#autism advice?

[followerofmercy]

Networking/Knowing A Guy: A Guide

This is the autism website. Now, as an extension of the power of love and friendship, there are few things more useful than Knowing A Guy. Knowing A Guy means you have a support network. Knowing a plumber, or a tax accountant, or just that one dude that's really fucking good at finding the information you need when you're really overwhelmed, can be the difference between being able to pay rent and having a fun party with friends to fix your shit.

How does one end up Knowing A Guy? It's a skill you can develop called Networking and it is one of the foundations of society. Unfortunately making those connections with people is fucking hard and nobody makes a tutorial for it. So, here you go:

The golden rule is you scratch my back and I scratch yours

It is necessary for survival to seek out useful people

Great news! Everyone is useful in some form or fashion - including you! When given the opportunity to learn about someone, do it! Extroversion does not come naturally to some people and that's okay. Just take whatever falls in your lap.

Types of usefulness: trade skills, connections of their own, personality you jive with, pleasant to talk to, niche interest in shared hobby, security - the list is pretty much endless. I know a guy that lives in the metro area - no job, no major hobbies, inoffensively annoying to me personally, kinda ignorant, not attractive to me, but you know what? He knows how the fuck to get around the city by foot. My rural-raised ass APPRECIATES the guide.

Remember important information: general personality, background, skillset, likes and dislikes. You can find this information by making smalltalk about their life. There is no such thing as pointless conversation. (Yes, even the annoying smalltalk)

The more people you know, the higher the likelihood that one of them will be useful in a given situation - or will know someone who is.

It is overwhelming. In a given clique/community/workspace/whatever, there is A Guy Who Knows The Other Guys. This Guy is a shortcut. Find them. They're often elderly, extroverted, a little bit annoying, a secretary or in some otherwise forward-facing position. Look for people that are gossipy/talk about other people a lot but not in negative ways. If they constantly talk shit, they'll talk shit about you too. They're still useful but be careful with the information you share

You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.

You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.*

If you have low self esteem, you're going to feel like you're using people. You're not. That's the devil talking. People like feeling valued and the connections you are making are the threads holding community together. Recognize people for their talents. It's only a problem when you're taking advantage of people

So: don't feel scummy about it. You're an animal. You have to claw out your right to survive and people will respect you more for it.

Luckily mutualism is the name of the game in the animal kingdom. Offer something back. The foundation of a Know A Guy relationship is Mutual Benefit

Sometimes that Mutual Benefit is just spreading news of the The Guy far and wide. My plumber friend is my actual friend and I love her to death, but I'm maintaining our backscratch relationship by pimping out her plumbing business to anyone that'll listen

Food is a good Mutual Benefit. People across cultures for all of human history have bonded over food. I have good success asking people for a favor and then offering to buy them lunch in return **

General compensation is also good. Offer a service in return and always do your best to offer financial compensation as appropriate. Having your plumber friend take a look at your drain: doable with a case of beer. Having your plumber friend redo the pipes in your entire house? You need to pay for that.

Being transactional is not necessarily a bad thing. I would advise against keeping an itemized list of things owed, but fish don't seek out cleaner shrimp just because they enjoy their company. Everyone gets something

Unfortunately being extroverted and generally personable is a huge benefit here, but that's the value of the Guy That Knows A Guy. There's someone out there that has consolidated All The Guys so you don't have to be the local expert. Always remember nobody can do everything and you don't need to master every skill

* This is the foundation of a functioning community. I have many acquaintances that I find incredibly annoying. They include doctors, welders, artists, social workers, lawyers, construction crew and random fuckers at the grocery store. I do not hang out with them. I do not have to in order to maintain a civil Know A Guy relationship. I can drop them useful tidbits and fuck right off so I don't have to spend any more time than necessary with them

** People may assume romantic intent. Be prepared for that. I generally denote that it's a friendly/work lunch by calling them bro at some point if they're my age. Otherwise my general demeanor is sufficient to show that I do this with everyone

Source: personal experience, mother's teachings of crime, booth vending and poverty

[reasonsforhope]

Workbooks to improve executive functioning

Since the post I made last night about improving executive functioning was so popular, I figured I should pull these out of my comments and give them their own post, in case it's helpful for people.

I have worked with the publishers of all of the books linked below and can vouch for their psychology books. The publisher of most of them, New Harbinger, is an extremely credible evidence-based psychology publisher.

Obvious disclaimer that everyone's brain is different and what works for someone else may not work for you.

Is there evidence that executive functioning can be improved? Yes. This book appears to be a very thorough overview of the field, and contains both advocates and detractors of cognitive training, for a balanced perspective. From the table of contents, I would really recommend jumping straight to Part 3: Developmental Perspectives for executive functioning (EF) writ large.

Certain therapy modalities are specifically designed for skill-building in areas like impulsivity, decision-making, emotional regulation, and cognitive flexibility, all of which are EF skills or very dependent on EF skills. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is probably the best field to look at for these - skill-building in those areas is its core goal.

Some DBT workbooks:

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Teens

There are also a lot of workbooks for ADHD that are sometimes more broad but also can help with executive functioning:

The Adult ADHD and Anxiety Workbook: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Skills to Manage Stress, Find Focus, and Reclaim Your Life

The CBT Workbook for Adult ADHD: Evidence-Based Exercises to Improve Your Focus, Productivity, and Wellbeing

The Neurodivergence Skills Workbook for Autism and ADHD

General executive functioning workbooks:

The Executive Functioning Workbook for Teens

Executive Functioning Workbook for Adults: Exercises to Help You Get Organized, Stay Focused, and Achieve Your Goals

Hope these are helpful to someone!!

[aggressive-positivity-network]

When someone gives the advice of “don’t be afraid to disappoint your parents” they don’t just mean taking music theory in college or starting a YouTube channel.

It also means wearing things they might not approve of. Using accommodations that they might not think you need. Not falling for their guilt trips. Eating when you’re hungry, not when it suits them and their idea of your weight or health. Making your own friends instead of seeking the stamp of approval from them.

Of course, some parents are stricter than others, and some use abuse to keep you from expressing yourself. But do what you can, even if it seems small.

Otherwise, when your parents are no longer in the picture, you’ll try to find it somewhere else to get validation. A strict boss, an abusive partner, a selfish friend.

Going against your parent’s wishes is developmentally healthy. Not doing so stunts your independence and self-regulation. You shouldn’t be living to constantly please others, even the people who love you.

[emirrart]

24,07,2024

allan self care cards allan self care cards

bonus:

edit because people won’t shut up about it: yes floss your teeth at least once a day if you can, and wash off the toothbrush when you’re done brushing. ok? ok.

[apinchofsanity]

As a neurodivergent individual, the worst piece of advice anybody can give when you're nervous is "just be yourself" -_-

.... Like ma'am.... how am I supposed to (sanely) explain to you that I physically cannot 'just be myself' because the self you are referring to is a carefully constructed facade tailored specifically to you and is in fact made up of an amalgamation of personality traits cherry picked from other people/fictional characters to suit your preference and personality?!!

[saltywinteradult]

i don't know who needs to hear this but do not listen to the voice in your head telling you you don't need to prepare tomorrow's breakfast or pick out tomorrow's outfit tonight. don't listen when it tells you you'll have time to do that tomorrow morning. that is the voice of the devil talking. do not listen.

[littlestarryagere]

How to tackle chores when regressed :

Ello!! I’m here bc sometimes I find it sooo hard to check off my to-dos bc my liddol(s) out ૮꒰ྀི⊃⸝ ⸝ ⸝⊂꒱ྀིა

Here are some ideas for folks tht may be struggling getting up &&doing the tingz !!

♡ Print off a sticker chart !! Ik for me having external motivation aka cute lil stickers showing how good I’ve been can rly rly help !!

♡ Bring along your stuffie/favorite toy !! They’re your fren & wanna help u do the thing !!

♡ Play age-appropriate music & dance & sing along while u work !! This can make the thing feel less daunting & more silly & fun !!

♡ Have a kid-appropriate movie/tv show on in the background !! Just be sure to not get too distracted, little one !! ଘ(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭

♡ Ask your cg for a reward if u complete all da tingz !! Rewards can be things like regression time w them that night, sweets, etc !! If u don’t have a cg, thts totally ok !! U can also do these things solo !! ദ്ദി ( ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ )

♡ Make urself a snack/meal first !! Ik for me sometimes the energy boost is definitely needed !! Some age-appropriate foods can be apple slices w peanut butter/caramel, mac n cheese, milk in a baba, etc !! Just stay healthy little ones !!

♡ This one’s may be harder for some, but try calling another liddol fren/someone who supports your regression if you’ve got any !! I’m lucky enough to have this option, it’s ok if u don’t !! But sometimes talking to somebody helps me get up & at’em !!

♡ Play a regression podcast !! This one’s good for those of us tht may not have a cg/regression buddies to talk to !! When I’ve been cg-less these have rly rly helped me !! ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

Feel free to add more, & have fun bein a good little kiddo !!

~ Starry ⋆⭒˚.⋆

[theorahsart]

So the book is out since last week, but I didn't want to change these graphics :p

If you have an autistic kid in your life or want to get a copy yourself, you can find the book here!

[painted-doe]

Back in 2016, we adopted a system in our house for discussing distressing political news that I highly recommend. We basically use the traffic light consent system to check in with each other’s mental state before we bring up a news topic.

Me: (just saw a news story that I am dying to share) “How’s your traffic light for politics right now?”

Red: Nope, can’t take any political discussion right now, but maybe we can talk about it later. (Red usually also gets you a hug and a kiss and a check-in on your stress levels.)

Yellow: Go ahead if it’s minor political news. Maybe hold back if it’s very distressing or about something hateful. I may want you to shut things down if it’s too depressing or infuriating, but I will communicate if it gets that bad.

Green: *stuffing popcorn in mouth* Sure, hit me, what has that bastard done now?

This system has saved us both much frustration with each other. It makes it easy to gently shut a conversation down without making anyone feel rejected or overwhelmed because you both understood each other’s limits and desires going into the conversation.

You can also adopt it for other topics that cause you anxiety, like family drama. And it’s extremely useful for setting boundaries with neurodivergent loved ones who may not pick up on social cues as easily as others.

I hope it helps someone out there protect their peace!

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

The worst advice I’ve been given as a neurodivergent…

Mollys ADHD Mayhem

[good-advice-ganondorf]

Sir Gannondorf, how to I stop my special interest from being the only thing I think about? It's great to have a special interest, but it gets in the way of things I need to do!

[zabreus]

one thing i see a bit with disco elysium fan script is a conflation between a failed skill check and bad advice from a skill. one of the beautiful things about DE is the skills are not arbiters of truth; successful checks won’t always lead to the correct outcomes, and a skill level being too high can impair you. in that sense, a failed passive (“anti-passive” according to wiki) wouldn’t be a skill giving bad advice, but a skill failing to fulfill its duty.

(bad example ahead) so it wouldn’t be:

LOGIC [Trivial - Failure]: Stick a fork in the toaster.

but more like:

BREAD-TOASTER: You peek into the narrow opening at the top of the electric bread-toaster.

PERCEPTION: You find a slice of bread wedged between the filaments. Smoke wafts into your nostrils. It’s burning, and you seemingly have no way of retrieving it.

INTERFACING [Challenging - Success]: The metal fork you found in the cupboard. It should be both long and sturdy enough for the job.

You: Grab the fork.

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium - Success]: The tips of your fingers tingle. This seems like a very bad idea.

LOGIC [Easy - Failure]: You are uncertain of the outcome here.

1. Use the fork to fish out the toast.

2. “This is beneath me.”

3. [Half-Light - Godly 16] Establish dominance. Fuck the toaster.

[geek-22]

[byoldervine]

What Common Writing Phrases Actually Mean

For years I assumed a lot of the common writing phrases that get thrown around were just generic things that were never actually going to help people write because it doesn't actually tell you what to do. But recently I've been able to work out the meanings for a few of them and I'd like to share them with my fellow writers, especially for my fellow NDs with literal thinking

"Write what you know" - it doesn't mean that you should only write what you're already familiar with, it means to do your research, gain knowledge and go from there; if you haven't done the research, don't write about it *until you have*, not just shrug your shoulders and find something else without ever trying to write it. Additionally, things will have more of an emotional impact if you write about things you yourself have experienced, or when you tie in your own experiences to something; you’ve probably (and hopefully) never had acid thrown in your face, but you’ve probably gotten shampoo in your eye and can amp that experience up

"Writing is a discipline"/"Write even when you're not motivated" - my reaction to this was always that, since I was only doing this for fun and didn't have any deadline to meet, why should I force myself to write even when I don't want to? But what they're trying to say with this is to make sure you have some level of consistent progress, even if it's only one sentence every week; having a minimum level of progress you can count on is an absolute lifesaver when writing, as well as being motivating in its own right

"Edit as you go" - this one really doesn't mean to change up your entire chapter every single time you get a new sentence down, it means to take breaks from writing new chapters to reflect back on what you've previously written and make sure to fix up any inconsistencies while the next few chapters are still fresh in your mind. Outside of SPAG mistakes or quick one-sentence-or-less tweaks I generally wouldn't advise properly editing the same chapter you just wrote simply because you could easily burn yourself out speedrunning to the final draft before you even get to chapter two

[novastellavox]

I need this to go viral for the sake of everyone with ADHD / Autism / Neurodivergence

Do YOU chase dopamine by learning new things? Do you learn new skills and don't know why you want to do that but do it anyway?

well, I might have THE ANSWER for YOU!

There is a certain effect called the Eureka Moment. That moment when you FINALLY understand some topic that didn't seem impossible to learn, but out of reach for you to master at the moment.

This is a so-called Eureka Moment. The intensity of that moment rises, when you know less about a topic prior to the moment.

When learning a completely new skill, learning a new language, a new instrument, learning something about philosophy or science... all these things can trigger it in intense ways.

The journey of your life is like a puzzle. You build a personality, a life, an archive of knowledge and skills of sorts. And when learning a new ability or skill, you find singular pieces... they may fit into a 'sort of' shape... but the bigger picture is out of reach. Then one crucial moment, you learn a random thing that wasn't particularly grand or anything... and THAT puzzle piece brings everything together. The pieces literally fall into place.

And it's very likely that there's a bio-chemical reaction in your brain... which overloads your brain with dopamine... but that is exactly it.

Your brain is still chasing dopamine by learning new things... but what it really wants... is that Eureka explosion in your brain. It wants to be loaded to the brim with free flowing dopamine. Suddenly you feel unstoppable and ... you feel like all the work you did was worth it. At least I do now.

[thatadhdmood]

How to reach goals as a neurodivergent person by not creating them from a neurotypical standpoint

Make the tasks fun & engaging