#bc no one's ever been on her side !!
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something something 'your coworker keeps mentioning there arent enough onions so you offer to get some the next time youre in a city. he tells you to get good ones but you realize too late that you have no idea whats the difference between a good and a bad onion'
this was a lot funnier in my mind before i spent 3 days working on it ._.
#my art#dragon age#calien de riva#rook de riva#datv#dragon age the veilguard#veilguard#neve gallus#bellara lutare#and if you squint. maybe even;#bellara x neve#for a little more context (i guess its rook lore drop in the tags tonight). caliens approach to food is also skewed#orphan on the streets -> crow recruit (and viagos poison test subject) really set his 'normal' in this sense too#like yea sure hell bite that to test it. hes had worse. and suddenly there are beautiful women judging him and hes not sure why#hell eat anything as long as its an improvement from trash! (its been a longgg time since then but still. the bar is on the floor for)#(on the bright side his poison resistance is GREAT. be it food poisoning or actual poisons)#not very happy with this but hey! its done at least!#this is why im replaying veilguard; taking screenshots and stopping to draw silly things#another one that i probably wont do is when neve catches my rook reading on the couch. and he falls off of the couch in shock bc#he didnt hear her walk in!! the fuck!! what!!!#also hes very embarrassed about what hes reading. its SECRET. (she read a lot of it over his shoulder. and wont ever let him live it down)
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viktor prev 🤖
#i forgot 2 flip the canvas back but his mole is on the correct side i prommy .. first time ive ever kept it accurate lol#im chipping away at ths sooo slowly …#unimaginable number of drafts and im just opting 4 the most simplistic one instead#umm fav viktor moments . his im from the undercity remark & slapping jayces hand away. lets gooooooooo#or that scene of him mel and jayce at the table where hes fiddling w jinxs bomb i like tht whole exchange#when he transforms into the machine herald#when he transforms in2 the machine herald (2)#ans when he transforms into the machine herald😁 THE FACE SPLIT IS JUST SOOO FRWAKING COOL#wht else . guys can i be honest can i be brave and honest w u all. hated the sky plot . hated#the scene of him crying over her i was like scratching my neck n pulling at my collar like u guys seein this … 🧍#the story never developed sky enough to make her death impactful#she only exists in the context of viktor and how she can further his story or personify his emotions ykwim . boringg#i think the timeline is such a big issue 4 arcane writing in general bc#they try to pass off their quasifriendship as something genuine bc theyre partners or have known each other for years#supposedly but they dont show it let alone say it . like i cant tell u the amt of times i saw something after watching that was like#oh this timeskip was a year or seven years or idk and aside from the obvious timeskip we see w charas aging up in s1#or the montage once cait takes power its just not . discussed . rmbr after the arcane anomaly ambessa was like theyve been missing for 6#months or something and if you didnt hear that one throwaway comment u would just be like wht is going on#all that to say they want you to believe they have a strong foundation 2 make her death and later reunion meaningful but they dont give you#anything to actually Feel it#so . MY TWO CENTS !!!!!!!!!!!ok#sorry im blowing up the tags in ths random post that never asked for this 💔#lg doodles#arcane#viktor#well ok bc im going on and on i will say . i thought singed was pretty interesting in the show but never rly cared for him#until i played him in aram n im like oh so ths guy is awesome actually#HAHHAAH#dude and b4 they got rid of the hectech chests i pulled his arcane skin . bsooo much fun#i also played jinx for the first time and now i understand why ppl like her gameplay so much . soo smooth w it like she feels soo polished
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andromeda and sirius can relate to one another because they both left their families in pursuit of a less sheltered, more open-minded life. narcissa and regulus can relate to each other for being the ones “left behind,” obligated to follow family traditions even though they may not agree with them. bellatrix, however, is alone in her struggles. the eldest daughter that should have been a son. the obsessive, frightening girl who gained the attention of tom riddle himself, and soon surrounded herself with people who both loved and feared her. the mad woman.
#bella's female rage is SO important to me#i know she's a terrible person etc etc#bc no one's ever been on her side !!#except narcissa as a child#and maybe andie too#i think reg loved her but as a replacement sirius#he feared her too#tom pretended to understand her#but how can he? he knows nothing of her upbringing and frankly he couldn't care less#ceri talks ₊˚ෆ#harry potter series#hp marauders#marauders era#marauders#bellatrix black#bellatrix lestrange#andromeda black#sirius black#narcissa black#regulus black
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team minato modern middle school au where kakashi is the annoying genius who skipped like two grades, rin somehow lives in a hospital (no one's sure which nurse/doctor is her parent but. it's one of them. right? it's gotta be. no way did a bunch of worked-half-to-death medical staff accidentally adopt a baby someone forgot about. definitely one of them is her parent. her birth certificate is around here somewhere i'm sure look i'll get back to you once my shift ends in six hours), and obito is the class clown who lives with his awful anarchist stoner grandpa and calls his house "the cave"
minato is a former student of kakashi's dad's friend and he's their carpool driver bc no way in hell would that man be allowed to teach in real life
#naruto#naruto shippuden#team minato#team seven#hatake kakashi#nohara rin#uchiha obito#uchiha madara#namikaze minato#hatake sakumo#jiraiya#nobody knows who kakashi's mother is. his dad isn't sure he has one. he doesn't know where the kid came from but. the dna tests are clear#obito thinks it's the science teacher. y'know the one with like a bajillion different weird animals. only in this case they are all snakes#kakashi thinks that's dumb bc mr orochimaru is definitely a man probably#also bc when he asked he just got creepy laughter and a lecture on how to clone humans#i'm not kidding about rin btw no one at the hospital has any fucking clue where she came from#none of them are going to be the first to admit it tho#they tried to run a paternity test for her but the only match in their system was a man named nohara isobu. who's been mia for like 30 year#and yes being raised by an ever-changing stream of people none of whom had enough time for her did mess rin up a bit#on the bright side. she is easily the most medically proficient seventh grader in the history of anything ever#and she'll have recommendations for days when she applies to medical school#gai and his dad are also there but they're pretty much the same
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missing the maribelle/tharja family unit today. i think maribelle would be elated to have a daughter. she meets noire for the first time and she goes “do you play chess? violin? ride? drink tea?” and noire goes “no but im really good at throwing up in a bucket” and maribelles like “oh!!!! okay!!!!” i think she finds noire’s talisman persona charming. chrom is like “um maribelle can you please go get your daughter… she’s terrorizing the camp” and she goes “shes harmless! why do you hate women?” and he never speaks on it again. i think tharja needs a kid that will beef with her and i think brady is 100% the guy to do it. i think she looks at him and goes “what is your problem” and he flips her off. she tries to curse him but he spins his staff ninja style deflecting them back at her. he serves tea to his moms but he spits in tharjas and she knows it. and then she drinks it because it pisses him off. brady could come to love her at some point but it will not be easy and it will not come without a lot of work and a lot of arguing and i think i need some more parent/child conflict in this game. awakening gets one f bomb and its hidden in the random tharja brady PC support where he just goes “FUCK YOU” Tharja and Brady attained support level B.
#ann plays awakening#ann writing paragraphs#they are my favorites…#and like. besides the big four of the awakening kids#brady and noire have always been my favorites…#i like to think about this family a lot even if i dont talk about them quite as frequently#i wish i had something to write about for them like contained into a fic but i dont have any ideas that could get me that#far#just little thoughts about what i want to see#brady and tharja especially like i understand why noire loves tharja i do#curses aside thats still your mom who raised you and protected you#and everyone processes trauma and grief differently#but i think brady would be a fun counterbalance bc i think he would be pissed!!#rightfully so!!!#i like to think that while his talent for healing magic comes from maribelle#he only really took it up after maribelle died because there was no one else to protect his sister#and i think noire wouldnt mind taking the brunt of tharja’s cruelty if it meant her brother wouldnt#like god… they could be the cutest siblings ever#and the saddest.#also i j think that the parent child conflicts in this game are lacking#you have gerome and cherche but thats entirely one sided and its bc gerome is scared not bc of any malice#severa is a little bit harsher just because shes severa but the same thing goes down with her and cordy where shes just scared.#and a little bitter bc of the chrom thing but mostly scared#and its like. cherche and cordelia didnt even do anything wrong anyways. tharja did and someone should call her ass out!!!!!#i love tharja btw. not a tharja hate post but i think it would be fun if she was forced to confront her potential fate#by looking at the direct consequence of her future actions (angry son who hates her) if she doesnt change#JUST SAYING#whatever anyways. tharjabelle family unit hit post
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have you ever had something so significant and impactful happen to you but it’s in a really niche area that you can’t really tell anyone in your general life about, so you’re just left imploding and silently screaming???? it’s hell 😭😭
very long story made semi-short; my found family and i have attended and contributed to a live action role play camp twice a year for almost a decade now that’s based on hogwarts/the hp universe and really fucking well made by a skilled team. and you get really fucking attached to these characters because for a few weeks every year you live as them and make friends as them and it’s REAL even though it’s not. my last character was so fucking devastating and important to me, and she had this epic tragic love story with my best friend’s character. we haven’t played them since we finished their storyline in 2023. AND MY BEST FRIEND WAS JUST ASKED TO RETURN AS THAT CHARACTER FOR THIS YEAR’S CAMP????? that’s HUGE, the game masters never make requests like that and it’s super secret but he told me (because it would be cruel not to with our characters’ backstories) and i’m just reeling with shock and excitement and fear. like i’m left REELING at the fact that i get to see him again (him being my bsf’s old character) (bc when you finish playing someone you never get to “see” them again uknow? it’s a whole thing) and also at what this means and all the wounds from the two of them are opening up again and we’re just DYING. we have no idea why he was asked back or what will happen it’s INSANE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. to deal with it all i’m knitting and crocheting him a bunch of different things that my character has made for his (they live together on her family farm and she uses crafts and art to cope</33) and we’re just literally crying. i love them, they’re sunshine x sunshine and literal soulmates — i made that character based on the concept of what would happen if a sensitive, creative child had the most gentle and accepting parents who cultivated kindness. and then there was a war and her parents were fucking killed offfffff and it was such a huge thing. she lost her leg, her boyfriend lost his eye. it was a whole thing. i’m jittery with emotion and handcrafting at god’s speed because this camp is in three weeks and i’m just. dying. and screaming. my poor wife. (dw she attends the camp too and is screaming with me)
#anyway#sorry for that lore dump#this will be consuming me for the next forseeable future#of all the characters i’ve played at this camp or others she changed me the most#just the sweetest little girl#and he’s the sweetest little boy#and he went through hell but found peace in her and she had her peace but was then dragged through hell with him#star crossed lovers tortured side by side it was INSANE#i want to underline that this is and was so much fun#but these characters were finished in 2023 so to have it be rehashed now is such an intense experience#especially when only my best friend and i (and our partners) know#like. i will never write a story more satisfying to me than my characters’ arcs at these camps#and that one specifically was SO straight out of a movie#like with role play you never know what you get but it was PERFECT#i could write the scenes into fan fiction and it would have been platinum content i swear#we’re talking she was being singled out for torture bc she was seen as so pure and sweet that to break her would send the biggest message#and he transfigured her a flower into a ring that she could spin and begged her to just spin the petals and focus on that#and held her as she sobbed thinking it was her fault#AND CONFESSED HIS LOVE IN THAT MOMENT BUT THEN THEY ERASED HER MEMORY#them being the bad guys#it was wild i wish i could ever communicate it to someone who don’t attend that camp#it’s very much a you had to be there thing#but lord do i wish i could play my memories like a movie for everyone to see#A NYWAY#carina needs to get her shit together
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erm…..posting about an OC via a rushed shitpost was not on my 2025 bingo card!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂get it??? 😂😂😂because his name is bingo??(GETS SHOT)
these are all things he has done or has attempted to do so consider this the full intro post for that freak for now. he’s still too undercooked to fully introduce but damn I love him
#pdbc#I love him. he’s the sole descendant of a royal family and. if you’ll pardon the pun. is royally fucking things up for himself#he could do so much in life and instead decides to be the next Gordon Ramsay……..such wasted potential#did. did I ever mention that part of him. his clan is called the Ramsay clan after all#he wants to be Gordon Ramsay sooooo fucking bad…….#big theater kid gone wrong energy from him#so many of my posts this year have been pdbc related. it Will happen again.#< (in my defense I’m working on other non-pdbc stuff !! but pdbc stuff is easy to make because I don’t have to think about it)#once I’m not so burnt out I’m really excited to design bingo….not even going to attempt to rn#I hate designing outfits but I’m actually looking forward to his bc he has a horrid mix of royal garments and astereotypical butcher outfit#speaking of butchers. butcher vanity? great song absolutely fits him. cannot stop listening to it#surprisingly him being like. a literal cannibal isn’t even all he does. that’s just a…little quirk of his#like ya’d think him eating people would be more important but nah. he’s a POET and a MAGICIAN 😤😤#I’d say he’s one of the most evil characters but…..kinda all of my characters are#sure bingo tries to eat people and bomb people’s homes but there are side characters who put acid in the water supply and aren’t punished#so bingo’s just par for the course honestly#the best thing he’s ever done is install an air conditioning unit. there wasn’t one before bc Mole (his mom) didn’t like them—#—which resulted in people keeling over from heat exhaustion a lot so. good job for fixing that bingo#it’s the bare minimum but that’s pretty good for him so he can have a round of applause for that#I think I might have mentioned Gerbombs in passing but I love them sm#they’re gerbils genetically engineered to blow up when pressure is placed on them#they’re adorable. thankfully they have no concept of death so they’re just chilling with no worries in the world#before you get sad. Sushi rescued most of the Gerbombs and now cares for them so happy ending#no Gerbombs shall die under her watch. I don’t think I could deal with it if too many Gerbombs died#although they’re called Gerbombs they’re actually more physically close to jerboas#they’re so cute. I should draw a Gerbomb sometime#(I should also probably rename them jerbombs considering they’re not gerbils but ehhhhhhhhhhhhh)
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If headaches and ESPECIALLY migraines where a person I‘d be in prison for murder
#yapping#migraines aren’t headaches theyre the coming of the antichrist#I luckily have migraines that are less bad now#but when I was like 11-13 my migraines where ruining my life#like the first time I ever had one I got wheeled off to the hospital and the paramedics and doctors all thought I had a stroke#like what the hell#the aura was the worst and I had muscles spasms#my entire right side was in paralysis and I couldn‘t speak bcs I would just forget words#they thought I didn‘t remember but like#I know it‘s December#it‘s like I know the concept and the answer but don‘t know how to say the word#and worst of all#I got my first one during an English exam and my English teacher just didn‘t let me leave#and when she did I had to go alone#and I couldn’t see and could neither talk nor walk so I didn‘t find the room where I could get help#and I was in pain obviously#I hate that teacher#she came to the room before the paramedics took me to the hospital and I looked straight into her old devil eyes#I hope I cursed her#i really#autism stress be damned#I swear I think that‘s literally the reason for everything#I love my autistic self but I also hate it so much#I wish things could’ve been more chill
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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y'know i was just thinking that in literally ep/chapter 1 it's established that Blair is a magical cat that has nine lives. and then after being "defeated" Blair continues to live with Maka and Soul and even accompanies them on several important mission, growing to truly love them. and she has all these extra lives to spare. hmm. why wasn't anything done with that
#idk if its ever established how many lives she has LEFT but#that could have been something#maka and soul almost getting killed at some point in book of eibon and blair pops out the margins to defeat an antag#with her magic but ultimately just ends up dying for them#they're stressed bc they have no idea how many lives she has left and they're so relieved when she pops back up#and tells her kittens not to worry themselves with matters like that#maybe a little panel off to the side revealing to the reader she's down to one life now#nothing else comes of that bc 1. its Ohkubo 2. we don't need Blair to ACTUALLY die for them#just show how much she loves Soul and Maka that she was willing to give up her last spare for them#without any fanfare or fuss#it could have been nice you know?#soul eater#soul eater manga#blair
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i might have mentioned this sometime before but ive been thinking about it again: the reason why lime doesnt ask mochi out and vice versa for a while
Some time after mochi becomes a witch and lime has been in her guild, also after he becomes PAINFULLY aware of how he feels about her, theres a moment where he has a conversation with her (casual-like) fishing about how she would feel about getting a boyfriend. as long as hes known her, shes never gone on a date with anyone, no ones asked her out, and shes never mentioned having a crush on anyone to him. so during some conversation about something or another, he asks something along the lines of "Well when you get a boyfriend, he's gonna need to be okay with your weird witchiness I guess haha-- (lowkey interest check)"
and his plan here was IF she answers to some extent that she would like a boyfriend, he would ask her out. but instead she kinda smiles a bit and falls quiet, before responding "If I could have one..."
and when he asks what the hell that even means, she tells him the same thing pom and tiramisu told her when she first became a witch: "This isn't just some happy fun times, willy=nilly side hobby you treat carelessly. Your family legacy and more importantly, your life, are both constantly at risk and you need to always be focused on learning and mastering your magic as it grows. To that end, you don't have time to date and be in a relationship-- it'll only be a distraction to you and a weakness that can be exploited. You'll constantly be split between your magic and your partner. Either you won't be fully committed to your studies to spend time with them, or you won't be fully committed to them because of your studies. It's not a luxury you can afford. Until this is complete and you have full mastery of your magic to the point where you're not constantly in a state where you need to fight for your life, having a boyfriend is advised against."
and lime just kinda stays quiet for a bit, before going "...so no boyfriend until the magic shit is all done..."
and in his head hes thinking yeah, fine, that makes sense. I dont want to be a burden to her or distract her, and I dont want to cause more stress for her because pom is like an asian mom that constantly will remind her about what a bad decision it is. and this ALL hinges on the event that she wants to date him and it doesnt ruin their friendship. so he eventually decides fine. ill hold off on it for now, just be there for her however i can and i'll ask her out when this whole thing is done (and in the meantime, maybe i can gauge how much she likes me if at all, and if not i can try to get her to fall for me)
(worth noting he WANTS to ask her out right before the timeskip happens, something like "Hey we should go get ice cream tomorrow-- you know, to celebrate your magic reaching its full power and all." (where he was gonna ask her out for real), and she smiles and says "Sure!", but pom already told her she was leaving that night, and by the next morning shes gone)
#bpp#text#lore#anyway. i was thinking about this but i dont know if i ever reached a full-fledged explaintation#i was never a fan of shows where theyre like trying to save the world from destruction and one side of the couple is like#(you never have time for me!!!) OBVIOUSLY?!?!#anyway pom and tiramisus advice is to not...have that#in an idea situation the witch doesnt fucking fall in love before shes even a witch#but what can they do ig#that actually makes it worse bc she loves him so much shes WAY more likely to neglect her magic studies to hang out with him instead#vs a normal. not in love witch. navigating a relationship she could drop if she didnt love them#this same logic applies to the post=timeskip. maybe even worse because rather than mochi being in danger now the whole world actually is#or at least all the witches#and lime is like FUCK when am i gonna be able to ask her out?!#hes wayyy more dismissive of pom in the post-timeskip when pom is like (no!! she needs to focus!!)#and limes like (oh piss off cat shes been focusing for like 5 years she can go on a date or two DAMN)
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the duality of misao being one of the few psychiatrists in arkham that has actually made progress with some of their patients and treats them like human beings, but also someone who does a complete 180° later + EATS her patients and gaslights people who ask about them into thinking they were never committed there is currently making me go feral. like girlll why are you like this JSJSJ
#ALL POWER DEMANDS POWER AND SACRIFICE: musings.#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.#and whenever i say it's making me go feral i mean it both puzzling as well as intriguing to me that misao seems to not be on ANYONE'S-#side even when it may seem like she might just care about her patients bc she not only gaslights any of the staff and patients who ask abou#them into thinking that the person was never there BUT also destroys records of them ever having been there which would take quite a bit#of effort on her part to do and that is just. wow but like i said here misao is probably one of the only doctor's throughout the years who-#have treated their patients with empathy (even if most of it is faked on her part JSJSJ) and even does thing's like keep a cupboard-#full of snacks in her office for them so that they could have something better to eat than the cafeteria food...#and that is why i believe that it honestly wouldn't be too far-fetched for misao to end up having a redemption arc because-#she honestly doesn't like a LOT of the staff there because they still advocate for the use of barbaric practices like ECT on fully-#conscious people and as a regular treatment when it should be done under anesthesia / while the patient is asleep and be a 'last resort'#kind of thing you know? plus she has heard them talk about her behind her back before bc they think misao's 'weird' sooo yeah.#she isn't COMPLETELY evil but she still does thing's like eat people which is heinous in and of itself but even more so when there's-#a power imbalance between you + the other person because some people in there i could imagine would probably grow to trust her-#as an authority figure buttt misao would fully intend to take advantage of that so she could eat. and that is uhhh TERRIBLE to say the leas#tw: mentions of cannibalism.#tw: mentions of medical malpractice.#tw: manipulation.#tw: mentions of a power imbalance.
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Put a finger down if you & your girlfriend who aren’t out to your families send packages to each other but even Tho you put the other’s address & name it showed up as your own so when the package gets to your house everyone is like “who is this???” & they DONT let it go for days only to finally cave in after it sitting next to the door & the open it
So then you have to pretend to be surprised & kinda beg for them to let you keep it but your sisters are like no‼️‼️ & they even try to look up your girlfriends information based on the recipe in the package (all of it was wrong) & you just thank god your name wasn’t anywhere in there
But now what was supposed to be a Christmas gift is not a surprise anymore but hey at least your mom says you can still keep the bag 😭
#txt#this has been the most stressful days of my life.#at least on my gf’s side it was easier to deal with & she doesn’t know what I got her#well this one was for her birthday#but never ordering online from hot topic or box lunch ever again bc what the heeeeelllllll
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"I didn't really raise either of you in a gendered way" When I was like 10 or 11 maybe 12 but definitely not 13 yet, one day you asked me if I wanted to try on the wedding dress you married my dad in. I liked playing dress up and I liked hanging out with you, so I said yes. We're in the living room that you would (already have?) marry my stepdad in. You button up the back of the dress, I don't know why this becomes a core memory. You married my stepdad in a sundress, very casual, very small "event", only the barest of minimum people required to officiate and witness the wedding were there. You tell me, "Maybe one day, when you get married, you can wear this dress. Oh, but you don't have to if you don't want to! But, do you want it?" I still have the dress. I'm a man. And I don't think I'll ever marry. "You can get rid of it, you won't hurt my feelings." I can't.
#i literally like. have such a chip in my shoulder about marriage it's unreal.#it's like. i don't even have the extreme fundamentalist excuse. everything was presented as a 'choice' or a 'suggestion'#but like. somehow. i still extrapolated Something from that. what you expect from me. what you want for me.#and as i got older. it became increasingly clear that i would never be able to. be anywhere close to that.#i don't know. i don't know why i'm just. going through it rn.#i don't know if it's cause i haven't seen her in a long time. fucked up but i think it's been a year if not longer.#she hasn't seen my piercings yet. that's how long it's been.#and like. i had such an intense one sided rivalry like. posturing myself as the better son bc#i'm the one who stayed when i had every fucking reason to leave. and. comparitively.#he has valid emotional reasons but i'm the faggot. i'm the tranny. you are and always have been the golden boy.#and you have NEVER lived up to it. and there are reasons. but you still get more humanity than i ever will.#even though objectively like you just fucked up. so much. so badly. at every turn.#idk i need to stop talking about it. but like. ever since it finally seemed like he's getting divorced#from. like. like. okay fine while i'm at it. it would have been FINE if you just fucked off had a kid got married#like. i COULD accept that and be happy for you. if NOT for the fucking fact that you ended up in.#just. a horrible horrible relationship where the poor kids you brought into the world were not safe.#and you are not free from guilt either.#man i really just. i need to fuck off for real.#but he's been living w my mom w his kids. and you know what. i feel like i'm free from my duties.#mom is occuied w one of her kids and her grandkids now. i know they may be exposed to psychological damage#but physically. they are safe. and god. is it naive. to hope that make he can reconcile w her.#not as a responsibility but like. he needed it. badly.#not like i'm ever gonna get the reconciliation i need. not that i even want it.#like. as a person. i just don't like him.
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ummm someone help me think of a legitimate villain/criminal/etc au or an au in which chiyo’s changed and hardened bc i’ve listened to that loop of “when does a man become a monster?” from epic one too many times and i need to write some tragedy i fear
#no ‘ well she’s got one foot in each side or she’s being twisted against her nature by other forces but she’s still the same woman ’#only ‘ she’s been doomed by the narrative. she’s been changed by the narrative. this couldn’t have gone any other way ’#‘ she’ll never be the same no matter how much she wants to be ’#bc when does a comet become a meteor y’all!! when does a candle become a blaze!! when does the reason become the blame!!!!!#going insane sorry 😔 it’ll keep happening 😔#and the thing is chiyo’s moral compass is so strong — the only thing thus far that was ever made it move is her loved ones#love be it romantic platonic or familial can make her accept a lot#but to see her truly do anything ‘ bad ’ it’s like… i gotta place her in a situation and i need it to be big bc otherwise#she’ll talk herself into doing the right thing — and i’m okay with that! but!!!! i need her to struggle so much first#anyway… i’m home ASDGHJ#might get my face washed and whatnot first but i’m coming online to write hehe#hope today has been kind to you 💜#get ready to ramble | ooc#but who would wade through the overgrown flowerbeds? brave brambles and traitorous thorns? | wishlist
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having sm shri’iia thoughts sob I need to draw her again….or at least set up trades so I can have art of her again…..
#just want to stare at her dumb face and shake her like a rattle stick#also I’ve been playing her and I’m still in act 1 but in the underdark now#so it’s post oath breaking / in denial shri’iia …!!!! which is so visceral#and her mental state is So Low..!! and I just imagine she has the worst time ever in the underdark bc she’s back to being paranoid again#so much so that she actually finds it comforting bc it feels like home again..!!!!#and I’m trying to iron out how hag romance fits here.. I think he’ll def take advantage of her current state#where she’s feeling vulnerable and scared… he’ll make it feel like he’s the only one on her side 👐#which makes the act 2 confession a bit 🤭🤭 bc I think he’ll think back on when she was feeling desperate and miserable like how many weeks#before and he took advantage of that I think he’ll feel MORE slimy esp when he’s developing Feelings lmfaooo#and I think in act 2 she’s also being a bit more understanding. trying to show more empathy and all that and her efforts are clearly#showing. shri’iia showing genuine interest on everyone’s problems and asking how they feel / actually trying to be helpful#like she cares now..!!! she’s not pretending anymore this is her actual self ur talking to now ..
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