#bc i’m finally at the end of my backlog

[bluebellowl]

The ACTUAL beginning! Or at least starting from when Ingo hath returned. He doesn’t know where he is, when he is and is very jumpy

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[propertyofkylar]

hiiiii Nica!! I’m the anon who gave you otome reccs a while ago <33 I know it’s been a while, but I finally had the time to catch up on your OS playthrough (from what you posted about it on here), and omg I’m so glad you seemed to enjoy it as much as you did!!! I was really hoping you would, so seeing that you played it and had a great time makes me really happy!

now I was wondering what you’ve got lined up for the future, if anything!! or if you’ve gotten any new games lately? I’m personally on rest while waiting for 9RIP in October so I can play during the end of spooky season C:

HI BESTIEEEE thank u for the recs because i owe you my life. the riku and akaza brainrot has been INSANE i love them….

i just played through hanakare which like., so cute, gin brainrot goes crazy but no one is posting about it so sad.

rn im back in the falzone’s torture chamber 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 going to finish piofiore and then bustafellows bc im playing both

then idk…picked up some new games hehehe. probably will either play collar x malice next or maybe tengoku struggle…idk yet.

i also did break down and preorder 9rip so im excited for that!! im gonna post a review of it when i get it like i did for hanakare :D

my goal is to cut down the backlog significantly so i can replay routes without feeling guilty abt it…i miss ukyo i wanna see him again

[manchasama]

Not sure how long this is gonna be, my hand really hurts (and my back just kicking in lol thaaaaanks), just wanna get some thoughts out

Been recovering lately, defo feeling better but not there yet.  Been so stressed and busy since, well, November really.  But January and February defo took the cake.  Work was brutal, but I was taking advantage of an opportunity before it vanished.  In a better world, we would have started getting ready back in August when I first started asking (thinking that was late to start planning for the Feb event), but because of politics and all that guff we didn’t even get the go until late Dec/early Jan. 

I am not going to get into the details, but rest assured I was working my batutty off.  Then I got covid lol.  While in another state.  *throws hands up*

So yeah, it was about what I expected, with some minor differences.  Took a full week off work (which sucked bc half those days were supposed to be vacation recovery days, not sick recovery days), worked from home for a week and a half, and finally went back into the office today (tested negative a few times and took a few extra days anyway, it was fine). 

I just have this lingering cough that, guess what!  Gets worse when I talk!  *snickers*  That week off where I just slept a lot, I didn’t have a cough.  Minute I get back to work (remote but phone calls), suddenly I start coughing.  Bah!  So that leaves me pretty tired at the end of the day.  Also my back is acting up because of all the sedentary laying around I’ve been doing, but that will work itself out as I get more active again.  The biggest problem with today is for some reason my hand feels like it’s cramping up constantly, without actually cramping.  owie :(

Anyway, before my hand gives up, I just wanted to get some thoughts out that weren’t just whining.  I have been trying to keep my submas interest up (or any interest, let’s be real it’s hard for me to do anything extra when I’m so work tired) through the months, but leaving an avenue to revive the spark when I have the time and energy to work on it.  Threw on my submas playlist on the way home, and yeah, I’ve definitely forgotten what songs go to what scenes/ideas other than vibes.  Just need to do a few daydreaming sessions to pick some of it back up I think, plus go over my notes and all.

I’ve also been thinking I should just...post the raw ideas to Ao3.  Started thinking it when I saw a post going around about how...historians? I forget what their job/passion was, but people who like to ready histories, understand why people liked the stories they saved, highlights and notes in the margins, the every day small loves that don’t make the big history books, that sort of thing.  How those people were basically writing a love letter to people who save those little snippets, print out fanfics, things like that. 

I think it was another post, might have been the same, that was also encouraging people to use Ao3 as the archive it is.  It doesn’t have to be complete works.  It’s there to archive the words, that’s all. 

So yeah.  As much as I want to and intend to try to write the full stories, I’m thinking of just transferring some of the tumblr posts/ideas, some of the snippets from my notes, into Ao3.  Because I want to share the stories with people, and if I can’t write them in full, at least I can share the heart of the ideas.  I still need to transfer old fics to Ao3 too, unfinished as they are.  And I’m kinda hoping that new eyes and new interactions spark my interest again, get my brain going into story-mode again.

I’ve been trying to do some reblogging on my backlog of tumblr stuff.  I know I could just hit the heart button.  I know I could reblog without comment or tag.  But I really like leaving people comments.  It’s just another thing that takes a bit of energy, that I haven’t had too much of.  But doing a bit at a time is good too!

My pain and energy levels have prevented me from doing much of anything for so long.  I can’t say it will change much.  I spend time with friends, which don’t get me wrong i love, but it eats into my free time, and more importantly my energy.  I have a trip coming up in May, which yeah sounds so far away, but it will be upon me way faster than I expect.  Who knows when I’ll have another flare-up (hand plz im almost done), or if work is going to drain me.  But now that the hardest is behind me, I’m hoping to keep things reasonable and have a chance to be creative again.

I want to start my garden (made a few small moves toward that).  I want to make more bracelets, and maybe sell some (character bracelets!  seriously i love my submas bracelets, i wish i could take pictures that do the colors justice).  I want to hang out with friends.  I want to write.  I want to write.  I want to write my stories and share them so much.  Just need to wrangle my brain together.  Balance them to my energy.  And not let my responsibilities pull my mood down or stress me out too much (guh just thinking about some of them make me so tired buuuuh). 

Okay hand is too ow now.  If you made it this far, feel free to let me know what you think about posting the ideas to Ao3, even if I later post a full story about them.  Or anything really.  Gotta get my brain juices flowing again!

[silversnaffles]

Updates for y’all:

• I’m sick lol just a cold but I’m being a lil bitch about it

• I’m going home in less than a month for visit my family and my horses!

• I think I’m going to aim to get Tara and Amera over to Norway by the end of the next year, before winter kicks in so they have time to adjust (boys will obviously come eventually too, but the girls are a handful for my mum and the boys are more chill)

• I have had my residency granted!! After 3 years my residency has finally been granted!! Covid and Brexit messed up the timeline for me as I got stuck in the UK and immigration stuff in Norway was on hold and then they had a huge backlog and I kept calling and being put off and then my friend said to me I had to stop apologising and just be like “hey, it’s nearly 4 years since I applied and I haven’t heard anything” and then next day they granted my residency!! I did still apologise but I told them I need to be able to go to the doctor and whatnot and that it has been a long time and I was grateful for the help bc I’m English and socially anxious so have to be overly polite but it still worked!! This is why I’m now actually thinking about moving horses as I can put Tara and Amera down (at least, it might be too far after I’ve moved for the boys) as my moving goods or whatever so I won’t have to pay meat tax I think? I can’t remember the ins and outs. I’m going to talk to my normal transport guy who’s great with my anxious girls and if he can’t do it, I’m going to use my bosses’ normal guys. Preferably I’d use my guy as he won’t be making multiple stops like the other transport company so they won’t be travelling for nearly a week but we’ll see with pricing and whether he can do it or not but aaaah! Next year will be expensive but I won’t be charged 50% tax anymore and with my fairly big tax return I’ll get, I should be able to scrape by

[seoafin]

I’m so sorry I’m messaging you so much, theres just so many things to talk about and it’s exciting (we just have so many similar interests 😭)

When I finished Nier Automata even the start up screen made me sad, even despite the hope of a different ending I was still sad. I have Nier Replicant on my backlog but I keep avoiding it. The vibes of the Nier series is just sooo!! I even tried playing the gacha for a little but I couldn’t keep up. I wanna play Drakengard 3 so bad, Zero seems like the exact kind of woman I love, but my ps3 might be dead 😔

If I could recommend some games, I think you’d like Caligula Effect. The story is pretty simple but it really shines when it comes to the characters. And since you like horror, have you ever heard or played Death Mark? It’s a great supernatural visual novel with miserable looking men.

omg don't apologize i love seeing u in my asks beet <33333

if i could choose one game to wipe from my mind just so i could replay it it would probably be nier automata. the true ending where it asks you to delete your save data to help others and seeing all the ppl that did delete their save data made me !!!!! look at us all brought together by this silly little game about existentialism nihilism and sexy androids!!! the amusement park is laptop screensaver. beautiful art beautiful women great gameplay what's to hate. i actually think you can play drakengard 3 on a emulator! while the gameplay is a bit difficult the story is >>>>>> and nier replicant is SO good im so glad they finally released the jpnese version bc it makes so much sense and kanié is such a delight i love her so much. yoko taro loves making foul mouthed brash angry women and putting them in skimpy outfits and i kinda love him for it LMAO

my friend actually played caligula effect when it came out and she was obsessed with it so i will definitely add that to my backlog! i actually have death mark on the ps vita!!!! miserable looking men????? SAY LESS! i should really get started on it if u recommend it thx for the recs friend <3333

[aidanchaser]

I post Boulangérella on tumblr as well as ao3 and there is a backlog of previous chapters. You can find the table of contents linked at the top of my blog under "ml fairy tale AU"

Your dedication to reading ML fic and supporting authors blows me away every goddamn time. Small thank you, here is a sneak peek at chapter 10 of Boulangérella, titled "Princess Tsurugi", full of lovely friendship banter bc who am i if I'm not writing silly dialogue

“Maybe whoever gets to be queen will like to throw parties like Queen Emilie did.”

“Any predictions?” Nino asked Alya. “You’re always the most in touch with the local gossip.”

“I have no idea what Prince Adrien thinks,” Alya said, “but I do know Lila Rossi is the most popular choice—”

Marinette could not hold back a derisive snort.

“—but from a political position, Princess Kagami is probably the smart choice. But who knows? Maybe Prince Adrien has a fondness for bakery girls who drop their dessert in his lap.”

“I did not drop my dessert in his lap!” Marinette protested for what must have been the hundredth time. “And I don’t…” she sighed. It was no use denying her crush on Prince Adrien, certainly not to her best friends. “Well, it will please you to know that I actually have two dances already reserved for the final night.”

Alya and Nino alike raised their eyebrows. 

“Two?” Alya said. “Who on earth with?”

“I’m not telling.”

“Marinette,” there was warning in Alya’s low voice, “who are you dancing with? Who do you even know outside of your work? Is it Master Fu?”

“No! It—Well, one is Luka, who I did meet through work.”

“Oh, Luka Couffaine? He’s come into the bakery a few times. He seems all right.”

“And your other one?” Nino pressed, just as determined as Alya.

“It’s nobody.”

“Come on, Marinette,” Nino nudged her shoulder and she stumbled, just barely catching herself and her precious cargo before she went sprawling.

“I mean, I don’t even know if he’ll show up,” she said, readjusting her grip on the boxes.

“Who is it?” Alya asked.

“He—I don’t really know how to explain it.”

“What’s there to explain? Who asked you for a dance?”

“Um, Chat Noir.”

Nino stopped in the middle of the crowded street and might have stayed there for the rest of the day if an elderly woman had not shoved him and told him to keep walking. Alya merely hummed thoughtfully and said, “Oh, that makes sense.”

Marinette appreciated Nino’s shock more than Alya’s airy understanding.

“What do you mean it makes sense?” she snapped.

“You kept asking Nino and I about missing stuff. You wanted to know if Chat Noir has been stealing things. You have a crush on Chat Noir.”

“I do not!”

“You have a crush on the prince and the most wanted thief in the city. You sure know how to pick them, Marinette.”

“I don’t!”

Alya laughed, but Marinette did not see what was so funny. She had been worried for Chat Noir, yes, but that didn’t mean she had a crush on him. And maybe she was excited that she might get to dance with him because he was her friend and she liked his company.

“Nino?” she asked. “Will you save a dance for me on the third night?”

“Hey!” Alya shouted.

Nino grinned. “Sure thing, Marinette. No one’s asked me yet, so I’d be happy to save a spot for you.”

“Nino!” Alya adjusted her grip on the boxes so she could get a proper glare in at her intended. “You are spoken for.”

“Alya, will you save a dance for me?” he asked with a cheeky grin. “Maybe two or three?”

“I don’t know,” she sniffed. “I might be all booked up. You know, I think I have one spot open, but I was saving it for Marinette.”

“You’d better act fast,” said Nino, “before Chat Noir whisks her away.”

Marinette was the only one not laughing as they reached the palace gates. Her face was bright red and she regretted ever making friends with Nino and Alya.

“You guys aren’t… worried?” she asked, once their laughter had died down.

Alya shrugged. “Girl, you know I trust you. I don’t know how you ended up in a place where Chat Noir asked you to dance, but at least at the ball you’ll be around a lot of people—Nino and myself included. We’ll keep an eye on you.”

“And him,” Nino added, “assuming we can figure out who he is.”

“Do you really think he would show up in his mask?” Alya asked.

“Only if he wants to be arrested on sight.”

So uh... Is anyone just posting their fanfic updates on Tumblr until AO3's back up and running? At this point I'm worried that once AO3 IS back up, there's gonna be such a surge of Miraculous fics, that I'm not gonna be able to keep up. There's usually 30,000 - 60,000 words of ML fic that I read per day just to keep up with everything that looks interesting to me, so if the servers come back up and there's a flood of 240,000 words of updates/new fics I'm interested in, some of them might slip through the cracks.

...also I don't have more ML fics to read so uh. Yeah. If I've been regularly reading your fic and you're publishing a chapter on tumblr in the meantime, please tag me so I can read it, I could use some ML fics and I'd love to catch up on fics NOW if possible.

[yuezhong]

so uhm, ik this is kind of sudden, but I’m going to be taking a study hiatus for about 2 and half quarter weeks starting from today(or tomorrow if you consider the night still young despite it being 1:00am). As my finals are growing closer and I’m very nervous abt them. So yes, I do know I still have 2 fics due and a backlog of idea but I’m really sorry as I need to get myself together and pass this thing. 

I know it’s kind of an awkward time to leave too bcs I’m still getting to know some of you here especially newer moots. but I do promise I will interact with you guys more after my finals end. 

As for the side blog, I will also set it up after exams!! Oh and thank you very much for 705 followers, I will be sure to hold an event for it after I come back! 

[hobidreams]

damn babes, life is really putting us through the wringer huh😭 post-covid effects are truly wild right?? i remember for my mom, the effects were similar to yours, but for me it made me more sensitive to tastes?? if it’s any consolation, it went away completely for me n my mom after a couple weeks!!

about summer plans though, i’m def not taking summer classes this time around💀 it sorta sunk in that i haven’t gotten a proper vacation ever since i started uni in 2020, so i really wanted to just take a break. had a conversation about it w my mom n she supported my decision to take a break this summer and i honestly don’t regret a thing🥳 anyways i’m just gonna take it easy!! planning to finish crocheting my tote bag (oh did you ever get the pic i sent of the lil hat i made for my cat or did tumblr eat it😵‍💫😵‍💫), and reading a lot of books!!! i read “the girl who fell beneath the sea” last week and i absolutely LOVED IT!! i blame you for starting my obsession with historical fiction/fantasy💀 it’s based off of a korean folktale with a couple of twists, and i think you’d really like it!! i also got the book that joon and yoongi read on in the soop s1 (almond!!), and it’s been an interesting read so far. i’ll update you hihihi. also finally started watching the red sleeves?? i already know the ending but it’s actually so fun to watch even though i know it’s going to hurt like a mf💀

ok that’s all,, sorry this ended up being way longer than i thought it would be💀 but anyways how are you babes!! any fun updates (wedding updates👀)??? what are your plans for the summer?

the spacing is still whack i genuinely don’t know how to fix it lmao

-🌿

my answer got long soooo cut!

omg more sensitive?? cant even imagine what thats like. im glad thats gone for u now!! yeah i think im mostly recovered from the taste thing now.... but also like... glad i didnt get the thing that some ppl had where everything tasted like gasoline. but my random dry coughing came back two weeks ago and its only just starting to fade again 😬😬😬 im worried and have to see a doctor abt it 😭

HELL YEAHH im so glad you got to take the summer off!! fr, so many people are rushing to do their degrees in 4 years and 🤷🏻‍♀️ most ppl i knew did it in 5 and it wasnt a big deal at all. take ur time and do what makes u happy 💗 honestly, relaxing in the summer prepares me better for the winter term so it works for the best! the tote bag sounds amazing! pls show me it!!! and no i never got the pic of ur cat hat 😤😤😤 fuck u tumblr

omg ive heard of that book before! tbh i dont read a lot of fantasy bc i prefer straight historical but i will have to check it out. my backlog of to-reads only keeps growing. oops. i hope u enjoyed the books!!

ahhh never apologize pls. i love and appreciate ur long messages!!! my plans are in effect rn haha im away at a cabin sort of place, that has VERY bad wifi so im doin my best here. but its meant to be very relaxing and lowkey so im gonna do my best to recover. ive also been getting these headaches on and off since covid, but i think theyre getting worse and idk skckwkfnkemfm. i just have to fix this before school starts.

no wedding updates for now bc unfortunately our venue isnt booking yet for 2025 and thats when we have to have it (bc of my school + timing of other big, unmoveable family events). but we've picked a place + contacted the wedding party and everything is a go for that!! oh my god its so expensive. we've made a modest budget but im afraid ppl will judge us if its not super luxurious 💀 i also have a friend (more like "friend" tbh... its a long story) who put some doubts in my mind about our small budget akdmekfm so idk we're still sorting it out. doing our best to fit in everything we want while still saving for our first home 💀💀💀 but im very excited and looking forward to it!!

[lemontwst]

08/14 - announcements from a vacation in quarantine.

hello my sweet, sinful children!!!

i’m so sorry i left you all to your lonesome for two days (three days? eh, time is relative anyway), but i wanted to enjoy the last few moments of my vacation away from social media!

between my job, moving to a new house and updating this blog every day in the meantime, my wick was almost completely burned out, so i hope you can forgive me for taking some time off to recharge the good ole batteries!

i haven’t been completely idle however!!! i’m proud to announce that i’ve finally wrapped up the last of my writing commissions, so i can fully dedicate myself to this blog once again! daily headcanons/scenario updates will begin again starting from today. i have quite the backlog of messages (and fanart!!!) to go through, but i promise i’ll start chipping away at all your questions and lovemail soon!

Nessun Dorma updates.

the poll for chapter one is now officially closed. the results were tied for the longest time, but alas, we’ve had a surge of dom!Epel votes this week, so it seems our precious apple boy will be the one doing the rawing this time around! (i’m sorry sub!Epel fans in the inbox, you guys got my vote but we could not prevail against the bottoms in the end!!!). istg y’all better let me have sub!Azul when the time comes www

rantings of a dom aside, i humbly thank everyone who participated in the voting! this game would literally be pointless without all of you.

about the next ND update, chapter 2 will release sometime next week! possibly on thursday/friday, if i manage to send everything to my beta readers in the next couple of days. you’ll get a little snippet of one of the smut scenes the day before the chapter goes public, so i hope you look forward to it!

on milestones and celebrations.

we’re almost at 1.5k followers. what the actual fuck, fam.

and of course we’re going to celebrate!!!! this might be thirsty thots boulevard but we are still classy, well-mannered harlots around here!!!!!

i’ve always wanted to learn how to code in CS, so would you guys be interested in playing a short, smutty interactive fiction game like this one, with one of our twisted husbands as the love interest? (original game post by the amazing author @/godsamael). i'll give you some more interactions and personality options for your self-insert, and you’ll be able to pick the reader’s gender between male, female and possibly non-binary if i can get the code to work! 

i’ll probably make a poll to decide which husband you’ll be able to f*ck, so let me know if this is a yay or a nay for you. if it’s a nay, i’ll come up with something else to entertain you.

upcoming writings.

time for the usual lies i mean uuh our wonderful and very regular schedule because Miel is an organized writer who never posts headcanons and scenarios on a whim. here it is, for everyone who asked.

acedeuce poly scenario with f!reader. (tomorrow??)

more cybertwst (idia & vil are up next)

dick headcanons for pomefiore

mindbreak scenarios with [redacted bc i ain’t spoiling this lmao]

and there you have it! if you sat patiently through this entire existential crisis, Ramiel gives you a smooch on the forehead and blesses your weekend with p0rny lucid dreams. 

[angst-in-space]

january ‘22 writing progress

words written: 32.1k

most words written in a day: 3832

least words written in a day: 202

current yearly total: 32.1k

projects worked on:

- FINISHED A FIRST DRAFT OF MY NOVEL!! - sylvix dreamscape fic ch 6 - klapollo zine piece

works published in january:

none 💃

january goals: - cut my novel word count down to under 140k - maybe start writing the Actual Ending of my novel (the current ending is…kind of a placeholder) - turn in final umz piece - work on sylvix dreamscape fic ch 6 if i have time february goals: - finish first round of word-cutting on my novel - start writing the Actual End of my novel - edit and post ch 6 of sylvix dreamscape fic - work on ch 7 of sylvix dreamscape fic - maybe start editing renga fic if i have time??

notes: so january was.... a rollercoaster lol. i spent the first half of the month frantically trying to finish a draft of my novel so i could apply to a certain writing mentorship and well.....on the bright side i finished a draft-ish (i say “-ish” because like, there’s still a lot i wanted to add at the end but my book was getting freakishly long so i decided to hold off for the time being lmao). on the not so bright side, i did not end up getting a mentorship and that kinda crushed me so 🥲i mean it’s probably for the best bc my manuscript is a huge fucking mess right now but ANYWAY. i’m trying to at least give myself some credit because that’s the first book i’ve finished writing in like uhhh 6 years?? so YAAAYYY 🎉 ....now just to edit the shit out of it forever *sobs violently*

speaking of which, i at least started editing although i’ve been sticking to pretty surface-level edits for the time being. i don’t even wanna talk about how long my initial draft was but uhhh i’ve spent a few weeks just going through and cutting out unnecessary scenes and generally cutting down the word count and reached my goal of getting it down to 140k before the end of january. *wheezes* i’d still like to cut out like more than 40k of it LMAO but um we shall see. at the very least i want to finish my initial round of edits by end of february... i think i still have like 100 more pages to go but i will make an attempt. 😅

once i get through that initial round of word/scene-chopping i’m hoping to move on to writing the Real Ending since it has a weird cliffhangery-ambiguous ending right now and i have a much better ending i’ve planned from the very beginning SO, crossing my fingers i can at least start on that this month!! 

outside of my original writing... i FINALLY finished chapter 6 of the sylvix dreamscape fic. (yes it took me like three months i’m so sorry lol.) i’ve started editing it so i’m hoping to pass that on to betas soon-ish and hopefully will be able to publish that before the end of the month. and i’m hoping to make a dent in ch 7 this month as well, so uhh i’m praying it will not take me so long between chapters this time 😭

i have various other projects i want to finish but....first i’m really trying to finish/edit/post stuff in my backlog that i’ve been neglecting for months SOOO i think i’m gonna try to start editing my renga fic this month as well. i finished a draft of it many months ago but i have just not had time to edit it *cries* but i think i may finally have some now so.... SOON. I SWEAR 😤

oh yeah i also entered yet another book contest thingie yesterday on a whim, so uhhh perhaps i’ll update on that next month if i hear anything back! 👀

[charcubed]

I agree with your opinion on ?no thing and wanted to ask what do you think of jackles saying his number 1 reservation about 10.05 was destiel mention. People also use that as a proof that he is/was homophobic, which I tbh can't agree with, bc there's like a million reasons someone can dislike a ship involving their character and it's not fair to immediately make the worst conclusions possible? Idk, can you share your opinion on that?

Part 2:  Forgot to add: and even saying that those reservations mean he dislikes the ship is already an assumption anyway - 10.05 anon

Hi anon! 

First thing I’m going to say is that I think it’s frankly bonkers for anyone, in any fandom, to call someone homophobic for not loudly supporting or maybe not understanding a gay ship. Of course this is a blanket statement and in some ways it can still depend on the situation, because could someone be outright homophobic about a queer ship? Sure. But that’s not always (and tbh, probably rarely) the case in situations like this. As you said, there are a million reasons someone can dislike a ship or simply not understand fandom culture with that kind of stuff; if one is unfamiliar with it, it does take a certain level of PR coaching to understand it more fully. I’ll go back to that though.

I looked around for ages, and for the life of me I can’t find a source on Jensen saying that the Destiel mention was his number one reservation. If that was something he said, can you (or anyone reading this lol) point me to a source?

All I know of–and found in my search again–is this video / article, where he talked about his initial reaction to the episode.

"I didn't have a positive reaction," Jensen Ackles told E! News. "The first time in I think 200 scripts I went and sat down in the showrunners office and said, ‘What in god's name are you doing?! Why? I need to understand why this is happening.'"

It took some convincing from executive producer Jeremy Carver for Ackles to finally come around to the idea.

"He gave very eloquent answers and did a great job of explaining why we were doing what we were doing," Ackles said. "I guess I had been aware of this 'fan fiction' for a while and I felt like maybe if I ignored it, it would eventually go away. When I read it in the script that is what I do for a living and is my work—I'm very protective of these characters and the story and I think we have a right to be—I wasn't angry. I just wanted to understand why and what was the message we were ultimately sending with this script and story. By the end of it, I felt good and it gave me all the confidence I needed. It was better than I could have ever hoped."

He continued, "I never should have even sat down in that office, so Jeremy, I'm sorry."

So from the perspective of this quote (if that is indeed the quote in question):

No part of this is anti-Destiel lol. I think it’s very clear what he meant by having concerns about this episode. I’d even go as far as to say that if he has said something about worrying about the Destiel name drop (if there’s a source on that I don’t know about), then it was still in this context: he wanted to know what message they were sending with this story. 

I think it’s also key to remember that he’d been aware of fanfic and ignoring it. Why? Because he was also primarily aware of w*ncest fic and J2 tinhatters and the like. There’s a sordid history there, and it’s not unrealistic to say that it caused problems. That was Jensen’s first and primary encounter with fanfic and shipping as concepts, and it makes sense that his method was trying to ignore it and not focus on it. 

Then, the flip side: maybe he didn’t want the fans to feel ridiculed either. What kind of message were they sending with this episode? aka is this going to be a nod to fans, or be seen as making fun of them or even getting their hopes up about a ship?

Then clearly things were explained to him, and he understood, and felt good about it. That counts for a lot. After that conversation, he clearly liked 10x05 and often said as much in other interviews too.

Overall, look, ultimately... I don’t know Jensen as a person, obviously. I wouldn’t ever claim to. But I think he seems to be the kind of person who just doesn’t like being back into a corner, especially very publicly such as at conventions. I think he–like all other actors–know they don’t write the stories and can’t promise things on behalf of the writers’ rooms. This applies to any instances people dredge up across the board.

I think he also–especially in the early days–didn’t understand what fandom wanted from him when they asked him leading questions about Destiel... because even at the best of times sometimes fandom doesn’t know what they want, and because without being coached in the best kind of responses no one would know how to answer perfectly especially back then. A mere 5, 6, 7 years ago, social media was still growing, talk of queer rep was still actively evolving and becoming louder, and fans were becoming emboldened (not necessarily in a bad way) to demand more of stories–but that didn’t mean everyone (especially actors) were engaged or educated on what that all meant for the ways they had to respond including on the spot.

SPN season 10 aired in 2014. Same sex marriage wasn’t legalized country-wide in the US until 2015. Lexa died in The 100 in 2016, and I mention this to put in perspective where queer rep conversations were at the time, using a marker many people know about. 

Is it so surprising that an actor in a show from the early 2000s–with the baggage of w*ncest shipping debacles, network pressures, inability to speak for writers, and already many years’ worth of playing a character who felt personal to him–wouldn’t have known that fandom wanted to hear the exact phrasing of “I’m not sure Destiel is where the story is going but all interpretations are valid and if you think Dean is bi then of course he is” anytime he was asked a question practically designed to trip him up?

It’s not homophobia to have a cocktail of concerns surrounding a topic like that, in context like that, and especially in very public spaces like conventions. (Homophobia is shit like “not everything is about the gays, okay gay people?” Lol.) There are many reasons an actor could dislike a ship, but even more so, there are many reasons an actor may not understand fandom culture or not know how to perfectly address a ship / queer question because they didn’t know what the fans wanted to hear.

Basically, in summary: I agree with you and I’ve never personally seen anything from the backlog of history that Jensen’s said that struck me as either homophobic (a big word people should stop slinging around!!) or deliberately anti-Destiel with malice.

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Putting this out not as a desperate plea, but as kind of a genuine question bc some of you have definitely had this experience and I just wanna see where this ends up 🤔 it's something I'm getting better about but it's still irritating

So I'm a former gifted kid, this is not a mark of honor or pride, but that combined with previously undignified adhd made me pretty work oriented. Having to put in the extra effort to compensate for adhd and then having the constant honors and ap classes meant I was pretty much always doing academics somehow and NO I wasn't involved with any clubs or competitive anything bc my schedule was a mess due to reasons beyond my control and I wasn't able to do anything after classes ended (which I can elaborate on bc it makes me angry to this day, four years later).

For my first three years of college I layered my classes and usually took 5 a semester, when the average is usually 4. Once more, no clubs but that's a personal choice (the knitting club has tried to recruit me at least 2x now but I just. didn't join lmao). I'm in my last year and doing an undergrad thesis and it was suggested I really lighten my workload to make time for data analysis, which I did. 3 classes, minimal work.

Now herein lies the issue: I'm more than used to unnecessary pressure and doing "productive" work all the time that I actually don't know how to enjoy spare time. I mean I'm finally settling into playing a few pokemon games and looking through the backlog of music I have but I feel like I should be doing more. Like I need a better usage of my time and just having fun isn't the best option. Obviously being able to relax is important!! especially bc I have anxiety!!! but I'm not entirely sure I really know how anymore.

Like I'm definitely getting better about it but I feel like I need to have a "productive" task consisting of self betterment or academic work lined up or else I'll feel like I've wasted a day. And yeah I am addressing this in therapy as well but,, yall got any tips for feeling good about doing things that you do solely for you?? I like the things I do for fun I just wanna not feel kinda guilty about them sometimes, if I spend a whole day looking up musicians and taking anime screenshots more power to me but like. I wanna feel it

[And just for conjecture, yeah there's a pretty good chance I used classes as a sort of self medication for adhd, to stave off understimulation, but it's also all I really knew.. the gifted program needs to be burned to the ground I think. I did get pushed by family for perfection and I got very used to working in a panic. I never knew how to study but GOD was I on that academic grind.. and now that I won't be and am gonna have time time myself I literally just. don't know what to do with it. I can freely draw or do other things during a class but in my own time for me?? Feels Weird Chief]

[teawithkpop]

[M] - PhysCom - Pt 4

pt 1 - pt 2 - pt 3 - bc 1 - pt 4 - pt 5 - pt 6

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader

Rating: Mature [18+]

Length: 8.5k words

Genre: PhysCom AU - smut with dashes of angst, and a shitload of romance and complicated feelings,, uhuhu (porn with plot??)

Warnings: swearing, ehhh lots of angst and fighting oh nooo, and mentions of sexual acts

the plot thickens and there’s no actual smut in this part i’m sorrryyyyyy but more smut is coming!! i pinky pwomise uwu

-------

"Morning, jagiya. Do you have a minute?"

You're practically vibrating with the effort of acting normal as you process Taehyung's question. What can you even say to that? Oh, sorry. Actually, can you guys come back later? I'm kind of in the middle of discovering a secret fucking society of PhysComs who are dating their clients, and I'm trying to see if there's a way I can get in on that sweet, sweet deal. Fuck no. That's not going to work. Anything other than agreeing will sound too suspicious, and you can’t let them know what you’ve discovered. At least, not yet.

"Of course." You paste on a smile as you reply, your mind still reeling as you pull the door open all the way. You’re still wearing only your robe, but it’s silly of you to shield your body when it’s theirs to ogle during work hours anyway.

“What can I do for you, masters?” You ask sweetly, slipping on your persona like a second skin to keep your thoughts safely hidden from view. Your clients should always be your first priority. Not rule breaking, and certainly not any unlikely fantasies of romance.

Something seems off about their body language. They look uncomfortable. You’re suddenly reminded of the weird tension in the air when you last saw them, and just how fragile your position is after everything that happened last night. You need to rid their minds of what they saw at dinner. They need to view you as their eager little toy again, not someone who broke or someone to be pitied.

You instantly thicken the illusion of obscenity, eager to convince them, and maybe yourself, that things are just the same as they’ve always been.

“So… what would you like from me? A blow job? Hand job?” You stretch your arm up and lean sensually against the door, your eyes half-lidded. “Do you both want to fuck my little holes and stretch me open?” You giggle cutely and start to untie the silky belt of your robe, forcing all thoughts of your ComGear out of your head so you can focus on your job, which is pleasuring your clients. 

Jimin steps forward before you can pull the robe open, and stops your hand. He carefully ties your garment back together, though he avoids your eyes, his expression grim. “No… actually, we want to talk with you.”

Damn. You thought for sure that little ploy would at least fluster them a little, and maybe get them in the mood for something, but they both remain strangely sober.

“It’s about last night,” Taehyung supplies quietly, looking down to the floor.

Well, shit. What is there to talk about? You used your safe word and ruined everyone’s fun. Are they holding it against you or something? That's not really fair when the two of them are partially to blame for distracting you by playing mind games and messing with each other. 

Then it dawns on you. Namjoon probably sent them up to apologize for their fighting. That must be why they’re acting so stiff. After all, he did say that the three of you should work things out together.

You feel a bit relieved and give them a fleeting smile of reassurance. “Masters, it’s okay. Let’s just move on from what happened last night, hm?” You want to take their hands, but you resist the urge. You really shouldn’t initiate contact unless it’s related to their pleasure. You settle for lacing your hands coyly behind your back, making your chest stand out rather provocatively. “I’ve forgotten all about it, really.”

They both still look dreadful. Worried. You finally notice that there's a hint of pity in their eyes and it makes your skin crawl with foreboding. You get the terrible sense that this is about something bigger than safe words, squabbles, and kisses.

“No, we all want to talk to you,” Taehyung explains with a slight clearing of his throat. “In the kitchen. Namjoon-hyung sent us to… come and get you.”

You can feel your heart start to race as your adrenaline spikes from a sudden shot of fear. What could they possibly want? What's changed between last night and today? Sure, logically, they could be calling a meeting for a variety of reasons, but only one scenario is circling through your mind, over and over… and it ends with you packing your bags.

“Do you want to, like... go now, or...?” Jimin mumbles, clearly uncomfortable about the situation.

You blink, feeling dizzy. Your playful aura has disintegrated in an instant and made way for something much more frigid and fearful. “Yeah… um, let me just get dressed first,” you murmur distractedly. “I’ll be down in a minute, masters.”

They nod and thankfully take the hint that you need a moment to collect yourself. The two of them head back downstairs and you shut the door behind them, your whole body numb. You hurry to your closet, trying to retain some semblance of routine despite the storm you feel approaching.

In the daily rotation of things, Friday - last night - was Seokjin’s day for him to do as he pleases with you, and that includes deciding what you wear. The apron you’d had on yesterday was one he had picked out for you beforehand. Your closet is sectioned off into clothes and costumes chosen by each boy for you to don beneath (or in some cases on top of) your utility belt on their chosen days. Some days they request a specific outfit, but most of the time it’s up to you to select from their options. Your favorite clothes to wear are probably either the oversized hoodies with cute panties and no bottoms that Jungkook chose for you, or the crop top and leggings variations that Hoseok loves to see you wear.

But Saturday is for Yoongi, and today’s outfits are what could be considered party clothes, full of strappy leather harnesses, deep jewel-toned mini dresses, and lots of high heels. Not exactly comfort clothing. You love it when they choose what you wear and dress you up like a little doll, it’s hot and everything, but sometimes you just want to wear sweatpants. Or a t-shirt and jeans.

Fuck. You grab a pair of black booty shorts and a busty sequined halter top, the closest thing to daywear out of Yoongi’s choices, and you also elect to go barefoot. If this meeting is as bad as you fear it’ll be, then you don’t know if you’ll be able to stand upright in six inch heels for very long. Sorry, Yoongi.

You blow a lock of hair out of your eyes after squeezing yourself into the tight attire. Credit to Min Yoongi where it’s due, the top does make your tits look amazing, but honestly that should be the least of your concerns right now. You almost laugh at such a trivial thought.

Once you reach your bed, you hastily grab your ComGear, hoping you have at least a few minutes to figure out something before you’re pulled away again. There’s a backlog of messages, but thankfully not too many, as you log back into the chat room.

[ PCsv02_svt ]: oh where did she go [ PCsv01_svt ]: probably got called away [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: probably havin.. sexy times B) [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: wink wink [ PCsv01_svt ]: … [ PCsv03_mtx ]: guys you shouldn’t encourage her about dating :/ [ PCsv03_mtx ]: bad things can happen too [ PCsv06_ast ]: yea sanha is always nice to me, but I know some clients can be... not so nice [ PCsv09_$px ]: yeah, thanks [ PCsv06_ast ]: oh... sorry :( [ PCsv02_svt ]: aww aashi didn’t mean it like that G [ PCsv02_svt ]: we’re all here for you, u know that right? [ PCsv09_$px ]: mm. thanks guys [ PCsv01_svt ]: speaking of which, how are things with you? [ PCsv09_$px ]: uh.. same as always. [ PCsv01_svt ]: has anything happened since last time? [ PCsv09_$px ]: no, but they’ve been out of the house a lot [ PCsv09_$px ]: they have a lot of schedules right now [ PCsv01_svt ]: I see… [ PCsv02_svt ]: oh she’s back!

You stare at the log in dismay. Well, crap. “Bad things” can happen...? What kind of bad things? Is dating clients a thing or not? You have too many questions and not enough answers, and you don’t have time to investigate any of it. The boys are waiting for you downstairs.

[ PCsv01_bts ]: so… my clients just called a meeting with me. I can’t really talk right now. [ PCsv01_svt ]: a meeting? [ PCsv02_svt ]: that’s okay hon! we’ll still be here when u get back ^^ [ PCsv01_bts ]: this is all…fuck sorry, it’s a lot to deal with right now

You rake a hand through your hair, your body and mind are just completely spent from everything that’s happened recently.

[ PCsv01_svt ]: it’s alright, we’re not going anywhere [ PCsv03_twc ]: take your time to understand everything ♡ [ PCsv03_twc ]: it took me a while haha [ PCsv06_ast ]: we’ve got your back! 150% hehe >u< [ PCsv02_svt ]: yeah! don’t sweat it hon~ be kind to yourself, especially when you need to figure things out ^^

All of their assurance pouring in nearly brings a smile to your face. You don’t know most of these people, and you can’t be sure that they aren’t all just really smart bots or spies sent by your network, but… they do seem like a supportive bunch.

[ PCsv01_bts ]: thanks [ PCsv01_bts ]: but what exactly did micha mean by “bad things can happen”? [ PCsv01_bts ]: is dating even safe? [ PCsv03_mtx ]: oh haha… [ PCsv04_blp ]: safe? Oh honey... [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: lolol [ PCsv03_mtx ]: well I just meant that some PhysComs have been… taken advantage of [ PCsv03_mtx ]: so you can’t just jump into it ^^; [ PCsv01_svt ]: i wouldn’t call anything in this line of work “safe” per se [ PCsv01_svt ]: it’s hard to advise anything when we don’t know what your clients are really like [ PCsv01_svt ]: but if you do manage to enter a relationship it can either make or break your employment [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: hell yeahhhhh B)) [ PCsv01_svt ]: for some people it’s a last ditch effort, offering intimacy to idols who are touch starved to begin with… oftentimes breaking those boundaries will changes the client’s perspective, and soon they see you as essential, regardless of any minor misconducts [ PCsv01_svt ]: while for others, the attachment forms naturally and appears to be a genuine connection, such as with sascha and joshua [ PCsv01_svt ]: but of course there’s no way to tell for sure if the client’s feelings are genuine or if they have ulterior motives, so it’s definitely a risk [ PCsv01_svt ]: if things were to turn sour in the relationship, it could lead to termination or worse… you know, hell hath no fury like a lover scorned and all that [ PCsv01_svt ]: people can be duplicitous [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: durr durrr antione smart smart [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: i’m taking notes on ur lecture sir uwu [ PCsv01_svt ]: blake [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: ^-^? [ PCsv01_svt ]: shut the hell your mouth [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: >:D

You sigh. Reading all these names and trying to keep everyone’s identities straight is making your head spin in your already addled state.

[ PCsv01_bts ]: is there a way to change the contact names in this chat? [ PCsv01_svt ]: nope [ PCsv02_svt ]: sorry boo, it’s for protection ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You groan in frustration. Nothing is making sense, you’ve found no answers, and you still aren’t sure you can even trust this chat room. On a whim, you tap on Sascha’s username, and a contact page pulls up for her within the chat app. It doesn’t give any information besides her username and a blank profile photo, but there is a call button.

Shit, what do you have to lose? If this is real and not some elaborate hoax, then Sascha should pick up… right? You could grill her, ask her questions only she would know to prove it’s really her.

A sudden buzz from your ComGear nearly scares you shitless, and you check to see that it’s just a message from Namjoon.

Sweetheart? Could you come down to the kitchen?

You take a deep breath to steel your nerves. Fuck. You can’t put this meeting off any longer. You slip your ComGear into your belt and head downstairs towards what you’re sure will be your inevitable doom.

-------

On your way down the long staircase, you take deep cleansing breaths to combat the growing knot in your stomach. You’re hoping half-heartedly, albeit rather foolishly, that maybe the boys just need your help with something harmless, like making breakfast. They do love your omelettes.

You slow down as you approach the kitchen door, and you can hear many muffled voices arguing on the other side. It sounds like they’re trying to stay quiet, but failing. You stop to listen, your curiosity getting the better of you.

“Just because you got to-” “-not fair-” “I don’t like this-” “-so why should she be punished for-” “I swear it wasn’t-”

Punished? You don’t like the sound of that at all, not one bit. Just as panic starts to swarm your mind, Namjoon’s voice rises above the clamor. You lean against the door to hear his calm cadence, much more gentle than the previous raucous of the others.

"Look! Guys, I know it'll be hard. Okay? I know we've all grown very attached to her, but I think... I think this will be for the best. For all of us."

Fuck his calm cadence.

They must be talking about you, they have to be. You’re the only “her” in this house. You feel like you’re drowning in regret and fear, spiraling as your worries returning tenfold, despite your best effort to keep them at bay.

You’re going to walk through that door and they’re going to fire you, you can feel it. Namjoon’s going to look you in the eyes, and where such tenderness had been last night, now there will only be a steely gaze. It’s just business. You slump against the polished wood and bite back a dry sob, burying your face in your hands. You don’t think you can do this.

“God, you make it sound like she’s dying.” There’s Yoongi’s voice, lilted and matter of fact. “She’s not going anywhere.”

You lift your head. Not going anywhere? As in, not being fired?

Oh, bless Min Yoongi and his slutty sequin tops. But then… if you’re not going anywhere, ergo not getting fired, then what the hell are they talking about?

“Yeah, but what if this thing doesn’t work? What if she doesn’t... want this from us?” Jungkook’s timid question draws silence from the room.

“Then things will go back to normal, right? We just… forget it ever happened.” Jin. He sounds bitter and forlorn, not at all like his usual self.

“How can things be normal after what happened last night?” Hoseok sounds even worse than Jin, his voice choked with emotion. “I don’t think I can even have her as a PhysCom anymore! Something has to change.”

This declaration is met with another bout of overlapping arguments, only to be silenced once again by Namjoon.

“No, Hobi-hyung is right.” Namjoon says, his voice decisive and final. “This is a fork in the road for all of us. At the end of the week, we’ll take another vote. If things don’t improve with her, then… we’ll do what has to be done. There are always other PhysComs who can fill the position.”

What... the fuck…?

Ice crawls up your back, as if someone just dumped you into a freezing pool of water. Numbness seeps through your limbs, into your heart.

Are you really that replaceable in their eyes?

You’ve invested all your time into building bonds with these boys specifically so this wouldn’t happen. How can they be so heartless? It hurts. There’s a wrenching pain in your chest at hearing them talk about you so… so pragmatically.

It hurts because it’s exactly the way that you would handle the situation. With pragmatism.

But you know what? Fuck this. Fuck them. They took a fucking vote on the fate of your livelihood? You owe them nothing.

You’re overwhelmed, and angry, and confused, and you just can’t take it anymore. You want this guessing game to end. If they’re going to fire you, or punish you, or whatever, then you should just go in there and get it over with already. It has to hurt less than hearing them talk about you so callously.

You wait for a break in the conversation, and then ease open the kitchen door, stepping inside and doing your best to keep your expression neutral.

“Oh, there she is! Just the woman we wanted to see.” Namjoon looks up at you with a practiced smile, even though he’d just been rubbing his forehead the way he does when he’s stressed.

“Not for long,” Yoongi mutters, clutching his coffee mug a little too tightly as he takes a sip.

Your gaze flickers to him as quiet, seething anger settles in the pit of your stomach, a burning ache that doesn’t go away. He has the balls to joke about this, when your career is on the line? You’d have thought Mr. Underground Rapper would understand how hard you’ve fought to get here. Does he really feel nothing, sipping his coffee while you face the guillotine?

Namjoon shoots Yoongi a weary look, then comes over to greet you. “Good morning, sweetheart. How are you feeling? Better?” He cups your cheek, his eyes full of gentle concern.

You nearly flinch away from his touch. How dare he act so kind to you when they were just conspiring about whether you’ll keep your job?

You take a step back, out of range to be touched by any of them.

“What’s going on?” You ask them firmly, deciding not to hide your misgivings. Their eyes all seem to wander elsewhere in the room, Jungkook is staring at the counter in front of him like it’s suddenly become very interesting. Taehyung is looking up at the ceiling as if counting the tiles. Seokjin’s gaze is trained straight ahead into nothing, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. Cowards, all of them.

Namjoon takes the initiative and clears his throat. It’s hard to take him seriously when he’s wearing Ryan the Bear pajamas, but you give him your rapt attention. “So, we’ve been discussing things, and after what happened last night… well, it really cemented this for us. It made the decision that much easier.”

Did it? Did it really make it easier for them to fire you after seeing you break down and cry from using your safe word? You half debate throwing a punch at that handsome jaw of his. Might as well go out swinging.

He seems uncomfortable from the severity of your glare. Good, let him be uncomfortable. God knows you’ve put yourself in some uncomfortable positions for them.

“You’ve worked very hard for us since you were hired, and since today marks your official six month anniversary, we think it’s only fitting to end these six months on a good note.”

Oh, how poetic. Come on, just get on with it. Flowery words, especially insincere ones, won’t help you find another job. They won’t help keep you off the street while you struggle to make a living for yourself.

You stare up at him determinedly, your lips pursed as you steel yourself for the blow. You will not cry.

“We want to extend your time off.”

Wait, what?

“Starting tomorrow. It would have been your second day off for this month, but we’d like to extend that to a week off instead.”

They’re not firing you? They’re… rewarding you with vacation time? Doesn’t make sense. Your mind is reeling, trying to figure out the catch.

“You can wear whatever you want, do whatever you’d like.” Namjoon rubs the back of his neck, seemingly thrown off by your wide eyed lack of response. “You’re not obligated to have sex with us…”

Oh. There it is. A sex ban.

Sure, they’ll give you a nice little vacation, free of worries and obligations. What, so they can all play with Secondaries, like Jin did?

Fuck, that’s what this is about, isn’t it? Jin probably told them how good it felt to fuck another cunt and now this is their way of telling you that they want to ‘see other people’, isn’t it?

This is worse than firing you outright. They’re killing you slowly, stabbing you in the gut to watch you bleed out, like a wounded animal in the desert.

Your vision is red, rage stemming from fear and insecurity building up inside of you faster than you can comprehend.

“So you’re suspending me?” Your voice is surprisingly calm, even to your own ears.

“I… I guess you could put it like that.” Namjoon says hesitantly.

“We just want to give you a break, jagiya,” Taehyung interjects, and he does look genuinely torn up about the change. But feelings are of no use, not now that things have come to this. The only protection you have left is your own pragmatism to rival theirs.

You cross your arms in front of your chest, feeling much too exposed in your skimpy outfit. Damn Min Yoongi and his slutty sequin tops. You level your gaze at each of them in turn. “Don’t I get a say in this? I’m an independent contractor.”

Namjoon seems befuddled by your scorching glare, but he nods after a moment, seeming to come to his senses. He’s the one person here that’s best equipped to acquiesce to your sudden formalities. “Yes, of course. Uh… do you want to step into my office? We can work something out. Draw up a formal agreement, if you’d like.”

You see a flash in your mind of the last time you were in Namjoon’s office, not even a week ago, where you had him bent over his desk, cumming all over your fingers and dripping onto the ornate carpet.

You shake your head. They don’t want you to play with them for a week? Fine. You won’t give Namjoon the satisfaction of a home court advantage. “I’ll call my handler. We can discuss this in the lounge in an hour.” You don’t have a lawyer, but Yeji is the next best thing.

Namjoon seems a little surprised at your sudden switch to a cold and business-like demeanor, but he nods in agreement.

“Wonderful,” you look between the other boys, though most of them avoid your gaze. “I hope you all enjoy your breakfast.” You can’t resist hissing the words, and you hasten out of the room before your stone cold facade can crack.

You close the door behind you and lean heavily against it, trying to find your balance again after being thrown so off-kilter. What the fuck just happened?

“Well… that could have gone better.” You hear Yoongi sigh, and the others all break out into loud bickering again from behind the door. Honestly, they’re like children sometimes.

You scoff miserably at their immaturity and inability to see how seriously they just toyed with your life, and you wipe your eyes before the tears can fall, hurrying back to your room.

-------

That could’ve fucking gone better indeed.

You press your face into your hands, trying to stifle the fury and despair bubbling up inside your chest, threatening to suffocate you. Your hard work and years of dedication, all of your training, everything you’ve worked towards, becoming valuable and necessary so you’d never be cast away again, it’s all for nothing. You’ve still ended up in this position.

What the hell are you supposed to do now? Wait around for a week as they slowly lose interest in you? The very thought is agonizing. It tugs at all your buried fears and insecurities, watching them as they each slowly forget about you. Watching yourself become useless.

No. Stop it, you don’t have time to feel sorry for yourself when there’s work to be done. Time is ticking.

When you get overwhelmed in life, you’re supposed to ask for help. But you have very limited choices for who you can ask. You’re isolated and subjective in this case, so what you need right now are some outside opinions. Objective viewpoints and thoughts about the situation that aren’t stuck in the mire of emotional complications, and tainted by your own hellish visions of the worst possible outcome.

Yeji, your handler, would be your first person to consult. She’s probably the most professional woman you know, after yourself, and most importantly, she always has a plan for any situation. You pull out your ComGear and see that it’s still on Sachsa’s mysterious contact page. She could be a second opinion. That is, if it’s really Sachsa and not some network spy.

You shake away the thought. One thing at a time.

You send a brief message to Yeji, letting her know to come and see you as soon as possible.  You tack on that it’s kind of an emergency, and could she pick up some ice cream for you on the way, double fudge ripple.

She replies that she’ll be over in fifteen minutes, which gives you just enough time to change clothes and rehearse how to explain what happened.

You shed Min Yoongi's sequined strip of fabric without an ounce of remorse and stare at your closet in dismay. None of their outfits are comfortable, let alone respectable for a meeting. Frankly, your pajamas would offer more coverage.

You feel close to tears at the simple matter of choosing an outfit. This is ridiculous.

No. They may have control over what you do, but you can still rebel, at least in this small aspect of your life. You grab one of Jungkook's hoodies and a pair of leggings from Hobi, combining the outfits into what could be considered loungewear.

Once changed, you feel a bit more like yourself, and wait anxiously for your handler to arrive.

-------

Choi Yeji is an intimidating woman. She possesses the subtlety and sting of a viper, and isn’t afraid to say what she means. She’s never shown you any great lengths of emotion, even under stressful circumstances. So it doesn’t surprise you to see her calm and collected as she walks into your room.

“What happened?” She asks while you shut the door behind her, and she sets down the shopping bag of ice cream.

Her composure helps ease your frazzled brain, and you quickly explain the events of the past twenty four hours. Well, the events she needs to know, anyway. You were stressed at dinner, used your safeword, and now they seemingly think you’re broken and need to rest, but you suspect it’s an excuse for them to distance themselves from you.

“You think you’ve fallen out of their favor?” Yeji inquires, resting the tip of her spoon in her mouth. She claims desserts are her only vice, and had joined you in the ice cream, but still kept a professional distance and had eaten hers seated on your desk chair while you remained flopped on your bed. “Why? They’ve never sent in a single complaint about your service.”

You sigh in frustration. You know, or you at least suspect, that it has something to do with the… feelings that have come to your attention recently.

But the thought of sharing your romantic dalliances with Yeji is just plain awkward. Your relationship with her has always been business focused, monitoring your diet and exercise, your needs and leisure requests. You've never called her over to talk about your love life, or anything too personal for that matter. It’s not really in her job description.

She’s your handler, not your therapist.

But you know that you can't get around telling her the reason why things have been so tense in the house, it's inevitably going to come up. If she's representing you and backing you up during this meeting with Namjoon, it's in your best interest for her to know all the facts.

That still doesn't make it any easier to talk about. “I... think I might know why.” You admit, laying on your back, covering your face with your arm as you prepare to talk about your affairs.

Yeji levels you with a knowing look. “Did the chat room help you figure it out?”

You sit bolt upright. How the hell did she find out? 

Your brain struggles to provide an explanation in a vain attempt to cover your tracks, but Yeji eases you down from your silent panic with a wave of her hand.

“It’s alright,” she chuckles, a kind smile gracing her lips. “I was the only person alerted that you’d disconnected from the network and linked to a new one. I know all about the hidden network."

"You do?" You manage to utter, too astounded to say much else.

"Of course." Yeji inclines her head. "I used to work closely with Madame Guillaume, you know."

The tension dissipates from your body to make room for the curiosity that now overwhelms you. Guillaume? That was her last name? You only ever knew her as Madame.

Yeji seems amused at your dumbfounded expression. "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me."

You don’t know what to say. Honestly at this point, so many shocking things have happened to you that a part of you isn’t even surprised anymore to hear that Yeji knows about the PhysCom dark web. Sure. Why not?

“So is it… real?” You ask, scooting closer towards the edge of the bed.

Yeji sets down her spoon along with the empty pint of ice cream. "Yes. It's most certainly real." She folds her hands in her lap, unaware of the chocolate that's gotten around her upper lip. "But that isn't to say it's not dangerous."

You can't help the snort of a laugh that comes out of you as she talks so seriously with chocolate on her face. She looks at you askance and you wordlessly hand a tissue to her, pointing at your own mouth. "You have something…"

She blinks rapidly. "Ah, apologies." She looks over to your vanity mirror and wipes off the smudges. There's a slight lilt to her voice when she speaks, a result of the fact that Yeji always uses English around you, despite Korean being her native tongue.

You’d mentioned once that it sometimes felt weird to see others’ lips move differently to what you were hearing them say, thanks to your auto-translation chip, and she’d apparently made a note of that. Yeji has used English with you ever since, despite your assurances. It amazes you that she always goes above and beyond to make sure you're comfortable, even when it comes to speaking

Your handler clears her throat to continue. "Anyway, as I was saying. The network does have security, but no measures are foolproof. Anything you send to them has a risk of being seen by other people."

You twist your lips to the side. “Like who?”

“Well, for one, their clients could easily catch a glimpse of the chat,” she notes. “Or the information could be leaked in a security breach. You know all the leading PhysCom networks have heard whispers about this dark web you’ve discovered, and many of them would be all too eager to dismantle it.”

You automatically shake your head. You don’t know why, but the idea of the people in that chat room getting discovered, or being punished for their little spark of camaraderie… it feels wrong. Totalitarian. “But they’re not harming anyone. It’s just a group chat.”

Yeji sighs. Her lips twitch as she considers her next words. “It may seem harmless, or indeed it may even be harmless,” she states calmly. “But the higher up that one is placed, the more scared one becomes of falling. People in the higher ranks of the industry may view the chat room as a threat. Like a… PhysCom mutiny.”

“What? But that’s ridiculous!” You huff out a laugh. “They can’t possibly think we could organize a union against them. We’re illegal workers. We have no rights in society, we can’t even physically see each other.”

Sure, the risk of rebellion would be understandable in companies that employ people in respectable positions. But sex workers? That’s like being worried that drug dealers will rebel against the crooked pharmacies that supply them.

PhysComs are nothing without networks to market them and provide for their basic needs. Your career is forever tied to your network, so each network only wants the best of the best. Your reputation reflects on them as a business. So, if you get fired by your clients… your network might let you go, too.

You sigh, trying to push away such troubling thoughts. “Besides, it’s not like the people in that chat room are the only people who can fill their positions.” Your face falls a little as you continue. “We’re replaceable.”

Yeji picks up on your change in tone. “You were telling me why you think things have changed?” She waits patiently for you to explain.

You hug your knees to your chest, your gaze falling to your comforter. “I think… some of my clients might have developed feelings for me.”

You wait in silence for a beat, not daring to look up.

“Is that all?” Yeji asks, as if you’d just informed her that the toilet paper had run out.

You scoff in bewilderment. “What do you mean ‘is that all’?” You demand, a little underwhelmed by her reaction. Does she just know everything?  “That’s a huge deal! Feelings are not a part of my job.”

Yeji tilts her head to the side, her eyes cast upward as though looking for the right words. “Perhaps. You might consider it an… occupational hazard,” she says with a kind look towards you. “You may not be selling your heart to those boys, but you are selling your body, which protects your heart fiercely. After enough time, letting them touch your body… it’s inevitable they might slip through and touch your heart.” She shrugs, taking a sip of the coffee to-go cup she always seems to have on hand.

You feel exasperated, like you’ve been building up all this hot air only to have it slowly leak out of your proverbial balloon. “You don’t have to get all… philosophical about it,” you grouse half-heartedly. Yeji merely chortles.

“The insecure always cast stones at those who speak the truth,” she hums into another sip of coffee, looking over the references she’d brought with her on her phone. “Now that I’m aware of this huge deal of yours, you may want to fill in any details you, ah… forgot to mention?” She gives you a look, and you groan inwardly.

But you comply, spilling all the information of your romantic dalliances since the moment Taehyung kissed you. Yeji doesn’t hold any judgement in her face, she merely nods, taking a few notes for herself, and asking an occasional clarifying question. You also feel compelled to add in what you overheard the boys talking about before you came into the kitchen.

“They said something about a vote… and that they would hold another one at the end of the week ‘if things don’t improve’ with me. Can you believe that?” You inhale, trying to quell the anger in you before it can bubble up again.

Yeji clicks her tongue, a cold clarity in her eyes as she adjusts her glasses. “So you believe Kim Namjoon is the instigator in all of this? He would try to dismiss you, even after you confided in him?”

“He’s their leader,” you say quietly, unable to conceal the hurt in your voice. “His loyalties are to them.”

Yeji doesn’t look at you with pity, but with sympathy. You’re grateful for the distinction. Pity makes you feel worthless, but sympathy makes you feel… heard. Understood. Not something you’re used to experiencing, but it’s still a nice feeling to have.

“Well,” Yeji checks her phone, standing up to leave. “It looks like we’re just about out of time. We’d best be getting downstairs.” 

You get up as well, tugging your clothes back into place. “So, you’ll help me change his mind?”

“I must remain impartial, in order to reach a satisfactory conclusion for both parties.” She gives you a look while organizing her papers and clipping them into her briefcase. “But I’ll do what I can to negotiate you out of this so-called vacation,” she says, her voice fueled with that same resolve that she’d shown you whenever she’d been fixated on getting you something that you requested.

“Yeji.” You hesitate, then walk over and take a hold of her arm. “Just please… don’t go easy on him.” You ask, giving her a meaningful look.

She pauses and looks at you for a moment, then finally lets out a sigh with a brief flutter of her eyes. Her job isn’t easy, but then again, neither is yours.

“Alright,” Her voice is reluctant, but resolute. She gives you a brief smile with a touch of fondness, and opens the door for you. “I’ll give him hell.”

-------

You wind and unwind the drawstring of your hoodie around your finger as Yeji organizes her paperwork. The tension in the air is palpable. Namjoon sits across from you both, now dressed for the day in business casual, a white t-shirt under a blazer and slacks. He must have an interview or a photoshoot today.

Your mind wanders briefly to what he usually does when he has a schedule, asks you for a quick blowjob before he leaves. You think of that warm smile he gives you after you swallow his cum, and the tenderness of his lips as he kisses your cheek before he heads out the door.

Lewd domesticity is how he phrased the kink during his interview.

“So, Mr. Kim Namjoon,” Yeji begins, snapping you out of your memories, her voice crisp in the otherwise silent room. She’s speaking in Korean again, to more clearly communicate with him. “You and my client are in a disagreement with regards to her services, is that correct?”

Namjoon frowns. “Not exactly. We just had a… simple misunderstanding this morning.”

Yeji gives him a thin smile. “Well, she called me here, which must mean that she feels the need for professional support concerning this issue,” she continues swiftly. “There are no laws governing Physical Companions, Mr. Kim, because they are not technically legal. A black market business. Therefore, I am the closest thing my client has to legal representation, and I wouldn’t call my lawyer about a ‘simple misunderstanding’, would you?”

Namjoon’s eyes flash with something almost like regret as he glances to you. His mouth opens and closes for a moment, then he briefly shakes his head, his gaze returning to Yeji. “No, I-I wouldn’t.”

“Right.” Yeji raps her collection of papers on the oak tabletop to align them, barely giving Namjoon a glance as she begins flicking through the stack. “Now, then. My client has told me that you wish to put her on suspension, is that correct?”

Namjoon winces. “I wouldn’t say that, uh, Ms. Choi,” he says, wringing his hands together. He looks nervous, his eyes flickering from you to Yeji, and back again. “Does our PhysCom need to be present for this meeting?” He asks her, flashing a smile that would be charming and amiable, if he didn’t look so tense.

Yeji meets his gaze unflinchingly. “Yes.”

“I… um, alright.” He purses his lips with a nod.

It’s weird. In all the time you’ve known him, Namjoon has always been unfazed and collected when it comes to business. You’ve never seen him look so flustered before. Since he’s putting you in this position, it’s satisfying, in a twisted sort of way, to see him uncomfortable.

He clears his throat. “In any case, myself and my members just wanted to give her a break. Simply extend her vacation time.”

Yeji looks to you, her expression almost bored. “Do you want a vacation?”

You shake your head. “No, I don’t.” You throw a glare at Namjoon before returning your gaze to the houseplant on your left, inspecting each leaf as you try to stay calm. You know if you look for too long at him, you’ll start getting worked up again. Your anger and resentment is still there, bubbling just below the surface. You hope he knows how much he hurt you.

Yeji turns back to him, inclining her head, her tone that of explaining something simple to someone who should know better. “It is against her will, so it’s considered a suspension, Mr. Kim.” She slips her glasses on, reading over the fine print on the paperwork. “My client is given two days off each month, is that correct?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Namjoon says. “One day off, every two weeks.”

Yeji raises an eyebrow. “Yet, you wish to suspend her for an entire week. That’s over three months worth of her regular vacation time. I must say, this appears to be much more than a simple extension, as you put it. I wonder why that would be?” She flips a page, skimming the words casually. “It says here that she’s received nothing but glowing reviews from all of you since she was hired six months ago.”

Namjoon shifts uncomfortably. You can tell that he’s trying to keep up his shields, but Yeji is a formidable foe with which to spar, able to find the smallest opening in an opponent’s armor and pierce through with the speed of a rapier.

“No particular reason.” Namjoon seems to settle on the answer after calculating his words.

“No reason?” Yeji’s eyes widen in mock surprise. “Mr. Kim,” She sets her papers on the table, looking at him expectantly. “I’m afraid I can’t allow this discussion to go any further unless you have a good reason for putting my client, your Primary PhysCom I might add, on suspension for an entire week.” She shakes her head with a mild shrug of indifference.

Namjoon tugs at the cuffs of his jacket. "Well, I think we can-"

Yeji interrupts him, her words slow and purposeful. “I think… it would reflect very poorly on you as a leader to make such drastic decisions,” Here, she gives a very brief smile that could be mistaken for politeness, if there was any warmth left in her eyes. “... for ‘no particular reason’. Don’t you agree, Mr. Kim?”

Damn. Hit him where it hurts, Yeji.

Namjoon’s mouth grows slack, his expression dumbfounded. You bite back a smile, eternally grateful for being assigned such a kickass handler. You make a note to request a bonus for her next paycheck.

But now Namjoon’s face has grown dark. His fingers are tented together, and he seems lost in a silent debate within his own mind. “I didn’t want to do this…” he mutters so quietly, you almost can’t make out the words.

He inhales sharply and sits up a little straighter, his composure regained. “Ms. Choi,” he begins. “I must admit, we do have some concerns about her performance.”

Your heart drops like a stone.

“Oh?” Yeji doesn’t look up at him, but starts scribbling on one of her papers. “What might those be?”

“We believe that she’s overworked, since, as you pointed out, she is our only Primary,” he explains in almost a monotone. “Her behavior has been emotional and unpredictable lately.”

At this, your gaze snaps to him, shocked. Why the fuck would he say that?

He looks down to the floor, as though ashamed, as he continues. “She’s kissed two of our members since yesterday, which is not on her list of services. She broke down crying last night during dinner. When we went to use another PhysCom, she had a meltdown. Started screaming at us.”

Your body feels numb and on fire all at once.

"We're concerned about her professionalism."

That motherfucker.

You leap to your feet, your body moving before you can think. Yeji pulls you back from physically assaulting him, but you strain against her grip like a wild animal. “You bastard!” You spit out the insult, hair falling in your face and venom in your voice, still huffing out ragged breaths as Yeji patiently calms you back into your seat.

Your hands clench so hard you dig marks into your palms. You’re shaking with unbridled rage at his betrayal. You didn't think it was possible to be so angry. Of all people, Namjoon knows exactly how dedicated you are to your work, even when you’re exhausted, how closely you stick to your professional boundaries, even when it hurts, how tirelessly you work to please all seven of them, even if it means being used over and over again without a moment to breathe. You’ve always given everything to your job.

Now he wants to turn around and say that you’ve been fucking slacking?

“You see what I mean,” Namjoon states calmly, though there’s something wavering in his eyes that doesn’t quite match the rest of his confident demeanor. He tries to meet your gaze, tries to get you to look at him, but you refuse, twisting your head away from him before you get yourself charged with murder on top of everything else.

Maybe it would be best for you to get fired. You’d rather live on the streets than be treated like this. Tears prick at your eyes but you blink them away. You refuse to cry in front of him. You won’t give him any more ammunition to use against you.

Yeji looks between you and Namjoon, her lips forming a thin line. “Kim Namjoon,” she addresses him, her voice cold. “Do you wish for my client to remain in this house?”

Namjoon seems surprised at the question, his eyebrows lifting. “Yes, of course.”

“Then, I think a recess is in order.” She stands up and brushes off some invisible lint from her skirt.

You stand up to join her, but she holds out a hand. “No. You two need to talk this out,” she says to you, then looks to Namjoon, staring him down. “I suggest you remember why we’re here, Mr. Kim.” After a moment of silence, she walks to the door. “I’ll be back in ten.”

With that, Yeji exits, and the two of you are left alone.

You cross your arms protectively around yourself, adamantly refusing to look at him. The silence stretches between you.

“Sweetheart-” he starts, but you interrupt him.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” you seethe. Proprieties be damned, you’ve had enough. “Don’t ‘sweetheart’ me, you fucking asshole. I have given everything for you and your members, okay? Don’t you fucking dare sit there and tell lies about me, to my face!” You shout, trying to keep your voice from shaking. You know if you keep talking your rage will melt into tears, and you cannot afford to cry in front of him. You simply won’t allow it.

“I know, I know,” Namjoon’s assurance overlaps the end of your sentence. He sighs. Waits a beat.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah! You’d better be.” You still don’t meet his eyes, the betrayal and confusion is just too much. On top of all that, you’ve never lashed out in anger at any of them like this. You still don’t regret shouting at him, but your heart is threatening to beat out of your chest in fear of repercussions. Did you make the situation worse? Is that even possible at this point?

“Look.” His voice is tentative, a little afraid. “I really am sorry, I didn’t mean any of that.”

“Then why the fuck did you say it?” You counter sharply.

“Because!” Now it’s his turn to shout, though he seems to regain himself much more quickly than you. “Because... I don’t know if that woman can be trusted,” he reiterates quietly, as if afraid she might hear him through the door.

Wait, what?

“Yeji?” You squint in utter disbelief. “Of course she can be trusted, what the fuck are you-”

“Not with this.” He sighs again, rakes a hand through his hair. “Listen, you have to trust me.”

You bark a laugh. “Trust you?”

He shakes his head, stopping your objections before you can list them. “This is serious. This is… bigger than either of us.”

His voice is the only thing that gives you pause. Just for a moment. He sounds… desperate. Scared.

You slowly look over to him, and his expression confirms your suspicions. Namjoon is fearful about something, his eyes wide with worry, his hair mussed from being tugged between his fingers. He looks completely different from before, and it has you reluctantly curious.

“What do you mean?” You let him keep talking, though you’re still taking his words with a grain of salt.

“I was… working on something. A better arrangement,” He begins, his eyes reaching out to you, then darting nervously around the room, as if he’s letting you in on his greatest secrets. “But I stumbled onto something bigger. I just… I need you to take some time off for right now, and I need you to trust me that it’s for the best.”

You level your gaze at him, silently weighing your options. He’s being awfully vague.

“What does my time off have to do with anything?” You ask, your suspicion coloring your tone.

“It’s necessary to test my theory properly. If I’m right, then...” He trails off, and you garner that his success would bring about something monumental.

You stare at him. You want to take his words as truth, but he completely undermined you in front of your handler. You can’t let him off the hook so easily. “How can I believe anything you say anymore? You just blew any trust I had in you.”

“I know,” he says, hanging his head. He chews on his lip, then takes a deep breath. “That’s why I’m willing to offer some… collateral.”

He reaches into his pocket and withdraws something small and shiny. “This.” He holds out the object to you, dangling from a short metal chain. “It’s the key to my studio.” His gaze bores into yours as you tentatively reach forward to take it. “The only key,” he adds gravely.

You examine the silver peace offering, and your eyes widen at the implications of such a gesture. His whole life is in that studio. All of his art, his collections, not to mention his computer. His music. His career.

It’s all sitting in the palm of your hand.

He reaches across the table and closes your hand around the key. “You can keep it until I’ve earned your trust again. Okay?” He gives you a brief, dimpled smile, as if to assure you, though sadness and worry still swim behind his eyes.

“Now, sweetheart. Please. I beg of you.” He takes your hand in both of his own, his worried eyes imploring you to trust him. “Please, will you take this vacation?”

[thclcstgirl]

psa re: hiatus ENDING

s’up beautiful people that I’ve missed!!! Fun filled announcement that I have

Sold our house

Moved

Settled into our new house and new city

That said, this means I am FINALLY RETURNING FROM MY ENDLESS HIATUS AHHHH

I’m SUPER stoked and despite what is undoubtedly a massive backlog of replies, I cannot wait to get back in the grove of writing and rp and get back to my Foxie and my multi kids. 

I’m not going to ask who is and isn’t willing to take me back as a partner to like this or anything, mostly because it’s awkward to tell someone you’ve moved on from them and I don’t want to put anyone in that situation. So instead, I’m going to start excavating ALL my owed replies that I can find and reply to them all. If you’re still down to write with my kids then sweet we can hop back in no problem ^_^ 

However, if you aren’t feeling our threads/verse/au/ship/ect anymore, please feel free to simply ignore whatever replies come your way. I won’t im you asking you about them or making shiz awkward, just pretend it didn’t happen and we can find new ideas or go our separate ways, no harm no foul :D As always, this is a hobby and you deserve to enjoy it without awkwardness.

If you definitely ARE willing to keep our things and want to like this, I’ll feel free take that as permission to dig up your replies first and put ‘em on the top of my to-do list. 

Regardless, please know my im’s are open and I’d love to hear from you guys, I’m ngl I’m feeling a lil >.> about reaching out to everyone first just in case peeps have moved on from me and my kids so if you like this you’ll probably also get an im from me just bc HIIIIIIII 

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

11, 15, 20, 22

11. What do you envy in other writers?

For the longest time, I envied stats.  Hit counts, reblogs, and the like.  I got jealous of popular fic writers easily.

I’ve worked hard at moving away from a mentality that equates my writing’s worth with how popular it gets.  That train of thought just doesn’t lead anywhere good imo (there’ll always be someone whose numbers are higher than yours.  also numbers are infinite and, if they’re all you focus on, you’ll never actually be happy no matter what you do).

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15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

For me, the difficulty level of it depends on the length of the fic.

For my oneshots, the vast majority are just short scenes that I put together in under an hour, so I haven’t thought too deeply about them.  Because of their short length, and the fact I usually write them simply for the fun of it, it’s difficult to assign them titles or summaries.  They just don’t have enough to them to build something really depthy title off of.

Though, it is easier to add tags to my oneshots because of their length.  Less narrative means less to take into consideration and I can usually pick out the most well-suited tags with relative ease.

For my longer wips, I feel like it’s easier to come up with titles and summaries, because I’m already putting so much thought into them.  I tend to spend a lot of time spitballing ideas until I land on something I think fits.

However, for them, I find tagging much harder, because of how much changes over the course of writing.  With a fic like Souls, for instance, something might come up in a chapter that I haven’t warned for previously (bc I hadn’t considered it before then), so I’ll have to add a new tag for it.  Just, tagging is something that kinda evolves and fluctuates with the fic (to ensure everything is up to date in accuracy).

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20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

The last chapter of Rose Puppetry is a mess of fairytale references:

Briar’s name is a reference to Briar Rose (Sleeping Beauty).  Penny being in a lasting slumber is meant to be a call back to the original fairytale.  HOWEVER, the Sleeping Beauty allusion is also meant to be a nod to how, in Once Upon A Time (In Space), the happy ending happened between Cinders and Briar Rose (the version of the character of Rose who alluded to Sleeping Beauty in the album).

The chapter as a whole is roughly structured after Little Red Riding Hood; a young girl visits an older woman in a cottage separated from everyone else to deliver food, and meets a ‘Wolf’ along the way.  Calling her ‘Little Briar’ in the title was the best way I found to refer to this.

I was disappointed for a while that I couldn’t seem to fit a Pinocchio reference in, but then I figured that Ruby working as a mechanic repairing Penny could function as a callback to how Gepetto originally built Pinocchio.

Finally, it was heavily inspired by a lot of Magnus Archives fics that take place during the Scottish safe house period.

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22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

With my Tales of Arcadia fics, it’s this weird mix of bittersweet nostalgia and melancholy.  I still love them, I’ll always love them, but I also feel like I have to distance myself from them to not be defined by them.

Since I have such a massive backlog of toa content on my blog from my time in the fandom, I worry sometimes people will get the impression that that’s what I still post about and get disappointed when they find it’s not.  Or they’ll read my old fics, potentially get their hopes up that I’ll post new ones, and then be disappointed that way.

I truly do want people to enjoy my toa fics.  I’m dedicated to keeping them up online so they can be found and read.  There’s a part of me that does regret that I no longer write for toa, but I also know I can’t turn back the clock to be a version of myself that I’m not anymore.

So, to answer the first question, no, I don’t really reread my old works.  I like the idea of revisiting them one day, but not yet.

fun meta asks

[glimmeroo]

2020 media wrap up

Alternate title : I was already dead inside and the pandemic certainly did not help (spoileriffic)

Kdrama/Cdrama

There was very little that caught my attention, and I finished nothing.

Romance of Tiger and Rose - cdrama - Watch for the adorably lovestruck lead boy making heart eyes. Got halfway through then stopped bc I’m dead inside.

Joy of Life - this was quite good. But didn’t make it past 10 eps bc I am dead inside. May come back when they do season 2

My Roommate is a Detective - fantastic chemistry between two lead guys, but I’m not a mystery-a-week kind of person, so I stopped after a few eps. Also heard end was annoying.

Love and Redemption- made it through first 10ish eps, but acting/story/character/chemistry was mediocre

Skate Into Love - Modern romcom with surprisingly good on-ice action cinematography, but so-so romance so I stopped halfway. Also COULD NOT buy that skinny pretty boy was a star hockey captain.

And that’s right, ZERO kdrama, nothing caught my cynical wizened eye.

What I actually consumed

So much Tiktok

Also I discovered AO3, so yeah. SOOO much fanfic. And ... Harry/Draco post-war stories are surprisingly good?

Avatar! Finally in Netflix.

A LOT of translated cnovels. (MXTX’s other ones - SVSSS, TGCF; 2ha; FGEP, Til Death Do Us Part + a couple more)

Manga. One of my favs is Maiko-san Chi no Makanai-san. Delicious food and everyday maiko life.

BTS entire music video and MAMA etc. performance backlog. I’m late to the game. ON was epic. And Jimin! So expressive.