#bc I have been thinking a lot about how their responses to trauma move in opposite directions and it's really interesting

[ambrosiagourmet]

Rin holds people at arm's length because she knows how easily she can lose them. Kabru holds people at arm's length because he has a purpose that he is already prepared to die for. They both already know this about each other. And yet.

[spacelazarwolf]

saw a post that gave me an eye twitch so i’m gonna break it down and analyze it bc i feel like it exemplifies a lot of what’s wrong with gentile discourse on i/p rn.

1. yeah, it is awful that zionist institutions and leadership use jewish trauma to justify why diaspora jews should unquestioningly support the current state of israel, regardless of the atrocities it commits against palestinians.

2. "israel is not your bube who survived the shoah" i don't know how to explain to you how fucking callous this sentence is.

3. for better or worse, israel did save jewish people. nearly a million jews from the swana region and 24,000 from ethiopia fled there after experiencing extreme violence and discrimination. you really think america or europe would have taken in a million black and brown jews? have you seen the current state of immigration?

4. "how do you argue with someone when their idea of israel is so rooted in their family trauma?" you don't. you validate their fears, make them feel heard, and then you offer them alternatives. the vast majority of diaspora support for israel is based in fear of persecution and eradication. if you offer real, legitimate solutions for the safety of diaspora jews, i guarantee you will be a thousand times more successful than just screaming at them and telling them "who fucking cares about your holocaust survivor bubbe????"

5. "how do you possibly tell them that the holocaust isn't relevant?" you don't, because it is. nearly 500,000 holocaust survivors moved to or were sent to israel after the shoah. some did not have a choice of where they were sent, some tried to go back to where they were living before but had no money and gentiles had taken their houses and belongings so they had nowhere to go, many faced violence upon trying to return to their hometowns in the form of pogroms, several countries turned them away. you cannot say the holocaust is not relevant to the current israeli population because gentiles in the diaspora are the reason they're there.

6. "i'm so tired of centering jewish identity in discussions over a nation state." are you stupid? genuinely, are you stupid? do you really not see how jewish identity and the history of the jewish people factor into a state with a fucking star of david on the flag that was founded after a genocide of 6 million jews that the rest of the world didn't want to deal with? seriously? no, jews in the diaspora are not responsible for the actions of the israeli government. we aren't more loyal to israel than we are to wherever we're living. but to say that israel has nothing to do with the jewish people is frankly laughable.

7. "how do you say that without sounding invalidating? like that just sounds horrible and antisemitic." that's because it is. you are being horrible and antisemitic.

edited to add: NUCLEAR SUPERPOWER?????????????????????????????? HELLO??????????????????????????

so please for the love of fuck educate yourself on the history of the jewish people and the history of the state of israel before making stupid ass posts like this. israel didn't manifest out of nowhere, it didn't come from "jewish supremacy" it came from hundreds of thousands of jews who were at their wit's fucking end with antisemitism in the diaspora, and from britain's colonization and imperialism paired with it's complete and total disregard for anyone who wasn't racially and culturally white. the monster that is modern day political zionism is a creation of the world's own making. people have been posting a lot about hamas being a response to 70+ years of israeli occupation, violence, and apartheid, but don't seem to understand that israel is a response to 3000+ years of persecution, expulsion, and genocide. the massacres and terror committed by hamas don't take into account the wellbeing of palestinians, and the oppression and violence perpetuated by the israeli government don't take into account the wellbeing of jews in israel or in the diaspora.

nothing will change if gentiles in the diaspora do not take responsibility for the rest of the world's role in the creation of israel. research your country, learn about how they treated their jews (not just during the holocaust but from the moment there were jews in your country), talk to your local jewish population, ask how you and organizations you are part of can help keep the diaspora safe for jews. because as an american jew, i don't want to move to israel. the government is borderline fascist, non ashki non orthodox jews are often seen as second class citizens, i don't speak the language, and my life is here. a lot of diaspora jews feel this way. but every time i see another group of nazis at a rally or get another bomb threat at my synagogue and look to see which country would be safest to move to as a trans person and as a jew, the only answer is israel, which is exactly what zionist institutions and leadership are counting on. if you want that to change, you and your community have to change it.

[astropookie]

planets on your IC and your traumas

aot

don’t take this seriously pls. these are general observations, depends on the aspects, degrees and your whole chart to be more specific.

mars on IC: in your childhood you’ve watched a lot of fights and then love gestures -like kisses and hugs-. you saw your parents/people who lived with you being really unstable and contradicting in their actions. you could have felt really worried of how impatient they were and how they suddenly they acted like they did nothing. that’s why you’re so cautious/defensive about others response.

sun on IC: you could have looked a lot for your family’s acceptance. you could have felt the need to mold your personality according to your family’s wishes. a mother figure could have been more present. you could have been overprotected or too shy to socialize. you easily run out of your social battery. major introvert.

moon on IC: in your childhood one of your parents/loved ones could have not gave you what you needed to feel emotionally secure. you didn’t feel understood or seen when your were a child. mother could have been too focused on their child’s life. strong emotional connection with mother. you could have felt too much and bottled it up -depends on other placements-.

venus on IC: you idealize your family and home, you focus on how it should be bc you’re scared of change in relationship terms. you tend to lean on and keep relationships -friendship, romantic, family, etc.- that had been in your life for a long time, doesn’t matter if they’re toxic, just bc it’s more “easy”, “comfortable” or you tell yourself “it has always been like this why would I change it” -something like that-.

neptune on IC: your childhood’s environment wasn’t the best. you could have felt alone, as if the people/parents who lived with you weren’t there. they gave you too much freedom or one of your parents were absent -emotionally, physically-. you could have felt the need to lock yourself in your own world to not see what was happening in reality. didn’t felt connected to your family or home. you kinda wish to not have raised yourself.

uranus on IC: there was always something happening in your childhood. you could have felt you didn’t have a home even though you had one. your parent could have been eccentric -or pretty normal- or had “rare” habits compare to others. or you could be the eccentric one in your family. could have felt like an outsider. like jupiter on IC, you could have moved around a lot but bc of an unstable household.

pluto on IC: there was/is a lot of tension in your home. you were domineering by your parents/people who lived with you and you tended to shut up and let them be. your parents or siblings could have abused their power and used it against you or for their benefit. even though your home’s toxic you care so much for the people who live there. you have a strong bond with your family. there’s so much control coming from your parents.

jupiter on IC: you could have changed houses a lot and bc of that had to adapt to different cultures -open minded-. your parents had/have a lot of influence in your life, they could be the reason you had a high quality education. you need to have a busy social life to rest from your parents. you could have a different mentality comparing to the ones on your household. issues with parents -depends on the aspect but mostly-.

mercury on IC: your beliefs are highly influenced by your family. your family’s values have a high influence in your decisions. you could have spent a lot of time thinking about your family dynamic -mercury can represent were’s your mind at-. you could have been a curious child. also pretty anxious. you could have being criticized constantly in your household and as a kid you could have criticized yourself too.

saturn on IC: you could have felt you couldn’t trust your parents. strict household. your parents could have been too harsh on you and didn’t provide emotional security. they had a lot of expectations towards you and that’s why you could have felt frustrated when you didn’t achieve what they wanted. you could have taken care of responsibilities that you werent supposed to took care of at a very young age.

extras

taurus IC: everyone had to have the last word and where stubborn asf -when I remember my childhood-.

virgo IC: too analytical and were really strict, parents or the ones who lived with you were looking for what you’ve done “wrong” or out of the line.

mars retrograde transit square natal mercury: short-tempered, that’s it. I was feeling too much out of nowhere, didn’t know where all this bothersome came from. MY MIND PLS. in a situation, all my overthinking thoughts, my traumas, my anxiety, gets triggered and or I get mad and anxious bc i ran into conclusions without thinking, as if every situation pushes a bottom that reminds me of something from the past and I get in an alert mode. like BISH STAWP why are you being so defensive 😭

(*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ/ᐠ - ˕ -マ.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ♡ ⋆ ˖ ݁ . ₍^⸝⸝> ·̫ <⸝⸝ ^₎ ༘⋆૮꒰ྀི⸝⸝> . <⸝⸝꒱ྀིა ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ ૮₍˶ •. • ⑅₎ა

♡ Based on personal experience and what I’ve analyzed in my surroundings.

♡ English is not my first language.

♡ I’m not a profesional astrologer.

Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋

Do not copy. Please give me credits.

[vampirevatican]

I have a new idea!! If you will all the brothers or whoever you want with a partner who flinch/panic a lot despite no previous acts of abuse. Like he raises his hand to give a high five and she ducks just bc and can’t really explain why when ask and he’s concerned.

Brought to you by my brother saying”if lumi gets a partner, they’re going to think she’s been abused before bc I was just flinging water at her and she flinched HARD.”

You’ve seen me do it a few times. I PROMISE I’m fine <3

and bestie it concerns me every time

Lucifer and Satan would try to get to the bottom of it. The main difference with them though is reactions.

Lucifer is confused, but also re-evaluating if he's actually that harsh. He's never punished you the way he did his brother's but it's making him think about that, especially with how hard he is on Mammon (with good reason). The first time there's an awkward silence and he's just staring you down before deciding to just be extremely gentle and careful with you from now on.

Satan on the other hand is re-evaluating his wrath. He hasn't gotten furious with you since that time him and lucifer switched bodies. And he's made it a point to walk away or shut down any conversation that would fuel his wrath before he says or does something he'd regret. He definitely instantly thinks it's just a common fear reflex in humans but solomon has never done it, and observing other humans it varies. His take away? You have a fragile fear response and it is his job to make sure he doesn't trigger it.

Mammon and Beelzebub are soothing you, trying to understand it, and maybe cutting off high fives or sudden movements all together.

Beel is instantly concerned and is apologizing profusely. He is a pretty big guy and a gentle giant but what if he actually hurt you! He'd never want that so from now own it's low fives, slowly and carefully opening his arms for a hug, slowly raising his hand to gently pat your head. Every move is careful and steady, despite your instance on you being fine.

Mammon may be stupid, but he's not dumb. No more high fives or hair ruffles. Instead he makes it a point to just verbally compliment you or express his excitement and gratitude. Only when you initiate a high five or want head pats then he'll oblige.

Leviathan gets it. let me have this, hear me out! i, for one, think he gets it because he's also a bit jumpy. look at this wet rag of an otaku loner and tell me he doesn't receive occasional jump scares when it comes to praise, positive or playfull interactions.

Levi, doesn't question you on it. He just registers it and moves on by giving you verbal praise instead. Sure he's a blushing mess and maybe it's muttered but he does it. From now on either you initiate or her verbally says what he's about to do.

Asmodeus and Belphegor would want to fight whoever is responsible for causing their sheep to respond this way. But after understanding that it literally just happens they, like some of the others, cut out any quick physical forms of positive interactions. However, they replace it with hugs or simply holding you.

Asmo will clock it instantly and immediately start holding you, patting your hair, telling you it's okay. Oh it's not a trauma response? But you... ohhh maybe he just startled you. Still he's very sorry and opting to never surprise you like that again.

Belphie looks at you confused and tries it again, but taking a 'cat about to hit something stance' before being concerned. Honestly he was just testing it. If it's not trauma and you didn't flinch the second time then what is it? Eh, either way he now just drapes his arms around your shoulders from behind and uses your head as a pillow. (or if you're taller your shoulder and his arm)

[extremely-judgemental]

People like to argue that Cassian showed his love through actions, not words, in ACOSF, so no 'I love you' is fine. But, if actions over words is the theme of ACOSF, then what about Nesta's actions from like, acomaf onwards? Even her encouragement of Feyre to be with the man/fae she loves, and to do what she thinks is right, in ACOTAR, right before under the mountain? I suppose none of that matters then. Oh, also what about Rhysand's actions in prostituting Nesta to Eris, or keeping the pregnancy from Feyre, or laughing at Nesta being punished for something Feyre forgave her for pretty much instantly? Some sjm fans need to get their heads out of their asses.

That’s a lot to address! You just pointed out everything I hate about SF and this fandom. (I’m trying so hard not to rant but sorry😅)

People like to argue that Cassian showed his love through actions, not words, in ACOSF, so no 'I love you' is fine.

It’s interesting how they instantly came up with this justification when these books are romances. The entire plot leading up to that one ‘I love you’ in the end is the point of a romance. When half of the plot is sex and their attraction to each other, how can one accept the MC not saying the three words to the FC (which most of them are imprinting on) even once? These reasons are similar to abuse victim talk, ‘X doesn’t say it but he takes care of me’, ‘X can be a bit rude but at least he doesn’t hit me’, ‘We don’t get along much but at least he doesn’t leave me cold at nights’. This is what Nesta is doing at the end of SF, and also the BC of HOSAF with Ember (I haven’t read it, so fact check that). If throughout the book, Cassian had supported her, took her side, cared for her, been gentle and kind with her, okay, no words are needed, but he openly flamed her insecurities with ‘I don’t know how anyone could love you’. It’s pivotal moment in Nesta’s journey and their relationship which is completely dismissed. Nesta is grovelling for his affection while Cassian is declaring his love for Rhysand instead. I’m sorry, that only happens if the guy comes out and says he’s gay for his bff. Also, let’s not forget this is a guy who is supposed to be emotionally adept and expressive. (I have so many thoughts on this and Cassian’s behaviour but I want to keep this answer about Nesta.)

But, if actions over words is the theme of ACOSF, then what about Nesta's actions from like, acomaf onwards?

I completely agree with you. ‘Action speaks louder than words’ apply to Nesta more than anyone else in the story. Even Feyre does most of the sacrificial acts because of her trauma response. Ignoring the new details added in SF because stans argue those were only included to uplift Nesta, there are many moments to prove this.

1. Nesta takes care of the household. It’s her duty but she has no resentment towards her sisters for not helping her. She even dotes on Elain and that takes a lot of strength for a child.

2. She starves herself to force her father into being a parent. It’s not a selfish act to get burdens off her shoulders, it’s her way of getting her father’s attention so her sisters don’t starve to death.

3. She has a terrible encounter with a mercenary in the past and still lurks close to Feyre afraid to leave her alone with one when she could have bolted.

4. She throws herself in front of Elain when the beast shows up in the hovel.

5. She goes to the Wall looking for Feyre alone with a mercenary (whom she doesn’t trust). At this point, Elain and her father are under the glamour. If she’d died, no one would know how or why.

6. She broke off her relationship because Tomas wouldn’t care for Elain or look for Feyre with her. She puts her family first.

7. The first thing she does when Feyre returns from SC is apologise to her. She’s the one to make the first move to fix their relationship. Knowing Feyre loves to paint, she asks her to teach her. She could have suggested reading or dancing which she enjoys but she puts her sister’s interests first.

8. She encourages Feyre to pursue a life and love with Tamlin knowing her sister isn’t happy in the mortal lands anymore.

9. Her only request in exchange for helping Feyre/IC is to protect Elain. After they are transformed, she sacrifices her own healing to care for her sister and ensuring no one traumatises her more.

10. High Lords meeting, scrying was all so Elain was left out of the war. She wants revenge on Hybern because he hurt Elain and destroyed her life. She isn’t even thinking of what was done to her.

11. She abandons the plan of getting to the Cauldron because she sensed Cassian is in danger, also exposing her location to Hybern who’s been looking for her.

12. She throws herself over Cassian knowing she’ll be killed but still does it anyway. ‘I’d rather die with you than see you die’ (Like come on! You have to be blind not to see this and still take the man child’s side.)

13. She leaves River House because she doesn’t want to burden her sisters. It’s what Feyre always wanted, her exact words in ACOTAR were ‘another mouth to feed’ which is what Nesta is trying to avoid.

14. She scries again when she’s afraid of her powers so that Elain can stay away from the Cauldron.

15. She stands up against anyone who disrespects Cassian, Elain or Feyre.

16. She saves Emerie and Gwyneth in the Blood Rite knowing she’ll probably die.

17. Her love for Cassian is so strong that when she believes he died, she unleashes her powers which she kept hidden until then. (Her powers are new too and this woman never lost control and hurt anyone unlike Rhysand, Tamlin, Feyre.)

18. She sacrifices her powers to save Feyre and her child—a power she stole as a vengeance, a power that’s part of her—because her sister is worth more than all that. For this, she makes a bargain with the Cauldron which she has spited more than once and is afraid of.

These are her specific acts of love and not ‘it’s the right thing to do’ or ‘my sister wants it’. If there’s anyone who’s proved their love in healthy way in this series, it’s Nesta. There’s no condition for her love or limits. She’s unapologetic and fiercely protective of the ones she truly cares about. Also, despite being reserved, she expresses her love and admits her mistakes in words—with Feyre, Cassian, her friends.

Oh, also what about Rhysand's actions in prostituting Nesta to Eris, or keeping the pregnancy from Feyre, or laughing at Nesta being punished for something Feyre forgave her for pretty much instantly?

These stans don’t even hide their hypocrisy. When Rhysand/Feyre/IC do something, their ‘reasons’ count and so their actions can be overlooked. When it’s anyone else, they should be judged on their acts alone. Pick a fucking side already. Nesta considers selling her body for money to care for her sisters—that’s gross. Rhysand sells Nesta to Eris without even hinting at it to anyone, not Feyre, not the WOMAN INVOLVED—feminist king giving power to women. Rhysand endangers Feyre with pregnancy—‘he cares about her!’ Is he the one going to labour? Is it his body growing a killer spawn inside? Is it his body going to tear itself apart to let that child out or bleed to death? ‘Oh, but he didn’t want to put pressure on her’ More than finding out the child is going to kill her when the hormones are riding high and she’s on the brink of labour?

And Nesta being punished is ridiculous. Who is Feyre to forgive Nesta in the first place when it was Nesta making meals for her and doing chores? All Feyre did was hunt and paint, she says so herself. Anyone who hunts knows you can’t and shouldn’t do it everyday as it’s not good for kill. So Feyre was doing nothing on some days and still didn’t know how to do chores? If Nesta deserves Feyre’s forgiveness, Feyre should apologise too and make up for treating her sisters like maids.

AND why does Nesta need Rhysand’s forgiveness? I have sisters too and we have broken up with guys for far less than this shit. It’s not romantic. It’s a red flag and a sign of immaturity, manipulation and abuse. It shows the guy is incapable of seeing perspectives and understanding others who aren’t directly related to him or beneficial to him. That he might very well isolate you from the ones who truly and deeply know you so that you’re left with no one else but him. No woman will sit around and watch her sister get punished by a man for something that happened between them unless she hates her sister and is indirectly feeding off of it.

This fandom is toxic af. If they sat down with their grandmothers, mothers, aunts, sisters, girl friends and had an honest talk, they will see how similar all these are to the ABUSE they live with. Nesta’s story is very close to my heart even if I hate to admit it. Not because I loved the book or even Nesta, but it’s the story of the women in my family and the one my cousins and my sisters are trying to avoid. Whenever anyone romanticises Nessian relationship, it’s hard to hate/be angry with these girls when I know some of them will live this and that’s when they will face the harsh reality. It doesn’t matter how hot Cassian is, how hot their sex is, none of it matters when he doesn’t care or even respect a woman for than her body.

[blitzwhore]

That ask you got made me realize that Blitzø and Stolas both show 4 of those 5 responses at various points, which I think is very interesting. I really never thought about it before but that's actually pretty impressive bc it never seems "out of character" for them. I think Blitzø leans more towards fight tho we see a lot of fawning from him too, and I think Stolas leans more towards fawn but I guess Blitzø really did make him feel braver bc he shows a lot of fight too.

Fight: Blitzø in FM ballroom + after Striker steals the phone from Stolas + both fighting with and saving Fizz in Oops // Stolas confronting Stella on his balcony + most of his interactions with Striker in WE + most of his scenes in Truth Seekers

Flight: Blitzø avoiding Stolas once things got complicated + not giving Fizz the love letter // Stolas in FM hallway + trying to escape Striker in the café

Fawn: Blitzø to the client in Murder Family + in FM bedroom + trying to talk to Loona in Seeing Stars about her people skills // Stolas when Blitzø comments on his Ozzie's outfit + to Stella in LLL + in a lot of his texts to Blitzø post-Ozzie's

Freeze: both freeze up in Ozzie's + potentially Stolas in the FM ballroom bc we don't see him move except to flinch until the very end but that might just be him forcing himself to stop running

Listing it out like that also made me realize that those two spend a good chunk of the series some degree of scared, nervous, or feeling unsafe. These poor guys 😭😭

Yeah, once you start to think about how present their trauma is in their lives, you can't help but notice that they're both extremely traumatised and broken people. It's really sad, and really well done, in my opinion.

I really like how complex they both are and how many different symptoms of trauma they show—both survival reactions like the ones listed here, and just their thoughts and fears and how they handle their relationships.

What's really interesting and compelling to me is how similar they are despite how different their lives have been. And how the more episodes come out, the more obvious this becomes.

Like, up until now, we knew that Stolas often fawned to keep the peace for fear of being a burden or making others uncomfortable, like he did in his text messages to Blitz, and in Ozzie's when he immediately agreed to leave when Blitz said so. And we knew that Blitz hated himself, that his biggest fear was dying alone, that he couldn't even bear to look at his own face in pictures.

And then, in The Full Moon, we get Blitz going into an extremely childish and heartbreaking fawn spiral with his "I can always do better", making himself smaller, smiling, wagging his tail. And we get Stolas covering every single picture (and item) in his house, and then taking the time to uncover Via so she's visible, but not himself. And we get Stolas terrified of dying alone.

And to me, this conveys really well how no one's trauma is worse than others', how no traumatised person is more or less broken or hurt than the rest, how there's no "lesser" trauma. How traumatised people can't be neatly divided into "people who become sensitive and weak" and "people who develop thick skin". How your trauma may present differently and uniquely depending on the circumstances, but deep down the truth is always that you were deeply hurt, and you can't bear to be hurt again, and your life has become a constant cycle of trying (and failing, due to self-fulfilled prophecies) to avoid going through that pain again.

Truly, masterfully done ❤️

[all-for-the-game-confessions]

Omg lolol shit’s getting wild abt the Thea Kevin Jean argument

This is longer than I intended to make it but oh well

TW for mentions of rape and rape culture, and the to some perceived as wilful ignorance of those close to rape victims (mind you: I do not mean to say they are actually wilfully ignorant, merely that some may interpret it that way).

Also trigger warning for a very unpopular opinion at the end and a perhaps patronising tone occasionally (I am in fact aware of this and not in the mood to change it. Sometimes I want to emulate that annoying condescending bitch vibe. Go suck a dick about it.)

Lets start first with: trauma isn’t comparable and shouldn’t ever be. It’s like comparing apples with pears: a pear cannot be the best apple and the apple cannot be the best pear, they are simply not the same. Every person is different, has different circumstances, different interpretations, different reactions. To compare one person to the other is just plain stupid.

Now that that’s established, let’s move on to the next point: Everyone in a cult is a victim, except for the leader. There are certainly those that should be held responsible for their actions, but in the end, they too are victims, no matter how horrible and selfish their actions. Thea, unlike what many people think, was NOT aware of the abuse Jean and Kevin went through. This is IN CANON confirmed by Jean as he says that he and Kevin did their very best to hide Riko’s abuse from the other Ravens. Thea would not have known that Jean was raped, and if she knew that he was 16 y/o she likely wouldn’t have seen him having sex with the backliners because there was in fact a borderline rape culture in the nest in which everyone fucked everyone mostly to get rid of frustrations they couldn’t let interfere in their game on the court. To Thea, it would not have been that weird as Jean and the backliners were already on bad terms and sex was just way to vent that. Upon reflection she might realise that it was fucked up, but with no outside contact and thus no way to compare her current situation with reality, it was extremely unlikely for her to think too deep on it.

Now on to the Thea hate reasons. It’s stupid to make up a moral reasoning for your dislike of a character. I think many people feel as if simply disliking someone is not enough and they need to justify themselves toward the crowd and moral reasoning is a very effective tool in some cases. I also don’t think anyone is purposefully making up misinformation about Thea just to use that as moral reasoning for their dislike, I think they are simply misremembering and haven’t bothered to double check. I do condemn them for thinking Nora would let one of the most important characters in the story be endgame with a groomer. Like…… come on.

I also don’t think people necessarily hate Thea because of race. I think a lot of people didn’t know that Muldani was a SE Asian surname, myself included, and I don’t think when they saw her described as black/dark skinned they purposefully and consciously decided that was the reason they were going to hate her. I think the anon that accused people of disliking her bc of race didn’t mean it like this but the accusing tone makes it sound as if they do think that

Now if we’re talking about SUBCONSCIOUSLY disliking her due to her race OR her gender That is very much possible. Racism and misogyny are subtle like that. If you want to see if you have any of this subtle stuff in your brain, your best take with Thea is likely comparing her to other characters you do like who have similar dynamics or traits and then asking why you don’t like them in Thea. This is probably also what that anon meant but they worded it a bit unfortunate. I am a very positive thinker as you may have noticed. Anyway. Take Jean and Renee, they have a four year age gap (Neil mentions in Trk that Nicky was 23 and the second oldest in the team after Renee, meaning Renee is 23 or older. This is either during Nicky’s trauma dump moment in the library, or earlier when he tells the upperclassmen and Neil abt the twins’ backstory). If you still like Jeannee regardless, ask yourself why you don’t like it with Kevin and Thea. If you don’t ship Jean and Renee, then Jean and Jeremy, they have a 3 year age gap.

If you don’t like that Thea ‘acts’ as if she doesn’t know Jean was raped, then why do you find it okay that Kevin doesn’t know. Because it’s said in canon? Kevin was more aware of Riko’s cruelty, Thea had to be shown Jean to be convinced by Kevin that Riko or Tetsuji or any of the Ravens (as she didn’t know who had broken Kevin’s hand) that Kevin’s hand wasn’t an accident. If you can forgive Kevin for his ignorance, why can’t you extend the same courtesy to Thea? If you don’t find a good answer for those questions or any similar to them, ask yourself why that is. If you still don’t like Thea that’s still completely fucking valid. You don’t have to like her. She wasn’t exactly presented as a beautiful and kind goddess with the sun shining perfectly behind her (Do not interpret that sentence as me saying Thea or black women aren’t beautiful kind goddesses, leave those ideas behind in Delululand. Thea was just not presented as such. Significant difference. ) and you’re allowed to dislike or even hate characters without any solid reason for it, just beware that it’s not your subconscious talking

Which brings me to my next point.

I am fully neutral on Andrew and Renee. I don’t mind them as characters and I don’t mind them in certain ships with characters I do like, I just don’t care for them at all.

So let’s make our next discussion topic: why is Riko more interesting than Andrew and Renee combined? I don’t ship him with anyone, in fact, I ship Andrew and Renee far more with people than I ever will with Riko but something about him is just so so so fascinating. Like a car accident so horrible and wild that you need to know all the physics about it, everything that happened every minute leading up until the moment of the present, in which you are left with a gruesome wreckage of a character. I wanna carve him apart inspect every piece of him and where it comes from and how it echoes through the expanse of time. He had no control over anything in his life so is that why he hurt Kevin and Jean so much? Only his sadism seems so superficial. He calls himself a king and yet he was a puppet. How much of him is his inferiority complex, how much is love and how do those he love fit into his worldview and how much does he want to be loved? Is he a sociopath? A narcissist? A normal boy taught the wrong thing? Could he have been different had he not lived with Tetsuji? If Tetsuji had never mentioned to Kengo that he wanted Kevin and thus Kayleigh was still alive, how would being alone in the Nest have been for Riko? How would his relationship with Nathaniel and Jean been different without Kevin. Why is he nice in front of the team? Why is it that only Kevin and Jean know how cruel he is? I HAVE QUESTIONS

.

[pynkhues]

https://www.tumblr.com/fishjellylou/766623772774137856/yall-white-mfs-need-to-stop-speaking-on-louis?source=share

As a disclaimer, I swear I'm not trying to start something, but this person is clearly talking about your post. The only reason i bring this to ur attention is bc

1. They seem to be purposely misinterpreting a lot of what u said and

2. It sums up a certain attitude in fandom that's been bothering me.

You always back up your interpretations with textual evidence and seem very open to other people's interpretations as well, so this type of reaction seems very hostile to me for no reason. And I feel like this readiness to call racism over any differing opinion on Louis only manages to reduce his character and discourage people from exploring his complexities or engaging with the character at all.

At least for me, it makes me scared of sharing any opinion, because people in fandom don't seem to be open to debate and conversation, they just claim one interpretation as the only valid read of the show and anyone who disagrees is suddenly racist.

I guess i just wanted to get your take on it and ask for advice on how to deal with this type of backlash when it comes to engaging in character analysis. Your insight is always appreciated <3

Oh! Yeah, I mean - - they certainly seem to be referring to me without @'ing me!

And mmm, yeah, I'd say it reads to me as a bad faith interpretation of my posts, especially as I certainly wouldn't describe how I wrote about Louis today as a 'diabolical jezebel' - in fact, I think it's lowkey the opposite given I think he's a character who has a healthy sexual appetite which sometimes manifests in the wrong direction as a result of trauma and circumstance, as opposed to the puritanical virgin some would depict him as - and literally, explicitly said that I don't think Louis' a liar, but rather has the normal response of trying to paint himself in a better light in his memories, but y'know, they're allowed their interpretation of my posts, just as they're allowed their own readings of the show.

As someone who's been around the fandom traps for more than a decade, I can't say this isn't something I'm used to, and I kinda think it's important to be okay with it? I make these posts publicly (even if I do try to avoid using main tags lowkey for adjacent reasons to this one), so people can respond to me publicly. That's okay! I've kinda been doing the same with the l*slou fest, so I'd be a huge hypocrite to have an issue with what they do when I'm doing it a little myself, haha.

But to me posts like this also just try to weaponise the idea that being called racist is worse than being racist, and as a result is a way to shut people up, like you said. I'm open with the fact that I'm white and Australian - arguably the worst type of White, haha - and I know that I have race biases that I'm working constantly to unpack, and I work in DEI at my theatre company, so trust me when I say I've done a lot of 'official' training too, which feels stupid to talk about here in this context, but is a reality of Things I've Done.

I engage and read and listen a lot, which is all to say, I suppose, that I do try to be very conscious and present in how I exist in these conversations, and it's a funny thing to come back to fandom spaces where people do want white people to take on a cultural load, want them to engage particularly with characters of colour, want them to create fanworks involving POC - all things fandom is notoriously bad at! - and then ultimately - - y'know. Weaponise race in an attempt to shut down conversations they don't like (and I include a lot of white people in that too). It too often feels like race becomes a moving part to keep characters under certain fan interpretation ownership, which feels symptomatic of broader fandom entitlement.

I don't know. I hear you, basically, and I get your nervousness about engaging, but at the end of the day, conversations won't happen if they don't happen. Sharing your thoughts and knowing - and being able to articulate - your intent while keeping an open mind to criticism and an eagerness to learn is always a positive, at least to me. Some people are going to engage in bad faith - that's kind of inevitable these days, I think - but there are going to be a lot of people who engage in good faith too, and I don't know. A lot of people tell me I have a bit of a crap nose for it, haha, and tend to engage more of the bad faith than I should, but I always try to take things optimistically and in good faith. I like to trust that people mean the best, and when they don't - - well, that's for private chats, haha.

[softpine]

ALL THE DIFFERENT GRIFFINS. IM SO. I NEED INFO. SPECIFICALLY ON GRIFFIN WITH A DAUGHTER??? DO U HAVE ANY ACTUAL THOUGHTS ABT THESE DIFFERENT AUS BC IM SO,,,,,

yesssss i would be happy to share each of the griffins lives!! i'll just run through them in order:

[major trigger warning for child abuse, attempted murder, etc. all the typical finn things]

1- inmate: he... did something... that i can't tell you yet... as a kid that got him sent to juvy for a few years. by the time he was released at 18, he had practically no life skills, no formal education, and the only people left in his life were other juvy kids. he tried to make the best of a shitty situation by changing his name, moving states, and starting over, but it wasn't long before he resorted to petty theft to make it by. his crimes escalated until he was eventually caught for armed robbery and sentenced to 25 to life. it was almost a relief to know that he wouldn't have to worry about making decisions anymore. he doesn't feel like he's ever been in charge of his own life, so being in prison is just more of the same.

2- drifter: he's still a teenager here. he successfully ran away from home as a kid, never got attacked, but instead of going to live with his aunt in new york, he's been living mostly on the road and in shelters ever since. he sticks to smaller towns, keeps a low profile, and makes a living doing odd jobs. he's safe, but lonely. asa knowing his name was a huge shock to him, because no one ever cares to ask his name.

3- kid: he hasn't hit the turning point in his life where every tiny decision can have life-altering consequences, so this is just a representation of almost every version of griffin at age 12. in this particular moment, he'd just gotten into a fight at school which he will be suspended for. i just think it's funny how he calls asa an old man lmao

4- survivor: he was obviously attacked. when he was found many days later, he was barely clinging to life. he suffered the most severe brain damage of all the versions of griffin we've seen, lost his eye, and has never quite recovered from the emotional and physical trauma. he has frequent seizures that leave him unable to work. it's rare that he even goes outside alone, so asa approaching him on the one day when he did choose to go for a walk by himself was not great timing. where this griffin differs is that he was adopted by his aunt after the attack, because his parents were actually charged with child abuse and neglect for their actions on the night of his attack (many people believe they were directly responsible, but it was never proven. they pled guilty to lesser charges to avoid an attempted murder trial). so griffin is actually in new york in that picture.

5- dad: he was attacked and left for dead, but in this universe, he was rescued within a few hours. his attacker had stabbed him in the arm with a broken beer bottle (this happened to all the versions of griffin who were attacked. it's why he wasn't able to fight back as hard). while he was being treated in the hospital, the wound got infected and his arm had to be amputated. the long healing process meant he had to rely on his parents for a ton of assistance and support. they were even more desperate to prove that they can be good parents and that they would never hurt their son, so the 3 of them all became pretty codependent. he lived at home with them until he was in his 30s, but then his dad died of a sudden heart attack (brought on by alcoholism, because he never quit drinking) and griffin realized it was time to move on. he married the daughter of one of his mom's friends, the first person he's ever dated, but their marriage dissolved a few years later for... a lot of reasons. they got a divorce before the baby was even born, but griffin tries to be the best father he possibly can be. he absolutely spoils her (you can see that based on the excessive playground equipment he bought for his yard lol) and she's his entire reason for living now, even though he only gets to see her every other week. he hopes she can stay for longer when she's older.

6- mechanic: griffin (and our finn, for that matter) was a huge nascar fan and his dream was to be a professional driver. that didn't exactly pan out for him, but he does enjoy being a mechanic. he's about 40 in that picture. he was never attacked, never ran away from home, and instead he endured the increasingly horrific abuse until he turned 18, moved out, and never talked to anyone in his family ever again. he prefers to be mostly solitary; never married, no kids, not even any friends, but he gets along with his coworkers well enough. he has an extremely hard time trusting that anyone has good intentions. in his free time, he restores & sells old furniture. his dream is to retire and move to the countryside.

7- sex worker: honestly, probably the most mentally stable griffin on this list... like don't get me wrong, he's still traumatized from the same childhood that every version of griffin shares, and i'm not saying his job is easy by any means, but he has a ton of friends who actually understand him and who he doesn't have to pretend with, he lives with his cousin liz who he's really close to, he keeps in contact with his parents but hardly ever sees them in person (which is exactly how he likes it), and he has a real sense of community. he was never attacked. he didn't run away from home when he was 12 like he planned, but instead waited until he was 14 and his parents allowed him to go live with his aunt with everyone's agreement. when liz, who is older than him, moved out to go to college, griffin followed her and they've been living together for years now. she's the only family member who knows what he does for work, so she makes sure to look out for him. oh also he's the only version of griffin we've seen that has a boyfriend?? he was supposed to say something about him in response to asa saying "i have a partner", but i cut it because i don't actually think griffin would offer that info up to a stranger, no matter how strangely trustworthy asa appears to be.

[j-onedrabbles]

𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆 𝒂𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒄𝒉 𝒕𝒆𝒏: 𝒊 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒅𝒖𝒎𝒑 cw: **THIS CHAPTER MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME READERS AS SEX*AL ASSAULT AND HARASSMENT ARE TALKED ABOUT DUE TO FAE AND NYMPHOLOGY IN GENERAL.** insecurities towards dating, body insecurities (i think you could call it that? idk? imma put it there anyways), food, mention trauma dump, chef lee know, mad lee know for a second wc: 1.2k a/n: I changed up some mythology for sake of story with siren/mermaids bc all I heard was the goddamn h2o meme

Minho hummed to the music that played at a low volume throughout his apartment as he moved through the kitchen. Slightly dancing as he cooked dinner. He only started cooking when Y/n texted him she was on her way over to his place, stopping when he heard a knock on the door almost twenty minutes later.

Minho wiped his hands with the kitchen towel before heading to the front door. He smiled at the girl on the other side and invited her in. “welcome.”

“Thanks,” Y/n smiled back.

Minho closed the door and headed back to the kitchen while she set her stuff down and slipped her sneakers off.

“Smells good,” Y/n commented as she joined him in the kitchen.

“Thanks. I might have texted Jisung and asked what your favorite was,” the dancer admitted

“How badly are you trying to impress me?” Y/n joked

“Depends if it’s working.”

“A little.”

Minho smirked as he continued cooking. “Do you need help with anything?”

“I got it. Do you want anything to drink?”

“Water’s fine.”

Minho took a break from the food and grabbed her a glass of water, “Don't turn into a fish on me.”

“You don't have to worry about that. I only have my tail when I’m in the Fae realm.”

“I thought it was whenever you touched the water?”

“False narrative. I think it just adds plot to the media when we randomly get wet and become a fish.”

“Is it possible if you go in the ocean? Like, seawater?”

“Don’t know actually. Never really go to the ocean.”

“Do you want to?”

Y/n shrugged, “Maybe if no one was there.”

Minho hummed in response as he went back to cooking. Y/n watched him work, cooking looked like it was second nature to him. She really could watch him cook all day. Especially while he danced to the music that played through his apartment. If this was what dating Minho was like, she’d want this every day.

“Can I ask you a question?” Y/n asked, nerves starting to set in.

“Of course.”

“I don’t want this to come out as me seeming conceited, but uhm, why do you like me?”

“Well,” Minho sighed as he finished cooking, “at first it was because you were hot.”

“Thanks,” Y/n giggled as he turned to face her.

“But, and not to sound like a creep, I started watching how you interacted with people, or better, noticing how you interacted with people–”

“I like the latter explanation better.”

“Yeah, well, I noticed how you interacted with people– fae or human– and you were so nice, despite how some humans treat you. I think I started liking your personality and then Jisung introduced us. I don’t know if it’s because you’re fae but I’ve been, drawn to you, for lack of a better explanation.”

“Probably because I’m fae, honestly.”

“Maybe. I think if you were human, I still would have fallen for you.”

“Really? You think you would have?”

“You don’t think I would have?”

“Maybe? I don’t know.”

“Hey,” Minho grabbed her hands, “What’s this about?”

Y/n sighed and looked down at their hands, “can we sit?”

Minho nodded and led them over to the couch in his living room. Minho ran his thumb over her knuckles as he waited for her to talk.

“I… I don’t think bad of you Minho, but, there’s no way for me to say it other than, I don’t want to feel like I’m a body to you...”

“Someone’s made you feel like that before?”

“A lot of people, actually,” Y/n couldn’t look him in the eyes, “If you couldn’t tell already, it’s made me a little insecure about dating.”

“Come here,” Minho tugged her into a hug. Y/n wrapped her arms around his waist, laying her head against his chest, “I generally, never want you to feel like that, with me or anyone again.”

“There’s… more too…”

“You don’t need to tell me tonight. I can tell it was hard enough for you to tell me about your insecurities.”

“I think it’s better you know before we get serious,” Y/n sat up and looked at him

“You want to take this past hanging out at parties and drinking with our friends?” Minho’s voice was laced with a comedic sarcasm

“Even though we technically met less than a week ago, yes?” Y/n felt her cheeks flush a bit at her answer

“You’re cute when you’re shy,” Minho smiled

“Can we get back on topic? It’s serious,” Y/n steered back to the original conversation.

“I’m listening.” Minho squeezed her hand as reassurance. Y/n took a deep breath.

“You know the general mythology of fae, specifically nymphs, right?”

“Love music and dance but unfortunately they’ve dealt with sexual assault and harassment because of their beauty,” Minho answered, then it hit him. “Have you—”

“Yeah. That’s kinda why I asked earlier why you liked me. Anyone else that’s showed any interest has just looked at me as a pretty fae they can get with.”

Minho stood and paced his living room a bit. He wasn’t completely unaware of how disgusting people could be, but it hits harder when you find out it’s someone you like or someone you’re close to. “Min…?”

He couldn’t be mad right now. Especially when the girl he grew feelings for over months of just admiring from afar was trusting him with something like this. He took a deep breath and crouched down in front of her. “I know, you probably don’t want to hear an apology—”

“You have nothing to apologize for Min,” Y/n held his face in her hands as she looked into his eyes. “I didn’t tell you for some pity party. It’s something I've dealt with in the past that I thought you should know. I’m not gonna lie, sometimes it still affects me. I didn’t want to keep it from you and something happen between us and I just randomly push you away…”

“Promise to tell me when you’re going through it? Even if you don’t want to be around me, rant to me. I can’t promise I won’t get mad about the fact it happened but I want to be someone you turn to with your issues. We’ll take this thing between us slow, okay?”

“Why are you so perfect,” Y/n felt like crying. Only her friends have ever gotten mad for her about something like this. “Promise me the same? You’ll come to me when you’re having a bad day?”

“I will,” Minho cupped her cheeks and wiped away the tears that hung under her bottom lashes.

“God. I didn't mean to trauma dump. I feel like I've been doing that since we met,” Y/n chuckled awkwardly

“It’s okay. Trauma tends to shape us more than we like to admit,” Minho laughed with her a bit. “Come on. Let’s eat.”

The two went back into the kitchen and Minho served the food. It hadn't gotten too cold just yet but he still offered to warm it up.

“Holy shit! This is amazing Min!” Y/n exclaimed

“Good. I'm glad you like it.” Minho smiled

“You might just have to cook for me all the time now,” Y/n joked

“I’ll cook for you whenever you want. Just ask.”

←PREV|NEXT→ MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST

taglist: @xxoche3erryxxo @iadorethemskz @maeleelee @morningstardada @sungookie @mistlitmoonlight @junebug032 @m111nho @slay-and-gay

[verdemoun]

hi!!! i absolutely adore the rdr2 timewarp au. it is EVERYTHING

so if i remember correctly you had a post a while back where you mentioned that arthur is super paranoid about his health in the modern era which is so real after everything. but it got me thinking, he can’t stay perfectly healthy 100% of the time, that’s not how the world works. so like, how does he (and everyone else) handle the first time he gets ill post warp? bc i’m guessing not well 😭😭😭

also i’d just love to hear more about how everyone’s deaths affected them, if you’re willing, bc most of them were obviously incredibly traumatic 💔

i apologize if someone’s asked this already 😫

thank you!! 🫶

hello hello and thank you so much!! and yes indeed i did and i love a chance to talk some angst: to the second point first! most of the gang had relatively quick deaths.

dutch gets vertigo. maybe it's the meds, maybe it's the distant memory of plummeting to his death

lenny gets really bad heartburn/phantom chest pains. sometimes it's just uncomfortably close to the pain and shortness of breath of being shot in the chest, and he will need someone to sit with him until it passes.

cannot overstate how much trauma kieran has related to his death. one thing that the gang would absolutely bully him for IF they didn't know why, is that Kieran sleeps with a nightlight. if he wakes up in the dark he will panic. Kieran remembers having his eyes gouged out: passing out because of the pain only to wake up to darkness. So he gets a nightlight because waking up to Kieran Duffy screaming is not good for anyone's mental health.

but arthur morgan hypochondriac queen

being that he lives with hosea, bessie, kieran, lenny and sean: none of them saw arthur get sick. sure, arthur can tell them he died of tb, but after timewarping the ravages of tb have simply been erased. he looks as healthy as chapter 2 arthur. so the fact he coughs, something as innocent as a cough, and gets a wild, terrified look in his eyes, throws all of them off

bessie just sighs because despite her best efforts and getting them all vaccinated asap and seen by a gp, the fact is viruses have evolved a lot faster than humanity in 100 years and they almost all end up with at least the common cold shortly after they timewarp. part of not leaving the house too much at first is as much about their immune system adapting as it is about learning modern era slowly.

and it's really hard to watch because as the cough worsens and a low fever takes hold, arthur is a wreck. coughs hard, pauses, only to turn pale and sprint to the bathroom before throwing up more in distress than illness. it just doesn't seem like arthur morgan, the invincible enforcer and boogeyman of the VDL gang.

hosea has seen arthur through many a cold, so he knows arthur isn't usually like this. usually it's a mission in itself to get arthur to lay down when he's sick. instead, arthur is completely fixed to the bed, shaking more violently than his temperature would suggest. his eyes squeeze shut at the mention of food, panting like the room's running out of air. confesses late into the second night of that he thinks he's dying.

hosea would've believed it if he hadn't seen sean macguire through food poisoning already. tries to assure him he's fine, it's just a cold. he'll be over it in a few days. it has been a long time since he's seen arthur this - needy. he really is more like that young boy he and dutch found cowering on the streets than the man he raised. which hosea doesn't entirely mind, even if it just seems dramatic

arthur proceeded to recover and act like nothing weird happened at all and he was fine the entire time. the whole gang side-eyed this response, and the side-eye suspicion next time arthur got a cold and once again became terrified - convinced he was dying.

when arthur moved out, hosea would still need to stay several nights whenever arthur got a cold because he will get trauma-justified man flu. this later becomes charles's job to take care of when he timewarps and becomes arthur's u-haul lesbian speed husband. admittedly sometimes charles has to call hosea because as someone who did see arthur get tb, he also gets upset seeing arthur sick

if you have had a cold in the past 48 hours arthur morgan will not go near you. he starts his morning with every immunity-boosting over the counter pill he can find and always starts the morning with a disgusting glass of homemade orange ginger turmeric juice he swears by.

[thedreadvampy]

I think the thing about relationships between people who've experienced a lot of trauma is

idk. I think of it as concave and convex. There's a whole bunch of hand motions I do to explain it IRL.

but it's like. convex people's response to their experiences is to need a lot of positive support and reinforcement. often it's like, people who've been neglected or left without support so much that they've come to a place where they know they won't get what they need unless they push for it. they have lacked, and really need, someone to offer them comfort and reassurance and structure and support. their emotional and physical needs are often very dominant and very fragile. the thing they struggle with most is containing themselves.

concave people are most comfortable taking on responsibility for others. they don't really feel comfortable or able to prioritise themselves, and get most of their positive reinforcement from Feeling Useful. there may have been times where they've felt or been made to feel like a burden or like they're taking up too much space; they may be carrying a lot of guilt about having had a lot of support needs in the past. the thing that they struggle with most is making space for themselves.

and we're all different people in different relationships. we have definitely all at some time been both. being one way in one relationship is often a reaction to having been the other in other relationships.

buuuuut. my observation of my own life is that this way of thinking helps me categorise a lot of types of relationship issues:

| | : This is relationship equilibrium. Everyone is getting what they need. I don't think this relationship exists, because relationships are dynamic and stuff changes, but as an ideal baseline - you're close enough to support each other, but both retain your own space. neither of you are getting pushed into unhealthy patterns.

)( : this is going to be a very chaotic and exhausting relationship. Both of you feel simultaneously undersupported and like you're taking on all your partner's shit. However, if you are able to work through conflict, it can help you grow a lot - you're both pushing each other out of your space and into alignment, figuring out how to balance your needs with other people's. But it's a process that involves a lot of overwhelming pressure.

( ) : alienated and cold. both of you are trying to be there for the other one; neither of you know how to let someone be there for you, so you end up shutting each other out while also yearning desperately to get closer. like this one )(, it can be super helpful - you're both trying to pull each other closer, and over time you do. but it's a process that involves a lot of hard, uncomfortable work and stretching.

(( : This is, for my money, the Least Helpful Kind Of Relationship for healing. it's also the easiest to get into. concave people want to pull loved ones in towards them. convex people want to push out towards loved ones. they're two relationship approaches which dovetail exceptionally well. and once you're in it, there's no room to move towards | |, because the convex is filling up all the space the concave could move into, and the concave increasingly is the only thing supporting the convex, who's a long way out on a limb now. Relationships that start out ( | or |( are pushed towards this too - if they seriously reach for closeness, | starts bowing past the centre line, and ( has way further to go than is fair for them to have to do alone.

like I say, we're different people in different relationships. And in particular, what I often notice is that social groups (and it's most noticeable in polycules just bc there's more of a linear relationship chain than in friendships) sort of look like this

|(((((((((...

where one person being the concave of a (( relationship means they're bulging out into another relationship, pushing the other party in that relationship into a more convex shape in their other relationships, etc. (and vice versa - someone getting more concave in a relationship prompts their partner to follow in order to stay close)

anyway, in a lot of cases, this (( kind of mutually destructive codependence is a nasty trap we all set ourselves. where a )( or () will move more towards equilibrium over time, (( moves further from it. the concave has less and less space or confidence to self-advocate or to ask for support or space, and takes on more and more responsibility for the other's wellbeing; the convex becomes more and more reliant on the relationship, and feels less and less able to survive without that support. the change also tends to happen so gradually and incrementally that neither of them notices that they're way further out of balance. you get to a place where one person takes everything on and never talks about their feelings or allows any vulnerability, and the other has no control over their own life, doesn't know what's going on with their partner, and feels like a burden all the time. it reinforces and entrenches every maladaptive coping mechanism and shitty feeling about yourself.

What's required to make this fixable is that somebody's got to actually make things really immediately, critically uncomfortable all around.

if the convex person withdraws, that's going to be so painful and alienating for the concave, whose only model for seeking closeness is to ask people to come to them. someone pulling away - or not following when they try to pull them even further in - is a terrifying rejection that they may not have a model for how to solve. if they can ride that out, though, they've got space to learn how to go towards the other person, instead of trying to pull them closer.

if the concave person stops bending to the convex's pushing, then the convex will come very abruptly and unexpectedly up against a hard surface they were expecting to be soft. They're going to feel hurt, betrayed, pushed away, rejected - they might feel like it's a confirmation that they're awful/a burden/too much, which may drive them to seek more comfort and feel even worse if rejected. but if they can ride that out, they can learn to start moving away and giving the concave space to follow.

like I really do believe it is possible to have a good, healing relationship that starts out )). But it's hard, uncomfortable, gruelling work. It's super worth it but it's HARD. it's somewhat easier to make changes if you start out at )( or ( ) - it's still difficult and painful, but there, the path of least resistance is to get better, whereas if you're dovetailed together it's way, way easier to get worse.

doing that work isn't just good for one of you though. it's good for both of you. the less your Shit dovetails together, the more you're giving each other the space and impetus to change.

(you also don't like. get to choose this. you can't be on dating apps like 'seeking person who pulls people close rather than leaning into them for cold, lonely, but ultimately useful mutually unfulfilled relationship'. anyway these are emergent properties. we take different roles in different relationships at different times. I think I've found thinking of it this way at most useful in retrospect.)

[briar--rising]

Extensive non-graphic discussion of suicide (I'm fine, I'm not suicidal, don't worry). Also lots of maternal enmeshment talk

Therapy today was rough. I'm doing so much better in so many ways, but that doesn't mean the trauma is gone lol. I do so well in early spring, and then May and June comes and I can taste death in the air. I won't let it pull me under this year, I refuse to spiral into long-lasting psychosis and lose my progress until next February again. But it's still difficult.

My mother is. Fucked up. Obviously. But something that I realized in today's session was that her dream scenario is still the two of us committing suicide together in the end. And that's. Well. It feels bad.

A few weeks ago she brought up again how she wants to commit suicide when she gets very old/sick, or if the world goes to a very bad place. And the reason she insists on bringing this up with me is that she's very clear that it will be my responsibility to make sure she gets the assisted suicide she wants someday. Basically, asking me to kill her one day. And today was the anniversary of my uncle's suicide, and in about a month it will be the anniversary of my mom's suicide attempt when I was 11, and so it's all just...been on my mind. And we talked today in therapy about how the fact that my mom attempted suicide shortly before my birthday was especially damaging for me, and how basically being the one to find her that day but then not being allowed to see her for a while in the hospital once she woke up was deeply traumatic. And it's all just. Tangled together in my head.

I've known for years that I'll be in charge of making sure my mom gets the assisted suicide she wants, she's made that very clear to me. And I do not want that responsibility, but I just always knew/assumed it would be my job. And I was talking about that with my therapist today and she was like "I think it would be very dangerous for you to do that. You will always have a tendency towards psychosis, and there is already so much tangled up in you and your mother and annihilation and death and loss of self, and I do not think it will ever be safe for you to help her with that." And I realized she was right, but it literally hadn't occurred to me that I was allowed to not be the one to help with that? But like. I don't have to. A friend of hers can do it. My brother can do it. Someone, anyone who isn't me can help her find a doctor and get what she needs someday. I do not have to kill my mother. I do not have to kill myself.

Because I know in her dream scenario we'd do it together, and/or my doing it for her would push me to do it to myself. First of all, she's literally suggested it before. Second of all, she cannot cope with or even begin to comprehend the fact that I am separate from her and that I would dare to live without her. We were talking today about how my mom's relationship feels almost parasitic, like she's drawing on me to sustain herself, and how I was worried that by cutting her off and having increasing boundaries I was hurting her by taking away her access to her life force. And my therapist was like, "No, because those boundaries are real for you, but not for her. Consciously she sort of accepts them, but in her mind you are still completely enmeshed. What do you think would happen if you asked to move back in with her?" And I was like, "She'd be thrilled, she'd start working towards it immediately." And she was like, "Exactly. If she was developing the type of boundaries you are, she would have reservations about her adult child moving back in. But she doesn't have any of those boundaries, and still believes and feels you to be as close as you were, so you're not hurting her by having those boundaries internally, because she will never be able to share them or even truly understand that you have them." So that was helpful, if disturbing in its own way. Bc it also made me realize how deeply enmeshed we still are on her end, and how clear it is from that and from several things she's said over the years including quite recently that she wants us to kill ourselves together someday.

But I won't. I refuse. When she wants to die she can find someone else to help her manage it, and I will not be joining her. I will not let her annihilate me in life or death.

[gremloblin]

Ok I have some thoughts

So Ed got slammed in the head with a fucking cannonball. I know this show doesn’t exactly rely on real life logic, like ever. I mean people get stabbed and are up and around in two days, they have no problem finding each other in a massive sea. But Ed’s been effectively dead for days, if not weeks based on the way they were eating that seagull. He’s gonna be severely dehydrated and starved from being comatose, and have major head trauma. He’s not just gonna get up, it’s a wonder he has the strength to headbutt Stede.

But severe head trauma can seriously fuck with your memory. So there’s a huge question of what version of Ed we’re gonna get: Blackbeard pre-Stede, Ed with Stede, or post-Stede. Bc those are three TOTALLY different people. I doubt we’ll get that season one fawning over Stede version of Ed, based on the headbutt and the fact that it would be a narrative step backward, but it’s still a possibility that he’ll wake up and be in love with Stede like before. But I think pre-Stede Blackbeard is as likely as having no memory loss at all.

If he does have memory loss, it begs the question of what everyone is gonna do with that. Like Stede is feeling so much guilt for what he did to Ed, and he’s learned that guilt is something you have to express and have to live with. But reminding Ed of everything they both did and went through could have Ed leave him. Stede has never been the one to take the easy route, but he loves Ed so much and has been doing the hard thing for so long, he’s gotta just be tired. He almost lost Ed several times now, he can’t risk losing him again.

Meanwhile the rest of the crew probably would love for Ed to go back to the way things were, but he’s destroyed everything they’d worked so hard for. And he and Stede are both so unwilling to think of other people or take responsibility for their actions. I really don’t think they’ll allow Ed to go on like nothing happened, at least not for long. Izzy in particular has shown himself to be very concerned with the wellbeing of the crew, and is living with this guilt of turning Ed into a monster. As much as he now misses the way things were, he can’t just ignore what Ed did.

But Lucius has been through hell and though he seemed to forgive stede idk how he could forgive ed after trying to help him so much in the finale. Though I do wonder if he really cares about ed anymore, like even in terms of wanting revenge, like what he said about ed being broken kinda feels like totally giving up and just accepting that he’s a bad person and there’s no closure to be found there. I also really wonder if he’s gonna tell Pete about what ed did, because he didn’t initially and I think it would have been mentioned if he told him when stede finally got them to talk. Pete idolized ed so much but he loves Lucius so much I really think if he finds out he’s gonna kill him. Like Lucius will be mad but I do think he’s given up on it but for Pete it’ll still be so fresh and he’ll be protective.

As for the rest of the crew, I’m not sure how they’ll react. The fact that Ed marooned them really hasn’t come up, and that makes me wonder if they’ve somewhat gotten over it? For Ed’s crew, however, everything is still fresh, and it was so much worse for them. Whether Ed is the same person or not, nobody’s gonna get over him trying to kill them all. Fang I think would love to go back to the way things were, Frenchie is currently holding everything in. The ones I’m worrying about are Jim and Archie. Archie is a wildcard, and has not experienced the compassion and love of the crew “that’s just the way these things go.” She’s cynical, and while I think Jim and the crew could soften her and we’ll learn more about her, I think right now she could go either way.

Jim however, dealt the killing blow. Jim took care of Izzy, amputates his leg, saves Archie. But they still hesitate to tell Stede what really happened. I think a lot of Jim has moved on from that revenge driven killer, at least in season one, and has softened a bit. But they’ve been raiding and plundering and killing for months. They’re brutal in the wedding scene.

Jim strikes me as very protective of the crew, in the same way as Izzy. They calm down Fang with their weird little Pinocchio, they’re the one to bring up that the wedding was overkill, they ask Frenchie how he copes. They “kill” Ed. I think it’s a real possibility that they’re gonna try to finish the job, especially if he doesn’t lose his memory. If he does, I think they’ll hesitate.

Anyway I’m so excited to see what happens, no matter what I know it’s gonna be crazy.

[lost-amongst-the-stars]

Therapy recap

We started off talking about the heat going out on Friday and having to spend about 12 hours tending the fire which took a huge toll on us. So we spent the rest of the weekend mostly resting and trying to recover. Oh and we overslept this morning and woke up half an hour before therapy

Then we talked about the tree house and how it's getting better. That they've moved the memories into a pile in the center to sort back into each of their cubbies. That things are starting to feel calmer amongst the little ones.

Then C asked if we'd heard anything from the middles after talking about them two sessions ago. I haven't and other things have come up that pulled focus away. I told C that while I haven't heard anything from the middles, when I was talking to S after that session he told me that the only middles he's interacted with have been some hypersexual parts. This led in to talking about our experiences with hypersexuality in our youth. Like having sex in a lot of public places with little concern about being caught (school stairwells, public parks, etc). Enough so that it was clinically relevant and led to our psychiatrist at the repeatedly asking if we were sure we hadn't been sexually abused as a child. We talked about the belief we had as a teen that we couldn't be raped bc we liked sex too much. I said that I can now recognize that this was a protective belief to give ourselves a sense of control and safety. We also talked about how starting in middle school we would suddenly get "wet" out of nowhere in like the middle of class or whatever and how this caused us a lot of shame and distress. And how looking back now, I think that a lot of those instances were responses to trauma memories coming up that were quickly plucked away, leaving us with the physiological response with no memory of where it came from.

We talked some more about the religious middle school parts and the parts who have magical thinking anti-theist beliefs. That the latter fear the middle schoolers coming back and taking over. We talked about previous system shifts and how it's been the result of the main fronters abandoning ship and others having to pick up the pieces rather than a mutiny. So we don't really need to worry about the middle schoolers staging a mutiny. Further, parts coming out of dormancy tend to struggle with fronting for very long bc of our chronic pain. It takes time for them to adjust to what our body is like now.

[mythicamagic]

Do you think Sukuna could have ever been attracted to a woman? Because it seems to me that he hates even contact with others (he cut off Jogo's hand for daring to touch him and killed Yorozu after she hugged him). Also, Gege makes a lot of emphasis that Sukuna is lonely and doesn't know love, that's why I have such a hard time writing something for Sukuna, because I genuinely don't see him feeling anything for anyone 😅

Your interpretation is valid, anon, but talking personally about the attraction thing- I think not wanting casual contact with someone doesn't automatically mean someone is asexual (saying this as an asexual) or that Sukuna is devoid of sexual/romantic feelings just bc we never see him make moves on a woman or man. Having personal boundaries and your bubble is important, especially for someone as prideful as Sukuna. Maybe touch is okay when it's on 'his' terms and no one elses.

There might be a myriad of reasons for not liking touch, such as a buried trauma response. Reminds me of when a guy casually touches Guts' shoulder from Berserk:

Or for another example, its a bit like how Sesshoumaru was depicted in OG Inuyasha, an apathetic, untouchable beauty. I don't think a character needs to have a fling onscreen just to prove their sexuality.

About emotional attachment though - Canon Sukuna is possibly sociopathic though just bc of some of the evidence shown as you said about love not being real ect, but then he is visibly happy to meet up with Uraume again.

When writing fanon Sukuna though, I think it's totally fine to make him as horny or lovesick as you like. If we all kept strictly to canon interpretation it would stifle the fun of fandom creation! ^^ If it makes you happy to write Sukuna as unfeeling then do so, but if you want him to be romantically interested in someone you can just justify it as another side to his personality we as the audience don't see because he's busy having fun wrecking shit.