#i lost the other article somehow.... i think it might be in my drafts somewhere on a diff sideblog

[blueskrugs]

Turning Out | Jack Hughes

long story short: I made myself extremely emotional with this song, told @nazdaddy about it, and together we made it worse. over two months later, this fic was finally born. title from the AJR song of the same name. (are we really surprised it’s a song fic at this point?)

tagging:  @marcoscandellas​ @stlbluesbrat21​ @dembenchboys​ @poltoncarayko​ @robthomissed​ @letmeplaytheblues​ @troubatrain​ @ayohockeycheck​ @blackwidowrising​ @aria253264​ @antoineroussel​ @starswin​ @glassdanse​ @ch-ristiane​ @majdoline​ @nazdaddy​ @hockey-more-like​ @thebestoffanfiction​

length: 3.6k

I thought I'd recognize when love was true But I'm confused

It was summer in Michigan, and you were laying in the hammock in the backyard with Jack. You could feel your nose getting burned, and you were sure his was already on its way to burnt, too. School was out, the summer stretching endlessly before you. 

Well. There was the matter of the draft. It was only a couple of weeks away now, and all conversations led back to it.

“I’m proud of you,” you murmured during a lull in conversation. Your head was on Jack’s chest, one arm draped around your shoulders and the other behind his head.

He laughed. “Wait until I actually get drafted by someone first, eh?”

You scoffed and twisted to look up at his face. He was blushing. “Okay, sure, whatever, Mr. Hotshot Top Prospect,” you teased, reaching up to poke Jack right beneath his arm where he was ticklish. He flinched, and the hammock swung wildly.

Jack grabbed onto your hand and wrenched it away from his side, tightening his other arm around your shoulders.

“You’re so mean to me,” he complained, but he was grinning at you. He didn’t let go of your hand. 

“I mean it, though,” you said.

“God,” Jack groaned. “Stop it.”

It wasn’t that the draft was a sore subject, exactly, but you knew Jack was getting more than a little tired of hearing about it constantly. You just couldn’t resist teasing him a bit more.

“Are you gonna forget about me once you’re off in some big city, being an NHL star?” you asked. 

Jack scoffed a little and wrinkled his nose at you. “I could never forget about you, Bug,” he said softly.

Bug. You called each other that, had for years, but you’d mostly grown out of it. It was nice to hear it again. You poked Jack again, for no real reason, just to get him to squirm, maybe.

“You mean it?” you asked, just as softly. The birds and cicadas were loud around you, but you two were in a little bubble of your own in your hammock.

Jack scoffed again. “You’re my best friend. We’re gonna be together forever,” he said.

Forever was a long time, but Jack sounded so confident, so sure of the future, that you let yourself believe him. 

Am I ready for love Or maybe just a best friend

You might’ve cried a little as you watched Jack get called first overall, but you were still in Michigan while they were all off in Vancouver, so there was no one to call you out on it. Jack texted you almost immediately, just a row of exclamation points, which made you laugh. He called you later, too, but you couldn’t hear much over Turcs and Cole yelling. 

With the craziness of it all, you ended up having to wait to have a real conversation with Jack until after he was back in Michigan, and he ended up at your front door, looking a little like he hadn’t slept since before the draft. 

“Hey, you,” you said, but Jack was already stepping forward and pulling you into a hug, burying his face in your neck, despite the fact that he was definitely taller than you. “Wanna go on a walk?” you asked him. 

Jack grinned and nodded eagerly at you, which is how you ended up strolling through the familiar streets of your neighborhood, not really talking, just a comfortable silence between you. 

Until you got to the local park and Jack flopped down in the grass with a sigh. You laid down next to him, looking up at the white clouds skidding across the blue late-June sky. 

“I thought I’d feel different for some reason, you know?” Jack said finally. “Like being drafted first would change me somehow or something.”

You laughed. “Don’t worry, you’ll always be our Jacky,” you told him, just for the way he rolled his eyes at you. Still the same Jack, same blue eyes and floppy hair, same kid you’d known for years. Jack was still looking at you, serious in a way he never was, and you just wanted him to smile again, because then everything still would be the same. “Jack,” you said, made him look at you. 

“You know I love you, right?” Jack blurted, and the words you’d been about to say died on your tongue.

You were going to say that nothing had to change, but maybe you were wrong. You’d fallen in love with your best friend a long time ago, but you’d long since resigned yourself to being nothing more than a best friend. It was easier to keep him in your life that way, rather than risk ruining everything.

“Duh, you’d be lost without me,” you joked instead. It made Jack smile, just for a moment.

Jack sat up then, leaning his weight back on his hands so he could keep looking up at the sky. “I wish you could come with me,” he said quietly.

You sat up and mirrored Jack’s pose. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” you tried to joke. It fell flat. You weren’t really sure you knew how to get through life without Jack by your side. Maybe it would be a good thing to get some distance, actually. 

Jack was staring at you. You couldn’t read his face. It turned out that you didn’t need to, because the next thing you knew, Jack was leaning forward and pressing his lips to yours. It was a quick kiss, and you’d barely had time to react before Jack was pulling away again.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” he said, but he looked more apologetic than regretful. 

“Oh,” was all you could say. 

“It’s not fair,” Jack said, and you weren’t sure where this conversation was going anymore. “We’re gonna be so far apart, and you deserve better.”

You were at a point in your life where you were expected to be more grown up, but Jack had never looked younger. You had never felt more lost. 

“I just don’t wanna break your heart,” Jack said. It was a little late for that, you thought, but you didn’t say that. 

“Yeah,” you murmured finally, which didn’t really make sense, but Jack accepted it. 

He laid back down in the grass next to you, and after a minute of watching him yourself, you laid next to him again.

You say I turned out fine I think I'm still turning out

The first time you visited Jack in New Jersey was over Christmas his rookie year. He picked you up at the airport, wrapping you up in a hug like no time had passed at all. He took you back to his apartment, and it was like you were in high school again.

You went to the game the next night, and meeting everyone else was mostly a blur of names and faces.  It wasn’t until you were all heading down to the family room after the final buzzer that you realized that you didn’t know who Isabella, who’d been talking to you all night, was dating. You never quite got the chance to ask, either, but it didn’t matter in the end. Jack emerged from the locker room and made a beeline for you and Isabella. He gave you a quick hug before turning to Isabella and giving her a hug and a kiss.

Ah, so that’s how it was. You felt your heart stop in your chest, but you forced on a smile and let Jack wrap an arm around each of your shoulders. You’d been expecting this, you could handle it. 

You loved Jack, and he loved you, just not in the same way. He’d fall in love with someone else, and you’d get used to it eventually.

When Jack called you a few months later and told you they’d broken up, you comforted him, tried to pretend that you weren’t a tiny bit happy. You just reminded yourself that there would always be someone else.

I hope you stick around We're gonna figure it out Who can I turn to now?

Your phone was ringing. It was late, and there was only one person your phone rang for after midnight. You fumbled for it in the dark, eyes still heavy with sleep, and answered it without looking at the screen. 

“Hi,” you said, or tried to say. Your voice hadn’t quite woken up with the rest of your body yet. You rolled onto your back, blinked up at the dark ceiling.

You heard Jack let out a sigh on the other end of the line. “I woke you up,” he said. He sounded tired.

The Devils were somewhere on the West Coast, and you’d fallen asleep before the game had ended. You probably didn’t want to know.

“I hadn’t been asleep very long,” you lied. Jack made a noise like he definitely didn’t believe you. 

It was quiet for a moment. Then, “Did you watch?” 

“No,” you admitted. 

Jack huffed. It might have been a laugh, except you knew your best friend, and he was fighting to keep his voice from breaking. “Good,” he told you.

“You should stay off Twitter,” you said mildly, and this time Jack did laugh at you, but there wasn’t any humor behind it.

You’d seen the comments, the tweets, the articles. You know Jack saw them, too, stayed up too late reading them, even when you all told him not to. Jack Hughes: first overall draft pick, USNTDP scoring phenom, underdeveloped, too small, and, well, a bust. 

“What if they’re right, though?” Jack said quietly. You wondered if he was in his hotel room, curled up against his pillows, trying not to wake his roommate, or if he’d wandered out into the hall, found somewhere to be alone. 

“Oh, Bug,” you said. It slipped out really, but you heard Jack’s shaky breath. You didn’t know the last time you’d called him that. 

“I miss you,” Jack blurted. You wiped at your eyes. The Devils had hit Detroit just before healing west, and you’d made the trip down to see them. It had only been a few days. But this was more than not seeing each other for a while. It was growing up too fast, the world changing whether or not you were ready for it, not realizing that everything was different until it was too late. 

You missed Jack, missed seeing him every day, trying to help each other with homework and then laughing too hard to actually get anything done. You missed hockey games and the certainty that you’d be friends forever. Forever was a long time when you were young and naïve. 

You tried not to think too much about forever these days, or how you’d still turn to say something to Jack, even though he hadn’t been by your side in a long time. He didn’t need to know any of that.

“I miss you, too,” is what you said, feeling it aching in your chest. Your eyes burned, and it wasn’t because you were tired. 

I'm a little kid, and so are you Don't you go and grow up before I do

He was always the first person you called. When you failed a test, when you were sick, when you got your heart broken.

You hadn’t stopped to think about where Jack might be, and you panicked a little when the phone rang endlessly. You were about to hang up and give up when Jack answered, just before it went to voicemail.

“What’s up?” He sounded like he’d been laughing, and it was loud around him. You were pretty sure you could pick out P.K.’s loud voice.

He was out with his team, having fun, and you were crying alone over a broken heart. You shouldn’t have called.

“Never mind, you’re busy,” you said, already pulling the phone away from your ear to hang up. You didn’t need to bother Jack with this, not now.

“Wait, wait,” Jack stopped you. He paused, and you heard a door close, and then it was quieter. “I always have time to talk to you,” he said, and you cried harder. “Hang on, are you crying? What happened?”

You took a steadying breath. Tried one last time to get the tears under control. “He broke up with me, Jack.”

Jack swore under his breath. “I’m sorry, Y/N,” he told you.

It hadn’t been a great relationship to begin with, you’d always known that. There was no real future in it, but it had been fun for a while, something to distract yourself from the fact that the guy you really wanted to be with was on the other side of the country. But it had fallen apart, just like it always did. Somehow it had still blindsided you, in spite of the missed calls and blown off dates, which is how you found yourself shattered on your bedroom floor now.

You weren’t sure how much longer you could rely on Jack to pick up the pieces.

“Talk to me,” Jack said quietly, and you choked back another sob.

“I hate this,” you murmured. Hated being so far away from your best friend, hated crying over a guy you didn’t even love. “I miss you so much,” you added. You felt like you’d been saying that more than anything since Jack had been drafted. 

Jack hummed, distracted. You could still hear his teammates yelling somewhere on the other side of the door. “You should come visit,” Jack said after a moment. 

You laughed. There was no way you’d be able to drop your life and fly out to New Jersey, no matter how badly you might’ve wanted to. It just didn’t work like that.

“I should let you get back to the guys,” you said instead of answering. Jack made a protesting noise on the other end of the line, but you hung up before he could get a word in. 

I'm a little kid with so much doubt Do you wanna be there to see how I turn out?

Your cap and gown hung on the back of your bathroom door. You stared into the mirror for a minute before you reached to tug them on. It felt strange to be graduating college. You still felt out of your depth most days, and now you were being let loose upon the world. Supposedly you were ready for it now. You weren’t sure you’d ever be ready, really.

You searched the crowd for your parents as you made your way to your seat. You had hoped Jack would’ve come, too, but he’d hit you with some excuse about how he’d still be stuck in Jersey. You tried to pretend like it hadn’t hurt. 

The graduation itself passed in a blur. You hadn’t tripped over anything when you’d gone to collect your diploma, and honestly that was all that mattered. 

You were searching for your family in the madness outside when you heard a voice yell, “Hey! Bug!”

You spun around, clutching your cap to your head so it didn’t fall off. There was only one person who’d ever called you that. Jack was making his way towards you through the crowd, hair windswept and smile bright. 

“Jack!” you yelled back, already launching yourself at him. He caught you easily, sweeping you up in a tight hug. You buried your face in his neck, no longer caring if your cap fell off. “I thought you weren’t coming.”

Jack pulled back to give you a look. “You didn’t really think I’d miss your graduation, did you?” You shrugged, and Jack frowned a little at you. He bent over to pick up your fallen cap. “You dropped something,” he said, but when you reached to take it from him, he just grinned and shoved it on his own head. It was crooked, and the tassel was falling in his face. “C’mon, your parents are over here,” he told you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and tugging you along with him. 

“I’m proud of you,” Jack said later that night, laying next to you on your bed. The TV was on, but neither of you were really watching it. 

“I’m supposed to say that about you,” you said, poking him in the ribs. The Devils had had a good season, led to the first round of the playoffs by Nico and Jack. (They’d gotten their asses kicked, but they’d made it.)

He squirmed away and grabbed your hand, lacing your fingers together and resting them both on his chest. “Whatever,” he scoffed. “You’re all smart and graduated now,” he told you.

It was your turn to scoff. “That doesn’t mean I know what the fuck I’m doing.” Jack turned to look at you, one arm behind his head, and you were suddenly reminded of a moment just like this, so many years before, with the summer and the rest of your lives stretching out before you. “I have no idea what I’m doing,” you admitted. With life, but also right here, lying in bed with your best friend. 

Jack turned fully, propping himself up on one elbow to look down at you. His hair flopped in his face, and you reached up absently to push it back. 

“You should come to New Jersey,” he said, face dead serious. It was far from the first time he’s said that to you. You’d always laughed or brushed it off, unwilling to admit that, while terrifying, back by Jack’s side was the only place you’d dreamed of being for years. 

“I-” you started. You didn’t know what was going to come next. Jack was still staring down at you. You reached up to poke the mole next to his mouth, just to see if you could get him to smile.

He did, but he batted your hand away before you could do it again. “I mean it,” he said. You rolled your eyes. 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” you said. You tried to roll away from Jack, away from this conversation, but he grabbed your wrist, settled his weight on your legs so you couldn’t escape. 

He was frowning at you. “What’s that supposed to mean? You’re my best friend.”

“Yeah, exactly.” Jack’s frown deepened, and the crease between his eyebrows was frustratingly adorable. “I’m your best friend. And that was enough while I was in school, and you were still trying to figure out the NHL.” Jack did let you roll away from this time, and you curled up against the wall, not meeting his eyes. “But I don’t think I can be in the same city as you, watching as you find some pretty girl to fall in love with until you leave me behind. I don’t think I can watch as you become everything I want for someone else.”

“There isn’t anyone else,” Jack said slowly.

You huffed out a sigh. “Not now, maybe. But there will be.” There always would be, for you and for him. 

Jack rolled his eyes at you, and that hurt a little. “There hasn’t been anyone else for me but you, not for a long time, not really,” Jack told you.

You weren’t sure if you wanted to laugh or cry. You were pretty sure he’d had a girlfriend at the beginning of the season this year. It had been years since that day he’d kissed you in the park, long enough that you nearly forgot about it. You didn’t think his feelings had really changed after all these years.

“Don’t give me that look,” Jack said, flicking you on the leg. “I mean it. It just- we were still kids and then I was off in Newark, and one of us always seemed to be dating someone else, and I could never ask you to just fucking move across the country for me-” Jack was rambling, and you cut him off by poking him with your toes. He grabbed onto your foot and looked up at you. “I’m not sure I know how to love anyone else but you,” he admitted.

“You’re a fucking idiot, you know that?” you asked. You reached over to grab a pillow so you could hit Jack with it. He spluttered and looked offended. “I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, Jack.”

Jack’s face softened. “Did you listen to anything I just said? I had reasons!” he tried, but he was grinning at you now.

“Please just come here and kiss me,” you said.

Jack didn’t need any convincing, and then he was leaning forward and tangling a hand in your hair to pull you in for a kiss. He pulled back and rested his forehead against yours to catch his breath; you whacked him with the pillow one more time for good measure.

“Hey! What was that one for?” Jack asked, already trying to wrestle the pillow away from you.

“Got a lot of years to make up for, Jacky,” you said.

Jack gave up on getting the pillow away from you and settled for pinning you to the bed with his hands on your wrists. You kneed him gently in the ribs. 

“I hate you,” Jack sighed, but you knew him too well for that. The look on his face was just fond. You’d seen that look a lot over the years, and now you were realizing that there was something else to it. Love.

“Nah, you don’t,” you said.

Jack smiled at you and bent down to kiss you again. “Yeah, you’re right,” he said. “I could never.”

[fmdjaewonarchive]

► agree.

date(s): july 2020 - february 2021 mentions of: champion members, unity members (samsoo, yul & sunghee mentioned by name but like... blink and you’ll miss it)  word count: +/- 2.3k words (870w lyrics/660 words composition/740 words production) warnings: mentions of anxiety, panic attacks and car accidents details: full lyrics and full composition verification for agree, 3/3 verifications for jaewon’s upcoming album escapism. jaewon doesn’t only know how to write sad boi music, he also writes angry boi music, the only two emotions he’s ever experienced rlly. (a/n: i lost my braincells within the first 100 words and still haven’t retrieved them, read at your own discretion)

the song is born out of frustration, anger blocking up his throat to the point it feels hard to breathe.

it’s the kick-off point of champion’s world tour, a concept that has jaewon disgruntled enough as it is, snatching him away from unity and dropping him in the states like he is supposed to care about this group, like he doesn’t have better things to worry about.

but alas that’s beside his point, as much as he detests the idea behind champion, it’s not his main source of frustration.

traveling out to the states, that part is hell. now jaewon has never been a huge fan of traveling, suffering from a crippling fear of flying ever since predebut that somehow has not gotten any less severe with the sheer amount of flying all over the place unity has been doing. jaewon also absolutely hates airports, they’re too crowded, too hectic and far too stressful to not immediately put him in a godawful mood.

the cameras shoved right into his face both prior to departure and directly after arrival definitely didn't help.

comparatively, champion’s trip to the states this time hadn’t been that bad. jaewon just happens to be in an extra foul mood today but rationally, he has to admit that he’s seen far worse throughout the years.

but maybe that’s exactly the problem, how common these things have become, that getting pushed and pulled at while trying to get on flight was considered to be mild.

jaewon’s frustration isn’t solely aimed at an isolated instance, it’s at the ridiculous standard that’s been set for idols, the things they have to accept like they are normal.

normally he would call soo to complain about whatever was bothering him but with the time difference, jaewon knew his boyfriend was ought to be asleep at this hour and he definitely wasn’t waking him up for something this minor.

he even humors the thought of perhaps finding sunghee or yul to complain to but with most of champion out for the night doing whatever (admittedly, jaewon didn’t listen when they were making plans, he wasn’t gonna tag along anyway) that isn’t really in the cards either. perhaps that’s for the best, jaewon isn’t the biggest fan of actually talking to the younger unity members about what was on his mind.

either way, jaewon is stuck in a hotelroom by himself, no one around to really vent his frustration too so instead, he might just as well write it all down.

and that’s exactly what he does, settling down at the desk in his hotelroom, scribbling on a notepad randomly found laying around.

on the plane the person in the seat next to me that’s not my fan apparently buying info off the airplane company

it’s not entirely relevant to what happened at the airport earlier but jaewon feels angry all over just thinking about it. unity has had it’s fair share of experiences with saesangs, seemingly only increasing the more popular they keep getting. sure, that makes sense but it doesn’t mean it’s okay, contrary to what dimensions seem to believe with how easily the company brushes it off under the pretense of it just being another part of the job.

at the airplane lounge there’s a war between the 200 mm guns privacy, panic disorder, they barter with one another...

in the first place, jaewon’s main concern is unity, it always is. he’s willing to put up with a lot if it means the younger members are left off the hook. but he has to admit, since the panic attacks have started to become more prevalent, it’s a lot harder to take that stance. it’s hard to take care of others when he fails to take care of himself.

jaewon tries not to think about what that means for his position as a leader.

from early morning put on a mask and fight on in short, call it being a puppet...

jaewon knows he’s not an ideal idol, he’s never been and he never will be. maybe in retrospect, he would have done things differently but there is no use in considering those what-ifs now. there is, however, no denying that all of it is just a bigger struggle with him, it will never go as easily as with people who were made to stand in front of the camera’s. why shouldn’t he get to be open and honest about that? he’s not the perfect idol they want him to be, he will never fit that mold.

i know, that’s right that’s right that’s right that’s right that’s right that’s right i know that’s right that’s right that’s right

written out, the chorus feels a bit silly, but jaewon feels justified in his creative choices. not that the song is ever going to be used for anything, it’s just an attest to his frustration. jaewon knows he’s ought to sit down and silently accept whatever is expected of him.

it’s been years since he’s been his own person. these days, he’s dimensions’ property first and that of the general public second, there is no use in fighting that, no space for his voice.

so sure, whatever, he agrees, what else can he do?

---------------

jaewon forgets about the lyrics he’s written down after that.

in the moment there had been no intention to turn them into a full-fledged song, a haphazard combination of lyrics that in their raw form, probably held very little meaning, too much filler between the few parts that he did properly think through.

so jaewon forgets all about it before he even sets foot back in korea again. unity is busy enough, the release of neo zone lurking around the corner and with multiple schedules of his own, jaewon can’t even think about the song if he wants to.

it only comes drifting back into his consciousness at least a month of two having passed since champion’s american tour dates.

the day in itself isn’t anything special, if there is anything remarkable about it it’s the fact jaewon isn’t working for once. he’s just hanging around his and samsoo’s apartment, scrolling through whatever app on his phone keeps his attention for long enough.

until an article pops up.

it’s a news post about a rookie group he’s never heard of from a company he doesn’t know the name of, it has nothing to do with him, but he finds himself reading through it anyway. apparently, they got into an accident on their way home from schedules as they were being followed by saesangs. no one got injured and truly, it’s not the first time jaewon has read news like this but it does fill him with the same sense of anger as what he had experienced that first day in the states with champion.

because this type of news shouldn’t be common, for how long are people gonna pretend it is?

maybe he should finish that damn song.

wait does he even still have the lyrics?

jaewon vaguely remembers at the very least putting the sheet of paper in his backpack after the concert as he had been packing up to move to the next city of their tour but after that, he can’t say he recalls having seen it lay around.

he’s really ought to get more orderly with his drafts.

luckily for him, jaewon does find the sheet of paper, not in his bag but shoved in between the pages of a notebook and with the draft of his lyrics obtained he makes a beeline for his home studio. normally he’d do this stuff at the company headquarters but truly, that sounds like far too much work in the moment.

obviously, the song is meant to have an angry undertone to it, supposed to convey the same anger and frustration that swallowed jaewon whole as he had written the lyrics.

the deep, resonating boom of low brass sounds for the opening of the song are a no brainer, the sound gives a bombastic, ominous vibe, immediately setting the song off on the right note. it’s supposed to sound grande and honestly a little bit intimidating, a dark feeling creeping around the corners.

of course, the sound is far too theatrical to be underlaying to the entire song so jaewon alternates it with a deep, booming bassline, the brass only reappearing right before the chorus other than in the opening section as if to give off a warning. to fill up the verses and the parts in between, jaewon adds rumbling, deep drums in the background, making them feel less empty.

what really makes the song however is the rapidly-cycling electronic stuttering a rhythmic pattern across almost all parts of the song. it feels a little distracting at first before jaewon decides that really, that’s exactly what he’s going for. the melody feels just a little too fast, uncomfortably so and in a song reflecting so much stress and strain, that only feels fair, reflectives of the way his chest tightens up when he can’t breathe, when his hands tremble and his heart beats so fast it might as well make him sick.

jaewon thinks it conveys his frustrations pretty damn well.

---------------

it doesn’t seem in the books for the song to ever be released until the process of selecting songs for escapism comes along. while jaewon regains some of his creative freedom, most of it had been under dimensions terms, leaving it up to them to shape the album in a way they prefer over his creative vision.

until somewhere near the end of completing the track list, the head producer asks jaewon if he has any songs laying around that could fit in with the rest of the album.

‘agree’ is the first thing to come to mind.

the head producer seems to like the songs, enough to approve it at least and jaewon can’t help but feel a flare of pride. the producer seems intent on leaving the creative process in his hands, letting him handle the production.

it makes ‘agree’ the first song ever that’s entirely his own that he gets to release, it feels like a milestone to jaewon.

he does get a little list of suggestions, mainly pertaining to the lyrics. the producer leaves a few remarks here and there about where lines could be stronger, what he would do differently but all of it are very loose recommendations, jaewon isn’t actually under an obligation to do anything with them.

in the end, he does anyway, shuffles some lyrics around, dares to be a bit more assertive in his wording, right onto the border of what he would consider too gloat-y for himself. but the producer is right, it gets to pack a punch, it gets to be a little bit self-important. somehow having the external confirmation makes it easier to write those lyrics without feeling like a fraud. it’s still his, his writing, his song.

with the last tweaks done they’re quick to get to recording. they’re still on a time crunch as jaewon’s manager reminds him (jaewon likes the man well enough but dear lord would he never let him forget). it's one of the last songs on the album to be recorded after all and at this point, they are cutting it close.

with everything else he needs done, all jaewon has left to do is fine tune the song, the last tweaks and sounds to be added like missing puzzle pieces now he has the bigger picture pretty much laid out in front of him, polishing and detailing it to elevate the song worth of something to be released on an album.

the instrumental is already pretty hectic, fully intentional of course, but with a proper, clear recording it’s easier to spot the empty gaps, spaces to add the last finishing touches. he adds more brass, less grande and dramatic than the ones in the pre-chorus, curling around the edges of the chorus to round them up neatly and as if to scale down again for the verses, still fast paced but somewhat a breath of fresh air between one chorus and the other.

he delays the part at the opening before the brass and bass kick in, a silence before the storm feels even if the hyperactive stuttering beat is already there, he considers taking that out at first too but the point kind of is that it is more or less omnipresent, it’s always there even when there is nothing else much, like the anxiety that feels permanently stuck to his head.

there is also the addition of an extra melodic line, lingering behind that main, slightly headache inducing electronic synth. it doesn’t really stand out, especially not compared to it’s main competitor but it does remain prevalent in the few parts the main instrumental motif is nowhere to be found, giving it small moments to shine. it serves a clear function, or to jaewon listening ear at least (maybe he’s overanalyzing at this point). the little bounces of the electronic beat all over the place keep up the pace of the song, making sure its explosive nature prevails over the dark dreary undertones of the bassline and brass sections, giving it an overall dynamic feel.

it takes some fiddling, jaewon pulls something close to an all-nighter to finish up the song with the sheer amount of detail he ends up focussing on but by the time he sends it in, he has a good feeling about it at least.

when he presents the final product to the head producer, there are no more suggestions. it’s good, and it’s all his own work.

[mariellewritesalot]

Not Enough Words

Here’s a confession: I feel like I haven’t been writing much lately.

Don’t get me wrong, I do write, but there’s a fine line between writing because I have to and writing because I want to. Somehow, despite the difference being indistinguishable so long as movement is concerned, I can’t help but feel frustrated over my craft. Ironically, I am a Malikhaing Pagsulat major, which in itself, is a life of writing, revising, and workshops until I get sick of it. Writers don’t have much choice, anyway, because we are expected to know how to write no matter the situation. It’s practically our job. We’re supposed to be quick on our feet (nay, hands) lest we lose credibility and edge over the others.

It’s a common misconception that good writers can write anything in a heartbeat, but I feel like our disposition plays a major role on the output we produce. While anything can be researched on or experienced just so we can write efficiently, nothing compares to pouring words on paper (or on the computer screen) and feeling cathartic because there’s a little bit of your heart and soul there somewhere. I don’t know. I’m probably overthinking it; but personally, being a writer means more to me than just a job description or something I am deemed to be talented at. For the most part, it’s an identity. I can’t set myself apart, I don’t see myself not resorting to writing, even on my off days.

So, maybe I do care more about my writing than I do about anything else. It’s my form of communication and expression, a version of art, if you may. I spent years, and will continue to do so, mastering my craft. Hopefully not for the sake of others exploiting it, but for me to be at ease with who I’m becoming every day. I’ve never felt like I’ve done enough, and if there’s anything I know to be true it’s that a writer never stops learning and experiencing, finding the right words along the process or building/renovating their style repeatedly. A process with no definite ending. I could win a hundred awards or publish various books one day and still feel humbled, thinking I can still do better, or that I am not as talented as people believe me to be. Despite all these, though, even writers sometimes need a break from the entire ordeal. In my prolonged breaks, I truly find myself asking: Is a writer still a writer even when they stop writing for a long time? 

I wish I was the kind of writer who incessantly wrote on a journal and can’t live without it, or read at least 3 books a month without them being requirements for school, but I still fall short on that ideal even to this day. I haven’t stopped trying, though. Lately, I have succumbed to social media, addicted to tweeting, mindless scrolling, and curating my feed. I have become a slave to academics, my job at the school newspaper, and cheap thrills other college students also enjoy. Even when I’m turning in essays, poems, stories, and articles every week, I feel disconnected from all the writing; especially when I do it just so I can meet deadlines. As a result, I tend to shy away from it or feel that my brain is fried from doing it for long periods of time without rest--when writing used to be exactly that for me; a relief. I’m starting to think that maybe what *Confucius* implied about choosing a job you love so you’ll never have to work a day in your life wasn’t exactly right, and that passion is only as good when the fire’s still burning. Just probably not when it turns me into a burnout, at a really early age, at that. I’m always going to be in love with writing, but I have got to learn to stop putting pressure on myself. There are some things that I simply won’t have the words for, and I have to accept that. Whether it be a good thing or the exact opposite, there will be moments when I won’t know what to say. If words fail me, they can always find their way back when it’s right again.

With awards season just around the corner, people have been asking me if I’ll be joining the Palanca’s this year after winning in 2017 and deliberately choosing not to submit anything in 2018. My honest answer is that I don’t know, and whenever I do join contests, I don’t usually tell people about them because I get way too tense even in the process of creating the piece itself. That way, I can take losses quietly and work on what I can improve more for the next time I feel courageous. There have been a lot of defeats I’ve been quiet about, and though it always comes as a surprise to me whenever I win, taking the L isn’t exactly as gracious as it should feel, either. I tend to stop writing, even, for a while until I regain my footing. People would always try to console me in a backhanded kind of way that they don’t exactly understand, like when they point out that it doesn’t matter if I lose other contests if I have a national literary award already on my resume; in their eyes, I’ve already made my point. I’d rather be told that I can do better, or that maybe it just isn’t my time yet. I don’t want to cling onto my old achievements or credentials to make myself feel better.

The thing is: I don’t think about it that way. I don’t want to. If I did, I wouldn’t grow as a writer. I want to look at what I do with more veracity. It does feel good to be validated, but I don’t want to be closed off in a box and stay stagnant, thinking that I know everything just because of one award. Don’t get me wrong, It’s a huge blessing to me of course, but it shouldn’t encompass everything I do as a writer. It shouldn’t end there, it shouldn’t be the only thing remarkable about me. I don’t even want to compete with anyone else but myself, but not in a way that doesn’t help me further. I love good writing, and won’t trash other people for it, even if they wind up doing better than I’ll ever do. Truth be told, I can’t even go back to reading my winning piece sometimes because I feel like it still isn’t real to me. There’s more writing that needs to be done, hopefully, with more purpose. I don’t want to write for my sake only or for other people’s validation. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be yet, or what kind of writing it is that I’m really good at, but at least give me this. Give me time to grieve or feel bad over things that don’t work out about my writing, or for feeling so lost in it that I don’t know if most days I could still pinpoint my style in a sea of words. I acknowledge that I’ve done more than enough to further my career at this point, but I want to be continuously striving for greatness. I love writing, I really do, but I think everyone knows that we’re allowed to be a little angry or frustrated or want to get away from something (or someone) we love, even for a while. It wouldn’t be the real thing without challenges or even the occasional close calls.

With that said, I guess what I really want to do right now is to rediscover myself and my craft every day. In a reflective week like this, no less. Life hasn’t been exactly kind to me lately, but somehow, I don’t feel like writing about my tragedies more than I usually do. So it is true that not everything is worth writing about. To better my often deteriorating mental health, I’ve taken necessary steps to get well. In one of the conversations I’ve had with my counselor regarding my emotions, I admitted that maybe I feel deeply because it’s essential to being a writer. As much as I hate being this way, I am afraid of not being as good as I am aspiring to be if I suddenly turn numb or do better at handling my mess. She nodded as if she understood, trying to redirect my anxiety over it, “I think what you need for your writing is more experiences, not more feelings.”

I want to emphasize that I am still learning, as I always will be, and that I will make mistakes; both in real life and my career. Some people won’t read my writing or read it only so they could find fault between the lines and I want to be okay with that, because there are also people out there (maybe like you) who take the time out of their day to read whatever it is I wrote. So, I think it’s okay if I take a little longer to reach a few milestones. If I’m in it for the long run, I don’t have to know or have everything right away. I’ll find my way soon, and get a little bit lost again, but like all else--as long as I am trying, that’s good enough for me.

This Holy Week I’ve included writing and reading books in my plan, so I’m not on social media that much. It’s been good, I think I’m accomplishing more than I would normally do. I hope I curb the bad habit of staying online for too long, it might help with my focus especially during all-nighters, social gatherings, or you know, finally finishing the first draft of my debut novel. You probably won’t hear from me again for a while since college has been taking up more of my time, but I might have a bunch of poetry and prose to release soon. Stay tuned!

Always,

Mar

P.S. I finally revamped my blog theme after a ridiculously long amount of time! Even went around the new Tumblr guidelines on custom themes, so I feel pretty proud of myself for ‘debugging’ the code until it worked. This one’s more reader friendly albeit simple, and I’ve added an all-new tab on my Filipino writing since I’ve been doing a lot of it in school and I want to track my progress. Check it out and let me know what I can do more by leaving me a message!

[dxmichelle]

Nerdshipping Ficlet: Origin of the Kaiba Corp Sweatshirt

This is for @kaibacorpintern​, who came up with the idea in this post.

Summary: A bitter storm rages outside and our favorite nerds can’t sleep.

The raging winter wind howled against the windows of the Gryffindor Common Room. This was the third storm the school had seen that year, and definitely the most intense. The sky seemed to have an endless amount of snow to dump onto the castle, and the wind was clearly determined to worm its way through as many cracks as possible. Even with the fireplace still going, the biting draft could still be felt by the lone student still awake in the tower.

Seto sat on the plush sofa near the fireplace with his laptop on his lap. He had barely stayed in the dormitory for more than five minutes before coming to the conclusion that the wind and snow beating on their tower windows was going to keep him up all night.  With that in mind, he didn’t bother changing into his pajamas, pulled on a thick Kaiba Corp sweater over his clothes, and retreated back downstairs.

How Yugi and Bakura managed to sleep through this weather was beyond him.

He stopped paying attention to what time it was after reading through three chapters of Defensive Magical Theory. If even that poor excuse for a textbook wasn’t enough to tire him out, than nothing would. So he moved on to checking in at work, because if he was going to be stuck awake for the time being, at least that kept his interest.

Sometime after clearing out a chain of emails that had nothing to do with him, the sound of a door opening and closing was heard from somewhere up the girls’ staircase. Hermione emerged a few moments later with her a rather large book tucked under her arm.

“Let me guess,” said Seto, glancing up, “You can’t sleep.”

She shook her head, hugging the book to her chest. “Not really.”

Hermione then looked towards the common room windows. “It doesn’t help that the storm is trying to blow the tower off the side of the castle.”

Seto nodded his head towards the spot next to him. “You going to try and use Umbridge’s book to knock yourself back out? I already tried that – it doesn’t work.”

“No…this is light reading,” said Hermione, taking the offered seat and drawing her knees up against her chest. “But I don’t think I’d be able to go back to bed if I tried.” She reached for a discarded Daily Prophet. “I saw that more Death Eaters made it out of Azkaban this morning, and I guess it was on my mind when I went to sleep.”

Seto peered over at the headlines and skimmed the first bit of the article. “Antonin Dolohov seems to be the only one they mention in detail …I take it you have a history.”

“He was there at the Department of Mysteries last spring…he almost killed both me and Neville, and if it weren’t for Harry being, well, Harry, he might have been killed too. He is brutal when it came to his spells, and seems to favor this one I’ve never heard of before. He cast it silently, so I have no idea what the incantation was to research it – if there even is one – but…” She trailed off, wincing at the memory, and she could have sworn her ribs gave a bit of a throb too. “…Recovery from it took a very long time.”

After a minute, Hermione tossed the newspaper back onto the table. “I guess, like most people, I felt a lot better when he was still stuck in prison.”

It was clear she didn’t want to go into it more than that so he let the subject drop.

Hermione shifted to lean up against him, and rested her head on his shoulder. “So what’s keeping you up?”

Seto waved a hand. “My brain doesn’t turn off. There are always too many thoughts running through it.” He shook his head. He didn’t really want to get into the resurfacing nightmares of his past, and she already knew about the rather savage visits by the mysterious Shadow. “It is very rare that I will actually sleep the entire night through.”

Hermione sighed. “How do you ever manage to stay awake during the day?”

“Coffee.”

“Mmm, I should have guessed.” She snuggled in a little closer. “Do you mind if I sit here with you and just…read for a while?”

Seto raised an eyebrow and looked down at her. “That’s the sort of question you ask before you get comfortable, not after.”

“Well,” Hermione muttered, “It’s late and I’m not thinking straight. Not all of us can be night-owls like you.”

Seto repositioned himself slightly against the new weight pressed up against his side, and watched her open her book. “That’s not one of your textbooks.”

Hermione shook her head. “After that day where Yugi helped explain about the Millennium Items, I tried to find out as much as I could of Egyptian magic and mythology. I thought something in here might be able to help the Pharaoh’s spirit find his memories.”

Seto raised an eyebrow. “Somehow I don’t think you’re going to solve the Pharaoh’s problems in that book. It’s…a bit more complicated than that.”

“Well, the subject is at least interesting, even if it can’t help.” Hermione said. “Maybe there’s something in here that will help with your problem.”

Seto snorted and turned back to his laptop. “I doubt there is any information on mysterious Shadows in any book – especially ones that rely on magic resonating from cursed artifacts.”

“You’re probably right,” she sighed, and stretched into a more comfortable position. “But I still plan on reading through this anyway. Even if it can’t do anything for the Millennium Items or shadow monsters, the subject matter is still interesting.”

Seto waved the arm that wasn’t pinned into his side. “Well, don’t let me stop you.”

They sat in silence, the tapping of fingers against the keys or the rustle of turning pages the only indication that the other was still awake.

While it didn’t seem possible, the wind outside managed to pick up even harder, and after a while, Seto’s typing had slowed down once he noticed that his left hand started shaking against the keyboard. It took a moment to realize that there was nothing wrong with his hand, or by extension, his arm – he wasn’t even the one shaking.

“If you were cold, you should have said something.”

Hermione lifted her head off his shoulder. “It’s fine – it’s just the draft from the windows. It’ll be fine once the wind dies down.”

“Right,” said Seto sardonically, “Because it’s done such a good job at it thus far.”

Hermione huffed. “I’ll be alright...”

“You’re shivering hard enough that it’s making me shake.”

Hermione sighed, put her head back down, and curled in a little closer. “You’re warm though,” she said. “I could stay like this for a while.”

“Unfortunately, the way this is going – you’re likely to push me off the couch every time you do that.” He shrugged his left shoulder to gently push her upwards. “Sit up.”

Hermione didn’t realize how much she was pressing into him until she needed to grab onto the back of the sofa to straighten up. Her eyes widened as he leaned forward, pulled off the Kaiba Corp sweater he was wearing over his uniform shirt and sweater vest and handed it to her. “W-what are you doing?”

“You’re freezing. Put it on.”

Hermione looked down at the navy sweater deposited in her arms. “But won’t you be cold?”

“No.”

Hermione was skeptical. “You’re certain?”

Seto raised an eyebrow. “You clearly need it more than I do.”

Hermione slipped the sweater over her head. It fit, though it was a bit large on her, but most importantly, it felt cozy.

Seto settled back down again. “Better?”

“Mmm, much better.” She glanced up. “Are you sure you’ll be fine?”

“With you practically squashing me? I think I’ll manage.”

“I can’t help it,” she said, and went back to huddling up against him, though without as much of the weight as before.  “You’re comfortable.”

“If you sit like that for too long, you’re going to regret it in your neck or your back come morning.”

“Well,” Hermione muttered softly, “I’ll deal with that in the morning then because I don’t feel like moving.”

“I gathered as much.”

Hermione paused in the middle of turning the page. “You…you’re sure you’re alright with me being here? I’m not distracting you or anything?”

“If I didn’t want you sitting here with me, I wouldn’t have offered it in the first place. And if you’re truly worried about… this,” he gestured to her cuddling position, “Don’t. Mokuba does this all the time.”

Hermione smiled, rested her head back down and returned to reading her book, Seto went back to his emails, and they continued again in silence.

Seto lost track of how much time had actually passed, but after a while realized that the pages in her book stopped turning, and there was an increased weight against his left side.

Hermione’s hand lay across the book, keeping it open against the couch, but she had fallen asleep with her head nestled against his shoulder.

Seto shifted slightly to alleviate the numbness that was beginning to seep through his left arm from lack of use, but she didn’t stir.

He took a moment to watch the calm rise and fall of her chest as she peacefully slept, and resigned himself to the fact that he was going to be stuck for a while.

That was fine. It wasn’t as if he was tired anyway. And at least she didn’t seem cold anymore.

He settled a bit heavier against the back of the couch to get more comfortable, and returned to reviewing the lines of code scrolling down his screen.

[fesahaawit]

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally

Good morning, friends! I read three posts this week that I want to share with you. The first was written by author Matt Haig back in 2015, but I only found it recently and it is still so timely. A note that it talks about depression and suicide, but there’s one quote in particular that resonated with me: “Christmas is one of those times when the idea of something doesn’t match the reality.” It is absolutely worth reading all the way through to the end.

The second post is from my friend Bianca who wrote quite honestly about why it’s time we removed the pressure around Christmas. If you’re seeing a bit of a trend here, it’s true that I’m still not in my usual Christmas spirit. I can echo what Bianca wrote: I love the lights! And the food! And I plan to take some days off! So I feel generally ok about the holiday season. It just doesn’t feel very “special,” and I’m starting to realize that is also ok.

In an attempt to remove some of the pressure around it here on this blog, there is just one thing I want to say before I log off for a few days: thank you. Thank you for being so caring and supportive this year—and not just to me but also to each other. We’ve talked about some heavy stuff here this year, and I am so grateful that this space is one that continues to remain open and safe. Thank you for being part of it.

The last post I want to share was written by Daisy for No Sidebar. In it, she shared 10 questions we could answer to end the year intentionally. This isn’t about goal-setting or trying to come up with resolutions or anything else future-thinking. It’s just a simple exercise that can help you reflect on the past year. For everything that’s happened, that felt right for me, so I answered the questions and am sharing them here.

I’m signing off for a week! In that time, I plan to complete a 1,000-piece puzzle, start and finish a new book, and spend two nights in a house on the ocean with some of my family. There’s no cell service and definitely no internet. If I could wish anything for you right now, it would be to unplug for a day—and just be. xo

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

Admittedly, I feel like I am always going to remember 2017 as the year we lost the girls. But I’m also going to remember it as the year I moved to Squamish and finally let myself settle in. Slowing down and letting myself really “be” somewhere came with its own challenges��namely that I could no longer manage my anxiety by hopping around from place-to-place, and instead had to make the decision to deal with it and do some therapy. But it also came with so many bonuses. On top of the beautiful landscapes, I found a community of creative, honest, and vulnerable women I feel so fortunate to now call my friends.

2. What did you enjoy doing this year?

Oddly, I really enjoyed not travelling much. It felt good to get to know my new home, create some routine and learn a few trails like the back of my hand. I also made time to read more books this year, which felt good too. :)

3. What/who is the one thing/person you’re grateful for?

A few people come to mind right away, but I’m going to say that I’m grateful I had the money and resources available to start therapy. For the first two months, I was going weekly which was costing $520-$650 monthly. That was obviously not a regular line item in my budget, and isn’t something I would currently be able to afford to do for an extended period of time. But having my emergency fund made me feel comfortable enough to make that decision back in April and I am so grateful for it. I never would’ve imagined that having savings would’ve been so important for my mental health, and there is no doubt that therapy has changed my life.

4. What’s your biggest win this year?

Aside from the personal growth, it would be remiss of me to not mention the fact that I wrote my first book this year! A real book! One that will be in stores in just a few weeks! (And that you still have three weeks to get the bonuses if you pre-order a copy!) There were so many lessons to take away from writing this book, but one of the most important was that it is possible to complete a big creative project. On the day I submitted the first (crappy) draft, I had this overwhelming sense of I CAN DO ANY CREATIVE PROJECT I WANT TO wash over me. I can’t imagine any writing project feeling bigger or being more all-consuming than a book. Now, I’ve written one. So, I can do anything . . . right? ;)

5. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

What an amazing question. I’ll start by saying that, without question, my new favourite author is Matt Haig. The most meaningful book I read this year was Reasons to Stay Alive, which came recommended by many of you when I first shared how bad my anxiety had gotten. So thank YOU for telling me about that book, my friends. More recently, I got my hands on a copy of How to Stop Time, which doesn’t even come out in North America until February 6, 2018! It was one of the most enjoyable works of fiction I’ve read in a long time—and Benedict Cumberbatch is going to play the main character in the movie adaptation! How exciting for the author. :)

Aside from books, I have listened to every episode of a handful of podcasts: Hurry Slowly, Secrets of Wealthy Women, The Slow Home Podcast (I did an interview with Brooke earlier this month that was so lovely!), Super Soul Conversations and Terrible, Thanks for Asking. That last one cracked me wide open, but I needed it.

As far as what I’ve watched that’s had an impact . . . nothing comes to mind. I enjoyed a few shows: 13 Reasons Why, Atypical, The Crown and The Great British Bake Off. But I can’t say that anything had an impact. This is something I’ve thought about a lot lately. Let’s talk about it in the new year. For now, books and podcasts win!

6. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?

Honestly, I worried about how moving away from Victoria would affect the dogs—and two months later, we lost them both. So, I wish I could say that my worries weren’t warranted, and set an example for how/why it’s important to calm our anxious thoughts. But truthfully, March, April and May were really tough months for me.

7. What was your biggest regret and why?

I don’t regret moving, obviously, but I still feel guilty about leaving the girls. I know that’s something I had no control over. It’s just how I feel; like my leaving somehow prompted the beginning of the end for them. This is something I’m obviously still working through (and might help you understand why I’m still emotional about it).

8. What’s one thing that you changed about yourself?

One of the things that became apparent very early on in therapy was that I had zero boundaries in my life. I basically did anything and everything that would make other people’s lives easier, and put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own. This was true in all of my relationships and it wasn’t healthy. In fact, it was one of the reasons my anxiety got so out of control. Thankfully, I’ve been learning how to set healthier boundaries in all areas of my life. It’s not always easy and I sometimes still let guilt takeover (this article on The Pool is another good read on that topic). But I have set some boundaries, and chosen to put myself first in some ways, and it does feel better.

9. What surprised you the most this year?

Most of this post has felt heavy, so I’m going to share a few fun/random things!

I was surprised to find myself driving across the US, from Minneapolis to BC, for the second time in a year! (And I never thought I would drive through South Dakota again, let alone twice in one year!)

I was surprised to randomly meet up with Sarah and spend two days together in Idaho and Wyoming. That’s some travelling big magic, right there. :)

I was surprised to meet my two closest friends in Squamish on Instagram—and learn that one lives right behind me, and that I can see the other’s house through the trees between our two homes!

I was really surprised to find Cheryl Strayed followed me on both Twitter and Instagram! I still don’t know how or why . . . but yea, consider me still surprised! (Let’s not jinx it.)

And I was happily surprised to find myself picking up and reading more fiction this year. It felt really good to fall in love with characters and get lost in a story.

10. If you could go back to last January 1, what suggestions would you give your past self?

If I had known what was going to happen in 2017, at the start of the year, I wouldn’t have believed it—and I wouldn’t have wanted to believe it. I don’t have a suggestion, per se, but more of a reminder: You will never regret telling people/pets how you feel, showing them affection and making sure they feel your love. When they are gone, the only thing you’ll wish is that you’d had more time together. So I would say . . . don’t rush off. Spend your time with those who matter most. Because there’s never enough of it.

  10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

[flauntpage]

Bird Droppings: Can’t Hold It

I’m coming in hot. Somehow I’m more worked up about the game now than I was during and immediately after it. But now that I’ve watched it almost three full times – live, condensed game last night, and offensive plays this morning – I’m more upset that ineptitude on the part of the coach and untimely miscues cost them a winnable road game against a potentially elite team. Make no mistake, this was a winnable game, and for three quarters, the Eagles were arguably the better team before it all unraveled in the fourth, when they flushed it down the drain.

To the Droppings!

Defense

First, the good thing. The defense was absolutely outstanding. The line is top 5 in football. They get constant pressure and keep the quarterback uncomfortable in the pocket. Credit both Kirk Cousins and Alex Smith in consecutive weeks for weathering the storm and using their legs to keep their teams in it (or win it) late. The Eagles for the most part kept the Chiefs run game and Kareem Hunt in check with swarming coverage at the line and in the immediate area behind it. Jordan Hicks and Timmy Jernigan tossing Chiefs around was just the icing on top of a mostly dominant performance:

This is pretty non-descript but I like this tackle by Jordan Hicks. Had a little violence to it. http://pic.twitter.com/O9obVXmzrQ

— Kyle (@IgglesNest) September 18, 2017

http://pic.twitter.com/szDH23wB0m

— Couch Correspondent (@notkerouac) September 17, 2017

When the Eagles decide to blitz, they’re borderline unstoppable. Sean Cottrell touched on it in his “Three and Out” last week and the point still stands – Jim Schwartz times his blitzes impeccably and they almost always pay off. And somehow a secondary without Ronald Darby prevented Tyreek Hill from torching them over-the-top at all (save for one play where Alex Smith overthrew him in the end zone). It’s unfortunate that the late Hunt touchdown, on which the Eagles over-pursued….

… might be what we remember from this game. The Eagles could make the playoffs on the strength of their defense alone.

  Doug Pederson

The 46-17 pass-run breakdown is ludicrous, partly because the Eagles were running the ball effectively early.

Excuse me? No, Kyle, you’re a fucking idiot and don’t know football.

That’s what Twitter says.

Here are the Eagles’ run plays:

Sproles: 12 yards

Sproles: 6 yards

Sproles: 3 yards

Smallwood: -2 yards

Sproles: 2 yards

Sproles: -3 yards

Sproles: 6 yards

Sproles: 11 yards

Sproles: 3 yards

Smallwood: 8 yards

Sproles: 3 yards

Sproles: 5 yards

Smallwood: -2 yards

A few stuffs at the line, particularly on the Eagles’ second drive, led to them abandoning the run almost completely. Surely, feeding the ball to Darren Sproles all game is unsustainable, but there’s no reason Smallwood couldn’t have been the beneficiary of the push the Eagles got on the outside on these two plays:

The Chiefs’ defensive line is quite good, and we should credit them for the Eagles’ offensive line struggles and lack of a running game. But even going back to the well for a middling two-yard gain is worth it to keep them honest. It’s easy to make the Madden joke about Doug Pederson, but this is exactly how I play Madden— I’ll try a few runs and if it doesn’t work I’ll just start slinging the ball. That was the worst of early era Andy Reid, but he has matured to the point that he kept going back to the well yesterday until it paid off with a 50-yard touchdown run.

This was a close game. There was no reason, until maybe their last two drives, the Eagles had to pass on nearly every play. They were arguably in control of most of the game. I don’t like LeGarrette Blount very much (more on that in a second), but it’s laughable that he didn’t get one official carry. He should’ve gotten at least enough to make him an effective play-action decoy so Carson Wentz could underthrow a deep ball to Torrey Smith.

  LeGarrette Blount

It’s Week 2 and Blount got one touch in a game and was then accosted by the media at his locker afterwards because a vast majority of people now think he’s an incompetent running back (not the least of which might be his coach) on the verge of a full-on freakout. That’s where we’re at. But, I said I wouldn’t break out the I told you sos on Blount until mid-October (or when Blount gets cut), so I won’t. I’m a man of my word.

Couldn’t agree more with @SheilKapadia: https://t.co/s33DciAkk7 http://pic.twitter.com/sKjC6fBQqS

— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) September 18, 2017

It’s funny how when Saint Sheil says it, it’s gospel. Here’s what I wrote immediately following the Blount signing:

Noooooooooooo I hate this. God this is such a cuck signing. Blount was the beneficiary of a Pats offense that could make a trash can look like a formidable running threat. He’s 30, curiously was a free agent until today, and saw his average yards per carry hit a five-year low last year despite scoring 18 touchdowns because HE PLAYED FOR THE FUCKING PATRIOTS.

I hate the notion of signing guys Bill Belichick is done with. I’m telling you, no, he’s not that good. The deal is reported to be one year, $2.8 million, and Blount will put some much needed size in the Eagles’ backfield, so it makes some sense and is hard to get truly outraged about, but the signing strips away almost all the positive feelings I had about Howie Roseman this offseason. Signing a guy like Blount is exactly the sort of thing Dream Team Howie would do, and I thought that guy was dead or at least locked in an airplane bathroom somewhere.

It’s telling that Howie Roseman thought signing a system running back to complement a super old third-down back and a harem of underachieving young players was the solution to a problem that typically can be solved by sound drafting – HELLLLLLLLO THE CHIEFS – and strategic waiver wire pickups. Never mind the fact that Roseman siphoned away offensive line depth in the process to open up roster spots for the collection of misfit toys that currently make up the Eagles’ running-by-committee attack, which is spearheaded by their fucking franchise quarterback who is GOING TO GET HURT. I was flat-out assaulted by Eagles Twitter for my initial Blount take, and yet…here we are.

I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU’D READ ANY OTHER SITE.

  Carson Wentz

He is a phenomenal talent who has a physical skill set that could eventually turn him into one of the great ones. His effort yesterday, behind a porous line and with a tower of sculpted clay calling his plays, is to be commended. He hung tough in the face of pressure, never went full Bradford with his at times frantic pocket demeanor, and racked up impressive passing totals while also leading the team in rushing. He is at his best when he is out of the pocket and forced to make plays on his own. Aaron Rodgers and Russell Wilson are much the same way, and that’s good company to be in.

HOWEVER.

Wentz is far from perfect and he is still incredibly raw. Lost in his effort yesterday is the fact that he still makes a considerable amount of mistakes, forces balls where they don’t need to go, and is, generally speaking, an inaccurate passer.

As noted last week, he struggles with the short touch passes. As evidence, here’s the NextGen pass chart showing Wentz as 12-of-21 on passes under 10 yards:

That includes three balls that were thrown into the line (one of which led to the Chiefs’ go-ahead touchdown), two fumbles behind the line (one of which resulted in a turnover), and two incomplete inept screen passes to Sproles.

Surely the offensive line contributed to these errors, but that doesn’t necessarily excuse them. Carson Wentz is 6’5, and though there generally isn’t much correlation with size and pass deflections, his three batted passes yesterday – 6% of his 46 passes – were above the league-average rate. There’s not a ton of data available in this regard, but in a 2015 article in which Football Outsiders listed the batted passes from the 2014 season, not one quarterback had a rate higher than 3.8% (Blake Bortles). Interestingly, Nick Foles had 0 passes batted on 310 attempts, leading you to believe that there was something to Chip Kelly practicing with fly swatters.

That’s the short game.

The long game isn’t much better.

We all can see that Wentz has a BIG ARM, but he simply does not throw a good deep ball. Perhaps all of our views are colored by a few beautiful passes at the start of last season. But often times he underthrows or overthrows receivers, or is just generally inaccurate, on passes over 20 yards. And he of course routinely throws high, including on this (catchable) pass to Torrey Smith that should have been a touchdown:

Yes, Smith should’ve caught it. But the throw was high. Good quarterbacks – not great ones – like Kirk Cousins, Philip Rivers and Matthew Stafford – routinely make this throw more accurately. It would be great to have an Eagles receiver, just once, step up and make the play, but that does not excuse the throw entirely.

It’s also worth noting that, for whatever reason…, these are the same sort of small mistakes that Donovan McNabb would get lambasted for, or that we laughed at Sam Bradford over. Michael Vick was cast aside as an untenable quarterback because of stuff like that. Wentz is lauded for being a gamer.

I got abused on Twitter last night for tweeting these observations, I’m guessing by many of the same chucklefucks who jumped all over me for my Blount take early in the offseason. Some accused me of clickbait – interestingly on Tweets that didn’t contain a link to the site – and trying to make money of hot takes. In fact it’s the opposite. Takes like this lose audience – I lost at least 40 Twitter followers – and hardly compel you, the reader, to pony up for our Carson City t-shirt. But I don’t think Wentz is beyond critiquing. He is still very raw, and fixing a few of these issues would turn his upside from a good quarterback (Philip Rivers) into a great one (Brett Favre).

More worrisome is that the first three years of Wentz’s career and growth could be stunted by Doug Pederson calling his plays.

  Doug Pederson

There is absolutely no flow. By the second half it became clear that Pederson would abandon the run game entirely, and that left receivers covered and Wentz frantic in a collapsing pocket. That’s not the way to nurture a young quarterback. Pederson rarely allows Wentz to get into a rhythm. When he does, the offense is almost breathtaking. The Eagles’ third quarter touchdown drive – which included two runs and a toss that was essentially a run – is a good example of this:

They moved the ball on the ground and freed up some air space, through which Wentz threw a touchdown pass to Alshon Jeffery. The Eagles then ran four straight pass plays to start the next drive, which was salvaged by Wentz running on third down. Brutal.

Another thing: Credit to Pederson for running a good number of 10- to 20-yard pass plays– something we called for last week. This is where Wentz excels as a passer, and indeed he had a big day on those curl and out routes to Jeffery. Here’s his route tree:

But the Eagles seem to lack on slant and timing plays. It feels that so many of their passes take so long to develop. Wentz lacks rhythm. This is my bad memory of the worst of Andy Reid’s offenses. And to that point, it seems damn near criminal that Eagles didn’t attempt one pass in the underneath area of their best receiver’s side of the field. Look:

How does Sproles not get a dumpoff in that area?

Speaking of, here’s visual evidence that the outside run, with Sproles, was effective when used:

  Little Birdie

The same person who allowed me to break essentially every major piece of Eagles offseason news weighed in both last week and yesterday on the Lurie-Roseman dynamic and the existence of Doug Pederson as the Eagles’ head coach. These are his words:

Following the Reid/Banner era of the Eagles Lurie no longer had “any boots on the ground” with the exception of Howie Roseman.  What I mean by this is that many of the day-to-day operations from a football operations standpoint were unknown.  Not because they were purposely being hidden from Lurie, but because he believed that the operation was running well.  We all know how this backfired during Chip’s tenure.

This was the reason Lurie opened his checkbook up to Howie when Chip took more control in year two.  Lurie needed Howie to stay to make sure Chip didn’t sink the ship.  This move by Lurie in year two of Chip’s tenure has also created a rather interesting dynamic still present in the team today.

Howie Rosmean has remained the sole voice and ears of the team to Lurie following Chip’s tenure.  Yes, Doug participates in a these meetings on occasion now but he is in essence a puppet of Howie’s.  This has essentially created a filter where Howie has the ability to spin things to put himself in a better light to Lurie if and when issues arise.

Let me make one thing clear, I don’t know how long Howie will be our GM for but Lurie has made it abundantly clear he wants and needs to know more from a team operations standpoint, and Howie is the only guy doing that at the moment.  It sounds like barring any kind of colossal fuck up Roseman will be the GM for the foreseeable future.

And another:

Make no mistake about it – Doug was not hired as the long term answer.  This was known the day he walked in the building and anyone in Football Ops who says otherwise is a liar.  If Doug somehow managed to be lightning in a bottle (Early Andy Reid Era) then it would have been a win/win for us but this was never expected and clearly isn’t the case.  Doug was and is continuing to prove that he’s simply our stopgap at the coaching spot.

Here are some of the internal frustrations – Doug isn’t hard on the guys, he tries to be everyone’s buddy and it’s an issue.  Simply put, he doesn’t drop the hammer in the lockerroom.  He’s so focused on being a “player friendly coach” that he’s actually hurting this team and stunting development.

This is in essence a direct result of Chip Kelly’s transgressions as Chip divided not only the locker room but the entire facet of football operations.  Lurie and Howie needed to fix the mess, so we hired a puppet in Doug that would help heal the wounds from Chip.

Doug is a good man, but he’s not worthy of being an NFL head coach at this point in his career – if ever.

Do with that what you will.

  The media

I am no LeGarrette Blount fan. Of this you may be aware. But what the Eagles media did to him yesterday was shameful. Regardless of whether or not he proves to be a bust, Blount was criminally underused yesterday. Getting one touch in a close near-defensive slugfest is simply inexcusable. He had every right to be upset, but I thought he handled himself quite well after the game:

LeGarrette Blount says he cant remember last time he didnt get any carries

"Thats how the game went"#Eagles🦅 http://pic.twitter.com/oV8P8qIpoe

— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 17, 2017

This is why players hate the media. The assembled beat reporters were trying to extract something that wasn’t there, and extract a pull-out quote they did indeed:

LeGarrette Blount on his role in the #Eagles offense after 1 touch: 'Ask Doug Pederson, I can't predict the future': https://t.co/MdeHM29YvO

— Matt Lombardo (@MattLombardoPHL) September 17, 2017

The media is desirous to turn Blount into a malcontent. Perhaps he’ll become one. But that’s not what he was yesterday (at least publicly), and it’s not what he was with the Patriots, as evidenced by this interaction with Robert Kraft in Katie Nolan’s excellent ring ceremony video:

The media reached yesterday.

  No handshake

Two brutal gaffs by FOX yesterday:

Not showing Travis Kelce’s unsportsmanlike conduct that led to a certified lashing from the Fat Man.

Not showing the post-game handshake between Andy Reid and Doug Pederson. How does that happen? It was like the biggest layup in the history of TV production since using the wide shot on FOX News anchors.

At least CSN got Brotherly Love:

❤️video of @JasonKelce @tkelce jersey exhange from @TheRealHinser

"Now Im going to be upset the rest of my life"http://pic.twitter.com/KMWRdG5W0e

— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 17, 2017

Giants next week. Thumbtack.

  Bird Droppings: Can’t Hold It published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[fesahaawit]

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally

Good morning, friends! I read three posts this week that I want to share with you. The first was written by author Matt Haig back in 2015, but I only found it recently and it is still so timely. A note that it talks about depression and suicide, but there’s one quote in particular that resonated with me: “Christmas is one of those times when the idea of something doesn’t match the reality.” It is absolutely worth reading all the way through to the end.

The second post is from my friend Bianca who wrote quite honestly about why it’s time we removed the pressure around Christmas. If you’re seeing a bit of a trend here, it’s true that I’m still not in my usual Christmas spirit. I can echo what Bianca wrote: I love the lights! And the food! And I plan to take some days off! So I feel generally ok about the holiday season. It just doesn’t feel very “special,” and I’m starting to realize that is also ok.

In an attempt to remove some of the pressure around it here on this blog, there is just one thing I want to say before I log off for a few days: thank you. Thank you for being so caring and supportive this year—and not just to me but also to each other. We’ve talked about some heavy stuff here this year, and I am so grateful that this space is one that continues to remain open and safe. Thank you for being part of it.

The last post I want to share was written by Daisy for No Sidebar. In it, she shared 10 questions we could answer to end the year intentionally. This isn’t about goal-setting or trying to come up with resolutions or anything else future-thinking. It’s just a simple exercise that can help you reflect on the past year. For everything that’s happened, that felt right for me, so I answered the questions and am sharing them here.

I’m signing off for a week! In that time, I plan to complete a 1,000-piece puzzle, start and finish a new book, and spend two nights in a house on the ocean with some of my family. There’s no cell service and definitely no internet. If I could wish anything for you right now, it would be to unplug for a day—and just be. xo

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

Admittedly, I feel like I am always going to remember 2017 as the year we lost the girls. But I’m also going to remember it as the year I moved to Squamish and finally let myself settle in. Slowing down and letting myself really “be” somewhere came with its own challenges—namely that I could no longer manage my anxiety by hopping around from place-to-place, and instead had to make the decision to deal with it and do some therapy. But it also came with so many bonuses. On top of the beautiful landscapes, I found a community of creative, honest, and vulnerable women I feel so fortunate to now call my friends.

2. What did you enjoy doing this year?

Oddly, I really enjoyed not travelling much. It felt good to get to know my new home, create some routine and learn a few trails like the back of my hand. I also made time to read more books this year, which felt good too. :)

3. What/who is the one thing/person you’re grateful for?

A few people come to mind right away, but I’m going to say that I’m grateful I had the money and resources available to start therapy. For the first two months, I was going weekly which was costing $520-$650 monthly. That was obviously not a regular line item in my budget, and isn’t something I would currently be able to afford to do for an extended period of time. But having my emergency fund made me feel comfortable enough to make that decision back in April and I am so grateful for it. I never would’ve imagined that having savings would’ve been so important for my mental health, and there is no doubt that therapy has changed my life.

4. What’s your biggest win this year?

Aside from the personal growth, it would be remiss of me to not mention the fact that I wrote my first book this year! A real book! One that will be in stores in just a few weeks! (And that you still have three weeks to get the bonuses if you pre-order a copy!) There were so many lessons to take away from writing this book, but one of the most important was that it is possible to complete a big creative project. On the day I submitted the first (crappy) draft, I had this overwhelming sense of I CAN DO ANY CREATIVE PROJECT I WANT TO wash over me. I can’t imagine any writing project feeling bigger or being more all-consuming than a book. Now, I’ve written one. So, I can do anything . . . right? ;)

5. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

What an amazing question. I’ll start by saying that, without question, my new favourite author is Matt Haig. The most meaningful book I read this year was Reasons to Stay Alive, which came recommended by many of you when I first shared how bad my anxiety had gotten. So thank YOU for telling me about that book, my friends. More recently, I got my hands on a copy of How to Stop Time, which doesn’t even come out in North America until February 6, 2018! It was one of the most enjoyable works of fiction I’ve read in a long time—and Benedict Cumberbatch is going to play the main character in the movie adaptation! How exciting for the author. :)

Aside from books, I have listened to every episode of a handful of podcasts: Hurry Slowly, Secrets of Wealthy Women, The Slow Home Podcast (I did an interview with Brooke earlier this month that was so lovely!), Super Soul Conversations and Terrible, Thanks for Asking. That last one cracked me wide open, but I needed it.

As far as what I’ve watched that’s had an impact . . . nothing comes to mind. I enjoyed a few shows: 13 Reasons Why, Atypical, The Crown and The Great British Bake Off. But I can’t say that anything had an impact. This is something I’ve thought about a lot lately. Let’s talk about it in the new year. For now, books and podcasts win!

6. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?

Honestly, I worried about how moving away from Victoria would affect the dogs—and two months later, we lost them both. So, I wish I could say that my worries weren’t warranted, and set an example for how/why it’s important to calm our anxious thoughts. But truthfully, March, April and May were really tough months for me.

7. What was your biggest regret and why?

I don’t regret moving, obviously, but I still feel guilty about leaving the girls. I know that’s something I had no control over. It’s just how I feel; like my leaving somehow prompted the beginning of the end for them. This is something I’m obviously still working through (and might help you understand why I’m still emotional about it).

8. What’s one thing that you changed about yourself?

One of the things that became apparent very early on in therapy was that I had zero boundaries in my life. I basically did anything and everything that would make other people’s lives easier, and put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own. This was true in all of my relationships and it wasn’t healthy. In fact, it was one of the reasons my anxiety got so out of control. Thankfully, I’ve been learning how to set healthier boundaries in all areas of my life. It’s not always easy and I sometimes still let guilt takeover (this article on The Pool is another good read on that topic). But I have set some boundaries, and chosen to put myself first in some ways, and it does feel better.

9. What surprised you the most this year?

Most of this post has felt heavy, so I’m going to share a few fun/random things!

I was surprised to find myself driving across the US, from Minneapolis to BC, for the second time in a year! (And I never thought I would drive through South Dakota again, let alone twice in one year!)

I was surprised to randomly meet up with Sarah and spend two days together in Idaho and Wyoming. That’s some travelling big magic, right there. :)

I was surprised to meet my two closest friends in Squamish on Instagram—and learn that one lives right behind me, and that I can see the other’s house through the trees between our two homes!

I was really surprised to find Cheryl Strayed followed me on both Twitter and Instagram! I still don’t know how or why . . . but yea, consider me still surprised! (Let’s not jinx it.)

And I was happily surprised to find myself picking up and reading more fiction this year. It felt really good to fall in love with characters and get lost in a story.

10. If you could go back to last January 1, what suggestions would you give your past self?

If I had known what was going to happen in 2017, at the start of the year, I wouldn’t have believed it—and I wouldn’t have wanted to believe it. I don’t have a suggestion, per se, but more of a reminder: You will never regret telling people/pets how you feel, showing them affection and making sure they feel your love. When they are gone, the only thing you’ll wish is that you’d had more time together. So I would say . . . don’t rush off. Spend your time with those who matter most. Because there’s never enough of it.

  10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

[fesahaawit]

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally

Good morning, friends! I read three posts this week that I want to share with you. The first was written by author Matt Haig back in 2015, but I only found it recently and it is still so timely. A note that it talks about depression and suicide, but there’s one quote in particular that resonated with me: “Christmas is one of those times when the idea of something doesn’t match the reality.” It is absolutely worth reading all the way through to the end.

The second post is from my friend Bianca who wrote quite honestly about why it’s time we removed the pressure around Christmas. If you’re seeing a bit of a trend here, it’s true that I’m still not in my usual Christmas spirit. I can echo what Bianca wrote: I love the lights! And the food! And I plan to take some days off! So I feel generally ok about the holiday season. It just doesn’t feel very “special,” and I’m starting to realize that is also ok.

In an attempt to remove some of the pressure around it here on this blog, there is just one thing I want to say before I log off for a few days: thank you. Thank you for being so caring and supportive this year—and not just to me but also to each other. We’ve talked about some heavy stuff here this year, and I am so grateful that this space is one that continues to remain open and safe. Thank you for being part of it.

The last post I want to share was written by Daisy for No Sidebar. In it, she shared 10 questions we could answer to end the year intentionally. This isn’t about goal-setting or trying to come up with resolutions or anything else future-thinking. It’s just a simple exercise that can help you reflect on the past year. For everything that’s happened, that felt right for me, so I answered the questions and am sharing them here.

I’m signing off for a week! In that time, I plan to complete a 1,000-piece puzzle, start and finish a new book, and spend two nights in a house on the ocean with some of my family. There’s no cell service and definitely no internet. If I could wish anything for you right now, it would be to unplug for a day—and just be. xo

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

Admittedly, I feel like I am always going to remember 2017 as the year we lost the girls. But I’m also going to remember it as the year I moved to Squamish and finally let myself settle in. Slowing down and letting myself really “be” somewhere came with its own challenges—namely that I could no longer manage my anxiety by hopping around from place-to-place, and instead had to make the decision to deal with it and do some therapy. But it also came with so many bonuses. On top of the beautiful landscapes, I found a community of creative, honest, and vulnerable women I feel so fortunate to now call my friends.

2. What did you enjoy doing this year?

Oddly, I really enjoyed not travelling much. It felt good to get to know my new home, create some routine and learn a few trails like the back of my hand. I also made time to read more books this year, which felt good too. :)

3. What/who is the one thing/person you’re grateful for?

A few people come to mind right away, but I’m going to say that I’m grateful I had the money and resources available to start therapy. For the first two months, I was going weekly which was costing $520-$650 monthly. That was obviously not a regular line item in my budget, and isn’t something I would currently be able to afford to do for an extended period of time. But having my emergency fund made me feel comfortable enough to make that decision back in April and I am so grateful for it. I never would’ve imagined that having savings would’ve been so important for my mental health, and there is no doubt that therapy has changed my life.

4. What’s your biggest win this year?

Aside from the personal growth, it would be remiss of me to not mention the fact that I wrote my first book this year! A real book! One that will be in stores in just a few weeks! (And that you still have three weeks to get the bonuses if you pre-order a copy!) There were so many lessons to take away from writing this book, but one of the most important was that it is possible to complete a big creative project. On the day I submitted the first (crappy) draft, I had this overwhelming sense of I CAN DO ANY CREATIVE PROJECT I WANT TO wash over me. I can’t imagine any writing project feeling bigger or being more all-consuming than a book. Now, I’ve written one. So, I can do anything . . . right? ;)

5. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

What an amazing question. I’ll start by saying that, without question, my new favourite author is Matt Haig. The most meaningful book I read this year was Reasons to Stay Alive, which came recommended by many of you when I first shared how bad my anxiety had gotten. So thank YOU for telling me about that book, my friends. More recently, I got my hands on a copy of How to Stop Time, which doesn’t even come out in North America until February 6, 2018! It was one of the most enjoyable works of fiction I’ve read in a long time—and Benedict Cumberbatch is going to play the main character in the movie adaptation! How exciting for the author. :)

Aside from books, I have listened to every episode of a handful of podcasts: Hurry Slowly, Secrets of Wealthy Women, The Slow Home Podcast (I did an interview with Brooke earlier this month that was so lovely!), Super Soul Conversations and Terrible, Thanks for Asking. That last one cracked me wide open, but I needed it.

As far as what I’ve watched that’s had an impact . . . nothing comes to mind. I enjoyed a few shows: 13 Reasons Why, Atypical, The Crown and The Great British Bake Off. But I can’t say that anything had an impact. This is something I’ve thought about a lot lately. Let’s talk about it in the new year. For now, books and podcasts win!

6. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?

Honestly, I worried about how moving away from Victoria would affect the dogs—and two months later, we lost them both. So, I wish I could say that my worries weren’t warranted, and set an example for how/why it’s important to calm our anxious thoughts. But truthfully, March, April and May were really tough months for me.

7. What was your biggest regret and why?

I don’t regret moving, obviously, but I still feel guilty about leaving the girls. I know that’s something I had no control over. It’s just how I feel; like my leaving somehow prompted the beginning of the end for them. This is something I’m obviously still working through (and might help you understand why I’m still emotional about it).

8. What’s one thing that you changed about yourself?

One of the things that became apparent very early on in therapy was that I had zero boundaries in my life. I basically did anything and everything that would make other people’s lives easier, and put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own. This was true in all of my relationships and it wasn’t healthy. In fact, it was one of the reasons my anxiety got so out of control. Thankfully, I’ve been learning how to set healthier boundaries in all areas of my life. It’s not always easy and I sometimes still let guilt takeover (this article on The Pool is another good read on that topic). But I have set some boundaries, and chosen to put myself first in some ways, and it does feel better.

9. What surprised you the most this year?

Most of this post has felt heavy, so I’m going to share a few fun/random things!

I was surprised to find myself driving across the US, from Minneapolis to BC, for the second time in a year! (And I never thought I would drive through South Dakota again, let alone twice in one year!)

I was surprised to randomly meet up with Sarah and spend two days together in Idaho and Wyoming. That’s some travelling big magic, right there. :)

I was surprised to meet my two closest friends in Squamish on Instagram—and learn that one lives right behind me, and that I can see the other’s house through the trees between our two homes!

I was really surprised to find Cheryl Strayed followed me on both Twitter and Instagram! I still don’t know how or why . . . but yea, consider me still surprised! (Let’s not jinx it.)

And I was happily surprised to find myself picking up and reading more fiction this year. It felt really good to fall in love with characters and get lost in a story.

10. If you could go back to last January 1, what suggestions would you give your past self?

If I had known what was going to happen in 2017, at the start of the year, I wouldn’t have believed it—and I wouldn’t have wanted to believe it. I don’t have a suggestion, per se, but more of a reminder: You will never regret telling people/pets how you feel, showing them affection and making sure they feel your love. When they are gone, the only thing you’ll wish is that you’d had more time together. So I would say . . . don’t rush off. Spend your time with those who matter most. Because there’s never enough of it.

  10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

[fesahaawit]

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally

Good morning, friends! I read three posts this week that I want to share with you. The first was written by author Matt Haig back in 2015, but I only found it recently and it is still so timely. A note that it talks about depression and suicide, but there’s one quote in particular that resonated with me: “Christmas is one of those times when the idea of something doesn’t match the reality.” It is absolutely worth reading all the way through to the end.

The second post is from my friend Bianca who wrote quite honestly about why it’s time we removed the pressure around Christmas. If you’re seeing a bit of a trend here, it’s true that I’m still not in my usual Christmas spirit. I can echo what Bianca wrote: I love the lights! And the food! And I plan to take some days off! So I feel generally ok about the holiday season. It just doesn’t feel very “special,” and I’m starting to realize that is also ok.

In an attempt to remove some of the pressure around it here on this blog, there is just one thing I want to say before I log off for a few days: thank you. Thank you for being so caring and supportive this year—and not just to me but also to each other. We’ve talked about some heavy stuff here this year, and I am so grateful that this space is one that continues to remain open and safe. Thank you for being part of it.

The last post I want to share was written by Daisy for No Sidebar. In it, she shared 10 questions we could answer to end the year intentionally. This isn’t about goal-setting or trying to come up with resolutions or anything else future-thinking. It’s just a simple exercise that can help you reflect on the past year. For everything that’s happened, that felt right for me, so I answered the questions and am sharing them here.

I’m signing off for a week! In that time, I plan to complete a 1,000-piece puzzle, start and finish a new book, and spend two nights in a house on the ocean with some of my family. There’s no cell service and definitely no internet. If I could wish anything for you right now, it would be to unplug for a day—and just be. xo

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

Admittedly, I feel like I am always going to remember 2017 as the year we lost the girls. But I’m also going to remember it as the year I moved to Squamish and finally let myself settle in. Slowing down and letting myself really “be” somewhere came with its own challenges—namely that I could no longer manage my anxiety by hopping around from place-to-place, and instead had to make the decision to deal with it and do some therapy. But it also came with so many bonuses. On top of the beautiful landscapes, I found a community of creative, honest, and vulnerable women I feel so fortunate to now call my friends.

2. What did you enjoy doing this year?

Oddly, I really enjoyed not travelling much. It felt good to get to know my new home, create some routine and learn a few trails like the back of my hand. I also made time to read more books this year, which felt good too. :)

3. What/who is the one thing/person you’re grateful for?

A few people come to mind right away, but I’m going to say that I’m grateful I had the money and resources available to start therapy. For the first two months, I was going weekly which was costing $520-$650 monthly. That was obviously not a regular line item in my budget, and isn’t something I would currently be able to afford to do for an extended period of time. But having my emergency fund made me feel comfortable enough to make that decision back in April and I am so grateful for it. I never would’ve imagined that having savings would’ve been so important for my mental health, and there is no doubt that therapy has changed my life.

4. What’s your biggest win this year?

Aside from the personal growth, it would be remiss of me to not mention the fact that I wrote my first book this year! A real book! One that will be in stores in just a few weeks! (And that you still have three weeks to get the bonuses if you pre-order a copy!) There were so many lessons to take away from writing this book, but one of the most important was that it is possible to complete a big creative project. On the day I submitted the first (crappy) draft, I had this overwhelming sense of I CAN DO ANY CREATIVE PROJECT I WANT TO wash over me. I can’t imagine any writing project feeling bigger or being more all-consuming than a book. Now, I’ve written one. So, I can do anything . . . right? ;)

5. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

What an amazing question. I’ll start by saying that, without question, my new favourite author is Matt Haig. The most meaningful book I read this year was Reasons to Stay Alive, which came recommended by many of you when I first shared how bad my anxiety had gotten. So thank YOU for telling me about that book, my friends. More recently, I got my hands on a copy of How to Stop Time, which doesn’t even come out in North America until February 6, 2018! It was one of the most enjoyable works of fiction I’ve read in a long time—and Benedict Cumberbatch is going to play the main character in the movie adaptation! How exciting for the author. :)

Aside from books, I have listened to every episode of a handful of podcasts: Hurry Slowly, Secrets of Wealthy Women, The Slow Home Podcast (I did an interview with Brooke earlier this month that was so lovely!), Super Soul Conversations and Terrible, Thanks for Asking. That last one cracked me wide open, but I needed it.

As far as what I’ve watched that’s had an impact . . . nothing comes to mind. I enjoyed a few shows: 13 Reasons Why, Atypical, The Crown and The Great British Bake Off. But I can’t say that anything had an impact. This is something I’ve thought about a lot lately. Let’s talk about it in the new year. For now, books and podcasts win!

6. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?

Honestly, I worried about how moving away from Victoria would affect the dogs—and two months later, we lost them both. So, I wish I could say that my worries weren’t warranted, and set an example for how/why it’s important to calm our anxious thoughts. But truthfully, March, April and May were really tough months for me.

7. What was your biggest regret and why?

I don’t regret moving, obviously, but I still feel guilty about leaving the girls. I know that’s something I had no control over. It’s just how I feel; like my leaving somehow prompted the beginning of the end for them. This is something I’m obviously still working through (and might help you understand why I’m still emotional about it).

8. What’s one thing that you changed about yourself?

One of the things that became apparent very early on in therapy was that I had zero boundaries in my life. I basically did anything and everything that would make other people’s lives easier, and put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own. This was true in all of my relationships and it wasn’t healthy. In fact, it was one of the reasons my anxiety got so out of control. Thankfully, I’ve been learning how to set healthier boundaries in all areas of my life. It’s not always easy and I sometimes still let guilt takeover (this article on The Pool is another good read on that topic). But I have set some boundaries, and chosen to put myself first in some ways, and it does feel better.

9. What surprised you the most this year?

Most of this post has felt heavy, so I’m going to share a few fun/random things!

I was surprised to find myself driving across the US, from Minneapolis to BC, for the second time in a year! (And I never thought I would drive through South Dakota again, let alone twice in one year!)

I was surprised to randomly meet up with Sarah and spend two days together in Idaho and Wyoming. That’s some travelling big magic, right there. :)

I was surprised to meet my two closest friends in Squamish on Instagram—and learn that one lives right behind me, and that I can see the other’s house through the trees between our two homes!

I was really surprised to find Cheryl Strayed followed me on both Twitter and Instagram! I still don’t know how or why . . . but yea, consider me still surprised! (Let’s not jinx it.)

And I was happily surprised to find myself picking up and reading more fiction this year. It felt really good to fall in love with characters and get lost in a story.

10. If you could go back to last January 1, what suggestions would you give your past self?

If I had known what was going to happen in 2017, at the start of the year, I wouldn’t have believed it—and I wouldn’t have wanted to believe it. I don’t have a suggestion, per se, but more of a reminder: You will never regret telling people/pets how you feel, showing them affection and making sure they feel your love. When they are gone, the only thing you’ll wish is that you’d had more time together. So I would say . . . don’t rush off. Spend your time with those who matter most. Because there’s never enough of it.

  10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

[fesahaawit]

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally

Good morning, friends! I read three posts this week that I want to share with you. The first was written by author Matt Haig back in 2015, but I only found it recently and it is still so timely. A note that it talks about depression and suicide, but there’s one quote in particular that resonated with me: “Christmas is one of those times when the idea of something doesn’t match the reality.” It is absolutely worth reading all the way through to the end.

The second post is from my friend Bianca who wrote quite honestly about why it’s time we removed the pressure around Christmas. If you’re seeing a bit of a trend here, it’s true that I’m still not in my usual Christmas spirit. I can echo what Bianca wrote: I love the lights! And the food! And I plan to take some days off! So I feel generally ok about the holiday season. It just doesn’t feel very “special,” and I’m starting to realize that is also ok.

In an attempt to remove some of the pressure around it here on this blog, there is just one thing I want to say before I log off for a few days: thank you. Thank you for being so caring and supportive this year—and not just to me but also to each other. We’ve talked about some heavy stuff here this year, and I am so grateful that this space is one that continues to remain open and safe. Thank you for being part of it.

The last post I want to share was written by Daisy for No Sidebar. In it, she shared 10 questions we could answer to end the year intentionally. This isn’t about goal-setting or trying to come up with resolutions or anything else future-thinking. It’s just a simple exercise that can help you reflect on the past year. For everything that’s happened, that felt right for me, so I answered the questions and am sharing them here.

I’m signing off for a week! In that time, I plan to complete a 1,000-piece puzzle, start and finish a new book, and spend two nights in a house on the ocean with some of my family. There’s no cell service and definitely no internet. If I could wish anything for you right now, it would be to unplug for a day—and just be. xo

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

Admittedly, I feel like I am always going to remember 2017 as the year we lost the girls. But I’m also going to remember it as the year I moved to Squamish and finally let myself settle in. Slowing down and letting myself really “be” somewhere came with its own challenges—namely that I could no longer manage my anxiety by hopping around from place-to-place, and instead had to make the decision to deal with it and do some therapy. But it also came with so many bonuses. On top of the beautiful landscapes, I found a community of creative, honest, and vulnerable women I feel so fortunate to now call my friends.

2. What did you enjoy doing this year?

Oddly, I really enjoyed not travelling much. It felt good to get to know my new home, create some routine and learn a few trails like the back of my hand. I also made time to read more books this year, which felt good too. :)

3. What/who is the one thing/person you’re grateful for?

A few people come to mind right away, but I’m going to say that I’m grateful I had the money and resources available to start therapy. For the first two months, I was going weekly which was costing $520-$650 monthly. That was obviously not a regular line item in my budget, and isn’t something I would currently be able to afford to do for an extended period of time. But having my emergency fund made me feel comfortable enough to make that decision back in April and I am so grateful for it. I never would’ve imagined that having savings would’ve been so important for my mental health, and there is no doubt that therapy has changed my life.

4. What’s your biggest win this year?

Aside from the personal growth, it would be remiss of me to not mention the fact that I wrote my first book this year! A real book! One that will be in stores in just a few weeks! (And that you still have three weeks to get the bonuses if you pre-order a copy!) There were so many lessons to take away from writing this book, but one of the most important was that it is possible to complete a big creative project. On the day I submitted the first (crappy) draft, I had this overwhelming sense of I CAN DO ANY CREATIVE PROJECT I WANT TO wash over me. I can’t imagine any writing project feeling bigger or being more all-consuming than a book. Now, I’ve written one. So, I can do anything . . . right? ;)

5. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

What an amazing question. I’ll start by saying that, without question, my new favourite author is Matt Haig. The most meaningful book I read this year was Reasons to Stay Alive, which came recommended by many of you when I first shared how bad my anxiety had gotten. So thank YOU for telling me about that book, my friends. More recently, I got my hands on a copy of How to Stop Time, which doesn’t even come out in North America until February 6, 2018! It was one of the most enjoyable works of fiction I’ve read in a long time—and Benedict Cumberbatch is going to play the main character in the movie adaptation! How exciting for the author. :)

Aside from books, I have listened to every episode of a handful of podcasts: Hurry Slowly, Secrets of Wealthy Women, The Slow Home Podcast (I did an interview with Brooke earlier this month that was so lovely!), Super Soul Conversations and Terrible, Thanks for Asking. That last one cracked me wide open, but I needed it.

As far as what I’ve watched that’s had an impact . . . nothing comes to mind. I enjoyed a few shows: 13 Reasons Why, Atypical, The Crown and The Great British Bake Off. But I can’t say that anything had an impact. This is something I’ve thought about a lot lately. Let’s talk about it in the new year. For now, books and podcasts win!

6. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?

Honestly, I worried about how moving away from Victoria would affect the dogs—and two months later, we lost them both. So, I wish I could say that my worries weren’t warranted, and set an example for how/why it’s important to calm our anxious thoughts. But truthfully, March, April and May were really tough months for me.

7. What was your biggest regret and why?

I don’t regret moving, obviously, but I still feel guilty about leaving the girls. I know that’s something I had no control over. It’s just how I feel; like my leaving somehow prompted the beginning of the end for them. This is something I’m obviously still working through (and might help you understand why I’m still emotional about it).

8. What’s one thing that you changed about yourself?

One of the things that became apparent very early on in therapy was that I had zero boundaries in my life. I basically did anything and everything that would make other people’s lives easier, and put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own. This was true in all of my relationships and it wasn’t healthy. In fact, it was one of the reasons my anxiety got so out of control. Thankfully, I’ve been learning how to set healthier boundaries in all areas of my life. It’s not always easy and I sometimes still let guilt takeover (this article on The Pool is another good read on that topic). But I have set some boundaries, and chosen to put myself first in some ways, and it does feel better.

9. What surprised you the most this year?

Most of this post has felt heavy, so I’m going to share a few fun/random things!

I was surprised to find myself driving across the US, from Minneapolis to BC, for the second time in a year! (And I never thought I would drive through South Dakota again, let alone twice in one year!)

I was surprised to randomly meet up with Sarah and spend two days together in Idaho and Wyoming. That’s some travelling big magic, right there. :)

I was surprised to meet my two closest friends in Squamish on Instagram—and learn that one lives right behind me, and that I can see the other’s house through the trees between our two homes!

I was really surprised to find Cheryl Strayed followed me on both Twitter and Instagram! I still don’t know how or why . . . but yea, consider me still surprised! (Let’s not jinx it.)

And I was happily surprised to find myself picking up and reading more fiction this year. It felt really good to fall in love with characters and get lost in a story.

10. If you could go back to last January 1, what suggestions would you give your past self?

If I had known what was going to happen in 2017, at the start of the year, I wouldn’t have believed it—and I wouldn’t have wanted to believe it. I don’t have a suggestion, per se, but more of a reminder: You will never regret telling people/pets how you feel, showing them affection and making sure they feel your love. When they are gone, the only thing you’ll wish is that you’d had more time together. So I would say . . . don’t rush off. Spend your time with those who matter most. Because there’s never enough of it.

  10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

[fesahaawit]

10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally

Good morning, friends! I read three posts this week that I want to share with you. The first was written by author Matt Haig back in 2015, but I only found it recently and it is still so timely. A note that it talks about depression and suicide, but there’s one quote in particular that resonated with me: “Christmas is one of those times when the idea of something doesn’t match the reality.” It is absolutely worth reading all the way through to the end.

The second post is from my friend Bianca who wrote quite honestly about why it’s time we removed the pressure around Christmas. If you’re seeing a bit of a trend here, it’s true that I’m still not in my usual Christmas spirit. I can echo what Bianca wrote: I love the lights! And the food! And I plan to take some days off! So I feel generally ok about the holiday season. It just doesn’t feel very “special,” and I’m starting to realize that is also ok.

In an attempt to remove some of the pressure around it here on this blog, there is just one thing I want to say before I log off for a few days: thank you. Thank you for being so caring and supportive this year—and not just to me but also to each other. We’ve talked about some heavy stuff here this year, and I am so grateful that this space is one that continues to remain open and safe. Thank you for being part of it.

The last post I want to share was written by Daisy for No Sidebar. In it, she shared 10 questions we could answer to end the year intentionally. This isn’t about goal-setting or trying to come up with resolutions or anything else future-thinking. It’s just a simple exercise that can help you reflect on the past year. For everything that’s happened, that felt right for me, so I answered the questions and am sharing them here.

I’m signing off for a week! In that time, I plan to complete a 1,000-piece puzzle, start and finish a new book, and spend two nights in a house on the ocean with some of my family. There’s no cell service and definitely no internet. If I could wish anything for you right now, it would be to unplug for a day—and just be. xo

1. What makes this year unforgettable?

Admittedly, I feel like I am always going to remember 2017 as the year we lost the girls. But I’m also going to remember it as the year I moved to Squamish and finally let myself settle in. Slowing down and letting myself really “be” somewhere came with its own challenges—namely that I could no longer manage my anxiety by hopping around from place-to-place, and instead had to make the decision to deal with it and do some therapy. But it also came with so many bonuses. On top of the beautiful landscapes, I found a community of creative, honest, and vulnerable women I feel so fortunate to now call my friends.

2. What did you enjoy doing this year?

Oddly, I really enjoyed not travelling much. It felt good to get to know my new home, create some routine and learn a few trails like the back of my hand. I also made time to read more books this year, which felt good too. :)

3. What/who is the one thing/person you’re grateful for?

A few people come to mind right away, but I’m going to say that I’m grateful I had the money and resources available to start therapy. For the first two months, I was going weekly which was costing $520-$650 monthly. That was obviously not a regular line item in my budget, and isn’t something I would currently be able to afford to do for an extended period of time. But having my emergency fund made me feel comfortable enough to make that decision back in April and I am so grateful for it. I never would’ve imagined that having savings would’ve been so important for my mental health, and there is no doubt that therapy has changed my life.

4. What’s your biggest win this year?

Aside from the personal growth, it would be remiss of me to not mention the fact that I wrote my first book this year! A real book! One that will be in stores in just a few weeks! (And that you still have three weeks to get the bonuses if you pre-order a copy!) There were so many lessons to take away from writing this book, but one of the most important was that it is possible to complete a big creative project. On the day I submitted the first (crappy) draft, I had this overwhelming sense of I CAN DO ANY CREATIVE PROJECT I WANT TO wash over me. I can’t imagine any writing project feeling bigger or being more all-consuming than a book. Now, I’ve written one. So, I can do anything . . . right? ;)

5. What did you read/watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?

What an amazing question. I’ll start by saying that, without question, my new favourite author is Matt Haig. The most meaningful book I read this year was Reasons to Stay Alive, which came recommended by many of you when I first shared how bad my anxiety had gotten. So thank YOU for telling me about that book, my friends. More recently, I got my hands on a copy of How to Stop Time, which doesn’t even come out in North America until February 6, 2018! It was one of the most enjoyable works of fiction I’ve read in a long time—and Benedict Cumberbatch is going to play the main character in the movie adaptation! How exciting for the author. :)

Aside from books, I have listened to every episode of a handful of podcasts: Hurry Slowly, Secrets of Wealthy Women, The Slow Home Podcast (I did an interview with Brooke earlier this month that was so lovely!), Super Soul Conversations and Terrible, Thanks for Asking. That last one cracked me wide open, but I needed it.

As far as what I’ve watched that’s had an impact . . . nothing comes to mind. I enjoyed a few shows: 13 Reasons Why, Atypical, The Crown and The Great British Bake Off. But I can’t say that anything had an impact. This is something I’ve thought about a lot lately. Let’s talk about it in the new year. For now, books and podcasts win!

6. What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?

Honestly, I worried about how moving away from Victoria would affect the dogs—and two months later, we lost them both. So, I wish I could say that my worries weren’t warranted, and set an example for how/why it’s important to calm our anxious thoughts. But truthfully, March, April and May were really tough months for me.

7. What was your biggest regret and why?

I don’t regret moving, obviously, but I still feel guilty about leaving the girls. I know that’s something I had no control over. It’s just how I feel; like my leaving somehow prompted the beginning of the end for them. This is something I’m obviously still working through (and might help you understand why I’m still emotional about it).

8. What’s one thing that you changed about yourself?

One of the things that became apparent very early on in therapy was that I had zero boundaries in my life. I basically did anything and everything that would make other people’s lives easier, and put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own. This was true in all of my relationships and it wasn’t healthy. In fact, it was one of the reasons my anxiety got so out of control. Thankfully, I’ve been learning how to set healthier boundaries in all areas of my life. It’s not always easy and I sometimes still let guilt takeover (this article on The Pool is another good read on that topic). But I have set some boundaries, and chosen to put myself first in some ways, and it does feel better.

9. What surprised you the most this year?

Most of this post has felt heavy, so I’m going to share a few fun/random things!

I was surprised to find myself driving across the US, from Minneapolis to BC, for the second time in a year! (And I never thought I would drive through South Dakota again, let alone twice in one year!)

I was surprised to randomly meet up with Sarah and spend two days together in Idaho. That’s some travelling big magic, right there. :)

I was surprised to meet my two closest friends in Squamish on Instagram—and learn that one lives right behind me, and that I can see the other’s house through the trees between our two homes!

I was really surprised to find Cheryl Strayed followed me on both Twitter and Instagram! I still don’t know how or why . . . but yea, consider me still surprised! (Let’s not jinx it.)

And I was happily surprised to find myself picking up and reading more fiction this year. It felt really good to fall in love with characters and get lost in a story.

10. If you could go back to last January 1, what suggestions would you give your past self?

If I had known what was going to happen in 2017, at the start of the year, I wouldn’t have believed it—and I wouldn’t have wanted to believe it. I don’t have a suggestion, per se, but more of a reminder: You will never regret telling people/pets how you feel, showing them affection and making sure they feel your love. When they are gone, the only thing you’ll wish is that you’d had more time together. So I would say . . . don’t rush off. Spend your time with those who matter most. Because there’s never enough of it.

  10 Questions to End the Year Intentionally posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

[flauntpage]

Bird Droppings: Can’t Hold It

I’m coming in hot. Somehow I’m more worked up about the game now than I was during and immediately after it. But now that I’ve watched it almost three full times – live, condensed game last night, and offensive plays this morning – I’m more upset that ineptitude on the part of the coach and untimely miscues cost them a winnable road game against a potentially elite team. Make no mistake, this was a winnable game, and for three quarters, the Eagles were arguably the better team before it all unraveled in the fourth, when they flushed it down the drain.

To the Droppings!

Defense

First, the good thing. The defense was absolutely outstanding. The line is top 5 in football. They get constant pressure and keep the quarterback uncomfortable in the pocket. Credit both Kirk Cousins and Alex Smith in consecutive weeks for weathering the storm and using their legs to keep their teams in it (or win it) late. The Eagles for the most part kept the Chiefs run game and Kareem Hunt in check with swarming coverage at the line and in the immediate area behind it. Jordan Hicks and Timmy Jernigan tossing Chiefs around was just the icing on top of a mostly dominant performance:

This is pretty non-descript but I like this tackle by Jordan Hicks. Had a little violence to it. http://pic.twitter.com/O9obVXmzrQ

— Kyle (@IgglesNest) September 18, 2017

http://pic.twitter.com/szDH23wB0m

— Couch Correspondent (@notkerouac) September 17, 2017

When the Eagles decide to blitz, they’re borderline unstoppable. Sean Cottrell touched on it in his “Three and Out” last week and the point still stands – Jim Schwartz times his blitzes impeccably and they almost always pay off. And somehow a secondary without Ronald Darby prevented Tyreek Hill from torching them over-the-top at all (save for one play where Alex Smith overthrew him in the end zone). It’s unfortunate that the late Hunt touchdown, on which the Eagles over-pursued….

… might be what we remember from this game. The Eagles could make the playoffs on the strength of their defense alone.

  Doug Pederson

The 46-17 pass-run breakdown is ludicrous, partly because the Eagles were running the ball effectively early.

Excuse me? No, Kyle, you’re a fucking idiot and don’t know football.

That’s what Twitter says.

Here are the Eagles’ run plays:

Sproles: 12 yards

Sproles: 6 yards

Sproles: 3 yards

Smallwood: -2 yards

Sproles: 2 yards

Sproles: -3 yards

Sproles: 6 yards

Sproles: 11 yards

Sproles: 3 yards

Smallwood: 8 yards

Sproles: 3 yards

Sproles: 5 yards

Smallwood: -2 yards

A few stuffs at the line, particularly on the Eagles’ second drive, led to them abandoning the run almost completely. Surely, feeding the ball to Darren Sproles all game is unsustainable, but there’s no reason Smallwood couldn’t have been the beneficiary of the push the Eagles got on the outside on these two plays:

The Chiefs’ defensive line is quite good, and we should credit them for the Eagles’ offensive line struggles and lack of a running game. But even going back to the well for a middling two-yard gain is worth it to keep them honest. It’s easy to make the Madden joke about Doug Pederson, but this is exactly how I play Madden— I’ll try a few runs and if it doesn’t work I’ll just start slinging the ball. That was the worst of early era Andy Reid, but he has matured to the point that he kept going back to the well yesterday until it paid off with a 50-yard touchdown run.

This was a close game. There was no reason, until maybe their last two drives, the Eagles had to pass on nearly every play. They were arguably in control of most of the game. I don’t like LeGarrette Blount very much (more on that in a second), but it’s laughable that he didn’t get one official carry. He should’ve gotten at least enough to make him an effective play-action decoy so Carson Wentz could underthrow a deep ball to Torrey Smith.

  LeGarrette Blount

It’s Week 2 and Blount got one touch in a game and was then accosted by the media at his locker afterwards because a vast majority of people now think he’s an incompetent running back (not the least of which might be his coach) on the verge of a full-on freakout. That’s where we’re at. But, I said I wouldn’t break out the I told you sos on Blount until mid-October (or when Blount gets cut), so I won’t. I’m a man of my word.

Couldn’t agree more with @SheilKapadia: https://t.co/s33DciAkk7 http://pic.twitter.com/sKjC6fBQqS

— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) September 18, 2017

It’s funny how when Saint Sheil says it, it’s gospel. Here’s what I wrote immediately following the Blount signing:

Noooooooooooo I hate this. God this is such a cuck signing. Blount was the beneficiary of a Pats offense that could make a trash can look like a formidable running threat. He’s 30, curiously was a free agent until today, and saw his average yards per carry hit a five-year low last year despite scoring 18 touchdowns because HE PLAYED FOR THE FUCKING PATRIOTS.

I hate the notion of signing guys Bill Belichick is done with. I’m telling you, no, he’s not that good. The deal is reported to be one year, $2.8 million, and Blount will put some much needed size in the Eagles’ backfield, so it makes some sense and is hard to get truly outraged about, but the signing strips away almost all the positive feelings I had about Howie Roseman this offseason. Signing a guy like Blount is exactly the sort of thing Dream Team Howie would do, and I thought that guy was dead or at least locked in an airplane bathroom somewhere.

It’s telling that Howie Roseman thought signing a system running back to complement a super old third-down back and a harem of underachieving young players was the solution to a problem that typically can be solved by sound drafting – HELLLLLLLLO THE CHIEFS – and strategic waiver wire pickups. Never mind the fact that Roseman siphoned away offensive line depth in the process to open up roster spots for the collection of misfit toys that currently make up the Eagles’ running-by-committee attack, which is spearheaded by their fucking franchise quarterback who is GOING TO GET HURT. I was flat-out assaulted by Eagles Twitter for my initial Blount take, and yet…here we are.

I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU’D READ ANY OTHER SITE.

  Carson Wentz

He is a phenomenal talent who has a physical skill set that could eventually turn him into one of the great ones. His effort yesterday, behind a porous line and with a tower of sculpted clay calling his plays, is to be commended. He hung tough in the face of pressure, never went full Bradford with his at times frantic pocket demeanor, and racked up impressive passing totals while also leading the team in rushing. He is at his best when he is out of the pocket and forced to make plays on his own. Aaron Rodgers and Russell Wilson are much the same way, and that’s good company to be in.

HOWEVER.

Wentz is far from perfect and he is still incredibly raw. Lost in his effort yesterday is the fact that he still makes a considerable amount of mistakes, forces balls where they don’t need to go, and is, generally speaking, an inaccurate passer.

As noted last week, he struggles with the short touch passes. As evidence, here’s the NextGen pass chart showing Wentz as 12-of-21 on passes under 10 yards:

That includes three balls that were thrown into the line (one of which led to the Chiefs’ go-ahead touchdown), two fumbles behind the line (one of which resulted in a turnover), and two incomplete inept screen passes to Sproles.

Surely the offensive line contributed to these errors, but that doesn’t necessarily excuse them. Carson Wentz is 6’5, and though there generally isn’t much correlation with size and pass deflections, his three batted passes yesterday – 6% of his 46 passes – were above the league-average rate. There’s not a ton of data available in this regard, but in a 2015 article in which Football Outsiders listed the batted passes from the 2014 season, not one quarterback had a rate higher than 3.8% (Blake Bortles). Interestingly, Nick Foles had 0 passes batted on 310 attempts, leading you to believe that there was something to Chip Kelly practicing with fly swatters.

That’s the short game.

The long game isn’t much better.

We all can see that Wentz has a BIG ARM, but he simply does not throw a good deep ball. Perhaps all of our views are colored by a few beautiful passes at the start of last season. But often times he underthrows or overthrows receivers, or is just generally inaccurate, on passes over 20 yards. And he of course routinely throws high, including on this (catchable) pass to Torrey Smith that should have been a touchdown:

Yes, Smith should’ve caught it. But the throw was high. Good quarterbacks – not great ones – like Kirk Cousins, Philip Rivers and Matthew Stafford – routinely make this throw more accurately. It would be great to have an Eagles receiver, just once, step up and make the play, but that does not excuse the throw entirely.

It’s also worth noting that, for whatever reason…, these are the same sort of small mistakes that Donovan McNabb would get lambasted for, or that we laughed at Sam Bradford over. Michael Vick was cast aside as an untenable quarterback because of stuff like that. Wentz is lauded for being a gamer.

I got abused on Twitter last night for tweeting these observations, I’m guessing by many of the same chucklefucks who jumped all over me for my Blount take early in the offseason. Some accused me of clickbait – interestingly on Tweets that didn’t contain a link to the site – and trying to make money of hot takes. In fact it’s the opposite. Takes like this lose audience – I lost at least 40 Twitter followers – and hardly compel you, the reader, to pony up for our Carson City t-shirt. But I don’t think Wentz is beyond critiquing. He is still very raw, and fixing a few of these issues would turn his upside from a good quarterback (Philip Rivers) into a great one (Brett Favre).

More worrisome is that the first three years of Wentz’s career and growth could be stunted by Doug Pederson calling his plays.

  Doug Pederson

There is absolutely no flow. By the second half it became clear that Pederson would abandon the run game entirely, and that left receivers covered and Wentz frantic in a collapsing pocket. That’s not the way to nurture a young quarterback. Pederson rarely allows Wentz to get into a rhythm. When he does, the offense is almost breathtaking. The Eagles’ third quarter touchdown drive – which included two runs and a toss that was essentially a run – is a good example of this:

They moved the ball on the ground and freed up some air space, through which Wentz threw a touchdown pass to Alshon Jeffery. The Eagles then ran four straight pass plays to start the next drive, which was salvaged by Wentz running on third down. Brutal.

Another thing: Credit to Pederson for running a good number of 10- to 20-yard pass plays– something we called for last week. This is where Wentz excels as a passer, and indeed he had a big day on those curl and out routes to Jeffery. Here’s his route tree:

But the Eagles seem to lack on slant and timing plays. It feels that so many of their passes take so long to develop. Wentz lacks rhythm. This is my bad memory of the worst of Andy Reid’s offenses. And to that point, it seems damn near criminal that Eagles didn’t attempt one pass in the underneath area of their best receiver’s side of the field. Look:

How does Sproles not get a dumpoff in that area?

Speaking of, here’s visual evidence that the outside run, with Sproles, was effective when used:

  Little Birdie

The same person who allowed me to break essentially every major piece of Eagles offseason news weighed in both last week and yesterday on the Lurie-Roseman dynamic and the existence of Doug Pederson as the Eagles’ head coach. These are his words:

Following the Reid/Banner era of the Eagles Lurie no longer had “any boots on the ground” with the exception of Howie Roseman.  What I mean by this is that many of the day-to-day operations from a football operations standpoint were unknown.  Not because they were purposely being hidden from Lurie, but because he believed that the operation was running well.  We all know how this backfired during Chip’s tenure.

This was the reason Lurie opened his checkbook up to Howie when Chip took more control in year two.  Lurie needed Howie to stay to make sure Chip didn’t sink the ship.  This move by Lurie in year two of Chip’s tenure has also created a rather interesting dynamic still present in the team today.

Howie Rosmean has remained the sole voice and ears of the team to Lurie following Chip’s tenure.  Yes, Doug participates in a these meetings on occasion now but he is in essence a puppet of Howie’s.  This has essentially created a filter where Howie has the ability to spin things to put himself in a better light to Lurie if and when issues arise.

Let me make one thing clear, I don’t know how long Howie will be our GM for but Lurie has made it abundantly clear he wants and needs to know more from a team operations standpoint, and Howie is the only guy doing that at the moment.  It sounds like barring any kind of colossal fuck up Roseman will be the GM for the foreseeable future.

And another:

Make no mistake about it – Doug was not hired as the long term answer.  This was known the day he walked in the building and anyone in Football Ops who says otherwise is a liar.  If Doug somehow managed to be lightning in a bottle (Early Andy Reid Era) then it would have been a win/win for us but this was never expected and clearly isn’t the case.  Doug was and is continuing to prove that he’s simply our stopgap at the coaching spot.

Here are some of the internal frustrations – Doug isn’t hard on the guys, he tries to be everyone’s buddy and it’s an issue.  Simply put, he doesn’t drop the hammer in the lockerroom.  He’s so focused on being a “player friendly coach” that he’s actually hurting this team and stunting development.

This is in essence a direct result of Chip Kelly’s transgressions as Chip divided not only the locker room but the entire facet of football operations.  Lurie and Howie needed to fix the mess, so we hired a puppet in Doug that would help heal the wounds from Chip.

Doug is a good man, but he’s not worthy of being an NFL head coach at this point in his career – if ever.

Do with that what you will.

  The media

I am no LeGarrette Blount fan. Of this you may be aware. But what the Eagles media did to him yesterday was shameful. Regardless of whether or not he proves to be a bust, Blount was criminally underused yesterday. Getting one touch in a close near-defensive slugfest is simply inexcusable. He had every right to be upset, but I thought he handled himself quite well after the game:

LeGarrette Blount says he cant remember last time he didnt get any carries

"Thats how the game went"#Eagles🦅 http://pic.twitter.com/oV8P8qIpoe

— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 17, 2017

This is why players hate the media. The assembled beat reporters were trying to extract something that wasn’t there, and extract a pull-out quote they did indeed:

LeGarrette Blount on his role in the #Eagles offense after 1 touch: 'Ask Doug Pederson, I can't predict the future': https://t.co/MdeHM29YvO

— Matt Lombardo (@MattLombardoPHL) September 17, 2017

The media is desirous to turn Blount into a malcontent. Perhaps he’ll become one. But that’s not what he was yesterday (at least publicly), and it’s not what he was with the Patriots, as evidenced by this interaction with Robert Kraft in Katie Nolan’s excellent ring ceremony video:

The media reached yesterday.

  No handshake

Two brutal gaffs by FOX yesterday:

Not showing Travis Kelce’s unsportsmanlike conduct that led to a certified lashing from the Fat Man.

Not showing the post-game handshake between Andy Reid and Doug Pederson. How does that happen? It was like the biggest layup in the history of TV production since using the wide shot on FOX News anchors.

At least CSN got Brotherly Love:

❤️video of @JasonKelce @tkelce jersey exhange from @TheRealHinser

"Now Im going to be upset the rest of my life"http://pic.twitter.com/KMWRdG5W0e

— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 17, 2017

Giants next week. Thumbtack.

  Bird Droppings: Can’t Hold It published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[flauntpage]

Bird Droppings: Can’t Hold It

I’m coming in hot. Somehow I’m more worked up about the game now than I was during and immediately after it. But now that I’ve watched it almost three full times – live, condensed game last night, and offensive plays this morning – I’m more upset that ineptitude on the part of the coach and untimely miscues cost them a winnable road game against a potentially elite team. Make no mistake, this was a winnable game, and for three quarters, the Eagles were arguably the better team before it all unraveled in the fourth, when they flushed it down the drain.

To the Droppings!

Defense

First, the good thing. The defense was absolutely outstanding. The line is top 5 in football. They get constant pressure and keep the quarterback uncomfortable in the pocket. Credit both Kirk Cousins and Alex Smith in consecutive weeks for weathering the storm and using their legs to keep their teams in it (or win it) late. The Eagles for the most part kept the Chiefs run game and Kareem Hunt in check with swarming coverage at the line and in the immediate area behind it. Jordan Hicks and Timmy Jernigan tossing Chiefs around was just the icing on top of a mostly dominant performance:

This is pretty non-descript but I like this tackle by Jordan Hicks. Had a little violence to it. http://pic.twitter.com/O9obVXmzrQ

— Kyle (@IgglesNest) September 18, 2017

http://pic.twitter.com/szDH23wB0m

— Couch Correspondent (@notkerouac) September 17, 2017

When the Eagles decide to blitz, they’re borderline unstoppable. Sean Cottrell touched on it in his “Three and Out” last week and the point still stands – Jim Schwartz times his blitzes impeccably and they almost always pay off. And somehow a secondary without Ronald Darby prevented Tyreek Hill from torching them over-the-top at all (save for one play where Alex Smith overthrew him in the end zone). It’s unfortunate that the late Hunt touchdown, on which the Eagles over-pursued….

… might be what we remember from this game. The Eagles could make the playoffs on the strength of their defense alone.

  Doug Pederson

The 46-17 pass-run breakdown is ludicrous, partly because the Eagles were running the ball effectively early.

Excuse me? No, Kyle, you’re a fucking idiot and don’t know football.

That’s what Twitter says.

Here are the Eagles’ run plays:

Sproles: 12 yards

Sproles: 6 yards

Sproles: 3 yards

Smallwood: -2 yards

Sproles: 2 yards

Sproles: -3 yards

Sproles: 6 yards

Sproles: 11 yards

Sproles: 3 yards

Smallwood: 8 yards

Sproles: 3 yards

Sproles: 5 yards

Smallwood: -2 yards

A few stuffs at the line, particularly on the Eagles’ second drive, led to them abandoning the run almost completely. Surely, feeding the ball to Darren Sproles all game is unsustainable, but there’s no reason Smallwood couldn’t have been the beneficiary of the push the Eagles got on the outside on these two plays:

The Chiefs’ defensive line is quite good, and we should credit them for the Eagles’ offensive line struggles and lack of a running game. But even going back to the well for a middling two-yard gain is worth it to keep them honest. It’s easy to make the Madden joke about Doug Pederson, but this is exactly how I play Madden— I’ll try a few runs and if it doesn’t work I’ll just start slinging the ball. That was the worst of early era Andy Reid, but he has matured to the point that he kept going back to the well yesterday until it paid off with a 50-yard touchdown run.

This was a close game. There was no reason, until maybe their last two drives, the Eagles had to pass on nearly every play. They were arguably in control of most of the game. I don’t like LeGarrette Blount very much (more on that in a second), but it’s laughable that he didn’t get one official carry. He should’ve gotten at least enough to make him an effective play-action decoy so Carson Wentz could underthrow a deep ball to Torrey Smith.

  LeGarrette Blount

It’s Week 2 and Blount got one touch in a game and was then accosted by the media at his locker afterwards because a vast majority of people now think he’s an incompetent running back (not the least of which might be his coach) on the verge of a full-on freakout. That’s where we’re at. But, I said I wouldn’t break out the I told you sos on Blount until mid-October (or when Blount gets cut), so I won’t. I’m a man of my word.

Couldn’t agree more with @SheilKapadia: https://t.co/s33DciAkk7 http://pic.twitter.com/sKjC6fBQqS

— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) September 18, 2017

It’s funny how when Saint Sheil says it, it’s gospel. Here’s what I wrote immediately following the Blount signing:

Noooooooooooo I hate this. God this is such a cuck signing. Blount was the beneficiary of a Pats offense that could make a trash can look like a formidable running threat. He’s 30, curiously was a free agent until today, and saw his average yards per carry hit a five-year low last year despite scoring 18 touchdowns because HE PLAYED FOR THE FUCKING PATRIOTS.

I hate the notion of signing guys Bill Belichick is done with. I’m telling you, no, he’s not that good. The deal is reported to be one year, $2.8 million, and Blount will put some much needed size in the Eagles’ backfield, so it makes some sense and is hard to get truly outraged about, but the signing strips away almost all the positive feelings I had about Howie Roseman this offseason. Signing a guy like Blount is exactly the sort of thing Dream Team Howie would do, and I thought that guy was dead or at least locked in an airplane bathroom somewhere.

It’s telling that Howie Roseman thought signing a system running back to complement a super old third-down back and a harem of underachieving young players was the solution to a problem that typically can be solved by sound drafting – HELLLLLLLLO THE CHIEFS – and strategic waiver wire pickups. Never mind the fact that Roseman siphoned away offensive line depth in the process to open up roster spots for the collection of misfit toys that currently make up the Eagles’ running-by-committee attack, which is spearheaded by their fucking franchise quarterback who is GOING TO GET HURT. I was flat-out assaulted by Eagles Twitter for my initial Blount take, and yet…here we are.

I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU’D READ ANY OTHER SITE.

  Carson Wentz

He is a phenomenal talent who has a physical skill set that could eventually turn him into one of the great ones. His effort yesterday, behind a porous line and with a tower of sculpted clay calling his plays, is to be commended. He hung tough in the face of pressure, never went full Bradford with his at times frantic pocket demeanor, and racked up impressive passing totals while also leading the team in rushing. He is at his best when he is out of the pocket and forced to make plays on his own. Aaron Rodgers and Russell Wilson are much the same way, and that’s good company to be in.

HOWEVER.

Wentz is far from perfect and he is still incredibly raw. Lost in his effort yesterday is the fact that he still makes a considerable amount of mistakes, forces balls where they don’t need to go, and is, generally speaking, an inaccurate passer.

As noted last week, he struggles with the short touch passes. As evidence, here’s the NextGen pass chart showing Wentz as 12-of-21 on passes under 10 yards:

That includes three balls that were thrown into the line (one of which led to the Chiefs’ go-ahead touchdown), two fumbles behind the line (one of which resulted in a turnover), and two incomplete inept screen passes to Sproles.

Surely the offensive line contributed to these errors, but that doesn’t necessarily excuse them. Carson Wentz is 6’5, and though there generally isn’t much correlation with size and pass deflections, his three batted passes yesterday – 6% of his 46 passes – were above the league-average rate. There’s not a ton of data available in this regard, but in a 2015 article in which Football Outsiders listed the batted passes from the 2014 season, not one quarterback had a rate higher than 3.8% (Blake Bortles). Interestingly, Nick Foles had 0 passes batted on 310 attempts, leading you to believe that there was something to Chip Kelly practicing with fly swatters.

That’s the short game.

The long game isn’t much better.

We all can see that Wentz has a BIG ARM, but he simply does not throw a good deep ball. Perhaps all of our views are colored by a few beautiful passes at the start of last season. But often times he underthrows or overthrows receivers, or is just generally inaccurate, on passes over 20 yards. And he of course routinely throws high, including on this (catchable) pass to Torrey Smith that should have been a touchdown:

Yes, Smith should’ve caught it. But the throw was high. Good quarterbacks – not great ones – like Kirk Cousins, Philip Rivers and Matthew Stafford – routinely make this throw more accurately. It would be great to have an Eagles receiver, just once, step up and make the play, but that does not excuse the throw entirely.

It’s also worth noting that, for whatever reason…, these are the same sort of small mistakes that Donovan McNabb would get lambasted for, or that we laughed at Sam Bradford over. Michael Vick was cast aside as an untenable quarterback because of stuff like that. Wentz is lauded for being a gamer.

I got abused on Twitter last night for tweeting these observations, I’m guessing by many of the same chucklefucks who jumped all over me for my Blount take early in the offseason. Some accused me of clickbait – interestingly on Tweets that didn’t contain a link to the site – and trying to make money of hot takes. In fact it’s the opposite. Takes like this lose audience – I lost at least 40 Twitter followers – and hardly compel you, the reader, to pony up for our Carson City t-shirt. But I don’t think Wentz is beyond critiquing. He is still very raw, and fixing a few of these issues would turn his upside from a good quarterback (Philip Rivers) into a great one (Brett Favre).

More worrisome is that the first three years of Wentz’s career and growth could be stunted by Doug Pederson calling his plays.

  Doug Pederson

There is absolutely no flow. By the second half it became clear that Pederson would abandon the run game entirely, and that left receivers covered and Wentz frantic in a collapsing pocket. That’s not the way to nurture a young quarterback. Pederson rarely allows Wentz to get into a rhythm. When he does, the offense is almost breathtaking. The Eagles’ third quarter touchdown drive – which included two runs and a toss that was essentially a run – is a good example of this:

They moved the ball on the ground and freed up some air space, through which Wentz threw a touchdown pass to Alshon Jeffery. The Eagles then ran four straight pass plays to start the next drive, which was salvaged by Wentz running on third down. Brutal.

Another thing: Credit to Pederson for running a good number of 10- to 20-yard pass plays– something we called for last week. This is where Wentz excels as a passer, and indeed he had a big day on those curl and out routes to Jeffery. Here’s his route tree:

But the Eagles seem to lack on slant and timing plays. It feels that so many of their passes take so long to develop. Wentz lacks rhythm. This is my bad memory of the worst of Andy Reid’s offenses. And to that point, it seems damn near criminal that Eagles didn’t attempt one pass in the underneath area of their best receiver’s side of the field. Look:

How does Sproles not get a dumpoff in that area?

Speaking of, here’s visual evidence that the outside run, with Sproles, was effective when used:

  Little Birdie

The same person who allowed me to break essentially every major piece of Eagles offseason news weighed in both last week and yesterday on the Lurie-Roseman dynamic and the existence of Doug Pederson as the Eagles’ head coach. These are his words:

Following the Reid/Banner era of the Eagles Lurie no longer had “any boots on the ground” with the exception of Howie Roseman.  What I mean by this is that many of the day-to-day operations from a football operations standpoint were unknown.  Not because they were purposely being hidden from Lurie, but because he believed that the operation was running well.  We all know how this backfired during Chip’s tenure.

This was the reason Lurie opened his checkbook up to Howie when Chip took more control in year two.  Lurie needed Howie to stay to make sure Chip didn’t sink the ship.  This move by Lurie in year two of Chip’s tenure has also created a rather interesting dynamic still present in the team today.

Howie Rosmean has remained the sole voice and ears of the team to Lurie following Chip’s tenure.  Yes, Doug participates in a these meetings on occasion now but he is in essence a puppet of Howie’s.  This has essentially created a filter where Howie has the ability to spin things to put himself in a better light to Lurie if and when issues arise.

Let me make one thing clear, I don’t know how long Howie will be our GM for but Lurie has made it abundantly clear he wants and needs to know more from a team operations standpoint, and Howie is the only guy doing that at the moment.  It sounds like barring any kind of colossal fuck up Roseman will be the GM for the foreseeable future.

And another:

Make no mistake about it – Doug was not hired as the long term answer.  This was known the day he walked in the building and anyone in Football Ops who says otherwise is a liar.  If Doug somehow managed to be lightning in a bottle (Early Andy Reid Era) then it would have been a win/win for us but this was never expected and clearly isn’t the case.  Doug was and is continuing to prove that he’s simply our stopgap at the coaching spot.

Here are some of the internal frustrations – Doug isn’t hard on the guys, he tries to be everyone’s buddy and it’s an issue.  Simply put, he doesn’t drop the hammer in the lockerroom.  He’s so focused on being a “player friendly coach” that he’s actually hurting this team and stunting development.

This is in essence a direct result of Chip Kelly’s transgressions as Chip divided not only the locker room but the entire facet of football operations.  Lurie and Howie needed to fix the mess, so we hired a puppet in Doug that would help heal the wounds from Chip.

Doug is a good man, but he’s not worthy of being an NFL head coach at this point in his career – if ever.

Do with that what you will.

  The media

I am no LeGarrette Blount fan. Of this you may be aware. But what the Eagles media did to him yesterday was shameful. Regardless of whether or not he proves to be a bust, Blount was criminally underused yesterday. Getting one touch in a close near-defensive slugfest is simply inexcusable. He had every right to be upset, but I thought he handled himself quite well after the game:

LeGarrette Blount says he cant remember last time he didnt get any carries

"Thats how the game went"#Eagles🦅 http://pic.twitter.com/oV8P8qIpoe

— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 17, 2017

This is why players hate the media. The assembled beat reporters were trying to extract something that wasn’t there, and extract a pull-out quote they did indeed:

LeGarrette Blount on his role in the #Eagles offense after 1 touch: 'Ask Doug Pederson, I can't predict the future': https://t.co/MdeHM29YvO

— Matt Lombardo (@MattLombardoPHL) September 17, 2017

The media is desirous to turn Blount into a malcontent. Perhaps he’ll become one. But that’s not what he was yesterday (at least publicly), and it’s not what he was with the Patriots, as evidenced by this interaction with Robert Kraft in Katie Nolan’s excellent ring ceremony video:

The media reached yesterday.

  No handshake

Two brutal gaffs by FOX yesterday:

Not showing Travis Kelce’s unsportsmanlike conduct that led to a certified lashing from the Fat Man.

Not showing the post-game handshake between Andy Reid and Doug Pederson. How does that happen? It was like the biggest layup in the history of TV production since using the wide shot on FOX News anchors.

At least CSN got Brotherly Love:

❤️video of @JasonKelce @tkelce jersey exhange from @TheRealHinser

"Now Im going to be upset the rest of my life"http://pic.twitter.com/KMWRdG5W0e

— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 17, 2017

Giants next week. Thumbtack.

  Bird Droppings: Can’t Hold It published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[flauntpage]

Bird Droppings: Can’t Hold It

I’m coming in hot. Somehow I’m more worked up about the game now than I was during and immediately after it. But now that I’ve watched it almost three full times – live, condensed game last night, and offensive plays this morning – I’m more upset that ineptitude on the part of the coach and untimely miscues cost them a winnable road game against a potentially elite team. Make no mistake, this was a winnable game, and for three quarters, the Eagles were arguably the better team before it all unraveled in the fourth, when they flushed it down the drain.

To the Droppings!

Defense

First, the good thing. The defense was absolutely outstanding. The line is top 5 in football. They get constant pressure and keep the quarterback uncomfortable in the pocket. Credit both Kirk Cousins and Alex Smith in consecutive weeks for weathering the storm and using their legs to keep their teams in it (or win it) late. The Eagles for the most part kept the Chiefs run game and Kareem Hunt in check with swarming coverage at the line and in the immediate area behind it. Jordan Hicks and Timmy Jernigan tossing Chiefs around was just the icing on top of a mostly dominant performance:

This is pretty non-descript but I like this tackle by Jordan Hicks. Had a little violence to it. http://pic.twitter.com/O9obVXmzrQ

— Kyle (@IgglesNest) September 18, 2017

http://pic.twitter.com/szDH23wB0m

— Couch Correspondent (@notkerouac) September 17, 2017

When the Eagles decide to blitz, they’re borderline unstoppable. Sean Cottrell touched on it in his “Three and Out” last week and the point still stands – Jim Schwartz times his blitzes impeccably and they almost always pay off. And somehow a secondary without Ronald Darby prevented Tyreek Hill from torching them over-the-top at all (save for one play where Alex Smith overthrew him in the end zone). It’s unfortunate that the late Hunt touchdown, on which the Eagles over-pursued….

… might be what we remember from this game. The Eagles could make the playoffs on the strength of their defense alone.

  Doug Pederson

The 46-17 pass-run breakdown is ludicrous, partly because the Eagles were running the ball effectively early.

Excuse me? No, Kyle, you’re a fucking idiot and don’t know football.

That’s what Twitter says.

Here are the Eagles’ run plays:

Sproles: 12 yards

Sproles: 6 yards

Sproles: 3 yards

Smallwood: -2 yards

Sproles: 2 yards

Sproles: -3 yards

Sproles: 6 yards

Sproles: 11 yards

Sproles: 3 yards

Smallwood: 8 yards

Sproles: 3 yards

Sproles: 5 yards

Smallwood: -2 yards

A few stuffs at the line, particularly on the Eagles’ second drive, led to them abandoning the run almost completely. Surely, feeding the ball to Darren Sproles all game is unsustainable, but there’s no reason Smallwood couldn’t have been the beneficiary of the push the Eagles got on the outside on these two plays:

The Chiefs’ defensive line is quite good, and we should credit them for the Eagles’ offensive line struggles and lack of a running game. But even going back to the well for a middling two-yard gain is worth it to keep them honest. It’s easy to make the Madden joke about Doug Pederson, but this is exactly how I play Madden— I’ll try a few runs and if it doesn’t work I’ll just start slinging the ball. That was the worst of early era Andy Reid, but he has matured to the point that he kept going back to the well yesterday until it paid off with a 50-yard touchdown run.

This was a close game. There was no reason, until maybe their last two drives, the Eagles had to pass on nearly every play. They were arguably in control of most of the game. I don’t like LeGarrette Blount very much (more on that in a second), but it’s laughable that he didn’t get one official carry. He should’ve gotten at least enough to make him an effective play-action decoy so Carson Wentz could underthrow a deep ball to Torrey Smith.

  LeGarrette Blount

It’s Week 2 and Blount got one touch in a game and was then accosted by the media at his locker afterwards because a vast majority of people now think he’s an incompetent running back (not the least of which might be his coach) on the verge of a full-on freakout. That’s where we’re at. But, I said I wouldn’t break out the I told you sos on Blount until mid-October (or when Blount gets cut), so I won’t. I’m a man of my word.

Couldn’t agree more with @SheilKapadia: https://t.co/s33DciAkk7 http://pic.twitter.com/sKjC6fBQqS

— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) September 18, 2017

It’s funny how when Saint Sheil says it, it’s gospel. Here’s what I wrote immediately following the Blount signing:

Noooooooooooo I hate this. God this is such a cuck signing. Blount was the beneficiary of a Pats offense that could make a trash can look like a formidable running threat. He’s 30, curiously was a free agent until today, and saw his average yards per carry hit a five-year low last year despite scoring 18 touchdowns because HE PLAYED FOR THE FUCKING PATRIOTS.

I hate the notion of signing guys Bill Belichick is done with. I’m telling you, no, he’s not that good. The deal is reported to be one year, $2.8 million, and Blount will put some much needed size in the Eagles’ backfield, so it makes some sense and is hard to get truly outraged about, but the signing strips away almost all the positive feelings I had about Howie Roseman this offseason. Signing a guy like Blount is exactly the sort of thing Dream Team Howie would do, and I thought that guy was dead or at least locked in an airplane bathroom somewhere.

It’s telling that Howie Roseman thought signing a system running back to complement a super old third-down back and a harem of underachieving young players was the solution to a problem that typically can be solved by sound drafting – HELLLLLLLLO THE CHIEFS – and strategic waiver wire pickups. Never mind the fact that Roseman siphoned away offensive line depth in the process to open up roster spots for the collection of misfit toys that currently make up the Eagles’ running-by-committee attack, which is spearheaded by their fucking franchise quarterback who is GOING TO GET HURT. I was flat-out assaulted by Eagles Twitter for my initial Blount take, and yet…here we are.

I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU’D READ ANY OTHER SITE.

  Carson Wentz

He is a phenomenal talent who has a physical skill set that could eventually turn him into one of the great ones. His effort yesterday, behind a porous line and with a tower of sculpted clay calling his plays, is to be commended. He hung tough in the face of pressure, never went full Bradford with his at times frantic pocket demeanor, and racked up impressive passing totals while also leading the team in rushing. He is at his best when he is out of the pocket and forced to make plays on his own. Aaron Rodgers and Russell Wilson are much the same way, and that’s good company to be in.

HOWEVER.

Wentz is far from perfect and he is still incredibly raw. Lost in his effort yesterday is the fact that he still makes a considerable amount of mistakes, forces balls where they don’t need to go, and is, generally speaking, an inaccurate passer.

As noted last week, he struggles with the short touch passes. As evidence, here’s the NextGen pass chart showing Wentz as 12-of-21 on passes under 10 yards:

That includes three balls that were thrown into the line (one of which led to the Chiefs’ go-ahead touchdown), two fumbles behind the line (one of which resulted in a turnover), and two incomplete inept screen passes to Sproles.

Surely the offensive line contributed to these errors, but that doesn’t necessarily excuse them. Carson Wentz is 6’5, and though there generally isn’t much correlation with size and pass deflections, his three batted passes yesterday – 6% of his 46 passes – were above the league-average rate. There’s not a ton of data available in this regard, but in a 2015 article in which Football Outsiders listed the batted passes from the 2014 season, not one quarterback had a rate higher than 3.8% (Blake Bortles). Interestingly, Nick Foles had 0 passes batted on 310 attempts, leading you to believe that there was something to Chip Kelly practicing with fly swatters.

That’s the short game.

The long game isn’t much better.

We all can see that Wentz has a BIG ARM, but he simply does not throw a good deep ball. Perhaps all of our views are colored by a few beautiful passes at the start of last season. But often times he underthrows or overthrows receivers, or is just generally inaccurate, on passes over 20 yards. And he of course routinely throws high, including on this (catchable) pass to Torrey Smith that should have been a touchdown:

Yes, Smith should’ve caught it. But the throw was high. Good quarterbacks – not great ones – like Kirk Cousins, Philip Rivers and Matthew Stafford – routinely make this throw more accurately. It would be great to have an Eagles receiver, just once, step up and make the play, but that does not excuse the throw entirely.

It’s also worth noting that, for whatever reason…, these are the same sort of small mistakes that Donovan McNabb would get lambasted for, or that we laughed at Sam Bradford over. Michael Vick was cast aside as an untenable quarterback because of stuff like that. Wentz is lauded for being a gamer.

I got abused on Twitter last night for tweeting these observations, I’m guessing by many of the same chucklefucks who jumped all over me for my Blount take early in the offseason. Some accused me of clickbait – interestingly on Tweets that didn’t contain a link to the site – and trying to make money of hot takes. In fact it’s the opposite. Takes like this lose audience – I lost at least 40 Twitter followers – and hardly compel you, the reader, to pony up for our Carson City t-shirt. But I don’t think Wentz is beyond critiquing. He is still very raw, and fixing a few of these issues would turn his upside from a good quarterback (Philip Rivers) into a great one (Brett Favre).

More worrisome is that the first three years of Wentz’s career and growth could be stunted by Doug Pederson calling his plays.

  Doug Pederson

There is absolutely no flow. By the second half it became clear that Pederson would abandon the run game entirely, and that left receivers covered and Wentz frantic in a collapsing pocket. That’s not the way to nurture a young quarterback. Pederson rarely allows Wentz to get into a rhythm. When he does, the offense is almost breathtaking. The Eagles’ third quarter touchdown drive – which included two runs and a toss that was essentially a run – is a good example of this:

They moved the ball on the ground and freed up some air space, through which Wentz threw a touchdown pass to Alshon Jeffery. The Eagles then ran four straight pass plays to start the next drive, which was salvaged by Wentz running on third down. Brutal.

Another thing: Credit to Pederson for running a good number of 10- to 20-yard pass plays– something we called for last week. This is where Wentz excels as a passer, and indeed he had a big day on those curl and out routes to Jeffery. Here’s his route tree:

But the Eagles seem to lack on slant and timing plays. It feels that so many of their passes take so long to develop. Wentz lacks rhythm. This is my bad memory of the worst of Andy Reid’s offenses. And to that point, it seems damn near criminal that Eagles didn’t attempt one pass in the underneath area of their best receiver’s side of the field. Look:

How does Sproles not get a dumpoff in that area?

Speaking of, here’s visual evidence that the outside run, with Sproles, was effective when used:

  Little Birdie

The same person who allowed me to break essentially every major piece of Eagles offseason news weighed in both last week and yesterday on the Lurie-Roseman dynamic and the existence of Doug Pederson as the Eagles’ head coach. These are his words:

Following the Reid/Banner era of the Eagles Lurie no longer had “any boots on the ground” with the exception of Howie Roseman.  What I mean by this is that many of the day-to-day operations from a football operations standpoint were unknown.  Not because they were purposely being hidden from Lurie, but because he believed that the operation was running well.  We all know how this backfired during Chip’s tenure.

This was the reason Lurie opened his checkbook up to Howie when Chip took more control in year two.  Lurie needed Howie to stay to make sure Chip didn’t sink the ship.  This move by Lurie in year two of Chip’s tenure has also created a rather interesting dynamic still present in the team today.

Howie Rosmean has remained the sole voice and ears of the team to Lurie following Chip’s tenure.  Yes, Doug participates in a these meetings on occasion now but he is in essence a puppet of Howie’s.  This has essentially created a filter where Howie has the ability to spin things to put himself in a better light to Lurie if and when issues arise.

Let me make one thing clear, I don’t know how long Howie will be our GM for but Lurie has made it abundantly clear he wants and needs to know more from a team operations standpoint, and Howie is the only guy doing that at the moment.  It sounds like barring any kind of colossal fuck up Roseman will be the GM for the foreseeable future.

And another:

Make no mistake about it – Doug was not hired as the long term answer.  This was known the day he walked in the building and anyone in Football Ops who says otherwise is a liar.  If Doug somehow managed to be lightning in a bottle (Early Andy Reid Era) then it would have been a win/win for us but this was never expected and clearly isn’t the case.  Doug was and is continuing to prove that he’s simply our stopgap at the coaching spot.

Here are some of the internal frustrations – Doug isn’t hard on the guys, he tries to be everyone’s buddy and it’s an issue.  Simply put, he doesn’t drop the hammer in the lockerroom.  He’s so focused on being a “player friendly coach” that he’s actually hurting this team and stunting development.

This is in essence a direct result of Chip Kelly’s transgressions as Chip divided not only the locker room but the entire facet of football operations.  Lurie and Howie needed to fix the mess, so we hired a puppet in Doug that would help heal the wounds from Chip.

Doug is a good man, but he’s not worthy of being an NFL head coach at this point in his career – if ever.

Do with that what you will.

  The media

I am no LeGarrette Blount fan. Of this you may be aware. But what the Eagles media did to him yesterday was shameful. Regardless of whether or not he proves to be a bust, Blount was criminally underused yesterday. Getting one touch in a close near-defensive slugfest is simply inexcusable. He had every right to be upset, but I thought he handled himself quite well after the game:

LeGarrette Blount says he cant remember last time he didnt get any carries

"Thats how the game went"#Eagles🦅 http://pic.twitter.com/oV8P8qIpoe

— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 17, 2017

This is why players hate the media. The assembled beat reporters were trying to extract something that wasn’t there, and extract a pull-out quote they did indeed:

LeGarrette Blount on his role in the #Eagles offense after 1 touch: 'Ask Doug Pederson, I can't predict the future': https://t.co/MdeHM29YvO

— Matt Lombardo (@MattLombardoPHL) September 17, 2017

The media is desirous to turn Blount into a malcontent. Perhaps he’ll become one. But that’s not what he was yesterday (at least publicly), and it’s not what he was with the Patriots, as evidenced by this interaction with Robert Kraft in Katie Nolan’s excellent ring ceremony video:

The media reached yesterday.

  No handshake

Two brutal gaffs by FOX yesterday:

Not showing Travis Kelce’s unsportsmanlike conduct that led to a certified lashing from the Fat Man.

Not showing the post-game handshake between Andy Reid and Doug Pederson. How does that happen? It was like the biggest layup in the history of TV production since using the wide shot on FOX News anchors.

At least CSN got Brotherly Love:

❤️video of @JasonKelce @tkelce jersey exhange from @TheRealHinser

"Now Im going to be upset the rest of my life"http://pic.twitter.com/KMWRdG5W0e

— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 17, 2017

Giants next week. Thumbtack.

  Bird Droppings: Can’t Hold It published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[flauntpage]

Biscuits! Lozo and DGB on Vegas Expansion, Bad Deals Waiting to Happen

This article originally appeared on VICE Sports Canada.

The following is from an email exchange between Dave Lozo and Sean McIndoe (Down Goes Brown). Each month they will talk some nonsense and debate the biggest topics in the NHL in our monthly review. You can also check out the Biscuits podcast with Sean and Dave as they discuss the events of the week.

Hi Dave...

Welcome to summer. After eight months of hockey, the season is over and we're officially on to the offseason. And in theory, it should be an especially entertaining one. With an expansion draft less than a week away and a bunch of trades, buyouts and other maneuvering that presumably has to happen before then, we could be looking at one of the busier weeks in recent history.

So my first question is: Am I just getting my hopes up here? Is there any chance the next week lives up to the hype?

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Lozo: The next week will be a lot like the Ottawa Senators in the playoffs. It will involve a lot average players in the spotlight getting a lot of attention but ultimately it will let you down in the end. Remember the Teravainen/Bickell trade? Packaging a good player with a bad deal? That'll be the height of it. A bunch of those moves. A couple buyouts. A non-expansion trade that will be decent.

Marc-Andre Fleury going to Vegas should be the biggest expansion story, but there's no way the Knights hang on to him, right? They have to flip him to Calgary or somewhere else.

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DGB: The cynic in me wonders if the whole "Marc-Andre Fleury is the greatest teammate ever" victory tour that's broken out over the past few days might at least be a partial case of the Penguins working to create a market. Sure, his numbers aren't great, but if he's Mark Messier in goalie gear, surely some team that values heart and grit over performance would be willing to pay up. And yes, that team would be Calgary.

The flip side is that the Penguins have four decent defensemen and probably only three protection slots. So it's plausible that they decide to just let the Knights take Fleury so that they don't have to worry about the rest of their roster. I guess it all comes down to where they can find the most value.

Speaking of value, or whatever the opposite of value would be: Dan Girardi. The Rangers announced they are buying him out. You're a New York guy... is this remotely a surprise?

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Lozo: Not in the least. Girardi hasn't been good in quite some time and Rangers fans will wonder forever if they could have contended again in 2015 if they had let Girardi walk and signed Anton Stralman instead. I mean, they contended. They got to a conference final Game 7 and lost to the Lightning… and Stralman.

There's a great teammate vibe about Girardi, too. But while Fleury had value, Girardi hasn't had value since maybe 2014. Girardi is the poster boy for the new NHL in terms of defenseman who can start breakouts and analytics. It's funny that Girardi types are being phased out of the game faster than fighters.

Now the Rangers have freed some more room for Kevin Shattenkirk, who should help carry the Rangers to maybe the second round again.

You know what's weird? The notion the Preds can't lose James Neal. If it creates room to sign a No. 2 center, that's good because they need that more than a scoring winger.

---

DGB: I'm guess I'm OK with the Predators thing only because their season just ended, and they came so close to winning the Cup. If anyone should be allowed to overrate their existing assets, it's probably them.

But yeah, the rest of this league is getting ridiculous. All these GMs who are about to lose their 14th best player and seem to think it's the end of the world. You know how many players each team lost in the 1967 expansion draft? Twenty! Each! I am using exclamation points! Today's GMs don't have to make trades and get magic bonus points for losing, and somehow they're still here having panic attacks because they might have to part with Jay Beagle.

In related news, Tyler Graovac just got traded, so buckle up because now anything can happen.

---

Lozo: I own a Graovac. It's great for big spills and sucking up crumbs between the couch cushions.

Glad we were doing this for that trade but what about what is now the second-biggest news of the day? The Habs have spotted the problem and now working on the trade that will solve their issues—getting rid of Alex Galchenyuk.

The Habs are PlayNow and Marc Bergevin is George Costanza. First the Subban trade and now he's looking to move Galchenyuk. You can't tell me he's not trying to get himself fired so he can collect his entire contract instead of a severance. If he deals Carey Price for Fleury the world will know I'm right.

---

DGB: Ha, Price for Fleury, good one. That would be a terrible deal for Montreal, and the only reason Bergevin would ever consider it is because Fleury is a leader and has two Cups and is french and oh my God he's going to do it, isn't he?

Marc Bergevin, a man you can count on to make a bad deal. Photo by Graham Hughes/The Canadian Press

The weird thing with Galchenyuk is that Montreal seems absolutely convinced that he can't play center, even though his numbers there have been pretty good. He's only 23, so you'd figure they might want to give him some time to settle into the position. But apparently they've seen enough, and since they need help at center and he apparently can't play there, he's the trade bait to get a top-six guy.

The other rumor going around today was a Galchenyuk-for-Jonathan-Drouin trade with the Habs potentially kicking in a first. That would be some kind of trade, although Drouin isn't a center so it doesn't seem like a fit. Maybe Montreal just thinks everyone in the league is playing the wrong position.

Other than Montreal, which team is the most likely to make a terrible decision over the next week or two?

---

Lozo: Yeah, it's gonna be a great day in 2018 when someone in Montreal writes, without a hit of irony, that the Canadiens need a No. 1 D and C to build around.

I could see George McPhee getting fleeced. When in doubt, look to the guy who fired Bruce Boudreau and traded Filip Forsberg for Martin Erat. He will take on a bad contract but not get enough along with it. Or he will choose the wrong guys off teams. Or he won't get enough in trades for guys he flips. McPhee feels like a lock for about five bad moves.

Also Boston. The Bruins will screw up something.

---

DGB: Pencil me in for the Avalanche not getting enough for Matt Duchene but feeling like they have to trade him anyway. Plus anyone who trades for Brent Seabrook. (If that team ends up being the Maple Leafs, you will never see me on this site again because I will have quit caring about hockey forever.)

Speaking of trades, according to Pierre Lebrun, the NHL has asked all 31 teams to make sure that none of the trades they might make with Vegas leak out before next Wednesday. Help me find the logic in this. It should go without saying that you want to prevent the actual expansion picks from leaking out—we covered this in the early days of the podcast. But wouldn't you want fans to hear about trades in advance? Isn't that the appetizer that gets everyone even more excited for the big reveal? I know I say this a lot, but I don't understand what the NHL is thinking here.

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Lozo: If there's a way for the NHL to shoot itself in the face, the NHL will find a way. I guess it's a competitive edge thing for Vegas, but wouldn't the other teams not want Vegas to have that edge and then leak things out? Like, say if I'm a team that made a deal to shed a bad contract and it feels like I paid a lot for them to take that contract, wouldn't I want that price out there so my competitors pay it?

Also, I too want to choose the Duchene thing. That's going to happen.

But back to the Vegas thing, I guess the thinking is fans get to spend Sunday-Wednesday playing around with protected lists, and that's their fun. Then they see the reveal and it's like the lottery drawing and you can see how many players you got right. And now that I'm typing here, we should do that. A contest where you see the protected lists, then guess at the roster with trades that you think will happen, too.

This stuff will all leak anyway.

---

DGB: Right, but that's exactly it. If I see my favorite team's protected list and spend three days obsessing over who they'll lose, only to find out they cut a side deal a week ago that I never heard about, I've just been strung along. I don't feel like "Hey, what a fun reveal"—I feel like I wasted my time.

If it's about helping Vegas, well, it's not the league's job to help one team over the rest of the league. And if it's about protecting GMs from finding out they paid more on a side deal than some other team did, then it's yet another case of the league being more worried about the feelings of their GMs than about their own fans. I can't figure out an option where it makes any sense.

Other than the face-shooting thing. I should probably just go with that one. Occam's Raisin and all that.

Speaking of side deals we'll never hear about because the NHL hates us, my favorite rumor is the one that has the Knights agreeing to take David Clarkson in exchange for a first-round pick and/or top prospect. Are there any other realistic scenarios where McPhee and the Knights can get a first-round pick from someone? Maybe the Ducks and their blueline?

---

Lozo: They can get a lot of first rounders, I think. I will be the first person to use bullet points in one of these exchanges to show why and how this can happen.

1. It's a weak draft. Teams won't be clinging to them.

b. If you're a win-now team with a bad deal and late pick, you could package those to entice Vegas.

iii. If you have too many good players, you can use a first rounder to get Vegas to not pick your Vatanen or Neal.

If I'm McPhee, I'm punting this year and doing everything to stockpile picks like it's the Bay of Pigs and I'm filling up the bomb shelter with canned goods.

Wait, we are sorta living in a modern time version of this. I'll update the metaphor later.

How about we are this deep into one of our engrossing conversations and we haven't talked about Ilya Kovalchuk coming back yet? We saw what Alex Radulov could do and there doesn't seem to be any excitement about getting a player that was better than Radulov back in the NHL.

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DGB: I wonder if fans are a little worn out on the Kovalchuk story, since we've heard rumors of him coming back pretty much every year since he left. There seems to be way more smoke this time around, but it could be a "believe it when I see it" type of thing. Still, if it's confirmed that he's really back this time, that should make for a fascinating trade watch. Between this and the first pick, the Devils have a real chance to remake their team.

Let's close with one more offseason question. One year ago, we would have said it was unlikely that PK Subban or Taylor Hall would get traded, and that Shea Weber being dealt was outright impossible. A few days later, they'd all be moved. Who would you pick as this year's superstar that doesn't seem like he could be dealt, but ends up getting moved in a blockbuster at some point?

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Lozo: Patrick Kane. He's young and in his prime but the Blackhawks are in cap jail (they get locked up every other year) and Kane is, well, garbage. Trade him while he has value and isn't currently being investigated for any felonies.

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DGB: Wow. You're not messing around. I thought I was going to be going out on a limb with my John Tavares take, but now that seems kind of wimpy.

Could we see another offseason of blockbuster trades? Photo by Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports

Any last thoughts before we wrap this up, hit send, and immediately hear about four major trades that make the entire thing outdated and unprintable?

---

Lozo: I'll just cover some possible bases so the news doesn't make this outdated:

1. That secret video footage of referees partying with the Penguins at the parade is really damaging to the NHL.

2. David Poile convincing PK Subban to have his voice box removed is crazy and sets a bad precedent.

3. Jaromir Jagr agreeing to terms with Vegas is great.

4. Carey Price asking for a trade is the best thing for him.

Biscuits! Lozo and DGB on Vegas Expansion, Bad Deals Waiting to Happen published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv