"I could fit you in between hot yoga and my crystal healing session."
Batgirl Annual #1
by Hope Larson, Inaki Miranda, Eva de la Cruz and Deron Bennett cover by Bengal
DC
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Batman: The Capped Crusader literally introduced my 4 favorite batkids in the same episode and made them all literally adoptable.
Realistically, I know in the next season, Bruce isn't gonna pop down to the orphanage and grab himself a Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Carrie Kelley AND Stephanie Brown (just two of them at the same time would fucking kill him) but also now I want a batman to have to contend with his 4 most feral children. And they are the most feral of them all.
Also before I begin can I just say I fucking love Jason and Carrie being the sameish age. For years, I have been convinced that if Carrie was in a mainstream universe, she should be Jason's age and that the two of them would be so close they'd basically be twins and this right here is so close it almost feels like vindication.
Now for why these 4 are the most feral batkids and why Bruce having to put up will all of them as Robin at the same time would fucking kill the man.
Richard "Dick" Grayson:
The man may be a genuine himbo but he is also the son of circus performers, so for as much light as there is in his soul there is also a gay wolf telling him to do backflips when he's bored, make puns at every opportunity, touch everything and generally be the most adorable menace you've ever met. Also, Discowing definitely counts as feral behavior.
Jason Peter Todd:
In this universe, Jason was probably put into the system after his stepmom ODed so chances are this isn't a steal-the-wheels-off-the-batmobile kinda Jason but could definitely still be a sneaks-out-of-the-house-to-hang-out-with-Catwoman-and-co or is babysat by prostitutes kind of Jason. (I know for a fact that last one literally happened at least once) Even if you take out the violence and crime, you can not convince me that this Jason is not the kind of kid who wouldn't constantly be getting into trouble because he's always trying to prove himself and eventually have a tragic dead at the hands of the Joker that when he's brought back leaves him jaded, angry and the beautiful problem child we all know and thirst after. Also, he's the only member of the family Alfred allows into the kitchen, so jot that down while you're at it.
Carrie Kelley:
My girl was created by the living curse that is Frank Miller that alone makes her feral. But if you don't know my girl Carrie in the Millerverse got saved from a mugger by batman and imitately decided "fuck pants and my drug addict hippie parents it's time to fight crime in green booty short with a fucking slingshot", was almost imitately begrudgingly taken in by batman, probably dropped out of school, fought a Joker who had suicide bomber child-sized android baby dolls and helped lead a literal underground war on crime with a pseudo-cult of batman themed vigilantes called the Sons of Batman formed by former gang members who became obsessed with the guy after he beat up their former leader a no-neck nipple studded punk humanculous who looks even worse than I'm describing. Every iteration of Carrie Kelley is forged from the mold of a girl who almost reached Logan living with wolves levels of feral behavior, she is insane and I love her.
Stephanie Brown:
Her father is literally bargain bin Riddler because he lost his job as a game show host and she got fucking refrigeratored by Black Mask only 2 months into being robin, she deserves to be a little feral. Every iteration of Steph is one with a right to live life to the fullest weither that means giving Bruce shit over his terrible parenting, memeing on c-list villians like kiteman or just hanging around being a menace this girl is feral. Good for her, good for her.
In summary, Batman: The Caped Crusader should end with Bruce's kids literally killing him off with stress, lmao. Also, the setting is perfect for making Dick Discowing, so DC take notes.
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Batgirl Annual #1
by Hope Larson, Inaki Miranda, Eva de la Cruz and Deron Bennett cover by Bengal
DC
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I found these in the shop today...
All I can think is that Dick would love them. And he would buy or commission a full set.
Sure, he'd buy the 60s comic batman to put by Bruce's office window, just to annoy Bruce. But he'd also commission a full set of the Batfamily in various poses. Carefully purchased so they can be set up around a tree.
Nightwing hanging off a branch around eye level.
Red robin sitting on a slightly lower branch with a camera and a bat-themed thermos of coffee.
Robin clambering up a bird feeder. Carefully made so he can both stay in place and be removed from the feeder.
Red Hood among the roots, carefully peeking over them with a gun, to take shot.
Spoiler a good way up the tree, eating waffles. Signal is sat close beside her, holding a purple phone between them.
Oracle hidden in an artificial tree hollow with a series of computers. False, as Damian would complain if they used a real one.
Black Bat is way up the top of the tree. Sitting, steady, watching all.
Batman, in his modern black suit, is immediately under Black Bat, looking up at her with a look of exasperation and fondness on his face.
Agent A is down amongst the root system, one hand on Red Hood's shoulder and a gun in the other. As a reminder that the family always has each other's backs.
Plus, he'd set up a row along the path outside the kitchen. JLA on one side, their nemesies on the other. By the door, he's got 60s Batman and the various Robins on one side, with Gotham Rogues on the other. (Selina teases Bruce for weeks, because Dick placed little catwoman opposite batman, and gets the artist's details from Dick. She gets a statue of batman and the robins in a pose reminiscent of a mother cat and a litter of kittens. Both she and Dick tip extravagantly.)
There is a figure of the Joker. Or rather, there was one. It is a mess of broken pottery in the direction Red Hood is aiming. (Dick bought at least twenty. Most as gifts for Jason. None of them survive.)
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