#basically I think Buddy being 18 would make a lot of sense for his character

[jthealien]

Realistically I’m pretty sure Buddy is like around 19-21. (I’m in the camp of him being 19, close to 20) I don’t really see him being older than Deacon, at least not by much.

Imagine, though, if he was actually younger than Chase (e.g., maybe he turned 18 not long before the story starts). Him constantly calling Chase a brat would have a whole new layer of funny if Chase was older than him lmao.

But I think could also be really sad too. Like yeah, Buddy seems a lot older than he actually is (even Punko’s commented that he looks around 20) because he’s been forced to grow up quickly — act more mature since that’s what a villainess should be.

Even when he’s at his angriest (during the fight in beach boys) he still bitterly calls Chase a brat. Because, to him, being compared to a child is the highest insult.

A lot of his behaviors, like really loving sweet things or constantly making jabs at everyone, can be read as childish. (I should point out that these kinds of moments with him tend to happen when he lets his ‘villainess’ persona slip).

Hell, with how petty he can be, sometimes even Chase is more mature than him. But it makes sense if he was never allowed to get through those typical phases, if he’s had to act like an adult for a lot of his life.

But through Chase he realizes he can let down his guard and have fun — be a teenager for once. We see him slowly go from just an asshole, to a bit less of an asshole. One who can join in on Chase’s antics and express more emotions besides Smug and Barely Repressed Rage. He can finally be himself. :]

[kitsu-katsu]

About revived (by Derivakat)

(Disclaimer: Nothing against Derivakat, I think her songs are amazing in general and she's very talented, I simply have a bone to pick with these lyrics and characterization)

So um, here's my counter to some of the lyrics because fuck it, I'm tired and fueled by spite, let's go:

Let's start with the chorus:

"White streak in my hair but no stress now" - Funnily incorrect, cc!Wilbur confirmed that the white hair is from stress itself, it's not about the revival process alone. Also just by reasoning, I cannot imagine what might have been stressful about spiralling and believing that the world is out to crush you, believing that you're the scum of the Earth as well, only to die, spend 13 and half years in dark isolation and then being jolted back up to life missing huge chunks of information, really cannot fathom how that might be stressful /s

"I've seen hell, but this is a bit more my style" - True you know? It's awesome that he's said that he's over the moon about being alive again after spending 13 and a half years of pure isolation in the dark, screming until his throat was hoarse. But coming from the tone of it, I'd like to point out that Wilbur's also still passively suicidal and self harms (check out the part under "He doesn't love TNT, he self-harms with it" in this post)

"A decade of time to make everything mine" (also counts for "This is my sunrise, this is my dawn, this is what I've waited for all along. All of this time, all this is mine. MINE. MINE. MINE!")- Honestly, based on what he's been doing, no prejudices, forget everything fandom's said: he doesn't really seem to want to "make everything his", does he? This perception mostly comes from him saying "This is my sunrise, this is mine!" in the original revival stream, however, if you forget about common fandom perception, what's so evilly framed about a guy who spent 13 and a half years of isolation in the dark saying "this is my sunrise!" after watching the sun coming up again for the first time since his death, in which he was extremely emotionally unstable? Like for real?

Now onto the verses:

"Am I the bad guy? I'll be the bad guy again" and "I've come back hell-bent" - Now, he has said that: “Here’s the thing, Tommy. I, I, I, I know I was bad, and I know I can redeem myself, but like, you know, there’s a little bit of fun in being bad, you know, we’ve spoken about this.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 11:31, 5th May), BUT, since then he's also expressed genuine remorse for his worse actions during Pogtopia (check out the parts under "He really regrets what happened in Pogtopia" and "Wilbur cares. A LOT" in this post), a wanting to redeem himself and truly become better and... uh... OH! He's also admitted that he's afraid he scares people and cried when Ranboo said that he was "an alright person". For real, just watch the Healthy Competition stream and read this reddit post by cc!Wilbur

The reddit post in question, just in case:

"You think I cared? It was always a means to an end" - So false. Just... so false. Ok, so quick one, let's review the actual lines said originally about him "not caring for L'manburg" in full:

“Uh, one thing, I didn’t actually really care about L'Manberg, I just cared about, you know, sticking it to the man. Actually, I cared about L'Manberg for the sole reason that I could use it to stick it to the man.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 24:18, 5th May)

“Look, I- Okay, I said it wrong. Look, I did care about- I did care about L'Manberg, but I cared about it for- You would call it the wrong reasons, but I, I- Just don’t think about it, don’t think about it too hard. Look, L'Manberg’s gone now, we’ve got that, you know- That, that wart on my side is gone, you know. I salute it, I salute it, you know, it was a great- It was a great place.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 25:18, 5th May)

“Look, Tommy, I’m gonna reiterate for you once more because I don’t think you quite understood, and that’s okay, you know, you don’t need to understand everything. I did care about L'Manberg. I did, I did. A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet, Tommy. L'Manberg would have been as loved by me had it been called Bimbum and was built in the middle of the desert.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 26:05, 5th May)

“The actual location, and the actual things it was, it were, were not important to me. It’s the thing it stood for. Which was freedom, liberty, and sticking it to the man, Tommy!” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 26:26, 5th May)

“We were a family, Tommy. We were…” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 27:26, 5th May)

So as you may see, he retracts himself immediately and explains his feelings with more nuance

Then, let's look at the more recent confession to Ranboo:

“I told Tommy that I didn’t actually care about L'Manberg, and that it was just like a tool for me to use to gain like, you know, power and stuff. But it’s not, it’s not true.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:36, 3rd Aug)

“L'Manberg is- was really important to me. And it is still to this day.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:47, 3rd Aug)

“I want it to, em, I want its history to live on not as a stain caused by me, you know. I basically just took a big shit on the history books, it feels like. I wanna, I wanna make it, I wanna make it feel like it was, you know, it was something that happened. You know, it was a great thing, you know, think of the good times. The- The years of safety. Well, not years, but you know.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:47, 3rd Aug)

If this got more explicit I'd be literally hitting you over the head with it. Anyway, check out the parts under "Wilbur cared. A LOT" and "He really cared and cares about L'Manburg, and didn't want its ideals twisted to hur others with" in this post

"So who cares? So what? I'm not calming down" and "Shut up! And listen" - “Tommy, shut up! I mean, Tommy, come over here. Tommy, come over here, come over here, man. It’s cool, it’s cool, it’s cool. Sorry, I, I-” (Alivebur)

– (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 26:08, 31st May)

That line's totality gets often cut down, erasing the immediate apology after the loss of cool. Furthermore, I'd argue that him "not calming down" in general is mainly due to his euphoria and overexcitement during certain scenes where it makes complete sense for him to be feeling like that, and in a broader sense, he has a tendency to say things in the heat of the moment and out of impulsivity that he turns to later regret from all the way back at Pogtopia. Him not calming down now is either out of impulsivity or outright euphoria to be out of limbo, not necessarily an evil thing. And when he percieves he should calm down, he tries his best to do it, or apologizes for snapping

“I’m sorry I wasn’t, you know, entirely on the same page. But, man, I promise you, I’ve calmed down, you know, I’m all, I’m all settled in. I understand, you know, what’s changed, what hasn’t, who’s new, who’s old, you know, who’s still about, you know, who… Who, uh… uh… Who trusts me and stuff.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 15:04, 3rd Aug)

“I relived that explosion in my head so many times man. And, and, and I- I get that you don’t, you don’t trust me, I do, but like, man, look at me, bro, I’m not gonna do it again. I’m not gonna- I’m not gonna hurt you again.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 21:21, 3rd Aug)

(Check out the parts under "Wilbur cares. A LOT", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character", "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character", "He hesitated regarding the button tons of times" and "He feels inhuman. He knows that people see him as a freak, evil or crazy and that makes him feel dehumanized" in this post)

"There's nothing wrong with me" - BUDDY. Wilbur drowns in self-hatred, what are you talking about? The man got caught off guard and cried when someone said "you're an alright person"... He's worried that he scares people, he knows how others see him on top of his own self-hatred

“TommyInnit, as you know, is just, he thinks I’m insane. I’m not insane, chat, I’m not insane.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 4:30, 16th Oct)

“See, I’m not so crazy, Tommy. I know what I’m doing.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 16:40, 16th Oct)

“I’ve told you, I’m not crazy, Tommy. I know what I’m doing, and this is genuinely the best thing we could do right now.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 17:18, 16th Oct)

“I’m not crazy! How am I crazy?!” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 43:18, 17th Oct)

“Everyone I seem to meet has this deep intrisnic feeling of disgust towards me. Jack Manifold seemed to be quite nice to me, but I reckon he, I could feel it, you know, in his stare. But like, you don’t have that. I can tell you’re a good guy.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 30:24, 5th May)

“Quackity, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ll be honest you with you, I’ve lost everything, man. I, um. I’ve lost decades of my life. I’ve lost my- most of the people who cared about me. Some people don’t even know I’m back yet, and I, and I think that’s probably for the best. So I feel like that does humble a man. That really humbles a man, you know?” – (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 1:00:52, 31st May)

“Listen, Phil, I met, I met Quackity. After you very kindly lent me your house. I went and met him. Yeah! I met up with him, and I hadn’t seen him in ages. It was, I’m gonna say it, it was nice. It was a nice time. I- I- It felt good, it felt, uh, you know, he didn’t, he didn’t seem afraid of me, which is cool.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 7:38, 25th July)

“Not many people do. I mean, Phil, you don’t seem afraid of me, you’re not afraid of me, are you, Phil?” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 8:03, 25th July)

“Good, good. 'Cause I’m not afraid of you.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 8:10, 25th July)

“Why? Why? … No, no, no, no, no, not the, not the bit about the, not the bit about the right foot, the why don’t you think I’m a bad person?” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 35:13, 25th July)

“Can I be real with you, man? I think I scare people.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 36:30, 25th July)

“I mean, like I, I, I, I don’t think I, I- I think a lot of people share your idea, but they share your idea in trying to- trying to keep me from hurting them, you know? Like they’ve seen what I can do, and they don’t want me to do it again, so they adopt your emotion in order to do it.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 36:46, 25th July)

“Dream is- He’s had his comeuppance, and I have not! My comeuppance was apparently not good enough for this people. They’re just waiting, they’re waiting for the next thing for me to slip up on, and, Ranboo, I’m not gonna fucking slip up, Ranboo. I’m different.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 38:07, 25th July)

“I’m living in eternal limbo, again. I’ve been through limbo, I’m out of limbo, and socially, I’m still in this limbo.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 38:36, 25th July)

(Check out the parts under "He feels inhuman. He knows that people see him as a freak, evil or crazy and that makes him feel dehumanized", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character" and "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character" in this post)

"Oh yes, I blew up the nation!" (said with glee) - I make a point of the tone in this specific line, because I could make a point of the tone in the whole song, but this line is a good example. He didn't blow up L'manburg just with glee like "hell yeah! I did it!". Of course he talks about it with pride sometimes, but it's usually either said in the middle of the same impulsive moments in which he'd claim he doesn't care, said with relief of him having control over at least that situation (like him sighing right after doing it just to ask Phil to finish it off by killing him), or said with the same deflection with which he'd claim that not having a grave didn't affect him and was badass actually since he only wanted it for the hateful obituaries anyway (which was a lie, and he admitted it on the third of august stream when saying "I was so pressed about not having a grave" in case you had doubts)

Finally, I want to make emphasis on the fact that: The explosion on the 16th had two main drives behind it and they often get glossed over. The first objectivee was blowing it up and causing just enough destruction to get L'manburg back (You know, when Wilbur still had some kind of hope). After his spiral went further and his paranoia and self-loathing worsened, his two drives become apparent: First was blowing it up to rid the world of the twisted thing L'manburg became, ridding the world of what the twisted version of his ideals became with Schlatt in control of them. Secondly, he wanted to end L'manburg as a part of himself and rid the world of himself completely (by this I'm referencing his suicide), he decided he wanted to die and expected that as a result since a lot of time before the 16th. The explosion was effectively a bigger projection of his suicide, rid the world of both himself and his creation, mixed with his constant desire to protect, it also becomes "rid the world of the corrupted version of L'manburg that became Manburg", because for all intents and purposes, since the important thing about L'manburg was its founding ideals, L'manburg had been dead for a long time at that point.

“Yesterday I had the perfect opportunity to blow everything up and finally end it, you know. I had the perfect opportunity to finally blow up everything and end it and just completely save everyone, right, from the tyranny of Schlatt and the tyranny of the existence of Manberg and L’Manberg, right.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 25:17, 17th Oct)

“Explain it to me! Give me a reason! Give me a reason!” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 26:50, 17th Oct)

“Who else is it gonna hurt?! It’s gonna hurt Schlatt, Manberg, and-” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 26:55, 17th Oct)

“Why did I bring- I should have just done it. I’m such a fucking showman. I should have just done it.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 27:18, 17th Oct)

“No you two can escape, I’ll be the… I’ll- I’ll- I’ll be… I’ll be trapped in here…” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 27:27, 17th Oct)

“I just- I just want to f… I just wanna end it, I wanna end it. I wanna press that button, man.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 28:08, 17th Oct)

(Check out the parts under "Wilbur cares. A LOT", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character", "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character", "He hesitated regarding the button tons of times", "He really cared and cares about L'Manburg, and didn't want its ideals twisted to hur others with", and "He really regrets what happened in Pogtopia" in this post)

[alolanrain]

how old is ash on yours au’s?

It really really depends and I’m finding out that I’m absolutely horrible at actually giving out somewhat concrete ages, barring a few Au’s.

Unspokenly Ash is usually around late 20 to very early 22, unless I did write down and post an age for him in what ever Au has it, but thats also more drabble and fillet based. That is… basically my standard and I really need to vocalize that more from the content that I do write him as younger.

Basically how it goes is that with each region he ages up a year. Spending his birthday at home with his mom and the Oak’s that are present at the time before going off on another adventure. This gets kind of tricky around Sinnoh because Ash stay’s there to take on The Brain. I have that written down that it takes 3 month’s to even half a year. Which then put’s off the ‘sharing the birthday with mom and oak’ thing. This lands his birthday in the middle of his current journey at the time or a bit later like right before the league or a month before, if that makes sense. So in the end he comes home obviously older. Though I have been messing around and making the time in Orange Isles shorter to around 9 months instead of a full year.

Like here’s a time table and I’ll keep both set’s of ages if I do mess around with Orange Isles time line and add it as concrete. It gets really complicated so if you want a little more explanation please don’t be afraid to ask. I am also keeping the Brain Arc to half a year.

Starting age to finishing age *0/12 means how many months he is instead of a full year.

Kanto: 10 to 11

Orange Isles: 11 to 12 or 11 to 11 + 9/12

Johto: 12 to 13 or 11 + 9/12 to 12 + 9/12

Hoenn: 13 to 14 or 12 + 9/12 to 13 + 9/12

Sinnoh: 14 to 15 or 13 + 9/12 to 14 + 9/12

+ battling the Brain: 15 to 15 + 6/12 or 14 + 9/12 to 15 + 3/12

Unova: 15 + 6/12 to 16 + 6/12 or 15 + 3/12 to 16 + 3/12

Kalos: 16 + 6/12 to 17 + 6/12 or 16 + 3/12 to 17 + 3/12

Alola: 17 + 6/12 to 18 + 6/12 or 17 + 3/12 to 18 + 3/12

Galar: 18 + 6/12 to 19 + 6/12 or 18 + 3/12 to 19 + 3/12

I just want to say that typing all this out looks like one hell of a long ass math equation, kinda hate it and might change it later. But this is my completely basic format of what I use. Of course there’s a lot of wiggle room as I write Ash starting around 20 to 21 in Alola and Galar. He’s obviously going to probably spend more the one complete year in a region and less then another. The end of the league doesn’t dictate when he stays and leaves. Theres also the months that build up between each “arc”, another word I use to refer to his journeys, and to account the HC that some leagues start off at wildly different times then others.

It’s literally just a pick-and-pull basket and just a large general target where Ash would be ages wise. As you see in the end the two different age lists end up being only 3 months part from each other. It really doesn’t matter and I’m mostly just playing around with it. Another note thats… vital isn’t the correct word but I’m use it is that I don’t take Cerise Laboratory and the research assistant job into account. This is based off if Ash travels Galar to his normal standard with every other arc but Alola but I did keep the characters.

You didn’t ask for this but I want to add in other traveling buddies and side rivals ages and how they are compared to Ash as well. Usually Ash is the youngest if not one of them up until Hoenn. With the exception of being exactly 24 hours older then Ritchie. And all of this have way to much detail but its making my ADHD brain go brrrr happily.

He’s older than May, surprisingly, by like a month and a half but he doesn’t realize that and mentally clocks that he’s younger than her because of how responsible and adult like she acts a good chunk of the time. Max is obviously the youngest while Brock is the oldest. The same thing kinda happens in Sinnoh. He’s older then Dawn by a good year and a half to maybe even two years. Though Ash is younger then Paul and Barry by a varying few months between each boy.

Unova is where it changes a lot. Going from one of the youngest to one of the oldest out of his group of friends. Iris is drastically 3 years younger then Ash, making her around 12 at the start of the arc and somewhere around 13 at the end, and around 3 and a half with Cilan. This causes her to constantly pick against Ash because to her he’s older. Ash should be acting more like a seasonal trainer with known responsibilities and shouldn’t be so excited about everything. That’s also an expectation that was subconsciously taught to her by Drayden when she was still in School in the Dragon Village. Virgil is actually the oldest being freshly turned 18 years old while Cameron is the youngest at 11 and 5 months. Stephan is like the closest to Ash’s actually age but also acts a lot more older and more adult like then he really is just by his laid back attitude. Bianca actually just turned 18 before starting her journey.

Age Note: the reason why Cilan is weird and awkward around Burgundy is not because of her short temper and brash attitude but because Burgundy just turned 13 years old. She is a legitimate child just like Iris, compared to Cilan’s 16 years and 6 months when the meet on the road for the first time and not at a connoisseur event. Her deep infatuation and how young she is really puts Cilan in a active land mine field. Unlike Iris who listens to him and actually talks, he has no clue how to interact with her. Burgundy isn’t a normal gym challenger coming to his and his brother gym for a badge or even a normal crazed simple fan. As a gentleman at heart as well he raised to talk between certain age limits close to his own and this ends up making Cilan see Burgundy actually younger then she really is. Kind of like how Iris clocked Ash as a ‘kid’ when he’s obviously older then her and more experienced.

Kalos then thrusts Ash or being the oldest out of the main group but not as a whole. Bonnies around 8 while Clemont is 2 months and a half younger then Ash. This is where I struggle a lot in placing peoples based age in Kalos is actually because of Serena. I don’t want to make her too young to which the point it’s weird and also I based the other contest girls age’s around hers. But I also don’t want to make her too old to the point that Miette, the oldest out of the contest girls no matter what, is older then Ash. The general consensus is that Miette is right in with Clemont and Ash age wise while Nini is the youngest out of the trio. So that places Serena around 13 to 14 while Nini is like 12 and 7 months. Sawyer is obviously just turned 10 while Trevor, Tierno, and Shauna are between 12 and a half to 13 and a half years old. Giving that easy bonding connection with Serena and Shauna while giving Miette a older more experienced vibe and the childlike wonder to Nini. You’d think with Alain and all Ash would be the second oldest but your wrong. Ash is exactly 1 whole week older then Alain but, much like May, he doesn’t know that and mentally clocks Alain older then he really is.

In comes Alola and this is again where I usually bump Ash up to 20 to 21 but for the sake of everything I’m going off the basic target. Ash is obviously the oldest of the class by a good year on them alone though the classes collective smarts pushed them up different grades in school so thats how their together. Kiawe was the oldest at 16 and 9 months while Sophocles is still the youngest at 12 and 3 months, again bringing in the fact that the class is super smart and its based off intelligence instead of age like with every other class. Mallow is the third oldest at 16 and 2 months with Lana following on by at 16 and 1 month. Lillie is specifically around 15 years to 13 years and 4 months based off if I want her to suffer more as a older teen or as a child, literally her age is based off if I want to traumatize her more or not. Hapu is around 12 to 13 years old despite her obvious size and squeaky-ish voice. Acerola despite being very very mature for her age is only 17 years and 4 months old. Horacio is about Ash’s age at an even 17 years old when he and his lackies first meet Ash, Sophocles, and Kiawe.

Age Note: Horacio absolutely used his age as a card against Sophocles as many times as he could to the point it was so overused. This made Ash especially angry because he hated it when people used their age against much younger kids. Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you’re right.

Then we reach Galar as our final stop. Ash is once more the oldest out of him, Chloe, and Goh but not everyone else. That would be Hodge at a straight 19 years old when he first meets Ash and Goh at the Battle Frontier Flute Cup. Chloe comes at 14 and a half years old with Goh just freshly turning 14. This makes Ash’s relationship more of a mentor type distant older brother thing. Those two actually don’t find out about Ash’s age up until he and Goh get their letter so of recommendation and have to fill out the normal personal stuff. If you think Hop is close by in age with Ash then you’re wrong again. He’s actually two days younger then Chloe making Hop around 14 and a half years old as well. Marine is 13 years and 9 months old. Bede is much more closer to Ash then the others at 16 years 8 months. For Leon, Raihan, and Sonia their still very much the same in a way. Leon is still the youngest at 20 years while Raihan is the oldest at 23, leaving Sonia in the middle at 21 and a half years old.

Age note… once more: this fits perfectly for the Kanto and Galar Trios as they basically get opposite of themselves in a way. Goh who’s very oriented, loud, and on the go gets paired with marine who’s very quite and shy for the most part and their going to subconsciously teach each other that its okay to come out of your shell or its okay to take a moment and relax. Hop is very much like Ash and Goh combined with the strategies and the none stop puppy own straight crack like energy and he declares himself as Chloe’s, who’s silent and very critical and almost broody like it’s not quite there but it’s close enough, rival and is trying to teach her that battling is fun and okay and a lot of Pokemon like battling for those reason. Ash and Bede are the obvious choice for each other because once again Ash is very bright, happy-go-lucky, just sweet in general to everyone while Bede is completely broody, extremely sour, and just utterly rolling in his own image and being way to cocky.



[kindofwriter]

1, 6, 10, 12, 15 for the rqg asks?

Anon, I would die for you.

1. RQG characters are now the characters in another podcast you love. Whose places do they take, and how does this change the narrative?

I don’t know how well it works, but it has to be Penumbra, true love of my life.

Zolf would already make the perfect grizzled detective. I also think Juno’s s2 arc would be quite an accurate depiction of Zolf during the 18 month time gap, if we’d ever got to hear any of that.

I’d love love love to see Zolf and Sasha relationship transposed onto Juno and Rita. Rita and Sasha obviously couldn’t be more different, but I think they have a lot in common on paper: dangerous, hidden past, utter delight at new things, cares deeply and endless about the people they consider family, rejects any authority until it’s an authority they’ve chosen, then they have nothing but respect for them.

It would make sense for the crew of the Vengeance to be the crew of Carte Blanche, but we don’t really know them that well other than Earhart. So maybe Eldarion and Curie as Buddy and Vespa? That does rob Sasha of her opportunity to be knife wife 2.0, but I love her as Rita. Einstein and Earhart will collectively make up the sheer powerhouse that is Jet.

Wilde actually makes for a pretty great Nureyev. Smooth talking master of illusion? Hell yes! Plus, he’s never he focus of the story, which works well for an NPC.

I can’t remember his name right now, but Grizzop as that one guy in the HCPD that was actually trying to do a good job and implement change and, basically, abolish the HCPD!

Now Sasha and Mick are where characters may have to bend a little more. Desperately wants to stay friends with [Zolf] despite him constantly putting down his ideas, plus addiction issues? Kinda Hamid! But sweet, well meaning, and strong? That’s Azu! Social climbing + used to work with [Zolf]? Hamid! Hyper confident, wants to be in charge? Azu! 

But, due to the rivalry, and the fact that Hamid would probably work with Bertie in this AU, I’m going to say Hamid as Agent W and Azu as Mick. Azu is too good for this world, and I love some Hamid/Zolf friendship angst.

A similar plot would even still work - expect Zolf’s angst would come from killing his own brother, rather than his family doing it. And instead of medical debtors the meritocracy would be spreading The Blight in order to control their citizens, and The Carte Blanche would be looking for a cure.

6. What’s a location you can picture perfectly each time it’s brought up? Describe it.

Ngl, all of them,,, But I have a really specific image of the Apophis Office that is nothing like what Alex described. I imagine, from the outside, it looks like one of those optical illusion buildings; all stairs and corridors that don’t quite add up, made of aged limestone.

(Side note: since the Tahan bank definitely shouldn’t be a pyramid, I always pictured it as being like an hour glass. All windows that can be tinted when an important meeting is going on. Elevator straight up the middle.)

10. Invent a plot for a Harrison Campbell novel; fictional or from canon.

I really love the idea of Zolf finding and reading a Campbell about asexuality, never really saying anything aloud, but just going ‘ooooh, everything makes sense now.’

The MC is nothing at all like Zolf. She’s a high society socialite who likes parties and flirting and attention (hm, sound like anyone Zolf knows?). But the second she’s alone with anyone, and anything remotely sexual could possibly happen, she immediately doesn’t know how to act.

The story is about her trying to find a connection that feels right. In the end she realises she’s asexual, but decides that her bond with her best friend is the most important thing in her life, and although she might find someone one day who she has a romantic connection with she’s content for now.

It’s not Zolf’s favourite book by far, but it feels special to him in a way the others don’t quite.

12. If RQG were to be a TV show, which one NPC would you want Alex to voice and why?

I want to say Wilde. I really, really want to say Wilde; he’s the most consistent NPC, and the most important, and Alex has had a lot of practise doing his voice, and I love how he does it.

But I kind of think Wilde should be voiced by an Irish actor. They’d have to do/have a reeeally soft accent, but a lot of people seem to forget/not know that Wilde was Irish, and I don’t want to steal that literary history, y’know?

So probably Barret. He’s around at the beginning and the end and even shows up for a bit in the middle; he’s important! Plus, I feel like he’d enjoy getting to play The Big Villain, and it is a good, creepy voice.

(Carter is also up there, but I think Carter should be voiced by Bryn, for reasons.)

15. What’s a headcanon you think about all the time but feel you’ve never had an opportunity to share?

I share all my headcanons, lol. But here are some quickfire ones I don’t merit putting into fics/posts: 1. he/she/they Eren Fairhands supremacy 2. aroace Sasha who confuses admiration for having a crush 3. Cel’s hair falls over their eyes when they drink their beast serum, making them look like an anime monster 4. the reason ‘go go boots, go’ is the activation phrase for Zolf’s boots is because when he got them Wilde explained that he’d have to create an activation phrase and he was like ‘lol, what, like go go boots, go’ before realising his mistake, and he’s been stuck with it ever since 5. even fictional Oscar Wilde is not allowed to be a twink, it is Wrong.

Thank you so much for the ask!

[demonfox38]

Okay. Made it through the last season of Netflix's "Castlevania" interpretation. Thoughts are below the cut.

I've often thought of this series as the exploitation version of "Castlevania," and hiring Malcom McDowell confirms that.

Although, I find it hilarious that both Malcolm McDowell and Patrick Stewart have ended up voicing the same character. I'm sure there's a "Star Trek Generations" joke to be made in there, but I'm not Mike Stoklasa.

Also, I was cracking up a bit when Varney's plot twist happened. Mostly, because it came off a bit Skeletor-esque in vocal performance.

Also, also—laughing that the final boss went the "Castlevania: Lament of Innocence" route despite barely touching on that game's plot.

Animation had its ups and downs with this season. It seemed like there were some frame issues (not enough inbetweening.) I do appreciate how they incorporated more of Alucard's SOTN animations into his fights, however.

Additionally, some of the fight scenes' pacing seemed to have issues, particularly regarding weapon recovery.

The whole bit with St. Germain was off. Like, he's a weird asshole in "Castlevania: Curse of Darkness", but he's more of a weird asshole there in the same way that casually encountering "Doctor Who"'s Doctor would also be strange. Not a straight up villainous boob. Kinda makes sense thematically to have another character who is willing to do horrible shit for their lost loved one, but the series honestly did not do a good job establishing her. Like, did she even have a voice actor? Or a name? All I'm saying is it was much easier for outsiders to get the Lisa revenge thing Dracula had going.

Also, how dare you joke about not being deaf and then have a villainous monologue, TV show.

Greta's a good girl. Well, outside of being an occasional homewrecker. Point is, she's competent and trying her best to save people in a bad situation, and anyone having issues with her is not to be trusted in the same way that you don't trust people who don't like Rochelle from "Left 4 Dead 2."

Look at me. Do not trust people who do not like Rochelle from "Left 4 Dead 2." Yes, her writing could have been better, but she's still a viable character. Let people Thunder Child their ships on the rocks of your better self. Got me?

Also, y'all really need to embrace more polyamory. Or understand the fact that Alucard's not going to love just one person in his life. Dude lives to be at least 600 in the game's timeline. For a dude who loves humans, constricting him to just one who may live to be 100 at best is cruel.

There are some interesting philosophical dialogues going on here, but I can see where some people may lose their patience for them. Considering one of Castlevania's most popular memes is a philosophy debate, you're just gonna have to suck that up. My personal favorites included the topic of acting versus reacting, as well as having agency in one's story.

Striga's battle theme was cool, but otherwise, the music was forgettable. Yes, that is a sin. Punishable by Death? In this series, maybe!

The gore's still over the top. Which, okay, fine. There's a bit of that in game. It's just generally a bit more reserved with it or uses it in crucial boss fights.

RIP doggie.

The Targoviste plot's a bit of a wash, but it doesn't feel as useless as Trevor and Sypha's previous plot predicament. It's just nothing of a surprise, considering how many times the writing has played the "authority figures are useless" and "dark secret surprise" tropes in this series. Like, Greta being reliable is actually more surprising than anything with this plot.

I cannot emphasize enough how boring I found Carmilla's interpretation and plot arc. You guys could have had a giant, naked lesbian riding a skull and spewing magic at people while her cat-eared girlfriend jumped them for extra damage. But no. Vanilla lady with a scarlet sword for you. So long. Farewell. Auf Wiedersehen. Good night.  

Gotta say, as much of a deviation from his source character as he is, Isaac really turned out well in this series. He's definitely evidence that you don't always need to stick to source material.

His Abel is fucking sick, dude. Way to go, king.

Also, I was expecting more violence from Hector this season. Oh, well. At least he got a teeny bit of a spine.

Look. I'm not an alchemist by any means. I'm just a bit baffled by this season's emphasis of obtaining a Rebis. Like, any time the game series has talked about the Magnum Opus of Alchemy, it's more been in pursuit of making a Philosopher's Stone (or at the very least, a Crimson Stone, as seen in "Castlevania: Lament of Innocence.") Pulling a Rebis out of the aether is…well. Could have been more interesting than it was. I mean, it was a bit nightmarish, but it really didn't do much.

Sypha's really never getting back to her family, is she?

Love the idea that the cross subweapon is basically a fancy chakram.

GERGOTH. BUDDY. FRIENDO.

Really appreciating the monster variety in these last two seasons. I mean, that's a big selling point of the "Castlevania" games. Not so much vampires standing around and bickering in dick-waving contests.

Breaking out of the bullet points to hit on the big subject of this season—that is, the ending being surprisingly happy.

There's been a lot of shit that's happened over the last few years. Obviously, a pandemic. Konami's run by pricks. Then, there's the situation with the allegations of sexual coercion with Warren Ellis. Additionally, the terrible ending of "Game of Thrones" likely impacted how this season was developed, considering it seemed to be chasing its progression in construction. (I mean, look at Carmilla and Daenerys.) I don't know how many people were happy with the last season of "Castlevania," but from my POV, it double-tapped itself in the foot with the way it pushed simultaneous sex and violence in its last two episodes. My point is, there was little taste for additional darkness, considering everything that has been happening. Society is drained.

A happy ending was what people really wanted. And man, did this pull through, in that regard. But, there's a conversation to be had in if this swerved too far or if it violates some artistic integrity to give people what they want. So, let's have it.

Look. Man. Have you seen a "Castlevania" ending? When you do it right, it's crumbled castles and rainbow-colored skies. If you do it really right, it results in a pretty girl holding the main character's hand. There is happiness in these games. Hope. Forgiveness and redemption. If this is supposed to be any bit an accurate interpretation of these games, it absolutely should end in such a joyful fashion. (Okay, maybe giving Dracula and Lisa a second honeymoon at the end was a bit much, but I get where people would want that.)

Did some items need to be addressed more? Absolutely. Alucard staking people and Hector getting sexually coerced into servitude are some pretty big topics to just wave away. (Oh, shit. That second part is even worse now with what Ellis was allegedly doing, isn't it?) I suppose I'm just glad the series didn't go full Sephiroth with Alucard. And at least Hector finally took some stand in his situation, even if it wasn't the bombastic, hateful revenge I'm used to seeing from this character in other stories.

I think the creators of this series were trying to save this show from the fate of "Game of Thrones." (To some extent, perhaps the "Voltron" re-interpretation as well.) There's so much media out there anymore that if a production team doesn't nail the ending, their creation gets wiped out of the collective consciousness. To that extent, I think the creators were successful in saving their series. Did it do damage to itself in yanking out of its construction and themes? A bit. But, in doing so, it pivoted back to being more like a proper "Castlevania" product. (And of course, by proper, I mean anything ignoring "Lords of Shadows." God, people need to stop chasing other products when developing "Castlevania" stuff and just let the series be as it is.)

I am very curious as to how much of this season was part of an original draft and how much was revised in backlash to everything that has happened. It doesn't seem like Trevor was intended to survive, but to some extent, Sypha had to. (I mean, until she has a kid, anyway. See "Lords of Shadows" series for dickery regarding that.) I'm also wondering if there was more intended for the Carmilla subplot, as much as the series was banging on about her invading locations. I'm not even sure St. Germain was intended to be a villain all along. Getting into a bitchfight with Death? Sure. Doing what he did here? That's a weird arc, dude.

If you come away from my POV with anything, it should be this: GO PLAY THE GAMES.

Do it. Do it, you ghouls. Go to the Steam store and download the "Castlevania Anniversary Collection." Boot up your PS3 or 4 or 18 or whatever and get "Symphony of the Night." Throttle Nintendo's stores until "Aria of Sorrow" or "Dawn of Sorrow" or "Harmony of Dissonance" or whatever rattles out of their moldy pockets. Find a ROM. Find an ISO. Just play a game. Especially, one of the ones made before 2010.

"Castlevania" as a game series isn't about hordes of vampires dick-waving at each other or edgy swearing or being grim and dark. Some of that stuff's there, sure. But, at its core, it's what game developers created when they looked at Universal Monster Movie creations and went "That's cool. Let's fight that!" It's a series about pushing technology in MMC chips to make rich, vibrant music. It's about flourishing artwork and layers of sprites dripping particles and gore onto players. It's sober and goofy and very pro curry.

The thing is, "Castlevania" players have their own unique connection to the series. We're the weirdos you see clapping their hands when a mutilated dinosaur shows up on screen. It's not because the monster alone is cool. It's that we've fought and struggled and bodied that thing through several floors like a goddamn "X-Men: Children of the Atom" stage. It's kicked our asses. We've kicked its ass. We've got a connection to it that you just don't get from passively watching it barf lasers through a computer monitor or TV screen. Like, you know how people go, "Well, the movie wasn't as good as the book?" It's obnoxious, sure. But, those who read the source materials have to go to the effort of constructing their own sets and people to understand what's happening. In a similar fashion, game players build up their own skill set to reach that next rung.

Maybe you don't always get a payout when you invest your resources into something. But, there is a sense of accomplishment, seeing what you can do.

There's a reason this series got an adaptation. I mean, outside of Konami's head executives wanting easy money. "Castlevania" is a fantastic video game series. Has it got a few problems? Oh yeah. Especially after outsourcing and pachislot machines became all the rage. But, there's a reason Simon and Richter Belmont are playable in "Super Smash Bros. Ultimate." There's a reason I spent a significant amount of time playing these games and writing or drawing fanworks for it. These games are wonderful. Beautiful. Difficult, but inspiring. Reasons I will still bang on about them decades years down the road.

When I get exasperated by layers of angst and edge lord content this Netflix series generated, I want you to know why. The roots of this show are good games held captive under poor management. Some people on staff know this. I wish they had more scenario and writing control. But mostly, I don't want to shit on them or their work. (Well, other than perhaps the obvious target.) I just want you to see what I love in these games.

And also to watch Crashervania. Because that's legit.

[salvatoreschool]

Vampire Diaries Universe: The 25 Best Characters, Ranked

For the first time since 2009, we’re entering a fall season devoid of any new offerings from the Vampire Diaries universe. And like Stefan Salvatore without his daily diet of forest friends, we’re insatiable.

Like so many longtime TVD enthusiasts (those of us to whom the word “thesmatos” really means something!), we’ve spent much of quarantine revisiting the weird, wonderful universe — from Mystic Falls to New Orleans and back again. We’re suddenly spending a lot of time with characters we haven’t seen in years. And we’re having a lot of feelings about them.

In celebration of the franchise’s 11th anniversary, TVLine has assembled another totally non-controversial ranking, this time of the 25 best characters from the Vampire Diaries universe — a category that also includes familiar faces from The Originals and Legacies. (In Legacies‘ defense, the franchise’s latest offshoot hasn’t been around as long to endear itself to us, but that didn’t stop four Salvatore School students from making their way onto our list.)

In lieu of new content from the TVD universe this fall, TVLine is looking back at our 25 favorite characters from the entire franchise, including stand-out favorites from its two spinoffs.

SPOILER ALERT: This ranking discusses major plot points from all three shows. If you haven’t finished The Vampire Diaries (Season 1-8), The Originals (Season 1-5) or Legacies (Season 1-2), proceed at your own risk. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

25. VINCENT GRIFFITH

Thanks to the magic of body swapping, the Mikaelson siblings have inhabited multiple physical vessels throughout the years, but none have remained in the family’s orbit quite like this Southern gentleman. Powerful, thoughtful and downright Shakespearean in his delivery (Yusuf Gatewood, ladies and gentlemen!), Vincent always has the greater good in mind. And as we learned in The Originals’ series finale, he helped Freya and Keelan pass that good along to the next generation.

24. LANDON KIRBY

Even though we’re still getting to know him, there’s already so much to like about this pure-hearted Mystic Falls townie. Not only is he the franchise’s first-ever phoenix, but he also looks like he could pass for Damon and Elena’s offspring — and that’s never a bad thing. We could tell he had a long future in this universe the moment he danced with Hope in The Originals’ final season. (So far, so good!)

23. JENNA SOMMERS

Like so many paved paradises, we didn’t fully appreciate what we had with Jenna until she was gone. Her death marked the end of Elena’s innocence — which is saying a lot, considering she was still mourning her own parents when The Vampire Diaries began. And if we’re being honest, Jenna was the ghost we were most excited to see again in the series finale. (For the record, Joseph Morgan has apologized on Klaus’ behalf for killing Jenna several times.)

22. TYLER LOCKWOOD

The First Son of Mystic Falls was kind of a jerk when we met him in The Vampire Diaries‘ first season. He was arrogant, aggressive and reckless — so it actually made perfect sense when he was revealed to be a werewolf. Fortunately, Michael Trevino’s character developed a little more nuance from that point on, especially via his Romeo and Juliet romance with Caroline. (After everything that’s happened since 2013, can you believe that they were once in a love triangle with Klaus?)

21. JEREMY GILBERT

Elena’s little brother (er, cousin?) went through a number of different, wonderful phases during his tenure in Mystic Falls. We loved him in The Vampire Diaries’ earlier seasons as the human embodiment of all things emo (he literally dated a ghost!), and we… um… appreciated his unexpected evolution into a shirt-ripping, wood-chopping vampire hunter.

20. CAMILLE ‘CAMI’ O’CONNELL

The Clarice Starling to Klaus’ Hannibal Lecter, this brave bartender was able to tap into the show’s darkest, most complicated character’s psyche in ways that no one named Mikaelson (or even Forbes) ever could. She helped him conquer a number of his demons in the few short years they spent together on The Originals, and like most people who play a significant role in Klaus’ life, she suffered the consequences. (Side note: Are we the only ones who really dug Cami as a vampire? Justice for that short-lived story arc.)

19. SHERIFF ELIZABETH FORBES

Of The Vampire Diaries’ many maternal figures, none put us through the emotional ringer quite like Caroline’s mother. We weren’t her biggest fans in the show’s early seasons, given her penchant for hunting the undead (including her own daughter), but hey, what was this show if not an endless series of redemption arcs? Also, if you don’t get a little choked up when Caroline felt her mom’s presence in the series finale, you don’t have a soul.

18. FREYA MIKAELSON

The long-lost fifth Mikaelson sibling was a little rough around the edges when we first encountered her on The Originals, but the poor woman was in the midst of escaping a centuries-long imprisonment, so we cut her a little slack. And we’re glad we did, because Freya has since become one of the strongest, most inspiring and all-around likable characters in the Vampire Diaries canon. #FreelinForever

17. MARCEL GERARD

While it’s easy to get swept up in Marcel’s charm and swagger (we were robbed of a second karaoke number, by the way!), it’s important to remember just how far back his time with the Mikaelson family goes. When you consider that Klaus literally freed Marcel from slavery and raised him to lead New Orleans as his right-hand vampire, it adds a whole other layer of tension to their passionate power struggle on The Originals. Though he’s treated like an unofficial Mikaelson sibling, Marcel often feels like more of a Mikaelson than Kol — and definitely more than Finn.

16. REBEKAH MIKAELSON

Arguably the funniest (and most glamorous) member of the Mikaelson family, the woman Damon once referred to as “Barbie Klaus” never fai to tell it exactly like it was, beginning with her thoughts on then-lovebirds Stefan and Elena. (“Honestly, I don’t get you two as a couple.”) And Bex only became more complex as the years went on, from her desperate desire for humanity to her undeniable love for Marcel. Just don’t call her insane — she prefers “spontaneous.”

15. ALARIC SALTZMAN

In hindsight, Alaric’s journey from hot history teacher to hot headmaster of a supernatural school makes perfect sense. Still, it was impossible to predict back in The Vampire Diaries’ first season just how much of an impact the man formerly known as Warner Huntington III would have on this franchise. A drinking buddy to some, a father figure to others and a literal father to a lucky pair, Alaric has truly woven himself into the fabric of this universe like few others. (That said, we still wouldn’t recommend dating him if you value your life.)

14. SHERIFF MATT DONOVAN

Only one full-blooded human survived all eight seasons of The Vampire Diaries, and you’re looking at him. The pinnacle of mortal goodness, this blue-eyed patriot hasn’t always been on the same page as his vampire brethren, but that’s only because he didn’t want to see any more his friends and family get eaten. And we can sympathize with that!

12-13. LIZZIE AND JOSIE SALTZMAN

Asking us to choose between Jo (by way of Caroline) and Alaric’s daughters is an impossible task, which is ironic, considering the Gemini twins are literally destined for a fight to the death on their 22nd birthday. Besides, these sisters have always felt like a package deal, from the moment we witnessed their birth on The Vampire Diaries to the day we reunited with them as teenagers on Legacies. (They also popped up in The Originals’ penultimate episode, putting them in the prestigious category of characters who have appeared in all three series.) Despite their inherent connection, Lizzie and Josie really have grown into two very different people, a journey we hope will continue for years (and shows) to come.

11. MALACHAI ‘KAI’ PARKER

The fact that this remorseless, pork rind-loving psychopath ranks so high on our list speaks volumes about actor Chris Wood, who brought a refreshingly sassy vibe to The Vampire Diaries’ sixth season. The guy was so likable, fans were even ‘shipping him with Bonnie… as if that poor girl hadn’t been through enough already! You also have to give Kai points for longevity — even after his head got knocked off, he managed to make two encore appearances on TVD (Season 8) and Legacies (Season 2).

10. HOPE MIKAELSON

As we mentioned with Lizzie and Josie earlier, we feel like we’ve watched Hope grow up before our eyes… because we have. Given the epic circumstances surrounding her conception, birth and upbringing, an adult version of this character had a lot of hype to live up to, and Danielle Rose Russell has proven herself more than up to the challenge. Imbued with her parents’ best qualities, Hope’s power and passion make her both a formidable foe and an invaluable ally. Besides, Legacies showed us what the world would be like without Hope, and it was not a good place.

9. HAYLEY MARSHALL

We can’t even think about this fierce, fearless mama wolf without shedding a single tear. Hayley’s story was basically one long tragedy, from her complicated marriage with Jackson to her tumultuous relationship with Elijah. And then there was her untimely demise in The Originals’ final season, which… actually, let’s not talk about that. From the moment she gave birth, Hayley’s heart belonged to Hope, and it was in her most extreme maternal moments that Hayley’s true strength was on display. That’s how we’ll remember her.

8. ELIJAH MIKAELSON

Suits? Pressed. Hair? Immaculate. Vocabulary? Thicc. With his smooth moves and cunning intellect, Klaus’ extremely respectful brother could do it all — well, except keep the people he loved from meeting horrific ends. (Seriously, this guy’s track record for dead lovers is right up there with Alaric’s.)

7. BONNIE BENNETT

Simply put, this is the witch you want in your corner when things go south. Endlessly powerful and selfless to a fault, Kat Graham’s character spent eight agonizing seasons sacrificing herself — often literally, hence her multiple deaths — in order to keep her friends and family safe. No amount of bloody noses or dead boyfriends could stop this badass from crushing her enemies.

6. CAROLINE FORBES

Getting smothered to death was honestly the best thing that could have happened to Caroline, who evolved from a basic, boy-crazy cheerleader into a bad-ass vampire overnight. And that was just the first phase of her franchise-long evolution into the empowered, globe-trotting mother of two she is today. She’s also responsible for all of The Vampire Diaries’ memorable musical moments, from her sweet song for Matt to her devastating performance at Sheriff Forbes’ funeral. (Now if only she’d pay her old pals at Legacies a visit…)

5. ELENA SALVATORE

She may not have Katherine’s chaotic flare, but Elena deserves credit for carrying much of The Vampire Diaries’ dramatic and romantic weight for six years. And for that pink hair she experimented with in Season 4. On top of that, Elena also rolled with the punches better than almost anyone. (You’re vampires? I’m a doppelgänger? Now I’m a vampire? Now I’m human again? Now I’m in a coma? Sure, let’s do this.)

3-4. DAMON AND STEFAN SALVATORE

Two sides of the same brooding coin, these brothers were as proficient at breaking hearts as they were at breaking necks. And while their love triangle with Elena will remain the stuff of TV legend, their relationship as brothers was revealed to be the real heart of The Vampire Diaries in its final two seasons. Honestly, it’s too hard to choose between them, so we’re not going to.

2. KATHERINE PIERCE

Come on, when were you not excited to see this leather-clad lunatic on your screen? Deliciously twisted and infinitely more interesting than her human doppelgänger, Katherine was behind many of The Vampire Diaries’ most jaw-dropping twists, from her iconic encounter with John(’s bloody fingers) to her long-awaited return in the series finale. Honestly, putting Katherine on hell’s throne in Season 8 was merely a formality — she was always a queen.

1. KLAUS MIKAELSON

The man, the myth, the legend. To think that the monster who slaughtered poor, defenseless Aunt Jenna on The Vampire Diaries is the same person who gave it all up to save his daughter on The Originals… well, there isn’t a clap slow enough to commend that kind of growth. (Again, Joseph Morgan is very sorry about the whole Jenna thing!) By the time Klaus evaporated on the streets of New Orleans, it felt like we had explored every conceivable nook and cranny of his existence, from his traumatic childhood to his fatal romances — and we relished every second of it.

[madeofitzits]

In honor of the impending return of Brooklyn 99, here are 99 reasons that...

1. He was precocious enough to know, at 5 years old, that he wanted to change his name (x)

 2. He has a bunch of nicknames: Sandy Amberg, Young Sandwich, etc. but the most endearing one is 'Droidy', his family's name for him (x) 

3. He is still super close friends with people he's known since: Elementary School (Chelsea Peretti) (x)...

4. Junior High/High School (Kiv and Jorm) (x) 

5. … Summer Camp (Irene Neuwirth) (x)

7.  ...and Film School (Chester Tam) (x)

8. Before he met Joanna, he dated other famous ladies but - out of respect - he never discussed it/them (x) 

9. He loves turtles and tortoises. When he was a kid, he had a pet turtle that he named 'Squirt' because the first time he held it, it peed on him. His Mom, Margie, accidentally killed Squirt when Andy was at Summer camp... (x)

10. … Maybe this is why, when shooting 'Popstar', Andy fell hard for Maximus (Conner 4 Real's turtle). He says they "had a good thing going" and that he wanted to adopt him. In the end, he decided against it because there are a bunch of coyotes in his neighborhood and he was worried the little guy wouldn't be safe. (Popstar: DVD Commentary)

11. Speaking of his Mom, despite being a super private person, he appeared on 'Finding your Roots' so that he could help her track down her birth family (x)

12. When he succeeded he cried (although we never got to see it on camera) (x)

13. That's because, like all good boys, he loves his Mama which is why - as part of the same episode - he said "My mom is basically the kindest person I know… and many people would corroborate that" (x)

14. Andy's Sisters, Hannie (Johanna) and Darrow, used to make him wear diapers and put his hair in pigtails until he was 5 years old. He says he didn't mind because he just liked that they were paying attention to him (x)

15. That's why he sees his identity in comedy as being 'America's kid brother'. When he was young, he would annoy his sisters until they laughed and he claims to have been replicating that approach to entertainment ever since

16. Although a bunch of his characters have 'Daddy Issues', Andy definitely doesn't. He's super close with his Papa (Joe) and has said "he's a good man" and "the best Dad in the world" (x) 

17. Joe was Andy's youth soccer coach and in one scene in 'Hot Rod', Joe's favorite photograph can be seen in the background. It shows a very young Andy posing with a soccer ball, after "scoring the winning goal against Mersey" (x)

18. He's been a loyal Golden State Warriors fan since he was a little kid, living in Oakland (then Berkeley) and, in 2010, he correctly predicted that they would "win a Championship in my lifetime" (x) 

19. The proceeds from his Umami Burger ('The Samburger') went to a deafness early detection program in Berkeley. This cause is close to his heart because Margie uses hearing aids and used to work in the special needs program, teaching deaf kids (x)

20. He, Kiv, and Jorm have made multiple donations to their old school district, including $250 000 to its theater program (x)

21. On the subject of The Lonely Island; Andy always goes out of his way to make sure that everyone knows how much he owes to his buddies. For instance, he told Marc Maron, during his WTF appearance, that "I get a lot of credit for what Kiv and Jorm have done" (x)

22. He makes this face when he knows he’s said something naughty…

(Gif credit: @andrewsambags)

23. During his 'Wild Horses' appearance, he said that he can't watch scary movies because they freak him out too much. He told 'Complex' that he's still scared of 'The Shining' (x)...

24. … Similarly, when he was at UC Santa Cruz he worked at the Del Mar movie theater and he had a hard time coping with screenings of 'Species 2' (x)

25. He fell in love with Joanna, the moment he met her, when she greeted him by addressing him as 'Steve the C**t' (x)

 26. He listened to 'Ys', everyday for a year, before he and Joanna started dating (x)

27. He bought the original portrait that was used as the basis of the cover art for 'Ys' and gave it to Joanna as a Christmas present, so that she could hang it in her music room (x)

 28. He loves birds and goes hiking and birding with Joanna (x)

 29. Every new comment he makes about Joanna becomes an instant contender for 'most beautiful thing a person has ever said about their spouse' (x)

30. For example, he readily admits that Jake's iconic heart eyes are the result of him thinking about his amazing wife (x)

31. There are many stories about how incredibly romantic Andy and Joanna's wedding was and Jorm has said that it featured "the most magical vows I've ever heard" (x)

32. The Newsombergs now live in Charlie Chaplin's old house (x)

33. On the Emmys Red Carpet (2015), the year he hosted, they took a momentary break from posing for the world's press to whisper 'I love you' to each other (x)

34. At last year's Vanity Fair party, Andy carried Joanna's purse for her so she could grab a snack (x)

35. He was a semi-permanent fixture in the audience for her recent run of shows for the 'Strings/Keys Incident' tour, even officially confirming his status as the 'President of her Fan Club' (x)

36. He used his Golden Globes monologue to call out the government for framing and murdering the Black Panthers (x)

37. On the Carpet for the Guy's Choice Awards, he called the event "a ridiculous farce", adding that "men already have it so easy - it's insane that there's a show that celebrates them". That makes sense when you consider that he, Kiv and Jorm have made an entire career out of parodying toxic masculinity (x)

38. He once said that only "idiot-ass men" think that women aren't funny (x)

39. He’s been wearing glasses since 7th Grade and he has the most heartbreakingly cute habit of nudging them up his nose, (especially when he wears his Sol Moscot frames) (x)...

40. ... and of rubbing his eyes under them (x)

41. He barely ever wears glasses for roles but he also avoids contacts (because he doesn't like touching his eyeballs) which means he's almost always 'acting blind' (x)

42. He has worn his glasses in character a few times - as 'himself' ('Lady Dynamite'), as 'Paul' ('I Think You Should Leave') and during a very small number of SNL sketches (e.g. during his one appearance in a 'Gilly' with Kristen Wiig) (x) 

43. He can't tolerate glare and when that makes him squint it's a sight that's too cute for words (x)

44. He owns about six outfits and has been rotating them for well over a decade (x) 

45. He barely ever breaks during shooting/while performing, so when he does it's aggressively adorable. (x), (x)

46. He's a grown ass man who persuades people to come with him to the bathroom because if he goes by himself he'll get lonely (x)

47. He didn't announce he was leaving SNL, until after his last appearance, selflessly choosing not to detract from Kirsten Wiig's huge and emotional send-off (x) 

48. He undertook a quest to smell like Lorne Michaels (x) 

49. He's ageing like a fine wine (x)

50. To protect their daughter's privacy, Andy and Joanna never announced that they were expecting. They've never released their little girl's name or date of birth and most news outlets still report that they became parents in August 2017 (even though that's inaccurate) (x)

51. Although he's careful not to talk about his daughter often, sometimes he can't keep from gushing about her. For example, when asked about his first year of fatherhood he said: "It’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Just like a beautiful, incredible dream. It has surpassed every expectation I ever had. It’s definitely been very blissful" (x)

52. After their daughter was born, Andy and Joanna spent the first 40 days at home with her (in a practice known as 'confinement'). He's described it as being "a really special time". (x) 

53. Andy is famously mild-mannered but, when asked about what triggers his 'Dad claws', he admitted that if anyone attempted to touch his daughter, without permission, he'd "probably sock them hard in the face"…

54. ...Characteristically, he went on to add that he hopes that never happens, since he hasn't been in a fight since 6th Grade (x)

55. Cyndi Lauper was his first celebrity crush and he plays her record ('She's so unusual') for his daughter all the time. (x)

56. His is the very definition of a precious laugh (x)...

57. It's made even more wonderful by the way it makes his voice go high-pitched (x)

58.  … and the way it causes his eyebrow to rise involuntarily  

59. It's impossible not to smile at his impression of his Mom (x)

60. And laugh at his impression of John Mulaney (x)

61. He was so convinced he wouldn't win the Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical, that he didn't prepare a speech. Instead, as he explained to David Letterman, he "just went… and started drinking". The resulting list of improvised 'thank yous' was perfect in every way (x)

62. As producers, Andy, Kiv and Jorm have given life to some amazing projects ('Alone Together', 'Brigsby Bear', 'I Think You Should Leave')...

63. … and gone out of their way to support women in comedy ('Party Over Here', 'PEN15') (x)

64. As well as being a comedy legend, he's a super-talented dramatic actor, who gave the performance of a lifetime in 'Celeste and Jesse Forever' but, after the movie wrapped, and it was time to do press for it, he was straight back to goofing around (x) 

65. His lip bite should be illegal (x)

66. Even though he wears the same vanishingly small number of outfits, over and over, he has a vast collection of the most excellent socks (x)

67. He always gives 'editing notes' during his own interviews (x)

68. He has a super sweet and sincere way of thanking interviewers when they compliment him (x)

69. He adjusts his hoodie constantly (x)

70. The two most perfect Jake laughs in b99 are actually real Andy laughs 'https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W38A_xuXaeg https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sVm9nYrTWRQ

71. Virtually everyone who has ever worked with Andy has talked about what a wonderful person he is. This explains why so many of them have been involved with more than one of his projects (x)

72. It's not only his colleagues who talk about what a delight he is (x), (x)

73. This lovestruck fool wore his own wife's merch when he went out to dinner (x)

74. No one else uses the word 'dinky' quite like Andy (x). The same goes for 'snacky' (see point 70)

75. He does this with his tongue (x)

76. He still likes to play soccer but his eyesight is so bad that he has to keep his glasses on for it

77. When he lets his gorgeous floofy hair grow a little it sits perfectly over the arms of his glasses (x)

78. He gifted the world with Jakey's little curl (x)

79. At the James Franco Roast, he couldn't bring himself to be mean to anyone except himself (and Jeff Ross, a little!) (x)

80. In fact, he's always been willing to laugh at himself (x) and he still is (x)

81. He changes b99 scripts to make them more feminist (x)

82. Despite their humble insistence that they just benefited from 'good timing', the reality is that Andy, Kiv and Jorm (along with Chris Parnell) revolutionized digital media, when 'Lazy Sunday' popularized YouTube, increasing its traffic by 85% overnight (x)

83. He once attended the Vanity Fair party because his Mom told him to (x)

84. He has an amazing way of subtly but firmly shutting down inappropriate questions, like when this interviewer suggested that Holt being gay was something that could have been played for laughs https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=idQsYQfkR5o

85. He auditioned for SNL at the same time as Bill Hader. Hader thought he'd blown it because Andy had a bunch of props and Bill had none. In the meantime, Andy thought he'd blown it when he saw Hader and realized 'this guy doesn't need any props' (x) 

86. His bromance with Seth Meyers is one for the ages (x)

87. Every single second of this video is proof of why Andy, Kiv and Jorm deserve the world (x)

88. He once dragged Mulaney up on stage for SNL Goodnights, even though writers weren't allowed to join in (x)

89. He has a hilarious phobia of pooping anywhere except his own bathroom (x) 

90. His beautiful, beautiful, face: His smile (radiant), his eyes (caramel - hella disarming), his ears (adorably asymmetrical), his nose (perfect), His chin (the dimple… *swoon*), his jaw (could cut glass), The 'Sambeard' (another amazing layer of pretty) (x)

91. His body: His butt (x), his thighs, (x) his soft lil tummy (The ‘Sambelly’) (x), his hands. (x), his arms (x), his hips…

(Gif credit: @amystiago /@badpostandy on Twitter)

92. All signs point to the fact that, like Jake, Andy uses his glasses case as a wallet (x) 

93. Jake's "cool-cool-cool-cool-cool-cool" is an irl Andy-ism that the writers worked into b99 scripts. What's even better is that Joanna does it, too (x)

94. He has a really good arm and is low key competitive, which is super hot https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e32K_nBDy3Q

95. He's one half of the cutest Red Carpet pose of all time (x)

96. He barely ever seems to get mad but if angry Jake is anything to go by, maybe he should... (x)

97. He's a huge nerd, who geeks out over GOT, LOTR, 'Star Wars', 'Alien(s)' and anything relating to time travel (x), (x)

98. He has a gorgeous speaking voice, especially when he’s tired or a little sick. (Bonus points for any time he uses the word ‘correct’. See point 30) (x) 

99. He’s still so committed to his b99 fans and fam, even after all this time and is as excited as the rest of us that...

[calangkoh]

I think if Ed, Al and Roy of both 03 and MH met each other they wouldn't get along. MH!Ed would hate 03!Ed for killing, while 03!Ed thinks MH!Ed is naive. MH!Roy would hate that 03!Roy gave up on Hughes and his dream, while 03!Roy would think MH!Roy a monster for choosing vengeance over morals. The Al's would be better, but mh!Al would get thrown off by 03!Al's instablity and anger issues, while 03!Al would see MH!Al as babyish in the vein of Fletcher Tringham.

oh i LOVE this game. thinking about them all meeting. 

i actually disagree and think theyd all be very empathetic toward each other, with some variations. i think MH characters would feel a lot of sadness for their 03 counterparts and wonder what could have pushed them.

but it comes down to interpretation and what you’re more interested in seeing, and i also am not as familiar or invested in the MH versions so i cant say how in character my interpretations are. 

if anyone wants to share more ideas on this id be super interested in reading! but for now my headcanons would be:

the eds: 03 ed has a feeling of inferiority to MH ed, who is taller, stronger, more accomplished, and fulfilled. he has everything he wants. and he’s also much louder and brasher than 03 ed whose become very worn down like an old man by the ripe age of 18 and i can legit see him finding MH overwhelming. if they met when they were younger they’d be bros. they’d constantly egg each other on and be annoying to everyone else, but have a blast with each other, while also doing everything to NOT talk about the sad stuff they share in their past. they know each other and its unspoken. but at the end of their respective journeys, MH looks at 03 ed with pity, and 03 ed looks at MH ed and he decides he understands Envy and how he felt seeing his father with a happy family that didnt include him. they’d be 50% awkward silence, 10% a maybe heartfelt talk (since both eds are very capable of those when they let their guard down), and 40% just discussing their lives and finding commonalities and eventually finding something to laugh and joke about. even if its self deprecating humor. both of them admire each others dedication to their brother and recognize they both did everything they could, but had different situations where different choices had to be made. now if a YOUNGER ed met an older ed in any combo, it’d be very different.

the als: if theyre both in the armor, they'd spend some time sharing stories but mostly just sit in comfortable silence, i feel, again with an unspoken understanding of each others struggles. al is pretty quiet and rarely shares his feelings or thoughts until they’re really strong, so i think they’d just sorta coexist. now if we’re talking restored al, post series for both of them, i can see a few routes, but just to pick one, i think fmab is going to feel like a babysitter for his (physically) younger counterpart, but they both are still very kind and sweet and excited to be back in their bodies and will probably go out collecting kittens together lol. but eventually something would give way and fmab al will realize how totally messed up 03 al is from his experiences, and 03 al will have resentment toward fmab al. like something would just slip out or 03 al would do something reckless or even self-destructive that fmab al just couldnt ever see himself doing, and 03 al will project his guilt and self-hatred onto his counterpart. 

the roys: now THESE guys i dont think would like each other, but theyre both mature and world-weary adults so its not like they would fight or anything. disagree and dislike each other, but never fight or argue about it. 03 roy is too sad and honestly slimy for MH roy, and MH roy is too....well like fmab ed is for 03 ed he’s just too much for 03 roy. MH is much louder and brasher and a more likable personality. also, MH roy is just...a better person kjahdgjkdgs. they’d probably get the sense of their differences right away, and decide to just go get a drink together rather than argue about them. they both were affected by the war and they miss having a drinking buddy so....yeah they’ll drink in silence, probably another unspoken thing that they’re toasting to hughes. 

the eds and als swapped: if fmab ed got to hang with 03 al (and for this we’re going only with post-series, since that’s where they all differ enough from their counterparts to make for interesting dynamics), he’d sense the Off-ness right away. like yeah this is def al, but somethings definitely off under the surface. he’d go big brother mode, since 03 al is physically much younger. 03 al, who is technically the same age as everyone else, prolly isnt a fan, since he’s used to being the caretaker and voice of reason and conscience to ed, but now hes got an ed, one that isnt even his ed, trying to tell him to more careful and stuff lol. 03 ed with fmab al is a less unique dynamic. fmab al would be doing what any al always does and tries to be that caretaker/conscience and like fmab ed, would pick up on his brother’s counterpart’s Offness right away. fmab al senses this ed has issues and is on top of it trying to get him to take better care of himself. and 03 ed would just be like...eh sure. he may wonder about this version of al and if he was a good enough big brother to his own al. since fmab al seems as wholesome and pure as ever, while his al is, as one anon put it, a stepford smiler (where the wholesome and pure behavior is more of a defense mechanism to hide pain underneath)

sorry for not including winry, but it just got to be too long, and i think they’d basically just be bros anyway regardless of when in their stories theyre meeting. theyd geek out and show each other automail stuff. and complain about how stupid their eds are. instant bffs. 

EDIT; ajdhjd i just wanna clarify that theres a lot of focusing on their differences to rlly emphasize the different spots they ended in (hence some dramatization), but 03 ed isnt just a depressed shut in and 03 al isnt a mess of a human reckless ed elric 2 (i feel like i accidentally imply this sometimes that he’s a totally different person when in actuality the change in als personality i often refer to would be very hard to detect) but when comparing them to their BH counterparts those differences are more clear because 03 does have them end up in much more fragile and challenging states. Overall theyd still have a lot in common (both als are genuine caring patient sweeties and both eds are heroic, bold, and extremely caring under a rough exterior) but if i just talked about their similarities then it wouldnt be an interesting dynamic to write or read about.

[theastrophilearchitect]

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Writing journey #4.

15/05/2021 07.22 My break has officially been over for five days, and i have done some writing, but it’s been incredibly inconsistent, so I decided to start this blog post over. Bay Tree has been archived, and though FSB isn’t done, I’ve realised I need to take a step back. It’s why writers leave weeks at a time between drafts--so when they return, they’re in a different mindset, and can improve their work.

For this same reason, I need to take a step back before I finish my outline. My thought process is becoming monotonous, which means I’m losing my excitement. When you start a project, you have the idea in your head as perfect, and when those ‘vibes’ become tangible, it is less exciting. That’s unavoidable. But I just need to take a step back, so when I return, I have fresh ideas, and the plot becomes more exciting to me.

So today, I’m going to start brainstorming a new idea I had, which I don’t have an alias for yet, and I have an idea to essentially bind every project I have together, but not in Grishaverse- or Shadowhunters-style where you need to read ten books just to read the one you want. Just a nod to anyone who does read multiple, like when Aelin falls through worlds and sees Rhys and Feyre for a split second.

So. Let’s brainstorm.

My plan, I think, is to alternate weekly. This week, I’ll work on the new one, next week I’ll do FSB. I could just take this new idea and apply it to FSB, except I just don’t see how that would work. I have different worlds in mind, and this new one is a fantasy where FSB is sci-fi(/fantasy. It’s kinda both).

16/05/2021 07.07 I really wish I was a pantser. Even though I haven’t got to the editing stage, my favourite part of writing is implementing new ideas and making changes, but I’m just not a pantser. I need to know where each part is going. Instead, I have to sit here, brainstorming, for days, to figure everything out.

18/05/2021 07.06 I did a lot of work on the 16th, but I was busy yesterday, and didn’t get any writing done, because, when I was free, I was just reading. So, I’ve decided I’m going to at least write before I leave the house, which gives me about 45 minutes this morning. 

23/05/2021 18.30 Based on the fact it has been five days, I think you can tell how good I’ve been about keeping writing. The problem is that I don’t actually have much past a concept for my new project, so I’m trying to figure out how, precisely, I could merge the two projects. FSB is interesting, but doesn’t have a huge amount of depth, which adding the characters from the new project would absolutely do, while the new project is lacking plot, which FSB (at least the first book I’ve planned) does. So, I’m going to start a new Scrivener project, and consider how I can merge the two concepts while implementing both plots.

Is it too much? I have only two main characters in FSB, but five in the newer one, which gives me seven main characters, divided into three groups. And do I want to write a book with so many separate storylines? I know readers (myself included) always end up favouring one storyline over another, getting annoyed when certain POVs come up. I don’t know what to do.

I could keep the new project, but implement FSB? Hold up. New Project (NP) has two protagonists who could undergo a similar development to the protagonists of FSB... I had a plan for the male protagonist of FSB, his arc, which wouldn’t work for NP’s male protagonist, but would work perfectly for its female protagonist...

Tumblr’s glitching. It wouldn’t let me reblog a post earlier, and now it won’t let me save this draft. Please, no.

Okay, so I had to copy what I’d written for today, disconnect and reconnect to the Wi-Fi, then wait for my drafts to load to paste it. Going great!

21.00 So I didn’t get a huge amount done, because I caught up doing ~evening things~, but I at least have a plan going forward, which is an accomplishment

30/05/2021 09.29 I’ve spent the last couple weeks doing everything I can to avoid writing, but i now have an insane amount of free time, so I have no excuse. I want to use this time in a productive way, and, for me, that means writing.

03/06/2021 10.31 I swear to god, I’ve had ‘writing’ on my to-do list every single day, except not doing it is probably my own fault, because it’s been so far down on the list. Also, I’m doing a buddy read, but am also unfortunately descending into a reading slump, so even reading 50 pages takes me about 90 minutes--they’re not even long pages.

I actually went back onto my old Wattpad account earlier, where I found a load of old, unfinished stuff, but none of it was as bad as I thought it would be, and the ideas weren’t bad. I just really have no idea what it is I’m writing right now, and I hate trying to figure it out.

11.30 There are so many Ss in the word ‘assassin’ this is not okay.

This is actually going so well. I have two storylines in my head, a complex cast of characters, and I’m so looking forward to plotting this.

04/06/2021 08.04 Look at me, two days in a row. Anyways, I’m thinking I ought to name these characters ASAP, because it’ll be easier to shape them to their names than it will be to find a name which fits them once they’ve been shaped.

14.41 Here’s what I’m realising: I like to pants plots, but I can’t do that while I’m actually drafting, so I think my plan is actually to bullet point everything that happens, then revise that, then start drafting, so the story is basically set in the first draft.

I’ve actually gone through a lot of stuff--I have workable plot material!

17.16 So, me being me, I’ve semi-outlined (I say semi-, it’s more like a tenth) a trilogy, meaning I have ideas for three books following this storyline, and it... makes sense. It’s the kind of story where I can follow multiple arcs, a few at a time, instead of several overarching ones, or maybe it’s just that I’m letting myself.

07/06/2021 16.44 I don’t have a damn clue what I’ve spent the day doing. I haven’t done anything in a couple days because it was the weekend and I was busy, but I’m back now. The thing is, I haven’t spent the day reading, watching, drawing, or doing anything, really--it’s escaped me. But, at the very least, I’ve relaxed, so who cares?

I’m not applying story structure to the ideas I’m having quite yet--rather, I’m just developing them to see how they bloom on their own, then I’ll fit it in; it just seems like a more natural and effective way to develop.

Yeah, no. It’s too late in the day for this. I have zero motivation.

08/06/2021 09.49 Maybe I’ll accomplish something today; who knows? Certainly not me.

I’m now applying the 3-act structure, but I’m realising I have way too many details worked out for this--switching to more acts.

22.20 Why am I doing this to myself? I wish I could say I’m not entirely sure, but it’s because I can’t sleep, because this project, and my character Lihan, are the only things I can think about, so here I am. I don’t want to be a night writer, but que sera sera (I wish I could type accents on an English keyboard).

23.22 I accomplished more in the last hour on this project than I have in the last four days.

09/06/2021 - 1,115 words 09.29 I really hope I don’t prove today that night-writing is my sweet spot--I don’t want it to be. Can the world just let me have a functional sleep schedule??

Anyways, so, as I’ve mentioned before, I use Scrivener, which enables me to sort which documents are part of the manuscript from the ones that aren’t. I’ve been working outside of the manuscript, but I think I’m going to move them into it--I have a plan I believe will be more effective for my own drafting. I think I very much need the events to be set in stone before I begin writing in actual prose, so how can I do that? Especially when I also enjoy pantsing, but not in prose?

Here’s the plan: I plot out the main events, then bullet point everything in very high detail, similar to what many people call a zero draft, in which they draft a book in short form. I’ll sort the bullet points into chapters (but not scenes, because as I discovered with Bay Tree, I find scene-blocking makes the narrative less natural), leave it alone a while, then revise, so I can have my plot more-or-less set in stone before I work on prose.

As a result, I’m going to shift my plotting into the manuscript section, because it is, essentially, an early draft, and also I want a word count as a progress metre.

13/06/2021 - 1,611 words 8.18 Alas, I have been busy the last few days, but I’m here now.

9.20 The amount of secrets and who-knows-what in this story is genuinely absurd, but I’m sure I’ll clean it up eventually.

14.01 A few days ago, I came across a post about balancing large casts, which is exactly what I have, and the first thing it mentioned was the two-trait rule, in which every character has two traits completely unique to them, to help both reader and writer differentiate. Which I’m now going to implement.

14.42 I have these two characters, and I know exactly what I want their dynamic to be, except I can’t decide who should be which part of it.

I have made my decision. It probably works better now, but it does alter their roles, so I need to fix that.

I literally swapped them round solely because I decided one was taller than the other and thought it would be more interesting if the short one was the sadist. Why do I make my own life so difficult?

14/06/2021 - 1,574 words 11.08 I didn’t make an enormous amount of progress yesterday, but I did make some, and made notes of ideas for relationship arcs last night, so I count that a victory (forced optimism--surprisingly effective). I’m currently just working through bullet-pointing book one, while making notes of events I want in the rest of the series (I’m projecting three books, and telling myself I will finish them). I’m currently fiddling with one of my storylines to see how I can mould it to FSB’s and OH MY GOODNESS I JUST HAD A GREAT IDEA must take notes, one moment pleaseeee.

Okay, so I have four bullet points for relationship arcs and an idea to adjust one of the storylines--I’d say I have six main characters, two of whom are really the protagonists, two of which are my favourites, and the other two are fun, but in need of development. They’re split into a group of four and a pair, and I’m definitely more into the storyline of the four, mostly because the four contains my two favourites, and it’s more developed than that of the pair.

I’ve been keeping a list of things to add: motivations, loose plot threads, plot points I want to include--I really need to re-organise it.

On another note, I am so glad I named the characters as early as I did. I’m debating having two of the characters swap names, but I don’t think I will, because I will absolutely mix them up, and one of them is part of the perfect ship name.

My mouse isn’t working. I changed the batteries, but it’s not working, so now I get the joy of trying to figure out if the batteries I put in are just old or if the mouse no longer works, which would suck.

Yes, I’m going to describe this. Mostly because when I changed the batteries the first time, it took a minute to stop working, and this will waste a minute. So, first set of batteries, which we’ll call set 1, don’t work. I don’t know if it’s both or just one, but if it’s one, I don’t want to throw away both. I take out set 1, I put in set 2. Set 2 works perfectly. So it’s not the mouse. Now I take out battery 2B, and replace it with 1A, so I have 1A and 2A in here. I know 2A works, but I’m not sure about 1A, but the mouse works, so 1A is fine. Let’s replace 1A with 1B.

Yep. 1B is the problem child. 1A works fine, but 1B doesn’t. Lovely. Crisis averted. It would’ve really sucked it I had to get a new mouse. And back to writing!

12.13 I’m bouncing between documents as I organise, which means my word count is actually decreasing, so I feel like I’m making significantly less progress than I am.

I just realised my two protagonists are cousins. I’ve had it in my head that one’s father was the brother of the other’s father, but somehow I didn’t realise that makes them cousins.

I’m about to delete a list because I’ve reformatted it--my word count is currently at 1,958, but is really about to drop.

AND NOW WE’RE AT 1,572. My session word count is -32. Minus thirty-two. I hate it here, but it’s fine, because we’re ~developing~.

15/06/2021 - 2,113 words 09.39 It’s not even technically summer yet, but it’s too hot, and I hate it here. All the windows are open, so everything’s cool, there’s a nice breeze, and lots of light, but the birds are so loud, and I have to keep all the doors closed because the open windows send them swaying and slamming. You know when you close a door when all the windows are open and it slams? Yep. Not into it. 

I feel like every day I try a new way to organise my plotting. I’m unsure as to whether that’s helping me or holding me back, because it forces me to review what I have, which usually sparks new ideas, but I’m not convinced I’ll ever get to the end as long as I keep doing this.

21/06/2021 13.40 I spent the latter half of last week with zero motivation, then I was busy at the weekend, but I’m here now. I’ve been trying to make myself write basically all day--I have a plan, and a list of things I’ve come up with the last few days, but I just couldn’t make myself do it. I’m not in a good mood, but maybe this will help.

I have, however, just reminded myself that I need to prepare this week’s post, because I sincerely doubt either this or my ongoing Recent reads will be ready for Friday. Actually, if I do quite a bit of writing this week, this post might be, but I’m not willing to bet on it.

And oh, crap, now I just want to write a blog post.

No. No I don’t. I started looking at the list of ideas I had, and now I’m just not feeling it. I’m pretty sure when I open my document for this project I’ll lose all motivation too, but it’s worth a shot.

There’s a specific relationship in an anime I recently watched that I want to pull apart--there’s this ship, and the author of the manga has called the two characters ‘soulmates’. There’s just this huge amount of tension between the two, and I want to re-watch the show because I love it, but also so I can take notes to figure out what was so effective about it.

13.53 I’ve been doing this for 13 minutes, but I do think I need to leave this project/outline alone for a bit, give it an opportunity to ruminate, to evolve. In truth, I may not even come back to it until I’ve re-watched the anime I was talking about so I can tear that ship to pieces.

17.33 So I just learned brainstorming is apparently significantly easier on paper. Hm. I’ve just worked out so damn much, stuff I’ve been struggling with.

18.00 I have successfully tied up so many plot threads, simply by working with pen and paper. This is revolutionary. (I know, not really, but it is for me, someone adamant about working with a keyboard and monitor)

22/06/2021 09.42 Seriously, why did I never try actually working on paper before? Something about holding a pen to paper and scribbling and drawing a mindmap--it just works. I’ve been obstinate about avoiding working on paper because I hate physically writing, yet here we are.

25/06/2021 11.09 I’m really not managing much reading at the moment--since I started reading manga, my attention span has just gone down the drain. I’m currently reading Mister Impossible by Maggie Stiefvater, and I don’t think it helped that I had to stop less than a third of the way in to do a buddy read, but I just don’t have much motivation to read it, though I do so want to. I haven’t been listening much to audiobooks lately either, because when I’d usually listen--when I’m getting dressed, waking up, going to bed etc.--I just want to listen to music, because I also recently fell down the well of k-pop, and the group whose discography I’m getting to know at the moment is BTS. Basic, but they’re the fifth group I’m doing, and they have so many songs. Which would happen after eight years, but still.

I want to read so, so badly, but I just don’t feel like reading Mister Impossible. But I do want to finish it before reading anything else. I think I’ll finish my current audiobook, then if I’m still feeling stagnated in Mister Impossible, I’ll switch to the audiobook of that, then just take a break from reading until I’m ready to actually read. 

But this post is for writing, not reading. I did write on the 23rd, but I just didn’t update this post. The 24th I was busy, but my wall is now covered in post-it notes of world-building, characters, gods, plot points, and a whole load of other stuff.

Also, I had an idea for a book title this morning--not for this one, just in general--and when I went to add it to my list, I found a title that would so suit this project. I don’t want to say it, but let’s just say this project will be called ItLotG--or not. That’s a hideous combination of letters. I promise it is actually a good title.

11.52 I’m having another crisis over these two characters. I’m thinking it would make more sense to have L’s betrayal ‘arc’ initiated before the catalyst, or rather have it be the catalyst, except the problem there is that they’re not in the city they need to be in to receive that offer.

UNLESS,,,, what if this point happens just while they’re in the capital.... I’ve got it. 

17.16 I’ve been taking notes this whole time of everything I want to happen in books 2 and 3, and I have so much now i think they’ll be so much easier to plot than this one.

The downside of working mostly on paper is that my plans on Scrivener have been refined to one document, which is now only 878 words.

Right now, there’s a glaring hole between the midpoint and the ending, but my climax is one of those where the climax itself is a very small part of a bigger event, so if I figure out what I want to happen in this big event which is essentially the whole of the third act, I should be able to fill in the rest of Act Two with the setup for that.

So I’m leaving it there for both today and this post. In the last month or so, I decided to start over and mash two projects together, which created a whole new storyline I love, and now I’m mostly done with the first outline. I want to treat outlines as more than just preparation for drafts, because I find notes so much easier to edit than actual prose, and I hate writing without a clear idea of where I’m going. 

I think I’m going to call these ‘runs’--an outline is a run through, a draft a run through, so I’m nearly done with my first run, and I’m very proud of that, so go, go write the idea you have, drink some water, take a nap if you need one, eat if you haven’t eaten in a few hours, and I’ll be back with another writing update innnnnnn probably august, honestly.

Go write that idea!

[odannygirl7]

Carnival of Aros - July 2020

I've been meaning to type about this for a while, but then this month's carnival of aros is about music, so I figured... well, two birds one stone I suppose lol.

Musicals are sort of like music right? I mean, I don’t think this is too far from the idea, even if it was meant to be about, like, individual songs.

This is about a whole musical where I just immediately felt that it was a missed aromantic opportunity.

Company.

Company is a musical by Sondheim from the 70s that seems to be brought back every decade or so. It’s about a guy, Bobby, on the night of his 35th birthday. He’s a bachelor, the only one among a bevy of married friends - all of whom wonder why he can’t keep a girl and hasn’t gotten married yet. The show moves through snippets of Bobby’s experiences with his friends… they’re all basically trapped between the horribleness of being married and the horribleness of, well, not. They love Bobby for his freedom, for the advice he gives, for the fun he brings into their life, for watching their kids, for always being there without being a detriment to their coupleness.

But the entire play is them badgering him about why he isn’t getting married.

There’s also three of Bobby’s girlfriends who wonder the same thing, what’s wrong with him, why can’t he commit.

One could also view it as Bobby internalizing everything his friends and lovers have said in the past and having a freak out about it. The whole show is kinda… disjointed in that, while it takes place all on one night, the majority of scenes are from the past or possibly not real.

The show is set up, for most people, to be a commentary about, idk, like growing up or realizing that you can’t be alone or you gotta be open and vulnerable, but like you need to share your life with someone and that someone… uhh, can’t be your friends cause they all have their significant others and that’s the way things are (*hard side eye* lmao). And that’s a real shame, because the show is this wonderfully accidental portrait of a closeted aromantic struggling not only with the pressure of the conventional relationship narrative, but with friends who buy into that. Bobby doesn’t know what he is, or can’t accept it, or can’t admit it, and he’s struggling to force himself to feel the things that come so naturally to everyone he knows.  He wants love, to be loved, but what’s in him, what he’s capable of, isn’t what everyone else has. I mean, look, he’s 35 and has never been in love, doesn’t understand love… *looks into the camera like I’m on The Office* come on.

I’m not going to go through the whole show, just hit on some highlights that scream aromantic to me, cause not all the songs are about Bobby’s relationships. Some are about the other character’s relationships. There’s 18 songs in this musical, lots of material.

Here’s a link to the whole thing … this is the 2006 version with Raul Esparza, who is fantastic.

We’ll start in Act 1 and go from there. About halfway through we get Bobby’s three girlfriends singing “You Could Drive a Person Crazy". This is an upbeat, vicious song about how they feel betrayed that he never takes things to the next level. They can understand if he was gay, or bad in bed, or actually dead… but Bobby is none of those things, instead he’s a crazy, troubled, person who has something wrong with him. He’s a zombie with a loose connection.

I don’t think I’m the only aro who’s been called similar.

Later Bobby sings about someone (“Someone is Waiting”)… an amalgamation of all his lady friends… pleading for this person to wait, because he’s ready. He wants to find them, if he’s not out of luck and too late. He already has what he’s looking for, theoretically… if only an alternative relationship structure existed. As is, he has to try and find someone new. Conform to the idea of the superiority and inevitability of the exclusive pair bonded romantic-sexual relationship.

When one of his friends is freaking out about getting married, close to calling off the wedding, he proposes to her. Because it makes sense. She doesn’t want to be married, he doesn’t want to be married, they can both be married and have their freedom, everyone will leave them alone.

“You have to want to marry somebody, not just some body,” says Bobby’s friend, deciding that she really does want to marry her fiance.

This leads to Bobby singing “Marry Me A Little”, imagining a marriage as being soft and respectful, no big fights, no big promises… and that he’s ready for that. Things like mutual respect and care. “We won’t have to give up a thing, we’ll stay who we are,” he sings. “I’m ready now.”

There comes a point as an aro (tho this applies to aces and people of any orientation who don’t really want a relationship as well), or for, I think, a lot, or a good number, of aros when you start looking at a future that doesn’t have the spouse and the kids and pets and picket fence. When you start to come to grips that you might be looking at an empty road instead. And it’s not necessarily that you don’t want that, or that you really want something else, but there’s a kinda scary point where you realize that it might just be you, alone. That no matter what friends you have or partners or whatever… that they’re eventually going to want to “get serious” and “have their own lives”, lives that don't include you as a main component. And “somebody”, anybody, that will make it so you’re not alone starts sounding pretty good. You’re almost desperate for it. If you could just find that right person, the one that would make it make sense to have the spouse and kids and pets and picket fence… you could do that. You could. It’d be so easy. And then you’d have someone and isn’t that what everyone wants?

Anyway… Act 2.

All the married couples sing about how much they love having Bobby around in "Side by Side by Side". But then also rag on him about how worried they are for him being alone and try to set him up ("Poor Baby" and "Have I Got A Girl for You"), which is par for the course I think for an aro.

There’s also “Barcelona”, where Bobby makes a vague, surface, “going through the motions” plea to one of his girlfriends that she should stay after they’ve slept together. He doesn’t try very hard and when she decides to stay, well he sings “oh god”. ‘Nuff said.

All of that is, you know, it builds, but the real highlight in Act 2 is “Being Alive”, which is where Bobby finally learns that he really does need someone.

Or, you know, when he’s been beaten down by life and his friends and partners so badly and so thoroughly that he decides that he’s not even alive if he’s alone. That he needs another person to make him alive. “Alone is alone, not alive.” Tragic.

He starts off with things like being held too close and hurt too deep, to which his friends comment about how he can’t possibly think that that’s all there is, telling him he has no reason to be alone, encouraging him to keep going cause he’s “on to something”.

Bobby’s seen the terrible bits of their marriages and, to his friends, also the good bits. But if you read Bobby as aromantic then he has no context for the “good bits”. He’s watched them dig at one another with secret info, argue, pester, have the other person say they hate it… and then it’s just fine, because of ~feelings~??? Incomprehensible magic. There’s a trick in there somewhere and Bobby can’t see it.

But Bobby’s trying. Forcing himself. If he just really thinks about everything they’ve told him...

“Hey, buddy, don't be afraid it won't be perfect. The only thing to be afraid of really is that it won't be,” says one friend. Yikes. “It's much better living it than looking at it, Robert,” says another. And I suppose if you do have feelings for someone, it’s not that bad.

Bobby finally… it’s sad, really… like I know it’s supposed to be a song of him figuring everything out, but it feels like a descent. He’s given in. He believes there’s literally nothing for him, he’s not living, unless he has another person. “make me aware of being alive” “make me alive”

Horrific.

I’m not entirely sure how, like if this show were to be reworked with Bobby as aromantic (and god knows it gets revived enough, it could happen if anyone knew what aromanticity was) how that would be communicated. Unless, like, you had Bobby admitting that he is aro from the start, but you’d have to assume that the audience would know what that was and actually, you know, not agree with all the other characters.

The latest revival in 2018 did a gender swap with Bobby, which is something. Now, I had thought it was just Bobby as the swap, but they swapped all her girlfriends into boyfriends and then made one of the married couples gay. Apparently, according to reviews, the whole thing was a revelation and really freshened up because, you know, it’s super hip and modern to do a “ticking bio clock” story line with a woman nowadays. (there's also the soundtrack to the gender swap on youtube, it's got Pattie LuPone in it!)

Personally, I would have just swapped Bobby… I’m not sure how well an aro reading there would play, not because there aren’t aro lesbians, but I feel like there are a lot of layers to a lesbian not wanting to u-haul and then getting harangued for it by her presumably hetero friends steeped in hetero society, just aside from any aromanticity.

But the whole thing takes on a very tragic tone when reading Bobby as aro, I think. I suppose what’s even more tragic is that Sondheim probably has no idea that he possibly wrote an aromantic character. He thinks he wrote a show about fixing someone who was broken. Just like the show Bones fixed Bones from being broken and how HIMYM fixed Robin and (tried to fix) Barney. I need to find a better way to end this, probably, we’ll see…

I wrote this three weeks ago on pillowfort and did not find a better ending lmao.

[thereal-linh-cinder]

Cinder’s Notes on Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets

We’re back with CoS!

Again, massive spoilers for the entire HP series (obviously)

Woo the hell plans where theyre going to stand when dinner guests arrive? you seem so unbelievably inhuman, which, i suppose the Dursleys are, but still...

DUDLEY’S COMPLIMENT FOR MRS. MASON

Because Harry is an unreliable narrator, is it possible that the Dursleys treat him slightly better than is described? Unlikely, but something to consider

Harry is so humble?

He’s also hilarious “[Voldemort] hasnt got a brother, has he?”

bars on the window are a bit extreme

the twins ooze chaotic energy

are the owls that wizards use magical? they always seem to understand humans VERY well...or is it just magic that gives magic folk a better connection w animals? Or is that just how owls are? Or do I just not understand how carrier birds work? 

rather convinient that only the bottom stair creaks and not like. the 13th from the top or something

“Draco made Dudley sound sweet” i mean. childish bullying at school  vs physical abuse for years but ok go off jkr

the twins are 14 and driving a car. in Britain. where you have to be 18. chaos

Mrs. Weasley reminds me way too much of my own mother

Percy wears sweater vests confirmed (are we surprised)

Please take a moment to imagine Percy’s reaction to Hermione becoming Minister

Lockhart + Rita Skeeter (idk what this means but its in my notes)

“got the impression that Snape could read minds” 👀

Lockhart is just gonna go through the whole rainbow huh

Lockhart really compared Harry almost DYING to him winning that stupid smile award. Bruh.

Lockhart has 7 books

I feel bad for Nick :(

There’s so much about the Vanishing Cabinets in this book!

that moment with the salamander and the firework is a gem

Do Ron and Hermione at least hear hissing in the walls?

so Lockhart is basically running the Hogwarts theatre department huh

why was Ron’s first thought toenails

Scarhead? Thats the BEST insult you can come up with, Malfoy? 

Yeah, let the 12y/o deal with the rogue bludger on his own, y’hear? (can you tell I’m a lot older now)

Honestly, Madame Pomfrey? Kinda a savage

If Voldemort was 70 when he died in ‘98, and he went to school with Lucius, how old is Lucius? 

Technically, if all purebloods are related, Harry IS a descendant of Salazar Slytherin. Not the heir obvs, but you know

honestly when you think about it, Fawkes’s death is hilarious. Like Harry’s just chillin and sees a cool bird and then it spontaneously combusts 

Did Crabbe and Goyle ever get their shoes back? 

Ron has REALLY good intuition

Why do they still have Riddle’s trophy on display? Like yeah not many people know that he’s Voldemort but that just feels like the equivalent of like...keeping up a trophy for the kid that turned out to be a sch**l sh**ter

Ok but the younger Weasleys have this knack for bullying Voldy. Twins pelted him with snowballs, Ginny flushed his diary down a toilet, Ron barfed slugs all over his special award....

well Harry if its a DIARY where you conventionally write personal stuff about your day or your crush, why are we surprised that it doesnt even have stuff like “dentist” and “aunt mary’s birthday” or “half past 3″ written in it

RON’S INTUITION BRUH “[the diary] coud be dangerous” “maybe [Tom Riddle] murdered Myrtle] yall know that theory abt him being a seer? yeah

I adore these characters so much bc theyre so real?? Lke we truly watch them grow up. Something about the way 11y/o Ginny covers her face and runs away vs how she acts in the later books just. I adore it. 

So this is where I broke my own heart and froze for a solid 15 minutes. I was beginning to write “I hope the twins sang ‘His Eyes Are As Green As A Fresh Pickled Toad’ at their wedding” before I realized that only one twin got to attend Harry & Ginny’s wedding. I trailed off at the S in twins and you can see how shaky my hand got in the writing (i wrote all of this out in a journal)

Riddle’s personality is so well preserved. (and then I remembered that he made his first horcrux that year and THATS why bc this is 16/17 y/o voldy’s soul)

In Riddle’s memory, he stops by the potions room after speaking to Dumbledore on the staircase. Slughorn is teaching that year. Harry says he is stuck outside that room for “what felt like an hour.” Is this where Tom asks about horcruxes? Technically at this point, Myrtle has already been murdered and its been a while but I’m p sure he asks about horcruxes after class one day. But idk. It really seems plausible, and It’s possible that he altered the memory to show Harry...

this is my least favorite book so i just wrote “this is the most boring book. I’m skimming.”

ah forcing 12 y/o to choose a career path

Quidditch mathces are EARLY (im used to sports matches in the evenings but i guess soccer matches are early and such so it makes sense) (my american is showing)

Is sitting at any table allowed? I never understood that and it used to bug me in the movies. Is it only required to sit at your House table during important feasts? Is that how a lot of inter-house relationships come to be? 

Fudge’s wardrobe was ROBBED in the movie. They really made him look like an established businessman when when we first meet the man, he’s wearing a pinstriped suit, scarlet tie, POINTED PURPLE SHOES and honestly woud it have been so hard to at least give him the lime green bowler hat? Such a staple of his personality

i feel like we tend to forget that hagrid has been to Azkaban

Ron saw Draco being racist and had to be physically held back by his friends. Mans was ready to THROW HANDS. 10/10 absolute icon

The prejudice against werewolves is very prominent.They clearly dont know a lot about them/arent taught (constantly expecting to find them roaming the forbidden forest EVERY NIGHT)

literally WHAT would they do without Hermione

still shocked that Hermione Jean Granger would willingly rip a page out of a book, especially a library book. But maybe thats just the fact that I’m the daughter of a librarian.

is the basilisk page from Fantastic Beasts? They really called it “a page from an old book” its literally in ur first year curriculum but ok boys

Why did Ron toss Lockhart’s wand out the window? He couldve used it instead of his spellotaped one. Granted, it wouldnt have been very good later on if he had, but. You know?

if this Tom is just an imprint of Voldy’s soul at 16/17, how does he even know who Harry is

he already has voldy’s laugh

OH Ginny told him about Harry that makes sense

Voldemort is SO dramatic. Imagine your buddy Tom one day says “hello dearest closest friends, I’ve decided I hate my name so I tried to make an acronym. Please only refer to me as Voldemort from now on. Also I could spell Lord with my name, so I am claiming my new status as a Lord.”

Also he’s holding Harry’s wand. Why is he sending this ginormous, super sow snake after this tiny scrawny 12y/o? Just kill him yourself. Even when Harry gets poisoned Tom’s like “take ur time bro imma watch u die i have nothing better to do” and only when neither of those first tow extra af options DO NOT WORK does he think “oh well guess i gotta use this WAND now ugh” like was he just not corporeal enough to actually use the wand yet or???? Buddy. If you really wanted Harry dead I feel like you could do better.

the fang SPLINTERED in Harry’s arm????????????????? uhm

Harry gets covered in ink a lot in the series

Dumbledore is such a simp for Voldemort honestly

I forget that Harry & Ron get trophies for special services too bro

did Arthur create the Muggle Protection Act???

...why DOES Lucius have Voldy’s old school things? 

Harry and Ron got a total of 400 points for this. But only 10 FOR TAKING OUT A TROLL AT AGE 11 

Lucius is LITERALLY on the PTA hes a school governor 

[brightbeautifulthings]

Week 1 | Week 2-3 | Week 4-5 | Week 6-7 | Week 8-9 | Week 10-11 | Week 12-13 | Week 14-15 | Week 16-17 | Week 18-19

Week 20 (p. 651-808)

"Hal himself hasn't had a bona fide intensity-of-interior-life-type emotion since he was tiny; he finds terms like joie and value to be like so many variables in rarified equations, and he can manipulate them well enough to satisfy everyone but himself that he's in there, inside his own hull, as a human being -- but in fact he's far more robotic than John Wayne" (p. 694).

I'm pretty much over this week-to-week business. Now that the end is in sight (roughly 300 pages), I'm abandoning the schedule and reading as much as I can. Scheduling reading has only ever worked for me as far as it goes. I prefer to immerse myself, however much a novel like IJ seems to discourage that. The book is always structurally interesting, but it starts to get more complicated now as various characters and plots begin to almost slide into one another. There's a cool series of scenes where Matty Pemulis observes Poor Tony, Kate Gompert, and Ruth van Cleve pass by, with Lenz running around the fringes, where pretty soon all the paths intersect at some point, with or without the characters (or the reader) noticing. There's a lot in here about J.O.I.'s films, which seem increasingly unnecessary (but so much of the book is, and is meant to be). The section on the Incandenza family from Joelle's perspective provides some of the clearest insight we have of them, and they are indeed one of the saddest families in literature. We also get Joelle's history from Molly Notkin, both interestingly told from outside perspectives, as if main characters can't be trusted to see their own families clearly.

Week 21 (p. 809-981)

I forgot how totally frustrating it is to near the end of this book and realize the plot isn't going to wrap up in any sort of satisfying way. Wallace commented in an interview (I forget which) that he didn't need to talk about what happens at the end of the book because we know what happens. Buddy, YOU know what happens. The rest of us are here flailing about trying to fit a thousand pieces together, as I suppose we're meant to. We know that the A.F.R. is planning to infiltrate Enfield by the end of the novel, that Poutrincourt is one of their spies ("...which is the slip that indicates that Poutrincourt's figured out that Steeply is neither a civilian soft-profiler nor even a female ... and would require an almost professionally hypervigilant and suspicious person to notice the significance of" p. 1052)., and that John Wayne has some vague connection besides simply being Canadian. We know that, given Orin's capture at the end, they will probably have a Master copy of the Entertainment very soon. What we don't know is how that all goes down, what the fallout is for O.N.A.N., or how Hal gets to be in the state he is in the first chapter (DMZ? AFR? I still can't decide).

"...but it couldn't ordinarily affect anybody or anything solid, and it could never speak right to anybody, a wraith had no out-loud voice of its own, and had to use somebody's like internal brain-voice if it wanted to try to communicate with something, which was why thoughts and insights that were coming from some wraith always just sound like your own thoughts, from inside your own head, if a wraith's trying to interface with you" (p. 831).

This seems like the most compelling motive for J.O.I. to want to dose Hal with DMZ, if in fact he did. Wraiths can only talk to someone who has slowed way down and is no longer experiencing time the way humans normally do--which sounds exactly like what happens when someone ingests DMZ. By the end of the novel (the beginning chapter), we know that Hal can no longer communicate with the outside world, but that there's nothing wrong with his brain voice ("I am in here" p. 3). Will Hal and Jim finally get to have a conversation?

It's clearer than ever that something has happened to Hal though. I don't know if there's any support for the DMZ toothbrush theory--I was actively looking for it and didn't find any, other than the DMZ obviously being missing when Pemulis goes to get it and Hal and other E.T.A. kids vigilantly guarding their toothbrushes. If it's true, it's a leap, but making a leap may be the only way to make sense of that particular conundrum. Whatever has happened is getting worse, as people continually interpret Hal's facial expressions as either very sad or very amused, when we know he's neither. Most tellingly, the narrative switches to first person point of view, Hal telling his own story for the first time (chronologically, if not structurally).

"He dreams he's with a very sad kid and they're in a graveyard digging some dead guy's head up and it's really important, like Continental-Emergency important ... and the sad kid is trying to scream at Gately that the important thing was buried in the guy's head and to divert the Continental Emergency to start digging the guy's head up before it's too late, but the kid moves his mouth and nothing comes out ... while the sad kid holds something terrible up by the hair and makes the face of somebody shouting in panic: Too Late" (p. 934).

It seems like Gately eventually recovers, since we know he goes with Hal to help dig up J.O.I.'s head (verified in chapter one when Hal recalls it). It's possible the Wraith told him about the Entertainment, and this seems especially plausible when Gately somehow knows the plot of the Entertainment while he's still lying in the hospital. It's also possible that Joelle told him about it; through her conversation with Steeply (p. 940), we know that she knew the Masters were buried with Himself--which, ironically, is now buried in the Great Concavity. I'm still not clear about how John Wayne got involved, but there's this super oblique comment in an endnote about Bernard Wayne, a potential A.F.R. member who had not jumped when the train arrived and later drowned (p. 1060), which could potentially be John's father or grandfather.

I had forgotten that the 'Swiss' hand model was actually Luria P----. There are two obvious nods to other novels near the end here, with Fackelmann's A Clockwork Orange style end, and Orin's business with the cockroaches echoing the rats in 1984, specifically his nonsensical shouting "'Do it to her!'" (p. 972). Her who? Luria? Avril? All Subjects in general? I'm a little curious as to why Wallace bothered to make the references. He was doing well on the graphic horror all on his own, no need for outside references.

I'm amused by how many of my questions in my Q and A section are still unanswered. I thought if I paid closer attention on a second read that I would pick up more of the plot things I'd missed on my first, but I don't think that was the problem. I think it's that those answers simply aren't to be found in the actual text. Of course, they can point us toward various conclusions, and the novel certainly encourages us to speculate and make connections, but I don't think the actual answers are there. I have some more thoughts on this, and I'll likely have a review up this week or next.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS. TURN BACK BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.

Questions & Working Theories

[tw: drug mention, infidelity, incest, statutory rape]

Q: What happened to Hal? (Obvi) - Hal purposely ate the DMZ. He even says in this section, “I cannot make myself understood, now. Call it something I ate” (p. 10). I never bought this explanation, though, because later in the book it seems like Hal is making an effort to come off drugs. - The mold Hal ate as a child had long-term effects, and something (coming off drugs?) may have triggered his current condition. Also supported by, “Call it something I ate” (p. 10). - Aaron Swartz has a very convincing theory that Hal accidentally ate the DMZ when The Wraith placed it on his toothbrush. (Again, supported by above.) Hal is an excellent communicator but lacks feelings, and J.O.I. was attempting to create something that would draw his son out of himself. - Hal was injured when the A.F.R. attacked Enfield Tennis Academy. There’s a weird line in this chapter: “I once saw the word KNIFE finger-written on the steamed mirror of a nonpublic bathroom” (p. 16). This is likely also the work of The Wraith, indicating some kind of violence, perhaps the A.F.R. attack on Enfield. - "A surreal memory of a steamed lavatory mirror with a knife sticking out of the pane" (p. 951). A: Still unclear, but I'm leaning more toward DMZ than A.F.R. on this read. We can see Hal's symptoms growing worse from the Eschaton game onward, and in the last chapters, people think he's either laughing or grimacing when he's not feeling either of those things. Still super interested in the mirror/knife asides though. Is this part of the A.F.R. attack?

Q: Why was Hal hospitalized “almost exactly one year back” (p. 16)? - The side effects of the DMZ were first starting to appear. - Hal was injured in the A.F.R. attack. - It’s clear, also, that this was when Hal met Gately. Although they never have an on-page scene together, Hal refers to the two of them attempting to dig up J.O.I.’s head to find the Entertainment, alongside a masked John Wayne. A: Unclear. See above.

Q: How did Gately, Hal, and John find out about the Entertainment in order to dig it up? How did they discover where it was hidden? - Himself actually mentions that the cartridge has been implanted in his head when he’s talking to Hal as a posed conversationalist. However, this is all the way back in the Year of the Tucks Medicated Pad, when Hal is only ten-going-on-eleven. Hard to imagine that Hal remembered what was basically a throw-away comment, let alone understood its meaning. - The Wraith may have told Gately about it while he was lying in the hospital, the same way Gately somehow knows the plot of the Entertainment while he's there. - Joelle may have told them about it, since from her conversation with Steeply, we know that she knows that all the Masters were buried with Jim, which is now buried in the Great Concavity. A: Unclear, but several plausible scenarios.

Q: Who is mailing out the Entertainment? - Swartz suggests that it’s Orin Incandenza, who later under threat of torture releases it to the A.F.R. This seems well-supported by the text, since the initial cartridge is mailed from Arizona, and it’s conveniently sent to a medical attaché with whom Avril probably had an affair (per J.O.I.’s conversation with Hal). - Some support for this theory during one of Hal and Orin's phone conversations: "'What are you doing going to the post office? You hate snail-mail. And you quit mailing the Moms the pseudo-form-replies two years ago, Mario says'" (p. 244). Why is Orin at the post office, if not to mail more copies of the Entertainment? - However, as Marie pointed out, we don't know for sure that Orin was in Arizona in April YDAU. He's there in October, but there's a flashback of him in New Orleans in July that doesn't mention the year. If it was YDAU, Orin couldn't have postmarked the Cartridge from Arizona in April. - Orin also asks Hal directly about the days leading up to Himself's death, and he seems suspiciously interested in whatever film he was working on. "'Did he have film-related things with him when he flew somewhere? A film case? Equipment?'" (p. 250). However, if he already knew about the Entertainment back in April, why ask Hal about it in November? - This conversation is continued in a lengthy endnote where Orin asks about the definition of samizdat ("the generic meaning now is any sort of politically underground or beyond-the-pale press or the stuff published thereby" (p. 1011) and comments, "'So you'd have no idea why The Mad Stork's name would come up in connection with somebody saying samizdat?'" (p. 1011). Again, it's suspicious that he's even asking, but also, if he already knows about the Entertainment, why bother to ask? Is he trying to find out, or just trying to find out what Hal knows about it? Why? - "...place the likely dissemination-point someplace along the U.S. north border, with routing hubs in metro Boston/New Bedford and/or somewhere in the desert Southwest" (p. 549). Obviously, the Southwest could be Orin, but who's distributing it in Boston? Orin before he moved? I'd guess the Antitoi brothers, but their copy turned out to be blank (or seemed to be, if it was played on the wrong model). Orin has motive to want the medical attache dead for the affair with his mother, but why the film scholar, the avant-garde film festival, and the members of the Academy of D.A.S.? Were these Himself's rivals, or people Avril also had affairs with? - "Swiss cuckolds, furtive near-Eastern medical attachés, zaftig print-journalists: he felt ready for anything" (p. 597). - "There was reason to think M. DuPlessis had received his original copies from this relative, an athlete. Marathe felt U.S.B.S.S. felt this person may have borne responsibility for the razzles and dazzles of Berkeley and Boston, U.S.A." (p. 723). Did Orin give a copy to DuPlessis, or did he send it to him to kill him? A: It seems pretty clear on a re-read that it is Orin sending out the Entertainment, either from Boston before he left it or from Arizona where he currently lives, or both. I'm still not clear how he knew about it in the first place though, in order to dig it up. Between Orin's capture/torture at the end and the Antitoi brothers' having copies of DuPlessis's stolen cartridges, it seems certain that the A.F.R. will soon locate a Master copy. (The Antitoi's turns out to be Read-Only p. 725.)

Q: How did Orin find out about the Entertainment? - Joelle might have told him, though this was after her disfigurement and their breakup, so I'm not sure why she would. A: Unclear.

Q: When did Orin transfer from New Orleans to Arizona? - In June YW-QMD, Orin was still with the New Orleans Saints, per the mail between him and Avril (p. 1006-7). - In October YDAU, he's in Arizona. Q: Unclear.

Q: What happened to John Wayne that he can’t win this year’s WhataBurger competition? A: SUPER UNCLEAR. Thanks for nothing. We know he survived the A.F.R. attack (if Steeply didn’t stop the attack) because he’s in the off-page graveyard scene with Hal and Gately. Was he an A.F.R. target after that for going against them?

Q: What “sordid liaison” (p. 30) with the M. DuPlessis, who dies in a later chapter, did the Incandenza family have? - Still not clear, but it sounds like J.O.I. either purposely or under duress gave a Master copy (or copyable copy) of the Entertainment to DuPlessis, or had it stolen from him before or after his death, and it was then stolen by accident when Gately robbed and killed DuPlessis. ("Whether or not the A.F.R. ever even recover this alleged Master copy from the DuPlessis burglary..." (p. 489).) A: Best guess is that Avril had an affair with DuPlessis, Orin/Jim discovered the affair (possibly with a name written on the fogged up glass of Avril's car), and Orin sent him a copy to kill him, which he didn't watch (because he died? Not clear on the timeline). The copy was then stolen by Gately and ended up with the Antitoi brothers.

Q: Is Marathe a double-agent, or is he just pretending to be a double agent? - Marathe has betrayed the A.F.R. and is aiding Steeply and the Americans in finding the Entertainment in order to get medical care for his wife. - Marathe is only pretending to betray the A.F.R. in order to get more information from Steeply. A: Marathe is a double-agent, and is actually betraying the A.F.R. "The A.F.R. believed Marathe functioned as a triple agent, pretending to betray his nation for his wife, memorizing every detail of the meetings with B.S.S. ... M. Fortier did not know Marathe had reached the internal choice that he loved his skull-deprived and heart-defective wife Gertraud Marathe more than he loved the Separatist and anti-O.N.A.N. cause of the nation of Québec..." (p. 529).

Q: Where did the tripod set up in the middle of nowhere on the ETA grounds come from? - The U.S.S. Millicent Kent set up the tripod as an excuse to get Mario alone. - This is the possibly the first instance of the Wraith's work. He's responsible for most of the odd occurrences at ETA, and "Mario said his late dad had used a somewhat less snazzy IV-model Husky back in his early days of making art-films..." (p. 122).) A: The Wraith put it there. "But it's true. The Husky VI tripod of Mario's near-fatal encounter with the U.S.S. Millicent Kent was only the beginning" (p. 632). After this, the instances of objects being in odd places around E.T.A. increases dramatically.

Q: Who is the narrator in some of these sections about ETA? - It's a distinct voice from the sections that have conversations, but it also sounds a little like someone talking to us. ("I want to be like that. Able to just sit all quiet and pull life toward me..." (p. 128). Is this a character? A: Unclear. The only clear first person POV character we have in the novel is Hal. In some ways, the narrator's voice does sound a lot like Hal's, but if this is the case, he also discusses himself in third person a lot (which... Hal is pretty removed from himself, so that's not entirely impossible). I'm not confident enough to say that Hal is the mystery narrator throughout the book though.

Q: Are the effects of DMZ the effects we see in Hal in the first chapter? A: Very likely. Whatever starts in the Eschaton game grows worse toward the end of the novel, as people continually interpret Hal's facial expressions as either very sad or very amused, when we know he's neither. Most tellingly, the narrative switches to first person point of view, Hal telling his own story for the first time (chronologically, if not structurally).

Q: Why do Hal's symptoms in the Eschaton game seem more like DMZ side effects than marijuana side effects? Was there DMZ mixed with it? Was it purposely mixed in, or was it the work of the Wraith? - This is the first time we see Hal with similar symptoms as the ones he has in the first chapter, which seems to suggest that--whether or not the DMZ and marijuana are related, whether it was intentional or not--Hal did take the DMZ on Interdependence Day YDAU. - Pemulis goes looking for the DMZ later on, which seems to suggest it wasn't intentional, at least not on his end. Hal also doesn't consciously acknowledge that he's going to take it in this chapter either. - Mario reflecting on his brother: "He can't tell if Hal is sad. He is having a harder and harder time reading Hal's state of mind or whether he's in good spirits. This worries him. He used to be able to sort of preverbally know in his stomach generally where Hal was and what he was doing, even if Hal was far away and playing or if Mario was away, and now he can't anymore" (p. 590). Why the change? DMZ-related? - "But the crisis of faith that cost Stice the match had concerned a different Hal, Hal can tell. It's now a whole new Hal, a Hal who does not get high, or hide, a Hal who in 29 days is going to hand his own personal urine over to authority figures with a wide smile and exemplary posture and not a secretive thought in his head" (p. 635). If Hal took the DMZ on purpose, does he know it will be out of his system in a month? What else could have created a "whole new Hal"? It seems like a leap to think that quitting marijuana is the sole cause of all the changes. A: Very likely that Hal took DMZ, maybe more than once, starting at the Eschaton game.

Q: Who is Mario's father, Jim or Charles? - This is more of a detail question than anything because I'm not sure I care about the answer. It certainly doesn't seem to matter to Mario. He obviously bonded a lot with Jim over film in a way that seems almost worshipful at times, and I'm always in the camp of family is who you choose, not necessarily who you're related to. Also, Charles seems repelled by Mario, whereas Jim apparently loved him and spent time with him, so fuck Charles. A: Unclear.

Q: Is Charles Avril's half-brother or step-brother? - Again, this is a detail question, although one is significantly grosser than the other if they're having an affair, which it sounds like they are/were. ("...the thing it's not entirely impossible he may have fathered asleep up next to the sound system..." (p. 451).) That’s... not really a question if they weren’t sleeping together. Fuck you twice, Charles. - "Charles Tavis is probably not related to the Moms by actual blood" (p. 900). A: According to Hal, he's most likely her step-brother, though it doesn't seem like anyone ever cared enough to verify this.

Q: Was Pemulis selling DMZ to the Antitoi brothers, or buying it from them? - "Bertraund had been starry-eyed enough to agree to barter the person an antique blue lava-lamp and a lavender-tinged apothecary's mirror for eighteen unexceptional-looking and old lozenges the long-haired old person had claimed in a jumble of West-Swiss-accented French were 650 mg. of a trop-formidable harmful pharmaceutical no longer available and guaranteed to make one's most hair-raising psychedelic experience look like a day on the massage-tables of a Basel hot-springs resort..." (p. 482) A: Unclear, but I'm guessing buying, since Pemulis ends up with it and, as far as we know, the Antitoi brothers don't.

Q: What's the significance of Lucien Antitoi's spirit immediately after his death? Does this have an impact on the Wraith's activities? - "...and is free, catapulted home over fans and the Convexity's glass palisades at desperate speeds, soaring north, sounding a bell-clear and nearly maternal alarmed call-to-arms in all the world's well-known tongues" (p. 489). A: It seems like the Wraith's activities amplify after Lucien's death. If he knows that Hal is in danger from the A.F.R., he might be trying to rally Gately to help.

Q: If Pemulis has Avril's affair with John Wayne to hold over her, why is he still expelled at the end of the novel? A: WOOPS. Peemster accidentally dosed John with 'drines, as well as his very public tennis opponent. Can't help feeling Pemulis unfairly got the worst of it, while Avril got in zero trouble for having an affair with a teenage student. Also, hilariously, Hal already knew about the affair and didn't care about it.

Q: What's up with John Wayne and Hal? - "...John ('N.R.') Wayne opened up the ajar door a little more and put his whole head in and stayed like that, with just his head in. He didn't say anything and Hal didn't say anything, and they stayed like that for a while, and then Wayne's head smoothly withdrew" (p. 560). - "I could somehow tell for sure that John Wayne's head was inside the open door. I could feel it clearly, almost painfully. He was looking down at me lying there on the Lindisfarne carpet. There was none of the gathering tension of a person deciding whether or not to speak. I could feel my throat's equipment move when I swallowed. John Wayne and I never had much to say to one another. There wasn't even hostility between us" (p. 956). A: No idea. There’s the possibility that John is a spy for the A.F.R. the same as Poutrincourt, but I’d thought they had to infiltrate the tennis academy because they didn’t have another spy already in place. Thanks to the weird endnote, we know he has some connection, but I’m not totally sure what it is.

Q: Do Pemulis's descriptions of the effects of annulation have anything to do with how DMZ affects people, or the effect the mold Hal ate as a child had on him? It seems oddly similar to how Hal is experiencing time in the first chapter. Is this how J.O.I. stumbled onto it? - "'Accelerated phenomena, which is actually equivalent to an incredible slowing down of time", "relativity of time in extreme organic environments" (p. 573). A: Could be one of a million metaphors in this book.

[fanfic-scribbles]

Lunch Buddy: Chapter Eighteen

Masterlist

<<Previous Chapter Next Chapter>>

Overall Story Facts:

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Story Summary: Steve Rogers makes a friend. A prickly, generally people-averse friend, but they’ll both take what they can get.

Quick Facts: Friendship (/Eventual Romance) – Steve Rogers & Reader (leading to Steve Rogers/Reader) – Female Reader

Story Warnings: Reader-insert that verges on OFC, written in 1st person past tense

Chapter 18: Party Hard

Chapter Summary: Steve is a popular guy, whether he wants to be or not. Seeking shelter around Christmas seems appropriate for the season, at least.

Chapter Warnings: Whether the viewpoint character celebrates Christmas or not is left vague (there is a gift exchange but it’s mostly centered on what Steve would celebrate), general time jumps between days are marked with single tildes (~), and at the end there is a change in viewpoint and a change back, marked ~like so~

Chapter Word Count: 5241

A/N: This chapter was a little delayed because it wasn’t working and when I dug into why I found I had issues with the following sections that were mucking up the place. It felt like working out a real big snarl– frustrating and painful at first, but very satisfying when I got to the end of it. And slightly cathartic when I just ripped out the bit that refused to budge. It was fun. I hope you enjoy.

(Minor note: time is left vague but this all starts just a few days after the last chapter and happens over a couple of weeks, ending just before Christmas. I have sort of a fake calendar I’ve done up so the dates make sense to me but I don’t think they’re necessary to understand the chapter. If I’m wrong let me know and I’ll see if I can fix it so it does make sense.)

   ~

   I was having a perfectly pleasant evening at home. I had comfy clothing, I had drinks, I had my phone, I had activities…and I had activities involving my phone.

Me: How’s the party? Steve: Ugh

Bothering Steve would always, no matter what, be fun.

Me: Serves you right Me: trying to guilt-trip me Steve: My only regret is I didn’t guilt you more Steve: I can’t believe you abandoned me to this Me: And I can’t believe you wanted to subject me to that Steve: >:( Steve: I’m reduced to hiding Steve: From a very drunk woman who wants to lean on me Steve: Among other things Steve: Or so she assures me

I felt a flare of something. It wasn’t anything nice.

Me: Hang on Me: Omw Steve: Is that all it takes?

‘Is that all it takes.’ He was such a fuckhead sometimes; maybe that woman could have him– except, no, actually unacceptable. Any potential partners had to understand ‘no means no’ and when to back the fuck off.

Me: Yup Me: There is only so much arm space for clingy bitches Me: And I take up a lot of room Steve: Hey Steve: You are not a bitch Steve: >:( Me: Don’t you frowny-face me mister Me: I am whatever I want to be Me: Deal with it

I added the sunglasses emoji just because.

Steve: Well Steve: I can’t argue that Steve: But I still don’t like it Me: You don’t have to Me: <3 Steve: I guess that’s fair Me: Seriously though Me: Do you want an excuse to leave? Me: I’ll figure one out Steve: It’s okay Steve: I’m going to be up early tomorrow so I’m going to duck out soon Steve: It just would have been more fun with you here

I rolled my eyes. But I smiled.

Me: Well Me: Don’t stay too late, Cinderella Steve: Hm Steve: Better than the old man jokes I guess Me: I would never Me: …Well I guess I might. Too easy though; I like to make an effort Steve: I appreciate your work ethic

The conversation drifted off in drips and drabs, but that night I dreamed of Steve and glass slippers and in the morning I woke with the feeling that nothing had fit quite right.

~

Steve: Guess where I am

I got up and peeked out the window. No bike, but that didn’t necessarily mean no Steve. However I looked around my apartment and cringed at the mess.

Me: If you’re dropping in you better be bringing snacks Steve: I wish

I frowned at my phone. If he wasn’t coming over then why was he…wait a minute. Wait.

Me: No Steve: Yes Me: It’s Thursday Me: Who has a party on Thursday?! Steve: Pepper assures me it’s not technically a party Steve: It’s a small get-together Me: So it’s a small party Steve: Basically Me: We’re going shopping this weekend Me: We need to find you a spine Steve: YOU try telling Pepper no Me: Hey I never said I had a spine Steve: Be grateful Steve: She really tried to get me to invite you Steve: I danced around it. I knew you wouldn’t want to with work tomorrow Me: Yeah, not happening. Thanks Steve: You’re welcome Me: Seriously though Me: How many parties can those people have in one month? Steve: Please don’t ask Steve: I don’t want to find out Me: I hate to be the one to break it to you Me: But it sounds like you’re going to find out Me: Whether you like it or not

He sent me a sad frowny-face and I immediately imagined him making the same expression. I looked up at my ceiling and wondered why it had to be now that I had the most active imagination I’d had since I was seven.

Me: Well Me: If you need a place to hide out from fancy food and grabby people Me: You know where to come Me: I don’t really do fancy food Steve: What about the grabbing?

‘Buddy, I wish,’ I thought and rolled my eyes. He had no idea. And he never would. Hopefully.

Me: I like to think I’m respectful of personal bubbles Steve: Except when I steal your food Me: Well yeah Me: At that point you’re a thief Me: And punishment must be meted out Steve: Crap Steve: Tony saw me, gotta go Me: Good luck Steve: Gee thanks

I sent him a sweet smiley face, because some things just couldn’t be helped.

~

Karma kicked my ass the very next day when I woke up with such a sudden and severe cold that made me call out of work. I was just barely considering getting out of bed for maybe some soup or a slow crawl directly to the morgue when my phone buzzed.

Steve: I think I hate you Me: I didn’t do it Steve: Another party Me: … Me: … Me: Dude Me: It’s ten am? Steve: It’s tonight Me: I’m sick Me: Come over and I’ll cough on you Steve: I can’t get sick Steve: I never thought I’d be sad about that Steve: Wait Steve: You’re sick?

I rolled my eyes. And winced, because that just hurt my fucking head.

Me: Yeah. Staying home today. Steve: Do you need anything? Steve: Help? Food?

I really wished he could stop being so sweet. It was a real fucking problem sometimes– like now, when I could think of a whole list of things I wanted his help with that was just slightly past the friends barrier. Or maybe friends cuddled and I was just out of the loop? I made a mental note to look into that, when I was slightly less disgusting.

Me: No thanks Me: Got medicine, got soup, got bed Me: Just need to decide if I can keep anything down Steve: Oh :( Me: I’ll be okay Me: Just need some sleep to kick this in the ass

And warm arms wrapped around me, but I kept that to myself. Maybe I’d have a nice dream later.

Steve: You do that Steve: Get plenty of rest Steve: And call if you need anything Steve: I will be incredibly motivated as of 9pm tonight Me: Oof Me: I would offer to be your excuse Me: But I’m hoping a cocktail of cough syrup and pain meds will make that way past my bedtime Steve: Stay safe Me: I will. Worrywart Steve: Yup <3

He was trying to kill me; I knew it. However I was so exhausted I just sent him a quick ‘bye’ and crawled back under the covers to be miserable and whiny on my own. Admittedly, ‘on my own’ left much to be desired these days, but I got through it like I always did.

Except for the container of soup from a local Chinese place that somehow made it to my door that afternoon. That was new addition to my ‘get better’ routine. But very much welcome.

~

Steve: Sigh

I already knew what was coming. Mostly because I was trapped in a similar hell.

Me: At least it’s close enough to an appropriate date Steve: I guess Steve: What are you doing? Me: Work holiday party Me: fml

A couple of women greeted each other nearby in tones that varied up and down but they all stayed pretty equally loud, and I ducked closer to the table, under which I hid my phone.

Steve: I guess it’s true Steve: Misery does love company

I sent him a line of middle fingers

Me: How’s YOUR party? Steve: Zzzzzzzzz

I ducked down further to hide my laughter.

Me: Seriously though Me: How many parties can one guy have? Steve: So many, apparently Steve: Last year wasn’t this bad Steve: He did get mildly offended you haven’t been to a one Me: Ugh Me: Wait, sorry Me: I don’t really mean that Me: I just have no idea how to do damage control with that guy Me: I don’t know what his deal is Steve: It’s okay Steve: Neither do I Steve: And he’s mostly joking Steve: I think Me: Good Me: I’d rather get along peaceably with your other friends Steve: Or be friends with them?

I thought about it.

Me: Gotta be honest Me: You have a lot of friends Me: That sounds like a lot of work Steve: They’re not so bad

I heard my name and glanced up to see my boss was looking around.

Me: Well you have fun with them Me: gtg boss is looking for me Steve: Don’t get in trouble Steve: I’ll see you later? Me: Later

My boss caught sight of me just as I was slipping my phone away and I subjected myself to being politely social for the rest of the night. I had…a lot more sympathy for Steve after that.

Not that I would ever let him know it.

~

Steve: Can I come over? Me: Of course

Not one second later I heard the buzzer for the entry go off. I let him up without even looking, so when he actually showed up at the door I froze like a deer in the headlights.

“Hey,” Steve said, his face a mixture of stormy and exhausted and his body clad in a finely (finely) tailored suit. He gave me a tired smile and held up a grocery bag. “I brought payment in snacks.”

Yes. Yes he did. Wait, no, snacks. Plural and actual. Literal. Right. “Sounds, uh, good,” I said and stepped aside to let him in, and I briefly hit my head on the door before I shut it. I turned just in time to see him sit down on my couch like he could sink into it, legs opened up and head thrown back. He shut his eyes and breathed. I took a second to do the same. But he looked so fed up with everything and that ended up being (sadly, selfishly,) good for my focus.

“What happened?” I asked and went to sit next to him as soon as concern won out.

“Nothing,” he said. “I’m just tired.”

I could only imagine. I reached out and squeezed his shoulder– but my instinct to leave my hand there propelled me up and over to the kitchen counter where I started unpacking the bag he brought. The first thing I pulled out was an interesting looking bag of something labeled entirely in Cyrillic. The very next thing I saw, hiding behind it I realized, was a box wrapped in paper and ribbons. I couldn’t even give him the benefit of the doubt– my name was written right there. “Steve.”

“Yes?” he asked, overly innocently and turned his bright blue eyes to me like he was some naïve young farm boy who couldn’t possibly understand why I said his name like that.

He was getting better. My bullshit meter was going off so hard it nearly broke and he still almost got to me. Still, I surreptitiously cleared my throat and said, (quite strongly, I thought,) “That is not going to work on me.”

He didn’t back down. His eyes even seemed to get bigger and bluer. “It’s a good time of year to get gifts for your friends, even if for no real reason. Besides, it’s just something I saw that I thought you would like. It’s no big deal.”

“Uh huh.” I liked the way he stretched his arm across the couch, and the way he stole glances at me like I wouldn’t notice. Starting off strong, getting weaker by the moment; I needed to tell Natasha to up his spy training. “Real subtle.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said and grabbed the remote. While he pretended to give a shit about holiday programming I rifled through the rest of the bag, dumped the caramel popcorn into a bowl, and took the bowl and the gift over to the couch where I plopped down as hard as I could in an effort to be as annoying as possible. He didn’t even flinch, just smiled as I put the popcorn in between us on the couch. The gift I set in the center of my coffee table, where it actually looked really nice.

“Aren't you going to open it?” Steve asked, trying to look like he was watching Jimmy Stewart get his Christmas miracle but, again, his eyes kept darting; this time between me and the gift.

“Mm.” I shrugged but inside I was taking my inner impatient five-year-old and turning her into a moustache-twirling villain, with the gift tied to the train tracks. It felt good. “It’s a Christmas gift, right?”

“Not necessarily,” he said.

“Well, I think most single gifts get opened on the 25th, so I’ll wait,” I said, grabbed a handful of popcorn, and settled in to enjoy a bell ringing like I never had before.

“It’s a– a December gift,” Steve insisted.

“Oh,” I said. “Then I have until December 31st to open it.”

“It’s A Wonderful Life” suddenly became the title of my night, maybe even my autobiography, when Steve said my name in the whiniest fucking tone I had ever heard outside of a bad comedy sketch about nasally nerds. I almost dropped the popcorn I held and, when I turned my head to stare at him, he was almost literally beet red.

“Can we pretend that didn’t come out like that?” he asked, looking down like he could stare right through the floor. I had never before seen someone who actually looked like they desperately wanted to be swallowed whole. “As a present to me?”

“Wow,” I said, because it was all I could say. Already the sweet sound of memory was fading, and I tried to hold onto it. “I got you an actual present so no. But wow. Wow. Happy holidays to me. Wow.”

“I’m taking my gift back,” he grumbled and made as if to grab it.

I curled forward to protect it but I moved too fast and accidentally dropped some of my snack, though Steve kept me from cracking my head on the table. “Shit,” I said and hurried to pick up the bits of food. “I just cleaned; if you make me get popcorn bits on my floor I’m making you drag out the vacuum.”

“I don’t think your neighbors would appreciate that right now,” Steve said and wolfed down his own heaping handful of the caramel corn, though he put the bowl on the table.

“My downstairs neighbor has a pre-teen who’s getting into EDM,” I said and pulled the gift into my lap. “Let them suffer as I have suffered.”

“Mm hm,” Steve said, already pretty thoroughly checked out as I turned the box over in my hands.

It wasn’t heavy, but it wasn’t tiny, and it was a fairly standard box so I had no idea what it could be. Maddening. I decided to put us both out of our misery.

“Really?” Steve said as I started picking at the tape on the side. “Are you going to save the paper?”

“Weeeeellllll…” I debated whether or not I should admit my failings, but came out on the side that it would make him smile and I couldn’t find anything wrong with that. Short of an unintentional Three Stooges act there was no way I was topping his whiny self. “I maybe didn’t get a chance to go buy wrapping paper for your gift, sooo…” After a moment I stole a glance, and sure enough, he was smiling.

“You didn’t?” he asked and even let out a little laugh.

“We’re saving the environment,” I said as I started peeling back the paper.

“Sure,” he chuckled. “You, me, and five square feet of wrapping paper.”

“There’s no way there’s that much on here,” I muttered as one corner decided to be a bitch. “How much tape did you use on this thing?”

“I didn’t know we’d be sharing it,” he said, and while he amused himself by harping on the point, I got my wrapping paper off and set it aside.

“–nd you’re not even listening to me, are you?”

“Why would I start now?” The box was plain and, at least for that, I had no compunctions about ripping the tape off. Inside was a lot of paper sitting under a small rectangular box and a shiny black satchel. “Thanks for the great packing materials,” I said as I dug around to make sure I wasn’t missing anything, but it seemed to be just the box and tiny bag.

“Happy to help,” Steve said but he sounded distant. He was staring at the gifts. I took another look at them and my stomach did a flip. The little rectangular box reminded me of–

“Open the box first and then open the bag right after,” Steve said. “It’ll make more sense then.”

When I opened the little box and saw a bracelet I had to hope it was going to make sense. It was…shiny and looked like silver. Chunky but plain. That was a good sign, right? Nice and shiny but plainly platonic. Right? I opened the little satchel and dug out tiny matching metal pieces that were shaped like…oh.

“Wow,” I said and spread the charms on the table around the bracelet still sitting in its pillowed case. “This is…Steve, this is so nice.”

“Oh thank God,” he said and let out a breath that sounded like it was as big as the one still locked in my chest. “I don’t see you wear a lot of jewelry but I saw the charms and it just seemed perfect. The metal’s super hypoallergenic or something– the woman was telling me that it should be fine for anyone with sensitivity to certain metals and I don’t know if you do, but I thought it was better to be safe, and it’s pretty, or I thought so–”

“It’s very pretty,” I said, a smile taking over. What the hell was he so nervous about? Whatever; even his babbling was charming and cute and I tried my best not to think that way because I should have been making fun of him, like a good friend, but I couldn’t rag on him while he was so excited. Or maybe I just couldn’t bring myself to rag on him about this.

“Here,” Steve said, reaching over and taking the bracelet out. Big fingers fumbled with the clasp but he put it on my wrist, and then he went for the charms. He held up the coffee cup. “Obviously,” he said and somehow managed not to fumble that time when he attached it. A cloud, “because you can be pretty gloomy and cranky sometimes,” and when I flipped him off with my other hand he just said, “see?” as he put it on. The book was, “again, pretty obvious.”

Then he put the joystick on and squinted at it for a second before he looked up at me, bright eyes framed by dark lashes, and wet pink lips I couldn’t kiss as someone I deeply cared for leaned into my personal space and gave me jewelry for Christmas. I looked down at the bracelet and focused on being grateful for the sweet, generous gesture this was rather than what I wished it could be. The bracelet itself wasn’t too much. It felt comfortable.

“I asked her if they had anything video game related and she said this was a good one,” he said, but he didn’t sound convinced. It took me a moment to remember what he was referring to. Joystick. Right.

“Remind me to take you to an arcade,” I said and held my arm up to the light. The charms were fun but plain and melded easily together from a distance; I could wear this anywhere and have it be appropriate. But I would know what it really was. “This is…so thoughtful. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said warmly. Softly. All of a sudden those repressed feelings surged forward to make my chest ache and for just a moment I thought of a world where he gave me jewelry and it meant something more. But I lived in a world where he gave me a piece of jewelry and looked quietly pleased with himself while I sat and admired it. It didn’t mean anything; it didn’t mean–

Actually, no, that was wrong. It did mean something. It meant Steve was a really good friend who gave me a wonderfully thoughtful gift. I really needed to stop being in my own fucking head so much or I was going to lose everything I already did have.

But I still needed a moment to come back down from the urge to hug him way too tight. “This is so nice, Steve, thank you,” I said and stood quickly, box and wrapping paper in hand. “I can’t lie, yours aren’t as amazing, so get your acting chops up while I’m wrapping them.”

“You know you can just give them to me,” Steve told me as I walked around the other side of the room to avoid any chance of tripping over him.

“Nope!” I said and shut the door to my room. Safe and alone, I breathed– but not too loud, because he might hear me. I grabbed his gifts and shoved them in the box (stuffed them, really) so I couldn’t think too hard and chicken out of giving him something. I messed up at a couple of points with the tape and, rather than ripping the already well-used paper by trying to fix it…I decided to go with it.

One full roll of transparent tape later, I walked back out feeling a little more composed, a little more me. I stood in front of Steve and proudly held out the box.

“It’s very shiny,” he remarked as he took it and looked it over. From the second I sat on the couch I was on the edge of it, eager to see what he would do. Would he try to return the favor by removing all the tape? Would he try scrabbling for an edge? Would he try tearing the paper to ribbons only for the tape to stick all over his hands?

None, apparently– he just pushed his fingers clean through the box right next to the edge and ripped the side right off. “Hey!” I said, because hey, no fair, but he just laughed at me and shook out his gifts onto the couch in between us. I crossed my arms. “You're no fun.”

“No fun at all,” he agreed happily and picked up the beanies. He rubbed one of them between his fingers. “These are very nice.”

“They’re good quality and warm and you look good in beanies,” I said. He put one on haphazardly and I laughed. “Maybe not with tuxes.”

“It does feel nice though; thanks,” he said and sorted through them. “I like the colors too.”

“Yeah, they’re all earthy or whatever,” I said and pointed at the most important gift.

“Unicorn slippers!” he said, seeming actually delighted as he picked them up. He then immediately took off his socks and shoes to put them on. “They fit! They’re soft.”

It was no bracelet, but I couldn’t keep a smile off my face. “I maybe hid some measuring tape near the entryway and ran over to your shoes when you went to the bathroom once.”

“Sneaky,” Steve said and set his shiny loafers aside. “I’m going to have to bring them every time I come over.”

“They’re worth it,” I said and wiggled my own unicorn-clad feet.

Steve picked up the last gift. Or ‘gift.’ “That’s not–” I stopped myself and tried to think of what I wanted to say. I just couldn’t figure out how I could say it that I wouldn’t sound stupid. I gave up on the pretense. “So that’s…just a little thing, that can actually stay here if you want, but it is yours. I know you’re not really into games, but I thought if you were over here maybe you could have your own controller.” As he looked it over, I quietly added, “And maybe I can look into…games with two players. If you’d like to play with me sometimes.”

“I would like that,” he said quickly. “To play with you.” He then turned bright red. “In a game– in a video game.”

I would have made fun of him, but I was choked by embarrassment too. Damn it, I had done so well with keeping my daydreams chaste (mostly, mostly chaste) and that fucker had to do that. I swallowed and tried to think of absolutely anything else while the time ticked on and our mutual embarrassment settled in. Luckily Steve still had the perfect distraction in his hands. “Hey– do you like the design?” I asked, looking from the Captain America shield design to Steve and back and back again.

He rolled his eyes. “Where did you even find it?” he asked and set the package down.

“I don’t know who does your marketing but they deserve a raise because they are putting in work,” I said and sat back, a little apart from him. I could only get so far on the same couch in a small apartment, but it was enough.

“I’ll be sure to pass that along,” he said.

The conversation died and I didn’t know if I should say anything or not, but I felt…mostly comfortable. Despite the slightly-less-but-still-a-little awkward silence. Outside was cold but we were warm inside with fuzzy slippers and snacks and a slate of classic Christmas movies.

“Hey Steve?” I said, looking at the TV.

“Yeah?” he asked and leaned in.

I definitely didn’t turn my head– I was afraid the temptation would be too great. So, I resisted. But I still had plenty to be grateful for. “I’m glad you ditched your dumb party to hang out with me.”

He chuckled and scooted closer. His presence was a wall of warmth that was too comfortable, so much so that I got a core workout just from sitting so rigidly upright. But then he said, “So am I,” and, well…it was worth it.

   ~Later; Avengers Tower~

  “I told you you’d break him,” Maria said, sitting on one arm of the couch.

“Excuse me?” Tony extended his arms, drink sloshing dangerously up the sides of his cup. “I don’t see him here. Where do you think he ran to, hm?”

“We don’t know he went there.” Clint said, a little down the bar from Tony. “He could have run home.”

“No, he’s there,” Natasha said, tapping at her phone. “He’s on her couch, I quote, “eating chips in peace.’”

“Ungrateful,” Tony muttered and continued to do so.

The others ignored him. “So are we going to let Steve handle this on his own terms now?” Bruce asked.

“Bruce,” Natasha said, mock-frowning at him. “It’s like you don’t know us.”

Bruce rolled his eyes, but stretched and groaned. “It’s more like I’m partied out, and this isn’t working.”

“Yet!” Tony said and pointed at Bruce– again, with the hand holding the drink, so his drink sloshed over the side and onto Rhodes, who cursed and grabbed napkins to dry his shirt. “It hasn’t worked yet.”

���Tony,” Pepper said, exasperation lacing her tone. “I think it’s time to let this go. He’s going to refuse to come to any more at this point.”

“Except he has to come to the New Year’s Eve party,” he said, looking at her with eyes as serious as he could make them. He only wavered slightly.

“Oh,” Pepper said. “Yes, he has to come to that one.” She looked thoughtful. “Maybe we can make it a bit smaller.”

“‘Just us’ smaller?” Clint asked.

“Not too small,” Natasha said. “She’ll need a place to hide.”

Thor sat on the couch, with Jane sleeping on one of his shoulders and Darcy sleeping on the other, and he looked curiously around the room. “It is interesting that the Captain would be infatuated with a partner so…” He tried to think of a word, and settled on, “Meek.”

Clint and Natasha snorted in unison. “She’s not meek,” Natasha said. “She just keeps to herself and comes around on her own terms.”

Thor brightened and looked to his sleeping girlfriend. “Like my Jane,” he said and faced forward again, keeping his body very still so as not to disturb the sleeping women. “Perhaps Darcy will help in bringing her forward.”

Bruce cleared his throat. “Before we get too ahead of ourselves, how are we sure Steve isn’t going to skip the next party?”

“He won’t,” Natasha said. “As long as everyone shows up– and they will,” she said, shooting a look at Bruce. He, naturally, withered, and she looked around the room, finally settling on Pepper. “Put her name on the list. I’ll make sure he comes, and I’m certain he will bring his date.”

“The question is: do you think he’ll bring her as a date, or will it become a date?” Maria asked idly.

“Are we betting?” Pepper asked brightly.

As the rest of the group got involved in the debate, Bruce and Phil stared from their positions against the wall. “Poor Steve,” Bruce said. When Phil lifted his glass Bruce clinked his against it, and then they both downed the last of their drinks in unison.

   ~The next day~

  Steve: Please Me: Steve Steve: PLEASE Me: …Are you on your knees or something? Steve: If I was and I took a picture would you come with me? Me: You seriously want me to come along that bad? Me: Why can’t you skip out? Steve: The NYE party is a big one Steve: Or so I have been told Steve: Sam is coming Steve: And I missed Thor at the last party Steve: I will never hear the end of it if I miss him at this one Steve: Please? Me: We forgot to go on that shopping trip for your spine Steve: It won’t do me much good when Natasha removes it Steve: She said I HAVE to go Steve: But Tony and Pepper always have good food Steve: And good alcohol Steve: And he pays the bartenders so well you literally aren’t allowed to tip Steve: Please? Me: … Me: I’m going to have to wear a nice dress Me: And makeup Me: And travel through the city on New Year’s Eve Me: To a big social event Me: This is going to sound weird because Stark’s parties are some hot thing apparently but Me: You are going to owe me so fucking big Steve: I already owe you! Steve: Thank you!

He went on to thank me in a variety of ways that normally would have made me laugh, but I already really regretted saying yes. Steve, all of his friends, me, and booze– I hit my head against my phone for each miserable fucking point. Oh, and people tended to kiss at midnight. Thinking of all the good alcohol made me feel sour, because I wasn’t going to be able to allow myself much of it. Not if I wanted to succeed in keeping my secret crush secret. And even with that pre-new year resolution, I still had a really bad feeling that I wasn’t going to be under wraps for long.

<<Previous Chapter Next Chapter>>

[italkaboutbooks]

An in depth review of Aurora Rising//Part 2

If you haven’t already, read part one here.

So welcome to the second part of my ramblings about this novel. Last time, I talked about how chapters 18-24 were some of the most confusing and infuriating chapters I have ever read, and how I hated that.

I’m actually going to complain about it a little bit more in...

Pacing!

Aurora Rising’s pacing is...questionable at best. Bad at worst.

So the novel is split into three parts. You know how some novels have specific parts like part 1 and part 2? That’s used in Aurora Rising. Immediately, the three act structure comes to mind. I understand that it may be used for movies more but hear me out.

The basics of structure and pacing is that, by the end of the second act, you’re nearing the climax. Basically, the story should be increasing in tension, because the antagonist is usually at its most powerful at this point.

Aurora Rising doesn’t do that. Or maybe it just failed me and not you for some reason. But if you remember the end of part 2 aka chapters 18-24, you would know that the characters succeed. And what that success does, is lower the tension. Because the heroes won the battle and they’re feeling pretty confident. That doesn’t raise the stakes in my opinion. I feel like if Auri actually was taken, then there would be stronger stakes, but the pacing failed in that regard. So it’s another big complaint from me.

There’s nothing really remarkable about plot of pacing for me to comment on. So let’s go to the next part.

Characters

For this section, I am simply going to rank the main cast aka the squad, and tell you my thoughts about them. 7 being my least favourite character and 1 being my favourite. I’ll talk about their relationships which each other in a separate section.

7. Zila

Zila doesn’t have a personality. She is the stereotypical “smart” person in the group that doesn’t express emotion. Or in this case, has none. She’s a robot. She has no interests, no motivations, and we’re not given a backstory. She has nothing. I personally believe that the authors didn’t even care about her. They just added her there to be smart. That is all. She shows a smidgen of an arc near the end, but it’s not even the bare minimum. I wished the authors actually put effort into Zila because it’s obvious that they didn’t.

6. Tyler Jones

Tyler Jones is the definition of the bland white boy. He is one of the worst protagonists I have ever seen in a book. Why does he suck so much in my eyes? Because he’s perfect. He’s handsome, he’s good at everything, everyone likes him, and even if they don’t like him, they at least respect him. He never makes any mistakes, doesn’t have any flaws, and has dimples. He is infuriating.

Personally, I like flawed characters. That’s what makes characters and stories interesting. If you give me a character who essentially wins every battle, I will think that they are the most bland and boring person in existence. Your characters need flaws, especially your protagonist! Remember chapters 18-24? Yeah, another complaint about that part is making them succeed just makes Tyler more of a Mary Sue.

Also there’s a scene in chapter 12 where Tyler says he doesn’t want to kill a Terran because he’s a Terran and acts like killing his own kind is unheard of. ....Aurora has a lot of explaining to do for you buddy.

Tyler gets the second worst ranking because at least he is allowed to experience emotions, and the authors tried to give him an arc. (But does Tyler really have an arc? Because I didn’t see it.)

5. Cat

I have mixed feelings about Cat. I talked before about the arc that I thought she was going to have. And the arc she gets...well it’s kind of disappointing.

Cat’s character seems to be that she’s in love with Tyler (for some reason) but he rejected her and now she’s just trying to cope with it but doesn’t do it well. She dies, but dies knowing that Tyler actually loved her all along and I don’t really like it. But at the same time, I do?

See, when I read the ending of the book, I was sad. Cat died and I was sad because of that. I’ll give the book merit for that, (especially since I’ve been slandering it.) It made me care about a character’s death. But at the same time, I don’t like that Cat’s arc was essentially her getting over a man. It feels cheap to me. My idea for her arc was her learning to listen to others opinions more and make her more loyal, which is not dependent on a man. So I don’t straight up hate Cat, but I would make a lot of changes to her character and arc.

And also she’s kind of annoying. She’s says bloody way too often and I thought the authors did that so she could be “unique.” Apparently Cat’s Aussie...somehow. I’m so sorry to Australians everywhere, I’m sure you all don’t talk like Cat.

4. Scarlet Jones

I don’t really like Scarlet all that much, but I like her more than Cat. Here’s the thing: she’s immediately better than Tyler because she actually has flaws. Which I like. She cares about her friends and the squad members. She’s a sweetheart, and I like that. Her motivations are understandable in a way, but I also relate to them which kind of makes me hate her.

Also she does some questionable things that don’t make me hate her, they just confuse me, and creep me out. For starters, she has a list of all her exes. I don’t wanna judge her because I really don’t hate her, but that’s creepy. Also there’s a scene where she drugs two guys for their uniforms, and she takes them to a hotel room, and leaves her bra there, along with some kiss marks, to give to illusion that she had sex with them. She said something along the lines of “Gotta leave some evidence.”

First of all, that’s not how you commit a crime. (For legal reasons, this is a joke.) When you commit a crime, you make sure that there’s no evidence so that you don’t get caught. Second, leaving signs that these guys had sex with you tells them that they had sex with you under the influence. They didn’t give their consent, meaning you’re making them think that you raped them. And when you think about how males usually are the ones to drug and rape females, it just becomes even more questionable.

I also need to point out the fact that her name is Scarlet, and she has red hair. Wow. Amazing. So original. Aside from that though, she’s okay.

3. Kallis 🥉

Kal is a good character. He got the number three spot and I think he deserves it. I liked reading his POV chapters the most. It shows how he’s trying to hold back from his instincts to kill because that’s how he was raised. He’s a tsundere in ways. Cold and harsh on the outside, but deep down, he does care about the greater good. We don’t really get a warm side to him in the first book, but it’s there, I promise.

2. Aurora 🥈

Auri is baby, okay? She’s had to deal with loosing her family and life in one day. Even less than that. She had to deal with visions and hallucinations and new powers of telekinesis in a very short time. Home girl was going through some crap. But through all of that, she still manages to be a sweet girl. She’s never mean to the others, except for irritation at Kal. She tries her best to stay optimistic, and I think she went through the best arc in the group. (Although it’s kind of on the nose.) I love Auri and I think she deserves all the love.

1. Finian 🥇

Finian De Steel? Did you mean, the best character is Aurora Rising?

I love Fin with my entire heart. He is literally the best. He is so funny and snarky and easily has the best lines. But he’s also the most sympathetic in my opinion, along with Auri. You learn about his past and how people tend to treat him differently because he’s disabled, and how he has a hard time connecting with others despite wanting a connection with others so badly.

He’s a great character. I also think they represented his disability pretty well. He has an exosuit which makes him move, but it’s not treated as a cure. The suit gets damaged which affects Fin’s mobility, and he experiences pain because of it. So I think they did a good job with that. And he’s just awesome in general.

I understand that the humour in this book is pretty juvenile. However, some of Fin’s lines actually made me laugh and smile, and I usually don’t laugh or smile much. Humour is subjective and I’m not going to stand here and act like mine is the best. My sense of humour is bad puns and inside jokes between my family so...it was fine for me. Granted, Fin was the only character who actually was good at humour, so there.

Character Relationships

Yes, I think that this needs a section of its own.

Let’s start simple. Tyler and Scarlet. They’re both twins, with Scarlet being the older by like a minute. I think they were written pretty well as siblings, except for the fact that Scarlet calls Tyler her “baby brother” in her internal dialogue/narration including spoken dialogue. Siblings don’t call each other that, I promise you. As someone who has a sibling, reading fictional characters call each other that makes me cringe so much.

Then there’s Kal and Auri, who are essentially “soulmates” in a way by the end of the book. They aren’t canon or anything, it’s just extremely obvious that they’re endgame. Kal told Auri that she was essentially her mate and that they were fated to be together. Some people saw it as some Wolf alpha shiz, I saw it more as soulmates personally. I don’t think that they’re a bad pairing, it’s kind of cute sometimes. But to me, they don’t feel like two people who have feelings for each other. It just feels like a pairing that is usually a popular ship in fandoms.

The best way for me to describe it to you is this. When I see Kal and Auri together, I don’t think, “Oh these two characters have great chemistry. They could be romantic partners.” No, I think, “I feel like fans of this book ship them really hard.”

So in a way, their relationship may be cute, but it doesn’t feel real, because I’ll always see it as something the fans created and not the actual authors, which doesn’t even make sense to me. I’m not even trying to hate on shippers, this pairing just confuses me.

By bigger pet peeve is that the authors seem to want to pair up every other character, because by the end of the book, Fin and Scarlet seem to crush on each other. It’s really annoying when people think that romance is the end game.

I’ve also read reviews where the readers were upset at how heteronormative the couple pairings were. And I agree with them. While reading the book, I always thought Fin was gay. To me, he was coded as gay or bi. Also, there’s a scene where Tyler kisses Kal because a guard was about to catch them. Seeing how the book was released in 2019, I can see how LGBTQ+ readers were disappointed that their identities were used as a really cheap way for the characters to get out of a situation, and not give them actual representation.

(Personally, I wouldn’t mind if Tyler got caught, maybe then he could actually have consequences for his actions.)

But you see, these relationships are okay to me. Not perfect. Definitely room for improvement, but they don’t upset me. But the found family, aka the whole squad, disappointed me. Not enough to make me not want to get the sequel, but enough to make me write about it.

You see, what I was expecting was enemies to friends. Nobody wants to be in this squad, so they constantly argue and mess up their mission because of it. After some near death experiences and real stakes, they start to become friends until they actually see each other as family in a way.

But we don’t get that. At least, I didn’t feel like we got that. Because this found family feels forced to me.

Despite them not liking each other, they don’t argue. They give each other insulting banter, but that doesn’t count as actual differences of opinions. We’re not even shown them disagreeing with each other. We’re told in one of Auri’s chapters, but that’s not enough for me. And it doesn’t correlate with the fact that they didn’t fail a mission. Technically yes, they failed the first one, but because the GIA came to stop it, it didn’t feel like a failure to me. And that was their only failure. They did everything else right, despite them being so different, and hating each other and etc.

The one time we actually got a real disagreement was in chapter 18, and we already know how I feel about chapter 18.

So yeah, their found family is cute and all, but I feel like it could’ve flowed more naturally, so that it would make sense. I remember Kristoff comparing this book to Guardians of the Galaxy on goodreads, which I feel like is insulting to GotG. Because in GotG the characters actually hate each other and go to jail because the first thing they did when they met was fight. So yeah, GotG did it better in my opinion.

And that’s enough for part 2. I can’t believe I have to make a third part, but hopefully it will be the last. If you read this far, thank you. You should consider following me because I might want to do more in-depth reviews like this.

Part 3

[ailuronymy]

Book Club: Tallstar’s Revenge, chpt. 10-18 overview.

Human voices as heard by cats, courtesy of two experts in the field of ailurolinguistics:

"ghghtaa'ppgthannneetltssssa!” - S. 

“Nnghavva'thalpssasann!” - K.

This week we’re discussing this chapter through these nine questions. Please feel welcome to do the same and @ailuronymy + use the tag #ailuronymy writing challenge. Happy reading and I’m looking forward to seeing your feelings about this book.

1. First impressions? 

K. Everyone has many important discussions, that actually hold zero weight at all. Many things happen for absolutely no reason. I'm in pain.

S. REAL.

2. How did you feel reading this section?

S. Emotionally conflicted. There's always some frustration, but there were also moments of genuine joy, which was a very welcome surprise.

K. But for real: pleased to see some genuine growth and goodness from my favourite characters, but so upset at the bad directions taken.

3. What chapter did you find most interesting/moving/effective, and why?

S. I keep forgetting to mark things out by chapter in my notes, but I feel like the time Tallpaw spends with Reena really brought me the most pleasure to read.

K. I think I got the most out of the first half of Chapter Twelve, the Gathering. I loved the back-to-back of Heatherstar making good choices, the new warrior trio jumping around and being sweet, and Dawnstripe Finally Giving Us Some Good Fucking Advice. K. Honorary shout-out to Tallpaw finally telling his dad off in Chapter Eleven though.

S. YES. 

4. What chapter did you find least interesting/effective/most frustrating, and why?

S. Most frustrating is absolutely the aftermath of both Brackenwing's death and later Sandgorse's. I was not coping with how stupid and unreasonable everyone was being, but in a way that felt entirely manufactured, and not actual grief.

K. Chapter Eighteen pissed me off to see Tallpaw be taken in such a tangent. Like, everyone else I can kind of ignore because I wasn't expecting Windclan to be very good about any of it since Erin's doing her bullshit.  K. But Tallpaw.... I was hoping Tallpaw would be better.

5. Is there a passage that stuck in your mind–for good, or not-so-good reasons? What is it, and why did it stand out? Try breaking it down and analysing what this passage does and how.

S. I really loved Dawnstripe's conversation with Tallpaw. That stood out to me as basically unique in Erin Hunter's writing so far, especially in this book.

K. “Tallpaw stiffened. Did Sandgorse think he’d change his mind about becoming a moor runner now that he’d been underground?” K. I loved seeing him just finally Snap. K. Not to mention the very real young gay feeling of having that dread in your stomach, of going "Oh no, am I going to have to keep this up?"

6. Have your feelings changed towards any character in this next section? What caused this change?

K. Sandgorse lost all rights! K. Can't believe I almost liked him for a second, the hope for an okay dad got me there.

S. It’s okay. I was too jaded to be taken in, but your optimism isn't a weakness. S. I hate their relationship and I Love that Sandgorse died but God I Hate Tallpaw's reaction to that so much. It's so jarring and feels way off from reality.

K. Also: I would die for Doespring/Stagleap/Ryestalk, I adore them so much. Same with Reena, she can stay.

S. For me, the biggest change is that I'm losing a lot of affection and attachment to Tallpaw the longer he keeps up this Sandgorse whinge. Like, I was ecstatic when Sandgorse died, but now that Tallpaw's only personality trait is being miserable about Sandgorse, it's really like he never left and I hate that passionately. 

7. How do you feel about pacing in the book so far? Is the story moving too fast, too slow, just right? Why do you feel this way?

S. Way too slow.

K. The pacing is dry and slow and sad. So much of what's happened so far could be condensed and written so much better.

S. You could cut out a solid half of what's written and it'd be a better story. It's all fat right now, where it could be lean and tasty, medium-rare spiced narrative.

8. How do you feel about the visitors in this section? Is it a new element you really like, or does it feel out of place? Share your thoughts on this new development!

K.  From the notes: Okay, I don’t like what’s happening with the visitors and I don’t think they should even be here, but I do think that they seem like fun little people. Like for all intents and purposes the visitors should not exist, but boy am I always glad to see characters I don't hate!

S. Oh, that's so interesting! I actually feel quite positively to the idea of Windclan's regular visitors, and it's definitely something in my canon. I don't like any of how canon's handling it (surprise, surprise) but I like that this idea has been broached, and it feels entirely right to me that Windclan is the one to do it.

K. I don't disagree with you there, I think for me it's just frustrating seeing how the Erins are introducing and handling it that's bugged me. Like, Windclan is on the outskirts of everything and it makes total sense that they'd be much more likely to run into like... farmcats and the like more than other clans. That doesn't bug me. It's just like... literally everything about how they've been set up and how secretive things are and blah blah blah that makes me lose it a little. 

S. Totally. I’m with you. 

9. If you could change one significant moment in this section–a piece of dialogue, an event, a bit of world-building–what would you want to change, and what do you think would be the ramifications of that for the rest of the story?

K. THE CLAN NEEDS TO STEP UP FOR TALLPAW, END OF STORY K. But yeah no, there's lots of shit that needs fixing but DAMN if the clan doesn't need to stand up for Tallpaw and defend and support him. Boy takes SO much blame and he deserves none of it.

S. I honestly wonder how much difference there would be if Palebird had more support/Brackenwing half-adopted Tallpaw (you know, the way queens are said to co-raise kittens but never do). Because this boy is so unloved and his self-esteem comes from feeling totally unwanted and undervalued, so he clamours for Sandgorse's approval because he doesn't get it from Palebird, but Sandgorse rejects him and makes it worse, so Tallpaw is stuck really craving validation and not really having any outlet to develop his sense of self or confidence in his own value and abilities. Obviously Dawnstripe is doing her best, but that's not a substitute for parental neglect and abuse.

K. Dawnstripe: Look at him! You fucked him up, is what you did. He has anxiety!

Final notes:

S. I knew Sandgorse was going to die because it was mentioned in some of the pages I looked at for the story I'm writing. And I thought he was going to be murdered by Sparrow, because that's how all the wikis talked about it.  S. So when he died of his own idiot hubris, I was like, "wait what" and kept waiting for it to be revealed that Sparrow killed him in the tunnel and then made it collapse to cover that up. S. So I thought it was going to be a story of Tallpaw Solves A Murder No-one Will Believe Was Committed. And that... didn't happen. He just got shitty and hateful. K. Tbh that would make more sense and also be leagues cooler than. Any of this S. Yeah! I thought it would be kind of dope and then Talltail would confront Sparrow and be like, "you're not worth it," and be the bigger man or whatever, that whole thing, learn the meaning of friendship or whatever, and go home.   S. Instead! Sparrow didn't do it, so now Tallpaw's just a wreck out of control lashing out at everyone and decides to hunt down someone to kill them for not dying and/or saving his outrageously shitty dad. S. To me, a much more likely story is Tallpaw experiencing guilt because he's relieved that Sandgorse's gone and he's like, 'oh my god I'm a bad person I shouldn't want my dad to be gone.' Like that's a trauma narrative that people who've, you know, experienced significant abuse can actually relate to. K. Not to mention that like. Before Sandgorse dies, his one action is to blame his son for being awful at everything and to pretty much disown him.  K. But YEAH, lets feel Sad for That Guy

K. [Shrewpaw] was bad before and frankly I am beyond tired with him now. S. He has no real narrative purpose, is what peeves me. I know that's a bit highbrow for an Erin Hunter story, but like. You should be thinking about function in a story, especially one for children, because in children's lit., you don't really have the space for excess. You should keep the story trim and clean. S. Giving Erin Hunter more pages, like they do in these super editions, enables their worst habits, which is the fact I don't think they consider function like ever. So you have all this... flabby, pointless dialogue that doesn't move anything forward or reveal any new characterisation.

K. Oh, some other choice notes from the Gathering: K. Stagleap: Hey bro, come see this hot Riverclan babe with me.  Tallpaw, gay: Uhh I’m very interested in the announcements, actually, K. Dawnstripe accidentally playing wingman for her apprentice is coincidentally very funny. “Tallpaw didn’t like the way the young tom was eyeing him—like a hunter assessing prey.” Hmmmmm Okay Buddy, S. I was genuinely so charmed by Stagleap's crush on Shimmerpelt. That felt real and true and I loved it. The rest of the gathering let me down a lot, but like. Erin Hunter gatherings always do. They don't know how to let a scene breathe. K. Stagleap, Ryestalk, and Doespring are so charming. I love when they come onscreen. They inject a lot of cute moments into a very dour book. K. Gatherings are my favourite in concept so I always get SO excited to read them. But they almost always suck.  S. It's wild to me that Erin Hunter is never like, "maybe fun is fun." I do resent it. S. I love the organised chaos of a gathering, and how different it is to literally every other part of warrior life. It's something that I actively have to resist putting in stories, because I always want to do it even when it adds nothing to what I'm telling. It's just so fun to write and to read. S. Literally one of my notes is just "Ahh!!! A Gathering! Finally!" K. Me too!! Mine was "GATHERING TIME, GATHERING TIME, my favourite part of any book!" S. [dabbing frantically because cats are going to hang out under a full moon] K. Like if you were going to let a scene have its moment and play it out, it would be the Gathering. Like I'd love for the announcements to happen and then they all just mingle and enjoy themselves until the moon clouds over. Instead of Announcements, Moon Over, Scene Done, Go Home.  S. Gathering speedrun: if you clip through the deputy, you can skip the personal connection and go right to the leaving while being kind of bored and miserable.

S. [after Sandgorse’s suggestion of hiding from invaders in the tunnels or using them to run away] why. [Raiders are] literally not going to be like, “oh I guess Windclan’s not here and we should go home,” they’ll be like, “great Windclan’s not here, this IS our new home.” Sandgorse talks a big game about not being a coward, but the tunnellers’ solutions are literally only “just hide in a hole” or “run away.” S. I got so mad about that. The tunnellers being like, "we were doing important tunnel business to protect the clan, we could be here to protect the clan," and they get chewed out for that and Sandgorse has the brass balls to be like, "well our tunnels will save lives." S. I'm like, will they? S. Or will you die in one in a pathetic final display of defiant idiot masculinity?

S. That said, something that did chatter my suspension of disbelief like cheap glass: the visitors' names. K. They’re bad.  S. Algernon???? K. ALGERNON K.  ALGIE??? S. "They were named by twolegs" please say psyche S.  I just... cannot believe in a world where a cat hears some word humans repeat at them a lot, and goes, "that's my name, I will introduce myself to other cats using this sound." Instead of like... getting a name from other cats, or picking a name for themselves. Especially if the cat doesn't live with those humans. S. It's more real to me for a cat to be like "oh yeah that's what the humans think my name is, they don't speak cat very well but they're trying," than being like, "I will take that garbled junk as my name." K. I love that so much better. S. I find it so funny that cats would hear human languages basically like cthulhu speech, and be with a friend like, [listens] Human in the garden: ghghtaa'ppgthannneetltssssa! Cat: "hold on, my person is calling, I need to check on them." Cat, returns: "It's fine, they forgot where the door was so I showed them. What were you saying?" K.  Cat: "Are you good?? Do you need assistance?" Human: Nnghavva'thalpssasann! Cat: "Ohh, you want pets. Here, I can give you some chin rubs. You like those? God, you're so stupid and I love that about you." S. Cat: "my humans are so smart, they know about seven words, kind of." S. Cat: "I call that one 'Very Tall Getter of Things From the Shelf' and I call that one 'Cuddles Me Warmly.'"

[mrsvasiliev]

Guess what I did instead of working on that Shobbs fic?

So instead of writing that fic I promised @thefuckingwarship, I compiled a list! A list that is fueled by my love for Jason Statham.  But this is not a typical “actor crush” where I think an actor is hot or charming. This is what I call a “dad crush” where I often find myself wishing his badass characters would be my dad. It probably has to do with the fact that he spends two movies bonding with little Chinese girls. As a former little Chinese girl, I am very affected. So I made a list, with notes, ranking every character I’ve seen him play in order of my dad preference. Please feel free to add to this or disagree with me. I’d love to hear other people’s opinions on his dad potential.  (I’ll get back to working on that fic I swear!)

Metrics: 

Ranking: My order of preference for how much I want them to be my dad. Not necessarily logical. Not fully based on other ratings.

Fun factor: how much fun you have when you are with him. How funny/cool they are. Does not indicate care/ reliability/ bond.

Dad factor: reliability. emotional availability. protectiveness. General dad qualities. 

1. Jonas Taylor - charming and good with kids. Not an “emotionally stunted tough guy”. Has good healthy relationships with everyone. Lives in a world where it’s “take your kids to work day” every day, which means awesome ocean adventures and learning how to fight sharks. Fun Factor: 10/10   Dad Factor: 9/10

2. Phil Broker -  Like Jonas, he is also good with kids, emotionally available and balanced.  Stay at home dad, with dad powers at 1000%. Will rescue you single-handedly from kidnappers. Will go horseback riding with you after school. Will do literally anything for you, from kicking asses to licking boots. Loses first place to Jonas because he has no personality/hobbies outside of being the best dad ever. I can see the relationship being a little suffocating as you grow older. Won’t take you on cool adventures like fighting biker gangs and blowing up meth labs, because he’s too protective. :( Fun Factor: 7/10   Dad Factor: 100/10

3. Luke Wright - Cool, laid back dad. Treats you as an equal. Will respect your autonomy and intelligence. Happy to let you spread your wings, but always there to catch you when you fall. Will run your enemies over with a car several times.  Fun Factor: 7/10   Dad Factor: 10/10

4. Deckard Shaw - Displayed a lot of cool uncle vibes with baby Brian, so definitely great with kids. Psycho-bananas for family. Probably will be a very involved and protective dad. Unlike Phil, who completely divorces himself from his job to be a dad, being a badass assassin is basically the Shaw family business. You will learn how to make bombs and kill people. Will have many cool adventures saving the world. Fun Factor: 15/10   Dad Factor: 8/10

5. Jensen Ames - Good solid family man type. Works hard to provide for you. Breaks out of jail and murders people to get daughter back. Will raise you in a dystopian Mexican junkyard. Fun Factor: 2/10   Dad Factor: 9/10

6.  Rick Ford - Most embarrassing dad ever! You will probably not survive past puberty because you would have died of embarrassment at some point. Will tackle being a dad with as much intensity and enthusiasm as everything else. Honestly kind of cute in his earnestness. Fun Factor: 4/10   Dad Factor: 11/10

7. Danny Bryce - Emotionally stunted tough guy. Is responsible and competent. Like Phil, he leaves his badassery behind for his family, so no awesome adventures. :( Cares about you in his own gruff way, but has trouble expressing it probably. You can always depend on him. Fun Factor: 4/10   Dad Factor: 7/10

8.  Turkish - Great sense of humour, cool dude, seems like a good time to be around. Hustling to make a living and provide for you. Lost to Danny because he is a little bumbling and not very competent. You might lose your dad because he got killed by gangsters or arrested by the police. Fun Factor: 7/10   Dad Factor: 6/10

9. Lee Christmas - Lee seems like a cool dude too. Not around a lot, but shows a genuine desire for family (i.e. the Lacy debacle). Would treasure his relationship with you. You’ll have a good time whenever he is around, but he would be gone for months at a time. Expect to have 20 badass, doting aunts/uncles. Fun Factor: 7/10   Dad Factor: 4/10

10. Quentin Connors - Intelligent and competent. He has a sense of loyalty but ultimately is selfish and a little narcissistic. Not a good man. But he does have one billion dollars. My moral compass kind of goes haywire from the magnetic pull of one billion dollars. Fun Factor: 7/10   Dad Factor: 4/10

11. Tony Leather - Family man with questionable priorities. Claims to be pulling jobs to provide for his family, but clearly attached to his criminal buddies and lifestyle. Disregards his wife's concerns and protests. Tony cares about his family but can’t prioritize it over the con. Good with his kids though. Fun Factor: 5/10   Dad Factor: 4/10

12. Chev Chelios- Human disaster. Trying to improve himself. Probably not a responsible dad, but will make an honest effort. Will bring you to some horribly inappropriate places. Will let you get away with a lot. Fun factor: 6/10  Dad factor: 4/10

13.  Jack Crawford - Obsessed with finding his partner’s killer. You’ll always take a backseat to the case. Total disappointment of a dad. Does care about you and will try, but expect to be tossed to the side as soon as he gets a lead. Fun Factor: 2/10   Dad Factor: 3/10

14. Bateman - Loving guy. Seems smart and charming. Like Christmas, he has a longing for family and will likely treasure his relationship with any children of his. Is, unfortunately, a crackhead, therefore cannot be trusted to be responsible for kids. Fun Factor: 5/10   Dad Factor: 2/10

15. Nick Wild - Has a strong sense of loyalty and responsibility. But is also a self-destructive, compulsive gambler. Is definitely an “emotionally stunted tough guy”. Will care about you, but will not be emotionally available. Can count on him to avenge you for your murder at least. Fun Factor: 3/10   Dad Factor: 2/10

16.  Bacon- Immature, deadbeat dad. Seem like the type of guy who dumps the heavy lifting of parenthood on his partner. Will be around to play with you when it’s convenient for him. More likely to hang out with his mates. Maybe 1 hour/week of dad time. Fun Factor: 4/10   Dad Factor: 1/10

17. Tom Brandt - Another entry for embarrassing dads as well as “emotionally stunted tough guy” dads. Total fashion disaster. That lumpy-ass-old-man-sweater with baggy sweatpants?!! Ewww…. No social grace or manners. Will kill you with embarrassment just like Rick Ford. Proven time and again to be prone to excessive violence. A domestic abuse case waiting to happen. Fun Factor: 0/10   Dad Factor: 1/10

18/19 Arthur Bishop/ Handsome Rob - Does not know you exist. You don’t even know their name. Your mom doesn’t know their name either. Fun Factor: 0/10   Dad Factor: 0/10 (Resurrection does not exist to me)

20. Joey Jones (Smith) - Clearly cares about his family. Provides for you. Protective too. Has debilitating PTSD. Lives in self-imposed exile. Would be a great dad if he weren’t so FUCKING SAD and full of self-loathing. Could be #4 or 5 if he got help. Fun Factor: -100/10   Dad Factor: 5/10

BONUS: Frank Martin - Ultimate responsible parent. Has a lot of rules. Tells you to take your feet off his furniture. Will complain about you getting his upholstery dirty. A constant air of exasperation. Uses “I’m going to count to three” as a threat. Will make you get to the airport 3 hours early and sit in the terminal. Will drop you off at school, appointments, and extracurriculars with military precision. Fun Factor: 3/10   Mom Factor:10/10