#bc the choices are the RIGHT ones!
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the thing about the hbo television show "barry" is that you do not watch "barry", "barry" is something that happen to you, usually in the form of bill hader taking a hefty cast iron pan directly to your frontal lobe and you thanking him for it
#barry#girlies......I am not well#like#what the FUCK#the rare tv show where I absolutely adore every godawful choice they make#bc the choices are the RIGHT ones!#no character is safe from the most horrific consequences of their actions#so loving a character is a practice in self punishment#but I do! I love each and every one!#and I do not get pleasure out of watching them suffer!#and yet I WANT to watch them suffer#does that make sense?#its about the rammys bro#also what the fuck anthony#what the ever loving fuck#how do you DO that#top ten performance moments of this year so far#top five#also#I turned to my partner after the episode ended#and was like#'i want to have a nine hour dinner with bill hader where we just talk about masculinity'#I think we would have a wonderful time#lauren feels things
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yeah we might be brothers in christ but so were cain and abel so shut the fuck up before i decide to find a rock about it
#postscript;#if you try to tell me cain and abel were not brothers in christ shut up pls#i've studied theology for nearly a decade. i know more than you.#christ's harrowing of hell exists to retroactively turn all of humanity even before his existence into ''brothers'' in christ#because it is not a literal term it is an evangelist term. bc christianity in all denominations is evangelistic in nature#not being a christian is 1. a moral incorrect choice according to them and#2. not actually possible. everyone is judged as a christian everyone is fundamentally supposed to be christian#calling someone a brother in christ is just calling them christian.#so ergo according to doctrine cain and abel are in fact brothers in christ#but#and this is far more important than any of that#i was not trying to be perfectly accurate to the theological timeline of the tanakh vs torah vs old testament vs new testament vs apocrypha#i was trying to make a silly one line joke on the internet#and all you do when you try to go Well Actually They Werent is make yourself look stupid and pedantic.#so for the love of god stop it with needing to be right online im so bored and tired
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perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:
does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies
#when i tell you every single resource i’ve ever found or tried to get through or anyone i’ve ever asked#has been just so. mean about it#not even intentionally#not always at least#but there’s so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things#that i don’t think people can untie that from their ‘helpful tips’#it’s all ‘i used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you don’t have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!’ and it’s like. okay.#you see how that’s not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any ‘on time’ person#ever had#this has been a comic i’ve been stewing on for ages as well but. well there’s of course the shame#idk it’s something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it#see it as a personal choice to be late#and as something one needs to just ‘try harder’ to fix. and that if you don’t#you inherently don’t care about other people’s time or even other people in general#and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean i’ve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices#it’s something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for#bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. they’re always always viewed as a personal failing#and i’m sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves#and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Don’t care about anyone else#there’s a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month
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Astarion and Agency- The Necessity of Discomfort to Self Discovery and the Infantilization of Victims
Minor Astarion discourse ahead that mentions the treatment of SA victims post-abuse:
I want to open this post up just with like. The statement that I don't think there is a correct way to enjoy media and that I LOVE to see individual head cannons and takes on characters in media. I think that is also, to a degree, an integral part of video games because of how unique the experience of playing a game will be to every person who plays it. But it has been making me feel so incredibly sad looking through fan content, art, or discourse for BG3 specifically because of how many people have taken the route of infantilizing Astarion.
I understand the instinct to shield or protect an individual that you love and care for. I also understand that because of the nature of the things that Astarion goes through, a lot of people also feel very deep emotional stakes in him. I'm one of the many fans of the character who is a victim of SA and CSA, I really do get it. That is also why for me personally it is so demoralizing to watch so many people treat him like he is a child who cannot make his own decisions or stand up for himself. Part of that frustration stems from it feeling like a media literacy issue, and the other part of that sense of defeat is just because it feels indicative of a broader attitude that people seem to hold towards victims of abuse, particularly those who are victims of SA.
To explain what I mean by people infantilizing him: I see so many people refuse to allow him the opportunity to be hurt, or to feel uncomfortable. They see this character who has been through an immensely horrible and traumatic experience, and their instinct is to try and shield him from anything else that has the potential to upset him. I get that the people who want that aren't doing it with malicious intent, but frankly it is not really...Helpful? To try and prevent victims from Experiencing Discomfort tm. I also think it kind of disregards the entire thesis of Astarion's character and arc.
When you go through something that robs you of your selfhood and agency, the world can become a crushingly terrifying place. In Astarion, that fear presents itself in a desperation for power, control, and at the core of both of these desires- Safety. One thing the game is clear about is that he has a right to kill his abuser. He has a right to escape his situation. A lot of Astarion's personal arc is centered around being able to finally do that. But the game doesn't just leave it off at getting him to safety. So much of it is also about him needing to take responsibility for himself and his actions, with needing to learn who he as a person is.
The inclusion of the Gur children and Sebastian as characters is a good example of ways in which the game gives Astarion the opportunity to take responsibility. I think that if the intention of the arc was meant to be that "Astarion should never ever have to deal with being afraid or uncomfortable again", then the Ascended arc wouldn't Come with such heavy moral ramifications, like sacrificing the other people just like him, killing the victims he lured in, literal child murder. The game infers that he doesn't deserve to die because of the things he Needed to do to survive, but it also makes it very clear that there is a difference between addressing an Active Threat and using your fear as an excuse to hurt others. Breaking that cycle of abuse when he finally gets the chance to is what separates Spawn Astarion from Cazador.
Taking responsibility for himself, and letting himself sit in the discomfort of vulnerability ultimately ends up being a thing that he is very proud of and cherishes. If you tell him you will make sure nothing like that ever again he himself says that he doesn't want you to be his protector. And so it blows my mind when people go into all of these discussions about Astarion with this...Weird moral high ground for never, ever making or letting him make choices that might hurt him?
I see this the most when it comes to discussions about the possible polyamorous relationship with Halsin and the interaction with the drow twins in the brothel. So many people are just...outright angry? At other people engaging with either of those options? And I feel like that anger is one) rooted in the projection of their Own feelings on non-monogamy and what a victim of SA can or cannot look like. and two) Relies on undermining the agency that Astarion BEGS you for at every turn.
When it comes to the drow twins, the game adapts Astarion's response to them based on where he is in his own personal development (a really cool thing imo). Obviously, if he still doesn't feel good or safe about engaging with sex he declines and says you can feel free, though he hopes you aren't just doing it because he hasn't had sex with you. I think this makes sense: He's just gotten out of a situation where his Safety and worth were directly tied to him having sex. I imagine he feels afraid that not wanting to have sex with you makes him replaceable or inadequate because at this point in the game, he feels like that's all he has to offer. The interaction is relatively the same if you ask him for a poly amorous relationship with Halsin: He just asks you to reassure him that you aren't only doing it because he hasn't had sex with you, and then tells you he isn't worried about it otherwise.
A lot of people have taken the expression of that insecurity in combination with him still allowing you to go forward and do these things as him just "sucking it up" because he's afraid of losing you. (I am aware Shadowheart says he wouldn't be able to handle it when you ask her if you can date both of them- But keep in mind, Astarion says she wouldn't be able to either, and THAT obviously isn't true of her. For the purposes of this discussion I'm only including interactions with Astarion as a judgement of his character.) I understand that concern, but I feel this take disregards so many other points of dialogue, and is also continually rooted in the baseline vilification of discomfort.
To further go into it, the way that he speaks about both of these interactions changes significantly if you speak to him about it once he is completely free from Cazador, and has had time to allow himself to start reconnecting with himself and his sexuality on his terms. He has absolutely No reservations about an open or poly relationship with Halsin, and says he trusts that things will be ok because he one) feels secure in Your relationship and two) Knows Halsin is experienced and trusts him to not be a messy bitch about it.
I think that shift, in combination with the in game explanation of why he isn't ok with being in that sort of relationship with the other Origin Characters (for Lae'zel and Wyll, he says they'd never agree to that. For Shadowheart, he says she's not experienced with open relationships and that he doesn't think it'd work out. For Karlach, that it would break her heart. And for Gale, he says you need standards.) is a pretty good indicator that he doesn't actually care about polyamory or monogamy. I think the vilification of that choice relies on you picking and choosing when you do or do not believe Astarion or just outright not liking non-monogamy in the first place. This interaction has more to do with the player's choice and comfort level, and so is not as important to the broader discussion I am trying to have in this post.
The interaction that is more pertinent to not Allowing him to make decisions is, I think, the drow twins. If you interact with the drow twins after the completion of the Cazador questline, he is outright giddy at the prospect of interacting with the Drow twins. Specifically stating that he is excited to see how he likes these sorts of things now that he's free.
NOW- I do NOT think that he enjoys the act. The game makes that abundantly clear, and I'm not arguing that he has a great time. He obviously does not, and dissociates during it. That being said, allowing this interaction to happen does not make a player evil or selfish. You are not playing the hero if you decide to moderate his choices just because you do not think he is ready for it. Once again, no one is evil for Not doing it either, and I am not saying anybody has to want to. I am just saying that treating this choice like it is an evil choice to make relies on completely disregarding what He wants to do.
Astarion says so many times in the game that he is anxious about finally having the freedom to find out what he wants to do, and I think that his excitement for the drow twin exchange is one of the opportunities the game gives him to make a choice. He makes that choice- And it sucks for him. He doesn't enjoy the act, and having done it he would be able to move forward knowing that. I think it's really cool and important that the game represents that facet of recovering as a victim. While you are trying to renavigate who you are, you are going to make a million new choices you never had before. And sometimes those choices are going to suck ass. It would be a different matter if he knew these things would hurt him and went ahead and did them anyway. But so many people expect him to move forward avoiding even the Potential of being hurt, and I think that is extremely reductive of his arc and who he is.
Beyond the matter of interpersonal relationships, the choice between Ascending or not Ascending Astarion is not a matter of choosing the lesser of two evils. It is a choice between his fear and his humanity. Between letting his trauma and his fear define him for the rest of his immortal life, and allowing him the vulnerability of deciding who he is when he isn't running from the world. When he's willing to listen to the parts of himself that want to do right, that wants meaningful connection, that wants to be proud of himself. That wants to meet himself. To confront who he is when someone else isn't deciding that for him.
Astarion as a character is extremely ambitious, inquisitive, and adventurous, three traits that only become more and more evident as he breaks free from letting his own fear dictate how he lives his life. I don't understand how so many people can see him and want to take the core of his character away from him, when he spends the entire game fighting desperately to take it back.
Victims are not casts of the abuse they have gone through. Their shapes may be changed by the hands of others, they may have to relearn how to be the person they want to be. But they are not broken or irreparable or fragile. They do not need to be freed from the grip of one person to be held tight in the grip of another. It is so fucking unfair and self-important to think that your hands will be the ones that fix them. That your hands know better than theirs. I think the kindest thing you can do for a person is to trust them with themselves, and to listen when they tell you who they are and what they want. Please listen to the voices that have only just learned to speak. It is the only way they can get better at doing it.
#astarion#astarion bg3#bg3#baldur's gate 3#astarion ancunin#I know this is kind of overdramatic#but like pls pls pls pls#ask yourself why you feel the need to protect victims from the experience of growth#and then consider if that attitude is a fair or helpful one#because freedom includes the right to make choices. even stupid painful ones.#that being said this essay is more for people who played the game exclusively making choices they thought would make astarion comfortable#like ascending him or not participating in polyamory#this essay is NOT for people who just ascended him for dom dialogue with him#bc I think it is a bit silly to tell people who wanted a toxic make him worse dynamic#that they are enabiling toxicity and making him worse#this is just an alternative pov for people who genuinely think it is for the best to do these things
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HAPPY!!! BIRTHDAY!!! UNDERTALE YELLOW!!!!!! It's still the 9th where I am so this still counts right guys right guys right gu
This silly little fangame. This silly little fangame man
I genuinely do not have the words to express my love of uty so I drew this instead and made myself cry several times while doing so in hopes that it gets the message across well enough
Long story short AGSUSGH. I LOVE YOU UTY
#uty#undertale yellow#uty starlo#uty ceroba#uty martlet#starlo uty#ceroba uty#martlet uty#uty spoilers#undertale yellow spoilers#fun fact i had two projects due today#one of them was this#and the other was a project in my human geo class worth like 40% of my grade#i think i made the right choice#also kinda unrelated but i almost didnt get EITHER done bc i got a shit ton of funky rubiks cubes recently#man i love those little things#i may have been a little distracted for a while#also shoutout to jarvis johnson i watched like all of his videos while i drew this
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One of my biggest pet peeves is the justice league being labelled as " The Avengers of DC" and its like. No? The avengers are law enforcement. The Justice League are volunteers
#its like -- captain america is the staple of US military and Superman is a public servant#the one avenger member who has no bounds or legal obligation is tony and its bc hes rich. you could argue that he actually lost#autonomy when shield recruited him because like. protection isn't necessary tied to 'good.' the avengers protect the planet bc sure#its what they believe in and feel like its their duty and yada yada but ultimately they're self serving and most of their#help is accidental. i say most of bc we've seen they abstain from getting involved unless they have a common interest#with dc its like. you have these people in a position of privilege (having superpowers -- which gives them a spot of advantage to ppl who#dont have it) who do the right thing because they WANT TO. and they can stop at any time because nothing stops them.#they COULD say 'yeah you're on your own. we don't really care anymore. duces!' but they Dont.#because through its many flaws dc realizes that goodness isn't only a choice -- its a responsibility#theres probably better ways to say this but. alas#batman#superman#wonder woman#green arrow#aquaman#the justice league#tjl#justice league#dc#dc comics#text#text post
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so im not sure if anyones interested, but, i went through quite a bunch of totk critiques by people who were also very disappointed with it and thought id share my favorite videos i found (granted, i only really wachted those that youtube recommened and its mostly .. white men... things like the orientalism problem are not mentioned at all for example, maybe ill update this post if i find any more diverse voices)
i dont agree with every single point and also dont know most of the channels (aside from the big zelda theory guys) so i judged solely by what they mentioned in those videos and the quality of it (like the audio .. bc i cant listen to bad audio)
in no particular order, also they talk about or use footage of the literal ending stuff so if you arent done with the game yet, better leave these for now
youtube
youtube
youtube
youtube
(the following one is a podcast thing by multiple zelda theory guys, there some stuff you can skip at the start thats just kidna random things, but the video is marked with chapters)
youtube
(theres some mention of some things not making sense, like the sonau only being two, and ithink thats kinda bc the english translation was weirdly vague about that, in the german version its much more directly said that they all died out and only rauru and mineru were left of them;
also mentions of how unfitting it is to call the enigma stones "secret"stones in english might come from a similar thing; in german they where called "Mysterienstein" which would be translated as mystic/mysterious/enigma- stone
just wanted to mention that since the vast majority are gonna play it in english only and the stuff online is also dominated by english)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#totk#ganondoodles rants#not really#but it kinda fits in the theme#some things are a lil too complainy for complainings sake#but overall those are the ones i felt spoke about alot of the broader problems#Youtube#also i dont ... like the english translations of these games#and im not a fan of the english voice acting either tbh#idk whats with zelda in particular#and i dont want to shit on translators#but man#some weird translation choices have done active damage in the whoe lore department#plus its jsut kinda .. weird and unecessary at times#why call it gloom?? miasma sound way more connected to malice and actually menacing#secret stones??? why?? mystic or engima is right there plus its confusing bc they .. are not secret at all??#makes stuff complicated too bc im using the words i know but in english almost every name is totally different#why not ... keep the names of the og japanese??#i know german is guilty of changing stuff too#but my point stands
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Moicy baby au? In our lord 2k24? More likely than you think.
Hcs surrounding this au below the cut (screenshoted from my xitter bc I’m lazy)
#she’s crying bc she’s overwhelmed by the fact that she really made the Right choice#happy tears!#moicy#I have Feelings about this#Moira overwatch#mercy overwatch#angela ziegler#moira odeorain#moircy#ovw#moira x mercy#moicy baby au#also all of Moira’s features are recessive genes so designing this bby was interesting#I decided to treat her red eyes like brown ones snd go with that#even tho I hc Moira’s red eye is due to a lack of melanin in it#in the end these characters are pixels and nothing matters so whatever lol
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You've done this before. If you care so much about them, set them free. / Take my heart.
2x08 / 5x03 / 5x08 / 6x03 / 6x08
#it was just red#tdp soren#sorayla#tdp#the dragon prince#tdp finnegrin#parallels#multi#mine#tag ramble#theme: sacrifice#subset: choices#dark magic#this is the one way i could see callum getting out of the greater good problem tbh#where rather than choosing rayla OR the greater good he sacrifices himself through dark magic use#it'd be iffy just bc that'd mean opening himself up to aaravos' possession if aaravos hasn't been taken out as a threat#& i still think he'll be making the outright choice AND sacrificing himself#(aka claudia picking soren in hers and then doing dark magic use)#but who knows#like rayla and soren both go 'take my heart. sacrifice me'#and viren has grown enough to be like callum where he realizes the right thing to do is to sacrifice himself#and callum would never think about sacrificing his loved ones to begin with so#s6#s2#s5
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You and your annoying uni friend slash occasional roommate Endo who likes to crash at your place unprompted and unannounced at random times. Despite your pouts and groans you enjoy his presence as much as he does.
He’s an impressive artist with wonderful line work, his newest works always has you waiting to see the end result, watching with great focus as he works on them on your floor in the dead of the night
And he’s great company too. A beer cracked open, snacks all around and it’s just the two of you shittalking others, gossiping and being mean just because you can and oh—
is it not fun to spend time with him like that- to the point he has become perhaps the closest to you. Each others confidants, secret keepers, the number one victim to drag when the other one is trying something new or going to a new place.
So it’s no surprise when you whine about how boring and lonely things have gotten lately and you just miss a good ol heated making out session. Maybe a little handsy if türe feeling up to it, maybe even a little grinding if the night looks promising.
Before the two of you know, your hot breaths are all over each other, Endo’s hands at both sides, pulling you into his lap with strength and pressing you against that aching spot in his pants just to relieve himself as you bite into his neck and mark him up in red
#I am…. not ok#Art student Endo whose status as a student is hanging on by a thread bc as a genius as he is he is a nuisance to his teachers LMAO#but he’s so damn good at what he does and how he does so the university can’t risk dispelling a prodigy like him despite his bad choices in#life and friends (chika)… you don’t know who chika is exactly but it’s alright Endo will introduce the two of you when the time comes#one time boredom turns into a second time drink mistake and before you know you’re fwb or so you claim but you’re exclusive as hell#no one dares to go anywhere near you after what Endo has done to other fools who dared to do the same mistake#and you get so possessive dismissive and down right mean to Endo when he even looks someone else’s way— he loves to feel your nails dig into#his skin and he will make sure to find a good balance between provoking you just enough and not have you punish him by leaving him high and#dry for days… weeks even sometimes#endo yamato#wind breaker#endo x reader#college au#wind breaker x reader
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I see your Bruce adopts Billy au and raise you Diana adopts Billy while Bruce hovers on the sidelines playing godfather who has the adoption papers ready if something bad happens. Jon also gets this treatment.
#batman#look i get his name is BATson but you have a little guy with the blessings of multiple gods and one of his patrons daughter Right There#she'd call him her ward though#bc she'd respect he had loving parents and that he has taken care of himself for so long. like going from no mom/dead mom for 6 years#diana originally meeting captain marvel was like a cousin situation. shes like oh cool you are family now you get no choice#then billy gets aged revealed and shes like oh you are now immediate family.#diana and clark are touched that bruce has their back with their kids#theyd extend the offer as well if bruce didnt have 100 kids and half were already fully grown adult's#clark was super ready to step in during dicks younger years tho if smth happened to bruce#billy batson#wonder woman#shazam#bruce wayne#captain marvel#diana prince
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Belobog was my fave main quest but a lot of it is so. Contradictory. It's like they had multiple groups doing different shit and none of them checked in with each other for consistency. And you see this so much in Gepard's profile.
So in the main quest, they made him unfailingly, unquestionably loyal to Cocolia. Gepard's character arc is him learning to question authority etc etc. And this isn't even a bad thing; that's a story worth telling! It makes good conflict between him and Serval! And I love that we got Gepard as a boss battle and I get to see him all the time in SU!
But then you look at his character stories and it's like. The complete opposite.
According to his profile, Gepard has already HAD this awakening, long before the Astral Express, and he'd already decided Cocolia sucks. Even outside of his stories, there's a pretty damning readable between him and Pela.
He even disobeyed direct orders right in front of her- he has been disobeying orders for a while now!
So I've decided I'm marrying the two different sides of this into a 1.5k fic-ish thingy, because I think there's some fun potential there with Gepard not trusting Cocolia, but still having to pretend to be a good obedient little soldier.
Anyway. I love to think of it as like. Gepard knows Cocolia has sunk into her apathy. He can see it in her eyes every time he looks at her. She doesn't care. Not about him, not about Pela, not about all his soldiers on the frontlines giving their lives to protect the citizens. And that's... It makes him bristle a bit, but ok. Gepard can deal with this. Even if Cocolia no longer cares, as long as she does her job then it's fine. Having compassion behind an action doesn't matter as much as the action itself. If Cocolia's heart is no longer swayed, then he'll just have to care twice as hard to pick up the slack. He considers it part of his duty as a captain of the guard anyway. It's fine. Gepard can deal with it.
And then, Cocolia starts coming down to the restricted zone. Issuing direct orders.
And Gepard realizes he is in way over his head.
Because Cocolia orders him to stay back and issue commands from the ramparts, away from all his comrades, away from where he can protect them.
Gepard had thought nothing could be as bad as watching a fellow guard die right next to him. But the first time he watches someone struck by a killing blow, so far away, it hurts. Every defensive scar across his arms itches, his fingers curl in want of a weapon, the cold cannot numb his hands enough as they desperately ache for his shield. It hurts.
Gepard tries to find any reason to stay. Because surely... He knows Cocolia has lost her love for her people, but surely... She wouldn't...
One day, Cocolia orders for their gunners to advance 20 yards. There are no survivors. She almost looks like she smiles.
Gepard doesn't sleep that night.
Pela brings him the report at the end of the first month; and then the month after that, and the month after that. A significant uptick in losses, and all of it started on that first day Cocolia started overriding his authority and issuing her own orders. The ends of Gepard's pens have all been nearly chewed off. Pela outright calls Cocolia an idiot, and Gepard corrects her. Cocolia isn't an idiot. Gepard had known her through Serval, knew her through all her college years and then some, and he knows how intelligent she is. It's not that she's stupid, and it's not that she's inexperienced, it's nothing of the sort.
Cocolia knows exactly what she's doing.
She must, there's no way she could make such a horrible mess of things so badly by accident. And Pela, quick as a whip, sharp as a tack, always too smart for her own good, catches onto the meaning behind Gepard's correction without any further prompting. The tent goes deathly quiet, nothing but the wind howling outside.
"...She's trying to kill us," Pela whispers, her voice swiftly suffocated by the silence.
Gepard swallows. He can't bring himself to correct her this time. There is nothing he could say that he would actually mean.
His gaze drops, back down to his desk and the reports on it. The names aren't listed, just the numbers, but Gepard knows them, knew them, and there must be something wrong, something he's missing, because why, why would she-? What could this possibly accomplish-?
“Gepard! Focus!” Something snaps right under his nose, and Gepard startles, eyes instantly honing in on Pela's irritated face as she leans over his desk. She holds his gaze for a moment before she huffs and begins to pace, wedges a knuckle between her teeth and bites like Gepard hasn't seen her do since cadet school.
Pela angrily strides from one end of his tent to the other, words hissed between her grit teeth. “What are we going to do?” In the dim lighting, Gepard can just barely see the damp spot of blood weeping under her gloves. “We need a plan.”
“A plan?”
“Wh- Yes, a plan! Unless you want more people to die!” Pela rounds on him then, all the wrath of a blizzard, winds roaring and snow sharp enough to cut.
“We don't even know-”
“What does it matter?! She killed-!!” Pela cuts off with a garbled noise when Gepard leaps up from his desk, hastily shoves his hand over her mouth. The prosthetic, not the flesh one, because he knows better than to assume Pela won't seize the opportunity to leave teeth marks in his skin.
“You're right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry; you're right. But you need to keep quiet.” Pela quirks an eyebrow at him and Gepard can read the question in her face. “Because we both saw what she did to Serval,” he hisses.
It's amazing the snow plains haven't thawed out yet, the amount of heat Pela can put behind a glare. The mere mention of Serval, and the smoking ruins Cocolia had made of her life and career, have her bristling up like a riled cat. The sudden hot breath she takes fans fog across his metal skin, and Gepard wisely keeps it in place until Pela finally sighs and reaches up, taps her fingertips against the back of his hand.
The second she's free, Pela bats him away and then her knuckle is right back between her teeth again, Gepard leaning back against his desk with his arms crossed to watch her resume her pacing. “If we spread the word, she'll have us discharged and make sure we can't even touch the frontlines,” Pela's voice seethes like an open sore. Gepard nods but keeps his silence. He knows better than to get in her way.
“And if you and I are both out of the picture, Belobog is fucked.” A little harsher than how he would have put it, but there's no denying that they're both important to the city's survival. Pela has the restricted zone running as efficiently as ever, and Gepard had become the youngest captain on record for a reason. “We need to keep this tight under wraps, at least for now… It can't leak to anyone higher up the chain.” Another nod. “Serval might know other discontents…” Another n-
Gepard's head snaps up. “No.”
“No what?”
“No. We're not involving Serval in this.”
Somehow, even the same tone that leaves entire squadrons shaking in their boots has never worked on her. “You're not deciding that for her, Gepard.”
Pela hadn't seen the worst of it, though, back when his sister had just been banned from the Architects. Serval's pride hadn't allowed it. Pela wasn't the one to find her passed out bottle still in hand, hadn't been the one to wash the sick out of her hair or carry her to bed.
Serval still has trouble thinking clearly when it comes to Cocolia, still can't quite bring herself to be objective. And Gepard maybe doesn't want her to be purely objective- but he would worry a lot less if she thought twice before she acted more often.
“At least let me be the one to bring it up to her.”
“Whatever, fine,” Pela gestures affirmatively at him as she paces past, and Gepard sighs. Good, at least that's one thing he can help.
From there, it's a lot of hemming and hawing and frustration. Cocolia has them under her boot, and Gepard and Pela both know it. Even with the way she's been cracking down on freedoms lately, Cocolia is still, overall, liked by the people. It's unlikely anyone would believe them. They don't even have solid proof, because most people don't know Cocolia as well as they do and won't see the clues in the same light.
The Fragmentum has been ramping up in recent years, too. Everyone is struggling just to survive as is, they can't afford a fight on two fronts. Gepard is a damn good captain, one of the best for that matter. But they're at a massive disadvantage, his experience is narrowed to fighting a defensive battle against monsters, that's all he's ever done. That's all anyone there has ever done. He has no way of finding first-hand knowledge for taking the offensive against a human opponent, and if he goes at this blind, there's no way he'll get everyone out unscathed. He's going to lose people. He's going to lose a lot of people.
He'd never thought before that Cocolia would have it in her to have someone killed. And with this new knowledge, he has no guarantee she won't go after Serval or Lynx if she decides to retaliate.
Gepard has to remind himself to breathe when he realizes this.
Pela writes down every name the two of them can come up with. Lists and lists of names and groups and anyone they can think of who might be an ally in all of this. They memorize every bit of it, make their plans of who to talk to and when. Gepard watches the sparks reflect off Pela's glasses as they burn the evidence together.
Pela finally leaves, far too late to make it home, but says she wants to stay in the restricted zone anyway to investigate. Gepard watches her make her way in the direction of Dunn's tent, watches her back until she's out of his sight and squashes down the urge to follow and keep an eye on her. His tent feels empty.
In the morning, Gepard is up before the wake up bells. He drags himself out of bed, leads his soldiers through their morning training. The same people gravitate to each other everyday. Friend groups and training partners. There's an ongoing rivalry between a few squadrons that everyone bets on. Some of them have lockets around their necks, keepsakes, mementos. Some of them wear wedding rings.
Gepard is suddenly, painfully aware of something acidic clawing at the inside of his throat, of a heavy weight low in his chest that blooms, takes up room until it threatens to spread his ribs. His mouth tastes of bile and blood.
He rearranges the schedules. Puts himself down for every open patrol into the Fragmentum, makes sure he'll be on the frontlines every single time Cocolia visits.
He only hopes that it's enough.
#honkai star rail#gepard landau#hsr gepard#pelageya sergeyevna#hsr pela#hsr#smacking Gepard out of Hoyo's hands and running off with him skzjmdkd#tentatively Figuring Out how to write these two... It feels a little tricky starting out with extreme circumstances like this haha#I feel like a lot of people see Gepard as naive for trusting Cocolia so much but I don't think that's quite it. He's not stupid.#He's not even naive.#He's someone who has been groomed since birth by his own parents to be an obedient Guard and nothing outside of that role.#You are not immune to propaganda etc etc#But even then there are a lot of things like all the included screenshots where he. Doesn't actually seem to like/trust Cocolia much.#I think Serval was a really good influence on him as a kid. He might have turned out much much worse without her.#and even with how I've written him here. I don't think he's normally slow to act or one to stand aside and make other people lead.#it's just that this specifically was a pretty extreme circumstance for him.#and also he openly states elsewhere that Pela is overbearing and he tries not to interfere with her work whenever possible nskzhdjdjd#Pela too. I don't know that I normally see her as someone with a bad temper or quick to anger.#But again; extreme circumstances haha#Bc like. they both would have seen what happened to Serval when she stood up to Cocolia. they know damn well what's going to happen to them.#if they fuck this up and get caught then they're done.#and I mean. What are they supposed to do? they're two people against the highest authority of the entire nation.#regardless I do love Gepard agonizing over this in the future after Bronya takes over and everything has settled down#did he do the right thing? did he make the right choice? if he went vigilante how many soldiers would have died without his protection?#would Belobog have fallen completely? how many people died because he DIDN'T run away? was it actually enough?#I love characters forced between a rock and a hard place. no good options. pick your poison.#no winning- only weighing what you can and cannot bear to lose.#make your choice and decide whether you want to rot or to burn.
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trophy hunting
[ID: a digital drawing of maki harukawa from danganronpa v3: killing harmony. maki is standing dead center, with a blank, almost thousand yard stare, and a neutral expression. she is holding a black and white checkered piece of fabric, with a splash of bright pink blood on it.
behind her are three panels. the first panel, towards the left shows a crossbow, the strike-9 poison bottle, the antidote covered in blood, and a bloody handprint. all of the panels are in greyscale, except for the bright pink blood. the second panel, in the middle, shows kokichi oumas clothing with blood running down the back. the final panel shows kaito momotas jacket, with blood running down the sleeve. END ID/]
#one of those days where i think about makis place in trial 5 huh#im pretty sure i was thinking about this piece#with the idea of makis initial 'kill ouma even if it dooms everyone else' plan#because it ruins me. maki harukawa chapter 5 slays me and i love her#sick with so much rage and grief and a need for justice above all else#it breaks my heart. the fact that she thought ouma was ALIVE and taunting her almost until the very end#and she STILL chose to disclose her plan and try to steer everyone into making the right choice#hi i have normal thoughts on chapter 5#maki harukawa#im not tagging the other two#bc i mean. its just clothing#but they're here#drv3#ndrv3#danganronpa#image described#joeys art
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A kiss from Death
#prince's art tag#persona 3#persona 3 reload#p3#p3r#persona 3 spoilers#persona 3 reload spoilers#p3r spoilers#ryomina#ryoji mochizuki#persona 3 ryoji#minato arisato#makoto yuki#persona 3 protagonist#I have many feelings about the added Ryoji content one of them being:#THEY SHOULD OF KISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#LIKE IF THEY COULDNT DO IT ON 12/1 THEN THEY SHOULD OF ON 12/31#like with this piece he does it when you choose to kill him but regardless of your choice I think he should of done it#im glad they added in his love for the protag regardless of gender that was brought up in the femc route in portable but AAAAAAAA#i know whyyyyy but they should of let it happen like dklsghdslg#sorry. when i played 12/1 in reload i lost my shit#and this image that i drew would not leave my mind especially when i got to 12/31#so something i wanna point out: in reload if you choose to kill him the protag wields the evoker with his right hand#BUT in other versions he wields it with his left#I chose to go with the left here one bc you can't see his right eye well bc of his hair#but two theres something there like all game he uses his right hand but to take out death he uses his left#idk i think its neat and i wish they kept it but i guess they changed it bc he never uses his left hand otherwise#also tried a textured layered rendering style. it takes so long to do but i tend to like layering the colors on sooooo there we are#idk if ill remember how to do this next time i draw tho lolol
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Tokucember Day 21: Screenshot Redraw
Idk if its because ive always been distracted by their faces but it took me staring at this photo to paint it to notice how cutely godai is holding ichijo's hand wahhh 🥺🥺
Prompts and other days
Have some variants where i messed around with a color layer
Also a funny little mid process pic
#kamen rider kuuga#godai yusuke#ichijo kaoru#art#my post#tokucember#kind of a random choice but i thought this dramatic lighting would be fun to paint#everybodys chilling painting on one layer until you realize the head angle doesnt look right and you spend an hour making adjustments that#tbh arent making much of a difference#also this has made me notice that my phone screen sucks or something#i am looking at the image preview in tumblr on my phone and ipad and the colors and contrast are just better on my ipad#the lights are more teal and the contrast looks better aka more accurate to my csp file#so its not a csp export issue bc i am looking at the tumblr post itself and its not my phone brightness i cranked that up#idk why it is but it is annoying -_-
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she’s real as fuck i’m obsessed w her
#top left & right are gonna be used to hell and back i already know#turbogranny turned turbokitty :3#i’m gonna continue the manga tomorrow hehe i read a few chapters (the ones in the anime) and i wanna binge read as much as possible hehe#i love dan da dan so much omfg it really is a new fav alongside elusive samurai & sakamoto days#WHICH I ALSO HAVE TO CATCH UP ON!!!!!! same w sign of affection and apothecary diaries#OMG SAME W CHAINSAWMAN TOO it’s been ages since i caught up on that#so much manga :3 love it ;3 gotta start choujin x eventually too… AND FINISH gokurakugai#gonna snooze and then finish fic recs tomorrow! i was gonna do multiple fics but omg… maybe another time for that#i’ll just do one or two fics per person#which is so hard bc if given the choice i’d choose them all <333 moots you’re so talented . you make me heave <3#anyways :p HONK SHOO MIMIMI#WATCH DAN DA DAN 🫵🏼#personal
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