#idk i have such a strange relationship with sеlfhаrm cause it is wat it is but i m also unironically attracted 2 pain in blood in a way dat
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nawt the first aid uni classes payin off.
#have a looootta dressin/bandages left over. like. lots#jus replaced the old one for the night#sigh#i feel really. yeah yeha idk how 2 explain but expect a vent#vent#ahead!!#idk i have such a strange relationship with sеlfhаrm cause it is wat it is but i m also unironically attracted 2 pain in blood in a way dat#makes it exhilaratin when i start doin it. so i cant stop. so i needs someone 2 keep me compny 2 ;b able 2 stop. which is a whole new layer#of disgustin n lowly i think. likr why am i drawn to things dat destroy me. he was right.#like im nawt tryin 2 any kind of -ise jt romanictise normalise etc but its suxh. a Thing 2 me. i do it ina fit of rage or hate n end up#directin it into. a weird sense of pleasure. why.#obviously it hurts as a bitch once im outta it but. okay....#i think due 2 dat feelin is exacly why im leanin into it so heavily like#yea ppl use it as a way 2 translate their emotional pain into physical but 4 me its litwrally like#oh X happened. lemme do Y 2 myself 2 give me a rush#it doesn rly mattwr tho. naw matter da reaosn its still da same thing w the samw outcome#ill stop..one day
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