#if I ever do go on T tho I need to go on the gel bc I cannotttt deal w needles LMAL

[fearfulandhungry]

Fighting gender dysphoria by imagining Enki Ankarian from Fear & Hunger helping give me my testosterone shots

[ritzcuit]

for me a great deal of why i started doing hrt was the whole agency thing.... like "just do it" is fine and all but not really rational! it's a good starting point tho. bc once you remove the mental barrier of "it's this whole BIG THING that you cannot think about flippantly," and allow yourself to think about it flippantly, then you can get really into it....

but it's not the way to the goal, right? so for me, once i realized i was Allowed to want it, and think about it, then i couldnt stop thinking about it. THEN i started getting into the real convincing stuff.

and realizing that i went passively through my entirely estrogen puberty, mostly in a dissociative state, not looking forward to any of the changes or... recognizing that it was happening at all, actually.... (sometimes for some people it's dread, and nightmarish, but i think a terminal level of apathy counts, too.) i wore the same one (1) bra throughout basically all of my growth because i did not mentally recognize that i needed to change it, whereas my sister regularly went bra shopping w my mom...

*i only learned this bc my mom told me about it years later- i honest to god do not remember this

but anyway. so the idea that, instead, i could radically participate, and actively CHOOSE to go through testosterone puberty, that's already a big thing. 'cause it's no longer something foisted upon me that is happening to me, it's something i take part in daily, and choose to do daily ... bc i use t gel, which is a daily application.

every night i choose to take another dose.

every three months i choose to get my prescription renewed.

you know?

every day i see my hair grow in more and i recognize the changes happening to me, and while i'm not a very expressive person, so it's not like im jumping over the moon or anything, but it brings me a very base line satisfaction with knowing that i'm doing this... now more than ever, i feel involved w my body, and invested in it.

it helps that i already got a tattoo. lol. so it's like. "it's permanent!" i spent far less time thinking abt my tattoo than i did about hrt. which, for the record, i love my tattoo. and besides- if i really HATED the changes, HATED! them, there are ways you can reverse it. it's effortful, but they exist. after all, trans women exist, right? there are ways to deal with hair and voice changes. yeah, you won't be as you were pre-hrt, but that's because we're living people and every day and second and minute of our lives is irreversible, you can only ever walk forward, this is true about EVERYTHING and not just hrt... so if that scares you, um. i don't have advice bc i'm not afraid like that. sorry 😭

but i knew i wasn't at risk of that, bc even the dysphoria i did feel was a very apathetic one, something i couldn't even recognize as dysphoria for a long time... so if i wasn't satisfied w these changes, i wouldn't hate my body. i'd just be different. and even then, i'd be happy i was different.. bc it was proof that, at least one time, i went out and DID something as opposed to "thinking about it" forever. which is a chronic problem of mine lmfao

it was a good mix of "i just want to see what my body is capable of" and "i want to choose to do this"... that agency... LUV her... science is amazing...

[frozendeity17]

Aaallll fifty of them, in order, punk! :p

Alright, here we go:

Lumity and Percabeth. Yes, I know TOH just ended and TLT won't be coming out for a hot sec, no I do not care.

Never had one specific color, though I've definitely always preferred cooler colors. Used to love greens, but now indigoes, violets, and dark blues are more my style. Still love a good forest green though.

All of the quotes on that one doc abt unlikely posts. Also, "I think it's silly to be ashamed of your art because it's not in a museum and of your voice because it's not selling out stadiums. There will always be people who enjoy and appreciate what you can do." -Tumblr user venuskissed

Private. I'm not one to share my birthday.

Also private. Not today, fae fuck.

See #4.

Honestly, I don't know. I think I give them in all of their forms, but as for receiving, I think affirmation is what does it for me. Might be physical contact though, I do love hugs.

Probably a drama, I did like How to Get Away With Murder, even if I only got through the first season and a bit. Designated Survivor was awesome too.

Spain, for one. I don't know what it is about the place, but it has a charm about it for me. Maybe it's the weather. Aside from that, Greece and Italy would be awesome. I'm a little bit of a mythology nerd, so seeing all of the temples and wonders built for these ancient gods sounds like an awesome experience. If I could choose more, Norway and Iceland are both incredibly beautiful places, and I do kind of prefer the cold. Also, I've always wanted to see the aurora borealis in person.

Ooph, this one is difficult. There are a lot of great scents out there. Vanilla's a long-standing favorite, I remember once bringing a bottle of it to school once to show to my friends. Cinnamon rolls smell delicious, as does that smell from the candles we always used to buy. It might've been sandalwood, but I've never been quite sure. Also, there's this one perfume my mom's worn for as long as I can remember - it's a little too sharp to be entirely pleasant, but it's flowery, and nostalgic for me.

"City of Angels" by Em Beihold. She also wrote the trending songs "Numb Little Bug" - the "Do you ever get a little bit tired of life" one - and dueted "Until I Found You" with Stephen Sanchez. I think her songs "Too Precious" and "12345" are also really good.

Stalker. But seriously, probably one of the places listed in #9, or back home, as I have some stuff to do there.

Vanilla. Most pure chocolate ice creams have a bad aftertaste.

Donuts. I don't know what it is about cake, but I've never seemed to like it all that much, even the good ones. It is, honestly, my least favorite dessert that I'll actually eat - I even like eclairs, which are literally just pastry around messy whipped cream that gets everywhere, more than cake. I particularly hate it with that weird gel writing on it. Just...urgh. Donuts are chill tho, and I'll never turn down a solid frosted with sprinkles or Boston Creme.

Black. It's reliable, doesn't stain easily, works well in formal outfits, doesn't show sweat stains, and works on most complexions. Also, I never really wear much color regardless. I would miss that one blue dress shirt I really like - it's comfy as hell.

Haven't read one in ages, despite my massive TBR, but off the top of my head, probably "With great power comes great need to take a nap," by Nico di Angelo from PJO, if only because of how ridiculous yet true it is.

If I can't handle myself In a fight, I'm not subjecting any of y'all to that.

Ice cream. It's more reliable and easily accessible for me, and frankly, cotton candy is too dry as a dessert.

A famous engineer, hopefully. Being an author would be cool, too.

I do not have pet peeves, I am a pet peeve.

Basic Bitch. I suck at fashion and aesthetics and currently have neither the desire nor the capability to improve. My wardrobe is composed entirely of thin shorts, tracksuit pants, and t-shirts, with a singular formal suit. Might try to start painting my nails soon, see how that goes.

As prideful as it may sound, my intelligence. I don't have much street sense, to say the least, but I have a good factual memory, am good at logic puzzles, and am a quick reader, and I'm rather proud of that.

Saturday. Nothing to occupy that day, nor the day after. It's excellent. My favorite weekday? Probably Thursday. Dunno why, it just vibes the best.

I am SUCH a bad night owl. I don't even know why, I always regret it in the mornings too. I guess it's just kinda freeing, not having the expectations.

Neither, hot chocolate reigns supreme.

This is the first half, the second half to come, as Tumblr apparently has a character limit.

[cosmosoma]

T check-in, 3.5 months in!

So to preface, I want to say that since it's a non-binary transition it's been full of me trialing up to 2 full pumps of gel for the first month and a half, and then about a month ago I felt that i could use a short break to lighten things up and slow everything down. now i'm dedicated to 1 pump daily and i additionally got prescribed a cream for bottom growth. the situation got Weird then, though, because the dosage and directions were kind of weird for someone like me, and I maybe ended up getting a UTI because of the cream just being too Abundant for my use in particular. So i'm going my own way and using it how I want to, applying one click every other day instead of four clicks once a week, the last few days. I've been careful since then and it seems to be doing ok now, and I'm back on track with my goals again.

VOICE: so, though it could be in part allergies, i seem to be in this "froggy" stage where my voice cracks a lot, but i'm not seeing anything along the lines of permanent deepening just yet. it's definitely getting easier to go much lower, and I think a small amount of my high register is slowly becoming more difficult to reach, which i'm not altogether too worried about really? i think i'm confident i can maintain elasticity so long as i keep exercising my voice in various ways. i even auditioned for a voiceover role with my high register and think I did a pretty okay job.

I think the one thing i'm worried about is how difficult it is to sound as emotive as I want to be in my lower register? i've always taken on a lower tone of voice as a way of being all Serious and sounding kinda angry, so that's how it sounds to me when i talk even though I'm trying really hard to be expressive. it's easier when i'm on call with friends and we're joking around and i hear all the deeper voices being expressive like how i want to be, so i think i just need to get inspired more... i plan to look into vocal training in a bit as well, so we shall see if i make any progress on that front!

in the meantime though i watched this video last week and it was A LOT.... and motivated me plenty to find my voice so i can finally hear who i really am from my own mouth.

BODY HAIR: i'm getting fuzzier!!! it's great. i did have a single chin hair pop up which caught me off guard cuz it had gotten so long, and i thought "HMMMM do i really want any more of these? would i be okay having a bunch of hair of this texture here?" and honestly, the texture of the one hair was fine. but then the thought of having my own skin change to be the texture of that of those with facial hair, especially the kind i know i have the genes for, doesn't appeal to me at all. it sounds like a sensory nightmare. i have a terrible skin-picking habit, and i couldn't see myself not scratching the hell out of my face if i ever had that happen. it's the only real thing keeping me from wanting facial hair. mostly i just definitely dont hate the idea of having a little bit of stache and sideburns, but ideally i want it all to remain relatively soft and unobtrusive. so the sight of it disappointed me more than anything. it's really what prompted me to go down on my dosage.

anyways tho, my happy trail is getting more prominent, which is DOPE and very gender-affirming. i would be happy so see it be a bit darker but stay a similar texture.... yeah thats been my whole deal with growing body hair. i let my leg hair grow out for the summertime and, man, i dont really hate the sight of it at all but it's really texturally always been awful for me. it chaffes! it's always going so many directions!!! this is why i prefer to shave it. but i wanna keep putting out the gender vibes that i do when i wear shorts..... i enjoy them a lot. so idk, maybe once i have everything else settle in and i start getting gendered correctly in wintertime i'll shave it.

HEAD HAIR: still goin strong baybeeeee~ i think my genes just allow for REALLY thick hair, and the testosterone is just enabling it more than it is hindering it for.... SOME reason. i lose less hair than i used to, and it's EXTREMELY thick in some regards. i have a bunch of babyhairs now that are really coming in strong. i think i actually went backwards and lost some hair when i took a break from t for a few days? and now that im back on it's falling out less. wack.

SKIN: again, i still am not seeing an increase of acne. maybe when i took a break from t? it's back on track to being just Okay again. i also do think i feel a lot softer. like i said before, it could be an increase in collagen production.... it is inchresting

PHYSICAL STATE: dude did you know that. testosterone make u hungry. altho it's not actually hunger necessarily that i feel. it's more that, i notice if i DON'T eat a certain amount every day, my body begins to eat ITSELF and i family guy death pose in the morning until i get some serious calories in me. i've been trying to eat more overall, and i definitely CANNOT eat like i used to before i moved here. i used to be lucky to eat two square meals in a day, and it took a lot of effort to feel like i could even make three. but now it's three meals a day and then some in between. i get hungry quicker and i need to supplement myself in between meals. it's pretty dope. not great for my self esteem in terms of like, well, being unable to afford all the food i want for myself, having to rely on others and worrying that i'm going to just wind up eating so much they get sick of me. the usual. but i do like the results of eating more. i'm gaining some weight (weighed 4 lbs heavier than in february! not much but it's motivating....) and i feel like the shape of my body is actually starting to look more like myself...? i'm getting a bit stockier, but in a really cool way where my curves are more bulging and overall giving me a more filled figure. like my muscles are growing but so are my fat deposits. i really really love it. i want to keep going and see what it becomes. i just wish i could eat all of the foods i really want to eat so it could be easier.... so for now it's slow-going.

MOOD: not really much of a change. i feel depressed most of the time but have a few good days once in a while. it's just the same old story, really. i know that i'm going to still feel shitty until start living the life i feel more secure in. i just gotta keep on keeping on for as long as that takes. i had a decent cry today, anxieties about things mounting, so i feel a lot better now than i did before.

LIBIDO: i can't get a good grip on it. it's pretty normal to usual, and for a while it bottomed out (as i tend to do from time to time myself--wait this joke doesn't hit. i'm making a joke about being a bottom/switch. okay, continue) and i just Wasn't feeling it. i think as of this weekend it's started to come back, though. it was really hard even TRYING to be horny, probably because i lowered my dose using the cream has helped me start to regain some of it, though. ideally i want to be ABLE to get horny, so that sucked before!

BOTTOM GROWTH: okay so, i mentioned on cohost that i started pumping. it's fun to do, but it's sure fucking tedious!!! and i have to be hard first, which almost just doesnt happen at all until i get really REALLY horny or get a fervid jackoff session going, and i don't exactly have all the privacy i need for that. so the times i do it are fewer than i'd like for there to be. the growth also really deflated/petered out for a bit, but it's back on now that i have started using the cream regularly. hopefully we see some more from that.

ALL IN ALL: I'm still on track, granted it will be at a slower rate now which is more ideal anyways. i think this has been overall really good for my body and mental health? moreso than i expected! i think i just really need to pay attention to how much i'm getting to eat, and also get back into exercising daily since i fell off of that quite a bit, lol...... i'm gonna start going to the pool whenever possible; swimming really seems to be the one thing that gives me the best workout with minimum damage to my body. it's also been recommended for my physical therapy in the past, and i've definitely seen improvements in my scoliois and arthritis every time i've swam often. so here's hoping i can stick to that sort of regimen.

first T-gel dose done 👍 I've decided I'm going to put it on my inner thighs stomach area* instead of my arms/shoulders because my acne is really bad there and I don't want the alcohol to irritate the wounds; there's evidence to suggest it works just as well regardless of where on the body it really goes. also I heard t-gel can go on genitals for bottom growth reasons but that it can also burn bc of the alcohol but I tried it and it was fine for me? so I'm also doing that in small amounts with some body-safe skin oil to use in tandem to combat the drying. I'll update again in a week with how it's been going 🩷🩵

*edit: realized it would possibly contaminate the surfaces upon which i sat bare, like toilet seats lmao. glad i realized this before i used another toilet besides the one downstairs or my partner used it!

[orange-waterfalls]

I Call This One: Bold & Brash!

The egos x artist! gn! reader

ty @pokemonpunqueen for the request!

A/N: I’ve decided that I’m gonna write for the egos when I can’t think of anything else or I need practice writing lmao. I mean I was doing that before? But I didn’t know it? listen it’s fine it’ll be fine but FOR NOW I thiiiink I’m gonna take requests. Just a few. I’ll stop when I think it gets too much. This is exactly what it says. I focused on like drawing/painting for “artist”, with some references to animation thrown in there. I did Darkiplier, Wilford, Yancy, Illinois, Google, Eric, and a Host thrown in there bc I love him and I miss him

Word count is 1.5k

Enjoy

Egos x artist!reader

Darkiplier

He’ll want to commission art from you

He makes comments about how Mark is a narcissist but also he’s a narcissist.

Oh look, Dark’s asking you for another picture. What does he want? He wants you to draw him? Again? For the fifth time this fucking month? Wonderful.

He likes looking at how you make art of him, be it stylistic or realistic

He will hang them up all over the fucking house so pace yourself

He’s fine if you draw anybody else

Except Mark. Never Mark. How can he tell, you ask? No fucking clue, but he does

Gets a bit worried that you won’t make enough money to live comfortably

Just because not everyone needs a fucking MANSION-

Will always buy things for you if you ask

Likes to be able to support your job or hobby

Sugar daddy? I mean maybe

Makes sure you eat, sleep, drink water, survive--

Leaves snacks for you at your desk for when you don’t want a meal.

Carries you to bed if you fall asleep at a desk

Recommends you wear comfy clothes at all times so you can fall asleep wherever

A bit of an enabler, he’s doing his best tho

If you take commissions don’t be surprised if he threatens to kill someone when they don’t pay or are rude to you

He loves you, that’s all

Wilford

Fucking elated

Draw him!!! Please!!!! Please draw him!!!!! He has coin!!!!! He can pay!!!!!

Ecstatic if you actually draw him like he’ll giggle for an hour straight just looking

Secretly commissions more art from you

So also sugar daddy

It’s always something so obvious so you know it’s him anyways

He likes bright colors and eyestrain for some reason

If you make that, he just. Stares at it. Unblinking. You have to snap him out of it (im not projecting what do you mean)

Gets extremely worried about you not taking care of yourself

Gets someone to fucking babysit you when he’s gone so you take care of yourself

When you get greatly offended by this he settles for texting you reminders

And when you ignore those he texts more

Don’t be surprised if you get spammed by several people and an alarm starts to play from somewhere in the house

You’re gonna be healthy whether you like it or not, asshole

Drags you to bed aggressively

He WILL NOT drug your food with melatonin because that’s illegal. B U T-

He’s a little confused, but he got the spirit

Will advertise your art to anyone and everyone and also on his show and threatens the audience with a gun

AGAIN, a little confused. he just wuvs u so much 

Yancy

I mean technically he’s kind of an artist too so he appreciates your skill and creativity

He’s very nosy and likes to look over your shoulder while you work

If you don’t like him doing that, he still does it, just more secretively

Likes to work in the same room as you. 

That is if you don’t mind constant singing or tap dancing in the background

He shows off your art to anyone and everyone and gets mad if they don’t immediately say it’s fantastic

May or may not have stabbed someone over it, you’ll never know

If you show him something you’re working on, he’ll show you something he’s working on in return

The law of equivalent exchange

You tell him you can make MONEY from things like art and dancing and he goes apeshit he gets so fucking excited

If you’re like an animator and offer to animate his dancing he might actually cry

He’ll deny it constantly every day until he dies

If you make things traditionally he hangs them on the wall Everywhere

You might run out of room

By which i mean you will run out of room as soon as possible

Will never tell you a drawing is bad ever unless it’s like Really Bad which it never will be in his eyes

He loves anything and everything you do u are so precious

You have a permanent support system within the man

Google

Used to see art as pointless

Then comprehended the chemical release it causes in the brain and thought that was fine

Then saw you get really mad with something you were working on and got confused again?

If art no make good chemical, why art?

He still doesn’t understand, but that’s ok

You tried to get him to make something once

He just. Kinda. Made a buncha ones and zeroes

You still framed it and hung in on the wall and he got embarrassed

If he could blush, he would

If you draw him he looks like he doesn’t care but it’s at that point he decides he would die for you

Primary objective: answer questions as quickly as possible. Secondary objective: make u happy. Tertiary objective is to destroy mankind

If you draw bing that will disappear IMMEDIATELY you have BETRAYED him

If you ask for a color palette recommendation he Always says the google colors. Always.

You might’ve thought he was going for an rgby type of thing. But then you realize.

He is in charge of your financing. He will tell you the most efficient ways to make money as an artist and you follow then

He is also in charge of making sure you FUCKING EAT A MEAL

“But isn’t an objective to destroy mankind?” shut up he’s not happy about it either

Despite his best efforts he loves you and that ain’t gonna change

Illinois

Doesn’t fully understand

He needs to be outside at all times and cannot stay in one place

And you’re like??? Required to stay still???? For prolonged amounts of time????? Disgusting. Anyway, whatcha workin’ on?

He might ask you to try and teach him

If you do try he gives up almost immediately

Sometimes you just get so into it that you forget to do basic things and he gets upset

(i.e. eating, sleeping, living, etc.)

He gets worried about you

He is a hypocrite bc he does the same

He will drag you to bed, motherfucker

Honestly he might lock your shit somewhere until you fucking take care of yourself. it’s like a hostage situation god

“Where the fuck did you put it” “I have no clue what you mean. I might know if you eat your dinner, though”

Asshole (affectionate)

Sometimes you like make faces when you try to draw a person and it’s hilarious and cute to him

He looks at your drawings the moment you walk away but acts like he doesn’t care

He cares a lot

Will support you no matter what but will also tell you without hesitation if he thinks something looks shit

Listen he’s out of line but he’s right

Eric

Loves you a lot and will support anything and everything you choose to do or make

Drawing? Awesome! Painting? Wonderful! Animation? Superb!

He often wants to buy you supplies or something but he does not know what anything is

Fuck is a chalk pencil???? What are gel pens vs normal pens?????? Watercolor????? What the fuck are you saying??????????

Will subtly drop hints that you could,,,, draw him,,,,, maybe,,,,, if u wanna 

And by subtly I mean he starts to ask and then starts crying

If you draw him he will cry again he loves u so much 

If he ever were to get a tattoo it’d be something u drew. Nothing else is as important to him at the moment

He enjoys photography and film, and likes to try and bond with you over artistic things

I mean. Some things overlap.

You could talk about a single drawing for hours and he’d listen intently the whole time

Don’t ask him for feedback, it’s always some version of “it’s perfect and I love you”

Even if he hates it

Which,,,,, he might hate it sometimes

He’s not a good reviewer. 2/10, very biased

He likes to take photos when you’re in the zone

If you tell him to delete them he will

While secretly making one his home screen

Host

Hey, he gets it

He writes, he understands the hyperfocus

Sometimes he wouldn’t move from his chair for a day because he was busy writing a script

That being said, you probably have to be the one to get him to take care of himself

Or you have to take turns

Otherwise you’re both gonna fucking die

He asks you to describe your art to him and tries to picture it.

He’ll tell you if he thinks it probably looks good or bad

You shouldn’t take it to heart because he can’t see it

He is a bastard sometimes

“Well, what do you think?” “I think it looks fantastic” “Thanks, babe” “...” “... you think you’re fucking funny, don’t you”

He asks if you can draw him sometimes

No, he won’t see it, but he’ll appreciate the sentiment if you do

He will ask for your opinion on his scripts sometimes

If you say it’s bad he gets really defensive

You work in the same room a lot of the time and forget the other is there

One of you has to preemptively order food or like set a timer so you can goddamn Survive

You’ll be fine

[fresh-bag-of-ham]

ok let’s talk SUNSCREEN

SO the UV filters available in the US can at this point be considered truly terrible. One of the main reasons you’re supposed to reapply sunscreen every two hours is that many of the filters we use are destroyed by the very UV radiation they are designed to block. Killed in the line of duty, thank you for your sacrifice, etc. Counterpoint: sunscreen is gross and reapplying it every two hours is the worst. I am not doing that. Fortunately, Europe and Japan/Korea have been much quicker to approve newly developed more stable UV filters for use and at this point they have some really good ones. They also have much better UVA protection, both because of the better filters available and better labeling regulations.

A quick simplified summary: UVB causes sunburns, is directly absorbed by DNA strands which causes the mutations that lead to skin cancer, SPF measures protection against this only. UVA does more generic damage, creates free radicals associated with aging, wrinkles, collagen loss, pigmentation, etc. etc., but can also contribute to immunosuppression and therefore skin cancer. It’s more complex than this obviously but that’s not really the point of this post.

My sunscreen criteria: I hate wearing sunscreen. However, Accutane + sun = an extremely bad time. My ideal sunscreen is something that doesn’t feel disgusting to wear so I will wear it regularly in the first place (i.e. dry-touch), something I ideally don’t have to reapply super often under normal daily use (i.e. photostable UV filters, water-resistant when necessary), and has maximum protection. As long as I’m wearing it, I also want as much UVA protection as I can find, without compromising the former criteria.

Note: The sunscreens I tried are almost all chemical UV filters and several are loaded with alcohol, so if that upsets your skin then proceed with caution/ask me for a specific rec!

Note 2: All of these are SPF50+ (the highest rating allowed in the EU (meaning they tested at at least SPF60) unless otherwise specified *cough*Supergoop*cough*)

Best Face: Kao Biore UV Aqua Rich Watery Essence (x)

Best feel, best protection, best price point. This gets recommended everywhere for a reason. Bit of a silicone feel on the face. No white cast. Smells like alcohol at first. Really, really quality daily face sunscreen. Water resistant. Caveat that because of the alcohol I would make sure to throw a layer of moisturizer on beforehand to make sure I’m not totally drying myself out.

Also make sure you get the name exactly right, there’s a blah blah Watery Gel that’s totally different consistency, totally different filters, etc. etc. It has to be Watery Essence.

Best Body: Eucerin Sun Sensitive Protect Dry Touch Sun Gel-Cream (x)

This was a sleeper hit, so shout-out to Eucerin for the greatest body sunscreen I’ve ever tried. This stuff is SO protective and dries SO. DAMN. DRY. Zero grease somehow, feels like nothing. It’s even water resistant. I tried a couple LRP body sunscreens but they honestly aren’t worth mentioning. Eucerin or bust babey!

More Face Sunscreens:

I’ve also tried all top five sunscreens from this Stylevana listicle of Asian face SPF (x). The thing about face sunscreens that they’ve started doing is loading them up with silicones and acrylate polymers, which leaves a silicone-y feel on your skin like a makeup primer. As far as I can tell from poking through various patents, these polymers are doing a few things in the formula: a) emulsifying/stabilizing the newer/bigger UV filter molecules, and creating an occlusive layer over the UV filter molecules on the skin to a) improve water resistance and b) reduce eye stingy-ness. At first I thought I wanted to avoid these seemingly unnecessary additives but considering their function, these are all features I want/need in a face sunscreen so we’re living with them.

1. Shiseido - Anessa Perfect UV Sunscreen Skincare Milk: really good, sliiight white cast but absolutely no streaks, more like a foundation just a hair too light for my skin tone. However I can’t imagine buying this because #2 on the list is better and 1/3 the price. Medium silicone feel. Something I’d probably only break out for when I went to an outdoor summer wedding.

2. Kao - Biore UV Aqua Rich Watery Essence: I have already sung its praises.

3. MISSHA - All Around Safe Block Essence Sun Milk: closest to a US milky/greasy sunscreen experience here, though very fluid and still absorbs nicely. No silicone feel. Not a bad choice but nothing special.

4. Canmake - Mermaid Skin Gel UV: probably second favorite after Biore. Similar, bit less of a silicone feel. I’ve gotten red a couple times using this though, possibly because less silicone feel = no layer of protection against sweat/physically rubbing off? I bet this would be perfect under makeup though, it’s super light.

5. COSRX - Aloe Soothing Sun Cream: SO moisturizing, almost a dewy feel that sits on your skin and never dries. I wanted to love her, but unfortunately she is so loaded with the aforementioned polymers that when you reapply/put the appropriate amount on to begin with, it completely gums up and pills and you lose all protection. Also definitely not water resistant. Probably my top pick for a winter daily face sunscreen that I wouldn’t ever be worrying about reapplying though.

Other Contenders:

La Roche-Posay Anthelios Invisible Fluid (x) and Bioderma Photoderm Max Milk (x)

These two bad boys have the highest rated UVA protection currently on the market, 46 PPD for La Roche-Posay and 42 PPD for Bioderma. The LRP is extremely watery (technically alcohol-y) and comes in a teeny bottle(though same size as a lot of these I guess) but it is The Best UVA protection money can buy. The texture is really nice too, and feels super water resistant. If I’m outside sweating or on the water in the summer, this is going on my face. I've also seen it on sale multiple times since I’ve started researching sunscreens (because it’s extremely popular) so you can definitely find it in the $0.30/mL-or-less tier if you keep an eye out.

This Bioderma is cheaper and also extremely protective (thanks Helena @bronyraurmp3 for the rec!) but unfortunately it stung both my and Mr T’s eyes like a BITCH. Extremely unpleasant experiences for both of us. TBH if I’m out in midday sun, swimming or kayaking or something, I’m gonna be wearing a long-sleeved UPF rashguard to protect my arms and upper body and not worrying too much about whatever cheap greasy sunscreen I put on my legs. This Bioderma stuff would be going on my neck, ears, and hands though bc it’s super water resistant.

Eucerin Sun Sensitive Protect Mattifying Fluid : bit of a white cast, really slippy texture going on and nice dry touch texture when it dried down, but drying down took foreeever. Probably really nice if you’re sensitive and pale.

Eucerin Sun Oil Control Gel-Cream Dry Touch : VERY matte and dry-touch, would have loved it if I hadn’t gotten burned using it (doesn’t have all the newest most stable UV filters). Approaching the expensive end of things too, but would be a lovely option if you really prioritize non-greasiness and don’t need the premium protection? Mr T really liked using it on his bald head lol.

Supergoop Unseen Sunscreen SPF40 (US): This is recommended many places but it has to be a joke that people are actually paying Shiseido Anessa prices for old American UV filter selection, only SPF 40, and no UVA rating to speak of, right??? (ok they do have a PA+++ rating meaning a PPD of 8-16, so. this is acceptable.) I did not test this one but damn wtf. The texture is probably nice though and it looks perfectly sheer in the photos on their website, so maybe as a last resort for darker skintones that show a white cast with everything else? At that price tho... you do you but damn.

Jigott Snail UV Sun Block : This had good reviews on Yesstyle but it sucked. White streaks, bad.

La Roche-Posay Anthelios Ultra-Light Tinted Mineral Sunscreen SPF60 (US): Another in the outdoor-wedding only price range. There’s a tinted and a non-tinted mineral version and I ended up mixing them together to get a shade that looked pretty good on me, but needing two bottles for that puts it in the extremely ridiculous price category. Really slippy nice texture that takes a bit to dry but dries down perfectly matte. I guess the person who wants to shell out for a high end all-mineral tinted sunscreen exists somewhere out there but I would bet there are many nice cheaper mineral options out there that I haven’t tried.

And that’s it! For EU sunscreens, I was able to order them on caretobeauty.com, and Japanese/Korean ones from yesstyle.com or stylevana.com, though I had to go to eBay for the Biore and Anessa. I ordered some Biore from a seller on Amazon but they shipped from Japan and I think they got taken by customs because the last known location on the tracking info is Chicago, so finding a seller in the US that has already imported them seems like a good idea (vendor lullabellabeauty on eBay worked great for me, fwiw, I will definitely order my Biore from there in the future).

If you have specific questions about any of these, or if you have any recs you think I should try, hmu! You will be shocked I’m sure to hear I have a whole sunscreen database at this point.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 28 - Risk assessment of restarting events, German experiment.

K: Hi, Lets start this week's episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome....Oh, I forgot to say 'This is Dir en grey's Kaoru'.

J, T: Hahaha.

J: Well, say it now, haha.

K: No, well, Im always saying this, but the preparations to get this show started each time are so slow!

J, T: Hahaha.

K: I got here about 90mins ago!

J: Yeh, honestly for me, sorry about this, but I mistook the time and the day, I only noticed when I saw Tasai's LINE message.

T: I was thinking, 'this is not good'.

J: 'Joe san! We're all already here!' And I thought, 'Eh!?', and I rushed here in a panic. But  they still weren't ready to start recording.

K: Seriously, they havn't ever got it all set up quickly and smoothly.

T: Thats right.

K: We're waiting for so long.

J: Yep, there's been a lot of waiting to get to this point. But we do have time to have a meeting about the theme.

K: Yeh, we do that. But why does it never work out properly? They only have to do the same thing every time. We're talking about this every third episode.

J: Yeh, and we record three at once, so its like every time, haha.

K: Hahaha

J: Yep, we start each recording session with this conversation every time. Its become famous already.

K: We are kinda grumbling a bit.

J: The viewers have no connection to this.

K: Well, anyway, for today...Joe san, could you please?

J: Yes, 1500 at a concert - risk assessment of event restarts in German experiment. With the reopening of music and sports events in mind, which have faced huge restrictions amidsts the spreading of Covid-19, German researchers conducted an experiment on the 22nd, analyzing the risk of infection at a real live concert. On this day, a team of researchers from Martin Luther University in Halle, Germany put on a concert by the singer Tim Bendzko in an indoor venue in Leipzig. 1500 people took part in the experiment. Masks and small size tracking devices were distributed to the audience, and their hands were applied with fluorescent gel before entering. This was to record areas of high contact within the venue, and identify where people are touching the most. Professor Gekle from the same university's medical department said, 'I want to be able to offer some means of making a reasonable decision as the whether or not events can be permitted. We need the means to predict how many people will be infected after events are reopened.' Three scenarios were tested: a pre-pandemic environment, a mid-pandemic/strengthened infection prevention environment, and a limited audience environment. The team will analyze the gathered data, and evaluate the success of  the prevention methods using a mathematical model. They will announce their results within this year. Soo, this has finally gotten started.

T: It was picked up on a 26" Sharp *1

J: Yes, in the end 1500 people took part in the experiment.

K: Didn't they say they wanted 4000 people?

J: Yeh, maybe they couldn't gather that many.

K: Yeh

J: Sounds like it.

T: I think so. It looks like the data is split into three parts. The first group is like at the start of the pandemic with everyone...

J: Everyone crammed in. Doing a live show in a packed space.

T: Yeh. The second group was testing the prevention measures, like using alcohol, with a certain amount of social distancing. And the third group was keeping a strict distance of 1.5 meters between each person, and making it perfectly spaced out. Then they could gather these three sets of data.

J: Yeh, I see. It looks like we could get some good guidelines out of this.

K: But if they say the results will be out within the year, thats still quite a way off, isnt' it?

J: Yeh, we may have to wait a bit, but as for big events in Japan, the government made an announcement on the 21st of this month (*Sep or Oct 2020*). They will continue with their 5000 upper limit of people allowed in indoor or outdoor facilities. As to why they will continue this, a govt. person had this to say in an article for Mainichi Shinbun. 'Experts are saying we have already passed the peak, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't extend the limit on spectator numbers. The rest of the world would never forgive us'. Germany is using this kind of scientific logic, but Japan is saying 'we won't change the 5000 people limit, because the world wouldn't forgive us'!

T: Yeh..

Kami: Can I say something? ..Um, I listened to the report, and I got distracted by the names of that singer and that professor, Tim Bendzko and Professor Gekle, so I didn't really listen to the rest.

T: Well, yeh, those names are pretty interesting  to Japanese people.

Kami: So I wasn't listening much...but you said, 'The rest of the world wouldn't forgive us'..if they were to lift the limit on 5000 people?

J: Yes, yes. Not me, someone connected with the government said that.

Kami: Thats pretty amazing, isn't it? They won't lift the limit because the world would never forgive them?

J: Well, experts are saying we are past the peak, so..ordinarily, this would be a good time to lift the limit.

Kami: Even though experts say we are past the peak, the world would never forgive us, so we won't lift the limit...Japan is really keeping up with the trends, isn't it?

K: Its cute, right?

J: Yeah

Kami: Its great, isn't it?

J: Its like, we know the science, but we don't wanna get bullied!

Kami: Even I didn't think of this. Thank you very much for this.

J: Well, its a new discovery...

Kami: Yes, I started to really love Japan.

T: Its a politician's job to explain this type of thing properly tho.

Kami: I really love Japan now.

J: But this really isn't any kind of scientific logic.

K: But the rest of the world aren't doing live shows as much as Japan is...they can't can they?

J: Ahhh....yeah.

K: In that sense ???*2

J: Japan is always in this kinda grey zone. There's a lot of talk about this request for self-restraint, like what does it mean? Like, Can I? Can't I?

K: Nothing has been forbidden though, has it?

J: Yeh

K: Also, what was it? A kind of bike event that took place in North Carolina..

J: Yes, thousands of people attended. Events like that are happening in America. At the moment, there are no penalties for doing anything.

K: People are just not doing stuff by exercising self-restraint

J: Thats it.

K: So that means Japan hasn't even ???*3

J: Yeah.

K: No, well it depends how you say it! Didn't they have anything clearer to say?

J: It wasn't very scientific.

K: We've only spoken about Japan, but in Taiwan they are holding concerts with over 10, 000 people.

T: Thats amazing, isn't it?

K: Because they have a really low rate of infection right?

J: Yeah, they do.

T: This was on August 8th, right?

Kami: The world has forgiven them right?

J: Well, yeah.

T: Doesn't this photo have quite an impact?

K: Its great, isn't it? Its a packed live show.

J: It is. They are wearing masks, but there is no distance between them.

T: Its just like normal.

K: That means they've returned to daily life then? In Taiwan?

J: Well, I guess so.

K: I spoke about this before, but I wonder if they will do experiments on other areas of life, not just live shows. This German study is only looking at live shows, right? Other things...

T: For example, public transport?

K: Mmm

T: Public spaces, they could do the experiment with public transport and stuff.

Kami: If Japan conducted this kind of experiment, the world wouldn't forgive us, right?

J: Well, you might not even be able to gather participants.

K: Well, conversely it would be seen as raising the infection risk, if Japan did it.

T: Are you slightly envious when you look at this, Kaoru? The Taiwan live show? 10,000 people gathering like this..

K: Well, i mean, at our lives people aren't all sat down like this, so I'm not sure. It doesn't feel like authentically back to normal. Its great that so many people can be allowed in there though.

Kami: Haven't Dir en grey ever played in Taiwan?

K: We have. It was good. How many times did we go? Twice?

Kami: Was the food nice?

K: Emm, yeh, haha.

J: Hahaha. The topic has turned more relaxing towards the end, haha.

T: Kami sometimes says cute stuff.

J: Yeah.

Kami: What did you eat?

K: What did I eat? Hmm

J: He's quite interested in this, isn't he?

K: I don't really remember.

Kami: Did you go out during the night?

K: Eh? Err, I think I did, yeh.

Kami: Did it taste nice?

K: Did it taste nice?? Well, I don't think I ate at night.

T: Did you try that Stinky Tofu?

K: I have never tried it!

J: Ahh, it really stinks doesn't it? That..

K: The smell is too offputting.

J: That knocked me flat...But you could do live shows if you went to Taiwan though?

K: They wouldn't let us in.

J: Ahhh, right. At the moment..

K: Yeh, we wouldn't be allowed in.

J: Now we have this problem.

K: They're not allowing people in, so...huh? *a music box sounding tune starts playing*  Whats that?

J: Is someone's phone ringing? Haha, is this revenge from Kami? Are we ok?

Kami: You're ok.

K: They're not allowing people in, thats why they can do big shows. Probably.

J: Yeh

K: Well, who knows when Japan, or even the rest of the world will be able to do live shows like this, but im interested to see what kind of results this experiment will produce.

T: We can do an episode about it.

K: Yep. Well, the conversation was a bit all over the place today...

J,T: Hahaha

K: But please tune in again next time. Please subscribe.

*1 I don't know what he means by this.

*2, 3 Couldn't catch

[sootygoggles]

Parent!Paranoia Sanders Sides AU!

No explanation, but I'll probably give the backstory later. For now: memes of Paranoia being an A-class parent and a chaos gremlin. (okay it started as memes but then just ended up as fleshing the AU out)

~~

Paranoia, worried abt his kids: I'm uhhhh gonna go to my room see ya later light sides

Paranoia, sneaking back into the subconscious to check on his now teenaged children: I'm gonna leave duke a r a t that I found and thought looked cool

Duke, waking up the next morning and yelling for 'Nesty bc "HOLY CRAP NESTY LOOK AT THIS RAT ISN'T SHE ADORABLE I WANNA HANG HER ON THE WALL": !!!!!!!!!!

~~

Paranoia gets a habit of sitting on the fridge because his children were wild as kids and sometimes duke comin at you with a knife warrants jumping onto counters

~~

Nesty, who doesnt get paid to deal with duke: I'm raiding dads liquor cabinet it's my due for putting up with this

Paranoia, physically manifesting: put the key to the liquor cabinet D O W N, Honesty

~~

The lights are confused as to why he disappears at random times of the day and night and he just "leave me TF alone before I leave you a goshdarn diddly P R E S E N T while youre sleeping I'm tired"

~~

patton: my child! my dark strange son!!

paranoia, who has children: ,,,,yea ok

~~

Patton ticks him off so he leaves a big halloween decor spider on his bed and nobody sleeps for weeks after that bc pattons too scared to touch it and paranoia maybeperhaps glued it onto his cover

~~

He's like one of those people you know might mean well but ooooooo boy theyre pushin buttons

~~

Paranoia, whos fav animal/insect is spiders and whose children have tarantulas and snakes on the regular: hes not even realistic!! You need to learn to get along with mr sparkles patton!! look at him. he's fluffy!

~~

He has googly eyes and glitter on him at all times of course hes named mr sparkles

~~

paranoia gets to be a little petty. as a treat

~~

Paranoia just carries bags of glitter around and whenever mr sparkles gets duller he takes mr sparkles to the kitchen counter and he dumps glitter on him

Logan and patton are tired of cleaning up bc paranoias just petty enough to make their counters eternally sparkly

~~

"why is there glitter all over the kitchen?"

paranoia, holding mr sparkles: :)

~~

Paranoia, after AA: I hate purple but they dont know that now do they

Paranoia is actually orange the last side is purple lol

~~

Chaos Gremlin dark sides and nobody is surprised bc paranoia raised them

~~

paranoia, going back to see his teen children after acting like a teen all day: what is up, fellow kids

honesty: i am going to lose it

~~

Wrath, coming to yell at them to keep it down: why are you purple I'm purple

Paranoia, cackling bc finally I can get out of this horrible color: *snaps fingers * I'M PARANOIA MOTHERTRUCKERS HAVE FUUUNNNNN I'M GONNA BE MAKING YOUR LIVES LIVING HELL FROM THIS POINT FORWARDS

~~

duke and nesty, pumped for halloween bc u l t i m a t e s p o o k: :D

paranoia, coming out in a traffic cone costume with a shit eating grin on his face: :D

~~

Paranoia, decorating for halloween bc "oh I'm sorry it's just the *sniffles * homesickness and we a l w a y s decorated for halloween" knowing full well all of his decorations are spider and witch themed bc they all like the salem witch trials

~~

He leaves ONE fake snake in romans cereal and the lights just. Lose it. Hes kicked back into the subconscious to be chaotic with his kids, no new side, just the hours upon hours of film hes gotten from the bugs hed placed around the unconscious and a plan for the next several movie nights

He gets back and honesty is w h e e z i n g bc he was watching through the cracks and they make a fail compilation of the light sides

It takes like two months for the lights to just go insane with him around not due to yknow paranoia but bc hes such a gremlin

~~

Patton asks if he was raised by wolves and he shoves mr sparkles at patton saying "take the issue of how I was raised up with my father, a-hole!!"

He doesnt actually curse he just yells "A-HOLE" so loud his kids can hear

~~

They dont find out he's a dad until hes summoned and hes making cookies or smt with the kids and hes in a bright orange stereotypical witch outfit,,, corset and all and an apron that says "worlds most chaotic dad" on the front

And hes talking to one of the kids like "duke you can only put dish soap in your batch nesty cant digest it like you can"

~~

Patton has an apron that says worlds least chaotic 'dad' courtesy of paranoia he made it himself(read: he stole pattons good apron and scribbled over it in sharpie)

~~

Paranoia is always close to cackling when around the lights bc theyre newbs to any chaos

~~

Roman and remus are twins but roman is the kind of kid to promptly forget abt anyone and logan n patton knew remus less than a day before he "disappeared" aka ran to the subconscious to explore and theyve just kinda blocked him out

~~

Logans fine with it and actually likes the decorations tho he has asked if they had to be so brightly coloured and if there had to be so much glitter

I say decorations but hes a secret gremlin at heart and is super close to snickering at all times bc of the pranks

~~

Also yes paranoia mildly dads roman it's great but he dads in an older sibling type way

~~

So pat and logan are all "hes fitting in as an older brother well" and they tell him abt their approval of his older brother chaos and hes just like "no this is how I am deal with it nothing to do with brothers" bc hes not telling them abt his kids he doesnt trust them

~~

Hes up at like midnight complaining with logan abt how patton doesnt let him be full chaos gremlin and logan says "mmmhmm did your parents in the dark side let you go wild with the chaos" and paranoia just,,,,, looks at him, dead in the eyes, and says "I dont have parents"

Cue logan being confusion

Paranoia, who genuinely didn't have parents: my parents are mr sparkles and the cat we've had for my entire life

Logan, who doesnt know they had a cat and is now worried bc "are you taking care of it???": ???

Paranoia: it's great for keeping the Others in line tho I just say "do your chores or no snuggle time with ms peregrin" and they do their chores while I'm making dinner

logan, incredibly confused: i don't know what you mean but ok

Paranoia: yeah theyre dumb but it's the level of dumb youd expect from my idiots

~~

Or he slips up and refers to them as his children/kids and logan, not realizing they have an Actual Father/Sons relationship/age difference(paranoias abt.late 20s early 30s, remus defies all logic and has been about 9-10 for a few years now, and dees like early teens) just says "huh how.interesting would it be to have to deal with people your age that immature" and paranoias just. "Y e a h t h e y r e t o t a l l y t h e s a m e a g e a s I a m"

~~

Duke is very much baby and upon seeing duke eating glue paranoia and honesty the idiots decided to try it too

theyre so dumb dsdhdhdhjsdh

They AREEE and paranoia, after discovering that duke has the h a r d i e s t immune system they decide to test exactly what he can and cannot safely eat bc he may be dumb but hes also def a Dad and he just wants to take care of his kids and if that includes making sure that duke can safely consume toilet bleach then so be it

Duke can eat almost anything short of actual cyanide but cyanide just makes him sick like stomach bug sick

He somehow gets a fever,,,,, he has it for like half an hour and paranoia is amazed

Hes in bed,,,,, paranoia makes him soup,,,,,, hes all better and running around again

~~

Paranoias parenting rules:

Dont murder your brothers pls

Do your chores or no snuggle time with ms peregrin

Glitter is always a yes

Insults are fine just make sure you dont overstep and make your brothers insecure

all of them are printed and then the last one is scrawled at the bottom in

If you get sick, tell him immediately bc he will find out and he will be the most obsessive parent to make sure you feel better ASAP

If your pronouns/name/function change, tell him immediately, he'll make sure you dont feel uncomfortable as well as he can

Duke dont put dish soap in honestys baked goods you know he cant digest it

It's a nice system for making chaos but keeping it manageable

They're all printed then the last one's scrawled in glitter gel pen and duke wrote a reply that said (I'm sorry yall dont have as good an immune system as I do)

There was a whole passive aggressive arguement on the bulletin for the next week before it got taken down to make room for dukes art

They eventually started just putting them up over each other and using magnets instead of thumbtacks

The entire bottom portion of the walls are painted in chalkboard paint so theres no unerasable drawing on the walls and the rest of the paint is magnetic so they can hang pieces everywhere

Dukes improving rapidly tho and doesnt like looking at his old art all the time so paranoia holds onto the drawings in several filing cabinets in case he ever wants to do redraws or needs his original prints to make something in the Imagination

also bc,,, sentimental

jus a little

Yeah bc "yes my child draws nothing but blood gore and new animals but hes a creative genius and I love all of his art"

~~

Roman: anxiety I can see why you left

Paranoia: ??? What?? It's spoopy season??

Roman: there was BLOOD on the WALLS

Paranoia, internally: oh!!!! Duke perfected his blood recipe!!!!

Paranoia, externally: how did it taste?

Roman: WHO TASTES THE BLOOD ON THE WALLS?!?!

Paranoia: if it tasted like lemons or citrus you need to stay off of most foods, stick to crackers and broth- don't eat anything heavy until you're sure you wont throw it up

Patton, who was making cereal: ????

~~

Also!!!! @iliveinprocrasti-nation Thanks for helping me flesh this AU out!!!

[eroticcannibal]

Yeah. Not to be defeatist but it's fucked up that i figured stuff out, got over my internalised transphobia, put myself in a position in life where i could transition, all of which took massive work! - and now that's gone to waste because I will never be able to transition. I just won't, I'm not the sort the uk healthcare system would allow to do that, I'm insane and gnc and i wind up sabotaging everything i have to lie about. And unfortunately I'm not planning to dip and go someplace better (like, where?) and i just. want to transition in my lifetime lol

Honestly, mood. I am so tired of it at this point I am litterally just aiming for a masc corpse.

Idk if "keep trying" is dumb advice or not cus what some of them will put u through is legit traumatizing, and yeah I might be feeling better about this time round but. I've been hopeful before! It could still go to shit! So idk if keeping on trying even works! And they fuckin know everyone lies these days, my first go was at the tail end of "lie about these things in this way" working (at least with the clinics I been at). Like this is NOT a criticism of nb people I am nb but visibility for nb folks really fucked that up cus now they are all "hmmm are u sure ur not nb???" At fucking everything.

If you can ever get the money (oof), I would reccomend gendercare. I believe it is Dr Lorimer who has got himself in a bit of bother for his radical ideas like "trans people know what they need" lmao. And though I dont see her on the website, I have seen that Christina Richards has worked with that clinic, so be careful. She is the "leading expert" on nb folks because she is nb, and is personally responsible for a good half of that list I wrote out earlier AND the guidelines that many clinics are adopting that nb people should be forced to wait longer. Like you know how people say Caitlyn Jenner is a traitor? She has *nothing* on Christina Fucking Richards and I am going to celebrate the day she fucking dies.

Also I forgot his name and which clinic he works at but the trans man doctor? Do not. Nope. He is anti GNC and not worth your money.

Also committing crimes for hormones is good and valid (but harder if ur looking for t). They changed the gels packaging so sharing doesnt work so well anymore but if u can ever work that out. Might not be a bad idea. Tho ensure u get ur levels checked (GPs MUST provide this free if ur self medding) cus if u fuck it up clinics wont ever approve u.

Honestly I wish I had something more positive and hopeful to say to u. I guess the best I can say is I am not going to stop fighting this, collectively we are not going to stop fighting this.

[antigenius]

Skincare Hcs!!

I was thinking about skincare, then the boys came to mind and AAA SKINCARE HCS HERE WE GO

Izuku:

·       tbh he used to not care about his skin, but now he really does once you came into his life.

·       He washes his face daily with an oil cleanser, he has a normal skin type, so he doesn’t really need all too much.

·       Likes to get All-Might facemasks. Like you’ll come home and then he’s just there with a flaccid All-Might on his face and holy heCK it scares the living shit out of you. 

·       Uses Teatree cream at night, makes him smell nice and refreshing, but you also have to warn him to put on another moisturiser after it because it can seriously dry out his skin.

·       He likes to use body scrubs too! You introduced him to sugar scrubs, and he lives by it. He always comes out of the shower with silky soft skin and it makes you drool bc omg soft skin, but scars are somehow best combo?

·       He usually doesn’t moisturise his body. You did give him some body oil which is supposed to slowly help heal scars. He uses that weekly and it makes him smell like baby oil :>

·       Doesn’t really use deodorant either. He uses the natural deodorant [salt block] because he doesn’t like the feeling of sprays or the stick/roll on deodorants. He doesn’t smell of BO, but it means he doesn’t smell like cologne.

·       Doesn’t have hair on his skin. Which is so unfair. But it’s in his genes, and means his legs get ashy easily. He normally counters this by putting on a bit of sunscreen.

·       Btw he uses sunscreen daily. Urges you to use it too, he loves you being tanned but doesn’t want you to get skin cancer ;-;

·       “Love...” “Yes?” “Drink some water.” “But I’m not thirsty...” “You need to!” “I’m not thirsty!!” “What if I kiss you for all the glasses of water you drink?” “... *gets a bunch of tiny little shot glasses of water*” “W-wait that’s-” “YOu SaiD IF I dRInK A GLaSS-”

Bakugou:

·       okay let’s get something straight. Bakugou REALLY CARES ABOUT HIS SKIN LIKE HELLO GOSH HE IS BEAUTY GURU 101

·       He has combination skin type and normally really large pores due to his quirk. Always has to use toners so that he’s all handsome for you (tho tbh you don’t mind, you think he’s handsome always ^^)

·       Washes daily with both a foam and oil cleanser to make sure that his pores aren’t clogged with sweat, dirt and debris. Then uses a really harsh toner (sometimes he curses as he uses it, that how much it hurts) and moisturises with a light day cream.

·       ORANGE BURST IS HIS FACEWASH. NEUTROGENA PLEASE SPONSOR HIM.

·       Also really enjoys bath bombs!! He has like a heck ton of them and he really enjoys the ones that smell like citrus.

·       Tbh just in general citrus smelling skincare is really hecking nice for him, especially since he has to sweat a lot, so he wants to smell good for you.

·       Uses a LOT of hand-cream. He has all different types with different smells, so that his hand aren’t as rough when you hold them. It also means they normally smell like vanilla or strawberries and gosh that’s a good smell-

·       Nags you to get the right skincare items for your face. His mom also does it too! Helps find the correct products especially for your skin-type and actually had proper conversations about skincare with you.

·       Rarely uses facemasks. Even if he does, it’s a plain black charcoal one. Makes him look creepy though, he chases you around the house with it, loves hearing you laugh and scream in playful terror.

·       Sometimes when you come home, he literally has his face covered in oatmeal with cucumbers for his eyes. It’s so funny that you took pictures and now it’s a secret meme with the bakusquad-

·       You literally snuggle with him to try and get good skin. Especially once he comes home from gym. He tells you it won’t work, but he lets you do it anyway because cuddles-

·       Sunscreen is must with him too! Please use sunscreen, he will literally pin you down to put some on you because he cares if you will get cancer or something even worse-

·       Calvin Klein deodorant! Manly, but not too overwhelming. He really hecking cares about how he smells since he has to sweat so much, so yeah, he always smells good. It’s one of his insecurities.

Shouto:

·       He has really, really dry skin. So dry that he literally has to use hydrating masks almost every day. On the left is combination skin tho.

·       Every time you come home, he’s like “hey babe” but like all slurry because the mask is on his face and he can’t talk properly so it just sounds like “hy be”. It’s SO FUNNY-

·       Also loves manuka honey for skincare- He uses it on his face weekly. Makes his skin nice and plump!

·       He cannot use sunscreen enough, especially on his right side. He urges you to use it too, especially since sometimes he gets scared you’ll get some sort of cancer. (cancer is real guys please-)

·       Uses an oil hydrating facewash, but he kinda hates it since you have to have your face dry first and then wash it. You’ll walk past the bathroom and you’ll hear a sigh, you poke your head and it’s shirtless Shouto rubbing on the shiny stuff on his face and he’s grimacing, but he does it to look good.

·       Smells like pine trees and forests. Uses Old Spice Timber.

·       Really, really likes bath salts!!! After a loooooong hard day, he’ll just grab a bag of it and sploosh it in the bathtub to feel the fizzle massage all his aching muscles and he just relaxes with some vanilla and/or berry candles

·       Has a plethora of chapsticks and lip-scrubs. His lips taste different every time you kiss him and whenever he gets a new one, he tests it out on you and he’ll be like “How’s this one y/n?” and you can’t answer bc the kiss was so sudden but it tasted so good that you want another taste and woop-

·       Uses a lot of different creams and body oils for his body. His skin is silky soft, tbh sometimes its softer than yours and you feel jealous. Normally makes him smell like vanilla.

·       Also uses feet masks!! Weirdly enough, his feet get really cracked and dry, so he always soaks his feet in hydrating oils or creams so that they’re not so unsightly.

·       He doesn’t have much hairs, but he actually waxes?? Like one night you heard a grunt from the bathroom, and you looked and there was Shouto??? He told you that since his quirk can sometimes make body hair uncomfortable, he usually waxes it off.

 Kirishima:

·   Okay, he also has really dry skin due to his hardening quirk

·   Didn’t really use skincare until you came along. Now it’s the manliest thing ever!!!

·   Uses a gel or cream facewash that makes his face smell neutral. Usually uses aftershave afterwards.

·   He actually doesn’t use much sunscreen. He uses it more when he’s working as a hero, since his skin is almost always really exposed, but otherwise he doesn’t use it all too much.

·   You bought him some cute animal facemasks since he told you his skin was really dry. He truly appreciates it! Now you guys have nights where you put on animal masks and watch David Attenborough talk about animals.

·   He really enjoys using loofas. He keeps destroying them a lot of the time in the shower, but he does really, sincerely like them!

·   Also really loves to exfoliate. He has a lot of exfoliating soap bars, and he goes through them like butter. Really makes him feel smooth and silky to cuddle, but razor sharp in hardening mode so…

·   Bathes in really cold water since he heard that bathing in hot water can destroy the skin. You discovered this once you bathed right after him, the water was FREEZING AND YOU SCREAMED, and he was like “Y/n!! I’m sorry I just showered-“

·   He obviously uses the manliest deodorant ever, OLD SPICE! He has a whole collection of all the different types of Old Spice deodorants, as well as bodywash, aftershave, etc. He especially likes the smell of Old Spice Fiji. It makes him smell like the beach and the first time you smelt it on him you had to agree that was HIS smell. He smelled like a mojito on white sand and jUST-

·   Doesn’t have any hair, which makes his skin easily ashy as well. Uses body oil normally, but it does make him a bit more clumsy than usual since he hecking slathers it all over his body and also his feet, then he walks on the tiles and woop-

Denki:

·   Oops also has dry skin, but an oily T-zone. Poor boy actually gets acne easily but handles it somehow.

·   Is actually clueless about skincare. He doesn’t do it often, so you have to help him buy the right items for his face.

·   Loves going to the spa though!! Especially likes those fish that eat his dead skin cells. Though the one time you took him, and he zapped the poor fish in the tank. As the smell of fried fish filled the air, you and Denki apologised to the owner of the spa.

·   USES AXE BODY SPRAY FOR MEN. He sprays it all over, then goes with some cheap adidas cologne. It’s to lure you in, he says, but really all it does it make you feel lightheaded with such a drowning scent. When it dies down though, it actually smells alright.

·   Denki on his own smells like mint. Like a really refreshing mint you popped into your mouth to freshen up. Possibly because he keeps some mint herbs near his bed because he saw you planting some in a small pot, and then took some and thought they were cute.

·   Uses For Men specific body wash. Only For Men. Once he forgot his and refused to shower with soap because yours wasn’t for men.

·   Uses shower cream instead of body scrubs. He just finds it easier and less messy, as well as less harsh on his skin. It also doesn’t clash with the smells of his deodorant and cologne.

·   Has a collection of cologne. Musky, rich, deep tones? You name it, he’s got it. They’re mostly cheap ones though. You got him an expensive one for Christmas and he cherishes that one so much.

·   He also uses jelly masks! They’re really helpful and colourful and GAH he loves them!! Tried to eat them once though, and that was horrible.

·   Puts cucumbers on his eyes daily. Helps him relax and feel refreshed, particularly on days that he just feels so tired. Plus, he can eat them after!

·   Oh hecc he also loves jacuzzi massages with bath bombs. SPA PLEASE GIVE HIM SPA TREATMENT HE REALLY LOVES IT

·   Actually really liked the one time you gave him a spa treatment at home. You even dressed as a cute Spa girl and his heart was doing backflips in his throat as you massaged him and asked him if he wanted more rose petals.

[jokin-around]

1am trek to Rite-aide in a Batman kigurumi for a bottle of cold syrup and some ice cream

Fic under the cut🎉🎉 ⬇⬇⬇

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19826074 

from beneath a pile of blankets a color drained clown groaned miserably, the sound somewhat muffled by the assortment pretty plastic bobbles filling up the half deflated kitty pool they laid in haphazardly.

The clown in question was Gotham's very own mage of mischief. and much as pain played into his game he absolutely HATED being sick.

Funny thing was, Jay didn’t ever get sick. Period.

With the slew of mystery chemicals constantly floating around in his blood he’d always thought he’d be immune to something as innocuous as a cold. yet here he was stewing in misery, surrounded by a sea of used tissues.To say this was the first time he'd spent the wee hours of the night feeling like garbage would be a lie, but it was definitely the first time he’d felt so unprepared for an ailment.

All that considered, He wouldn’t mind the discomfort if he wasn't so hopelessly bored and… not to mention… alone.

Harley, who was probably busy gardening at the moment, hadn’t answered his calls and none of the other rogues would bother coming to his aid if he asked… they didn't like him very much. He didn’t know why and hardly cared but right now he honestly wished he was better at making friends. Of course, Bud, his lovely hyena who was snoring audibly in the other corner of the room, kept him company on long lonely days, but a dog’s unconditional love could only go so far.

He’d been in his room for hours at this point but as the bat shaped clock on his wall struck 1:00 Jay finally decided he’d had enough.

Throwing the blankets aside, sending foam balls bouncing around the room in the process, Jay sat up, hair a mess, rings around his tired eyes, and stood. Trying his best to ignore the how the world spun like a fun top.

He didn’t need Harley or ANY of those other stupid bozo’s. He could fend for himself just fine and he wasn't about to let some stupid head cold keep him down. Without any further thought Jay grabbed his coat, put on shoes, and headed out the door with a pop-gun in his pocket, looking an absolute mess. Grateful for Gotham's shady midnight darkness --------------------------------

It didn’t take long for the clown to reach his destination, Nite-aid pharmaceuticals was right down the street, just close enough to glide the whole way on a pair of unsteady heelys.

When he entered the store the place was mostly empty except for a few unfortunate stragglers. Night owls looking for late-night smokes and liquor as busted fluorescent lights buzzed and flickered above them... A few patrons turned to glance at him warily, not recognizing the clown out of makeup but suspicious nonetheless. Their failure to turn-tail at first sight would be a mistake they'd soon regret as the unkempt clown lifted his pop-gun in the air and lazily pulled it's trigger.

Now a normal play pistol would’ve gone off with an amusingly harmless pop, but Jay liked to personalize his toys. When the cork shot out the sound pierced through the nights silence like a firecracker, a waft of confetti and billowing green smoke flying up with it in an explosion of noxious, candy scented, color.

The fumes quickly spread through the small store, hot boxing it with chemicals that sent all who breathed it into a frenzied fit. The few unlucky customers present dropped anything they held and nearly toppled over each other as they ran screaming with laughter into the night.

At the back though, a store clerk, who seemed to be bared behind his counter, gagged and giggled as he writhed on the floor with his arms clenched around his sids, too disoriented by now to jump to freedom or even unlatch the door leading out.

As Joker came closer the man backed up, amused yet scared half to death of what would happen as the clown peered over the counter and examined him silently.

A few beats passed before Joker let out a small sigh and mentally made a note to tweak his smilex a tad as he wordlessly opened the gate and let the poor, gasping, employee run free, watching him trip over his own feet a few times as he did. His patented giggle concoction seemed a little too potent this time around, he’d have to fix it sometime….

Soon the joint was empty and joker was alone once more. The whole store now nuisance free and it’s contents perfectly ripe for the taking.

Humming a tune to himself Jay sashayed over to the medicinal isle and eyed over his options. All the keysmashed names and multicolored boxes seemed to meld together the longer he stared. he had no idea which one would be his miracle cure and the way his head swirled made it hard to concentrate on all the teeny-tiny words in front of his heavy feeling eyes. Instead of thinking Jay took a bag and filled it with whatever looked right. If he overdosed on Benadryl and Tylenol instead of Nyquil, so be it.

Before heading out Jay decided to take anything else he thought he might need to feel better including a pint of mint-chocolate chip ice-cream from the fridges in back, a page of funnies and a bargain bin DVD copy of Roger Rabbit .

--------------------------

As Jay walked out he heard a low rumble coming from a few blocks away, before he was able to recognize the telltale roar of the Batmobile, the powerful car had already charged its way down the street swerving to a sudden screeching halt in front of the small drug store as blinding headlights pointed directly at Jay, temporarily disorienting the already discombobulated clown and exposing his unfortunate appearance.

As Jay clumsily shielded his eyes a dark figure exited the tech loaded vehicle and slowly floated closer. Soon a tall shadow loomed over him, blocking the stunning beams of light. Jay slowly peered up to meet a pair of cold blue slits.

"Batman..…?" said Jay, sounding somewhat surprised despite knowing better

“Shoulda known you’d be here…. you're not gonna arrest me are you?" He asked pitifully

The Bat seemed to examine him for a moment, blue lenses eyeing him up and down. Jay was suddenly very aware of how he must have looked, he hadn't combed his hair, or shaved, or bathed, he was 99% percent sure he'd grabbed a mix-matched pair of heelys on the way out and he was currently wearing a jacket over a onesie despite the fact he was cooking like a hotdog in a microwave, evident by the beads of cold sweat trailing down his face….

His bare, scar riddled, face….

He began to turn red with embarrassment as he averted his weary gaze from the other man's calculated scrutiny, shoulders tensing

"Look are you gonna do your thing or can I take my stolen goods and go?" He asked impatiently, exhaustion in his voice

"My Bat-monitor says you have a 104 degree fever" the Bat states. No inflection.

"right, Which is why I need to get home like, now- " a large hand placed itself on his shoulder as he crouched to collect his stuff from the ground

"What you NEED is medical attention" Batman insisted, gently firming his grip. Jay, stood up, shaking his head in protest despite feeling more and more lightheaded with every passing second

"n-no I-I'm fine, i'll be fine! I just need t- "

Before he could protest further, handcuffs were promptly clasped around his limp wrists with a snug click, Jay looked at his shiny new bracelets and gave Bruce a sharp glare.

"bastard." he grumbled

"You'll thank me later." Bats stated cooly as he took the clown by the scruff of his hood and escorted him to the Batmobile. Jay struggled slightly at first, ragdolling as the Bat pulled him along, the fight in him quickly dissipated though as his energy slowly faded and he realized how shortsighted he'd been to not expect a situation like this. Of course the Bat would be here. you could hardly J-walk in this city without his big dumb ears hearing about it somehow.

But despite the inconvenience he wasn't mad… just… unprepared

he and the Bat had a special little relationship and after the day he'd had, that flowing black cape could be considered a sight for sore eyes. But this particular situation was a little different from their usual routine. Up there on the rooftops they were perfectly matched equals. Jay fast and unpredictable, Bats strong and disciplined. right now, as Jay was silently chauffeured to an impressive looking street demon, the scales were tipped, and instead of being fast he was weak and slow and practically nodding off by the time Bats gently placed his body in it’s passenger seat.

The rumble of the monsters powerful engine shook Jay from his daze and his unfocused eyes were greeted by a colorful array of buttons and knobs that decorated the car's interior.

"Ooohh" he awed quietly

"Don't. Touch. ANYTHING." The Bat warned sternly.

"Fuuuh-INE" he complained. "You don't mind if i eat in here tho right?" He asked as he fished into his bag and took out his pint of ice cream.

Batman shot him a look of disapproval.

"Ah, Don't worry- " Jay assured as he struggled to get the tub open "I won't get any on your p-precious lea-ther interio- " a bout of violent coughs interrupted his snarky remark…

The Bat sighed

"here, let me" he took the tub and quickly ripped it open, before placing it back in Jays lap

"OH HO HO thanks, Armstrong." He teased

"Whatever… Just pipe down and take this." Bruce reached into his glorified fanny pack and pulled out a small green pill.

Jay eyed it curiously.

"S' not some funky sedative is it?" He asks cautiously

Bruce shook his head….

"It's a… chemical agent I made special for you… I uh… mix it with my sedatives to counteract your resistance to them… it won't put you to sleep but It should have the same effect on those meds i’m paying for" he explained, nodding at the cherry flavored syrup Jay swiped.

With a bit of hesitation Jay picked up the small capsule and eyed it further. It was rather large and filled with a bright green gel.

"....well that's pretty... thoughtful of you I guess. "

Bruce looked away briefly, he'd created the compound last time Jay was out cold on his operating table using a sample of his blood. He'd put it to other uses since, but it had ultimately saved the clown's life last time around… that said he should've known Jay might find his over-preparedness odd

After a few beats of silence, Jay bit the bullet, washing it down with a scoop of ice cream. Help from the Bat, no matter how uncalled for, was usually help he could trust, besides he thought it was funny how often the Bat modded his tech just for his sake. Was it obsessive? Romantic? he couldn’t tell, but he was definitely flattered…

With a small contented smile on his face, Bruce turned back to the wheel and revved his engine "Alright clown... buckle up"

-------------------------------------------------------------------

It didn't take long for the two to arrive at the Batcave. The ride there quick and uneventful. Bruce didn’t have to bother with a blindfold or knockout gas to cover his tracks, Jay had passed out about halfway there and even then, it wouldn't have mattered much. He was sure Jay already knew it’s location despite being in the dark about...other things.

Exiting the car and stalking to the other side with his cape flowing behind him. Bruce opened the door to the passenger seat and watched as the winged doors lifted to reveal a sleeping figure cradling a half melted pint of ice cream.

“Is this the 'guest' you mentioned earlier sir?” Alfred inquired as he came to greet his kevlar clad son.

“It is.” He answered softly as he slowly lifted the pint from the clowns arms and handed It to the older man

"You somehow failed to mention the guest in question was your colorful new nemesis” the servant jested, raising a brow

"Uh… Forgot to I guess" Bruce shrugged, knowing full well he’d swept a detail or two under the rug to avoid another scolding from his free-spoken butler.

There was a pause of silence as they both watched the peaceful perriot rest

“...If only he was this quiet all the time, Gotham would be a much less hectic place… “ said Alfred after a moment.

“Perhaps” said Bruce. eye’s never breaking away as his chest rose and fell

Alfred, of course, had more to say but decided to keep it to himself as not to sour the moment he was having.

“Well this is going in the fridge... a pot of hot soup should be ready shortly. Just enough for the both of you”

“Thanks al”

Alfred nodded then went on his way as Bruce turned his attention back to Jay.

Although he was used to seeing the jolly jester in a more upkept state, he had to admit he was… striking... even like this…

When that perpetually cheery smile of his finally relaxed, it was replaced by soft supple lips and butter knife sharp cheekbones that framed his face in a way rarely seen outside of hollywood.

Gingerly, Bruce reached beneath his guest and lifted him from his seat.

It always surprised him how light he was, not that Jay was very big to begin with but… the way he threw a punch, took hits like they were nothing… it made it easy to forget he was only about 5'4"... perhaps even smaller minus the mane of hair that currently draped over his tired face

With the rest of the man’s features veiled, Bruce’s eyes were drawn to the two deep scars which curled from the corners of his mouth like a jagged grin. They were long healed but Bruce had a feeling the wounds cut deeper than eyes could see...

As Bruce thumbed away a few stray locks of green to get a better look, Jay began to stir. Hurriedly Bruce stepped over to the med bay section of the cave and laid his guest down before his eyes began to flutter open

"W-where?" He asked groggily as his vision focused

"Batcave."

“Again?” He muttered while sitting up “This gonna be a regular thing?”

“Were you expecting a hospital?” Bruce asked.

Jay rubbed his face

“guess not….” Hospitals we’re never really an option for people like them he supposed. Too many nosy doctors and prodding hands… bad memories...

“Here” a small cup of cherry liquid appeared in front of him, held by a black glove. He took it slowly.

“Can't have the whole bottle??”

“Why would you want to?”

Jay shrugged and took the shot

“I dunno…”

Bruce let that comment slide and stepped closer to check his temperature again.

"How are you feeling?"

" terrible" Jay replied miserably. Bruce looked at his monitor, the clown was stable at about 105°. It wasn't common for a cold to come with a fever but Jay was... an uncommon person.

" think a cool shower might help?"

The clown smiled "...mm… maybe…. You aren't offering to join me are you?"

Bruce scoffed "Not with you like this I'm not…"

Jay rose an eyebrow.

"er… not that I would if you…. Weren't…" Bruce's cheeks went pink for a moment. Though he'd looked away he could tell Jay was smiling even wider. Probably holding in a laugh too.

"Uhm...alright uh… washroom's that way, use what you want, shampoo, conditioner, whatever, I can always buy more"

Jay hopped down from the table and stretched with a moan

"I'm sure you can, rich boy."

"Huh?" Bruce tensed, taken aback by the term usually used to describe his alter ego.

"being best buds with Bruce Wayne must have some pretty sweet perks"

Bruce sighed, allowing himself to breath again as Jay made his way to the shower "right.."

_____________

It didn't take long for Jay to return, He made quick work of cleaning up and was soaped, rinsed and dried within a few minutes. His greasy mop now a fluffy, blow dried, up-do And his mind fog free.

The bouncy mane of curls caught Bruce's attention as the clown re-entered the main room, freshly scrubbed, lemon scented and humming a tune.

"You look a little better…. " Bruce complimented

"Just a little?" Said Jay, faking disappointment.

"Uh… w...well" Bruce stammered.

"Just teasing u dummy." He said with a smile as he took a seat on the bannister next to the Bat-computer.

"Right… well.... I see you're back to your normal self" said Bruce, returning to his work

"Mostly." Jay smiled

"Good… that's good." There was some silence taken up by Bruce's fingers tapping the Bat-computer's interface

"Hey." Jay interrupted

"Yeah?" Said Bruce

"Aren't you scared of catching my cold-cooties or something?" The clown inquired

"No." Bruce answered bluntly.

"Why not?"

"bats don't get colds"

Jay rose an eyebrow.

"Oh really?"

"It's true."

"Mhm…"

Suddenly the sound of a throat clearing interrupted their banter.

"are you two quite done, or will supper have to wait?"

The odd couple turned to face Alfred who was holding a silver platter somewhat impatiently.

"er...Now is fine Alfred"

The butler nodded and gracefully waltzed between them to set the plate down. Removing it's dome to reveal a piping hot stew, stuffed with chicken and veggies, with fresh baked biscuits on the side. It’s aroma was even more enticing than it’s appearance

"Wow this is nothing like that Campbell's stuff" said Jay, eyes wide.

"I should hope not.” Alfred huffed. “ I didn't go to culinary school to cook from a can"

“Thank’s Al, it looks great”

"Of course sir… Oh, and, sir?"

"Yeah, Al?"

"You invited this man into your home… least you could do is give him a proper seat"

Jay was still sitting on the banister, swinging his legs happily.

“oh…. Right” he pressed a button and a second chair raised from the floor “i’m… usually the only person down here, sorry.”

“What about that kid?”

“Robin? Never sits still, likes the banister “

“Huh, Go figure….” Jay plopped down in his seat and spun around a few times before grabbing his bowl and testing the soup… to put it lightly, the taste was beyond heavenly.

“Oh my god….”

“Glad to see it suits your taste mr.Jay, young Bruce would fuss about having to eat it every time he was under the weather….”

Bruce a blushed a tint

Jay smiled

“I guess bat’s DO get the sniffles”

“Wasn't a bat back then, doesn’t count”

“Yes it does.”

“No it doesn't”

“Yes it- “

“Children!”

They froze… Alfred gave them a stern look. Free of malice but intimidating nonetheless.

“Do try to behave yourselves, I have enough trouble with robin as is and he’s much better mattered than the both of you”

“Yes, Alfred”

“Sorry, Alfred…” they apologized

The butler one last look,turned on his heels and left the room in silence.

“Man you’re butler’s mean…” Jay whispered

“Don't worry, it’s just an act…. I think…” As they both returned to their gourmet supper Jay suddenly recalled the DVD he'd brought with him.

"Oh HEY! Can we watch a movie???"

"Movie?"

"Yeah!" Jay scrambled over his bag and ran back with the box in his hand.

"Roger Rabbit! It's a classic!"

"Never seen it."

"Really? well we'll have to fix that… it's a detective story! you'll like it!…"

Bruce slowly took the case, studying its colorful cover…

"Suppose… I'll... take your word for it."

Reluctantly, Bruce popped a hatch on the Bat-computer and let the movie play on one of it's many monitors. Jay sitting back with a satisfied smile as Bruce sunk deeper into his work...

Or at least, tried to.

Jay's amused chuckles here and there made it hard to concentrate but the sound wasn't… unpleasant. Every now and then the clown would tap his shoulder and tell him to pay attention to a favorite scene or line if his… eyes flitting between him and the screen, searching for a reaction, however small or unreadable … smiling whenever Bruce's lips curled even a millimeter or two.

As the night continued, Bruce recalled the large home theater he had upstairs in the mansion

50 seats and rarely more than one taken at a time...

He imagined himself up there now with his arm around the other man's shoulders, sharing snacks and a large blanket, huddled close…

Perhaps he could’ve come up with some elaborate lie about "Bruno" allowing visitors in his humble abode, but as much warmth as the thought gave him, it was greatly overpowered by his own paranoia…

He wasn’t quite ready to break that barrier no matter how much he wanted too...

So maybe not today…

But maybe later….

Someday.

After a few passing moments Bruce realized Jay’s little interruptions had stopped and turned to find the man fully asleep on the chair beside him. With a light sigh, Bruce carefully removed his cape and draped it over the man just as he’d done before a year or so ago, Quietly calling for Alfred to prepare the Batcave’s guest bed.

With all the cordial tenderness in the world, Bruce lifted his nemesis and carried him downstairs. for now, somewhere in between all the imaginary lines they’d drawn in the sand, just this close was close enough.

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

what did u do to your hair !! i love it !!! whatever it is i wanna try it lmao

hope it’s cool if i answer public!

step 0 starts here: resolve to never brush your hair again. ever. your fingers are your comb now.

anyways I stumbled across r/curlyhair and read their big shiny START HERE!!! post. and the wiki, I basically inhaled the wiki.

the main product is Tresseme Boutanique Coconut and Aloe Vera Conditioner. the starter product list for the US (theres different region lists holy fuck!) is available at literally every Walmart and then entire list generally costs less than 20$, but I only picked up the conditioner.

other materials that I used other than that conditioner include:

palmers mycelliar rose water cleanser (a great low-poo that I’ll only need once or twice a month if I get really gross)

herbal essences tousle me softly mousse

a very wide toothed comb

a 100% cotton t shirt

microfiber towels (I cant afford big ones, I got mine at target for like 3 dollars on clearance, they’re advertised as duster cloths. they’re blue if it helps.)

the beginner guide I linked recommends gel, but if you have thin hair, wavy and not too tightly curled hair, or hair that’s prone to flattening, a mousse may be a better idea since its lighter.

the techniques matter more than any brand name honestly, its called Squish To Condish, and heres a video explaining how. you dont need that many products at first, just gently cleanse your scalp to ‘reset it’ and when you’re ready get a shitload of conditioner and go to town. by letting it work for about five minutes then detangling and squishin gud.

once I’ve got a shitload of conditioner in my hair, I include mousse into the mix. like a grapefruit sized quantity of mousse, but not all at once. I do it in about 3 handfuls, I’m just guestimating it adds up to about a grapefruit sized dollop overall.

then I use one microfiber cloth to gently pat my hair in much the same way I’ve just squished. this obviously leads to the towel getting very silky-slimy with conditioner. I try not to grab too hard, but enough the get the water off my scalp so I can dry easier. then I plopped it.

most curlies and wavies should be familiar with plopping already, it’s when you plop your head into a wrap of some sort, letting gravity tell your curls which way to go. then you wrap up your head for an appropriate amount of time. let me tell you right now, 5 minutes is enough for thin hair. never plop overnight unless you know EXACTLY what you’re doing. and dont experiment if you have something important happening soon lol. heres a video on how to plop if you need guidance. like I said, you dont need tons of products at first, stick to routine-building. az for a shirt I recommend a men’s large 100% cotton tshirt, but 100% is a rare find nowadays if I’m being honest. I was lucky and found mine lying around in an old box of lootcrate stuff!

you then allow your hair to dry. whether you use a diffuser on LOW speed and COLD temp, or let it air dry on it’s own is up to you. I diffused for like 30 seconds then its it air dry for the rest of the time.

finally, once its dry, Scrunch Out The Crunch! if you used a gel this will feel much more satisfying than a mousse does. also I used a second microfiber cloth for this step, because I worried about my hands frizzing my hair.

this seems daunting because I wrote it all out and it looks rly long lol, it’s a bit time consuming but honestly the results are worth it. my hair is less frizzy because it’s getting the hydration it needs, I’m not greasy because my scalp is properly cleansed and not over-producing oils, my curls actually EXIST because I actually NOURISH and ENCOURAGE them instead of screwing them over with brushing and terrible shampoo and awful terry-cloth towels and heat heat heat with the dryer.

putting in the effort to be kind to them is worth it!

also pineappleing or a satin bonnet is a good idea for nighttime. my hair is too short for a pineapple tho. maybe someday!

[ain-t-bovvered]

14x16 Commentary

Special episode where a bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

Hello and welcome:

@purpleskiesandcherrypies  (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon  (Kat)  

@waywardbaby  (Zee)

@ain-t-bovvered  (Giulia)

       * MASTERLIST of season 14 commentary * 

14x16 : Don’t go into the Woods

Giulia: Them gay vibs

Nat: Sam

Giulia: And poor baby sam

Zee: No not Sam like that again

Nat: I like that it's focused on Sam

J:  I’m me again 

Giulia: I like Jack with powers!

* turns snake to ash *  

Giulia: Not like that!

Zee: Holy shit

Nat: I feel different now

Zee: Stronger

Nat: Ew

[Melodic Whistling ]

Giulia: Benny is that u babeh ?

Zee: Yeah. They ded

Kat: Of course they are

Guy: It was nothing. Just the wind.

Giulia: JUSt tHe wInD.  OOOH THAT IS CREEPY

Girl : Okay, that -- that wasn't the wind.

-she smart

Nat: Notice that in every movie the guy says that it's nothing?

- That tells a lot about men’s priorities. Creepy whistling in a desert park at night? that pussy tho.

Guy: Dad?

-YIKES

Barbara: Hi, sheriff

-Y I K E S

Giulia: But also….Come on let them have some back seat bingo

Zee: Guys are dumb. Think with the downstairs head

Nat: Why are you going away girl?

Kat: Because she’s dumb

Zee: REALLY?? IN THERE??

Nat: Yeah. i would back out of that bathroom

Nat: i mean. Ew

Giulia: I would burn my hands in holy fire to sanitize them

Barbara: Oh, God.

Kat: Oh hell no

Zee: Every place is a bathroom IS SHE SITTING??

Nat: I would rather pee outside of the bathroom.

Kat: And she’s clearly sitting

Nat: she fucking is

Kat: Disgusting

Giulia: No woman would sit on that. THAT SO INACCURATE, who wrote that ep? *goes look at it* MEN, of course , a woman would never have wrote that girl sitting on that filth.

Giulia: Fuck that’s creepy

Giulia: Ba ba ba

Kat: So glad I stayed up to the middle of the night to watch this 🙄

Giulia: Ba barbara ann

Nat: stop giuls lol

Kat: Taaaake my hhhaaannnnndddd

Nat: So she ded

Nat: sweet hope you can sleep

Giulia: Aw look at that, the bunker looks so dark and empty. I hate it now.

D: Morning sunshine! What you looking at?

Zee: This man is huge

Nat: Porn? Nip slips?

-sex tapes??

S: The Internet is more than just naked people. You do know that, right?

Zee: Naked people

D: Not my internet

Giulia: Not OUR internet. ( oh shit let me censor the nip word before tumblr freaks out)

bla bla bla, girl, bla bla bite marks,animal attack. bla bla bla our kind of thing.

Kat: Mah boys

D: I know you wanted to take some time...

Giulia: ‘I’m gOoD’ 

S: Honestly, I-I'm good.

D: ( u full of crap) All right. Well, let's hit it.

S: You got it. I'll grab Cass.

D: Mm. He actually left. Early this morning.

Giulia: *barely keeping in a squeal*  I’m not gonna go there

...I went there

D: I don't know. Something about being cooped up in the bunker for a few weeks. We all need to stretch our legs. I get it.

Zee: What’s wrong with Deans hair?

- WHATEVER DO YOU MEAN? 

Nat: thank god i'm not the only one who notices. Thought it was just me

D: Uh...I don't want Jack on this.

D: His powers have gotten us in trouble in the past -- the security guard.

Dean is actually so right right now, but still....Jack alone?...mmm don’t like that

Kat: Look at the baby bean studying

J: Did you know Article 246 of the Haitian criminal code115  officially makes it against the law116 to turn a human into a zombie?

D: Good

Nat: Pre King hair

Kat: Too much gel?

Giulia: Lots of wax I think, gel would be too shiny

J: And...you don't want me to come?

SOBS 

D: We don't want to leave the bunker empty. In case, uh, Mom or...some of the other Hunters call and need help, so... this place is long overdue for a restock. So, uh, your mission, should you choose to accept -- made you a list.

Look how uncomfortable Sam is. 

No ones lies like a Winchester lies.

Nat: My mission is shopping

Zee: Beer again

S:  Twice? D:  Yeah.

Nat: Will he get beer tho?

Kat: Is it your list?

Nat: He's only 2 years old

Zee: He got my shopping list

Kat: True

Zee: Shut up

D: We’ll be in touch. ( let yeeeeet the fuck out )

Sheriff: I don’t see how this is FBI business

S, D: RUDE

Giulia: Sheriff’s right tho

Zee: That close up. Thank you

Nat processing Dean’s hair :

Nat: Not liking that hair

Kat: It’s weird

S: You know, do you mind if we take a look at the body?

Sheriff:  Do I have a choice?

-that sheriff has 0 fucks

D: Not really.

Dean has 0---> ∞  fucks

Giulia: AHAHAH

Nat: Seriously?

S: How long you been doing this?

Zee: Cat like reflexes

Kat: Lolol he jumpy

Nat: yeah of course lol

Nat: He scares easy he's getting old

-Another still of Dean’s hair for Nat

Giulia: Jack so rigid tho

Kat: Hey it’s an improvement over season 4

Nat: groans

Zee: The kids again

Giulia: Ugh them again

Why in the fuck there the Ghostfacers tune . NO. Also weren’t they like...broken up or something

E: The ghostfacers are cool

- eeeh

Giulia: Bambi lol

Nat: Bambi

Zee: Bamby

Kat: Why they forcing these kids on us?

Stacy: Are you lost?

- Lol like a puppy, I can see that, oh wait ....

Giulia: OMG

Ghostfacers : Winchesters still suck ass, though

Nat: Ghostfacers

E: Are they (Sam and Dean) fighting ghosts?

J ( with the worst neutral tone ever) : What’s a ghost?

Giulia: I SHOULD GO

J: I don't like to lie.Like when you have to burp, but you can't burp.

Zee: It makes my stomach hurt

Nat: you can't burp

Kat: CAN’T BURP

Nat: Dean should teach him

Zee: That among other things

Stacy walks closer with a smirk

Giulia: NO BAD KIDS

Nat: What are these kids?

Kat: Apparently not

Giulia: STAY AWAY FROM MY INNOCENT SON

Stacy: Not anymore. [shows keys]

OH THANK GOD, I thought they wanted to break in or something. I don’t trust them.

I literally couldn’t care less about the sheriff and his son sorry, byee

Giulia: I’m sorry but am I ahead of yall ?

Kat: Idk are you?

Zee: Where are you ?

Nat: lol yeah, don't know?

Kat: I’m in the store

Nat: they're in the store

Zee: 12:13

Giulia: Yeah I’m a bit ahead

Nat: Zeta is ahead

Zee: I am?

Max: I mean, living with a bunch of dudes. Their whole place must smell like beer, Kleenex, and Old Spice.

Nat&Kat:  Old spice 🤣

- I can live with that, I don’t give a shit.

Zee: Zombies are real?

J: Well, no. Not really. It's kind of disappointing.  But there are other monsters.

Nat: Jack, don't tell them!!

J: Rugaru *chuckles* That’s a funny name. Yeah

Zee&Nat: Will you be my best friend ??

Giulia: NO WILL U BE MY BEST FRIEND

Nat: HOW ABOUT NO

Max: Do you ever, like, hang out?

J: Well, we have movie nights on Tuesdays Dean usually picks. I've seen "Lost Boys" like 36 times.

Nat: AWW...LOST BOYS

Max: I mean with kids your own age.

Nat: but 36 times?

- Eh it’s Dean what did you expect 

Nat: oh god

Giulia: I’m two

Giulia: I don’t like him hang out with them

Nat: #leavejackalone2k19 #STAYAWAYFROMJACK2K19

Giulia: No but wait , maybe being with kids will help him, now that he doesn’t have a soul

Max: Well, we're going to the Stoke place tomorrow, if you wanna chill. It's this old farmhouse outside of town. No one goes there.

Nat: I'll rip your lungs out if you hurt him

J: I think I’d like that

Kat: NO

Zee: Remove your spine and hit you with it

S: Kohonta.

D: Gesundheit.

Nat: I can't get over the hair

Kat: sweet mortal flesh lol

D: You think this is our Hot Lips?

S: I mean, according to the lore, Kohonta get so starving, they spit up stomach acid.

Nat: THE HAIR

Kat: Stop staring at it

Nat: tHe HaiR

Zee: Focus Nat

Kat: Stop it

Nat: I FOCUS, ALRIGHT? on THE HAIR

Giulia: I can’t

Kat: So many dead people

Giulia: Everytime there is whistling I just want to see Benny

Kat: STOP IT

Nat: iT's JuSt ThE WiNd

Giulia: Well that’s fucked up

Nat: That's not creepy

Zee: Now you run

Kat: TOO DAMN LATE NOW

Giulia: Who the fuck fall and stay down?!

Nat: Well, yeah THAT is. Really? saliva?

Wow the weather was shit that day of shooting. Did they get sick ?

Giulia: I feel like the sheriff knows something

Kat: Kinda seems like it

Nat: He probably experienced it again

Zee: They always do

Nat: THE HAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIRRRRRR

Nat: Sam's hair is good wet though

Zee: Sam wet is good

Kat: Sam looks good wet

Giulia: He does

Sheriff: Look, I don't care if you guys are the FBI. Nobody goes in those woods without my say-so.

Giulia: Sheriff is getting on my nerves

Nat: I can't even focus, the damn hair

D: Well, we should probably do what he says.

S: Oh, yeah. Definitely.

Giulia: Awe they are cute

Nat: Third wheeling his way on the kitchen table

Zee: Is pussy block a thing? Like cock block?

E: If you two are going to kiss, can you go to the other room? I'm trying to work here.

Elliot is Sam

Nat: OH NO JACK NO

Giulia: NO

Giulia: THE FUCK. GOD DAMN IT

Kat: Oh Jack 🤦🏼‍♀

Nat: I TOLD YA HE SHOULDN'T GO

Nat: "Yeah, you invited me"

J: I like The Who.

Giulia & Kat: THE WHO

Giulia: Jack your Dean is showing

Stacy: Who?

-Oh shut up everybody knows who The Who are

Max: Oh, my aunt listens to them. They're...old.

J:  Well, Dean says any music made after 1979 "sucks ass."

Nat&Zee: Sucks ass

Max:  That's because Dean is also old.

Nat: HEY FUCK YOU, NO BODY IS ALLOWED TO CALL DEAN OLD . Except us

Kat: HE’S OUR OLD MAN

Giulia: ... [with Misha tone when is done with Jared in the bloopers] Max is cancelled.

J: unless they've possessed a human. Then, they can look like me or you...or anybody.

Zee: He’s creeping them out.

Giulia: He’s gonna freak them out

Kat: He’s gonna scare the shit outta these kids

Nat: NO JACK BABY STOP

E: And you've seen one before?

J: I’ve killed one

Kat: What if they are possessed

Giulia: If I so hear one of them saying “let’s call a demon” imma throw tables

Max: [Chuckles] Yeah? How?

Giulia: Listen MAX IS TROUBLE

Kat: They all are

Zee: Demon killing 101

Giulia: LOOK JACK IS COOLER THAN THAT

Nat: Baby Bean

Nat: I'm glad it's dark and I don't see them hair

Giulia: BUT THEY SHINE

Nat: oops, there they are

Zee: Sam squint

Kat: The damn sheriff

Nat: What is wrong with that sheriff

Giulia: ok but the sheriff sneaking to the Winchester tho.Like...badass

Nat: LiAR

Kat: Knew that was coming

Giulia: There we go

Always remember Jo and her shotgun tho

Kat: That’s my boy

Jack.....Babe....

Nat: Jack, baby, just go home, alright?

Zee: Jack baby. Stop doing that

Giulia: Don t fucking use the powers

Nat: NO

Kat: Oh shit he’s gonna use magic

Zee: No no

Nat: OH SHIT NO

Kat: JACK NO

Giulia: Mmm don t like that

Nat: JACK SERIOUSLY STAHP

Zee: Yeah. He’s fucking anakin

Giulia: Don t like that

Nat: Jack, if you don't listen to me I can not help you

Giulia: The brunette is the only smart one

Kat: He’s gonna lose control and stab someone

Nat: Yep

Giulia:  “The brunette is the only smart one” I WAS WRONG

Kat: Oh shit

Zee: Crap

Kat: Knew that was coming

Giulia: ok but honestly she went right through it

Nat: Jack baby, why don't you listen?

Giulia: He right she moved

Zee: Can’t he fix her?

Nat: They calling 911

Nat: He can't…..Oh he can

Giulia: Ok but FUCK STACY. Bitch could have stayed put

Zee: Look at him.

Nat: But like, does he still have a soul at all

Giulia: Who fucking go running around when someone is making a blade floating

Kat: Jack shouldn’t have been using his powers

E: I don't know... what you are. But stay away.

Giulia: Oh my heart hurts

Nat: Yeah, like, didn't they teach the kids not to do that? right?

Zee: Common sense

Giulia: Ok but I mean...she could have turned around. She just went like ...to him

Kat: Yup he’s going dark side

Nat: She wanted to stop him

Giulia: Again...she run into the damn blade

Nat look at this!

Zee: The way Dean says “thing” is my new sexuality

Nat: Doomed to roam the woods and whistling pfffffff

Giulia: Keeps the folks away Yeah how that ever worked

D: Like I said, we hunt these things.

Sheriff : What do you mean?

S: Kohonta, werewolves, demons.

Sheriff: Those are real?

D: Oh, yeah. Yeah. And we kill 'em.

Nat: That smirk

Zee: The smirk. THE SMIRK

Nat: Almost make me forget the hair

Zee: What hair?

Sheriff: Just the two of you?

S: We know what we're doing.

Sheriff wants to tell people.

YOU SURE FAM?

Giulia: Put them on you tube.Yeah that sounds fun

S: It doesn't work like that. Even when they know how to fight,

Zee: People die People still die

Giulia: Like..kids in spn are dumb as dirt. See...?

Nat: Dumb kid 2.0

Giulia: Dumb as dirt

Zee: Silver blade through the heart.

Giulia: Always silver blade of course

Zee: That works for a lot of things

Giulia: That’s not the meat he’s looking for

Kat: He wants the other other white meat

Nat: Every time I hear the whistling I think that the Saviours are here but then I realize that it's not The Walking Dead

Giulia: Like yeeeeah where u at NEGAN BB

Nat: my body is ready

Giulia: Mine too

Zee: Don’t go there ffs

Giulia: I wanna go right there

Nat: Raining = Wet hair.Wet boys

Giulia: Wow fuck that thing

Nat: lol how Dean carried him out with his bowlegged squat

Giulia: Nat! People are dying!

Nat: Oh give me a break

Zee: I was just thinking of that

D: You don't like that, huh?

Giulia: COME ON

D: That was like full-on "Raiders."

Nat: Yeah like ew

Nat: What is this EP even

Zee: Green goo

Giulia: that’s me when I’ll meet Misha

Awe Sammy is worried about that dumb kid 

Have some hair again Nat

Giulia: I don t trust that wound on him tho

Kat: Thinking the same thing

S: He's your son. He deserves the truth.

I DON’T LIKE THAT SENTENCE SAMUEL

Nat: Babies in Baby

D: Do what we always do.

Nat&Giulia: When in doubt...lie

Giulia: When in doubt bacon

Nat: when in doubt...eat

Zee: When in doubt , beer

Zee: Can I sit in the back seat ?

Giulia: Can I sit on him?

Zee: He wouldn’t be able to drive bitch

Giulia: He would don t worry

S: And do you think you really took care of it the right way?

D: Jack said he was fine.

Dean...he’s two

S: And when we were kids, how many times did we tell Dad that we were fine just to make him happy?

OUCH 

Nat: So will they go all Dad on Jack?

Giulia: I fucking hope so

J: How was the Hunt?

D:  Oh. Uh...disgusting.

J: I got the supplies. Except for the beer.

Dean like....THE FUCK BRO. you had one job.

J: I didn't have ID.

D: You have tons of IDs.

J:  They're fake.

Dean’s like.... he’s your son.

S: Jack... listen bla bla bla bla bla bla 

Meanwhile , Dean is having an existential crisis

Zee: Tons of ids

Nat: They're fake

Giulia: We want to talk to you about your powers. That looks like THAT TALK

Nat: Will he tell them?

Zee: One of them at least

Nat: #worried dads

D: we didn't want you coming along because we didn't want you using them.

S: Not yet. Not for now.

D: Before you go all X-Men. It was crappy of us not to tell you. You know, we were trying to be nice. 'Cause we care about you. But because we care about you, you deserve the truth.

Giulia: TELL THEEEEEEM

Nat: JACK

S: You understand that?

Zee: He didn’t say it

Kat: He’s not gonna

S: I mean, anything happen while we were gone?

Nat: YOU'RE LYING

Giulia: TEEEEELL THEM U DUMB BAMBI

Kat: Oh he’s so going darkside

Giulia: fuck it

Nat: learned it from the best

Giulia: He’s a Winchester

Zee: Fuck Shit

Kat: Dun dun dun

I’m with Dean on this... Imma get some beer. 

[ post episode]

Giulia: PROMO

Giulia: OK I DON T LIKE THE PROMO. MMM MMM NOPE

Zee: Me neither

Kat: Ugh Nick and Anael? gagging noises

Zee: Well that left me a bittersweet taste in my mouth

Giulia: I like anael tho. She looks after herself, doing her thing, work it. yas gurl get it.

Giulia: NICK THO, NICK CAN GO FUCK OFF

Zee: Such a kind spirit

Giulia: Look that was probably him with Donny ok? And I like Donny

Kat: To me, she doesn’t add anything. I don’t hate on her, just don’t know why she has to be on the show 🤷🏼‍♀

Giulia: Well that’s why she isn’t in it that much

Nat: i will watch the promo later. but what anael?

Giulia: Cas told her he needs to talk to god

Nat: but like i don’t get it? who plays god now?

Kat: No one? We don’t see him

Giulia: Ok but ...angels guys! We need more angels that are not dicks

Zee: 

Giulia: scoffs

Nat: and why should anael know since she left heaven. if anything naomi should know

Giulia: But would naomi say shit to castiel without something back? And honestly ....that bitch made swiss cheese of his brain, I doubt he want to spend time with her

Nat: anael sure doesn’t have a great rep in heaven either

Giulia: Neither does Cas

Nat: fuck I’m late

Kat: Go work.

Kat: Get that money

Zee: Bring home the bacon

Giulia: Kick ass

Zee: Take names

Zee: Well that was a pleasure ladies. As always.

Giulia: Yas. Gonna go for a run now

Kat: Burn my calories for me please

Zee: Go to sleep babe

Giulia: Also ...yay I won't spend a lot on the commentary 🙌🏻

Zee: whispers I’ll need a couple of gifs. For... science. Ya know

Kat: The smirk

Giulia: I’ll make so many Dean’s hair gif just for @Nat

Zee: That’s plain wrong

Kat: Good, she’ll love that

Giulia: chuckles right?

Zee: That hair was all kinds of wrong

Nat: NO

Giulia: Too late

.

.

. 

And y’all? did you hate those hair as much as we did? 

.

@wayward-angelgirl @destiel-honeypie     @mariekoukie6661     @dragontamerm      @closetspngirl   @rainflowermoon    @mattiecat      @bunnybaby121115  @aliaitee2   @jacks-word-of-the-day     @4evamc       @dammitsammy     @legendary-destiel   @winchesterprincessbride    @destielhoneybee    @castiellover20   @jacks-word-of-the-day  @ravenhg @evvvissticante  @legendary-destiel  @dustythewind 

[felinisfeloney]

Fel continues to play Vesperia:

1. We all know that some point Yuri was made to sit down and explain who da fuck Zagi was to Flynn because frankly Zagi needs an explanation but only a vague and mostly bad one because really nobody is ever going to fully explain Zagi

2. I’d like to think that Zagi has a room full of childish scribbles for his plans on killing Yuri Lowell and some just include pictures of Yuri being eaten by shark that look like a toddler drew them but it’s just comprehensive enough to get that Zagi ordered a shark to kill Yuri and he’s smiling cuz he won

3. I still refuse to believe that crossed a peninsula and then some in 1 day. It makes legit no sense. I want to believe it was at least 3 days of chasing

4. Ah, nothing is better than a flamboyant German… Tho I’ll be honest I’ve yet to see any media that makes me take that accent in anyway seriously.

5. Ah yes, the most terrifying monster in the mountain pass is in fact just a collection of bats in a trench coat. 

6. The fact that gels were made to appeal to children is pretty interesting because it implies that they really are less for combat and more vitamin sort of use. Because why would something developed for combat be geared towards kids since you don’t normally see kids in battle.

7. Rita wanting to go with her girlfriend will always be pure and sweet.

8. I love how the guy actually considers Yuri might be Patty’s husband. As if to say he’s heard stranger and whatevers to all that. Also I prefer the translation for Patty’s motto which was “When the going gets tough, the tough don’t cry!” it just sounds better and closer to how her character actually talked in the original. Actually, I really am disappointed in how much of the character they took out Patty’s dialogue. Like the pirate flair, the old lady kinds of phrasing and softness in her talking, the playful Dahngrest accent. Like really wanted that for this dub

9. I do always find it amusing that despite Yuri growing up extremely poor he is terrible with money. Like his first thought is wouldn’t it be cool to spend all this money? Which immediately makes me think that Yuri would be that celebrity that buys all the weird expensive shit just because he can and ones he’s in his 50s someone will ask him in an interview if it’s true he bought a t-rex skeleton and his answer will be ‘probably. i don’t keep track of that stuff anymore’

[deliverydefresas]

masters of the scene

I know this is super shocking bc this is probs the soonest (?) ive posted between parts lmao 

I did want to hurry things up before saturday, tho, so here we have it, friendsss. if you’ve missed a part: 

1 | 2 | 3 | 4

AU: Matteo Balsano is a famous singer who has been crushing on this one girl he saw every day behind a window many years ago, back when he first started recording his debut album and inspired his first big hit, “Princesa”. Luna Valente, professional Olympic skater turned actress is at a local (and very popular) talk show to promote her breakout movie. This is where it all starts.

BREAKING: OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALLIST SAYS GOODBYE TO SKATING 

SOL BENSON, 24, recently known for her role as skating legend Marissa Mint in “SHATTERED WINGS”, announced this morning she wouldn’t return to training, or to any competition as a participant again. The announcement was posted on all her social media accounts, reading: “I can proudly say it’s time. Today, a new chapter in my life begins. I’m officially retiring from professional skating.”

Benson also took the chance to thanks her fans, saying: “The last ten years have been an unforgettable experience. A lifetime wouldn’t be enough to thank everyone who has been by my side helping, supporting, and cheering on me on this journey. I’ve done everything I could and wanted, and I hope you’re all as proud of me as I am of myself and the accomplishments we’ve done. I love you all very much.” The now ex-skater didn’t specify why she was leaving, but she affirmed it wasn’t anything but a personal choice: “I know many of you are shocked, or confused as to why I’m doing this now, that’s the reason I want to point out it’s not because of my health or a change of careers, as I know some might be thinking. Simply, this is me acknowledging my heart’s desires.”

Opinions and critics were instantaneous from the fans.

@ Sol_Benson: Thank you. pic.tw.com/3747829

          @ solnation: @ Sol_Benson please tell me this is an early april fools joke I’m crying

          @ sol_fan73937: @ Sol_Benson THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT, THIS IS NOT WHAT I PLANNED, AND I JUST WANT TO SAY I DO NOT UNDERSTAND

          @ SolMiReina56: @ Sol_Benson on one hand I’m happy you’re doing this in your terms but on the other I just want to scream whAT THE FORK BENSON

Benson’s famous friends, however, showed nothing but support for her.

@ Simon_RB: today the sun goes down and the moon rises! So proud of you @ Sol_Benson

@ JimM: Working with you, one of the greatest skaters of our time, was a privilege. Being your friend, and share all these memories, is an honor. Your talent will shine bright like your soul no matter what ♥ @ Sol_Benson  

@ TheAmbarSmith: An absolute star. @ Sol_Benson

The news broke amid rumors of the skating star dating Italian heartthrob, Matteo Balsano, leading some fans and theorist that her new relationship was linked to her decision.

@ SolecitoDeMadrugada: I don’t wanna start sh*t here, folks, but Sol said she’s acknowledging ‘her heart’s desires’…. What if Balsano convinced her to quit????

@ SolBonita: If Matteo Balsano had anything to do with this I will cut that bitch in half just sayin’

@ soltteoforever: omg what if sol quit to form a duet with matteo???!!! #relationshipgoals

@ elbalsanito: if y’all really think MATTEO BALSANO would make his two minute long girlfriend quit her career for him y’all are batsh*t crazy don’t even look at me

So far Benson and her team have offered no comment to the critics, choosing silence over explanations, and only time will tell what she’s planned for herself next.

Is this really her end in skating? Will she approach a musical career with her beau? For more Sol Benson, click here!

He was a coward.

And an idiot.

An idiotic coward, really, because he hung up on her as fast as his brain and hand could do it. He could’ve lied, told her it was only a guessing. Or he could’ve come clean about his stalker-ish ways and freak her out. Or come clean and skip the stalker-ish ways. But, no, he’d hung up and now when she saw him she’d demand an explanation and probably give him crap for hanging up on her and then creating a lame excuse as to why.

Because so far, he could only come up with his phone dying in that exact moment and him forgetting to call her back. For two weeks.

Again, an idiotic coward he was.  

“Are you listening to me, Matteo?” he’d been lost in his thoughts again, unsurprisingly. It was something he’d been repeating lately, and usually blamed it on him ‘mentally’ writing his songs. Sometimes, it was the truth; but most of the time it was an excuse to get Gastón and his mom off his back. Today was Delfi’s turn at enduring this lost lapse. “Matteo! This is a serious matter, you dick!” he’d laugh at the insult if it weren’t for her aggravated look. He was used to the annoyed, yet knowing look of his friend and his birther, but Delfi looked nothing but stressed. “Can you focus on what I’m telling you?”

Matteo threw her an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Delfi. I was just-”

“I don’t even want to hear it! I just need to listen to me and tell me what the fuck is happening between you and Sol Benson!” Well, shit. She was even cursing now.

“What do you mean?” he asked, genuinely confused now. Delfi knew better than anyone that he wasn’t dating, and even if he was, she never cared about it before. His manager sighed exasperated, throwing a newspaper across the table, pointing to him to read it.

The sole headline was enough to make his blood run cold.

“Read it till the end.”

“She’s retiring?” Matteo couldn’t believe it. A million questions came to his head as he read the article, ‘why’ being the loudest. “I just- what?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care about her, Matteo.” She sighed again, passing her fingers through her head. “What I do care about is that they’re mentioning you as the responsible.” Delfi raised her hand when he opened his mouth to protest. “I know you aren’t. And I’d like to think a woman like her is strong enough to not let an idiot like you convince her to give up her career. However, this is bad because you’ll be crossed as a chauvinistic pig, and could seriously hurt the image the older fans have of you. We need to counterattack, fast, and I need you to tell me just exactly how close you are to Sol.”

“What for?” He was getting defensive, and Delfi could tell so, too. She softened her look.

“This is not about you being a heartthrob, Matt. This is about people judging you wrongly-”

“Are you listening to yourself? They already judge me wrongly!” Delfi pursed her lips.

“Okay, bad wording. Still, we can’t let them think you’re that kind of person either.”

“Can’t you talk to Gastón about it? Maybe he can-”

“We agreed to break the contract with most of the magazines and the heartthrob stories, but you can’t just sue someone for linking you as someone’s boyfriend. If this was an article solely about you, we could make an agreement with them but since it’s about her-”

Matteo frowned. “Can’t you talk about it with her team? You said you knew them, maybe you can work on something together-” Now she looked offended.

“What do you think I’m doing? This is why I citied you here, we’re meeting them in ten minutes to discuss it! And first I needed your stupid ass to explain your situation to me so we could have some ground but all you’ve done is daydream about God knows what!”

“Wait, what?!” he looked down at his sweatpants, and the semi-sweated t-shirt he’d worn to go to gym before the meeting, and he just knew his hair was a dishevel mess. He hadn’t even bothered with his contacts, so his glasses were stuck on his head unless he wanted to be as blind as a mole. He’d thought he’d only be meeting Delfi, and now- “she’s not coming, is she?”

“Who is ‘she’?” Delfi air-quoted, not getting why he was getting freaked out.

“Luna – Sol, she isn’t coming, right?”

Delfi scoffed. “Of course, she is! This is all about her, why wouldn’t she be here?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he almost whined, jumping out of his chair to get his gym bag, and spray the shit out of his deodorant on his body. He didn’t have any hair gel, so his hair had to stay the same. He was really regretting not taking the time to fully showering before coming.

“Oh, so now you care about how you look at meetings?” He didn’t answer her, still busy with his gym bag. He was sure he had mints buried somewhere. “I take that you like this girl?” Matteo said nothing, but nodded the slightest. “I know the rumors aren’t true right now, but I really need you to tell me if you think they will. The earliest Gastón and I can come up with counterattacks to protect your privacy and hers, the better. Especially since her contract with her team will drop soon.” Delfi asked, her tone a lot softer and less teasing. She’d taken his wishes seriously, and he was very grateful about it. He was in good hands if shit ever hit the fan.

Matteo dropped his bag, and sighed a quiet ‘yes’. And then turned to her, louder this time, “I don’t want anything hurtful, insulting or degrading to be said about her. The less she’s mentioned, the better. If it means we must re-sign with them, and have them write me off as a playboy, then so be it. But not a bad word about her, Delfi.”  

She smiled, her words comforting him a little. “If it’s in my hands both of you will be protected. Now, go tame your hair before your little star runs away from seeing it and turns into stone, medusa-boy.”

She was this close to picking up her phone.

The urge of checking her phone was eating her up but Luna was trying her best to avoid any type of interaction with social media in the last two nights, but it was proving to be harder than she imagined. After the news were out in the open she’d turned everything off; her phone, laptop, and tablet, burying them deep in one of Nina’s photography drawers so she wouldn’t be tempted to read her fan’s comments, or the articles magazines and newspapers were publishing on the web.

When her team called her early in the morning for a meeting, though, she knew something else had happened. They’d already discussed everything related to her retirement, and weren’t meant for another meeting for another three weeks, when she’d sign the remaining papers to break most of her commitments and contracts, with only the bigger ones left until she could find another lawyer outside of her management. Not that she didn’t trust them, but Mariano was more a “making business only” instead of “breaking business” type of lawyer.

“Still no news from Tamara?” She asked Nina beside her. Nina shook her head.

“She said she’d be meeting us there, to ask for Alzamendi and to not talk until Mariano and she were present.”

“Alzamendi?” She repeated, “does that sound familiar to you?”

“I think I might have an idea.” Nina admitted. Luna looked expectantly at her, urging her to tell her. “Pedro’s girlfriend, Delfina Alzamendi, is a head manager here.”

She frowned. “But she’s in the entertainment business, not in sports. Why would she cite us here?” Her eyes widened, “you don’t think…”

Nina shook her head rapidly. “No, no, no. Tamara’s better than that, she knows you don’t want to enter acting, she wouldn’t do that to you. I was thinking more that maybe one of Delfina’s clients could be involved.”

“But why would Ámbar contact me vía my manager? She has our house number, and Simón’s and yours.” Nina looked at her funny, confusing her. “What?”

“I’m not talking about Ámbar, L. I think this is about Matteo.”

His name made her scowl. She still hadn’t forgiven him for hanging up on her without an explanation, or a goodbye, and the guy had sent her to voice mail after she tried calling him back.

“He has my number too.” Not that he cared to use it again. Boys were stupid.

By now Nina looked amused, but grimaced after a moment. “You haven’t seen it, have you?”

“Seen what?”

Nina took her phone out of her purse, typed in her code and opened her phone’s browser. She was about to protest when she saw her type ‘sol benson matteo balsano’, but was quietened when Nina clicked on an article about Matteo being the reason she was retiring from skating.

“This. It started the morning you posted the news on Twitter and a fan replied saying you meant Matteo when you said you were following your heart. I think that’s why Delfina wants to talk to you and Tamara, because Matteo wasn’t left in the best position. People are crossing him as a controlling chauvinist.”

Luna was feeling dizzy. She had meant for the news to affect her only, but now she was dragging Matteo too. “People are saying this?”

“Mostly your fans, and uninvited activists, but yes.”

“He must hate me now, Nina.” She groaned, hiding her face with her hands. By now they were almost by the entrance desk, and a few of the people there stared her way.

“He couldn’t even if he tried, Luna, don’t worry.” Her friend cooed, squeezing her hand in comfort.

“His manager contacted mine, Nina. People don’t do that unless they’re strangers or you hate the other person.”

“I think you’re exaggerating a bit.”

“He at least has to be mad. If anyone said I’m the reason they’re quitting their career I’d be too.”

“Maybe, but not mad at you. The people saying this are mostly gossipers and fans you have no control over, Luna, don’t worry.” She nodded a couple times, trying to calm herself and the unnecessary guilt she was feeling in that moment.

When she finally felt calm enough, she dragged her feet to the lady behind the desk, asking her politely where she was supposed to go. The lady’s eyes shone with recognition, before asking her who she was meeting with; as soon as she said ‘Alzamendi’, the woman’s grin could have rivaled the Cheshire cat.

“Miss Alzamendi and Mr. Balsano are waiting in room 7. Go straight that hallway and turn left on the first corner, it should be easy to spot it, the numbers are big enough; they’re still waiting for Mr. Périda, and your team, though. Is there anything I can get you both to drink? We have black coffee – black, decaf, with milk, vanilla latte and moka, tea – chamomile, green, lemon ginger and berry sangria, hot chocolate – sweet, bitter, Spanish, Mexican, white and raw, lemonades – strawberry, mango and mint, sodas-”

Luna blinked a couple times, surprised that a) they had so many options and b) they made their receptionist learn all of them.

“Uh, do you have water?” Nina asked, interrupting the woman before she went on to list all their available sodas. The receptionist shut up immediately, pursing her lips at Nina for a second before nodding, then she looked at her, expectantly.

“A Mexican hot chocolate would be nice, thank you.”

“Anything to eat? We have a couple of restaurants delivered to us, if you’re hungry.” Before she could refuse, Tamara’s voice was heard behind them.

“Luna!” She smiled politely at her manager, nodding in greeting to Mariano. “I’ll have a latte and the sir will have black coffee, no sugar, please.” The older woman addressed the receptionist, who simply wrote it down on a little notepad. Tamara didn’t bother to thank her before she was dragging Luna – and Nina, who was grabbing her hand- towards the hallway the lady had pointed out before. “Okay, so; Matteo Balsano’s manager called me yesterday and requested to have a meeting as soon as we possibly could, that’s why I called you last minute, sorry. Are you aware of the rumors going around of you two?” Luna begrudgingly nodded, “good, I don’t have to explain it, then. Alzamendi didn’t specify why she was requesting us, but my bet is on the news hurting Balsano’s image of the perfect guy.”

“That’s what Nina told me, too.” Tamara’s eyes flickered to Nina’s.

“Good.” That’s all she said before going back to explaining. “More likely than not, they’re pissed. It could be the boy, it could be his manager, it could be the label. Or a mix of all. We already broke all magazine deals, so there’s not much we can offer to clean his name. We’re betting on his team acting up and choosing to clean it up themselves, while praying they don’t leave you dirty at all. Mariano can make up an agreement with his lawyer to even out and make it fair for both.”

“Do you think Matteo’s capable of going as far as dirtying up Luna’s name?” She could tell Nina was worried, and already feeling protective of her. Tamara shook her head.

“He doesn’t strike me as the type, but we need to be prepared for the worst-case scenario.” She told them honestly, finally stopped walking in front of a door. Before they entered, though, she looked at Luna straight on. “Listen, munchkin, when you enter that door you need to forget whatever relationship you have with the guy.” She was about to protest, but Tamara shook her head. “Just until we know where we stand. And who we stand against, okay?” She merely nodded. “Good. Are we ready?”

Matteo was sure those had been the longest – yet quickest, because he spent most of them rushing to make himself more presentable- ten minutes of his life.

The door opened, and the corner of his mouth went up at the knowing he’d see her in seconds. When she didn’t acknowledge him, the smile fell. When she sat down on one of the chairs and kept her eyes on the table, he frowned.

Was she mad at him, at the situation they were in? Was she sad? What if it hadn’t been her decision? Could that be why she looked so… not herself?

He was about to go to her when Delfi stopped him. Matteo looked at her, questioning why she’d done it, but she sent him a look that said ‘quiet’.  

“Delfina,” the woman – who was part of Luna’s team, if his guess was correct- greeted his manager, a tight smile on her face. Then she turned to him. “Mr. Balsano, nice to meet you.”

Delfi sent her a polite smile. “Tamara, Mariano, it’s always nice to see you again.” He could’ve sworn he heard the man say, ‘is it?’ under his breath. “Miss Benson, Miss Simonetti, long time no see.” Wait, she knew them?

Luna looked up from the table, throwing a quick ‘hello’ to her; her eyes flickering for the shortest time to his face, before turning down again. His frown deepened as Nina’s friend answered Delfi’s greeting, more enthusiast. “Hi, Delfi, it’s good to see you again, too. I wish it were under, uh, better circumstances, though.”

He could tell Delfina was amused at her words, if her mouth twitch was any indication. “Straight to the point, huh? Sadly, we’re waiting for Matteo’s lawyer to get here first.”

“Why isn’t he here yet?” the man asked rudely, disdain clear as water on his face. Matteo felt attacked by his tone, and jumped at Gaston’s defense.

“I’m not his only client, sorry not all of us can afford to have a clear schedule twenty-four-seven.”

Mariano raised his brows. “Ah, yes, you’re right. Real jobs keep you busy. My bad.”

Matteo scowled at him. “How would you know? You’re jobless now that your client is quitting her not so ‘real’ job, no?”

“Matteo.” Delfina warned him in a hiss, pinching his arm to keep him quiet. He noticed Luna’s blank look turning into a small grimace.

Mariano was about to retort when Luna’s manager grabbed his arm. “Don’t.” Then she turned to Delfi, “I think’s it’s for the better to start discussing the elephant in the room, sweetheart. You can always update your lawyer when he comes.”

Delfi pursed her lips at the nickname, but stood up with a nod. “Fine. I don’t think I have to explain why we’re here exactly.”

“You understand this is not Miss Benson’s fault, right? This was a matter taken out of context by their fans and the media.” The man’s tone wasn’t exactly condescending, but even Matteo felt like he was trying to teach Delfi how to do her job.

Still, Delfi remained as calm as she could. “We do, as I’m sure you understand your client’s choices shouldn’t taint my client’s image, no?”

“He’s as tainted as you can get them. Aren’t ‘playboy’, ‘heartthrob’, and ‘ladies man’ nice ways of saying man-whore?” Matteo heard small gasps around him, but he was too shocked at the insult to notice whose gasps were from. Mariano looked smug. “If anything, he is the reason they assume conclusions. If your client didn’t have the image he has, our client wouldn’t have linked to him in the first place.”

That was enough for his friend to snap. “If your client had been properly trained to do interviews without making a mess we wouldn’t be in this situation at all!”

“Those articles had died down until both your clients chose to approach ours at a public event knowing there would be photographers all over the place! How’s that for trained?”

“Enough, Mariano!” His partner shut him up. The woman had the decency of looking ashamed. Delfi and him, though? They were pissed. “I’m really sorry, guys. This is not at all what we came here for and I apologize for my-”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Tamara.” Delfi interrupted her, “he does.”

Mariano pursed his lips, but spit out the apology anyway. “I’m sorry for the way I behaved just now.” Matteo clenched his jaw, moving his gaze to Luna, who looked mad, too. At whom, though, he didn’t know.

“As you know, all our news deals are broken. We have no control, or stance to negotiate with them anymore. So-”

“So, you want us to fix it for you? Is that it? Why should we, after the stunt your team just pulled?” Matteo almost growled, his anger rolling in waves through his body.

Tamara grimaced. “I was hoping we could make an agreement. I know we-” she pointed to Mariano and herself, “-haven’t behaved as we should. But this isn’t about us only.” She looked at Luna, whose frown and pursed lips were more evident now than before.

At last, she fixated her eyes on his.

“I’m not asking you to do anything for me.”

Matteo sighed out, “Luna-”

“No. Listen, if your image-” she scowled at the word, “- is so important to you I can ask Jazmín or someone else to interview me and I’ll tell them the truth.” Matteo almost choked up. Where was she getting at?

“The truth?” Delfi repeated, expectant.

Luna’s friend looked worried, now. “Lu- Sol, please-”

She looked at him, her eyes not wavering for a moment. “Y’know, that you’re not the reason of my decision. I’m sure your fans will be shocked to hear you’re not the center of my universe.”

“Luna, plea-” Nina tried to gain her attention, but she still didn’t move her gaze from him.

“And I’m sure they’ll be glad to know we’re not dating, much less friends.”

Had he been punched? He felt himself getting his breath knocked out of him. He barely heard her friend warning her. “Luna, stop. This isn’t you talking.”  

“No, let her talk.” Matteo was proud he didn’t sound as hurt as he was feeling.

“Oh, so you’re talking to me now?” her sarcasm was throwing him off. Why was she mad about him not talking to her when she basically ignored him too? “Or do I have to wait another two weeks for you to answer me again?” Oh.

Oh.

“You’re mad abou-”

“Dude, no.” Was that…? When had Gastón arrived that he didn’t even notice? He felt his friend squeeze his shoulder, before palming it a couple times. “Don’t answer that, you’ll never win that argument.” He whispered, shaking his head in Luna’s direction. Then he turned to everyone in the room. “So, what did I miss?”

[joelsamangoaddict]

FTM Update: 1 month on testosterone

I wanted to make an update for a while now but I never really found the right words nor the right time. But finally here I am. Quick throwback before I actually start talking about my first month on T. 

 •  I started gender therapy on 28th of September 2017 

 •  My first endocrinologist appointment was on 1st of March 2018 

 •  I started HRT (hormone replacement therapy) on 1st of March 2018

So by today I am 28 days on a low dose of testosterone. I know technically it’s not a full month but I wanted to make this update today because my testosterone dose will be increased by tomorrow. My endocrinologist prescribed me Testogel on the 1st of March 2018. Ever since I’ve been on low dose testosterone (20,25mg per day). It’s not like I’m afraid of needles or injecting myself, my doctor just thought it’d be better for my body to start off with balanced hormone levels for at least the first 3 months. By tomorrow I’m allowed to double my T-dose and take 40,5mg of testosterone a day (which is actually considered a standart dose, as I was told).

Anyway here are my changes so far:

The first change directly happened within the first week: hunger. I literally was hungry 24/7 und could eat as much as I wanted to without any limit. It got a bit better after the first 2 weeks, but I’m still hungry more often then I was before. Also within the first week came horniness. As someone who’s always considered himself asexual I’m really starting to question my sexuality again because of how often I’m horny by now. I could go without a thought about sex or beating off for months and it wouldn’t bother me at all, and rn my body literally starts to freak out if I go one day without. I gotta say the first 2 weeks were the worst and it’s gotten way better by now but compared to before T it’s still a huge difference. (quite embarrassing to talk about it publicly but well there ya go) - coming back to that later again.

Physical:

• Voice: I don’t really think my speaking voice has changed that much, maybe there was a slight drop but not prominent enough to notice. But what has definitely changed is my voice range. I can still go as high as I used to but I can talk/sing way deeper then before T. Also my throat often feels pretty sore ever since starting T.

• Face: My face shape hasn’t really changed, obviously I’m only one month in. But I’m starting to grow dark, little moustache hairs (love it). Also I feel like my jawline is a bit more prominent, at least it feels different. What definitely has been going on is acne. Sadly I had quite a lot of acne when I was in my “girl-teens” too so I pretty much expected to get a lot when on testosterone. I mostly got it around my mouth and chin though but it’s not too bad (yet.. D:) Also my adams apple popped out quite a bit and is definitely visible by now (it also feels slightly different... a lot bigger and harder)

• Body: Overall I think I gained a bit of weight because of my excessive hunger the first two weeks lol. But I’m working on getting this down again! I started to grow a little bit of dark hair on my stomach and my arm hairs also increased and got a lot darker. But I don’t think my leg hair changed in any way. Fat redistribution obviously didn’t happen yet or at least not as much to notice any changes.

• Bottom-Growth: There has definitely been a bit of growth down there and it’s gotten way more sensitive, some days even to a point were it kind of hurts (i guess?)

• Energy: I experienced a massive energy increase ever since the first day on Testosterone. I don’t really know if it’s just because I’m hyped as f*ck or if it’s actually because of testosterone but I can go on way longer with training or exercising without getting exhausted. When I lift things up they also seem to be lighter which is probably due to muscle gain from T + working out. (God bless ♥)

Mental:

• Mood: I didn’t experience any mood swings as some others did but that may be because I’m taking gel. Also I’m naturally a pretty laid back guy (hope that won’t change the following months). Ever since starting T I’m just incredibly happy and there are very few things to bring me down. Before I had at least 1 mental breakdown every two weeks where every bad thought just slapped me in the face but ever since I’m on T I haven’t had another one. Also my anxiety/panic attacks decreased drastically. It feels way easier to interact socially and to actually go out and do things without completely freaking out and I couldn't be happier about it.

• Self-esteem: After my first time taking testosterone my self-esteem went up like crazy. I mean I’m still an introvert, a bit shy and definitely awkward with others but I stopped doubting myself as much as I did before (Selfdoubt was pretty much my biggest problem when it came to “bad thoughts”. Thoughts like “You’re not good enough” were a daily thing tho but it got a lot better by now and I’m learning to love myself). 

• Sex-Drive: Sooo I’m coming back to this one because I wanted to explain a bit further. Before taking T I literally needed to be “mentally-horny” to get “physically-horny”. I somehow needed to turn on my mind, to turn on my body. Ever since Testosterone it’s pretty much the other way around and I have no control over it. It can be quite annoying being at work just thinking bloody hell not now you need to fracking concentrate for f*cks sake, but overall I find it incredibly funny.

Socially:

There has been a huge change in acceptance around me ever since starting T. People just seem to get it now and realise that I actually meant what I said when I told them I was trans and I’m gonna go on HRT. Also my parents seem to come around and try really hard using my new name & the new pronouns ♥ My friends were using it ever since I came out tho!

That pretty much wraps up my first month experience. I can’t wait to go on full dose and see more changes. I’m going to keep this blog updated (this time for real) if anything dramatic happens or whatever buuuuut until then!

See ya ♥

Tom.