#because being abused means being a victim. and victims are weak people who get fucked over.

[clowndensation]

thinking about connor in prague saying "dad's theory was you got two fighting dogs, you send the weak one away, you punish the weak one." in relation to this episode, and the way the siblings view abuse inside their own family.

shiv and kendall and their belief that connor and roman are the weak dogs that got the brunt of logan's worst behavior, because abuse is reserved for the kids who can't behave - the ones who aren't smart and mature enough to make it in the world. abuse evokes pity, because abuse is what happens when you expect too much from people who obviously aren't capable of more.

and then they go forward in life, believing that they're just naturally more intelligent and more capable than connor and roman, as if being raised seeing what happens to you if you aren't a perfect child wasn't the entire point of the "punish the weak dog" mentality that logan instilled in them. the looming threat implied behind any praise they do receive that tacitly tells them "you're not like roman and connor" because everyone knows what happens to roman and connor.

the absolute height of the rich capitalist mindset. "we're succeeding because of our own merit, and other people fail because they don't have what it takes" when in reality they're succeeding because of arbitrary rules made up by someone who knows that infighting makes meaner dogs.

[lesboygamzee]

i dont even mind angsty art of tavroses abuse but the amount of people who make vriska so comically evil and malicious and everyone just accepts it as 100% canon is really weird . the tragedy of their situation is that vriska is acting out of her own hurt + jealousy ; i wouldnt even argue she hates tavros , i think she hates what tavros being happy means for her - that she is a product of abuse and a deeply flawed society , and that it isnt just ' natural ' for people to grow up cruel and defensive like her , she is seeing someone who grew up in similar circumstances ( on alternia , their individual situations are obviously pretty different ) and who is happy and who is peaceful and she refuses to come to terms with what that means . so she just says tavros is weak and this kind of grotesquely twists back around to vriska trying to make tavros Like Her - cruel and defensive ! so thats where the abuse comes in . its a very twisted result of vriska ' caring ' about tavros and her whole worldview of strength coming from abuse i mean hardship and refusal to accept the fact that she herself is a victim .

vriska isnt cruel to tavros out of any traditional idea of hatred , at least not to me , but because tavros existing the way she does contradicts her worldview and if she thinks about it for too long shell realise that she is a victim and that she didnt need to turn out like this in a circumstance that was in any way healthy . that the fact that she needed to do this to survive is a fundamental flaw of the world she grew up in , and that tavros being the way she is isnt a fault of tavroses , or a sign of weakness . but she is a thirteen year old girl who has been told to think like this her whole life .

when vriska kisses tavros and gets rejected , she feels pathetic for not responding by forcing reciprocation . when she eventually kills tavros , she feels pathetic for feeling guilty . she is the first one to acknowledge how fucked up she acted in the dream bubbles

stop watering down their relationship to ' vriska is evil and a bitch and tavros is good and a wimp ' . their whole relationship is built on vriskas own abuse and would not exist the way it does if she was more well adjusted . youre allowed to feel sorry for tavros , youre allowed to dislike vriska , but you are doing a major disservice to both of their characters by struggling to understand the nuance !!!

[wings-of-fire-confessions]

This fandom is actually so horrible when it comes to the multiple abuse victims in the series, because most of them are viscerally hated by the fandom for really stupid shit.

Winter is constantly labeled as a toxic abuser and like. I can understand not liking how he treated Moon, or any of the jade winglet in early arc 2 for that matter. What I do not understand is people ignoring that he is actively bettering himself just so they can keep hating him, or even just ignoring why he's like that to begin with. He's not mean because he likes being a jackass, he's mean because he's been taught that showing any care for other dragons, ESPECIALLY dragons of other tribes, is considered weak. It's something he has been trying to fix, but people would rather just keep calling him an abuser than acknowledge he is changing

Peril gets called an insane psychopath who doesn't deserve love which, first of all that's GOTTA be some form of ableism. Second of all, no fucking shit she is the way she is, the dragon who raised her manipulated her to believe she's a monster who will never be loved by other dragons. No fucking shit she got attached to the one dragon her age that showed her kindness, she thought that wasn't possible!! Also another case of the fandom chooses to ignore her healing just so they have a reason to keep hating her. "She's toxic and obsessed with Clay!!" It literally says in the god damn book she's so used to having a dragon to control her, and she is actively trying to stamp that habit out, why do we keep ignoring this

Boa is by far the worst victim of this because the fandom treats like scum of the earth not because of who she is, but because of one fucking decision she made. A decision she made in a state of panic. A decision she made because fuck, why SHOULD dragons have such power that can be used for evil so easily? Boa's entire EXISTENCE is an example of a dragon misusing their magic, why are we surprised she thinks the world is better off without it? She's not a bitch who thinks she knows better than everyone else, she's a terrified abuse victim who genuinely believed animus magic would bring the destruction of dragonkind. And look. I get the decision to remove animus magic was a stupid one. But can we please just acknowledge Tui was the one who made that stupid decision instead of pretending Boa is this awful person and the worst character in the series. Because she isn't. She's not an asshole. She's not a bitch. She made one bad decision and the fandom acts like she's satan incarnate

Im sure there may be more examples, these are just the biggest that come to mind

.

[angel-maybe-alive]

Old fairytale and Greek myths be like: don't go to the dark forest alone you will be eaten and I will use eaten here because I can't tell little kids what are the actual horrors that can happen to you, don't judge people by their appearance, don't be vain, be nice to people, sometimes your stepmother will try to kill you, marriage is a inevitability, gods are just like anyone with power volatile don't fuck with them, faes ate not your friends, getting revenge on those who hurt you is actually the right thing to do however hurting people for no reason is not a good thing.

The girlboss/feminist/Female rage/ booktok retellings: yeah kidnaping is actually okay if the kidnaper is hot, man can be vain and arrogant if they are hot, actually the only people who shouldn't be vain is other women because women who actually care about their appearances are whores and bitches the opposite of my self insert badass protagonist who is the most beautiful of them all but also acts like she is ugly to be relatable, there are gods that are little baby angels and bitch gods and I will ignore any myth that portray my baby god as evil, speaking of ignoring myths do you like faes because I will butcher faeric myths so much it will make twilight vampires accurate, also there are no hot evil people hot+evil = morally grey, also being gentle, generous or just nice is being weak my protagonist has to be a dick with everyone because this means she is actually cool and badass actually the more a character is a dick the coolest they are, an older woman will still try to kill you but it's not your stepmother anymore just the older ex of the love interest because the author will recognize how abusive is the relationship with a power and age gap only when the victims is a man, also demeter is a cunt

[iridescentttears]

my thoughts on the deal with the toxic ex thing we’ve got going on from a late night noncoherent ramble hot take:

the whole billford shipping is so fascinatingly heinous and foul and complex and infuriating and interesting that i certainly can’t look away and i’m intrigued by seeing more of the billford sexy kinky shipping, like that’s not the right word for it but u get it. and i won’t be mad when i see it again but i will slightly shake my head disapprovingly because i know that no iteration of billford is in any ways healthy.

and as someone who’s been through DV and emotional abuse situations it’s kinda odd to me that ppl are making serious and silly takes on, oh no they’re fucking n sucking, they’re kinky af. (and i know that’s an oversimplification on that regard as well but just like for the point of this i think you get what i mean— like it’s in my hc that they hooked up after karaoke and maybe for a while after that it was like a partnersitustionship and in the year of our good lord and savior casual by chappell roan it’s a perfect addition to the lore timing wise)

but also it’s like, no they’re in an unfair power dynamic. sure they each come to it with unique sets of trauma and experience. but one participant is way older way “smarter” way more manipulative and to me there’s no way for that to be sexy. it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

i also, from experience was filled with an overwhelming sense of peace and relief at the end of the book of bill when ford lets his family into his world, into his inner trauma, and they embrace him. they tell him that he’s not stupid or weak for being a victim of abuse they tell him that bill is a fucking loser! and he is. and the ppl who hurt me were fucking losers and so is every person who hurts people!! and having that moment when he was surrounded by their love, and he no longer felt shame and guilt from what happened in his past— that moment right there is what made the book something i will cherish. that’s a moment in the book where i out loud had a moment where i was like yes, this right here is the heart of what this is all about what gravity falls is at its core level.

like journal 1 taught me that i could embrace being weird and in the end i’ll turn out all right. the book of bill missing journal pages taught me that even tho ive had some shit happen to me and it’s changed who i am and how i see the world, i am more than a victim and if i allow myself to trust the ppl i love and let in the light, my past will not consume me and does not have to continue to be a part of my story. i can dance around in the woods with my niece and mock a triangle statue while wearing witch hats. i can grieve and move on and a lot of that is my internal work with myself like ford with himself, but its not done all alone, when you have love around you in your friends, in your chosen family whether they be by birth or not, that’s how you really learn to let it all go.

so in a way it’s really fucked up, the ship that is, but again i’m not mad at anyone who ships it. i’m sure you all have very different perspectives and thought and reasons that are totally valid, this is just how i feel from my perspective! i will continue to enjoy all the billford edits and fanart that comes across my page. i especially love anything to do with the breakup/divorce/ fiddleford, bill, ford love triangle angle. i love that shit

this is favorite thing on the internet rn:

@ raycipher2 on tiktok i think is the creator of this delightful viral sensation!

so i took a detour rant there, oops word vomit am i right?

if u read all this pls tell me if this makes any sense lmao

[theloganator101]

The Great BNHA Review: How do you fuck up teaching a moral THIS badly!?

Ah themes and morals... not every story or show needs to have these kind of things. Not every story needs to be deep or thought provoking, but for stories that do, it's important to have them correlate well with the story so we can understand what it's trying to say.

Like Ratatouille's moral of "Anyone can cook" or even the first Spongebob Movie's message of "You are who you are" is told really well.

And what is the moral BNHA tries to convey to it's audience?

"Anyone can be a hero!"

Okay, fine, that can be a good message to tie into a story about heroes. And how does this message get conveyed into the story?

"Oh the main character starts off quirkless but obtains the Number One hero's power."

... So literally by making him like everyone else around him? Wouldn't it make the message hit harder if he strived to be a quirkless hero to prove everyone that called him weak or worthless wrong?

"Oh but if he stayed quirkless then he wouldn't be able to partake in the final fight!"

Oh is THAT why All Might came in to fight AFO with a mecha suit!? If technology is SO advanced to where this kind of thing can exist, then why can't Izuku have the same courtesy huh?

For real I blame the narrative for making people believe a quirkless hero is impossible to be in this show when it's clear that it can be a thing! For whenever I bring up this idea, I ALWAYS get hit with the same quote of:

"Well the plot wouldn't be the same if Izuku stayed quirkless! Izuku can't go up against AFO or Shigaraki that way!"

And that's the thing! I'm not asking for the same plot but with Quirkless!Izuku, I'm asking for a story where the main character proves he can keep up with his classmates with quirks! You can't exactly tell that kind of story when you make the main character like everyone else!

And on top of that, it also twists the message of:

"Anyone can be a hero...! But only if you fit in with the majority!"

Which is kind of fucked up when being quirkless can be compared to having a disability in real life... so the story is basically saying you won't amount to anything worthwhile if you're not like everyone else.

But enough about the whole quirkless thing, let's move on to another thing the series tried to shove down our throats and treat it like a meaningful message...

"Win to save, save to win"

A saying that you and I have grown familiar with, something that was only created for the sole purpose of bringing Izuku down to Bakugou's level and solidify them as rivals... Even if the saying fucking sucks and SHOULDN'T be hero material.

I mean SERIOUSLY!? Winning isn't everything, and while it could be somewhat true... it's seriously a bad message considering that this is supposed to be a series where the main character teaches that there's more to being a hero than winning and getting fame and glory all the time.

Ah yes, and that one moral I keep saying...

"If your abusers are sorry, you should forgive them and keep them in your life! And if you refuse their apology then you're just as bad if not worse than them when they hurt you."

This moral... this goddamn moral is what stood out to me the most throughout BNHA. It is flat-out terrible and I'm honestly surprised NO ONE on the writing or illustrating team caught on to this and brought it to Hori's attention. It's enforced with Izuku and Bakugou, it's enforced Shoto and Endeavor, and it's somewhat enforced when Overhaul was begging to see Eri but luckily the other characters were like "No."

And the thing is none of this would be a problem if it didn't have the victims forgiving them and instead tells them to fuck off because they screwed up enough of their lives already. Why would you ever give the person who hurt you a second chance? Why would you risk letting them repeat the same mistakes?

I just wanna say one thing regarding all this...

You are NOT responsible for your abuser's actions or things they choose to do, it is NOT your job to "make them better" nor should it fall on your shoulders to keep them in check, you do NOT owe them your time, your efforts, your patience and kindness...

You 👏 Do 👏 Not 👏 owe 👏 them 👏 SHIT!!

So for the next part I'm actually gonna go off track and talk about the other characters in BNHA and just how utterly wasted they really were in this story, and hopefully it won't take as long as this one!

[wackpedion]

My Analysis of MSI's Royally Fucked

This is going to be a look into Mindless Self Indulgence's song Royally Fucked through the lense of it being about csa (child sexual abuse), if such themes are uncomfortable or triggering this may not be for you

before I begin, I will note that I will be using they/them pronouns to refer to the perspective presented in the song. This is because I don't know if Jimmy Urine is a victim of csa, I don't think he's ever commented on it and for all I know this is a song simply in the perspective/character of someone who did experience it, and its frankly not my business to speculate on his personal life and so I am keeping it ambigious when talking about the views expressed in this song.

Now let us begin, starting with the first verse:

They start off with cursing out some unnamed figure (likely their abuser), right off the bat painting a negative and hateful picture. And then there is the next line, which I think is very significant in setting the tone for the song

"Mom, Dad, why don't you finger me too?" Always sticks out to me when listening to the song, for how gross weird and especially overt it is. To me I think it signals a warped mindset they have from past abuse, that a similiar trusted adult authority figure has hurt them in the past and so such thoughts come to mind. If such a person has done something like that to them, why wouldn't there parents? It wouldn't be so abnormal or shocking.

Then follows the chorus, which is quite self deprecating.

The "I will never be young" line I think refers to how, as a child they never really got to be a child because of the abuse and trauma they suffered through, this is especially relevant to csa in where victims are subjected to adult things, and often told or made to feel more 'adult' (e.g. "you're so mature for your age"). And now having grown up to be an adult that window of time to be a child is closed and gone forever. They will never get to be young.

"I will never be loved" is a self deprecating thought that often derives from low self esteem, which is common among abuse victims. It is then followed by "I will never be wrong", which is a statement in relation to the past lines, stating that they won't or dont think these statements will be proven wrong. They won't ever be young, and they won't ever be loved, and they're not wrong for thinking that.

"I am royally fucked" refers to how they're fucked in the head from the abuse and trauma, and also how their current life is a mess because of the complications from all of that.

Onto verse two, it starts off with "love it, love it, love it, love it, you son of a bitch". To me it sounds like it's about how the perpretator took pleasure in the victims abuse, and how they hold further resentment for them for that.

Now this is where it gets interesting, "All of them dead now, let me be the same". I believe this has a sort of double meaning. For one the more literal one, in that the people who hurt and aided in their abuse are dead now, and they wish to die too. Suicidal feelings are common among victims of abuse. However I interpret this to be a sort of metaphor of sorts for moving on.

"All of them dead now" being that these people are gone, and they got to move on from what happened. Whether it be the more literal interpretation in that they got to leave what happened behind in/through death, or simply being gone and removed from the victims life and not having to suffer consequences for what happened, being as good as dead. The victim wants to be able to move past what happened too, "let me be the same", but is unable to, as shown by the line "fall on my knees" which invokes imagery of a broken down, vulnerable weak person.

The chorus follows and then there is this bridge

"Don't let them see me now, don't let them see me like this" expressing that they don't want anyone to see them as they are being now in the song, broken down and vulnerable. After this a final round of the chorus plays, reiterating their self deprecating thoughts.

And that concludes my analysis, I have been listening to this song on loop for several days and I wanted to put my thoughts down to share.

Some tags for the people who expressed interest in seeing my interpretation/analysis:

@ilovebeatingmywife @sourbombz @shinigamichan @infinitebearrreblogz @msi-obsessive

[ihopesocomic]

One statement you guys said really hit me hard but in a way that made me feel glad to see it being said by other people.

‘Abuse victims don’t need to be criticized, they’re already doing it to themselves’

I’m not an abuse victim (maybe I am, I’m honestly not sure at this point) but I do struggle with mental health issues and it makes living my everyday life hard, especially dealing with other personal issues that’s not making it any easier. Despite having loved ones know my state and what I’m going through, I still get scolded at or criticized and I really don’t need to hear that, especially since I’m already scolding myself whenever I mess up. Cursing at myself for not doing better. I don’t need to hear it from the people I need support from and most times, I just suck it up and go ‘it’s my fault- I should have done better’.

Like I know- I deal with it every day, it’s not like I asked to have these mental illnesses.

So it’s always refreshing to see this community from time to time. Maybe hopefully I’ll be in a place where I’ll no longer deal with it, as well as everyone else who is in any horrific situation.

Sorry to hear about what you've gone through, anon, I've certainly been there where I've often wondered if things had been different if I had a rewind button or hell, if I was a completely different person. And that's applicable to both my abuse and my mental health.

So, I completely get it and when I see people pointing the finger at abuse victims or characters trying to make a statement for said victims, it's just wild to me because you're putting the expectation of acting like a normal, everyday person with no worries or flaws on an individual that not only probably has other things going on mentally/physically but has also been broken down to nothing. All the while... they're thinking why they can't be that and maybe that's the reason this shit happens.

And that's fucked up.

It's why we're trying our best to make this an understanding and empathetic community. It's why we're so vocal and sometimes borderline aggressive with certain things because there's just nothing worse than getting into media that you feel that cares about you and you see other fans using it as a springboard to cast judgement over the situation being depicted. Your situation.

And there's nothing wrong with people having their own interpretation of things. But when said interpretation is just a means to drop ice cold takes like 'people who are being abused and don't make steps to leave are just weak/selfish and not actually victims', then we feel we have to step in, I'm afraid. - RJ

[not-goldy]

Speaking as an ex-pjms akgae (and jk anti, yeah), jikookers and jm stans are too hard on jk. I've been absent from stan twt for almost year and came back for jm's album and just stumbled upon ays. Now I see just how damn insane and stupid some of jikookers and pjms are. Some of yall fr think Jimin is a damsel in distress waiting for you to save him and a weakling. Saw so many pjms saying jk is an abusive asshole abusing poor soft gentle weak jm and wanted to throw up. Jm is far from being a damsel in distress. This mf shuts down people who annoy him and piss him off like no business, he cuts them off, he tells them to fuck off in the most diplomatic and nice ways possible but nevertheless shuts them down. I really need to know where some of yall were all this time. 'Omg jk is so abusive and rude, omg he is so cold, omg he is so aggressive' and it's a clip of jk saying jimin is a shit driver too, spanking his ass and being upset that jm didnt call him. Mf??? Yes, jm is gentle, caring and has a huge amazing heart but some of you turn a blind eye on the fact that he tends to be short-tempered and is actually really hard and bossy. People are multi-faceted, multi-dimensional, people can be a combination of nice, glimmer and angelic and some tucked up shit. 'Jk hits jm!!' so does jm??? He plays with jk as rough, if not more rough sometimes. 'Jk is rude and cold' and jm shuts him down??? He metaphorically whoops his ass and calls him out on his behavior?? Jk is not an angel but so is Jm despite how nice and kind he is he can be petty af sometimes. Jk is not easy to handle (as said by himself) but so is jm. Pjms always shit on jk for drinking and doing his drunk lives calling him and alcoholic but then turn around and listen to FACE. They blame jk for singing about sex but then call Like Crazy soty (rightfully tho). Mind you, jm literally sings about escaping the reality by drinking and having sex with his partner (while said partner is concerned as it was in the original lyrics), not to mention Like crazy's choreography with backup dancers doing sex positions. They blame jk for feeding jikookers by talking about jm too much but then ignore that jm does it too. Like, bro pack it up, almost everything you shit on jk and blame him for applies to jm too, and vice versa.

Hop off jm's dick, you are not his mother, stop acting like jimin is a woman, thats a mf man, with a dick and everything, a damn strong headed amazing man!!! He is not a child, not a poor damsel in abusive relationship. A weakling would not survive in an industry like this and jimin thrives there. He is thriving in a mf military. Pajamas, you are not his mother!!! Jimin is not a victim

And for God's sake, hop of jks dick too. The guy can't catch a damn break. No, smoking doesn't mean he is a bad person. My dad smokes, my aunt smokes and I smoke, too, and believe me they are amazing people, the kindest I've ever met. We just need to clear our head and take the anxiety away. Drinking doesn't mean he is a bad person, everybody drinks and jm is the most vocal about it. Singing about sex doesn't mean he is a bad person. Doing explicit chores doesn't mean he is a bad person, jms choreography is more explicit anyway. Promoting your work and wanting recognition doesn't mean he is an asshole, thats his work. Being confident and wanting to be the best doesn't mean he is arrogant, jm is literally the same he's just not that vocal abt it. I swear, whatever jk does and whichever lengths he goes for jm, it's never enough for people. Idk, maybe yall should detach a little bit and look at his actions with unbiased eyes. The man does the most and gets shitted on by everyone, tkkrs blaming him, calling him a liar, a puppet and everything else, jkkrs calling him an asshole for not handling jm like a damsel in distress and for having his own feelings and being upset because of jm, pjms hating him for breathing and living, jjks being passive aggressive and shitting on him for not fulfilling their fantasies and for his bond with jm. Idk, an insane idea, I know, but maybe, just maybe, they both are humans? With their own flows??? They are not your ideas? Not your fic characters? These are real people, with everything good and ugly. Don't project on them your ideals and beliefs just because YOU ☹️🫵 is unsatisfied with your own life and want to treat them like object to satisfy you

Jimin stands on business

Some one sent me an ask saying I used to be obsessed with how feminine Jimin is and asked what changed and I just swiped up on that Ask cos how in the hell in 2024 are we still assuming feminine means Damsel in distress.

Do I love that he has a feminine side to him??

Yes

Do I wish sometimes he has a vagina

Don't judge I'm a lesbian yes.

But there's a type of feminine I like and a type I hate.

This?

Hate her. Will run her over with a bus

This

Eiishh I'll go on my knees for her

This

If you don't get her off my screen.

This

She can paint me like one of her dragons

Speaking of dragons

Now yall know they have me in a chokehold 🥺

When I think of Jimin as feminine I think of all the strong independent badass fems and nonbinary out there.

Would I like to braid his hair and paint our toe nails together sure. I mean I can't throw him over my shoulder and spin him around like Jungkook does.

Me and Jungkook we have a type 🤪

[andivmg]

another feelings post

sorry in advance for how long it is

had a therapy appointment yesterday and i bawled my eyes out the entire time just feeling angry and sad and confused with myself. because of this whole conversation around abuse and toxic relationships, i’ve been feeling all kinds of weird recently and talked about it with her and i wanted to share some of the things we said in case anybody needs to hear it

so i’ve been really beating myself up over the fact that i’m still upset at things that happened over two years ago and i was feeling really confused as to why. my life has improved infinitely since then, i no longer have any of these people in my life. i am so much happier. so why am i still so angry? why can’t i seem to let go? i was feeling like a little kid, one of the things i said was quote “it’s just not fair! we were together for only a year! how is it fair that it’s taken me two years and counting to get over shit he did in half the time? why does he get to be fine while i’m still in therapy fixing what he broke? like what is wrong with me? why can’t i just let go of shit that happened so long ago? why did i even have to go through that in the first place? it’s just not fair!”

clearly, i was unwell. but yeah i was feeling really angry at myself and as we kept talking we came to the conclusion that it’s okay to be angry. because it’s true. it’s not fair. that’s what happens with abuse, it ends up falling on the person who was on the receiving end of it to pick up the pieces while the perpetrator doesn’t think they did anything wrong in the first place. that is just an unfortunate fact of life. so how do you move on knowing that? you’re just supposed to be okay with it? no. again, it’s okay to be angry and to cry and be upset about it because you’re feeling your emotions and letting it all out. it’s perfectly normal to be upset about what you went through. it does not mean you are still hung up on the person or that you haven’t moved on. it just means that person was really shitty to you and you’re angry about it. it’s okay to be upset. we are human, we are not above feeling any emotion. as long as you are not taking those feelings out on people who love and care about you and want the best for you, be upset. scream into your pillow, cry, break shit (preferably in a rage room). if it’s what you have to do to release that anger, do that. it’s okay.

now then, why do we have to go through that pain in the first place? because it’s part of being human. ik that’s not what anybody wants to hear. it sucks. what do you mean that’s just a part of being human? that’s so unfair. true. it’s not. however, it being a part of life doesn’t make it okay for the other person to have treated you like they did. that does not justify what they said and did. but, what we choose to do afterwards is what defines us, and what will become of us.

the analogy we used was this:

it’s like going to the gym. when you work out, you create microtears in your muscles, that’s why you’re so sore the next day. but when those muscles heal, they become bigger, stronger. and when you do that exercise again, it doesn’t hurt as much and you can handle more. but, if you say “fuck this i’m not going to the gym again because i’m sore the next day and it hurts” then your muscles will become weak again and you’re right back to where you started.

like i said before, it sucks that the responsibility of moving on and becoming stronger or a better person falls onto us. but you still have to face that shit. you have to truly come to terms with the fact that you were emotionally or physically abused and decide what you will do about it now. will you accept this behavior going forward from them or anyone else? how will you react if someone tries to do the same thing this person did? will you fall back into the victim pattern or will you gather your strength to never let this happen to you again?

clearly, this process takes a really long time. it could take, years, months, even decades in some cases. and it’s hard. it’s so difficult to be strong. it is an active choice we have to make every day. and it’s okay if you’re not feeling strong some days. it’s okay to have moments of weakness. but those moments of weakness cannot overshadow all the strength it has taken to come as far as you have. sometimes it will feel like you’re going backwards, but you are not. healing is not linear and that is okay.

much love to anyone who read this whole thing. if even one person reads this and feels understood, then this post has served its purpose.

[lupins-hehim-pussy]

I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms 👁️👁️👂I’m all ears

I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!

The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.

More:

Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.

Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)

Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like that— oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.

Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4–5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.

Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.

The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.

They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.

And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.

I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.

[carlatsukinamistolemyhamsandwich]

I always said I'd never post anything like this when I was actually active on this blog as I didn't want to start drama but you know what, screw it, I'm not here anymore and I'm tired of staying silent on this.

The way some of the fandom treats Yui is absolutely nuts.

And no, I'm not talking about people who call Yui "weak" or who get jealous over her situation (that's a whole other can of worms), I am talking about the other obsessive fans.

I'll start off by saying I am not saying all Yui fans are bad (some are delightful) but I swear she also manages to attract some of the most unhinged people I've encountered on the internet.

I can't even begin to name all the posts I've seen defending her and arguing against anyone who would call her weak or criticise her in any way etc. And while I know there certainly are people who call her weak or fanfictions where she acts as a love rival for one of the boys versus an OC or reader character, I've actually seen far less of those posts than ones defending her, to an almost problematic degree. Like I literally once saw a post where someone was genuinely telling people to kill themselves because they were treating Yui badly in fanfiction and like what the actual fuck?

I personally have no gripes with Yui as a character. She's written to be exactly what the story needed, and if you like kind cinnamon roll characters, she definitely falls into that category, but people don't have to like characters just because they're good people.

In the same way, the diaboys are all terrible to some extent and if they were real people, you wouldn't want anything to do with them. However, I would argue all of them are well-thought out characters with interesting backstories that clearly tie into who they are by the time the series starts. An immoral character =/= a badly written character in the same way a moral character =/= a well written character.

Now I'm not trying to say Yui is a badly written character, as I mentioned above, I think she fits the role she needed to in DL perfectly, but I do think people need to stop treating her like literal perfection at the expense of actual real human beings. I'll admit, I have seen people dislike Yui for immature reasons, but you can't have a go at people for not liking a fictional character.

I know, and have seen, some people argue that your attitude towards Yui reflects your attitude towards rl abuse survivors and just no. That's not how that works. If someone is reading an account of actual abuse and starts victim blaming that's one thing but DL is NOT REAL and it was never meant to be an allegory about abuse or abusive relationships, it's made for people who are horny about vampires. That's it. There is no deeper meaning. I cannot emphasise this enough.

I think if there's any real point here, it's that if some of these fans genuinely value morality and goodness as much as they claim, they would take a good look in the mirror at how they treat real people. If you love Yui so much, use her an example (i.e. being nice), not some icon to beat people over the head with. And people liking and enjoying the darker aspects of DL doesn't make them bad people in the same way watching a horror film doesn't make you a future serial killer.

Anyway thank you for coming to my TED talk. Again, I am not talking about all Yui fans, just the worst ones I've seen. And to be fair a lot of the points I've made here are true for rabid diaboy fans as well. At the end of the day, it's how you treat other people, not fictional characters, that matters.

[disheveled-opossum]

Alright, this has probably been done before, and I'm not SUPER into the whole, "humans are space orcs," community, so this feels like breaching containment for me, but I had a thought. Yanno how a lot of people who have been in toxic and abusive relationships, (familial, platonic, romantic etc.) often talk about their experiences with how hard it is to leave the people who are hurting them, because of various different reasons from codependency, to emotional manipulation, trauma bonds, and so on and so forth? Well, what if some ill-intentioned aliens catch wind of humans' ability to pack bond, even with those who've hurt them, but what they don't realize, is how fucking capital 'A' ANGERY, we get when someone we know, is being abused. And I don't mean this in a white knight, someone swooping in to save the other human from the relationship, with little to no input from the victim, these situations are very delicate and complex. But like, especially the side of this community, that likes imagining humans as notorious deathworlders, imagine that you, as an ill-intentioned alien, have, for whatever reason, decided to use a human's pack bonding instinct against them, you think this is their weakness, that you now have immense control over them, you're enjoying the power high, but now, this human's family/friends/whatever, fucking hate you, you go to a party, or gathering, hell, if you live close enough, you just step foot out of your dwelling, and you're met with one of space's most infamous predatory species, glaring at you, they don't strike, they don't yell, they're generally civil, all things considered, but you feel watched, hunted, as you feel their gaze on you wherever you go. Idk, I'm just rambling.

[ringleader-inky]

Lily's White Knights are Dumb (MENTIONS OF SA AND ABUSE!)

Ok, so normally I wouldn't make a post about this, but I'm feeling petty as shit.

Don't go harass this person it's not worth it.

So another one of Lily's whiteknights @andycollector925 had made this dumbass post.

And I had decided to comment on it saying that they were wrong in defending Lily just because she's a trans woman. You can't see it because not only did they hide the comments, but they fucking blocked me. Listen Andy, if you're going to defend you "queen" then you should be able to take the heat and not be a fucking coward. And also leave the comments open, yeah? Otherwise people will just assume that you can't handle the truth or being wrong. But let's go over their response to me shall we?

Wow... you can say all this stuff to me, but can't let me respond... how fucking pathetic. Now I've seen Lily's side of things, and yeah she changes the story on everything. Yes, Lily has been abused by her family and SAed by a teacher, and I will admit I feel sorry that it happened to her.

However that doesn't negate the fact that abused her sister and abused her partners. And yes she does change her story. In her video defended herself and said that Courtney SAed her, but a few years ago she made a post about beating up Courtney over the remote and how she never let her touch her again. Even though supposedly Courtney had 60 pounds on her and she was malnourished, supposedly.

So which is it? Was Lily so badass that she beat Courtney with a remote? Or was she to small and weak to defend herself? Before someone one says "Oh well this could've happen before the assault." You're meaning to tell me she can fight over a remote with her life, but not fight over not being assaulted with her life? Make it make sense.

Also are we going to forget that she herself admitted that she had TWO MARRIED SIBLINGS! THAT SHE STILL DRAWS TO THIS DAY!?!?

But yeah no Courtney's the one raped Lily. Not the one who's currently writing incest and making it look all cutesy and hunky dory.

Also Lily just calls people abusers whenever they come out about Lily's abuse. She did it with Britt, Lizzy, Kp, and now Courtney. It's clearly a fucking pattern of her shitty behavior. Lily fans sit here and say "Oh we need evidence of Lily's abuse." But then don't ask Lily for her receipts? Cuz as far as I'm aware Lily hasn't shown shit of Britt, Lizzy, or Kp abusing her. At all. So again go ask Lily for her receipts. And while your at it ask her why she kept Lizzy's last name. Cuz victims of abuse don't keep their abusive partners last names, especially if they were never married. Or are you not going to because you immediately believe a trans women with no second thought whatsoever.

I hate people like this. Genuinely because they don't look at the evidence presented to them. They don't actually care about the victims of abuse, they care about fitting the fucking quota of not being seen as transphobe. Which is fine, great even, but here's the thing. Trans people are people and we shouldn't putting trans people on a higher pedestal and letting get away with assault, abuse, and flashing a minor. All of which Lily has done, she even admitted to the last one in her own video.

You can call me whatever the fuck you want, Andy. Afterall I'm not the one defending a incestiphilic abusive pedophile. So why don't you take minute to find your fucking brain and bite the curb while your at it. Or are you the living proof that a human can live without one?

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

it’s fucking obnoxious how mras absolutely destroy the chance of discussing how misogyny harms men bc it does! they're not the main targets but it still happens and it’s genuinely a really fucked up part of the patriarchal system we're under that’s important to talk about and fight bc it hurts people! like, i found this video about like these two young men who were sexually abused by their mum and dad and eventually snapped and killed them (which, y’know, i cannot blame them for at all) but like this was ages ago and the prosecution basically argued that it was fine and didn’t effect them bc they were little boys. and that’s horrific! that’s the misogynistic idea that women are too weak to cause any harm and men are stronger and as such are less “irrational” getting these two people harsher sentences! because they believed that little boys being traumatised after being molested was ridiculous! even though misogyny is not Aimed at men, it Can hurt them severely. those men were made laughing stocks and sentenced to life in prison. but it wasn’t bc “women are the privileged ones” or whatever, it’s bc the courts could not imagine men being “weak”, bc to them abuse trauma was just, essentially, women being hysterical. and therefore, men having it was a duplicitous lie. and not speaking about how that happens harms women too! if abuse trauma is still seen as basically a silly woman thing then not only will male victims of abuse be mocked female ones will be infantilised at best or Also mocked at worst. bc that is the same mindset that leads to us mocking female victims of abuse!!! it’s the same thing and the same form of misogynistic thinking!!! you cannot eliminate one without the other!!! and the fact these things are not talked about much in the context of the misogyny they spring from is awful bc it means anyone who genuinely is trying to look into the issue in good faith is going to find weirdos blaming feminism and not, like, the patriarchal reasons. there used to be a lot more, and i get people started doing it less to decentre men and stuff, but nowadays all you find out when you look for it are people calling it feminist misandry and that’s not a good thing for people to find looking up a genuine issue!

[alpaca-clouds]

Stockholm Syndrome is a misogynist myth

Okay, fuck. I feel just inclined to this properly now.

Because I really need y'all to understand that Stockholm Syndrome isn't real and never was. And worse than that: It is rooted deeply in misogyny - and in Freud (who was originally an important psychologist, but is just fully unscientific). And most research that has been done on the topic, is remarkebly unscientific.

Now, for everyone who does not know: Stockholm Syndrome is named after an incident that happened in Stockholm Syndrome in 1973. The very short version of it:

Guy gets out of prison, goes into a bank with an automatic gun and takes hostages to ask for money, an escape vehicle, and for a pal of his to be released from prison.

Pal gets released from prison and joins him in the bank together with the hostages - 4 women.

Over 6 days the police tries to "free" the women and apprehend the men. This does eventually succeed.

Over the course of them trying to apprehend the abductors, the hostages begged them to just let them go. In the aftermath some of the hostages spoke out against the police with some stern language.

So, what happened here?

Well, the psychologist who assisted the police came up with this thing he called Stockholm Syndrome to explain the women's behavior.

But what did the women say?

Well, to make it short: During the attempts to apprehend the captors and "free" the women, the police several times actively endangered the women. Both directly (by using guns in the room the women were held in) and indirectly (by ignoring threats of the captors to kill one or multiple of the women if the police did not do something). By that the hostages did rightfully perceive the police as just another aggressor and not really interested in their safety.

But of course, because we do not criticize the police, Bejerot, the police psychologist attending, came up with a different explanation. (CW: misogyny)

To break it down into normal people speech, what he is saying is: "If there is like a really hot captor, the weak female brain will misinterpret the tension of the kidnapping as arousal and therefore love, because women are dumb."

This shows a lot in the research that has been done ever since.

Yes, "Stockholm Syndrome" has been applied to a select few mixed gender hostage situations, specifically a few skyjackings and an incident in Moscow. However, most of the research focuses on two main groups of victims:

women (specifically white, abled women)

survivors of CSA, especially CSA through relatives and authority figures

When it comes to the second group, I do share the general outlook that many psychological researchers hold criticizing the use of Stockholm Syndrome: "What? Kids do have a bond to their relatives or teachers? They have this bond even when they get harmed/raped by them? Really? NO SHIT!" Like, yeah. Most CSA happens in situations where the abusers already forms a bond with the child, and then uses the bond to abuse the child. Yes, duh. There is a bond there, and the bond is very confusing for the child. That is a basic aspect of it. It is not Stockholm Syndrome in any way that Stockholm Syndrome is described.

The other group is women. Originally the term Stockholm Syndrome was used to describe a few specific cases, like the Stockholm case, but there were some other cases throughout the 70s, 80s and early 90s that got attributed to Stockholm Syndrome, in which one or multiple white women got kidnapped and ended up siding with their captors to different degrees. (Meaning: At least one of the women committed terrorism together with her captors, while some of the other women were just empathetic to their captors like: "The system fucked them over.")

However, since the 90s the term has been watered down even more being used on female survivors of abusive relationships. In fact, most modern "research" on the topic focuses on those survivors of abusive relationships. Which makes sense, because those happen more often than hostage situations.

But let's look at this. We know that abusers in relationships usually try to form a bond with their victim first and manipulate the victim into that bond, if not into an outright emotional dependency. Meanwhile the entire basis for Stockholm Syndrome is, that the attachment between "hostage" and "captor" is somehow paradoxical. But it is not paradoxical when the victim was manipulated into this attachment!

Or to put it differently: Stockholm Syndrome in those situations actually blames the victim for having that attachment - rather than admitting that it is something they have knowingly been manipulated into! It frames the "weak women" as stupid for having those attachments she was manipulated into.

And there is another big point that is brought up in criticism of the concept of Stockholm Syndrome: If you took any soldier who went through military training, you could absolutely diagnose them with Stockholm Syndrome as well. Because the way that the supposed Syndrome has described can be seen within them too, as military training will usually use abuse tactics as well to break them down into good little killing machines. And yet they will have a good relationship most of the time towards the generals and officers at the army, who did that abuse to them. Yet, nobody will ever claim that soldiers suffer from Stockholm Syndrome.

There is however also the other big aspect of it: Everything that is described as Stockholm Syndrome has other diagnosises and actually well proofen behavioral background, that can explain it - in a better way than "weak women brains think being held captive is kinda hot".

For one: PTSD, and especially CPTSD after traumatic relationships (no matter whether they are romantic, familiar or something else), are known for the complicated feelings that the victim has to the abuser. The current theory is just, that especially if the person has had a positive relation to the abuser before the abuse (like in many cases of CSA and intimate partner violence), the brain in general just struggles with the change in the relationship. So the brain struggles to reconsile the different impressions of the abuser. That is just a very standard basis of PTSD.

And the other one is Appeasement, which very much is a survival mechanism found in all mammels including humans. Basically: A mammel in a dangerous situation with some sort of perpetrator might in some cases, when fighting and fleeing is not an option, try to appease the attacker. It will go on and be like: "Look, I can totally be useful to you if you don't kill me." And we know that humans do this too. And other than Stockholm Syndrome Appeasement as a mechanism can actually be proven to exist and has been proven time and time again in studies that pass peer-review (other than most stuff on Stockholm Syndrome).

All of this also is the reason why 50 years after Stockholm Syndrome was postulated it still very much is not a valid diagnosis in the ICD.

So, yeah. Really... I know Stockholm Syndrome is super popular in context of popculture/media discussions. Like, almost every female character in dark romance gets diagnoses with Stockholm Syndrome by fandom - and a variety of other characters do as well. Hence the Belle picture above.

Look, if you say "they have Stockholm Syndrome" and actually look into what Stockholm Syndrome suggest, you are saying: "Their stupid brains cannot distinguish between fear and love". And I don't think most of you want to suggest that about some of the characters you suggest it about.