#at the end of the day he feels its like 2+2=4
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Seventeen Fic Rec's Part 4
(CONTAINS SMUT AND MATURE SUBJECT MATTER)
(Bold title means favorite)
(UPDATED: January 2nd, 2025)
OT13
subtle svt dating.@xinganhao
Mingyu
So High School @lavnderwonu (fiancé!mingyu x pregnant!fem!reader)
HOW SWEET @hannieehaee (enemies to lovers, pining, one sided crush that becomes two sided!, afab reader, smut, teasing, semi public sex (its done in a public establishment but no one is there), breast play, food play (frosting on tits basically), fingering, handjob, penetrative sex, etc.)
flashing lights masterlist @gyuhao5 (model!minghao x f!assistant!reader x actor!mingyu)
EIGHT FIRST DATES @minkieater (maybe boys your age just weren’t your thing. after a sudden lunch date, you were already half convinced the search was over— had you found the man you were bringing to your family’s thanksgiving? how will chan take the news?)
Love Me Out Loud @twogyuu (Kim Mingyu was your first, but to him, he was for sure you were his endgame. One year out from university, no one expected you to be dating the former campus heartthrob. It's why you had to hide it from everyone – Mingyu's 14.5K Instagram followers, at least. However, the return of your childhood best friend Kim Taehyung to Seoul for a wedding, forces Mingyu to rethink the secrecy of your whole relationship. )
second servings @diamonddaze01(It’s safe to say that this Thanksgiving has been a rousing success)
sage & stardust @smileysuh (Fairy au, fantasy au, non idol. )
A Helping Hand - Part Two @idyllic-ghost (office worker!Mingyu x office worker!fem!reader Genre: office romance, enemies to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, coworkers-with-benefits)
Sit Down @gyuswhore (getting aroused by the other's jealousy/obsession with them, "Could he/she/they do it like this?”, “you're sexy when you're angry”)
Glass Towers @mr-cha-n (fluff, angst, smut, architect AU)
Sex Education @svtiddiess (In all your years of education you learned that there are many methods to study: flashcards, study groups, the pomodoro method etc. But you find that practice is better than theory. And what better way to study Biology than practice with your study buddy?)
the very first night @fxstpace (romance, angst, smut, exes to lovers!au, roommates!au)
Warm welcome @cherry-hulu (Nothing like a warm welcome for Mingyu after a stressful day at work. Warnings: Ceo!KMG x Sugar baby!reader)
so high school | kmg | part 2 @cherriegyuu (when you’re suddenly thrown in Mingyu’s direction, you have no choice but to stay by his side, and maybe it’s not as bad as you think)
Wonwoo
BOYFRIEND WONWOO ˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁₊ @seokmn
Born Superhero @thedensworld (Started as clueless father to superhero, watch how Wonwoo grow as a father... And a husband.)
never leave this bed @straylightdream (husband!jeon wonwoo x curvy!f.reader)
Love under a Microscope @whitesugarbaybee (Pathologist!Wonwoo x pathologist fem!reader Genre: Doctor au, shefellfirst-he fell harder, crack, fluff)
Sold For A Soul @tusswrites (making bargains with the devil in exchange for a chance to glory. lies, deception and uncovered feelings in a world of glitz and glam.)
Steam IV @highvern (ATLA au, enemies(?) to lovers, forbidden romance, royalty au)
1-800-got-stress @seokminfilm (non-idol au, college/professor au, slight romance (?), english professor wonwoo x teacher's assistant reader, tiny sprinkles of humor, one-sided crush (?), wonwoo is very dense when it comes to reader's romantic feelings (not really though), reader still loves him anyways, cute ending??)
In Front of Me (1) @wonustars (bestfriends to (?), angst, smut (R: 18+ mdni))
ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴛᴡɪɴᴇᴅ -- ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪɴ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ (pt 2) @shuastar (ᴀʀᴄʜᴅᴜᴋᴇ!ᴡᴏɴᴡᴏᴏ x ᴀʀᴄʜᴅᴜᴄʜᴇꜱꜱ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ) I'm obsessed with this one.
Heart of the Sea @highvern (angst, romance, adventure, pirate!au, royalty!au)
king of my heart @strawberrynamjoon (soulmates au?, non idol au)
Sweetest thing @sailorrhansol (Dad!Wonwoo x Mom!reader For the first Halloween in years, you and Wonwoo are able to enjoy it together without the kids. When you feel a little nervous about your costume, Wonwoo is determined to show you that you’ve always been the sweetest thing. )
after the seminar @smileysuh (sugar daddy Wonwoo, gentleman in the streets/softdom in the sheets, reader doesn't want to make choices, daddy/control kink, fingering, multiple orgasms, oral, blow job, deep throating, dirty talk, praise, masturbation, unprotected sex, holding hands while fucking, implied breeding/fullness kink, etc… I pet names: (hers) honey. (his) daddy.)
Joshua
Streak @wonwootattoo (it doesn't give a description, but know I loved this one)
I (do)n't need you Pt. 1 @thestraybunny (Inspired by 2 minus 1 by Vernon and Joshua.It's been seven months since you and Joshua broke up, and you are still convincing yourselves that you don't need each other.)
royally screwed [m] @husbandhoshi ( between remembering last night’s party and pleasing your unrelenting family, you think being a princess is hard enough. then you’re thrust into an arranged marriage to royal darling joshua hong—straight-laced, infuriatingly obedient, and everything you’re not. pretending to be the perfect couple? impossible.)
love thy neighbor @junkissed (fwb! neighbor!joshua x f reader)
Lies and Butterflies @bluehoodiewoozi (fake dating au; mostly fluff.)
𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚 @yerimacoustic (after the princess falls mysteriously ill, joshua, born with powers no one else in the palace knows about, becomes her caretaker.)
in a span of three months @viastro (in which you teach joshua how to live.)
Catalyst @hwanghyunjinenthusiast (A trip to your brother and niece's brings feelings your husband has been shoving down for months to the surface.)
Juno @shuafiles (one of me is cute, but two though? give it to me baby)
Jeonghan
reverse uno @twogyuu (Fluff, dad!jeonghan, mom!reader, uncle!wonwoo)
the gambit —- y.jh @miniseokminnies 9enemies to lovers, rivals to lovers, 1960s au, university au, chess club president!jeonghan, club member!yn)
fated strut- pt. i @beomcoups (greek god!Jeonghan x model!reader)
daylight @kpopflowerfield (jeonghan is moving on from a heartbreak, starting again and making every experience feel new with you.)
Minghao
caught in bloom, caught on you @wheeboo (in which you find yourself becoming a regular𑁋or perhaps more than that𑁋at minghao's flower shop.)
lost in translation ♾️ @ylangelegy (translator/interpreter!reader, idiots in love, yearning!!!, hurt/comfort, confessions. alcohol consumption, reader gets a [minor] surgery)
Seokmin
because even then, i knew @catboyieejeno (non idol! seokmin x reader, stanger to lovers / kdrama au)
The Somerset Affair | Chapter 2: When the Music Stops @diamonddaze01 (Bridgerton AU, friends to (?????) to eventual lovers, brother’s best friend, SLOWWWW BURNNN)
assumptions @seokminfilm (major league baseball player!seokmin, popular x nobody,)
Chan
between you and me @haologram (holiday au. bffs to exes to lovers (what a doozy); angst, fluff, smut.)
Chapter One: How to Not Get Stabbed @mr-cha-n (action, smut, angst, fluff, superhero AU)
#joshua hong#seventeen#svt#seventeen fic#joshua x y/n#minghao x reader#wonwoo fluff#mingyu smut#kim mingyu#mingyu x reader#mingyu fluff#wonwoo smut#svt wonwoo#wonwoo x reader#joshua hong smut#joshua x reader#joshua angst#joshua hong x reader#joshua hong fluff#xu minghao#minghao smut#minghao imagines#minghao fluff#jeonghan x y/n#yoon jeonghan smut#jeonghan smut#jeonghan x reader#yoon jeonghan#jeonghan imagines#jeonghan fluff
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quick question, how we feeling about hong Lu's new id after the trailer? I am personally so fucking hyped
Oh there's a lot I am feeling. Not just about Hong Lu's new id, but I am feeling things about them regardless.
I don't usually do full analysis on walpurgy trailers, but I want to at the very least plop down some observations I noted.
One - THERE IS A NEW TRACK IN THE SECOND HALF??? I can tell it's not originally from Ruina. They added. A wholeass new track. For the Church of Broken Gears fight. Fucking Incredible Honestly.
Two - Nothing too interesting going on with the Full Stop Heathcliff voice lines we got. It's mostly reiteration of the ammo-preserving ideas we got from Ruina's Full Stop Office reception, but we do get a little bit of lore through the full name of one of the ammo we see being used - Atelier Logic-made high velocity pulverisation round.
Three - Gameplay trailer for Full Stop Heathcliff. Three-coin Skill 1. One-coin Skill 2. One-coin Skill 3. Special Skill 3/Skill 4 that uses a cinematic as fuck animation of a unique bullet, my guess is that this Skill is used for either the last Ammo or through some other unique conditional. Evade that causes a followup attack from Full Stop Hong Lu. Retreat mechanic similar to Devyat IDs, but in this case upon running out of Ammo. Upon return, Heathcliff uses another Skill 1 - I'm guessing this is to showcase that this retreat is a Reload mechanic.
Four - Full Stop Hong Lu voice lines. So can we talk about the middle line? "I don't think the Head wants people to die anti-climactically. But what is an anticlimatic death anyway? We can put all kinds of meaningful labels on deaths, but it's still death at the end of the day." Hey. Hey Hong Lu. What the fuck are you talking about? This is terrifying because this could have two equally as likely explanations. This could be a Baoyuism, a musing about Daiyu's death being meaningless. OR. This could be a Daiyuism, a musing on the nature of death not unlike that of the flower burial scene. And the fact that both fit scares me.
Five - Gameplay trailer for Full Stop Hong Lu. Two-or-three-coin Skill 1. Four-or-five-coin Skill 2. Maybe four-coin Skill 3. Hard to tell if every gunshot is one coin or not. Then, we get something that I fucking called - Full Stop Hong Lu has an alternate Skillset for when he runs out of Ammo. Three-coin Skill 1. Three-coin Skill 2. Three-coin Skill 3. Next up, clashable Counter with two coins and what seems like a Reload. Then, a similar followup attack, in this case Full Stop Heathcliff shooting as a followup to Hong Lu's attack. And another followup attack mechanic, except in this case while Heathcliff has retreated - he can snipe enemies from afar.
Six - Quick note on Magic Bullet Outis E.G.O animation: I don't think what we're seeing is one continuous cinematic of one E.G.O use. I think this E.G.O will display different animations and have different effects depending on the amount of uses, aka depending on the amount of Magic Bullet Ammo. Similar to how Magic Bullet Outis ID's Skill 3 changes depending on the amount of Magic Bullet Ammo.
Seven - Magic Bullet Outis E.G.O Voice lines. Cause holy shit there's a lot of them.
Awakening:
"It really is as you say; this is a magic bullet that will never miss." - This is obviously a reflection of how the bullet is given through a deal with the devil... which then makes me think. Was Outis's role in the war also a deal with the devil? Was there someone in her life who willingly gave her the position of commander?
"There's no going back when I've already come this far by firing the bullet. Even if this road I walk is an inevitable path to inferno." - A reflection of Outis's own feelings. She feels like after what she's done, she can't turn back and change, even if she knows that continuing down this path will spell her doom. It's an insecurity we see be partially unearthed in Canto 7.
"The despairing heart is burnt black, never to fade away. Only its shearing cold floods within." - Perhaps a hint to her deeper feelings. Despair is what led her to taking the deal, and in the process she had to burn her heart and leave it with nothing but cold within.
"Though it was despair that I sought, the bullet's trajectory... is predetermined!" - Something something this flow cannot be stopped. Outis feeling like no matter her motivations she can't change what she's doing because she's in far too deep.
Corrosion:
"A bullet was fired, a magic bullet that will never miss." - Interesting how in these she completely dissociates herself from the bullet firing. Perhaps it's a reflection of how she deals with the crimes she's committed. Detaching herself from them, seeing them as just something that happened
"No justice, no malice. Only a finger that pulls the trigger." - Not just personal dissociation, but a dissociation from any emotions. Trying to say there is No real motivation for the bullet, it's just something that happens regardless. There's no malicious intent, but no righteous justice either. Just calculated violence.
"I'll be left alone in this inferno at the end of the road." - Girl you are so abandonment issues. This could be a reflection of both how she's worried about whether anyone is waiting for her to come back, but also an insecurity about whether anyone will accept her for knowing what she's done.
"Though I may lack the will to move forward... ...the bullet's forward-momentum cannot be stopped." - Reflection of how Outis, despite not wanting to continue down this path, feels like she has no choice. This flow cannot be stopped. Unable to change, she continues on.
To me, the awakening is a reflection of Outis when it all began. When she took the deal at the start of the war. The corrosion on the other hand is a reflection of Outis how she is now. One who is distant from the past, and yet unable to move on from it.
#ask#anon#lu speaketh#limbus company#5th walpurgisnacht#hong lu#hong lu lcb#heathcliff lcb#outis lcb
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Statement Begins,
Just the one for now, since I'm currently really busy with life (and trying to get a iob). Here we go!
The Magnus Archives, Episode 14 — Piecemeal.
1. OH SHIT MURDER? HELLO.
1.5. Is our statement guy some thug? I don't know enough of whatever he is talking about.
2. Okay, typical drug stuff and thugs, cool.
3. This woman Angela can kill people via magic? Wild.
3.5. And it's an old lady. That's funny. Though, this feels like uh.... that thing. I can't remember the name but bot voodoo or something.
3.6. And a item is needed, not a gift? Hm. Hmmm.
4. Okay, Noriega is meeting a Salesa? Maybe Salesa and the old lady knows each other.
5. Aaaand he's dead. Kinda anti climatic after everything. And Noriega is missing parts of him, hm. Feels like there's something about is, specially since our statement giver is talking about him having both eyes and stuff.
6. A finger? From that guy probably. Why do I have a feeling its important?
6.5. Why would you burn it? That's definitely gonna cause something.
6.6 I was right. And supernatural healing too? I think I know what's going on.
7. So, loosing parts of his bodies via Magical scvidents, and apparently chewed his hand off??? Also, 'some hungers are too strong to be denied'.... Angela what the fuck does that mean???
8. Ouch, imagine loosing a tongue? Eugh. Sims, do NOT send Martin to a spooky witch lady! And of course he couldn't find her, she probably took another form!
9. What's the bet that those tiny cardboard boxes hold pieces of our statement giver???
Anyways, spooky lady Angela? Either, 1, a Witch, or 2, and most likely, the embodiment of 'eye for an eye'. Bet if our statement giver didn't kill the guy, he wouldn't have been affected.
Probably will take me a few days to post more on TMA since I have stuff to do, but there will be a post!
Statement ends.
#the magnus archives#tma#tma podcast#tma posting#the magnus pod#allie's thoughts#first time listening to tma#Angela is defineitley like#lady justice or the embodiment of eye for an eye#ngl#starting to think this shit is eldritch instead of aliens tbh#seems more likely#Sims needs to stop bullying Martin#its like he has an unrealised crush on him and doesnt know it so hes mean
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What if Jason and Carrie were in the same foster home
Jason and Carrie ran away from there abusive foster home when he was 7 and she was 4.
The two of them had to live on their own scamming as a way to survive Carrie would act lost and scared get an adults attention so jason could pickpocket them. Until on fateful day the anniversary of Martha and Thomas Wayne’s deaths. Batman like every patrolled the spot they died when he spotted a little girl who looked around 7 years old crying
Batman: Hello honey what’s your name
Carrie: Carrie and lost my mommy and daddy and I don’t know where they went (she said in a sniffly scared little kid voice)
After 4 minutes Carrie and Batman return to the Batmobile with 2/4 of its tires missing. With a little black haired boy trying to remove a third. This caught Batman off guard causing him to laugh and laugh and laugh.
Jason: come on Carrie lets go
Jason and Carrie ran through crime alley being fallow by the Batman eventually losing him. Until the two come across a Gang of Four older kids looking to be around 17 the leader a girl with blonde hair and two boys one with brown eyes and the other with curly hair
Blonde girl: oh lookie who we have here to little punks
Brown eyed boy: oh boss what should we do to them
Curly haired boy: ruff them up and shake the of all their worth from them duh
Blonde girl : hey I do the speaking… lets ruffen them up and a shake them for all there worth.
The boys : yeah
Jason : Carrie run I’ll fight them off
Carrie : but I can hel-
Jason : I don’t want them to hurt you run
Carrie try’s to run off but she is grabbed by curly haired
Curly haired boy : I got the girl
Before a single punch is thrown Batman jumps down from the roof top scaring the teens
Blonde girl : I sorry for ruffing up these to I promise it won’t happen again. Right boys
Boys : right
The blond haired girl and her little gang runs off
Batman signals to them to fallow him
Jason: I’m sorry for stealing the tires . but please don’t take us back. I don’t want us to get separated and the chance we get a half decent home are slim to none
Batman: I’m not going to take you back
Jason: so I guess we are going to split so bye .My names Jason by the way. I feel like you want to know that.
Batman: would you like to ride with me.
Jason: you mean it
Batman: I do robin
Jason: robin? Robin!
Edit: I wrote this really late I night so i fixed some spelling and grammar Mistakes . I Aslo changed the ending to be more inline with what happened in the comics
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Chris Geidner at Law Dork:
Chief Justice John Roberts decided to take on critics of the U.S. Supreme Court in his annual end-of-year report on Tuesday with a disingenuous half-response that is nonetheless instructive — and disturbing — for what he does say.
On the last day of the year, the chief justice of the United States traditionally releases his end-of-year report. It generally addresses a topic of the year in a vague and uninspiring way, leading to little coverage and even less change. This year, however, the nine pages from Roberts come across as more of a lashing out than a reasoned report. While acknowledging that “the courts are no more infallible than any other branch,” Roberts spent the second half of the report conflating violence and lies with legitimate criticism. He does so, moreover, while completely ignoring the ethical questions that have swirled around the court and Roberts’s leadership of it over the past two years, as well as substantive opposition to the court’s rulings. The end result is a chilling, if vague, condemnation by Roberts of the widespread opposition to the extremism exhibited by the high court in its decisions and the ethical failings of justices responsible for those decisions.
Roberts first set up boilerplate support for dissent, writing:
[In a democracy—especially in one like ours, with robust First Amendment protections—criticism comes with the territory. It can be healthy. As Chief Justice Rehnquist wrote, “[a] natural consequence of life tenure should be the ability to benefit from informed criticism from legislators, the bar, academy, and the public.”]
Then, however, he quickly pulled back, asserting — and sounding more than a bit like Justice Sam Alito did when criticizing critics of the shadow docket — that “not all actors engage in ‘informed criticism’ or anything remotely resembling it.” To that, Roberts continued:
[I feel compelled to address four areas of illegitimate activity that, in my view, do threaten the independence of judges on which the rule of law depends: (1) violence, (2) intimidation, (3) disinformation, and (4) threats to defy lawfully entered judgments.]
This is Roberts’s point in this once-a-year moment he is given — to highlight what he views as “illegitimate” criticism of the court.
Violence is unacceptable, of course, but by including that in his report, Roberts then shifted the ground in a way that allowed him to tie everything to violence — all the while ignoring the court’s own role in creating the majority public disapproval that the court faces. The remainder of Roberts’s areas of “illegitimate” criticism are shaded areas, where he mixed what appear to be illegitimate or at least highly questionable actions with what I would say are acceptable or even important criticism of the court. After discussing physical threats and attacks, Roberts shifted to doxing. Within that, however, he included “angry” calls to “the judge’s office” — a governmental office — as an apparent example of criticism that the chief justice of the United States considers “illegitimate.” Then, in the low-water mark of Roberts’s report, he made what I think is an extremely concerning comment, coming from the head of the federal judiciary:
[Public officials, too, regrettably have engaged in recent attempts to intimidate judges—for example, suggesting political bias in the judge’s adverse rulings without a credible basis for such allegations.]
Putting aside the questionable, subjective nature of assessing whether there is a “credible basis” for such claims, by providing no examples, Roberts was damning all manner of utterly legitimate, appropriate, and even necessary speech from public officials as illegitimate intimidation. That is chilling and will be used by bad-faith actors on the right to damn such legitimate speech — a fact that Roberts undoubtedly knows.
SCOTUS Chief Justice John Roberts’s 2024 year-end report was full of temper tantrums about those criticizing the legitimacy of the MAGA Majority on the court by dismissing such criticisms as “illegitimate.”
See Also:
The Guardian: SCOTUS Chief Justice Roberts warns intimidation and violence risk judicial independence
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in season 8 when house is answering questions for chase's hearing, and the interviewer pauses the recording and house says "is this the part where you hit me" like... the few times where he mentions getting hit in the series its always implied that its a pattern in his life
#and sometimes he does go to bars and does things because he wants to get hit#because even if he doesnt think he deserves it#which sometimes he does think that#at the end of the day he feels its like 2+2=4#like yeah this course of events makes sense to me#even when he suggested wilson punch him its like deeply troubling if you really think about it#like its no big deal to house#its literally his normal its how he is absolved of things#but at the same time like he doesnt know how to exist in another way#house md#gregory house
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act 4 :(
@chipper-smol and i came to a realization
#THID FUCKING GAAAAAAAMMMMEEEEE#i have more i wanna draw but my hands not working orz.. maybe ill get around to it later idk#i finally FINALLY managed to get inside that star room.. my own clone!! now neither of us will be virgins!!!!#i dont have anything to go off of but when the journal mentions making another 'me' it reminds me of loop saying theyre like a mirror#theyre always able to read siffrins mind without actually reading their mind (or so they say) but maybe it could just be tone matching???#or smth like that.. idk if these two things are connected though so maybe its more like subtext#i hope im not the only one who made the childrens hospital joke when it came around to color lore part 2#im also getting the sinking feeling of watching siffrin toe his way near the deep end like bro is so so close to losing it#i feel like if i knew nothing abt the game beforehand and why siffrin is looping in the first place my feelings abt this would be different#cuz id be pretty angry too if ive been stuck in a loop long enough to feel like everyone around me is pretending nothings wrong#than the fact that i have decided not to disclose im in a time loop and that everyone is living this day for the first time#although i also get hes doing this for a reason and when u believe in the universe i guess it also comes with sunk cost fallacy#'this is the path the universe led me down before i even knew what i wanted so all i can do is double down' THATS THE FATALISM TALKING#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#isat act 4 spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sona#puppysona#friends#chipper#doodles
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am i autistic or am i just paranoid. level: impossible
#seeing a friend of mine for the first time in 2 years but it was at a 9hr work training and i barely talked to him the whole time#so i text our gc multiple times bc im excited#but everyones drained from the day#so am i being a good loving kind person or am i being annoying as hell#my brain says the first one and my gut says the second#i also might have a big fat crush on this man (he is unfairly attractive and kind and funny and TALL)#so i may be overreacting bc of that#i just missed him and now my big fat crush on him is bigger and fatter than ever#at the end of our first summer he hugged me tight and told me he loved me (platonically)#then he asked if i was coming back and i said yes without any hesitation#and then he didnt come back#so ive been going on 2 years of stewing in this fucking crush soup and now im just#tumblr is the only place where i can talk abt this no one important in my life can know this#no one#i just really like him#and i wanna be around him all the time#and i wanna sit with him and talk to him and laugh with him#and help him with stuff#and i have not had an actual crush on someone since my sophomore and junior year of high school#which was 4 and 5 years ago at this point#this guy also kept staring at me from across the room and everytime i would glace in his direction he would look away#and every time i would get a glimpse of him at training i could physically feel the butterflies#hell#every time i even thought about the fact that we were in the same general area i would get butterflies#this never happens to me and its such a weird feeling#would you be so kind by dodie is the anthem of the hour rn#and i know there's a huge part of me that thinks i am unlovable bc of how i look#and ive never had anyone love me or even like me enough to initiate any kind of anything#ive been on one date in my life#never been kissed never had sex
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Bryce I'm so nervous, our families are meeting for the first time!
#ts4#sims 4#ts4 gameplay#ts4 legacy#postcard legacy#postcard gen 2#felix reichmann#bryce reichmann#maya belrose#billy reichmann#bailey reichmann#charlie reichmann#leilani kahananui by duusheen#whys it so hard to take screenshots with so many sims in them!!#and i feel bryce is so excited he wants everyone to meet right away#at the end bryce is like 'see there was nothing to be nervous about'#also its still the same sim day#ive done 6 posts in total one left
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while the only redeeming quality of love god really is the stan joke, it does emphasize how bad mabel is at matchmaking and also how much romance sucks actually
#the end to it still feels weird!!! and going 'oh but actually its all ok!!!' in supplementary materials doesn't make it feel any better!!!!#altho hilariously that means the snadger are soulmates all along#....ok 2 there are 2 redeemable things about that ep cos it gave ford that other hilarious mabel drawing in tots#anyway robbie's actual issue is that he was a terrible boyfriend!!! and didn't respect wendy at all!!!!#he let his insecurities get in that way and he constantly felt threatened by a kid!!!! rebounding off someone else fixes none of this!!!!!#also i have soooo much beef with the northwest ep especially cos of the mabel b plot#she and her friends deserve better than this???? romance in this show sucks!!!!!!#like the a plot isnt inherently bad but what it ended up sprouting into annoys me!!!!#(also the mood of 'dipper shouldve just gotten mabel and the girls out and ran lol')#(the ep needing the 4 of them to get attacked otherwise a lot of folks wouldnt give a shit about the ghost)#anyway another reason why bill sucks is cos he ended up undoing preston's face that coward#too bad those eps are necessary just so robbie and paz are on friendlier terms with the pines#(but meanwhile a wendy ep is too much to ask for :////)#also thinking about how mabel's love crazy phase is relatively new....#one day she'll get better taste in ships#i wonder how much the disney censors were shaking at the wompers joke#cos part of them being like 'NOOOOO THATS TWO GUYS' but also like. thats a pig duct taped to a goat.#they were probably pissed at mabel having a pride sweater on tho#roadside attraction was poorly timed and having it be all about being pickup artistry kinda sucks#but its still way better than love god lol at least we have dipper and stan bonding moments and candy got a hero moment#also stan no longer being sensitive about his brand
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hmmmm thinking thoughts again
#1) i know 100% certain that i am asexual and have been certain for a long time#2) my best friend and i we've been messing about nothing too far but kinda a more than friends less than lovers type situation#3) is he attractive yes do i enjoy the affection and attention yes and yet this leads to#4) every time we spend time alone for a significant period of time (like tonight) i always end up anxious and bad tummy ache#like not fun :(#but i trust him and im relaxed when hes around its after he leaves that it hits#but its only after we've been close and personal together not like on a day to day basis#so 5) am i not enjoying the physical attention as much i thought? or is it from past shit ? or idk#bc i know im not aro bc i do experience attraction#but its all so frustrating#bc i want to be able to stop being tense and anxious at the thought of being intimate with him bc the attraction is there#its just not right like it doesn't feel natural like i have to think about everything i do#i dont fucking know#humans and attention and romance and touch and all that shit is fucked up idk#irl
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aughhhhh i wish i had books 2 read i wanna read books so bad rn 🤓 <- i look like this. 2 pictures of me 👇
#IM SO CRAZYYYY its whatever. im half done with listening 2 ersatz elevator .. 7 more left.. ill prolly finish ersatz elevator tmrw innit. n#Probably i will finish vile village as well and potentially get started on . its hostile hospital after vile village roght.... i feel so#fakee im sry 9 year old me#bc let me think with my head im almost positive carnivorous carnival is the 10th. YES IT IS bc theyre on the mountain from. oh lord no wait#its all so evil let me check. bc theres 7 left#ok my prediction is. 7. vile village 8. hostile hospital 9. carnivorous carnival? might be switched with prev 10. slippery slope#11 grim grotto 12 penultimate peril 13 the end.#im pretty much positive on the last 3. now i check and kamille screams at me in my head Sorry girl.#> me being entirely fucking right im literally like god if he was autistic and haunted#sooo let me do some math rqq... the last few books r likee 4 hours each i think. and i work 8 hours a day 5 days a week...#ive done the math and its sort of dire it appears ill probably finish either thursday or early friday. what on earth will i listen to after#that.... sigh. oh well... + tbh i dont just wanna do audiobooks even tho im excited for the last half of asoue bc i dont rememberit as much#well. clearly i do idk if you recall but i just named the last 7 books in perfect order. but anyways. im excited but also Lorddd i forgot#that i love irl real life readingg 😭😭#i might say fuck it and read the 3rd miss peregrines on internet archive. miserable .. i want to have it irl but you know.#n then i can go ahead n put the last 3 books on hold Rn so i can read those next week#AND ill put 2001 on hold too bc im sososososo excited abt it :]]]]
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nawt the first aid uni classes payin off.
#have a looootta dressin/bandages left over. like. lots#jus replaced the old one for the night#sigh#i feel really. yeah yeha idk how 2 explain but expect a vent#vent#ahead!!#idk i have such a strange relationship with sеlfhаrm cause it is wat it is but i m also unironically attracted 2 pain in blood in a way dat#makes it exhilaratin when i start doin it. so i cant stop. so i needs someone 2 keep me compny 2 ;b able 2 stop. which is a whole new layer#of disgustin n lowly i think. likr why am i drawn to things dat destroy me. he was right.#like im nawt tryin 2 any kind of -ise jt romanictise normalise etc but its suxh. a Thing 2 me. i do it ina fit of rage or hate n end up#directin it into. a weird sense of pleasure. why.#obviously it hurts as a bitch once im outta it but. okay....#i think due 2 dat feelin is exacly why im leanin into it so heavily like#yea ppl use it as a way 2 translate their emotional pain into physical but 4 me its litwrally like#oh X happened. lemme do Y 2 myself 2 give me a rush#it doesn rly mattwr tho. naw matter da reaosn its still da same thing w the samw outcome#ill stop..one day
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wow when i think about it maybe this year wasn't that bad
#i mean yes it was one of the worst definitely i kept falling down and down and down and i def hit rock bottom#highest weight of my life 'pcod' 'pre diabetes' ugh that was the worst#and the generally not studying#but but but. im going to list all the good things because it made me feel so weirdly happy that wow this happened to me#let's go chronologically#1. pretty awesome birthday got a gift from my then bestf which made me feel so seen and so understood#for the first time in life to the extent that i couldn't believe that paying attention to me and loving me so much was even possible#2. discovered i def like guys too and him writing on a tissue to me hbd and me giving him that letter which was almost like a love letter#that was so brave and vulnerable of me i can't believe i did that im proud of myself#3. learning thru an admittedly bad experience that there is no timeline for life and experiences and i definitely do not need#to have like sex and stuff to be cool and fit in its okay to wait for the right person it doesn't make me a loser#because at the end of the day i have to live with it i can sleep with someone just because i hate the feeling of being 21 and feeling#like im behind everyone but then that would be disrespectful to myself and i deserve better#4. that brief period of 15 days when i was almost friends with this girl from office and even tho she left i still remember resting my head#on her shoulders and feeling safe after so long#5. getting drunk with my bestie that was pretty awesome i shouldn't say this but it was such a good year for us cause she broke up with her#bf so whenever we met we would just play music and dance to sabrina#6. getting drunk with my SISTER and clubbing with her fuck that was pretty awesome i love her and i love her guy friend and i really hope#he succeeds in pata ing her and he becomes my future jiju#7. passinv this exam. i honestly didn't think i had it in me to get this degree and it's still hard to believe but i do feel motivated to#try now. i worked hard i sincerely studied which i hadn't done in like 2 years and it really feels like god#said yeah beta you take this win and keep getting better okay?#so much bad happened too ive now lost everyone except my family and my one irl bestf but i still feel hopeful. i hope it will be ok 2025
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anyways. i feel like ive said this before but i think that wouldve been a bigger concern of his when he was younger and was trying to think abt how he was gonna like. live in the world. well and then the world exploded and he decided he could do whatever he wants forever and started larping as his fursona and i think hes chill about it now. like i think hes okay.
#i think at the end of the day he does like his body. especially as he gets older and circumstances change and he feels more like a person#who is alive again i think he really does like himself. and i think part of it is just that he really does do whatever he wants whenever#he wants to do it.#like i think it feels like a bigger deal before everything explodes because like well you have to find a way to navigate the social aspect#of everything you do right. and in my mind i think hes recieved a lot of shit for a lot of things in his life#hence why hes kind of a very angry and isolated person. so i do think when him and fish meet and theyre this very confident person#and a relatively happy person too. and they do it in a way that feels really genuine. so i think that gets his gears turning where hes like#maybe. maybe i could do that and it would fix it. and the social aspect of it basically dissapears because the best person in his life#(in his eyes obv) is also doing that and isnt gonna make it a big deal and a lot of what they like about him is the same stuff he got shit 4#so its like. idk i think maybe theyd talk about it once but i think the hurdle for him is that he doesnt really want to change anything?#not anything changeable at least. i think he likes who he is i dont think hes really particularly insecure in his body or anything#i just think he feels this kind of disconnect from the idea of a person and the idea of himself#i think that something rlly persistent for basically his entire life as mako that he just doesnt. feel like a person. he cant really.#part of why they cling 2 each other is bcs they make each other feel. real and grounded and people. human in a way.#so i think roadhog as an idea helps with that especially again as he gets older and rat becomes a thing and life gets Good again i think#for the first time in his life hes going to really consistently feel like somebody#^ this is why i dont like talking abt hog as a persona and why i liek to call the mask his face. because it is. this is the person he is yk#and i think at some point hes okay being a guy with two names and two faces and sometimes his fish calls him their wife#and he wears cute underwear and its not a big deal and he doesnt even really think about it anymore because it all just feels natural. easy
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Binge-reading Dungeon Meshi because it's the only thing standing between me and suicide ngl.
#it at least gave me the single molecule of mental energy required to force myself to eat at least one slice of bread#because it's like the physical energy is there sure but mentally I'm like 'noooooo I don't want to eat anything i hate food#all food tastes bad and i hate life and i want to eat nothing at all and furthermore i need to lose weight so i should starve myself'#I'm thinking that it might actually make me last until I either convince the crisis center that I'm for fucking real for real#or until my appointment with the school counselor. which idk when would be because i was supposed to go on the#2nd of April but i guess there might be holidays because he called me when i was atva lecture but i couldn't take it#because i had a lecture and he hasn't called since but I'm assuming#that hell call again and that he wants to let me know that the date is impossible#but I want to like wait and see what he says. and if he goes like 'oh actually im on a long vacay now goodbye forever'#or whatever I'll just go '...slay' and ride my ass to the hospital tomorrow.#show up at the crisis centre looking exactly like the patients with chronic pain who report pain 7 while looking unphased#like 'hello i am an active danger to myself I can't get out of bed most days; i need 16 hours of sleep to function for 4 hours#my meds have stopped working I haven't eaten anything but exactly 2 pancakes and a slice of bread in the past 4 days#and i exhibit a strong refusal to change this marked by thoughts present in people affected by eating disorders. no activity#feels fun anymore and they were marked by a strong sense of anxiety a few days ago but now i just feel nothing at all.#at this point I'm not even refusing to do any of my hobbies because im increasingly afraid of failure and its#consequences while being hunted for sport by anxiety from the opposite end telling me that i need to finish 50 masterpieces#immediately or nobody will ever like me again and they'll all see me for the talentless fraud i am. at this point i just don't care.#i don't do anything because i feel sluggish and my body is heavy and I'm so so tired and I'm tired of being awake and I can't think straight#also i think i might be going into a psychotic episode again.'#they're gonna tell me to get the fuck out of their faces anyway but it's worth a try.#like idk i feel like they might kinda listen because yesterday I guess they wouldn't have but today i have stopped caring about cars#and looking both ways. which is like. not a good sign probably. also yesterday i was still somewhat able to talk to people#even though i was in a very irritated and drained out state but today I'm feeling like if anyone even fucking attempts to talk to me#or if i hear any loud fucking sound at all I'm just gonna punch myself in the head until the pain drowns out all the sound
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