little too close to the mini cannon? I was afraid he was going to at least burn his eyebrows off.

Why are Mary Margaret and Regina still wearing their suit jackets in the middle of a storm? Emma took off her turtleneck and David rolled up his sleeves. Having that extra soaking layer must suck.

First of all, Robin Hood says he arrived at Rumple’s castle shortly after the curse (I’m assuming after it ended) to find it already looted by thieves. Did it get looted after Rumple was taken captive by Snow and Charming? Secondly, why did he decide to go back to Rumple’s castle after he was tortured and nearly killed the last time he was there? Did he know Rumple had been imprisoned beforehand?

I thought Felix was with the Lost Boys chasing Henry. Did he decide to take a break when they discovered Gold was on the island?

Where did Mary Margaret’s bow and quiver full of arrows come from? She only had a backpack when she came aboard the Jolly Roger in And Straight on ‘Til Morning.

Why is David questioning working with Regina and Hook to get Henry back? They all made the journey to Neverland. Were they just going to leave Regina and Hook on the ship?

Observations:

The lights flicker when Emma gives birth to Henry. The last time we saw this was in the Pilot. It seems this is a manifestation of Emma’s magic in our world.

It looks like Gold lost all the gray in his hair when he had his wardrobe change.

Apparently getting your shadow ripped from you will kill you.

Snow didn’t teach Aurora how to control the dreams and walk the dream world. Henry had the amulet that Gold gave him that let him control things (and David later broke). Not that they ever used it after the first dream.

Neal explains how portals work. You have to think about the place you want to go to.

I don’t know if it’s because of the difference between filming a live ship and then greenscreening a background when filming the actors, but the ship looks like it’s barely moving when it’s just a ship shot, and then it’s speeding along when you see the water behind the actors.

Robin Hood is played by a different actor than when we last saw him in Lacey.

I’ve decided that the forest that we saw in Cora’s bubble must be Sherwood Forest, as that’s the only explanation for Robin Hood to still be in the EF, and why he hasn’t aged.

So that’s the season premiere for season 3! We are officially in Neverland. We don’t even see Storybrooke. And we have to deal with characters we don’t particularly care for in the Enchanted Forest (although I like the smarminess of this Robin Hood). We’ll see how this all comes together. Some other thoughts: Regina is still Evil Queen Bitch. She seems to have learned nothing from her brushes with death just that morning. David and Mary Margaret also seem to think that if they just do the right thing then everything will be alright, when we’ve yet to see that work out for them. Emma is the only one who seems to have made any growth by calling herself Henry’s mother and finally taking a leadership role in finding him. And Hook just fancies Emma when she’s not yelling at him.

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