#bc ultimately i want people to be comfortable around me

[ccaptain]

Realizing that, even as a medicated individual that also keeps going on therapy, I do fall back into patterns that I hate. But I also have back-up plans for almost every single situation I can fall back into and most of the advices I can give myself usually work.

[cherubofthenight]

It really is that damn phone (a rant)

(written nov 18th, 2024)

I was in my bed-rotting, depressed, don’t know what to do with my life nor do I care era up until this morning. And I’m starting to think it’s the people around me bc as soon as I’m not at work, I’m suddenly the most productive person ever.

I’ve been on a mission to become that dream version of myself (which for me requires some physical effort on my part) and shifting and I realized- wait the diff between the dream ver of myself and my dr self only have like slight physical differences. But overall, same mindset, same boundaries, standards & morals. Same person on the inside.

So I thought why make a big deal out of this stuff? Why make a big deal out of being in your dr physically. Stay with me now. Like I try to think of things to do and how to behave and react to stay aligned with my desired self which.. I think I try too hard and it ultimately burns me out. So then I have no discipline to continue- just little sparks of motivation every once in a while.

I’ve realized I feel most at peace when I let things flow without trying too hard. Like when I journal or have inner monologues, sometimes I think—why not shift my awareness to my DR? And suddenly, it feels so natural. Lately, I’ve been focusing on just moving my awareness there instead of worrying about proof or the physical. It’s really just about letting myself tune in, no overthinking needed. Of course, this can still be tricky sometimes (I get sidetracked a lot), but that’s exactly why I started this blog—to explore and share the process as I go.

Anyways, back to the title. It’s that damn phone. THIS IS WHY I SAY GET HOBBIES. I came off Tumblr—I’m not on it as much as I used to be. I queue up my posts when I find something I want to share, then I just focus on me. That’s why I love meditation. Because meditation can be anything. What I just said about inner monologues? You don’t even have to call that meditation—I don’t, most of the time. It’s just about shifting your awareness, and that can happen in a moment. No need for a long process. Just a shift in focus, and suddenly, you’re right where you want to be. I only recently started to grasp that actually.

My last shifting attempt. I’m gonna put the video for what I did and I felt soo close to my dr (the one I had back then) and like it just in reach of my fingertips until it wasn’t. I panicked I freaked out, I lost all hope and inspiration and I had no discipline because I thought “oh shit what do I gotta do now? Do I have to do something now? How do I do this more? How do I get this feeling more? Like what.. what to do… um shit..” and I never got close to that dr ever again. And I hate methods so.. imagine how shocked I felt.

Shaysplanett on TikTok (@shaysplanet)

And then I never tried again, yk why? We get comfortable, we get distracted by the 3D and suddenly we’re forgetting we have desires and we wanna shift to different places

I used to hate reblogging a lot of LOA posts at a time because this community is just things we already know repeated over and over and over again. I also thought to myself.. hm.. what could I post (loa-related) on this blog? And I couldn’t come up with shit. Because it’s nothing new. Law of assumption is nothing new. It’s just recycled shit over and over put in different, pretty words so more people would understand it properly but I think we understand and we’re just not applying. But yet here I am making this post: saying what we know already (and I probably will keep doing that bc it’s how I remind myself)

yeah.

All of this to say what we’ve all heard a million times before: you don’t wanna be thinking too hard about your desire and then end up being consumed by negative thoughts of not having your desire. The more time you spend scrolling and reading about loa and shifting, the most pressure you put on yourself and you miss the one thing you have to do: change your assumption/move your awareness. If you come to the point that you’re spiraling, STOP. Take a breath. Remind yourself that everything is going to be great. Do something else.

(posting this bc i plan to actually take a break from tumblr and finally listen to myself. if you see posts, its bc they're queued. hopefully i actually take the break this time. ps i think im starting to move away from looking at shifting solely from a loa standpoint)

[littlepuppers]

Scenario for your consideration. Lmk how it makes you feel!

So, I would marry you and make you my wife (I’m 25, so not that unusual). We have house together. We have a family together. A son or two, a dog or two. Maybe a daughter. Happy family Extreme right? 😂 But that’s just where the fun starts.

You would be what I like to call an extreme shared wife. What does that mean? Dw, I’ll explain. Basically within the walls of our house (well, I’d also include our deck and backyard), you would only be allowed to wear a bra and underwear. Lingerie if you have to dress up for guests we may have over unless I tell you otherwise cuz I don’t want them to have access to you (what I mean by access will make sense in a bit). But day to day you can still just wear whatever pair you find comfortable bc I’m nice like that.. While you’re like this (aka don’t have a proper shirt/pants/dress/skirt/etc on) you’re basically free use for anyone in our home - and I mean anyone. Me, our guest we have over, our offspring, and yes, even our dogs 😈 Now does the extreme make sense?

Now obviously you don’t get a say in whether or not you get used - thats ultimately up to the discretion of the user (assuming I have allowed it). Now I would allow you to make requests, either to be used or to not be used at all given time and place. But remember they are requests - it is not a guarantee that they will be acknowledged and complied with (though I will say you should have a pretty good chance of being listened to if your request is to be used 😂

Couple caveats (AKA some powers I reserve for myself). I decide what holes people can use. The only refusals that you can demand is for example I allow someone to use your asshole but not your pussy, and they try to sneak it in, you can refuse (and you must even if you want it). General rules for this: I can use whatever. Family members (notice I didn’t just say our offspring 😈) can only use your asshole. Guests rules will be made depending on who they are. Some may only have looking privileges. Others may be able to request handjobs, and others may have more. Some may not have any privileges. I will the one who decides. Dogs can be hard to control, so they can use either of your two bottom holes (I have to kiss that mouth after all). Special rules may be applied (for example, on a son’s bday from age 18 and on, they may creampie you)

Let me know if you think it’s hot, and I’ll message you with the emoji that I send alone in a second ask right after I send this ask (so you know it’s actually me)!

hmmmm okis :33 i would hesitantly agree because im nervous about being used a lot like thatttt🥺its gonna hurt and i would walk around while cum would be leaking out of me all the time

[eurydicees]

oh dont apologise i loved your essay 😭 and i 100% agree with everything. Theres such a innate theme of choices and consequences in wicked the musical and its so fascinating to me how choices made by all the characters have such profound consequences at the end. And fiyero’s choices are no different in the way they alter the trajectory of multiple characters.

He is really the only one i can think of who sacrifices everything for elphaba and does it all willingly. How do you like elphaba and then dislike the one character who was ready to give up his whole life and everything that came with it for her 😭

Twitter is very binary in that regard honestly, and its such a shame that they miss out on some pretty interesting character analysis about their favourite characters bc they decide to be so rigid and weird about other characters who had an impact on their faves. Couldnt be me lol, making multiple threads about a character you hate. I also think something else is at play here but dont wanna say it publicly lol but given your other responses i think you’d probably agree.

And yes totally agree about dividing the film in two parts - i can only hope the film watchers stick around for part 2 and see fiyero’s whole arc

thanks for the ask! also i wrote another fiyero ted talk. if i were like charles dickens or whoever and i was getting paid by the word to write about fiyero, i could be so goddamn rich btw.

anyways, choices and consequences!!!!! like that's the whole thing!!!!!!! and the way our choices affect and change other people!!!! fiyero isn't an exception to any of that!!!!

you're so right that fiyero is truly the one who makes the ultimate sacrifices for elphaba. like glinda loves elphaba, she absolutely does. but she isn't able to take on the work and life that elphaba chooses in defying gravity.

when it comes to the things that are most important to her, glinda prioritizes comfort and reputation over, like, morality and principle. and the thing about glinda is that she actively makes this choice. she chooses not to go with elphaba. she wants elphaba to succeed, but she's not brave enough to join her. in order for glinda to find the bravery to take up the work elphaba starts, she has to lose everything that actually matters. and she has to be complicit in her own losing of those things.

fiyero loves elphaba to the point of sacrificing all of those things that glinda can't resist. the day with the lion cub, and elphaba's general influence on him, changes fiyero profoundly in a similar way that she affects glinda, but fiyero finds the bravery to act on all of that. the difference is that he doesn't get the choice to go with her until mid-act 2 after wonderful.

in thank goodness, there's that one exchange between fiyero and glinda where they say smth like "you just can't resist all of this" "well who could?" "you know who could, and who has." and he's talking about elphaba, he's talking about how she had all the love she ever wanted at the tip of her fingers when she met the wizard, and she chose to let it go because she saw the ugly parts of the wizard's world. and this exchange is so clearly boiling it down to "elphaba resisted the temptation of being universally/publically loved and glinda did not." which tbh is something so in character for a person who has never had that, and a person who has always had that and thus doesn't want to leave it behind.

ok i was going somewhere with this but i don't remember where. just. fiyero isn't a perfect character. and for SURE the choice to erase gelphie's romantic subtext from the book when adapting it for broadway was an act of homophobia. but if we're just looking at musical canon, fiyero is brave enough to give up everything first to save elphaba, then to go with her, and then to protect her. and so-called elphaba stans don't think that's good enough. which is CRAZY to me.

also like. he's literally not the comphet love interest. sorry you didn't mention that but i keep seeing people throw those words around and like that's not what's happening here guys. elphaba loves him. she sings a whole song about it. multiple, even.

comphet implies that she mistakenly thinks she loves him because society has molded her into believing that's how she should be (fyi if anyone's experiencing that, it's glinda but i digress). elphaba, who notably has never been able to comply to the mold society makes for women, because she's never been pretty white woman enough to be afforded a place in that society? you mean that elphaba?

guys elphaba just...loves him. that's all there is to it. she loves him when she realizes he's more than he thinks he is, more than the airs he puts off. she loves him when she feared he might have changed, she loves him when he proves he did change--for the better. she loves him when he sticks by her, when he chooses her. she loves him when he's a fucking SCARECROW. ("go ahead, touch, i don't mind" "you're still beautiful" lives in my head rent fucking free).

when she has her breakthrough "okay. fuck this world that has never been good to me, if you want me to be wicked, i'll be wicked" moment, it's because she loses fiyero. she gets betrayed by nessa, and she fails dillamond, and she loses fiyero--and it's then that she loses sight of what good she had begun fighting for. it's a love for fiyero that drives most of no good deed (broadway songs of all time btw). like sorry but you dont sing someone's name like that if you don't love them. that's just musical theatre rules. trust me i was a theatre major.

anyways. sorry for that detour. back to the point. twitter treats everything as so black and white which is crazy because this is a revisionist musical about how evil isn't black and white. like?????? whatever. imagine being so bitter about a character you dislike that you want to change fundamental pieces of your favorite character so that he isn't relevant.

look. gelphie is great doomed yuri and i support that so hard. but dont try to tell me fiyero isn't deeply important to elphaba and to understanding elphaba's character. tbh the love triangle here isn't fiyero choosing between glinda and elphaba. it's more like elphaba choosing between glinda and fiyero and what either of them represent to her (glinda and working within the system, or fiyero, and abandoning it).

and hot take maybe but like ultimately--as someone who has never been conventionally accepted, as someone who has been hunted down to be murdered, as someone who has been the victim of a smear campaign and propaganda against her character/intentions, all of which was in part driven by glinda--she was always going to choose fiyero.

i respect gelphie shippers, i do. in another world, maybe one without the wizard, they could've been so happy together. i'm with y'all. but given canon, even if all others fall, i will be the last fiyero defender standing. god i hope movie-only fans watch part 2 and at least learn to RESPECT him. at the bare minimum. please. please. please.

[leaawrites]

Could you please write a fic where the girl was best friends with the Gallaghers when she was younger but then moved away and ended up becoming friends with Damon. Fast forward to the award show where she’s Damon plus one and ultimately runs into the Gallagher again, where they’re all over her/happy to see her again/don’t want to leave her alone. But Damon really confused bc she’s never mentioned that she knew them and they’re all jealous over her. It could be a x reader for anybody but maybe have her end up with one of the brothers? Thank you!! Also sorry it’s a long request

idiots

Liam Gallagher x fem!reader

Summary: In which, they find back to each other and finally confess.

Warnings: fluff, angst, jealousy, harsh language

Wordcount: 1.8k

Masterlist

Slouching on the couch of one of her best friends, Y/n stares at the telly and the faces on them. Two people she used to know like the back of her hand, until she didn’t anymore.

Moving away from your home town was one of the worst scenarios for a teenager like her. She’d always been bad at making friends or becoming comfortable enough around other people to truly show them who she was, not just the pretty girl with not much to say.

When Damon met her the first time, backstage at one of their earlier gigs, he couldn’t believe the two different people he met that night. First he caught her eye from across the room, a shy smile playing on her lips as she crossed his gaze, before looking away rather quickly again. Then, after a few sentences spoken and hours passed, they stumbled out the bar together, his arm thrown over her shoulder as she tried guiding him home safely. They shared a kiss when stumbling into his apartment, though ultimately decided that they would never be more than friends.

He was still on her mind.

She never actively thought about him, except when he was on TV. It was more like an always lingering memory of their time that she couldn’t let go of even if she tried. He wouldn’t let her live in peace even after she left them.

“What ya staring at?” Damon asked, walking into the living room and flopping on the couch next to her. “Ya fancy one of those bellends?”

“Don’t go mental now,” she laughed, seeing his scrunched up face as Oasis performed their new song on Top Of The Pops.

It was good, she had to admit, Noel had always been a great writer. Though it wouldn’t be the same without him. Liam made it all seem so effortlessly. He made it look so cool. Even when it was playback and not live, she’d heard them perform live more than enough times to be a fair judge.

Sneaking away from Damon’s side at festivals or watching a show with them late at night while she tried not to wake one of the boys, she never forgot to keep her promise she made when she left.

‘I promise that I will watch everything you do, I’ll follow you still, Liam. Don’t worry about me forgetting you, I couldn’t.’

“What I wanted to ask,” Damon started talking away, tearing part of her attention from the screen, but not all. “There’s this award show coming up, nothing worth mentioning. Wanna come with me?”

“Me?” she asked, now fully turning towards the boy. “Why would you want me to accompany you to such thing?”

He shrugged, but she knew that he had an answer already ready for every single one of her question.

“All those other people there are boring. You’re the only fun one.” Pulling his puppy eyes and pouting his lips, she looked at him bored for a moment before ultimately giving in.

“Fine,” she agrees, making him gleam in joy. “But.” Holding her finger up at him. “If anyone starts some stupid dating rumour again, I’m never going anywhere with you again.”

Walking into the big venue, she spotted the pair she tried her hardest to avoid that night, almost immediately. Sitting at a table near their own, chattering and laughing and drinking. Shaking hands occasionally.

Through out the first half of the show, Y/n couldn’t keep her eyes away from him. From her seat, she had the best view on his profile. she could see his jaw tighten whenever someone won he didn’t want to win, or how the grip on his beer would loosen whenever someone won he wanted to, a small smile forming on his face whenever that happened. One forming on her own almost identically.

Liam could feel a pair of eyes burning in the back of his head, occasionally turning around to try and catch his predator. All he found though, was Damon Albarn staring at him with confused eyes.

He’d noticed his friend’s gaze far away from where it should be, somewhere in the crowd of people, focused on one in particular. Catching Liam Gallagher’s gaze, he was taken back to the night he asked her to accompany him. Being aware of the crush she formed on ‘the enemy’ he couldn’t help but not not take her.

The moment the first half was over and a break was called through the speakers installed in the walls, Damon excused himself, walking out and to the bar. Getting them a new drink, that they ‘couldn’t survive this without’. Laughing at his wording, Y/n let him walk away. Looking around the room, her eyes were drawn to his seat again.

Liam was watching Damon walk away, his gaze now finally free to see the man’s guest. Looking at the table, his eyes widen in shock. Hitting Noel’s arm repeatedly, he couldn’t keep his focus from lingering. His eyes still focused on her, though his mind was far away. It was back in Manchester, back with her. The two bodies of theirs laying close together as The Stone Roses played in the background of their silence.

‘I don’t want you to go.’ He would’ve never admitted back then what he knew already for years.

His heart skipped a beat when their eyes locked, their souls intertwining again after years left torn apart. Healing as he held her face in his mind.

“What?” Noel snapped annoyed. Turning to his little brother sharply and pushing his hand away from his arm.

Liam didn’t answer, only pointing in her direction. Noel’s eyes widen in shock now too.

“What ya doing here, love?” A voice boomed behind her, the familiarity of it seeping through her spine, making her sit up straighter.

“Liam,” she breathed out before turning towards him. The room watching the two of them. “Hey.”

Pulling her into a hug, he inhaled the scent on her hair and neck. It was richer now, but still the same summery feeling he only smelt around her. Noel came after, not leaving her a lot of space to breath.

“Hey, kid,” he greeted her, smiling brightly.

“Can’t believe you’ve stolen my date now, Gallagher.” Damon came walking back, two drinks in his hands.

Putting them down a smirk appeared on his face, making Liam’s blood boil up in anger. His fist clenching at the thought of them being here together. She had to know about the war they partaking in, why was she on his side now?

Y/n could sense the tension, as could Noel, who quickly led Liam away from the scene, saying they should go back before it gets to late and the lights would dim. Sitting down, they both still held their gaze, urging he other to look away first, but neither would dare to.

The lights dimmed again, though one brighter one appeared on the other side of the room. Liam walked out through one of the back doors. Noel sat with his head in his hands at their table, praying he hadn’t had to explain what just happened between them.

Looking at Damon, he told her to go after him. Silently creeping through the dark, she hoped for no cameras to catch her body escaping. Walking out into the lights and fresh air, she could breath for the first time in an hour. Outside the building, Liam was perched up against a wall with a cigarette hanging from his lips. Standing next to him, her arms crossed over her chest, they kept in silence. The only sound being the shuffling of Liam’s body as he took his jacket from his body and wrapped it around hers, without acknowledging her presence more than that.

“Saw you two on a front page a few weeks back, never thought I’d see you again. Even less with someone like him,” he broke the silence after a couple of minutes passing.

“Damon can be pretty nice if you get to know him better. He’s just cold at first, not like you’re any different,” she defended her friend, making him roll his eyes.

“How would you know? We couldn’t even talk when we met.”

“It took me four months to get you to even look at me. You were just always ignoring me.” They both laughed at the memories ans endless stories their mothers used to share about the two of them.

“Wasn’t even doing it on purpose, love.” Raising her eyebrows at him, he reconsidered. “You were just too pretty to look at,” he tried once more. Tilting her head, the smirk on his face disappeared. “In my defence, you were pretty violent in your attempts to get my attention. Seemed pretty desperate too.”

Gaping at him with her mouth wide open, she slapped in his arm, making him wince a little in fake hurt. “I wasn’t desperate. Though you seemed kinda intimidated once I could talk earlier than you, big mouth. Seemed to be a sign of God, that you would only talk bullshit anyway, so he threatened giving you a vocabulary.”

“Would it still be bullshit if I said, that seeing you together made me jealous?”

The words hung in the air between them, the confession lingering a little longer on both their racing hearts.

“Yes,” she answered, making his face drop. He was so sure that there was more to them than friendship, now it seemed that he even destroyed that. “Utter bullshit,” she continued talking. Continued stabbing a sword into his already breaking heart. “Because there was never a reason for you to be jealous.”

Crushing the cigarette beneath his shoes, he was ready to hear the last words he expected her to mutter to him. Letting him suffer in silence out of embarrassment and shame instead of screaming it at him with laughter. ‘We were always just friends, why would you be jealous? You’re still my best friend.’

“Liam,” she whispered, seeing the distant look in his eyes. “Can you please look at me?”

Snapping his eyes up to her, they looked almost angry with something. The soft blue now a storming sea.

“What?” He spat at her.

“I’ve always loved you, I just wanted you to know that.”

It couldn’t be true, could it? Laughing it off quietly, he nodded his head in mockery. “Yeah, sure. A great friend I am.”

“Not just in a friendly way.”

His heart stopped in his chest at her words, sinking down his chest and into his stomach, making him feel sick. The weight of it pulling him down, his shoulders falling into his body.

“What?” he quietly asked, not believing her words. It was all in his imagination, right?

Sacking her body, she couldn’t believe him. Typical Liam, she though. Smiling at him sweetly, her eyes sparkling under the street lights before pulling him in by his collar and connecting their lips. They had kissed before, but this was different. This one was real. His hands on her waist gripping tight to make her stay so close to him forever. He wouldn’t ever let go of her again.

[glossykissies]

Butcher's hatred for vought only worsening after meeting hybrid!puppy reader bc of what they did to her makes me so sad :( he's just an old angry man who gives off ultimate protective daddy vibes

ok trigger warning for this arc bc it goes into her abuse but

yes bc i feel like it takes a while for her to understand that the abuse she faced wasn’t okay / normal and it’s not just butcher that feels that way it’s everyone. like whenever she messes up infront of the boys she just puts her head down and braces, and when hughies like “wait, what are you doing?” pup is all

“oh, well, back at the lab if i messed up they’d punch me in the stomach real hard so i don’t do it again?” :(((((

and m.m has to take her aside and explain that she’s not gonna be physically assaulted for messing up, especially not over something so tiny? “no one is laying a hand on you in here, you hear me? if they do? they’ll have to answer to me.” he adds the last part with a playful smile, trying to keep the tone light — but upon turning to you, his face falls, seeing the tears on your cheeks.

“really?”

“what— yeah. we may be a bunch of ruthless motherfuckers but beating on someone as defenceless as you — no offence, well that’s where i draw the line. look, you’re safe here kid.” he turns his full body to you, large frame crouched a little subconsciously to seem less intimidating. “don’t mean you won’t get yelled at by butcher from time to time, but i’m tryna get a handle on that.” he pats your back with a smile, shuffling to get up but you throw your arms around him.

“thank you, m.m.”

his brow creases, knowing that sort of thing shouldn’t warrant a thank you.

“we’re takin’ this one step at a time.” he hums.

kimiko also serves as great comfort, knowing what it’s like to face abuse and be confused when faced with kindness. sometimes she finds you sitting alone, not your usual energetic self and she comes and sits with you — typing things out on her phone to communicate with you.

are you having a bad day?

“yeah. i don’t miss the lab, but sometimes i wish i didn’t have the responsibility of being a full… person. at least when people treated me like a dog i didn’t have to think too hard.” you sigh and she nods, taking a moment to type.

i understand. i don’t miss my past, but some days i kind of wish i could go back just so i could hang out with my brother one more time.

“yeah. i get that.”

after a pause, she types some more.

did you have any brothers or sisters?

“no. it was just me. i always wished i had a sister to play with though.”

kimiko smiles, happily typing something into her phone before proudly turning it around.

well guess what? we’re sisters now. you can be my little sister. i always wanted one of those.

you beam, tail thudding the side of the chair you’re curled on as it starts to wag and your mood is infectious, the girl throwing her arm around you into a side hug.

butchers hate does infact worsen and it causes him to act up, get more violent than before — violently destroying anyone with a finger dipped into the vought pie. you always assumed it was because of his own past, but one day you witnessed him beating on someone who had something to do with the hybrid operation. cowering in the doorway, you try to keep your frightened whimpers at bay at hear him berating the bloody man through grit teeth.

“what you did to ‘er? what your fuckin’ people did to that girl? she’ll never be the bloody same and that’s all because of you. you’re gonna rot in hell, cunt.” before delivering the final blow to his skull.

you’re shaking, and only when he’s pulled himself off the corpse he sees you— having watched the entire thing. he softens slightly, eyes flickering with shame as he presses his lips together but you slowly approach, wide eyed.

“dont be scared pup, i ain’t… i just couldn’t let ‘im get away with it. can’t let scum like that keep walkin’ this earth.” he thinks you might bolt, like he’s seen you do on other occasions— but this time you approach, wrapping your arms around him, nuzzling into him, ears twitching, tail wrapping around his thigh.

[chelseeebe]

the luck you hold

this is very simply a rehash of fiona and jimmy/steve from shameless sksksks, especially steve’s occupation and readers family life lol. it is also essentially just smut- but i am interested in writing this dynamic further bc it’s so fun!

18+. mdni. smut, like really just smut. steve is a baddd boy but it’s so sexy so who cares.

✧ ✦ ✧

the club is loud, strobe lights flickering onto the crowd of moving people.

steve hadn’t even wanted to come tonight, much favouring his bed. it had been a shit day already, made worse by the thumping music filling the room.

his eyes wander the crowd, detesting the fact that everyone seemed so ecstatic to be here.

and then, he spots you. perfectly illuminated by the purple light. hips moving in time to the beat, clearly unbothered by the drunken stupor of the people surrounding you.

you’ve got something to prove, swaying to the music, dress riding up your thighs. there’s a message there, steve thinks, you’re trying to tell everyone or maybe, someone, that you don’t care.

he has to know. leaving the comfort of the balcony to descend on the crowd, eagle eyed for the girl in the black dress.

something takes over, wrestling his way through the hoards of people until he spots you, still wriggling your hips, away in your own world. somebody elbows him in the ribs, earning a quick glare before continuing his mission.

steve typically carries himself with much more composure, he wouldn’t dare to do this on any other night but his hand finds your waist, pressing his body to your back. moving to your rhythm.

you’re not bothered, still moving along to the music, steve’s not even sure that you know he’s there until an arm snakes around his neck, fingers knotting in his hair.

he takes that as a sign to move closer, pressing against your ass, almost howling into your ear when you grind against him.

his breath is strained, he wants to kiss you, hoping you’ll spin around and feel the same.

it’s only when the song changes that you do, stood in such close proximity that he can see the smudged eyeliner lining your eyes and the tiny curve of your lips. you’re studying him, examining his face but for only a moment.

and then your arms snake round his neck, keeping your chests to one another. as he leans in, your finger comes to press against his lips, not allowing him to kiss you. he scowls, throat rumbling in protest.

“what’s your name?” you say, just loud enough for him to hear you over the noise.

“steve,” muttering under your finger. honestly he’d appreciate if you’d just slide it between his lips, he needed to taste you some way, some how.

“steve,” you echo, running your delicate finger down over his bottom lip, pulling the plump skin with you.

the corners of his mouth turn, without sounding like he was crazy, he was sure you were made for him. something had drawn him into coming tonight, and now he thinks he knows what, or who.

“d���you wanna get outta here?” trying his luck, steve wasn’t interested in the long game.

and neither were you, nodding before you slide your hands down his chest, making sure to cop a feel before you ultimately leave with him.

-

by the time you reach your house, guided by your unhelpful directions, you’re ravenous. pulling him by the hand into your building, ready to jump his bones.

it’s not as if he wasn’t feeling the same, he’d been eyeing your dress riding up the entire journey. his hands find solace on your waist, gliding down to your ass, squeezing onto any and all flesh he could get his paws on.

you’re barely in the corridor, groping and grinding like some fucking high schoolers. steve’s lips brush against yours, appreciating the beauty in not-quite and nearly. it wouldn’t last long. not with the way his pants were already strained.

“you gonna kiss me then?” panting against his soft mouth, arms already hung around his neck.

“maybe if you ask nicely,” wanting to drag it out just a little while longer.

a laugh catches in your throat, gazing into his eyes with pure lustrous intentions, “please kiss me.”

he indulges, connecting your lips at long, long last. immediately overcome with the urge to just fuck you here against the wall. the kiss is messy, the kind he loves. all teeth and tongues, colliding in a haste, soft grunts fill the echoey hall.

breaking free just long enough to instruct you to, “jump,” large hands supporting your thighs as you do so, wrapping around his hips.

he’s not a clue where he’s going, deciding that your bedroom was far more appropriate than right beside your front door.

“on the right,” you pant into his mouth, there’s a sickly sweet taste on your breath. it’s addictive, steve wants to keep you attached to him at all times.

he clumsily backs through the door, struggling with keeping you upright while also not tripping over his feet and smashing backwards into the floor. grateful to drop you onto the mattress, immediately poising himself above.

“you live alone?” he asks, well aware that your bedroom door was wide open and anyone else would be subjected to performance he was about to give.

“no.. just me,” latching your lips onto his stubbly jawline, brushing your fingers against his belt buckle.

“good,” he grunts. working your dress up, exposing your delicate panties. if he’d known what was waiting for him underneath, he’d have just had you in the car.

your body works with him, hips canting as he removes the thin fabric, chest pressing to his while your hands work their own mission. the metal clinks, his pants unbuttoned, tugged down his thighs.

he wants to grab and squeeze every inch of you, fumbling his way down to your panties, tender and gentle but also rushed, like he needs to be inside of you right this second.

his shirt comes off with the help of your skilful fingers, sliding off of his arms and onto the floor. “you’re beautiful,” making a point to tell you as he gawps at your soft thighs, the way they’re spread so for him.

you shy away, shrinking into the covers. steve towers over you, kneeling on the springy mattress, “y’gotta look at me baby,” hands bringing your legs up onto his shoulder, held together by your ankles.

he can see how wet you are, slick and ready for him. your eyes find his even in the dark of your room, lip tucked between your teeth. he fists his cock, pre-cum leaking from the pink tip.

sliding between your sticky folds, teasing himself, teasing you as you whimper in anticipation. “can you..” you speak, trailing off into the air.

“hmm?”

you grumble, “please?” hands grabbing at his arms, clinging onto anything you could reach.

he teases the tip into your cunt, exhaling deeply as you envelop him, “shit.. you always feel like this?” he pants, sinking into your heat until he bottoms out. the long game wasn’t over, waiting for your response before he can give you what you need.

“i don’t.. i don’t know,” whining from underneath, your fingernails starting to sting as you urge him to move.

“so wet.. hm, perfect,” unable to resist any longer. his hips slam against the backs of your thighs, the intense sound of skin colliding with skin fills your night-lit bedroom.

his movements draw a long mewl from your lips, all glossy with spit and shared kisses. the angle is just right, stretching around him perfectly. like you were made to fit together.

“fuck,” you whine, turning into a wreck right in front of him. steve’s not one for meaningful sex but this feels different. he repositions your ankles, balancing them either side of his neck as he presses his chest to yours, finally able to kiss those plump lips, catching the sounds that tumble out with his own mouth.

he’s buried even further inside with this new position, slow thrusts that have you squeaking with every move. it’s music to his ears, spurring him on further.

you’re folded up under him, knees to your chin, pressing your tits together. steve wishes he had the capabilities to have his mouth in a hundred places at once, biting down on your bottom lip to stop himself from growling.

“yeah.. right there,” affirming his pace as your eyes roll back, dissipating into a cock-drunk mess.

you squeeze around him, he doesn’t have to be told what’s next. your breathy gasps are doing enough, drawing his own orgasm to a high. “is that good? yeah, baby?” nudging against your sweet spot, every pump of his hips had you in even more of a daze.

words fail to form on your tongue, a babbling mess of hoarse moans and barely audible mumblings of his name. christ, he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to leave now.

your palms spread out on the white blanket, fisting the fabric as you teeter of the edge, calves trembling around his neck. you squeal, squeezing around him before descending even further into your pleasure.

“where d’you want me?” he rushes, tempo faltering as your cunt pushes him to his own orgasm. there’s a split-second thought, an amorous feeling even, to just cum inside. it’s quickly pushed aside when you mutter something about your stomach.

he pulls out, the shlick sound of your cunt making his head spin as he releases his load into your quivering stomach, moaning some chorus of your name as he does.

his breaths are laboured as he lets your legs fall, chest heaving as come back to earth. steve collapses onto the bed, stretching his stiff legs when the lamp flickers on, brightening up the room.

“hold on,” he ushers, climbing off the bed to grab something, anything, to clean the mess he’d made.

he picks up some old towel, clearly discarded from earlier this evening and wipes the stickiness from your skin. re-dumping it on the floor before sitting on the other side of the bed.

you’re even prettier in this light, mascara slightly smudged, hair tousled with wisps all over the place. he’s even more sure that he’s never gonna be able to walk out of here, at least not with his dignity.

“d’you want me to..go?” well aware that he’s stood fuck-ass naked in the middle of your room as you busy around with a t-shirt. god he hopes you say no.

“no,” shaking your head, sliding the shirt over your head, an unwelcome addition.

he smiles to himself, pulling his boxers back on, at least for his own dignity before laying back down on the other side of the bed. in the heat of the moment, he hadn’t actually taken any notice of where he was.

using the opportunity to peer around the bare room, a small vanity in the corner and a slightly cracked full-length mirror was all there really was. maybe you were a minimalist or some shit?

“where the hell did you learn that?” you ponder, pulling his attention from the lack of your belongings and back to you.

“what’re you trying to say?”

your lips twitch, turning over to turn the light off again, encasing the room in a familiar darkness. “goodnight, steve,” his name curling off of your tongue in that tantalising way it had all night.

he scoffs, burying himself beneath the blanket while his arm searches for you aimless, catching onto your waist to pull you into his chest.

maybe it’s just his brain or maybe it’s because he already thinks he knows you so well, but he’s sure he can feel your smile, your heartbeat rippling through your skin.

he could get used to this.

-

when he wakes, you’re still sleeping soundly beside him. eyelashes fanning out across your cheeks, an image to behold.

he wills you awake for what feels like hours, eventually growing tired of your soft snores and nudging his knee into your leg, pulling you from your slumber.

“you’re still here?” you groan, eliciting a sudden laugh from his throat. brutal or what?

“well shit, and here i was thinking of buying you breakfast,” he doesn’t take any offence, nestling his face into the nape of your neck. pressing soft kisses to the warm skin as he drapes his arm around your waist, running his hand underneath your t-shirt.

“i didn’t mean it like that,” you sigh, still groggy as you relax into his hold. the back of your head comes to meet his shoulder, “d’you usually hang around for breakfast?”

“no,” steve smiles in between kisses, “but you’re different,” walking his fingers over the curve of your waist, inching higher and higher.

you really were. and he’d known it from the second the dizzying club lights had perfectly illuminated you to him.

“different, hmm?” sighing softly into the morning air.

“mhm,” he hums, palm meeting your breast, drawing a sharp breath out of your mouth. “i think i know what i want for breakfast,” teasing your nipple, loving the way you shudder in response.

“what’s that?” you breathe, placing your hand atop of his.

“you.”

he’d been gagging to taste you, pretty sure he’d dreamt about it last night too. he climbs on top, hovering over your sleep-laden body, making the descent down between your legs.

peppering kisses between your plush thighs, savouring the feel of the soft skin encasing his ears and cheeks. his hands hold you steady, keeping your hips pressed into the mattress as his mouth attaches to your pussy, licking strong lines between your folds.

hand travelling upward, grabbing at the too-big shirt, palming at your breasts. this’d be enough to get him off too, he’s sure.

his phone buzzes repeatedly, the nightstand shaking with every message, he groans into your core, sending your head back into the pillow. “ignore it,” you whisper, urging him to continue.

he tries, only for a brief second before sighing, “i can’t,” he frowns, kneeling on the mattress before reaching over for the fucking thing.

he really can’t.

shit.

“fuck, i’ve gotta go,” he swallows, glancing back at you, really, really not wanting to leave.

“are you joking?”

“no,” clambering off the bed to find his discarded clothes, god he wishes he could stay. “it’s.. work, if i don’t answer, i’m dead,” his eyes fall to your barely covered chest, he’ll have to fight the stiffy on the way over to the yard.

you’re pouting now, trying everything to get him to stay. and he knows he’s an asshole, getting you riled up and soaked before disappearing. but he also knows his dad would wring his neck if he found out he’d ignored him for some girl he’d barely met.

steve leans over, planting a kiss to the corner of your downturned mouth, “i’ll be back,” nodding as he gathers his things from your nightstand, shoving them into his pockets.

“what?” you exclaim, brows furrowed as if you weren’t understanding him.

“i’ll be back.. later, so be ready,” before sliding out of the door and down the hall. fingers already re-dialling his dad as the sunlight hits his face. god, he wished he’d brushed his teeth, or at least asked for some gum.

“where the hell are you?” his dad barks down the phone, steve holds the thing away from his ear. it was far too early for him to get his ear chewed off.

“i was.. with a friend, sorry,” not exactly a lie. he assumes this makes you friends or more.

“friend my ass,” his father scoffs, huffing out a deflated, “just get down here,” before the line goes dead.

he rolls his eyes, finding the haphazardly parked car and jumping in. he had approximately twenty minutes to get rid of the boner in his pants and the taste of pussy in his mouth.

-

steve’s knuckles rap against your door, he’s a little later than he had hoped to be, but he’s here, just as he said he would be.

the door swings open, revealing a very obviously not-ready you, brows furrowed.

“you’re not ready,” he says flatly, eyeing the large sweater and shorts you had on instead. hey, you look great but not for where he wants to take you.

“i thought you were joking,” half-laughing at him and the fact that you’re stood in your pajamas in your doorway.

“i don’t joke,” shaking his head, “go on.. we’re going out.”

“where?” you question. couldn’t you just get ready without all of these questions?

“it’s a secret,” tapping the side of his nose inconspicuously.

you look baffled, mouth hung open before you disappear into the dark hallway, leaving the door ajar which steve takes as an invitation inside.

he closes the door behind him, knows the way to your room already, following the faint sound of your voice coming from down the hall. who the hell were you talking to?

“no he’s here nance,” speaking in hushed tones, not intending for him to be eavesdropping. “we’re going out.. no, no i don’t know where,” he nears the door, lurking behind to listen to whatever else you might reveal about him to nance. “okay.. i’ll call you later.. yes, i fuckin’ hope so.. okay bye.”

you go silent for a minute, steve hangs back, stood beside the door like some creep. until you come rushing out, holding two dresses. startled to see him you freeze, staring at him like you’d seen a ghost.

“that one,” he nods towards the one in your left hand, a little red number, “definitely that one,” he’s not even going to acknowledge the fact that he was listening to your conversation.

“uh- okay,” walking back into your bedroom, leaving the door open just a crack.

steve decides against going in, making his way to your living room to peruse your personal belongings there. he wasn’t doing it to be weird or intrusive, he just wanted to know more about you.

the decor is.. interesting. pictures of kids that he assumes are your siblings, hang all over the walls, the couch is clearly second hand, his eyes drawn to the peeling leather.

he doesn’t mind, in fact he’d buy you a new one tomorrow if you asked.

there’s something sweet about it all though, that even after you’ve moved out or away, you’ve still got their pictures hanging on your wall. sometimes he wished he had siblings, at least then his dad might not be so hard on him.

his self-pitying thoughts are interrupted when your clatter into the room, still brushing lipgloss over your lips. “is this good enough for you?” you ask, as if he’d ever disagree.

his eyes linger on your figure, “perfect,” deciding to now meet your gaze, “you ready?”

you nod, glossy lips curling into a smile. he hopes you’ll share some of it with him later.

he leads the way, holding the door open for you like any gentleman should, opening the passenger door of the shiny new bmw, closing it gently as you sit inside.

“i thought you had a different car last night?” you ask as he slides in, eyeing the pleather interior.

“i did,” is all he replies. he’ll tell you some point, he’s sure. “nice day?” filling the car with small talk as he drives.

the restaurant isn’t far from your place, he’d called giovanni for a table earlier, assured that it’d all be set up before he got there.

and it is, his favourite table laid out on arrival. nodding towards the young waiter who just wriggles his brows in response.

steve doesn’t like how quiet you are, obviously not accustomed to anyone going the extra mile for you. “so, tell me about your family,” nudging the conversation along.

“it’s a long story,” you sigh, sipping the overpriced wine he’d bought for the table.

“i’ve got time.”

your eyes narrow slightly, deciding whether to trust him he supposes.

but you do. tales of younger siblings and working three jobs, deadbeat mothers and a dad that couldn’t have cared less. it’s like nothing he’s ever heard before and it’s no surprise that you’re not used to being so looked after when all you’ve ever done is look after other people.

“so what about you, pretty boy,” poking your shoe into his shin, a question he’d hoped you wouldn’t ask.

“oh you know.. the usual,” pouring the rest of the wine into your glass, “i.. sell cars with my dad, he’s an asshole too but you’ve got me beat there,” sipping on his own glass of the bitter liquid.

your nostrils flare, scoffing at him from across the table, “ohh.. i get your schtick now, it all makes sense,” nodding at your own apparent revelation.

“you think so?” tilting his chin toward the ceiling, quirking his brows. enlighten him, please.

you hum, smirking to yourself, thinking you’d got him all figured out. “yup.. rich kid, lives off of daddy’s money but hates him anyway and now you fuck around, take girls to fancy restaurants,” your eyes glide around the extravagant interior, “maybe you’ll hang around for a couple’a months and then you’ll leave, run right back to daddy.”

you’re so smug about it too. so smug and so wrong.

steve can’t contain his grin. fuck, he likes you so much.

he doesn’t reply, keeping his gaze steady on you. he’s decided that tonight is the night. yeah it might be a little quick but you were obviously worthy of knowing.

“you know i told you i sell cars?” he asks, leaning over the table.

“what?”

“follow me,” he orders, the glint in his eye only meant one thing. it was probably stupid and his dad would definitely be on his ass about it tomorrow but it’d be so worth it.

you look baffled, eyes following as he stands from the table, throwing a couple hundred dollar bills down. his hand is extended, waiting for you to listen.

after a second, you oblige, taking his hand, following cautiously behind. he realises that this definitely makes him look like a crazed weirdo, but he can’t wait. licking his lips in sheer anticipation.

the street is quiet, thank god. so he pulls you over towards the shiny red porsche parked outside, muttering a hushed, “watch this,” before getting to work.

he’s done this a thousand times before, not usually with a pretty girl watching, but he still had it. fingers messing about with the keyhole, doing what he does best.

voices emerge from the alley, forcing him to think quick. instead of abandoning the car, he presses your body against the door, kissing your lips with a haste, keeping one hand over the nearly-cracked lock.

“ste-,” you start, only to be interrupted by his lips. eventually you relax into it, smiling against his mouth. it really was absurd, be he had to prove himself.

the couple from the alley turn off, disappearing off down the street, letting him break the kiss to check they’d really gone. you look at him in amazement, gormless and most likely wondering what the fuck was even going on.

“what the fuck?” you whisper, amused as you step sideways, letting him continue with the car.

“what? you didn’t enjoy it?”

“well.. i, i wasn’t expecting that,” shying away from him, your bashfulness isn’t necessary here.

the door pops open and he turns to you with a satisfied smile, “get in,” holding the bright red door open for you. he’d have to swing back and get the bmw tomorrow but if it meant you wouldn’t just write him off as some daddy’s boy, it’d be totally worth it.

“this is fucking crazy,” you remark but slide into the car anyway. watching intently as his fingers fiddle with the underwires, a process that was normally incredibly tedious but had him feeling like james fucking bond in front of you.

the engine roars suddenly, sending him back to his seat, pulling the seat belt over his chest before he speeds off.

it’s exhilarating, the rush never wears off no matter how many times he had done this. steve’s eyes peer over to you, your mouth hung open in what he can assume is a mixture of terror and thrill.

“you figured me out yet?” poking his tongue into his cheek, he could feel the cockiness exuding from his pores but couldn’t help it. you’d been so sure, so set on him being some rich asshole and now he was really anything but.

you laugh, a real, maniacal laugh, nails digging into the leather door handle, “no,” your eyes shining as the streetlights whiz by.

he pulls into some abandoned parking lot, the porsche stood out like a sore thumb surrounded by the bricks and rubble left behind.

“i told you i sell cars, i didn’t say it was exactly legal,” leaning over the centre console, goading you, smug as all hell.

you stare back, realising that he was no longer the man you’d expected him to be. his dad did have a lot of money, but hell, they had to work for it. he’d been doing this long before steve was ever born.

“what else don’t i know about you, steve,” inching closer in your own seat. god, he hopes you’ll desecrate this car with him.

“you’ll have to stick around and find out,” cocking his head to the side.

your smile is worth more than anything you could’ve said, smacking your lips together before reaching over and kissing his. it’s slow, worlds away from how you had jumped on him last night. he just wants to pull you over onto his lap, christen the car before it gets sold to some stuck-up prick.

steve takes that as a sign that you’re willing to hang around, god knows how long it’d last or hell- if it’d even ever work but for you, he’s more than prepared to wait and see.

[snailvibes]

Evening chat I give you my list of some of my autistic Max Caulfield related headcanons except a lot ended up being pricefield related oops (does include spoilers)

Remember these are all HEADCANONS and me just being silly and having fun projecting on my fav lol

- that grey jacket she’s always wearing? That’s her comfort clothing item why do you think she’s still got it in double exposure

- even ever since she was really young Max has always been a picky eater bc of dealing with food textures and generally not liking a lot of things. Chloe always tried to make sure her mom bought things that Max liked so she could always have stuff to give her no matter what

- Max doesn’t really know how to like. Enter group discussions, it’s a lot easier for her to talk to people if it’s either one on one and with someone she’s familiar or comfortable with, she knows what she’s gonna say to someone before going in (like “I’m going to go up to Kate and check in on her” or “I’m going to go up to Brooke and ask about her drone”), or it’s someone talking to her and asking her questions, so when it’s people just generally chatting in a group she usually gets left out cus she doesn’t know how to jump in

- loud noises usually overstimulate her (vortex club party was hell) and growing up one of the more common times that occurred was when it stormed outside :) [which still held true throughout the game :))] post sacrifice Arcadia Bay ending she just kinda completely shut down in Chloe’s truck for a long while through a mix of it and the emotions from everything

- aside from Chloe, Kate was the first person Max found who actively listened to and engaged in her infodumping. During their first few tea hangout sessions she’d find herself accidentally going on about photography and stop herself, and every time Kate would encourage her to keep going cus she enjoyed hearing about it (ultimate Loves to yap + loves to listen duo)

- a lot of the time when Max shuts down she ends up going nonverbal for long periods of time and Chloe is the only one who can translate what she’s trying to communicate lmao. Everyone else, while they mean well, tend to just get confused so if she’s like with Kate or Warren when it happens they’ll just be like “shit time to track down Chloe”

- Chloe’s hair is one of her favorite things to mess with and play with cus she loves the sensation of running her hands through it, so when she’s overwhelmed Chloe will just take off her beanie and let Max run her hands through her hair for as long as she needs

- The Captain is her comfort plush which is why she brought him with her to Arcadia Bay. Usually she carries him around with her as much as she can but she didn’t wanna get made fun of for it at Blackwell so she started keeping him in her dorm. Post Sacrifice Arcadia Bay, she drags Chloe back to Blackwell before they leave so she can retrieve him from the rubble and starts carrying him with her everywhere again. Post Sacrifice Chloe she just starts carrying him with her everywhere at School without really worrying about what people will think, and everyone just doesn’t say anything cus they can tell she needs it.

- Max relies on music a LOT to block out the world when everything is too much. Chloe knows this and when she’s not using her earbuds to do it alone, will always offer to sit quietly and listen with her if she wants

- Warren Graham I know what you are /ref him and Max infodump about nerdy movies together almost every chance they get and sometimes they have to be pried apart in the halls to get them to go to class bc they will go on for hours if left alone to

- going back to that “Max struggles with conversation in groups” point, if said convos are happening in the photography classroom whether it’s a “class discuss this” moment or a group project, Kate will always try her best to get Max included in ways that work for her like asking for her thoughts or just pulling herself away from the group to chat with Max one on one

- girlie needs very specific instructions for things because otherwise she will overthink what to do and get confused and this has screwed her over with so many class assignments but I think she’d get help from Kate in that regard because she’s the only one she’s not anxious about asking if she knows what someone meant by something

[chrome-barkz-aac]

how i go to concerts as an autistic person with speech loss episodes!

PT: how i go to concerts as an autistic person with speech loss episodes

PART ONE: before the concert

plan out everything beforehand, a couple days to a week in advance. this includes where you will park (if you drive) or who you will ride with. if you're of drinking age you also need to plan who in your group is drinking (or doing other drugs) and who is the designated driver (if you aren't taking a taxi/uber/public transport)

wear comfortable clothes that you can move around in / that won't add to your overstimulation. this includes shoes that are good for standing/walking for long periods of time

practice scripts for if you accidentally bump into someone or need to move past someone ("excuse me" "sorry" etc)

if you want to participate in a mosh pit, you may want to bring a friend to hold your AAC device or go low/no tech for the concert. mosh pits can be exciting but i definitely wouldn't bring your ipad or SGD into one! i tend to go to concerts alone so instead of my ipad i brought a boogie board to write on, which is far less breakable

concerts can be loud, so you'll need ear defenders, headphones or earplugs. i like to use silicon ear plugs bc they stay in my ears even when im bouncing around a lot!

if you are going with friends, have a pre-determined signal that lets your group know "i need a break" or "i need to leave"

make sure to charge your devices beforehand. a lot of tickets are virtual these days, so your phone becomes your ticket.

PART TWO: at the concert!

when you get to the venue, you'll likely have to go through security and show your ID and tickets. be ready for this.

when you get inside, you can find your seats (if assigned) or go to the floor (if general admission) IF CROWDS MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE you should hang out in the back of general admission. this gives you more space to move around and breathe. if you don't mind getting close to people, being close to the stage can be awesome! but i definitely recommend earplugs bc its really loud near the stage

just because everyone else is doing something doesn't mean you also have to do it! if everyone else has their phone/lighter out and is waving it and you don't want to, you don't have to! this goes for many other things as well. if everyone else is drinking, or doing drugs (weed is pretty common at the concerts i go to) you don't have to! if everyone else is screaming or shouting the words, you don't have to!

just because the singer onstage tells the crowd to jump, or get down, or wave your hands or any number of other things doesn't mean you have to! you can do what you're comfortable with. after all, you're at the concert to have a good time, so you should do what makes you feel the best.

you don't have to sing along if you can't speak! you can say as much or as little as you want. instead of yelling you can clap, instead of shouting the lyrics you can hum, etc.

concerts are great to get some full body stimming in! you can rock, sway, stomp or flap your hands to the beat. you can even jump up and down! you do need to be mindful of other people though - people tend to flock close together on the floor or in the pit and if you bounce around enough, you might run into someone! that's totally ok, it happens, just apologize and move on!

if you're moving around a lot, you need to be mindful of how your body feels throughout the concert. are you overheated? are you sweating? do you need water or to sit down?

its ok to leave at any point in the concert, even in the middle of a set or a song! your well being is the most important thing and its important to pay attention to what your body needs. its not a good idea to "push through" just to see your favorite artists. seeing 50% of a concert is better than seeing 0% of a concert or seeing 80% of a concert and having to leave suddenly because you have a meltdown

ultimately, do whatever you want as long as you're not causing harm to other people or yourself

do not try to make friends with the security guards. they dont really like that. i don't totally understand why but i get the impression that it is because they are working and have to keep a close eye on the crowd, and talking to them can distract them from their job.

PART THREE: after the concert!

concerts are a huge ordeal for anyone, not just disabled folks. that being said, it definitely takes a bigger toll on you when you are disabled and need extra support to recover from overstimulating environments. be gentle with yourself after the concert and give yourself grace if you are extra tired or having a hard time with things that are usually easy for you in the hours or days after the concert

as soon as you get home, have a snack and a drink of water (or juice/electrolyte drink). singing along and jumping / dancing can make you dehydrated. even if you don't feel hungry or thirsty you should have something to eat and drink. you may be riding a high of being excited or happy to hear your favorite music and not be able to discern what your body is telling you.

get lots of rest when you get home. try to sleep in the next day if you can. your body will probably be tired.

if you're feeling tired or irritable after the concert because of the emotional exhaustion you might feel, try to put on a relaxing video or do something that regulates you.

thats all i can think of ! if ne of yall have ne other ideas for how to manage concerts as an autistic person drop them in the comments or reblogs!

[ominus-potato]

Hi, just wanted some advice about fanfics on ao3, how do you write them? and how can I make my one shot fic impactful for the readers. I'm planning on making a fic but since it's my first time making I kinda don't know where to start.. It's fine if you don't know though! just thought of asking cause you're writing's really good imo.

Sneak peak of the next part of the Pining Mario series at the end!

Well when I write, I don’t do it on AO3. I draft my work on Wattpad and then cross-post it to AO3. This is because AO3 is a bit more complicated, can be dodgy with saving works and only work when I have Wi-Fi. With Wattpad, I can write offline which is very helpful. Some people also draft on google docs so there’s that as well.

In terms of ACTUAL writing, there are two ways to leave an impression on the reader. There’s the way liked with angst, pain and maybe a bit of comfort; and there’s the way of making a story so sickeningly sweet that the reader is gushing over every cute moment. The length of the story also plays a factor. If it’s under 4000 I’d recommend avoiding angst bc you don’t have much time to set it up and at it off effectively.

Personally, I pretty much never write angst unless I genuinely believe it’ll make a story better. I’ve read fics before where the author will just throw in a shit ton of angst for no reason other than to make the reader feel bad for the mc and it just feels really cheap. It’s hard to do angst right and it’s really tempting to just give everyone a super fucked up backstory and make them depressed or something but imo it’s just overdone to the point of exhaustion. It can make a story depressing and no longer a fun read.

Whenever I write angst, it’s a small part of a mostly fluff-filled story. Take the pining Mario series for example. 19,000 words of silly pining hyjinx with a few small drops of angst. Then have the angst bubble over a little in Shots and Cowboys, Mario has a small breakdown since we’ve been keeping up with the story from his perspective mostly. That then allows me to forward the story and give character a new motivation.

If youre going to use angst to get an emotional reaction, you MUST have good set up and pay off. Especially if it’s a longer story. Also, you don’t have to do this, but I’d recommend against adding angst unless it’s necessary. Don’t just throw it in there Willy nilly yk?

If you wanna know how I do my stories, I really enjoy making them sweet and adorable with a little bit of drama and comedy. Like “Love is not a foreign language” where it’s just Mario and Mr Puzzles being adorable as hell for 6000 words. Then the drama comes when Puzzles reveals he can understand Mario and that only leads to more cutesy love.

A lot of it comes down to the story you’re trying to tell and how you want your reader to react. When I write a story, I want my readers to be invested in the drama and rising tensions, enjoying the little spurts of comedy here and there and ultimately, finding the main ship really cute in the end. I try to make people happy with my work bc I write the kinda stuff I would love to read! Because if I would read it, someone else definitely would.

Also, I feel like I must add that I have only ever written ship stories. If you wanted advice on stories in general with no shipping then I wouldn’t really know how to advise you on that. I love relationships between characters. Whether it’s ships or friendships. It’s my favourite part of any fandom so it’s where I specialise in my work.

Sorry I don’t really have like a plan or anything. I just keep it all in my head, know a few plot points I want to hit, and write to them. I try to get around 3-5 plot points for my longer stories and then just 1 or maybe 2 for the shorter ones. I sometimes add them as I go if I think it’ll make the story better!

For example, my plot points in Shots and Cowboys were:

•Mario tries to buy Puzzles a drink

•Mario and Mr Puzzles are interrupted by Wren and Mario is jealous

•Mario and Wren do something to fight for Puzzles’ affection (IE, play pool)

•Mario looses Puzzles to Wren, sees them kiss and is devastated.

•Mr Puzzles thinks that Mario is heartbroken over SMG4 and promises to help him move on.

Then if I get any smaller points like certain ships, lines, dynamics or interactions I wanna add I just sprinkle them in where I can.

I don’t really have much advice outside of that. I tend to just think of a scene or an idea I’d love to write and then more ideas pop up around it. It’s just one major point that gets built around. IE, Mario being jealous was the premise of SAC purely just because there were a few jealous Puzzles stories and I wanted to see if I could switch the dynamic.

Sorry for the long wall of text. I just wanna make sure it’s detailed enough for you. Just make it up as you go along and write what you wanna read. I re-read my stuff all the time because I genuinely enjoy what I write and it gives me exactly what I want. Have fun with it!

And if you’re worried about it being terrible, I’d advise you to read my old Lego Ninjago fanfiction that I wrote when I was 13. My god it was awful. But it shows development!

First story:

Latest story:

Enjoy that sneak peak of the next part of the Pining Mario series :D

[nevernonline]

omg pls finish the members as dad’s ask you did the other day they were so so amazing 😭

dad! svt

hi, nonnie!! you and the nice people in my asks were so lovely about this ask. I figured instead of answering you all separately I would just post the rest of them members here 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 thank u all sm carat land is the happiest land  

warnings: mentions of child nourishment, fem! partners.

also pls note I know the bare minimum about having a child and what taking care of one would ever look like <3

SVT's reactions to you seeing you taking care of your child in front of them: 

jeon wonwoo 

sweetest dad!! nobody can come for me over that 

wonu is def one of the members that would know so much about having a child already because he was SO excited for the day his s/o was ready for it 

would be so gentle while holding the baby!! i will say sweetest dad again 

while you’re feeding he 100% is all about privacy for you he would make you both a comfy spot to rest and when your finished have your fav snack ready to go!! 

has the baby trying in every pair of his eyeglasses because he’s nervous they’ll have to wear them when they grow up and that he got bad eyesight from him 

lee jihoon 

i feel like he opted to be the most PRIVATE father ever but failed 

pretends to not care when people ask to see a picture of his kid but ultimately gets gitty when people yell him he has the most beautiful child 

caught his s/o feeding for the first time while coming to visit him at work and made SURE the room was private for them and stood guard outside only to peek his little head in 24/7 

only trusts him or wonu to hold his child nobody else is safe 

xu minghao 

hao as a dad makes me want to rip my hair out of my head bc he’s going to be so amazing if he becomes a father 

has the most specific baby night routine for his kid and his partner ever 

would draw you an amazing bath after feeding with such nice essential oils and candles as he sits next to the side of the tub to read you and your baby a good book 

has an amazing rotation of healthy recipes for you to eat so you and your baby are getting the best nutrients 

kim mingyu: 

did somebody say dilf ?? (Srry) 

def flexes his muscles pushing his baby stroller just in case you catch him!! he just wants to look good for his s/o all the time 

he would be similar to hoshi where he wants to be involved in everything, so if you’re feeding he is right on top of you assisting with your baby

the first time he saw you feeding them he couldn’t help but finding himself giggling every time the baby would burp or smile into your chest 

his heart would be so full of love he would be constantly gleaming with joy 

def the dad to hold his baby bare chested when his s/o isn’t around so they always feel warm and comfortable :///

lee dokeyom: 

constantly sharing the sweetest posts about him becoming a dad and sharing what it’s been like with a new born <3 

started crying the first time you were feeding in front of him just because he was overwhelmed with the sight of his new family 

the type to buy a puppy around the same time you gave birth to make sure his baby always had a friend to take care of 

while you fed the baby he fed the puppy so he can be involved!! 

boo seungkwan

dad! Kwan is so complete fr 

can not even begin to smother with enough love 

would be so AWKWARD in a SK way the first time you started giving your baby their meal in front of him, trying not to watch, trying not to make you or them uncomfortable 

would fail really hard trying to quietly sneak in to give the baby a kiss before or after work and knock over something in the room only to wake them up from their slumber 

keeps telling you he’s going to teach your baby a profanity as their first word as a joke and actually ends up doing it 😭

chwe hansol 

lmao ofc he’s the silly dad all the kids would be so obsessed 

prettiest baby ever possibly <3

he was really shy to become a father for the first time but was so naturally good at taking care of his kid 

would always announce himself when he entered into the room while your feeding just so he knows you’re comfortable with him coming into your special time with his precious child 

actually religiously enjoys watching all the new kids movies and tv shows with his kid like maybe more then they do 

lee chan :

ahh chan as a dad would be so so so nice 😭 

ik  we’ve seen snippets of how he is with his family so I just know he’s so excited to further the lee line replicating what he had with them 

does not care how young his child is he gets them started early dancing and being active with him even if it’s just him dancing with your baby in his arms around the room 

his LAUGH when he sees you feeding for the first time like obviously not because it’s funny it’s just the cutest thing he’s ever seen 

def gives you really sweet massages during baby dinner time too, no questions asked<3

definitely insists on any chance to take a nap with his child in his arms and you cuddling next to him on the couch 

[hearts4sungie]

HOW EACH SKZ MEMBER TREATS YOU AS THEIR BFF

you’re friends with stray kids but which friend in the group are they?

BANG CHAN ✩

the supportive friend

• encourages you whenever you need it

• both lean on each other the most

• on your best and worst days, he’s there for you to hug.

• thats not all! you both are lunch date buddies!!

• you guys take turns on choosing where to eat and who pays (though he insists he should)

• the lunch dates are a good way to make sure each of you are eating everyday

• you also bring him snacks and drinks when he’s overworking himself at the studio

LEE KNOW ✩

the teasing friend (act surprised)

• teases you 24/7

• its his way of showing he’s comfortable with you

• teases you extra hard on days he feels you’re not paying attention to him :(

• you throw light jabs back (but tbh you like to give him the illusion that he has the upper hand)

• uses his humor to make you feel better on bad days or when you’re in an uncomfy situation

• minho secretly likes it because of the pout you always give

CHANGBIN ✩

the flirty friend

• has the biggest platonic crush on you

• sneaks a compliment in almost conversation

• there isnt a time when you and the boys go out that changbin isnt wrapping his arms around your waist

• you enjoy it (hello?? ofc you do, binnie is so hot and sweet)

• you like to flirt back but ultimately get too shy

• he’s the friend who helps you escape bad dates or people uncomfortably flirting with you

• #1 yn protector

HYUNJIN ✩

the gossipy friend

• whether its on the phone, facetime or in person.. you guys are telling each other the DRAMA.

• the rest of skz hate when you guys are next to each other bc you guys cant stop gossiping

• as you guys should!! hyunjin just knows too much idol drama! and you want in!

• even have code names for people, including the rest of skz

• you guys also stay up late binging kdramas

• hyunjin insisting the only way you guys can comfortably watch kdramas is if you cuddle

• bestest best friends

HAN JISUNG ✩

the fun friend

• if you need to feel stress-free, its jisung you go to, vice versa.

• you’re each others happy pills

• inside jokes for dayssss

• the members are lowkey jealous that you and jisung have so many inside jokes

• watching anime and playing mobile games is a must between you two

• jisung loves that he’s who makes you this happy

• feels prideful and brags about it to the boys

• “i took y/n out.. again. we had sooo much fun”

• “whatever you say, jisung”

• have a secret handshake with each other

FELIX ✩

cuddle buddy

• you know that friend you have where you can act however you want with? free of judgement? thats him.

• “where’s felix” “probably latching on to y/n”

• being in lix’s arms brings the fuzziest feeling to you

• felix loves skinship so whenever you ask him for cuddles, he gets excited

• you have a special message you text if you ever feel like cuddling and he’s not there

• 🧸?

• you always have open arms for lix too

SEUNGMIN ✩

“we hate each other but not really” friend

• this ongoing facade you and seungmin have is what makes your friendship special

• banter is how you guys express your love

• “get away, you smell”

• “that not what you said when you were hugging me last night, seungmin”

• “i hugged you because you begged”

• after every offhand comment, there’s a smile placed on both your faces

JEONGIN ✩

hype man

• “jeongin can you tell me how this outfit looks”

• will hype you up and make you feel the best

• jeongin loves making you feel good about yourself

• takes you shopping and never lets you pay

• lets you borrow his clothes

• you also hype him up before award show or concert

• you help jeongin not be insecure about how he may sing or dance

• “thanks, y/n. love you”

pssst you can send requests whenever. hope you enjoyed!

[nico-esoterica]

Why Does Megan Thee Stallion LOVE Japan? An Astrological Analysis ❤️

I've seen two or three posts like this or more and it makes perfect sense because through Astrocartography, we can see that she's got her Jupiter line (while its at home in Sag btw) going STRAIGHT through the country itself sitting on top of her Ascendant. So, not only does she feel SUPER lucky but her energy feels EXPANSIVE and UNTHREATENED. Like, she actually feels SEEN AND APPRECIATED and she has 0 need to prove herself, fight for her life, or be anything she's not. She can focus on feeling the vibes and being happy and abundant. Jupiter can also be associated with 'foreign' things so it being in her first in her relocated chart for Japan (I used Tokyo bc JPN has one time zone) makes sense. It's taking a special interest in what's outside of your comfort zone.

Because she has a natal Jupiter-Saturn square between her 8H speaking to her 11H, it means that she's used to compromising her boundaries for other people's sake who want to benefit her. Like, her abundance seems to always come at the expense of others being in their feelings or that she has to sacrifice (Pisces) parts of herself around others. Like, she's always felt restricted in some way by her environment. Surrounded by people who never wanted to see her win because they felt threatened or intimidated by it. There's usually someone around her playing a victim. Her history's echoed this.

In Hollywood, her relocated chart elevates her in the public eye at a cost. With an Aries Rising, it puts her chart ruler under duress in her 5H across from her 11H--Meaning that she's popular but her artistry (5H) is weirdly hated and seen as polarizing. That Sun-Mars Opposition also feels rather violent tbh and we've ALSO seen her history with that. A Sun-Moon and Sun-Mars opposition between Leo and Aquarius with her 10th and 11th in Saturn ruled signs answering to a 12H Saturn reads to me like male figures/patriarchs or industry 'old heads' having an issue with her sexuality being so vibrant and liberating (5H) that they actively suppress and punish her (Saturn joys in the 12th in trad astro and equals isolation and Saturn can equal male figures in power). But even with Chiron in Virgo in her 6H trining her elevated 10H planets, including her Venus, it creates a story of constantly feeling burdened to prove herself to the point where she's taught that numbers and figures determine her self worth, making her ultimately doubt herself. That's exhausting!

But in Tokyo and Japan overall, that Chiron is placed ON her MC at 29 degrees (a fame degree in degree astro) and safely trines those Cap planets that have shifted to her 2H. This means that she literally not only makes money there for simply EXISTING exponentially but she feels more natural in her resourcefulness and sense of self value and worth here with the emphasis placed on the 2H opposed to feeling 'over exposed' by it being in the 10H in the other chart because it means that SHE determines how she's moving opposed to feeling the pressures of it being the other way around. Ultimately, the 2nd, 6th, and 10th are all houses we look to as money potential centers but an emphasis with planets in any of those houses is going to paint a different picture. 2H emphasis will feel more independent and the pressure will come from within, 6H will feel more like a cog in a wheel in trying to find its place but will be very successful at it but potentially overworked/overlooked, and 10H emphasis puts someone on the fast track to success but can become overburdened with always needing to prove or outdo its previous successes.

As someone who has so much Saturn in her (Aqua and Cap), she's used to working everything out on her own so the best thing for her, imo, is for her to be in an environment where people just leave her THE FUCK ALONE and let her do what she wants to do and how she wants to do it. The Sun and the Moon here are in the opposite houses of the houses they find joy in in trad astro (sun likes being in the 9th and moon likes being in the 3rd). From being someone (me) who has their moon in the 9th in whole sign, I can say from experience that it creates a pure joy and love in the unknown and in foreign places. It means you have an insatiable desire to educate yourself about your surroundings and you feel the safest around people who are very different from you bc you feel/experience that they judge you significantly less. Bc she has a natal 4H Moon opposing her Sun in the 10th, that sense of safety is vital and it means she's actually always struggled with that. With having a burning need TO put herself in the public eye and be very visible but weirdly feel attacked and unsafe the longer she's in view. It exacerbates deeper issues, imo, around fearing being vulnerable and may make a person create an outward persona as an armor they can wear to protect themselves.

So when her Moon is in a place that's opposite where it normally feels comfortable but she's USED to feeling uncomfortable, it kind of creates a sense of balance where she finds peace and freedom in what's foreign to her bc she's used to what's familiar hurting her. Then with the Sun being opposite of its joy, she's able to explore her inner child (Leo's ruled by the Sun and = children/joy), and find places that connect her to her early childhood interests (3H = early childhood education/experiences). And for her, that was always anime, among other things. So in this country, honestly, she feels the safest, on every fathomable level, esp on an inner child level, that she's ever been.

She might deadass get an apartment or property in Japan. And she SHOULD. They'll love her and she'll return it 10x over ❤️

For those curious, I offer Astrocartography readings here in my Expanded Services section.

[angel-egg-egl]

I’m curious- why do you use linen fabric sometimes? I’m a fan of linen personally (super breathable!) but I’ve always associated cotton with lolita; I can’t really think of many/any uses of linen by typical lolita brands. (But I could definitely be misremembering stuff!) Is it particularly suited to the patterns or for other considerations? (Also- I love that you give us fiber content and breathability for fabrics and use a lot of natural fabrics and cotton lace! I’ve been super disappointed by brands recently that are all synthetic so I love seeing people make stuff in cotton & co)

the short answer is blah blah blah natural fabrics only blah but the long answer is it's unbelievably inexpensive even at consumer level, readily available, and comes in a TON of really gorgeous colours, so i like to use it to practice newly drafted patterns bc i wont feel like i wasted a rare or expensive fabric if i mess up.

its also just generally a very well behaved fabric to sew with! its lightweight, so i can sew through several layers of it at a time without issues, it doesn't really stretch or shift around, so i often don't even need to pin it much, and it gathers beautifully in the gathering foot i use. also, both sides of it are the same, so I can be really lazy sewing it since i can't accidentally sew the wrong sides together LOL. tldr: it's practical! (if you're curious, it's robert kaufman essex linen!)

that said: one of my serious goals with the Brand was to use natural fibres as much as possible, especially cotton (cotton velveteen, cotton burberry, cotton prints, cotton sateen, cotton corduroy. i'm looking for a good cotton knit for cutsews tbh)-- in fact, the only polyester I've used so far has been in the gobelin fabrics, which tend to be poly-cotton blends (i do seek out high cotton ratios when i can!). i always use cotton lining, as well!

my stance on this point is simple: i live in a relatively warm climate, and i don't tolerate heat very well, and i was getting incredibly tired of having a ton of brand items i couldn't wear 90% of the year because i Knew the fabric was going to have me sweating. i've also heard many other lolitas online complain about how rare cotton releases are these days. ultimately, i want to make things that i (and the people around me) wish were more common! it's why so many of my designs are fully shirred, mid-length with longer sizes available by request (as mainstream brand has been skewing longer recently, much to the lament of my shorter friends), and made with old school style fabrics-- these are all things i hear people wishing for!

anyway this got kind of long, but basically the thing that makes me happiest is solving problems? so, if i can make some good comfortable staple pieces to flesh out someone's wardrobe so they can like, go shopping or eat dinner or whatever and still be comfortable, i'm accomplishing the mission.

to end this on a more fun note, here's a list of natural fabrics i'd like to work with more!

-wool (particularly angora!)

-silk (especially silk chiffon and silk organza)

-ethically sourced and/or upcycled fur (for capes and mufflers!)

-cotton sateen

-dobby/karami fabric

what kind of fabrics and materials do you guys want to see?

[eros-thanatos89]

meta/thoughts on BCS

Oh, man. I've never posted meta, or just thoughts on shows before, but I'm trying to give myself permission to be as cringe as I want and to ramble on the internet about the fictional things that I think way too much about. So here goes, my first meta post!

I just rewatched BCS S5E3 "The Guy For This" (let's be real: mostly for thirsty reasons, because I wanted to see Lalo and Nacho looking pretty in the garage scene with Saul) and Goddamn, it just smacked me in the face and reminded me what a pivotal episode it is in so many ways.

One of the many recurring themes that I love to see explored so well in both Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul is the many ways that people deal with (or don't) the consequences of their actions, and this episode is just chock full of that, as well as setting up the first steps down the "bad choice road" or the road ahead for so many characters.

In that garage, Saul really steps into Saul as we know him in Breaking Bad. By taking Lalo's money (even if under duress) he's taking the first step into leaving Jimmy behind and becoming the *criminal lawyer* we all love/love to hate. Jimmy's pattern of avoiding the consequences of his actions or uncomfortable emotions like the guilt over Chuck's disgrace and death is running away: by escaping into his scams, and by literally running away from himself, choosing a new identity--he's not Jimmy anymore; he's Saul, so he doesn't have to lug around Jimmy's baggage. And even though he tries to backtrack from this first step onto the bad choice road leading to him becoming "un amigo del cartel", when he tries to suggest that Lalo find another lawyer, it's too late. As Nacho tells him, "When you're in, you're in."

And Nacho would know! Speaking of running away, Nacho has been trying to evade or escape his problems for so long: first by setting up Tuco to avoid having his side hustle with Pryce discovered, and in this episode, trying to convince his Papa to run away with him to Canada. The scene where Manuel confronts Nacho at his house never fails to break my heart. Nacho is so desperate for Manuel to escape with him to a new, safe life, and Manuel is so adamant that Nacho face up to the consequences of his choices. Which ultimately, he has no choice but to do. He has to confront what he's done and give himself up to save his Papa's life, just like Manuel encouraged him to do so long ago. But by giving up his life rather than turning himself in to the police. It's so damn tragic.

And then there's Kim. She's always running away from the poverty and instability of her past by so doggedly pursuing success as a lawyer. I love how this episode highlights her increasing dissatisfaction with Mesa Verde and her yearning to pursue more meaningful pro-bono work so she can use the law to help people like the little, powerless girl she used to be. The confrontation between her and Mr. Acker is stellar. Kim has this rare moment of vulnerability, letting down her walls to share a story of her childhood struggles with Mr. Acker in a genuine attempt to connect with him, only to have him scoff at her and accuse her of making it up to manipulate him. You can tell his tirade about her being ultimately a selfish person who tries to comfort herself with acts of charity really rankles her because it goes so strongly against her sense of self and represents everything it seems she's afraid of becoming, and so much of what she resents about Howard: the entitlement, the sense of ease and privilege, the self-congratulatory charity acts (don't get me wrong, I really like Howard, pompous as he can sometimes be, but I think this is how Kim views him). By the end of the episode, when she escalates Saul toying with a beer bottle on the balcony into throwing them into the parking lot, you can already see her pivoting and taking those first steps down the road that ultimately leads to the plot against Howard, which she justifies to herself in the name of using the Sandpiper money to fund her pro-bono work. And then in the end of the series, she both runs away AND atones for her actions by moving to Florida and living a life literally leeched of all color and joy, and is just doing penance by living a muted, mediocre life.

Domingo's arc in this episode is so crucial, too! Lalo and Nacho recruit Saul to feed him the information to undermine Fring, but when he meets Hank and Steve Gomez in prison, it starts him on the road to transforming from Domingo/Ocho Loco to Krazy 8. Ultimately leaving the cartel (I like to think because of the loss of his friend Nacho) and setting himself up as an independent dealer and even snitching on his own cousin, Emilio; which then leads to his collision with Walt and Jesse.

And the scene with Mike in the bar! The way he's barely holding it together as he tries (not very successfully) to drink away the pain and guilt caused by killing Werner just a few episodes before (S4E9) and is so triggered by the postcard that reminds him of their conversation is so powerful. I just love how he encounters the group of guys who try to intimidate and rob him and he defends himself in this episode, but we later see him intentionally return and seek them out in S5E5 "Dedicado a Max" in an act of self-loathing and roundabout self-harm via taking a beating and not even trying to defend himself.

I'm rambling, but these shows make me litcherally mentally unwell with how fantastically nuanced and textured the writing, acting, visual storytelling, music, everything is! I'm just going to be ruminating on all these many facets of accepting consequences, atoning, and/or running away affects these characters and the arc of both shows and the world they inhabit for the next long while....

[aurae-rori]

oh do you want a shred of a fic idea that i had ages ago so that someone else can brainrot over this with me. too late youre getting it

so i came up with the concept during the gap between 2.1 and 2.2 so its no longer canon compliant :( but i had a thought of topaz dragging ratio out with her to jarilo-vi on her next trip there bc he’s been worrying himself to death waiting for aventurine to return from the nihility. and initially he sulks about it like a big baby but he gets much more interested when topaz introduces him to bronya!

the actual fic concept was a 5+1 of 5 times ratio asks bronya a question that she struggles to answer + 1 time bronya asks RATIO something he’s at a loss for words for. but i got SO attached to their dynamic okay. he doesn’t WANT to care but then bronya asks him some genuinely insightful questions about his work and ratio is unsurprisingly weak to displays of competence from people around him, so he answers her questions and then flips it around and asks her about how she’s going to lead belabog, and when bronya can actually KEEP UP in a debate? he’s so gone. it’s over gang. veritas has a protege (daughter) now.

i think the dynamic would be so interesting because they’re both definitely smart enough to realize that there’s a major part of their story that the other is hiding from them- #5 in the fic would be ratio pushing to figure out what really happened to cocolia (and being caught off guard by how viscerally it affects him, seeing this bright young associate he’s come to grow fond of just shattering in front of him, because bronya is brilliant, yes, but she’s still just a young woman aching for her mother.)

then the +1 is bronya pushing ratio to find out— why exactly did he do all that for aventurine? this is a little pinch of aventio for funsies, but actually, ratio doesn’t really recognize either that the pain he feels when he sees aventurine’s body in the dreampool isn’t just the concern of a doctor. bronya wouldn’t get a proper answer out of him, but i think he stumbles into that conclusion while watching the way that bronya and seele bicker but ultimately care for each other (the bronseele and aventio parallels are CRAZY to me and i’m frankly shocked i’ve never seen more people talk about them)

buuuut yes. ratio & bronya mentor and protege dynamic. thoughts.

-aria nightshade

FUCK YOU DIDN'T NEED TO DO THIS T OME???? I FUCKING LOVE THEIR DYNAMIC POTENTIAL!!! bronya got adopted trust me real not fake, i feel like they WOULD get along and bronya pushing about aventurine is so real. i feel like ratio freezes when seeing people break down. he just stands there for a moment before actually offering a hug and words of comfort, but he's pretty good at it even in his own way. he would totally buy interstellar books for bronya and bring them to her to provoke thoughts and they could have talks about the books like their little own book club they're so father daughter shaped....