#autism? in my brain? it’s more likely than you think

[maybeafrog-blog]

Leonardo and Autism

I am fascinated by the amount of autistic that 2012 Leo is, because unlike Donnie’s convenient tech savant situation, Leo’s autistic traits are solidly plot neutral to negative? He’s obsessed with rewatching one specific TV show (a cartoon with a repetitive and predictable plot), uses his favorite character to script his Leader Speeches to try to get his team to listen. He generally tries to plan every mission in detail and gets very frustrated when his brothers don’t go along with it/when plans have to be changed (at first- he gets more flexible over time). Leo also has an incredibly black and white understanding of morality and tends to take Splinter's teaching's as fact rather than advice, which can make him fairly gullible and easy to manipulate (the Karai situation), and he probably has the least social intelligence of his brothers.

It's interesting that the traits that make Leonardo such a paragon across most iterations have such autistic vibes. 2003 Leo is obsessed with honor but has a ridiculously hard time recognizing his own emotions (you kumquat!), and MM Leo's heroic personality can't be blamed on Splinter without that good Hamato ninja juice, so like, he's just like that. It sorta reminds me of anecdotes about undiagnosed autistic/adhd people thriving in the military-- "Ninja training" and all the rules that come with it probably works like crack on that neurodivergent turtle brain. Kinda makes me wonder about Rise Leonardo and his comparatively very lax upbringing-- obvi the guy would still be a lot more social and silly compared to most Leos, I think he's more ADHD than autistic, but how different would he be if he were trained in the structure of 2003 or 2012 Splinter?

Anyway, give me a Leo who trains everyday not just to get stronger, but because of how badly he needs that routine. How does he react when it's broken? How does he cope with being away from home during the farmhouse arc? Maybe a Leo with sensitive hearing that makes him great at noticing when they're being followed, but overwhelms him when he's too close to street level traffic? A Leo that tries to suppress his stims because that's not very cool stoic ninja of him? How would his brothers react to a Leo who's calm and focused in the midst of battle finally shutting or melting down over something seemingly small?

Also, 2012 Leo is very cute when he gets excited about his space show and it makes me want to squish his dumb turtle face. Give Leos More Hobbies (looking at you Mutant Mayhem, I'm glad he draws his silly lil comics in Tales but I'm concerned all his interests are gonna revolve around April or Ninja Responsibilities. My boy already has anxiety this shit is too much pressure for him.)

[callabang]

jet lag: the game: the rpf primer

so you've just encountered jet lag: the game. maybe this is because you read an insane poly bdsm fic that i wrote and now you want to know about who those guys are. maybe you're ABOUT to read an insane poly bdsm fic that i wrote. maybe you're normal. etc.

what is jet lag the game?

jet lag the game is a travel game show where they use various forms of transit and real-life locations as game mechanics. also curses/challenges/etc. it's not important. essentially they have taken all the parts of travel that are bad and chosen to JUST do those. a lot of times this involves hunting each other for sport. one part travel show one part game show one part chaos. if you want to watch this show, which i recommend, may i suggest:

starting with the new zealand season which rocks my socks and has in my opinion the best guess (toby!!!!!!!!!! a woman), or

viewing the most recent hide and seek season set in japan which is very cute and fun

i am happy to answer more questions about jet lag the game the show / nebula / the layover podcast etc. BUT THIS ISN'T REALLY ABOUT THAT and also i started watching it like two weeks ago so honestly ask maria @killjoys-makesomenoise

let's get weird.

the main boys involved in this show are SAM DENBY, ADAM CHASE, AND BEN DOYLE. they created this show together and are always contestants in each season, sometimes with a guest. there is something sooooo wrong with them for doing this game show

to be clear me and the co-author of this primer maria @killjoys-makesomenoise do not actually know that much about these people and make no claims to biographical accuracy or even a basic understanding of their careers and interests outside of this show. this primer is a collection of curated vibes in support of our fanfiction and nothing else

sam denby

born and raised on youtube. he likes logistics. like in a really serious way he likes logistics. he has a spreadsheet brain full of transit schedules and LOVES! planes and trains and automobiles. he used to have the world's most potent baby face but then he moved to colorado and got into THE OUTDOORS and skiis and runs ultramarathons and so now he's like 6 foot 2 and sleek and muscled etc.

he is extremely blond with long hair that could look good if he did a curly girl routine which he never will. he has like three outfits which are mostly athletic clothes and tshirts and he does pattern mixing but NOT on purpose. he loves to wear a hat and sunglasses and make no expressions and be IN his phone.

he is everyone's boss at jet lag and extremely rigidly ethical and his personal life is a locked box inside a deep dungeon. he's very competitive and strategic and competent but also has really bad luck. he has terrible hand eye coordinate. he's my favorite personally and i want to study him like a bug.

here's a reddit comment that captures some of what he's got going:

Sure, it's logically possible that someone out there could have a generally-less-expressive-than-average voice/face, be obsessed with airline scheduling and high-end car statistics (and jump on any opportunity to list them), react to experiences like fairground rides and bungee jumping in a way that regularly makes people around him go "you're a psychopath", find riddles that require non-literal thinking so hard he thinks they're "not good riddles", seemingly regularly and genuinely forget that other people don't have his specific kind of spreadsheet brain, and thrive on metrics/grind-based sports while lacking overall hand-eye coordination, without being on the autism spectum... but realistically, autism is the easiest way to explain a lot of these things co-occurring, isn't it?

adam chase

he's been a writer for sam's other youtube channels for years and was brought in front of the camera bc sam needed someone to play his insane little games with. he's a sweetie with a squeaky little voice and also he's extremely competitive and i truly believe his resting heart is 120 bpm. he's AGITATED and overprepared. he cares so deeply about every single second of the game whether he's winning or not and also about the game design/planning/production. he has been described as a caretaker and someone who would "be a good dad." he's also not a sore loser at all and is very compassionate! sweetheart.

surprisingly hard to find a good evocative solo pic of adam. here he is with sam in a typical sam outfit and in matching tie-dye with ben. he's so skinny and fast and importantly he's a fucking nerd. also he constantly vocally stims by bursting into song.

benjamin doyle

formerly an intern for sam's other youtube channels, ben was comedy writer friends with adam which is how he got involved in this mess. babygirl and he knows it. online in a tumblr way somehow and also has apparently perused fanfiction of himself and his coworkers. lock ya fics !!!!!!!

he's an indoor cat in a major way and suffers so much physically from competing in what is objectively a very physical show and yet he also is one of the game designers so that's his fault. he's the only one with a sense of style and he dresses like a cartoon character. he's surprisingly droll and lackadaisical and adam and sam thinks he's soooo funny. he loves a gambit and a scheme and enjoys a plan that is 50% vibes. he's little and short and has the biggest most limpid blue eyes of the three of them who all have blue eyes so that's saying something.

here's a redacted-for-spoilers youtube comment about his relationship with adam who he's usually paired up with for team challenges:

The trust that Ben has in Adam!! When he agreed to let Adam make that last wager I thought I was gonna be sick. It must take a lot of self-regulation skill to just stay chill and supportive and crack jokes while witnessing your teammate like, harness the power of childhood [redacted] trauma and in order to dissociate into a [redacted]. Adam is obviously a powerhouse but Ben is an unsung hero, just an absolute rock.

he's probably the only one who ever has a healthy emotional state while they are playing. AND SOMETIMES HE FREAKS OUT and that's great too.

the dynamics.

the main ship is ben/adam but this is OUR PRIMER so we're talking about ben/adam/sam which is the ship that compels us most.

first of all given the format of the show sam by definition haunts the narrative and is the narrator. also ben and adam live in NYC and sam lives in colorado and i think we can all have fun with that bc it shows that sam is a wild private recluse but also he talks to them every single day at work and is obsessed with them.

anyway the premise of the show mandates deep trust in each other and also, again: they all have to have the same thing wrong with them. WHICH THEY DO!

they put themselves in their own little rat race and then film themselves and edit it for us to consume and then debrief and analyze the rat race on their podcast. it's CRAZY. they are always making game plans based on deep psychoanalysis of each other's habits and preferences. they have such deep intimate knowledge of each other that they play against an imaginary version of each other and GET IT CORRECT.

three neurodivergent people have never thought about each other more. they care about each other but also they love tormenting each other. they're all sadists but none of them are masochists so they have to take turns. and what they DON'T know is that we can link any casual work-related commentary into an extensive mental lore of their insane light-bdsm long distance polycule. so translate that into some smut and let's go go go !!!

[whatremained]

aghhh. i was gonna respond earlier but i got tired. i’m still tired now but!!

you’re exactly right with the point that with the way connor’s autistic traits are written throughout the musical and book, they often get over looked. especially because it’s not the really common stereotype. not for men, nor for women. and a lot of connor’s traits are negative. top of my head, as im thinking of the scene i described previously… that IS a melt down. or! how connor is shown to be very impulsive. impulsivity is not commonly known as a symptom, and yet it still is.

both allistic and a handful of autistic people tend to ignore ugly and borderline harmful traits because it doesn’t make us look good… but the fact of the matter is that…? it’s a DISORDER (autism spectrum DISORDER). it’s not supposed to be all ‘i act a little shy and fixate on things’; we have a disorder, it’s not fun and games. and it sucks to see this ignored in characters who are very much autistic but don’t have the “nice looking” traits.

there is so… SO much i could write on about connor and the fact the fandom doesn’t seem to even take a glance at the fact that he could be autistic. because they believe autistic people are shy, nervous, and fixated on things. and while they can be that, autistic people can also be incredibly emotional, prone to anger for that reason, impulsive, etc.

i’m sick of the stereotype that… we as autistic people, are… shy and pure for some reason? and that we can’t be anything besides that??

and that’s a reason so many characters get shoved to the side because of the want for people to see autism not as what it is.

autism isn’t good. autism isn’t bad either. it’s just there, it’s a disorder.

i’m probably making the same points over but… who cares.

i feel like people find it harder to like. i don’t want to use the word infantilize, but that’s literally the correct word so… infantilize connor because he is shown as very pugnacious and somewhat truculent, and with that comes people viewing him as aggressive and assertive which aren’t traits many people take pity on.

this is also why i argue peopld attach onto the fake connor fandom wise, and in the show, because he’s shown to be willing, cooperative, and amiable… which is not who he was at the slightest.

people are able to infantilize connor, just not the actual character which… i am glad for but also? not because they miss the whole point of the show but that’s besides it.

and people baby evan like crazy and it pisses me off too. people act like evan… either did nothing wrong? or like…? idk it pisses me off when people try and characterize him as just a shy guy who’s would never do anything wrong in his life. random kind of too, but the characterization of evan being really short pisses me off because it adds to the infantilization. it’s?? like evan is canonically taller than connor (by book standard). why are we acting like he’s 4 foot tall? so we can infantilize him more? no thank you!

good lord. sorry about the rant!

it’s just that i’m talk about it because connor has always been a character that has stuck with me because i feel myself so represented by him. maybe it’s because of the autism, or maybe it’s because of the situation i’ve been in for awhile, but it might be the pattern of thinking he has which parallels mine (neurodivergent thinking huh). the way the book is written is immaculate in the way it writes from connor’s perspective, and it really highlights some (or at least mine lol) neurodivergent brains and how they process and view things.

aghhh again sorry. i like chatting about stuff i like

[spyral-out-keep-going]

I’ve got one kid with adhd and one with autism (high functioning, so he was not evaluated until he was 9). And a thing I like is recognizing traits in other family members. My little sis- adhd. Like. Before she was diagnosed it was already Known. My dad-autistic. He’s got so many of the same traits my son has. There was a lightbulb moment-of course it makes so much sense! But before autism entered our family consciousness it was understood that Dad was just Like That. But then came introspection time.

I can function as an adult (usually, but are there people that always keep it together??) and like. I’m noticing things. I have a routine and get upset and discombobulated when it’s changed. I can get super absorbed with some activities for hours if uninterrupted-my special interests but I never had a name for it. I don’t like social situations and just always considered myself an introvert. And with more reflection I’ve realized that I have (logically in my mind) come up with ways the cope with routine change, with keeping my interests to myself, with literally mimicking outgoing people when I’m in social situations (with new people) even though I feel like my insides are full of static at the time. I have also realized that I don’t just Make Friends with people easily. My bff I’ve known since we were grade schoolers and she literally brings people in my orbit often enough that we can get to know each other. She introduced me to my now husband. And my husband introduced me to his friends so I can become friends with people. It just takes me a while. But people who just make their own connections- like meet once and then just. Go do something together later? I can’t imagine actually suggesting that. I’m open to accepting invitations from these magical people. Extroverts adopt me I guess lol.

I don’t have any lesson, just rambling on. I guess if anything it’s making me want to let my son be who he is and not try to make him feel the static inside. I think it’s ok to try new things and experiences, step outside his comfort zone, be open to making new friendships (because real social connection is important for mental health!) But at the same time being mindful and looking out for him and supporting him if it’s time to step back and reset.

[heartorbit]

just how can i protect your smile?

[cb-writes-stuff]

“You can’t enjoy being neurodivergent/disabled/having X disorder if it makes you suffer so much! How dare you be making jokes about it!!!” Well you see, your bad days only suck a little bit so you don’t appreciate the good days very much. My bad days suck so much worse, so I only appreciate the good days that much more to compensate.

[sciderman]

I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

[nemmet]

question: who is your favourite scooby doo character and why?

in a similar vein to my how did you get into scooby doo post from last month, i'm now interested in hearing who your favourite character from the franchise is! are they a member of the core gang or a side character? which iteration/version of theirs do you like best? do you have any specific memories associated with them? do they mean a lot to you personally, or do you just think they're neat? it's time to gush about them in the tags/replies!!

[wanderingmausoleum]

most annoying thing i’ve been seeing online lately is ppl in the adhd/autistic communities posting benign relatable posts and being inundated with comments from neurotypicals being like ummm everyone does that and you’re literally promoting harmful self diagnosis :// stop acting like everything is a symptom and it takes all my power not to tell them to shut the fuck up because not everything is about you, is the audhd community not allowed to make funny relatable posts without you insufferable cuntbags assuming the worst and reading shit into it that was never meant to be there

[arundolyn]

on one hand it sucks cause it sucks to see her like this and for her to have to go through it in general and also its literally so much cancer and like at least???? at LEAST 2 different types???? so they don't know what to do about it and any further treatment would literally just be Seeing What Happens. and it sucks for this to be like. it. and to have to remember This after

but on the other it's also. like. all of this happening has kinda crystallized more in my mind that i don't have a hell of a lot of nice things to say about my mom in the end. which feels awful. but also at the same time i can't really like.. tolerate. giving credit to someone who Loves me who like.. saw it as an obligation? and would and probably will right now if given the opportunity hold it over my head? the fact that she raised me and all. i brought you into this world ill take you out etc. i don't know how you can say that shit to a kid ever and think you're right. i just can't. for all that she's always said she loves me she sure. doesn't act like it much. i don't think keeping all my baby blankets and my kindergarten schoolwork counts for much when your actual emotional support of me has never been great and is half of why im Like This. like it doesn't really feel like she's ever made much of an effort to understand me. lord knows I'll never understand her at this point aside from just. kinda always been too self centered for parenting i think. my mother has never been particularly selfless.

all of this feels horrendous to say out loud in any regard

[demo-ness]

i think this website may be allergic to the idea that most medications aren't for neurological stuff

[kirbytripledeluxe]

God do I wish we weren't scared to exist as a system without judgement. Hi .

[pickled-flowers]

It might be I have anti social personality disorder 🤨

[skrunksthatwunk]

"i'm not disabled" followed immediately by "i've got bad knees and a bad back" is certainly something to read 🤨 you know it doesn't have to be cripling for it to count, right...? it's not normal to be in pain after 15 minutes of standing. ableds can stand for, like, an hour at a time before they need to sit.

i know! i appreciate the concern, but i uh. dunno lol. genuinely i don't know. but i included the afaik ("i'm not disabled afaik" was the original phrase, though i'm not like mad at you for excluding it or anything) because i'm well aware that it's a possibility. it's hard to explain but there's a lot of little things that don't add up to much but are like. noticeable. like i would prefer to do most things sitting, if i could, as a matter of comfort. it would be easier for me. and walking isn't as bad as just standing. i've never been great at taking care of my body, and this has only gotten worse with time. it's hard for me to know what i should read as necessity and what i should read as preference, and how much weight to put on said preferences. like you said, i know it doesn't need to be "if i don't sit down i'm going to collapse" or anything, but where to draw that line between Definitely A Medical Thing That Affects Me More Than Other People and.. not that, i'm not sure. i kinda just thought i was a persistently slightly tired and low energy person, but it doesn't seem bad enough to be chronic fatigue, so...? is it related to the half-diagnosed. idk it's complicated depression (and yes in hindsight i probably should've counted that as disabling but whatever)? idk it's not a rabbit hole i've explored much at all is my point. but i know it's there and uh i guess this was sort of validating in a way anon so.. yeah? yeah👍

[nintendont2502]

on one hand. it's deeply funny how whenever I'm in a new situation/I'm busy my bodies just like yeah we don't need food right it's fineee and then I barely eat because I forget to/don't feel like it. on the other hand I would really like to. yk. try more Japanese food while I'm here? like cmon man work with me here

[lelianaslefthand]

literally what i look like trying to write meta about dragoned aged right now