#bc i love those characters i love that silly dynamic in the cames of everyone just being super excited about murder

[bi-scottsummers]

Hi, hello, just came here to say that I love your fic "trending in Japan". I was wondering if you had headcanons regarding Kenji or Emi or interpersonal relationships and stuff. Many hugs for you.

hi hello, thank you for the encouragement and hugs! After some thought ive realized I do in fact have some hcs about some of the character dynamics in the movie as well as just kenji himself, cause hes captivated my entire brain:

Kenji & Emi

Emi does not have teeth but she does inexplicably have a teething phase. kenji is forced to hide all his (salvaged) fancy cars in the garage bc the corvette's already been chewed to hell and his heart is gonna give out if he has to watch any more classics get wrecked

he reads her bedtime stories. A lot of aesop's fables, because theyre short and fun and hes trying to raise his monster daughter with good morals. emi goes hogwild for these but its unclear if she actually understands what hes saying; kenji's pretty sure she just likes the silly voices he uses for different characters

they go flying together! they go first thing in the morning before breakfast - it helps kenji shake off the grogginess of sleep and emi gets to stretch her wings. shes not able to go very far for very long initially, but as she grows and gets those cardio gainz she almost gets to be quicker than him. they have races and play air tag :)

while she doesnt have the vocal range to speak english herself, it becomes clear that emi does understand it well. (kenji also develops an ear for her chirping/squawks, though body language & facial expressions play a big part in communication for both of them) during her (much later) rebellious phase she'll simply pretend not to know what's being said when kenji is telling her to do something she doesn't wanna do, which frustrates him to no end

Kenji

developed a pretty massive chip on his shoulder after moving to the states. it wasn't just bitterness over his dad staying behind, though that was a part of it. this is canon but he was picked on in school for "how [he talked], how [he looked] and what [he ate]." he felt like he had something to prove to both his father and the world. he threw himself into sports - specifically baseball - and his academics, and he did so well that it forced everyone to shut up about how he was different from them and focus on how he was better than them

^ playing off this: kenji had a bonkers fucking yonkers routine when he was a kid/in highschool. he'd get up hours before school started to practice his swing, go for a ~1hr run, workout, study, etc. He'd go to school, come home, and do it all again. this is exaggerated but my point is that this kid was DETERMINED and had the discipline to see that determination through to the end

didnt have many friends because of all aforementioned things. he had acquaintances, and he was invited to parties and outings and stuff (never went), but he spent most of his free time hanging out with his mom. he never really had a "parents are so embarrassing" phase. he always liked to do anything with his mother: going to the bank, going grocery shopping, watching cheesy telenovelas till ungodly hours in the morning, etc. she was his no.1 supporter, confidant, and best friend

he played for his university's baseball team and got scouted at 19. his mom forced him to finish his bachelor's first so once he graduated with his degree in kinesiology at 21, he was drafted to the dodgers

Kenji & Ami

both of them, up until meeting each other, were totally dedicated to their career (and child) so they had basically 0 time for friends. theyre both borderline losers but theyre juuust good enough at what they do for people to admire them instead of finding them sad and lowkey pathetic

kenji is way more into the idea of being friends than ami is. hes pretty enthusiastic about it; he thinks that they have a kind of rapport, since they share a similar work ethic and are both (unbeknownst to ami) single parents. he calls her to chat abt random things. ami initially isnt superrrr into it; she thinks kenji is kinda lonely and desperate for human connection, & it isnt until her mom points out that she has not spoken to anyone outside of work-related reasons in 10+ years that shes like oh shit, i am also lonely and desperate for human connection. so she grudgingly acquires a friend. theyre both really bad at it

need to clarify that in my mind their dynamic is 95% kenji yapping about work and drama in his personal life (circumventing the 8m baby kaiju hes raising) while ami goes "mhm mhm" and takes notes until kenji notices and is like What are you doing. at which point ami is like...... right . nothing. im listening. and forces herself to put the notepad away. she has a hard time disengaging from the reporter mindset and just hearing something intriguing without turning it into an article. the other 5% are the rare moments where theyre connecting super well - ami's psychoanalyzing the hell out of whatever kenji just said and hes like what are you my therapist. over time she starts opening up to him, too, and eventually theyre comfortable enough to be having philosophical discussions over breakfast just for funsies

before kenji reveals that hes ultraman, ami thinks hes in a gang. he keeps showing up to their lunch "dates" with like bruised eyes and fractured bones and gets all shifty when she tries to ask about what happened. when she eventually confronts him about it, hes so offended that she thinks hed be involved in something like that that he tells her about being ultraman

thats about all i can think of rn, though im sure ill think of more after rotating all the characters in my head for a while. thanks again for stopping in, i appreciate the support :)

[mysterycitrus]

You’ve talked about how fandom treats jtodd & dick, so what are your thoughts on how fandom treats dick & tim?

There’s this post that’s asking about people’s batfamily hot takes, and I was scrolling through the reblogs bc I love drama. One of the “hot takes” was calling dick a bad brother bc of the bruce lost in time comic era. Specifically saying that fandom excuses dick’s shitty behavior towards Tim bc his dad (Bruce) died and because of the stress of taking care of the city by himself. While Tim was hurting because of the deaths of Kon, Bart, Jack, Steph, and Donna (idk why they included Donna as Tim’s grief and not Dick’s??) and therefore Tim’s & Dick’s hurt and stress aren’t the same. According to this person, Tim was going through it and Dick was making it worse.

Now, I’m not going to claim I know how everything went down since I haven’t read those comics yet, but this feels like a gross misunderstanding of the arc.

From what I’ve seen, fandom tends to invalidate and villainize Dick during this time in favor of Tim. Dick is not being excused, in fact he’s being blamed for things that are either not his fault or just made up in order to whump Tim. Idk that “hot take” just rubbed me the wrong way because of how one-sided it was, and I guess it made me wonder about your thoughts about Dick & Tim since I tend to agree with your opinions lmao

fundamentally the issue is this — dick grayson existing and being a good person is an obstacle for fanon angst. dick grayson being a good brother means that jtodd can’t just slot into his pre-existing relationships with tim and cass and damian. dick grayson being a good friends means that he’s close with the titans and the league because he’s competent and trusted. dick grayson being kind means that he didn’t abandon tim, he was literally trying to keep everything together after bruce’s death.

not to try and make it a grief olympics but as much as people talk about everyone tim has lost (and i think they must have been talking about dana winters in that post?) people seem to forget that dick’s city just got nuked + the fallout of nightwing 93 + donna dying + jade dying + the titans falling apart + he was just locked in arkham himself. like… his dad has just died, he’s had to fight off his brother who’d just tried to kill both tim and damian and been given custody over a kid who doesn’t trust him

red robin 2009 has done irreversible harm to tim drakes character. people using that as the starting point for reading about him is bad. it’s a comic about a grief spiral, and it isn’t an amazing depiction of him either. but even then, people just seem to love straight up fabricating what’s in it.

dick tells tim that therapy might be a good idea. tim tells dick that he’s leaving because he trusts dick to let him do what he needs to do. even at his lowest point, dick is who he trusts most. those takes that’re like “tim drake was at his lowest point and then jtodd sees him and realises that he’s cool actually and they bond #jasontoddisagoodbrother #dickgraysonisabadbrother etc” because they like to posit that dick threatened to throw tim in arkham are so silly

that’s even ignoring how people just straight up lie about damian’s actions and how weird everyone is about ra’s al ghul. no, tim isn’t the only one he refers to as detective aside from bruce. no, tim isn’t one step away from being a mass murderer. no, damian didn’t try to kill tim— he was reacting to tim being suspicious of him. tim was beefing with a ten year old. why are u being so mean to the ten year old? (We Know Why)

ur right — it is extremely one-sided. im not one to pretend that canon is flawless by any means, but acting as though fanon is better just because someone online came up with it is also stupid. there are many many racist undertones with how jtodd and tim are interpreted, both separately and with each other. a lot of it is yaoi baiting dynamics, that a lot of fans don’t seem to want to admit. i won’t comment on how white people writing jtodd as latino and tim as asian can be Bad but like…. it’s all tied up together. people want these two characters to have suffered the most, because that justifies everything fans want them to do. they want them to be wronged. they want their idea of justice in their name

[xaeyrnofnbe]

as far as buffy comics go, so far i have read:

buffy season 8 (a wild ride from start to finish, everyone was out of character, i still have no clue how anyone came up with ANY of that. i've kind come to terms with it though. funny as hell in hindsight.) (bonus points for the spangel crumbs littered here and there. points withdrawn for buffy's reaction to them.) (season 8 is bonkers bananas all the way through, you have GOT to read it if you haven't. hell of an experience.)

buffy season 9 (a lil rough around the edges but the plot was much more casually engaging, buffy and spike had some very cute moments in the first half and overall i just like what the comics do with spike's character, even if it's a little inconsistent. oh and the plot twists were very silly and fun) (spoilers: the resolution was a little weird but i found it much funnier than i probably should have when illyria sacrificed herself. guy trying to destroy the world bc his girlfriend died and illyria was just like. hey i knew a guy who's girlfriend died one time. how'd he live with it? no yeah he didn't. he died. sorry.)

angel & faith season 9 (loved the callbacks to prior stories, though the stuff with whistler was kinda lost on me. pearl and nash were ok. i liked seeing drusilla again! though i'd prefer to see more of who she is now. the plot involving angel's nipple piercing struck me dead on the spot, weirdest part of the whole thing.)

spike: a dark place (extremely silly, spike leading spaceship full of giant cockroaches was not something i knew i needed but they were so so entertaining. generally just so amusing. i'm totally incorporating an appreciation for space into his character when i write him now.)

spike: into the light (PEAK comic!spike. thank you james marsters. easily the lowest-stakes, most grounded of anything i've read so far, which was extremely refreshing. this guy gets dragged through the dirt the whole time and still manages to be hilarious and endearing throughout. loved him narrowly hiding his vampirism at every turn from dylan. my favorite detail was the constant flapping of the bottom of his shoe.)

buffy season 10 (currently a little ways through, EXTREMELY promising so far. total vibe shift from seasons 8 and 9, way more in line with the feel of the show. every scene with buffy and spike has me kicking my legs and twirling my hair. love those two. dunno how to feel about giles yet. i am ECSTATIC at the notion of xander finally getting some character development, but i'll hold back on celebrating until i get firm confirmation.)

angel & faith season 10 (reading at the same time as buffy s10, the different art styles are a bit jarring to bounce between. genuinely the art in this one is making it way harder to connect with. i LOVED the style in s9, so the shift to realism has been disappointing to say the least. genuinely i just Do Not Know how to feel about this season yet.) (also separating your 2 main leads when their dynamic was the central focus of the last season is certainly A Writing Choice.)

[shikai-the-storyteller]

UEUEUEUEUEUEU ILL SEND YOU THIS WHILE WAITING TO SEE BOBBYS STATUS.

Dw idm u answering publicly, I want everyone to be cursed w the thought that Rubius is a babygirl and a very bad one at that <3

Honestly I've only read a few explanations of their lore and bits about their relationship but they seem sooooo,,, /pos. Like they have such a fun and silly dynamic that has this air of toxicity and their loves feels quite self destructive bc rubius is kind of a destructive force of nature of a person who has a tendency to hurt those around him, perhaps as a defense mechanism or perhaps out of simply not understanding there are consequences to the things he does while vegetta is someone far too forgiving, he continues to love rubius despite how much he hurts himself, others, and vegetta himself. I'm not saying cubito rubius is an awful person but from what I've seen he is,,, complex. Difficult despite seeming silly. I could be just completely wrong tho LOL I am doin my best I prommy

ANYWAYS IM CHEERING U ON IN WRITING!!! I'd love to talk to u abt them more and learn more abt rubegetta bc like. Look. Theres no way q!vegetta isnt hung up on that demon idc,,,

I'm likewise waiting for the Eggstatistics (which will probably get posted while I'm in the middle of writing this) (EDIT: IT DID) and you gave me the opportunity to infodump so prepare for an essay LMAO

There are SO many layers to Rubius and Vegetta’s relationship (both romantic and friendship-wise), and that complexity makes them fascinating characters to study. I’ve been discussing this a lot in private lately, but I feel like there’s quite a bit of misinformation / misinterpretations of Rubius and Vegetta’s relationship amongst some of the newer fans who might not know some key components of their personality and their relationship dynamic as a whole (which is understandable since the majority of their lore came from Karmaland, and a lot of newer fans only speak English / only watch QSMP), so ALLOW ME TO ELABORATE:

I think of the two, Rubius definitely gets mischaracterized the most (which, again, maybe isn't too surprising since not everyone watched Karmaland and he hasn't been on the QSMP server too much lately). I could go off on a tangent here and list my frustrations about the people who harassed him for his role / his actions during the Egg event / whining about ships to the point where he decided not to log into the server again ‘til the Egg event is over, but that's ultimately irrelevant to this discussion.

“Their love feels quite self-destructive” is a really good way to sum things up, because Rubius is a pretty self-destructive man. Rubius is, fundamentally, a man who is full of love for the people he cares about, but those feelings are in direct conflict with his reluctance to let people get close to him (and his commitment issues). He can freely give hugs and kisses (and more) to Vegetta, but when it comes to expressing his true thoughts and feelings, he’s pretty emotionally constipated. We’ve already seen this a few times on the QSMP server – when Rubius visits on Vegetta’s birthday, he sings him the most beautiful heartfelt love song ever, but as soon as it’s over and Vegetta tries to talk to him, Rubius runs away. Even in Karmaland V, when hooked up to a lie detector and asked about his feelings for Vegetta, Rubius tried to wiggle his way out of answering. Only when the world was literally ending and they all thought they were gonna die did Rubius finally admit his feelings, shouting his confession and his love for Vegetta at the top of his lungs.

(The real tragedy here is that it was so chaotic with everyone shouting, Vegetta never heard his words…)

Although it’s easy to slap the label “toxic” on Rubius, I think that’s unfair to him and his character, as well as his intentions. He truly does love Vegetta with all his heart, in every universe, and he doesn’t want to hurt him, but Rubius doesn’t want to get hurt either. The Meteor shower conversation gives us a clear understanding of that:

Rubius: I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to get my hopes up, and then get hurt. It's happened to me many times before. Especially here in Karmaland. Vegetta: Have you had lovesickness? Rubius: Yes. In Karmaland, everywhere, in real life... I'm already used to getting beaten. Vegetta: That's a pity... Rubius: I just want someone to take care of me, and that's it. I don't ask for much. Vegetta: I'm very protective.

The way I see it, Rubius is afraid of his feelings for Vegetta, because the larger his love grows, the larger that potential for hurt and disappointment gets. Does this excuse all his actions? No, of course not, however there’s a big difference between doing something out of self-preservation (possibly as a trauma-response, depending on how you interpret his character) and doing something with the intent to hurt someone.

IMO, Rubius isn’t a toxic guy, he just needs therapy.

Vegetta doesn’t get mischaracterized quite as often, though I do feel like people have a tendency to put him on a pedestal and minimize the flaws he has. I’m a massive Vegetta fan, but this guy’s far from perfect. He’s self-centered, borderline narcissistic sometimes, and he’s a very prideful man. He’s never left Rubius at the altar, but he’s still had his fair share of “oopsies” and "yikes" in their relationship. One (which I’m surprised people don’t talk about more) is an incident from Karmaland IV where Vegetta, very unhinged and mentally unstable at the time, kidnapped Rubius’ wife Nieves and threatened her with a sword, saying, “If Rubius can’t be mine, he can’t be anyone’s.”

For the longest time I genuinely thought that line came from a fanfic or something, then I stumbled upon the clip one day and I was just like:

Anyways

In Karmaland V, Rubius became very close with a little alien child named Titi. He took care of Titi like he was his own son, and despite his attempts at emotionally distancing himself early on so he wouldn’t get attached, Rubius wound up caring a lot for him.

Then Titi died.

It was basically Rubius’ worst nightmare come to life – he’d let himself get close to Titi, he’d loved him unconditionally and let Titi into his heart, and Titi’s death utterly destroyed him. Everyone in Karmaland was affected by the death, but Rubius took it especially hard because of how close they were. Rubius was hurting badly and resorting to terrible coping strategies to deal with the pain, and Vegetta…

Well. Vegetta wasn’t very nice about it.

There are a lot of ways we could interpret Vegetta’s actions and words during this time – maybe he’s not super sensitive when talking about death since he’s probably some kind of demigod, maybe he speedran the grieving process, maybe he thought brutal honesty and direct action would help Rubius “snap out of it” sooner. However you see it, ultimately it did a lot more harm than good for Rubius’ overall mental health.

I bring these examples up not to paint their relationship as toxic or negative, but rather to express just how complex it is. Because, despite all their mistakes and drama and heartbreak, at the end of the day, Rubius and Vegetta still love each other more than anything else. Even towards the end of Karmaland V when they were quite literally on opposite sides of the battlefield (one supporting Quackity, the other supporting Luzu), their true loyalties lay with one another. When Rubius was hit by an enemy, Vegetta defended him with his life, and when Vegetta was hurt, Rubius did the same.

Yes, Rubius doesn't really know how to handle healthy relationships, and yes, Vegetta tends to forgive him too easily, but that doesn't erase the love they have. The key we need to remember here is that Rubegetta is a telenovela that sits squarely in the romcom category. They may wander into other genres and tropes from time to time, but they will always gravitate back to one another. Whether you define that as fate or soulmates or just sheer dumb luck, the facts remain and the love is there.

PHEW anyways that felt good to get out, I have so many thoughts on Rubegetta so I appreciate the excuse to rant. I'm always happy to chat about these two! :D And you're so right - Vegetta is so smitten for that demon, I hope he gets to meet the angel too. I hope Rubius comes back soon so Vegetta can see his Osito Fiu Fiu, but in the meantime, we'll have to keep wishing and praying just like Vegetta...

(ALSO THANK YOU the current chapter of that dang Rubegetta fic is kicking my butt rn because it's the only chapter I didn't outline and life events keep interrupting me when I try and work on it, but it IS getting chipped away at bit by bit! I hope folks enjoy the outcome when it's released :D)

[ellaofcinderellasburg]

i figured you would say vovv!! i love it too!! def a fave from this year for me!! but the claymation short sounds cute i'm gonna check it out 👀 i really gotta get into ducktales though i know you and like everyone else loves it!

but ooh that's the next descendants book coming! i assume you've read them all?? did you read them before the movies came out? but yes i'd love to visit auradon too!! and other places would be halloweentown and the wizard world!

speaking of vovv, who are your favorite characters and why? you can rank if you want! and dynamics too!! do you associate any songs with the characters/dynamics? and did any of those songs or just dc songs make your spotify wrapped or apple music replay this year? -gcwca secret santa

this descendants special !! idk why i like it so much i like that ghe tears are made of glitter lmao. something about it to me is so comforting and charming (no pun intended) and ducktales is very silly and fun and theres so many characters and dynamics to love! so if u check it out i hope u like it :D

YEAH i have followed the books! i know they arent a perfect canon but they can be quite fun. and year before i watched d1 i read the first book and also Mals spellbook, which i didnt realize was a mistake cuz it spoiled the movie lmfaooooo but when i realized that i was like "well! im already this far in!" and finished it anyway 💀 i was a different breed that summer lmfao the amount of fanart and playlists i was creating for a movie i hadnt seen yet. also they posted School of secrets webisodes daily and i have such a nostalgia tied to waiting every day for them to drop !!

oml wait oh wow ok. this is so hard to rank genuinely cuz everyones so good 😭😭😭 like idk i really like the dynamics between the kids (all 3 maddens + hartley) i LOVE milo lmfao he is legendary i am so pleased w him and amy being frenemies its so fun. hartmy is for sure in love and i think havoc and starling are exes 😃 starling x jake is amusing but i really like the idea that theyre just gay best friends trying to hang out. bc gay friendships are that dramatic lmfaoOOO also i love the kids relationship w their parents a lot, i could go into that in more detail but particularly jake and vic, amy and eva, and especially colby with each of their parents i think it is all so so fun

also this isnt related but i dont care for declan vovv but his actor plays my fav character in power rangers and in the recent PR season he was evil for a lot of it and i was like oml playing oculan really inspired something in you LMAOOOOOO but it was quite fun (i love power rangers stream dino fury/cosmic fury on netflix!!!! it has lesbians!! and dinosaurs!! and ollie akana!!)

[void-inked-pen]

Sainon strikes again!!

I grew up with tmnt 2003 so I’m biased too but I did like 2012 when it came out, but I didn’t follow it as much as I did 03

I completely agree with you on Donnie and Mikey’s characterization! I really loathed what they did to Donnie with the whole love triangle thing they wanted to do. I absolutely loved Donnie in 03 but 12 Donnie omfg. I blame a lot of my dislikes of the show on the writing itself bc I don’t think they wrote April very well either it’s odd idk.

I thought Donnie’s crush on April was cute, silly, and funny at first but they kept beating the dead horse with this and then Casey showed up, added to it, and I wanted to scream.

They ALL deserved better but how the writers treated mikey and his canonical adhd was TRASH.

This is just me very personally as well but when I was just a wee child I empathized with 03 raph a lot bc, even tho I never acted on it, I was just constantly filled with rage that’s a lie I swung a computer at my bully’s face when I’d finally had enough. I didn’t like how they treated Raph’s anger in 2012 especially during the episode where they specifically addressed it. Splinter basically just said “bottle it” and like kind of belittled him for letting things get to him. When they were insulting him for the sake for the exercise I think I realized that 12 raph has trouble seeing when people are being serious with their insults (like me lol). Those were his brothers, contextually he should’ve known they didn’t actually mean any of those things but that’s not how he takes it. And if slash SPIKE is anything to go by he actually thinks his brothers think a lot of bad things about him. He doesn’t open up to his brothers because he does not trust them with his emotions that he himself has trouble dealing with/interpreting

On a more positive note: I do love Raph and Mona’s relationship ship, it’s absolutely fantastic

12 Raph likes a woman that can kick his ass and I have to respect that

Writing characters with anger is a difficult slope and is often written badly. As someone who has anger issues but learned how to deal with them over time, when I see a character like 2012 raph, who has trouble handling and understanding his emotions, it both points out the issues and also makes it hard for me as someone who deals with the same thing, relate because it’s often demonized.

Literally half the stuff they wrote in 2012 acted like they wanted to talk about heavy issues but it was written in a way that was almost mocking and demonizing with most of not all the characters. Literally it brought out the worse in everyone of these characters and it drives me nuts

April is the “strong girl who don’t need no man/turtle” but written insufferably, Donnie is the swooning brother who basically is an incel but also a genius who seriously deserves recognition for all he’s done (rest PLS), raph and his anger issues and lack of understanding his own emotions and the perpetuated “I’m tough, don’t feel emotion” manly bullshit, the terrible depiction of Mikey and his ADHD, and I’m not sure they did a very good job or not on PTSD with Leo and his whole focus on being the leader isnt… that great from what I know. And Casey… idk tbh??? He also had some “let me fight for the girl” dumb dumb stuff so he was meh. The love triangle with him and Donnie and April was also dumb because if those three just stopped that shenanigans, can you imagine how great they’d be as a dynamic???

Anyway, ye. There is definitely a lot they could have done better with all of them but I know that is more of a time thing~

Thanks for coming back Sai-Non!!

-pen

[yesimwriting]

Hello! Your Nikolai fic tranquility is so beautiful! Can you write more for Nikolai? Maybe the opposite with reader having a nightmare? Or whatever you want just please give me more! If you have a tagging list I'd love to be included btw :)

A/n hii!! first off,, thank you! i was a little nervous about writing him for the first time,, but i love him so much (even though i love a good villain/morally grey character in love i think nikolai would probably make the least toxic bf in the grishaverse lol)

you gave me a little too much freedom here lol bc i have so many ideas for him!! lowkey might need to give him a longer fic/series soon when i catch up with requests!! WOW THIS FIC IS SO LONG AND FOR WHAT

Summary: Reader is a handmaid who has grown up assisting Nikolai. Through the years, the two have developed a special relationship that most definitely breaks royal protocol--they’re best friends and rivals on a good day, and dangerously close to being something more the second either of them is remotely upset or extremely happy. Learning about the fact that Nikolai was almost engaged to Alina (a good friend of yours) and being reminded of the fact that as royalty Nikolai has many prospects (both serious women worthy of his title and women only suitable for trysts meant to relieve tension) has you both realizing something you should have years ago.

Word count: 31210

Warnings: disclaimer--may not be the most cannon thing ever,, but i wanted the ‘child of the help competes and falls in love with the child of royalty’ energy okay?? Lol

I could do a whole blurb series with this dynamic nikolai x reader,, like just stories of them growing up together and randomly realizing they might like each other romantically?? I probably shouldn’t rn but i ADORE this trope.

--

The perfection of the room is disappointing. Idle hands, idle thoughts--so I work to smooth out a perfect duvet. Still, the thoughts come--aggressive and unavoidable. It’s silly, maybe even sad, to feel possessive over something that’s never been yours, something that could never be yours, but the harder I fight off the feeling the stronger it grows. Jealousy is a weed growing quickly in my chest, vile roots planted firmly in my heart.

Normally my favorite part of the day would be waiting for Nikolai to return to his room in the palace after dinner and his evening duties. He’s always a bit softer in the evenings, during my last check-in of the day. I’m normally thrilled to be done organizing his room early because that means the second he arrives there will be no distraction. Most evenings, he’ll find me perched in the seat by his bed, reading. He’ll mock-scold me for daring to defy his orders and reading ahead from the book we both take turns reading aloud from each night. He then warns me that I better react exactly the way I did when I first read it or else. That threat is always followed by a gentle laugh.

Tonight I’m in no mood for our nightly banter or even our nightly reading. My mother had warned me of the dangers of getting too comfortable with the royal family. I should have heeded that warning when she first gave it to me, the morning she found Nikolai and I fast asleep on a couch in the library as children. The palace likes to bring up the children of the staff by training them to attend to the next generation of royals. It makes the staff more efficient, a lifetime of knowing what someone wants makes you better for them. It also creates some level of connection, making betrayal a little less likely. Nikolai and I might have taken it farther than most. But now I want a reminder of the way we’re supposed to be--maybe if I detach now the bleeding of my heart won’t kill me. That has to remain secret, because if I explain it to Nikolai something in me will break. The one line between us will be crossed.

This will be the sixth secret I’ve kept from Nikolai in my entire life.

--

The secrets:

I don’t know why I was picked for Nikolai. I wasn’t particularly skilled, but still, the day came when my mother was told that I now worked directly for the Lantsov boy. It’s an honor, a true one, but my mother had been a little nervous. To whom much is given, much is expected--and I detested Nikolai. Not for being a prince, but for being a prince who thought girls couldn’t race or fight.

The day my mother came looking for me because I never showed up for dinner and she found Nikolai and I attempting to fight in the way only a ten-year-old girl and eleven-year-old boy would, she had looked truly mortified. Nikolai had only laughed, either oblivious to my mother’s embarrassment or uncaring about it. He had then hugged me--an expression of care that had left me reeling. I saw him more as a rival than someone to tend to, but in that moment I saw him as a friend. Even more so when he told me he didn’t want me to go yet and that he was upset that so much of the day had been wasted by studies that kept him with boring people and away from me. And then he invited me to his lessons--my mother was quick to attempt to decline politely, but the desires of a prince at any age outweigh that of a mother.

After that, everyone kind of just stopped trying to remind us of our propriety. The tutor at first was concerned about my presence, but Nikolai remained stubborn. I wasn’t a big enough deal to cause an argument, so I began to attend lessons with him almost every day, only staying away when my mother needed aid with laundry or cleaning. His parents must have been somewhat aware of our friendship, but they must have been oblivious to our closeness because it was never mentioned.

My mother’s worry began to ease, she’d even started to take some pride when I’d come to our room proudly proclaiming that I scored two marks higher than Nikolai. She did, however, warn that it might be more tactful to let him score higher.

The comment was casual, just a suggestion, but it left me feeling wrong. It was the first time since we met that I had thought about our different statuses. I didn’t tell him--and that was the first secret I ever kept from him.

As we grew, we traded physical competition for academic rivalry, trying to best each other in both lessons and games of strategy like chess and cards. But with growing comes responsibility. Nikolai started to have obligations that were meant to be private. I couldn’t follow him at all times. But he’d always come back from locked door meetings grinning like he carried schoolyard gossip instead of government secrets. He shared everything with me, even when I playfully warned against it.

He’d always step closer when I teased that perhaps he shouldn’t tell me everything. And then he’d say, “If I can’t trust you, then I can’t trust anyone--and I don’t want to live in a world like that.” Often, he’d give my hand a light squeeze before moving on like he had not said anything intimate.

On a day in which Nikolai was in one of those meetings, I became a woman. When I first saw the blood, I had been horrified--but my mother was quick to explain that it was natural. She said that I was now a woman, a wonderful thing, really--but a thing that came with obligations. She told me that I could no longer have the impromptu ‘sleepovers’ with Nikolai unless he ordered it. I told her he’s never ordered me to do anything for him.

She didn’t ease, something in her had started to become nervous again. My mother had recently started to act the way she did when Nikolai and I first became friends. I didn’t want to fall asleep in Nikolai’s bed while I was bleeding, but I didn’t want to never have another sleepover with him again. Especially not when she refused to explain why being a woman changed so much.

I had decided to avoid Nikolai as much as possible until the sting of my mother’s new rule faded. Unfortunately, that night Nikolai was extra talkative--excited as he insisted I stay for a little longer. Soon, I found his familiar good naturedness melting away my nerves and before I knew it I was laughing in the middle of the night. When my eyelids started to feel heavy, I had moved from the chair, ready to head back to my room.

Nikolai had looked at me oddly before he asked why would I leave so late when it would be easier for me to just sleepover? It was an innocent question, he did not know about my change and I had wanted to keep it that way.

I tried playing coy, but Nikolai has always had a talent for getting around my better judgement. I don’t recall exactly how it happened, but I remember him standing in front of me. It was the first time I noticed how much had actually changed over the years--he was now taller than me for the first time in his life. His hair had started to grow a little longer, golden and soft-looking--and his face seemed much more angular. But he had not lost his boyish charm.

“Y/n?” My name fell softly from his lips, and that was the first time I had ever noted the fullness of them. I didn’t understand why I considered that something worth noting. “Did I do something to make you mad at me?”

Perhaps I had been a little curt--nerves and hormones had left me not feeling like myself. I didn’t tell him about the bleeding, I couldn’t. That became the second secret I kept from him--but I did tell him that my mother had told me I was a woman now, and that women can’t have sleepovers. Not with those of the opposite gender. I made no effort to hide my confusion because I expected him to be as perplexed as I was. But he was not confused--in fact, he had the audacity to laugh. My face flushed, but I did not know why.

“Why is that funny?” Maybe he thought I was still too much of a child to be considered a woman. I assumed it a fair assumption, I had not grown the way he had--my shoulders had not become sturdier and I had not become particularly broader. Still, I would rather melt into the floor than tell him about the reason my mother now considered me a woman. “My mother did say that, and I don’t know what being a ‘woman’ has to do with staying in your room at night.” Something strange had crossed over his features then, something much more brooding than I was used to.

I had blinked at him as unexplained nerves pooled in my stomach. Perhaps that look would have been enough to keep me silent if he had managed to not grin. That self-assured grin that had always challenged me. “Well since you know everything about my mother now, maybe you can tell me why she’s been acting strange. She’s starting to act the way she did when we first became friends.” I expected him to at least pretend to be worried. Perhaps his parents had spoken to her and had mentioned wanting our friendship to end. But his grin had only grown. Pride left me angry. “She did say that I could stay if you ordered it--but I’m glad you’ve never ordered me to do anything, so I can leave right now because you’re acting as odd as her. I don’t understand what you could find funny about our friendship ending.”

He had stopped me from storming out of his room by placing one hand on the wall between me and the door. “Y/n, don’t be cross--I’ll explain it all, I promise.” Angry pride made me want to storm away from him, but curiosity and something unknown and warm kept me in place. “Do you remember when we read the play about the rival families, how the two main characters had kissed?”

I remembered that part of the play especially well. The concept of kissing so casually, outside of marriage, had been jarring to me. “Yes.”

“Now that we’re older, your mother must be worried that we might do that.” He paused before leaning against the arm he placed on the wall to keep me from leaving a little more. “Kiss.”

The clarification was not needed--in that brief pause, I had allowed myself to imagine no distance between our lips. Something in me burned with embarrassment when I realized that some part of me found the thought appealing. The only thing I wanted in that moment was assurance that Nikolai would never know I felt that. That was my third secret, and the weight of it was heavy against my chest.

Still, though, all of my confusion had not yet left. “Is there much harm in a kiss?”

The question had left an odd smile on his lips. “There’s potential harm in what it could lead to for the woman, but not so much for the man.” He exhaled slowly as my face tensed. He could always read me too well because he was quick to add, “What it could lead to isn’t a bad thing, it’s meant to be pleasurable, but it’s serious.” I did not understand, but a part of me was starting to grow okay with that. Nikolai’s voice had started to become lower than ever, and his gaze remained tense. Perhaps if I accepted the confusion for now, things could go back to normal. If the conversation ended, I could stop thinking of his lips and his hands and what it would mean for them to touch me. “It’s considered a vice, like drinking or gambling.” The additional comment helped more than it should have. A vice--not scary and not painful, but not something to indulge in. That’s enough explanation for now. “If you want to know, I won’t deny you.”

I appreciated the offer tremendously. The vice that comes after kissing is clearly something that’s been intentionally kept from me. It’s something he was privy to that I was not, and he offered it to me like so much else. But if knowledge that my mother feared us kissing made me think of his lips, then I doubted I could handle knowing what comes after kissing.

“I’ll let you know when I want to know, but I appreciate the offer.” It felt like a fair response. His snarky grin came back immediately. Irritation rooted itself in my stomach. I hated not knowing more than him for once, but I still had one question I could not relinquish. “But what does that vice have to do with orders?”

At that, his smugness faltered. “It’s not unheard of, for princes and handmaids--for a prince to obligate a handmaid in order to fulfill his vice. Though many handmaids fill the vice of their own will for benefits.

The explanation left him like a confession. I didn’t understand his hesitance--it’s not like he’d ever make me do anything I didn’t want to do. Even when I worked, he was hesitant to ask me to go out of my way to bring him a glass of water. And I couldn’t imagine gaining anything from offering Nikolai something I didn’t really understand. I wasn’t naive to the fact that my life had more privileges than many palace servants. “Oh.”

His eyes hardened. “You know I’d never--”

“I know.” It was finally easy to smile again. “I never thought otherwise.” Something in him seemed to ease at that, his eyes went from hard to warm in less than a second.

I had no more questions for him and I was also no longer a flight risk, but Nikolai did not move. He did not step back to create a more appropriate distance and he did not drop his arm. His gaze, however, did move--dropping downwards, and slightly away from my eyes. I did the same, my eyes falling to his lips.

The silence between us began to make me feel like something in me was in danger of overflowing. “Then I guess my mother is once again worrying for no reason.” Strangely, I did not feel the need to feel embarrassed about staring at his lips. “Because I would never particularly want to kiss you, Nikolai Lantsov.”

The comment was meant to be teasing, a joke to clear away unknown tension. I should have known better than to challenge his pride because he instinctually moved his hand off the wall and beneath my chin. I did not flinch when he tilted my head upwards slightly with his fingers. “I could get you to want to kiss me if I wanted to.”

Three secrets in one night. I did not think I could bear a fourth one. “Hm…” The ground we treaded on felt unstable, but something in me trusted Nikolai to not let me falter. “I should--I should go before I give my mother anymore cause to worry.”

His fingers had brushed down my chin easily as he dropped his hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

And that he did. The days passed without mention of the last time he asked me to sleepover. It was as if nothing had changed except now I found myself noting things I most definitely did not want to note. These didn’t feel like individual secrets because it felt easy to group each admirational thought into one secret. Soon, that became my new normal--easy banter, easy touches of hands, and easy yet silent admirations of his beauty.

I never wandered too hard about what the vice that kissing can lead to entailed. I didn't particularly want to know, but knowing that I could ask Nikolai at any time brought a sense of security to me. But besides that, I never thought of that conversation until the day I was asked to look for Nikolai because he was late for dinner.

That in itself was odd, most of the time when Nikolai was late it was because he was with you. I checked his room, two other rooms he was known to frequent, and then finally the library. First, I noticed a handmaid two years older than me. I was finally at an age when one begins to compare their beauty to those around them, and I recognized the girl as gorgeous. She was better endowed than me, physically, and she always seemed fun. And then I noticed Nikolai, standing closer to her than I’ve ever seen him stand to anyone. His expression was serious as the girl giggled.

Nikolai’s expression shifted from tense to shocked when he saw me. “Y/n.”

It took me a moment longer than it should have to realize what I had interrupted. Guilt and jealousy were quick to twist in my stomach. “Dinner--your parents sent me to look for you.”

He was quick to walk around the girl, who was quick to glare at me. I attempted to disappear down the hall after mumbling a quick apology, but Nikolai was faster than me.

“Y/n,” he did not hesitate to grab my wrist.

It shouldn’t have irked me the way it did, after all, neither of us had ever really hesitated to touch each other. I had always reached for him when I wanted him, and he had done the same. But the thought of the same hands that touched the most beautiful girl I had ever seen on me left me bitter in a way I didn’t understand.

Still, I pushed through all of that. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything, your mother asked me to look for you because she assumed you’d be with me when you were late to dinner. I didn’t think that there’d be--”

“You didn’t interrupt anything.” The words came out flat as his eyes took on the same quality they did the night he explained my mother’s concern to me. “Valaria wishes there was something to interrupt, but there wasn’t.”

Oh. I refused to let the correction inflate me. “Would you like me to not come to your room tonight?”

The offer felt awkward to make. “No,” the answer came quickly, “In fact, go there now--I want to see you right after dinner. I’ve missed you today.” The instruction left my face feeling warm. “We could read an extra chapter of our book if you’d like.”

Despite myself, I grinned. “Yes.”

“Looking forward to it.”

True to his word, Nikolai was quick to return to his room. He had come back to me eagerly, going out of his way to squeeze my shoulder as he entered the room.

I opened the book to the chapter we had left off on, but before I could start reading, Nikolai stopped me. “Sit next to me?”

The question came softly. It had been some time since we sat next to each other on his bed. Still, I moved off of the chair and to his bed. Something in me longed for the familiar closeness of childhood. I allowed him to play with my fingers as I read.

“You know you could take one night off from me if you wanted to.” The admission left me softly, part of unsure if he was still paying attention to my words. “She was pretty, it wouldn’t have hurt my feelings if you told me you wanted me to not come tonight.”

Nikolai exhaled easily, squeezing my fingers once. “I said I wanted to see you and I meant it.”

It took all of my energy to push past the way his words made my stomach leap. “In general, if you ever--”

Nikolai cut me off by laying his head on my lap the way he used to. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” It was the first time in years that he spoke to me in a way that acknowledged his authority. “Keep reading please.”

And that was the last time we had ever mentioned other handmaids in that context. The fifth secret I ever kept from him was the way I worried that one day that would change.

--

The door creaks open while I’m in the middle of fluffing an already pristine pillow. Nikolai steps into the room, but I continue to work.

“Darling,” he breathes too easily, “Today has been painful.” I straighten, looking at him as casually as I can manage. “And now I have to deal with you being mad at me.”

Damn him and his ability to read me with one look. “I’m not mad.”

“You know you can’t lie to me,” he sighs, stepping forward, “We’ve known each other too long for that.”

I press my lips together, irrational anger pushing itself into me at an odd angle. “We’ve also known each other too long to keep secrets.”

His eyebrows draw together, a look so quizzical I’m reminded of our schooling days. “What secrets have I kept from you?”

Mentioning that had been a mistake. I exhale as flatly as possible. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.” My dismissal only has Nikolai’s expression hardening. I drop my gaze. “Unless you need something, I’m retiring my services for the evening.”

I take a reluctant step towards the door, eyes attached to the floor. “Y/n,” his voice is gentle. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing, I’m just tired.” Please let that be at least somewhat believable. “I’m sure I’ll feel more like myself in the morning.” I take another step, a little more assured. Nikolai’s hand is on my shoulder before I can escape. “Nikolai--”

“Y/n,” his voice is that of velvet, “I can’t have you be mad at me. Not now.”

Sighing, I meet his gaze. The tiredness I see behind his eyes is almost enough to chase away my nerve. What I’d give to be able to melt into our familiar routine. “Then you should have told me you were almost engaged to a literal Saint--the same literal Saint who’s one of my closest friends.”

Nikolai’s expression shifts as his hand drops from my shoulder slowly, fingers brushing down my arm before he finally intertwines our fingers. I bite my tongue to avoid squeezing his hand, but I don’t move to separate us either. He studies me silently, eyebrows drawn together. The longer he stares, the more whatever turmoil he’s experiencing seems to dissipate. After a minute of silence, I can read his expression perfectly. His lips are pressed together in that coy way--the way he only looks when he’s suppressing a smile.

I loathe him for it. “Nikolai Lantsov, don’t you dare laugh--not after what you did. Do you have any idea what it felt like to have Alina casually mention the fact that you almost married her casually? Like that was common knowledge to everyone but me?”

My words break away the last of his self control. He grins, flashing his annoyingly perfect teeth. “Do you have any idea what it feels like for me to want nothing more than to see you and then you let me believe something may actually be wrong when the only issue is your jealousy?”

The amusement in his tone is like poison to me. I find the strength to jerk my hand away from him. “I am not jealous.” He laughs; I am further enraged. “I am not.” The genuineness of my anger must finally register on some level, because he tries to suppress his smile. “I have every right to be mad at my best friend for not telling me that he was almost married.”

“We didn’t exactly come close,” he manages, expression still much too light for my taste. “I’m glad for Alina’s sake, I’m not sure being a Saint would be enough to protect her.”

He is infuriating. “I’m not sure anything you have will be enough to protect you.”

Something in his gaze shifts, softening the tilt of his mouth. “I don’t doubt that.”

I don’t know what I expected from him--but not this. I thought he’d be at least somewhat apologetic. “You should have told me.”

“I would have if I felt it was significant.”

“I’m your best friend--your marriage is significant to me. And even though it’s not like you’re engaged to her right now, you should have told me. You know I talk to Alina all the time.”

He sighs once, a hint of apology threatening to ghost over his eyes. “If I knew not knowing would have upset you so much I would have told you. I was--I was just so excited to be around you again I didn’t see much relevance in anything that didn’t involve you.”

The intensity that Nikolai regards me with is enough to wither all of my fury. But without my anger, I am left spiraling in emotion that I’ve been pushing against for years. My mother’s warning about relationships with those above us rings in my ears--sharp and headache inducing. I am still when he reaches for my hand again, but I do no allow myself to return the gentle squeeze of his fingers.

“I’m not sure much outside of you has significance.” He’s giving me a look I am familiar with. A look he often uses to chase away my anger.

Without my anger, I have nothing to keep me from melting into him, indulging in his presence fully. It’s so easy with him and I blinded myself to the danger of that. He may not be marrying Alina, but one day he will marry someone. A person worthy of his status--and what would I be left doing? Washing their laundry? Tearing up when I dusted the library and came across a book we had read together? Enough damage has already been done--I need to cut myself with this blade now in hopes of making sure I can one day recover.

He will get married one day, and nothing will be the same. And that’s a good thing--he deserves the love of a princess or queen. I want his happiness, even if it’s not with me. But some vindictive part of me hopes that some part of him will miss me. That some part of him will be dulled without me.

I’m a fool--he will remember me as the handmaid from his youth. The girl who made him laugh once or twice before he grew up. I force my hand out of his grasp. “You can’t win me over with words every time.” I need to get out of here before he says something that makes me lose all resolve. “Tomorrow morning I’ll be here to prepare you for breakfast.”

“Y/n.”

I step forward, refusing to look at him. “Goodnight.”

He sighs, his hand quick to grab my arm. Before I can question him I feel myself pulled back. I expect him to pull me just close enough so that I have to meet his gaze. He continues, pulling me sharply before placing a quick hand on my shoulder, forcing me down. My back hits his bed.

I sit up as soon as the reality of what just happened seeps into my mind. “Nikolai, what in the Saints--”

“If you’re going to act like a child, I’m going to treat you like one.”

I scoff, thoughts of escaping him put on hold by the principle of pride. Fine. I’ll beat him one last time, and then I’ll let us separate. I shove him. He laughs--of course this is funny to him. He got to keep fighting past the age of about eleven. His laughter adds to my anger, I move to shove him again, but he catches my wrist easily. I struggle against his hold, shoving him a third time with my still free hand. He pushes me slightly. That’s all it takes to unleash familiar habits.

Our small fight is hardly fair. He has all the advantage--more training, and he’s standing above me. When I finally make a move that might give me some success, Nikolai leans forward. He practically tackles me, his weight forcing me flat against the bed.

I move an arm, ready to push him off of me. Nikolai snags my wrists, holding them above my head. “This means I win.” I roll my eyes, anger returning.

“Let me go.”

He sighs tiredly, but the smugness radiating off of him is suffocating. “Admit that you were jealous.”

There are a lot of things I am willing to do for him--but never that. I cannot give him the one separation I still have. “I wasn’t.”

“Then why are you mad?”

I press my lips together. “I told you--”

“Do you really think you could lie to me?”

“You don’t know me that well.”

Nikolai moves his freehand, touching my chin as a way to ask me to look at him. I meet his gaze hesitantly. “Yes, I do, and that’s never bothered you before but it does now.”

Maybe this is a conversation better had bluntly. “It bothers me now because you’re too old to hold onto the daughter of a palace handmaid and I’m too old to pretend that our different statuses don’t matter.”

“Y/n,” he breathes, “Nothing’s changed. Status didn’t matter to me when we were children, and it doesn’t matter to me now.”

“You can afford to say things like that.”

“What good is my title if it means I can’t,” he pauses, eyes hesitant, “If I can’t keep things the same between us?”

I smile, the sadness of the look weighs on me and I can’t even see it. “Nikolai, you always knew things would change.”

“No, I--”

“You can’t tell me you think your future wife would like you having such a close relationship with a handmaid.” I press my lips together. “One day you’ll fall in love and get married and you’ll want me to leave your bedchamber as soon as dinner is over because you’ll be eager to spend time with your wife.” His gaze hardens. “And that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a really good thi--”

The last syllable of my sentence dies in my throat. Nikolai, who must be possessed by something, leans down and presses his lips against mine. I beg myself to resist, but his gentleness is everything I’ve ever wanted. He releases my hands in favor of holding my face. That’s all it takes--my hands move without my permission, into his hair--pulling him closer to me. What am I doing? I’m insane. Placing my hands on his chest cautiously, I push just slightly. He’s quick to obey, pulling away while allowing his teeth to brush against my bottom lip.

I gape at him--taking in his now slightly swollen lips. “Nikolai.” He can’t do this to me. We’re friends. Despite the fact that I’ve loved him more than I should--we’re friends. “You’re being extremely unfair.”

He draws his eyebrows together, sitting up quickly and moving off of me. “I’m being unfair? I have spent my entire life loving y--”

I sit up, furious in a new way. “You have not!” This is the dumbest I have ever been. I move to stand, still feeling the softness of his lips against mine.

“Your tooth fell out.” The sharpness of his words forces me to still.

“What?”

I can’t bring myself to turn and look at him, but I’ve always been able to feel any heaviness he bears. The weight of it leaves little room for air in my lungs. “You were ten. I told you ‘girls couldn’t fight’ so you punched me in the face. That was the first time we ever fought--I didn’t mean to hit you in the face, but you moved. You moved and I hit you in the mouth and your last baby tooth fell out. I expected you to cry or get angry, but you just blinked at me and laughed. You were happy to lose your last baby tooth because it meant you were grown up. And then you smiled and asked me if you looked older. If anything, the gap in your smile made you look younger but I told you that you looked like a grown-up because I wanted you to keep smiling. Because your smile made me feel like I won something.” I turn on my heels, but I cannot meet his gaze. “That was the moment I fell in love with you--so don’t tell me I haven’t spent my entire life loving you.”

The weight of his words is harder to survive against than the heaviness of his feelings. “Nikolai, you know we can’t ever be together--”

“Why not?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” I manage, voice low, “You almost married the Sun Summoner--”

“That was political--”

“Exactly, your marriage is meant to be political, and if it happens to be out of love--which is what I hope you get, because it is what you deserve--it will be to someone of status.”

Nikolai stands, the movement is that of a king, not the boy I know. “I do not want status or to love someone else--I want you.”

“I can’t take that from you--”

“You can’t take anything from me because I’ve already given it all to you.”

I press my lips together, heart tearing for him. “I love you too much to ruin you.”

My words seem to snap something in him because his eyes darken, the way he watches me adjusting accordingly. “You can’t ruin something that’s always been yours.”

I let myself smile. At him. At his words. At the foolish hope the child in me has clung to after all of these years. I reach for him thoughtlessly, because I have the right to. Because I’ve always had the right to. He’s quick to respond, kissing me with much more security than before.

This time, he pulls away of his own regard. “You still haven’t admitted that you were jealous.”

His teasing smugness isn’t as sour to me anymore. “I wasn’t.”

Nikolai pulls me towards him easily, lips threatening to brush against me, warm breath against my face. “Are you sure, darling? You were awfully quick to claim what’s yours.”

I roll my eyes, grinning so widely I’m surprised my face doesn’t yet hurt. “You’re the one that fell for a ten-year-old girl with a bloody mouth.”

When he smiles back at me, he places a hand on my hip, pulling me forward slightly. “That I did.” He pulls me forward slightly. "Does this mean you can sleep in here again?"

"If anything, this is more reason for me to sleep in another room." He rolls his eyes, pulling me even closer. "But I won't tell if you don't."

Nikolai leans forward, pressing his lips to my forehead. "Deal."

tags: @deardiarystuff @theincredibledeadlyviper, @grishaverse7 @benbarnes-supremacy  @tranquilitymoon @kaitlyn2907 @lunamyangel @christinawxxx @deceivedeer @real-mbappe @tonks33

[bookwyrminspiration]

Hello there! I think I’m one of those peeps who appears to have just randomly ended up here bc my blog is many things, but it is not primarily a kotlc blog, and I show up and like your posts once in a blue moon - I’ve been lurking in the fandom tags for months (and whenever I’m in a lurking phase I’m always hesitant to like or rb things because anxiety is mean) after not really interacting with keeper fandoms for years (I think your analyses were some of the first posts I came across when I was rereading the series) and seeing other people post about my gay elf blorbos is so wonderful :)

Also, getting to the point here - I stayed up past 2 AM reading your fic because it was just. Anskdkfjdklsjf. Incredible. The stars-space-dark-light and finding each other motifs were so poignant and TIERTICE PROPOSAL (especially Prentice being the one to initiate affection and reminiscing and everything because Tiergan is so scared of getting so close just to lose him again and just. Oh my god the tenderness) and Tam rescuing Wylie from the light and them becoming brothers (brothers!!!!) and Linh and Rayni making amends and FAMILY and love and I absolutely love your writing style and this is just sleep deprived gushing but tldr: your blog and writing are wonderful and I hope this doesn’t come off as too weird! -🐳 (not sure if you already have a whale anon?)

Hello! I do not have a whale anon yet! Lurkers and not quite involved people are wonderful, it's so cool to see people who enjoy the same things I do even if you haven't made it practically your entire personality online. I'd put you in the "kinda unexpected but understandable" category, where I wouldn't peg the blog as a kotlc blog but they're involved in enough middle grade/ya fandoms that I can assume they partake in keeper casually.

There's just also this other category of "unexpected and I don't fully understand why you're here." This happens with like poetry and art aesthetic blogs run by adults, where they don't seem like someone who'd read keeper? And that's why most people follow me? But who am I to know their interests? So it perplexes me sometimes. I assume it's gotta do with my popular sibling post or something

But! back to your point! I am so sorry you stayed up late but also so flattered by that at the same time? wdym my silly little fic was worth losing sleep over? that does mean you got to read the fic at the same time the fic was set at though! I think that's fun.

Thank you for all the compliments!! i love the consistency the different motifs bring to each story, it feels like they're all intertwined in a deeper way. Like they're all on similar wavelengths in ways they can't even recognize but we can from the outside. It's so satisfying to write.

And the tiertice proposal! now they can be true antenna husbands <33. Was nervous to write their dynamic because I will be honest, I did absolutely all of it from memory and that memory was not very strong. Did not really pay attention to them at all when reading. And then when I realized "hey I didn't pay attention to them at all maybe I should double check what their dynamic is" I was too far into it and decided no we're winging it. If I just make this really good people will be too busy screaming to notice if they're out of character. I'm very glad I went ahead with my idea to add it (a proposal was NOWHERE in the original plan) because everyone seems to enjoy it if not find it absolutely adorable.

Yes!! Tam rescuing Wylie from the light! I hadn't even realized at first the meaning that could be found in that, I wrote it and only later realized that Wylie had been trying to get away from the light about found comfort in Tam, a shade. But I think it's an interesting comment on the importance of family to the two of them and the bond they've fostered, how something that can be seen as so threatening (all the things in the dark) can be utterly meaningless when it comes to someone you love. They're brothers and fiercely love each other, and it transcends expectations and social norms and they do it so casually. They fell into that life together, and I am. Endlessly fascinated by them.

Then there's Linh and Rayni!! Full disclosure I wasn't a huge Rayni fan going into this fic (she was fine, but I had more appreciation for her when she was Glimmer), but she grew on me. I admire how unapologetic she is, how thoroughly she's cast off her care for what other people think. I'm working towards being like that, but am not nearly as casual about it as she is. That whole section was an experiment with them

and don't worry, none of this comes off as weird at all! I think a lot of people fear they're weirder than they are, and if they are weird they should embrace it more :). I'm absolutely flattered you like my writing style though, so lucky for you I have no intention of stopping writing. Telling stories is so fulfilling I have zero desire to stop! so thank you for the encouragement, which I will use as writing fuel whenever I start up my next project (which is the dialogue prompts, but breaks about to be over and I just wrote that other fic so I'm chilling atm)

[whats-my-question]

Art and Love

Pairings: George Weasley x gn!reader

Warnings: implied depression, a few curse words, and not a warnings but fred’s alive

Summary: (Y/n) is unhappy without art and everyone can see that. George (& Fred) help them remember their passion.

Word count:  1894

A/N: hey everyone!! its been such a long time since i’ve written and posted and this one felt right to be the first to hopefully get me back into it. this story is very dear to my heart bc george is a huge comfort character for me. Also bc i know what it feels like to love something and question if 1. im good enough and 2. its worth doing. please let me know what you all think! THANK YOUUU :)

Fred and George Weasley have been your best friends ever since childhood. You three have been inseparable. For as long as you can remember you have always encouraged and supported their dream of opening a joke shop. Especially when others told them it was a silly dream; one that would never happen because the boys came from a family who had nothing. That never stopped them and after years of trial and error - as well as many detentions while attending Hogwarts - their dream became reality and soon the joke shop was the busiest and most popular store in all of Diagon Alley.

For all the support you provided, they always returned it. The boys knew how much art meant to you and how much joy it brought into your life. For them it was jokes, for you it was art. Your loved ones enjoyed getting gifts from you as they knew it was always handmade without the use of magic (well… most of the time). Like one year for Christmas you made Mrs. Weasley Molly a charmed ceramic teapot with all her children’s names, in their own handwriting and a cup for each one. It’s been years now and she still thanks you every time she uses it. She even had you add Harry, Hermione, Fleur, and yourself to it as she saw you four as her own.

Pottery, painting, sculpting, jewelry making, you were into it all. Of course you had your favorites and the ones you excelled at but just being able to try all the different means of art brought you immense joy. The boys were the only ones to know about your wish to open your own shop and gallery. They never let your dream die while you were kids and now as adults they try every means necessary to coax you into opening one up but you always hit them with the same response: ‘I don’t have time and if I did, no one would be interested and it would fail.’

So that wish of yours soon faded to the background as you were hit with the harsh reality of life while attending Hogwarts. You decided to buckle down and switched your focus towards herbology and potions. It was two subjects you were thankfully good at and after leaving school you could put it to use by being a healer as well as helping the guys with products.

Your goals weren’t the only things that changed during your time at Hogwarts. The way you carried yourself around each of the twins shifted drastically. With Fred you were more talkative and open because you loved him as nothing more than a brother. On the other hand, you grew shy and insecure around George because you realized one day as he talked to you before class started you not only liked him, you loved him. In fact you had loved him for many years prior but you buried those feelings deep because you could never admit to him or Fred in the chance of changing the dynamic of you three. Or far worse, lose them altogether. 

It was like that for months until Fred noticed how lovestruck you always looked especially around George and finally put two and two together. With that new piece of information and the knowledge he had of George liking you, he set his plan into motion with the help of the golden trio and Ginny.

You lot had plans to go to Hogsmeade and spend the day together but slowly they started to drop like flies. Ginny wasn’t feeling well so Harry took her back to her room; Ron somehow injured himself and begged Hermione to go with him to see Madam Pomfrey. Once they said their goodbyes it was just you and George, you six had lost Fred earlier on when Angelina and Katie passed by. 

Although there was a comfortable silence between yourselves, your thoughts were far from silent. You kept trying to think of something to say but nothing seemed good enough. When you finally decided you were just gonna bring up some homework you were supposed to help him with, George broke the silence.

“Do you ever think about our lives after Hogwarts?” He questioned barely glancing over

“I do, quite a lot actually. What about you?”

“What do you thi-

“(Y/N)!” turning around to find a tall, blonde Ravenclaw boy with a brown wrapped package under his arm jogging up to you and George, “(Y/N) I’m so glad I spotted you!” Ignoring the redhead at your side, “I wanted to give you this as a thank you for helping me with that essay for Sprout’s class. It’s not much but I hope you like it.”

You opened it to find a beautiful leaf embossed leather bound notebook.

“It’s gorgeous Will but there’s no way I can accept this!”

“No, please take it. That was the best paper I’ve ever written AND the best grade I’ve received in her class. You definitely deserve it. I was actually wondering if… umm… you wanted to go out with me sometime?” The boy scratched the back of his head while you heard George scoff just loud enough so only you could hear

Will was a nice guy and good looking too but he wasn’t who you wanted. Looking at the ground and then back at the blonde boy, you took a deep breath and intertwined your fingers with George’s, “I’m very sorry but I’m with George..”

“Oh Merlin, I had no idea! I’m the one who should be sorry! Don't even worry about it. It’s all good. ” Will laughed trying to break the tension that was suddenly suffocating, “Well uh thank you again for your help and I hope you enjoy the notebook! See ya around. Bye guys.” He walked away quickly leaving you and George behind

You two remained standing in silence with your fingers laced until the realization struck you that your hands were still connected.

“Oh gosh George I’m sor-

You were cut off by his lips on yours and they were gone as quickly as they were on. 

“Never be sorry for holding your boyfriend's hand.” his smirk dripping off his words

You looked at him with wide eyes just to be met with that famous George Weasley smile, the one that captured your heart years ago, “W-What?”

“I love you (y/n). I have for a while and I guess having someone ask you out right in front of me was the kick in the arse I needed.”

“I love you too George.” Placing your free hand on his cheek

Now here you two were, a few years later and the love you have for George seems to grow each day. Your life was everything you hoped it would be except one huge thing. You hated work. Straight from Hogwarts you were excited to see what the day may bring and welcomed each day with a smile. Anymore, you were bitter and groaned when you had to leave for work.

George saw first hand how your light was slowly fading, he knew of your problems at work and not to mention the fact that you didn’t have any motivation to do art. Which caused him to worry and not before long all his thoughts were on figuring out a way to help you. This change in attitude did not go unnoticed by Fred as he had stopped him on several occasions from eating some of their… deliciously, gross sweets. Today being one of those occasions; George was preparing the cash wrap before opening the shop and almost ate a couple of puking pastilles until Fred noticed and whacked his hand.

“What is going on with you mate? That’s like the hundredth time I’ve stopped you in the past week.”

“I know, I know. It’s just…” rubbing his hand on his freckled face, “It’s (y/n). They’re not doing well. I wish they would find another job or at least pick up art again.”

“I kn- Wait, they don’t do art anymore?!” Fred questioned

“No, for one they never have time with work and secondly they’re convinced they’re not good so why bother. I also know for a fact they gave up on owning their own shop years ago too.”

“That’s bloody insane.”

“Right?! They’re amazing at what they do and…” George trailed off as he was glancing around the shop until his eyes landed on a few empty shelves, “You know Fred, what if we let (y/n) hav-

“Yes, of course!”

“Really? You don’t even know what I was going to ask. What if I was going to suggest something ridiculous?”

“You want to give them those shelves over there to sell some of their work, right?” Fred didn’t wait for an answer before going on, “Literally anything for (y/n). Like you said they’re damn talented. Plus they’ve put up with all our bullshit for years, they deserve something for that!”

“Seriously? You’re cool with that?”

“Of course. Like I said they deserve it for putting up with us and it will finally get you to stop worrying all the time. Actually, why don’t you offer them a job here? That way they can focus on art again and they won’t be so…”

“Unhappy.” 

“(Y/N)?!” The pair said in unison

“Hey…” Waving awkwardly coming around the corner

“How much of that did you hear?” George’s face grew red as he questioned

“Since Fred agreed to your suggestion. I really don’t deserve you George Weasley. Thank you.” Kissing his cheek then looking over at Fred calling him over for a hug, “Both of you.” 

Not even three months later, you could hardly keep your shelves stocked and when you did; there wasn’t enough room. It was finally time you looked into your own shop which led you to today. George was by your side while looking at several spaces for you to call your own; little did he know you had already found it. It was the empty shop right next to Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. You had signed the lease and been working on making it look more like you for a couple of weeks unbeknownst to George.

“Hey Georgie, I have a surprise. Will you put this on?” You asked while handing him a blindfold as you two walk back to the joke shop

“Mhm… Okay… Anything for you, love.” He kisses you before putting the blindfold on

“You can’t see anything right?”

“Right. What i-”

“Promise?”

“Promise (y/n/n).”

You lead him in front of your shop where your family and friends stand in anticipation. You quickly leave his side to stand in the middle of everyone, “Okay, you can look!”

You all scream surprise and in that moment you are hit with a sea of emotions as you see the look on the love of your life’s face.

“When? How? (Y/n)!” George runs and engulfs you in his arms, “It looks amazing and right next to us even better! I’m so proud of you darling, more than you know!”

“Oh Georgie, I don’t know where I’d be without you, thank you. For everything.” 

This store, your store, not only reflects your love for what you do but the love you have for everyone who supports you and especially for George Weasley.

[castorfell]

Misc tugs characters headcanons I keep forgetting to post bc as soon as I sit down to write them out they go ✨poof✨

Billy Shoepack doesn't usually have problems with socializing but if he ever happens to find himself in a situation he doesn't feel comfortable in he'll just up and l e a v e

Billy has trouble expressing emotions through his face

Lillie loves listening to any kind of stories because not being able to move on her own and being stationed by Dem Der Rocks is boring af

Her favourite storytellers are Warrior because she loves the silly way he talks about his day and Grampus because she thinks his navy day stories are exciting

Lillie saw the events of Munitions from afar and was absolutely worried s i c k about all her friends. Never had she ever felt more upset about not having an engine. She didn't feel any better when only Sunshine came by that week to deliver her fuel while Ten Cents was under repair

Lillie's also got a case of surprising sailor's mouth because usually no one can hear her at her station anyway

I imagine she learned foul language as a result of trampers getting lost in the fog near her

The tree that fell over Up River near Boomer's mooring is still down

Boomer's new owner/occupant (who I like to think is a close friend of Captain Star) is a gardener and likes talking to him about plants

Which is why Boomer is now a plant dad he likes talking about nature and spouts nature facts he's learned over time

All the plants on Boomer's deck were named by him

Some of said plants names' may or may not be based off of Ten Cents and Sunshine (they are). Those plants may or may not be his favourites (THEY ARE)

I know Johnny Cuba in the Nothing To Declare book was maybe a bit out of character from what we got in the show but I like the idea of him wanting to be "the only scoundral around" Bigg City Port. I think it adds just a bit more to him in a "this is MY goddamn port to threaten the safety of" kind of way

This isn't a character headcanon but I really like that one blurb from Nothing To Declare that goes "Sunshine was not going to be bullied" as he's being threatened by JC

The Coast Guard and Davy Jones are great friends and have a "stoic but serious/goofy but also serious" kind of friendship dynamic

Bluenose remains largely unchanged after recovering from the events of Munitions. Though he no longer believes that orders come before common sense, he still takes to bossing others around

Said bossing others around may or may not be Bluenose attempting to forget about how his actions resulted in Kraka-toa and Big Mickey's death

Needless to say, everyone's opinion regarding Bluenose has dropped severely but to be fair they probably weren't that high to begin with

Sea Rogue's eyepatch covers a blind eye that was a result of a rogue shard of broken glass (munitions factory work is tough, man)

(Please do not ask me the logic behind how a tug would have an organic eyeball we know we aren't ready for that kind of talk yet)

Sea Rogue's Uncle is his uncle in a found family sort of way and they specifically use the term uncle because they overheard a human worker use it once

Sea Rogue's Uncle also disliked the idea of being called a grandfather, father or any variation thereof so they went with uncle

I'm THIS 👌 close to naming him Bob because the thought of some human worker using the phrase "and Bob's your uncle" and they just went with it is fuckin hilarious

[thewildmother]

some l*st in space ramblings under the cut, it’s not Entirely negative but most of them are mini rants

struggling to find the right words bc braincells are low, but i think two of the main reasons i didn’t enjoy dr smith were 1) she didn’t face real consequences for her actions, she was always let off the hook or weaseled her way out of them in the Stupidest way possible that never felt fair or realistic, 2) she hardly improved as a person, yet everyone treated her as if she’d become Good. she was actively making bad choices even up until The Final Episode where she was ready and a Moment away from apparently committing a murder to cover up Another murder that she had committed, and only stopped because robot came to keep her from doing wrong. i’ve seen people call them smith’s “antics” but that feels like a horrible choice of word to me because she has gotten people killed, hurt or put into big danger and that’s beyond “antics” in my eyes. the entire plot with her putting angela through hell and leaving her loudly bawling in her room?? hello??? you’re gonna label that a silly scheme???? :///

actually another thing, i genuinely couldn’t stand how everyone would throw their braincells out of the airlock 9/10 times smith was in the room. i’ve seen that a lot of people liked her “schemes” but they always felt like bullshit to me. she was constantly conveniently in the exact right spot to hear/see Precisely what she needed to for her plans, people would for no plausible reason fall right into those plans when it felt ridiculous, and most of her bullshitting to people hardly sounded believable. you’re telling me that she can get called out and have THE most obvious “i’ve been caught” expression on her face, spout out the worst lie i’ve ever heard to try and cover for it, then she’s let entirely off the hook and nobody talks about it again?? it’s insane i just can’t handle it she’s fucking evil and keeps getting away with it why why why

for a show that’s constantly showing us that working together, as a family, is the way to go for solving problems and saving the day,,,kind of wack that will snuck off so many times in s3. he got punished for it big time and i did Love that scene because it caught me off guard, but then there’s also the insane moment in the final minutes of the show where they give will and robot permission to fuck off into space together alone?? after will lost his literal heart for going off alone already??? seems wild to me but y’all crazy kids have fun, i love you and your friendship

it felt kind of...strange?? how seemingly out of nowhere in s3 they had two characters blatantly stating to penny that she’s special and stronger than she thinks and that she’ll figure that out soon, clearly setting up what would be a Defining Moment to match the other robinsons (which i don’t totally think we needed, it was fun having penny be a Different kind of robinson). but then you get to that moment and it’s just a copy of what will did in the first episode? so penny’s big moment of showing off how special and strong she is..is copying what her 12 year old brother already did years ago?? i don’t know, i liked seeing the robots switch sides but it felt really weird to be set-up like that and then ALSO have the action feel kind of wasted by having those robots get absolutely bodied real soon after. it was obvious that penny didn’t get the level of storylines that the others received and i would’ve loved to have seen one but,,,i dunno. this didn’t feel like It bros

i wish we’d gotten more time with grant, but i loved how he was included in the family. it was so fun Not dealing with the tropey love triangle or strained family dynamic when he came into the picture and i enjoyed what scenes he did have. 

judy and john were my favorites in episode one and they remained that way through the entire show and i cannot believe it. i’m a hoe for dad & daughter duos and theirs was very good, the episode heavily featuring their relationship fucking destroyed me and i was openly weeping at least twice during it. i was 100% convinced if any family member was going to die in this show that it was going to be daddy robinson because of all the moments in that episode, plus other lines they sprinkled through s3 so it was a relief to see him live!!

i was worried at the beginning that don would be a character i didn’t like but he turned out to be one of my favorites, his humor was real appreciated and it was an absolute blast watching his journey to becoming the third-wheel ride or die for the robinsons. his full name is don cornelius west-robinson and i won’t be taking any arguments on that one

actually one comment about don is how it was kinda wack of them to establish a prominent relationship between him and judy early on, and then having it be tossed aside almost entirely by s3. it was fun seeing him with the other siblings but like,,,,what happened. what happened to the s1 don and judy energy of her flashing the puppy dog eyes for 10 seconds and him caving into helping her?? that was really fun! really funny too!! i missed it

ben adler was fun as a character and i loved how he switched sides, a bitch was crying as robot pleaded for him to help scarecrow. i still like all that happened there but it also feels!! kind of fucked up that ben essentially died to,,,force another huge conflict that needed to be solved, and then scarecrow died really quick in s3. ben went out beautifully and i loved his final scenes, but it was kind of sad to see what actually came out of his sacrifice

i really enjoyed john and maureen as individuals, and 90% of the time as a couple. 3x01 kinda turned me off because it felt like a big regression for their relationship and sorta gave off the energy that maureen hadn’t grown as much as the others had, and that apparently they couldn’t be a couple if they didn’t have their children, which didn’t?? sit right with me. the whole backstory of grant was nice as a way to say “hey, maureen [and john] had a whole life and some relationship growth before their marriage and their kids” but then you take away the kids and ??? i don’t know how to word it, but there’s something there that felt kind of off and wonky. but they scrapped that weird energy by the end of the episode so it’s fine, move on they have i suppose

it was real fun having maureen be a badass and wicked smart woman while also being a pretty ding dang good mama, usually shows like to pick between one (1) of those options and it’s lame but maureen! was so cool!! 

no thoughts head empty about daddy robinson. just full of absolute adoration for a dad that could’ve been the worst but was actually fucking fantastic and also looked really cool beating things up

this is just something in general but i never felt any real tension when it came to the dangers and action, starting somewhere in late s1. there were Always multiple problems that popped up in every episode and it got a bit draining to watch, to the point where i’d skip ahead a few times during some scenes when it was beginning to drag on. it felt like there weren’t any Real stakes because they’d always come out okay in the end, which isn’t something that i hate!! but when there’s life-threatening danger like three times an episode and the only real punishment was the time will got stabbed?? idk. cool music and shots tho

[tales-from-vesuvia]

“Greywyn Blenwyth.” He chews on it, rolls the syllables round in waves on his tongue. That sharp, toothy grin unveils like the stage behind a curtain. “What sort of a stupid name is that?” Greywyn smiles something soft and creased round the edges, and coos, voice gentle and low that Nuckelaví alone would hear it.

“The type I’d invite you to breathe in my ear tonight, in bed.”

Nuckelaví is charmed, although taken aback, and his grin falls away from him slowly, replaced by a lingering smile. He loses himself, watching the other vampire’s lips for as long as silence fell.

Soon, Greywyn speaks in that hushed tone again. “Forgive me. Have I spoken out of turn?”

“No.” Young Nuckelaví corrects him, still dreamy-eyed and staring at those lips. They both share a laugh. “No... In fact, I think you’re really quite fetching.”

[icharchivist]

hello icha!!!!! learned from my mistakes and typed this out in a separate document. first i have to say im feeling a very deep connection with citron as of late bc i was giving myself a pep talk abt like physics and i told myself "face up and man the music!" and was like "...is that wrong. theres that song called man against the music isnt there... yeah it must be right" and. well i realized later. i also think the phrase "dont cry because it happened, smile because its over" is very good. also I’m halfway thru creating a very eclectic list of like. a Pokémon team for each a3 character which is… something. kinda knew it would happen to me. might take a while for me to finish it tho now that I’m halfway bc I’m suddenly having a crisis like “wait shit I’m only confident on my understanding and characterizing of like 4 characters am I good enough” so… it’s slow going lol. anyways. i finished that damn physics thing I was giving myself a pep talk about and so am treating myself to autumn/winter. happens that watching these events is also like. the only thing which reminds me to actually like. log into a3 lol. i am so bad at gacha games. probably a good thing in the long run. ok starting from the top!

hisoka going "zzz" as his reaction made me immediately go... oh dear, please dont fall asleep in the bath and guess what happened. yeah. good thing homare was there lol. speaking of i fucking adore homare and his poetry. id buy his collection. i also wish there was a collection like if there was a master list of every poem he says in like. at the very least main story. if not i will literally do it myself. i love homare so much im like him in that back when i had to play dodgeball id always be like kufufufu they cant hit me if im friendless enough that no one pays attention to me but like in my case it actually worked out. on the subject of the pillow fight tho, hisoka's crazy strong pillow fight throw... one more mark on the list for suspicious, maybe assassin occupation. this event made me realize how much i missed winter like. i saw the stranger pretty recently (which has caused the effect of be being like "taichi!! thats my boy!!" in my head everytime he shows up lol but anyways i havent gotten to a winter play yet so im VERY hype. especially bc this seems like it stars hisoka and homare??? like oh!! oh!!!! also detective fiction... im swooning. i also just enjoy the hisoka homare dynamic a whole fucking lot i think its nice how homare was like "yeah im ride or die for this funky lil amnesiac, why wouldnt you be?" and its just like. nice. feel like hes always reaching out to hisoka which is like. man homare is so nice.

back to chronology. ofc sakyo goes cheap for the hot springs lol. on brand as ever. was very hype for the azuma sakyo dynamic bc all i remember is like azuma trashing everyone including sakyo at some game or the other in one of the winter chapters and it was very good. or was this a clip in like a stage play? either way it was delightful. at first i misinterpreted taichi going "…" after azuma and sakyo said theyd never been on a field trip bc like. taichi being quiet or noncommunicative... after going thru autumn troupe act 1 it makes me fear for my life a little lol. anyways im glad he was just like planning fun times. speaking of taichi tho we got a tasuku taichi pair for etudes!!!! im not spoiling myself for later events but i hope to GOD tasuku and taichi do like a lead co lead in SOMETHING or at least like some mixed troupe event i want them to talk!!!

also dunno if this is an intentional pun but i enjoy that its called high spirits at the hot spring bc like oh theyre having fun but also bc like. "spirits" is used to refer to a certain type of alcohol i think? which is cool. dunno if its intentional but i liked that. anyways the talent show. taichis moving rendition of single ladies... ok i know it said single fellas but like. we know. wonder if that line was a different song in japanese? its not too old at ALL tho imo. anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment... flashback to when banri slaps juza live on stage instead of doing a stage slap lol. my reaction to azuma essentially went:

azuma: I can offer to bare my soul, and a little more ;)

izumi: what do u mean by that???

me: hey tasuku and omi were shirtless what's ur problem with azuma

anyways i reread and from what i understand they were maybe only flexing and doing a gun show? which like. no wonder it didnt last too long then lol. also explains why they didnt have shirtless sprites i suppose lmao. i am SO curious abt what azuma ended up doing tho that fade to black is so mysterious! did he tap dance? did he pole dance? the world will never know...

oh also im not like super familiar with azuma yet but my read on his personality is definitely like "I am so touch starved All The Time but I will be chill. :) :) this is fine :)" like he just seems to rly like being around people! just like basking in presence whether or not hes rly talking that much.

i enjoyed that juza mentioned pillow fighting with his lil brother... thats nice! i think a lot of this event was just focused on ppl having fun over the drama lol bc it got wrapped up sooo quick. i liked the bit where sakyos worried that izumi was out late searching for him tho it was so sweet. table tennis match was very fun although id argue calling hisoka and juza the two quietest tho lol like... banri exists so juza isnt quiet. just like inevitably. finally, the event cg!!! azumas hair tied up... so nice! thats how I tie my hair up sometimes tho it doesnt look nearly as nice lol. taichi rambling abt his first love for so long tho... lol. ill be honest i have to reread autumn bc i was not aware of this whole situation until it came up in the stranger and i like inferred from there. the end of this event was nice! it was cute. i dont rly have much thoughts on it but im so hype for the winter play

Hello:!!! so good to see you again, freshly learning from your mistakes then :3c

the connection with Citron is a BLAST to read about. I am glad that Citron is there, on your mind, supporting you at every turns of language. It's beautiful.

AND OH THE POKEMON LIST!!! thrilled to hear about it being a wip ongoing! take your time ofc and i hope you'll feel more confident as you go for your characters interpretation! i believe in you!

lmao i'm glad the events help you remember to play a3, i'm sure that by the time you'll be done with the events you will have unlocked so much of act 2 you won't have to worry too much about it. Anyway i'm glad you treat yourself to good things :3c

of course Hisoka fell asleep in the bath. tbh this event was a lot of "Hisoka almost dies in a spring house multiple times if it wasn't for his troupesmates". Between sleeping in the bath and almost swallowing the table tenis ball... where would we be without Winter, and especially Homare, taking care fo him.

I'm SO GLAD you like Homare that much! he's so so good! i'm sure there must be a masterlist somewhere, or well. can be done anytime i guess?? but yeah Homare is fantastic and LDJFDLKFJDF the evil plan to avoid dodgeball from both of you.. this is incredible DLKJFDLKF. But yeah alas he's loved by his own so he gets hit smh.

And yeah Hisoka is just acting sus huh.

BUT YEAH... YEAH... WINTER... BELOVED.... I feel regular and normal feelings for Winter as you know, s o .

(i'm so delighted that you feel that way about Taichi though, as he deserves!! what a good boy!!!)

But yeah Winter play next!!!!! i love the winter plays so much i hope you'll like it as well!! aND YEAH HISOKA AND HOMARE AS A DUO... for a DETECTIVE story?? so good.

I'm sO GLAD you like their dynamic! yeah i adore it too. Homare was so quick to leap into taking care of Hisoka? Like i mean he immediatly called him sleeping beauty when they first met, and immediately decided to be his roommates to watch over him, and then he did everything to take care of him and it's just so sweet. Homare has such a big heart he's so gentle with Hisoka. Homey and comfortable, whenever Hisoka admits it or not ahah.

ahah wouldn't be Sakyo if he didn't need to stay cheap. BUT YEAH the Sakyo/Azuma dynamic is pretty good. oh the event you talk about i think is in some of his very first backstage storyes (that you can read if you have them since they're at this point of the chronology). There's one where they play a mafia game and Sakyo is warry of Azuma because "people like him are those you need to worry about the most" and Azuma is just ":) you wound me :) i would never :)" and then Azuma wins the game and starts to mess with everyone. It was so fun. and yeah i see which clip you mean for the stage play!! it's so so fun they have such a neat dynamic and i loved to see it in this event as well.

and omg worrying about Taichi while he was just there preparing a fun time! this child really would have worried us all back then huh

but AHH YEAH TASUKU TAICHI.... It's such a neat dynamic! ofc i won't say anything but man i love the potential of their stories, as the two ex Godza boys. To see them bond and be comfortable with each other always make me so soft.

OH NICE CATCH FOR THE PUN! i think it must be the reason for it tbh, i love it! thanks for pointing it out!

The talent show was really fun yeah ahah! I wonder what it is in Japanese too but at least the localization was hella fun!

"anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment." THEY'RE SO SILLY I love them so much

AND LMAO YOUR REACTION AT AZUMA I LOVE IT. YEah i think Tasuku and Omi are just flexing (which is Still. SO FUNNY. Just there saying "our talents is.. our muscles...") meanwhile Azuma is like "my talent is that i'm crazy hot :)"

But YEAH Azuma... AZUMA WHAT DID YOU DO....

your read on Azuma's personality feels pretty spot on to me ahah omg. Staying with what you know about him, the fact that with his job and all, he seems like he's starving for connection while also terrified to make himself emotionally vulnerable. He loves staying with people, listening to them, caring for them, and he's touch starved as hell (i mean it's his job) but he doesn't seem to really know how to be on the receiving hand of affection. there's a flair talk, i can't remember where, with Omi at some point, where Azuma compliments him, and Omi is just "mhm.. but you know i think that it's more about you" and ends up complimenting Azuma in depth and it let Azuma dumbfounded because he didn't expect Omi to trick him at his own game, while Omi just genuinely don't get why Azuma is reacting that way. He gives he gives he gives, and he's genuinely happy with that, but he seems to have difficulties to take, or to demand for something, while also starving for it. I have so many emotions for Azuma.

Any mentions of Juza's little bro are the best things. I love this type of mention TwT

And yeah it was such a laid back event. Honestly deserved after the crying fest that was The Stranger imo. It's good to relax once in a while and it was nice to have them have fun. There was the bitterness of both Azuma and Sakyo's past that was always a bit looming but everyone was working so hard for them to enjoy themselves that the joy just overtake any sadness i loved it.

Sakyo worrying about Izumi is always adorable TwT

And yeah the Table Tennis match was so fun and chaotic LMAO. I love the dynamic between Juza and Hisoka. Just two usually quiet boys who like sweets. Except that yeah like you say, as long as Banri is around, Juza cannot be 100% quiet. Rip.

THE CG WAS SO PRETTY i loved seeing it. And omg you can share your hairtips with Azuma how nice :D Azuma manages to make everything look beautiful smh....

Oh yeah Taichi and his first love! if i recall he mentions it quickly at the begining, that Yuki reminds him of his first love, and he says that again at some point - then the fake Portrait he does he mentions his first love again. And since then it's been a reccuring topic so yeh :3c

but yeah! this event was really sweet and laid back, not much to say about it, but it was nice to have it at all!

Hope you'll like the winter play :3c

Take care and thank you again for your thoughts <33 i love reading them!! bless you!!

[fizzingwizard]

I know you touched up on it in your recent writing, but I was wondering what you thought about the yagami sibling's "I'll never forgive you/you can hate me if you want" scene in the last tri movie? I think it presented such an interesting dynamic especially since, between the siblings, we usually get a lot more doting big brother yamato, making the ishida-takaishi boys feel a lot closer (though I might be remembering wrong, it could also be bc takeru was originally in the digiworld from the get go aka longer). I just wish we had gotten some time to have proper resolution (or hints of) as to how hikari and taichi make amends with each other.

Yeah, it's a great moment, and it's a shame that we don't get to see the aftermath. (side note: I do think it's an optical illusion due to Takeru having been with the group from the start that makes he and Yamato seem closer than Taichi and Hikari. I've always seen both sets of siblings as being very close.) I love what they did with them but it did make the ending feel a little cold: first the reactions to Taichi’s apparent “death” were very belated and then his return is marred by everything else going on... Tri just needed to be one movie longer (or Saikai and Ketsui should have been blended together in one :P)

I don't think Hikari blames Taichi or hates him. I think she does feel betrayed, at least in the sense that, until then, she and her brother always seemed to be on the same path, and now Taichi's made a unilateral choice to go down a different one. But she doesn't think it's an evil one, or she wouldn't have chosen to stay and fight. It's just different and not what she wants. But the reason he can't stay on that path is because he's had to confront his convictions and found they came up short, so he’s adjusted. So I think they would need time to recalibrate their relationship afterward. Taichi must look like someone Hikari doesn't quite know anymore. But she'd still believe that she does know him deep down. And he respects her. This isn't about "Hikari's naive" anymore than it's about "Taichi's evil." It's just their relationship evolving and the growing pains that go along with that.

I guess that's how best I can sum it up, but as I’m allergic to brevity, there’s more under the cut...

I am sure Hikari always assumed her brother shared the vision of the future that we see from her at the end of 02. But as early as Saikai, we can already see that Taichi's grip on that sort of idealism is shaky. At that time what he's worried about is making a mistake, collateral damage, things getting out of hand. But in Bokura no Mirai, it's not about what he can't control anymore, it's about controlling what he can.

In Kyousei, Taichi decides to kill Meicoomon once Meiko breaks down and says that's what she wants (which is another thing altogether). But at that time his resolve is shaky. Instead, he winds up sacrificing himself to protect Yamato and Meiko. Taichi's still our typical idea of a shonen hero at the end of Kyousei.

Bokura no Mirai picks up by handing Taichi what is essentially a riff on the trolley problem. And he wants the third choice: the way that saves everyone. But what Nishijima wants him to realize, I think, is that clinging to the hope that that third choice exists even without evidence is not the way that does no harm. That idealism comes with its own collateral damage. By running from the dilemma, he's saying he's willing to risk all of their lives on a fantasy. Then Nishijima forces the matter and makes the choice himself, and that forces Taichi to reevaluate his own views of life and death. It's no longer "all life is precious no matter what." Life and death are always connected and neither good nor evil.

Taichi returns to the others no longer unsure about what to do. He's accepted that continuing to try to save Meicoomon, at this point, is to treat other people's lives as less important. If, at that point, Koushirou or someone had said "I have an idea to save her," I think Taichi would have done it. But their hope for a miracle has so far only prolonged everyone's suffering - Meicoomon's, Meiko's, the world's. It's because no one has any more ideas and they are out of time that he chooses her death.

Because Meiko/Meicoomon were created just for Tri, and don't have the same status as the classic characters, it's... maybe not fair to call it a cop-out, but even in the framework of complex morality, the writers definitely didn't want to go as far as killing any fan favorites. So that's a degrees of separation thing. And I think Hikari's actions are meant to answer for that. She cares deeply about everyone. She values life indiscriminately, so her ideals don't allow her to arrive at the same conclusion as her brother.

But that doesn't make her naive. The fact that idealism can be harmful doesn't mean it's bad or childish. When Taichi tells her, "You stay that way," I don't think he's just being a doting older brother who doesn't want his baby sister to face the dark world. Hikari's faced plenty of darkness. I think we've always been shown that Taichi respects Hikari very much and I don't think he'd do her the disservice of treating her convictions as childish and his own epiphany as the one true path to adulthood. Instead, he wants her to continue to hold onto her ideals, because he knows it's only by continuing to value those ideals that they'll ever see the kind of future they wish for, and because he knows only someone like her can keep him in check.

Tri also gives a big cryptic spiel about how “the sensitive things are the most fragile” or something like that. And we see Hikari’s fragility when losing her brother causing her to wig out and somehow help cause Ordinemon. But the other thing we see with Hikari is her standing up to Homeostasis, trying to wrestle control back to herself. And it's the Ordinemon fusion that enables Tailmon to support Meicoomon. So even if we say her sensitivity makes her fragile, "fragility" can't be equated with "weakness." There are many fragile things in the world that have a hidden resilience and play an important role in the ecosystem. Hikari’s like that. That’s why her “idealistic” view isn’t silly or naive. It’s an essential part of being human - same as Taichi’s. It’s definitely on purpose that Hikari is the representative of “Light” which very obviously means “life” in Digimon, and Taichi’s huge play in Tri is about, as well as resulting from, death. They're put in contrast to each other.

That's what I think Hikari can't forgive: her brother is basically saying, "You choose your path, and I choose mine." If she had then stormed off and refused to fight, it would be one thing, but she doesn't - she stays and does her part. It's only natural that she'd feel disturbed with what they're doing. She doesn't look away though. She accepts her brother's worldview without sacrificing her own. I thought things would have to be rocky between them for a while afterward because they'd need time to realign, learn how to work together with different value sets. How to make those values support and balance each other rather than tear each other down.

It's not clear at the end of Bokura no Mirai that Taichi's made the right decision. I think that's the point - sometimes you just can't know, but you still have to decide. I'm sure the writers knew fans would be wont to side with their heroes, but that could be deceptive. Maybe that's why Hikari get so much attention in that last scene: the writers are telling us "You don't have to agree with this choice. But time moves forward with or without us."

Those are my thoughts for the moment at least... I guess it could just be “Taichi’s an adult now and helping the others step out of their childhood dreamworld” but I guess I just internally reject that. So maybe I’m wrong but... well, I prefer to think about it this way :P It was a hell of a thing to walk out of the theater like “did that really happen?” Tri just ripped off the idea of “escapist anime movie” and just took itself really seriously and that’s why I looooooove it. Like, I’m so glad we didn’t get a triumphant, feel-good ending. Wouldn’t have minded clearer answers to certain questions *cough* but Tri is definitely unforgettable.

[linaa-vera]

Digimon Fanfic Recommendations PART 2 BABYYYY

Now this list, is shorter? Uncompleted? More one-shots?

Also, this has more…mature content? +18 some of them, but I’ll put if it is something explicit.

Here are on ao3.

SO YOU WERE ALIVE by ahiddenpath (One-shot. COMPLETE)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23620636

Summary: “Greymon meets Garurumon in the network and is glad to see that his friend is alive. Explores the possible (if unlikely) connection between the Agumon in the Digimon Adventure Reboot (Digimon Adventure:/Digimon Psi) and the Digimon Adventure Agumon.”

Thoughts: When I found this, I didn’t watch Kizuna (WHICH I THINK IS BULLSHIT, I CRIED A LOT >:C ) but then I did, and if this happened after it, it would connect everything pretty well.

TIL THE END by Higuchimon (One-shot. COMPLETE)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24727381

Summary: “Daisuke and Ken are Jogress partners. That’s good – right? Perhaps not so much in this case. At least not when ImperialDramon fights their friends.”

Thoughts: I always love when they show that Jogress, Fusion or whatever not only affects the digimon, but the digidestined as well. And this shows what could have happened to Daisuke and Ken during Tri, and their thoughts (or Daisuke’s) about Imperialdramon fighting their friends, and the fact that they were forgotten by the other children.

GTA (IS NOT A GAME) by ToastyToaster22 (One-shot. COMPLETE)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23632969

Summary: “Natsuko brushed it off the first couple times Takeru said something concerning. Maybe she shouldn't have, but in her defense, he seemed to be brushing his confusion off too. However her son was getting confused more and more often, and with it came a sense of anxiety she'd never seen in him before.

It was time to stop pretending he was fine.”

Thoughts: THIS WAS THE BEST FIC I’VE READ OR ENCOUNTERED IN AGES. I Swear. Guys. This fic is amazing, I was never a fan of TK, don’t know why, but I really like him in this fic, the problems he’s facing really put in perspective his personality and everyone around him is so nice because of what’s happening. VERY EDUCATIVE FIC. 10/10.

A BOND BETWEEN TWO PARTNERS by direneed (Short-Story. COMPLETED)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5387540

Summary: “Tailmon and Agumon have a bonding moment while Taichi is sick.”

Thoughts: Although it’s a sickfic, it’s not really very angsty but it’s for the purpose of Tailmon and Agumon to have their moment. It’s…a good way to have both of they personalities shown in a more private way.

SHAKEN by ToastyToaster22 (Short-story. COMPLETED)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22307935/chapters/53282458

Summary: “They said the shaking lasted 17 seconds.

Takeru shook all night.”

Thoughts: Really good characterization and emotions. I myself live in one of the most seismic countries of the planet (Chile), and although Japan is obviously more organized than us, it shows the fear, the “what the fuck do I do now” “Do I leave? Stay? My Mom?dadfriendsdogs-”. But also the kindness of strangers, and your love ones who are there to support you. Also represents how much the digidestined love each other, really sweet.

I’LL BE THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION by Curiosa (One-shot. COMPLETED)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13848828

Summary ““Okay.” Yamato nodded and swallowed. He felt like there was a thick lump in his throat. He felt like if he stopped looking at Taichi he'd disappear any second, just dissolve and puff, fizz out of existence. Canon divergence of episode four”

Thoughts: this was amazing. It’s a missing scene of Tri. If that concern we felt when Tai disappeared and also that “the fuck” feeling when he returned like it was nothing. Incredible way to show their friendship. Love it. (also gay haha)

MERMOIRS OF A ROYAL KNIGHT by Alycoris (Series of one shots. COMPLETE)

https://archiveofourown.org/series/19145

Summary: “Dukemon's life as a Royal Knight. Needless to say, between duties he thinks about a lot of things.”

Thoughts: Very well written. Dukemon has memories of other life and when you discover who he was, well, dang it’s amazing.

DROWNING MEMORIES by Shara Raizel (Long Story. UNCOMPLETE. Dormant since 2017)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/635169/chapters/1149870

Summary: “Davis Motomiya has been burdened with the memories and residual voice of his cousin Takuya Kanbara. As he continues to discover the tragic events surrounding an accident eight years past will he finally silence the voice or will he loose his mind to them?”

Thoughts: This was my favorite fic EVER. Until they stopped updating. :c  It has everything. Horror, adventure, DRAMA. ANGST FOR DAVIS. He really doesn’t know what to do. It’s also on Fanfiction.net, and I think it has 2 more chapters there?? This was the fanfic that made me look for more all those years ago. YOU NEED TO READ IT AND SUFFER WITH ME BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN DORMANT—

SPARK, FIRE, INFERNO by Verse (Short story. COMPLETE)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15669015

Summary: “Sometimes, it feels as if there are three of his brother.”

Thoughts: I always though that in frontier they could have made the “sharing a body” dynamic really well, but they never did it, so I found fanfic about and this is the one that remembered me of it. THIS IS AMAZING. And Shinya’s reaction to being more of his brother.

THE ULTIMATE GATHERING OF THE DIGIDESTINED by Shara Raizel (Long-story. UNCOMPLETED. Dormant since 2017)

On fanfiction bc I forgot to put it on the other one.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6475633/1/The-Ultimate-Gathering-of-the-DigiDestined

Summary: “Have you ever wondered what would happen if the casts of Adventure 02, Tamers, and Frontier of Digimon were to meet? This is the Ultimate Adventure of the DigiDestined!”

Thoughts: At first I thought it would be only shenanigans and silly unconnected chapters—but OH BOI WAS I WRONG. It’s very mature, there’s a lot of character (obviously) but all of them get their time to shine. Really. Death, adventure, angst, comedy, relief, I recommend it 120%. 10/10.

At this point I think I made you a favor. Your welcome. If you pick any of the fics then I love you and go give your kudo to the fic because they deserve more recognition.

[scone-lover]

@findingniamho​

HAHAHAHA thank you so much for this ask!!! ❤️ This is exciting. Honestly the Egghead fight was one of the most entertaining scenes to write. (Coming up with all the puns was an egg-celent time.) Rereading it just now was like an out of body experience 😂 

Link to the original chapter here - passage & commentary below the cut!

So I have to start with how this scene was born. This is a Simon scene. He’s had a couple fight scenes with Vampire, but I wanted to show him off as the superhero of the city. What was he doing before Vampire appeared on the scene? What are his strengths and weaknesses? Despite the scene’s silliness, it’s also one of the first where we start to get a sense of what Mayor Mage is up to. 

So I knew I wanted him to do the typical defending-the-city thing, and showcase him and Penny as the dread companions power duo.

Besides the plot stuff, my main goal was to make this scene as ridiculously, stereotypically comic book-ish as possible. 😂Hence, Egghead the Villain.

Most of the credit for Egghead goes to my friend -- they’re really into DC and helped me with a lot of the plot stuff in this fic and making things semi-realistic. (Every time you read a clever plot point, it was probably them. 😂) For this non-Vampire fight, my friend suggested a gangster who was doing crimes and bribing the police. Hence this exchange--

“Okay, okay, um-- fuck. Did you call the police?” She huffs. “Yes, and I think they’ve been fucking bribed, because they pretended they didn’t even know who Egghead was! Can you believe that?”

I made him a repeat villain because honestly, I just thought it was more compelling that way. They know who he is already, Simon can grumble about him, they have egg-themed quips at the ready, etc. 😂 

As for the name, Egghead. I love how it came together because Simon is a baker, and I was able to work a couple baking jokes in there eventually. But in reality, it was me begging my superhero expert friend (named t below) to help me out with crafting this villain and coming up with some witty exchanges. A transcript of our conversation with the brainstorming and some of the rejects--

t: the gangster has a nickname right? he has to if he’s a supervillain t: make it a gimmick t: like if he has a red outfit call him mr. red or something t: he has a flamethrower and call him dragon (this made it in, later) me: Vampire already has a flamethrower t: they can be forced to fight him together me: Vampire is at home studying bc he’s a NERD t: ok he can be bald and simon can call him egghead me: THANKS I HATE IT t: simon throws him on the ground at the end of the fight - that was over-easy me: I hate you where do you get this shit t: I mean it’s typical superhero stuff t: he wears yellow and white and deals crack me: This fic is so food themed I love it t: that’s your villain. that’s it. t: listen, if the Flash can have an ice skating villain, YOU CAN HAVE EGGHEAD. And he was born.

(And yes, The Flash does have an ice skating villain. AND SHE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE ICE POWERS.)

Okay, let’s do this! Warning that this is definitely going to go through more than 500 words of the chapter. 😂 

Men dressed in black suits with bright yellow pocket squares. And larger men around the perimeter, wearing grey and holding flashlights. It looks more like a business transaction than anything; there are briefcases and money being passed back and forth, hands being shaken. “Hey!” I call. There are six men, and they all turn to stare at me, and then make a run for it. The flashlight beams dart wildly and I hear a few of them clatter to the floor. Everyone starts yelling at once and looking for an escape.

I basically watched an episode of Brooklyn-99 and crafted the warehouse drug deal based on that. 

“Don’t move. There’s only one exit,” Penny says in my ear. “And you’re standing in front of it.” I stand my ground, but no one comes near me. The suited guys stay slightly behind the muscular ones. Finally, one of them steps forward. “Mage’s Head Boy. Come to tell us off?”

This scene was also an opportunity to have Penny in Simon’s ear! I wanted them to work together more closely than just talking about superhero stuff - I wanted Penny to be invaluable to Simon’s superhero success and in on the action, too. She’s kind of modeled after Oracle from Batman throughout this fic. 

Mage’s Head Boy is a pretty transparent CO reference. 

There are times when I’m grateful for my ability to just have muscles and growl at people and make them disappear, and there are times when I wish I was witty like Vampire. This is definitely the second. I can’t think of a response to that. Luckily, I have a best friend with a head full of wit. “Tell them to fuck off,” Penny says. Then again, maybe not. What would Vampire say? I get hot and frustrated in the face of danger. He seems to get cooler the higher the stakes get. I fall into a fighting stance. “You wish.” The guy takes a step backwards. “But since I can’t bring you to the police, I suppose I’ll just have to teach you a lesson.” “That was good,” Penny says in my ear.

I obviously had to work a bit of Baz jealousy / crushing into this. I like the idea of Penny being super blunt. She’s smart and sometimes witty, but more often she just says it like it is. “Cooler the higher the stakes get” was a direct reference to the similar line in Carry On. With Simon’s last line - this scene was all about showcasing him as a “typical” superhero that you’d find in a comic, fighting a classic comic book villain. So I gave him one of those cheesy lines.

I’m surrounded. There must be fifteen or twenty of them. Eight huge muscular guys, and the rest in suits. They form a loose circle around me. Almost all of them wield knives, but I don’t see any guns so far.

I knew from the outset I wanted this to be a one-against-many fight. At this point in the story I’d set up a good dynamic for Blade vs Vampire, but not so much Blade vs. other city threats. What makes him a trustworthy hero? Simon’s origin story is that he got news attention by fighting off a group - so putting him in this group fight setting was a chance for him to shine.

A man steps out from the shadows. He’s bald, with a straight, dark mustache, and he’s wearing a pristine white suit and a shirt the colour of an egg yolk. “Egghead,” I say in what I hope is a threatening tone. The name sounds absurd. I’m glad the mask covers my mouth, because I don’t think I can keep a straight face. Penny coughs. Benedict Eggerton, better known as Egghead, is a drug lord who wears yellow and deals… crack. (I know.) (He got into crime early; his parents were poachers.) (Okay, I made that one up. I can’t help it.) I put him in jail earlier this year, but he escaped and fled north.

I was laughing so hard while writing this. You can see in the text exchange above where the suit and nickname came from. I was trying to come up with what his first name might be (my first idea was Sunny). I was so amused when I finally thought of Benedict. 😂 The poachers line is also from my friend T, and the “north” is a reference to Scotland, which comes back later as the Scotch Egg joke.

I draw my weapon, trying to look as menacing as possible. “I remember your blade being bigger,” he says, eyeing my kitchen knife. “Is it too cold for you in here?”

PFFFFFT I LOVE THIS JOKE okay so. I originally made Simon forget his sword because I thought the fight would be too easy - and going back to what I said above, he’s kind of returning to his “roots” with this fight - that spark he has that makes him a hero. And then I wrote the line “I remember your blade being bigger.” TO BE CLEAR, this was not originally intended as an innuendo. 

And then my friend said something like ‘he should turn up the heating in this warehouse then’, and I was like OH DING DING DING PENIS JOKE! 😂I’m oblivious sometimes. I’m glad I realized in time because this is honestly one of my favorite villain lines I’ve ever written.

I really, really wanted to give the “too cold” line to Vampire. It would be perfect for him. But Simon always has his normal sword with Vamp, so Egghead it was. And he instantly became an icon. 😂 

I twirl the knife between my fingers. “I can crack you anyway.” “Good effort,” Penny whispers. “But a bit rough on the delivery. 'Take a crack at you' might have been better...” “Sword or no sword,” I continue, “you’ll be an egg wash by the end of this.” “What?” Penny says. “Is that a baking reference?” Egghead cracks his knuckles, and his men rush me.

Much like Penny does later in the scene, I had a tab open of egg-related words up while writing this. I had to work in the baking reference. But a terrible one. There’s a French term for whisking eggs that basically translates to “beating eggs into snow” - and I wish it was a thing in English, because, you know, Simon Snow. Oh well. 😂 

I Google a list of ways to make eggs. Simon needs to win this fight, but more importantly, he needs to get some egg-themed one-liners in there to show them who’s boss. Chances like this don’t come around very often. 

Listen, Penny is very dedicated. I love the idea of heroes just being quick-witted and coming up with these ridiculous quips on demand. But ultimately, I thought it was funnier - and more in character for Penny - to do this. (Even though her Superhero name is Quickwit, oops.) She has the world of Google at her disposal. Egg puns may not seem important, but superhero image and reputation is half the battle.

Simon is being attacked from all angles, but he fights like a whirlwind. The bulky guys attack first, mostly with their fists. Simon kicks their legs out from under them. He throws them across the floor like they weigh nothing. “Behind you!” I say. Simon spins around and disarms the man behind him, twisting his arm, and I hear a shout through my earbuds. He grabs the guy’s knife and kicks him in the stomach, sending him sprawling. Simon Snow faces fifteen men with nothing but two knives, looking like he’s ready to explode.

I loved writing this from Penny’s POV. I am used to writing fight scenes from the POV of the person fighting, so this was definitely a cool challenge. It’s part of why I brought Penny into the scene in the first place - so I could show Simon in third person. Almost like we’re watching a movie and getting some overhead shots. From his POV, you don’t realize quite how awesome he is. So getting to showcase him like this was really fun.

I still have to wonder how Shepard knew… well, everything. 

Don’t tell anyone but I didn’t know yet either

“He’s Scottish,” I tell Simon. “Scotch Egg.”

I know. This one’s bad.

He’s a blur of gold and white in motion. He throws his knife—I have no idea where he learned to do that—and it embeds itself in one of the men’s legs. He rolls across the floor, picking up two more discarded knives.

I don’t do a ton of plotting/outlining with fight scenes, but one thing I decide in advance is where and how everyone gets hurt. I didn’t want Simon to win the fight too easily, but I did need to injure him somehow. So it wouldn’t be too easy, but also to serve as a counterpoint to the socks thing later.

I watched a lot of action sequences to write this fic, especially with the trickier one vs. many scenes. 

Simon tosses him like a sack of flour.

Couldn’t resist the baker!Simon reference.

“Hard or soft boiled,” I whisper. “Which way is it gonna be, Egghead? Hard or soft boiled?” Simon shouts. He whispers to me, “That was stupid.” Egghead raises an eyebrow. “Last chance to leave us alone, Blade.” I consult my list of egg dishes. “Give up before you get scrambled.” Simon twirls his blades. I love it when he does that; he looks like Deadpool. “It’s your last chance to surrender before you get scrambled.”

I loved the hard or soft boiled line at first. And then I wrote it down and said it out loud, just to check, and it sounded SO DUMB. 😂I almost took it out, but then figured—Simon is probably not going to think this through, either.

Maybe the Deadpool line was a bit on the nose here, but I wanted to give readers some really vivid imagery of what Simon looks like right now with these dual wicked blades kitchen knives.

“I prefer my eggs… poached,” he says. 

Even though Egghead has turned out to be quite a serious villain—there are guns, drugs, and a backstory—he is, after all, original master of the egg puns. He would never turn down this opportunity.

Egghead scrambles (ha) to his feet

I think Penny is just me in this.

“Over-easy,” I whisper.

“That was over-easy,” he says.

Not my best. But it had to be in there.

I’ll skip the serious bits, since the plot there is pretty self-explanatory, to this:

I wish he’d asked what we serve, because I have so many egg puns at the ready. Eggs-ecution. Hash-ing out justice. Karma served hard.  

My beta ashspren gave me this line, and I could not be more grateful. Imagine the chapter without this. It would be a shame.

Here are a few egg puns that didn’t make the cut, SADLY:

You're washed out, egghead

*Egghead gets angry* hey, it was just a yolk

I had to go "beat" some eggs

*uppercut* Sunny side UP!

I'll bash in your Eggnoggin’

Some people are just bad eggs

Sorry this is so long—this has been a purely self-indulgent experience. Thanks so much for this ask, I really enjoyed writing this and I hope you like it! ❤️