#because I am exercising self control

[neverendingford]

.

[alilarew23]

it is so easy to shift your state - let's practice!

ok beloveds.

it is tiiiiiiiime for a little exercise.

i want you to imagine real quick what it would be like to truly be a master at manifestation. yes i know we know we are all masters because we are always manifesting but! i mean a master at conscious manifestation. like, you ALWAYS get exactly what you want in the quickest and easiest way possible no matter what. you just imagine something, decide what you're going to experience next, and boom, it shows up. faster than fast. ayeeee, you did that.

ok, so now that you ARE that person, what's your experience like? what's your way of being within yourself, within the world? you're probably super fucking relaxed, even playful. you probably never worry about anything at all because what would there be to worry about when you know you always get what you want? you probably hardly expend any mental energy on your "desires" because the second you desire something you just--beep boop--claim it as yours and, well, now that's taken care of! you're probably the most present and loving person anyone has ever known. you probably have everyone around you not-so-jokingly asking you to manifest for them (iykyk). you probably feel like god. but not god who's desperately trying to assert some kind of control over a supposed-"outer" world. no. god who knows I AM the world. I AM all. how fun.

how fun indeed, that you just shifted your (drum roll please) state of being!

did that feel good? did you like being that person?

all that took place in your imagination.

you went from being an imaginal self who was maybe stressing about manifestation, watching too many tiktok vids and reading too many twitter threads, affirming affirming affirming but at what cost, to being an imaginal self who--in an instant--already had it all. and therefore could just kick it and watch a show or eat some tacos or go candlepin bowling (my new obsession) without stressing at all.

if that felt good, why not practice being that person? by which i mean consciously choosing to embody that identity until it's so natural that it no longer needs to be a conscious decision because you simply ARE it.

don't attach anything to this. just try the state on as if it's a new hoodie and see how it feels, and if you like it--you prob will, it's pretty snuggly in here!--well, keep wearing it.

[agirlwithglam]

Prioritising: how to prioritise + use it effectively to take control of your life.

Hi girlies🐩💗 So yesterday i was incredibly lazy and unproductive and pathetic. I didn’t do any work and i was mostly on the screens. The worst part about it is that it was unintentional. Meaning that if it was planned as a “off day” bc i did a bunch of work that week, it would be fine. But it wasn’t planned. And it felt utterly horrible.

So i decided to take control of my life because i have no one to blame but MYSELF. I am in complete control of myself so now i am going to use that to my best advantage. It’s time to…

✨prioritise what matters✨

This is a step-by-step guide to how to prioritise what actually matters to you and then acting on it. So without further ado, lettuce(random pun sorry) begin :)

Step 1: figure out whats important to you/ your goals.

What’s important to you in life? Is it being online and scrolling on your phone all day? Or is it getting good grades, staying healthy and happy? What is it? Identify this first.

For me, its:

Time with loved ones

Enough sleep

Good grades + being smart & educated

Looking and feeling good + taking care of myself

Having hobbies & skills

God

This is the first step to learning how to prioritising things. It’s not about doing a bunch of hard work for something that you dont even care about, it’s so that you can do a bunch of hard work for something you do care about, so you’re working towards a goal.

Step 2: make an action plan to achieve/ accomplish these.

So now that you know whats really important and what matters to you (aka your goals), create some bullet points/ things you can do to achieve those goals.

For example;

Goal: spending more time with loved ones

Spend time with my sibling

Talk more to my parents

Call grandma / friends

Goal: getting high grades + being smart & educated

Study study study. Study for tests at least a week in advance

Read a lot. Not just what you normally read, read outside your comfort zone! (So for me this would be history, classics, arts & fashion, etc.)

Listen to podcasts about different things

Goal: feeling & looking good + taking care of myself

Wash hair 2x a week

Skincare

Pamper yourself + self care days

Exercise

Going outside/ walking

Posture!! (Calling YOU out)

Final: execution

Once you know these mini goals/ habits/ steps you need to take, then its time for the most important part:

Execution.

Doing all this, is completely USELESS if you don’t apply it to your life. So now it’s time to actually do it.

“B-b-but i dont have time!”

Um okay.. but you have time for scrolling? Use this thing i once heard called “time stealing”.

Whenever you catch yourself scrolling or doing something unintentionally unproductive, then stop yourself and use that time instead on doing something that moves you towards your goal.

Having the steps you can take to reach those goals written down somewhere means that whenever you feel bored or need something productive to do, you have those things to go to!

Xoxo, Vanilla.

[becomingthatgirl111]

guide to become your best version ✨

the first step, be clear about what your best version would look like. questions to ask yourself.

what would my best version look like?

what habits would i have?

what would my life be like?

what would be my morning and evening routine?

what thoughts would i have?

what would i focus on?

what thoughts and habits should i leave behind?

how would i like to feel?

and lastly…

what can i start doing to connect with this version of me?

you can also add your own questions if they resonate with you, the important thing about this exercise is that you connect a little bit more with that better version of yourself.

from my experience, it is important to focus and work on these three areas of our life at the same time so that none of these areas are out of balance and we can flow to that version more easily.

it is important because i have realized from my own experience and from other people who send me questions that they only focus on one area, in most cases, the habits, and forget others, then when something happens or we go through a bad moment we feel lost and it seems that everything is "wrong" but if we work on these areas at the same time and we nurture them day by day we will have more control of our emotions and thoughts, then we will not stagnate in "bad times". remember, we can always go through bad times but these always bring us a learning experience.

✨ physical

daily movement, create an exercise routine

eating healthy food, for the sake and perfect functioning of our body.

create a daily routine that will help us reach our goals.

healthy habits

hobbies that help us connect with our best self.

focus on the well-being of our body

✨ mental and emotional

read about personal growth, psychology, and topics that will help us to improve our personal best.

journaling

keep a daily record of our emotions, as well as our habits.

focus on what we do want rather than what we don't want

detect what our negative thought patterns are and change them for - more positive ones according to how we want to think and feel from now on.

affirm positively

work on those areas of our life that we need to improve or are damaged

✨ spiritual

healing and balancing both your feminine and masculine energies

develop your intuition

have faith in yourself and in the process of creation (god, universe, energy…)

read about spirituality

meditate day and night

doing energetic cleansing

connect with your spiritual side

love yourself for who you are now

forgive the people who hurt us and forget the past

practice gratitude

practice compassion and tolerance towards yourself and others

connect with nature

this is what i believe brings us closer to becoming our best version, as i am always learning new things about the subject and evolving both personally and spiritually so i will continue to share this in future posts.

as always all questions related to the topic are welcome and if you have any doubts you can also ask.

[simgerale]

well—

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

[ask-the-pioneer]

Out of curiosity why do you bow before eating?

"It's a sign of respect."

"When I kill to eat, I know I am taking a life. I do it out of necessity. The creature's life moves to me so that I can survive and prosper. With this gesture, I pay tribute to its sacrifice."

"The bow is also to acknowledge the work of a person who brought the food, to feed me and the others. You're not pressured to do that, but even if the meal isn't to your liking, you would still recognize the effort. Our colony was small, with Hunter as the only adult, so any food brought back was celebrated."

"In my later cycles, the ability to craft explosive spears became incredibly useful for hunting and self-defense. I had a natural advantage, but it was to be exercised with caution."

"Truth is, I can do a lot of damage with my «powers». It's a big, alienating responsibility. And it was an issue in my younger cycles when I couldn't control it well - sometimes people around me would get hurt, but despite that, I was shown kindness and given guidance by my mentor. My adoptive family did not treat me like a freak, and it mattered a lot to me. It still does."

"I feel no need for bloodlust. I am content with my life… for the most part. Whatever grievances I may have, I know it's bad to take it out on others. For the temporary relief it gives, you realize it really is not worth it. To kill for sport, it makes my stomach turn - a sad waste of life. Just because I can, doesn't mean I should. Cruel thoughts are the domain of a scared animal. I don't want to live in suffering because of such fear, and most of all I don't want my family to think less of me. Does that make sense? I wouldn’t want to disappoint them, or lose their trust…"

"When I hunt for food, I often think of what my mentor would say. Those thoughts guide my spears, the memories remind me to be kind in the face of the vast, indifferent world. Most of the creatures out there have it considerably worse than me, trying to survive nature day by day. I've been blessed with a mark, I know things that a typical slugcat would never need in their life. I don't think I can ever go back - knowledge, like my «powers», are both a blessing and a curse. And, dare I say, I think it is better that I have those powers… for I know, at the very least, that I trust myself to use them wisely."

"The bow is a sign of respect, and a gentle reminder of the things that I stand for."

[fairyminnie444]

Why Does Physical Change Literally Happen?

{+1 explanation for the logical part of the brain}

“Will I just be pretending to myself?” “What is the logic in changing my current unwanted body for what I want to be and how others see me and this change?”

Some questions that go through our heads when we talk about manifesting the desired appearance, and this is normal. Let's demystify this and be absolutely sure to manifest more easily and quickly.

First no, you are not “faking it to yourself.” What you are doing is a process of mental self-reprogramming that uses the power of the mind to create a new internal reality, which will inevitably be reflected on the outside.

1. The Mind Doesn’t Distinguish Between Reality and Imagination

When you intensely imagine your desired body, your brain acts as if it were already true. It begins sending signals to your body to align your physiology with this new vision. This isn’t “faking it,” it’s literally reprogramming your system.

2. How Does Physical Change Literally Happen?

Your body is run by your brain. Everything it does—from regenerating cells to changing its structure—responds to instructions that you, consciously or not, send it. When you see yourself as the version of yourself you want to be, you are literally reprogramming your brain to create that physical change.

Examples in Science and Biology:

• Epigenetics: Your thoughts influence which genes are “turned on” or “turned off.” If you internally assume the identity of a person with the desired body, your body begins to align with that identity.

• Neuroplasticity: The brain reorganizes itself based on the beliefs you hold. It can change hormonal patterns, metabolic patterns, and even cellular regeneration to adapt to what you believe to be true.

3. Why Does Physical-Touchable Reality Change?

• Assumed Identity: When you believe that you already have the desired appearance, the body begins to respond with real physiological changes. For example, a mental model of “I am thin” can change hunger patterns and metabolism, while “I am young” can stimulate collagen production.

• Instructions to the Subconscious: The subconscious controls automatic functions of the body, such as cell regeneration and fat distribution. It accepts everything you imagine with emotion as absolute truth.

4. How Others See You

People see you through the energy and confidence you exude. If you are aligned with the feeling that you are already who you want to be, others will automatically begin to treat and see you that way.

• They may not know “how” or “when” you changed, but they will notice that something is different. This is because your self-confidence and inner congruence have a direct impact on social interactions.

5. You’re Not Pretending, You’re Choosing

When you decide that you are already the desired version of yourself, you’re not pretending, you’re taking on a new identity. This is a conscious exercise in creating the reality you want, and 3D has no choice but to reflect that decision.

6. Real-World Example to Make It More Concrete

1. People who underwent hypnosis believing they had real burns on their skin developed physical blisters—because their bodies responded to their minds.

2. Patients in placebo studies who “believed” they were taking a rejuvenation drug experienced real physical changes, such as improved skin and organs.

These are extreme examples, but they show that the mind instructs the physical body, and the body obeys. It’s not symbolic or “just in the imagination”—it’s a transformation that manifests itself in the tangible.

7. How to Make This Transformation Solid and Firm

To truly believe that your physical transformation is happening:

• Decide and Feel: “I already have this.” See your body as what you want, not what you “think it is.”

• Visualize Clearly: Imagine what it would be like to touch, see, and live with this body. Not just mentally, but as if it were already a reality.

• Believe in Inner Logic: Whatever your mind accepts as truth, your body will do. If you have assumed this new identity, your body has no choice but to follow.

It’s not pretending, nor is it wishful thinking. It’s using the power of your mind to literally transform your body into something physical and real.

[ilovecatfr]

Why are you afraid of shifting and how is it stopping you from success

This post is all about finding what are your struggles with shifting and fear and how to overcome it

Why This Happens

1. Fear of the Unknown: Shifting involves stepping into a completely new reality, and the mind can find that overwhelming. Even though you consciously want to shift, your mind might be resisting because it’s unsure what will happen or how you'll feel after the shift. (Your mind can't stop you from shifting but it helpful to overcome this)

2. Fear of Failure: While you’ve maybe built a mindset that "shifting is easy," there might still be a lingering fear of what happens if it doesn’t work. This can lead to procrastination as a way to avoid facing potential disappointment.

3. Attachment to Your Current Reality: Even if you consciously want to let go of this reality, your mind might still hold on to certain attachments, routines, or responsibilities, making it harder to fully release and surrender.

4. Perfectionism: You might feel that the conditions for shifting need to be "perfect" (e.g., the right time, mood, or setting). This can cause you to delay the attempt, thinking, "I’ll do it tomorrow when I feel more ready."

5. Energy Imbalance: Mental and emotional energy play a big role in shifting. If you're mentally drained from school/job or other activities, it can be harder to find the focus and motivation to try.

Advice to Overcome This

1. Address the Fear Directly:

Take a moment to reflect on why you might feel scared. Is it fear of failure, success, or the unknown? Journaling about these feelings can help bring clarity and reduce their intensity.

Remind yourself that shifting is safe and that you’re always in control. You can come back to your current reality whenever you choose.

2. Break the Cycle of Procrastination:

Commit to small steps instead of aiming for the perfect shifting session. For example, one night, just focus on relaxing and visualizing your desired reality for 5-10 minutes without the pressure of fully shifting.

Set a consistent time for your shifting practice, even if it’s only 15 minutes a day.

3. Ease Into Letting Go:

Practice mindfulness or meditation to train your mind to release attachment to this reality. Grounding yourself in the present moment can make it easier to let go when the time comes.

Try visualization exercises throughout the day. Imagine yourself briefly in your desired reality during small breaks, which can make the idea of shifting feel more familiar and less daunting.

4. Shift Your Perspective on "Failure":

Remember, every attempt is progress. Each time builds your connection to your desired reality and strengthens your mental state.

Celebrate small wins, like getting into a relaxed state or feeling closer to your desired reality, instead of only focusing on whether you shifted.

5. Create a Comforting Routine:

Build a ritual around your shifting attempts that feels calming and enjoyable. For example, use soothing music, light candles, or repeat affirmations that help you feel safe and confident.

Use self-reassurance phrases like, “I am in control, and shifting will happen at the right time for me.”

6. Reframe "It’s Too Late" Thoughts:

Remind yourself that there’s no "right" time to shift. You can attempt shifting whenever you feel ready, whether it’s day or night.

Think of shifting as a natural, ongoing process rather than a single, all-or-nothing event. This can help reduce pressure and make it feel more approachable.

Letting Go of the Pressure

It's helpful to approach shifting with curiosity and excitement rather than pressure. The more you view it as a natural and fluid process, the easier it can become to allow yourself to fully engage. Instead of thinking, "I have to shift tonight," try shifting your mindset to, "I’m exploring this tonight, and whatever happens is okay."

Mantra to Try

When you feel scared or hesitant, try repeating: "I trust the process. I am safe, I am ready, and I am capable of shifting when the time is right."

A little remember that it most important to find what works for you.

[chaosofshadow]

It sure sounds like the solution to your problems here is 'just go live with all your friends in a nice big manor', and yet you seem remarkably avoidant of that.

Do you think you'll ever want the traditional family life?

I'm afraid it isn't really an option. Traditionally, I would live in my father's house with my parents, other relatives, and then a wife and children. That is obviously not going to happen, so if I were to settle down one day, I would have to do it untraditionally.

Maintaining the home on her own without other family to help was a lot for my mother, and I wouldn't want to expect it of a wife. Nor would it appeal to someone, the thought of marrying into a family with no...family, I expect. We could attempt living with her parents, though that would be awkward, or be sure to live near friends who can support each other.

It will be some time yet before I need to decide.

[yourmoonie]

DEALING WITH DOUBTS

Intro:

When doubts, fears, or anxiety arise, don’t fight with them or think that it is a dead-end. Instead, acknowledge them with gratitude. Recognize that fears are trying to protect you, doubts can motivate growth, and impatience signals your eagerness for good things. Invite your fears to wonder, -> "What if success is close?" Let doubts challenge limits and turn impatience into excitement for what’s coming. Rather than resisting old beliefs, shift your view on these emotions, give them a new purpose, and trust your intuition.

1. Shifting your POV

Instead of seeing doubts as barriers, let’s view them as part of our growth. When doubts pop up, it's because something within us wants reassurance or clarity. It’s a signal, not a dead-end. Now stay with me

2. UNDERSTANDING WHY IT APPEARS

Doubts don’t just appear for no reason; they’re often tied to past experiences or beliefs

Doubt -> an underlying cause -> why It appears -> how to reframe It -> moving forward

3. DONT FIGHT WITH YOURSELF

Doubts can actually help us to question, refine, & build more solid beliefs

Each doubt that you move through gives you a deeper trust in yourself. Like a good friend who’s honest with you, doubts can be useful if you listen, learn, and grow beyond them

The example:

✨️THE DOUBT: What if I am not good enough to get my SP's attention

✨️ LISTEN: Hear the doubt as f it's a friend being honest, pointing out where you might feel insecure.

✨️ LEARN: Ask yourself why this feeling exists. Maybe it's tied to a belief about self-worth.

✨️ GROW BEYOND: Use this awareness to focus on building confidence and self-love, reminding yourself that you're worthy and valuable just as you are

✨️ RESULT: Instead of letting the doubt hold you back, you're using it as a push to strengthen your self-image

4. PICK & CHOOSE

After acknowledging & understanding doubts, it’s time to release them

Imagine each doubt as a passing cloud

You notice it, see what it’s about, and then watch it drift away. You don’t have to cling to every thought

Choose which ones you want to keep

5. REMIND YOURSELF OF YOUR TRUTH

When a doubt comes up, gently remind yourself of your truth

Let’s say you doubt if you’re capable of achieving your desire

You could say, “I trust my ability to manifest & I trust myself”

It’s not about forcing the doubt away but bringing yourself back to your inner belief

6. Appreciating them & letting them go

The next time you catch yourself doubting, try saying, “Thank you for showing me what I need to work on.” This way, you honor the doubt but also make a conscious decision to not hold onto it. Acknowledging it without fear takes away its power over you

7. TODAY'S LESSONS

So today, we learned to:

✅️ To acknowledge the doubts without fearing them

✅️ Appreciate what they teach us

✅️ Letting them go and refocusing on the truth

Doubts don’t have to control you. They can be gentle reminders to dig deeper into your own strength

Trust that you’re on the right path

Some ground techniques for you:

Mindfulness Exercise (My favorite):

When doubts or overwhelm arise, bring yourself back to the present moment. Count your fingers, look around, and connect with your surroundings. Remind yourself that you exist in this moment, and that the thoughts passing through your mind aren’t truly you. Let these thoughts drift by and rest in the knowing that everything is working out in your favor.

Energetic Grounding Exercise (Another favorite):

✨ Start by sitting comfortably in a chair. Visualize roots, cords, or chains extending from your feet deep into the earth and from your base chakra. Feel as though you’re solidly anchored, like a tripod.

✨ Then, imagine a rope or pillar of light entering your crown chakra. This light can be any color that feels healing and powerful for you. See it flow through your body, traveling from your head to your feet, passing through each chakra.

✨ Declare out loud that you are grounded to the earth. Visualize toxins and negativity releasing through the roots into the soil, where they are transformed into energy. Allow the crown chakra connection to draw in healing energy that flows throughout your being.

This practice can help you feel centered, calm, and aligned with positive energy.

[accio-victuuri]

Xiao Zhan Portrait Magazine Interview 📝

🎤: xiao zhan, we actually filmed a cover back then in 2019, and then in interview video, we also filmed a five year video. the last sentence in that video is what do you expect xiao zhan to look like in the next five years. five years have passed now, i want to know what kind of person xiao zhan has become.

XZ: just now, during the filming process they showed me an interview from five years ago and then when i saw the ending — i think it's amazing. at that time five years felt like a long time, at that time i thought i didn't know where i would be in five years, and then what i will become. now five years have passed in the blink of an eye, i feel like something has changed but it also feel like nothing has changed. it seems like everything has undergone an subtle changes but in reality it seems that nothing has changed. it's a wonderful feeling. i can't use words nor statements such as "change" and "unchanged" and then describe it.

🎤: in those five years there will be a lot of growth. i actually want to know what do you think is your biggest growth.

XZ: i feel calm and composed. i feel like i have became a little more self-reflective.

🎤: compared to oneself — what does this self refer to?

XZ: because i have always believed in the words "self" and "freedom" i think those are very neutral word. my former self words is that we will consider all aspects to visual. as i mentioned in my previous interview — i am very concerned about how other perceive me, i care a lot about others' opinions about me. but perhaps over the past five years we have walked slowly along the way so now i think it's more about asking oneself, and then based on one's own opinions

🎤: you will have a persistence, so to be honest whether it's five years or something else do you think you have something firm that it won't change from you?

XZ: of course there will be.

🎤: what is it?

XZ: i remember i said this before — i remember a friend of mine told me "you may not know what you want, but you must know what you don't want" i think this has never changed.

🎤: what do you not want?

XZ: there are many things i don't want.

🎤: can you share with me an example?

XZ: for example — something that is luxurious but uncomfortable, or something that i feel not suitable for me.

🎤: i see, because i actually meet you now there are also quite a few changes. one of them is starting to exercise now right

XZ: yes!

🎤: and over the five years i actually want to know if have there been any changes in the control of your own body or some changes perception of body?

XZ: actually i have been working out all along. for the past exercise i may have been more pursuit to be a little thinner so there are used to be a lot of aerobic work done before, but now it's actually more about stability, to be more calm, so more importantly i did some strength training.

🎤: i feel that sometimes the passage of time also means that we grow up or even get older, so sometimes you may suddenly realize that your control over your body or your own experiences are little different from before.

XZ: just like when i just watched the interview video from five years ago then in the middle of conversation i just saw myself in the mirror i feel like it's an improved version from the past then now. is it a widened version or narrowed version. i can't say for sure. i don't know where are the subtle changes have occurred — maybe it's about appearance, then it could be the body shape or it may be a state. in every aspect i feel the person in the mirror is a plus version of myself that i just saw in the video. then if we talk about mentality, i think there have been many changes.

🎤:what you say — maybe five years about the body you just mentioned. i want to know if you have had a moment of spiritual freedom in the past five years.

XZ: the most spiritual freedom moment?

🎤: yes, the most spiritual freedom moment.

XZ: actually i feel that i have been relatively free and relaxed for a period of time. it was during joining the filming crew. on the contrary when i was on the set. i don't think it's like a job but more like creating a work — creating a character, the process of creating a character so i am actually very invested.

🎤: so you may feel that speaking of a relative freedom it's when you completely immersed yourself in this character. is it to some extent of isolation from real life. let's said like that?

XZ: it can be said like that.

🎤: i actually remember the reason why you referred to five years as it back then it's because from an ordinary person no matter what or rather entering the entertainment industry as a non actor and then during 2015 and now 5 years have passed. you have actually been in the entertainment industry for 10 years. will there be any changes in the perception of the entertainment industry.

XZ: woah it's been 10 years?

🎤: we can have a 5 years term of 15 days which is 10 years.

XZ: what changes have occurred? — i don't think there has been any change. there hasn't been any change. i think it's relatively achievable, their scope is relatively simple…yes relative simple.

🎤: do you remember the last time i asked you a question? if you are not an actor what would you do. do you remember your answer?

XZ: it's to open a bakery.

🎤: yes. be a baker. i also want to ask this question now. if one day you don't work as an actor anymore what could be your next career? or what do you want to do?

XZ: perhaps…there will still be to opening a bakery. although there may be many practical problems encountered but i still really want to (open a bakery) because i think it's a very happy thing.

🎤: and if we talk about now. does 33 years old xiao zhan have something special? for example the so-called moment of collapse? or it could be a regretful breakdown of the realm.

XZ: i think it might be when acting there are really…i don't think it can be considered a breakdown but i think it's the hurdle. you may not be able to step over but you and i will try every possible way.

🎤: you want to do it better.

XZ: yes, when encountering some obstacles during acting it may make me feel a bit overwhelmed at the moment like — "why can't i do it…" when that hurdle remained insurmountable, it's something that makes me feel a little overwhelmed.

🎤: is there a so-called moment of compromise.

XZ: i don't think it can be considered a compromise right? but i'll do as much as possible. probably the final result may not have been achieved by you today. perhaps it will be resolved by looking back at the present after a few days.

🎤: actually i think something speaking of adults is actually a process of constantly recognizing boundaries as you just said, actually sometimes the so-called compromise is also a process of recognizing the boundaries. do you have that feeling of like you suddenly realized that in all aspects you actually has boundaries there?

XZ: of course i think this can be considered a rule. you can understand it this way.

🎤: if we actually said that five years have passed what will the next xiao zhan look like? have you ever thought about what kind of xiao zhan you hope to be in five years? at that time you will be 38 years old.

XZ: what do i hope xiao zhan looks like? i hope he can have a great time.

🎤: that’s all? is there or what kind of actor will he become?

XZ: no no no…i don't hope much…i just want him to be happy, to have a very happy life.

🎤: do you still dream frequently now? what was your most recent dream?

XZ: i haven’t had a dream for a long time.

🎤: do you often suffer from insomnia?

XZ:: there might be just a little time to sleep, there is bit of difficulty.

🎤: because we often say everyone actually has their own memory building i want to know in your memory — is there a moment that leave you with a recurring memory or could it been repeatedly reminded to you.

XZ:: the last time i dreamed was probably about the place where i used to live when i was a child. it's an old residential building and then our house is on the fifth floor. i remember what the aisle looked like.

🎤: seems to have gone back again

XZ: yes, and then it's really amazing, the structure of the room, and then the people. my parents and grandparents both. everyone is still stuck in that time because it was when i was still a child.

🎤: have you ever wondered why you keep dreaming about that repeatedly?

XZ: this might feel strange but maybe to me it's bit like a safe house. yes, a safe house. this kind of existence may occur when i feel tired or unhappy. maybe, i just want to go back.

🎤: your case reminds me of my previous interview with zhu deyong. he is a taiwanese cartoonist — he said that every time he felt unsafe he will go back to his childhood house in his mind, and he will go patrol room by room then use his memory to build the entire house. he can even see the most delicate table, the chair, and all the vivid memories.

XZ: i was like this in my dream. the kitchen at home, then the restroom, the living room, the two bedrooms, the structural cabinets of the balcony, at the time even the exhaust fan that never replaced. it's either a range hood or a wonderful one — all the details are clear and precise.

🎤: will that make you feel at ease?

XZ: i don't know either but instead of getting up…after waking up there will be a little feeling of loss and melancholy.

🎤: your childhood was particularly happy.

XZ:: my childhood…it's very happy.

🎤: so to some extent that’s also a way for you to nourish yourself.

XZ: yes

🎤: because i know you were actually a designer before and then you can also draw. so do you sometimes draw things about it? for example are you still drawing now? can you draw your childhood house?

XZ: no..but you reminded me. i can give it a try

🎤: it's because i feel like you will rebuilding your memories, some kind of similarity. it is also a very good feedback for yourself.

XZ: it's very good.

🎤: actually it's been five years to some extent…family members also aging. do you have this feeling? like i feel like my parents are getting older?

XZ: i do. but every time i try to stir up emotions then do it with them and message them they will immediately jump out and say "i'm playing ball now" so i don't have time to tell them otherwise my mom and i are out on a road trip again. she will says just be good to yourself, you will feel better okay? they are…very happy.

🎤: they are doing well, so they actually don't have the anxiety of aging at all.

XZ: they are full of power. so i think they are the object of my learning.

🎤: have you asked them why do you think they have no such anxiety at all? like they should think of it.

XZ: i have no idea. so i envy them very much. i really envy them. i learn from them this mentality.

🎤: we just asked our photographer. he has had a lot of contact with you in the five past years he says he will feel your current sense of security or rather your sense of relaxation is gradually increasing especially this year. so i don't know yet if it's a cue do you think there will be something this year that will make you suddenly feel this kind of openness or relaxation?

XZ: i think it’s very subtle because i believe life is not a novel not a movie, not a script. i didn't have a suddenly awakening point right? i think it't a long process, it’s a gradual accumulation then slowly and slowly some changes occurred. so you are asked me when it all started at which moment which i don't really know. but i can only feel like i'm here right now, i don't care that much, maybe it will be better.

🎤: i remember asking you back then 'are you smiling when you're happy' you said "i can't say i'm happy but i'm lucky”

XZ: i also feel very happy now, i am very lucky now

🎤: if you say so then i was also very happy it was a perfect five years. i think if you say so are lucky and happy in five years this show you have actually gone very far in the past five years. how to say this..you may not always gone so smoothly but you really is. so it's better to it to go smoothly. i hope the next five years will be smoother.

XZ: yes, just like what i do every year. people will ask me what kind of blessings do you have for yourself in the new year or give it to someone who likes you? i will says "safe and smooth" people may think that being smooth and healthy is so simple but let's think of it carefully it's not that simple at all. it's again a wish, a blessings.

🎤: so if you want to say something to everyone in 2025…

XZ: it still the same sentence "safe and smooth" i think it's safe and smooth for now then other will come follow naturally.

🎤: alright that's all for now. i have no other questions left. i am looking forward to the next five years with you.

XZ: thank you

[selfsabotaqe]

“ if you’re feeling up to it. ”   there is a lump in his throat as he speaks those words, one he plans to pass off as morning voice in favour of keeping the casual tone.   “ you’ll notice she gets restless after spending the entire morning inside. so i figured i could take a detour past the off leash section of the park, so she can let out some of her energy. she’d be thrilled about another person to play catch with. ”   there would almost be a sense of normality to it all, were it not for the surprise and suspicion that glossed over noah’s face at the sudden shift in their morning routine. one might figure it was the start of a new normal for them, but part of emre still refuses to go along with that narrative for the time being. with one last string holding him back from freefalling in complete love with the man opposite him. and a complete and total lack of ideas as to how to start that conversation.   “ i’ll be the judge of that, ”   he then jests, head cocked to the side in a mixture of endearment and challenge before he leans down to press a kiss to his temple as he continues to speak.   “ surprise me. milk and eggs are in the fridge, everything else should be in the cupboard down there. ”

it should feel strange to be making himself so comfortable in emre's kitchen given how little time he's actually spent in it. their experiences together have never been particularly domestic and yet the fact that everything about the space reminds him of emre makes it feel surprisingly warm. “ trying to make myself at home, the machine isn't making it easy. ” he corrects cheerily, any complaints on the complexity of the other male's appliances silenced before they've even reached his lips when he has emre to focus on instead. “ good morning. ” the greeting hums softly back, hands moving instinctively to the other's sides as the kiss pulls a gentle smile to his own features. it's different to their past mornings together, as if something has shifted between them just enough for emre to finally start letting him in. “ i — would it be alright if i came with you? ” the suggestion takes him by surprise, his own move to grab the mugs halted mid step for brown eyes to rest firmly on the other male. it feels almost like a test, though noah isn't entirely sure how. there's a momentary flash of concern that somehow in saying yes he'll fail, that he'll prove he's gotten too attached in his willingness to do something so trivial together. that it'll be the end of whatever this arrangement has been. although he quickly decides not to dwell on that. “ thankfully i'm a much better chef than i am a barista — i can make some pretty badass pancakes, are you more a sweet or savory kind of guy? ”

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

I believe that one of the best things you can do for your mental wellbeing is to just give yourself things to look forward to. 

Your mind may go to expensive purchases or life changing experiences now, these bucket list items like “a month long international vacation” or “getting my own car” (or even something like “buying a whole new wardrobe and re-inventing myself after I come out” or “making queer friends once I graduated and moved out and cut my parents out of my life”) - but that’s not what I am talking about right now. In fact, for our purposes here it’s better if it’s not something like that! 

Big goals and long-term dreams are cool! Don’t give up on them! But if our only sources of that giddy “I can’t wait to do that!” energy are things that may only happen in a few years (or “when I get rich” or “once I’m healed” or “when I get braver” or maybe even never), well, that’s a good recipe for feeling unfulfilled and like our current life is empty and boring compared to that shiny fantasy. You’ll miss out on a lot of joy when you save up all your feelings of excitement for the “later”. 

So, this isn’t about big bucket list stuff and it also isn’t about any classic self-improvement techniques. If you look forward to exercise or meditation, all the more power to you (because obviously you’ll reap the mental health benefits of those things plus those giddy feelings)… but first and foremost this is about joy. 

This is about seeing the magic in the ordinary things, in the here and now (and yes, that sounds pretty lame. Sometimes you gotta be lame to be happy!). 

It’s also about feeling in control of your life. In order to look forward to something, you need to intentionally pick something to do. And that’ll feel so much better than just passively letting life happen to you or waiting for your “real life” to start or letting some algorithm choose which content to consume until it’s time for bed. It’s about not postponing joy until life gets better but making life better by making it more joyful!

So, how do you teach yourself to look forward to things and which things work best?

You need to set a (small, pleasant, easily achievable) goal and follow through on it.

It can be a small, special treat or reward, like “On Monday I’ll buy a candy bar after work” or “I’ll make a cup of my favorite tea tomorrow morning”. It can also just be being mindful of the things you do anyway: if you always listen to music while on the train, don’t just hit shuffle once you sit down and instead deliberately choose a specific album you want to listen to before you board the train. 

The trick is just to intentionally pick something fun to do and then let yourself feel pumped about doing it and then follow through with actually doing it. It doesn’t even need to be anything new or different than usual! If you always make pasta for dinner because that’s your favorite dish, then just deliberately spend some extra thought during the day on how freaking awesome it is that you get to eat your favorite dish again tonight! 

When you’re new to this, it’s best to pick something that’s in the near future, like later that day or the day after. You get time to build up excitement but you also get to follow through pretty quickly. So your brain gets to make the connection that happily looking forward to something is “worth it”! 

This can feel a bit ridiculous and fake at first, especially if you’re usually not an overly cheerful person. It’s okay if it feels a bit silly to be joyful about the prospect of eating pasta. Good news is, this is something where you can absolutely “fake it til you make it”. You may have to consciously remind yourself to be excited about it at first (it’s okay to use little helpers, like notifications on your phone or a good old sticky note somewhere you’ll see it!) - but even when it’s fake at first, your brain will forge those pathways and over time “happily looking forward to things” will become a natural habit that’ll add a bit of sparkle to the ordinary! 

And especially for those “waiting until I can be myself” cases: Yeah, finding magic in the ordinary will not “fix” living with homophobic parents or gender dysphoria. But it’ll give you some moments of light while you wait for things to get better. And you deserve that. Lighting some candles while waiting in the dark will always beat just sitting in the dark.

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad 

[bitchy-craft]

Dream Body | Affirmation Series

Hello and welcome to this new post! Because many people thought it would be a nice idea to have an affirmation series on my page I thought it would be a good thing to try out. In this post I'll give a few dream body affirmations, I hope you guys like them and find them useful!

Masterlist > Questions > Paid Readings

I am grateful for my body and treat it with love and care

I nourish my body with healthy choices that support my well-being.

My body is becoming stronger, leaner, and healthier every day.

I trust my body's wisdom and listen to its signals.

I enjoy exercising and staying active, it energizes me.

I am patient and persistent in my journey to my dream body.

I release any negative thoughts about my body and embrace self-love.

My body deserves respect, and I honor it with positive choices.

I visualize my dream body and believe it is attainable.

I am in control of my health and well-being, and I am committed to reaching my goals.

Tip: The more you repeat the more affective affirmations are.

[drdemonprince]

the porn addiction anon made me think to ask, do you have an opinion on viewing self-harm behaviors as an addiction?

i personally have found it to be a helpful way of looking at my relationship with it and fairly accurate to my experience with urges and tolerances etc, and i don't personally care whether it's ever officially considered an addiction or not, but i am curious about the conversation about it and your opinion if you have one.

thank you for reading this and if you respond, thank you for your response!

I think that the 'addiction' frame for self-harm can make the most sense if you're personally on board with a goal of abstinence -- but I would still caution against it somewhat, as research generallly suggests that when a person views a behavior pattern as being caused by an 'addiction' they are less likely to feel that they have agency over it, and are more likely to experience shame when they experience relapses.

What I find most appealing and helpful in understanding self-harm, both for myself and others, is to appreciate the multiple needs that the self-harm typically satisfies. This can be things like providing an endorphin rush, distracting from a disturbing situation, a physical outlet for emotional pain, a means of conveying to others that you are suffering, a source of stimulation, a means of grounding oneself within one's body, an intense enough sensation to shock you out of dissociation, a way to burn off excess energy, an acceptable outlet for one's anger, a way to take control over one's own body, a means of accessing privacy, a means of expressing a meltdown or any number of other things.

When we can see that self-harm is beneficial and sensible in several key ways, it's easier to view it as just one option among many for meeting a person's needs -- and sometimes it might be the best option! Appreciating what self-harm meaningfully does for us allows us to make clearer decisions about what is lacking or painful for us in life at the moment, and minimizing the unwanted damage caused by it. This framing also centers the self-harming person as having the authority to determine what is best for their own life, even while honoring that they might require support getting their needs satisfied.

For example, I used to look down on my excessive exercise habit as solely an eating disorder symptom, one that I was "addicted" to and shamefully couldn't shake. But any time I tried to force myself to not exercise the way I wanted to, I felt cranky, pent up, resentful, stressed, and was actually prone to more damaging forms of self-harm.

It was only after reading more about harm reductionist approaches to eating disorders that I figured out that the long walks I love to go on are not *only* a means of purging, though that is how they began -- they also provide me a needed energy valve, a space to meditate and daydream, an excuse to get away from people when I'm feeling trapped, and a daily obligation that for many years prevented me from overworking, because it consumed up so much time in my day.

I was most prone to long, long, longgg walks that bordered on physically damaging when I was trapped in a house that was not emotionally safe to me, completely overwhelmed with stress due to school and work, and unaware of the sensory and energy-expenditure needs related to my neurodivergence. Now that I'm in a better situation, I still need to exercise almost every day to keep my anxiety and rage even somewhat at bay, but I don't need to do it for *hours*, and I'm making my body stronger rather than weakening myself. I have other ways of addressing my sensory needs, seeking privacy, finding stimulation, and so on. Compared to others I can still seem a bit compulsively physical, exercising even when I am sick, and when I can't work exercise into my daily schedule I do get fucking irate -- but really, what's the problem? It doesn't really qualify as self-harm anymore.

The same logic works on most of the other forms of self-harm I have exhibited, too, from seeking out abusive relationships to reading transphobic hate forums. I did those things because I was completely emotionally blunted, depressed, isolated, and craving stimuli that reinforced my existing self-hatred. And those forms of self-harm intellectually engaged me, filled me with excitement, and shocked my system in ways both good and bad. I'm glad I don't do that shit anymore mostly, but it didn't get better because I realized I was "addicted" to self-harming or anything like that. I had to work on addressing the unmet need.

I hope that others who view self-harming differently will sound off in the notes, because I do think the forms my self-harm has taken are significantly different from things like cutting, burning, etc, and what works for me won't work for everybody else. For the most part I have only physically struck myself when I'm in the midst of a meltdown, so that form of self-injury hardly even ranks as "self harm" to me because it's not really intentional.

[nayatarot777]

What Should You Love About Yourself?

Thank you to everyone who has been booking personal readings and tipping! I’ve been able to buy some new oracle decks thanks to you guys. Thank you to everyone who has joined my Patreon too! Much appreciated! 💕💓

• Pile One •

What you should love about yourself is how, despite all of the pain and heartbreak that you’ve experienced thus far, you still put your head down and work at creating the life that you want. You could’ve been like many others and allowed your traumas to put you into a rut and ultimately an end to your efforts in regard to taking control of your life - and you may have experienced moments like that - but you’re extremely resilient. You don’t give up on your own life. You haven’t allowed anything that you’ve gone through to keep you down or break your spirit. You refused to allow yourself to be downtrodden by life’s (or other people’s) bullshit. Many people would consider detaching from emotional pain as a “bad” thing. I disagree. And that seems to be what you’ve done. You seem to not care about the people who’ve hurt you in the past and that’s where your power comes from. Your ability to walk away from people who hurt you is an ability that (I would say) a majority of the population struggles with for a huge portion of their lives. Women especially 👀. You don’t have this self-harming tendency that a lot of people mask as selflessness or love, though. You have great methods of self protection. There’s also a craft or a job that you’ve absolutely perfected that you’ve found a lot of success and recognition with - and if you haven’t yet, then you will! With the amount of time and energy that I’m seeing you invest into this, there’s no way that you don’t. You should love yourself for your ability to really take control over your life and what you create out of it. Your ability to see life from a higher perspective too. The way that you’re not afraid to be seen and show tf out 😂. Because a lot of people don’t reach this level of confidence to put themselves out there like that.

• Pile Two •

You should love your ability to create complete luxury, comfort, and harmony within your own space BY YOURSELF. This may not seem like a big deal to hermits or introverts, but trust me, a lot of people don’t even like themselves enough to like their own energy. That ability in itself is something that you should be giving yourself praise for. Your physical is also something that’s jumping out here. Love the fuck out of your body and your physical appearance, Pile Two. I don’t know if you do a lot of exercise, or if you just eat really well, or if you pamper yourself. You could just be born extremely physically beautiful. But I am seeing that you’re someone who treats your physical body really well. This could be something as simple as validating your body and recognising your beauty for yourself. You should love that you value yourself enough to do that. Your mind is also something that’s being brought to attention. You’re extremely introspective and diligent at taking a look at what’s in your mind. You’ve created a beautiful space for yourself too. Whether this is an external space or a mental space. You’re an extremely abundant person because you know how to attract abundance to yourself. And abundance is a plethora of things; it could mean money, it could mean an abundant mindset (an abundance of knowledge and understanding), it could be an abundant frequency/energy as a person. Whatever this abundance is, I’m seeing that you’re very giving of this abundance. You don’t hoard it, you’re willing to share it with others who are in need of it. I’m seeing that you’re a great manifestor. Mainly because you find things to celebrate in life in general - from the big things to the small things. You definitely work with the cosmos though. Through your inner compass. Are you the types of people who others can’t influence? If so, then this is what keeps you on the correct path. You’re very attached to your opinions and your beliefs and you’re in control of your mind through this way. Once you’re in control of your mind, nobody and nothing can be in control of you. And it takes a particularly powerful person to reach this level.