#at the very least im alone on this shift now so i can keep an earbud in and listen to smth

[waywardsalt]

probably going to rework my human bellum design again

[cuz-reasons]

I don't WANNA go to work I wanna write more

[lilgynt]

there’s no way to express that people keep randomly reaching out to me to talk daily and at length and keep pushing for my space in my life and i really don’t need or more importantly WANT that politely there’s no good way to say that politely

[heyitslapis]

its times like this when i really wish i had an SO's shoulder to cry on

Because I think i factrued/sprained my foot the other day it happened wednesday but its still pretty swollen and pops when i try to walk on it without hobbling. i know i signed up for health insurance through work. i wrote down the insurance company name as Bayside and I have my personal insurance id number but the card never came in/got lost in the mail (and i already called for one replacement that never came so idk if theyll send me a third) so i cant confirm the insurance name nor call them, but i need to because ive called/visited 5 health care facilities around me and NONE of them have even heard of Bayside. So im calling the phone number that my manager provided me with telling me that was the insurance company. I keep calling the number (and mind you ive called them before to try to get a second insurance card sent to me but that was in like April) and i get that its saturday but theres no answer and the stupid automated machine wont let me leave a voicemail. the automated answering voice on the phone also says that theyre called National Benefit Plans by SafetyNet and google says the phone number im using belongs to National Benefit Plans out in San Antonio Tx (i live no where near there). I found National Benefit Plans' website on SafetyNetPlus dot com but National Benefit Plans doesnt have their own website, just through SafetyNet, and also the SafetyNet website says on a side panel that "this is NOT insurance" and instead keeps saying "health benefits" instead so idk what the fuck ive been paying for for the last 6 months tbh and im having an emotional breakdown bc i dont want to fuck my foot up for life just cause i couldnt figure out my health insurance/benefits shit

[megalony]

See the Difference

This is an Evan Buckley (Buck) request by anon, I hope you like it, any feedback is always lovely. Thank you all for the requests I'm slowly getting through them.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefanthefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez-blog @jonesyaddiction @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me  @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod @ceres27 @avyannadawn  @noonenuts @sleepylunarwolf @coverupps @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway

Masterlist

Summary: Evan starts to get worried when (Y/n)'s seizures become constant and he takes time off work to look after her.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Evan leaned his hips back against the kitchen counter, phone in one hand and cup of tea in the other. He scrolled down his contacts, took a very large gulp of his tea which did nothing to calm his raging nerves, and clicked on Bobby's contact.

He knew his boss wouldn't be at work yet, there was another half an hour until Bobby would head into shift and two hours until Evan was supposed to be on shift. A shift he was turning down. Again.

"Hey Buck, everything okay?"

"Hey Bobby… I know it's short notice and I said I'd be coming in today but, I don't think I can." He could hear the sigh on the other end of the phone and he closed his eyes tight and held his breath deep in his lungs. Evan didn't like disappointing people, especially not Bobby. He saw the captain as his father figure, he looked up to and respected him and if Bobby so much as frowned in Evan's direction he would be doing everything he could to prove himself.

"I told you to take the week off, why don't you listen to me? How bad is it?" The way Bobby spoke made a weight disintergrate from Evan's shoulders and he let out the breath he'd been holding. His voice was light-hearted and Evan could picture the calming smile he would have right now.

"It's bad, Bobby. Five yesterday and two during the night, I'm too nervous to leave her I can't, not yet." He set down his cup on the counter behind him and moved his fingers to drag them through his hair.

"You take the rest of the week off and check in with me on Friday, if she isn't any better you can either have another week or stick to half shifts. Okay? Keep me updated."

"Thank you,"

He stuffed his phone back in his pocket and leaned his head back, craning his neck to click it in place and try and relieve some of the tension in his muscles.

Evan tried, he really tried not to let the team see how nervous he was getting but each day that passed, the more his worry crept up and the more agitated he got until Bobby sat him down and asked him what was happening.

It was (Y/n).

They had been together almost five years now and in that time frame, Evan had never known her have so many seizures as she was having these last two weeks. She was diagnosed with epilepsy when she was two and it had been a part of who she was all her life. (Y/n) couldn't drive due to the frequency and dangers and her medication, she couldn't get a bath alone without someone nearby in case she had a seizure and went under the water.

She couldn't go on rides in theme parks unless they were children's rides that wouldn't jostle her about and if a club had horrid changing lights or flashing equipment (Y/n) couldn't go in.

But Evan hadn't known her be like this before. He had never seen her go from one seizure right into another and then another a few hours later. She was having at least three a day so far and Evan had been on shift, clinging to his phone in case she called and said she'd hurt herself and if she didn't call, he panicked she was unconscious and needed him.

Bobby told him to take a few days and stay with her, then advised him to take the week but Evan didn't want to leave the team short handed and (Y/n) didn't want him to have to take so much time off for her.

Three seizures yesterday made Evan reconsider agreeing to go back on shift and then the two she had last night that both woke him and frightened him confirmed that he wasn't going back yet.

He reached back for his drink and drained what was left in his cup but he barely placed it in the sink before (Y/n)'s voice rung through the air.

"Evan, p-please…"

He spun on his heels and jogged from the kitchen over to the living room and just as he got there, his eyes landed on his girl. Her fingers dug into the arm of the sofa and she slowly wiggled to the edge of the sofa and slumped down until she was sat on the floor. She was going to have a seizure. They were such a second nature to (Y/n) that if she could sense one, she knew to get on the floor or lie down wherever she was to be safe.

(Y/n) barely managed to lower herself down on her left side before her head snapped back so far and fast Evan thought she'd broken her neck. Her arms stayed stretched out in front of her but he could see her fingers curling and bending and her wrists twisted and curled her hands inwards. She had curled her knees up to her stomach when she lied down and one knee pushed up into her stomach while the other leg straightened out and started to jerk.

"I'm here, I got you," He slumped down to his knees beside her head and carefully brushed her hair from her face before he trailed his fingertips over her cheek and down her neck that was tense and taut.

His fingertips grazed over her neck to check her airways weren't obstructed and he moved to feel her pulse which was unusually steady. He kept one hand just under her chin stroking her jaw and the other rubbed soothingly up and down her arm. He knew half the time (Y/n) could hear and sense him and was aware of her surroundings so every seizure he treated her as if she was conscious.

A sigh of relief left Evan's lips when a minute ticked by and the spasms and tremors started to wear off. He could see her eyes fluttering beneath her eyelids and she started to take deep, steady breaths instead of little huffs between spluttering and foaming at the mouth.

"Good girl, you're okay just a little one. Shall we sit you up?"

Evan slipped his hands under (Y/n)'s arms and slowly hoisted her up until her back was against his chest and her head flopped back against his shoulder, too heavy for her to lift up. He curled his arms around her waist and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He smiled when he felt her hands shakily half-curl around his wrists and she tried to get enough control to squeeze him.

"I'm glad I called Cap,"

"Y-you didn't? Evan, I'm sorry-"

"Hey, you come first and everyone knows that. Bobby was fine with it, he told me to take the time off. I have to be here with you."

(Y/n) pushed her head to the right until her nose brushed against his neck and she could kiss his skin.

She hated that he was taking so much time off recently to look after her. He should be saving his time off for when he needed a break or he wasn't feeling well or they planned to go away. Not for him to have to sit around and babysit her like he always did. (Y/n) loved that he looked after her but she felt awful that he even had to. It wasn't like she had a simple cold, this was a condition that wasn't going to go away. But Evan knew this and he would do anything to look after her, always had, always would.

"Could you take a shower with me if you've got the time now?" She could feel his lips curve into a smile against the top of her head and it helped settle her stomach that was now churning.

She didn't feel like a bath. (Y/n) only got baths when Evan was home or Maddie came round to check on her if she wasn't well. She couldn't get a bath if she was home alone, it was too risky and she didn't want one. But she knew after two seizures during the night and now this one, she needed a shower. She tended to sweat and drool a lot when she had seizures and during the bad ones she had wet herself a few times too.

"I'd love to."

Her legs felt shaky when Evan lifted her up to her feet and he could feel the unease rattling through her because his arms coiled around her waist and he pulled her flush against his chest. They walked up the stairs like they were one person, their legs moving in unison and Evan's lips pressed against the side of her neck as he muttered something incoherent into her skin like a secret he wanted to keep hidden.

When they got up to the bathroom, (Y/n) let herself slump down onto the toilet and she buried her face in her hands while Evan moved to turn on the shower. And a small smile curved at her lips when she looked through her fingers and noticed him starting to strip.

He pulled the dark maroon jumper over his head revealing his toned chest and the few tattoos he had there before he unbuckled his belt.

Sometimes Evan didn't always join her in the shower or the bath. He was almost always in the bathroom with her when she got a wash, safety was his reasoning. But there were a lot of times when 'safety' would be the excuse to have some fun together in the shower.

But if (Y/n) was having a wash after a seizure or she felt rough and suspected she might have a seizure, Evan didn't join her. He would sit dutifully on the counter next to the sink or sit on the floor beside the bath and play a game on his phone or play some music and they would chat.

It was a surprise to see that he was joining her today, but it was a comforting and lovely surprise. They both knew there would be no funny business, but Evan wanted to be close to her and to hold her and make sure she was okay and there was no better way to do that than to join her.

"Come here, babe."

When Evan was stripped down, he knelt in front of (Y/n) seeing as she hadn't moved or even undressed yet. His hands fell on her shoulders and he nudged her back until she was sitting up and slowly pulled her pyjama top over her head.

She stood up, bracing her hands on Evan's shoulders when her energy dwindled and since he was knelt in front of her. His soft smile turned into a grin and he helped her out of her shorts and underwear before his hands rested on her hips and he nudged her backwards. His lips pressed to hers, smothering her, engulfing her, flooding her with love and passion and understanding.

(Y/n) turned round in his grip so she could climb over the side of the bath but as soon as they were both stood under the stream and the heat enveloped them, (Y/n) turned back round to face him.

Her arms curled around his lower waist and she tucked her face into his chest, breathing in his scent while the water trickled over them and slithered down her nose to drop against his sternum. It felt comforting to have Evan's arms around her fully, one secured around her waist and the other loosely draped over the back of her shoulders with his hand brushing against her neck. She could feel his fingers brushing up and down her neck and his lips kissing her hair that was collecting an abundance of water.

"I've got you," He whispered quietly into her hair and when she heard his words, she kissed his chest.

"Thank you,"

***

A tired sigh passed through (Y/n)'s lips and she tucked herself deeper into Evan's side as if she could get any closer than she already was. But it still didn't feel close enough and she moved her arm from around his waist up to his chest so her hand was holding his shoulder. And she shimmied up until her chest was laid on top of his and her head could tuck up into his neck.

Smiling, Evan curved his arm around her lower waist and moved to kiss her head before he leaned back again with his left arm resting behind his head.

He couldn't focus on the tv anymore, he would have to switch it off and go to sleep soon but he knew even if he did, his mind wouldn't switch off. They were both tired beyond belief but Evan couldn't get to sleep, he kept finding himself watching (Y/n), waiting for the next seizure to arrive.

It felt easier to stay awake watching tv, let himself nod off every now and then and keep an eye on (Y/n) most of the night.

So the tv wasn't too bright or blaring, Evan had left the bedside lamp on to make the dim light easier on (Y/n)'s eyes and her head that had been aching all day. He got a flannel from the bathroom an hour ago, ran it under the cold tap and pressed it against her temple and it felt so good (Y/n) had laid like that ever since. He could feel the damp towel tickling his chest.

Reaching out, Evan grabbed the bottle of beer from the side table and brought it to his lips while he tilted his head so his cheek was against the top of (Y/n)'s head.

Just as he pulled the bottle away from his lips, a groan tumbled from his mouth along with a dribble of beer when (Y/n) tipped her head up and knocked the top of her head into his jaw. It wasn't enough to hurt him or jolt him backwards but it was forceful enough to nudge his head back and make him choke on his swig of beer.

"Fuck, babe you okay, what's up?" He put his drink down and swiped his hand beneath his chin to clear what he spat out but when he didn't get a response, he frowned. "Babe?"

Evan pushed up to sit up straight and looked down at (Y/n) but the only part of her that was moving was her head that was ticking back and forth very slowly.

She was having a seizure.

Evan sucked in a deep breath before he moved around. He leaned over to the right and rolled (Y/n) over onto her back on the bed and he hovered over her. It didn't take long to kick the cover off them both and scuff it over the side of the bed so it was out the way and he swiped (Y/n)'s pillow and chucked it on the floor along with the flannel.

One hand planted down on the mattress beside her head and he leaned his weight on his wrist, hovering himself over her waist while he brushed his thumb against her jaw with his free hand.

Her eyes were visible like she was staring up at him but Evan could see she was zoned out, she was looking through him instead of at him. It used to make him uncomfortable and he would stutter and ramble away but the more it happened, the more he got used to it until all of her seizure movements and activities were second nature to Evan now.

"You're okay babe, keep breathing you're doing great."

His thumb continued to stroke her jaw and every few seconds, he leaned down and pressed a wet kiss to her forehead. He could hear the tv blaring away in the background and every now and then he tuned into what was being said on the show. But when he kept looking back down at (Y/n), anxiety welled up in the pit of his chest.

Why wasn't it stopping?

"Come on babe, come back to me." Evan let his forehead rest down against (Y/n)'s when her head stopped ticking back against the mattress.

Her muscles were still tense and rigid beneath him and he could see her eyes going from left to right so fast it must be hurting her head.

"Fuck," He spat the word like it was venom on his tongue and leaned his head down into the mattress beside (Y/n)'s head when her arm suddenly slammed up into his abdomen. He tried to breathe deeply but he had to lean back and sit up on his heels when (Y/n) started to spasm and he shuffled an inch away when her knee coiled up and barely missed his groin.

She was going from an absent seizure straight into a violent spasming one.

"Let's move you, babe."

Evan was careful and very slow when he turned (Y/n) so she was lying on her left side with her front facing him. Her head tipped back until her trachea was pressing out and he watched her eyes stop jittering and instead roll to the back of her head so he could only see the whites of her eyes.

Both (Y/n)'s arms stretched out in front of her, slammed up and then bashed back down into the mattress as her legs started to kick and swing near Evan as if she was aiming for him.

"Babe you're okay, it's alright…"

He reached out and nudged her arms until they were resting on his lap and he ran his hand up and down her arms that felt like her muscles were about to pop through the skin. But the longer he watched her, the more panic Evan felt building up inside of him until it felt like he was about to burst.

He didn't like this.

"Oh no… no babe- shit!" Rolling forward, Evan pressed his chest against his knees and subsequently pinned her hands against his chest so he could lean closer to her face.

She had bitten her tongue. Evan could see the blood starting to dribble past her teeth and down her lips and he could hear her breaths turn to scraped wheezes. When she started to froff at the mouth, he nudged his thumb between her lips and tried to peer into her mouth. It didn't look like she was about to swallow her tongue, thankfully, but she was chomping down on it badly. Evan hadn't seen her do this in a long time.

He pushed himself back up and reached across his side of the bed for his phone, he wasn't waiting around any longer.

"Hi, this is fire fighter Evan Buckley. I need an ambulance to apartment twenty, Brook building. My girlfriend's epileptic and she's been having a seizure for about six minutes straight."

There was nothing Evan could do. He couldn't administer her emergency seizure meds because she was biting down on her tongue and if he tried to open her jaw he could cause more damage to her tongue or rip a blood vessel in it. And the meds had to be placed under her tongue to dissolve and get into her system fast.

Five minutes was Evan's marker, if she didn't come out of a seizure or have a break between two seizures then he would call an ambulance, something he hadn't had to do in over a year.

"She's not breathing very well and her pulse is high… she's biting her tongue bad enough to draw blood."

Evan tilted his head down to look at her mouth again but when his eyes danced over her frame, something dawned on him and he pulled back. He didn't take much notice of what the responder was telling him. He knew the basics and what to do, Hell he had been doing this with (Y/n) for five years now and he knew everything he could possibly know about helping her, positioning her and how to prevent her from choking if that happened.

He put the phone on speaker and threw it on his pillow before he hopped off the bed and looked round the floor quickly.

Once he spotted a shirt and a pair of trousers, he stumbled on one foot to get his trousers on and then climbed back on the bed beside (Y/n). She had her arms in the perfect position for him to get a shirt over her arms and head.

Evan knew he wasn't strictly supposed to do this. He should only move her if she was in danger of hurting herself or falling off the bed or if she was being sick. But Evan knew (Y/n) like the back of his hand, he knew if she came back around when the paramedics got here, she wouldn't want to be seen in her bra and underwear.

"Sorry babe, you'll thank me for this later," He mumbled the words quietly against the shell of her ear.

One hand held her wrist gently and he took his time slipping her arms into the shirt and he slowly shimmied it up her arms before quickly slipping it over her head. Once he got it halfway down her chest, Evan left it scrunched up where it was. He could pull it down once the paramedics arrived and they moved her onto the stretcher.

An ambulance ride at nearly midnight, it was going to be a long night.

***

"Bobby," A smile tugged at Evan's lips and surprise flooded his eyes when he rounded the corner with a cup of coffee held tight in his hand and caught sight of the captain. "You came down." As soon as he reached him, Evan opened his free arm and pushed up into Bobby's chest for a hug.

He had called Bobby last night to say he would need another few days off and happened to mention he was at the hospital with (Y/n), but he didn't think Bobby would come straight down today like this. He was expecting another phone call to go over how much longer he would need.

"You worried me Buck, you said you'd been here for two days. How is she?"

They were a family whether they were on shift or not and if one of them was having a hard time or had to be in the hospital then Bobby would be down to check on them and make sure if they needed anything, he could help with that.

"Uh, she had a real bad one a few nights ago, about ten minutes it went on for. But they've tried a new med, once in the morning and one at night… and no seizures."

"None?"

"Nope. We got moved from intensive down onto a ward for observation and she's doing great. They said we can go home tonight."

Evan had been at the hospital for three days straight with (Y/n) but he could see the improvement already.

As soon as they were moved from A&E up into intensive care, they took (Y/n)'s details and what meds she was on and asked Evan if he thought changing them would be a good idea. (Y/n) had another absent seizure just before they changed her meds and they sedated her to stop any further seizures and let her rest during the night. But as soon as her meds were changed and she was awake in the morning, Evan saw the difference.

(Y/n) didn't feel the constant headache behind her eyes any more, she was a bit groggy but she felt more alert than the day before.

They had been moved down to a ward after the second night and she was back to her usual self already. Evan had helped her walk around the ward and stayed with her when she went for a shower but she hadn't even felt a migraine or felt like she was about to drop.

"Buck that's great."

"Come and see her, you'll see the difference." Evan ushered him over towards (Y/n)'s room but the smile didn't leave his face.

He wanted a few days at home with (Y/n) to triple check that the meds were doing their job, but he knew by the end of the week he would be back at work with the team. They could finally get back to their usual routines and Evan could feel less nervous and panicked at work, knowing (Y/n) was better and safe from an outrageous amount of seizures.

[seramilla]

carmilla introducing vaggie to her girls. misscarriage

Carmilla: girls, theres someone i want you to meet

Clara: moma, we already know vaggie

Carmilla: si, but im introducing her as your sister

clara passed money over to odette: told you itd take less than a year for her to adopt her

carmilla: not quite adoption, remember when we died i was pregnant?

Odette and Clara return to the compound later that evening, filthy and covered in grime from a full day of excavating angelic weapons. They can't believe the sheer number left behind this time. Thanks to Charlie and the others at the hotel, there were more angelic bodies than Sinners; carrying not only weapons, but covered in armor. The sisters are tired but excited to get back to work the next day, to dig into the secrets their discoveries may uncover, and see what they can create from them.

After cleaning up, they notice the building is surprisingly quiet. Carmilla said she had work to do, and would wait up for them. The dark expanse of the warehouse is eerie, and their footsteps echo as they make their way to Carmilla's makeshift apartment on the second floor. They can see from the lights in the doorway that she's still awake; or at least still there, so they can tell her what they'd found. Upon opening the door, however, the two quickly realize their mother isn't alone. It's that girl...Charlie's partner. Vaggie. Sitting at their mother's side, Carmilla's hand on her knee, talking like they've known each other for years.

Carmilla is...smiling. And so is Vaggie. Odette and Clara stop in the doorway, staring at the two, puzzled, until they are noticed. Carmilla and Vaggie immediately stop talking when they see their visitors; Vaggie even shifts away a little, embarrassed. Carmilla stands abruptly, rubbing the back of her head with her claws awkwardly, but ultimately gesturing toward her daughters to come in.

"Girls," Carmilla says, a little catch in her voice. "Welcome back. You've met Vaggie, haven't you?"

"Yeah," Clara says, as she and Odette enter and shut the door behind them. "We met when we delivered that custom order to the snake man at the hotel. How's the weapon working, by the way?"

"Umm..." Vaggie flinches a little when Clara brings up Sir Pentious. She has such a look of profound sadness on her face at the mention of him, like she wants to cry. There's such a drastic change in the angel's demeanor, Odette awkwardly clears her throat and tries to change the subject.

"You're that angel that's dating Charlie, right? How are you feeling? Are you recovering okay? You had such a nasty scrape with the Exterminators."

"Oh! Yes," Vaggie says, seemingly surprised Odette would ask how she’s doing. “I’m doing a lot better, thank you. Charlie’s been taking care of me. And, uh...Carm--your mom, too.”

Vaggie’s voice is so much smaller and softer than either Odette or Clara remember. She’d been so full of energy and authority at the hotel; directing all the residents and keeping them out of trouble. It’s surprising this is the same woman in front of them now, acting all meek and mild in front of their mother. Hadn't she challenged her just several days prior? What happened since then?

"You've sure been spending a lot of time with Mama lately," Clara says, putting voice to the obvious. It's not so much an accusation, as an observation. There's no suspicion or malice in Clara's voice, just a lilt of a...question? Odette's thinking the same thing, if she's honest. Carmilla's been spending a lot of time with the angel. She doesn't mind, but...she also can't escape the feeling that something else is going on. Something she's not being told.

"Did you adopt her or something, Mom?" Odette asks, chuckling, trying to lower the tension building in the room. "She's strong. We could always use an extra hand around here."

The silence that permeates the space at her comment shocks Odette to her very core. Suddenly, both Vaggie's and her mother's eyes spike open, like Odette just mentioned someone had died. The change in their demeanor is palpable. Vaggie turns away, as if she's unable to look at the sisters anymore. Carmilla stutters again, trying to find her voice. She's been doing that a lot lately, where Vaggie is concerned. Carmilla can't seem to find the words to explain, and Odette and Clara don't know the right questions to get answers out of her.

"What? What did I say?" Odette looks at her mother, concerned. Carmilla looks like she's about to cry.

"It's not like that, mija," Carmilla says, unconvincingly. Oh shit, Odette notices, she is crying. "Umm, girls...come sit with me for a minute. Please? I need to tell you something."

They do. Vaggie moves out of the way so Odette and Clara can sit on the futon next to their mother. Carmilla reaches for the angel, too, trying to draw her in, but Vaggie just turns away, her back to the rest of them. She looks so small again, like she's curling in on herself. Carmilla looks like she wants to say something, but thinks better of it, and draws her attention back to the other girls.

"Clara. Odette. I'm going to say something, and I need you to...to keep an open mind. Can you do that for me?"

"Of course, Mom," Odette says, getting concerned at this line of questioning. "What's wrong? You know you can tell us anything, right?"

"Yeah! Whatever it is, we can take it. We're worried about you." Clara chimes in. As if her mother would ever doubt their resolve. Carmilla should know them better than that by now.

Carmilla pauses, for an unusually long time. Odette sees her trying to find the right words to say. Carmilla's hand then lowers, and she's...she's rubbing her midsection, over her pubic bone. Over her belly, like when she was...

Carmilla sighs, choking up again, but decides to just go for it anyway.

"All those years ago, when...when we died? Do you remember that I was...that I was with, aahhh...what state I was in?"

"You were pregnant, Mom," Odette says, squeezing her mother's hand, choking up at the memory. Carmilla had just found out, not even a few weeks prior. They hadn't even had time to celebrate. Her baby shower had been months away, and then their lives had been taken from them, snatched away like a thief in the night. "Of course we remember. You can say it. How could we forget?"

"Do you remember when we finally woke up, and how long it took for me to remember how we were killed? Clara, do you remember what you asked me?"

"I asked you what happened to the baby, and you said you didn't know. That it was just gone... Wait, Mama, hey! Are you okay? What's the matter?"

Carmilla catches them both off guard. She is actually sobbing now, out of nowhere. Face in her claws, digging them into into her forehead, and leaving red welts on the skin there. Her body shakes, wracked with grief, as if she's finally letting it all out, like she's been holding it together. For them. She probably has.

"I..." Carmilla starts, tears streaming between her fingers. "I can't! I'm sorry--I can't!"

Carmilla starts breathing rapidly, in-between sobs, like she's hyperventilating. Odette can't remember the last time she's seen her mother this way. Not since...

She and Clara are on their feet in an instant, about to wrap their mother up in their arms, and console her. Hug her, hold her, or...something. Anything, to get her to calm down and tell them what's going on.

They would have, anyway, except suddenly, Vaggie is there, already doing it for them.

"Carmilla, hey!" Vaggie says, squeezing Carmilla's shoulders from behind, much more level-headed and put together than the moment prior. She almost looks like she's back to her normal self. Brave...or at least she's trying to be. "Carmilla! Carmilla, stop! It's okay. You don't have to do this."

"I do!" Carmilla shouts, turning her head to look at Vaggie. The angel is surprised -- the matriarch's eyes are glowing. But around the edges, they've softened, and there's so much blue mixed in with the red.

Odette notices, too. Carmilla's eyes haven't been that way since...well, since they were alive. Like...like the human part of her is trying to fight to the surface. Resurrected by memories; ones she's being forced to recall, that she might rather have forgotten, to spare herself the pain.

"I have to tell them, Vaggie. They need to understand."

"Understand what, Mom?" Odette asks. She knows she shouldn't keep asking this. It's stupid. It's obviously hurting her mother. Odette's probably pushing a line here, that shouldn't be crossed, and she knows it. But her curiosity is killing her, all over again, and she just can't help herself. She needs to know what's wrong, so she and Clara can fix it.

Vaggie surprises her again.

"Let me do it, then," Vaggie says, forcefully, insisting, trying to get Carmilla to see reason. "You've been so strong for me. You've helped me so much. Let me do this for you."

"Vaggie, you don't have to...please, just give me a moment. I can--"

"No. This is hurting you. I want to help." Then, without hesitation, the angel looks at Odette and Clara, straight in the eye. Odette sees pain there, too; so much pain, and loss, but Vaggie pushes past it, and tells them, point-black, "It's me! Carmilla lost her baby, and it was me! All the Exorcists! We're lost children! We all died before we were born! They did tests on your blood when I was in the hospital, and you're all a match! Carmilla is my mother. You're my sisters! I know this may be hard to believe, and I'm sorry you had to find out this way, but you have to--!"

Vaggie doesn't get a chance to finish her tirade. Suddenly, a body collides into her front, wrapping its arms around her snuggly, in an almost too-tight bear hug. The angel stumbles on her feet, and may have toppled onto the floor, if the other person hadn't caught her.

That's when Vaggie notices the other person who has her is Clara, her arms grasped around her middle, with her face buried in the fallen angel's neck.

"I knew it!" Clara proclaims into Vaggie's skin, letting go of the smaller woman just enough to look back at Odette, sitting on the futon with their mother in a shocked stupor. Carmilla is looking at them, too. "I fucking told you, Odette! I fucking told you!"

Odette stands, and then immediately collapses to her knees. Despite her addled brain, despite her racing mind, and despite the absolute lack of belief she's experiencing in that moment, she still has enough of her wits about her to say, "Shit...sis, you were right."

[isekaisyouwithmyforearmlaser]

Hi. hate to be posting another donation post but im in a bad place. please only help if you can if you cant thats ok obviously im just at a point where im exhausting every outlet i have to get help.

cashapp is $pikman2, paypal is taylor.l.lockrem@gmail.com, my venmo is @funkymuscle

TLDR im poor and raise my little sister alone and my car broke down and im sick with strep throat and i have no way to get to my second job (my first job is doordashing so im out of half of my income entirely) and i am broke as fuck rn. im really just pressed about rent cause i need to keep a roof over my head and i can go without electricity /water if it comes down to it. i have food with assistance but no toilet paper so we are using pillow cases that i wash rn. literally any little bit helps. my rent is 1,300 , my electric is behind so its at a total of 600, and i already got "assistance" with that.

more context: my mother and father are dirt poor/out of the picture/unwilling to help, i raise my little sister alone and i already have a really hard time asking for help cause i am like hyperindependent but i lost my sales job because 1. sales sucks and also 2. my boss made a "work meeting" at a bar mandatory and ended up cornering me and stealing my phone, hr didnt care, and the situation was more complex than that but i clearly dont work there anymore. im a CNA now but cant do full time until my little sister is out of school for the summer which is at the end of this month. i start my 12 hr shifts from the 9th of june onwards but for now have part time hours and i doordash to make ip the difference. my car is totally beyond repair, ive had it since i graduated in 2017 and every 1 problem requires you to fix 4 other problems. literally if i had a car none of this would be a problem cause im this close to finally catching up on my bills, but alas. im also very sick rn like my throat feels like i gargled on a bag of rocks. i dont have insurance which isnt a surprise to anyone. im pretty much estranged from the rest of my family because theyre all super political and of course towards the right so me existing is like their least favorite thing.

i CAN take the bus TO work, but id have to walk 2 hours home, alongside a highway that crosses the mississippi that someone got beheaded on last year trying to do the exact same thing. i think im different though and nothing bad would happen to me so thats my current plan. i have no way to get my little sister to school and the school doesnt provide busing at all for where we live.

again, any little bit helps. even 10 dollars i can at least get medicine. thank you

[seyfertgalaxy]

Collector rant again :p except im sleep deprived

The fact that the collector knows the draining spell would kill people is so,, out there. but its also so fucked up because he also believes that people, mortals, are like toys. i think this mindset of his started with Belos. because whenever the archivists took the baby titans from collector all those years ago, i dont doubt he tried to get them back since he did that with Luz as well. so he knows, to a degree, that you cant just snap your fingers and have everything be all rainbowy and cheery again.

but then, he met philip. and philip likely explained everything to the collector in order to get what he wanted in a more efficient way. one of those things being grimwalkers! clones.

That's probably when it started. i think after the third or fourth grimwalker, Collector made this connection that mortals are similar to toys you can just break and then "fix." Because it's the same exact person! hey! didn't he just disappear? and now he's back?? good as new? wow!!

and after so many years of this, it's likely ingrained in his mind. he pulls the head off of his doll, and then it's back on. That's his example and his understanding.

He doesn't even see the grimwalkers as people after a while. he calls them "those things" and finds amusement in Belos hurting them and lashing out at them. but at least he has the basic understanding that they're mortals, living beings. and i also think that's why he was so angry with Lilith whenever she called King her nephew. Belos called the grimwalkers his nephews, and then he would hurt them and make them disappear. while, to Collector, he did fix them eventually. It was a cycle. a cycle that he didn't want King to go through because King is the last titan and Collector's "best friend."

and because he couldn't make the other baby titans come back, he probably figured that King was the same way. so he wasn't gonna risk anything with his new friend.

and with mortals, he's shown to be careless and even reckless. in Watching and Dreaming, whenever he's showing Luz, Eda, and King his favorite games, they're all very dangerous. maybe not for him, because he can shift his size and control the games with his power, but to them! to them, its dangerous.

Pacman: he literally "ate" Luz and could have badly injured her.

Marbles: he was huge and flicking them around! that's harmful. especially whenever King ran underneath Collector's foot to make them fall, that could have ended very differently for King. for example, if the "marble" he was in wasn't very strong, the impact of Collector stepping on it could have busted it open and—you probably get where im going with that.

jenga: do i even need to explain why this is dangerous? giant blocks. small mortals.

whenever he figures out that they aren't enjoying his games and they're actually angry with him, because they keep messing them up, he gets upset then gets rid of the games and retreats to go cry alone. its like he didn't even register that these games were hurting them or could even kill them. especially since his intention was to Wow them with these games and be their friend.

i think they're just "naturally scary." because a few times, their expression and tone is almost contradicting their intentions. for such: asking for grudgy buddies, talking about tag in Kings Tide, and the "Let me show you some of my favorite games" line.

its a bit of a complicated situation because he needs to be around mortals to improve and grow, but he also doesn't understand anything about them. bit of a personal take here; i didn't like the ending they had for the collector. he'll either be alone, or with some shitty space gods. at least its implied that he visits every so often or holds some contact with King and possibly the others. anyways-

to close this off because i keep getting distracted, he doesn't truly grasp death or the gravity of ANY of his actions. he knows people die, but he also assumes you just fix them and they come back. (that makes me wonder what he thought about the baby titans "disappearing" at first).

like this scene here: he didn't understand that Luz was dead until later on. whenever he says "she's really gone". he also tells Eda(and King)that he doesn't want anyone else to go missing and that he's sorry for everything. "Missing", not Dead. because he doesn't understand yet.

and he likely still doesn't understand what happened because Luz came back in a completely different form/look, much like how the grimwalkers did. dissappearing but coming back later on with a slightly altered appearance. but i think he has some sort of idea of death still since he couldn't "fix" Luz and was heavily reminding himself of the archivists

[lily-alphonse]

I was talking about this earlier with an anon, and now that I've found you, I am intensely curious: How would you make Gus/Willy work?

OLD MEN!!! OLD MAN YAOI MY BELOVED!!!

Gus and Willy are cute. I like this, I can work with this.

They quietly find comfort in each other. The kind of couple that no one really knows is a couple, big “they were roommates” energy, except for the fact that Gus has always been a little loud and fruity (look at his clothing! The mustache?!). But to anyone outside of the loop it could just look like Willy is a very dear friend.

But how does it start?

I feel like I have to plot their romantic pasts to get my head around it.

Gus grew up in the city. Part of the down-low queer scene, he had a few boyfriends. A couple of them felt like they could have been true love until reality hit, and there was nothing true about it.

He found love in his passions instead, in cooking and found family in a place where life moved slower.

I like to think Willy was married once (idk if we ever get any lore to confirm or deny this, im just a silly little fic writer I’ll slap an AU tag on this baby and call it a day if I have to). It was a good, practical marriage but they were never able to have kids, and his wife passed from cancer a long time ago. He left his life behind when she died. The house had always felt more like her’s anyway. He took his boat and sailed away to start a new life in a small town.

He arrived there long before Gus did, but Gus made himself a fixture in the town so much more quickly. What had taken Willy years took Gus mere days. Everyone in town knew his name and smiled when they saw him. Everyone loved his food. A man might’ve been envious at that, but not Willy. He just found it interesting.

So when Gus made his way to the bait shop it was no surprise. What was a surprise was the fact he had brought Willy food.

“Cookies? Shouldn’t I be giftin’ you somethin’, seeing as youre the new neighbor?”

Gus laughed. He had a bright laugh from deep in his chest that made the air around him sparkle. “Sorry! It’s the ultimate way into people’s hearts, I can’t help it.”

Willy hummed in contemplation, looking down at the plate of cookies. “I’ll take these on one condition.”

Gus shifted uncomfortably, uncertain if he was being serious. “That is?”

“You come in and try some of Willy’s famous trout soup!”

Gus laughed again, feeling relieved, and nodded. “Sure. Nice to meet you, Willy.”

“Pleasure to meet you as well, come on in.”

Conversation flows easily between them. Willy is chattier than people think, but especially to Gus. He likes how Gus reacts to his stories, his eyes widening at the good parts. And Yoba, his laugh.

But eventually they see the darker sides of each other, too. Sometimes, Willy gets sullen thinking of the past. Sometimes, Gus gets moody and short-tempered, and needs to be left alone for days. They always come back together, though.

They’ll sit in front of Gus’ fireplace warming themselves. Willy likes that it feels more like a proper home here than his shack. He likes how Gus wears soft cardigans and keeps his house smelling like cinnamon.

They don’t know if this is true love. It might be. Maybe it’s just the closest they will get in this life. But at least it’s warm.

Ow my heart

Send me any Stardew Valley rarepair and I will tell you how I would make them work! (Even non-marriage npcs) If youre lucky you may get a mini fic out of it. Check the list below to see if Ive already answered yours

Rarepair Masterlist

[hearts401]

Hai :3 do u have any wacky wild michael hcs

oh do i!

both adult and teen. loser has been on my mind again.

He gets super fucking cold for no reason and blamed it on ghosts until after fnaf 6 where he brought it up as a joke and the ghost kids were like "...none of us did that" and now he's convinced theres a whole extra ghost after him. (it was cc he didnt mean to initially but cassidy thought it was funny)

He talked to the animatronics all the fuckin time. like he just. chatted with them. especially the fnaf 2 ones. charlie had to sit there and watch him talk to actual robots thinking they were kids. they werent and she told him that in fnaf 6 because she found it so fucking funny

clumsy as HELL i know that man was banging his knee in the SL vents and swearing under his breath

teen mike was also clumsy. probably split his lip on concrete all the time as a kid.

he was also the kinda kid to say "nah, check this out!!" and wake up in the hospital

this is a gross one but. he dealt with bugs a lot post scoop (especially. flies. and what comes with them. iykyk). he'd come into work on mondays smelling like a can of bug repellant. you wont believe what he showers with instead of water.

He was williams least favorite but they had a weird relationship between him moving out and elizabeths death. like some days william despised him and michael just wanted to blow them both up with his mind and some days he comes home like "Hey mike whats up want some pizza for dinner tonight?" and michaels like "fuck yeah why not."

he's henrys favorite afton as a teen and he knows it. and he uses it. Henry fuckin loved that kid he had the man wrapped around his finger. William also notices it and he gets mad at henry over it.

in relation to that, henry was really gentle with michael which was. not helpful im sorry 😭

mike sleeps pretty casually. hes not a light sleeper but not a deep sleeper. unless hes tired. if he hasnt been getting enough sleep youll know because he sleeps like a ROCK.

he fucking loves italian food. for no reason. he just does

he unironically eats beans on toast. He tried it as a joke and then just. never stopped.

he still has his foxy mask it just doesnt fit him. he tries it on again and it hurts his head

cannot afford to go out to eat often and GOD does he complain about it. he is SO FUCKING LOUD when he complains about it. he wants his takeout man

Loves animals but they hate him. A crow tried to take a bite out of him post scoop once nad he had to fight for his life. bro saw his family for a moment there

he is so polite most of the time but if you talk to him after his shift he'll fuck you up. rudest bitch on the block and he was an asshole teen so he knows how to run his mouth

he plays solitaire.

does not know about the context but whenever hes depressed he says "tomorrow is another day" because time moves on anyways!!!! also idk i think its neat

he ate shit in the middle of his shift once and bashed his face on one of the counters and his coworker found the blood the next day and managed to start a rumor that someone died there until michael came in to work with his face bandaged up.

these are so rambly but funny so im gonna keep going

skateboards <3 totally tried to show off and ate shit until william told him if he went to the hospital again he'd take the skateboard. he still ate shit. just hid it better.

taught evan to do a lot. If he didnt feel like bullying him (for an array of reasons, but the biggest is just. boredom. or loneliness. or a mix) he'd teach him something just because he could. skipping rocks, flying a kite. michael doesnt remember it very well but evan does

cassidy kicked him in the knee so hard he was limping for an hour and so he found the golden freddy suit and kicked it too at one point. she didnt feel it tho. and jumpscared him out of spite.

he loves dogs and once brought evan to see one because his friends were busy and he hates being alone and the dog bit the shit out of evan. foreshadowing.

oh yeah i totally think he gets lonely btw. do not leave that guy alone he will get very sad and pathetic!!!

im capping myself here because jesus christ.

[gaoau]

一 ; one ; uno

it's so cold warnings — none. word count — 4.0k

next.

ive long realized plenty of things i never needed—the past is never behind us, the present is fleeting, the future doesnt exist. theres a wrinkle in the sands of time. theres a fault in the fabric of the universe. there are many flaws everywhere i look. sano manjiro lies dead before me. mikey lies dead before me. blond hair and a dragon tattoo because we both miss ken. black hair that makes him look too much like shin. white hair and dark bags covered in tears. how many times have i seen this already? why have i seen this already? everything is broken. its disastrous and confusing and suffocating. i dont understand what im looking at.

i remember, just seconds ago, i was busy beating up some random guys from a rival gang. theres a reason we rule over the kanto area. we dont back down from a fight. so where did i go? where am i? why am i seeing this now? these are memories of a future i dont have. these are memories of a future i shouldnt have. its enough to drive me insane when i think that this is all i get for being next to mikey. i hold my breath and choke whenever hes around. that intoxicating grace of his, the one that sets him apart from the world, has been flooding my senses for longer than i can take. and i let him, because i want him to be happy. this is all i get; blood, gore, pain, death, loneliness.

i dont want to think about mikey any longer. ive done all i could, it seems. id just like to be free for one moment. i still see it all, futures im not a part of, futures that takemichi has made sure to change.

he wears that godforsaken dragon tattoo like a brand on his neck. long hair hes kept dyed through the years because he doesnt want to cut it off, but he doesnt want me to style it for him. i look at him and i see ken. its torture. the years have gone by, im still by his side, he still has me locked in place. he hasnt smiled in what feels like eons. im okay with that. his smile, that empty, silent smile has always made my stomach ache. im not okay with that. hes a carbon copy of ken. we both miss him, i know. it hurts him more than me, even if im the one staring at a burning ghost all day, every day.

we're alone. im alone with mikey. im all alone when im with him. its cold on top of this building, in the corner of the world, secluded from the city weve conquered. i stretch out my legs, leaning against the wall, squinting at the reflection of led lights bending to hit my eye. mikey is still as small as ever. hes so small despite sitting on his throne like this. the gun i hold weighs on my hand. neither of us know how to properly handle guns. weve been drowning in this business for over a decade, but we're very clearly still children.

the safety clicks as i press the barrel under my jaw. "itd be so easy, dont you think?" the sound of my voice calls to him. its the only familiar sound in his life. its why ive been staying with him. i couldnt save him, but at least he still clings onto me like this. hes had me trapped for so long that i seem to have forgotten i was ever my own person.

his darkened eyes shift towards me so slowly. i see his face twist into a panicked frown. "whatre you doing?" he doesnt move from where hes sitting against the wall adjacent to mine. he reaches with his foot to tap my knee. stop, hes trying to say, dont even think about it. hes scared, i can tell. ive learned to read him like the open book he is. his light has grown dimmer through the years. hes angry, i can tell. hes wondering if ill leave him, too.

"nothing," i sigh. i lower the gun and leave it on my lap for a second. "m just thinking…" and i think. yes, i think. i know i cant leave him. he doesnt let me. he keeps me tied down to him. a chuckle falls, sardonic. i point the gun at him. "i cant die before you, mikey." ive promised. ive sworn to stay by his side until the bitter end—until his bitter end.

he doesnt bat an eye. "are you gonna kill me?" its funny how he doesnt care that im the one wholl be killing him. im just making my job easier for myself. i wonder what kind of face kisaki will make when he finds out what ive done.

"do you want me to?" i know he does. tonight ill see we find peace, manjiro. im the only one who he can lean on now.

hes quiet for a second. his eyes are like black holes as they swallow up all the light. he stares straight at me without expression. then, in a whisper, he begs, "…please." he doesnt say my name. no, he hasnt said my name more than once in our lives. he calls me by that stupid nickname he made up when we were hanging out at grandpas dojo.

i cant help the soft simper pulling at my lips. hes still the same mikey i know. he still struggles with asking for help, even if its me. but he still asks; hes still vulnerable in front of me. i pat my lap, legs stretched out just for him. "come here, then," i invite him closer, ready to welcome him with open arms, "rest your head for a bit." rest before you leave.

he doesnt hesitate. he never hesitates. in a swift movement, the back of his head collapses onto me. his eyes, the ones hes kept me trapped in for all my life, they dance around the vast expanse of midnight above us. "the stars are lovely today." stars i once promised to drag down to his feet if he asked. stars i swore wed always watch together.

i hum in agreement. "thats why we're here." everyone knows that stars only come out at night. we both know we're the two brightest burning stars in the world. we sit here, where people can see us burn and consume ourselves until we get crushed. "itll be over soon, i promise." the same way i promised him forever. ill hold him until the moment he dies. 

"thanks." ah, now he chooses to use my actual name. he can be so unfair. he could save a life, but he decided to take mine away instead. under his charm, i let him drag me down. we die hand in hand.

there are no tears; not from me, not from him. it seems weve both been waiting for the other to make the first move. hes so tired and so am i. with a singed throat, the words sting on my tongue as i remind him, "i love you, manjiro." theres no other feeling in the world like loving sano manjiro. i look into his darkened gaze and deny the truth staring back at me. its all a mess, scraping away at my mind. my love and hate look quite alike.

i can hardly tell light from dark or right from wrong anymore. mikey replies, "i love you." again, he dares not say my name. i hate him. he makes me go weak at the knees, even as i slump against the wall. i wonder if its him or the cross im bearing on my back, weighing me down.

mikey closes his eyes. he wants to let go. hes letting me go. its been years and hes finally letting me go. the wind howls and screams our names in my ears as i press the barrel of my gun to his forehead. we're stars; we'll burn, we'll rest, we'll disappear. we go down together. i shoot. his body relaxes against my legs. i feel the warmth of his blood seeping through my clothes. hes free. the gentle quirk of his lips tells me hes happy hes dead. maybe im just making it up. maybe i just want to believe ive done something.

i lift my head to the sky. the gun is warm against my skin. my pulse doesnt tremble when i pull the trigger.

im free.

but we arent free. i walk into his room to find mikey slumped against a corner. hes here again, a ghost of ken. how come his eyes grow darker every time i look? i scratch away an itch on the underside of my jaw, clearing my throat to let him know im here, it's me. he doesnt bother lifting his head for me. i stand right in front of him, bare feet centimeters away from his crossed legs. ive heard what hes done. he didnt check in with me before killing our friends. if takashi dies, then i stay. if pah dies, then i stay. ken and kei died, so i stay. he knows ill follow him to hell.

it hurts me, too. he cant let go of me and hes bruising my wrists. i want him to be happy. i want him to be free. i want to be free. "takashi, pah, peh, chifuyu." the list rings with poison in both of our ears. how did we get here?

"takemicchi got away," he mumbles. i highly doubt takemichi matters much right now. we stopped trusting him long ago. he changed after bloody halloween and mikey couldnt understand why.

i crouch to try and meet his eyes. charming, deadly works of art. viral. it's been years, but he still holds me in his gaze. "never woulda guessed chifuyu was working with tora. after killing kei, i thought for sure he wouldnt forgive him." theres no sugarcoating needed. i dont censor my words. his wounds are fresh and i keep digging my fingers into his flesh to make them deeper. i make all his mistakes real for him because he wants to be scolded. he cant ask for sympathy—he only asks for cruelty.

theres a pause. a silence that hangs. it's heavy, stagnant. it pulls at the seams. "kazutora needs to go, too."

my knees come in contact with the floor as i lean towards mikey. i wrap my arms around his head, cradling him to my chest. hes still warm. he rests his forehead against me. "theres no time, mikey. you cant do this any longer." youre falling apart, manjiro. i pull my gun from its holster, cocking it as i bury it in his hair.

"set me free." he pronounces that stupid nickname, chaos of my real name. i cant discern if hes begging or ordering me.

i hum softly. he put his trust in me. "i love you." he nods. the gunshot echoes in the quiet room. it rings in my ears. i see splatters of mikeys blood on the wall. i feel his body relax in my arms. with the barrel against my temple, i shoot myself free.

a headache splits my skull apart as i watch this unwind. have i seen this before? no, mikeys hair is pitch black. im glad he doesn't let it fall over his forehead. i don't think i could bear to look at shin so much. i was adamant to cut it for him when he asked. the list is the same, though much longer. takashi, pah, peh, chifuyu, tora, the twins, hakkai, even ken. hes talking with takemichi now. it's easy to tell what mikey wants from him. im no good in this future. i don't have what takemichi has.

there is nothing left here for us. i wait among the shadows and debris, listening to mikey confess all his crimes. he veered down the wrong path. ive kept by his side all this time, holding him at his most vulnerable, but im not a savior. takemichi can save him in a way i can't. all ive done so far is push back the inevitable. mikey falls victim to his dark impulses every time. who am i to stop him? he keeps the safety of his gun on; i don't. i can save myself.

"kill me," he says. i feel like ive heard that before. it's not directed at me, though. i won't stop him. all mikey wants is to die and be free. that's what i want, too.

takemichi is, understandably, confused. he doesn't get it. maybe that's why mikey has chosen him. takemichi tries to figure out what mikeys trying to tell him. he asks about the friends hes murdered. it must be frightening for him to hear his former commander speak so nonchalantly about setting hakkai on fire. he asks about me. mikey glances at where im hidden. i catch the look in his eyes. those eyes that had me wrapped around his finger when he so intensely stared into my soul. they quiver.

hes helpless. hes scared. hes tired. hes horrified. he doesn't know what to do. he pounces on takemichi and threatens him. then a gunshot rings. it's not mikeys, it's not takemichis. and it's certainly not mine. mikey is dead. mikey is free. i swore to him that i would see him to his end. we die hand in hand, don't we, manjiro?

tachibana naoto, hinas little brother shot him. i remember her mentioning him to me once. ironic how hes the one to kill mikey, of all people. as takemichi cradles mikeys dead body in his arms, i step out of my waiting spot. it alerts both men instantly. naoto is wary of my presence, but takemichi believes in hope. he exclaims my name with enthusiasm. perhaps he thought mikey had killed me as well when he didn't answer. as if mikey would ever let me go.

"im just here to pick him up," i let them know i mean no harm.

naoto is a cautious man, if anything. "takemichi-kun, get behind me." id never do anything to hurt takemichi. he doesn't need to be worried about me.

i kneel before takemichi, extending my arms out. i remove mikeys burdens from his chest to take him away with me so we can both find peace. his blood smears on my clothes and i know takemichi will have a hard time forgetting this sight. mikey doesn't weigh much. it's painful knowledge.

as i haul mikey away, takemichi calls, "wait!"

there's nothing left to say, though. mikey has confessed all his crimes. mikey has confessed all his pains. "it's over, takemichi." i can't bring myself to curse him with that stupid nickname after all these years. "it's finally over." we're finally free. welcome home, manjiro. i wonder, if i smiled, would it hurt him? it'd be genuine happiness, but it's not like he'd be able to read that, so i don't. mikeys body is cold and stiff against mine. i let him rest against me, eyes closed and dried tears on his cheeks. he hasn't cried in so long. he leans his head on my shoulder. he always does this when he lets his vulnerability show. "i love you, manjiro," i remind him. hes all i have. i press my gun to the roof of my mouth. i don't get to taste it.

it's never over. my tongue feels dry when i chew on it out of anxiety. ive heard three shots. i see haru waiting behind a corner as mikey finishes his business. i didn't even glance at takemichi before i decided i couldn't do this. i wonder how much longer it'll take mikey to come up here and join me. this is the tokyo we conquered; this is not the dream mikey had. if he'd had a better moral compass, if he hadn't let ken go, if he hadn't put his trust in me, maybe this wouldn't have happened.

i hear footsteps behind me. here he is. i hug one of my legs to my chest, the other one dangling off the edge. we're on top of the world. it's a long way back home from up on this rooftop. he stands next to me in complete silence. so he's left takemichi to die. he was hopeless and helpless until the very end. i can't blame him. he's been through so much. he doesn't know how to share. he takes on all of the pain. he can only ask to be punished, because aid isn't a word in his vocabulary.

mikey pipes up, "you've been waiting for me here?" it doesn't surprise him at all. i know him like the back of my hand. this is how he takes responsibility for the last decade of misfortunes. he'll end it all.

"i couldn't bare to watch you keep making these mistakes," i reply truthfully. ive seen this before. i glance up at him and he glances down at the street. don't look down, manjiro. you won't survive this trip to hell.

it sounds like he wants to laugh. he doesn't. instead he brings back a conversation we had when we were fourteen. "that's why you're better than me." hardly. he says that stupid nickname clinging to me like a curse.

"after you." i motion towards his kingdom, to the path covered in blood and snow.

mikey looks at me briefly, quiet. then he cranes his neck up at the sky. "you won't stop me?" i see the tattoo on his nape. he put it there so he wouldn't have to look at it. it burns on his skin as it burns on my shoulder blade.

"i can't." i don't have the rights to stop him. i didn't do it in other timelines, im not going to start now. this is the only way for us to be free. it's tragic how unfortunate we are. maybe we deserve it.

how does one normally respond to a friend committing suicide? how does one respond to a friend letting them commit suicide? it's not what mikey does when he hums. "i'll see you later." he disappears into his own mind. whose face is he seeing? shins? emmas? i would hope. "everyone, let's do this!" there's a grin on his face. ive missed it. he hops off the roof and away from me.

"ill see you later."

i hear haru screaming all the way from the street. he's distressed. he's been with manjiro just as long as i have. mikey trapped him the same way he trapped me, but somehow worse. i know im not free as long as i stay next to mikey. i stay out of love and selfishness. haru stays out of fear and obsession. i know im not free, but im still my own person.

and i don't fool myself.

mikeys falling to his death, peaceful. an arm shoots out from the building and latches onto him. i smile bitterly, a sigh tumbling from my lips. "sucks that death is a bit of a bitch for both of us." i want to jump, too. i stick to my perch and swallow my pride, because im my own person, but im not. i can't die before mikey, i can't leave him alone.

i see the tears pouring out of his eyes. he begs for help, finally, for the first time in his life. it's enough to make me cry, too. he's being weak for the whole world to watch him burn himself to oblivion. takemichi scolds him. he struggles to hold on when the cross he's bearing weighs him down. twelve years of pain make him slip from his saviors grasp. there's nothing i can do.

blond hair and passive, ken's tattoo, black hair and chaos, izana's earrings. reality is broken for me, pieces of different timelines scattered on the floor. i have all these memories that aren't mine. mikey lies dead before me in a billion angles no one else can see. i don't understand why im seeing this now. i know ive seen it before. it's been two years since i last had to suffer through this. time is shattered and it hurts.

i hear that nickname ring in my ears. when i blink, mikey's corpses are gone. there's a weight in my hand and it's not from a gun. im gripping an unconscious boy by the collar. my knuckles sting. the skin of my hands is split open, bleeding. i remember now. we were wiping out a rival gang that challenged us. i turn towards mikey, trying to blink him into focus. "sorry, what'd you say?"

he stares back at me with hollow eyes. there's a tiny furrow in his brow that others wouldn't be able to pinpoint. "let's go," he repeats, nodding his head for me to follow him. i see haru and koko waiting for us behind him. they both look away when i catch their gazes.

"oh, yeah." i clear my throat. the kid im holding slips from my fingers and crumbles on the floor. his head bounces when it hits the ground. next to the blood splattered on the dirt, a tear drops. i realize it's mine instantly. im crying. i wipe at my eyes with my sleeve to pretend nobody saw me. i don't think i can explain what's made me cry like this in the middle of a fight. there's a discomfort in my throat, and remnants of a headache pulse in my temples, and the roof of my mouth itches. im still crying. the tears fall, but i feel nothing. this anguish isn't mine to feel.

i cough into my fist as i walk to stand next to mikey so we can head back. there's an open gash on his leg that he's ignoring. what's a little wound to the invincible mikey, after all? i know nobody is invincible, let alone manjiro, because i know people die, because ive killed him with my own two hands. ill take care of it for him later; mikey is my responsibility. he waits for me to join him. my shoulder brushes against his. he glares at my tears so intensely. "are you okay?" he asks quietly, like he doesn't want the two boys ahead of us to hear.

i turn my head to find his eyes. it's like he's trying to bring all my deceit to light, like im not allowed to hold secrets. i see those black holes that swallow up his own deceit. all i see, rather than the mikey right in front of me, is his corpses in variety, because i killed him, because i let him die, because that's what he wanted and that's the only way he could be free. so i clear my throat again, "yeah, just got dizzy." he knows it's a lie, instantly. my voice doesn't waver when i lie, but it gets small. he knows.

he lets silence hang for a moment. "did you eat today?"

i shake my head. "i was waiting for you." my attention flutters back to the two boys a few paces ahead. they're awfully quiet.

so is mikey. i feel him still staring at me. "okay." and he looks away, too.

[davidchiemcore]

first writing on this account!! im actually OBSESSED with the possible dynamic between david and levi.... very short but i hope it gets the point across

spoilers: up to chapter 2 episode 11

cws: none really? maybe implied self loathing

“I’m sure you’re a good person, Levi. Just keep trying your best, and you’ll get to where you want to be.” David smiled at him, patting him on the back gently. The two sat next to each other, alone in the dining hall.

The larger man sighed and sunk his face into his hands. His meal had long grown cold, and the conversation had long run dry. “It’s useless.”

“A lot of people feel like that, but they end up achieving great things. Just because it feels that way, doesn’t mean you always will.” David repeated.

Levi shook his head, and slowly pushed out his chair. “It’s fine. Thank you for your words, but I’ll go rest now.”

David felt a prickle in his chest. Before he knew it, he was standing up too, and walking in front of Levi. “Hold on, listen to me.” He wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but something in his brain told him he needed to. “You’re… you’re not as bad as you think. Just because you used to be- ”

Levi looked away. “Thank you, but drop it.”

Something urged him on. “It’s important to me that you know-”

A hand fell on his shoulder. It gave a slight push that likely didn’t feel very strong to Levi, but caused David to stumble a bit. A dangerous look fell over Levi’s face. “I said drop it. Before I-” He quickly pulled his hand away after realizing what he was doing. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’ll go now.”

David stared up at him. His expression had fallen, leaving a mixture of shock, confusion, and something else Levi didn’t quite recognize on the boy.

The prickling in David’s chest had stopped. He chuckled, not out of amusement but some sense of resignation, before giving his normal charming smile. “It’s alright. I’m sorry for pushing, you should rest.”

As he walked away, Levi’s stomach turned as he realized what David’s expression had been.

Disdain.

//

In the trial room, David glanced among his classmates. He was looking for someone to hurt, someone to blame, someone to take out all of these feelings on. His eyes settled on Levi. “And you? Did you really believe what I said about ‘being a good person?’ How fucking stupid.”

“David, I-” He grinned as he saw Levi shift uncomfortably.

“Spare me the tears. Oh, poor Levi, he just tries so, so hard, doesn’t he? Well guess what- it’s too late. The moment you became a bad person, there was no going back.”

He gritted his teeth, clearly biting back his words. The sight caused a bubbling laughter to form in David’s throat, starting out almost unheard and progressing to a full, uncontrollable cackle.

As it calmed, he spoke again. “So sorry, it’s just… it’s just so…” It wasn’t funny, no. It was sad. Sad for Levi, sad for his classmates, and most of all, sad for David. The realization made his smile fade instantly, and his voice raised. “So fucking pathetic. Are you kidding me? I have to see this shit?”

Levi raised his voice in turn. “That’s enough! Why can’t you just…” He stopped himself, his voice shutting down in shame.

“No, do go on, Levi. Show everyone here what you’re really like.” The man stood silently, and he sighed. “What a shame, but at least I got what I wanted.“ What he wanted? That’s not right. Suddenly everything swirled around him, his voice too unbearably loud even for himself.

David took a deep breath in. No, he can do this. This was supposed to feel good, wasn’t it? He needed it to, or he just couldn’t take it. It doesn’t matter anyway, they’re all worthless.

Just like him.

[thatwildnya]

Chapter 3: RIP Crowley's Wallet-

Wild: i was feeling really good about this chapter so have another! Malleus and Sebek have come to stay with MC too now. this one is shorter than the previous two but i promise chapter 4 is longer! also please ignore the catboy

Nya: IM SO PROUD OF MY BABY HES GAINING CONFIDENCE EVERYONE PRAISE HIM

tw: none

chitters: of course we had to figure out a way to include the ramshackle ghostly uncles and grim

Malleus: dragon (who could've guessed?)

Sebek: deinosuchus (prehistoric crocodile that had dinos for lunch)

“That should be everything, if something goes wrong just give us a call.” The man tips his cap as he and his team leave. Now everything was up and running, you no longer had to go over to the neighbors to borrow their outlets to charge your phone or their microwave because you were not going to use the fireplace to heat up a can of soup like your uncle had said you should. Though you would be lying if you said you wouldn’t miss it completely, those three ghostly white neighbors were very sweet old men. They always sent you back home with homemade food and desserts and loved when you stayed a few hours to keep them company. They would talk your ear off about the old days and invite you to play the Mintendo 46.

And the lil gray kitten they had would snuggle with you if you gave him tuna. He could be a little shit but was a sweetheart the majority of the time. Occasionally he’d pop up in your yard for some loving. Jack and Deuce were particularly fond of him, they would play hide and seek or curl up for a nap in the sun.

You had always tried not to stay long, not wanting to leave Lilia and the kids alone for long periods of time, but they just looked so sad whenever you declined. You monster how could you. Usually you ended up giving in. At least they sent a bunch of food home with you each time you stayed, especially after finding out you had four centaurs to care for.

“They’re gone!” you yell as soon the maintenance team drives out of sight.

“No need to shout little one, we’re right here.” Lilia laughs as you jump from his breath on your neck. You glare at him as he floats in the air, Silver asleep in his arms while Deuce and Jack had their arms wrapped around his neck. You still weren’t used to him being so quiet. In his bigger form it was way easier to notice him, the house would creak anytime he moved. Actually you preferred that. Stay big even if the floor breaks.

He dropped down next to you, crouching down so the younger two could drop to the floor safely. Jack and Deuce immediately ran off to explore the house in full. Before you wouldn’t let them explore any further than you had seen, worried they might get into something they shouldn’t. But your uncle had called in a cleaning service, saying he was too kind to let you clean everything by yourself. All you had to do was do a quick snoop to see if there was anything dangerous. 

You called after them to be careful and to not touch anything. A crash answered you. For the love of the skies above did they not know how to be careful?

Before you could go after them, they came sprinting back. Their eyes were big and scared as they jumped into your arms, visibly shaken. What could have frightened them so badly?

“Ah, Malleus is back.” Lilia said with a smile, his ears flicking. “I’ll introduce you, come come!”

~~~~~~

And here you thought Lilia was intimidating.

You had to tilt your neck back at an awkward angle to look at his face. Malleus was another fae centaur, a dragon one. One of the rarest breeds. The horns on his head were inches away from hitting the ceiling at his full height. His bright green eyes gazed down at you, unblinking.

“Malleus, this is the owner of the mansion.” his gaze shifted away from you to Lilia, or more precisely the ID necklace around his neck.

“You let them collar you?” Lilia chuckled, “surprised? They’ve proven worthy of being my master, nothing more nothing less.” Malleus reached out to run a finger over the green ID gem in the center of the choker.

“Are you gonna stay for dinner?” you spoke up, “I’m about to start making it. If you’re staying I’ll need to make more.” thinking about how much this big guy ate made you groan internally, ingredients were running low already.

Malleus turns his gaze back to you, looking surprised.

“... What?” he leans down further, getting close enough for you to see black scales decorating the crown of his head hidden by hair. His hair tickled your face. “Are you not afraid?”

“I was born a magicless human in a world where magic can kill a whole continent of people in a millisecond. The only thing I’m scared of is the little rat man in my head that gives me intrusive thoughts.” you deadpan. The only reason you haven’t acted on those thoughts was your spiteful nature. You run on nothing but spite, caffeine, and like three hours of sleep a day. You don’t fear god, god fears you.

Your answer is so bizarre it redures him speechless. For like, seven seconds. Then he’s laughing. Standing up straight (dear lord you hope he’s done growing Lilia hits his head every so often but he doesn’t have horns that will leave a mark so it's okay), he puts his hands on his hips.

“You intrigue me, human. I shall allow you to collar me as well.”

Seven help you it was going to cost a small fortune to feed him.

“I hope Sebek will also agree to taking you as a master.” wait I’m sorry who now.

An angry hiss was heard from behind your new pet. A crocodile (yes an actual gator he has stubby legs not long ones like Deuce) centaur with green hair poked his head from behind Malleus’ back. He glared at you with bright yellowish green peepers, his scaly tail lashing about angrily. Your uncle was going to hate you. A lot.

[echoing-gravity]

Double Legacy Sally Jackson Au

Okay. This has been my head Canon for like, years, imma try to explain the best I can.

So basically Sally is a 4th Generation legacy of the Norse God Loki (25%) and a 6th Generation Legacy of the Roman goddess Venus.

Making Percy not only 50% Greek sea demigod, but also:

20% Norse Trickster/lying/MISDIRECTION 5th gen

and 15% love/pretty as fuck Roman. 7th gen.

His Im/mortality blood split is more like 85/15.

Her parents (Percy's grandparents) died in that airplane crash when she was 5 because Sally's mom was a 3rd gen Loki and was unaware(cuz like apparently Norse demigods don't smell until AFTER they die) and Thor was all like, "heck no get the FUCK out of the sky" and Zappos hammered them to death.

(Percy has a Times 2 weakness to electric types. You think he's scared of ur lighting bolt? When he has to worry about a fucking lightning HAMMER? the answer is yes. To both. But like hammer>spear-bolt)

Sally found out about her heritage like maybe 2 months after her parents died(she inherited these cool norse pirate dagger/half-swords(I swear I can't remember what their called rn UGH), from HER great-grandparent. Percy's great-great grandparent ei: the Loki demigod. Loki gave them to her, and told her what's up.) and then she being the badass hardcore survivor she is, learned everything she ever could about Norse/roman(but also Greek) mythos by the time she's 12.

She meets Poseidon when she's 16.

Then Percy happens when she's 17 almost 18. And she learned from his father while she was carrying, that he would attract monsters.

Since she's related to Loki she has his whole "avoidance/dodge/misdirection can't be caught" thing. (As well as the shape shifting, but she can really only change her gender. But this is not relevant)

Sally, has been alone all her life, she is a SURVIVOR, so she buys an RV/tiny-home on wheels, and covers it absolutely completely buries it in a mix Norse and Egyptian magic-y misdirection runes to hide Percy's scent. She figures if she uses multiple mythos, it will be harder for Them to find her baby.

so there is no Gabe. Percy grows up even more of a mamas boy than canon.

She teaches Percy all about all the mythos, but like she does it in a very avoidance way that he knows NONE of their names like "the Greek sun god did this" or "the Roman sun god did that" and teaches him never to think their names "so they can't here you"

The changes in Percy's powers:

1: Since he's still Poseidon's kid but also now son of a legacy of the SHAPESHIFTER he can shapeshift, but only into a merperson, and only when he's wet. (Also he's genderfluid)

Sally teaches him to keep himself dry, he HATES it but understands that he needs to be sneaky, this first happens when he's like 7. And it doesn't happen during the full moon cuz like "the moon controls the tides" and what not. Yes, he is bioluminescent. Blueish/green aquamarine glowy mermaid fins!! His scales are either black or so dark indigo that they Look black.

2: Since he's a legacy of Venus, 7th gen notwithstanding cuz he has the 50% from the sea to make him stronger, he can do the charmspeaking, well... CharmSinging like a siren. When he was like 5 there was this really close call cuz when he sings one of two things happen. Either A: the default of "everyone in hearing range that isn't related to aphro/Venus is suddenly attracted to him, or b: people fall asleep. option a is the one that happened, he has to focus to get people to sleep. Sally is a smart cookie, she realized what was happening and decked the guy in the face before he could do anything to the baby 5 year old Percy. Sally then bans Percy from singing (at least around other ppl)

He HATES it. He loves to sing! but he understands enough to understand that sing around ppl is dangeours. This also happened when he was seven, but before the tail thing.

Sally, trying to hide Percy's heritage, and getting inspired from the Avatar the last airbender cartoon, trys to teach percy to only attack with "ice-bending" as to misdirect suspicions.

She tells him to "try and make the water stiff and cold"

He hates it. And how it feels "The sea doesn't like to be restricted" and what not, but like he trusts his mom, she's super cool and smart so he goes along with it, and OMG he gets cool water powers??? Like Katara?! From his favorite cartoon??? Best 10th birthday ever!

Ugh I can't remember if I'm forgetting anything, oh wait right. He can sense when people are trying to trick him. It's like a little itch I the back of his head. His mom can too, so they end up having these conversations where neither one is TECHNICALLY Lying, but like not telling the whole truth and shenanigans. Ei: "your father is lost at sea" does not ping his built in lie detector. So he's really REALLY Good at lying without lying. (Like what fae so in fairytales)

Because of this Percy thinks his dad is a mermaid. Percy is unaware that he is a demigod, he ony thinks his mom is a history-mythos nut. And that his mom is hiding him due to the myth of "if u cut out a mermaids eye and eat it you become immortal"

ugh thats all I can remember rn I'll edit it later.

Oh wait I just remembered since Percy's blood split is 85/15 he kinda can't really be referred to as a Half-blood. That is waaay more than half. Since like Frank blood split is 49/51 he can still be described as half. In other words,

IN THIS AU NICO IS ONE OF THE SEVEN.

and I also ship percico.

All of this is to say it leads to a dramatic scene outside of the doors of death where nico is like nico: "you have to go your one of the seven!"

And Percy is like

Percy: "nope I'm not 50/50 I'm 85/15 that's waaay more than half.....blood"

Nico: "but I can't leave u here"

it's more dramatic in my head and they are not dating by this point, But it's like mutual pining. Percy then kisses him and then pushes him into the elevator in his shock. Tells him to use his wish when he saves the world to use Persephone keyblade to get him and Bob out of Tartarus.

Then since this Percy is op and has seen alta, he blood bends all the rivers in the ground into spikey ice shards cutting the actual Tartarus(not his mortal plain body that Bob and friendly giant guy is fighting while Percy holds the button, but like the actual ground.) into 1000 pieces. And kills him. Like the sky primordial. He also killed poison lady. Btw. I'm so tired ugh what else. They are now stuck in Hell: frozen over.

Percy's logic for cutting up Tartarus with his own insides was as follows:

70% of the mortal human Body is made of Water.

70% of the earth is covered in a Body of Water.

The earth is Gaea, a primordial.

Mortal humans were based on gods.

And gods are descendants of primordials.

It takes a mortal and a god to kill a giant.

it took multiple titans (and a primordial to trick) to kill the sky primordial. His body was cut into 1000 pieces.

Ei: saltwater is Gaea's blood. And so are the rivers. I mean their called Bloodstreams for a reason.

A mortal a titan and a giant kill Tartarus.

Gaea was right about one thing Percy will admit.

If u want to to rid your garden of weeds, you have to rip out the roots.

[magebastard]

Would you be willing to expand more on the choices that felt weird or janky? The book was pretty meh to me but I feel pretty alone in that sentiment

ya!! im still kind of muddling through the different routes so here are just a few things (spoilers ahead):

you suffer the most in this book by a WHOLE LOT and that doesn’t feel like it’s very. important. it just feels like bad things keep happening and it’s onto the next. it’s frustrating bc these are things that fundamentally change people.

wildly enough n’s romance (how I played it) might be. my favorite? in this book. I thought abt myself and my friends and ppl I know for a minute and was like “ya I’ve told people I love them very early in relationships maybe that’s fine I can live w that” and ive just rolled with it but the option even appearing DID feel a lil wild and out of pocket even with my mental gymnastics

a’s romance is trying to achieve sth that’s pretty specific in that tortured, sweeping soulmates kind of way. the push and pull was broken up in moments for A that felt. out of character for the sake of giving you romantic content. it felt rushed and sometimes, frankly, not cohesive w the character as previously written. some of it felt bizarre.

you can snap at tina but you can’t snap at the spy who’s leading her on.

why can’t you realize that you’re in love w f who you are IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH???

the tension w rebecca is rough bc everything w the chamber felt like it existed for the purpose of Introducing The Chamber and also showing rebecca’s ass as a liar. she pretty much tells u she didn’t raise u bc she didn’t know how to and you can’t challenge that you can’t freak out you just accept that info or get mad abt this lie that doesn’t feel like it matters that much

rebecca also said she didn’t have the clearance to know what happened to rook but she???? ran the agency?????? I get some of the other reasoning that’s like “it hurt too much to know” but be real be serious right now. Let me call her out.

AT LEAST let me call out. idk just facts? as they come up. the big bad referring to someone as a ‘she’ who scares them should immediately click for a detective w deductive skills as the leader of the rogues.

idk! I think a lot of romance should have been sidelined in this book. the detective should shift and be a little more characterized by what’s happening around them and I think the LIs could be huge as side support in that. THE BEST FRIEND ROUTES COULD BE SO GREAT FOR THIS TOO?? THOSE AND THE TINA VERDA CONTENT WERE GOLD

overall so much of the issue is very weird pacing

that’s a bit of where im at!

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Made it through chapters 13-18 today and I wanted to start this one off by mentioning something that I noticed a while ago but neglected to mention here so far, which is that Feyre uses Ihr/Euch when referring to Tamlin and I think Lucien and even Alis as well (Ihr/Euch is the Formal You thats used to refer to nobility (as opposed to the more common Sie/Ihnen which is the Formal You used in others contexts)), while Tamlin and Lucien refer to Feyre by du (Informal You) and Alis refers to her by Ihr/Eugh as well. I wanna try and keep track of when Feyre starts to use the Informal You for Tamlin because its a small detail but it always signals a pretty big shift in the relationship in german-language media and I think its really neat

Anyway, now onto the other stuff; i remember that I complained about the pacing feeling very slow in my first post and I would like to say that thats gotten a lot better, at least on the level of individual scenes. When it comes to the story as a whole though, I feel like its moving unnaturally quickly. Like, its a little hard to describe but Feyres character development and her warming up to the fae feels like its happening in chunks rather than a smooth, natural progression. The fact that SJM's writing is incredibly unsubtle isnt helpful either, it just makes the unnatural-ness of it all stick out that much more. I wouldve definitely needed atleast one realization of "Oh, these guys arent that different from me and the people I knew in my life" from Feyre before she started warming up to them and feeling sorry for Andras' death because as it stands, her feeling guilty felt very sudden

While the fae are still dissappointing overall and I despise the horrible What-if-America-colonized-the-British-Isles ass layout and the exposition was clunkier than ever before, I did like all the non-high fae fea creatures, the Suriel and the Bogge in particular, its truly incredible how interesting SJM's writing can be when shes not too focused on the most generically handsome basically-human-except-they-fuckin-growl-and-roar men

Speaking of those men, I continue to find Tamlin pretty charming although hes definitely definitely not my type, my type are pathetic submissive easily flustered guys, but given that this is a book by Sarah J Maas a guy who actually has hobbies outside of fighting and fucking might be all I can hope for. Despite that, I like Luien a lot more and I find his relationship with Feyre far more compelling. Like, him giving Feyre that dagger telling her not to stab him in the back with it was absolutely lovely, not mention his incredibly interesting family drama. Like ughhhhhhh whyd SJM decide she wanted to subvert expectations by having Feyre end up with Rhysand when Lucien is literally right there. Although granted, I think a large part of the reason I feel that way is because Feyre and Tamlin havent really interacted too much in almost 200 hundred pages while Feyre and Lucien have spent a decent amount of time alone already and its a little baffling because its not like Feylin have absolutely no time together, its just that we dont really see it. Like, we dont see their almost nightly dinners and its really frustrating because Im not even someone who really enjoys this kind of bland cishet "dark romance" thats popular on booktok, but like, whats the point of a beauty and the beast retelling where you dont see the beauty and beast slowly get to know each other. Its even more frustrating when I remember that like a quarter or maybe even a third of this book is gonna be all the Under The Mountain bullshit, like you know you can just tell a smaller scale romance story in a fantasy setting without a big war right