#bc those will be taken away too
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Maybe this makes me a bitch but I literally couldn’t care less abt talking abt fandom stuff or things I like with anyone anymore
#₊˚⊹🏷️ from em#em thinks (too much)#q#my misery doesn’t make me a v nice or kind person unfortunately🗿#am working on that🤓🤓#I don’t see the point in talking abt anything tbh🤣🤣#makes me feel worse every single time🤣🥰#kind of sick of associating things with ppl ik or a fandom and it affecting my enjoyment of said thing#maybe that’s a bit dramatic but anyway i’m clinging to things that I keep to myself or enjoy from afar#I’ll just enjoy whatever by myself#who told me watching smth like nana w someone was going to end up good#not gonna introduce anyone to anything again lmfao#just one example but whejejks#I don’t want to share any thoughts abt anything let alone share thoughts abt things that make me happy#bc those will be taken away too#I promise I haven’t always been this bitter of a person
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「LOST CORNER」 クロスフェード | Kenshi Yonezu listen to the new album here!!
#lost corner#クロスフェード#cross fade#米津玄師#kenshi yonezu#音楽#gif#my gifs#alright i admit it's been more than a few days but in my defense i didn't initially anticipate giffing this video#thus *20 gifs* for a single set#but !!!#just look at those colors !! the animation !!#(reminds me sliiiightly of spiderverse)#also what better way to celebrate kenshi yonezu's album release#in no way am i complaining about 20 gifs bc that means a 20 song album !! 🤩#i've been feeling very emotional & almost wistful listening to it#just having so many songs from the past 4 years in one place#at the same time though they've taken on a new meaning#being assembled as they are with the 8 new songs there's a very strong yet gentle message of acceptance#he reiterates it across his interviews too but how important it is to identify & hold on to the key parts of yourself#so that even as you lose things throughout your lifetime or people misinterpret who you are#there are certain parts that can't be taken away#all that is to say i really really love this album#my favorites out of the new songs rn are probably post human & がらくた & lost corner & マルゲリータ#i also have a new appreciation for 月を見ていた#idk if other people experience this but sometimes a song doesn't really Hit until put into context of the other songs#and then it becomes your Fav Point in the process of listening to the whole album#other examples i can think of are sunstruck on idkwntht & うたかた歌 on forever daze#but yeah#this album is definitely one of my favs released this year & one that i think will resonate for a long long time
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The whole point of Mahabharata and the introduction of kaliyuga is that absolute pureness will not suffice. That to be good is to suffer. That if you keep taking what the world gives you, you will die empty-handed, everything you own taken away. That is the whole point of Bhagavat Geeta. To give what you're given, not to keep bending until your back breaks, NOT to keep suffering because that is the good thing, at the hands of someone who has done nothing for you. It is insane that this man who claims to be so clever and smart is so, SO willing to become literally stupid just because it's the Good thing to do. It is unfathomable to me. This is pure stupidity no matter from what way you look at it. There are all sorts of religious shows to tel these idiots that you MUST take back what you're owed. It's literally YOUR right. It is literally what you are SUPPOSED to do. When you keep giving what you have rightfully earned out of the labour of your blood sweat and tears, you are not doing it for the goodness. It's going nowhere. God is laughing at you and is probably angry that you're wasting opportunities and resources and the blessings you were provided with for your benefit. Especially when you're not only responsible for just yourself but for people in your family as well. Especially when you're already so so close to suffering that you need all the extra resources you can to make sure you don't suffer. The whole point of Krishna is to accept the impure within you, to fight for your own self. Rama is become so relevant these days because people here are braindeads. This is not the satyuga, the moralities of that times will have you beaten down bleading on the ground. This is kaliyuga, in order to preserve yourself you need to weaponise cunning to save yourself. That's how it is supposed to be. You sit down and take and you keep on taking from every single person that comes across you. You think this is patience? To be unreasonably lenient to strangers and so hard on your family? Your wife and daughter? You think yourself so smart but you are so obviously stupid I laughed at your face because of it. You are hell bent on wasting away everything you are in the name of a false ideal that will not only leave you nowhere but will also drive you mad and who will take the brunt of it? Your wife. Your daughter. Because man is a coward who is so so scared of another man be it his own son. He will scream and shout and the littlest faults of his wife and daughter but not the son, he gets to be a no-gooder, he gets to be free with it in the name of I-dont-care-let-him-do-what-he-wants-hes-a-no-gooder-anyways. Not your mother or sister because they are women and you must service them because it is good and noble but your wife and daughter are not women who deserve the same treatment, no, you can blame them for the stress you've acquired by your own stupidness and claim to be all high and mighty. This man needs to open his eyes or I swear to god I will lose all respect.
#cannot believe this man pays 6.5k rent and just gave away more than the place he lives in in just fucking 4.5k#like he was legit close to suffering into building that house and all throughout it his wife was to blame bc she wanted a house#only to in yhe end fucking put the house up for rent like bitch stop me from throwing hands bc im so fucking close#and that too at fucking 4.5k????#IS HE INSANE IS HE FUCKING STUPID WHAT THE FUCK#hIS OWN BROTHET IS RENTING ONE FUCKING SMALL ASS ROOM FOR 3K AND THIS MAN JUST RENTED. BRAND NEW PRETTY ASS HOUSE WITH BIG ROOM SPACEOUS#LIVING SPACE MASSIVE KITCHEN AND PRETTY WASHROOMS AT JUST 4.5K?????????????#AND HE PLANS TO GIVE THE OTHER ROOMS AT 3K??????????????????????#AND HIS AIM IS AT 20K TOTAL ERANING WHEN IT HAS THE FUCKING GOOD POTENTIAL OF 40K????????#GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES FUCKASS STOP WITH THE GOOD PEOPLE BULLSHIT MY FUCKING GOD#honestly#my faith in men#has evaporated#theyre just born stupid#this man gives away his money to his ungrateful ELDER brothers (legit lakhs of it)#gives away money yo his sister and her children#doesnt even think of having it returned#yet hospitals are too much to take to for his own family#and everytime we ask for anything its “what is the need”#like yeah whatever your money blah blah but maybe dont marry and have responsibilities that you owe your family?#KARNA WAS TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BECAUSE HE WAS DAAN-DEVTA FOR FUCKS SAKE#im so fucking done oh my god#mahabharata#mahabharat#ramayan#krishna#karna#family#father#idiot
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not me popping back on here with a post after months of semi-inactivity (uni is being a bitch) just to reiterate how much i love writing the pahkitew island cast.
aside from sammy and amy (obviously), literally everyone else can be shipped with one another and it'd make sense to some degree, like it takes skill to create a group of people so inherently shippable (platonically and/or romantically) and ofc the writers didn't know it they just shoved a bunch of random ppl together and dusted their hands off on it but fr tho 😭
(yeah im planning out my leonave 'stranger things inspired' au, and the gears are turning, and i forgot just how much i love writing for this dumbass group)
(i swear im working on the next chapter of a guide to surviving the apocalypse too)
#no but i've way too many ideas lmaoo#i forgot ive a whole longass post in my drafts dedicated to ramblings abt this longfic and i came across it today ahaha#like amy leading a manhunt for leonard bc shes got everyone to think he killed her sister (who she didn't even like much smh)#and topher's one of the ppl involved and when shawn hears he's like “topher? yeah i can handle him dw” (possible tophawn minor pairing??)#and leonard's abt to get the equivalent of being burnt at the stake literally#when guess who shows up in a fucking mercedes of all cars#fucking dave#and he helps leonard escape narrowly by driving fast af and leonard's so confused bc like “i thought you'd be with those guys”#and get this: dave doesnt believe leonard killed sammy bc of his vehement belief that leonard doesn't know magic LMAOOO#and leonard doesnt know whether to be affronted or grudgingly thankful bc if it wasn't for dave's desire for everything to be normal#leonard would have been part of the witch trials 2.0#and idk who's watched st but the plot is somewhat inspired by it#like shawn goes missing first and dave as his best friend is panicking abt it (in this one axel is shawns cousin???)#and then when they find him at last the weird deaths start leading to leonard finding sammy dead and this whole situation#and theres a whole different world underneath them and its up to leonard dave ella and sky to team up and prevent certain destruction#and theres slowburn leonave (with pining leonard and oblivious dave)#and leonard lives with his uncle whos understanding of his passions (unlike his dad who basically gave him away for the same reason)#and leonard's life is total opppsite from dave's#and they both know it#and omgggg this au has been a brainrot for so goddamn long#but idk why i just got a slew of ideas for it today#and like dave stays over at leonards at one point and leonard gives him his bed (like a gentleman)#and the next morning shawn barges in like “wheres my best friend” bc ever since he was taken he's been v paranoid abt losing the ppl he lov#and he hugs dave and daves like “how dirty are you rn” and shawns like “nothing yet i waited so that i can hug you when i see your dumb ass#and everyones like abt dave to leonard “idk if he's the right one for you”#but then later on dave saves his life by going a little bit unhinged classic dave-style#and ends up scaring a nurse and receptionist into retiring early#total drama#td leonard#td dave
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I understand why everyone who read dunmeshi instantly shipped marci and falin but tbh the fact that it's just treated as canon by the fandom cuts on a lot of interesting analysis that could be done on their relationship outside of the romantic reading, which is kind of a shame
#when i read through i spent a lot of time trying to understand if marci saw her as an equal or as a younger friend she had to take care of#this started from her comment about how 29yo is “a child” and falin is younger than that#and then the scene in the bathroom which is very loved by the shippers#it felt a lot like falin understood the implications and marci didn't yk#i read that and it just felt like they were failing to communicate bc marci just couldn't see falins body as something she should be#embarrassed about#very mom with a child behaviour#same in the bed falin mentioned growing up and marci said it was just the same#doesn't it imply she still sees her as a kid?#there's that time in the backstory of when she first met laios and how she treats falin like a kid who can't make her own choices too#like she tells laios off for taking her away and then tells her she'll take her back to the academy like falin isn't#perfectly able to choose for herself#extremely “mom knows best” of her??#there's a lot of moments like that#then there's also everything that could be said about falin being marcis first friend and what it means for her to die#like...if you just call it romance it goes to undermine a bigger issue in marci's character imo?#like marci went to those lengths just cause she's in love with her but i think the point is that this was yet another person she lost before#she was ready to let her go? her character arc culminates in her accepting that falin might just be dead after all#and even with the possibility of falin being reborn she was ready to be taken away by the elves and never see her again#this is incredible growth for her but it only makes sense if falin was just one of many friends this could have happened with#and not the love of her life? I'd assume she would want to spend the rest of falins life with her if that was the case#whether or not she got over her fear of everyone dying before her#it's a thought! i think it's interesting to think about!#it's fun to ship them so I'm not saying we shouldn't or whatever but not treating it as canon now and again would open#to so many possibilities#for example I can't get out of my brain the scenario in which falin is in love with her and marci just can't see it until it's too late#kind of like himmel and frieren? think of the angst!! all lost because we just assume they're canon......tragic
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oh nooo that's quite a bummer :( but i'm very glad that i helped brightening up your day :") tbh your writing brightens up my day too (≧▽≦)
AND WAIT I'VE BEEN ACTUALLY QUITE THINKING ABOUT WHETHER ZOMBIE MOB HAS FOUGHT OFF A ZOMBIE WHEN I ASKED IF HE HAS EVER BITTEN SOMEONE and since you brought it up, well, would be okay to ask about the details of how it went 👁️👁️ (also him fighting off a fellow zombie to protect tome got me sobbing)
- 🪻
aww im glad my silly little words brighten ur day!! ur so sweet :]
and yes, it went horribly <3! tome prolly wasn't paying attention as closely as she should've been and got herself surrounded by a crowd. to be clear, that's not Always dangerous, since zombies arent like,, after ur brains in this constantly. but these zombies did look quite hungry, and human or not, she looked like a good meal,,
she had wandered off a bit from mob n ritsu, but mob heard the commotion first. tome has a big fucking baseball bat in this au that she likes to swing around, but a baseball bat can only get u so far in terms of self defense. she thins the horde but there's simply too many of them
mob lets exactly One zombie grab her and yank her toward them before he goes ballistic
watching zombies fight is a lot closer to watching wild animals fight than anything else, and it gets quite horrid sometimes. since their bites aren't rly "dangerous" to each other beyond the typical Oh No a Chunk of Flesh is Gone (not even painful for them, since their nerves r.. less than functional), the fight is a lot more close up and gruesome than a fight against a zombie and a human would be. humans usually back away from zombies immediately and try not to touch them at all in fear of getting bitten; zombies don't need to care abt that
most of the horde realizes that this meal isn't going to be easy and they wander off, but a few more hungry, more desperate ones try to rip into mob's throat at the first sign of defiance. it's not exactly a fair fight; it's like 1 against 4, so he's sorta bound to lose
thankfully ritsu shows up and shoots two of them down (he's Terrified of shooting mob by accident, but either way he'll probably die, so) and tome gets the last one with a good swing to the head. ritsu rushes to mob and is horrified by the amount of blood dripping from his neck and his arm; tome is equally as shocked, but she's mostly thinking, "ive Never seen a zombie defend a human before"
mob's neck is thankfully mostly just scraped up and clawed, but there Is some gruesome punctures where canines sank in and tugged. it's a lot worse along his arm that's bitten and gouged beyond belief. he loses a lot of blood here, but the whole nerves-no-longer-work thing is a blessing in disguise atm; he'd be in a lot of pain otherwise. while ritsu and tome are patching him up w shaky hands he simply glares beyond their shoulders like he thinks he's still in danger, even when they tighten the bandages. it's like he barely notices what they’re doing
his strangely alert behavior makes them think abt the possibility that maybe mob Knows he could've easily been shredded apart there, and he's a little scared and worked up abt it. the only reason he managed to fight as long as he did without dying is prolly bc the other zombies weren't as well-fed as mob—they were kinda weak and shaky from days of no food, but mob has humans taking care of him and keeping him fed 24/7
they're all shaken up by it pretty good.. tome is still reeling from the fact that mob defended her so valiantly, and ritsu is quietly horrified by the idea of another zombie killing mob instead of a human. he doesn't know which is worse
#qktalks#anon#zombie au#this isn't the first time ritsu has had to kill a zombie btw ^#this is just the first time he's had to kill one since he started seeing zombies in a different light#it was either letting his brother die or killing a zombie. ritsu's upset that he had to make that decision at all#but he's not afraid to say that the decision was incredibly easy to make#it sucks that he had to kill one but . for mob ? literally anything goes#ritsu checked tome over after they took care of mob too. tome's very surprised when he's rly gentle abt it#ritsu's been known to .. lose his head a little in moments of stress#and sometimes he snaps at tome bc of it. he never means to he's just..worked up#but this time he's kinda fretting over her and it opens her eyes a little bit#ritsu has indeed grown to care abt tome a lot. they bicker Most of the time but it's usually not very serious#in all the excitement tome just hadn't rly realized that until now. ritsu is so high-strung that it's hard to get a read on his softer side#but now he's not just directing his softer side to his brother‚ but to tome as well#i have 15 more tags to explain smth i wanna make clear btw let's hope i don't start rambling abt smth else entirely#so i've been using a lot of vocabulary in these au posts that hint toward mob being ''special'' or ''abnormal'' in his behavior#he is not special or abnormal in any way#Every zombie is like that. every zombie has a personality‚ and a gentler demeanor hidden behind that desperate starvation#and remnants of their past selves in there somewhere#mob is simply one of the only zombies that have been taken in and cared for and treated like a sick person rather than a monster#as i've said before most people just.. either run away or shoot them between the eyes when crossing paths with a zombie#they don't give any of them a Chance. mob is a very very lucky zombie.#he is healthier than most other zombies and he is treated far better#and the way ritsu constantly talks to him is actually great for his health ! gets those rusty gears in his head rollin#exercises that brain‚ even if‚ to ritsu‚ he's only responding in odd gibberish#that's only one of the things ritsu gives him that other zombies never receive in their lifetimes#i'd say mob prolly ? has one of the longest ''zombie lifespans''#most zombies either die of starvation‚ dehydration‚ or sleep deprivation within a few weeks#he's lived a long zombie life !
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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normalize the importance of found family. I don't have to have grown up with you to know your story. I don't have to visit you for the holidays to be close to you. you saved my life when my kin discarded it. you see me like they never did. you show me unconditional love is real and that the best things about family isn't lost to me.
#i still struggle with the idea of unconditional love#bc most love has been given with conditions#or taken away at the smallest slight but#some of you are showing me with the years that you're not going anywhere#longevity is the biggest indicator for me#so... those of you who keep persisting#thank you#i know I'm not easy#💗#i hope others take comfort in this post#you can build your family#you can be found too#rebloggable
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@beegswaz genuinely i think my favorite tags on any of my work ever. i fucking love when people talk abt my characters like this
#its like blorbo from my show but with fucking minecraft and i love it deeply#for the record both Groda and White Eyes get socialized in the modern world like feral cats#both by the main players but it does happen at different times bc they all encountered Groda first when she held Rana hostage for bait#she'd kinda gone crazy after all those years of isolation lol#did that bc she thought Herobrine was the knight who betrayed her during the time period where people were wanting to overthrow her#(the knight worked for the royal family and was one of Groda's childhood friends. that did not last needless to say)#thankfully at the end of the day all 4 of the main players managed to get out alive though not unharmed with Groda in tow#when there's something trying to kill you every other day in this universe though they honestly cant be too mad about it#it doesnt help that Groda is just Really Stupid sometimes (all the time)#she's literally Peridot from SU in that she seems really intimidating but in hindsight is a massive dork#and also the fact that is the voice i imagine her having its so good#once her ability to use magic is taken away she's literally just like a scared feral street cat. does not know what the FUCK is going on#also rendering her communication with 3/4ths of the players useless since she only knows Galactic and no one alive knows that but Herobrine#(not helping the coincidental similarities to the knight but thats not him) she'll learn commonspeak later tho#ironically later down the line when Groda is spotted by the cult getting her magic back will be a key part in taking down White Eyes#she really does want to change for the better but she needed a LOT of shit kicked into her in order to start actually making the change#that being said when White Eyes eventually gets integrated it IS On Sight#she has had to been quite literally pried of Groda AT LEAST once by the others in order to keep from killing her#but other than that she'll be okay :) she picks up painting eventually#her open wounds are finally able to heal over once released from the influence of the Wither but she's still scarred unfortunately#mentally and physically!#but its only up from here... right?#actually since I talked abt the players first encounter with Groda im gonna reblog that aftermath comic again it still fucks#minecraft au mastertag
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i think ive finally hit that point where ive accepted that i need to Allow myself to enjoy genshin more casually otherwise it wont be long before i stop enjoying it altogether
#personal#its taken so long bc when i started the game i skipped through a lot of sidequests just to get the rewards/whatever they unlock#and later on i regretted it bc i was retroactively interested in lore and there was nothing left to do so wished id taken my time w those#and its rly that same reason i held off on doing a ton of content these past few months#telling myself i shouldnt do them until i had the time and attention span to rly absorb everything#but its rly time i let myself just go for it and enjoy what i Want to enjoy and not dwell too much on what i need to skip to achieve that#not just bc i dont think i'll ever go back to being as hyperfixated on genshin as ive been before (and therefore wont regret it)#but also because i dont really... want to#im at a slowly turning point in my life where i want to do other things with it too#and if i want to make room for those other things#i have to accept that i'll never again be one of those players who take the time to fully consume 100% of the content this game puts out#and thats Good#and i wish id realized sooner skgkslg#i rly have a bad tendency to put arbitrary restrictions on myself and forget why i put them there in the first place#like i played sm of totk with a 'no teleporting' rule bc i wanted to rly gove myself an excuse to explore#and it wasnt until recently that i realized id gotten to a point where it was taking away from my enjoyment more than adding to it#and so that it was ok to just discard that rule atp#i need to try being more conscious of that in general bc im realizing its hindering me in weird places irl too
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most x reader is stuff is so brat coded and i fear that that can’t be me
(not a vent btw just some personal self reflecting)
#which is why i click off those posts and write my own stuff btw!#especially with age gap tropes like i used to be a teachers pet as a kid i could never make someone mad at me on purpose#i need approval too much and being nd degradation would be too real to me#im a sensitive bitch unfortunately and that feels like its not as valid???? idk i wish i could be into what other people are strong enough#- to be into#absolutely no hate to people who are brats/into those kinks it just makes me feel bad about myself lmao#like my daddy issues are so bad i cant handle any meanness#need to be babied in a sickening sweet way like how you would treat an ugly stray cat#like they scratch your arms to get away bc theyre scared but ur like ‘awwww its okay <3’#soft doms who respond to you pushing them away by cooing and lovingly forcing you to stay put my beloveds#also not into having their anger being taken out on me like we can talk about it but if you try to physically hurt me abt it ill kill you#it justs gives me flashbacks personally#like im guarded and i dont trust people but once someone gets past that im such a weirdo devoted bottom
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You cannot resist the whole of the military industrial complex, especially the US American sector, without holding compassion and sympathy for veterans.
#sentences that would explode too many young left leaning but deeply conservative pilled people on the spot#ignoring and silencing the 'undesirable leftovers' of war is 100% in alignment with the military's recruitment goals#the majority of vets are anti war and are the ones who warn us of the dangers and militant tactics best#and those who are pro war still deserve to be heard and kept safe for themselves and others JUST AS MUCH as the anti war vets#bc honestly there's pieces of how military propaganda works that you will not learn from those who it didn't work on (drafted or family#pressures made them enlist moreso than the actual messaging) and those who broke free of it#why does it take hold of folks? how does it keep them entrenched and loyal to the military cause? you can only really#learn those intricacies by respectfully observing and listening. not silencing.#it's hard to help people you disagree with on such a serious issue live safely and in peace but you have to. and you have to understand#that they were made to suffer by someone given inordinate amounts of authority and the goal to train to kill. the training alone has been#enough to send more recruits home with PTSD than you think. they're all sick and have been taken advantage of. yes even the assholes.#it does not require forgiveness nor agreement to learn from and to respect veterans#they've gone through something horrific and that's just what the complex wants. to throw them away. do Not help make throwing human#life away any easier for them.#my text posts
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#i have developed not one. not two. but THREE allergies since my last time with covid#and now I catch colds left and right and- if theyre bad enough- have them for weeks on end#and obviously ive gotten off really really lucky but man what the fuck#fuck covid fr#first a species of insect i kept. then my favorite body wash. and now STRAWBERRIES#like fuck you i just found out I liked those two years ago!!!#like theyre all mild allergies but still. im angy.#made myself a lil strawby milkshake bc ive been having a really hard time lately. and boom. allergic reaction. 😭#OH NO STRABY BANANA SMOOTHIES TOO#AND MY CREPES AT REN.....#what if this was my final straw and my villain origin story. what then.#ugh anyways. to say that that is contributing to my bad mood would be an understatement. when will the horrors end lmao#the horrors (mental illness and also strawbies being taken away from me.....)#if i end up allergic to blueberries i am going to kill. im not even kidding.#my post
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random thought usually i kin characters that i love the most or characters i rather hate in a way (hate is too strong of a word though hmm)
#i usually don't exactly share things outright or directly abt myself to others. if you go out of your way to do so or analyze me you're#always welcome to do so ngl that intrigues me a lot. i do that w others often n the idea of the same happening to me just feels too foreign#i know hmm why exactly i'm like this rn n i don't care enough anymore to rlly write about it anymore#each time i think i write too much or say too much that's usually when i get worse n worse#earlier this year this summer when i was doing pretty well but then.. 'i talk too much'#n then part of me just disappeared since then#it hurts when it always feels like a part of me is just always hidden in a way. not that it's my intention bcs#i really want to just be myself n be authentic or wtvr but#this.. loneliness that has always been with me that i#hmm. thinking abt it n i haven't had any good dreams lately huh. despite sleeping early i still haven't rlly slept well#n the real world feels like a dream too. n then#this emptiness that's just always there despite all the things that have made me happy lately. it all feels like a dream#the past feels so far away. the sight of the stars the dawn on the horizon. the clouds yonder over the beach#all of it slipping out of my reach. the chill breeze hugging me n how free i felt in all those moments#reaching out.. reaching out wld leave me be to either fall or drown#in a literal sense n. also metaphorically#in hesitance for either outcome. perhaps everything's just taken away by the wind instead.#every trace taken away by the rain that floods my mind?#dunno what i'm writing. i just can't feel that i'm.. living properly. despite all of this#that disconnection or wtvr along w the regret n guilt n wtvr that just. piled up or wtvr#i lost a part of me that night. all these reflections confuse me so much n just warp my mind to other worlds#dilemmas so many dilemmas n these thoughts n emotions just contradict so painfully n#i'm fine. but. i don't want to forsake my progress or my younger n future self n#who am i? what do i want? why can't i.. reach out? incompetence on so many levels it gets hard to hold unto myself#but still i'll hope i guess. still dream n wish n write. but i'm just losing my energy n motivation to connect w reality#i'm sorry. for everything. so much i can't write.. but everything's crammed in my head or smth. but i'll be fine i'm fine#this is my fault. i'll do this on my own. i'm sorry#it's so confusing bcs i love myself more than i hate myself n i know what i need n should do but. yeah#i'll be fine eventually. with wtvr i'll do n wtvr pain so long as i still live even if i lose hope so long as i hold unto tomorrow..#i'm too tired to reach out for others n for myself anymore. i'm sorry. i'll be fine though i'll just think of other stuff for now
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it bothered him that another had come to their aid. and it was not for the reason one might think, of childish reasoning such as being made to feel weak or incapable of doing the task they had burned their whole childhood for. no ━━━ it was for one reason and one only: they were a shield and a shield should not be protected. it should hold the heavy weight of pain, of blood, even death. until bruised, broken and battered beyond recovery. even then that shield would have to turn to sword, sharp edges meant to cut down until nothing was left. he could not allow himself to ever appear as anything less than the emblem that decorated uniform dictated he should be. it's why heart seems to sink into stomach even when the knight offers them words of reprieve, of a gentle reasoning for their actions ━━━ did mikael really look that pathetic ? did he really look like he needed help ? it continues to gnaw on him even when the gallant knight offers him another chance to repay such favor, even when those eyes gaze upon him, even when they look away from him.
the paladin takes a second to compose himself, mind a flurry of thoughts while body remained at ease. good little soldier boy. the sword upon their hip seems to burn through their clothing. a reminder that he was truly sword and shield and nothing would ever change that. it's then with practiced ease that lips curve upwards into a smile yet there's nothing feigned about the warmth it exudes ━━━ an honesty mikael could never hide. a certain kindness ingrained into his being even when following a path that could and would slowly erode that hope he clung to even now. ❝ you're too kind. ❞ or perhaps stuck with the same kind of oath, that unwavering desire to be a protector even when deemed foolish. yet his voice is gentle, gratefulness laced around words, eyes soften then ━━━ emerald could never lie even if he wished to.
with hand resting upon the hilt of his sword does he follow their line of sight towards the maimed corpses, the remains of the slaughter and perhaps it's the way they say it but mikael can't help the laugh that escapes lips, breaking through the tension of the situation at hand. ❝ you needn't worry. those of my order will be here soon and make sure it's taken care off. and if they wouldn't i would've done it myself. ❞ stepping across several limbs , boots marred with blood, he comes to stand beside the taller knight, head tilted slightly, gaze falling upon their companion's visage: a beautiful painting of crimson, a darling green &. swirling red within that green and then: starlight. ❝ rest ? surely you jest. ❞ brief moment of enchantment broken by the amused glow within own emerald kissed hues as he begins to walk ahead, following the winding street, leading them away from the slaughter and gore.
❝ one such as i does not rest not when i can be called upon at a moment's notice. i shall rest when my duty has ended. ❞ a dramatic pause, a tinge of mischievousness settling within simper. ❝ that sounded rather intense did it not ? fear not, i rest when it's needed. i am no good otherwise. now that i have accepted your proposal of a supposed break what do you wish for us to do, oh stranger knight. you do not seem from here, i would've known one who carries the colors you do. and one with such prowess as well. this daring knight that came to my rescue, i am curious. ❞ ⊱ @knghted, cont. ⊰
#thread❟ mika ✧#verse❟ main: city of end / the golden abode ✧#knghted#clown jumpscare in ur notifs jkashkfjlkjl i moved it to a new post bc of saAFETY REASONS 😭#anyWAY!! genti and mika .... i am holding them my beloveds#a/rgenti trying to nudge mika into getting a break. they might as well try#to rip his heart out bc this man is almost married to the job JSALDKF UNHEALTHILY SO!!!#its ok to not be the hero mika. i beg. stop the savior and self-sacrificing for one (1) second#ok but like ... a/rgenti asking if those remains will be taken care off. yeah sure sir (gn). there is absolutely a cleaning service#that does /exactly that/. dont you worry sJKHVDKJ idk that part just took me out for no reason#anywhoooo i am yapping away myself wdym cut this ???#forget me ever giving you a short reply udhsjfhakjg ok well maybe i will someday idk .. never say never and all that#tbh i think there should come a ban between us when it comes to saying: don't match bc#WE WILL /MAKE IT LONGER/ FOR NO REASON 😭 BC WHAT IS THE LENGTH OF THIS POST. THIS IS TOO MUCH. HELP#anyway!!! i shall stop my yapping in the tags as well dsjhfkg love you!! mwah!! ❤️🔪
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#the idol system is such a fascinating and scary thing to me#like hearing shit over the years it's like how does anyone survive it?#(i'm staying away from all the anti-blackness of kpop & their fandoms rn so just the system)#((that was more for me bc my brain wants to go in that direction bc hooooooo. it's the main reason i cannot vibe w more than a few songs#over the last almost 15 years cause like knowing.... anyway))#like i just got groundfloored w a group rn via jbrekkie shoutout michelle like literally their debut is 24 hrs from now i've rabbitholed#since i heard their snippet on her vid and like the way ppl talk about it already like... as an outsider it's like alriiiight here we goo#they're (mgmt) pipelining another group of ppl let's be sure to support it! streamstreamvote!! oo it looks like their taking the toy/doll#route w these girls super aesthetic let's goo. & like......????? and ppl are already rabid about it. it's wild. and like this is the system#this is it. they make groups and then tease and the people who follow the conglomerate see it and are waiting to#be fed another x amount of folks doing formations and looking cute/hot open wide and consume#(like ik some (or a lot) of those accnts are bots/plants to pad the release and gain traction against algos but like also real folks too)#like not to discredit their vocal work (&dancing though some (alot) of these grps are not nearly as lit w 'dancing' as folks hype em up to#be Frfr. good movers/formations/camera motion & body rolls do not a dancer/good choreo make) but it's really secondary for a lot of#folks atp it's so strange & fascinating. and like i dug the song that's why i'm here so no knock against that but just the factory of it al#it's so damn WILD to me. but at the same time let's be real here. same dish different kitchen for a lot of western pop#they're just more transparent about it and have streamlined finding their popstars & having the public be great w it#it's just... i think it would be less strange if stan culture wasn't a thing or at least more mild than it is now#if it wasn't blown up to this unfathomably massive ever-churning industry by people in literal droves#idk idk i have a lot of thoughts on kpop it's truly a very interesting thing and to have been aware of it and into it to#an extent a while before the sonic boom in the west is an incredibly wild thing to look back on#like i wanna follow this (mostly cause i wanna hear the whole song) but also v curious but also like man the system is bad for many#reasons & here's another batch on the conveyor belt. idk :/#like as long as the participants are happy and healthy and being actually taken care of and not advantage of then great but#yk. the music industry at large is horrible (and esp to women) so like. god ide wanna think about the disparities btwn girl & boy groups#(like to start are they not referred to as 'male groups' on the reg but 'girl groups' more often than 'female'? always w the infantalizing#like given girl group has way more ring than female group but the words still conjure up different things it's just how language works#but boy group idk if i've ever really heard someone use that? and there's been a long time battle w the reclamation of 'boy band'#like it's still dirty for a lot of folks but anyway v western context but there's a large fanbase here so many fans speak as such#this is what we call our own pop groups etc. and it's just interesting and sad idk anyway it's just... huuuhhh a lot.) ok gn lol
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