#I don’t expect this one to get attention I’ve just had a shitty day and wanted to be self indulgent lol

[snailvibes]

Evening chat I give you my list of some of my autistic Max Caulfield related headcanons except a lot ended up being pricefield related oops (does include spoilers)

Remember these are all HEADCANONS and me just being silly and having fun projecting on my fav lol

- that grey jacket she’s always wearing? That’s her comfort clothing item why do you think she’s still got it in double exposure

- even ever since she was really young Max has always been a picky eater bc of dealing with food textures and generally not liking a lot of things. Chloe always tried to make sure her mom bought things that Max liked so she could always have stuff to give her no matter what

- Max doesn’t really know how to like. Enter group discussions, it’s a lot easier for her to talk to people if it’s either one on one and with someone she’s familiar or comfortable with, she knows what she’s gonna say to someone before going in (like “I’m going to go up to Kate and check in on her” or “I’m going to go up to Brooke and ask about her drone”), or it’s someone talking to her and asking her questions, so when it’s people just generally chatting in a group she usually gets left out cus she doesn’t know how to jump in

- loud noises usually overstimulate her (vortex club party was hell) and growing up one of the more common times that occurred was when it stormed outside :) [which still held true throughout the game :))] post sacrifice Arcadia Bay ending she just kinda completely shut down in Chloe’s truck for a long while through a mix of it and the emotions from everything

- aside from Chloe, Kate was the first person Max found who actively listened to and engaged in her infodumping. During their first few tea hangout sessions she’d find herself accidentally going on about photography and stop herself, and every time Kate would encourage her to keep going cus she enjoyed hearing about it (ultimate Loves to yap + loves to listen duo)

- a lot of the time when Max shuts down she ends up going nonverbal for long periods of time and Chloe is the only one who can translate what she’s trying to communicate lmao. Everyone else, while they mean well, tend to just get confused so if she’s like with Kate or Warren when it happens they’ll just be like “shit time to track down Chloe”

- Chloe’s hair is one of her favorite things to mess with and play with cus she loves the sensation of running her hands through it, so when she’s overwhelmed Chloe will just take off her beanie and let Max run her hands through her hair for as long as she needs

- The Captain is her comfort plush which is why she brought him with her to Arcadia Bay. Usually she carries him around with her as much as she can but she didn’t wanna get made fun of for it at Blackwell so she started keeping him in her dorm. Post Sacrifice Arcadia Bay, she drags Chloe back to Blackwell before they leave so she can retrieve him from the rubble and starts carrying him with her everywhere again. Post Sacrifice Chloe she just starts carrying him with her everywhere at School without really worrying about what people will think, and everyone just doesn’t say anything cus they can tell she needs it.

- Max relies on music a LOT to block out the world when everything is too much. Chloe knows this and when she’s not using her earbuds to do it alone, will always offer to sit quietly and listen with her if she wants

- Warren Graham I know what you are /ref him and Max infodump about nerdy movies together almost every chance they get and sometimes they have to be pried apart in the halls to get them to go to class bc they will go on for hours if left alone to

- going back to that “Max struggles with conversation in groups” point, if said convos are happening in the photography classroom whether it’s a “class discuss this” moment or a group project, Kate will always try her best to get Max included in ways that work for her like asking for her thoughts or just pulling herself away from the group to chat with Max one on one

- girlie needs very specific instructions for things because otherwise she will overthink what to do and get confused and this has screwed her over with so many class assignments but I think she’d get help from Kate in that regard because she’s the only one she’s not anxious about asking if she knows what someone meant by something

[kazuhahalol]

▹ Jeff the Killer Headcanons

Basic NSFW & SFW headcanons of my favorite creep! I’m so sorry I’ve been out for so long, I’ll try to post more!

Warnings: kidnapping, murder, nsfw content

Disclaimer: Everyone is welcome on my page and I will not turn you away. However, it is your fault if you’re uncomfortable or peeved with my writing because I give multiple warnings prior to my content. thanks!

Appearance

⇀ I will not lie and say I grew up seeing Jeff as an accurate representation of what a burn victim would look like. I grew up with the skinny anime looking boy that most of us know as “Jeff the Killer”. Here are a few ways that I see Jeff different than how I used to see him when I was younger.

⇀ I honestly see him standing at around 5’7-5’9. I don’t expect him to be super tall like LJ, but not super short like BEN.

⇀ His skin is less of a white pigment and more pink since his skin has been burnt off and exposed. His skin has healed over time, making it look more like shitty patchwork over what a good recovery should look like.

⇀ I doubt he’d have hair but for the sake of fan service, if he did, it would probably be greasy. If he’s not living at the Wisconsin Sanctum for Wayward Boys (slendermansion) he’s not able to shower so he’d look dirty. No shower = no washing hair = greasy hair, scalp buildup and hair loss. In reality, Jeff would looked chopped AF.

⇀ His style hasn’t changed much from when he was 13. White hoodie and his black dress pants. He wears what’s practical and what he can get his hands on. If he did take the time to actually find clothing he approves of, I’d see him mostly being into something edgy.

⇀ Would have piercings but it would hurt like a bitch because his skin and tissues didn’t heal normally. He doesn’t mind because he likes the pain.

⇀ His glasgow smile heals overtime and he doesn’t mind it, but will occasionally carve it back open if he feels like it since it’s his signature look.

Personality

⇀ Edgelord.

⇀ People may say this is overdone, but I also see him as an arrogant asshole. There’s just something about him that screams, “I have a big ego and I’m going to make it everyone’s problem”.

⇀ Gets really pissed off when you call him his government or first name, “Jeffrey”, “Jeffrey Alan Woods”. He would tell you to shut the fuck up and to never say it again.

⇀ His sense of humor is twisted AF. He could be chatting with you and he’s suddenly bringing up how he tortured this poor school girl he kidnapped a few days ago and how much she was screaming, then laughs about it obnoxiously. The topic of the conversation was strawberries.

⇀ Doesn’t matter if it’s a person, place, or thing, Jeff is going to be obsessed with it if it catches his attention because he can’t like something like a normal person. One night he had ran into a girl that had managed to escape him, so he decided to stalk her to entertain himself, and now she’s all you hear about. “I can’t wait to sink my blade into her throat”, “I can’t wait to kill that fucking bitch. She kicked me in the balls”.

⇀ Has street smarts but is really dumb academically because he went crazy during 7th grade. He also mainly works off of impulse and never thinks before he speaks. All bite and bark.

⇀ Has a big ego. He’s obsessed with his own appearance and it’s hard for him to find anyone he deems attractive because his ideal type is basically himself.

⇀ Being completely serious, his type would be someone feisty and strong. Someone who can put up with his shit. He doesn’t like timid people or pushovers. He likes it even more if they can come up with run-on insults on the fly. He might save one of those for later.

⇀ Thick thighs, boobs > ass

Relationships

⇀ He’s toxic as hell and don’t even think for a second he’s not.

⇀ Gaslighter and manipulator.

⇀ Would never outright say that he “loves you”. His love language is acts of service, so he’d do small things for you like pick up something from one of his kills that reminded him of you and leave it at your door. He’d never willingly show the affection he has for you.

⇀ While we’re on that topic, he can be quite…different when it comes to romantic gestures. Gift giving was one thing, but he might even go the extra mile by carving your name into his own skin or random objects.

⇀ If you’re one of the creeps, he’d most likely loathe you at first but become attracted to your power. If you’re a normal person, he might’ve found interest for you while he was out on one of his kills and stalked you enough to feel something for you.

⇀ He is extremely obsessive and protective, often “marking you” so none of the other creeps lay a hand on you if you’re also a proxy living in the mansion. If you’re a normal person, he’s often stalking you. If he witnesses you getting bullied or harassed, the attacker ends up dead later that night.

⇀ Gets very jealous very easily. Be careful with him because it can get really ugly.

⇀ Platonic or romantic, everyone has to be careful around him. Jeff can go from being chill to being hotheaded in only a few seconds. Arguments often happen because of his low patience, leading to wavering trust and security in the relationship.

NSFW Beyond this point

⇀ Doesn’t usually call you pet names, but when he does it’s usually “Babe”, “Doll”, “Sweet Cheeks”, “My Girl”, “My Bitch”. (Girls, if your man is calling you “his bitch”, leave him immediately!!!)

⇀ Very rough in bed. He doesn’t hold back when it comes to marking you, leaving any spot untouched bruised and covered with hickeys.

⇀ His kinks are rather…questionable. You guessed he’d be into bondage, choking, and role play, but you weren’t expecting him to hold a gun or knife to your head or throat mid blowjob. He thrives on seeing your scared and confused expression while you suck him off.

⇀ Doesn’t care for aftercare. He cleans you up with a towel then slumps for the rest of the night. He could blow your back out, have you screaming all night then leave you shivering on the side of the bed with no blanket, snoring obnoxiously.

⇀ Before he met you, he would usually find one lucky girl whenever he’s in the mood to fuck. He wouldn’t force her, obviously. He’s a killer, not a monster. He would then leave without another trace, not caring enough to go back to her. It depends whether or not he’s in a good mood if he’ll kill her right after or spare her. He’s probably gotten someone pregnant and is unknowingly a deadbeat dad.

⇀ Seven inches is all I’m going to say.

[solarwynd]

There is no denying members like each other and are close to each other... But there are still these things they do that come off as rude there's no other way to see it. I already had a bitter feeling with "I did some lyrics" And "everyone is winning" comment right when jimin won something. But this time it's like there is no hiding for these ppl. I am side eyeing jin too at this moment. What's even more insane is that if rm really wanted to show how disappointed he is with the fandom that he didn't get billboard entry, he should have posted this when JK's never let go , a fan song debuted in hot 100 and not well promoted rm songs, but he decided to do it when jimin started breaking records. It's the same for seven release too, he had all good things to say about 7 when it was breaking records but "everyone is winning these days" when jimin won a music show. It's like when JK achieves something, it's inevitable and that's bound to happen, no questioning, but when it's jimin, starts guilt tripping the fandom lol. The translation tweets quotes are full of pity party as if armys don't usually do it whenever jimin songs do good, now members started adding fire to it.

“He did it on purpose, that man is active on every social network, he practically watches over them, it's obvious he knows what he can cause with his words, now I see how many are streaming out of pity, this harms him more than Jimin in my opinion. I don't think RM is bad, but he does feel envious of Jimin's achievements, I saw some asking why he doesn't do it when JK uploads something, but come on, what JK does is dirty unlike Jimin and that surely bothers him. I thought he was smarter, after all that Jimin did for him, he listens to him with the purest intentions and he pays him like this.” - #2 anon

I distinctinly remember him doing a live last year saying that he thought what JK was doing with his career was great (and this was after 7 dropped) Then again I don’t expect him to go on a rant condemning JK about the fraudulent activities surrounding his charting out loud so 🤷🏾‍♀️

But it is interesting how some of the members, armys and BH all have the same “chosen” view towards JK.

With him obviously going to Bang and demanding better promo and radio for RPWP, I’d say he just wants a chance at substantial commercial success and has blinders on for it. So Bang and Scooter gave him crumbs and he took it. And that’s why I don’t really think he cares about what’s “dirty” from what’s not or that he prizes Jimin’s means of success over JK’s. (Not that simple radio is in anyway dirty.) Now knowing that the image itself is from last year but he chose to post it now has me looking at him even more sideways though. Because he has consistently been online and the one time he posts during Jimin’s release is to moan about charting again. I don’t like that. And I’ve always said he’s justified in wanting his work to do well just like any other artist would, but again the timing was shitty. Cause armys are just using this to further their “Jimin is privileged” belief and to divert attention from his comeback to other members out of guilt and pity.

And the timing still would’ve been in bad taste had he done this post when NLG debuted on hot 100 though. Openly showing bitterness towards your team mates success like that especially when you’re the leader of the group would not be a good look at all.

Like OG anon there is love there and history, but with BTS there is such a frustrating lack of support and tact when it comes to certain things especially towards Jimin. It would take absolutely nothing out of any of them to write a simple “all the best” or w/e on weverse or a hype post on insta, but nothing. Even Jin gave the most indirect acknowledgment of MUSE with nothing else to follow. The only one who had any real type of well wishes was Hobi. And no one can tell me that Jimin asked them not to make a fuss cause he’s the type of person who loves praise and thoughtfulness from other people. It’s not about getting the validation either, like at bare minimum y’all are teammates. So the way the bulk of them act towards him just irks me.

[leviathanspain]

if we died tonight, i would die yours

bill weasley x reader

synopsis: the war gives you clarity

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

perhaps you shouldn’t have come. 

but how were you to tell one of the most important figures in the wizarding world that you couldn’t help him fight off lord voldemort?

you, like many others from the order, had been aware of the news that he was back. you had paid closer attention to the newspapers, after having avoided them for years. but now, it seemed like many of the people you knew were in danger, so you knew you had to return home.

but there was more carnage than you had expected. more and more of your fellow classmates and friends were dying, and you were helpless.

you were caught under a crumbling building, having been chased by a group of death eaters just moments before, it seemed like death desired you.

you screamed, feeling a powerful blast hit you, tossing you aside to some crumbled stone.

black spotted your vision, and you blinked, trying to get some sense of what was happening. you blinked again, and realized that the horrifying mask of a death eater was before you. the tip of their wand was pointed at you as well, ready to cast a spell.

you bit back a scream and blinked, head throbbing with the pressure. your vision was still spotty, but what you could see had cleared up.

you looked up at them, eyes narrowed, “do it.” you egged them on, and pushed yourself more into the wand tip, “kill me!” you screamed, anguish from your defeat powered your voice

the death eater didn’t even flinch at your words. they remained with their wand pointing right at you.

if this was how you died, then you would go down fighting.

“expelliarmus!” a shout brought you out of your final thoughts. someone had saved you, from a swift murder. you opened your eyes, and realized that he had saved you.

he struck out, wand pointing at the attacker, but from what you could see, the death eater had vaporized, refusing to fight.

“coward!” you screamed, watching as the black vapor disappeared.

you couldn’t see much as more black spots clouded your vision. all you could see before you lost consciousness was a red shock of hair.

there had been many things bill had wanted to say. he had tried to speak, to his family, to the doctors and nurses surrounding you. but his speech had faltered, and he had reserved himself to a chair in the corner.

it wasn’t until his brother was found dead that bill had left your bedside. he wouldn’t admit that he hesitated to leave, but he knew you wouldn’t forgive him if he didn’t.

it had been weeks and you still hadn’t woken up. most of the funerals for the fallen had passed, many had returned to a life of slight normalcy. but bill didn’t.

his hair had grown longer than he’s ever had it, curls just brushing his shoulders. he had grown a beard as well, the idea of shaving hadn’t occurred at all.

his family had begged him to sleep, to eat and to come back to society. they had reiterated what the doctors had said, that nothing in the magical world could bring you back.

they had said that you were nothing, an empty vessel being kept on ice.

but bill had refused that, and rejected any attempts to change his mind.

his family couldn’t know why he was doing this, or else they’d see him as nothing but a monster.

he hadn’t stopped loving you, after all this time he didn’t want to leave you, even in life, and even in death.

there was nothing he felt more than regret. he had known that after that night, you would never forgive him. you swore you wouldn’t forgive him for a lot of things, for he was a good man, and you made sure he stayed it.

yet that night, he had broken his promises.

“if you don’t want me here, just say it!” you snapped, throwing the pillow right at him, “i’ve tried, time and time again to get you to fucking talk to me. like we used to, how couples are supposed to do! yet all you do, is stay in this shitty apartment and mope, all day long!” it was word vomit. all your anger and frustration had finally hit a point with bill, and you couldn’t stop it.

“those scars didn’t change who you are. you’re beautiful, william, you’ve always been and you always will be. i-“

“i dont.” his words rattled over yours and you stopped, blinking with surprise that he had even said anything.

“what?” you blinked, anger subsiding to confusion.

“i don’t want you here.” he admitted, circling back to your words.

you could smell the flowers first. you had smelled all of the flowers, as if the room had been filled to the brim with them.

and it was.

you opened your eyes and feasted upon the bright colors and arrangements of flowers, all circled around you.

groggily, you rubbed your eyes and tried to sit up, but there was a dull ache that stopped you. wincing, you clutched your side and remained on the bed. you sighed, trying to remember the last thing that happened.

and it hit you the moment you saw him.

there he was, practically being swallowed up by the sofa. he was sleeping, strands of his long ginger hair splayed out on his forehead.

he was beautiful.

“bill?” you called out, and watched as he responded to his name, waking up quickly.

you watched as your ex boyfriend rushed over to your bedside, leaning down to grab your hand and check your forehead.

you didn’t say anything as he fussed, calling for the doctor. you stayed silent, watching him move all about the room until he stopped, having noticed your gaze.

“what?” the question seemed playful, almost as if he expected you to be happy, but seeing him made you feel everything but.

“why are you here?” there was a furrow in your brows, and hurt in your voice. it hadn’t even been two months since he kicked you out, since you begged on your knees for him to take you back.

you swore on everything you had, your dignity, your self respect, that you’d never return to him.

yet here he was, shoving himself back into your life.

“wha-“ he scoffed, as if shocked by your question, “i saved you. im the one who fought off the death eater, im the one who brought you here- i-“ his voice was beginning to rise, and you blinked, being taken back to the many many arguments you’ve had.

“stop.” you held up a hand, and bill didn’t say anything. you sighed, collecting your words until you spoke.

“after what you said, why are you here? why did you save me?” you looked up at him, and gave him a challenging glare.

bill faltered, as if he too remembered his behavior towards you just a few months ago.

you couldn’t breathe between the utter panic you felt, and the uncontrollable sobs that shook your body. you had begged him not to make you go, that you loved him and wanted nothing more than to take care of him.

he had thrown you out, along with throwing many things at you.

“bill!” you begged, nails clawing at his door.

ever since his accident, he had so much anger, so much frustration that he took out on you.

“get out! get the hell out and never come back!” he howled, words rumbling the space around you.

you sniffled, hands clutching anxiously at the hospital blankets around you. bill didn’t say anything, not even after you brought up his last words.

he stayed silent, and you nodded, “that’s what i thought.” you cleared your throat, but you were hoarse. bill stared at the floor, and when he looked up, you realized he was crying.

you turned away, realizing that his tears would be your weakness, “just leave. hmm? there’s nothing here for you.” you assured.

bill began to walk slowly, inching towards the door, he only stopped momentarily, “you were dying, in my arms. and i thought-“

you looked at him expectantly and his eyes looked to the floor. “that i would die yours?” you finished for him, “that stopped the moment you broke my heart.”

and as bill weasley walked out, you realized you had lied.

you would always be his, but he was destructive, and you would only burn at his side.

[jamdoughnutmagician]

Rainbow Sprinkles

A short, and hopefully cute and fluffy little fic for the very lovely, and beautiful @penguinsandpotterheads Happy Birthday Holly, I hope you have an amazing day, bestie!!!! <3

Word Count:923

Masterlist Eddie Munson Masterlist

You make your way into your home after a busy day at work just ready to sink into the arms of your boyfriend, perhaps order some take-out and watch a shitty movie that would ultimately end up getting ignored in favour of making out with said boyfriend, but as you tread into the home you shared with Eddie you come to realise those plans had been thrown out of the window.

Because there he is. In the kitchen, his hair bundled up on top of his head, with a few loose curls framing his, and a white apron tied around his body smeared with many different stains. 

You step quietly into the kitchen, trying not to draw attention to yourself.

“What’re you up to there?” you say, making your way over to him.

You watch as he jumps at the sound of your voice.

“You’re home early!” he babbles, looking over your shoulder at the clock on the wall.

“Yeah, they let me go early since it’s my birthday, which was nice of them.” you explain.

“Yeah I suppose that is nice of them, I just hadn’t expected you to be home so soon.” 

“You never answered my question.” you pry curiously. 

“Hm?”

“What are you up to?” you ask again as your eyes come to scan over the mess that litters the kitchen counter. There’s cracked eggs shells, an open bag of flour that is somehow dusting more of the counter than there is in the bowl which you gather that he intended it for. The large mixing bowl is filled with what looks like a deep, rich chocolate mixture.

“Oh that.” he chuckles. “I was kind of hoping to bake you a cake as a surprise but I quickly realised that I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

"No no, I think it looks alright." you say, as you mix the wooden spoon around in the mixture.

"Wayne gave me the recipe, so if it sucks it's totally his fault and not mine" he laughs, holding his hands up in surrender. 

"Well let's get it in the oven, and see what happens! Then we can decorate it together!" You smile, placing a kiss on your boyfriend's face.

You reach on to the counter to set the timer, whilst Eddie pours the cake mixture in a round baking tin and places it in the oven.

"I'm just going to set a timer for thirty minutes" You tell him.

"There's a lot you can do in thirty minutes." Eddie says suggestively, raising his eyebrows up.

You playfully slap him on his arm as you tug him away from the mess in the kitchen.

"Keep it in your pants until later, Loverboy." you flirtatiously chastise him.

“But it’s your birthday!”

Sure enough the timer in the kitchen dings, and you pull yourself away from Eddie’s hold as he places sweet kisses to your neck. 

As it turns out, snuggling on the couch, which turned into an inevitable makeout session you always knew it would, was an excellent way to spend your birthday.  

“Come on Teddy! The cake’s ready to come out of the oven!” you cheer as you tug him up from the seat with you, and practically skip to the kitchen.

“Here, let me get it out, I am the one with the apron after all.” he smirks, reaching for a dish towel.

 He opens up the oven door, the smell of delicious, warm chocolate wafts out as he brings the cake out and places it on the countertop.

“Not to be too cocky, but I reckon I’ve got this baking thing down to a fine art, Sweetheart.” he smiles, marvelling down at the perfectly risen sponge in the tin.

“Okay, Julia Child, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.” You tease him lightly, which earns you an adorable giggle from your boyfriend.

“Now we just have to wait for it to cool down and then we can start decorating it!” Eddie cheers.

Eddie smears a thick layer of gooey, fudgy, chocolate frosting over the now cooled cake whilst you stand by with a tub of brightly coloured sprinkles in hand ready to scatter on top.

“She’s all yours, have at it, Picasso.” Eddie smiles as he stands back to allow you to recklessly sprinkle your cake with the decoration.

You finish decorating the cake, taking a step back to marvel at your creation.

“I think we make a good team, between your baking and my flair for abstract decorations.” 

“Yeah, we do. We make an excellent team.” Eddie agrees, pulling you into him with a one-armed side hug and a kiss pressed into the crown of your head.

“Y’know, I couldn’t have asked for a better way to spend my birthday.” You say as you snuggle against him, a slice of your cake on your plate and a fork in hand.

“Hm?” Eddie mumbles around a mouthful of cake, his own slice sitting on his plate, almost gone from him demolishing it as quickly as it had been served up.

“Yeah, just being here and spending time with you, has made me the happiest birthday girl in the world!” you beam, as you snuggle deeper into his warmth.

Eddie smiles, he’s so warmed by your admission, and his smile only grows when he thinks about the surprise party he’s organised for you this weekend. All your closest friends and loved ones, there just to celebrate you, and have a good time. 

“I love you so much, Sweetheart.”

“I love you too, Teddy.”

[miastideclock]

a year with bang chan, "may 30th."

word count: 1057 warnings: not edited, cursing notes: not sure that i love how this turned out, but we're getting there

january 2nd ⁺₊ february 14th ⁺₊ march 2nd ⁺₊ april 17th ⁺₊ may 30th ⁺₊ june 4th ⁺₊ july 14th ⁺₊ august 1st ⁺₊ september 12th ⁺₊ october 3rd ⁺₊ november 1st ⁺₊ december 31st

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

int. kitchen. late evening.

you found yourself standing in the kitchen, watching the glass in your hand slowly fill up, your other hand on the handle of the tap, ready to shut it off when you had acquired your desired amount of water. once the water reached a specific level, you cut the tap, letting silence wash over the room. you were home alone, so not a single sound could be heard.

the ticking of the clock seemed to be gone, as was the humming of the electricity in your appliances. the street outside had apparently been abandoned as there wasn’t as much as a cyclist rushing by. the silence left you with your thoughts, which recently hadn’t been the warmest.

you’d felt shitty all week, and you couldn’t seem to properly figure out why - not until now at least. you missed your boyfriend. the two of you hadn’t had time to yourself in weeks, and you had a theory that it took a toll on you.

the jingling of keys broke you out of thought, and you finally raised your glass to your lips to take a sip as you turned around, waiting for the love of your life to enter.

“hey bubba.” you greeted as he shuffled into the kitchen, a smile on his face as he saw you.

“hello, my love.” he replied as he placed his bag down on one of the kitchen chairs, then stepped over to you to give you a hug. you copied his actions by placing your glass down and meeting him in the middle, wrapping your arms around his neck as his snaked their way around your waist.

“how was your day?” you asked after you had properly greeted him with a kiss.

“hectic to say the least, but progress was definitely made, so i’m happy about it. how about yours? how’ve you been today?” he reciprocated your kiss and pulled away as he returned your question back to you. he made his way over to his bag and started roaming through it, presumably looking for his phone.

“actually..” you trailed off, instantly sending a signal to chan that what you were about to say wasn’t as happy-go-lucky as he had been. his attention turned to you within a millisecond, a slight frown on his face. ”oh, no don’t worry! it’s not something bad!” you quickly assured him, even though you weren’t sure if you were being a hundred percent truthful. his frown fluttered away, leaving him neutral and in anticipation of what you were to say next.

“i just,” you started, tilting your head slightly as you looked at him. “i’ve had this icky feeling lately, and i honestly think it’s because i miss you. we haven’t had time just to ourselves in a while.” you smiled almost sadly.

chan’s expression soon changed into one you didn’t expect; confusion. “what do you mean? we just had that date at the zoo?” he spoke, returning a portion of his focus back to his bag as he kept looking through it for something.

“chan, babe, that was well over six or seven weeks ago. and i know i’m being unfair, because it sounds like i’m trying to put the blame on you, when i am equally at fau-” you cut yourself off when you grew frustrated with your partner. “will you look at me when i’m talking to you?” your tone wasn’t angry or annoyed, but rather desperate as you begged him to pay attention to you.

your words seemed to work as he soon pushed his bag away, turning so he was fully facing you as you hopped up onto the counter, your palms placed securely against the edge of it.

“yeah, sorry.” he started, shaking his head gently as he too understood that it was rude of him to not be fully in the conversation when you were expressing your feelings. “i hear you, but you know just as well as me that we don’t have all that much spare time anymore.” he trailed off as he looked at you apologetically.

“i know, but i could take a day off work, you could do the same! and then we can-” you were yet again cut off, but this time it wasn’t by yourself. chan scoffed at your statement, causing you to stop dead in your tracks. “what was that about?”

he sighed before he spoke up, giving you the impression that he would rather be anywhere but having this conversation. “i can’t just take time off work like you can. not just anyone can cover for me.” he said, leaning back on the kitchen table behind him, his arms crossed loosely across his chest. you were quick to conceal the grimace you struck on instinct, but not quick enough for chan not to notice your furrowed brows and pained expression. his only reaction was to lift a brow to question you.

“yeah, i know our jobs aren’t on the same level at all, that is not what i’m trying to say, but there is no reason to be so condescending about it. just because there is someone else out there that does the same thing i do, doesn’t make it less important.” you spoke, your arms soon finding their way over your chest to mimic chan’s stance, but yours was in a more defensive manner than he found himself in.

“see, this is why i didn’t want to say anything! you always get so damn defensive, and i feel like i have to walk on eggshells around you. it’s annoying as hell.” he let out a small groan, and you swear to someone you saw him roll his eyes.

you found your lips parting slightly as your jaw went slack. you had never seen him like this before. you had seen him get upset and downright angry, but this bitchy attitude was new.

“you know what? forget i said anything.” it was your turn to scoff as you pushed yourself off the counter, your bare feet landing safely on the kitchen floor. without as much as a word, you left for your shared bedroom to be alone.

[wisteria-cherry]

forty days and forty nights (day twelve!)

(another short one oops)

(read them all here!)

when bakugo came in the next day, he seemed especially grumpy. when this happened, you always made a tiny mental checklist:

•keep the snarky remarks at a minimum.

•try to make him happier.

•get him to talk about it.

the last one was especially important. you didn’t know a whole lot about bakugo, but one thing you could be sure of is that he was the type to bottle everything up until he ended up taking it out on everyone. so, if you could spare everyone his anger, you figured it’d be okay to pry a bit.

“good afternoon,” you chirp as bakugo stormed in, face flushed. “the usual?”

“yes.” he snapped, nearly slamming the cash on the counter, which you gently took as you put it in the cash drawer and handed him his change. bakugo snatched the change. no tip, you noticed. not that it mattered, anyway. you were on a mission.

bakugo sat down in his seat, muttering under his breath, his fists clenched as he crossed his arms on the countertop.

“bad day?” you asked sympathetically, handing him his coffee.

“he got away.” bakugo seethed. “that fucker got away.”

“a villain?” you clarified.

“no, my dog,” bakugo snarled. “yes, a goddamn villain.”

“i’m sorry to hear that.” you reply. “but it’s okay. it’s just one villain, right? you’ll get him eventually.”

“that’s not the point!” bakugo snarled, slamming his now smoking fist on the counter. “i’m the damned number one hero. the best. i don’t fucking get villains eventually. i fight them and i beat them on the first try. this is fucking stupid.”

“bakugo, the smoke.” you say gently. as much as you wanted to make him feel better, you also couldn’t have him damaging the store. bakugo only tched before snatching a napkin from the nearby dispenser and wiping the sweat from his hands, causing the smoke to disappear into the air.

“can’t fuckin’ believe this shit.” he grumbled, gripping his coffee mug tightly. “stupid goddamn villain… the press is gonna have my ass over this shit.”

“the press?” you tilt your head confusedly. “over one villain? they can’t expect you to be perfect, right?”

“they can, and they do.” bakugo spat. “it’s probably on the damn news already.”

“well, don’t pay attention to them.” you say soothingly before putting on a smile. “they don’t matter. focus on the villain. you’ve got this. you’re the best, after all.”

“yeah, i know.” bakugo grumbled, his scowl softening ever so slightly. “thanks.. or whatever.”

“anytime.” you pause. “and i mean that. as your friend.”

“who said we’re friends?” bakugo narrowed his eyes.

“me.” you shrug.

“you’re weird as shit.”

“i’ll take that as a compliment.” you smile.

“it wasn’t meant as a compliment.”

“i’m an optimist.”

“no shit.” bakugo snorted, before sipping his coffee with a little less anger than he had before. his phone pinged, and he looked at it. his brow furrowed.

“everything okay?” you ask.

“my damn sidekicks are tracking the villain. they said he’s headin’ north, towards our area.”

“area like our exact location or area like general vicinity?” you ask, a bit nervously.

“general vicinity.” bakugo looked up and arched an eyebrow. “why, you scared or somethin’?”

“kinda.” you admit. “if there’s gonna be a villain by here and my customers don’t know…” bakugo huffed through his nose.

“please.” he scoffed smugly. “you’ve got the number one hero protecting this place. you and your shitty old people will be fine.”

bakugo stood up.

“i’m goin’ now.” he stated.

“already? you haven’t finished your coffee.” you point out.

“no time. i’ve got a shitty villain wannabe to murder.” bakugo grinned maliciously. at least he wasn’t scowling…?

“stay safe,” you warn. bakugo’s grin widens.

“safe was never part of the job description, dumbass.”

“then…” you hesitate for a moment. “stay strong.”

“they can’t expect you to be perfect, right?”

“they can, and they do.”

<- previous next->

@k0z3me @cherryblossomclarity

[airam1quhs]

🍃It's Been a Long Day🍃

requested by an anon [request: could you maybe write smth with Chris Cornell where they're teenagers and she's had a rlly shitty day at school and work and with her family and they Chris comforts her and they just kinda chill and he helps her get her mind off of it? just alot of fluff??]

A/N: ofc! I loved this concept although it was pretty hard to write T-T and the anon mentioned that it was self-indulgent, don't worry about that at all all fanfic readers will understand lol 😭

Also sorry for the insane delay :( This is not one of my favorite fics ever but at this point im just glad i was motivated enough to write this.

Warnings: N/A, fem reader. Reader's mom is not the nicest :(

Enjoy!

She pushed her lips into a thin line, looping an arm around her bag and standing up to step out of the bus that had just creaked to a stop on her street. She stepped down onto the pavement and walked towards her and her family’s house, silently fishing the keys out of her pockets and stuffing it into the lock. As soon as she crossed the threshold between street and house the atmosphere changed from a loose quiet to a suffocating silence. Although in theory those were the same thing. She was probably just amplifying it in her head.

She tried to kick off her shoes as quietly as possible; her energy had been hugely drained from a day of school and working her small job, as was her social battery. But no luck.

Her mother came prowling into the living room, facing the entrance, and furrowed her eyebrows.

“Why are you home so early? Forgot something?”

“No, I just finished.”

“Weren’t you taking that extra shift?”

“No, Ma. Tracy said I looked too tired and offered to take my shift.”

A look of dismay crossed her mother’s face, “What? Do you know how embarrassing that is?”

“Ma-” She tried feebly to stop the berating before it began, but to no avail.

“It’s disrespectful to hand someone your responsibilities without a fight! Don’t you know anything about etiquette!?”

“Please Ma-” She tried desperately to butt past her mother, longing for the comfort of her own room.

“I’ve also got things to do without having to watch you around here, you know?. Isn’t it inconsiderate to interrupt your mother’s plans just because you’re tired?”

“You don’t need to watch me, Ma, I’ll just be in my room, I promise…”

“Well stay in there and read the next two biology chapters. I’ll expect you to be able to answer questions I give you afterwards. And don’t come out until I call you for dinner, you understand?”

She could only nod.

“Well? Get to it!”

She slunk into her room, shrunk into herself as if to shield herself from further attacks. She dropped her bag onto the floor with a thump and collapsed into her desk chair, feeling the tears well under her shut eyelids. She felt pathetic.

It’s alright. Regulate your breathing, yeah? It’ll be fine. It always is.

But it didn’t feel like it was going to be fine. She felt, like she often did lately, like she was being swamped, buried under a mountain of tasks and phrases all recycling that she could do more if she wanted, she should be more if she would actually do anything. She could never do anything right.

Shit, it wasn’t going away.

Ring!

The sound of the phone next to her bed snatched her attention, and she latched onto it, desperate to think about anything else. She walked over and picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

Chris. Thank God.

She fell back onto her bed with a relieved sigh she was sure he could hear from the other end. “Hi Chris.”

Immediately she knew she’d betrayed that something was up.

“You okay in there?”

“Uhm, yeah, for the most part.” That was probably a lie, but she wasn’t sure.

The pause told her he was unconvinced, but he moved on regardless.

“Listen, we haven’t seen each other in a while and Tracy told me she picked up your shift. I was wondering if you’d want to hang out a bit? I know you’ve probably had a long day, what with your job n’ such. Y’don’t have to.”

Disappointed with her own predicament, she sucked in a long breath through her teeth.

Hearing a distinct lack of answer, he quickly doubled back, adding, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I don’t wanna make you feel obligated.”

“No, no, no, it’s not that. It’s that… my mom wants me to preview the next two chapters for biology. She’s gonna quiz me later, and if I don’t get every question right I’ll be in for it.”

“No, this again?” He groaned sympathetically, “You don’t have to, you know. There’s no point pleasing her when you're probably not even gonna start the next chapter until next week.”

“Although I don’t judge if you do it. I get it.”

She thought for a moment.

“Ah fuck it. Why not?”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure. If I really wanted to do something you wouldn’t be able to talk me out of it if you wanted to.”

He chuckled warmly over the line.

“Just make sure you’re comfortable. See you in a bit, then?”

“Yeah, just give me a few, I’ll have to sneak out the back door.”

She heard a rustling on the other end, “I’ll leave my door open for you.”

Setting the phone down, she picked up her textbook and a small sketchbook, stuffing them into her bag which she slung over her shoulders. She didn’t want to think about the consequences the future had in store.

She twisted her doorhandle as slowly as she could, trying not to make any noise. She didn’t bother to switch into her outdoor shoes as that would create unnecessary commotion, instead simply padding out to the back.

She had to unlock the back door, and it turned with a pang. She cringed and froze, but when there was no movement from elsewhere in the house she carefully let herself out.

She felt herself fill with adrenaline and a touch of spite. But it felt good.

***

She went up to his door. It was open, just like he said it’d be.

Slipping inside she crept down to his basement, but didn’t see anyone along the way. His family was likely out somewhere. She knocked on the door, hearing a “Come in!” before entering the room.

Chris was lounging on a tattered old couch in the center of the room, pose casual as he fiddled with something small in his hands. He dropped it as soon as he noticed her come in, a small smile gracing his face as he sat up and beckoned her over. She moved to sit down next to him.

He was wearing a tight-fitting shirt and a plaid outer layer, entirely casual. How did he still manage to look so good?

“You made it without trouble?” He spoke and she was shaken out of her thoughts.

“Yeah, thank God.”

“Here, wait a sec, I’ll go put on a record.”

She watched him get up, admiring his hair as the curls bounced around his head with the movement. He had been growing it out lately, after he dropped out of their high school.

As he thumbed through his records she couldn’t help but let her mind wander to the more hectic places of her brain. She had promised to take that shift, maybe it was a bit rude… but then again Tracy volunteered genuinely and she needed the money more than her… and Ma, well Ma was tired right? She did kind of come home unannounced…

But that doesn’t excuse their interaction. Or does it? Is she not a good enough daughter? She’s let her mother down again, hasn’t she? With everything she does…

Ugh, she hated overthinking.

She was so lost in her head that she hadn’t noticed him walking back. He’d played it safe with a Beatles record. Classic.

He sat back down, arm draped across the armrest on the opposite side of her, and shot her a smile as he bobbed his head to the music.

She had let her mother down. Especially by what she was doing now. She felt guilty for feeling so much better when with him than with her own mother.

Her smile which had matched his turned into a grimace as she thought about it. There would be hell to pay tonight, once she got home.

She could tell he noticed the way her smile morphed because his fell too. He had always been emotionally intuitive, as if there was a bond tethering him to the people close to him so he could always sense what they were feeling. In some cases it was great to have someone you could wordlessly communicate with like that. But she didn’t want Chris to pick up on this in particular.

“You alright? You look really tired. Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten you to come.” He frowned.

She felt her stomach do a somersault inside at his concern. “No, no, being here is much better than whatever else I could be doing.” She almost flushed at the confession.

He looked like he didn’t really believe her.

A period of silence. She felt his concerned gaze even as she stared at her lap.

“You… wanna talk about it?”

She took in a breath. She was sure Chris dealt with way worse, what with his family and school situation; whining to him would only create a bad impression. And she couldn’t afford that. She cared about what he thought of her too much and he was one of the few she had left.

“I don’t mean to push if you really don’t want to, but I just think keeping it in is much worse than anything letting it out could cause.

“I know because I don’t often take that advice.” He cracked a small smile, looking at her softly.

She felt her tension ease a bit with his small quip.

Aren’t friends supposed to listen and be there for you? Why was she feeling so choked up around him?

She knew why. Ever since he’d chosen to sit next to her in Biology she’d known why.

She trusted him. He’d always given good advice, regardless of if he followed it himself.

Okay, okay, it’s okay.

“Uh,” wow. Off to a great start, self.

She pushed herself on, “This is gonna sound unimportant so. I just don’t want it to seem like I’m complaining about something tiny.”

He furrowed his brow. “If it’s making you feel like this it’s obviously not small. Don’t worry about it. I won’t judge.”

“There’s just always so much pressure, y’know?”

“From my parents to succeed, from my friends to seem perfectly okay, and from myself to just do better.” Just keep going.

“I can’t. I’m already trying my hardest. It’s like, everybody wants something from you. And there are all these different faces you have to put up to rise to their expectations and-” Keep calm.

“It just overwhelms and-” she broke off, letting out an ashamed, frustrated sigh, “I’m sorry- I just don’t have the words to convey it-”

She saw his chest rise and fall and he tentatively opened up his arms in an invite.

Her eyes widened even amidst her mix of emotions. He was rarely a physically intimate person. Which is why she took advantage of this to melt into his arms.

He leaned back on the couch, holding her there. She felt his hair tickle at her shoulder and let out a watery sigh. The butterflies collided and fluttered viciously in her chest. This is not the time for this! She chided herself. But as his warm chest pressed against hers and their arms slotted together she couldn’t help it.

“You have no idea how much I understood what you just said,” He let out a breathy laugh, whispering against her ear. “You don’t have to worry about how I’ll see you.”

He felt so warm. So warm and soft and good. So much more genuine that Ma’s cold arms draped around her artificially. But that was what she was stuck with. She tried to savor the moment as she didn’t know how long it would be before she got to feel him like this again.

A few moments passed and she forced herself to at least try to come back down to reality.

“Chris?” she whispered into his hair with a small sigh.

“Yeah?” She felt his chin move against her shoulder with the word.

“I have to go. My mom is… expecting me for dinner.” It took all her willpower to admit that. Especially when she knew what would inevitably be awaiting her there.

She tried to pull away, “Don’t go.” He pulled her closer, flush against him again, “You don’t want to go, do you?”

“No..” she admitted.

He dragged her down, the two of them now lying on their sides on the couch, facing each other with her head still buried in his hair, “Stay the night then.”

Her mouth formed a discreet “o” at the proposal. Was she dreaming? She was glad they were so close because she was sure her face had flushed a beet red.

“I…”

“I have food and extra blankets. Or we could stay up, if you want. I’ll even let you choose which records to put on. All you gotta do is stay with me.”

“You drive a tempting bargain.” She laughed, desperately hoping she didn’t seem too eager, “I’m just worried about the consequences…”

“If your mom does anything I’ll always be open for you. Promise, alright?”

“…Alright.” There was no way she could have said no.

As he planted a shy kiss on her shoulder, with only her mother waiting for her at home, how could she refuse?

[mcfairyland]

i am still just so fucking devastated that that guy stopped fucking with me . i thought i was making a good friend.

and i have several guesses as to why he stopped fucking with me:

- perhaps he felt like it was acting like a sex pest

- perhaps he thought i was too needy and desperate for his attention

something like that. but at the end of the day i don’t know why, he just stopped fucking with me one day and muted me.

i suppose it’s a difficult thing to tell someone who’s acting whack that hey wtf you’re being a fucking creep.

regardless its been months and i am just still so emotionally caught up in and devastated by what happened.

like i don’t know i don’t think i’ve ever been more sorry for anything. i cannot believe how bad i fucked it up. i think knowing why he stopped wanting to fw me would somehow make it easier to handle but that might not even be true.

it might hurt just the same or hurt even worse.

i never really told me how his silence made me feel i tweeted about it on my alt. which he followed. which he logged in one day and saw and blocked me.

so i texted him yesterday. the text went thru so he hadn’t blocked me there. i just told him how i felt and that i hoped if he ever felt like letting me know why he stopped wanting anything to do with me, if he would let me know. cuz i cant expect that he will, right. he’d have to actually feel like it. which i most likely think he wont. ever. its his prerogative and he has no incentive or motivation to

i just feel like emotionally i’ve made 0 progress in getting over this. i’ve never had someone i care about reject me like this. it just. feels so shitty and i still cry about it a lot

[skylarmoon71]

Patrick Jane (Mentalist) - Short Story : Chapter 3

It’s hard to escape such an awkward ordeal.

For one you remember everything.

Every single embarrassing detail.

It’s a miracle you can face Jane the next morning. Your plan was to pretend that you forgot it all. All you had to do was smile and act like you usually did. Jane would definitely not know the difference. 

“You remember everything don’t you?” 

You hadn’t even fully made it through the door. He must be a mind reader. Surely you weren’t being that obvious. Placing your bag down you clear your throat. 

“Sorry about last night..” You mutter. 

It’s all you can work yourself up to say. 

He just sits there all comfortable and smug. 

“No harm done, just know that I’ll be charging for my good night kisses moving forward.” 

Your face is every shade of red and you look around to ensure no one hears that. 

“Whatever!” 

It’s clear that he would hold it against you. This is Jane after all. 

For the most part you’re surprised. You thought moving forward would be awkward, but he’s still sweet and attentive. Giving you tips as you work cases. You’ve fallen back into an easy position. You’re still friends, but something has definitely shifted in your relationship as the days go by.

One particular afternoon you’re sharing out the snacks you bought on the way in. The case had taken a turn and no one was able to grab a meal, so you volunteered to feed the crew. After everyone is sitting contently with their snacks and Jane with his cup of tea, you take a seat to devour your shortcake but something catches your eye. 

The letter on your desk

It’s been sitting there for at least three weeks. You haven’t had the courage to open it, because you know who it’s from and what it’s about. 

It’s getting close to that time. 

You lower the snack, reaching for the letter. You don’t really need to open it for confirmation. Your eyes seem to immediately drift in Jane’s direction. 

“Jane, can I ask you a favor?” 

He’s curious, both at your tone and the way you look a bit uneasy, he nods. 

“Of course.” 

You stand, moving to him as you hand him the letter. 

“I’ve been invited to a charity event. It’s from my dad.” 

The change in your demeanor speaks for itself. 

“I usually just ignore it. I’ve been getting one of these every year since I left. No matter where I went he always knew where I was, but all he ever did was send these dumb invitations. It’s a shitty attempt at extending an olive branch, but it’s been so long and I..” 

“You miss him.” 

You nod, exhaling softly. 

“My stepmother is going to be there as well. I’d feel better if I had someone to help me in case she walks over with her crocodile tears and fake theatrics.” 

Jane doesn’t need to read you, the hostility is plain in your voice. 

“I’d be happy to join you.” 

Relief rushes over your face as you smile at him. 

“Thank you Jane, this means a lot.” 

“No problem.” 

After reading up on your father there is no way he’d let you go there alone, especially since you’re asking for his company. 

~

You can’t seem to stop tugging at your dress. 

You aren’t even sure why you’re here. It’s been so long, you really wanted to push all the bad memories behind you, but this fancy ball with all these snobby looking people is just more proof that you’re nothing but a prop for him to parade around. 

“Are you okay?” 

Jane has noticed the way you’ve been fidgeting with the dress for the last half hour. You feel bad for dragging him into this, but you didn’t want to be here alone. You’re glad that he agreed to accompany you. This is just another one of your father’s many pretentious charity balls. You expect no different. 

“I’ll be great when I see him. I’m just going to have a private conversation with him and then we’re leaving. If we don’t hurry he’s going to find the mic and-” 

“Good night everyone, thank you all for coming.” the booming voice of your father over the speaker makes you groan. 

“Too late.” You grumble, annoyed. 

This is what you were afraid of. You were clear when you sent him the email that you had no intention of being introduced into his version of society. You just wanted to see him and then leave, but of course he’s made it into another political campaign. He’s standing on the stage like some kind of king, your step mother right next to him. The sight is infuriating. 

“I appreciate all the support. I know that this charity was assembled to raise funds for some very important causes, but another factor I wanted to add was the introduction of my daughter.” 

You have every intention to get the hell out, but it’s too late. The spotlight drops right on you and the people around back up. 

“A round of applause for my beautiful daughter who is an Agent at the California Bureau of Investigation.” 

You’re trying to keep your face neutral, but you hate this. He promised you this wouldn’t happen and he still did it. Nothing has changed. 

“Some of you might not know this but my daughter had a bit of a rebellious streak. She ran off right after she graduated. You know kids, desperate to fight their parents. She’s every bit of her father in regards to ambition, but the rebellion, well that certainly comes from her mother, Bless her soul.” Laughter resounds throughout the room and all you want to do at that moment is cry. You can’t believe he would stoop so low as to use your mother as a topic of entertainment just to make himself look good.

“Excuse me, if I may.” Jane interjects, stepping in front of you. He takes your hand and you look up, clearly unsure of what he intends to say. 

“Who might you be sir?” 

“My name is Patrick Jane, I’m a consultant. I work with the CBI as well.” 

“Great, a coworker. Maybe you can tell us a little about how brave my daughter is.” He lets out that arrogant laugh. 

“I can, but I’d much rather talk about you. For instance you're a self-centered pig who would do anything for publicity and attention. “ Gasps ring in the room and you just stare. 

“Excuse me?” Your father is obviously shocked. 

“You heard me. Your own daughter ran away because despite being an amazing woman you couldn’t see past your own selfish biases. You wanted a son, someone you could train who would be a reflection of yourself. I’m guessing when your daughter was born you were probably barely there to hold her. When her mother died you couldn’t wait to replace her, which explains the bimbo on your arm. Good luck finding a stage big enough to house both your egos.” 

The more he says the less you believe. 

“Your daughter supported and put herself through the academy and college all without your help or money. She did that on her own. She’s an incredible person and an even better agent. If you ever took your head out far enough out of your ass, maybe you would see it. Nevertheless, have a good night.” 

Nothing more is said. Your father is in too much of a shock to say anything. Jane just holds your hand as he guides you out of the building. You can still hear the flashes of the camera as you exit the building. You have no doubt that this will be the topic in the papers for a good few weeks. By the time you make it to his car you’re full on laughing. 

“I can’t believe you said that Jane, that’s crazy.” 

He’s smiling. 

“It’s my job to bring the truth to light, justice and all that.” He shrugs, still wearing that smile. 

“We should probably get out of here before he sends security though.” Jane opens the door and you both jump in, pulling out of the parking in record time, your laughter following down the street. 

When you get back to your home you invite him in for a drink as you both recall the events of the night. You’d settled on the couch, watching the news report. You snort at the picture of your father’s face with the headline. ‘Deadbeat Dad’ attached. 

“You're going to get in trouble tomorrow.” 

“Meh, when am I not in trouble?” 

“You’re right, that’s a rare sight.” 

“Agreed.” 

You’re laughing again, and you’re grateful. You would have never had the courage to stand up to him the way Jane did. There’s nothing you can really do to express your gratitude. You’re just thankful to have someone like Jane in your corner. You send him an easy smile and he turns to you, mirroring your expression. 

“What is it?” 

“I’m just lucky to have someone like you Jane. Thank you, really.” 

“All in a day's work.” 

He’s modest about his caring nature at times. You understand that there is a lot of guilt in regards to his past. He feels like he doesn’t deserve praise sometimes. He also assumes he shouldn’t have love. But you remember every word he said that day when you were having drinks. How honest he’d been about his feelings. Maybe it’s time for you to do the same. 

“Jane, about what you said that night, having feelings for me.” 

“You don’t have to worry about that.” 

“But what if I want to worry about it Jane?” 

He pauses, and you move just a bit closer on the couch. He notices, or course he does. 

“I’ve never had someone like you, Jane. Friend of otherwise. I’d like to think that the reason my heart is racing right now is because what I feel right now isn’t just friendship, but maybe that’s just me.” 

He shakes his head. 

“It’s not just you.” 

You blush. 

“That’s good.” 

He smiles, leaning in just as you do. 

Every movement is slow. Careful. In your mind you feel like you have to be. If you’re not, then you’re scared that this might vanish. When your lips finally meet, the little sigh you release is soft and filled with unfiltered elation. Jane’s hand seems to immediately move to the back of your head as he deepens the kiss.

 His urgency sparks a heat in the pit of your stomach. You don’t even realize you’re moving until you feel his hands on your hip, your legs pressing into the couch at the sides of him as you straddle him. He pulls you closer and you fall right into his lap, fingers tangling into his hair. The little sound he lets out as your fingers brush the back of his head is absolute heaven. 

It takes a while for either or you to part. When you do, Jane conveys a smile. 

“I should be the knight more often.” He says a bit wistfully,

You just smile, pulling him back in.

[rottingwaysofmisery]

For fans of Old School Death Metal

This post is to serve as a list of recommendations of niche or newer Old School Death Metal-esque bands, and what bands they’re most similar to.

Let me preface, if you’re looking for Cannibal Corpse you’re not going to get it. I like some Cannibal Corpse songs, but they’re not the kind of music that I want to get from Old School Death Metal (OSDM). You’re going to get a lot more stuff similar to Morbid Angel or Death because that’s mainly what I’m into.

I’m also going to mention themes here, which you may find confusing if you don’t pay attention to Death Metal’s themes but there’s something much more interesting to me about Death Metal that goes into mythology, history, or the occult, in the stead of the classic “Gore and Misogyny” that lazy Death Metal bands tend to do.

With that out of the way, here we go.

Gruesome - For Fans of early Death

American band done explicitly in the style of/in tribute to the band Death, with albums reminiscent of Leprosy or Spiritual Healing.

Sijjin - For Fans of Morbid Angel

A personal favorite of mine, this one has hooks and riffs for days. I found myself surprised to like this, as I had expected modern death metal bands to have nothing interesting in store, but this 2019-born band delivers just as well as any old Florida Death Metal band.

Atrocity - For Fans of the general Florida Death Metal scene

If you search this band up on Spotify, you’re most likely going to be greeted by their shitty cover albums. Yeah, in my opinion this band definitely fell off. I would, however, highly recommend their sophomore release “Todessehnsucht”. It even happens to feature a cover of a Death demo song, Archangel.

Perdition Temple - For Fans of Deicide and Morbid Angel

You’re in for a lot of Morbid Angel-type stuff, even though Death is my favorite band. This one isn’t necessarily just death metal though, as it’s sometimes labelled Black/Death Metal. Not in like, a war metal/bestial black metal kind of way though so don’t get your hopes up if you’re into that. I would personally recommend their first release the most, “Edict of the Antichrist Elect”.

Nile - For Fans of Morbid Angel

You might cry, “That’s not niche or new!”, but if I can get through to at least one Morbid Angel fan who just happens to not know about Nile, my job will be done. As the name suggests, this band thematically pertains to Egypt, particularly Ancient Egypt. I’ve never been a huge Nile fan, but of the few songs I do love I really love them.

Xenomorph - For Fans of Morbid Angel

Specifically, the American band that only released Empyreal Regimes in 1995. I really love the production on that album, something about the tone feels warm.

Angelcorpse - For Fans of Morbid Angel

If you love Morbid Angel but hate the groovier or slower parts, this band is for you. Personally, never been a big fan since I love the slower stuff from Morbid Angel, but you may love this.

Altars - For Fans of Morbid Angel

In direct contrast to the last band, here’s a bit of a groovier death metal band. Specifically, this the Altars that is an Australian Death Metal band that released “Paramnesia”.

Necronomicon - For fans of Morbid Angel

Canadian Death Metal band, I would specifically recommend “Pharoah of the Gods”, if you can get past all the unnecessary intros on multiple tracks at least. Generally, mid-paced sorta stuff.

Sentenced - For Fans of Death

They had a similar thing to Atrocity, except they went into rock music later on instead of just making covers. I would recommend their first album, Shadows of the Past, if you’re looking for that Florida Death Metal sound, and their second album if you’re looking for a more prog extreme metal sound. Anything beyond that I don’t like.

Mithras - For Fans of Morbid Angel

I would recommend specifically their album “Forever Advancing...... Legions”. It’s more on the groovy end of that Morbid Angel sound.

Scarab - For Fans of Morbid Angel (or Nile)

Excellent Egyptian Death Metal band, except this time actually from Egypt! I would highly recommend “Blinding the Masses”.

Coffin Texts - For Fans of Morbid Angel

A very underrated Death Metal band that is yet again, thematically about Ancient Egypt. If you’re tired of this theme, at least know it’s better than the alternative of just gore and femicide.

Nader Sadek - For Fans of Morbid Angel

Morbid Angel-esque riffing, sung over by one of the Morbid Angel singers, but oddly enough, about oil? I would recommend their excellent release from 2011, “In the Flesh”.

End of Recommendations

That’s all I have for now! If anyone has any suggestions I’d love to hear em, if you reply with a suitable band I might give em a listen and reblog this with more!

[l0v3lyf3f3]

I feel sorry for you. Regardless of how much fucked up things I said about you…at the core of it…I’m just sorry for the way that you choose to live your life….instead of making the hard choices of going to get help…you have become so accustomed to being a shitty person because the thought of you actually getting out of that mindset and healing your own shit…is just too much work…which I don’t blame anyone because trying to build your self up from the bottom up is rough…you have to start over and the idea of starting over and having to refix all the learned bigotry, ignorance, and hate that you were taught and unconsciously program your mind to do other folks because your truly and utterly mad and disappointed with your life….is just too much…so instead it’s easier to revel in that shit and be as toxic as the blood relatives you choose to show love to…who don’t give af about you and act the same way that you do….i made a conscious choice that when I was really going through it…that the only person that even matters in my life and i am willing to help…and escape to safer place with…was my sister….none of you deserve even an ounce of my attention….yall really fucked me up and have made it so much clearer where I stand with everyone of y’all….when I was going through some of the toughest times of my life that almost made me want to take myself out of this world…the one person that I never expected to be there for me was…Nielle….having to navigate my literal childhood trauma that should never had happened had the right adults had been there for me instead of consumed with trying to grow their church and so obssessed with their image instead of the well-being of their children….i can’t fully blame the children of my “parents” for the way they act now because of what happened growing up but there are things that never should have happened to me and other blood relatives and my sister….we were kids in the situation and y’all were the adults that should’ve made the sacrifice to do what was right and send them to prison…but now it’s just so much clear as an adult where your priorities lie and it’s clearly not me and my sisters safety…so one day when you’re lying on your deathbed and you wonder where it all went wrong…that’s because of you….dont blame the kids for breaking apart your idea of what you thought was “family”…because the reality of the truth was the day that those things had happened was the day that it already showed how broken this dynamic already was……it never was the idea that you had…you kept telling yourself and saying god will make you understand when god couldn’t even make you do the right decision of sending your husband and eldest son to prison for committing literal crimes and atrocities against so many of the blood relatives….now that I’ve finally found my voice and power to stand up for myself and my sister….im doing everything in my power to get out of here with her so we can leave this hell….we don’t deserve any of what you put us through and definitely don’t care what happens to you because you failed miserably….i don’t give af if you even have a heart attack and fall over and die because you really did a number on us….im over everything you did…fuck you for everything truly

[halethestilinskis]

Untitled- Chapter Four

HAZEL

Our work schedules never seem to align and it’s getting very frustrating. We text and call everyday, talk about our day and go out for coffee or lunch dates when we can, but I really wanted to spend a weekend with Drew. Nothing else but him and I hanging out in the apartment. Making dinner for him, and maybe having him cover me in dessert. Sounds like a very sweet treat I wanted to try out. Him and I have only been seeing each other for 2 months, but things seemed to be working out. 

Savannah planned a get together for later tonight. With my work schedule killing me and the overtime I’ve been putting in, I deserved a night out. Drew bailed last second, his servers at work have a crisis where they think someone is trying to hack in to share personal information. Since it’s a high end firm, they deal with a lot of high end clients.

“Well we can always just hang out at your place”, she shrugged. We're getting ready on Facetime together, as usual, wanting to dress up or down in the same manner.

“Nah” Let’s go to Howl at the Moon, there’s the bar, bowling, golf simulator” I opened my eyes wider to get the mascara brush closer to the roots.

“Oh yeah!” She exclaimed, “I forget that place exists, AND they have those margarita buckets”.

“I’m probably just going to wear leggings and a nice shirt by the way, no need to go all out” I capped the mascara, and found my setting spray.

“Is that because Drew isn’t going to be there?” Savannah cocked her eyebrow, “I’m not dressing up that much either but definitely more than that”.

“What it’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone”. I never was before anyway, but Drew and I were getting along great. I haven’t seen one red flag, and didn’t really care to flirt with other people tonight, I just wanted to get drunk and dance with my best friend.

“Did he ask you to be his girlfriend?” she asked, obviously skeptical.

“No” I admitted shyly, “but I don’t want to ruin anything with him”.

Savannah gave a deep sigh before saying “I get it, but if a guy wants to buy you a drink and flirt with you tonight, there’s no harm in that”.

“Would you do that?” I cocked my eyebrow. Not paying much attention to my phone so much as staring in my closet for something else to wear.

“Are you kidding!?” she scoffed, “Zach tells me to”.

“That’s different, Zach is there with you”, I rolled my eyes, throwing my phone onto the bed while I shuffled around.

“Hey!” she yelled, I wasn’t expecting her to care that my face wasn’t there.

“I’m looking for a more appropriate outfit!” I rolled my eyes, annoyed, not that she could see it, but I hope she heard it in my tone. Her and Zach were great to hang out with, but not so much without Drew. Hanging out with someone in their honeymoon phase while you were pretty much single was nauseating. At least if Drew was there I could hang on him and be in our own disgusting honeymoon phase.“What about a bodysuit and jeans?” I finally huffed, looking over the camera so she could see my face.

“That sounds hot!” she smiled, “I’m almost done, so we’ll be over to get you in like 20 mins okay?”

“I’ll be here”, ending the call to get dressed in peace. The body suit was red, lacy and pretty sheer, I definitely wasn’t going to be able to wear a real bra with this. Thankfully I had some of those sticky ones from a wedding I was in last year. Hopefully they’re still sticky. Do they ever lose their stick? I found my black skinny jeans and put on a comfy pair of shoes for tonight. Dancing was the goal, and I wanted to dance for as long as possible to forget my shitty job and the fact that I’m a third wheel.

There was a honk outside as soon as I was finished getting my hair frizz free. Savannah was outside the car waving, telling me to hurry up. It was only 8 PM. “Is there a party I don’t know about?” I got into the back of his BMW admiring the black cloth seats the same way I did Drew’s.

The venue was quite a walk from the parking lot, and I was thanking whatever told me to wear comfy shoes. I would not want to walk this far in heels. Savannah was already complaining to Zach about her feet., “I told you not to wear them” he grabbed her hand, giving the back of it a kiss. They haven’t said a word to me since leaving the car, and it was really dampening my dancing mood.

It was early enough in the night that the bouncer didn’t ask for ID’s. There were kids over on the bowling side and even though there was a bar on the other side, they also had food and other things to do over there that kids could enjoy. Zach smiled at the bartender, turning on his charm, as we approached the counter. “Two shots of Patron” he looked down at Savannah with his bright blue eyes and wrapped his arm around her waist. The bartender, whose name tag said Kim looked over at me and asked what if I wanted anything.

“Oh!” Savannah shrieked, realizing I was still there, “one more shot of Patron”. My stomach soured. There weren’t a lot of people here. Even if I wanted to go off and mingle, I couldn’t. How much would an uber be to get home?

There was a table in the corner we decided to sit at. Drew and I would be people watching right now, and there were a slew of people here that we would be laughing and making up stories for. Instead I was forced to sit here and listen to Savannah and Zach talk about whatever it is they were talking about. Watching him rub circles on her thigh. Watching her rub her hands over his chest and shoulders. It was nauseating. I needed to be a lot more intoxicated if I was going to make it to the ride home with them. Zach already ordered another round of shots, again leaving me out of them. I held up my white claw as they toasted each other, wrapping the arms that held the shots around each others and taking them. Once again, not including me I chugged, emptying half the can.

“I’ll be right back”, chugging the other half of the can on the way over to the bar and taking a seat, “I’ll do another white claw and a shot of patron”.

I huffed out a sigh, putting my head in my hands. Thankfully the music started a few minutes ago so I no longer had to listen to the couple. Not that I was going back to the table until this white claw, or two, were finished. And not that they noticed anyway. People were starting to flood in. One guy, hat backward with a flannel on sat a couple of chairs down from me. His smile bright as he caught my eye.

“Hey” the stranger said. I wasn’t sure if he was talking to me, I turned around to take a look. Even though people were pouring in, he seemed to only have his eye on me. He laughed and came closer. “Brandon” he spoke into my ear, the music picking up volume.

“Sorry, I didn’t think you were talking to me” I admitted, giggling, “Hazel”

“Nice to meet you” he put out his hand and I shook it dramatically.

“How do you do?” my smile grew brighter. He tipped his hat with a smile. When Kim came over he ordered a shot to take with the one I already had waiting.

“Are you here with anyone?” he was sitting right next to me now. I still couldn’t hear him very well, but the way he mouthed the words gave me enough context clues to figure out what he was saying. I shook my head.

“Well” I remembered, “my friends are over in the booth over there, but obviously they don’t care”. I turned around to see them locked onto each other like a tiger caught its prey. 

“Cute,” he laughed, “my friends and I have the golf simulator over there if you want to join us.” I looked over to where he motioned, for my gaze to catch on brown eyes, nursing the Bud Light in his hand. My stomach sank. Of course he was here, and of course he looked as toned and tanned as he usually did. I swallowed hard, face burned red in the low light. 

“Yeah” I choked out. Brandon put his hand lightly on my waist guiding me over there. Brown eyes followed me until I sat down on the bench, Brandon introducing me to everyone.

“Hazel?” Roy asked, looking from me to Brandon and back, “Shane’s little sister?” I nodded, annoyed. Great. Just like 10 years ago, “What's up!?” he leaned down for a hug, which I quickly gave. Roy was always the class clown, and super nice to me, “Is Shane here? Or Jameson?”.

I shook my head, standing up and away from Brandon, this was just too awkward now. “No” I got close to Roy’s ear. “I’m going to get another drink” I leaned down to Brandon. As soon as I left the vicinity I took out my phone to see if either someone could come pick me up or how much an uber was. My first choice was Drew, I thought about Shane, but knowing him, and knowing his friends are here, he would stay and I would just have to call an Uber anyway. I clicked his contact, stepping as close to the door as possible without actually leaving so I could hear the other end of the line. It was just his answering machine. FUCK, I heaved out a sigh and went back to the bar, looking over to see Zach and Savannah still fused to each other in one way or another.

Whatever. “What’s the strongest drink you can make me?” I asked Kim with the kindest smile I could muster.

“Long Island probably” and I agreed.

“Long island is it! Just add it -”

“Add it to my tab” a voice said behind me. I turned around expecting Brandon to be there, not catching the hint that I walked off to get away from them. Only to see those brown eyes I have been trying to get out of my head since I moved into my brother's house. “Not having a good time?”.

“Great” I said sarcastically. He looked over to the table where Zachanna sat. They were actually just talking now.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” he asked, his eyebrows bunched together, looking around the room.

“Boyfriend?” I questioned

“The Mercedes guy,” He casually took a drink of his beer, leaning on the counter in front of me, “I saw you with him the other night”. Like two months ago. The night he told me I looked nice. I blushed.

“Not my boyfriend” I admitted, the butterflies in my belly beating as hard as they could.

“Ah” he nodded, making me cock my head while I sipped the Long Island. It was indeed stronger than anything I usually ordered, but not so strong that I needed a chaser. “I thought you only dressed up that nice for him”. My heart picked up pace, I nearly choked. He cocked a smile and winked at me as I caught my breath.

How the fuck do I respond to that. I squinted my eyes at him, showing my confusion “Thanks?”.

“I’m serious” he gave me a long look, “a lot different from the girl in high school”.

“Well yeah, I’m 22.” I playfully tapped his leg with my shoe. He stared into my eyes a little longer, bordering on uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure what he was searching for. He looked away to the bartender that came up in the corner of our eyes. I realized we were taking up bar space. The music came back to life and I started to breathe again, not realizing I was doing those things until he broke the contact. 

“Come back and play golf with me” he slung his arm around my shoulders leading me back to the simulator with Brandon and Roy. I contemplated wrapping my arm around his back as we walked over, but took too long to make the decision.

“Hey she’s back” Roy bellowed, obviously feeling good. The alcohol was starting to hit me now as well. My confidence was a little higher than it was before I got the Long Island. My friends long forgotten.

Roy got up to drive the golf ball into the canvas. Friends cheered as his ball got near the green. Brandon didn’t seem to care that I left and came back with Jackson, probably assuming I’m just the little sister, and probably not wanting to get involved with me for that reason. Roy did a little dance to the late 2000’s music playing, using the golf club as a mic. I started to sing along before I could stop myself, Jackson turned to look at me, and I turned to meet his gaze. He was like 6 inches from my face. Definitely caught me off guard, but I didn’t let it faze me. I continued to dance in my seat singing a song I haven’t heard since a middle school dance. He started to dance with me, and I realized his arm was still around my shoulder.

“I’ll be right back” he unwrapped his arm from me and put his hand on my thigh for a split second before getting up. Returning with a few drinks 10 minutes later. Roy was still trying to putt the ball into the hole, already on Par 7. My blood was warm, the alcohol coursing through me, I was still dancing in my seat to Beyonce when Jackson came back. Two Long Island’s and two shots in his hand.

“For me?” I feigned surprise when he handed me the glass.

“Just cause you’re cute” he winked, giving me his hand to take so I could get up with him, “and a shot to get you ready for golf”.

“I’m not golfing!” I shook my head, trying to get my hand out of his, “I don’t know how to golf”. He pulled me over the turf carpet. Finally Roy got the ball in, Jackson took the golf club from him.

“It’s not hard, look” he let go of me and went to the computer to set up the next hole. Then going back to the golf ball he already placed on the green and lined up next to it. I was mesmerized, watching his every move. His hips lining up. His ass poking out just a little bit. He lifted his head and cocked it to the screen, and then the other way back to make sure I was still watching him. Maybe golf wasn’t the world’s most boring sport. I understood why women fawn over baseball players now. Focusing on the ball in front of him, he lifted the club and slammed it into the ball. It soared, hitting the canvas with a dull thonk. His biceps flexing was the only thing my mind was thinking about, replaying over and over again. Jackson turned around after a moment, looking to where the ball landed and handed me the club.

“No!” I exclaimed again, crossing my arms, “I’d rather watch you play”. I smirked at him. He cocked an eyebrow. I shouldn’t be flirting with him, but damn does he make it so easy to do so.

JACKSON

Her cheeks have been flushed pink since the second her eyes met mine. I searched everywhere for Mercedes before I approached her, I didn’t give a shit about Brandon, and he backed down as soon as I shook my head at him when she left to go get a drink.

“Shane’s sister” I informed him quickly. He gave me an oh shit face and held his hands up in mock surrender. Shane wouldn’t actually give a shit if Hazel went out with him, but I would. Brandon is a pretty face that I once beat the shit out of in high school for being an asshole, whether he’s changed or not, I didn’t care. Roy invited him and I knew how to play nice so I was.

Roy and I exchanged glances when I brought back the drinks for her and I, and I shrugged it off nonchalantly. It’s Shane’s little sister, and she was bored, nothing weird about it. Her cheeks stained pink from the alcohol, turned brighter when I mentioned golfing, and I caught her admiring the view when I went to drive the ball into the canvas. The burning in the back of my neck simultaneously threw me off and made me want to do better to impress her. I didn’t let myself think about why.

“I’ll make you a bet” I grinned, standing in front of her, club in hand, “If I make this in the next two shots, you have to take the shot, and golf with me”.

“And if you don’t” she challenged me, her eyes gleaming.

“If I don’t” I had to think for a second, “then the ball is in your court, doll”. She flushed deeper, breaking eye contact. I fought back the grin that was creeping up on my face, smirking at her when she lifted her head again to meet my gaze. I raised my eyebrows in question.

“Fine” she relented, “but you have to take your shot now”.

“I’ll take my shot with you, when I get this hole” I countered, she rolled her eyes in answer. I felt her gaze burning into the back of my skull again, and I shook my shoulders to try to shake it off, but I couldn’t. My cheeks were heating, violently aware of how close she was watching me.

“Keep looking at me that way, you’re going to have to buy me dinner” I managed, staring down at the ball in front of me, back to the canvas, back to the ball. I set my feet, swung back and leaned in for the next drive to land in the green, right next to the hole. Hazel had her arms crossed in defiance when I looked back at her. “Nervous?”

“Nope” she smiled waiting for me to continue, waving her hand to insist on it. Her confidence made me nervous. My mind swam a bit, both confused on her reaction and the nature of our relationship, and the long island I chugged at least half of decided to hit finally.

“Get that shot ready”, I lined myself up again. Only have to literally tap it to get it into the hole. All eyes on me. Hazel, who couldn’t keep them off. Roy, who was confused about my actions with Hazel. Brandon, who was staring so intently, probably to keep his eyes off Hazel. And now Austin joined, but he had no idea what the stakes were, or even who Hazel was. Dude was always drunk at Shane’s house whenever she was around. I tapped the ball, anticipation killing me, time slowed down enough to think about why I was even flirting with the idea of Hazel. Even if I didn’t make the ball in, she was flirting back with me, she might make the bet interesting anyway. The ball sunk into the hole with a satisfying clink and I threw my hands, with the putter, into the air in victory.

I swaggered over to her, picking up both glasses of patron with a shit eating grin on my face. We were close, too close, maybe a few inches apart, and I could smell her warm vanilla body spray. That threw my head into a dizzying sensation more than the tequila did.

“My Lady” I mock bowed, handing her the glass, “I believe you owe me a victory shot”. She rolled her eyes at me, but clinked my glass and kept eye contact while she threw it back in a single gulp, barely making a face as it went down. Impressive.

HAZEL

My blood heated. His smile mesmerized me for a few seconds after the shot, his eyes were sparkling, his chest close to mine, making my heart hammer. He stood there with a confident grin, then dropped his gaze to grab my glass and set it back on the table. I was frozen. He hadn’t even done anything and I was frozen. Was he flirting with me, or am I just reading into it. His gaze was searching my face, his stupid grin still plastered. Was he drunk, did he know what he was doing? I’ve never seen him with a girlfriend or how he acts around a girl, I have only ever been around him with other guys. My brother said he had a girlfriend for a while but I wasn’t sure if he still did. I would hope if he did, he wouldn’t be acting like this. Should I be acting like this? Should I tell Drew?

I caught movement in the corner of my eye. Savannah was standing in the entrance of the little cubby that held the golf simulator. My eyes snapped to her, taking me out of my trance with Jackson. His eyes followed my line of sight, he said something and walked back to the computer in the corner. Savannah raised her eyebrows at me.

“Hey” I ran over, passing Roy on the way to the standing room.

“Hey back” she smirked, “How’s your night going?”

My heart was still hammering in my chest, I looked over to see Jesse and Roy chatting, he caught my eye and took a sip of his long island. “Good, I found people to hang out with while you fucked Zach in the corner.” I teased.

“Can you blame me, look at him.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder, making me look his way. He looked good, but not my type. “Anyway, we’re taking off, I assume you want to hang around for a while?”

“Savannah, you’re my ride!” I gaped. Sure I could always take an Uber home, but did I want to? No. It was only 9:30.

“Yeah well” she flushed, “it’s a little too crowded for my liking.”

“It’s a bar, Savannah”

She shrugged. I threw my head back exasperated, annoyed, even a little bitter. She tells me all the time to go for it with Jackson, and here I am, hanging out with him, really hanging out with him without my brothers in sight and she’s going to pull me away.

“Whatever, let me go get my stuff” I pivoted on my heels almost losing my balance, my face radiating heat for different reasons than before Savannah came over. There was a stinging in the back of my eyes. I was always a crier when I got frustrated, but add the tequila and I would cry for no reason. Crying in front of Jackson was out of the question. I took a deep calming breath with my eyes closed for one second and rounded the corner in the cubby. Jackson saw my face and his eyebrows scrunched together, eyes shining with concern. He looked around the corner and saw Savannah there, her arms crossed. Zach was probably bringing the car around for her.

“Everything good?” he asked as I shuffled around him to the sofa. My jacket and wallet sitting unattended. Even Roy was looking at me with concern. Was my face giving that much away?

“Yeah” I sniped, wrapping my bag over my head so it sat diagonally across my chest. He gave me a weird look, and I suddenly realized it was a bitchy way to act when he did nothing wrong. “Actually no, sorry, Savannah is my ride and she’s insisting we leave.”

He nodded, his expression turning from concern, to understanding. “How come?”

“She wants to fuck her boyfriend.” 

A laugh burst from him, lighting up his face once more “I can give you a ride home.”

“Don’t be stupid, Jackson, you’ve been drinking too” I shrugged my coat on, lifting my hair from the back where it was tucked in.

“I can sober up,” he smirked, “tell you what. I’ll stop drinking now, and in about an hour I’ll be good to go. Or whenever you want to go.” I thought about taking the offer. Getting to see him without my brother's interference is such a rarity and it actually seemed like he wanted to hang out with me. The real me, not just the little sister he used to pick on, but me.

“I don’t want to ruin your night.” It wasn’t fair to ruin his night out with his friends, because mine sucked. Or wanted to suck, I guess.

“You’re not” he said with a small chuckle. He gently grabbed my arm as I moved to walk away, pulling on the sleeve. I allowed him to take the jacket off me and throw it to the sofa, “if anything, you’ll make it better.” God I hope Roy didn’t hear that, he’s bound to tell Shane. My stomach did the dip, the adrenaline and anxiety coursing through me at his words. 

“Jackson” I huffed, cocking my head to the side, “seriously, it’s fine”.

He was looking at me in a way that made my cheeks sear and my breath catch. I swallowed hard, and he seemed to have tracked the movement, eyes traveling my entire face with a cheeky smile, showing only a hint of his teeth. “I’ll go get you another drink, and you can tell your friend that your ride is covered”. He gave me one last look before he turned. 

Roy made eye contact with me, and I shrugged. I bet he didn’t know why Jackson was acting this way either. That or he was planning to gossip he was going to drunkenly spill at the next football game get together.

Savannah was leaning on the bar, her phone pressed her ear, saying something before hanging up. “Good to go? Zach is waiting.” She took a look at me. I still had my bag across my chest, “where’s your coat?”

“I got a ride covered” I said matter of factly, still pissed that she couldn’t contain her hormones enough to even enjoy this with me. She raised her eyebrows instead. “Jackson” I clarified crossing my arms.

“Oooookay, well let me know how tonight goes with him” she didn’t meet my eyes as she said that and spun to leave. Jackson smiled at her and she passed him. She pretended not to notice and kept walking. I hope it killed her sex drive.

Jackson handed me a pink drink and had a soda for himself, waggling it to show it was non alcoholic, then led me back to the golf simulator. I figured out it was a cosmo after a couple of sips. Brandon asked me what it was because it looked good, and Jackson had leaned over me on the couch to tell him. Roy was golfing now. My turn had been relinquished because they thought I was leaving. He was pretty drunk and already being bad at golf, was getting terrible scores. 

My watch vibrated on my watch after I took a sip, cheersing Brandon on after making a bet that Roy would take more than five tries to get it in the hole.

A flick of my wrist showed you called? Shit, I did. Jackson looked over at me real quick and must’ve seen that there was a text on the screen. I unlocked my phone and opened the text, responding with, Hey! Yeah, forgot you were in a crisis, how was your night?

“Mercedes?” Jackson asked beside me. I locked my phone and put it back in my purse on the table.

“Who?” I asked, eyeing his wearily.

“Mercedes, the dude you get all dressed up for.” His eyes hardened, the smirk gone from his face. I’m not sure what emotion was flashing in those eyes. Jealousy? Hatred? Possessive? Either one I didn’t really mind if it was about me. But I still wasn’t sure what he thought about this weird thing we had going on tonight. 

Deciding not to comment on it, I said “Drew.” He nodded slowly, biting his lip slightly. His arm was already behind me resting on the back of the sofa. I flicked my watch to see another text from Drew pop up.

Good, crisis averted. How was yours, I heard you went out with Zach and Savannah?

Jackson leaned over and read it as well, “tell your boyfriend, I’m going to get you another drink, and drive you home later.” He smirked and got up, swaggering away while my mouth hung open. 

Definitely jealous.

[oceansarepink]

Alternative ending - Loona and Blitz

Based on the animatic where Loona finds Blitzø on the couch dissociating, but this time she doesn’t project herself onto stolas. She doesn’t use guilt to tell her dad to go win back his abusers affection by acting as if it’s the same as adopting her.

Blitzø: I had a really shitty night. Followed Stolas to that anti Blitzø party, he called me a motherfucker in front of everybody, I tried to talk to him. But he just left and macked on some dude right in front of me. It’s all my fault. I fucked up. Maybe Verosika is right, maybe I should let go and stay far away from him forever, let him be happy. But why…why don’t I want to..maybe..I should..I don’t..

Loona: Yes and No.

Blitzø: What?

Loona: Yes, please for the love of fuck let this “relationship” end, but no, this isn’t about you being awful and making him all unhappy. All you ever care about is satisfying him. Blitzø, he’s the one who needs to stay away from YOU forever!

Blitzø: I know…Cause I fuck up everything and all I do is destroy—

Loona: No! Because look at yourself! Look how he’s made you feel! Again! You were doing so well before, going on missions, having fun with Millie, you and that prissy bow tie jerk are getting along better than ever. You’ve even got an old friend back. You’ve built this life for all of us, on the condition that you keep that nepo baby happy. I’m sick of this cycle, you get on a high-

Blitzø: No but—

Loona: —Then this clingy rich asshole makes you feel bad-ugh. You got up the other morning all loud, hyping yourself up, but you were so anxious, you left the office the other day sweating, he shouldnt make you feel that way-and okay maybe that was partially cause of what I said about him being bored of you. But—

Blitzø: No, no none of this is—

Loona: Thats only cause idiots like him have a short attention span. And now after doing better for so many months, the second you see him, you’re back on this damn couch again, you’re drunk, sad and miserable. This is JUST like your last “date” with the guy! Remember that, after Bees party? You said it was a shitty day then too. Now you’re doing it again?

Blitzø: Im sorry Loonie. I don’t want you to see me like this…

Loona: I don’t want to see you like this either. But it’s not all on you. Shit I’m tired of making excuses for this guy, he’s always hurting you, he’s always hurting Via, and then just sits back with people kissing his ass, telling him nothing is his fault and he’s a victim of everyone else. Well he’s really not! He’s the clingy obsessed one who calls you all the time!! Asking for ‘a special request’ or booty calls. You can’t see that? He’s trained you to expect it and act the same. I just…I’m scared…

Blitzø: Scared? You? Don’t be silly Loonie. I know he can…get a bit of a temper sometimes but—

Loona: Yeah. I know. I’ve seen it. He screams in your face, yanks on your cheek and calls us all “little critters” not to mention the time he blew up the office cause we didn’t babysit his brat for him.

Blitzø: I know..and I’m sorry about that Loonie, I’m sorry you had to run around to find Via. It was my fault.

Loona: No—I mean—thank you but-no it was actually my fault. I was a mega bitch that day. I haven’t gotten so angry in years I just-I’m sorry, I was seeing red and you were only trying to parent. You always stand by me. I let Via walk on by and didn’t even try to stop her. But the worst part is you took the fall for me and didn’t even realise you were doing it. That violent lunatic could’ve killed one of you if he felt like it. I’m scared because, I know what it’s like to have someone break your willpower into obeying them and being loyal to their orders. To…always depend on bringing them joy just so they keep you around.

Blitzø: Look he was just mad, he’s been through so much. He’s not the type to-he’d never-I provoked him with that phone call.

Loona: You didn’t though! This is what I mean! He has to be responsible for his own feelings and responses. You fixed HIS problem, he expected it of you, of us. It wasn’t octavias, or mine, or your fault, it was him, it was His actions. Yet everyone ELSE is apologising?? THIS, this right here is what scares me. He treats you like shit, bosses you around, all of us actually, and one second you seem to recognise that, and the next, you’re beating yourself up, and blaming yourself. He gets in your head, messes with you, then cries one single time and you fold. You gotta stop being such a people pleaser.

Blitzø: I deserve it.

Loona: Enough already. You don’t. Please, don’t answer his calls anymore. I’ll block his number. If he wants to play silent treatment and kiss your exes to get back at you for not kissing his ass, fine. Let him. This crystal here. It’s a blessing in disguise. I know deep down, he knows he’s bad for you, and he knows this is toxic, but he’s such a little bitch he’d rather blame you and let you blame yourself. People like him aren’t used to accountability or saying thank you. Especially after hurting imps or demanding services from them.

Blitzø: He really doesn’t like it when I talk about me being an imp…

Loona: Shows how much he does not care about what you go through. Speaking of thank you, he never did thank me for going out of my way for his kid like that, or thank the guys for saving his ass so many times, did he? Only Via and you thanked me.

Blitzø: he probably just forgot, he’s naive, sheltered! Maybe yknow-maybe he just doesn’t have very good self awareness at times? Or he-

Loona: Hes not that innocent. You can only be an asshole by accident so many times. I heard about how he treated Millie at that theme park. I bet he let that cowboy assassin steal him, he didn’t even sound that alarmed over the phone. “I think you should come save me” that’s what he said right? You and me take care of his kid, and the one time you told him you had to take care of yours, he needs you to run over? He was probably more pissed that you weren’t specifically the “knight in shining armour” than being kidnapped right? That’s what all of this is about? You not following his romcom shit on stage and being an actual person instead?

Blitzo: ……

Loona: Bingo. And this is the guy you’re crying over? Dad, you may be kinda sleazy—

Blitzø: Hey! Dont call me—

Loona: Really sleazy. But even you deserve better than this. Now shut up no more crying and we’ll watch your dumb pony show.

[flashlight-fleshlight]

really struggling with like,, the *purpose* of my life lately

i spent my whole life wanting to off myself but i said i would wait until i was an adult (because then it would be all better)

but now i’ve reached adulthood and i hate it

so much

i have no meaningful connections. i work every day from 8-5 and then i come home and cry and get violently high because i literally don’t find joy in anything

honestly i think my life is pathetic

i come home and i binge eat because i tried to st4rve myself for the thousandth time (a battle i’ve literally never won for myself)

so i guess i’m not even good at having an eating disorder

i know i’m exactly like the girls he calls crazy bitches

and i was used to him threatening to leave when i was sad for a long time but i mean jesus i never expected him to actually do it

i thought we were stuck to each other. i thought he was the one thing i had left in life that i could really hold on to.

i don’t want to live alone in a shitty fucking one bedroom and never speak to anyone but my coworkers

god i’m so fucking tired of being lonely and i told him i wished he would pay more attention to me or say he loves me more because i was really struggling with feelings of worthlessness

and his fucking response was to tell me he’s not sexually attracted to me and would rather we be platonic soulmates

there is something so ultimately humiliating about those kind of statements

every time someone i love has to friend zone me instead of earnestly breaking things off because they’re afraid im gonna off myself

really all of it makes me want to end it all more

i cannot even fathom what my purpose on this earth is anymore

knowing that the people who want to love me just can’t hold space for me

that no matter what everyone tries to tell me i really am just too much

all i ever wanted was for somebody to feel lucky to love me

to really relish in it and thank god that they met me

and never have to worry about avoiding my calls because they don’t want to hear me cry

i don’t even know what the point of writing all of this out is

i guess there’s nobody else i can tell. my therapist will find out eventually. ideally after i already have a time and place.

i don’t think it’s an if question anymore. i think it’s a when.

[taylorbuggtaylortot]

I can’t even tell you how I feel because I don’t know how to say it without a pen or a page

I can’t even say what I’m thinking cause I’m always thinking of things too late

And all I know is I wanna scream out loud

But I can’t so I push it down

I gotta be alright

Yeah I gotta be okay

I can’t let them know so I push them away

Cause what does it mean if I can’t pour my heart out

I don’t want to be dramatic or misunderstood now

But if I keep it to myself

I can’t deal with all this hell

I know I’m mentally unwell

But I just can’t get help

But I stopped filling the void and I’ve been dealing with my emotions

But I still feel alone

And Wanna mix up all the potions

And I’m too broken to be ready for something like love

And I can’t be myself to the one that I really trust

I thought attention was love but love is respect

And now I have neither

Cause no one here is left

To hold a conversation or listen to the pain

And everyday I feel the same but I still fight for a change

Still Im at the end of my line

I need a shoulder sometimes

I need a friend not a guy

Some one who just doesn’t lie

I wish you would look me in the face and tell me that im safe but I gotta do that for me but right now I feel weak and afraid

Don’t choose now to hold your tongue

I trust you more than anyone

And I’ve been feeling so undone

And though you could be the one

Im sick of playing pretend

I got a whole heart to mend

And im not ready for love but yet my heart don’t listen

I look at you and I see strength to pull me through the day

Please don’t give up on me

I’m tryin to give you some faith

Narcissists will literally be a terrible person and have to deal with the consequences of their actions and still try to paint a picture of why you should feel sorry for them and nurse them back to health, and they say they’re sorry (just like they have a million times without enforcing changed behavior) just to trick you into rescuing them like you used to.

What I want to say to a narcissist:

1) if it’s mother fuck me then it’s mother fuck you

2) if you gonna do you, I’m gonna do me, and trust me honey.. I can do me very well

3) well well well, If it isn’t the consequences of your own actions

4) weird how you actually did terrible things to deserve what you’re dealing with, and I got all that and more even though I stayed doing right by you

5) stay strong like I had to. Keep your composure like I had to. Carry on like I had to. Be alone like I had to.

6) I no longer trust you so giving you any information to aid you in continuing your behavior successfully is off limits because helping you is no longer my concern or business

7) weird how now you’re having to eat the consequences of your actions and you can’t even stomach it. Literally. But when I was getting force fed that shit, it didn’t matter. I was supposed to swallow it down with a smile on my face no matter how much I was dying inside.

8)It’s my turn to not give af about you. You threw all trust and safety that I felt with you out the window, and you expect me to just look at you the same? You have no rights to me or my space. You’re a snake who lies to make themselves look like the victim even though there’s a reason why nobody wants to help you anymore. You don’t truly appreciate the people in your life, they’re props to you in order to alleviate your wants and needs, so you chew them up and spit them out but act like you love them with your whole heart and try to ruin their character behind closed doors. Real life coward shit.

9)When you get caught doing the shit you sorry for, have the same amount of remorse you had while you were doing it.

Yeah, being responsible for making a shitty decision sucks. Yes, you got caught. That must completely and utterly suck for you. You poor poor baby.

Sike…

Swallow that the same way I had to. Only sorry you dealing with repercussions, nothing more; nothing less. Be strong now baby. I’m out.

10)🤡Narcissist Alert🤡

You gonna need me and I ain’t gonna be there. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just remember: you did that.