#because he empathizes with her too much. he knows what she's gone through and that she tried her best and that makes it worse

[calypsolemon]

Dismantling the colonization? That's basically what I mean with the rose question

so you mean you think.... Steven might hate Rose because she could have convinced the diamonds to dismantle the colony?

I think its pretty clear to both Steven and the audience of the show that simply convincing the diamonds to not go forward with colonization was not a viable option at that time. People tend to forget that Steven was only able to convince the diamonds to change course after they had experienced thousands of years of grief over Pink's loss - putting them in a fundamentally different headspace than they were when Pink kept desperately trying to talk them out of colonizing the earth.

Every single one of Steven's diamond take-down talks isn't about how they are hurting a very special place called earth and all the value they could find in the earth if they could just stop sucking it's resources dry. That stuff never works with them because none of it is personal to them. Its all about how the idealized family situation they were mourning never existed, and how their attitudes fly in the face of the ideologies of both the person they claimed to have once loved, and the perfect system they are attempting to uphold. Through this alone, Steven clearly understands that Pink did everything she could possibly think of to fix the issue, and that he's in a special position to do something she never could. He certainly doesn't like it, and probably resents Rose for retroactively putting him in this place at times, but again, thats not the same thing as hating her.

Of course, there isn't an objective truth to how Steven feels about Rose, so you can think what you want. I'm just inclined to disagree about it.

[abyssal-ilk]

A thing that people always forget when chastising vivienne for being so apathetic to cole is the fact that she is a circle mage. People whom are forced to learn that you should not trust demons nor spirits or else they’ll put you down AS A RITE OF PASSAGE. Think back to what Mouse says in DAO. “Keep your wits about you, mage; true challenges never end.” She knows that for the rest of her life, demons will tempt her and try to possess her. She has seen mages turn into abominations, knows how they get them- of course she will support templars who have the skills to subdue them. And now to have a spirit scurrying around without supervision what is the last bastion against a Tevinter Sidereal… I too would be worried as hell if i were a circle mage.

EXACTLY!

not only is vivienne a circle mage, but there are also a few other factors that play into it that make cole so untrustworthy to her. vivienne underwent her harrowing when she was young– in fact, she was the youngest mage to have ever gone through a harrowing and survived it. we don't get to learn much about what she went through during her harrowing, but we DO have this banter between her and cole:

harrowings on their own are already traumatic enough, and with the added insistence from the circles that all spirits and demons are dangerous (which we see vivienne repeat above, "all it can do is harm."), it makes complete sense on why vivienne would be so put-off by cole! especially given how kind he is! she thinks that kindness is a ploy, and why wouldn't she if her harrowing was anything like the warden's in DAO?

and then that's not even acknowledging the fact that cole isn't just ANY spirit. he's the ghost of the spire. he's killed mages before and admits to doing so. and even though he was wrong to do so and realizes that what he did was wrong, that does not mean that vivienne automatically has to suddenly be okay with what cole did. of course vivienne takes cole being the ghost of the spire harder than everyone else in the inner circle. she is the only circle mage there. it is entirely plausible that she sees cole as a threat and views herself as being the person most able to recognize that threat because of what she was taught. it's why she struggles so much to empathize with cole on any level.

ive already talked about this briefly on another post, but cole is also fairly antagonistic to vivienne as well. it's easy to look at their dynamic and think that, well, cole is just trying to help vivienne but he... isn't? his version of helping her is prying into her thoughts without permission and continuing to do so even after she has shown clear discomfort with it.

cole drags her worst memories and thoughts out publicly in front of not just vivienne, but the rest of the party and anyone else who may happen to be standing near them. it's DANGEROUS, what he does, because vivienne is a player of the game. her position at court is a precarious one, and to have someone like cole who can just pick into her brain whenever he wants with no repercussions? it's scary! it's scary because vivienne has no defense against it, especially if the player supports cole and downplays the harm he does. and what can vivienne do about it? she's an ally of the inquisitor, and that makes her cole's ally by proxy. telling cole to stop doesn't work, insulting him doesn't work, trying to get the inquisitor to intervine doesn't work– nothing seems to deter cole.

which is why THIS piece of dialogue is so important to me:

despite everything i've said above, vivienne still cannot help but care about cole. no matter how dangerous he is, no matter what she was raised to believe, she still cares about him and worries for him. their dynamic is SO interesting to me and i really wish people dug into it a bit more rather than just dismiss it as vivienne being needlessly cruel to cole. it's so much more than that.

[ruru-me]

hiii! idk if this has been asked yet, but can i get more lore on the kids’ mothers & their relationships with the dads (strade, lawrence, rire, ren!) are the moms still alive in some cases or are they dead? i’m really interested to know! :3

Hey anon!

The answer to this may be a bit long, so I'll put it into topics and organize them from the best to the worst parental relationships :D

(also some images I found on Pinterest to illustrate cuz I find it funny)

REN

The best among them fr

Bro is living the dream with his children

Manipulative and overprotective at times but it's because he really fears that his babies will go through something like what he went through with Strade.

The mother is still alive (happily married, thank you).

She works as a programmer and ren is a relatively big streamer in the specific internet niche he works in (I leave it to your imagination what that might be)

All his children appreciate their father and love him

The cool dad all kids want to have (me too pls)

Strong emotional bond, he always knows if something is wrong with any of them

10/10

Lawrence

He's only before strade because his anxiety wouldn't let him forget to buy baby formula for violet

Honestly not the best father figure, but violet really likes their dad

Emotional dependence is the basis of it.

It's not healthy but neither of them seems to care

Violet's mother unfortunately died after an infection caused by Lawrence and his idea to remove her limbs.

Unpredictable some days, can be a caring father or an anxious mess (nothing in between)

CPA has certainly gone after violet

6/10

STRADE

More like a cool uncle who offers alcohol to minors than a father

no paternal sense, plus places no limits on the things Hertha does

Regarding their relationship, Hertha doesn't have a good impression of her father and Strade couldn't care less.

Strade shows "affection" by pampering her with everything she asks for (for him it's much more practical than being emotionally available)

One of the reasons Hertha actively tries to F strade when adult and shows no remorse about her actions

Her mother unfortunately took her own life when she was still young

She was probably the only person Hertha could empathize with and care about (genuinely)

5/10

RIRE

Self-explanatory image

The worst of them

He doesn't even think about trying to be a good father figure

Rire is the father who goes to buy cigarettes and disappears and magically appears again when you're an adult to ask you for a favor

Probably his only contribution was the names Severus and Linden

Their mother is alive and lives with them in a house (almost all Rire's proof)

The twins fear their father like the plague. They have no sentimental attachment to him and prefer to stay that way.

Not to be unfair, rire even showed up a few times to check on them (for some unknown reason) but the twins ran off as if they'd seen a monster.

Theoretically they did

-100/10

Ok that's all, hope I've answered ur question.

Feel free to send another (if u feel like)

*dies*

[runninriot]

inspired by the song Solitude by Black Sabbath, written for @steddiesongfics june song fics

Memories I Have Remind Me Of You

wc: 1999 | rated: T | tags: modern au, friends to lovers to exes to lovers, marriage proposal, dealing with heartbreak and regrets, Steve needs a little push from a stranger to make it right, sad but with a happy ending

The girl is nice. She’s pretty. Big eyes, plush lips, a kind smile, dimples.

Fucking dimples.

Her hair’s long and curly, doesn’t remind Steve of anyone in particular.

It doesn’t.

He does not think about someone else when the warm colour of her brown irises makes him remember.

Steve tries to listen when she talks, tries to laugh when she giggles sweetly, tries not to jerk away when she brushes his hand in a flirty manner but it’s hard to focus when his mind isn’t where it should be.

Did she just ask him a question?

   “You didn’t even listen, huh?”

Steve shakes his head, looks back up at her, tries for an apologetic smile but to his confusion, she doesn’t even seem mad at him for not paying attention.

No, it’s worse.

She’s got that empathic, knowing look in her eyes. Like she can see right through him.

    You’re so easy to read, baby.

He was never good at pretending.

   “I’m not boring you, am I.”

It’s not really a question. The girl knows she’s a good catch, knows she isn’t the problem – Steve is.

   “No, uh. Sorry, I-“

Who is he even trying to fool? No excuse he’s trying to come up with would be good enough because if he looks how he feels, it must be written all over his face. No way to hide the obvious.

I can see it in your eyes, baby. Your eyes always tell the truth.

Steve should’ve known it was a bad idea the moment he saw her picture, noticed the similarities. She instantly reminded him of-

He shouldn’t have agreed to this date.

Not because he doesn’t like her, no. She’s perfect, really. Or she would be.

They matched on a dating app, texted a bit back an forth. She was fun to talk to, made him laugh. And when she asked him if he wanted to meet, he thought that maybe it would help. That maybe this was his sign to finally get his ass back out there. He’d been holed up at home for too long. Sulking, sad, depressed.

Life just hasn’t been the same ever since.

His favourite meal has lost its taste. His favourite songs all sound off-key. Going to his favourite bar just seems like a waste of time - Steve’s life has lost its light, making everything seem dark and grey and dull.

Nothing is right anymore because everything reminds him of Eddie.

And Steve himself is the one to blame for his misery.

   “I-“ Steve hesitates. He doesn’t want to bother her with his mess, didn’t come here to whine about things he can’t change. She didn’t come here to listen to him talk about his goddamn ex for fuck’s sake!

   “What’s wrong?” she asks and Steve knows there’s no point in trying to pretend that everything’s fine when nothing ever is. Not anymore.

   “I’m sorry for being such bad company,” Steve apologises and means it. She deserves better, could’ve gone on a date with someone worth spending her time with.

Someone actually interested in... something. Anything. Whatever it is she’s looking for.

Steve’s not it, that much is clear.

He’s not ready to move on. Maybe he never will be. Because what he had was all he ever wanted, all he ever needed to be happy. Life was good, perfect, before he ruined it all. Let the love of his life slip away because he was too afraid of the what ifs. So he pushed and he fought and he hurt the one that would’ve given him everything.

Now, Steve is just an empty shell of the man he used to be. Because the day Eddie left, he took Steve’s heart and soul with him, left him empty and broken and sad.

So fucking sad.

   “You remind me of my ex.” The words are out before he can swallow them back down.

   “Oh,” she answers, expression neutral. “Bad break-up?”

Steve nods. He doesn’t want to talk about it, doesn’t want to think about the day his whole life fell apart but-

   “It was my fault. He left me because I fucked it up.”

The truth still hurts, even after all those months.

   “What did you do?”

Steve and Eddie had met through a mutual friend, Dustin. It wasn’t quite love at first sight but close to it.

They quickly became friends, started hanging out on weekends, then, soon, even during the week. Spending the evenings after work at each other’s places, cooking dinner together, watching movies, talking.

Steve had never felt so drawn to another person, had never felt so comfortable in someone else’s presence. Eddie was... he was funny, kind, loud and wild. He had all these big dreams about what he wanted to do with his life. Dreams that were so very different from the small-town life Steve had always resigned himself to. Eddie wanted to travel the country, sleep under the stars, wake up next to a lake, follow the wind to wherever it would take him.

He wanted to be free.

But he stayed.

Eddie stayed because when they shared their first kiss in a weak moment of alcohol-fuelled recklessness, they ignited a fire that became too big too fast, making it impossible to smother the flames before they turned into burning desire that took a hold of them both. Scorching its way into their hearts where it settled, warm and bright, making light in every dark corner of their being.

It was the second first kiss that sealed their fate – a sober, slow, and tentative kiss in the low light of the morning sun that wiped away any worries and doubts Steve had when he woke up in Eddie’s arms after a night spent giving into their unspoken feelings as they took each other apart, not thinking about the consequences.

Knowing what it was like to wake up next to each other made it impossible to go back to simply being friends, to stay apart, to not fall in love.

Eddie and Steve were meant to be.

Together, everything felt right.

Eddie willingly put his own dreams aside for Steve who knew he could never repay him for the sacrifices he made just to be with him, tried to thank him every day by showing and telling him how much he loved him. And things were good, perfect.

Until-

   “I don’t understand,” she says quietly when Steve takes a moment to breathe away the ache in his heart and the tears threatening to spill, “that sounds like a dream come true. What happened?”

Steve smiles sadly, sighs.

   “Yeah, felt like a dream, too. But the thing with dreams is that no matter how beautiful they are, inevitably you will wake up.”

And a beautiful dream it was. Life was full of love and laughter and happy moments spent together, until Eddie proposed and Steve said No and the world tumbled down.

Because it was in that moment – with Eddie down on one knee, the simple gold ring Steve knew had belonged to Eddie’s uncle held between his thumb and finger as an offer, a promise to be his forever – that Steve realised he couldn’t do this to him. He couldn’t marry Eddie and keep him trapped in a life he never wanted just because Steve was too scared of giving up the safety of his home for a life on the road with no destination ahead and an unforeseeable future.

Steve said no to set him free but even then Eddie kept fighting for him, fucking apologised for putting ‘so much pressure’ on Steve with his question which- was insane because Eddie had done nothing wrong, ever. He had never been anything but wonderful and considerate and perfect. Steve had been the one not willing to compromise, who inadvertently put Eddie in a cage of his own making.

So he pushed and he fought and he hurt Eddie in order to give him back his freedom, thinking, believing he was doing the right thing. It was only when Eddie packed his bags and left that Steve realised he had made the biggest mistake of his life.

The moment Eddie walked out the door without looking back, Steve knew he had lost everything.

 

   “Where is he now?”

   “Hm?”

   “Eddie. Where did he go?”

   “I, uh...” Steve shouldn’t know the answer to this but he does. Because Dustin told him. Tells him whenever he gets a call or another letter from Eddie, ignoring the fact that it tears Steve apart every time. Or maybe he does it on purpose, punishing Steve for hurting his friend. And Steve lets him, never complains, always holds back his tears until he’s back in his fortress of solitude, where he can drown in his pain and sorrow.

He deserves to suffer for what he did.

   “He’s in Michigan.”

   “Huh.” She cocks her head, smiles. “It’s been what, 5 months you said? Pretty sure he could’ve gotten a lot further by now.”

   “What do you mean?”

   “For someone who’s always wanted to travel the whole damn country, he didn’t make it that far.”

   “Eddie never made plans on where he wanted to go. Maybe he found a nice place to stay for a while before he lets his heart take him somewhere else.”

   “Staying conveniently close for no reason whatsoever. Got it,” she scoffs.

Steve looks at her with pleading eyes, needs her to stop giving him ideas, can’t allow himself to let hope bloom.

   “He’s free to go wherever he wants.”

   “Maybe what Eddie really wants is for you to tell him to come home.”

Her words hit him hard like a slap across the face, ringing loudly in his ears.

   “What if- What if he doesn’t?”

   “You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

 -------

   “You left me.”

It’s not meant as an accusation, sounds like one though. And Steve can see in the way Eddie furrows his brows and tightens his lips, that it wasn’t the right thing to say.

   “You told me to.” Eddie’s answer is short but calm, not filled with anger like Steve expected.

   “I wanted you to stay!”

He knows it isn’t fair because Steve did tell him to leave. What right does he have to want him back, to ask for forgiveness?

   “I didn’t want you to leave but I was scared that you’d wake up one day and realise that being with me isn’t enough. That being in love isn’t worth giving up your dreams. You shouldn’t have to give up your dreams for me! I should’ve gone with you. I love you. I-”

Steve is crying, can’t stop shaking. He’s so angry at himself, feels so powerless and stupid. And Eddie just stands there and stares at him confused like he doesn’t know that Steve would do everything for a second chance.

Just when Steve is about to give up, turns to go because if he stays here any longer, he’ll fall to his knees and make an even bigger fool of himself than he already has, two strong arms wrap around him from behind, keeping him from walking away.

   “Don’t go,” Eddie whispers into his hair, tightens his grip to emphasise his words. “Stay.”

It’s what Steve should’ve said all those months ago, when he said the opposite instead.

Slowly, Steve turns within the arms holding him until he’s facing Eddie again. Eddie, who is so close now, Steve could bring their lips together by only moving in another inch or two. Could kiss away the tears running down Eddie’s cheeks.

   “I can’t live without you, Eddie.”

   “Then let me be with you.”

Their third first kiss is an angry one, rough and desperate. Full of regrets they swallow from each other’s lips, drinking them up to make them go away. To make it better. To make it right.

   “Marry me, Steve.”

The answer comes easy this time - one word, a promise.

Forever, never apart, wherever it'll take them.

[anxiousalene]

The Ithaca Saga PT 2 👑🏹

I had to make this in two parts because of text limits. Ok, like I was saying JORGE AND MICO DID “I can’t help but wonder” SO WELL. the longing on both sides of wanting to know the other and not really knowing what to say because it’s been so long. For Telemachus, it’s almost this fear of like what if I’m not what he expected or wanted, and for Odysseus it’s like I’ve missed so much time, how do I make it up to you. ODYSSEUS TALKING ABOUT MAKING STORM CLOUDS CRY AND CAPTURING THE WIND AND SKY FOR HIS SON HAS ME BAWLING LIKE AHHHH 😭🥺. And the soft guitar in the background, while Odysseus is comforting him and then the “My son I’m finally home!” And “Father, how I’ve longed to see you!” AND THEN THEY HARMONIZE LIKE WHAT THE HELL JORGE. AND THEN ATHENA COMES BACK AND ITS LIKE A REPRISE OF WARROR OF THE MIND. THEYRE MEETING AGAIN BUT IDEAS HAVE SWITCHED, ATHENA BEING EMPATHIC AND ODYSSEUS HAVING NONE LEFT IN HIS HEART EXCEPT FOR HIS FAMILY. ODYSSEUS ACKNOWLEDGES THAT ATHENA HAS THE CHANCE TO CHANGE THE WORLD BUT ITS TOO LATE FOR HIM. AND HIS ONLY GOAL IS TO SEE PENELOPE AGAIN 😭. THEN ITS “Can you fall in love with me again” and Penelope notices all the differences between the Odysseus with all those years ago and Odysseus tries to explain that he has changed and isn’t the person she fell in love with but he wants her to. He basically confesses all his wrongs but they were to get back to her and that he knows she has been waiting for him for such a long time. Penelope then sings her final “challenge” for him to move their wedding bed and get rid of it. Odysseus is obviously hurt by this because he’s like “but like I made that of the tree where we first met, our palace is built around it?” And Jorge’s voice carries this emotion of like sadness but also with anger. Until Odysseus realizes that is wife, who matches him in wit had to put him through one last test. And then Anna comes in strong, and the whole scene is very emotional and Penelope says she’ll fall in love with Odysseus again and again wherever, whenever, and it’s just a very sweet song. They bring back the waiting Motif as she says he’ll always be her husband. Anna has such a beautiful voice on the higher notes as she sings waiting (which I think she does 8 times to represent each of the Sagas she has waited for him) and all of the instruments swell and it sounds like JUST A MAN. Still, instead of “Forgive me” SHE SAYS “For you” and it’s just so good with the just a man melody with the piano and what I think is a viola and guitar. THEN THEY HARMONIZE ON I LOVE YOU LIKE 😭😭😭😭 It is such a good way to end the show or Odysseus's Odyssey, and I’m so glad I got to come along for the ride. I have been here since the very beginning, and Everyone involved in every aspect of the show has done such a wonderful job and I appreciate all the time and effort that has gone into making Epic: The Musical. I absolutely cannot wait to see what will come next.

[stardust-moth]

Hey there! What's your take on why Mike keeps his eyes open and just limply stands there when El kisses him at the end of ST season 3? Bylers claim it's because Mike doesn't love her and idk about that... that definitely wasn't my read. But I recently rewatched the whole show, and I can't really figure out what that moment is supposed to convey?? Like, watching that scene, there isn't the feeling of a great love being fulfilled, or of grief at losing her to the move. He just kind of seems... idk, confused? Perturbed? idk! I can't wrap my head around what I'm supposed to take away from that moment!

Ok. I almost didn't bother writing out a long, detailed post about this, because it's one of those things that (in my mind) shouldn't need to be explained, since (to me) it's presented so clearly in the source material already. So much of this show is so wildly misinterpreted all the time these days and it's getting to be exhausting-- half the time my reaction is just:

BUT! Why would I ever pass up an opportunity to yap about my favorite things, namely my dear my son my boy Michael Wheeler??

So! Let's consider all the context pieces going on here, shall we?

Things we know about Mike:

Struggles to say the Big L Word in general. Feelings are big and scary. (This is not a new concept, mind you. It's a very common romance trope. It's also a real thing that real people struggle with, especially among men and boys. Remember the cultural setting, everybody.)

he has low self-esteem and Big Insecurities about the validity of his feelings and his relationship with her (insecurities which are constantly reinforced by the people around him)

he is ALWAYS visibly startled/surprised when ANYONE expresses that they care about him to ANY extent (surprised that his mom empathizes with him and isn't angry about staying home from school when his best friend is missing, surprised when Dustin points out that he and Lucas are close best friends, surprised that Nancy runs out to hug him and says she was worried about him, surprised that El doesn't judge him for being bullied and says she understands, surprised when she tells him she was listening all 353 days, surprised when she tells him she missed him at the pizza shop, surprised when Will tells him that he's the glue that holds the party together and that they all need him, surprised when Karen goes on a mom tirade about how she was worried sick and never wants to let him go far away ever again, etc etc etc... idk what you expect at this point)

here, he is clearly bracing himself for saying goodbye and putting on nonchalant fronts to protect himself from experiencing that grief again (see my pinned post for more in-depth analysis of why Mike is scared of his feelings)

Also take into account: 

He TRIED to tell her he loves her in the supermarket, like really genuinely tried, but they were interrupted by ALL the shit hitting the fan. There is a LOT going on!! El's powers are gone and no one knows why! She's grieving the loss of her father! She's about to move across the country to somewhere entirely new and unfamiliar! Mike doesn't want to be selfish right now given what she's going through, making such a move now would be pretty tactless, and he's trying so hard to be a good respectful boyfriend (after literally everyone told him off for things like caring too much/spending too much time with her). Plus, if she doesn't reciprocate, well then fuck, some of his last moments with her will be stained by disappointment and guilt and awkwardness. And if she does reciprocate, well then fuck, now that just makes this goodbye even harder for both of them.

So yeah. He's fuckin shook. And, like the awkward noodle he is, Mike is slow to process it.

There are SEVERAL emotions going on right now-- the most apparent one being shock/surprise/confusion. Of course it's massively validating to hear "I love you, too", the same way it's massively validating to hear her say "I understand" and "I heard". But whatever happy feelings it brings are definitely overshadowed by the sinking realization that despite it all, he's still losing her. They still have to go separate ways. Remember that while we the audience know they're all going to come back to Hawkins and be reunited by the end of the story, the characters don't know that. As far as anyone knows in this moment, they're moving away for good. (And btw, distance is a lot bigger of a deal when methods of communication are limited-- remember the setting, everybody!! No instant messaging!! Letters take weeks to mail, no way to see each other's faces except through mailed photographs, only one landline phone per household and you have to factor in time zones and family members' working hours... long-distance relationships are hard now, imagine how hard they would be for teenagers in 1985!!)

Bottom line: He wasn't expecting her to say it. He wasn't prepared to hear it now. He wasn't ready for it to be such a mix of hurt and happy all at once. All he could do is stare in awestruck bewilderment.

His first love, the most important person to him in the whole world, truly reciprocates his feelings. And he's about to lose her forever again.

Unfortunately Finn's face is kind of obscured from view during a lot of the actual kiss, which can understandably make it hard to read, but he is most definitely kissing her back-- it's very hesitant and subtle compared to El's confidence, but he does lean in to meet her.

Every single indicator (in the music, the blocking/camera work, etc) is purposefully framing this scene as a positive moment and the resolution to their relationship arc for the season.

Further conflict and further resolution that we see in S4 supports/confirms this as the correct interpretation. His confession monologue spells it all out word for word for christ's sake.

Narratively, the scene would make ZERO sense if that was meant to be a negative reaction. Their romance subplot goes through all the story arc steps and all the buildup, why would it fall so flat right at the final piece of the resolution? That would just be poor writing. (And frankly, that entire take is evidence of poor media literacy and comprehension. You just... you can't cherry-pick the details, guys, I'm sorry.)

If that kiss was meant to be a nail in the coffin, a realization that everything that the story has established and everything these two characters have expressed thus far is, in fact, not so... then we wouldn't have seen a moment like this with such intimacy right afterwards:

Tell me you can't read his face now. He's in tears and clinging to her. That is heartbreak! And just by looking at how she touches his face and presses their foreheads together, you can tell she feels it too and understands.

So yeah, that's my take on it. I hope this provides some clarity! <3

PS, on a lighter note, allow me to present to you a directly comparable confused-open-eyed kiss scene that absolutely NO ONE questions:

[bnhaobservation]

Hello, I apologize for this long ask and there’s a lot of rambling, but think I have an unpopular opinion and wanted your take on it with the reasons I provide: I really don’t like Uraraka’s and Toga’s relationship/fight.

To begin, Hori portrays female/girls friendships differently than male/boy friendships. In many sketches/extras he’s made, many girl characters who’ve we don’t see have many/any deep connections are more likely to be drawn in more intimate positions while the boys who were written with deeper relationships are all drawn meters apart and not looking at each other. I bring that up because I feel like Uraraka’s and Toga’s relationship became for the male gaze, especially in the last chapters of the story. I’m not sure how much this is related or if it’s true, but I’ve heard about lesbian relationships among young girls are thought to be more common in Japan, but are also viewed as something childish that you’ll grow out of. I wouldn’t be surprised, if true, if that affects how Hori writes girls relationships but I’m not him so I don’t know.

Though it kind of leads to how I don’t think think the connection between the two was actually deep, and Hori chose the wrong thing for Uraraka to empathize with. Repressing yourself is damaging, but after Uraraka got the crush her personality and prior issues kind of fell through into being constantly about it. Her other relationships besides with Tsuyu get ignored, and her question about “Who saves the heroes?” was only used for Midoriya in the end. You know what could have worked better instead of repressing romantic feelings? Repressing hunger impulses/poverty, which they’ve both were shown to have gone through! I get they have the crush on the same boy, but comparing Toga’s repression from traumas/being different versus Uraraka’s repression from a crush doesn’t feel right to me. She offers her blood, but that doesn’t change anything about Toga/her quirk being viewed as dangerous after the war and doesn’t fix any societal issues she faced (though in the end change like that didn’t matter).

A lot of people are hung up on the “the cutest smile in the world” but we actually don’t know if she thinks that way or not since we’re not really given a lot of thought from her when she changed her mind. The only thing we do know is that Toga never left her mind, and she canonically (if I remember this correctly) doesn’t like seeing people around her unhappy. For all we know, it could have just been said to appease her which would have been an interesting character trait if Uraraka was still treated like a character. Though I could also see that as following criticisms of Midoriya’s writing about toxic positivity. Even in the end, Uraraka never stopped repressing herself with holding onto her feelings and it was Midoriya that had to be the one to step up about it after his realization.

I do feel like Midoriya’s and Uraraka’s villains storylines do kind of follow the same pattern too, with confiding in one another instead of the rest of their friends, failing to save their villains, and crying about it (which, again, kind of negates Uraraka’s point about hiding/repressing yourself). Toga’s fears of dying by the heroes and the pain of her friend/older brother figure by betrayal of a hero never gets acknowledged (neither does Shigaraki’s pain either).

I think it actually also kind of compares to Todoroki’s and Midoriya’s fight with “it’s your power/smile” and “he/she looked sad”. Todoroki and Toga are both shown to have momentarily forgotten their pain in the moment when Midoriya and Uraraka say the right thing, but in truth neither of them were cured of it but while Todoroki was given a chance to work to fight it, Toga wasn’t. Toga was killed off, and she was never told that no one was going to kill her just because she has the villain label, hence answering her question of “Who’s considered human by heroes?” If Todoroki were to have been killed just minutes after realizing he wanted to be a hero too, would he have been counted as saved?

Last thing I want to talk about is I’ve seen posts about how Uraraka’s counseling not actually being that good since it feels like reinstating the competitiveness about having the best quirk (kind of like the sports festival that was used to show weaknesses in hero society) instead of young kids learning to work together/about each others quirks. Also how the program wouldn’t work for someone like Toga since her story wasn’t shared by Uraraka - or at least was shown to have (unless you were to read the LOV book written by Spinner) so people wouldn’t know how to look for signs of abuse like Toga suffered through.

Again, I apologize for such a long ask, these are most of my reasons why I disliked it. I know half these at least can be boiled down to misogyny but I feel like it’s just one of the bigger issues I’ve had with the last act that few others also believe. Thank you so much for reading this far, and I would love to hear any of your thoughts on any of these points (even if you disagree with all of them) if you’re up to answering them.

Don’t worry about the long ask, I’ll try to reply it to the best of my ability!

Now to the points you raised…

To begin, Hori portrays female/girls friendships differently than male/boy friendships. In many sketches/extras he’s made, many girl characters who’ve we don’t see have many/any deep connections are more likely to be drawn in more intimate positions while the boys who were written with deeper relationships are all drawn meters apart and not looking at each other. I bring that up because I feel like Uraraka’s and Toga’s relationship became for the male gaze, especially in the last chapters of the story.

As this is a shounen all the story is made to be seen through the male gaze… which influences how boys/men and girls/women are portrayed.

I think you can find videos and metas complaining about this (and the misogyny in it) in details both about BNHA in specific and about how this is a shonen manga problem in general.

Personally I find some things that are in BNHA pretty disturbing even if there are some minor improvements to how things were in the past.

I’m not sure how much this is related or if it’s true, but I’ve heard about lesbian relationships among young girls are thought to be more common in Japan, but are also viewed as something childish that you’ll grow out of. I wouldn’t be surprised, if true, if that affects how Hori writes girls relationships but I’m not him so I don’t know.

I didn’t specifically research on the history female/female relationships in Japan (just male/male ones) but the Japanese view on this sort of things is very different from the western one and, while things have changed a lot, traces of it still remains in the portrait of relationships male/male, male/female and female/female in tales.

To EXTREMELY SUM IT UP how things were in the past talking merely of social expectations/duties (remember, this is a lot more complex, if you want a better explanation research on the topic please)…

Each person was expected and had the duty to marry with someone of the opposite sex and produce offspring. The man would rule the family, the woman would take care of the house and serve him (and then his heir). Love wasn’t considered part of the marriage, which was meant to be profitable for the families only. Actually Japan used to have way to say that implied that a marriage of love was a bad marriage. Love for a woman was meant to be pursued outside of the marriage with males finding themselves a lover. It was only post WW2 that foreigners introduced Japanese to the idea that marriages should be done out of love even if at first Japanese people complained at the idea (not to say that there couldn’t have marriages done out of love… just that it wasn’t the social expectation of the time). This is how the male/female relationships were.

By the way, I said ‘someone of the opposite sex’ but said someone was decided respecting social classes (for example a geisha couldn’t marry a samurai… but without going to extremes both parties had to fit certain criteria to be considered acceptable) as, as said before, the marriage had to be advantageous for the families.

The male/male relationships have different expectations according to the social class involved (monks, samurai, nobility, common people). I’ll focus on the samurai class because that’s the one that inspires many portrayals in manga/anime. Males could establish a ‘beautiful friendship’ with another male, usually a younger male that they would take as apprentice. It was a friendship with benefits as they could have sex with the younger partner (which could be REALLY younger, as in below 10 years old… though this wasn’t always necessarily the case), as long as said partner agreed, until he would reach a certain age (mid-teens through early 20s). Then their relation should move on platonic ground only. This relation would supposedly help the younger partner improve himself by providing him a role model, while the older partner would improve in order to be an example to him and they could bound over male only things and male only interests and have deep ‘manly’ conversations about culture and philosophy and whatever. You won’t have any of the sort with your wife, actually spending too much time with her could make you feminine and this had to be avoid. Those male relations were meant to continue, even if they officially were supposed to become platonic.

The female/female relationship isn’t something I’ve researched in deep and something on which I happened to find little material. Something I know though, is it happened that, since before marriages girls were meant to stay with girls, they would ‘experiment’ among them, something that also carried over when they were allowed to go to girl schools only. Whatever they had for the other girl (love or sexual attraction or were effectively just experimenting and it wasn’t meant to last) was expected to end when they would marry as then they would then have to devote their life to their husband and family (where, on the other side, males could continue their relation with their male ‘friend’/apprentice even if they were also meant to get a wife and their continued, ‘platonic’ relation was seen as a positive thing).

Interpreting female/female relationships as something childish one will grow out of is a way to put this, another way to put this could be that they were FORCED to drop their relations, regardless of their own will, as they would be FORCED to marry and DEDICATE their life to their husband to whom they had to be devoted and their children.

As I said, I’ve not researched much on the female/female side so I’m not 100% informed about how things worked there, if there was pressure that would force girls to have relationships with other girls, even if they weren’t interested or not (some manga uses this trope but I don’t know if it’s historically accurate). This pressure existed on the male/male side as the idea was that males had to be BI, that who would be interested in having sex with just one gender would be odd.

Of course I’ve oversimplified a lot of things (as I said things were different according to your social class and much more complicate than how I made them to be), skipped the time period in which same sex relationships were seen abnormal at all ages and for all sexes, how things didn’t immediately change but in the long run became pretty bad and how now they’re very slowly improving. This is not meant to be a history essay though and I recommend whoever is interested to educate himself as it’s an interesting topic on a very different way to view relationships.

Anyway all this gets reshaped and transformed in certain tropes, transposed books, manga and anime. Authors use those tropes without even thinking about it, they just do it because they work, because the editor asks for them, because the public want them and when the trope doesn’t work anymore as it is, it gets reshaped and modernized to fix it in the current world.

We can see bit of this even in BNHA.

Midoriya and Uraraka were always meant to be the endgame because the main character must (eventually) get married and make kids (doesn’t matter if we’ll never see it in the story, that’s the idea on which this trope is based). Their relation got modernized in the sense that they’ve something in common (they’re nice, they want to help people, they want to be Heroes), love is included (sort of) and there’s no advantage for the families and Uraraka is inspired by Midoriya, not devoted to him (though she can take care of him and support him in some circumstances) and can even have a job (and no, I didn’t ship them, I didn’t care at all with whom Midoriya were to end with).

Bakugou/Midoriya is what I would call the ‘platonic pairing’, they improve and inspire each other and they have deep talk about important things. They’ve been modernized in the sense they’ve the same age and don’t have anymore a relationship master/apprentice but they’ll continue interacting even in the future… but they aren’t meant to be seen as the endgame, even if the story digs into their relationship much more than in the Midoriya/Himiko one.

Uraraka/Himiko was never meant to last because Uraraka would in the end devote herself to Midoriya and her family and the fact Himiko ends up being killed off and encourages Uraraka to pursue Midoriya is convenient in this sense as well. Maybe there’s more, as I don’t fully know well how the female/female situation was historically. I can see recurring tropes but I’m not really sure from what they were inspired.

Midoriya/Himiko was never meant to sail either even if it would have been an hetero pairing (I’m mentioning it because Himiko has a crush on him too). This pairing feels based on the trope of love between different social classes. It wasn’t meant to sail, it was actually inappropriate for Himiko to consider she could aim at Midoriya since she’s basically an outcast (aka a Villain). Midoriya must be paired with someone who’s appropriate for him to be with (though some stories challenged this…) aka another Hero.

Still, clearly, part of Horikoshi’s story is based on tropes history has created.

The west though as very different tropes in regard to how to represent relations, so the way male/male relationships and female/female relationships are portrayed in manga tend to delude western readers that FINALLY we get stories with, as an endgame, an homosexual relationship, when the endgame is unfailingly an hetero one, causing people to feel as they were queerbaited.

“Yuri on Ice” was called ‘the anime that made history’ for a reason after all, as it was the only anime who wasn’t labeled as yaoi or shounen ai who canonized a male/male couple.

Though it kind of leads to how I don’t think think the connection between the two was actually deep, and Hori chose the wrong thing for Uraraka to empathize with. Repressing yourself is damaging, but after Uraraka got the crush her personality and prior issues kind of fell through into being constantly about it. Her other relationships besides with Tsuyu get ignored, and her question about “Who saves the heroes?” was only used for Midoriya in the end. You know what could have worked better instead of repressing romantic feelings? Repressing hunger impulses/poverty, which they’ve both were shown to have gone through! I get they have the crush on the same boy, but comparing Toga’s repression from traumas/being different versus Uraraka’s repression from a crush doesn’t feel right to me. She offers her blood, but that doesn’t change anything about Toga/her quirk being viewed as dangerous after the war and doesn’t fix any societal issues she faced (though in the end change like that didn’t matter).

I think the way relationships get stereotyped is undoubtedly a shounen manga problem that gets even more exacerbated by how shounen manga are afraid to feel too much ‘shoujo’ (by the way I’ve seen Japanese fans criticize chapter 431 because it felt shoujo as it devoted too much time over Midoriya and Uraraka) so that the relationship between the main character and the girl is hardly developed and, often, the girl herself is hardly developed as she’s just a token for the main character to end up with so that he can fulfill his social duty to get a family and children, while the friend/antagonist is the real interesting guy whose relationship with the main character is explored in deep because their relationship is manly while developing too much the relationship with the girl would make the story girly and the male demographic readership has strongly expressed against this.

Still, this is how many manga authors are asked to portray those relationships.

You’re undoubtedly right, Uraraka and Himiko could be portrayed much better. I do wonder if Horikoshi originally wanted to portray Uraraka better, her wish to support her parents, her battle against Bakugou at the sport festival, which she handled alone and the fact she wanted to learn to fight instead than limiting herself to support (I’ve nothing against support except for the fact that it is a stereotypical role assigned to female characters in shounen) were promising… but someone could have thought it was better to set her into a more stereotypical course for a girl and I don’t know if that person was Horikoshi or an editor or the male readers just complained.

The way society was depicted as one of the problems that caused Tomura, Touya and Himiko to turn into Villains but then was never really tackled is one of the things I dislike the most about the story.

I do get that helping little kids not to turn into Himiko will help society IN THE LONG RUN, but what about all the Himikos out there that no one cares about and that the story didn’t bother to address?

I guess the story’s idea is that now the people, inspired by Midoriya is nice, Terumoto Kouki, the mob character which stands in for Tomura, with an even more tragic past than him, gets saved by a random person. We’ve to assume random people would just help the Himikos out there because now people is just that kind and society completely reformed its way as the grandmother who didn’t help Tomura but helped Terumoto Kouki did.

Okay, I’m being bitter and salty. As you can guess I didn’t like this part much.

A lot of people are hung up on the “the cutest smile in the world” but we actually don’t know if she thinks that way or not since we’re not really given a lot of thought from her when she changed her mind. The only thing we do know is that Toga never left her mind, and she canonically (if I remember this correctly) doesn’t like seeing people around her unhappy. For all we know, it could have just been said to appease her which would have been an interesting character trait if Uraraka was still treated like a character. Though I could also see that as following criticisms of Midoriya’s writing about toxic positivity. Even in the end, Uraraka never stopped repressing herself with holding onto her feelings and it was Midoriya that had to be the one to step up about it after his realization.

I think this part of the story is meant to be taken at face value, and that Uraraka thought as such and that this is the way Horikoshi decided to represent the female/female pairing that he never meant to turn into the endgame.

Uraraka’s sentence is likely meant to be seen as honest, and Himiko would have been delighted to have a treesome with her and Midoriya. I don’t know if Uraraka’s feelings could qualify as a ‘crush’ or ‘romantic love’ in Horikoshi’s mind because the way Uraraka’s reactions are portrayed for Midoriya are wildly different from the ones she has with Himiko (but at the start she didn’t react that way with Midoriya either). Maybe she only felt admiration that could have turned into love had Himiko survived and were they given more time so that she too would have been okay with a treesome (and maybe Midoriya could have invited Bakugou too so everyone would have been happy).

Himiko’s convenient death spared Horikoshi from having to break up the stereotype of the hetero pairing in which the girl will devote to the boy only, while the boy will have kids with her and also have a male ‘friend’ with whom to manly share his soul.

It’s disappointing? Of course it is!

Could have Horikoshi broken social conventions? I’m not sure he could or had the interest for it.

On a sidenote… while I get why he wanted to wait 8 years before getting Uraraka and Midoriya together… yeah, the fact Uraraka kept repressing her feelings is not great, especially after the conversation she had with Himiko.

I have a post about how Horikoshi’s planning was good but wasn’t so great when transposed into the story but that one digs on the Todoroki family side so I don’t know if you’re interested about it. Anyway it’s here (I doubt I’ll make another that detailed about Himiko, Tomura, Shuuichi and Kurogiri, I’ll let this to other fans).

I do feel like Midoriya’s and Uraraka’s villains storylines do kind of follow the same pattern too, with confiding in one another instead of the rest of their friends, failing to save their villains, and crying about it (which, again, kind of negates Uraraka’s point about hiding/repressing yourself). Toga’s fears of dying by the heroes and the pain of her friend/older brother figure by betrayal of a hero never gets acknowledged (neither does Shigaraki’s pain either).

To be honest Himiko’s fear gets partially acknowledged when Uraraka shows her that zero gravity isn’t a power to kill. Partially because she gets acknowledged solely in the sense Uraraka makes clear she would never kill her nor anyone else and Himiko understands this.

Other Heroes though would have totally killed Himiko, Hawks screamed to just do it when she showed up as Twice.

Of course Uraraka never addresses the fact she wants to put Himiko in jail and this would mean death sentence for her, so in the end she would still cause her death by arresting her.

As for the whole Twice thing, again the acknowledgement is very, very partial as we’ve a Himiko clone slicing Hawks’ cheek and him saying it’s fair as Twice was a decent guy… too bad that wound never leaves a scar so it’s not like it really affect it, beyond the temporal pain of the cut.

Uraraka kind of acknowledge Himiko’s pain for Twice’s death but this bit is all we have.

Uraraka Ochako ‘Tada… anata no kao o mite sō narazaru o enakatta riyū ga attanja nai ka tte…! Ano hi sekai ga guchagucha ni natta hi ni anata ni amarini kanashī kao o sa setakara…‼  tada… anata no kao o mite tada… anata no kao wo mite.’麗日お茶子「ただ…あなたの顔を見てそうならざるを得なかった理由があったんじゃないかって…！あの日世界がグチャグチャになった日にあなたにあまりに悲しい顔をさせたから…‼」Uraraka Ochako “But… I saw your face and I thought there should have been a reason for why it happened (to look like that)…! That day the day when the world became a mess, something made you look so sad…‼”

Toga Himiko ‘Are ga omaedarou!⁉’渡我被身子「あれがお前だろう!⁉」 Toga Himiko “Wasn’t that you (that made me sad)!!?’

Uraraka Ochako ‘Are mo watashi!’麗日お茶子「あれも私！」 Uraraka Ochako “It was me too!’ [Chap. 393]

Long story short, the story acknowledges it but doesn’t really digs on it. In the end the message of the story regarding everything that happened to the Villains is that they should have just endured and not become Villains. As the story never suggest what they could have done beyond enduring it didn’t really feel much.

I think it actually also kind of compares to Todoroki’s and Midoriya’s fight with “it’s your power/smile” and “he/she looked sad”. Todoroki and Toga are both shown to have momentarily forgotten their pain in the moment when Midoriya and Uraraka say the right thing, but in truth neither of them were cured of it but while Todoroki was given a chance to work to fight it, Toga wasn’t. Toga was killed off, and she was never told that no one was going to kill her just because she has the villain label, hence answering her question of “Who’s considered human by heroes?” If Todoroki were to have been killed just minutes after realizing he wanted to be a hero too, would he have been counted as saved?

I do understand and partly share your point, but the story makes of course a huge division between someone who killed people and someone who just had anger issues. Himiko’s fate, as Himiko said herself, if she were to be arrested was to be jailed and eventually executed.

Horikoshi wasn’t going to change this so he thought having Himiko kill herself for a noble purpose was a better ending than having her jailed and executed. I’m not saying I like it, far from it, but I blame it more on the execution of it (which was horrible) than on the choice of having her die by her own hands.

Shouto never lived such danger because he never killed anyone.

Killing an antagonist but saving his soul is a shounen trope. When done well it can still come out as sad but good. Here it just wasn’t done well if you ask me.

My opinion is not that Horikoshi couldn’t kill the Villains (even though I was hoping for a different solution) is that the way he executed their deaths was bad. It’s a problem in storytelling more than a problem in the story. The storytelling has many problems as far as I’m involved on the execution of a really old trope that had seen much better ways to go so while I didn’t want Himiko to die, and I don’t like this choice, what really rubs me wrong, is how this choice was executed, not that this choice was taken (but well, I’m writing a post about this…).

Last thing I want to talk about is I’ve seen posts about how Uraraka’s counseling not actually being that good since it feels like reinstating the competitiveness about having the best quirk (kind of like the sports festival that was used to show weaknesses in hero society) instead of young kids learning to work together/about each others quirks. Also how the program wouldn’t work for someone like Toga since her story wasn’t shared by Uraraka - or at least was shown to have (unless you were to read the LOV book written by Spinner) so people wouldn’t know how to look for signs of abuse like Toga suffered through.

I have to say on this I’ve a different opinion. What we’re shown, a competitive game, is Togata’s chosen way on how to make friends. Togata wasn’t instructed on HOW to make friends, so he picked up a way that felt best suitable to him… and if you ask me it was the wrong one but it works because the story will so.

Another person could have chosen a different way to go at it.

My real gripe with Quirk counseling is exactly that IT DIDN’T INSTRUCT TOGATA ON HOW TO GO AT IT. Togata is just a well meaning person without a degree in educating and dealing with little kids, especially little kids with problems who picks up a game. I praise his well meaning intentions but to mean well doesn’t exactly means you’ll also do well. You need to know how to do it.

Knowing Himiko’s story wasn’t necessary to spot signs of abuse. What was necessary was to be trained to spot signs of abuse/problems. Signs of abuse/problems can be very visible or barely visible. Everyone can spot the very visible signs for example when Tenko walked through the streets after having killed his family he was clearly a kid in trouble, same as Terumoto Kouki, same as Kouta who’s so aggressive, same as Eri who looks so frightened.

However other kids can mask them well and in this care you need to be trained to spot them.

If we pick up the Todoroki family, Fuyumi likely masked her well because she desperately wanted to conform (being neglected and witnessing abuse on family member also constitute abuse).

That’s why teachers in my country get trained to spot them and have also expert to support them should they get a doubt… because their training sometimes just isn’t enough and you need a professional at spotting this sort of things to give a look at those kids.

The fact that the story wants us to think well meaning people could do it easily on the mere virtue of them being well meaning and not considering training them is what really angers me.

Again, I apologize for such a long ask, these are most of my reasons why I disliked it. I know half these at least can be boiled down to misogyny but I feel like it’s just one of the bigger issues I’ve had with the last act that few others also believe. Thank you so much for reading this far, and I would love to hear any of your thoughts on any of these points (even if you disagree with all of them) if you’re up to answering them.

Please, don't apologize, I like to talk about BNHA! I’m grateful you felt like sharing your thoughts with me and I hope my thoughts will be of some help to you. If they aren’t I apologize.

[an-archaic-archivist]

I don't think Vanny was ever intended to be anything special, follow up.

Part 1

I came off as kinda whiny here, didn't I? Eh, I can't blame anyone who would be upset by Vanny being booted from the story. In hindsight, it's pretty obvious that she was always meant to be a one and done. Given how in a lot of media, the person being manipulated into following the antagonist, tends not to stay with the antagonist for long. It's far too late to do anything compelling with Vanny as an antagonist. It was set in stone as soon as they even bothered creating the Princess Quest ending in the first place. She was always just a puppet to Glitchtrap, who might as well be Afton. Vanny the dancing rabbit lady was never her own character. So there isn't much left for Vanessa to do that won't either regress her character, or repeat what we've already seen. The only thing I can think of is her going down to the basement in a Ruin sequel and trying to empathize with Cassie over getting manipulated by the Mimic. But I feel like Gregory's gonna be the one to do that given how much focus Ruin has on him. Granted he might not remember being used by the Mimic, but I guess we'll see. Personally I'd rather keep it ambiguous over just how well or how poorly she handled her possession. I like to think that the graffiti in Ruin and Vanessa showing up as Vanny in Help Wanted 2 is to show she's still struggling with that self identity due to the years of trauma and her using the Vanny persona is a result of that. Sort of growing a dependence on the mask because the virus made her think she was worthless without it. That would actually make more sense thematically to me given how Ruin is all about how the scars the Glitchtrap virus left linger on in the animatronics, so why should Vanessa be any different? The idea of her using the persona for good always seemed kinda silly to me. I love the idea of someone using something tied to their abuse as something against their abuser, but not for Vanny. Like they know how uncanny her design is. They made her that way on purpose. And I really doubt that Vanessa got over her trauma enough for her to be able to wear the costume again and kill her abuser with it on without getting some really nasty PTSD. And this happened in the span of like...half a year at most. She wasn't even cut out of the story as much as people think. Her full backstory was told to us in Security Breach. We know way more about her than most characters in this series. It was mostly gameplay she was cut from. So yeah. I've basically gone through the 5 stages of grief with her and come out the other side. Wild. And if you want to give her more "screen time" then you just gotta do it yourself. Anyways LONG LIVE THE MIMIC!

[keets-writing-corner]

I need to talk about RWBY's Jaune Arc

okay this is 1.6k words, immaaaaaaaa put a cut

Okay so going into RWBY back in 2019, that was great right. I was in the middle of getting my degree in creative writing I was seriously burnt out from how formulaic stories had gotten for me, and then comes along my friend being all YOU SHOULD WATCH RWBY. And I said, SURE

now my friend knows my types and she nailed who my favorite character was going to be (Oscar) and she also nailed who my other favorites would be (Ren and Qrow) and I'll admit, 90% of my investment in RWBY was ya know, my favorite boys (Don't worry I love plenty of the girls, it just happened that my top 3 ended up being guys this time around). And wow RWBY was just such a breath of fresh air for me given all the story telling stuff I was learning about in college

and specifically, now that we're like waiting for volume 10 to be greenlit, I'm surprised by how much I've grown to like Jaune

I used to not care for Jaune/find him mildly annoying in Volume 1. He was the... audience stand in, so he had to be a little dumb. He was falling into a little bit of a stereotypical pretending to be confident to impress the ladies role. But ya know, I didn't hate him. He just wasn't my favorite of team JNPR

then volume 2 comes around and he has his whole IMMA INVITE WEISS TO THE DANCE WITH ME :D and I was not about that, it was pushy, and also, I really do not care for that sort of romance in the stories I'm engaging with, and then... it didn't go that route. He realized that Pyrrha wanted to go with him, that he had been unintentionally insensitive towards her, and pursued a girl who didn't even care about him who liked someone else. And Jaune just went "alright, damage control, gonna get Weiss what she wants and gonna give Pyrrha what she deserves" and that was the first time instead of being neutral or annoyed at Jaune I thought ya know, this guy... this guy has good bean potential. I'm interested in seeing where they take him next

And then there's Volume 3. He's been training with Pyrrha, he's been more supportive as a partner, he's been TRYING to be a good leader for his team, like he's not perfect at any of those but he's TRYING and he's lost a lot of the traits that I found annoying originally. Now he's starting to full step into the supportive wholesome leader role. And then, ya know the finale happens and just... ouch. Things were looking up for White boy, and the rug wasn't just pulled out from under him, it also slapped him in the face and threw him down the stairs

Now through Volumes 4-5 Jaune was still in the "I'm pretty meh" about him territory. There were moments where I found myself deeply empathizing with him, specifically in the scenes that showed him mourning Pyrrha, especially because well... I've been there. I've lost someone I was close with when I was 17 too. Extremely different circumstances but that thing where you put on a video of them and you watch it over and over and over because you so desperately want them back, that you're reaching for wisps and smoke of what used to be them all for a brief small chance to feel their presence again. And it's just, it's never enough. No matter how many times you watch the video, no matter how many times you replay their voice talking to you, no matter how many times you listen to old messages they sent you, they are gone and nothing in the world is going to change that. It hurts. It hurts so bad

this boy is GRIEVING

but, he was being bitchy. And look, I don't blame the guy alright. Grief messes you up as a person, it brings out sides of you you didn't know you had, it prevents you from being the best version of yourself. I. GET. IT. But he was being bitchy towards Qrow(aforementioned fave, special mention to that time he slammed Oscar ANOTHER FAVE against the wall), and at the battle of Haven, he initially let his grief and anger get the better of him, and ngl I couldn't watch. (To clarify, absolutely no shade to the writers, this was GOLDEN, peek character writing and whatnot) But that is what Jaune's arc is about at the end of the day. I'm not saying the other characters aren't grieving too, they absolutely are. But Jaune's arc has a lot more focus on how grief hurts and changes a person, how it gets the better of us, and how ultimately, if we want to move forward, if we want to keep going, we cannot just fight it and resist it because it feels icky. We cannot just sit in it because we hate what happened and happiness feels fake and forever gone. We cannot pretend the grief isn't there either.

Cue Volume 6 where he was mostly backstage, but all of this comes to a culmination at Pyrrha's statue and Jaune finally gets a moment where he gets to sit with his grief. Really sit with it. In a way that isn't anger, or repression, or wishing things had been different or that Pyrrha was there. He got to sit with his grief with the reality that it was. He lost Pyrrha. And it hurt. Maybe it was senseless. Maybe he really couldn't have done anything. Maybe it really does hurt so bad. But at the end of the day, it had been Pyrrha's choice to try and do something. And for better or for worse, she tried. And the rest of his team confront him. Ren and Nora are quick to console him, and join in on the grieving. And they also confront him about his behavior in season 5, where he believed that he didn't matter so long as his friends got to live. And here are Ren and Nora telling him, buddy, you DO matter. You matter so much. You matter to us just as much as Pyrrha mattered to us. We all chose to be huntsmen, so let us grow together and honor her choice even if it hurts. We can hurt together and we can take comfort together.

And listen, up until this point, when I was watching RWBY, Jaune was not my favorite. He never had been. He was just a guy that was there going through his own arcs. But after this key moment in volume 6, suddenly I find himself enjoying seeing him whenever he was on screen

for the rest of volume 6 he slips naturally into an empathetic leader. Stealing the ships was his idea but he let everyone take the roles they were good at, he played good support, he protected his team when possible. AND THEN WE GET TO 7 AND 8 and omg

friends

this is when I started loving Jaune. Suddenly, it's like he found a balance, he found himself. He was still hurting but instead of being angry he was being compassionate. He was still goofy and fun, but he was no longer annoying being respectful of people. He was no longer blundering about on the battlefield but he was moving with purpose and with skill. This Jaune feels like an entirely different character than the Jaune we first met back in volume 1. He's fallen into a character role that I personally love. I love the empathic leaders who are a little bit goofy. I love them to pieces. I love their level-headedness, i love their compassion. I love their gentleness. But what made Jaune special is that we got to see how much he had to suffer to get there. He was doing the best he's ever been, and he was being so kind and so humble (straight up, tempted to do a time travel AU fic or something with baby jaune and leader jaune meeting each other cuz they'd be so different)

Then we reach the end of 8 and ya know

THAT happened

and of course Jaune's arc is always about grief. But what a stroke of genius, have him find his footing and then REtraumatize him. ngl, I ALSO have been there, and imo the retraumatization is almost worst than the originally one, especially if you haven't properly dealt with the OG emotions because now THOSE come rushing back AND you've got new fresh ones to deal with. Call me a sadist. Accuse me of projecting my own trauma or whatever, but genuinely I loved what they did with Jaune in volume 9. It was *chef's kiss*. The unhealthy coping, the latching onto and hyperfixating on a single thing that ultimately is the opposite of what he needed, forced to be alone for decades, betrayed by someone he tried to help, being reunited with his friends without having processed or dealt with any of that and STILL trying to be friendly and kind and gentle to them while barely keeping it together- it's just SO GOOD

and ultimately he does break. But his friends are there with him, just like Ren and Nora helped him in volume 6. He's still the gentle leader he's grown into, but now there's just so much more to it, there's so many layers

I'm genuinely so excited to see where they take him for future volumes. He still can't dethrone my favorites BUT he has climbed the ranks of my favorite characters so fast that I wouldn't have believed you if you told me when I started watching RWBY that the character I found most annoying would end up being one of my favorite RWBY characters

soooooo yeah

I really love Jaune now

controversial opinion, I love his short hair

[anonymousewrites]

Logos and Pathos (Book 3) Chapter Six

TOS! Spock x Empath! Reader

Chapter Six: Returned Brain

Summary: (Y/N) works to help Spock get his brain back.

            As Kirk, Scotty, (Y/N), and Bones, who directed Spock’s body, made their way through the halls, they kept in contact with Spock’s mind. Scotty led the way with his scanner, and Kirk and (Y/N) were right behind.

            “Spock, one question,” said Kirk.

            “Yes, Captain?” said Spock.

            “We’ve got pain-giving devices attached to us. Can you tell us how to get them off?” asked Kirk.

            “I shall give it top priority.” Spock told the truth, too. He knew (Y/N) was in danger of pain, and he refused to stand by while his t’hy’la was injured. He paused as he considered and tried to expand his awareness (a strange sensation when just a brain). “Captain, I have an answer for you. It seems your pain bands are manually controlled. The red button on a bracelet releases them. I know that does not make much sense.”

            “It does, Spock, thank you,” said (Y/N) with a smile. “Just keep concentrating so we can track you down.”

            “Of course,” said Spock.

            Scotty’s scanner took them to a door. “He must be in there, Captain.” The door slid open easily, and the group stepped in.

            Unfortunately, standing beside a central computer and wiring, Kara stood within. She reacted instantly and pressed her bracelet. Pain laced through the Starfleet officers, and they fell to the ground, crying out.

            “Jim…(Y/N),” forced out Bones. “Spock…no pain…!”

            (Y/N) fought through their pain and grabbed the controller for Spock’s body. They directed to towards Kara, and she attempted to back away, but Spock’s body reached out and took the bracelet from her. Spock’s hand pressed the red button, and (Y/N) and the rest of the officers were freed from the belts. They all took a deep breath once the constricting belt was gone.

            The officers got to their feet and looked to Kara, still held by her wrists in place. “You must not take the Controller away!” she cried. “We will all die! The Controller is young and-and powerful and perfect!”

            “How very flattering,” remarked Spock.

            “Spock, dear…” sighed (Y/N), even though they agreed that Spock was quite the man.

            “He will give life to my people for ten thousand years to come!” cried Kara. Her emotions spiked unpleasantly, and (Y/N) turned away from the ferocity.

            “You will find another controller,” said Kirk.

            “The old one is finished! There is no other than this!” said Kara frantically. “And there will not be another for ten thousand years!”

            “Spock, you’re in a black box tied in with light rays,” said (Y/N) to the communicator. “And then you’re connected to a complex control panel.”

            “Fascinating,” said Spock.

            “You say you’re breathing, pumping blood, maintaining temperature…” mused Kirk. “Is it possible that you’re recirculating air, running heating plants, purifying water?”

            “Indeed, Captain, that is unquestionably part of what I am doing,” identified Spock.

            “He must stay, he must stay!” repeated Kara.

            “He will not stay,” said Kirk. He took her bracelet off of her and gave it to Bones. “Now, you took his brain. You will put it back. How did you do it?”

            “I do not know!” said Kara.

            “She couldn’t, Jim,” said Bones. “Her mind is functioning on a very simple level. Mental faculties down here seem to be almost atrophied because of non-use.”

            “She was on the Enterprise. She must have done it,” said Kirk. “How did you do it?”

            “It was the old knowledge,” said Kara, backing away, nerves shotting through her and digging into (Y/N)’s skin.

            “How do you get the old knowledge?” said (Y/N).

            “I put upon my head the teacher!” said Kara.

            “What is the teacher?” said (Y/N). They were determined to get the knowledge to restore Spock.

            “The great teacher of all the ancient knowledge.” Kara looked to the side at a strange green sphere with metal devices sticking out.

            “If I may explain, Captain,” said Spock. “She refers to the taped storehouse of knowledge of the builders of this place. I scanned it. A most impressive store.”

            Kirk picked up the headset. “How does it work? Show us.”

            “I cannot,” Kara refused nervously.

            “You have to tell us,” urged (Y/N).

            “I cannot! Only by command of the ancients may I understand!” said Kara.

            “Please, how does it work?” repeated (Y/N). “You won’t be harmed, I swear.”

            “It is a device with feeding circuits,” explained Spock. “They lead into the mind of the priestess leader. Its use is strictly predetermined by the builders.”

            “The knowledge is forbidden!” said Kara as Kirk seized the headset and pushed it down on her head. “I must not know the secrets! I’ll be punished!”

            The computers buzzed to live, and Kara froze before relaxing. The Starfleet officers watched warily. Kara’s eyes opened, and her emotions settled. They were calm, controlled, mature.

            “Guests,” said Kara, voice also more developed, words clearer and focused. “The Controller’s explanation of the functioning of the teacher is essentially correct. However, he is giving no credit to me. I provide the means whereby the knowledge is used. Without me, Captain—”

            “Without you, there could be no delicate miracle that kept Spock’s brain alive,” finished Bones.

            “Thank you, Doctor,” said Kara, nodding her head. “That was very gracious.” She turned to (Y/N) and inclined her head once more. “My apologies for your pain earlier. We were unfamiliar with those that were not our men or women.”

            “You’re not the first to be confused,” chuckled (Y/N).

            “And it is also clear that the Controller is close to you,” said Kara. “We should have treated you with more respect.”

            “Oh, great, Spock’s favoritism continues,” grumbled Bones as (Y/N) turned pink and smiled fondly.

            “From the very first, I appreciated your ability,” Kirk jumped in.

            “Good, Captain Kirk,” said Kara. “Then you will also appreciate that without the teacher, I would not have the knowledge to use that which you have thoughtfully provided.” She pulled Kirk’s facer from a pocket of her skirt.

            “That phaser is set to kill,” said Scotty worriedly.

            (Y/N) tensed, and Kara noticed. “Do not worry, dear one of the Controller. We will not hurt you and upset our Controller.”

            “I’d prefer you don’t hurt any of us,” responded (Y/N) calmly.

            “If they do not move, they will not be killed,” said Kara.

            “We are not the first to bring to you the knowledge of killing,” said Kirk bitingly. “If you continue, you will kill Spock.”

            “The Controller die?” said Kara. She smirked. “The Controller will live for ten thousand years, and we shall give him all our devotion.”

            “But Spock will be dead,” said (Y/N) firmly. They narrowed their eyes. “His body is dying as we speak.” Their heart ached painfully at the thought that was ever-present.

            “Why do you not understand that the need of my people for their Controller is greater than your need for your friend?” said Kara.

            “Because you cannot sacrifice him for your gain. Not when we, I, need him,” said (Y/N).

            Kirk reached for the phaser, and Kara pointed it at him sharply. “Do not,” she warned. “I do not know killing. I do not wish to kill.”

            (Y/N) grabbed the phaser, and Kara’s eyes widened, unwilling to shoot for fear of upsetting the Controller. They pulled the phaser away before she could grapple for it. (Y/N) handed it over to Scotty calmly, having handled the situation.

            Kara narrowed her eyes. “The commandment must be fulfilled.”

            “No, you must help us,” said (Y/N). “When you came to the ship, you had the knowledge, but when we came here, you didn’t.”

            “Correct,” said Kara, raising her chin.

            “How long does the knowledge last?” asked Kirk.

            “Three of your hours,” said Kara.

            “That would be just enough time,” said Bones.

            “If you had the knowledge, could you restore what you’ve taken?” asked Kirk.

            “I would not,” said Kara defiantly.

            “But you could,” said (Y/N). “And you must. You must restore, with that knowledge, what you have taken.”

            “No!” said Kara.

            “You must put back what you have taken!” said Kirk forcefully.

            “I will not betray my people!” cried Kara. “The Controller will stay!”

            “Jim,” said Bones. “It worked for her. It might work for me.”

            “She is an alien. The configurations of her brain are different. It could cause irreparable damage to your human brain, Doctor,” said Spock.

            “I’m a surgeon already,” argued Bones. “If I could learn these techniques, I might be able to retain them.”

            “Captain, you might lose the Doctor that way,” said Spock.

            “He might…but we’re sure to lose you if I don’t try,” said Bones.

            “I cannot allow you to jeopardize your life for me,” said Spock. It was a rare admittance of concern in his Vulcan way of speaking.

            “Spock, didn’t you hear? I might be able to retain and bring these techniques to the world,” said Bones. “Jim, isn’t that worth the risk? Wouldn’t you insist upon taking such a risk yourself?” He didn’t have to ask (Y/N). They would take far too many risks in order to save Spock.

            Kirk nodded. “Go ahead, Doctor. Put the teacher on.”

            “I’ll regulate your emotions in case it causes distress,” said (Y/N). “Then you can focus better.”

            Bones nodded. “Thanks.”

            “No!” cried Kara, but Scotty pulled her aside.

            Bones stood beneath the Teacher, (Y/N) put their hand on his arm to regulate his emotions, and Kirk pulled the headset down. The computer console whirred to life as it deposited information into his mind. Bones winced, closing his eyes, and (Y/N) was quick to suppress as much pain as they could. It wasn’t an emotion, so it was harder to manipulate, but the physical touch helped. Bones’s eyes opened wide as the information overloaded him, and he fell to his knees in exhaustion. (Y/N) and Kirk were by his side in a moment. The pain subsided, and a smile spread across Bones’s face.

            “Of course,” he said. “Of course. A child could do it! A child could do it!”

            (Y/N) let a relieved smile appear on their face. They had a way to save Spock. He was going to be alright.

l

            Kirk, Scotty, (Y/N), and Kara watched as Bones operated on Spock’s body and brain. It was strange to watch Bones work with such precision and confidence since usually he was yelling and complaining that he was guessing and hoping everything would work out when it came to alien biology. They dared not interrupt him, either, since Bones needed every moment of the enhanced knowledge to restore Spock’s brain.

            “I’ve never seen anything like it,” murmured Scotty. “He’s operating at warp speed. You know, I’d like to try at that Teacher myself.”

            Kara ignored him and glared at Kirk and (Y/N). “You will have him back, and we will be destroyed.”

            “No, you won’t be destroyed. You’ll be without your Controller for the first time,” said Kirk. “But you’ll be much better off, I think.”

            “We will die,” said Kara.

            “No,” said (Y/N). “You will have the chance to really live and develop as you should have. All this shouldn’t be done for you. You need real lives with purpose and meaning.”

            Kirk nodded. “You, the women below, and the men above can come together and control this planet together.”

            “They will not help us without the pain,” said Kara.

            “There are other ways. You will discover them,” said Kirk. “You must move to the surface, you understand.”

            “We will die above in the cold,” said Kara.

            “No,” said (Y/N), and they smiled encouragingly. “You will learn to find the knowledge of this place and harness it with the knowledge of the men on how to live above.”

            “You’ll build houses and fires to keep warm and work,” said Kirk. “Starfleet will help you for a while to start your civilization safely. Humanoids have survived under worse conditions. It’s a matter of evolution. You’ll be fine.”

            As Kirk finished, (Y/N) felt a brush of confusion and fear touch their senses and turned to see Bones staring into space and Scotty staring at him worriedly. “Captain,” they said, alert.

            “What is it?” asked Kirk.

            “He’s forgetting,” realized (Y/N), eyes widened, and Scotty nodded in worry.

            “I can’t…I…” Bones trailed off as he strained his mind.

            “Bones?” said (Y/N) carefully.

            “All the ganglia, the nerves, there are a million of them,” said Bones absently. “What am I supposed to do?! What am I supposed to do?”

            “Bones, you can’t stop now,” urged (Y/N).

            “I’m trying to thread a needle with a sledgehammer,” murmured Bones. “What am I supposed to do?” A flood of negative emotions were seeping into him, destroying his calm. “What am I supposed to do? I can’t remember. I don’t remember…”

            “Bones,” said Kirk, trying to get his focus back.

            “No one can restore a brain!” cried Bones.

            “You could!” said (Y/N) with equal force and ferocity. Their empathic aura whipped around them, seeping into the other humanoids’ aura. “It was child’s play for you. You can do this.”

            The encouragement and boost of calm jerked Bones back to focus, and he leaned back into his work before he could lose anything again. Everyone remained on edge as Bones finished, not daring to speak for fear of breaking the tenuous spell of focus. Finally, Bones lost it, and he groaned.

            “Well?” said Kirk hurriedly.

            “He’s dying, and I can’t stop it!” cried Bones.

            “…(Y/N).”

            Everyone froze and looked down at Spock’s body on the cot. He had spoken.

            “Spock!” said (Y/N), moving to his side instantly.

            “(Y/N),” the word was stronger now, but still faint, like the speech was hard to get out, “If you will tell Dr. McCoy to finish reconnecting my speech center, I might be able to help.”

            “Speech center?” said Bones.

            “Yes, that’s correct.” It was stuttering and unclear, but the group got the message. Bones was quick to work as Spock requested, and then the Vulcan spoke, clear and controlled. “That’s better. Now, Doctor—” he got right to business “—try the sonic separator.”

            “Sonic separator,” repeated Bones, grabbing the device.

            “Yes, I believe I already have some sensation of feeling,” said Spock. “Please stimulate the nerve endings and observe the physical reactions, one by one. In each case, I shall tell you when the probe is correct. You will then seal using the tri-laser connector.”

            “Tri-laser connected,” said Bones, making sure he had it with him. “Ready?”

            “Ready,” confirmed Spock.

            And so they went forward with Bones stimulating each nerve to make sure they were correctly connected, and Spock would confirm or deny if the work was done correctly until finally, there was nothing left to check, and Bones closed Spock’s head.

            “Well?” said (Y/N), looking questioningly between Spock’s body and Bones.

            “Well, how do I know?” Bones was definitely back to normal, grumpiness and all. “I could have made a thousand mistakes. Sealing nerve endings, joining ganglia, the fluid balance is correct, but…I don’t know.”

            “I can assure you, Doctor, I am quite well,” said Spock, sitting up in front of everyone. “Congratulations, Doctor, and thank you.”

            “Spock!” (Y/N) hugged him tightly, not caring about their friends watching, and Spock allowed himself to return the gesture to his t’hy’la. “How are you feeling?”

            “On the whole, I believe I’m quite fit,” he said honestly. He looked over at Kara and the room around them. “This is fascinating. A remarkable example of a retrograde civilization. At the peak, advanced beyond any of our capabilities and now operating at this primitive level, which you saw.”

            (Y/N) grinned and looked at Bones, Kirk, and Scotty. “Bones, I think you did a fantastic job in surgery.” Their boyfriend was back.

            Spock continued his speech and analysis without a glance at the rest. Well, he was looking intently at (Y/N) and explaining everything to them, but then again, they were never part of the “rest” to Spock. They were special, his significant other, his love, his t’hyla. “And it all began thousands of years ago when a glacial age reoccurred. You see, this underground complex was developed for the women. The men remained above. And a male-female schism took place. A fascinating cultural development of a kind—”

            “I knew it was wrong,” grumbled Bones. “I shouldn’t have done it.”

            “What’s that?” asked Kirk.

            “I should have never reconnected his mouth,” said Bones.

            Kirk subdued a grin, and (Y/N) let out a chuckle.

l

            “So, everything is still working well?” asked (Y/N) as they walked Spock back to his quarters.

            “Yes, the Doctor’s ‘bells and whistles’ worked this time,” said Spock.

            (Y/N) grinned. “I’m just glad you’re back.” They held up two fingers, and Spock let a small smile flit across his face before he returned the gesture and pressed their fingers together in a Vulcan kiss. “I was worried I was going to lose you.”

            “I admit that the idea of not being with you also disturbed me,” said Spock.

            (Y/N) smiled. “But we’re still together. And we don’t give up on each other.”

            “No. We do not,” agreed Spock.

            (Y/N) and Spock were an inseparable pair, two sides of the same coin. They would not lose each other.

Taglist:

@a-ofzest

@grippleback-galaxy

@genderfluid-anime-goth

@groovy-lady

@im-making-an-effort

@unending-screaming

@h-l-vlovesvintage

@neenieweenie

@keylimeconstellation

@wormwig

@technikerin23

@ilyatan

@nthdarkqueen

[navy-leader]

AH. Idk if my ask went through so, I’ll just ask again in case. I don’t remember how much you care about Chosen and the Dark Lord as a dynamic, but I’m not an expert on them and you seemed to post about them quite a bit SO. May as well ask for your opinion. I can’t send links in anonymous asks, but Sweet Hangman by Elliotly to me feels like a song from the Dark Lord’s perspective about Chosen.

I care about them a whole lot and GOOD LORD does that song fit my intepretation of Dark very well

To me, theyre a pair of overpowered ultraviolent codependent freaks who had zero socialization outside of eachother. They had nothing but eachother for years and even so theyve yet to learn a lot about eachother. They know goddamn near everything about eachother, their little quirks, their icks, their fears, their violent moments, but they never really grow as people just by being with eachother. They dont agree on everything, in fact they disagree quite often and those disagreements often end in violent fights, theyre both godawful at communication and arguments often devolve into fists, but they cool down at the end and move on with their day, its just how they worked with eachother. They got a lot of issues tangled in each of themselves and the other party isn't very well equipped to untangle them so things just stay tangled or get even more tangled. They consider eachother their best friend, no one else in the world gets them because they've never gone out much into the rest of the world, they dont let people in easily, and their social skills are so fucking shot.

Now individually, Dark has a tendency to follow and serve people even if she doesnt realize that herself, she was created with a purpose and followed that purpose until it got her cornered and ever since Chosen took her hand shes just been following and doing what Chosen was doing, and she didnt really realize Chosen's change of heart and thought that he was just being a gloomy weirdo and pulling away from her for no reason so she tried to earn back his affections by planning to destroy the rest of the internet. Because thats what Chosen wouldve wanted, right?

Chosen is a gloomy weirdo who has trouble empathizing and has a tendency to be in his own head too much, he does genuinely care about Dark its just that he doesnt really see what she actually needs and doesnt really think of himself of any importance to have his actions have an impact on others. When he realized the destruction he created with Dark was going too far he hadnt thought to really communicate that to Dark because he just assumed that Dark would get it, because theyve always went off the little clues they get from the other instead of saying anything directly, so itll be fine, right?

Anyways the entirety of AvA 5 was just a gigantic lack of communication and misunderstanding and Dark had created the virabots and plan to destroy AlansPC with Chosen in mind but turns out Chosen wasnt cool with that!! And of course like every other time they disagree they Fight instead of communicating like well socialized people 😭

And god id talk more but this is getting too long jahdgjw. Thank you for the ask!!!!

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2024-07-15

I've been trying to be more thorough in putting down my thoughts about things in here because increasingly I don't do it anywhere else. Sure picked a week though because I went on a completionist streak for some reason.

Listening: Courtesy of making some muffins, Wet Leg by Wet Leg, who you probably know from their hit Chaise Longue.

it's a good album, very much dreamy alt-indie voice. At its best produces some sounds that are more fun to listen to than the lyrics suggest, good command of phonemes.

Also, a late rec off IRC by proxy from @amiscellany with Literary Mind, a new single from SPRINTS. Big fuzzy guitar on a retro rock soundtrack about being in lesbians with a girl.

I haven't gone through the rest of their music but I will be checking it out.

Watching: Finished Scavenger's Reign which was on the Canmom Animation Night last weekend, I only caught the front end because we started late. Really gorgeous show, if you want carefully considered realistic spec bio this is not for you but if you love That Moebius Shit then it's ideal.

I then rewatched the back half with Animation Night last night! Love to talk to my friends about beans.

The main selling point is that it's beautiful but there is also some very fun body horror and good amount of character. Azi and Levi probably have the most interesting relationship, with Azi being genuinely quite normal and polite with her little robot who is suddenly becoming a person. The very long sweeping views and extended scenes of things just happening occasionally breaking out into bloody messes keeps you alert, you can't get too comfortable assuming some part of the world is safe for the visitors.

There's space catholics? What's up with the space catholics.

Oh yeah, here's the original short that started the show, which was fun to see at Animation Night

Also finally got through the last three episodes of The Mandalorian, which. I really like quite a lot of The Mandalorian. I like it when Star Wars explores its backwaters and odd corners. They keep putting the skywalkers in it. I feel like this might be a way to get us to empathize with the residents of the Star Wars universe, who presumable also groan and roll their eyes any time a Skywalker shows up on the holonet.

The pitch for Book of Boba Fett at the end of the show is great. They killed my guy Bib Fortuna! He didn't do anything to anyone, except for the hundreds of murders! I love this weird power couple of Shang and Fett.

Reading: Finished The Traitor Baru Cormorant and picked up Monster. I am a tragedy lover and so this is great. Baru is in a race to kill the monster she's been digested by and unfortunately she's losing.

I like a fucked up secret political cadre. It's probably the least realistic part of the series but I also wouldn't be surprised to find out that it's also a trap. I mean it kind of is! Explicitly it's a trap for the most powerful people in the Masquerade, finding unusually talented people and binding them up with secrets in service of the Empire.

Playing: Beat Indika which is interesting but could probably mostly have been an arthouse film. I like the styling! It is very Arthouse Film, the weird framing, the somewhat stilted dialogue, you can even see it in the camera work, both in game and in cutscenes. The camera goes on an angle if you look the wrong way, which is very intenional, and there's lots of really beautifully framed cutscene moments like the watermill in the factory.

Is Indika good? I'm not sure. I think if you highly value your money it might annoy you. It's doing some fun things with the interactive medium in a very different way from something like, say, What Remains of a Edith Finch. It's doing movie shit. I forgot that video games could push my GPU that hard though.

Started the Dark Souls NG+, currently just beat the Moolight Butterfly. I would really like to build a dex fighter to try out rapiers, maybe Ricards Rapier, but you really need to have the upgrades to make it put out enough damage to stand up to the increased NG+ HP pools.

Making: Helping a friend put together some furniture, but little else. Fiddled with some music stuff to make new ringtones for my new phone, not that I ever hear those, but I like to know that I have them there.

Tools and Equipment: It's central hot water maintenance week so I don't have piped hot water at home. Reviving the great tradition of the washbasin shows you that you can actually get pretty clean pretty easily with like two liters of warm water and some soap, the hard part is really just long hair, which was also hard for people to manage in the 16th century.

[bicraigmanning]

“the best laid plans”

- honestly i know unrequited crushes suck but it’s hard to feel that bad for joey when i’m pretty sure steph has expressed disinterest and said no multiple times this point. though i don’t think the writers Quite intended this, which is part of why i’m willing to cut him Some slack, his behavior in this day and age would probably be called out as harassment.

- man i still am having a hard time being on voula’s side in this whole conflict. i think it would be one thing if there had been a long history established/implied of stephanie not treating her well/taking voula for granted, but there’s not—in that first episode, the major emphasis is put on how new stephanie’s behavior is. and even then, the meanest thing she did was not thank voula for her help with the campaign, which she’s tried to apologize for. voula didn’t want to hear it, which is her prerogative, but makes it hard to empathize when she reacts to anything stephanie says to her with vitriol. so far stephanie’s worst crimes have just… not actually been that bad. she doesn’t have to forgive stephanie or be her friend if she doesn’t want but her reactions to stephanie reaching out just feel really disproportionate.

- frankly i feel like arthur has way more of a right to be upset with her lmao. literally pretending he’s not her brother and getting mad when he doesn’t comply is way worse than anything else she’s done imo. that being said “grade sevens are people too” “debatable” is jshshsh great dialogue.

- i have never understood these ‘comedic’ plots where boys watch porn together. is that an actual thing people do? it feels more like a trope playing into the idea that boys are constantly sex-crazed, often with a splash of “no homo” thrown in there, but in reality i think most people (especially as kids?) would find it awkward.

- awww i do like that voula hears the rumor and is genuinely concerned about stephanie enough to ask her about it. and i really feel for stephanie? she really wants this boy to like her and thinks she messed up so, like, owes it to him now — which is not at all true and voula is right to check in with whether it’s what she really wants, but it’s a very realistic mindset for an insecure teenage girl.

- being concerned that your daughter might be planning to have sex too young/for the wrong reasons is understandable but saying your daughter looks like a tramp for how she’s dressing Absolutely Isn’t.

- i do like that they showed that wheels was also unsure whether he was ready to be having for sex and that the show doesn’t just treat that like it’s a given because he’s a boy, even if most of the other characters do (which is definitely compounding the pressure he feels.)

- interestingly, i thought wheels’ father’s approach to talking to him was much better than stephanie’s mom’s. without sounding too judgmental or condescending, he still took it seriously when wheels brought up the idea of having sex, explained that there were responsibilities involved, and let him know that he thought he was too young to be having sex. while i don’t think steph’s mom’s approach of handing out literature, for instance, was inherently bad, it seems like she came down really hard on stephanie (though we don’t see the conversation.) stephanie says it felt like her mom was acting as though she murdered someone. while i think it’s understandable to be angry and concerned when your kid is lying to you, i also think as a parent it is your responsibility to try to make sure they feel safe and like they won’t be judged when they’re honest with you and to really examine why they might not feel comfortable telling you the truth. and treating it like stephanie was doing something moraly wrong for potentially being interested in sex does not set up a healthy mindset it.

- though i’m not quite sure what the smile at the end is meant to convey, i like that stephanie didn’t answer/left it ambiguous when voula asks if she really would have gone through with sleeping with wheels on their date. she admits she didn’t want to but they purposely leave the question open-ended and as sad as it is, i think it’s realistic/makes a lot of sense that stephanie herself might not know the answer to that question.

- also curious if this means stephanie and voula are back to being friends? voula’s concern for her seemed to outweigh her annoyance ans they’re talking like they’re back on good terms at the end. i honestly don’t hate that as a way of resolving conflict; sometimes it’s like that with friendship, especially at that age… it’s not this whole bog affair, the thing you were mad about just stops mattering as much when there’s something else going on.

[generic-whumperz]

OC in 3

Choose 3 pics to represent your OC

Oops, I got overly excited and made 10 three-picture collages

Omg thank you @mj-iza-writer for the tag! I am honored that I came to mind! 🥹

No pressure (& open to anyone interested!) tag: @rainydaywhump @eatyourdamnpears @clairelsonao3 @dresden-syndrome @lights-out-knives-out @snakebites-and-ink

| Aid Masterlist | Aid Character Sheet | Character Info

Soooo, I know I’m supposed only to pick three pics, but honestly, I simply cannot (I know, no surprise there). I have been wanting to do a vibe photo dump for The Aid (the Whumpee & title of the story) but have yet to do it (hello, my ever-expanding Pinterest boards), so I’ll take this chance to explore The Aid’s past phases he’s gone through (pre & post-Wyatt {Whumper #2}) and give some explanations because it’s a lot. However, I don’t know if explanations are necessary for this tag game, but I’m famously too much, so of course, I’m going to over-explain myself because of my crippling fear of being misunderstood!

Ironically, I call his time with Madame Eleanor (technical Whumper #1) his “Aid Era” because that’s when he becomes this character we are introduced to and currently know him as. Yet, this is the part of his life he is phasing out of. **Insert something-something about being haunted by your past.**

(In the current storyline, he is going through a succession of more changes, and his world is about to be turned upside down yet again, but I’ll hold off on showing those for now because they’re spoilers, and I have more than enough here!)

Starting from the top, here we goooo—

P.S. The people in these pics are not what the characters look like, this is simply vibes only!

Day 1

1. As soon as The Aid arrives at his new home, Madame Eleanor gets custom-made Gucci uniforms made for him that looks like this. This is his go-to everyday attire. (I spent too long looking at scrubs and hospitality uniforms on and off for over a month—tell me you like it and think it’s cool and sleek.)

2. He has a special built-in in his closet specifically for all his fancy, jewel-encrusted collars Madame Eleanor gifted him throughout the years, but this is what the facility's standard-issue collar looks like for his designation (Grand Servant: Domestic Aid).

3. His favorite Prada frames Madame Eleanor got him. (Wyatt later breaks them because he’s an asshole, leaving him straight up blind for several months).

Fancy Threads

Eleanor Sullivan was a Rich Bitch™️, so best believe she had her servant dressed to the 9s in designer fits when out and about or for Family events and the like. She may also put him in a butler uniform from time to time when they were hosting a party at their residence—which was often, Eleanor was known for her soirées. (To clarify, he’d still wear a collar even when dressed up, and all those attending knew who and what he was.)

The Host

He loved a good party just as much as Eleanor did! He likes serving and seeing people have fun and enjoy themselves (people-pleasing empath). He was known for his food displays and had a knack for creating a proper afternoon tea spread that garnered attention from all those present.

Speaking of Empath…

We can’t talk about him without bringing up his not-so-secret secret! Lil’ homie has a gang of abilities (telepathic empathy, hyper intuition, premonitions, and psychometry) just bubbling up inside him at all times. His relationship with himself and his sixth senses is complicated, to say the least—he finds them burdensome, yet he cannot function without them, despite how much he argues otherwise. It’s a whole thing, but for a certified Telepathic-Empath™️, he sure is dead inside (which only gets worse after Wyatt OFC).

*Sorry for the shitty upload quality of the Emotional Sponge, idk why it looks so bad!

Domestic Duties

Not only can he slap together the best charcuterie board you’ve ever seen and easily untangle Christmas lights, but he’s also a man who can cook, clean, and keep a house. What can’t he do?

Hobbies? Interests?

Don’t be ridiculous, he didn’t have time for leisure activities! But when he had some occasional downtime, he would spend an ungodly amount of it doing facials and grooming himself. He also loved to go to the spa with Madame Eleanor. As far as reading went, he wasn’t into novels, but he would occasionally peruse short-story myths and legends, old fables, or read picture books in funny voices to Eleanor’s grandchildren. Primarily, he’d like to read trashy magazines, comics, and cookbooks. But let’s be real, he considered cleaning, gossiping, and baking his primary hobbies.

RIP Madame Eleanor Sullivan

(She’s been dead for about a year and a half when they story picks up)

First and foremost—above everything else—The Aid was Eleanor Sullivan’s literal live-in medically trained caregiver, which is why she bought him in the first place. They had a very close relationship for five years, and he did everything for her. When she died, his world was shattered, and he took her death really hard. Wyatt was jealous of his Mother’s relationship with her servant from day one, which is where part of his animosity comes from. Quick note—Eleanor was a posh, vintage-Chanel-wearing Grandma and would never be caught dead wearing a bathrobe outside. Eleanor was Queen of being That Bitch.

Enter: Wyatt Sullivan

These pics are pretty tame all things considered, but after Eleanor’s death, The Aid is now in a World O’ Hurt and the subject of Wyatt’s drug-and-alcohol-fueled rage. The Aid went from a high-class servant loved by his Madame and respected by her friends, associates, and family (besides Wyatt) to a human punching bag overnight. The beef between these two runs deep and maybe Eleanor isn’t as innocent as she seems. Stick around and you’ll find out all the Sullivan family tea.

To: Wyatt

Just some memes directed towards Wyatt and The Aid being painfully aware of his shitty situation (I got too many of these and had to sprinkle some in).

Where We’re at Now…

Quite the fall from grace, wouldn’t you say? Our boy is currently bed-ridden and zombified while having the worst time imaginable. He’s drugged up, fucked up, and can’t move half of his body!

*This took me an embarrassing amount of time to assemble, but I went the extra mile because this doubles as a reference guide.

[serial-serializednovelreader]

Nova’s Notes - North and South Weekly - Chapter 4

In which Margaret gets another unpleasant surprise…

“He was gone. The house was shut up for the evening. No more deep blue skies or crimson and amber tints.”

Lovely use of “show, don’t tell” here. It parallels Henry's idealized description of the country from last chapter and in turn, parallels how that idealized version has, as Margaret predicted, dissipated. And in another sense, her idealized version of Henry coming to visit -- where everyone left the visit happy -- has also dissipated in turn.

"How different men were to women! Here was she disturbed and unhappy, because her instinct had made anything but a refusal impossible; while he, not many minutes after he had met with a rejection of what ought to have been the deepest, holiest proposal of his life, could speak as if briefs, success, and all its superficial consequences of a good house, clever and agreeable society, were the sole avowed objects of his desires."

I can definitely see why she assumes this is a man/woman difference (that was obviously an assumption of the time), but that isn't why lol. This is just a coping mechanism and Henry's issueTM! It's dangerously close to Henry thinking Margaret is not missing her friends at London just because she smiles and acts happy around him. *However*, she has something else to say a couple of sentences later I want to highlight:

"Then she took it into her head that, after all, his lightness might be but assumed, to cover a bitterness of disappointment which would have been stamped on her own heart if she had loved and been rejected."

I think this passage right here marks one of the key differences between Margaret and Henry, and potentially what makes them incompatible in a romantic sense. Yes, she does have that initial thought of "how could he act so happy and focused after being rejected what's up with that", but she reflects -- she takes a second to empathize with him -- and realizes that it's probably a mask to hide his feelings! Would Henry have had that same moment of self-reflection? From what we've seen of him, no, I don't think so. Maybe later in his arc, but not currently.

I'm not saying she can't be in a romantic relationship with someone who can't feel the same kind of empathy as her (low empathy people deserve love too!!!), but I think it's more a matter of the reflection part. Her taking a second to rethink her initial assumptions before reaching a conclusion. Being in a relationship with someone who always assumes they know you best when, in reality, they jump to the wrong conclusion would be very exhausting. So far, Henry has not taken her perspective seriously, or taken what she's had to say at face value several times! Meanwhile, in this quiet way, she's making sure to rethink her conclusions to see him in the best possible light.

"Oh dear! how she could have loved him if he had but been different, with a difference which she felt, on reflection, to be one that went low—deep down."

And then there's this sentence between the two I just analyzed...

Live footage of me reading this:

Margaret, you are SO funny, I love you so much. I mean, you're not wrong but...also?? Yeah, I definitely feel a bit bad for Henry here, oof. It goes to show that you can't force romance or compatibility! Either someone will love you for who you are, or you'd have to have a whole personality transplant to make them love you...yikes, that sounds bad. I just mean the right people will love everything about you!! Surround yourself with those! And to be fair, Margaret does love him, just not romantically.

"Margaret had to shake off the recollections of what had been done and said through the day, and turn a sympathising listener to the account of how Dixon had complained that the ironing-blanket had been burnt again; and how Susan Lightfoot had been seen with artificial flowers in her bonnet, thereby giving evidence of a vain and giddy character. Mr. Hale sipped his tea in abstracted silence; Margaret had the responses all to herself. She wondered how her father and mother could be so forgetful, so regardless of their companion through the day, as never to mention his name. She forgot that he had not made them an offer."

I feel so bad for her here!!! She's just trying to organize her thoughts, but -- as usual -- she has to turn a listening ear to her mother's ever-present IssuesTM. She can't even get a break for a second because her dad isn't responding. I wonder if hearing Henry's name mentioned would actually be better or worse for her to hear; though I do know I would hate for my mom to be talking about someone's fashion choices right after I had to reject someone! Also, "She forgot that he had not made them an offer." LOL Margaret, yes that is one way of putting it.

When Mrs. Hale leaves, Mr. Hale asks for her to talk to him about something "very serious" to the family...Margaret is worried:

"Mr. Lennox had never had the opportunity of having any private conversation with her father after her refusal, or else that would indeed be a very serious affair. In the first place, Margaret felt guilty and ashamed of having grown so much into a woman as to be thought of in marriage; and secondly, she did not know if her father might not be displeased that she had taken upon herself to decline Mr. Lennox’s proposal."

Ahhh, again, feel for her here! She shouldn't feel ashamed of being a woman of marrying age, though I guess that is rather strange for her since she hasn't had the chance to be around her parents in so long. It must feel weird to go from a child to suddenly an woman who can get proposed to and have your dad talk to you about it. But she shouldn't feel guilty and ashamed. :(

As for the second point, does she really think her father would force her to accept Henry's proposal? Or does this just mean he would have rather she waited for him to decline it for her? Either way, oof, I hope this wouldn't have been the case. He should let her take care of it!

That's when Mr. Hale drops two bombs on Margaret -- that they must leave Helstone because he's no longer going to be a minster.

Wait...WHAT?! Where did this come from? Is it because of Frederick? No? Then why...

"'Margaret, I will tell you about it. I will answer any questions this once, but after to-night let us never speak of it again. I can meet the consequences of my painful, miserable doubts; but it is an effort beyond me to speak of what has caused me so much suffering.'”

So, he's able to speak on this whole situation that he's apparently caused (it sure sounds like this is a decision he made from this passage)...but only for one night? I don't like that very much. If you're going to make a life-altering decision like that which will affect your entire family, I don't think you get the right to be like "we can never speak of this again after I initially tell you." For one thing, that's not a healthy family relationship and will definitely lead to communication problems later. Secondly, it puts an unfair burden on Margaret to make her bottle up all of her emotions about this change after just one night of being able to voice them! And what of her mother? Will she be able to speak of her feelings, or will she -- as usual -- just pass all of this on to Margaret's ear? Then that's doubly unfair to Margaret and also unfair to Mrs. Hale!!!

“"You could not understand it all, if I told you—my anxiety, for years past, to know whether I had any right to hold my living—my efforts to quench my smouldering doubts by the authority of the Church. Oh! Margaret, how I love the holy Church from which I am to be shut out!' He could not go on for a moment or two. Margaret could not tell what to say; it seemed to her as terribly mysterious as if her father were about to turn Mahometan."

Ok, so this definitely confused me because...what doubts Mr. Hale?? You have some anxiety and that's it? You explain nothing. Also, don't like that he pulls a "you wouldn't understand". Then make her understand!!

Back to the confusion, this post helped me understand the reason behind the mystery (tl;dr, for controversial religious reasons) and this post has notes which speculate specific reasons why Mr. Hale may has his doubts in the church (tl;dr, the act of uniformity and the book of common prayer).

Also, Mahometan means "Muslim" -- which I also found out from this last post I linked -- so basically this shock is as "mysterious" to her as if her father suddenly changed religions!

“"I have been reading to-day of the two thousand who were ejected from their churches,”—continued Mr. Hale, smiling faintly,—“trying to steal some of their bravery; but it is of no use—no use—I cannot help feeling it acutely.'”

I guess I can understand why he's using this situation to try to help him relate, but I feel like this is a bit incomparable. One case is people being forced from the church, while the other is someone choosing to leave the church due to anxiety and other doubts. It seems a bit...unfair to compare the two. Am I the only one who feels that way? I know everyone has different struggles but...I don't know. Just weird to me.

“'But, papa, have you well considered? Oh! it seems so terrible, so shocking,' said Margaret, suddenly bursting into tears. The one staid foundation of her home, of her idea of her beloved father, seemed reeling and rocking. What could she say? What was to be done? The sight of her distress made Mr. Hale nerve himself, in order to try and comfort her. He swallowed down the dry choking sobs which had been heaving up from his heart..."

Thus far, we haven't seen Margaret cry since she was a lonely child, heartbroken at the thought of being far from her home. And here she is again, just past an adult and crying again at the prospect of leaving her home: this time forever. This time, it also comes with the added knowledge that her father is the one to do this and it changes her idealized version of him. It seems that Henry isn't the only one showing his true character and bursting her bubble today....yikes.

The only good news is that her father does try to comfort her and push down his feelings. He's her father, it's his job to be there for her!!! She may be technically an adult (if you count 18 as an adult, which I really don't -- that's still a child/teenager for me, but that may be my age talking lol), but she still needs her father!! So far, she's the one who has had to bear the emotional burdens of her parents, so it's nice to see a role reversal (and the one it should be) for a change.

The bad news is is that he tries to comfort her using a religious reading which she's too upset to pay any attention to (understandable). The text itself -- summed up -- basically is from an ex-clergyman that states that preaching the word while having doubts is not actually good and dishonorable to God. It is then better to set aside the ministry than it is to continue it. For Mr. Hale, he is able to gain strength from this, but Margaret's sobs bring him back to reality.

“'Margaret, dear!' said he, drawing her closer, 'think of the early martyrs; think of the thousands who have suffered.' 'But, father,' said she, suddenly lifting up her flushed, tear-wet face, 'the early martyrs suffered for the truth, while you—oh! dear, dear papa!'"

While Margaret is upset beyond measure, that doesn't mean she's not going to speak her mind. And yep, she's thinking the same thing I am! Comparing his own inner conflicts to matyrs -- those who have died from persecution of their religion -- well, that's...yeah I can't complete my thought either. I don't really know what to say to that, honestly.

“'I suffer for conscience’ sake, my child,' said he, with a dignity that was only tremulous from the acute sensitiveness of his character; 'I must do what my conscience bids. I have borne long with self-reproach that would have roused any mind less torpid and cowardly than mine.' He shook his head as he went on. 'Your poor mother’s fond wish, gratified at last in the mocking way in which over-fond wishes are too often fulfilled—Sodom apples as they are—has brought on this crisis, for which I ought to be, and I hope I am thankful."

Ahhhh it's his conscience that suffers, well in that case...NOPE, still a strange comparison. He uses self-deprecation to make Margaret feel sorry for him (seriously, bearing your own angry thoughts was such a hardship for you, but you actually should have given up your home sooner if not for your "cowardice"? Ok.). THEN, he goes on to blame his wife and say her continual asks about a promotion he hasn't received in 20 years has "brought on this crisis", but he's thankful anyway.

Ok, this gives me LOTS OF FEELINGS but....let's backup really quick. Imagine you have a spouse with a job (in this economy? Congratulations, honestly). It's not a great job, but it's a job! You assume at some point, your spouse will get a promotion so you and your two children can get a bit of a better living. The place where you live is fine but it's not the best it could be. (Plus you may be a *little* selfish and want more comfort, but some of it is genuinely to give your family a better life). Twenty years pass and....nothing. No promotion, no change. People who aren't as ambitious or don't study as much your spouse get promoted, but your spouse doesn't. Everytime you bring it up to your spouse, they tell you to "be happy where you are, they're happy!" or just brushes off your concerns. So, you get more pushy about it. And what happens? Still nothing.

Then one day, out of the blue, they come up to you and tell you: I quit my job and also it's your fault I quit because you asked too much of me for wanting me to promote! So yeah, we have to leave our house, but I feel better about my own inner turmoil now so YAY :) How would you feel about that? I'd imagine not great...

Now, obviously, he's not going to tell his wife exactly that, but still? I feel like blaming it on your wife is so immature. I know in my analysis of Chapter 2, I did side with Mr. Hale and think Mrs. Hale was putting too much pressure on him...but then I got context. And the context I received changed my perception of this a bit. Do I still think it's right for her to constantly complain about their house and tell him to promote? No, not really. Do I think it's her way of showing love (in the sense where she says "you could do so much better than this job! I believe you're better than these other guys that got promoted!" -- which I don't consider that the best kind of love to show to your spouse but I do think that's her way) and that she doesn't deserve actual *blame* when he's the own making the life-altering decision here? Also, yes.

To be honest, I think it's a complex situation; both parties are wrong in some places and both parties have correct points. The reason I'm being hard on Mr. Hale is because he's making such a life-altering change to the entire family without telling them -- that's not fair and anxiety doesn't excuse it. As someone with anxiety, I avoid difficult conversations and conflict whenever possible, but I wouldn't avoid it here! While I doubt he would've been able to just "talk things out" with his wife about his doubts (so far, she doesn't seem the type to be a sympathetic ear in a situation like this, though I'm open to changing my mind), bottling his doubts up until it became this also wasn't the answer.

What I do love from a reader's standpoint is that this isn't black and white for me!!! I get to see all sides and I understand their viewpoints, I love it. :D

"'It is not a month since the bishop offered me another living; if I had accepted it, I should have had to make a fresh declaration of conformity to the Liturgy at my institution. Margaret, I tried to do it; I tried to content myself with simply refusing the additional preferment, and stopping quietly here,—strangling my conscience now, as I had strained it before.'"

So what prompted this was actually the bishop offering to promote him (what his wife had wanted), but he would've had to make a fresh declaration of conformity (basically, restating his vows/creed to the church and its doctrine) and that seemed to be what turned him away. Again, this is HIS decision, yet he's passing the blame on others. And instead of just refusing the promotion...he asked to resign instead. Oof.

She asks him the next obvious question: when is this all to take place? He says next Sunday is his last sermon. It's sudden, but for Margaret:

"...[l]ingering would only add stings to the pain; it was better to be stunned into numbness by hearing of all these arrangements..."

It's sad that she has to take comfort in what she can, and the only comfort she has is that everything is happening so suddenly that at least she can be shocked and numbed from the pain she'd feel (and will likely feel later on once this shock wears off). :((

The next obvious question arises: what does her mom have to say?

“'Margaret, I am a poor coward after all. I cannot bear to give pain. I know so well your mother’s married life has not been all she hoped—all she had a right to expect—and this will be such a blow to her, that I have never had the heart, the power to tell her. She must be told though, now,' said he, looking wistfully at his daughter."

He hasn't even told his wife yet?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!! There's absolutely no excuse for this type of behavior, I'm sorry. No matter how bad your anxiety is, you can't just *not tell your wife* about a LIFE-CHANGING decision like this!!! If he really wanted to not give pain to his wife and give her "less comfort" than he feels she deserves, I feel like there's some kind of compromise between hating your profession and then quitting your job and moving houses without telling her first!! Just me? Ok. I also don't like the way he's looking at his daughter after saying he doesn't have the heart to tell his wife, but she does need to be told...hm....

“'Where are we to go to?' said she at last, struck with a fresh wonder as to their future plans, if plans indeed her father had."

It says a lot about how far her trust in her father has fallen that she's not even sure if he's made plans for what happens after they leave Helstone. She probably feels like the only rational one in this situation, and with how much she's had to solve problems for her parents lately, I can kind of see why!

Luckily, he does have a plan: they're going to move to Milton-Northern, a manufacturing town. But Mr. Hale has one more issue...

"'Only help me to tell your mother. I think I could do anything but that: the idea of her distress turns me sick with dread. If I tell you all, perhaps you could break it to her to-morrow. I am going out for the day, to bid farmer Dobson and the poor people on Bracy Common good-bye. Would you dislike breaking it to her very much, Margaret?'”

Yep, just what I was worried about. So while Mr. Hale gets to go out and say his goodbyes (probably seeming like a hero/martyr while doing so as that's how he's been portraying himself throughout this conversation), Margaret gets the very fun job (/s) of breaking the news to her mother that not only is her husband NOT getting a promotion, he has quit his job and they will be moving to a manufacturing town where he can get another job! I'm sure that will go over very well, considering how calm, composed and non-whiney her mother has been up to this point (very hard /s).

I also hate that he asks her if she would dislike doing this because it's an illusion of choice. It seems like a way out. But, even if Margaret says "yes, I'd rather not," she's probably still going to be forced into it regardless. And after all of his conflict beforehand, it would make her feel horrible to refuse now. I know he cares about and loves his daughter, but he's letting his own inability to communicate effectively with his wife overshadow that.

Pro tip: if you ever get to the point where you're letting your own child break bad news to your partner -- and it's not due to an emergency or some sort of disability you can't overcome on your end (even then, there are still ways to communicate through those circumstances, but as an example) -- then you're doing it wrong. It's very hard to sympathize with Mr. Hale here.

"Margaret did dislike it, did shrink from it more than from anything she had ever had to do in her life before. She could not speak, all at once. Her father said, “You dislike it very much don’t you, Margaret?” Then she conquered herself, and said, with a bright strong look on her face: 'It is a painful thing, but it must be done, and I will do it as well as ever I can. You must have many painful things to do.' Mr. Hale shook his head despondingly: he pressed her hand in token of gratitude. Margaret was nearly upset again into a burst of crying."

Of course, as I suspected, she feels obligated to take on her father's problems and once again, becomes the one taking on emotional burdens for the family. She puts on a brave facade, but is still very close to tears all the while. She talks of him having "painful things to do" and acting as if this hardship is little in comparison, but honestly -- I don't see what could be worse than what she's about to do. Quitting? He's already done that. Moving itself? They're all going to be a part of it; it won't be his own burden alone. Saying goodbye to his congregation? Sure, that will be difficult, but at least he has the option to walk away if they ask too many questions; Margaret won't have that luxury. And of course, Margaret can't (or doesn't want to) acknowledge the crux of the matter: that he chose to do this, fully knowing his wife would have to know about it at some point in the process. The fact that he probably decided early on he would have Margaret take on this burden instead of him is honestly pretty cowardly and sucky of him to do.

Margaret is sooooo much better than me because I think I would just say no! Sorry, I love you, but you decided to do this to us, so find the courage to tell mom about it!!! 🤷‍♀️ I understand why she agrees to it though: even with her trust broken, her dad was still her hero for such a long time and that feeling will not just go away in the matter of a couple of minutes. Plus, she's already gotten used to taking on her parents' burdens, so this is just another mark in a long list. Not to mention her compassion for others in general. I do admire her for taking this responsibility on -- I just know it's not her responsibility and wish her dad would do the right thing!

Margaret does try to ask her father about the possibility of surviving at Helstone without her father having a job, but that is quickly shot down. She's given a reality check that Frederick needs their money for him to survive living abroad and there's also the matter of Mr. Hale's wants:

"'I must do something! I must make myself busy, to keep off morbid thoughts. Besides, in a country parish I should be so painfully reminded of Helstone, and my duties here. I could not bear it, Margaret. And a hundred a year would go a very little way, after the necessary wants of housekeeping are met, towards providing your mother with all the comforts she has been accustomed to, and ought to have. No: we must go to Milton. That is settled. I can always decide better by myself, and not influenced by those whom I love,' said he, as a half apology for having arranged so much before he had told any one of his family of his intentions. 'I cannot stand objections. They make me so undecided.'”

I think it's a little funny (not funny in a haha way) that Mr. Hale, after all of this, has the nerve to go "I need to move there because it's best for *me*. The jobs there are best for *my needs* where I won't be reminded of *my failure*." Buddy, I hate to tell you this, but the literal last thing you should be thinking about is yourself in this situation. You should be looking for a place that has good work -- yes -- but also will be a good place for Margaret and Mrs. Hale. Aka, your family. Remember them??

Now, from what I've heard about North and South, this book is about labor relations and overcoming prejudices about manufacturing towns (I think??). I'm not trying to say Milton can't or won't be a good place for them to live (I know it probably will be better than they think it is!), I'm just saying the fact that he starts off this passage with listing the criteria *he needs* to live in a town is wild to me after all of this. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, considering it was his own needs that pushed him to do this in the first place. He also mentions the comforts his wife needs, but that almost feels like an excuse or afterthought compared to how much emphasis he puts on his own needs/wants.

Also, the last part of his speech to Margaret is ridiculous to me. That's supposed to be a half-apology? That is one of the worst apologies I've heard yet! And that's after hearing Lennox's love confession (these two have GOT to communicate better because Margaret needs better men in her life, geez). Also "I cannot stand objections. They make me so undecided." ???? Pfft, YEAH, no duh! Obviously, objections will do that, that's what they're for!!!! They're supposed to make you rethink and reevaluate what you're doing before it's too late. Which, in your case, would've been a much better option than doing what you did, Mr. Hale!!! But instead, you chose to follow only what you wanted and didn't think of the family that needed you.

I have no doubt that this decision will likely work out better for them in the end, but it easily couldn't and for me, that's what bothers me so much! Packing your family up just like that and arranging this before telling them anything is just so inconsiderate to me. I understand needing to quit your job for your mental health, but....not like this.

Mr. Hale then talks of how he heard of Milton -- from Frederick's godfather, Mr. Bell who owns property there. I want to highlight this specific part:

"'Well; I had reason to suspect—to imagine—I had better say nothing about it, however. But I felt sure of sympathy from Mr. Bell.'"

So...you're not even for sure whether Mr. Bell will help you or not -- you just felt like he had sympathy???? And he also told you of a job opening for a private tutor from a Mr. Thornton (who I know will be important later!!!!). That's....not the solid plan I would've hoped for. He has a recommendation letter (basically), but still. I suppose there are worse plans to have, but like -- is there any guarantee of a home with that plan? I would not be assured at all if I was Margaret.

This is where Margaret's prejudice shows.

“A private tutor!” said Margaret, looking scornful: “What in the world do manufacturers want with the classics, or literature, or the accomplishments of a gentleman?”

Don't turn into a judgy-pants here, I know you're better than your mother!!! I assume part of her arc will be learning that manufacturers deserve as much of an education as she does, though I had hoped she would already know that! To be fair to her, she has been raised in an environment where her entire family is somewhat judgmental of anyone "beneath" them, so I can understand why she wouldn't exactly see beyond that. She may be more sympathetic and practical than her mother and aunt, but prejudices and biases from how she was raised are quite easy to emulate.

Mr. Hale is actually the reasonable one here (though whether it's genuine or out of interest to convince Margaret his plan is a good idea is unclear), stating that many in Milton want to learn and are actually better than men from Oxford, who don't acknowledge any deficiencies in themselves. I agree with that sentiment!

Mr. Hale again brings up how different it is from Helstone and it's a good thing because they can't be reminded of it -- Margaret can't help but agree, though she lists several reasons why she does not want to live there (mostly from what's she heard from others -- that it's "bleak" and "discordant"). I myself find running away from your problems and then blocking out anything that could remind of that problem to be borderline unhealthy (it can be healthy and work in some cases, but to not talk about it at all is a red flag), but what do I know?

Margaret asks when they're leaving and Mr. Hale replies that it will be two weeks from now. She is, of course, stunned again. but takes it in stride. The only problem is that her mother knows nothing of it!

He replies by lamenting how much easier this would all would be for him if he were by himself and not married. I think that's key to highlight here because while he doesn't seem to have a problem with Margaret (though he does emphasize the "alone" part), he does seem to have a problem with Mrs. Hale and that's where his conflict arises. It sounds like they have some marital issues to work on...

Margaret asks for time to tell her mother -- until tomorrow night. Then, she says:

"'Oh, papa,' cried she with sudden passionate entreaty, 'say—tell me it is a nightmare—a horrid dream—not the real waking truth! You cannot mean that you are really going to leave the Church—to give up Helstone—to be for ever separate from me, from mamma—led away by some delusion—some temptation! You do not really mean it!'”

I think Margaret has entered the "denial" phase of grief here, and I don't blame her one bit! It's so much to take in, and this is all on the same night she was proposed to by someone she only saw as a friend. Needless to say, she's going through a lot emotionally. And I think when she speaks of her father being "separate" from her and her mother, she means emotionally and spiritually, not physically. Because what he is doing will lead to this kind of division, whether he can see it or not. I know personally I would not be able to talk to or see my parent in the same light if they did something similar!

"Mr. Hale sat in rigid stillness while she spoke. Then he looked her in the face, and said in a slow, hoarse, measured way—'I do mean it, Margaret. You must not deceive yourself in doubting the reality of my words—my fixed intention and resolve.' He looked at her in the same steady, stony manner, for some moments after he had done speaking.'"

Oooooooh, this one rankles me. So he's entitled to lament and wish he wasn't married and was all by himself to do as he pleased (which is probably emotionally devastating for Margaret to hear, by the way), but she's not allowed to wish this wasn't real? To cry out for her dad for comfort on the same night she's told she has to leave her childhood home? Wow, not very kind or fatherly of you Mr. Hale. This definitely does not raise my opinion of him.

Margaret stares back at him and sees he is indeed serious. She has no more to sa and she decides to leave the situation. This is probably for the best because I imagine she needs time alone. However, Mr. Hale has one more thing to say:

“'The blessing of God be upon thee, my child!'”

Am I the only one who read this and thought "after all of this you have the audacity...?" Like, yes, of course, as a Christian, he's free to say this. But I see him saying this in the authority of a minster and...he's not anymore. Or he's almost not. The other problem I see with this is if he's blessing her because he feels she "needs it" after her outburst...no, no she doesn't. She didn't do anything wrong. She handled it as well as could be expected. I don't think an 18 year-old is going to just smile and nod at this!! Heck, an adult wouldn't -- just look at how Mrs. Hale is (probably) going to react! He's so worried over her reaction he won't even tell her himself! So yeah, for lots of reasons, this rubs me the wrong way.

“'And may He restore you to His Church,' responded she, out of the fulness of her heart. The next moment she feared lest this answer to his blessing might be irreverent, wrong—might hurt him as coming from his daughter, and she threw her arms round his neck."

Honestly, I saw her response and was like "AS SHE SHOULD!!!" Of course, Margaret is too kind-hearted and loves her dad too much to let that stand, so she makes up for it by hugging him. I love her for that!

I think this passage shows how kind she can be even in the face of such emotional stress. Yes, she says things in the heat of the moment (as I've been told and have figured out, she tends to lash out when she's upset, especially when she feels attacked), but she doesn't let them stand. Could she have walked out in this moment? Yes, and I honestly wouldn't have blamed her for it. Instead, she chose to hug her father and show him she still loves him. It's a powerful moment and shows a lot about Margaret's character!

The moment is quickly broken when Mrs. Hale asks for Margaret. Mr. Hale reminds her of her promise and she agrees, walking away "in a stunned and dizzy state"...

As a final note, I want to make it clear again that I don't blame Mr. Hale for wanting to quit his job for mental health reasons. If the job was too much pressure on him and he felt the need to leave -- that's valid. No one should be forced to stay in a job they hate! However, my problems are with the fact that he never communicated this and chose to bottle it up to the point of quitting his job and arranging for his family to move behind their back, fully knowing they would hate it. He didn't tell them because he didn't want them to influence his decision, which is just...if you can't trust your family to give you guidance: that's bad. I think it was really just an excuse for him to do whatever he wanted, knowing he would get away with it. Finally, my biggest issue comes in with making Margaret tell her mother -- his wife -- of this. That is truly a horrible move on his part and very unfair to both his daughter and his partner!! If he's willing to take all of these steps, he should at least commit to telling both of them. So, yeah, just wanted to make it clear that I don't blame him for why he quit his job, just more how he went about it and the current fallout.

I imagine this next chapter will see Margaret telling her mother of the move...let's see how that goes!

[knightyoomyoui]

Chaeyoung x M Reader - [Sacrifice]

TIME TO FINISH SET 5 ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!

YN was busy on his duty at one of the jobs he applied for when he received bad news from the doctor who contacted him through a phone call.

Here he goes, sprinting after he exits the elevator to arrive quickly in the medical room. "Doc! Doc!" YN shouts as the nurses standing near the door immediately stop him after he tries to enter the room. “CHAEYOUNG!!!” "Sir, please, we request that you stay outside." "What are they doing to her? What's happening?" YN aid as he tried to sneak pass against these nurses blocking her path. "Let him go, the doctor commanded the two nurses who were blocking the tensed and horrified guardian. They listened, and YN stepped closer to the doctor, who was now out of the room, facing him.

"Doc, tell me, please. What happened to Chaeyoung?" YN pleaded with a shaky voice. The doctor sighed, clasping his hands together to make his stance straight and proper. "Mr. Son, I called you here because, as you can see, your sister had an urgent emergency, and the nurse who's checking on her notified us after she noticed what happened to her." "And that is?" "Mr. YN, I'm sorry to say this, but this isn't a grateful or relieving update you're going to hear, the doctor apologetically said, increasing YN's anxiety. "Her vital signs are back to stable now, thanks to the early action we took for them, but I'm not confident enough to say that this is going to be the last."

"W-why?"

"I found out through the check up I performed on her that your sister's condition has gotten worse, Mr. Son." The doctor cautiously said. "Her body's gone weaker and slightly more critical than the previous examinations we had, and the effects of that change were witnessed just a while ago by our nurse here."

YN and the doctor looked at the nurse beside them, who was listening sadly to their conversation.

"When I was about to leave after changing her clothes, she just suddenly started to slowly shake. Her temperature went up too when I touched her again to figure it out." The nurse recalled what she experienced a while ago.

"Oh god..." YN covered his head in stress and agony again after hearing another pityful incident about his poor sister.

"Her immunity system is now doing its best to fight the illness that's been damaging her body, Mr. Son, and we both know that proper medication is the best support system we've got here, the doctor continued. "I assume you haven't paid her medical bills so far."

"N-not yet, d-doc," YN said weakly. "The savings I'm getting from my jobs aren't enough."

"As much as I want to help you further, aside from my responsibility here as her doctor, I would be happy too, but I must remain professional and fair here, Mr. Son" the doctor empathically remarked, giving her a forced smile.

"I'm not rushing you or something, but... it would be better if you could find a way faster to pay her bills because, based on what we found out after we stabilized her, she'll need additional support, and I have no other choice but to add other recommended treatments for her."

YN can only nod; he's already speechless about what he'll say since his mind is quite preoccupied with the worried thoughts he had about her sister's health status.

"I understand, doc. T. Thank you."

"You're welcome and good luck, Mr. Son. Again, I wish her a speedy recovery, the doctor said before he left with his assistant nurses.

YN walked inside the room where his lovely sister, Chaeyoung, is currently lying down on the bed in an unconscious state.

Aside from her peaceful appearance, it's kind of hard to remain in her sight knowing that there's a distraction that ruins this wonderful view she has.

These straws and hoses were all connected in some parts of her body, specifically her nose, arms, and mouth.

These were the ones that were in handy to provide a sufficient amount of blood and a stable flow of nutrition traveling through her body, attempting to deflate the chances of more advantages her illness could get.

Remembering what the doctor just told to him after he caught how hard he's resuscitating Chaeyoung earlier who seems like she's going to die, his heart is too vulnerable to easily break again and give up the tears he's holding on while he's coversing with the doctor about Chaeyoung's condition.

YN cried as went closer to her sister's pity-looking resting figure.

"Where? Where could I find a job with higher demand of salary? I don't know what to do anymore..." YN crouches as he gripped his hair harshly in frustration, questioning the complaint he has about the doctor's request. "Why is our life should be this hard, Chaeng?"

A brief of a background behind this tough sitatution YN has been going through as of now.

The two Son siblings, Chaeyoung and YN lives in a small, poverty- stricken town.

They are currently struggling to make ends meet. YN, the responsible older brother, works tirelessly to provide for his sickly younger sister, Chaeyoung.

They both dream of a better life, but their hopes seem dashed when Chaeyoung's medical condition worsens, and they are burdened with exorbitant medical bills they can never hope to pay.

Sadly, they couldn't approach any close family, relatives, or friends to gain financial support because they never had one.

Their parents were gone way too early; YN was just 15 years old at the time, and Chaeyoung was 8 when their parents died in the explosion of a popular factory in the town. Both of them are workers there.

Their relatives from their father's side hate them since they never actually wanted their father to marry their mother in the first place, while on their mother's side, they never knew who may be their relatives there because their mother didn't want to introduce them.

Lastly, they didn't have any friends because they were too secure and restricted to interacting with and getting close to other people, especially those who were the same age as them.

It's understandable regarding how they used to always be criticized, mocked, and bullied in their neighborhood.

The day after the doctor announced Chaeyoung's worsened condition, YN became even more pressured to balance his time between the work he had temporarily sidelined and his time to visit Chaeyoung. It wasn't until he decided to leave and decrease the set of jobs he took that he could prioritize Chaeyoung as equally as his jobs.

There, he guards his younger sister every day with the same amount of time as his mind is filled with pieces of thoughts and ideas he's trying to form that would reveal a solution to his problem.

That day, when he was feeding Chaeyoung her breakfast, she randomly asked him out of nowhere.

"Oppa?" She asked after swallowing the spoonful of mushroom soup.

"Yes, Chaengie?"

"How long can I get out of here?"

YN went silent for a second, looking away at Chaeyoung as he suddenly think the total earnings he had so far which still doesn't reach the requirement to pass her medical bills.

"Soon, Chaengie. But first, you have to be good, okay? You should rest and gather up your energy again so we can live again normally, YN reasoned out.

"Okay, Oppa." She timidly smiled.

Oppa, just like you, Chaengie. I'm excited to get out of here too." YN sympathized. "How are you feeling these days?"

"Would you be angry at me?"

"Why would I? I'm asking you, so that means Oppa wants to know." YN denied. "I will never be mad at you, Chaengie. Tell me, please. I'm just concerned about you."

"I'm okay right now, Oppa, but... it hurts sometimes too." She shuts her eyes and frowns. YN had a visible, bothered expression in his face. "It's hard, but I still try to be a good girl, like what you say to me, oppa."

YN couldn't handle his emotions anymore. He dropped the spoon and the bowl at the table beside him, snatched Chaeyoung's hand, and hugs it as he laid his head on his stomach while looking up at Chaeyoung getting brought on by the moment done by her brother.

"Don't cry, Oppa."

"I'll work hard, Chaeyoung-ah. Okay? I'll find us a way to get you out of here, he said with trembling lips. "Be strong for me, please. I promise you, everything's going to be okay. If I had to sacrifice what's in me, I'll do it just for your safety, Chaeng. I love you."

"I know, oppa. That's why I still try to hold on while we wait. Don't forget to rest too if you can. I love you too, oppa." Chaeyoung slowly reaches for her brother's head to gently stroke his long disheveled hair in a way for comfort.

Just as they were pulling themselves apart from their breaking point, later in the afternoon, YN woke up from Chaeyoung's torso.

His sister is now the one who is sleeping. Giving her space, he stayed outside for a while to use his phone and revisit the memories that he made with Chaeyoung when they were youths through the pictures and videos he has saved in his gallery.

"Cute girl."

He was so invested that he wasn't aware of a mysterious stranger who had just approached him.

"Pardon?"

"Who's she to you?" The guy looked at the window where he could see Chaeyoung sleeping.

"That's my sister. Her name's Chaeyoung, he answered.

"As I said, her name suits her. It's cute."

"Okay?" YN glared at him, unsure of how he was going to react.

"May I ask what happened to her?"

She's been diagnosed with gastroenteritis. She's already had a problem with her lungs since she was young."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." The guy showed his sympathy. "Get well soon to her."

"Thanks."

"It must be so hard for you, I believe, he said.

Yeah, it is. Considering she's my only sibling and the only family I've got, he said." He quit using your phone and focused his attention back at Chaeyoung. Meanwhile, the guy wore a winning smile on his lips after he heard that.

"I couldn't imagine what you're going through just to ensure that your sister would wake up one day with no more burden to carry on her health, the guy replied.

"What about you, by the way?"

"Ahh, my friend is in the next room. He's injured."

YN nodded understandably. "May I know why you just suddenly came forward to talk to me? Do you seek help or a company to join you for some nice talk?"

"A bit of both, but I'd much rather look forward to the first option, the guy said, showing his clean set of teeth as he grinned in front of him for the first time.

"What could it be?"

"Perhaps you've been having troubles regarding money, haven't you?" He said. "Based on what you told me, that's one of the most common obstacles you have to cross as someone in a tough situation like yours."

"And if I say yes, what can you do about it?" YN raised his eyebrow.

The guy took a seat beside YN and looked at him intently. I've got an offer for you that could change your lives forever.

"What will I get from them in return?"

"A substantial sum of money that would cover your sister Chaeyoung's medical bills entirely,, the stranger smirked. "How much is her medical bill?"

"More than 11 million won."

"Then this is the perfect offer for you, my friend!" the stranger exclaimed with enthusiasm. "Not only that, you can even have fun with your sister whenever you two want to do things like go to an amusement park, rent a house, or anything with the extra money left!"

"Why should I be confident with that? Why should I trust you?" YN daringly questioned the stranger, who still doesn't seem bothered or intimidated.

"Because, buddy, I won't be here at the hospital taking my friend's medication and came across to you if I'm lying, the stranger shrugged. "I'm just the same as you. Wait, what's your name?"

"YN."

"YN. Well, my name's Minghao." He offered a handshake for a kind greeting, and YN accepted. "So, back to what I was saying. I'm just like you, YN. I got offered, I accomplished what was needed, and I got the prize. Now I assure you, once you get what I mean, you'll just thank me after with whatever you want to do."

Desperate and feeling trapped about the stakes presented to him by Minghao, he suddenly thinks about his desire for Chaeyoung's improved condition for him to see and be grateful for someday.

"What's the offer?" He finally shared in interest with Minghao.

"A job better than what you have today, Minghao boastfully smuggles.

He looked at his watch, and he got surprised. "Oh shoot, I've got to go now, YN. The job is to be an assistant in our organization. Here, I'll give you my number. If you're still interested, call me and we'll talk about the details in private."

Minghao said, placing his business card on YN's lap before he patted him on the shoulder and stood up from his seat.

"It was nice talking to you, YN, and of course, it's better to see you more when we work together." Minghao smiled as he rotated his body away from YN and walked to the hallway far from him.

YN was left with the choice of processing deeply. This is somehow important to her because this can be the right key to Chaeyoung's recovery and setting her free from her sickness that weakens her slowly.

He thought about it the entire night until it came to his decision to officially accept the offer without realizing the gravity of the task he had agreed to.

After he texted the number of Minghao from the business card that was lent to him, he received the scheduled time and place where the two of them would meet in private.

----------------

"So you have come to seal the deal I've made for you, Minghao said, crossing his arm and looking at YN impressively.

"I'm doing this for my sister; just... please prove me that this will be worth it."

He sipped another cigarette and blew a puff of it. "Chill down. You know why we're here, right? I've got to tell you about everything of it."

YN nodded and gazed at the people bypassing on the sidewalks.

"If I tell you what's going to be, can you handle it?"

"Why? Is it something heavy I need to accomplish?"

"Guess you could say that." Minghao shrugged. "But you agreed, right? You're the type of person who would do anything to save his loved one. That's why you put yourself here with me."

"Everything." YN looked at Minghao with dedication in his eyes. "I'm just tired of seeing her suffer every day, and I know that she's trying her best not to give in, and I don't want that time where she couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't lose her. She's the only one I have."

Minghao looked at YN, who was breathing hard and trying his best to remain composed. He proceeded to smoke before speaking. "Whatever it takes, huh. Alright then."

Minghao pulls out a folder and lends it to YN, who gets puzzled. "What's this?"

"Open it. The job you're taking is depicted inside."

YN slowly opened it, and the first thing that greeted his eyes was a huge picture of a familiar figure he had once seen.

"Wasn't this... wait? He furrowed his eyebrows. "I feel like I've seen him before."

"Of course you do. That guy is from around here." Minghao dropped the cigarette butt and stomped it with his shoe.

"You're looking at the person that holds your fate—whether you'll be victorious or you'll continue to see your sister closing in on her deep end."

"What's important with him? Why are you showing me this? Is he going to be my boss or something?"

Minghao chuckled and looked back at the contents of the folder as he went closer to him. "You're too innocent, YN. I'm starting to feel bad for you, but you don't mind it, right? Everything... for... your... sister, you said."

"YN, that's your job right there", Minghao confirmed. "But he won't be the guy you'll follow; he's the command itself."

"What do you mean?"

"As your supervisor who hired you, I'll keep my eye on you anytime as long as you decide to do it, which you better do," Minghao said.

He pointed at the picture and stared directly at YN. "Your job is to kill this man."

YN's eyes expanded and jaw tightened as he discovers the shocking truth—the stranger expects him to commit a heinous act.

"What did you just say?"

"You heard me. I want you to end this man's life. That's going to be your service for us.'

"Wait a minute." YN distances himself from Minghao as he runs his hands through his hair while walking back and forth.

"I-I can't do that! Did you really just tell me to kill a person? Are you being serious right now?" YN tremendously said. "This isn't what I wanted!"

"But you're now here, and you accepted the job. You know the prize in repay, right? It's also the simplest job I-"

"No."

Minghao's face formed a statled emotion. "What?"

"I'm not doing it. I'm not a murderer; don't make me one." YN furiously shakes his head. "And what the hell's wrong with you? Is it really that easy for you to say something like that to others who expect nothing like yours?"

"YES! Because that fucking bitch deserves to die for what he did to me and our organization!" Minghao yelled infuriately at YN, who was taken aback at his fuming state.

"Didn't you say that you're this determined guy who would cross the bridge and leap upon the obstacles just to ensure the safety of his loved one?"

"That's true, but this wasn't included, Minghao! This is something I couldn't do. I don't want to stain my reputation and purity by murdering someone as my job",  YN retorted.

"Bullshit, you don't realize you already had yourself tainted with sin just by associating with me." Minghao scoffed. "So that's it? You're going to refuse my offer? You couldn't handle it, didn't you?"

"If that's going to make me sound like a coward, I don't care. I want to help my daughter without stepping any other people's lives or even better, I ain't going to steal it away from them." YN replied. "I'm sorry, Minghao but I'm out. I really expected better from you."

YN was about to walk away when Minghao interrupted him again. "You don't think I share the same expectations as you, which you didn't fulfill either, YN?"

YN paused on his steps. "I expected more from you. I thought you'd be willing to give it all, but it looks like you don't. You may be dedicated, but you proved me wrong that you're not the type of person who would be making sacrifices."

YN turned around and glared at him sharply. "Who are you to assume me like that? You don't know me?"

"Don't I?" Minghao mocked him. I'm already giving you assistance to save your sister, even if it was too risky. Do you really think you're the only one who didn't want to make the hardest choice? We're the same, YN! I didn't want any of this, but I had to!"

YN remained silent as Minghao proceeded to become outraged. "You disappointed me, YN. I understand this side you have in you, but I wouldn't let you just walk away selfishly and leave me with my unsolved problem."

"What are you going to do?"

"You already accepted the offer, and that's a pinpoint for me. There's no contract here anyway, so that means I get to decide around here."

YN gulped and stared nervously at Minghao. "Please, no. D-don't-"

"I'm instigating you to shut down that guy I assigned to you or else..." Minghao then revealed his gun beside his waist, which frightened YN.

"I'll do it myself, but if I do, I must finish you first for that."

"Would you want to stay alive to witness your sister get healed because of you, or would you want her to wake up alive and well only to find out her brother abandoned her?"

"N-no..."

Consumed by guilt, YN grapples with the impossible decision he must make: sacrificing his own integrity and the innocence he has always upheld or losing the only chance he has to save Chaeyoung's life.

Minghao passed the gun at YN by placing it a top of the target's picture. "Don't try to do anything stupid, YN. Let me remind you that my associate can hunt your ass down or much worse... your sister could be inv-"

"DON'T!!! P-PLEASE..." YN kneeled in front of Minghao as he began to dwell up in tears. "D-Don't do it, you don't have t-to. I'll take it."

Minghao snickered and patted YN's head. "There you go. That's what I want to hear from you."

"You know what's the deal here. I'll tell you next time where you can find your target, just tell me when you are ready. Accomplish and I will treat your sister to full recovery. Good luck."

Minghao picks up the folder with him. As he is about to leave, YN caught him with another statement.

"Can I have one condition?"

"What is it?"

"If I did it... can you promise me that you'll help me not caught and get thrown in jail?"

Minghao lowered his head then smiled. "Ofcourse, I will. You're on my watch and under my care, but still that's your mission so you should still try doing it clean."

--------------------------

As YN delves deeper into the morally murky world he has entered, he uncovers a web of secrets, lies, and conspiracies that stretch far beyond his initial predicament.

The task involves assassinating a target, someone whose death would shake the foundations of the town and potentially ruin YN's reputation forever.

He learned that the target is actually the grandson and future congressman of their town and that he didn't do anything wrong with the stranger, it was rather brought with revenge.

With each passing day, the weight on his conscience grows, and he questions whether he can complete the task without losing himself entirely.

It's been 5 days after, and YN called Minghao through the phone as he settled himself at the staircase far from the people around the hospital.

He tried to approach his concern regarding to the stranger. "Have you gotten yourself fully prepared?"

"I want to ask you something first."

"Go ahead."

"What's exactly your problem with the target?"

"Should be this really be important?"

"Of course it is! You don't think I wouldn't fucking know that the one you assigned me to execute was the mayor's freaking grandson, are you out of your mind?" YN barked, but he tried to control the volume so it wouldn't be widely audible for others to hear.

"So you already know." Minghao wasn't shocked. He was expecting it anyway. He isn't dumb to send a man not to execute his prey instantly but to spy on him and learn background information about him.

"But why are you asking me this?"

"Isn't it obvious? You're the one who's holding the root of the agenda here."

"Let me throw back that first line you said to you, fucking twat." Minghao grunted. "Why would you be asking me about it? I thought you did research about him."

YN remained silent, unable to respond Minghao's question as he got cornered.

"Looks like you didn't. I-"

"You haven't let me finish first, dumbass." YN spun the insult back at him. "Do you think I am that dumb to ask you this if I already discovered a piece of it from him?"

Minghao's the one who turned silent afterwards.

"I did research, just like what you told me. I learned something that fascinated me a lot about you and your goddamn lies, Minghao." YN interrogated.

"What heavy baggage do you carry to him despite being his childhood friend?"

The image of Minghao included in a photo with the congressman that was taken for media few years ago reappeared on YN's mind.

He can hear Minghao breathing deeply behind the call. He waited patiently before he finally able to comment.

"You're right, he's my friend... but that was in the past, and I'm sure he also consider it to be one of his forgotten memories. His enormous ego poisoned his mind. Everything. That's why when I was recommended to be the one who was about to be positioned for the town's government, he stole that for me just because he thinks I'm not fitted yet. That I lack higher education than him."

YN continued to listen at Minghao's story. "Not only he took away my opportunity, it felt like my life became nonsensical after what he did. He rose to fame, I ended up being a nobody on the streets."

That's when I started to learn on hating educated people like him, they can look highly of theirselves that they believed they should be the privilege than the rest who stands below them."

"I hated his guts. I despise how it manipulates him. That's why I wanted to take it away from him and set him free. I know that the friend I once knew would never do this to me... so I'm just doing this to help him in return for everything he has done for me in return."

"I'm doing this because I still love him, YN. Despite how crucial and dangerous it is. I know I may not have been the one who should personally done it, but I admit... I tried everything I can but it didn't work because... I-I'm weak. I want to save this town from him and his bloodline but I'm no match to his ego which what makes him who he is today, YN: a ruthless aggression personified."

"Now that you know everything about what drives me to be like this today... I just hope that... you reconsider all of the doubts you had in me, YN. There was a reason why you're the one I picked. I know I crossed the line when I threaten you and your sister, but... this is how being desperate makes us to do uminaginable things and I know you feel the same. Although, I assure you that I didn't meant to do it literally. So, here I am. I can't believe I'm going to say this to you but I had to.

I need you, YN. I need your help in my battle as much as you need me in your own."

YN was in utter disbelief, the words he wanted to say was stuck at the end of his mouth as he process all of the truth and the points that were all given to him by putting them all together to create a clear sense he was searching since the beginning.

Thankfully, he finally discovered Minghao's true colors and it helped him somehow to judge his actions better.

Minghao wasn't a guy who is just on the ride of revenge fueled with hatred and jealousy, he's the victim who heads to the destination where he can find a place to bring his friend to the betterment of his own self.

He had no other choice but to raise violence if he visions that his old friend would definitely do the same to the townspeople once he wins the position.

"No." YN spoke on the phone. Minghao's heart almost shattered with that one word, not until he learned the following ones to come out.

"You aren't weak. You're just alone the entire time, Minghao. You're already strong for standing up to yourself because you tried but sometimes... we had no other choice but to seek help for others if we sees it as our only way to succeed."

YN recalled that reasoning Minghao has told him when they first met that he was in the hospital as him is because his friend got injured.

That was a lie. There was never a friend with him at that time. He was the only one in treatment.

He's the one who is injured.

YN also remembered that bandage and the arm sling on Minghao's left arm.

He realized that he probably got it from the attacks of his former friend which it was actually true. Minghao got ganged up by his bodyguards just because he refused to leave when the congressman still lived up to his ego and rejected his request to make an action for the poor civilians living in an area who is suffering in a higher amount poverty.

That neighborhood was where YN and Chaeyoung are living as of the moment.

And that's what led to Minghao check out the only solution he has in mind.

Minghao who heard YN's response to his story, got struck in the feels at how accurate and truthful it is.

"Tomorrow's the start of the election campaign, right?"

"Yeah."

"I'm doing it there. I-I'll help you through this, Minghao. This is a give and take between us so... in order for you to help me, I must do the same."

Minghao got teared up and smiled gratefully. "I appreciate that. A lot, YN. Thank you and be careful."

"Yeah, I will. I got your back with this, right?"

"I should be."

The call ended. YN returns back to Chaeyoung's room with an assurance in himself that after hearing Minghao's backstory...

He would rather choose to do both this time: save her even if it results on losing his innocence.

--------------------------

The following day, the candidates for the mayoral spot for the upcoming annual town hall election had already finished declaring their plans and their speeches to persuade the citizens why they should support one of them.

YN was one of the crowds.When he saw the congressman walking through the crowd, he wore his mask and cap as he started to reach for his gun and rushed through one of the empty rooms in a building.

As the congressman was still distracted by the amount of people cheering for him, waving his hands, and muttering his thankful remarks to the love and support that the crowd was pouring into him, YN pointed the gun at him.

His hand was trembling, his arms heavy, and sweat was dripping from the heat of the attire he was wearing.

Every inch of his fingers moving into the trigger quickens the recall of his memories of Chaeyoung as if it were the last reminder of his pure and innocent self that he's about to lose today.

But the more he stares fiercely at the man who's responsible for worsening his sister's sickness by transforming the entire area of theirs with an increase of poverty, unable them to find a proper food to consume every day, the more the story he heard from Minghao and all of the research he's done about their relationship makes him motivated to do it rather.

YN noticed that he was about to tilt his body around and leave. He shouted in all kinds of pent-up frustration, rage, and other intensified emotions that he's enduring every single day living in this difficult situation he has with her sister.

He finally pulled the trigger, emanating a defecating and startling sound of gunfire throughout the entire ground.

Once the congressman suddenly collapsed and a pool of blood was created within his spot, everything went into chaos.

Meanwhile, YN also collapsed on the floor, astounded by what he has done. Contrast to the fallen individual, he wins.

Not just for himself.

For his hometown.

For Minghao.

And most importantly, for Chaeyoung.

However, at what cost?

-------------------------

The news of the unfortunate demise of the congressman spread abruptly around the Korean media and even internationally.

It garnered heavy attention for days when it was reported that they caught the culprit behind the assassination of the late conggressman, but the police couldn't detect and search for its possible identity yet because they found out that it was wearing a black hat and a mask that effectively covered and protected his face from being revealed.

Now the case hasn't been solved yet, and the chances are low as they couldn't find more evidence for it.

On the other hand, Minghao meets up with YN in his car after he secretly visited his old friend's funeral.

"As I promised."

Being true to his words, Minghao rewards a white envelope to the traumatized and guilt ridden YN.

He slowly took it and opened it, revealing with an amount of cash that contains exactly what he needs to do for it.

"I'm sorry for what I've put you through, YN... but I hope you understand that we just led ourselves to the fate we all deserve."

"Now go, and be with your sister. I won't bother you anymore and probably this is the last time we will ever see each other, so I want to say thank you a lot again to you."

Little did YN know that he was referring to his plan of surrendering himself later to the police by taking the blame up with him by disguising himself as the congressman's killer to allow YN to continue living their lives to the fullest with Chaeyoung. That's the only promise he haven't fulfilled yet for him and he believes he deserves the worst consequences.

YN didn't react. He looked again at the cash and hid it in his bag before he got up and opened the door.

As he stepped out, he turned around and faced Minghao one last time before he closed the door.

"Thank you."

Back at the hospital, he saw Chaeyoung awake, sitting in her bed. The nurse excused herself as she entered while holding the medicines, feeding Chaeyoung with them before she left the siblings alone together.

"Oppa," Chaeyoung muttered as she looked at her brother.

YN reached for the chair and placed it on the foot of the bed. "Hi, Chaengie. How are you feeling?"

"A bit strange. I'm feeling... better, Chaeyoung answered. "I'm experiencing less pain these days."

YN nodded and smiled. "That's good news. I'm glad that you are, Chaeyoung-ah. Soon you'll be fully healed and refreshed. Just wait, okay?"

"Okay." Chaeyoung understood. "How are you, oppa? You look... tired."

She went to caress YN's messy hair and the sides of his stressed face. He shuts his eyes as he feels the calming effect of his sister's tender touch.

"I'm tired, yes. But I'm on my rest now. I'm with you, that's why."

"Just rest, oppa. I'll be here on your side to watch you sleep."

YN stared at Chaeyoung for a while as he admired how stable and lively she appeared today. He is witnessing the return of her true self, and he couldn't be happier than seeing his younger sister show sincere happiness.

"You're not the only one who has a good news, Chaengie. Oppa also has one too."

"Tell me, please." Chaeyoung pouted.

"Oppa already paid all of your medical bills, so rest assured that you'll be taking more treatments and you'll be out here sooner, YN said. His eyes became teary, his stiffness was noticeable, and her lips pressed tightly as he controlled his shaky breath.

"I'm happy that you're finally doing okay, Chaeyoung. Oppa is so proud of how brave and strong you are. I love you so much." He leans forward and kisses the top of her head.

Chaeyoung giggled. "Hehe. It's because of you, oppa. This won't be possible without you. Thank you, and I love you too."

She reached for his hand, but suddenly YN pulled it away to avoid her touch. Chaeyoung was surprised and confused. Why did her brother do that and why does he look afraid of her?

She stared at her brother, who got nervous and terrified at the fact that she nearly let her touch the left hand he used to shoot the late congressman to his death.

She doesn't want him to feel this new stained, dark and forbidden side of him who already killed a person she would mever imagine him to be.

She wants to lure her away at the truth that her beloved older brother she always look up to is now... a murderer.

"Oppa? Is there something wrong?"

"N-nothing, I-I'm sorry, Chaeng. I just felt a little sting on my arm that's w-why I flinched."

Chaeyoung instead reached for his head as she slowly assisted him in laying it down on her lap, where she sang his brother her favorite lullaby that he always used to sing for her.

She put her brother to sleep, despite the fact that his mind has not been placed in a peaceful state yet, as the distress of having to kill someone in order to ensure his loved one's safety by sacrificing his dignity and reputation to be lost forever in the process will remain stuck with him for the rest of his life.