#bc i am autistic and aroace myself

[rgbfall]

I was gonna just infodump in the tags, but fuck it this topic is super interesting and im literally writing an essay on it, so I'm gonna yell about this topic for a bit

So, fun little fact, autistic people are actualy 8(.1) times more likely to identify as ace than NTs are! which is a lot! it's the most common sexuality for autistic people. The closest category after this is "other", which is anything other than ace, bi, straight or gay lumped together into one group, and that's about 7.6 times more likely, and only not even twice as likely to be bi (on average) (1)

Then the other way round, as over half of asexual people are neurodivergent (2), and around 37% of aro people are neurodivergent (3)

So yeah, autistic people are wayy more likely to be aspec and vice versa. And sure, not every autistic person is aspec or every aspec person autistic, but it's pretty likely if someone is one they are also the other!

gonna add a lil more under a cut about why i think the reasoning this is, but for now sources:

&lt;(1) orientation in autistic people> <(2) 2019 ace community survey> <(3) 2020 aro survey>

So why do I think this is? Well first ima give a lil more info about the essay I'm writing, which discusses explanations for why there's such a massive intersection between neurodivergent people and LGBTQ+ people. Before starting my essay, I did a lil survey (only 11 ppl really it was more to get some ideas for why queer neurodivergent people thought there is a link between the two things.

As part of that survey, I asked if people, regardless or orientation, felt as though neurodivergence affected how they experience any attraction, including stuff like platonic. 5 people said yes, 2 were unsure and 4 said no. Reasons given for this included:

"maybe difference in social skills means I often use more romantic language and actions ("I love you,", calling people pet names like babe, being outwardly affectionate) with close friends effects the way my platonic love is shown, but I don't know if it effects the emotions"

"I find relationships harder to build and find intimate relationships, platonic and romantic, more rewarding."

"Yes ... because I never text my friends back and I can’t be bothered to date anyone because it sounds like so much work and idk how other people just causally get a s.o. Like bro aren’t you stressed out and also bored?? I’d rather just avoid it forever""

*these are all a mix of neurodivergent people, so isn't exclusively an autistic experience

Generally it's stuff to do with struggling to form and maintain relationships, which makes sense bc autistic (and other neurodivegent) ppl tend to have a harder time with communication!

And since some forms of being aspec are actually genuinely bc people are just not interested in relationships, it could be to do with that! autistic ppl have a hard time forming relationships and attachments, and so might not bother or instead decide to label this difficulty!

Also, I know you said general aphobic and ableist arguments tend to say autistic/aspec ppl are emotionless, but that is genuinely my (autistic and aroace) experience with attraction. I am literally loveless, so like. lmao yeah sure being autistic literally DOES make me emotionless, so what? Doesn't make me less aspec, and the fact that I'm aspec and autistic and therefore don't love doesn't make me inherently worse than other people? It doesn't make me a bad person?

I do get that headcanoning autistic characters as aro/ace and aro/ace characters as autistic can create a false perception that they’re inherent to each other, but literally everyone I’ve heard making this argument is either being really aphobic or really ableist about it.

They say that saying an autist is aspec means it proves the idea that autists are incapable of emotion, or that saying an aspec is autistic proves aspecs are just weird and mentally ill.

It’s really funny how aspecs and autists share a lot of the same problems. We don’t feel quite the same way as others, we express our love differently, people think we’re gross and unhuman. We’re not. We should be teaming up to face bigots together, not doing their job for them by turning on each other.

Also most aspecs i’ve met are autistic and most autists i’ve met identify as aro or ace so it’s not like the link doesn’t exist lol.

[fumifooms]

Falin who cares too much and too little - analysis

Been stewing on Falin thoughts for a while, I know I have an interpetation on her that differs from many but I’m jumping into the fray. I think there’s a lot to be said about what we do see of Falin. This shorter Falin analysis I made is heavily encouraged prior reading. This analysis mainly explores her complex relationship with caring and so it’s sort of structured in two halves, with Faligon at the crux of it all.

Falin cares too little :

A lot of people assign Falin a people pleasing mindset and I… Don’t agree. We never see her care at all about people in her town or at the academy not liking her.

We do see her worrying about what people think of her… ONCE. And Laios comforted her, told her they didn’t matter and she should be proud of herself. She latched onto that hard. That’s why this scene was so important to be included during the dragon fight, relationship-defining; it’s always been them against the world. She grew to not care what others thought, to only focus on her close loved ones. No one else matters.

Laios’ words were her world. Her older brother who taught her how to feel comfortable with herself, who told her, you’re great, others are the ones in the wrong to not see that, I’ll always be with you, always be there for you. Older brother who always made great plans, who always knew more, who was better at wrestling to name the dogs, who she has always idolized. Laios who always spoke of traveling the world, to which she always said she wanted to follow. And she would, she’d follow him even if it meant leaving the academy and all she knew behind, she’d follow him to the ends of the world, and that’s what she did.

She didn’t care about showing to her classes or keeping up such appearances, she doesn’t even think of toning down her jumping into bushes when Marcille recoils, etc. She acts like an obedient pawn often, to her parent’s directives and then following Laios around no matter what he decides to do, but I don’t think the motivation is people pleasing, rather it’s being with & caring for her loved ones, and her go-with-the-flow attitude enhances the impression. Not that it’s as simple as that, mind you, but let’s talk about this for now.

Falin is perceived as selfless because we, the audience, have our perspectives revolving around the main people in her life (Laios, Marcille). They’re the ones she’s devoted to and people who care about her back a lot too, but to people like her classmates or the towspeople she probably must have seemed like someone who didn’t care about the people around her or her surroundings a lot, who just went on alone and did her own thing.

What matters to Falin? From what place does her kindness come from? Is a part of her keeping up appearances? And I think that’s the point, the horror of Faligon as well, that we can’t tell just how in control Falin the person is as the chimera (because we are shown that she’s in there, we just don’t know at what degree), that we don’t know her enough to be able to tell when she’s at her most genuine, her most raw. That even if you do settle on none of her being present as Faligon, we have to at least consider it, consider that she may be able to do something like this and have a part in it, brutal and uncaring. That even the lenses we see her through, the people who love her, may be unreliable.

And this is what’s very interesting about her too, she truly is so idealized by people around her as a saint. She’s so good and kind and caring to everyone etc etc etc. Laios, Toshiro and Marcille all see her as the paragon of goodness in the world. More cynical characters like Namari and Chilchuck have more layered opinions on her, the latter finding her somewhat unnerving because he can’t read her well. But then with that one flashback scene we see that… Her priorities are intensely focused on Laios and Marcille, she doesn’t care all that deeply about anyone other than them (+ maybe her parents). The rest of the party is in the same danger here but only Laios and Marcille who she’s speaking to get the special ,ention, and if they don’t cross her mind then of course she’d be ready to sacrifice strangers through a risky teleportation. That doesn’t make her not kind or caring!! Just that greater good isn’t exactly her priority. Any means is alright if the end result is her loved ones safe, it usually takes the form of healing and caring, but we see she’s ready to fight and make dangerous calls too. To me there’s this aspect to her that she isn’t as pure and magnanimous as everyone thinks she is, both in-world and interestingly enough meta wise as well, and there’s something interesting to that.

People pleasing implies a need to be liked, needs for the motivation to be that. A yes-man, etc. But if we analyze Falin, her general kind, smiling demeanor is more a matter of passivity I yhonk. Conflict avoidance is easier, so she’s friendly and hopefully things’ll be smooth sailing. It’s easy to be kind to classmates even if they act wary and rude if you don’t care about what they think either way. Of course she prefers good things happening to people over bad things, she is genuinely kind, but I think people tend to assign her a very grand altruistic way of life when to her the motivation is pretty self-centered. She doesn’t do what she does because she loves them, but because she loves them.

One situation that’s interesting to dig into for her way of thinking, and what I’m trying to get at, is Shuro’s proposal to her. I’ve seen people saying she hesitated because she didn’t feel comfortable saying no even though she wanted to, "I can’t say no, I don’t want to hurt him", something that sounds sensible and familiar, but it’s actually canon in the Adventurer’s Bible that the reverse was the case, that she didn’t feel comfortable saying yes. Because the offer was tempting, but it’d have been a loveless agreement on her end. And it makes sense she’d want to say yes too, like we see with the Toudens, marriage is very much a political strategical economical thing in their village, there’s even a bit on it on Laios’ Adventurer’s Bible profile about dowries, and both siblings were engaged very early. They lived poorly for a long time, it’s an enticing idea to marry rich, to have not only yours but your brother’s needs met forevermore easily, which at one point in their careers was their main worry and goal. Why shouldn’t she accept a life of leisure and wealth handed to her by a lovely friend?

So her hesitance was "yeah that’s convenient for me, but where it’s everything to him and heartfelt I’m able to be detached because I don’t care about it that much… Can I do that? I’m not reciprocating, not saying yes in the way that matters. Can I do that to him?" Very caring even though it’s not what you’d expect, isn’t it?

And central to my analysis, where I’m going with this is, I feel like that’s the thing with her character, that she doesn’t feel as strongly as she "should" sometimes, or feels a different way than she "should", or at least that she feels that way and others say she does. She didn’t mind suddenly leaving the academy, leaving Marcille behind and not seeing her for 4 years. She acted like it was no big deal that she sacrificed herself after getting resurrected after the red dragon fight. And in both those cases it upset the people around her greatly that she didn’t seem to get why it was such a big deal, didn’t seem to care about how they’d experienced her choices.

So it’s a tendency… And it’s not that she doesn’t care, it’s just that the way she measures what’s good for the ones she loves isn’t the same as what they themselves think it is (like Laios and Marcille not wanting to be apart from her). It’s an overt but quiet kind of care, it’s doing things like following them around and making sure they bathe and have a meal, even if that means she has to be dragged into misery too.

So yes she probably would know "not caring enough/the right way" is one of her perceived flaws, and that informs how she tries to handle her response to Shuro’s proposal. Her not wanting to accept like her first gut instinct, is because she’s thinking about reciprocity, about if it’d be right to go into this knowing that they have different priorities and she might not be able to keep up with the type and amount of emotions he wants/expects from her. And that’s a big part of her character isn’t it, having expectations pushed onto her. Her trying her best, but in her own way that may seem odd or even unfeeling. Not unlike when she exorcised the ghost as a kid too, unblinking and matter-of-factly, and not seeming to understand why people stared the way they did.

Even though she answered his proposal only post-canon, she’d been pondering it for a while even pre-canon and the Adventurer’s Bible explanation was released midstory, so I’m hesitant to assign her much growth about her hesitation and what I went on above, since she still didn’t react "right" with Laios after the red dragon fight (even if she apparently doesn’t remember sacrificing herself) and put herself in that situation in the first place. She hasn’t finished her arc on that flaw of hers is what I’m saying, she for sure still has it, but I certainly think her thoughts on Shuro’s proposal shows awareness, both of herself and social.

And awareness is a big analysis key word with Falin, especially here it can be hard not to conflate not caring with not knowing. How socially aware is she? It’s rather layered, because canonically she wasn’t aware of her ostracization in her hometown at all, and we’re not sure if she knew Shuro was interested in her before he proposed, but she generally seems more socially aware than Laios. She tags along on his caravan job to make sure he isn’t being mistreated (though doesn’t ask he get a salary), she catches social faux-pas more easily like in the genderbend magic mirror omake with Shuro, and interestingly enough she’s very good at empathizing with her parents and understanding their perspective. We see when she’s worried about Marcille coming that she does know about propriety and how appearances shape impressions. Being a chief’s daughter must at least have taught her a thing or two on that front.

She never stands up for herself, but when it comes to defending others she worries, strategizes and explains.

And this sort of understanding is part of why I think she’d notice the expectations pushed onto her like I was saying earlier, notice how she makes people feel when she’s careless. But if she changes anything about herself in response to noticing is for her to choose, and generally I think it’s a sort of inbetween of yes and no: that she becomes more complacent but also more reserved, complying but by hiding more of herself passively. She’s not sure wether to accept or reject Shuro’s proposal, doesn’t want to lead him on? She’ll just be taking a while to silently consider it, try to keep things as they are for the time being. The third, less conflicting option. She doesn’t feel heard by Marcille who keeps infantilizing her? Just bear with it. Retract yourself emotionally. Settle for it.

We see that when she was young she had a tendency to not read a room, and I think that’s here too. She doesn’t get why her nonchalance upset others but that doesn’t change that she doesn’t want them upset or hurt, so she tries, albeit in maybe a roundabout way. She always had a hard time deeply connecting with people, often keeping herself some amount of emotionally distant: erasing herself from the equation, from the two-way trade that relationships are and making it a onesided thing instead, where all their needs and emotions are directed towards her but she only lets out a bit of her own show. She takes everything upon her and deals with it and tries not to give others this same burden, though not on a conscious level, it’s just that she’s learned growing up that she doesn’t have much agency.

Like I went into with my analysis linked at the beginning, I think Falin is used to just taking what she can get and not asking for more, when it comes to social bonds. She’ll take spending time with her mother no matter what it is they do, she’ll follow Laios to the graveyards and stick by him even when he’s pushing her away (because he doesn’t want her borrowing his book or "No copying!" or such). Her father was always distant, cold and uncommunicative, her mother was considered sick from anxiety and the exorcism attempts were the main way they spent time together, at dinner tables there were only her and Laios. The dogs picked on her too even if she loved them— And so did the townspeople, maybe that being normal to her at home is why she didn’t notice the ostracization she suffered.

She’s always been the last to be asked about decisions or what she wants, never asked to play with at recess, neither her father or Laios asked before sending her to the academy or leaving the village. At home, in the hierarchy she was considered to be below the dogs by the dogs themselves, as someone they can disrespect. Dogs learn from example and behavior, so this means Falin must have been pushed around a lot, and that the family didn’t try hard to rectify the dogs’ misconception, likely worsened by Laios regularly wrestling with her as a competition.

So for example when Falin showed Marcille food, it was her way to implicitly ask to have lunch with her without voicing that question, without daring to take up space. Someone’s presence isn’t something you ask for, it’s something that’s bestowed upon you, you can follow them around but you can’t ask them to stay or to come with.

She’s used to her needs and wants not being listened to, so she’s learned to have less wants. Caring less about herself, caring less about other people beyond her safe zone, was a defense mechanism in part. She has a sense of learned helplessness too, like how when Marcille came to take her away from Laios, even though she didn’t want to leave with Marcille it felt so determined and unshakable to her that whatever Marcille decided Falin would have to comply with.

And still, it’s the "marrying you would be awfully convenient if it wasn’t that I’d feel guilty for not loving you back, the way you wanted me to when you proposed to me" and the "I don’t regret leaving the academy and leaving you behind without goodbyes but I’m sorry that you’re so much more upset about it than me". It’s the guilt of not loving people back the way they want to be, with the same intensity or fervor.

It’s the autism it’s the aroace of it all, it’s the emotional stunting and confusion but the pit in your stomach telling you you did something wrong again. The no object permanence even for people you love even for 4 years, it’s the feeling like you’re somehow at fault for someone having fallen for you and not knowing what to do with any of it. I’m not joking btw it isn’t uncommon for autistic people to not see their close friends for a long while, not having missed them all that much and for that to be really hurtful for the other if they notice/ask about it. "Hiii bestie! Oh umm you’re uh more emotional about this than I expected, hopefully you won’t feel alienated by me not feeling as intensely about it…"

So… Yeah. I think she thinks of things and relationships in a different way than most people, and beyond "good things happening to people is good" I don’t think she actually cares about people all that much. I’d argue that Laios shows more desire to connect with others and make relationships. And just like with Laios and his own issues with humans, that doesn’t mean her kindness is a lie or ungenuine or worthless! It just means that like, well it’s pretty straightforward really, she’s not all that social and doesn’t see casual bonds as meaning all that much and whatnot. She does want to see people happy, but it’s not as much like… A conviction or goal. She’s too laser focused on a select few people. "It’s not that they’re bad people, they just aren’t interested in humans."

And sometimes it feels like people get defensive about Falin in a meta way too, like if you ever so much as imply Marcille isn’t her whole world or that she isn’t the kindest soul out there then you’re saying she doesn’t care at all or she’s evil. And that’s actualy exactly the sort of vibe I wanted to get through with my analysis above here actually haha, that she does care and she is kind but it’s not in a way that’s quantified or understood in a way that makes people feel comfortable. In a way, that makes people feel insecure because they don’t have the same logic as her, don’t show love the same. And I think this is another stellar depiction of autism, of parts of it that feels unpalatable to many, if I’m making sense. The fandom idealizes her as well, which isn’t uncommon or surprising for the character embodying the trope of the perfect beloved to rescue.

And disclaimer, as I said in the tags I feel like the details of Falin are pretty vibe based when it comes to analysis, there’s absolutely a valid angle where she does super care about everyone always, feel free to disagree with me on the overarching angle of my analysis. There’s enough supporting evidence to tip the balance either way I think, and the reason I’ve chosen this angle is I feel it’s more compelling for the themes in Dunmeshi of idealization and being different, of desires vs wants, and because I think it neatly ties up Falin’s character arc as I’ll go over throughout the next section…

So.

Not feeling as much as she should. And……. Is this not Faligon pushed to the max?

You can’t tie down a dragon. As the chimera, she gets to just not care about everyone else and be on her merry way.

Part of it I think is finding comfort and freedom in the mindlessness, in not having the burden of feelings and connections and a consciousness (despite still ending up seeking those in a stranger, Thistle). Like when she’s dead in the purgatory as well, she gets to just… Hang around and do whatever. Similarly to when she played in the forest instead of going to class in her academy days. That’s what freedom and peace of mind looks like to her. Why she decides to roam post-canon, if only now with the goal to find herself instead, with her mind in tow and somewhere to go back home to.

There’s excellent analytic framing out there about how of course, Dungeon Meshi has a big theme of grief and letting go, and… Falin was always a symbol narratively, idealized by characters and often underconsidered by them despite their love. It was Falin’s choice to sacrifice herself for Laios, she thought it was worth it, knowing that it would be her end. Her resurrection and the process of it intertwining her soul with a dragon’s wasn’t done with her consent, and the subsequent opening it gave her to become a chimera puppet. She’s stripped of her agency consistently, and so… It’s very noteworthy that the final choice, of wether to go back to life or to stay dead, in that purgatory scene, was up to her. And she chooses life, but I do think about her in those fields and how at home she seemed there. Peaceful, by herself in a vast calm expanse she could explore, free.

Personally, I think freedom is Falin’s own subconscious selfish desire. And though to us becoming the chimera is obviously a shackle, I think it felt like freedom to her somewhat, too.

And if you think I’m going wildly off the rails here I want to talk about Laios’ wish of becoming a monster. And to be clear before getting into it, being mentally a monster is absolutely a big part of the appeal for Laios, it’s something that’s consistently referred to, something especially pointed out in the werewolf monster tidbit with Lycion. Right panel is from that, but left panel is from the extra with Izutsumi where Lycion talks about suppressing souls in a beastkin body, the human or the beast soul.

Finding comfort and freedom in being mindless, less sentient, less aware? While being unaware in her hometown might have saved Falin a lot of heartache although perhaps stunted her emotional growth, it’s always been Laios’ curse.

Actively, through his choices, he seeks to grow closer to people, to form deeper bonds, to understand and be undertood, but… On a deep seated level, what he desires is to leave humanity and civilization behind. He has an irrational hatred for humans, born from the trauma of ostracization, being different, being beaten up and rejected consistently through his life. Running away from problems is easier. He wants to be free from being a social animal from a social species who has deemed him the black sheep, he thinks it’d be simpler to just leave it all behind, people and his own humanity. At its core, to Laios becoming a monster is a power fantasy, a coping daydream of "if only I could be strong enough to never be hurt again, the power to destroy anything I want, the power to go somewhere better, if only it was possible for me to never feel hurt again. If only I could be someone, something, that can never be hurt". "If there’s someone you don’t like, you can gobble ‘em up in one bite. If you could fly, you’d be able to leave this village right now." It’s a childhood fantasy, from a deep sense of being misplaced and a desire to be able to stand fearless, thinly covering up resentment that Laios represses.

But you’ll notice, when the Winged Lion is enticing him in the last page, even now with his lifelong wish of becoming a monster on a silver plate, he still cares about his friends. He still has that sense of responsibility to his friends, doesn’t want to leave knowing they’ll be in danger and alone. The offer that his friends may be left unharmed is already good, but Laios also visibly flinches when the Winged Lion offers to specifically care after Marcille and rid her of her biggest fear. Laios’ care runs that deep. Not unlike with the succubus, he resists temptation until he gets reassured that everyone will be okay. But see, what he desires isn’t to stand alongside Marcille until her last days, it isn’t to stay and see how well his friends will live, it’s to go. It’s to leave. It’s to fly away, a monster both in body and mind. He wants to be free from caring here, wants to not have to worry about his friends, wants to just go do his own thing, but for that he needs to feel safe in the belief that said friends will be safe even without him being there to see it, because despite everything else he cares, he does. It’s again that dichotomy about caring and wishing you didn’t, or not caring and wishing you did.

In the end, it’s Falin who achieves that wish. Both by becoming a chimera during canon, and by going traveling post-canon. In the latter, being both free of human relationships as something chaining you while still being uplifted by them, by the knowledge that there are people out there you love and that love you. It’s a theme that can also be connected with Marcille, because she gets anxious over people she loves getting out of her sight, worrying they’ll get themselves killed, that time is passing while they’re away from her. But before she can get to the point where she can both have her freedom and being uplifted by her social bonds, regaining both her individuality and her connections, she has to get a taste of just one at a time. Before they can find balance in her life, she has to see what it’s like to have what she’s never had on its own. Unapologetic freedom, and power.

No one can blame you for not caring enough or caring right if you’re a fricking dragon!!!! You make the rules when you’re a beast and you can just… Fly away. From anywhere, from anything. And if a dog bites you you can just crush it. Instead of being pushed around by the dogs because you’re at the bottom of the hierarchy, you’re now at the top, the one with the power to be heard and do what you want without consequences.

I think she’s on autopilot. I think she’s on autopilot a lot of the time, even before being a chimera, and it’s partly why her will is so weak compared to regular dragons. (Again, read my shorter analysis.) It’s familiar to slip back into the role of following someone around unquestioningly. And that’s what is weaponized when she’s a chimera, that instinct she’s been nursing all her life to unconditionally support, defend and follow someone. Only now, that someone doesn’t matter in itself, only the symbol of it. She doesn’t mind, either way is fine. Her will is weak after all, because she’s trained it to take as little place as it could.

Falin cares too much

She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life.

So you’re probably seeing the duality I’m talking about here, Falin is very self-sacrificial but for specific people in ways that they often don’t recognize or appreciate. She cares but selectively, both in people, putting all her eggs in the same baskets, and in the ways she cares after them. She doesn’t care a lot, but when she does she cares a lot. Falin doesn't have a lot of earthly attachments, but when she does, they're her world.

In canon her arc, especially post-canon, is to grow beyond Marcille and Laios. Her caring for her close loved ones held her back from looking after her own self-fulfillment needs. And this is what I mean when I say she cares too much; she could gain from caring more about the world besides Laios and Marcille, both lands wise and people wise. She cares too little, but her arc centers her flaw around caring too much instead. Her pitfalls that Kui highlight over the course of the story, while of course her selflessness is appreciated for how she saved Laios and everyone, on a personal level is shown to be self-effacing and damaging. She’s undermined by Marcille, without the courage to voice her thoughts and wants, she would dedicate her whole life to Laios. And I mean, it’s text, in the response to Shuro’s proposal extra no less. And she’s so laser focused on her most loved people that she’s fine with being callous and risking others’ lives, even.

Post-canon, she needs to leave to find herself, away from them.

Herself. What if she wants to just be with herself for a while.

And this is me reaching but I feel like, not unlike Izutsumi who learns to feel this sense of never being alone, always having someone on your side what with having two souls, the dragon in her would make her consider herself more. She finds it easier to care after other people after all, and in the purgatory fields sequence she takes care to bring the bit of dragon left with her… Not unlike with Izutsumi, having two souls forces you to think about your identity and figure yourself out. Besides being this sort of duo now, where if she wants to care after herself she can channel it to that other side of her too… In meta dragons are symbols of greed, and I think the bit of dragon would push her to want more and listen more to her desires, primal and self-serving as they might be. The dragon soul which warped her human body with feathers and draconic features, her image of perfection marred, her weirdness externalized in a way that’s not palatable. But she doesn’t care, about if her appearance is palatable for most people, she hasn’t for a while now, and that’s great.

Notes & nuance

I’m struggling with the structure of this post, making my points organized, concise and strong at once. It’s difficult to make any statement without going "things are generally like this, but there’s this time that this contradicting thing happened too" or "it’s ambiguous enough that you should just follow my interpretation for the time of this analysis" haha, so this is the pit where I put all the stuff that wouldn’t fit well in other places but are interesting for Falin’s character. This section is pretty separate from the main thesis of the post, it’s just more Falin observations. The post has reached the 30 pics limit so I can’t just pull it up whenever it’s relevant but I really encourage scrolling up to read the stuff I highlighted in her Adventurer’s Bible profile if you haven’t already.

I think with the shy-looking loner type autistic kid archetype, and knowing she didn’t seem to mind others ostracizing her, it’s easy to lose sight of how she was by no means an unemotional child. In all the bits we see of her as a kid she’s bursting with energy and emotions. Canon confirms Laios leaving the village did affect her and make her lonely and she cried a lot, too. She may not be social in the traditional sense, but she was clingy with her brother, and she also never was all that shy about who she was, wearing her heart on her sleeve.And okay. Okay okay okay. Speaking of appearances. About what I said of her not caring about what people think of her, even seeming defiant with the caravan leader… There’s one istanxe of her caring actually, and it’s about how her face blushes easily. I remembered it as being because Laios’ said it and as I rambled Laios’ words are her world, but actually it’s ambiguous. It’s only Marcille imagining up this scenario where Laios says Falin looks weird because of it, there’s no evidence Laios said or thought that at any point. And on the other hand…

Her Adventurer’s Bible says: "5, Lovely Skin. She isn't particularly careful with it, but Falin's skin is fair and beautiful. Possibly as a result, her cheeks seem to flush easily. Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." The phrasing makes me think the complex she has over her blushing might have developed because of Marcille more than Laios. "Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." It could be related to how Marcille gets swept away and infantilizes her, calling her cute wanting her to wear cute feminine outfits etc. Again this feels like it relates to Falin’s struggle to be seen for who she is and what she wants to be seen as, her struggle to be recognized, having ideals and perspectives pushed onto her. Here Falin is insecure over her blushing implicitly because she doesn’t like being called cute over it, but that’s not how she wants people to see her. She doesn’t want Marcille to always see her as her 10 years old adorable friend. Like if your friend said you had puppy energy, it can be flattering, but it can also make you insecure.

Here’s a link to what I mentioned about her being uncomfortable wearing feminine outfits. It does seem to be more about comfort than the aesthetic perse, to me. Interestingly the shirt & shorts don’t seem like they show much more skin than her beach outfit, so maybe it’s more about the shirt and shorts being tight-fitting. Like the skirts and heels they feel stifling. Again a bit with themes of freedom and not wanting an aesthetic pushed onto her. So yes just to reiterate, I think this is more about self-affirmation and how her identity and self-image gets shown to others, rather than wishing to hide parts of her body like her blushing etc for people pleasing reasons. Makeup was a way for her to appear how she wants to and feel more confident. It was a way to take control over her own image. She didn’t keep doing it, the narrator stating the process to be ‘troublesome’. Ultimately she still prioritizes her comfort, and it was a lot of recurring efforts to go through.

And on the topic of appearances… A friend once asked me: "Does she really hide herself or not? I keep thinking about "falin is herself first and foremost" (in her Adventurer’s Bible profile) it’s just so. Hmmmmmmmm... I just keep seeing people say she hides her real self from people when I feel like the issue is more about her charitable traits straying too far into becoming flaws but people around her dont realize that..."

Imo the thing is, I don’t think she hides her identity, but I do think she suppresses her individuality for others’ sakes if that makes sense. In the way that only post-canon does she allows herself to go see what the world is like, but that’s not personality wise it’s needs and wants wise. And I do feel like that’s the closest interpretation of canon, she says it herself she doesn’t know what she wants because everything she’s done was always about Laios or Marcille, but she doesn’t change her demeanor or personality for others. But she *will*, like, not ask for things she wants directly, like sharing lunches with Marcille at the academy, she suppresses her wants, doesn’t ask things from people and doesn’t hope for more, hope for better. I don’t think we ever see her actively repress her personality, except like what, being more laidback than enthusiastic but I do feel like unlike Laios with her it’s less ‘appearing stoic to fit in more’ and more ‘yeah i’ll just chill until I’m needed or something activates my enthusiasm’. To which said friend quoted: "to feel like you belong you need to be useful. when you can’t be useful the next best thing is being convenient."

And speaking of passivity… I want to speculate about Shuro’s proposal some more. Shuro and her got along well though we don’t know how much, or how often they hung out, she even saved him from a nightmare. Why did she take so long answering Shuro’s proposal? Was it an effort to preserve or was she really just that conflicted? Procrastination probably yes, but what is the core motivation of itl Considering she ended up saying no to travel the world instead, I don’t think it was as simple as ‘she wanted to say yes for convenience’. Logically it’s what would have been best, but it’s not what she wanted for herself, but it was and still is hard for her to even know what she wants. Probably, since like she states it was a great offer and she doesn’t think she’ll get proposed to again, it’s that self-effacing tendency that yes it’d be convenient and logical, and that makes her want to say yes even if her spirit isn’t in it, because if it’s convenient then that’s more important than her feelings on the matter. Man also… Obviously Marcille is very vocal about how she shouldn’t get with Shuro, but imagine how Falin’s whole perspective on marriage must have felt when her only friend ever is a Romantic with a capital R who gushes about idealized romances and grand gestures and True Love and doing things with fully pure feelings all the time.

AND speaking of passivity!!! How much Falin is "there" as the chimera, just how much she’s master of her actions, is left ambiguous and intentionally so imo, but she’s for sure there & influencing the dragon’s action to some degree. Having a dragon’s foot on her in purgatory that keeps her from moving for sure visualizes how it must have been like, but there’s Falin calling out to her brother Laios, there’s the kind attentions towards Thistle that are so Falin-like, and most explicitly there’s the Adventurer’s Bible stating "Even after becoming a chimera, she has a soul that's as kind as ever", which I honestly dislike, a fantranslation puts it as "Even as the chimera, her caring nature remains" and either way to me it feels like confirmation that it’s her giving those berries to Thistle. Now, wether or not she has the mental capacity of a chicken or something closer to human Falin, no clue, there has to at least be some kind of mind bond between monsters and the dungeon lord, compelling or forcing them to go along with orders, or calling her to him in distress like with the fight on the first floor. But yes, it’s interesting to wonder what it is that a Falin, with her kind soul but without her human mind, would willingly do. On her profile, she’s described as Thistle’s guardian and servant. The power dynamic between the two are very interesting, I already went into how it might have felt like freedom to her while being fake so I’ll reign myself in and just mention it again. She’s still at the heel of someone, only now it’s someone who doesn’t care about her back. Going from being cared for so strongly that it’s suffocating and they would defy death and the world for you, to being devoted to someone who has not one feeling about you besides your utility as a paw . She has all this care to give and to focus onto others and he has none to send back to her and I think that’s part of it. In a way, being left with only her own feelings and a void, without expectations or feelings or ideals pushed onto her, it might have been soothing in itself, and eye opening. But yes the way I think of it, her care for Thistle isn’t unlike the care she gives the ghosts.

Interestingly, the care she extends for the ghosts is sending their soul to a peaceful death, freeing them, of life and any earthly attachment. Take that as you will with the themes of freedom and burden of life and mind, immortality and becoming a warped version of who you were, and such and such.

But going back on the topic of connections and bonds for a bit, I think academy days Falin & Marcille is super interesting bc we’ve never really see Falin form a connection besides with Marcille and even that is kept pretty ambiguous. When was the point that Falin started seeing Marcille as a friend and seeking her out? When was the "I’ll lay down my life for you" point? I’m so fascinated by how she wanted to share lunches with Marcille but never truly asked, only made little "hey want this? I found it isn’t it cool?" gestures of showing things to her… It’s the only way she knows to ask, or maybe it’s the only way she feels comfortable to. In all the scenes of young Falin and Marcille Falin seems comfortable in her friendship with Marcille, but at the same time… I think we see Falin at her most insecure around Marcille, because she really does care about Marcille and what she thinks of her so much, and while Marcille is a bit of an unstoppable force tornado style (affectionate) Falin is something of a doormat. I’d usually say showing her berries was her earnest way to connect and be like "Hey bestie look at this! :]" , but there’s a real possibility that she was self-conscious and holding herself back.

Friendship and Marcille! Involving Laios into this too but, again with the autism thing of not showing you care in ways that others understand, Marcille being very overtly affectionate and clingy was so so soo important… Marcille keeping on hanging out with Falin and caring after her, and being undeterred/unbothered by Falin not always seeming like she cares all that much back in the conventional way, as in Falin acts nonchalant and a bit like she didn’t mind wether she was there with her or not during her outings to the cave dungeon. Caring and being clingy and so affectionate despite that in such a classic Marcille way is soo needed, because so often people will get discouraged by say, their friend not keeping in contact regularly/well, seeming disaffected or as happy-go-lucky as ever even if you haven’t seen each other in a while or when they’re alone, and yes there’s potential for a strong friendship there but someone like Falin won’t be committed enough to reciprocating attention the same way… I hope I’m making sense but yes this angle in particular strongly correlates to autism. And the way Marcille always initiates physical affection, both Toudens being awkward about initiating touch because they don’t know if that’s allowed, if they’re going about the social interaction the right way, if they’re allowed to ask that out of someone…

Another fun observation to make is about the 4 years Falin and Marcille spent apart. Marcille despite being of a long-lived race treated these 4 years of separation with more gravity than Falin did. Falin brushed it off very dismissively to say the least. But then you remember that the amount of time Falin and Laios didn’t see each other after he left the village was 8 years. Double the years, double the time. And that reminder makes Falin’s actions so starkingly understandable. Of course she wouldn’t see 4 years of separation as a long time if 8 years of separation with her beloved brother is her point of comparison. Of course she’d see it as worth it to leave Marcille for 4 years if it meant ending those 8 years instead, especially if she was worried about him (the reason why she followed him into his caravan job).

A friend always says that while Falin is the center of Marcille’s world, Laios’ is at the center of Falin’s, and I tend to agree.

It’s fun to think of how her career dreams had always been shaped by Laios, even when they were kids. Of course there’s how traveling the world began as a dream they talked about and shared, but there’s how he reassures her by listing cool jobs she could do like traveling exorcist, etc. And then of course, she gave up on her magic academy and career path to follow him and do odd jobs, etc etc.

I should go into the violence of Faligon more tbh, because I think there’s an interesting parallel to how she has no problem wacking things with a mace, wether a ghost when she was a kid or a walking mushroom as an adult. Something that often surprises fans when they remember, I don’t really want to get into the whole " Falin hates violence and hates seeing people in pain to an intense degree. ‘If you die do it somewhere where I can’t see’ style’ interpretation, it has some weight but on the whole I don’t vibe with the theory she has a particular aversion to violence, she seems to be fine resorting to it as much as any other adventurer as long as it isn’t needlessly against ghosts. And Falin’s sudden mace hits are fun to me too because it’s not her becoming a berserker when the need arises as much as her becoming active because something she cares about is threatened, and that brings her out of her passivity from 99% of the rest of the time. Thistle included. Falin always could be violent, she just dislikes senseless carnage. The Shuro party vs chimera fight is a bit ambiguous on it, because you can argue she only attached after being provoked, presumably offscreen as well while the ninjas went off to fight the harpies. Falin becomes the most active when she needs to protect someone, she has no qualms doing whatever’s needed for that, wether it be leaving the academy & Marcille without notice no matter the consequences or what her parents think, or teleporting the party, etc.

I’m working on a post specifically pointing out all the differences between Falin and Laios, but yes I think both of them selfishly desire freedom in different yet similar ways. Falin’s dark secret is "Ethics and risks are optional if it means I can protect those I love" like the teleportation, and Laios’ is "Ethics and risks are optional if I can be free of all this bullshit" aka humanity aka his wish with the winged lion.

Conclusion

Flighted birds have hollow bones. With freedom and wings there comes risks and sacrifices.

Tldr: Falin doesn’t care all that much, she’s very go with the flow. For example if someone hates her she doesn’t really care because that’d require her caring about what they think of her in the first place, and she only cares about her loved ones. She smiles, but it’s more a state of being rather than out of active goodness: she’s canonically very genuinely kind, but it’s more out of a general want for pleasantness than active care itself. She’s passive, and softspoken because that’s just how she seems, but she has no problem hopping into bushes or getting heated if something calls to her enthusiasm or calls for action and a hit of the ol’ mace. Her loved ones needing tending or protective is what makes her go from passive to active. That familiar autopilot mode of making someone the center of her world and following their every move is what made her so easy to be controlled as the chimera, even ferociously defending him with her life. Faligon is most interesting to me with the theme of freedom. She’s shackled to Thistle and out of her mind, but there’s also a sense of empowerment and freedom from expectations and society. She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life. There’s a way of caring after others that can be selfish, not unlike Marcille being overly coddling and not listening to Falin. In Falin’s case, I think it was so selfless that it ended up looping back around to erasing her sense of self. In losing sight of herself, that devotion becoming neither quite selfish or selfless but a fact of life and a state of nature, muddled by its lack of direction.

She’s sooo used to never being able to ask things out of others, you get the crumbs of affection and approval that others offer to you unprompted and that’s it don’t hope for more don’t ask for more. (Also reflected in how she follows her loved ones around without complain or personal opinions and how she’s not willing to rock the boat and affirm herself in her relationships like with Marcille during canon)

Falin cares so much, so much and so laser focused on her few loved ones that it blinds her and she loses sight of everything else, she ends up neglecting herself and the rest of the world. As Kui puts it, Falin is herself first and foremost. She just had to remember the importance of that.

-

I see her as an enneagram 9, which can be surprisingly accurate and fun to research through the lense of Falin. Excerpt below from this book, but like my god, good way to put it

That’s it, ty for reading. Even if it’s a bit of a mess, hopefully you’ll have gained a thing or two from it. Falin is a character hard to pin down, but it is very gratifying when you find the way that the puzzle pieces fit together right for your own understanding of the story. Fantranslation of the shuro proposal comic by @/thatsmimi here.

Here’s my spotify playlist for her if you’d like

Sometimes love is about letting go, a lesson a lot of the cast needed to learn. Self-love’s important too, and just like with diets we need a healthy balance.

[transhualians]

the human mind is truly such a fascinating thing bc why do I find the fictional idea of being a tradwife for my f/o appealing but if you made me be a tradwife irl i would kill you and burn your body

[sunflower-trails]

Sometimes i think about the books I wanna/am writing, and worry im not putting enough diversity in them. This is in multiple forms; race, body type, disabilities, etc, etc. Then I remember that I have a lot of them down, but don't think about it often. I mean, i think the disability thing is the main issue for me (which is funny bc I am disabled myself lol.)

But, like,

Alton Company: Main character (Fox) is an athletically-built straight young woman of an unknown mixed race

The Call of Divinity: Main character (Divine) is a underweight, aroace, autistic, white teen boy.

FairyTale: Main character (Maisy) is a chubby black girl, who is undecided in her sexuality bc she literally 8yo.

Mind you! This doesn't account at all for bg or side characters!! I really just need to work on my disability rep (I think, lol)!!

[dungeonmeshi-confessions]

I wanna do more kabumisu positivity following that other anon. it really brightened my day so much.

bc really I dont want to bash other ships to lift mine up!!! and I actually also really love and respect labru, and know the majority of labru shippers arent Like That, just like most kabumisu shippers arent Like That. every group has some annoying, loud, opinionated people and they dont represent the average person who likes the ship, you know? I would love to see some labrus follow suit and send in some positivity as well!!! If the positivity keeps going I will come in here and post all my fave things about labru, labru art, and labru shippers as a kabumisu. lets ditch the bitching and hold hands instead!

anyway, some reasons I really love kabumisu

- as a neurodivergent disabled person dating another neurodivergent person, this is like. THE couple to me. and like its not just about mithrun being taken care of. taking care of mithrun actively helps kabru be more mindful of his own needs. In my life, I may struggle to feed myself, but I can make breakfast if my partner is hungry. other times she may do the same for me, it depends on who is doing worse.

-they both struggle with insomnia also

-from everything we've seen, pre-dungeon mithrun wasn't entirely dissimilar to kabru (high masking people pleaser) and thats Fascinating to me.

-kabru's job seems pretty stressful (no matter how much fulfillment it brings him, its a lot of responsibility for one person!) so I feel like coming home to that one guy he can take his mask off around and not even have to try and impress must be such a huge relief. also add mithrun with cooking experience to this, making kabru a nice meal after a long day of work.

-Mithrun is actually very perceptive and sees straight through kabru's bs multiple times and doesn't hesitate to call him out. Laios isnt the only character that forces kabru to be honest. ("unless theres someone else?" "theres someone you want to tell that story to.") mithrun is also the one who gives kabru the information he's been seeking this whole time.

-I am very interested in exploring mithruns whole desire situation. what desires does he gain? I think it is probably a lot of little ones that weave together. oh also I think sometimes things may seem more mithrun centric bc in any story where he is going to end up in a relationship he is going to have a much more dynamic arc than whoever he is paired with. literally dynamic as in like. he requires a lot more growth to achieve the outcome. and there are ways to skip it or gloss through it but. a lot of these stories require that in some way you show the progress has happened.

-to me, kabumisu is more often queeplatonic than romantic. but Im aroace so that could just be my aroace glasses. ALSO kabru is vaguely aro to me. you mean the guy thats super desirable that doesnt really seem interested in anyone particular outside of pursuing friendship? that guy? (also the way he did rin omfg)

-random but I dont think kabrus PTSD is talked about enough and also like the extent of his trauma. its not just utaya/monsters/his mom dying; its being raised by a single mother, its his blue eyes, its being adopted, its being raised by an elf, etc!!!! a lot of things he does bc of ptsd get attributed to autism (I also hc kabru as autistic, and some is symptom overlap. but it is secondary to the ptsd! he is traumatized first and foremost ty) I really love kabru so much. ty for the ptsd rep <3

-also out here to say I know an amount of kabumisu content is mithrun centric. I will tell you from my pov specifically though its bc I deeply relate to mithrun (as someone who once told a therapist many years ago I desired nothing and truly meant it. she said I was like a puppet without strings. of course I saw mithrun and was like. oh.) and Im in love with kabru. kabru reminds me of all the people who gave me a reason to pull through. people who saw good in me and treated me like a person when I didnt feel like one. I also really relate to kabru though as someone with complex trauma, even if my traumas are not the same. thats why I say I think not enough is attributed to his ptsd. anyway, once I just opened a notebook and wrote kabrus name over and over again with hearts. I have never done this to mithrun. so dont tell me kabumisus dont like kabru !!!

-kabru and mithrun are both so gender. Ive seen so many variants on their gender and gender expression in the ship. some people hate this and insist they must be one way or the other. I think theyre neat lots of different ways. I love when theyre both feminine men. I love when mithrun is super masc. I love when theyre butch4butch. I love when theyre both trans. and so much more. its all beautiful. a very good variety of food. the other day on my dash I had a tallman art of mithrun with the biggest tits imaginable and the very next post he was like a little porcelain doll. keep up the good work guys. I love you.

.

[unh0lyhum4n]

Btw finding sex/romance repulsive is a very personal thing. It’s not always about religious guilt or being a “prude”.

as personal example, I find it to be one of the most uncomfortably invasive things/ boring ways to spend my time I can think of and I’ve thought that since I gained consciousness. I was not SA’d or 🍇’d. I hate talking about it, seeing it EVERYWHERE, it being seen as a #1 priority to be a person,etc. I TRIED romance. Every time I knew I was lying to myself to be normal and make someone else feel better about themselves.

is it bc I’m aroace? Obviously. Is it bc I’m autistic? Shit probably. All I’m saying is I’ve never gotten my heart broken over a slobbering meat sack waste of carbon and let it absolutely ruin me. I’ve never wasted my time on this shitty spinning rock whining over losing virginity or having a first kiss, getting married/ having kids and it being my defining personality trait.

What I am NOT saying is that I hate people for doing what they want with their own lives and bodies. I do not give a singular roaches coochie hair about other people and their decisions. But the SECOND you judge me for being a buzzkill or boring or having no life or whatever you have to say about my decisions, I genuinely hope that you choke and I WILL be pissing on your grave.

But on the other hand I am in love with and would fuck garlic bread if I could

[buried-in-autumn-leaves]

Reintroducing myself yet again bc there's a lot more people following this page than I remember hiiii 😁

My name is Wynter ! I do hoard some other names that I think are silly, which are listed here. I also have a carrd !! It's pretty cute I think, so click here to see that :) My pronouns are They/Them, and I am an aroace trans lesbian ! I'm 19, graduated over a year ago now 😁

I am an author (or at least, trying to be). I have multiple projects in the works rn, which I post about on my other blog, @wynter-joy It's been inactive for a bit, but I'm hoping as summer ends I'll have more motivation to write.

I am autistic, so I do have issues like reading the tones of some conversations. Feel free to like correct me if I misunderstand something. I don't completely understand the way the community differentiates between hyperfixations and special interests, but the medias that like no joke define my personality are Ducktales 2017 (6 years) and Our Life/XOXO Droplets (just over a year).

While this blog is pretty general, I basically only post about Our Life/XOXO Droplets right now. Faves include Baxter, Pran, and Tamarack <3

I have a lot of ocs !! I have a list of them in this post, and once I have an introduction post for all of them, I'll link them in that post so it's like easier to navigate.

I LOVE character analysis, so expect a lot of long posts that likely will only make some semblence of sense. Other than that, my askbox is always open, and I hope you don't mind me absolutely invading your dash once a week when I go on a posting spree :)

[etherealspacejelly]

my parents dont get my autism or my transness or my aroaceness

they dont get that im not trying to be rude or selfish or whatever but they think i am

they dont get dysphoria

they keep asking me if i have crushes or a boyfreind

they dont get that if the foods bad ill refuse to eat it

they dont get sensory issues or food issues

they dont get that the internet is a safer place to talk about my emotions than they ever will be

they dont get how much effort i put into trying to be normal for them

they dont get anthing

they keep trying to force me to spend time with them playing board/card games which i hate and they know i hate

they keep messing up my pronouns

one of my dads "insprational" speeches was your not flat, you'll never be flat so give up.

when i first came out my mum said "why cant you just be a lesbian instead of nonbinary or whatever?"

they say i cant call myself trans bc i don't want to be a boy

they dont get how much periods suck even tho they dont hurt

theres probably more but i cant remember it rn

any advice would be helpful

maybe ill run away and live somewhere better for me but i can think of a place

hey anon. unfortunately im not sure how to help you with the autism or aroace stuff myself, even though i am aroace and autistic my mum doesnt really understand either of those and i havent been able to reach that point yet. we have just taken to not talking about it, which is much easier now that i have moved out.

however! i do have something for you that might help! i made a powerpoint about transness for my mum that did help to convince her that being trans is a real and valid thing to be.

i cant link to it on here because it would reveal my full name publicly but you can just make your own! i included facts about the percentage of trans kids that experience anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, and how gender affirming care significantly lowers those numbers. all of this was taken from the trevor project website!

i also included some stuff about transgender people across history and in different cultures.

i finished it off with a slide about the transgender genocide currently taking place in america and spreading to the UK.

you could make versions of these for autism and aspec people too!

im very sorry that you are experiencing so much invalidation and misunderstanding from your family, i understand how that feels. i hope this technique can help you to teach them a bit about your identities. most of the time when people say mean things about an identity, it is simply because they are misinformed. getting angry and upset is perfectly understandable, but it may make them feel even more antagonised and justified in their bigotry. explaining things to them calmly and simply, with graphs, diagrams, and real data can work wonders.

good luck!

[extravagantturtles]

About Me 👁️👁️

“🎶I am not a person, I’m three possums in a coat. 🎶And we like to claim it’s Gucci, But we got it from a goat, 🎶Say it’s vintage or it’s avant-garde,🎶Whatever boats your float. 🎶I don’t care, I’m not a person, I’m three possums in a coat🎶” -/ref

Uhhhh so I’m not gonna say my name on here, but my first initial is L and that has worked for several conversations so far if u want to use that.

Pronouns: Well, fuck. I swear I had those around here somewhere, I- goddammit this is why we can’t have nice things…

Sorry if any of this gets repetitive or redundant…

I’ll be using my favorite songs as dividers from here on out:

To the best of my knowledge, only one of my irl friends (commonly known as E or DangerVA) is on tumblr and friendly arguments with them make up most of my blog.

You have been warned.

DNI:

The usual. If you’re an asshole and on most people’s DNI list, I probably don’t want u here either.

More may be added if necessary

Boundaries:

No flirting please.

I’m aroace so you do you, but don’t do me.

I’m spiritually ambiguous and not looking to convert.

That being said, I can and will participate in or start *RESPECTFUL* discussions of religion, usually for curiosity’s sake.

Tone indicators are encouraged, but not necessary

Please take a moment to think about your words before anonymous anything. Once again, I am a minor, but I am not above making a grown-adult cry.

Also, if anything on my blog doesn’t seem morally correct or you’re wondering about my wording or anything like that, don’t hesitate to let me know. I’m always happy to reconsider a topic, unless I say otherwise. You can message me and we can discuss/clarify.

More will probably be added.

Now for the Fun Stuff: (There may be some overlap)

Interests:

Space/Astronomy, psychology, sociology, language/communication, art, religion

🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌

Hobbies:

Fiber arts (knitting, crochet, embroidery, macrame, bracelets, etc.) Most forms of crafts (clay, origami, sculpture, anything that comes to mind with crafts) singing to myself, writing sometimes, Drawing (traditional style), reading (more may be added)

🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌

Fandoms/Favorites:

The Magnus Archives, The Mechanisms, Epic: The Musical, Percy Jackson, Camp Here and There, Six of Crows, Good Omens, MCU, Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, Murder Drones (by association)

🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌

Music:

Epic: The Musical, Hozier, Chappell Roan, The Mechanisms, Steam Powered Giraffe (kinda) Fish in a Birdcage (kinda), Will Wood and the Tapeworms, CALYPSO, Arctic Monkeys, Rabbitology, The Oh Hellos, The Crane Wives, Ghost BC, The Amazing Devil

🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌

Fun facts:

I’m probably autistic but not diagnosed lol. I’m from that one country that doesn’t shut up. Feel free to recommend shows, books, music, etc. No guarantees on anything tho. Uhhh I feel like I need more stuff here but I’ve covered most of it so have a turtle: 🐢

🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌

I’ve said this several times already but this post will almost certainly update/change over time.

[faceless-is-a-mess]

⚠️THIS ACC CONTAINS: SA MENTION, A LOT OF SH, CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS, ED, ABUSE, ATTACHMENT ISSUES, SUI IDEATION, GR00MING MENTION, ETC, so, if you're sensitive with this topics, don't read the shit I'm gonna publish here pffft ⚠️

NSFW ACCOUNT (MDNI) @faceless-is-on-fire

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ Hiiiii! I'm Faceless or Facel! I'm a cute cat mentally fucked up, probably a sociopath tho ^^

҂ 🥩𓂃 ⋆ I'm a boy! 🏳️‍⚧️ ^^

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ I'M NOT A CANNIBAL!!!! I'm just someone who enjoys the pain (NOT IN A SEXUAL WAY!!!)

҂ 🥩𓂃 ⋆ I love scene, emo, goth, Y2K, Gyaru, softcore/cutegore, Jirai and weirdcore/dreamcore!

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ aroace!

҂ 🥩𓂃 ⋆ i have 96 18 years old

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ I'm too soft, really, but I can be a bitch sometimes ^^💧

҂ 🥩𓂃 ⋆ Disorders? a lot, but mostly bdp, cptsd, bipolar and ed oh and also I'm autistic and have ADHD! nothing diagnosed yet!

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ i don't have problems with nsfw or kink accounts, feel free to interact ig (just don't be a weirdo pls)

҂ 🥩𓂃 ⋆ anyone can interact with my acc, but if you're really sensitive... i recommend you go away bc there's a lot of strong shit here-

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ Leaving aside how fucking insane I am, I like to draw, making plushies and baking/cooking! X3

҂ 🥩𓂃 ⋆ Yes! You can reblog, ask, whatever, I love attention! just be respectful and everything is okay ^^

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE IF YOU WANT TO TRY TO "HEAL ME", I don't need your stupid empty words of "Go to therapy!" "you need to know more people!" "your family loves you!" or worse, "god can help you", I DON'T NEED YOUR RELIGIOUS SHIT, GET OUT!!!

҂ 🥩𓂃 ⋆ If you find the content of this blog disturbing... please just block me, don't report, this is my safe place and prevent me from going crazy and k1ll1ng myself ^^💧

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ if you sexualizes the pain, sh, cannibalism, traumas or the suffering... leave me alone and stay away from me ^^

҂ 🥩𓂃 ⋆ if you're someone who thinks that sh is stupid and unnecessary and it can heal easily... Fucking block me, I don't want to see your stupid and disgusting bubble of privileges here <3

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ Oh! yes, you can DM me! (just don't be a weirdo) but uuuhhh sometimes I late a little to answer tehee ^^💧

—MY ANON EMOJIS ARE ✂️🪡/ 🪚🐈

>> BASIC DNI, PED0, GR00M3R, ZOO, ANTI-THERIAN/TOONIAN, PEOPLE WHO MADE FUN OF SH, PEOPLE WHO SEXUALIZES SH/G0R3/PAIN, CHRISTIANS (Only if you're a extremely religious) <<

— MY TAGS !!

#faceless post! 🪚 post, art, edits

#faceless is talking! ✂️ when I talk about things that aren't vents, random things

#faceless answers! 🪡 when I answer a question

#faceless reblog! 🪓 when I reblog things!

[roykiller07]

crappy art dump bc i feel the need 2 establish me and my friendy's ocs on this platform bc im probs gonna end up posting about them a lot and i love them and i will make everybody on earth love them also

open for sillies :3

darleneee!!!!!!! my silly this drawing does not do her justice but she is a 13 yr old lesbian (she/her) and 🔥suthern. she is thr coolest oc i have ever had any part in creating and her lore consumes my mind daily and i am gnawing at the bars of my enclosure containing myself from infodumping abt her and the rest of them all the time until the comic my bestie and me r making w them starts coming out but im posting this oc stuff here on purpose to motivate myself to actually draw it by summer so u guys will not be safe for long. shes a virgo 💖

starria delaunchey my sweetie pie her design has actually developed a lot since this piece she has completely different hair now and all sorts of stuff i mean i dont think she even plays hockey anymore but the essence remains the same 💗she is ALSO a 13 yr old lesbian (she/they) and she and darlene r in a long term loving relationship so get ur starlene fanart started asap pwease and thank yew. if im gonna list the zodiac signs for all of them then starria is an aquarius.....

fun fact she is the oldest oc of all 4 she was the very first to ever be created !!

matty! matisse! mat! he is stars half brother and they are bffs and he is the most peculiar fella on the planet and is lowkey my fav tied w syd but i practically never draw him bc i am like. intimidated and so bad at replicating what we actually want him to look like😞 i have no clue bleh but hes the one with the full torso and hes a sagittarius like meeee!!!!!! hes 13 too and a transmasc aroace with he him pronounce

this is syd my stupid idiot i love her w all my heart.same thing as matty i have barely ever drawn her ever bc im like scared to but shes basically leonardo ninja turtle 2018 if he was mikey batman vs the tmnt edition and also donatello 2023 all at the same time (very normal points of reference yes). his only flaw is hes a libra

he is a 13 year old bigender bisexual (she/he) and also btw every single one of them is autistic because we can

WE ALSO HAVE MIN!!!!!!! shes the best character but i have literally almost never drawn her ever let alone RECENTLY with a REMOTELY up to date design so the only information yall get about her is shes a cancer

the comic is called honeysuckle and/or cheriton creek bc we changed it recently but we still tend to refer to the overall project as honeysuckle so oh well deal w it

BE A FAN NOW (pointing gun)

[kociepierogi]

Hello! I’m your LOST secret Santa! Could you tell me about your favourite character and why you like them?

Thanks!

Hi, I'm sorry for late reply but I'm out on a trip rn!!

So, I could say that I have three fav characters; Sayid, Mr Eko and Ben.

I like Sayid bcs he's both so perfect and imperfect. He's literally the most beautiful man on the whole island who respects women and always has right opinions (let's ignore his past, okay 🤪). What is fascinating for me in his character, that I can very easily read him from his face and body language and as an autistic person, most of the time I find it incredibly hard. (Maybe it's time to slap another autism headcanon on my fav character 😆).

He's beautifully soft, caring and emotional, very intelligent and knows his shit about things. I very much have instinct to protect this man at all cost, though I know it would probably be the other way around 😆😆😆

I also very often find it fascinating when a character has a dark past although clearly being a good person and still struggling with some horrible stuff (let's ignore what they did to him in season 5/6 😭😭😭). It's like... the nuance, mixed emotions and lots of space to do some tasty psychoanalysis 👁👁 In the end, we see what his character is about and it's very much about how sOFT and caring he is to people he loves, he just wants to protect them ;u; But he was forced by war to go to extreme measures to survive and he is stuck with this survival mode and trauma for a long time, as people with pstd are.

He's a lovely friend, partner and ally to have and I like to headcanon him to be on the ace spectrum, like demisexual and biromantic (just my personal little headcanon 🤭). Idk, he's just neat 🤲💖

When it comes to Ben, I love how horrible he is, it fascinates me without the end 😆😆 He's clearly someone who has ptsd and might be autistic with some absolutely horrible coping mechanisms and jealousy problems. He's pathetic in a way that makes me hooked, whenever we find some humanity behind all of that and someone yET again gives him another chance (as they usually shouldn't, but I would do the same because I am delulu). The part in the finale in afterlife, when he was in this ridiculously adorable teachers AU with Locke made me love him even more, bcs it showed what kind of person he could be, if all of this bad stuff with island wouldn't happen. I love to headcanon him as autistic and gay aroace or asexual gay or just gay. He clearly would have many little passions if he wouldn't be occupied with the island bullshit and his ptsd. He's clearly a father at his very core, the one that is not rotten with fear and jealousy. He seems to just care sm for others in this AU. (And he clearly would have some interesting close friendship with Locke with nice sprinkle of gayness 👀)

Normally he's a horrible person with tragic story but I am a Benjamin Linus apologist 100%, love that he got his little redemption arc at the end and got domesticated by Hurley 😆 He might as well get it after all this mess and trauma with island and Jacob vs Black Smoke bullshit, like wHY not

The third option is Mr Eko and his incredibly relatable struggle with religion. Again, another character that I headcanon as autistic, like VERY much. The way he perceives world and communicates 🤌 I'm always weak for character whose stories are about survival, trauma and like in this case, religious trauma. Even though myself I came out in the end to be agnostic, I admire his strength to stay spiritual and become a priest. He's someone who's strong and someone to look up to for advice. Though, he shouldn't have to be forced to be so strong by awful trauma he went through.

I absolutely LOVED the way he perceived his spirituality and concept of sin. The way he said he asks for no forgiveness, because he only did what he did to survive. And that struck me, I was like WOAH, THAT'S IT. I am really sad that his character was killed off and we never saw where they would go with it, it would be so sO interesting. A badass priest with awfully dark past 🤌 His attachment to brother is very relatable to me too. And yet again, another aroace headcanon 😆

Anyway, sorry for long ramble, hope that helps a bit!!!

[mentally-ill-inkling]

!! INTRO POST/MASTER POST !!

Updated [2024/09/27]

Hello !!!

My name is icarus, I'm 17, im canadian and bipoc, my pronouns are it/he, I'm agender and aroace

I like color coded things to make it easier to read and have a mini sheet on which color belong to which characters, i use green on myself bc that's my favorite color! I will abuse using the purple and green color bc they look nice together, i think-

I often do get anxious when interacting with people (irl and online) so it takes awhile for me to respond i do apologize for that and am working on it

I'm autistic & my special interest has been ut/utmv since undertale came out ! (I've been here for the horrors.)

Im multifandom (utmv, bleach, the sunbearer trials, bsd, doctor who, genshin impact, i mostly just play it i never interact with the fandom tho-) but I mostly am interacting with the utmv fandom at the moment !

I write and draw whenever I can !! Im not good at etheir despite doing it for years, I do it for fun tho !!

The only thing i ask is you be respectful and kind !!

I have decided to have tags for certain things to keep it in order for my liking and for people to find what they're looking for better

Tags !!

#inkling rants - for when I rant about certain characters I like and my veiw on certain characters/things in fandom spaces

#inkling reblogs [fandom/character] - for my reblogs

#inkling draws [fandom/character] - for when I do draw fanart, it will speficy which character/fandom it's from depending on context

#inkling draws - same as the fanart one but for original art

#inkling writes [fandom] - for any fanfics i write, it will be posted here and other writing sites i use

#inkling writes - same as the fanfic one but for original works

#inkling vented - this will be used for anything like vent art to general vents, block this tag if you wish to not see it

#inkling yaps - for any yapping that isn't specific to any one group

#inkling whumps - for my whumptober, it'll have the year attached to it

whumptobers

whumptober 2024

[whumpshaped]

are you religious? On account of all the recent bible posting. I'm not Christian myself but I have to hand it to them, the whole "eating Jesus's body and drinking his blood" is really cool

im actually not! well. idk. reading the bible and talking abt it rly makes me wanna be christian again.

tl;dr i am considering accepting jesus christ into my heart but i dont know if itll happen bc whenever i type or say anything slightly religious i cringe or make it into a joke. also sorry to any christian who finds my bible posting

i was raised catholic, went to church and bible study for 3 yrs, did my first communion, then dipped bc it was horrid. i was so so against being catholic u cannot imagine. i was against church, i was against begging some man in the sky for mercy, i was against their gay policy, i was against saying my pets had no soul- i was against absolutely everything except some bops in church

then i had my first big voluntary christian phase at 13-14 in which i drew more towards protestantism and attempted to read the bible cover to cover (i failed but theres a lot that i read.) i went to a lutheran hs for 2 yrs in seventh and eighth grade so that mightve influenced it tho i HATED monday morning worship at 7am and i cant believe its still happening even tho ppl routinely fainted and shit. bc u have to stand. the whole time

i also wanted to be a nun for a goooood while but turns out im just aroace and autistic (chastity and rigid rules sounds amazing to me huh)

so im 21 now and i started writing my angel demon story and i wanted to make heaven a cult like dystopia (and it turned into my own ranting at some points) and i wanted to give cassael actual bible-accurate problems. bible-accurate brainwashing lol it came to me because something i said abt them either on here or in rp made me remember that verse abt the yoke and stuff (my yoke is easy and my burden is light) and i was like wait i should read the bible and pick out the whumpiest worst most horrid most easy to misinterpret and turn horrible verses. so here i am.

but then i got rly rly into it. its remarkably easy to enjoy the story when im not reading the 1908 károli translation and spending all my spoons untangling the wording. and the thing is, i was always spiritual yknow. thats why i bounced so much between faiths and beliefs. ive followed the law of assumption stuff for a year or so now, i had genuine results from it- honestly everything i believed in has yielded good results for me always. whether it be christianity or paganism or loa. when i read the bible i DO feel loved even thru the incredible amount of horrid shit god does lol i felt loved at 13 and i feel loved now. so idk. im withholding judgement until i finish reading it but honestly nobody be surprised if i go back to my christian bs before the semester starts

oh thats another thing. im miserable lmao so not very hard for god to swoop in and be like hey do u wanna talk abt ur lord and saviour. me.

but im not rly gonna change in any way even if i do decide that tho, i think. my policy is already "be kind do good leave others alone". i dont think im gonna get preachy on here or anything. i mean has anyone seen much vegan posting from me? so i think im good

so . yea. sorry it turned into such a long post

[frostbite-the-bat]

I GET WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT THE PERIDOT THING. I used to roleplay her on animal jam and it literally changed my identity forever gaga me loved her so much

THATS SO BASED LIKE?? SHE FR CHANGED ME AS WELL BUT OK THIS GONNA BE A LONG ONE ILL USE THIS TIME TO RAMBLE

OK BUT NO LIKE i grew up with steven universe like i got into it in s1 like shoooortly before jailbreak and all that stuff. but i wasn't THAT into it until we got more peridot centric episodes in season 2 and i instantly just became really attached to her

i'd always call her just like me and i'd draw her on my stuff sometimes and even draw my sona dressed in themed clothing after peridot and my old discord name even WAS peridot. i'd even pick up things she does and you fucking know i'd go around going "nye hehehehehehe!!" like her laugh. i even painted a triangular rock to look like peridot and sometimes when i felt bad i'd sit down on my bed and pretend i am chatting with peridot bc i didn't trust to open up to people :sob:

and also for a while i genuinely fictionkined her hard but i don't really kin like that anymore despite my Wonderful Undescribed Nonhuman Status. gotta love those 2016 questioning days. was something

but like, steven universe made me not only realize i am queer (and undertale also) but it also opened my eyes to neurodivergent communities. i didn't know what was wrong with me aside from having an adhd diagnosis. and like. i always related to peridot and what she does and she experiences. then i heard people headcanoning her as autistic aside from aroace (WHICH MEANT A LOT TO ME TOO BECAUSE I AM AROACE AND GREW UP AROACE. I HAD NO OTHER REP. I WAS SO HAPPY THERE WAS A CHARACTER WHO JUST "WASNT INTO IT" I FELT SO SEEN.)

and i was like huh autism i keep hearing its a bad thing but these people are nice. its similar to what i experience.

so i begin learning more about that. and i learn more about myself. and i stop being as hard to myself, because i finally understood a bit of "what was wrong with me" i just grew up completely untreated with anything in a horrible school system that just... made me give up on everything. but this gave me hope!! i knew there was people like me and i knew there were explanations! it wasnt because i was a bad person!! it was because i was just different!!

and even if i didn't know many people like me - i had a character to relate to who followed me through this journey. and it was peridot!!

she's just. herself. and she isn't punished or hated for it! and that meant a lot to me.

i would have probably discovered these things myself anyway - but not as early and not in the same way if it wasn't for me just seeing myself in peridot and liking her a whole lot. her confidence n just being her "weird" self just made me feel seen and welcome. i do that i am weird!! yes!!!!!!!!!!! HISSING AT PEOPLE REPRESENTATIOUN

[pageofheartdj]

Hello! Two things!

1- I saw your post abt autistc aroace (usually sex positive), and as someone with that exact definition, I say, it’s cool and I feel seen (ppl usually aren’t nice to aroace sex/romance-positive, like we gotta be totally not into that to be “able” to use that label, so it’s nice to see when it’s not like that!)

2- man, I just LOVE your analysis!!! Are you on the psychology field or smth alike?? Bc they’re rlly precise and on the dot! I always get flabbergasted reading them! It just makes a lot of things make even more sense!! It’s amazing and thank you so much for doing them!! (It also helps me see some “common” stuff that usually flies over my head, so it helps my autistic self lots too!! So thanks for that too!!)

Hi!!

I am very protective of all the queer/aroace identities and I am very against any kind of exlcusionism, guess that's why I am extra protective of not 'typical' identities? Being asexual and sex-repulsed/aversed(and same with aro) is treated is an automatic pair and this is very unfair! Asexual people don't HAVE to hate sex to be asexuals! Especially when they are autistic!

Awww thank you!!<3

I am not, but I am glad it looks like that?xD I just... get a bit obsessed I guess? Thinking about characters all the time until I can understand and feel them! Same with conditions, I like understanding stuff, not just nodding along with everything. So I will try read and think about them until I can 'feel' them, imagine where they come from, inner logic?xD I just reall like when things make sense, that's why I need to understand the rules myself xD guess thats very autistic of me?XD

I am glad you liked them and they helped you <3