#based on a real conversation!
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orangesand-lemons-234 · 3 months ago
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theaceofarrows · 5 months ago
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[Nightwing and Red Hood on a stake out outside a convenience store]
Nightwing: [watching the back] See anything yet?
Red Hood: [watching the front] A lady just bought $75 worth of cookies and two gallons of milk
Nightwing: Wow. Cookie Monster in disguise
Red Hood: Didn't know Cookie was a thirty something year old woman. Very good disguise
Nightwing: That's the point. He hides in plain sight
Red Hood: Sure, if you say so
[Half hour later]
Red Hood: Any changes from your side?
Nightwing: Other than me wanting a cookie? No
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riggsink · 6 months ago
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@star-sparkler I humbly offer this comic of August, she is light itself and perfect in every way
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Duke: “Why are French Fries called French Fries? They aren’t French.”
Jason: “Maybe your supposed to speak French when eating them”
Dick: “OR Maybe they are so hot, that when people eat them they go WEH WEH HOHN HON trying to cool their mouths.”
Duke:
Jason:
Jason: “That’s so ridiculous it’s almost funny.”
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slowandsteddie · 9 months ago
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Steve, has a seizure and passes out
Steve, wakes up in the hospital
Steve, immediately clocking the worry on Eddie’s face and unable to look away
Steve, forcing a smile: “sorry for being so dramatic. I was just bored and wanted out of the house.”
Eddie, making a choked sound
Eddie, glancing at Dustin who has very red eyes
Eddie: “you know you could have just asked me to take you on a drive.”
Steve, snorting: “we do that all the time. I wanted something different. This car made a cool noise.”
Dustin: “Seriously, Steve?”
Steve, pouting: “I just wanted to go in the wee-woo wagon.”
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r1ch13-tv · 2 months ago
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fun-k-boards · 7 months ago
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I'm asexual
'But you can still like have sex right?'
I am fifteen. Why the fuck do you need to know.
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sgt-tombstone · 4 months ago
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Soap, slurring: LT, you're so pretty
Ghost, fondly: you're drunk, Johnny
Soap: yes, but in the morning I won't be, and you... will be
Ghost, trying to hide a smile: I'll be drunk in the morning?
Soap: yes :)
Ghost: fuckin' hell, Johnny, go to bed
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puppyeared · 8 months ago
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id fumble him so bad
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pearlynia · 5 months ago
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James: Communication is key
Regulus: well then I lost the key
Barty, Evan and Sirius losing it in the back
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here-comes-the-moose · 2 months ago
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*looking at old photos of Omega*
Crosshair: Ha, you look like you bite people in this one.
Hunter: Cross, you bit people.
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cosmicseafoam · 5 months ago
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Phantom, seeing Dew for the first time as he’s being dragged back into the Abby hissing and clawing and covered in blood.
Phantom: “was it self defence?”
Swiss: “no”
Phantom: “was it an accident?”
Swiss: “…no”
Phantom: “was he possessed?”
Swiss: “no”
Phantom: “is he single?”
Swiss: “yes!”
Aurora: “PHANTOM NO”
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drac0line1nn1t · 2 months ago
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Wade: Wolvie, why the fuck are you fingering the butter.
Logan: *stares in disgust and slight horror at wade* What the fuck bub.
Wade: What, it's a valid question!!
*Logan glares over at Wade from where he was standing in the kitchen, greasing a baking tray to put cookies on*
Wade: Did you at least ask it consent first?
Logan: Wade, if I wasn't baking right now, I swear to fucking god-
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ironskyfinder · 9 months ago
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Bounce/drop
Goonettes are one of god’s gifts to man.
Naive, doe-eyed, innocent girls who get exposure to the right kinds of filth at the right time end up as self-addicted pleasure dolls, chasing the next edge, the next rush. The only problem - for them, not for anyone else - is that often they rub themselves so dumb they can’t be trusted to edge without making mistakes and giving into pleasure, and they get to be so brainless that they need instructions on how best to corrupt themselves. 
As I said, not a problem for anyone else.
Emily had still been a feminist, when she started following me - not much of one, but she still had moments where she'd go back to thinking she was equal, that she should go to college and have a career and make something of her life outside the kitchen and bedroom - and she hated it.
She mentioned, in one of her messages, that she had always wished she could make her breasts more sensitive - at a 38GG, I liked to remind her she had 'udders' - so, one of the times she asked for me to make her brain worse, I took her on an edge she still thanks me for even today.
ironskymaker [10:58PM] I wrote instructions for an edge for you, but this is a much more directed edge than just sending you gooning fuel and some degrading messages, so you’ll need to be able to narrow your attention to this so that you can respond when prompted. Understood?
ironskymaker [10:58PM] I'm not going to ask you to focus, I know you can't do that, not really.
goonette4everr [11:00PM] yes
ironskymaker [11:02PM] You’ll need to follow along closely, okay? I’m going to have you hump a pillow - I think you should use the pillow you sleep on - over and over and over, and I’m going to try and break your brain even more than usual. Ready?
goonette4everr [11:03PM] yessir
ironskymaker [11:04PM] As always, you should be naked when you edge. Take a selfie, once you are - think of it as the ‘before’ photo, so we can compare how you look once I’m done with you.
goonette4everr [11:05PM] you assume right. selfie taken.
ironskymaker [11:05PM] Face the mirror and start humping, nice and slow. Be gentle enough it’s frustrating, like I’m teasing you by holding your hips, slowing you down - just enough pressure that your clit begs for more, not enough to start you grinding mindlessly.
goonette4everr [11:07PM] ok...ok thas gonna drive me nuts
ironskymaker [11:08PM] That’s exactly the point. Light, little motions at first, enough to make you want to grumble and moan and swear because it's such a teasing sensation.
goonette4everr [11:08PM] fuck
ironskymaker [11:10PM] Good goonette, keep going. Little by little, faster and harder. Hips rocking back and forth, little by little pressing more against the pillow with those little motions. Watch yourself in the mirror, teased and frustrated but still grinding away like you’re told.
goonette4everr [11:10PM] hmmmnnn
ironskymaker [11:11PM] You’ve been craving this all week. Let yourself relax into it. You need this, turning your brain off and letting your clit think for you, edging for hours and hours until it’s all a blur. Keep humping, a little faster, a little harder  - you should be starting to feel it now. 
ironskymaker [11:13PM] How does your edge taste?
goonette4everr [11:13PM] goood, so wet
ironskymaker [11:14PM] Start grinding and humping faster, little by little. Every time you hump your pillow, you grind the littlest bit faster. 
goonette4everr [11:15PM] hunh...feelin it now
goonette4everr [11:15PM] fuck!
ironskymaker [11:16PM] Less and less gently, keep your hips moving, faster and faster. Let the motions grow, the harder the edge gets the more you move.
ironskymaker [11:17PM] Keep going, a little harder every time you hump. Make the motions bigger, gradually starting to grind with a little more pressure each time. Harder, faster, keep grinding on your pillow. Look at yourself in the mirror and make an ahegao face, grinding extra hard and extra slow while you let your tongue hang out until the drool hits your tits. 
goonette4everr [11:19PM] hnnnnnn oh ffuuuuuck
ironskymaker [11:19PM] Don’t forget to tug on your nipples a little to make them hard, if they weren’t already; don’t stop humping. 
goonette4everr [11:20PM] theyr hard, mmmm god
ironskymaker [11:21PM] Pinch and pull on your teats, grind on your pillow more. Reach back and tease your asshole a little.
ironskymaker [11:21PM] Remember, all your useful parts deserve to be part of your edge - speaking of your mouth, test your gag reflex as you start humping faster and harder.
goonette4everr [11:22PM] hkkkkkkkkk
ironskymaker [11:22PM] How are you feeling, lil goonette?
goonette4everr [11:23PM] goodsogood! fukkk
goonette4everr [11:23PM] i look so dum so horni
goonette4everr [11:24PM] fuck!!
ironskymaker [11:25PM] Good! But I want you extra desperate and broken, so I’m giving you a break.
ironskymaker [11:25PM] Sit up off your pillow, so your drippy clit is nowhere near anything that might stimulate it - then hump the air, bouncing a little.
ironskymaker [11:27PM] Understood?
goonette4everr [11:27PM] whait noo 
goonette4everr [11:28PM] nnnnnooo oh ok, ok, i will i will
ironskymaker [11:28PM] I know, it's hard to have self-control - but you don't need to! I'll have your self-control instead, just relax and obey.
goonette4everr [11:30PM] obeyying...is...goood....thanku sir
ironskymaker [11:30PM] Keep humping. Feel your tits swing as you bounce, feel how they want to pull you down, back onto the pillow. Grab one, suck on your nipple. Hump and grind and bounce. Grab the other and suck on both your nipples at once, then let them drop from your mouth. Hump the air a little more, bounce and let your udders drop, feel them pulling all the thoughts out of your brain.
goonette4everr [11:32PM] hnnnnnn
ironskymaker [11:32PM] Bounce and hump the air until your tits pull all the thoughts from your brain, until they pull you back down to humping your pillow.
ironskymaker [11:33PM] Doesn’t your edge feel better already?
goonette4everr [11:33PM] yyyyeesss
ironskymaker [11:34PM] Again, humping and grinding like a good girl, faster and harder. Grind your clit into your pillow as you reduce yourself to obedient holes for a stranger on the internet, like a real feminist traitor. 
goonette4everr [11:35PM] i feel so slutty an stupid
goonette4everr [11:36PM] itsh shooo gooood!!!
ironskymaker [11:37PM] Look in the mirror - do you like the slut you see?
ironskymaker [11:37PM] Hump and bounce and whisper to yourself that your holes and tits are all that matter, they give you value and purpose and a reason for men to find you useful. 
goonette4everr [11:39PM] i lov bein a traitor!! i luv lookin at myshelf bein a whoooore
goonette4everr [11:39PM] yessss hnnnn
ironskymaker [11:41PM] Grind even faster, even harder. You can really feel it now - you’re pressing harder, humping faster, hips moving more so you bounce - and when you bounce, your udders swing. When your udders swing, you feel your brain drain and you’re closer to just being tits and holes. Holes keep being drippy, tits keep bouncing.
ironskymaker [11:42PM] Now how does your edge taste, lil goonette?
goonette4everr [11:42PM] tassts like dspration
ironskymaker [11:43PM] Good. Keep going. Hump and bounce, letting the haze of the edge and the pull of your tits wash your mind away. 
ironskymaker [11:44PM] Harder, faster, humping and grinding, leaking all over your pillow - pause for a moment, to bury your face in the wet spot you’re making, take a deep breath. Then get back on your pillow and keep humping. The smell and taste of your edge everywhere, rewiring your brain to tie that to the overwhelming pleasure you’re feeling.
goonette4everr [11:45PM] hhhnnnnn
goonette4everr [11:45PM] so dirrty
ironskymaker [11:46PM] You liked that too much not to do it again. Put your face into the pillow, rub it into the wet spot. You love how the sensation corrupts you, how it makes your edge so much stronger. Don’t you?
goonette4everr [11:48PM] fuck pleas yess
ironskymaker [11:49PM] Edging makes you feel so good, your brain can barely take it - but that’s fine, you don’t need it anyway, you don’t need to think.
ironskymaker [11:49PM] The instructions become your actions.
ironskymaker [11:50PM] Your clit isn’t there to handle big thoughts, your udders aren’t made for thinking, but you were made to obey. Keep humping and grinding, edging and bouncing, faster and harder. 
goonette4everr [11:52PM] hmmm...yesh yeh no thnk...jus...edge
ironskymaker [11:53PM] The more you edge, the more you’re just drooling holes and bouncing udders. Wipe the slick juices running down your thighs all over your face and imagine tasting it on a thick cock filling your throat. Don’t stop grinding, don’t stop bouncing, keep your hips moving.
goonette4everr [11:54PM] bounc
ironskymaker [11:54PM] Wipe the slick mess from your cunt onto your nipples, pinch and pull on your teats. Keep one of your teats in your mouth, massage and milk the other. Hump and bounce and grind, let your brain go blank, then let your udder drop and suck your other nipple clean. Are you enjoying yourself?
goonette4everr [11:56PM] iy am...iam!!!
goonette4everr [11:57PM] i tayst so gud
ironskymaker [11:57PM] Does the girl looking back at you from the mirror seem like she’s having fun too?
goonette4everr [11:59PM] she dos, she looks sho happi, so blank
ironskymaker [11:59PM] I bet she looks like a porndoll. Her eyes all unfocused, sweaty, shaking, needy, her desperate clit soaking her pillow. 
goonette4everr [12:00AM] mmmhmmm...such a needyslut
goonette4everr [12:00AM] shooo dum
ironskymaker [12:01AM] Time for another break.
goonette4everr [12:01AM] hnnnnnnnn!!!!
ironskymaker [12:02AM] I know you don’t want to, but - stop edging, sit up so you can hump the air like the desperate fuckmeat you are.
goonette4everr [12:03AM] yeshyesytes!
ironskymaker [12:04AM] I know you’re horny, I know you’re needy, just let your hips move against the nothing and let the ache drain your thoughts away.
ironskymaker [12:04AM] And, while you do - pick up your tits, play with them, squeeze and massage them, hold them out and then drop them.
goonette4everr [12:05AM] mmm...
ironskymaker [12:05AM] Feel that pull make you dumber. Let the things you used to call ‘important’ wash away as you start bouncing in the air, as your udders pull your thoughts out of your mind
ironskymaker [12:06AM] Did you have work today, did you have plans after, were there errands that need doing? Pick up your tits, play with them, then drop them as you bounce, and all of it is gone.
goonette4everr [12:07AM] hmmm...gone. 
goonette4everr [12:07AM] allgone
ironskymaker [12:09AM] Bounce, drop. Take another selfie, see what you look like after I’ve played with your brain for less than an hour, and imagine how much more I’ll do.
goonette4everr [12:09AM] hheeehee she looksh crazi
goonette4everr [12:10AM] sush a mess!
ironskymaker [12:10AM] Hump, grind, bounce, drop. Tits don’t have plans. Holes don’t run errands.
goonette4everr [12:11AM] mmmmmm
ironskymaker [12:11AM] There’s only obedience, only edging and doing what you’re told. Bounce, drop, hump, grind.
goonette4everr [12:12AM] only
goonette4everr [12:12AM] please 
ironskymaker [12:12AM] How does your edge taste now?
goonette4everr [12:14AM] sssssgud
goonette4everr [12:14AM] ssssssnice
goonette4everr [12:14AM] fuckk
ironskymaker [12:15AM] Bounce, drop. More thoughts gone, brain all drained. Hump, grind, bounce, drop. 
ironskymaker [12:16AM] Bounce, drop. Take another selfie, see what you look like after I’ve played with your brain for less than an hour, and imagine how much more I’ll do tomorrow.
ironskymaker [12:17AM] The girl in the mirror just wants to keep edging and bouncing and dropping forever, and so do you. Bounce, drop.
goonette4everr [12:17AM] please ruinmy brain mroe
goonette4everr [12:18AM] hheeehee she looksh crazi
goonette4everr [12:18AM] sush a mess!
ironskymaker [12:19AM] And how are you feeling now, lil goonette?
goonette4everr [12:21AM] alll edged out, reallly hazy
ironskymaker [12:22AM] Good goonette. Bedtime, then, and no touching until the morning.
goonette4everr [12:23AM] ohh fuck  yessir please tomorrow 
goonette4everr [12:23AM] i can’t wait
@goonedoutdropout
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jonsnowunemploymentera · 4 months ago
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The way we discuss prophecy in fandom is genuinely fascinating. GRRM spends so much time showing how different characters have different interpretations of the same thing based on their own cultural contexts. He says that prophecy is tricky to navigate through multiple characters, showing that even the most careful practitioner can get almost everything wrong and fall victim to their own fallacies (see Mel). So tell me why the main takeaway for large parts of this fandom is “prophecy stupid, it doesn’t matter”. My brothers and sisters in R’hllor, GRRM didn’t invent multiple characters (three of whom are main POVs!!) who can see the future for this to be the conclusion. This is a FANTASY series. Please I’m begging, let us be serious 🥲
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emolionsrawr · 6 months ago
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buck: i'm emotionally horny
tommy:.... run that by me again sweetheart?
buck: i don't know how to explain it, i'm craving, but emotions
tommy: do you mean you want a cuddle?
buck: YES!
tommy: THAT'S NOT HORNY!!
buck: i'm horny for affection baby get over here and cuddle me!
tommy: alright baby, but only if you stop calling it horny
buck: deal
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