#bc they don’t have a lot of ppl to talk to

[tooturtly]

Just so ppl know it does get better! I didn’t really have friends from ages 13-18, and even before then I always felt a little different (gay and neurodivergent). And yeah, it sucked. I thought I was doing everything right. I talked to people in class, I did extracurriculars, I was involved. But nobody was texting me unless it was about something school related. I wasn’t invited to anybody’s house. Twice the people I ate lunch with made homecoming plans but never invited me, I just showed up bc of how much they talked about it.

It finally took seeing the group of people I thought were my friends really overtly reject an openly neurodivergent guy from the friend group. Why? Because he talked too much, he was too sincere. It wasn’t any fault of his own. When I hung out with him in a smaller group, I had a blast. And I realized it wasn’t his fault or mine, but the people who I didn’t even like that much who were pushing me away. They were doing the same thing to both of us, and I should be pissed about it! (I still am, even know people change, it was still a shitty thing to do)

My senior year I finally put myself first and realized that having bad friends was worse than being alone. And I might as well be alone on my terms. I went to homecoming and prom by myself, I wore my own weird clothes and danced by myself just to have fun. I realized that going with those people had made me have less fun, because they hardly wanted to dance to the music if they didn’t know the song. I decided I was going to have fun and be my own person.

The only people I had who were friends were the older people at the game shop I went to. They were kind and patient with me when I didn’t know all the rules, and I’ve since lost touch with them but everyday I’m thankful that I had them in my life. Thank you for taking care of this weird teenager who was too loud and too pushy, and who you guided anyway! Thank you for humoring me!

And then I did find lasting friends. I graduated high school and found a group of amazing, nerdy, goofy people who I clicked with. We play D&D together, we eat together often, we share our stories, we talk and we laugh, we have inside jokes.

As I’ve gotten older I know I still have those moments. Even with my closest friends, I have doubts and anxieties about if they actually like me, if I’m a good and kind enough person to be able to sustain a friendship. Sometimes I think maybe I’m better off alone, because then any hurt I cause will only be me. I’ve never had friends before, I don’t know anything! Sometimes I think I’m too full of hurt to do anything but hurt. But I don’t trust those thoughts! My brain lies to me all the time! Those terrible twisted feelings never come from me, they come from a me that doesn’t know anything but pain and sorrow. I’m an entirely different person when the depression hits, and I’ve learned enough not to trust how I feel in those moments.

I know that I’m trying and my friends know it too. I’m not purposefully mean, I make amends when I make mistakes, which is all you can do because everyone makes mistakes. And I think about how much sadder my life would be without my support network. I would be miserable! Yeah I can do it alone, but I don’t want to! Doing it alone sucks! I love my friends! I don’t want to let them go, and they want me around. If my friends didn’t want me around, they’d tell me to pack it. Yet I’ve continued making friends, I find fun and weird people everywhere!

Fuck it, I’m gonna be me as much as I can! Life is terrible when you’re pretending to be someone else. And I’ve been lucky enough to find space irl where I can be me. If you can’t do that in person, go online, find community anywhere you can get it. I know I learned a lot from lurking online in high school.

My friends love me even though I have flaws, and I love them even though they have flaws. Including the anxiety and self doubt! Loving with flaws is human. Confidence is your armor against that self doubt. Even if it’s fake! Say fuck it and love your life, love yourself! The world is beautiful! Life is beautiful in those small moments laughing, in talking, in smiling.

Yes this is optimistic positivity! Because pessimism made me sad and being sad does not make you want to live! And I want to live. I made the choice once to live as much as I can. God’s tried to kill me twice and he has failed so far, so I will dance through life laughing.

I can still be depressed and I can still laugh! I can be lonely sometimes and still have friends! I can know that there’s always light at the end of the tunnel if I smile and greet the darkness as my friend.

On Isolation

[cross-d-a]

wasn’t expecting that my meeting with my manager would make me feel a 100x better today. even though it wasn’t like- all talking about good stuff idk. but also maybe it was the chance to work alone in the office for 2 hours today idk OH but maybe it was finally being able to schedule a dental appt that too

[dolls-self-ships]

What do you think Ford’s reaction is to new music? I just imagine one day playing one of your playlists for him and him just being really confused. Him being all like, “this is what people listen to now?”

to be honest I think he would be open to trying new music but overall prefers what he grew up with. I think as a scientist being open minded comes very naturally to him, because to do that kind of work you have to be open to explore new ideas and discover new things, so I absolutely think he would give modern music a try! He would be very shocked by the kind of language being used in music these days though. Poor guy would get very flustered if you showed him any lyrics by cupcake, hell I feel like even Ariana grande might make him blush. Will listen to it if you really want him to but will sit there awkwardly and refuse to sing along with you, sorry

[wriokitty]

Should also do an ask game where I assign ppl visions but I go into great detail why I think they’d get that vision and what their story for getting it might be

[why-the-heck-not]

I know the point is to figure out your research question with the help of ur thesis supervisor, but my ”I’ll figure this out myself”-gene is an almighty force. I want to disappear for 4 months and come back with a ready-made thesis

[otrtbs]

y’all are so weird. if you hate the way i characterized regulus in ahb! then,,, stop reading it? no one is forcing you to read it?? you can just put it down,,, you know that right???? who has the gun to your head making you click next chapter??? you can just stop reading it at any time. no really, trust me!

[elliotly]

i wish more ppl understood that for things to happen as an adult sometimes you need 1) money 2) time

[yay-depression]

hello! quick reminder that as all the media surrounding demi lovato’s interview where she said she was “tired” of using they/them pronouns show misleading headlines about how demi was “exhausted from using they/them” what actually happened is that demi lovato said it was exhausting having to constantly explain themselves and constantly educate people on they/them pronouns.

[scionshtola]

i am not really a zenos enjoyer in the sense i think most ppl think of it but i do appreciate what his role does for cori. like i do think it’s neat he looked at them and saw their power and then made up everything about their personality in order to see connection. it’s cool to me that cori gets to be like no, he’s wrong about me. that cori gets to have all this power and still be kind, still not be bloodthirsty in any way, still not want to engage with him. idk i just think it adds a lot!

[glittertimes]

Being treated like a weird crazy girl my entire life has made it so hard to actually find help to not be so weird and crazy bc I realized I just kept accepting therapists that couldn’t really help me and friendships where I felt miserable and emotionally unsafe bc I thought I was so weird and different and there wasn’t anything out there that would actually be helpful or fulfilling for me.

When I’m realizing I just needed a therapist that understood oppression and the ways that has impacted me bc a lot of my therapists have kind of judged me for being “behind” for my age like still living at home or not being able to drive - even when I was in grad school or incredibly capable in other areas of life I was still seen as a kid and that made it harder to really trust myself and feel comfortable living on my own and providing for myself.

[burinazar]

:( patheticposting

nearly literally reduced to tears rn by how overwhelmingly it feels like nobody cares what I make or like or think about and how meaningless any of my creativity and love and effort is

[mylove-thresher]

JUMPING UP AND DOWN!!,,,!!,! I DREW!,!,,,!!!!,,

yo cuando mujeres sobrenaturales

[that-was-anticlimactic]

the lack of respect for the httyd books pisses me off ugh

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

I love learning ASL it’s so good. Makes me happy to learn it. I’m so glad my university has classes for it with professors actually steeped in Deaf culture.

[grimbleton5s]

tee bee haytch i’m not even sure i fully grasp why so much of the arcane fanbase fully believe viktor and mel like… hate each other. i don’t think they’re best friends nor do i think they’re on good terms, but hate seems like such a strong word for two characters who the writers literally barely let interact. hate implies seething. a vitriol. lying awake at night angry about the others existence. and i just don’t think it gets that serious for either of them. i know the go to thing to point to in order to explain this belief is that one particular scene from s1 that i won’t even describe or be specific about since it’s obvious which one i mean, but even that doesn’t really feel like proof enough to me to justify the whole ‘they are enemies. they can’t stand each other’ or ‘mel doesn’t like him at all’ angle that people push. truthfully i do not think mel hates viktor. if we are to go by solely what we see in s1, then i do not think she even thinks about him much unless he is in her line of sight. and you could argue that that is in some ways as bad as disliking him, but it’s definitely nowhere as close to the sort of vitriol the fans seem to think exist between them. i think any dislike viktor has towards her doesn’t get anymore personal than the basic dislike he has for all of the councilors. one might argue, no, see, he dislikes her more so than everyone else because of jayce and the scene. you know the scene… but even then i don’t think so. i think he’s less upset with mel because i don’t think he expects much else from what he sees as another rich politician, and more upset with jayce, actually, for letting himself be so easily swayed by a pretty face. i don’t know call me crazy but i think many of y’all are projecting your own hidden dislike of mel for ‘getting in the way of yaoi’ onto the characters. but that is just me.

[lesbianyosano]

there is something so nefarious about animanga fans’ willingness to perceive the characters as white even when they are explicitly stated to be japanese