kociepierogi

[kociepierogi]

That which inspires us to our greatest good is also the cause of our greatest evil. (Arcane | 2x06)

[kociepierogi]

ARCANE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS: 2x05 - “Blisters and Bedrock” ↳ "What are you waiting for? He's your dad too."

[kociepierogi]

I’ve been living with the effects of complex trauma for a long time, but for many years, I didn’t know what it was. Off and on throughout my life, I’ve struggled with what I thought was anxiety and depression. Or rather, In addition to being traumatized, I was anxious and depressed.

Regardless of the difference, no condition should ever be minimized. If you are feeling anxious or depressed, it’s important and urgent to find the right support for you. No one gets a prize for “worst” depression, anxiety, trauma or any other combination of terrible things to deal with, and no one should suffer alone. With that in mind, there is a difference between what someone who has Complex PTSD feels and what someone with generalized anxiety or mild to moderate depression feels.

For someone dealing with complex trauma, the anxiety they feel does not come from some mysterious unknown source or obsessing about what could happen. For many, the anxiety they feel is not rational. General anxiety can often be calmed with grounding techniques and reminders of what is real and true. Mindfulness techniques can help. Even when they feel disconnected, anxious people can often acknowledge they are loved and supported by others.

For those who have experienced trauma, anxiety comes from an automatic physiological response to what has actually, already happened. The brain and body have already lived through “worst case scenario” situations, know what it feels like and are hell-bent on never going back there again. The fight/flight/ freeze response goes into overdrive. It’s like living with a fire alarm that goes off at random intervals 24 hours a day. It is extremely difficult for the rational brain to be convinced “that won’t happen,” because it already knows that it has happened, and it was horrific.

Those living with generalized anxiety often live in fear of the future. Those with complex trauma fear the future because of the past.

The remedy for both anxiety and trauma is to pull one’s awareness back into the present. For a traumatized person who has experienced abuse, there are a variety of factors that make this difficult. First and foremost, a traumatized person must be living in a situation which is 100 percent safe before they can even begin to process the tsunami of anger, grief and despair that has been locked inside of them, causing their hypervigilance and other anxious symptoms. That usually means no one who abused them or enabled abuse in the past can be allowed to take up space in their life. It also means eliminating any other people who mirror the same abusive or enabling patterns.

Unfortunately for many, creating a 100 percent abuser-free environment is not possible, even for those who set up good boundaries and are wary of the signs. That means that being present in the moment for a complex trauma survivor is not fail-proof, especially in a stressful event. They can be triggered into an emotional flashback by anything in their present environment.

It is possible (and likely) that someone suffering from the effects of complex trauma is also feeling anxious and depressed, but there is a difference to the root cause. Many effective strategies that treat anxiety and depression don’t work for trauma survivors. Meditation and mindfulness techniques that make one more aware of their environment sometimes can produce an opposite effect on a trauma survivor.  Trauma survivors often don’t need more awareness. They need to feel safe and secure in spite of what their awareness is telling them.

At the first sign of anxiety or depression, traumatized people will spiral into toxic shame. Depending on the wounding messages they received from their abusers, they will not only feel the effects of anxiety and depression, but also a deep shame for being “defective” or “not good enough.” Many survivors were emotionally and/or physically abandoned, and have a deep rooted knowledge of the fact that they were insufficiently loved. They live with a constant reminder that their brains and bodies were deprived of a basic human right. Even present-day situations where they are receiving love from a safe person can trigger the awareness and subsequent grief of knowing how unloved they were by comparison.

Anxiety and depression are considered commonplace, but I suspect many of those who consider themselves anxious or depressed are actually experiencing the fallout of trauma. Most therapists are not well trained to handle trauma, especially the complex kind that stems from prolonged exposure to abuse. Unless they are specially certified, they might have had a few hours in graduate school on Cluster B personality disorders, and even fewer hours on helping their survivors. Many survivors of complex trauma are often misdiagnosed as having borderline personality disorder (BPD) or bipolar disorder. Anyone who has sought treatment for generalized anxiety or depression owes themselves a deeper look at whether trauma plays a role.

[kociepierogi]

If you don’t share your inner feelings (and aren’t in an obvious public queer relationship), do you think you can easily pass as straight (and/or cis)?

[kociepierogi]

The Rings of Power | Season 2 | Aug 29 - Oct 3, 2024 S2.E5 ∙ Halls of Stone

[kociepierogi]

I've seen little about it so, Just an FYI what's been unfolding in England today. Far-right protestors are literally trying to kill asylum seekers in hotels.

In Rotherham, Yorkshire fascists have tried to set a hotel on fire with migrants staying there. Some signalling cut-throat gestures at the people staying in the rooms.

In Tamworth, Staffordshire the very same thing is happening. Another hotel has been set on fire with asylum seekers still inside alongside racist graffiti.

Other similar protests that are going uncountered are happening in Middlesbrough, Hartlepool, Stoke-on-Trent and many more areas, chances are there will be one somewhere by you if things keep going the way they are. Nazis are literally strolling about unchallenged and these people are marching happily with them. There are more sensitive videos online which I won't share here but there are groups of nazis chasing down and circling black people in cities and beating them up, indian and chinese takeaways being targetted, turkish barbers being set alight and there have been incidents of muslims being assaulted and even stabbed.

BUT... There are success stories from UK cities where riots have failed due to no turnout or due to antifascists driving far-right pricks out of the city.

Cardiff, Wales - About 5 fascists turn up compared to 500 conuter-protestors. They failed to get anyone here despite trying two times.

Liverpool, Merseyside - A significant EDL mob is marched out of the city and fought against. Counter-protestors form a ring around a mosque being targetted.

Bristol, City of - antifascists block the entrance to a hotel that nazis are trying to get into as well as a fierce citywide push against the EDL and racism.

Nottingham, East Midlands - A huge antifascist counter protest outnumbers EDL and the far-right, preventing a riot from occuring.

There are many many more of these riots planned. If you're in the UK get organised and be prepared to fight alongside the people who make our communities stong and resiliant and make our country and cities a wonderful vibrant and friendly place to be. Help by whatever means you can. If you are not from the UK then please signal boost this because this needs to stop this nastiness from spreading and to make nazis afraid again.

[kociepierogi]

If your looking for info on the riots in the UK and Belfast please stay away from GB News, Talk TV and any news site that uses the terms far right 'protesters' or 'activists'.

This includes the BBC. It is currently unsafe for non-white presenting poc, men in particular, right now in the UK. These riots have now spread from Britain to Ireland. If you are black or brown please do not travel alone the rioters have been known to corner people.

There cannot be any ground given to white nationalists, not now not ever.

As a black woman myself, I feel like I'm living in a dystopia. This is the type of shit you'd see being talked about in documentaries about racism in the 70s and 80s.

[kociepierogi]

Im very much not over this moment

[kociepierogi]

we DO grow old and happy. btw.

[kociepierogi]

spend long enough being an OC Guy and you will eventually inevitably become a sincere recreation of the gregory berrycone 4chan bit

[kociepierogi]

[kociepierogi]

watching gen z and millennials make fun of gen alpha has been torturous. "But they're actually stupid" 1. theyre middle schoolers 2. isn't that what older gens said about us? don't you remember being 11?

it truly is just "impulse reaction to cringe <- has not yet unlearned shame"

the cycle continues let me out of here

guys. guys I think we should kill cringe culture

[kociepierogi]

[kociepierogi]

It's weird that to this day a lot of people don't really get the difference between like. "this author is a bad person and the work is problematic" normal style and the much more intense "the author is an important figure in a hate group and actively uses her money and power and fame to take away people's rights, and is currently very successful at doing that"

[kociepierogi]

[kociepierogi]

you’re allowed to fall in love. you’re allowed to cry. you’re allowed to be angry. you’re allowed to show excitement. emotions are what make you human! sometimes it feels easier to hold them in; you may want to avoid embarrassment or vulnerability. i’m here to tell you it’s perfectly okay to show how you feel. expressing your feelings doesn’t make you weak and you are not undeserving of that outlet.

[kociepierogi]

perhaps i'm being very autistic about this, but trying to figure out where i can contribute my time and energy is so hard because there's so many actually important issues. actually important ones. spreading yourself thin isn't helpful, but even if you tune out the roar of people demanding that you care about every last thing, the tug on my heart is still strong. probably another lie capitalism has pounded deep into our minds, that we have to do it *all* even. even knowing that many of these issues are inter-related, and doing the things you *can* is what's important and contribute to unraveling the greater fabric of bad shit. how on earth do you find that spot though? where you don't go mad going in mental circles about what you're *not* doing? idk i can't be alone in this?

I have an instagram post about this with regard to donating to Gazan fundraisers that you can read here.

Here's my take: when we get swept up in not being able to "do it all" or freeze up with complete inability to choose any cause to work toward because we can't decide which one is the most worthy, we are operating out of a highly individualistic framework that positions the self as the agent of change.

It might not feel like it is a self-centered perspective, but it's exactly the kind of isolated, self-as-savior, systems-ignoring outlook that a culture of capitalism and rampant Christian moral Puritanism conditions us to adopt (even if you're not Christian). I have a whole book about this btw.

I have felt overwhelmed with my inability to "help everyone" or address every cause before, and frankly the solution was to get over myself and realize that I have a very limited ability to make a difference and that simply doing my part is my only duty, not doing it "all". I have to trust that I am but one small, relatively insignificant human and that I am surrounded by literally millions of other humans who care and will pick up their small part of the work as well.

it doesn't matter that i select the absolute optimal ideal cause or place into which to put my energy, because frankly i am not important. i just need to show up and pick up some work. there will be plenty of work left for the next person to pick up.

It was absurd main character energy to expect myself to do everything or to be able to "save" people. And yet that was exactly the kind of moral burden I was putting on myself for a very long time. And it led to overcommitment followed by burnout, spreading myself thin, and most crucially failing to make any my efforts part of the work of an enduring, tightly knit COMMUNITY.

A focus on individual effort makes us neurotic, alienated, self-focused, lonely, confused, conflicted, and forever putting our energies into initiatives of limited value with limited potential for payoff. instead, choosing one little lane to do our own bit of work in -- literally ANY lane, so long as it is accessible and motivating to us and plays to our strengths -- will mean that we are actually making a difference consistently and connecting to others who are taking part in the work too.

we must do this work not to morally purify ourselves, which is not possible, but because we see something worth doing and we decide to get up and do it. the arena in which you choose to make a difference can be literally anything from donating to people's gofundmes to sharing other people's fundraisers to feeding your neighbors to blowing up a pipeline. it literally does not matter which particular choice you, specifically, make, only that you do something and keep at it at the pace that is sustainable for you. and trust that literally millions of other people are all around you doing their tiny tiny part too.