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walpu · 9 months ago

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pre-relationship stage with them

characters - Gepard, Aventurine notes- gn!reader, pining, light angst but mostly fluffy, a bit of hurt/comfort. I love blonde preservation men okay. no beta we die like the economy in my country

Gepard

Poor poor Geppie.

He pines so much. Treats his love for you like a tender flower. Even his feelings for you is something so precious to him, he's happy to simply be in love with a person like yourself.

I feel like this poor man willd try so much to do everything for you without giving away how deeply he cares and how intense his feelings are.

"Aw, lil' Geppie, you care about y/n so much!"

"I- I do not. I mean, of course I do! But- There's nothing surprising about it. After all, it's my duty as a Captain to care about every citizen. And, of course, it's my duty as a friend to care about y/n.

Sure, Gepard. Sure.

He would never say something like this to your face though. After all, he simply can't lie to you.

Oh but how he adores you. His face literally lights up when he sees you, the most gentle smile blooms on his face when he watches you doing even the most trivial task.

Tries to act like his usual self around you but it's pretty evident to everyone that you're his weak spot.

Would gently scold you if you would ever put yourself in danger or break any rules.

If you would get seriously hurt would actually lose his mind. Would blame himself even if the situation has nothing to do with him. Beats himself up, asks for your forgiveness and does his best to help you.

Despite the popular belief that he would prioritize his work over his beloved, I don't think it's true. Sure, he takes his duties seriously, but he would always find time for you. Would make sure to see you at least two times a weak, would answer your texts and calls. If you need him, would certainly be right by your side. Even if it means he would have to work overtime later.

Tease him a bit and he's all red. Doesn't try to stop you though, secretly adores your attention.

Would be oblivious to the fact that you like him back. Like. Really dense about it.

He's just so used to giving, to protecting, he simply doesn't expect anything in return. He has silently accepted the fact that you may never love him back, but he will be there for you regardless of it, no matter what.

Plus, he feels like he may not be the one for you. Like you need someone who doesn't have to constantly put their life in danger, who can always be by your side, who won't break your heart. Because he's painfully aware that each fight may actually be his last. That he may not come back to you.

Speaking of that. He would make sure to say a proper goodbye to you before every battle or expedition. Nothing too sappy or depressing, he doesn't want to make you worry, after all. Would probably tell you to take care of yourself, to sleep well and to eat healthy food lol. He really just wants to make sure that he got to see you before heading straight into the battle.

If you're a Silvermane guard as well, would restrict himself even more, not wanting to use his position or to be pushy. However, would still be worried sick, even more so. Would still talk to you before every battle, asking almost begging you to be careful.

Loves giving you head pats.

Generally the goodest boy. Just make sure to make the first move because otherwise he would be satisfied with just being your loyal puppy.

Aventurine

Good lord.

This man is such a mess.

Be ready for a mindfuck but not because he's manipulative towards you or something like that but because there's so many layers of trauma in him.

You have to be patient with him okay.

I feel like pre-relationship stage would be so confusing to him. He had flings in the past, okay? Short ones, meaningless. Something to distress, to feel another person's touch, to feel some sort of connection, no matter how shallow it is. He knew he uses those people and that those people use him in return. Not once he asked them to be gentle or caring.

But with you it's so different. Doesn't matter if your relationship started sexually and developed into something more or if it was mostly platonic/slow since the beginning. He still feels something. And he's not sure if he likes it.

Sometimes it feels so good to be seen, to be addressed as a person, not just as a tool. But sometimes it scares him. After all, this man hasn't been vulnerable with anyone for a long, long time.

I'm sorry but I feel like he would try to pull away from you a bit after realizing how much you actually mean to him.

Oh but he will crumble if you reach out to him, okay? He simply can't ditch you like that, not when you see him for him and want him for him.

Even if it's scary.

Would slowly relax around you. Don't expect him to open up easily but still, the more time you spend together, the more his cocky mask will slip away.

Will randomly and out of the blue tell you small details about his past. You two may walk down the street together and he will see something that reminds him of Sigonia so he will share this memory with you.

It may be the smallest thing but it means a lot to him that you listen. Even this tiny moments of vulnerability are hard for him.

On the more positive note, he's so fun to be around. Would tease you and cling to you all of the time. If you tease him back, he would pretend to be offended but would actually enjoy the playful banter a lot.

Just don't tease him too much about him becoming more and more clingy with each passing day.

Spoils you rotten. New clothes, jewelry, watches, shoes, anything you may want or need. He still can't quite get rid of this idea that you have to be convenient for someone to be valuable. It's not like he's trying to buy your love but... Maybe subconsciously he does. Once again, be patient. This man is so used to the fact that all of his alliances are build on mutual benefit that it's still hard to accept that you're really here for him.

Spoiler even when he will feel more stable in your relationship and his mindset will turn more healthy, gift giving will still remain one of his love languages.

Just like Gepard, would care greatly about your safety. He may be careless about his own life but never with yours.

Loves, loves, loves physical contact. As I said before, gets very clingy, putting his arm over your shoulder or tugging on your sleeve. If he's feeling down, would crawl to you side and subtly brush his shoulder against yours or lean to your side. He may still have his confident smile but those small gestures show that he wants you to be the one holding him this time.

Invades your personal space a lot actually. Texts you constantly too lmao.

LOVES SILLY NICKNAMES. Would call you his dearest darling in the sweetest voice during the most inappropriate time and then laugh at your reaction. Would settle for something more casual like "baby" when he's not trying to be a pain in the ass. Still tries to play it off as something teasing. Deep down yearns to call you this without having to pretend that this is just a playful banter between two friends.

Oh and he would dance around the topic of dating, throwing hints but never having the courage to ask openly. So good luck with him.

#hsr #honkai star rail #hsr aventurine #aventurine #aventurine x reader #gepard #gepard landau #hsr gepard #gepard x reader #walp's writing

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theambitiouswoman · 1 year ago

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How To Develop Self Respect ✨

Understand your strengths, weaknesses, what you believe, and what you want. This is like the starting point for respecting yourself.

Decide how you want others to treat you. Say "no" when you need to and think about what's best for you.

Stop saying bad things about yourself. Say nice things instead, just like you would to a friend.

Eat healthy food, sleep well, and do things that make you happy and relaxed.

Set things you want to do and finish. When you do them, you'll feel really good about yourself.

When you mess up, don't be too hard on yourself. Think about what you can learn and do better next time.

Be with people who make you feel good and avoid people who make you feel bad.

Say what you want or how you feel in a strong but nice way.

If you do something wrong, don't be mad at yourself forever. Everybody makes mistakes.

Sometimes, think about the things you do and why you do them. This helps you stay true to yourself.

When you do something good, even if it's small, give yourself a pat on the back.

Think about the good things in your life. This can make you feel happier and better about yourself.

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malereadermaniac · 6 months ago

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Betrothed ~ Alpha FireLord Zuko x Omega male reader

Even after his father had been overruled, Zuko couldn't experience true freedom; bound by his duty as firelord Part of that duty was of course, as an Alpha, to find a mate and continue the lineage of the fire nation But when the firelord is brought a familiar face by the royal matchmaker, he's put at ease word count: 3.1k Sfw & Nsfw / MDNI ~ amab m!reader / FDNI

Zuko felt uncomfortable - both physically and emotionally. Physically, the firelord was uncomfortable from the head to toe firelord get-up; his advisors insisting he wears traditional Alphan fire lord clothing to his matchmaking appointment. He was deemed one of the luckiest men in the world, an Alpha born into not only wealth but royalty, but those blessings came with their own limitations. Zuko wanted to choose his partner, he wouldn't care of their secondary gender or status, the alpha just wanted the real love he had been deprived of all his life - and that was the root of his emotional discomfort. But nonetheless, as FireLord, he had a duty to his people and his honor, so Zuko was willing to go through with whatever was about to come.

As the matchmaker walks into the arranged meeting room, Zuko's nerves turn 10 fold - but he, of course, doesn't let that show, a simple chill running up his spine instead. He watches as the evidently Beta woman places down her folder and a packet of scent patches, sneaking a peak at her notes when she opens her folder; many graphs of scent compatibility catch Zuko's eyes along with his profile, clearly this woman takes her job seriously. After the matchmaker introduces herself, she hands out scent patches to any Alphas or Omegas in the room, allowing for Zuko to only be able to smell his soon-to-be mate and as to not overwhelm the Omega - afterwards, the woman starts to give a brief rundown of what will occur. Zuko listens attentively as he fidgets with his fingers beneath the table: the omega will walk in, she will read his brief information, the two will greet and scent each others wrists, if Zuko accepts the Omega then any advisors and herself will leave the room for the two to talk. It felt like the woman was talking forever, the FireLord's heart beating quicker and quicker by the second, but once she finally stopped, Zuko's head snapped to look at the door as the matchmaker stood up to let his future mate into the room. The last thing Zuko expected to see was his childhood friend - you, (y/n) (l/n).

"(Y/n)?!" Zuko stutters out, going to stand up but his advisors easing him to sit back down

"Ah! Zuk-..." you stopped yourself when you saw the matchmakers face, procedures had to be followed to a tee according to her. You make you way to the table Zuko was sat at and bow with grace

"FireLord Zuko, it's an honor"

Holy shit, your voice had such an immense effect on Zuko, the title of FireLord rolling off of your tongue perfectly. You were dressed in traditional clothing, ridiculously adorned with fire nation accessories, the sleeves of your clothing long enough to cover your hands as you nod and bow - you looked enthralling. Zuko had never seen you in this light, his contact with you having been cut before your secondary gender had shown itself, but man, did you really grow into a full Omega. Your scent was surprisingly the last thing the Alpha had noticed, but once he took a note of it, it was all the man could think of; a soft smell of flowers and cotton, it reminded Zuko of the happy portion of his childhood, but most of all it made his inner Alpha flare up like mad. The matchmaker starts to read off your information as you sit down in front of the royal, the both if you fighting smiles.

"(Y/n) of the affluent fire nation family of (L/n). Overall healthy with a blood type and astrological match with the FireLord. Most importantly, a 98% match between their pheromones. His fire bending is passable, but he passed top of his class in fire-healing. He has etiquette training, cooking, cleaning, and even medicinal skills as well as a fertility of 0.7 - one of the highest in the nation."

You cringed at all of your personal, embarrassing details were read off and watched as Zuko's advisors checked off on their little clipboards - but all of your negative emotions vanish when you catch Zuko's eyes, the warm smile on his face putting you at ease immediately. His scent was not only calming and anything but overwhelming, but it also felt like it was perfect for you, it was like gold was running through your veins every time you took a breath. The two of you snapped out of your infatuated dazes from the matchmaker coughing to draw attention. Zuko's advisors mumbled amongst themselves and then one whispered to Zuko, which resulted in a smile from the handsome Alpha which was followed by a nod - then, the next thing you knew, Zuko was holding out his wrist.

"May I scent you, (y/n)?" Zuko asked, initiating the scenting with his voice smooth like silk. You immediately agree and rub the scent gland on your wrist against Zuko's, your muscles instantly fully relaxing as his scent sticks to your gland. The two of you watch as all surrounding people leave the two of you alone and sit in a brief silence; that is until Zuko softly breaks it. Usual small talk turns into friendly catching up, Zuko interested in your life after the two of you were forced apart by life - you'd both talked about missing and thinking about each other and how you'd even witnessed Zuko's Agni-kai with his father. Over the half an hour that the two of you talked, your hands slowly crept closer together until Zuko's strong hand had its slender fingers intertwined with yours. Just before his advisors interrupted the two of you, Zuko had asked a question that shocked you

"Do you want to be my mate?"

Zuko knew the two of you had no choice in the matter, but because of his history with you, his previous and current soft-spot for you, he would want anything but to keep you in a forced relationship for his own benefit. After a short silence, a soft nod from you put Zuko's heart at ease; but that peace was only shortly lived until his advisors walked in and had you two follow along, the life of royalty barely giving the Alpha a chance to breathe. The two of you walked behind Zuko's head advisor, his other few trailing behind you both - and even they couldn't help but notice how right you two looked walking next to one another. After being escorted to your new shared bedroom, Zuko's advisors planned to take Zuko away to further discuss your relationship; however a wrench had been thrown into their plans when Zuko immediately disagreed, demanding that a discuss that surrounds you should include you. The way that the Alpha stood up for you made you beam internally, a small smile making its way onto your face, and with no room for argument, you left the room with Zuko and his advisors towards the meeting room. Passing by the throne room, the two of you notice some workers build you a throne as they did for Zuko - those advisors work really quick it seems - the both of you take into account how Zuko's is taller and positioned just a little higher than yous...

"We propose that the wedding happens by the end of the month" the lead advisor begins the discussion. The scene isn't necessarily foreign to you, your father having you sit in on meeting with the previous FireLord in this very room, a large table sits in the middle of the room, Zuko is positioned at the head with you next to him (kneeling in the floor) as his advisors sit at the opposite end.

"Isn't that a little too soon? Can't we have it by the end of the year?" Zuko argues, clearly not wanting to rush a delicate process

"One month is quite generous already, Lord Zuko... You must pull your nation together, a royal wedding is the type of celebration you need - the sooner the better, ten months is far too long" another advisor pops up

"One month isn't even enough time for me to properly court (y/n)" Zuko fights back, a calm demeanor on his face as he looks towards you and smiles

"My Lord, the Omega isn't the priority at this point in time, keep in mind you also need to provide an heir" the main advisor explains

"An heir? I understand the wedding, but the throne will receive an heir when the two of us so wish!" Zuko's tone shifts, clearly offended at the suggestion that your purpose in this marriage is to pop out pups

"Why don't we compromise to five months?" You pipe up, fidgeting with your sleeves as you look at the advisors

A short silence fills the room

"Don't speak during meeting, Omega" one of Zuko's advisors says to break the silence. All of then were thinking it, he was just stupid enough to say it

"I beg your pardon? Leave" Zuko demands, his tone devoid of emotion, and when the advisor protests, one look towards his guards has them remove the advisor from Zuko's meeting room.

"U-Uhm- Five months is acceptable, thank you" the lead advisor acknowledges your point, the first time you'd even been looked in the eyes by one of Zuko's trusted men

After the awkward meeting that surrounded your near and far future, the rest of your day reflected the whirlwind prior, sorting out royal duties and meeting Palace staff. But as the sun began to set and you made your way back to your room, Zuko stopped you

"Yes, my Lord?" You ask, looking up into Zuko's eyes with soft, tired eyes

"Y'know you can just call me Zuko..." the alpha blushes, the title really affecting him only when it came from your soft lips

"Haha... sorry, guess my training really did work" you chuckle

"Hmhm... was it really that intense?" Zuko asks as he starts to walk with you to the royal bedroom

"I mean... if you'd say 4 hours of etiquette training and 3 hours of learning how to please an Alpha a day is intense then yeah" you say with a sly smirk, the sarcasm in your voice evident

"Wow... I didn't even know... I've only ever had the regular royalty lessons" Zuko mumbles, closing the door behind you

"Yeah... even if I come from an affluent family, my secondary gender makes me get treated like a mutt" you say with a smile

"Well I promise you... I won't let that happen around here if I can help it." Zuko says sincerely, holding your hand in his firmly. The sweet gesture makes you blush, your words failing to come out of your mouth; your scent glands running rampant from receiving basic respect for once in your life! After a few minuets of silence, looking into each others eyes while blushing and breathing in each other's scents, Zuko suggests the two of you get to bed. You have to rip your eyes away from the Alpha as he let's his hair down, stripping off his heavy attire to his bare chest.

"Ah! Sorry! I'll step into the bathroom if you need" Zuko says with a worried look on his face as your insane scent snaps him out of his thoughts; your blushed face and eyes fixed on his toned body really giving away that your instincts were taking over.

"No! Sorry! Oh my, I'm so sorry!" You shout, tearing your eyes away and turning around embarrassed. Zuko chuckles and continues to change, but the same ordeal repeats when you begin to change - however, it was even more intense as the Alpha was practically drooling at the sight of your bare skin.

Sleep was very needed after such a chaotic day, and after a chaotic week, and a chaotic month. At some point, Zuko asked for your permission to court you, proposing with the crown given to the FireLord's mate; and of course, you agreed. Life started to seem less chaotic after that. Zuko would shower you with gifts every day and ensure to spend at least 4 hours a day with you, taking you out on dates to prestigious restaurants and on smaller dates in the Palace Gardens; it was enjoyable, it was the secondary school experience the two of you never had, having either been in private tutoring or single gender private school. It was also very evident that the two of you had never had your firsts in everything, of course, because of valid reasons; Zuko had been exiled near the time his secondary gender had come through! And you were under strict orders to stay untouched until you were mated, being collared for most of your life. But still, it was very evident that you two were massive virgins.

Point A: When Zuko proposed to court you with the priceless, beautiful artifact of the Royal family, you hugged him. The way that the Alpha turned red within seconds, his pheromones suffocating you, Zuko desperate to keep you in his touch as he scented you. It was clear that the young FireLord had never had even physical contact with an Omega.

Point B: The first kiss that the two of you shared. On a small picnic date in the gardens of the Palace under the moonlight a month into the alpha courting you, Zuko asked to kiss you. And holy shit when he did, the two of you were inseparable. Your lips were stuck to Zuko's for an entire half an hour, his tongue devouring your mouth as Zuko was taken over by his inner Alpha, pushing you gently to the ground and hovering above you. Your pheromones and his were running rampant, mixing in the air to make a stunning aroma, your moans were music to the Alpha's ears as your stomach did flips just from kissing Zuko. You could feel how hard Zuko was as he was grinding against you, desperate to feel you, desperate to have whatever he's been craving since he presented. Luckily, some guards stopped the two of you from doing anything that would get you into trouble.

Point C: Zuko is only 20, jealously is understandable. So when Sokka paid a visit to the Palace and required you healing after doing something stupid, Zuko had never felt what he felt in those few minutes. You, seeing another Alpha naked, touching his body to heal him with your fire, you'd never done that for Zuko! His pheromones were sour and his chest hurt, and once Sokka made his way to the guest room and you and Zuko to your own room, the Alpha demanded to know if you were infatuated by his water tribe friend. It was so evident that even seeing someone else's naked body was a high level of intimacy to Zuko, and even to you, it was at the time. But after kissing for the whole night, the Alpha's hands roaming your body gently, his jealousy faded away.

Eventually, the two of you made it official, Zuko's advisors already scheduling the wedding for the end of that week. The nation was ecstatic, hundreds of thousands of people either showed up or read about your wedding and mating to the FireLord. And that night, after finally getting permission from his advisors, Zuko set his eyes on marking you...

That night was intense, and it went on for ages, so here's a brief recap:

Once the two of you were basically locked in your bedroom by your advisors, Zuko decided to initiate

He held you against the door, and after gaining permission from you, looked down into your fucking sexy eyes, held your chin up to him and quickly started to kiss you

The Alpha held your waist and you chin, his tongue dominating you along with his insanely powerful and attractive scent

The two of you made your way to the king-sized bed without breaking the kiss once - Zuko on top of you as he undresses you

Once the two of you were naked, all hell broke loose

Your legs were placed onto the Alpha's broad shoulders, his two slender fingers immediately going to your slick-leaking hole

Moans filled the grand room along with a rich aroma of your scent mixed with Zuko's

You had cum already just from Zuko's fingers, and once he had licked up all of your sweet, sterile cum, Zuko aimed his huge Alphan cock at the entrance of your hole

The two of you went at it for what felt like hours, your bodies covered in sweat and scent glands releasing so many pheromones that they were beginning to liquefy and pool by your glands

Your hole had been stretched long ago, taking the shape of Zuko's huge, veiny dick

Eventually, Zuko couldn't hold back anymore, knotting you and cumming in unison with his Omega - the two of you taking the opportunity to fulfill your duty and mark each other

With that out of the way, the two of you spent the rest of the night making passionate love to one another, pleasuring each other in so many ways that your combined orgasm count for the night was 17! Luckily you two are literally built to have shit tons of sex!

And after that night, the two of you couldn't get enough of each other after finally tasting what you had been missing

For now, you were on the most expensive birth control - pills made in the earth kingdom using natural herbs and minerals that are almost 99% effective at keeping you and Zuko from providing an heir a little too early

So with the worries of pups out of the way, you two would go at it like... well... Alpha and Omega

Heats were insane but well spent with Zuko, the Alpha eating you out and fingering you for and hour minimum, making you orgasm plenty of times before satisfying the burn in your stomach with his huge cock

Zuko's ruts were when shit really hit the fan, his advisors would have to leave the palace and have it guarded for the week it lasted - luckily they were more rare than your heats

In summary, your Chambers walls have seen many things: from you worshiping the Alphan firelords body to Zuko letting you, the light of his life his Omega, ride him like a toy without permission to touch you

And in the future, once you two are ready for pups, Zuko can't wait to be the father he never had - and he knows that seeing you as a dad and care for his pups will further awaken something within him he never knew he had before meeting you

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pholla-jm · 8 months ago

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Heir

IMAGINE: HEIR ~ SUKUNA X WIFE!READER GENRE: FLUFF cw: sukuna is a bit ooc. fem!reader. not proof read. set in the heian era. true form sukuna. ***************

If someone were to tell Sukuna that in some years that he would have a wife, he would laugh at them… and then kill them.

But here he was, thinking about how his beautiful wife looked with a small bump on her tummy. It’s all he could think about really. Ever since he found out his wife is pregnant, his view of the world changed.

Sure, he still thinks that humans were lowly disgusting vile, but the world seemed like a better place with you and his future child in it.

His every day activities seemed a little less fun now, and all he thought about was getting back home to his wife.

After a day full of people worshiping him and some killing, he made his way back to his castle. Where his wife should be patiently waiting for him.

********

“What do you think you’re doing?” You hear the deep voice of your husband call out causing you to jump a little.

He had found you in a different room. It was bare at first, but you were starting to add things to the room.

You were working on a traditional crib for the baby, having different silks laid out in front of you to choose.

It was a bit early to start getting ready for the baby, but you were too excited.

You turn to look at him. He towered over you, with his four arms crossed as he looked at you with a disappointed look.

“I just want to make sure that the baby’s room is going to be perfect.” You say turning back to the silks.

Sukuna hums, sitting down next to you while observing the objects in front of you.

“How long have you been doing this?” You shrug, “not that long.”

“You could always have the servants do this, you know? You shouldn’t be working so hard.”

“Yeah, I know. I just feel like if I do this myself, it feels more special.”

Sukuna breathes out a happy breath, leaning his chin on one of his fists. He knew that you would make a great mother. Someone that is nurturing, and he knows that his future son will be loved and taken care of.

“Still, you should be taking care of yourself. It’s important that you and our son are completely healthy.”

You perk up hearing the word ‘son’. “Son? It’s a bit too early to know the gender.”

Sukuna just smirks, eyeing you up and down. “Trust me, I know it’s going to be a boy.” You laugh, “oh yeah? How so?”

He points at your belly, “It’s lower. A low stomach means it’s going to be a boy.”

Your eyes widen and you look away from him in disbelief. “Where did you even hear that? I didn’t know you believed in old wives tales anyway.”

“It’s not an old wives tale if it’s the current talk.” “The current talk? What, are you gossiping with the local ladies now?” You laugh at the idea of Sukuna gossiping causing him to frown. “Whatever woman. What they say is true.” “Okay, we’ll see.”

"I don't want you working on this room by yourself anymore. I have to be here to help you, okay?" You nod your head, a bit happy that Sukuna came up with a quick compromise. "Sound good to me. You can do all the heavy lifting."

Sukuna nods, then points at one of the silks that are laid out in front of you. It was a darker colored one, something that you knew he would like. “This one. It’ll be great for our son.”

You decide not to comment on the son thing again. With a smile, you pick it out and put it to the side.

Pushing your hands on the ground, you start to get up from the ground. “What are you doing?” “I have to use the bathroom.” You say. However, Sukuna gets up faster than you. He gently picks you up, carrying you bridal style. “I can walk by myself.” You tell him with a small smile.

You appreciate that Sukuna doted on you like this, but you don’t know how long you would be able to babied like this.

“When I’m around, you’re not doing a single thing. You understand?”

With a content sigh, you relax in his arms. Head resting on his shoulder, hearing the faint sound of his heartbeat.

“Yes, my beloved, I understand.”

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #oneshot #jjk fluff #jjk #sukuna x y/n #sukuna x you #sukuna x reader #sukuna fluff

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cosmicpuzzle · 9 days ago

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4th Lord in Houses

1st House

You enjoyed nurturing in youth and consequently you are close to your mother. Being in good touch with your emotional mind you are true to your feelings and values. With this disposition in life you will gain happiness, particularly in the form of comfort, property and wealth.

2nd House

Having a secure family life and financial status gives you more comfort than many others. Therefore, for the purpose of comfort and security, you will tend to accumulate considerable wealth. Your mind is cunning and practical. Your mother will have good financial opportunities in life.

3rd House

You will only acquire comfort and security through your own courage and assertion. The need you have for stability and comfort is the motivation for the initiative necessary for accomplishment. Although you may have lacked comforts from your mother, you will acquire security with you own skills and abilities.

4th House

You are comfortable and content and well aware of your emotional needs. There is a strong need of emotional intimacy and close friendships. You tend to be very personal and loyal to your friends. Property of land or real estate will come easily to you, and you will enjoy comforts all your life.

5th House

You seek fulfillment and comfort in a lively interaction with knowledge. Moral values and spiritual principles, which you may have gotten from your mother, play an important part of your life. You are happy and likable and financial resources will always be available to you.

6th House

You may find it problematic to settle into a comforting and secure lifestyle. In your efforts to do so you may encounter all kinds of obstacles and irritants, which are only resolved over a lapse of time. Due to this, however, you may develop your own independent problem-solving style of fulfilling your comforting needs. There is a possibility that your mother will suffer from a medical or mental complaint.

7th House

Your basic needs for nurturing and comforts are only fulfilled by close partnerships or marriage. Therefore, you will seek out a spouse who is strong and protective and can connect to you on an intimate emotional level. You will get a good education, although you may not get to display your knowledge.

8th House

You are likely to harbor a deep interest in occult or mysterious fields of knowledge. In a sense you may seek comfort by exploring and unveiling hidden mysteries. You may, however, find it hard to fulfill your basic needs for emotional comfort and security because of constant challenges and transformations in that arena. Your mother may have suffered in her life or the relationship between you was inadequate.

9th House

You may get fulfillment for your tender need for comfort by seeking out and assimilating knowledge, philosophical or religious, that expanded your horizon, and makes you feel at home where the knowledge was. Your mother was probably a spiritual person which gave you good moral values and a healthy outlook in life. Higher education is a very appropriate direction for you and your life will be characterized by fortune and happiness.

10th House

You may feel most at home in your work, which is very likely to be very successful and give you great social prestige and reputation. Political influence or governmental favors are few of the tools you utilize to step up to fame and power.

11th House

You seek your comforts in optimism and openness for new endeavors. Meeting and doing business with others will bring you contentment, and it's quite possible that you can open avenues of resources for yourself by supplying security and contentment to others, for example in the form of real estate. There is possibility that you harbor a fear, a secret ailment or disease.

12th House

Your best way of attaining happiness and inner contentment may be through selfless service to those who are in need. This is how you may find that making others happy gives you comfort and contentment. It might be difficult, however, for you to gain any substantial and lasting material comforts in life, but your afterlife might look better than others.

For Readings DM

#astrology #astrology observations #zodiac #zodiac signs #astro community #astro observations #vedic astrology #astro notes #vedic astro notes #astrology community #4th lord in houses #4th house #4th house lord

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thepersonalwords · 3 months ago

Quote

To make initial inroads into manifesting a new life, first one has to acknowledge their current life.

Stephen Richards, Ask and the Universe Will Provide: A Straightforward Guide to Manifesting Your Dreams

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quotelr · 3 months ago

Quote

As the Universe brings your desires towards you, sometimes you must take the path it lays out for you so that you can be in the right place to receive it.

Stephen Richards, Ask and the Universe Will Provide: A Straightforward Guide to Manifesting Your Dreams

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genderkoolaid · 6 months ago

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expand on ur "mental asylum Marxism shit" thing about children & grief?? from what you've said im pretty sure i will relate from my own experiences as a grieving child. also it sounds interesting!!

so i was thinking about how weird it is that, when a child has to deal with the death of a loved one, they say something like "no child should have to go through this! no child should have to even think about death!" which strikes me as weird because i was a child who dealt with the deaths of multiple close family members, very close together. the first was my great-grandmother, who i lived with and who was my best friend. death was never foreign to me (my mom has always been very death-positive on top of all that). grief was just part of my life like everything else was.

but i realized that its because people think childhood should not have any flaws. you should be 100% happy and fulfilled all the time. any time a child experiences anything painful, its bad. not "children should have access to love and support," but "children should not have basic life experiences because the idea of childhood being anything other than fluffy purity scares me."

because children in society are fundamentally not people. especially in a society structured around christian beliefs in natural law theory, that what is natural = what is good, healthy, and Divinely commanded. so on top of children being the property of adults, they are also forced to be the symbols of Nature. whatever is the most useful to whoever needs them. which means we built up this idea of children as tabula rasas, pureness incarnate. like a magic mirror where if we look into it, we'll be able to catch a glimpse of the true face of humanity. every single thing children do can be scrutinized for some grand truth about humans as a whole. and then, the ways children are treated also reflect how we think humanity should interact with its own nature.

example: the idea of humanity as inherently sinful and wicked, with that urge needing to be suppressed through state violence (hello hobbes) = the idea that children are annoying and shitty on purpose and need to be forced via punishment into being Good Citizens.

this is also why children cannot be trans, even though all trans people must prove that we were trans children. being queer must be unnatural; and even if not, its inherently sexual, and sexuality is dirty and bad. so children can't be trans, and they also can't read books on puberty until their parents decide when and what exactly they are allowed to learn. child victims of sexual assault only matter to the extent that they can be used as a symbol of a cultural threat; calling Jewish or trans people pedophiles means saying that they are foreigners attacking basic human nature, and indirectly, Divine command. if you aren't the right kind of victim, or when you inevitably reveal yourself to be A Person with complicated experiences and opinions, you are no longer of use to the agenda.

it sucks that bad things happen to anyone. aspects of youth can exacerbate the pain sometimes, but sometimes it does the reverse: I wish I could have spent more time with the family members I lost, but I know other people who are glad they loss family members young, because they weren't really hurt by it. I think the main thing is that, even sometimes when we talk about our past selves, we project this cultural idea of Child As Purity and ignore the actual person having the experience. when we "empathize" with children by projecting Purity onto them, we aren't actually connecting with them.

#m.#ask box #csa tw #youthlib

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takami-takami · 7 months ago

Text

Keigo Takami — Nsfw Alphabet

6k. Hawks x Reader. Minors dni.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Oh, Keigo is sickly sweet.

All that post-orgasmic fuzziness is getting funneled directly back towards you: the object of his affections. Every chemical that bursts and pops in his brain when he comes inside you is getting channeled right back into plentiful doting, post-sex.

Keigo's aftercare… It's riddled with indulgent pampering. You know how some dogs bring you their favorite toy to make you happy? Yeah. It's kinda like that. If you had feathers, he'd preen them between his fingertips.

Keigo's the kind of dom who's primary form of aftercare is giving aftercare. He needs to see his hands soothe and treat you like royalty in order to be normal. At his core, Keigo is quite the sensory, visual creature. When he sees your eyes slit shut like a purring cat beneath his touch, that's when he finally allows himself to breathe.

The hero who is so desperate to help and wants to see people smile more than anything, to the point that it disintegrates him, finally being given a healthy outlet for all those urges to protect and provide and keep you safe? Yet it's still a kind of "work" that satisfies his workaholic nature without feeling like work at all? And it simultaneously serves as the purest, most soothing indulgence he's ever had the pleasure to sink his teeth into?

Oh my god. It makes him normal.

Physical touch is a big one. He's a bit handsy and gets in your personal space, but you don't mind one bit, so it bodes well for the both of you. If you let him pull you into the bath with him after, he likes to wash and run his palms along your body even though you're perfectly capable of doing something like that yourself. His little "let me, babe" is an instruction and a beg all at once. Expect him to get a bit playful with the bubbles, though.

Part of why Keigo loves baths with you is because of the part where you turn him over, gently preening and pinching the bristles of each feather until his brain melts to goo once more.

You're going straight to bed after. No buts. You deserve some well-earned rest after you did so good for him. Keigo made sure to start buying the softest blankets and pillows he could find after you started getting intimate together. Don't ask him why.

Keigo doesn't shy away from verbal affirmations, either: "Oh, baby, you did so good for me", "you're perfect", "I'm so proud of you." He never did like holding back his true feelings on things, and speaking to you is no different. He is going to let it spill and that's that.

For aftercare that he needs personally, be sure to reflect how much his aftercare helps you and be honest about what you need! Whether they're verbal or not, he's quite skilled at understanding cues. It's good for him to be shown the fruits of his actions for a change, even if he doesn't think he needs it.

It's good for him as much as you.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Keigo never stopped to think about his favorite part of his body. If you asked him, he'd likely cock his head to one side like a doberman puppy given a command they can't exactly interpret on the spot.

He supposes everyone expects him to answer with the word "wings"— even though those closest to his inner circle would balk at such a notion, knowing how complicated that whole situation is. Yes, and no.

The answer comes easily, after he meets you. Keigo likes the way you look into his eyes. In that way, he learns to love them.

He abhors his hands, but he worships yours. Every bump and ridge, the sharp roundness of each knuckle, the length of each finger. The way you hold him, the way you touch him. He'd shudder in recounting this, if you were to ask him what parts of you he likes best.

He also adores chests. That skin-to-skin contact is soothing; and although he can hear your heartbeat through his feathers well enough already, pressing his ear directly against the source grounds him deeply. It makes him feel ablaze and at peace all at once, the bareness of your skin.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

This boy cums a lot. Like… Genetically. He's blessed. Whatever god is out there gave him the right equipment for his breeding kink in a stroke (ha) of good luck.

Keigo cums sticky, excessive, fat ropes— his backshots are insane, his facials outrageous, his creampies coating the sides of his cock white and spilling out of you before he even can pull out because there's just not enough room for all his cum inside you.

Keigo is a gentleman, so he will ask your input respectfully beforehand without letting his desires slip through the cracks when he pants the question, "where do you want me?"

But you both know the truth.

You're perfectly aware there is nowhere else his poor, sad, pathetically needy dick would rather burst and throb than stuffed deep inside you. Balls deep, as flush as your bodies can practically go, subtly grinding against your ass rather than thrusting because he would rather die than pull out even a fraction while he's in the midst of an orgasm this good.

The orgasms he experiences when he's inside you are the closest Keigo will get to religion.

How else is his cock supposed to get milked? Not inside of you? Fuck out of here.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He, uh… Likes to be humiliated and talked down to. And stepped on... A lot. More than a lot. It makes his brain go fuzzy with the lack of control. Don't ask him where that kink comes from. Really, don't worry about it!

Keigo is also the type of guy to swear he's not into feet (he's into feet). No, really, he just thinks your boots suit you and he swallows a lot around them because he's just so fascinated with the, uh… The style. Yeah. You can prop your feet up on him like a footrest, if you want. It's intimate, or something— whatever, just do it.

Can he kiss them? Can he unlace your boots? Do you want a foot massage tonight, babe? It's no inconvenience, really, don't worry about it, he insists… Please? Fuck, please, would you let him touch you, your skin is so soft, he promises he's been so good please god just let him feel your soles against his hot, throbbing cock— I mean his hands. When he massages them. As a favor to you.

Fuck, his dick is hard now. That's your fault. This is all your fault for wearing sleek leather and not ordering him to rut against it like a fucking dog. Leather boots as a "fashion choice" his ass, you're torturing him. You have to be doing this on purpose. That's your fault, not his, but he's sorry anyway if that means you'll punish him by stepping on his dick so gently with your—

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Virgin loser.

But no, seriously, Keigo has had neither the time nor the cognitive space to stop and consider his own sexuality, let alone experiment with it. It's not like he would have trusted anyone enough to do so with, anyway. Fat fucking chance.

As far as whether he knows what he's doing, he starts off tentative and curious, absorbing the information of your body and voice like a damn sponge. When he tests the waters, so to speak, he starts slowly and observes any miniscule quirk of your muscles, every hitched breath in response to the stimuli he offers.

Keigo is a quick learner and a perfectionist. Don't expect him to take the backseat for long.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary.

Undoubtedly, missionary. He's romantic, like that.

What more could a man want? Your ankles hooked across the small of his back, his right hand entwined with yours while his left kneads every inch of your body, focusing on petting your sex whenever he wants to hear your voice whine for him.

Keigo gets the perfect view like this. He can absorb all you have and breathe it into his lungs and swallow it while he gulps down your image like a sacreligious idol. Like an angel. Like worship.

The connection of it all maddens him. He adores the way he can press your thighs up and into a mating press if he so pleases, deep enough to stuff your guts full of him and make you sob gooey tears with how good it feels. It allows him unbridled access to your thighs, your chest, your hands, your mouth (which he plays with unashamedly like his favorite toy. Fingers, tongue, lips.)

God help him, Keigo loves missionary.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

As serious as Keigo wants to take the love you share, for every intimate night you make love and absolutely nothing else, there's another day he makes you laugh so hard your chest aches like a bruise in bed.

Keigo can be a brat. A little shit, a pain in the ass. This is no secret. Still, every joke and nibble and tackle and moan is utterly saturated. It's sticky. It's lovesick.

He likes to banter in battle, and that switch doesn't turn off when the conflict is between the sheets. There are nights he simply allows himself to be your pillow princess, laid back and spoiled in the fluff of your bed like it's made of heated cashmere; and there are other nights you grant Keigo the holy sacrament of servicing you while you simply lounge and watch him do what he does best.

Those nights, not many words are exchanged. There's no need to say them.

You get each other.

Even so, you cannot count the amount of times you've choked "shut the fuck up" through laughter over the years, when sex looks more like tussling than worship. It's stress relief as much as it is bonding, play as much as it is intimacy. Still, Keigo keeps a good balance of humor and seriousness.

Can't have all work and no play, can he? He never was a dull boy.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Keigo has trimmed hair that is still blonde, but slightly darker than the hair on his head. It's well-kept.

He keeps his chest bare, unfortunately, to look photogenic for his modeling gigs and such. But after many nights spent begging and pleading on your knees, Keigo sort of considers keeping the happy trail. After the night you traced your tongue down the trail toward his cock, promising he'll get this kind of treatment if he keeps it, Keigo never shaves it again.

Oh, Keigo's happy trail… It crawls up his navel and stops just short of his belly button; dark and noticeable, but a little sparse, kind of like the scruff on his chin. It makes him look more rugged while simultaneously making him appear prettier somehow, because Keigo is nothing if not unfairly contradictory and magnificent in everything. Asshole.

You suppose anything would look good with those abs as a backdrop, though.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect?

Keigo never knew intimacy before he met you. It sounds like hyperbole, the word never; but whether people believe him or not, it doesn't erase the decades of longing for no one and nothing in particular, a parasocial ghost that both plagued him and kept him trudging forward.

Keigo builds community for others, working to connect their hearts… Why wasn't he invited, again? Oh well, that doesn't matter to him. That's not why he does the work he does. His own happiness is never why Keigo does fucking anything.

It's for the greater good. And Keigo is worse than everyone else, isn't he? It makes sense why he wouldn't be invited. He never stopped to question that.

You don't touch him like he's dirty, though. The first time your palm slid up his throat, he stiffened and trembled like a twig that might have snapped beneath your boot; but when you hush him this softly, he's a stray kitten in your maws, plucked and wrapped for the first time in fleece and warmth and love. For as feral as the world made him, Keigo is at his core quite a domestic thing. You put him back in place when you make love to him.

In turn, Keigo offers himself to you. It's not much, but it's yours if you'll have it, he says. The louder he gets when you fuck him, the more you realize he's opening up his lungs like buds awake from frost.

You know from experience what that's like. He opens you up, too.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Keigo had to go through a bit of a journey to arrive where he's at.

Namely, over the course of his sad little life, he underwent three categorical phases. Do not mind the tiered nature of the following sections. This shift was, in actuality, torturously gradual; like having one's body dragged forward by its ankles, finally accepting you have no say in where it's headed after a few desperate claws at denial.

Jerking off was a chore, a half-assed attempt at wringing the frustration of a long day out of his body and letting it wash down the drain on Sunday nights— every other time of the week was booked to the nines with hero work. Ten minutes for yanking it, tops. If Keigo timed his sessions with a stopwatch, he'd fall just short of the millisecond every time. Score. Efficiency. Plop down in bed and go straight to sleep after so you don't have to think about how lonely that whole experience just made you feel.

Enter, scene: you. After meeting you, masturbation just wasn't the same. It frustrated him that he even had to use the same word to describe it, because as far as Keigo was concerned, this was not the same activity in the slightest. Those were the golden years, when jerking off felt less like "rubbing one out" and more like "this is how it feels to drown in liquid gold. This is how it feels to have your cause of death be every neuron in your brain spontaneously combusting in a fit of pleasure. This is how it feels to be in love." The first time he allowed himself to touch his cock to the thought of you, Keigo swore he saw god; and when he finished an hour later, the back of his hand was chewed to whimpering bits. Yeah, those were the golden years.

And here we are, back to square one. After you finally get together, Keigo is back to square one. What do you mean he has to use his own hand when he's on missions away from you? What do you mean he can't cum inside you? This sucks. This blows. It's not the same, and for all his patience and respectability, the lack of passion when he touches himself kills Keigo with sexual frustration. The only thing it accomplishes is planting a pathetic whimper of "fuck, I miss them" in his head while he pants post-orgasm in a shitty motel bed alone at two in the damn morning. You do get a really cute text message after every time; something chaste like "missing you tonight <3." It's so obvious. You simply have to laugh.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Breeding, obviously.

Dumbification, both ways. Thinking is overrated! And honestly, he deserves a bit of a break from all the whirring that goes on in his overheated, overworked, cognitive machine of a brain. Something about the responsibility for guiding his partner through it when he's the one who doms is special to him, too.

Oral fixation, because he's the cutest little biter. He chews. Keigo also gets lost with his mouth latched onto your chest, flicking his eyes upward periodically when he has the mental faculties to think for half a second (which is not all that often, when his mouth is full, his lips are pursed, and his tongue is lapping its fill.) He also adores giving head!

Subspace, too— Keigo is a fiend for subspace, either guiding you through it or getting lost in it, himself.

Huge fan of edging and overstim. Keigo is not a physical sadist at all, he never wants to make you cry out of pain; but tears of frustration are not just "on the table," they're a goddamn feature. He is such a pain in the ass. You can't blame him for being insufferable, for stopping just short of your orgasm when you want to cum and forcing more out of you when you think it's too much. He's just having so much fun!

Keigo is the kind of guy to edge you when you say you're close and click his teeth dramatically before he goes, "ahhh, shucks, baby. What was that? Did you ask for something? I didn't hear you that time. Ask nicer."

He tilts his chin to the side and taps his ear with two stiff fingers when he leans in, invading your space as he mockingly orders: "Say it louder for me."

And after you throw your little fit about how mean he's being, how he’s such a bully, Keigo finally feels emboldened to move onto the next phase. He makes you feel good until you're sobbing, expertly dragging climax after climax out of your body until you're so overstimulated you can barely speak and are lacking more than a few electrolytes. In which case, Keigo will make a point to laugh at your complaints. He'll say, "aww, I thought you liked coming? Aren't I being nice? Don't pout, I'm just giving you what you asked for!"

This is not so much a kink, but he likes the title daddy because of the trust, affection, and protective responsibility being 'daddy' implies. Assuming responsibility during sex feels like home to him; because for the first time in his life, he has a healthy outlet for those urges and instincts that have caused him so much trouble. He admits in canon to being desperate to be of use and help, after all— oh, and along that same vein, he loves to service top.

Keigo thinks the title "sir" is really cute too! But mostly, he treasures the nicknames and pet names you come up with for him. His names of "Keigo Takami" or "Hawks" have never felt stable for him growing up. So nicknames are nice, for a change.

And he has a mommy kink because of his mommy issues. You'll actually have to be very gentle about this because he absolutely does not recognize where it comes from at all.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

In bed. Anywhere in his home, really— surfaces, the floor, cabinets somehow— but he especially prefers to take you in bed. It's not a nest thing, trust me (it totally is).

The way Keigo's quirk works isn't an actual animal quirk, so he's not literally a bird and his bed is not literally a nest. But he does possess a number of birdlike oddities, and this is one of them!

He also just feels safe, secure, and at ease in his home (not the one from the commission, his actual home). Given his whole thing about his little roosting place in canon, it makes sense that the bedroom holds special significance to Keigo in particular.

Keigo bought you some blankets. He really, really hopes you like them.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Service. Pleasure and sensation is fantastic for him, he thrives in it, but eroticism is cognitive for him as well (or, ya know, lack of cognitive during dumbification). Don't get him wrong, a simple "woah!" and a popped half-chub from seeing you shirtless is still something that definitely happens, but he can be a complex man, too. He promises.

Most of all, Keigo is an observant sponge. He likes to watch, to study, to learn, to analyze, to perfect— like a cat confined in an enclosure given toys and apt time to chase and solve as a form of enrichment.

Sex is special and a bonding activity, but as much as he's a sucker for the plain old basics— the romantic part of it all— it's no surprise that Keigo gains a great deal of satisfaction from gently mapping the parts of your psyche that make you tick. And obviously, as Keigo is one for outcomes, just mapping you out isn't enough for him.

He should be able to play with the fruits of his labor, too, no? The satisfying pop of your last brain cell has something of a Pavlovian effect for him. That's when the real fun of it begins.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Any heavy impact play. This is an absolute no from him. He doesn't want to do it with tools like flogs, whips, etc; but it's especially worse when it's his own hands. He can't exactly pinpoint why, though (poor birdie has a thing about his hands being dirty). For that matter, he dodges anything that would bring you more physical pain than, say, a firm tap. Keigo does enough of that at his job, he doesn't want to hurt his baby, too.

A couple love taps on the cheek or thigh are the most you'll get, but the way he does it is more than enough to get your brain fuzzy. He's a biter and scratches a bit, though! So if you're into pain, this is where you'll find common ground.

Never call him filthy or dirty, or ever imply he is either of those things, even as a joke or to tease him.

He's not a fan of choking, but specifically when he's the one doing it. Again, it reminds him of his job. He's okay being choked himself, though, since he believes he's perfectly capable of handling himself (and he's used to putting his life on the line, anyways).

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Most are familiar with the "Keigo-drowns-between-your-thighs-and-dies-happy" headcanon at this point, but the classics are classics for a reason.

He prefers giving over receiving. It's not even close, honestly. Your orgasms against his tongue satisfy him more than his own— not that he won't be touching himself while he goes down on you. Because he absolutely will.

Rough day? He'll eat it from the back to cheer himself up.

Good day? He tops it off with you on top of his face, of course.

Mediocre day? Fuck it, he's on his knees and his mouth is on you before his keys hit the table, anyways.

One of your fondest memories you recount to him endlessly (to his embarrassed chagrin) is a night you two were roleplaying in bed. The slippery fucker thought he was slick, tied to the bedpost as he attempted to— in character and in scene— subtly propose you sit on his face as a "punishment" in that pathetic little oh no, whatever will I do type of voice.

His face flushed scarlet when you burst into laughter over him, breaking character and nearly busting a lung in the process.

Oral? As punishment? For Keigo? Did he actually think you were going to buy that? Oh my god. You never let him live it down.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends on his mood and yours. Oftentimes, you find yourselves synced and on similar wavelengths; but other times, as all couples inevitably see, there's a bit of a mismatch between sharp and smooth desires. On those nights, Keigo takes the liberty of defaulting to softness.

He easily slows his pace when you tell him you want it syrupy and molten, regardless of how pent up he is. But more interestingly, Keigo is able to see when your "give it to me rough" doesn't reach your eyes.

When you ask for rough sex with your hands clutching his tee shirt and a shaky look in your eye, that's when Keigo rolls up his sleeve and kisses you softly. If you pitch a fit, he'll shush it away. Both wrists are kissed, and both thighs are placed reverently on his shoulders.

"Why are you doing that," you ask.

"Because I like you a whole lot, dummy," he answers, pecking a kiss on your tummy. "Let me show you how much?"

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

When it comes down to it, Keigo is a hero. His career comes first, so quickies are a delightful inevitability in this line of work. Given his particular gift for espionage and the equipment he carries to boot (feathers, baby), the chances of anyone catching him in the act are slim enough to slide under the door to the broom closet he's fucking your brains out in.

But make no mistake, just because Keigo can break you down quickly doesn't mean he prefers it. He'd much rather take you in his bed achingly, ironically slow for a man so beloved for his speed. He'd rather be meticulous with you, but he can't always get what he wants exactly when he wants it. Self control is unfortunately a thing he has to consider, he'd sigh.

He's still going down on you during quickies, though. No way in hell he'd deny himself that.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Keigo is quite careful with you. He cradles you in his maws like fresh fruit fit to burst— sinking his canines just enough to pierce your skin and sample your juices, but never using enough pressure to cause you any tangible damage. He wouldn't want to hurt his baby, even if part of him does want to deconstruct you a little; just not in a destructive sense. His preferred method of breaking down is to coax out your moans the way a gardener coaxes the sprout of his very own harvest.

That being said, once Keigo becomes comfortable enough with you to let the guard dog in his heart rest in your lap, he is open to a surprising amount, sexually speaking. Whatever it is, he's clever enough to find a way to make it sexy— and if a certain kink or position doesn't work out as planned, he's grounded enough to remain confident you can both get a laugh out of it together, at least.

You just get each other like that, you and him; and fuck, if that isn't the hottest thing in the world to him.

He feels safe enough with you to treat your bed like a playground and a temple all at once. Keigo stops and considers his new life one night as he takes the BDSM test with you, sitting cross-legged on the floor with a mouth still spilling crumbs from that night's takeout. His chest hurts from laughing, his heart is fuller than his stomach; and for the first time in his life, another person feels like home to him.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Multiple. Many. Numerous.

This is Keigo's forte, his wheelhouse, his territory. You're out of your mind if you think you can outlast this man, but it's cute of you to try.

Your attempts to keep your sorry little mind held together by willpower and duct tape for just a little while longer are absolutely adorable to him. He'll use that against you, too.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Keigo doesn't own any toys— well, he didn't, before he met you. A few painful months after he realized it was actually you that made his heart beat, he buys a fleshlight to kind of, sort of, maybe pretend it's you.

Disrespectful, yeah. He knows. But it's better than the alternative. He can't afford to get you mixed up into his life; and if fucking a chunk of silicone every couple of nights to unscramble the plague of you from his head and make it normal (it makes it worse) is the sacrifice Keigo has to make, then call him Japan's number one martyr, because he's going to wring his money's worth out of the damn thing (and his cock).

Once Keigo gets over that thinly-veiled form of self-sabotage, he buys a couple of toys to use on you, instead.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Life's unfair, sweetheart.

That's what Keigo tells you, smile wide and gloved hands clasped behind his back as he encircles your bed.

He adores his handiwork, tied up, gagged, and stuffed in every orifice. He's not a sadist, he swears! He just wants to… Overwhelm you a little. It's fun! And it's not Keigo's fault, really, that he likes to play with his food.

Honestly, he's doing you a favor by teasing you to bits! You like it, don't you? All pouts and "please"s, but the moment he takes away that stimulation you nearly throw a fit (how adorable. Keigo adores his little brat.)

The only comfort granted to you is the sound of his voice, all buttery rich and familiar; but even that notion carries a caveat. The words he decides to spill aren't exactly fair. Condescending bits of praise he knows will get you to whimper for him just right, questions he knows you can't answer properly in this state…

Point is, Keigo will use every resource available to be unfair to you because he's the worst combination of perfectionist and pain in the fucking ass. If he doesn't edge you up to the damn millisecond before an orgasm, Keigo won't consider it a job well done; and a job insufficiently done is not a job done at all. He'll have to give it another go until he does it right.

… And another, and another, for good measure.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Keigo is loud.

He's embarrassingly, heart-wrenchingly loud. The oh-god-did-I-leave-the-window-open kind of loud, especially when he subs. He's such a fucking baby about it; like he's crying for attention, for you. Poor thing. Whimpering, moaning, sniffling for attention like a puppy with its tail between its legs peeking from between a dog crate's bars.

Keigo never was one to hold himself back or keep his mouth shut— he's not the shy type, exactly— and you look like the type of person to be into that kind of shit, anyway, he'd attest later with an infuriating smile.

Is he wrong? He rarely is. Bastard.

But regardless, Keigo tends to run his mouth. His voice is his most precious weapon to use against you when he's on top, too— sharper than any feather he's ever grown, that's for damn sure. His dirty talk reveals his silver tongue and charisma more than anything.

Keigo is a switch, but he enjoys the luxury of changing your mood quite quickly with his voice alone. He doesn't have to try hard at all to get you into subspace or domspace, really. All it takes is a "make me" to get you to be mean to him, a "please" to get you to pamper him, a "watch it" to get you to shrink, a "poor baby" to get you to melt.

He's not the only one that's well-trained, it seems.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

His wings puff up a little when he cums. Like a Ghibli character, yeah.

When he's babbling while he gets a good lay, dick wet and balls deep into a real good fuck, Keigo's wings shudder from the shoulderblades to the wingtips. They flap a few times for good measure, uncontrolled with arousal. It's not like he couldn't suppress the instinct to do so. It's just that he knows it drives you wild to see him as authentic and raw as he wishes he could be.

It's a little unconscious, but moving his wings during sex also entices your hands to play with them a little. You always did like to fidget, and what better way to peacock in front of his precious partner than to flap their favorite fidget toy within arm's reach?

It's mutually beneficial, thank you very much. You get a little something to grip on to while he blows your back out, and Keigo gets to blow his load while you tug at an erogenous zone arguably more sensitive than his cock.

It's a win-win.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

The wishful thinking answer is that he is big but not like, ouch big, about 6 inches or so. HOWEVER, realistically, this is not the case. There is evidence to consider.

His pants are very baggy. This raises questions. Nobody wears pants that baggy at the crotch all the fucking time unless they are packing. He also carries a certain energy with him. BDE or whatever. So this bumps him up to about 6.5-7 inches as an estimate. But honestly, it's difficult to say! Because Keigo is also not particularly tall or anything.

It curves a bit upward when he's rock hard and it slaps against his stomach when he's on his back. Mostly smooth save for a few prominent veins. Nothing crazy, but enough to be visually appealing or trace if you want to. His dick is ever so slightly darker than the rest of him and a bit flushed, especially at the tip. The head is proportional/average and swells darker when he's hard or edged.

Huge breeder balls. They're sensitive, too. And he gives insane cumshots. Like, he cums a lot. A lot. His backshots are out of this world. Fat, sticky ropes. A gift for his breeding kink, truly.

He has a very, very pretty dick. Like the kind you'd look at and go "wow, congrats man" and give him a firm handshake. The kind of dick you stick a little blue award ribbon that says "best in show" on and pop a confetti popper.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Not very high at all, interestingly. It's pretty par for the course, for a man his age; if not a bit dampered at times by his constant business and overworked nature.

When Keigo gets into it, he gets into it, sure, but his drive isn't really on the higher side. It's more of an "on" and "off" switch that he has a pretty solid handle on. His cool head up top tends to trump the hot one between his legs.

Well. You kind of throw a monkey wrench in that whole system, but that's okay. No, really, it's cool. He still is able to begrudgingly do the same old routine, this time through gritted teeth and with a head nearly thunked against the wall in agonized frustration.

When you send him racy pics before his afternoon patrol, it technically is possible for him to will his boner down and think of something else. And that is what he ultimately decides to do— just with a little footnote tucked away for later.

He'll get you back. He always does.

- ̗۪۪̥̀৩ु˖❥ Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Eepy. Falls asleep on top of you, cradled like a teddy bear. Zzzzz.

#✒ writing #smut #🌶 spice #hawks x reader #keigo takami x reader #mha smut #bnha smut #minors dni

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skzms · 2 months ago

Text

༉‧₊˚💍ִֶ ࣪˖ let me stay, I'm ready now bangchan x f!reader

sequel to ୧ ‧₊🎧 let me in your ocean, swim

I decided it’s time to do this last Sunday, when we woke up in your bed, with the sun slanting in through the blinds and right into your face, and you whined and threw yourself into my arms with an annoyed little grunt, trying to escape this blinding light. You caressed your fingers down my side and nuzzled your face into my chest, pressed a soft kiss to the skin, and then fell asleep again. Like an angel. My own personal angel, with some remnants of make-up still smudged around your eyes, the smell of your perfume still in your hair. The soft skin of your body pressed against mine. OR A few years down the line, Chan sits down and reflects on your love. because there's something he wants to ask you.

word count: 5.2k words

author's note: so ... this may be pushing the boundaries of an x reader fic, but believe it or not, it's hard to write a love confession to a character that isn't allowed to have any traits. it's hard enough when it's just physical. if it feels better to you to treat her as an OC, do that. but overall, I don't think it's too bad. I don't think that let me in your ocean swim, even though it's my most popular, is my best work. but I've had this happy ending for them sitting in my drafts for a long time and I felt compelled to finish it today though calling it a happy ending isn't really true. it's a happy beginning of the rest of their lives. and even though it's from his perspective, this is a love letter to chan. my love letter to him is to write him a love that is pure, safe, eternal. a love that makes him bloom, that equally soothes and challenges him to be the best he can be, because the best loves do that. and to anyone reading this - loves like these exist. they're out there. trust me.

warnings: swearing, mentions of unprotected sex, oral, use of sex toys, but no explicit sex scenes. mentions of self doubt and a smidge of (healthy) jealousy, but nothing bad at all.

skzms masterlist // ko-fi

My love,

I’m sitting in the studio as I write this. I left your place maybe three hours ago. Woke up at 11, the kind of lie-in that I would never have in the dorms, no matter how late I went to bed. You were already long gone to work. Probably got up at your usual time, unfolding yourself from my arms at 7am, pressing a sweet kiss to my forehead. So the place was quiet, the sheets cold, but they smelled like you, as always. Your plushie was sitting, all prim and proper on your pillow. I’m not ashamed to say that I took it and hugged it close after you left. I love that little thing.

I got up, made the bed, made coffee. Cleaned the coffee machine because I know you hate doing it because the smell of the old coffee grounds and the mould makes you nauseous. And I don’t mind. I had time. Because I cleared my schedule, booked this studio the entire day, so I could sit down and write this.

It was the morning after the JYP Christmas party. The one we went to together-but-not-together. Separately for most of the night. You in that dress you picked out last week when I nearly passed out when you walked out of the bedroom to show me – not because it was tight or showed off any cleavage, it was for a work event after all, but because it hugged your thighs in a way that made me a little lightheaded and the colour made your skin shimmer and your eyes glow, and you just looked so sinfully good in the way you always do. Sinfully good because you look confident, self-assured, but also gorgeous, in an intelligent way. Also, because I have the privilege of knowing what you look like naked, and because I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen – but I’m biased in that way.

Wow, I just got distracted, didn’t I. I could just delete that part, but since the point of this thing I’m writing is to show you how much I love you, I will leave it in. I hope it will at least make you chuckle at me.

But back to the Christmas party. The kids and I were sat at one end of the room, with all the other talent, and you were at the other. Surrounded by staff. The other producers, some executives. JYP himself. I saw you there, surrounded by all of those people, all of which you smiled at, and who smiled at you, too. You made them laugh, squeezed that one person’s arm when they looked nervous, politely declined another glass of wine, had an awkward moment when you swiped your spoon off the table and nearly butted heads with the person next to you when you both leaned down to pick it up. Hell, you weren’t doing anything special, as Seungmin teased me with when he caught me staring again, but I just … Baby, I was just so in love with you. I am – I am in love with you, but sitting there, I just felt lovesick. And so, so lucky.

And then you looked over. And we made eye contact. And you smiled. And my whole body filled with warmth and a sense of calm that I only ever feel when I’m with you. And I knew then, that I needed to do this.

Even when … ha, god, even when the guy who scrambled to pick up your spoon for you stared at you with hearts in his eyes and put his arm around the back of your chair. I don’t think you even noticed. I hate to admit it, but he may have been one of the reasons that I made the waiter bring you that drink. Your favourite, with the love note that, I hoped, would fly under the radar if I was careful and didn’t add my name. The reason that later in the night, when everyone was drunk and nobody was paying attention, I pulled you onto the dance floor and held you close to me, where I know you belong. My heart felt so full when I felt the giggle reverberate through your body into mine. I was missing you all night. It felt wrong to be in the same room, yet so far away. So we danced. And then we left. And I kissed you in the back of the car, swallowed your laughs and savoured your warmth until we were at yours and could finally cuddle into bed. Intertwined. How we are meant to be, always.

You said once that you thought it was boring that I never got jealous. It was a joke, I know it was because we’ve talked about this before. Because I always have the same answer: “I’m not jealous because I trust you.” And you always, without fail, say the same thing: “I know, and I’m so glad you do. Because you can, you know?”

And it’s serious to you. You always wait for me to say that I do trust you, and I have to say it like I mean it. Otherwise, you would want us to talk it out, I’m sure. But I haven’t had a reason to not mean it yet. So usually all I get is one of your beautiful smiles.

God, those smiles of yours. I don’t think I’ve ever said it, but your smiles make me feel like everything will be okay. Like as long as we’re together, as long as I can turn around, and find you smiling at me like that, nothing can hurt me.

When you smile at me, there’s so much calm in your eyes, and most importantly, so much trust. The kind of trust, born out of love, that I never thought was possible in my wildest dreams, and boy, did I dream of it. It’s the kind of trust you have in your parents when you’re a child, but it’s even better – because it’s not a trust born out of necessity or naivety, but a trust that we painstakingly handcrafted, together. Especially you, unused as I was to trusting anyone, not even myself. You took every little thing you learned about me, especially in the beginning, everything I told you about what I liked, disliked, what kind of love I shied away from him and which I sunk into, what situations made me pull away, made me shrink into myself – and you took all of these things, and you built our love and our trust from it, brick by brick. You never forget a single thing, or if you do, you frown, and you make a new brick, carve an exclamation point in it, put it somewhere where you’re sure never to miss it again …

My metaphor is falling apart on me, and it’s probably because, really, I have no idea how you do it, and I can’t explain it. But I feel it. You love me the way I have always wanted to be loved, and then some. The way I wanted to be loved, and also the way I never knew I needed to be loved. And you did this for me without ever asking anything in return, and like it didn’t take any effort at all. Like it was obvious that this was how you were going to love me. Like I deserved to be loved like that. Baby, do you know how long it took me to be okay with being loved like this? It was terrifying, to be offered a love so warm and so safe, when it’s all I never knew I wanted and never dreamed could be real.

Baby, I have never felt this loved, this safe in my entire life. And I try, every day, to give you all of that and everything more in return, and I hope that it’s enough. I dare hope it’s enough when you grab and squeeze my hand when you’re nervous, or when you fall asleep against my chest at home, or even in the back of cars on long rides home. When your breathing evens out and your fingers loosen on my shirt and your leg does the little twitch it always does right before you fall asleep. It makes me hope that I make you feel as safe as you make me feel.

God, I’m getting distracted again.

So … when I say I’m not jealous because I trust you, I mean it.

But, and I never told you this – there was one time when I did get jealous.

It wasn’t because I didn’t trust you then, either, I can tell you that much up front. Nah, it was … it was just one of those days. You know, the ones.

I don’t know if you even remember that specific day because at least my stupid jealous brain didn’t do it while you were still there to see it. It was last year, when we ran into Young-hyun in the JYP cafeteria. It was so late and everything was deserted, and we’d shared one of those ice creams from the vending machine, and I was tired because it was the first day back in Seoul after two fan meetings in a row in Japan, and I’d missed you like crazy, in every way possible. All day that day, my body was aching to be close to you. I was so clingy I would’ve felt ridiculous, but you didn’t mind it. You indulged me without so much as a little chuckle, holding my hand even if it was inconvenient for editing, hooking your foot around my calf while we were eating dinner. Later you said it was because you missed me, too, but I think you’d do it even if you didn’t miss me. Though you’d tell me that that’s not possible. And I’d probably tease you, tickle you, as an excuse to fold you into my arms, your laughter reverberating through my body, your warmth against mine –

I love when we’re like we were that night, like we only just fell in love, not an inch between our bodies, always touching, heart fluttering with every brush of your fingertips, every kiss you steal when nobody else in the studio.

That night, after we had our dinner and shared our ice cream and were on our way back to the studio to finish that one thing before heading back to yours, I was bringing our trays back and when I came back, I found you talking to Young-hyun.

Looking back, I know I was overreacting a little bit, but God, you should’ve seen the way he smiled at you. The way his eyes wandered when you weren’t looking. And you, being you, you were so nice to him. You smiled so widely, so prettily, tossed your hair all sweet. I know you weren’t flirting with him, I know you would never – at least not intentionally, but your flirty nature will be the death of me one day, in more ways than one – but he was enjoying your attention like you wouldn’t believe.

I’m not trying to justify myself, but it was a bad day from the morning onwards when I stared at my puffy face for too long in the bathroom mirror, and hyung is so … he’s himself! Tall, handsome and talented, with a perfect smile and high cheekbones and, again, so tall and built he could sweep you off your feet, and I … I know you won’t let me be self-deprecating right now, but let’s just say I was suddenly so very aware that I am none of those things.

It’s silly, it’s immature, it’s absolutely stupid to even get jealous of some physical appeal of a friend of mine, when you’ve spent the last years worshipping my body, detailing every inch of it, kissing that spot on my shoulder and jokingly calling it your favourite part of me because the skin is so soft – hell, it’s stupid to even be jealous of anything physical at all when we have the sex we have, and we’ve spent years slowly weaving every aspect of our lives and every inch of our souls together.

But there you were – laughing with Young-hyun. And for a split second, I saw you as you used to be. Single, JYP Entertainment’s most successful producer, every idol’s favourite to work with, stupidly gorgeous, always dressed nice with your jewellery and your perfume – god, your perfume – and so appealing and sexy without even trying. In my mind’s eye, I saw Young-hyun do what I was always too chicken to do. Ask you out. Confidently sweep you off your feet with nice dinners, his nice car, his handsome smile and a kind of charisma that I could only dream of – and I remembered me, tiptoeing around my feelings, barely able to touch you, staring from a distance, until you got mad at me and …

God, I felt pathetic. And you know I don’t care for all that bullshit about gender roles, about some macho masculinity, but … but something in me rebelled at that moment. I felt pathetic and like I was only half the man you deserved, like you should be with someone like Young-hyun, who wouldn’t let his insecurities get the best of him so badly that he almost let the love of his life slip away.

Did I have a normal reaction to that? Like, get sad and talk to you?

Ha, no.

Like a feral dog, I got territorial instead.

You were perfect. Blissfully unaware of the fact that you could have the man in front of you if you only wanted, that you had him wrapped around your little finger and could probably get him to buy you an engagement ring and a house and car within the month, not like those are the things you’d even care about but – you just turned, saw me, and waved me over with the brightest smile in the world.We

weren’t official, then, couldn’t really be, with the unspoken rules at the company, but I’m convinced that almost everyone knew. And I knew hyung knew.

So I let my hand linger on your waist and my eyes linger on your face and told you to go ahead, that I would catch up with you, relished in the way your hand trailed down my arm as a goodbye. And when you were out of sight, I … well … god, you’re going to laugh at me.

When you were out of sight, I stared hyung down, and I said: “If I was the jealous type, I would tell you to stay the hell away from my girl, hyung.”

Hyung should’ve laughed, too, but I think in my blank desperation I looked deranged enough to actually be a little intimidating. That or he knows me better than I think. He blinked at me, like he was trying to figure out if I was being serious, then took a defensive step back.

“Ah, I was wondering if the rumours were true!”

I scoffed.

“Well, they are.”

Hyung started smirking at me.

“Plus, you could’ve asked. You have my number.”

He just shrugged, a half apologetic smile on his face. I wanted to still be mad at how nonchalant he was being, but the fight was leaving me, and I was starting to feel ridiculous. But I think hyung is a better person than I ever gave him credit for because he just threw an arm around my shoulder, and squeezed hard as he led me out of the cafeteria.

“You’re right,” he admitted, a smile in his voice, “I’m sorry, Channie. Congratulations, she’s a catch.”

As if I didn’t know.

By the time I got to our studio, I thankfully wasn’t blushing any more. Did you know back then? What was going on? Or was it a coincidence, that you pulled me into the room, locked the door and kissed me breathless until I stumbled onto the sofa and pulled you into my lap and we … God, I would say spontaneous, hurried, desperate studio sex is my favourite, but you know what’s actually my favourite?

Birthday sex on your birthday – because it’s the one day of the year that you let me take care of you the way I want to.

You don’t fight, don’t argue with me when I guide you into the pillows. It’s the one day a year that you don’t fight me when I make a home between your legs, when you let me take my time eating you out, let me work your orgasm out of you so intentionally slowly that it racks through you so hard your toes curl, and you bury your face in the pillow, so nobody hears your moans when you come.

I stop then because I know you can only come twice in a row, and I still want to fuck you like you deserve because you love getting fucked.

God, I can’t believe how much you love getting fucked. I’m not gonna lie, sweetheart, it still gets me as hot and bothered as it did the first time you told me, dragging me into bed with your hair and your eyes wild, forcing me onto my back so you could ride me. It’s a wet fucking dream. You always are, but god, the way you beg for me, beg for my cock. The way you sigh happily and squirm when I slide into you. The way you flutter around me just from the feeling, try to suck me in to the hilt. I can’t believe you love getting fucked so much that we got me a cock ring, so I could go for as long as you want to – bend you into every single position, fuck you slow, then hard, then impossibly deeper, until just a few rubs of your clit make you come, gushing hot slick around my cock.

It’s crazy in general, how compatible we are in almost every aspect, but especially in bed.

I hadn’t been with many people before you, and most were semi casual at best, and I never thought sex could be anything but just that. Like, I knew that I was always intrigued by different dynamics and experimenting, but I didn’t have anyone to do it with and being an idol doesn’t exactly offer many opportunities for casual experimentation, so I just kind of shoved it to the back of my mind.

But sex with you – sex with you is liberation.

Especially in the beginning, it felt like you were rewiring my brain with every orgasm. You taught me how to listen to my body. How to be in the moment, to be able to listen to yours, so I could give you the same pleasure back that you gave me. You helped me explore what it meant to be confident, to take charge, to care for someone.

And before I knew it, all of these things were bleeding into my daily life. The confidence, yes, but also the care. I found myself carrying myself differently. I felt so much more at home in my skin, so much more empowered within my self-expression. And I could be funny and say that it was because I had the sexiest, most incredible woman I’ve ever met on my knees for me or sitting on my face almost every possible night, but it would only describe the tip of the iceberg of all the things you did that changed me.

And I know people always say that the people they love changed them, but I never knew just how true it was. How it felt to be the one who was being changed.

It’s not even that you did anything, or that you tried to change me – quite the opposite, you loved me just how I was from the first day – but being in your life, getting to watch the way you live, the way you carry yourself, the way you take your life so seriously and take ownership of who you are and what you want – it changed everything for me.

I tried to tell you this once, and you brushed me off with a laugh. Said, “what do you mean?! I just live!”

Darling, sometimes I think what you’ve done with your life, is worth more than my entire career. Harder, too.

Yes, somehow I persevered through those seven years as a trainee, found the boys, and we somehow made it here, through blood, sweat and tears, to now live this life that less than 1% of people on earth get to live, a life that allows me to touch so many people and change the world. And that, most days, makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. But sometimes I look at you, with your life, entirely outside of the public eye, having become an expert in your field, enabling the lives of people like me – and I think you’re happier, more fulfilled, more at peace than anyone I’ve ever met. Hell, more than I have ever been. Like you’ve managed to strip life back to the bare necessities and figured out for yourself just how to live it well. And then you just did it.

It’s this, I think, that I learned the most from you about. About how to live well. About how important it is to figure out who I am and what I really want out of life. What will make me happy, yes, but not just in the moment, but for a long time – what I need to do to be not just happy but fulfilled.

I think you made me realise that those two things are separate. That I could be there, on top of the world, at the pinnacle of my career, but that that doesn’t mean that I’m automatically a good person. Someone I want to be.

It’s hard work, but every day, you show me the levels of happiness, of fulfilment that lie on the other side of that hard work, and you make me want to do it. You make me want to be better. Hold myself to a higher standard, be an even better person, for you, for the members, for Stay.

I think the members noticed. None of them ever said anything in particular. Well, Changbin smiles at me a lot when I mention going to your place after a studio session. Also, the way he grins at you and gives you a hug when he sees you? He only does that with you. I think in his mind, you’re already his sister-in-law or something. Binnie’s funny like that.

But the other members – they’ve been saying a lot that they think I’ve changed, that I seem happier than I’ve ever been. Calmer. More self-assured. They say they’re glad to see me taking care of myself, after all the years of taking care of them. It makes me feel a lot of things that I have no idea how to decode. I’ll need one of our nights of talking for hours in the half dark kitchen, eating ice cream or leftover tteokbokki, to unravel all of it.

The kids may have noticed, and they say a lot of things, but it took me along time to figure out what it is that changed me. And all of this, all of these big words I’m writing here now and will soon, hopefully be able to say to you – they are meant to express it.

But the magic of our life, of my love for you, they’re in the moments like our late night talks in the dark kitchen. In the safety of our little rituals. The ones that just belong to the two of us. They just happened, grew almost organically out of who we are. It’s mind-blowing to me, how that happens. They may be my favourite part of us. Our little rituals … Oh, and your little rituals, too. It feels like a privilege, every time I get to see one of yours.

Like, I love watching you get ready for bed.

When I’m at yours at a reasonable time for once, already tucked in, just scrolling through my phone or something, and you’re padding around. Pulling off your socks and, every night without fail, throwing them next to the hamper because you know you’ll pick them up and put them where they belong the next morning.

Skipping around on your bare feet because the wood floors are cold. Fixing your hair, applying that sweet lip balm of yours that always ends up on my lips instead because I can’t just kiss you goodnight once.

God, angel, sometimes I just sit somewhere, and I think about you, I think about us, and I just … I try to find a flaw, you know? Like something that’s missing, or something that you do that bothers me, but I just – there’s nothing because there is nothing that I can’t talk to you about, nothing we couldn’t figure out.

You’re not perfect. Hell, neither am I. Neither are any of the people I love the most. And I wouldn’t want you to be.

Just as much as I love the little silvery stretch marks on your hips, I love the way you get insecure sometimes. Or defensive. Or the way you lash out when you’re annoyed and then get really hard on yourself when you calm down again.

I don’t love you despite those things, but I love those parts of you the way I love everything else. Because they make you human. And the same way I learned that you don’t like it when I pay too much attention to your stretch marks, even if you say they don’t bother you much, I want to learn what it is that makes you insecure. Or defensive. I want to understand what it is about those things people say that makes you lash out. And as much as I want to understand them, I also want to learn what it is you need in those moments – if you want me to be right there with you, angry at the world, or if you want to be held or distracted, if you want to laugh or cry it out.

I want to know you. All of you. There’s nobody I’ve ever felt like this about, and there will never be anyone else. You’re it for me. Baby, I could shout it from the rooftops. You’re it. You’re my home. I’ve found you.

All my life, I never thought I could have this. But by your sheer existence, you taught me that nothing is impossible.

You’re the love of my life. There’s nothing I’m more sure of than this. And there’s nothing I’m more sure of than that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. In every way possible.

So I want to ask you. Even if our lives go on the way they are now. Even if we may not be able to live together for a while. Even if my work will take me halfway across the globe for months on end. Even if I will still crawl into your bed at 4am for an hour of cuddles before you have to get up – I want to ask you if you will marry me. If you would be willing to let me give you my heart, for keeps. Because nothing would make me happier, or more proud, than to go through this life, through this crazy, fucking life I’m leading, with the knowledge that you’re right there beside me.

My love, my angel, my everything – will you marry me?

༉‧₊˚💍ִֶ ࣪˖

“So, do you think it’s good? Do you think she’ll like it?”

Chan looks up from his notes and finds Jisung with his face buried in his arms. When his back shakes, he realises Jisung’s crying. Sobbing, even.

“What the fuck, hyung,” he blubbers, lifts his head, stares straight at Chan with his eyes bright red and swollen, “of course she’ll like it. How could she not?! That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.”

Chan feels his cheeks heat up. He wrings his hand in his lap nervously.

“So you think she’ll say yes?”

Jisung throws his head back and wails in disbelief.

“You can’t be serious, Chan-hyung,” he throws his hands up, “have you seen how she looks at you? She’d say yes tomorrow, if you asked her over lunch.”

Chan’s cheeks are burning now, but he finds himself nodding. Deep in his heart, he thinks so, too, but still, he’s nervous. But Jisung’s probably right.

“I had one more question, though,” he starts, and Jisung yells, nearly throws himself out of his chair.

“Hyung, you drive me crazy! What is it?!”

Chan takes a deep, steadying breath.

“Will you be my best man?”

Jisung freezes. The room is suddenly dead silent. His eyes are huge.

He hiccups quietly.

“Me?” he whispers, “not Changbin-hyung? Lix?”

Chan smiles, shakes his head.

“Are you, like, sure sure?”

Chan can’t contain the laugh this time. He nods.

“You, Sung, if you’re willing to do it.”

Jisung blinks. Then a sob pushes past his lips. Then another, and before Chan knows it, he has an armful of a hysterically crying Jisung.

“O-of c-course, hyung,” he wails, his arms in an iron grip around Chan, “it w-would be my honour! What the fuck!”

There’s no more work that will be done that night, Chan knows it. So he gathers Jisung’s stuff, tucks it under one arm and Jisung under the other. He takes Jisung home, deposits him at the other dorm, waits until a surprised Minho folds Jisung into his arms, and only then does he make his way to your apartment.

You’re probably still up. Working on the couch, with that lavender candle burning. Maybe you can order a late night snack. Chat about your days. Have sloppy sex on the sofa. Ignore it when Jisung inevitably tells Minho and Minho tells everyone and the group chat starts blowing up. Chan doesn’t really care. Whatever you do, he knows it will be lovely. His girl. His home. The love of his life.

He doesn’t know when he’ll propose yet, but he knows he wants it to be soon. He’ll make it a little special. Not too special because he knows you don’t like big surprises and big moments like that, but he’ll figure something out. Something that is just perfectly you and him. Him and you.

Forever.

no one is allowed to cry about this, okay? (im joking, just click the link)

skzms masterlist // ko-fi

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#stray kids x reader #skz x reader #chan x reader #bang chan x reader #bangchan x reader #stray kids smut #skz smut #bang chan smut #chan smut #bangchan smut

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