#bc I need hrt
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I TOOK A WHAT FURBY ARE YOU QUIZ AND THIS IS WHAT IT GAVE ME😭😭
THE FURBY QUIZ TOLD ME TO GET THERAPY😭
this is the quiz btw
#furby#furby quiz#therapy#lol#broken furby#sfw furby#safe furby#I am actually going to therapy soon#bc I need hrt
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i used to make ocs all the time and post them willy nilly and use the response to them as fuel to keep me drawing them. and then i convinced myself i could only post "good" ocs that i have plans to draw more of??
for some reason.
anyways that was stupid and i've decided to stop doing that. everyone look at my billy. he runs a dnd campaign for his students and paints all his own miniatures
#moo.txt#oc: bill#my art#furry#anthro#goat#his ex wife's design is taking me ages bc i need to capture her Vibe#but i rlly wanna make some fun art of him hanging out with pearl and their friends#running a campaign#he exists in a universe where furries are ex humans who pursued new forms through surgery/hrt/magicks#tenatively calling it tfu because transformation universe sounds funny lol#sketch#traditional#i drew these months ago -m- i havent abandoned you billy i promise
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Fit for making people ask you for help at Half Price Books 🕺
#me#I think I just need to start saying ‘I don’t work here. I’m just a lesbian.’#bc I swear when I was on HRT and passing as male I never used to get asked for shit#it’s the big dyke energy that does it
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its a greasy fuck..............
#me when#hrt that makes u a canine#i love fuck bc im obsessed w mysel#my art#sona art#oc art#digital art#doodlings#need to bathe#sorry for telling u that#bro why you’re so fingers
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i need a job that is okay with the fact my body doesn't work or that i can't talk to human beings normally or that i can't walk very far oh and also i might just have a seizure or that my heart might give out or that i can't do maths and oh also that my migraines will happen randomly or-
#i need MONEY#NOONE IS HIRING ME#i applied for the accom team bc you get 60% off of your rent#but they pay that BACK at the end of the academic year#and i need money NOW#pls if yall know low effort jobs 😖😖😖#£105 for blood test?? RIDICULOUS#INSANITY#AND my hrt has gone up AGAIN#why cant i get paid for reading fics im so good at that
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Fighting gender dysphoria by imagining Enki Ankarian from Fear & Hunger helping give me my testosterone shots
#enki ankarian#fear and hunger#siiiigh I am feeling so not good#I would love to transition but I feel I don’t have a good support system and also I am such a people pleaser#so I don’t want my family to hate me for it or for anyone to hate me but also I am not supposed to be in this body#if I ever do go on T tho I need to go on the gel bc I cannotttt deal w needles LMAL#lmao** whatever. laugh my ass off. I am Laughing!!!!#how do you think Enki would react to u asking him for help w yr hrt shots#LET ME KNOW 💭 I need to think and daydream to cope with being pre transition still HE HE. evil
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1 week until surgery...my brain keeps trying to talk me out of it bc i dont Need it and im scared of medical environments and Pain but i have to remember this is one of the only things that has ever made me consider wanting a tattoo and also the only thing that's made me Excited For and Wanting visible scars...
And also I've been making "i want sterilization and testosterone" meltdown tweets every other week for many many years so we're scratching one off the list LOL
#talkys#i even told me dad like my life is at a standstill bc theres too many choices. i dont have a passion so i could be anything but#i cant pick a future...! but this is the only thing ive ever been sure abt#like genuinely truly bc i still dk if i want top surgery and I know id be grappling wirh finally going on hrt if i had access to it#bc im Scared of my own decisions. if i make a decision and hate it it will be my fault#this is the only decision ive ever been sure of even if i dont need it even if i never ''need'' it#the One True Dysphoria Subject (other than *** ****** * **** of course but nothing can be done abt that.)#i dont want my body to be capable of it i want it to be mine forever and not something tragedy can happen to.#also abt the scars thing: i was more against ir a few yrs ago but along with top surgery being a more demanding surgery ive#never rly liked the thought of scars. like. idk. just adds insult to injury that my body had to be modified instead of being born right#but this? i want visible scars i get sad that ppl say they (understandably) fade away easily. symbols of honor#i dont like permanence (lmfao) in other categories so i wouldnt get the neutered tattoo but its adjacent to wanting the scars lol
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goodnight from my children
#yes this is iambic pentameter!!!! yes they are real!!! 😭😭 theyre by me rn i love em sm#iambicpentameter#i made em myself :]#mnd is my KID guys#heart’s not finished yet :[#chonny jash#cccc#chonnys charming chaos compendium#chonny’s charming chaos compendium#cj mind#cj soul#rainworld#rain world#ip hrt#ip mnd#ip sul#chonny jash mind#chonny jash soul#plushadventures#plush adventures#plushies#plushblr#handmade plush#low quality#sewing#handmade#emotional support plush#they are my kids and i love them#they are a great source of comfort when i need it :] but i dont need it all the time bc i am reconnecting with fam!!#personalposts
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week 7 of menstruating and I am so so tired
#im gonna give myself until next year for my uterus to get shit straight or im gonna get hysterectomy done#honestly this is so fucking shitty#tahbso is another option and then i can just start on hrt right away with estrogen patch#with absolutely no need of progestrone bc hey!!!! no uterus!!!!!!#another option is lng-ius coil specifically jaydess but it's progesterone based and I don't want to deal with the potential side effects :(#i know jaydess technically has the lowest amount of levonogestrel but i really dont wanna risk it#im already suicidal half the time im on the combined pills to treat this shit#sorry tmi but arghhh im frustrated#chrmz.txt
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the adventures of the neath's most annoying definitely-totally-a-bat-and-not-the-scoundrel-in-a-robe continue (cards. their name is mr cards. or so they insist.)
this time: coworker antics. tune in next week on dragon ball Z where we'll be killing all of them with hammers
#or: doodles of that bastard FL oc im still obsessed with yes#yin art#fallen london#ft. fires and wines! fires' design is inspired by @waterlogged-detective's art bc it's delightful#the masters are all just horrid little creatures in big cloaks. to me#anyway. microdosing on tuning down my standards for myself by posting the more sketchy wines doodle#it probably eats up the attention the scoundrel/cards keeps giving it bc it's. well. it's wines#they don't even mind that it keeps making them pay for its revels! they're the perfect stooge!#the scientist thinks they desperately need to raise their standards. and also stop being a freak#the scoundrel doesn't care what the scientist thinks (it has to save room in its brain for caring about wines instead)#also ✨Glorious Ascension✨ is how they refer to their bat hrt. they say the whole thing. every time. without fail. sparkles mandatory.#nobody knows what's wrong with them#not even themself#despite what this art implies they get along pretty okay with fires. insomuch as fires can get along with anything#the real reason nobody invites them to masterly meetings#is bc they react to literally everything with big wide eyes while enthusiastically asking if that's how it normally works#and everyone's getting really tired of telling them for the 15th time that no. veils biting people isnt usually how curators socialize#veils just does that#i mean. curators DO socialize by biting. but veils is doing it wrong#scoundrelventures
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yaaay boys greatest dream coming true (getting estrogen)
#i love throwing hormones at my problems it’s my new favorite thing to do#sorry this is only like funny to me bc estrogen is a 10x funnier word than testosterone#to say#i do actually need it#and i guess it is technically hrt since my body doesn’t make it anymore or whatever#Waif what gender am i supposed to be again im kind of high and can’t remember#ever.txt
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i don't think anyone should be shamed for not coming out or not transitioning (medical or otherwise) bc its ultimately your choice i just think its really easy to make up excuses after excuses to avoid doing something that would make you a lot happier and its worth taking the time to really question what you want and why you've avoided it. from time to time
#it was extremely easy for me to not start hrt in college when it would have been easy because i 'made the decision' to wait for my 'safety'.#when in reality i was just letting my anxiety talk me out of it and i regret not making moves sooner.#and then i spent years afterwards regretting it because i now convinced myself i couldn't start bc of work#it took years before i was finally ready to do that and then when it happened it wasn't even an issue i just spent years in anxiety.#situations are different too. for some people the danger i was afraid of is very real. plus some people just need time to consider options#or a million other things that might make you wait i just think its good to encourage like#the idea of just letting Go and doing it because for a lot of people its easy to trap yourself into not doing something that you want. yk.#avpost#sometimes you have to face the wall of something scary to get what you want and its just. idk.#its one thing to genuinely not want it or to genuinely be unable and that's not something to be embarrassed or shamed for#but it's another to just be avoiding it because its scary which is only going to hurt you in the long run .#it's never not going to be at least a little scary
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I think i need to call planned parenthood and ask for a price estimate
#bc i told myself ill save up monry before booking an appointment for hrt#but idk how much i need to save#ratt squeaks
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Lol I finally told my mom I'm on HRT and she was basically like "You're making a mistake!! Top surgery is slicing off your skin it's too EXTREME!!! You're a Beautiful Girl, (deadname)!! You FLAUNT your BOOBS and are almost at My Weight now, so why aren't you satisfied (deadname)?? Why are you making such a huge deal out of this, and searching for SOMETHING when you should just chill and be a Beautiful Girl™, (deadname)!!"
Bestie idk how to drive home to you that sometimes ppl with dysphoria would sometimes rather kill themselves than live as the gender they were born as?? I'm not like, doin anything to you rn?? This is literally just what is gonna make me feel comfortable in my own skin lol
#transphobia tw#transgender#non binary#gender dysphoria#she also tried to say that it was my ex bf's fault that I'm thinking this way lol#nah man he and his friends/family just showed me the understanding and love and acceptance that I needed to feel comfortable enough#to be able to express myself!! bc i have gender apathy!!!!#sigh sigh siiiigh#gender#HRT#Hormone therapy
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#i have another paper i need to read still that specifically focuses on transneu/transandro mtx enbies#dht blockers + testosterone is a pretty standard and common strategy for partial masculinization but there isnt really a partial feminizati#n counterpart to that#or rather its more flexible with estrogens than it is with testosterones so theres not#as the article calls it#a standardized hormonal treatment protocol for mtx transneu/transandro enbies#(specificying that bc not all mtx nonbinary people are transfem and not all hrt regimens are transfem or transmasc)#(people love their binaries and i really wish they didnt lol)#hrt#nonbinary hrt#posting this for me mainly#i lost the other article somehow.... i think it might be in my drafts somewhere on a diff sideblog#uhhh i forget when this was published too but this was one of the only medical sources i could find that specifically focused on nonbinary t#*transition#reference
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> cat's urinary episode probably caused by stress
> both my parents left for a vacation earlier this week
> the implication that my cat got stressed out from my parents leaving
> which includes my mother, who has [redacted] me and is abusive and just Not a Nice Person
> my mother, who finds fault in litcherally everything i do for the cats. and even if i give in and do what she wants... several months later, she's complaining again
> swapped their litter several months ago to pine pellets. they've adapted nicely. their litter is fine. also doesn't track everywhere (something my mother complained about for MONTHS with their previous litter)
> my mother, unprompted: did the vet say that maybe this could be caused by their new litter?
i fucking hate her.
#borbtalks#my mother is fucking stupid and asks really pointed questions like that to try to force her opinion as Being the Right One#this includes asking me if maybe my hrt. the stuff that helped me not be low level depressed all the time. has turned me into...#.... an angry cold mean heartless brat. and that maybe bc im autistic im just not self aware enough to notice.#like uhhh no youve been calling me an angry cold mean heartless brat since i was like 5#or asking if my dr has said im immunocompromised (with the implication that if im not. i shouldnt be masking around them....#....i started masking around them after they tested pos for covid and didnt tell me for several days)#or when i said i wouldnt be able to participate in thxgiving bc i was having a rough time w/ my health & she asked#'is it bc of ur chronic illnesses or are u just being antisocial?'#my mother will find any fault within me & if she cant. she'll make one up.#and then everyone in my family will take her fucking side bc umm yeah her looking up ur skirt & purposefully staring at u naked is bad...#but have u um. talked to her? and asked her to stop? i just think u need to give her another chance :)#fuckijg. putting myself in a clown car & hoping it explodes.
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