#not anything changeable at least. i think he likes who he is i dont think hes really particularly insecure in his body or anything

[termagax]

anyways. i feel like ive said this before but i think that wouldve been a bigger concern of his when he was younger and was trying to think abt how he was gonna like. live in the world. well and then the world exploded and he decided he could do whatever he wants forever and started larping as his fursona and i think hes chill about it now. like i think hes okay.

[thethespacecoyote]

A little late, but here’s Day 4 for @kyluxromanceweek with “Secret Crush.” More office AUs, because why not. 

Hux can’t help but scowl when he returns to his cubicle, fresh cup of coffee in hand, to find a little wrapped box sitting just in front of his keyboard.

He narrows his eyes at it, as if his stare could wither the sparkly red bow sitting innocently atop the shiny golden paper. It’s not the first strange gift he’s received in the past few weeks, and honestly? They’re starting to wear on his nerves.

He growls as he sets his steaming coffee cup on the desk and picks up the box, looking down his nose at it as he turns it over in his hands. Of course there’s no tag. Whoever is doing this clearly doesn’t want to be found out.

Hux shakes the gift, considering just dumping it in the trash and forgetting about it altogether, but instead he pulls at the red bow and slips it off before tearing into the paper. Beneath he finds a silky red box, a name Hux recognizes from the high-end grocery store he occasionally frequents scrawled in gold on top. He pries open the lid and wrinkles his nose at the fancy chocolates nestled inside—the kind of heavy, indulgent sweets that Hux hardly partook in. He scowls and stuffs them into his laptop bag, trying to put the gift far from his mind so he could get the afternoon’s work done.

Whoever thought it funny to play such a joke wasn’t going to get a rise out of Hux that easily.

The following day Hux returns from a trip to the bathroom to find a single rose, lovingly wrapped in red ribbon, siting in his mesh pencil holder. Hux frowns, plucking the rose out and peering around the wall of his cubicle to where Phasma sits at her desk, phone cradled against her shoulder. She shoots Hux a quizzical look, signing off from the call and setting it back in its cradle.

“What is it?”

“Did you see who left this?” He brandishes the rose at her, eyebrows furrowed. She glances at the rose for a moment, before smirking.

“You got an admirer?”

“Of course not,” Hux hisses, shaking the stupid flower. “Someone is obviously trying to make a joke out of me. Make me look like some kind of lovesick fool.”

Phasma laughs, turning around in her chair to face him.

“You know, most people would be happy to get free gifts, even if it was from a stranger.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Lighten up a little.”

Hux scowls, folding his arms.

“I’ll ‘lighten up’ as soon as I figure out who is doing this. I want you to keep your eyes and ears open next time I leave my desk, see if whoever they are shows themselves.”

“Yes sir,” Phasma taunts as he storms back to his cubicle, stuffing the rose in one of his drawers before getting back to work. He gets up to grab coffee , but to his surprise and slight disappointment no new gifts grace his desk, and Phasma tells him she didn’t notice anything.  

When Hux comes to work early the next morning, there’s a massive bouquet of roses sitting daringly in his chair.

The gifts only grow more extravagant as the days go on. A little gift bag filled with delicate macarons and rolls of fruit pastilles. More flowers, this time a striking bunch of black lilies. A half-sized bottle of Prosecco. A small porcelain figure of a cat—which, despite himself, Hux actually likes, and sits on the little shelf above his computer as soon as he unwraps it.

And still he’s been unable to figure out who’s responsible, or why they’re doing it.

He’s sure it must be a prank, but there’s no one in the office he believes would go to such lengths. These kind of gifts are expensive, nothing even the most dedicated would throw away on some silly joke.

Then why?

Periodically he considers Phasma’s suggestion, that he has a true admirer—but he isn’t exactly well-liked among his coworkers. He’s more than competent in his work but rather cold when it comes to socializing, not interested in gossip or debate with the rest of the office. Hux is the type to keep his personal life far removed from his professional life, disinterested in indulging his colleagues’ incessant need for small-talk.

He can’t imagine any of them wanting to become—romantically involved with him.

So maybe it really is a joke at his expense. Perhaps the entire office pooled their funds together, just to lead Hux on, make him believe anyone could ever be interested in him. Maybe they were just waiting for him to fall for it, so they could

Honestly, Hux can’t wait for the weekend, where he might be free of all this nonsense for two blissful days. He checks his watch as he returns from his lunch break, hoping the next few hours will fly by, so he can spend his time in the solitude of his apartment with his cat and favorite books.

But as Hux approaches his cubicle he stops dead in his tracks, lips parting in surprise at what he sees—not another bouquet of roses nor box of chocolates, but a besuited man with long, dark hair barely tamed back against his head.

Hux recognizes him instantly.

Ren, one of the upper managers that Hux rarely even saw in his department, though he certainly heard plenty of rumors about the man. He apparently came from a wealthy family, and Hux has heard grumblings that may have influenced his appointment. From the few times Hux has encountered him, he seems a touch too changeable for such a position, but otherwise he’d never given the man much thought.

Until now, when he notices the wrapped box in Ren’s hand, topped with the same kind of red ribbon as all the other gifts Hux has received.

“You’re kidding,” is the first thing to come out of Hux’s mouth, in a wholly unprofessional manner but he can’t hold back. He stares at the gift in Ren’s hands, then up to the man’s face, feeling a conflict of emotions roil in his stomach at the amused expression he finds there.

“Nope. Just really good at sneaking around.” Ren smirks, looking quite satisfied with himself. Hux frowns, heart fluttering even as his mind reels in denial.

“I thought this was all a joke…it’s not a joke, is it?” He asks, taking a step back. Ren’s face falls slightly, frowning.

“No? Why would you think it was a joke?” He fidgets with the gift, confident posture taking a slight hit. “Did you not like the things I got you?”

“I—that’s not—that’s beside the point,” Hux stammers, regretting the flush he can feel crawling to his cheeks. “But I didn’t realize anyone here would be…serious about me. Much less a junior manager.”

He’d gone through a list of suspects in his head several times and had at least considered Ren, but quickly dismissed the possibility. Hux can’t wrap his head around the fact that Ren was responsible for this all along—but perhaps he’d been just that good at concealing his feelings. Biding his time, plying Hux with little gifts and presents until he felt confident enough to confront him.

It’s a little endearing—which is not a word he ever thought he’d ever ascribe to someone like Ren.

“I’m serious. Very serious.” Hux takes the wrapped box as Ren holds it out to him. His heart beats a little quickly as he pulls at the bow, taking the little lid off. His eyes widen at what he sees underneath, lips parting in surprise.

Nestled in a bed of white silk are a pair of golden cufflinks, dotted in the center with a dark red stone. Truthfully they’re a little too gaudy for Hux’s taste but he’s still bewildered by the gesture.

Alright. It’s definitely not a joke.

Ren moves in closer, and as Hux inhales sharply he can detect the strong scent of his cologne.

“Wear them tonight?”

“Tonight?” Hux looks up, raising his eyebrow. “What’s tonight?”

“A date. Well, hopefully.” Ren shrugs, closing Hux’s hand over the box. “If you’ll indulge me.”

Hux balks, eyes widening at his audacity. His first instinct is to say no, remembering his plans of solitude and relaxation for the weekend, but—

—It has been quite awhile since Hux has been on a proper date, and part of him feels curiosity at just what further sort of pampering Ren has in store for him. After a moment’s hesitation he composes himself with a nod.

“I don’t have a car. You’ll have to pick me up.” Despite himself, Hux feels his heartbeat pick up in his chest. The grin returns to Ren’s face, looking excited as a schoolboy with a crush.

“Deal. See you tonight, Armitage.” And with an affectionate pat to the hand he turns away and walks away, leaving Hux to ponder over what exactly he’s gotten himself into this evening.

[yvvaine]

A Meta on Madness

Here’s the thing with Targaryen madness. Most weren’t just born raving mad.  They developed it. Some as early as childhood, others well into adulthood; sometimes even instigated by some event (like the Defiance of Duskendale which affected Aerys II Targaryen’s madness). Grand Maester Phycelle even commented how Aerys had been “a good man. such a charmer....” until he became obsessed with his dreams of “fire & blood”. 

It seems that that is the commonality. Fire & Blood. And also obsession. Most of the “madness” starts out as personality traits, like unchecked outbursts and impusliveness. Some form of violence (during said outbursts) develops shortly thereafter. Mixed in is usually a god-like self-image and some personal obsession / quest. Also paranoia. Delusions and hallucinations, for the most part, dont develop all that fast. Theyre “charming good men” with hot heads, and that slowly escelates, little by little until it begins to snowball. Again, some earlier than others. 

But obsession seems to be reaccuring throught all the circumstances. 

They fixate on something (Fire & Blood, religion, beliefs, etc) and take it too far, and the more they do, the more obsessed they become, the more the ‘madness’ seems to set in. 

King Baelor the Blessed was overzealously obsessed with religion and purity, to the point that he starved himself into an early grave because he believed that food is of this world, and the material world is sinful.

Prince Aerion Brightflame, son of King Maekar and nephew of the Prince Rhaegel. Aerion killed himself drinking wildfire, believing it would turn him into a dragon.

Visery’s ‘madness’ (mostly outbursts, paranoia, and cruelty), according to Daenerys at least, was linked/instigated to a somewhat traumatic event; the selling of their mother’s crown. My guess is that he was old enough to be traumatized by the events that sent them into exhile, put all his hopes and dreams into that crown, idolized it, and losing it was kind of the final push. 

Madness ≠ Certified Crazy Person

In fact I dont even really like the term madness, because it denotes that the Targaryen in question is 24/7 insane. And dont get me wrong, some def are. But in GRRM’s world their ‘madness’ is MUCH more subtle than that. Its pathology is almost like a disease. And people can live with the most terrible diseases for quite along while and work around it/not have it effect them. As a Certified Sick Person myself, I know that particular lesson more than quite a bit of people (thanks autoimmune system!) Id say. Look at diabetes! People can live with diabetes and not have to cut their foot off or die (like the olden days) with the right amount of lifestyle and personal choices. But untreated, without proper checks and balances, symptoms get worse, other manisfate on top of one another.  To say they have the “Targaryen madness” is not a black and white issue, because their “insanity” is not as simple as : “that persons obv crazy and that persons not!!” You cant equivicate mid-story/life Daenerys with late-in-life Aerys. Its a cultivation of symptoms over years. Theyre not at equal points in their life to one another; obv shes not blinded by “KILL THEM ALL” attitudes yet. 

Early-in Life Aerys (perhaps a better parallel to Daenerys’s timeline) was: 

“...while not being the most intelligent, nor the most diligent of princes [I wonder who that sounds like? Cough Mereen] he was described as having an undeniable charm. He was generous, handsome and resolute, although somewhat quick to anger. [SOUND LIKE ANYONE. A good heart? Beautiful? Determined and passionate? SOMEWHAT quick to anger?] He was also vain, proud, and changeable, traits that made him easy prey for lickspittles and flatterers.” 

The last part is more up for debate but Dany does think quite highly of herself and is VERY proud. Shes also reminded frequently of her amazing-ness, as well as her beauty, which would bloat anyones ego. And while she realizes the difference between blatant kiss asses (“People used to tell that kind of thing to my brother”) she also prefers those that agree with her or her line of thinking and suck up to her. Shes kinder to those that fall into step and bestows greater favor on them in that moment (even when the person in the room disagreeing is a “friend”). 

“As he grew older, Aerys became increasingly jealous, suspicious and cruel, prone to furious outbursts.”

I think a lot of readers and show viewers see this increasingly “bratty” quality to her character. Even when her anger (toward the slave masters for instance) is morally and technically VERY justified (Personally I hate this POV, as I’m someone whos decided to dedicate my lifeswork to human rights law, so decidely I am not for cruel racist individuals. Moreover, I dont think many people, if there is any at all, who believe in dark!(or just a generally darker)dany are racist and pro-slavery - which is something i see stans misguidedly clapback with often in the face of criticism) her “justice” becomes all she see’s to disastrous consequences, including crucifying those that shouldnt have been.

“My father spoke out against crucifying those children. He decried it as a criminal act but was overruled. Is it justice to answer one crime with another?” - Hizdahr zo Loraq, S04E06 “The Laws of Gods and Men” on Daenerys crucifying his father because of the status he was born into.

She also seems to be developing more and more paranoia. “Betray me and I’ll burn you alive.” (obv betrayal should be punished WHEN IT HAPPENS, but like, shes already imagining scenrarios and felt the need to say something, ie paranoid). The entire beach tantrum and her turning against her ally and HAND Tyrion because she was upset at their(shared) battle failures. And while its great that she doesnt want to be the Queen of Ashes, in her right mind, in moments of anger and fustration she constantly has to be talked down from burning cities. So increasingly more worrisome. 

Shes also increasingly fixated on ‘the iron throne’. As her obsession grows....

Sorta like: Aerys in his youth. 

So while duh, shes not batshit insane like her father was right before the end of his life, people forget, her father wasnt “bad” or “mad” till his later years either. Comparing the two (her father right before he was killed and Dany now) is like comparing a seed to a flower. Same material and DNA. Same circumstances / needs the same to grow (unchecked symptoms like their anger and obsessions). But ultimately different stages in their lives, and as such different consequences and attributes. 

GA (and Stans)‘s Short-sidedness

The “Mad Dany” theory mostly comes from people woh dont neccisarily see dany as stark raving mad like Aerys Burn Them All Targaryen (i know, shocking) but rather see this similarity (past face value cough cough), and see the parrallels between young Aerys the Charming Good But Slghty Tantrum-y Tararyen with Dany now, and made educated forecasts in what that means for future-Dany based on her current arch. The same Dany who is increasingly obsessed with conquering an entire ass continent that shes held up as a symbol and put all her hopes and dreams of ‘home’ into (kinda like the way Viserys did with their mothers crown)  (also a continent that she knows nothing and hasnt bothered to learn anything about). She has no plans on creating a democracy or dispersing power to try to mitigate her faults because shes completely fucking blind to them. She plans on sitting on that uncomfortable ass stupid metal throne and being uncompromising because shes not a Politician shes a QWEEN  #fuckcompromise #fuckdiplomacy #fuckpeace #bendtheknee #ammiright :))))) Meanwhile dancing on really thin ice that could any minute crack under her, and the more it cracks the faster it makes new ones until it snowballs quickly out of hand and suddenly it snaps and kills you. Only shes queen in this scenario with two resusable nukes at her disposal so in this case its not just her but the entire country that drowns.

 Politics is a long game. We - in the real world - choose a leader who is not just best for us in the now, but who will create a better future for our children, and their children, and so on. 

Dany is not a good, stable bet. I originally meant to do a short sassy one liner about this but then I got on a soapbox and started getting all philisophical and now this could literally be my senior thesis its that long. (My apologies!) Im also know where near finished with this so this could maybe be Part One? 

[chromsai]

okay so i've been following you for a long time now mostly bc of the FE content, and i always see yugioh on my dash bc of you (it's gr8 i'm not complaining) bc of this i really wanna start watching it but i feel like i won't get things if i don't watch the original or the stuff before Arc V. What would you recommend i watch first? thanks!!!

*slams hands on desk* WOW I’M SO HONORED ABOUT THIS ENTIRE ASK WOW THANKS ALSO WOW I LOVE INTRODUCING PEOPLE TO YUGIOH OKAY OKAY SO

I mean everyone’s gonna have their bias in any franchise with multiple entries and yes by now literally everyone knows my bias but here I’m gonna give you my most unbiased opinion possible on them all to hopefully give you some perspective and hopefully you choose whichever one is most appealing to you and no don’t worry you dont have to have seen any of them in any order before watching any of them!! You can just jump right into any and enjoy card games in heck ok so here goes (I won’t spoil anything, I promise!):

TL;DR answer: No, you don’t need to have seen any of the Yugioh series before any of them to just jump right into any, just like with any FE game. I don’t have a straightforward recommendation for which Yugioh you should start with because I really believe you should be able to start with whichever appeals to you most. Though, if I had you watch only one Yugioh, of course my vote would be for Arc V.

(Longer answer with detail on each of the spinoffs under the cut.)

Duel Monsters aka DM aka “the original Yugioh”:•Number of episodes: 224•Basic summary: Normal high school kid solves the Millenium Puzzle, a mystical pendant with the soul of an ancient Egyptian pharaoh, and goes thru many trials and tribulations to find out the mysteries of said pharaoh’s past (with card games!) and save the world.•Who it’s for: This is probably the most mystical/(fictionally)mythological of all the Yugiohs and the original, of course. Major themes include The Power of Friendship and… I mean there’s others but basically that’s the main MAJOR theme. Anyway, if you like archaeology themes and seeing heroes overcome the odds thanks to their friends’ support and don’t mind sitting through really long arcs (with pretty amusing recurring characters), this Yugioh is for you.

GX:•Number of episodes: 180•Basic summary: So dueling is an actual profession and there are actual schools that get you thru all the basics as if it was an actual real life college major or smth and our hero is just a normal teen kid without a care in the world that just wants to be the very best like no one ever was except for the school he applies and gets into and lives for the next 3 years of his life trying to achieve this is literally fucking cursed have fun.•Who it’s for: So you like slice of life anime? So you like slice of life anime with characters that are really interesting and have good development? So you like slice of life anime with teen drama? So you like slice of life anime with a bit of trauma? So you like slice of life anime with childrens trading card games from actual hell? WELL BOY YOU’RE IN FOR A REAL TREAT, THIS YUGIOH IS FOR YOU!!

5Ds:•Number of episodes: 154•Basic summary: Wow how do I summarize this one? Well, basically our hero and his entourage are all trying to save their city (and basically the whole world) from both an ancient mystical force AND a futuristic force. Yes. Time travel is a thing here. Are you also a Zelda fan, by any chance? Welcome to the Ocarina of Time of the Yugioh franchise (#TIMELINESPLITTER).•Who it’s for: Yes, this is indeed the CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES anime that perhaps you’ve heard about, but trust me the concept is more intriguing than you might think. If you like innovative ideas and themes about changeable and intertwining destinies + the bonds between the hero and all those who he’s befriended and met, then you’ll love this Yugioh. 

Zexal (I+II):•Number of episodes: 73 in Zexal I, 73 in Zexal II. 146 total. The shortest of all the Yugiohs (so far).•Basic summary: The entire story comprises of the bond between a boy and his alien (which only he can see and interact with) and trying to regain said alien’s memory back which was split into 99 cards. Zexal II expands on this as the alien begins to regain his memories.•Who it’s for: Major themes in this show include overcoming seemingly impossible obstacles and learning compassion from both your allies AND your enemies. Hell, I’d say rival bonds are one of the major themes here too. If you like ultra sci-fi settings and aliens and intergalactic wars, this Yugioh is for you.

Arc V:•Number of episodes: 148•Basic summary: Our hero starts off wanting to simply work towards becoming a great entertainer like his missing father was but along the way finds out the world is much larger than he ever could have imagined it could be while also finding out the hard way that [Chrom voice] war is hell. (Alternatively, [Kiragi voice] war is HECK). •Who it’s for: Yeah this show is about war but it’s also about the psychological implications of war and the innocents it affects and the irreversible consequences that come with it. It’s also very personal story about overcoming your own self, despite pressure from society. Unlike with the past shows, while there is still a sense of camaraderie between the characters, Arc V’s themes are much more individualistic. The two major themes of this show are to “take a step forward with courage” and finding a way to bring peace and make everyone smile. Ultimately, if you like wonderfully cute/pretty yet heart-wrenching aesthetics, this Yugioh is for you (and for me).Note on Arc V: This show does have references to past Yugiohs and also features characters from past series, but it is ultimately an AU of each of the past shows so there is no continuity from them to be seen here, meaning that even if you start with Arc V, you won’t be spoiling yourself or confused about said references from past series. Mainly the references are there as happy nods to the fandom veterans, kinda like how Awakening has a bunch of nods to past FE games but they don’t meddle with the story (I myself started with Awakening and didn’t find myself confused by any of the references, or noticed them at first, just to put things in perspective since it’s exactly like that with Arc V). [Speaking of FE, I have a feeling that if you liked Awakening, you’ll like Arc V...]

Vrains:•Number of episodes: ongoing (it just started airing like ~8 weeks ago)•Basic summary: Our hero trying to figure out his own past while in conflict with 2 other enemy factions that are chasing him cuz he took a very important AI for hostage. (Tbh there’s not much to go on since it’s still very early so sorry this is the most I can say about it.)•Who it’s for: Similar to Zexal, if you like futuristic, VR-centered themes (kinda like SAO lol) you’ll probably like the idea of this Yugioh. So far, I can’t really say much more because, again, it’s still very early in its run.

Okay well, I tried hiding my bias as much as I could. I think there’s something to be enjoyed from each of the series, but of course my absolute favorite (by a very long shot) is Arc V so I’d recommend that over any of the others. Just a quick ranking of the Yugiohs based on my experience watching them: 1. Arc V3. GX/5Ds (I can never decide, sorry)4. DM5. Zexal

(no ranking for Vrains cuz yeah)Lastly, even despite all this (and my undying love for Arc V), I really, really think you should just watch whichever seems most appealing to you! If you do decide to start a Yugioh, I’ll be happy no matter what! I hope at the very least some of this helped. Happy watching!!

[lunuanaki]

Your favorite ship. I'm talking about the one that gives you the butterflies and happy feel good feelings. Talk to me about that. I wanna know what your brain words say about it. :)

THANK YOU, SYN, FOR SENDING ME THIS MESSAGE WHEN NO ONE ELSE WOULD because probably they know what’s going to happen and they don’t want any part of it---  *glares at entire dash like that one picture of the assmad cartoon pig*

I’m going to cut this because it’ll definitely get long, but... if you wanna know what kind of ships I would throw myself in front of a ruby dragon for, you’re boutta find out... I’m gonna explain it for the unfamiliar as well, though. So I get to talk more. I don’t know how anyone on this website could dislike this ship. Fight me. Anyone who reads this and agrees gets the warm fuzzy feeling of my everlasting favour. 

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

It’s Velka and Gwyndolin, is anyone surprised?! Nahhh... BUT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THEM BC I BET YOU DONT KNOW EM?!For those unfamiliar with Dark S//ouls, Gwyndolin is the youngest child of the Great Lord Gwyn, God of War/Sun/Lightning, all that big noisy man stuff. Gwyndolin was born weak and fragile and corpse-white, so, realising he wasn’t much of a trophy child, Gwyn raised him as a girl. Gwyn’s rejection never quite sat well with him, though - he’s always been insecure about his appearance and how others interpret it. He hates being stared at, and has been known to kill servants who aren’t careful where they look. Actually, he’s not fussy about murder in general, but he does have a strong sense of who deserves it and who doesn’t.Gwyndolin’s talents lie in moon-related magic and archery. As an adult, he still presents as female, he’s still horribly weak in a physical sense, paper-white, and for unspecified-in-canon reasons, has six or eight snakes where his legs should be (he still has legs, but the snakes tend to boost him off the floor). I’m not going to link any images. Picture white silk, gold, delicate, intricately made bows and faintly glowing arrows, and a gold mask he hides his face behind that mimics the shape of the sun his dad is so obsessed with.His canon personality is cold and apathetic; this is no tragic princess to be rescued. Suggest as much, or try to cross him, and he will kill you where you stand, with a shot so fast you’d never see him draw the arrow, or raise his staff. He leads a covenant of followers who hunt down sinners. As proof that they killed for their master, these followers tear off their victim’s ear and bring it to his doorstep for his approval. He’s pure grace and moonlight, and the definition of the phrase “glass cannon”. He knows his place, and even though he will never be a true part of Gwyn’s family, at least to his father, he works to support them. You can kill him in-game; if you do, the sun will go out. It was an illusion. The sun went out in Anor Londo centuries ago; Gwyndolin has been maintaining the false image of its better days, as a comfort to visiting Undead, even though it must grate at his soul to do it. His title is Dark Sun. This is not his natural habitat. 

Velka. Velka is a name, and a concept. That’s all we get in-game. She appeared in the third game as a statue (that confirmed my headcanon appearance for her to be spot on). Her title is Goddess of Sin. She’s known for being sneaky, “eccentric witch”, difficult, changeable. Gwyn’s friendship with her was always rocky; she could see his pride and his self interest, and he knew she waited for the day he met her judgement. Flames help him; after the massacre of the dragons, if he ever knelt at her feet, it would be the last thing he did. If Gwyn is the sun, she is the darkness waiting for him to sink below the horizon. Her covenant are absolvers of sin, for a price, their faces covered to separate them from the material world. She has no concept of the Christian idea of sin, because that just doesn’t exist in Lordran. Sin is decided based on her moral compass - conflicting philosophies, like the Way of White, might claim she has none, because she sees no inherent sin in drinking, or sex, or gambling, as long as no ill intent or effect is there. She only wears black, silver, and that one splash of red, the wedding ring from the husband she outlived. She was human once; not a born Lord like Gwyndolin. That mortal vitality is still about her; she never had the luxury of living without the concept of death. Picture extremely long, thick black hair (that she’s famous for in game), crystal-clear lavender eyes, blood red lips, porcelain-coloured skin and purple dark circles, lace and velvet. Her mother taught her to scheme and spy her way up. Gwyndolin was naturally suspicious of her at first, as he should have been. But their covenants had a mutual interest, and she began to supply her list of unrepentant sinners for his covenant to hunt down. It became a bonding ritual, I think both of them enjoyed it more than they’d admit. 

Gwyndolin to begin to get. Jealous. Velka was known for spending nights with anyone she pleased, servant to knight, never getting attached to any of them. There were rumours that the crown prince of sunlight himself was on that list. Gwyndolin seemed to be the only one she wouldn’t look at in that way. Was that because of the way he looked? Did she pity or avoid him the way everyone else did, even after all this time? Every hour she spent with one of them was one she wasn’t with him. His own anger at her is confusing to him, because he’s never had any interest in anyone, male or female, not like this. It was, she said, because she valued him more than one of her throwaways. She paid close attention to him, enough to know he didn’t like to be approached like that, or looked at. Whenever people had shown interest in him before, he’d assumed they were mocking him. She didn’t want to make him feel the way they did, so she was content with the distance she stayed at, as long as she could pride herself on being the one he was most comfortable with. It was selfish, really, but she liked being his favourite, so she’d do anything to stay that way. Velka does not recognise the word love, because she’s never experienced it before, so she doesn’t use it, not yet.

When they finally stopped dancing around each other, her reputation for impropriety died, along with anyone who spoke about her like that in front of Gwyndolin. Gwyndolin is extremely possessive, and Velka, for once, finds she wants to be possessed. There’s still no power imbalance, though. With her support, Gwyndolin’s confidence can develop (she’s so proud of everything he does). With his favour, she can’t be sidelined as badly as before. They have to be careful as a couple, because it’s dangerous to be seen that way. Not because “Gwyn won’t approve of her”, but because between them, with their combined covenants, Gwyn’s distrust of her, and the growing unrest among Gwyn’s human subjects, they present a very real threat to the throne, and as if to prove their point, Gwyn will soon exile his own son and heir for less.

They’re like Morticia and Gomez, if all that overly romantic stuff were silent. Because they don’t need to say anything. Like the time he panicked over an instinctive murder of a wayward servant, and she helped him clean the blood off his hands and let him calm down alone when she wanted to kiss him until he remembered how much more important he was than such a silly mistake as that - to her, and who else matters? Or the time someone made an untoward comment about her at the dinner table and no one saw Gwyndolin draw the arrow, just the sight of it hit the speaker and kill them instantly. She only laughed as politely as she could, because he already knows how much she adores his overprotective homicidal tendencies, and he thrives off it. Her sense of justice has a blind spot that exists just for him, and she can forgive him anything.

There’s a little piece of lore in the game that says Velka sided against the gods in a war, and lost. The AU that could happen if they won gives me life. If they won, she wouldn’t have taken Gwyn’s place herself, she would have given it to Gwyndolin. They would make a terrifying but brilliant leader between them. The sun would set in Anor Londo for good, and Gwyndolin’s intelligence and clarity would get a chance to prove itself more useful than Gwyn’s brute force and genocide tactics. Gwyndolin isn’t much for titles, but you can be damn sure Velka would take it. If it made Gwyn turn in his grave to hear her called Queen, she’d insist on it, after the way she watched him treat Gwyndolin. As if he weren’t worthy of Gwyn’s pathetic legacy. 

Of course, as the series goes, in the third game, Gwyndolin is gone. Reportedly cannibalised by a cult leader and his apprentice while he was weak and sick. Velka’s verse for that revolves around her finding and saving him - whatever that means. 

If anyone stuck with me this long, please offer me emotional support, because I am compromised. I haven’t run out of words or feelings, I’ve run out of energy to convey them. These two are precious to me. Not only is there all this intensity and unrelenting devotion behind them, they take the usual framework for a hetero relationship, shatter it and piece it back together in completely the “wrong” order. Velka has some of the masculine traits, the forcefulness of her mannerisms, the proactively destructive one, however undercover it might be. Gwyndolin is the formal, delicate, princessly one, and has to be pushed to react badly. Both of them are beautiful, in totally opposing ways. You would usually expect the  female to be the sexually inexperienced one and the male to be the opposite, but that’s flipped on its head as well. And yet, the hyper-feminine one is Velka. Gwyndolin is androgynous, even in feminine clothing. I don’t think I’ve ever come across a pairing where each one adds to the others’ existence to such a degree as they do. I reject the events of the second and third games and substitute my own, because anything else is a waste of one of the best pairs I’ve seen in anything, ever. I don’t think I’ll ever top some of the threads I did with enasaliin with these two, honestly, I might as well log out and never come back. I have to go do some starters now. My heart hurts. ;-;

[inthewordsofahalfgoddes]

I refuse to let my jealousy be a thing cause uh uh no way fuck that yuck YUCKKKKKKK never again ceci never again but i am happy it got let out and i can now deal with it it is still jupiter in scorpio so i an now work on this problem and managee it so it neevr happens again. its weird cause this actual inspired me to get re obsessed with withcraft. when i pick up my check tomorrow im gonna go and buy a candle for archangel Michael and st Catherine. I have a couple spels i want to do for myself and those i love. in my reading i had a card that represented leting go of old belieefs and one of them is fear for me. I think im finally redy to let the rest of it go. Fear is a large part of why i get jealous and possesive. when something good is in your life aanything can feel like  a threat.  i think cause i know  some of what jesus likes in a girl i can spot it in others and thats like a rigger i have. anoteh trigger is just layihng with other girls lmao cause in the pat when i met hhim thats what he’d do lol so i still or at least a part of me stilla ssociates that behaviour witgh him. its time to let go of that. a part of me still holds on to the thng he told me a long time ago how suddenly he’d lose interest in someone he was into and since hes an air signi think that fear is still in there. wow i have a lotto unpack ive been holding on to a lot of old thoughts and things ive seen/heard that no longer apply. but tbh this is a reflection of me still. I know that im a changeable mutable person too. I know that  just by being myself i will naturally never fall into stagnatio which will reflect in my relationships. I don’t trust in myself enough. if i did i’d be confident enough to know that boredom is somethig i naturally am the antithesis of. i think its cause im still not 100% there yet. I still have more work to do on my self esteem and self love which is fine i knew that i just got a healthy dose of a reminder lmao  this is actually more a gift then a bad thing. I mean it is bad lol ofc but lieke this is something i can work on and in time overcome. i did a weird banishing spell because to me and spiritually, emotions are like demons or angels in a way. emotions can eiter poison you like anger and jealousy and to me its like an invading demon in my mind because i know that is not who i am or want to be.  so i just sat quiet with myself and like threatened the emotion that if i see it in me agai i’ll find it and literally destroy it. i dont have time or the fucking  room to fuck this up. anything like there is no room for doubt or hesitation like i need to be focused. i guess the universe will prob give me mor e chances to fuck up so I can learn T_T saturn got a couple weeks to test me before he leeaves my sign so its only gonna get more intense from here on out