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Six - A Jemily Oneshot

8x15 Alternate Ending

After the BAU busts the conversion camp, JJ realizes it affected her more than she originally thought.

WC: 3,144

Rating: M

TW for: mention of homophobia & conversion therapy, drugs/drugging, rape, violence, just a lot of the stuff that happened in 8x15 will be mentioned here, so just a big tw in general. it's not heavily detailed, and none of them are described- its mainly just mentions of certain things and recapping what happened.

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“Are you ignoring me?”

JJ looked up from the file in her lap and made eye contact with Spencer, his expression full of uncertainty.

“What? No.”

Her eyes flitted back down to the file, her gaze tracing the outline of the writing. She wasn’t mad at Spencer. She wasn’t mad at anyone, really. Well– that’s a lie. She was mad at herself. The case today had only dredged up old feelings she’d sworn she’d buried away years ago.

The camp made her sick. The mere image of those teenagers hooked up to the IV drips was enough to unsettle her stomach, and it didn’t help the year old feelings she’d been trying so hard to ignore.

Everything was complicated. Everything was difficult. She’d been married for years. How could she just give that up? She loved Will. Even if it wasn’t romantically, she still cared for him and loved him as a friend. She didn’t know how she could break his heart. Or her son’s.

Oh, Henry.

It was too much. She loved her son; she couldn’t turn his world upside down. It wasn’t fair.

“I’m not mad at you, Spencer.” JJ sat back in her seat on the jet, knowing her friend wouldn’t leave until she told him what was on her mind. The agent sighed, closing her eyes as she chose her next words very carefully. “I’m…” She looked around, searching for the right word to describe what exactly she was feeling. Upset? Angry? Confused? No word seemed to fit her emotions quite right; everything felt too small. No singular word could sum up her feelings, much less the ones she’d been hiding for six years.

“I’m just tired, Spence. Exhausted, really. This case…” The profiler trailed off, once again being particular in her word choices. “It just got to me. I mean, they… they were kids, Spence.” Her voice wavered, and she felt six years worth of tears threatening to spill. “And their parents… they endorsed it.” She felt sick. Everything was becoming too much. “Their own kids… were in love,” she choked on the word, feeling her face start to dampen. “And they punished them for it. For being in love. For having feelings they couldn’t control, for being brave enough to share their truth, to–”

She stopped herself.

She’d never been brave enough.

“They were brave… and their parents took it and threw it right back in their faces.”

The words felt bitter on her tongue. She didn’t know those kids. She had no reason to feel such a connection to them.

But she knew better.

She knew why it affected her so much.

JJ closed her eyes and felt her head drop as more tears fell, her body overcome with the stress and frustrations of hiding– hiding for much, much longer than six years. “They were brave,” she whispered.

Spencer watched as his friend cried, not completely understanding why she was taking this case so personally. She seemed so… fragile. Broken.

He knew there was something more. JJ was a trained profiler; there was no way she would react to a case like this unless there was something else seriously eating at her. Something deeper. Jennifer Jareau was the strong one, the one who took no bullshit and knew how to get what she wanted. She might not be as good at compartmentalizing as Emily, but she was a hell of a lot better than most agents. Stronger.

Spencer wasn’t used to seeing JJ like this. It scared him.

“JJ…”

“Please don’t, Spencer.” JJ kept her eyes shut, her lips twisting into a painful smile. “I know you want to help, and I- I appreciate it, I really do.” Another sigh. “I just… need to be alone right now.”

JJ’s voice continued to go in and out as she spoke, and Spencer couldn’t bear to watch it anymore. Deciding to give his friend some space, he got up and moved to sit with Alex, who immediately took interest in the state of the younger team member.

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“Are you sure she would want this, Spencer? I mean, I know you want to help, but this seems a bit extreme.”

Spencer looked over at Alex as he brought his phone out of his pocket, his fingers gliding across the screen.

“It’s already done, Alex. Sorry.” He gave a mischievous smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, nerves still having a hold on him.

“How far away are we from Quantico?” The older woman asked.

“About three hours,” came the reply.

“And how far is she?”

Spencer’s eyes glinted as he smiled. “Two.”

Alex narrowed her eyes at the doctor, silently urging him to go on. “Come on, did you really not notice how checked out JJ was this whole time? Frankly, I’m surprised no one called Emily before I did.”

Alex nodded, following his story. “Uh-huh, and when did you call her?”

Spencer’s grin faltered, a guilty expression escaping him. “Last night.”

Alex sighed as she looked at him. “Spencer…”

“I know, I know. Emily has a life in London and we should respect that– I get it. But JJ… she was worrying me, Alex. And Emily… I don’t know. She always just seems to know how to make things better.”

“As long as you’re sure it’ll help,” Alex surrendered.

“I am.”

JJ’s head throbbed as she walked back into Quantico, trailing a bit behind the other team members. She needed a nap.

A collective sigh of relief came when the team was dismissed, everyone eager to get back to the beds in the comfort of their own homes.

“Uh, JJ?”

JJ turned her head to Spencer, making eye contact with the taller man. “Hm?”

“Hotch asked me to tell you he wants to see you in his office.”

JJ’s eyes narrowed as she considered the multitude of possible meanings behind that sentence. “Why?”

“Um, don’t take it personally,” Spencer started, fiddling with the zipper of his jacket. “But we all kinda noticed how… zoned out you were. I think he's just worried.”

JJ stood silent, staring at him. She needed to play her cards carefully, not give anything away. “Okay,” she said with a nod. “Thanks.” She added a smile, hoping it came across as genuine.

Spencer nodded, smiling before turning around to leave.

JJ let out a long sigh as she walked up the steps to Hotch’s office, already curating a story to explain her odd behavior. She knew they’d noticed her off demeanor, but she didn’t know to what extent, which was what scared her. She could lie, easily, but not if they know more than she does.

Taking one last deep breath, JJ reached her arm out and pushed the door open, stepping into her unit chief’s office.

“JJ.”

JJ’s heart dropped and her mouth went dry. It was as if her mind went completely blank and she’d forgotten everything she’d ever learned.

“Emily?”

JJ looked at the woman in front of her, still taller than her, and still just as beautiful as the last time she’d seen her.

Emily gave her a soft smile. “Hey.”

JJ just stared at her as she stood, not quite processing the fact that Emily was actually there. In person. They stood in silence for a few moments, Emily observing her younger friend as she collected her thoughts.

“You’re here,” JJ said, more relieved than she meant to sound.

“Of course I’m here, JJ.” Emily looked over to her side for one second as she walked over to Hotch’s desk, perching herself on the top of it. “Spencer told me about the case.” JJ looked up to meet her eyes. “And you.”

JJ’s breath hitched in the back of her throat. Suddenly, reality came crashing down on JJ like a large bucket of ice water. Emily was really here, right in front of her. In Quantico. Not London.

She took a gasp for air as her eyes once again teared up at the sight of her old team member, the woman she’d secretly loved for the past six years.

“Emily.”

JJ’s voice cracked as she launched herself at the older woman, wrapping her arms around her neck and burying her face in her shoulder. Her body shook as sobs wracked through her, heavy and filled with anguish. She cried as Emily comforted her, slowly rubbing her back to soothe the younger woman.

When JJ pulled away, her eyes were red and puffy, her face stained with tears and smeared mascara. “It–” she hiccuped. “Was horrible.” Her voice shook as she opened up, taking various pauses here and there to control her breathing.

“They were… drugging them and raping them and–” her voice caught in her throat, unable to speak clearly about the horrors she witnessed at the camp.

“Okay, JJ, I need you to breathe,” Emily said, her gaze fixated on the younger woman. “Alright?” She took a deep breath in, demonstrating for her. “Yeah?” JJ nodded. The younger woman followed her movements, taking in a few deep breaths before continuing.

“They had them hooked up to these IVs in this giant room, and they… they had these huge screens and for hours they just had them there, watching…” She couldn’t bring herself to voice the acts she’d witnessed. She shook her head as she recalled the encounter, suddenly feeling extremely nauseous. Her vision clouded as the images bombarded her, overwhelming her senses.

Emily hopped off the desk to stand in front of the younger woman, noticing the sudden change in her demeanor. “Hey, JJ, are you okay?” She brought her hands to JJ’s shoulders, steadying her as she swayed. “JJ, you need to sit down–”

“No.”

Emily was taken aback at JJ’s harsh tone. She rarely heard this tone from JJ; it was almost always reserved for the unsubs who pushed too many of her buttons. JJ had never used this tone with her before, and now Emily was confused.

“I need…” JJ took a deep breath, stepping back to look at the woman in front of her. “I need to tell you something.”

Emily nodded, trying to follow her friend’s words.“Anything, JJ.” She looked at her with so much sincerity that JJ could almost cry. She didn’t deserve her.

JJ took a deep breath as she thought about how to phrase it. She needed to confess; she knew she couldn’t hold it in any longer. Six years was hard enough, but now with this case? JJ knew it was only a matter of time before it all came crashing down. She always knew.

“I never wanted Will,” she blurted out.

Emily immediately cocked her head to the side, confused and concerned as to what brought out that confession. Of all things she expected JJ to say, this definitely wasn’t one of them.

“What?”

“I never wanted him,” JJ said, staying solid in her words. “At first, I blew him off every chance I got. I only agreed to go on dates with him because I was bored, Emily. And I was tired. Everything was so complicated, and Will…” JJ hesitated, not wanting to sound rude. “…wasn’t.” She shrugged. “He was easy; everything was easy. We never fought, and at first I thought that was a good thing, but then I realized it was just because I didn’t care enough to fight with him.”

“JJ, I don’t underst–”

“I never wanted him, Emily.” JJ interrupted her, her voice once again low and sharp. “I went on a few dates with him, sure, but that was only to please him. I was bored, and I thought he’d eventually leave me alone. I didn’t want him. I never wanted him, Emily.”

JJ looked up at her, meeting her gaze before quickly looking away. She took a shaky breath before speaking, her voice cracking with the weight of her words.

“I wanted you.”

Emily felt like she’d just gotten the wind knocked out of her. “What?” She whispered.

“Emily, I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you.” JJ’s voice cracked again, and Emily’s heart broke at the desperation in her voice. “I tried to make it known, to show you. But I… I wasn’t brave enough to tell you, so I just settled on giving you subtle signs.” She sniffled a bit before continuing. “But then you encouraged me to go for Will, and…”

JJ’s expression changed. She was hurt before, but this… this was different. She looked devastated. “And I was so confused. Because I… I’d gotten it into my head that maybe you liked me too. I misread the signals you sent me, foolishly hoping you felt the same, but then you.. You told me to go after him.” JJ stared at Emily, her eyes full of hurt and anguish.

“Why did you tell me to go after him? I didn’t want him. I never wanted him. He was my friend, I liked him, but I didn’t love him, not like that, I–” she took a deep breath, attempting to calm herself down. “I’m sorry.” Another breath. “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. I chose to go after him; you saw us getting along and you encouraged me as a friend, I know, but…” She closed her eyes before she spoke again, feeling like she was back in the same spot she was where they had the conversation. “But it fucking hurt.” JJ’s voice was low, laced with emotion. “It hurt way more than any other breakup did, and that… broke me,” JJ whispered. “Because I loved you. And I still love you.”

Emily held her gaze, trying to wordlessly communicate her feelings. She knew she couldn’t interrupt the woman, not when she’s so emotionally charged, but she wished there was something she could do to soothe the woman’s feelings.

“But I wasn’t brave enough to tell you. God, can you believe that?” She looked up at the ceiling, chuckling bitterly. “Those kids were brave enough to live their truth, and they were teenagers. What does that say about me? I mean, how pathetic could I be, really…” She trailed off, no longer having a specific goal in mind.

JJ took a deep breath before continuing, knowing she had to finish her testimony at some point. “Those kids were brave enough to be themselves and they almost died, Emily. And when I was in there… All I could think about was you. And me. Because I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember, and I’m tired of pretending I’m not. It’s exhausting, Emily. I’m so… I’m so tired. I’m tired of living a life that’s not real. I love you, and I physically cannot keep hiding it any longer and I’m sorry if you don’t feel the same way because I probably just ruined whatever friendship we ever had but I just couldn’t go any longer without admitting that I am absolutely crazy about you and I-”

“I’ve dreamed about being with you for years.”

Emily barely got the words out before reaching forward and taking JJ’s head in her hands, connecting their lips with more urgency than she’d ever felt before. Her stomach did twists and turns as they kissed, and she felt her face heat up as JJ smiled.

JJ’s heart was soaring. She felt like it was about to beat out of her chest, and she was terrified that Emily could feel it leaping and bounding all over the place. Her brain wasn’t doing her any favors, either, and all she could process was the fluttery feeling in her stomach and the soft lips on her own.

JJ grinned as she leaned farther into the kiss, gripping onto the sides of Emily’s jacket and bringing her closer. She felt her stomach flip when Emily’s tongue danced across her bottom lip, and she instantly opened her mouth, welcoming anything and everything the older woman was willing to give her.

JJ gasped and stepped back when she felt a moan slip, embarrassed at her lack of composure. Her eyes snapped up to meet Emily’s, whose pupils had expanded nearly tenfold. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, worrying that she’d ruined their moment.

Emily just smiled before leaning in for another kiss. “Don’t apologize.”

JJ smiled in relief, sighing into the kiss as Emily caressed her back. “I love you so much,” she said. “I can’t believe I hid it for six years,” she said quietly, guilt creeping up inside her.

“JJ,” Emily started, gaze softening at the woman in front of her. “Listen to me.” JJ stared at her, swallowing lightly. “You weren’t ready. There’s no shame in that.”

JJ felt as if thirty pounds were lifted off her shoulders. “Oh my God, you don’t know how happy I am to hear you say that,” she breathed out.

“Everyone… accepts themselves at different times, JJ. I’m proud of you, no matter how long it took.”

JJ looked at her, her eyes glossing over once more. “I just feel like we missed out on so much…”

Emily shook her head as she stared at the woman in front of her, tenderly taking her hand in her own. “We have the whole future, JJ. We have so much time…”

“What about Will?” JJ asked, her voice quivering.

Emily’s smile faltered. “To be honest, JJ…” She looked at JJ’s expression, trying to decipher the meaning. “I only encouraged you to go for him because I thought you wouldn’t feel the same way about me… the way I felt about you.”

JJ felt her blood freeze. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Emily’s eyes widened. “What?” She questioned.

JJ stood up straighter and took a step closer to Emily. “You were in love with me this whole time?”

Emily just blinked, as if it were the most obvious fact in the world. “Well, yeah…”

Nothing, save for a quiet “what the hell,” was muttered from JJ as she took Emily’s face in her hands and crashed their lips together, initiating a much faster, and much deeper kiss than before.

Emily felt a familiar sensation build up in her stomach as she reciprocated the kiss, moaning as six years of feelings bubbled up and over into one moment.

The kiss only got more heated over time, and Emily was beginning to get nervous that they were approaching a point of no return. As it progressed, Emily let out a short gasp at JJ, staring at her in shock after the blonde bit down on her bottom lip, a moan escaping the taller woman’s mouth.

“That’s for telling me to go after Will.”

Emily scoffed and laughed slightly as JJ came closer, taking her lips once again and reaching her arm around to slightly pull on the older agent’s ponytail, smirking to herself as Emily let out another short moan.

“And that’s for taking six years to confess.”

#comfort fic 🥺🥺🥺#i’ve missed them #also yeah this episode was just #?!?!?!?;&:!:&27292!:@-#jemily #criminal minds fanfic

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