#bc i know im not aro bc i do experience attraction

[sunflowerrboyy]

hmmmm thinking thoughts again

[feralchaoschild]

apparently it's time for my continuous queer questioning, that happens around every three months since like 2021 and always revolves around what love means to me

like yes I am aromantic

but also how do I feel about the concept of love ? Conflicted, some days I feel loveless fits and other days I am just like, no, I make love into something that fits me

Like in general I feel that lovepunk fits me very well

but anyway that's not even my current crisis,,, my current crisis is my platonic attraction and platonic love towards my friends and also how much platonic attraction I actually have ????? Like the platonic love thing ties in with the lovepunk thing but the platonic attraction?????? Like all of my current friends i acquired basically by accident and not by seeking out friends and also uni friends are mostly fun people I hang out with at uni and also what does friend mean, when does someone count as friend ?? What makes a friendship a friendship ??? Like in a mostly queer friendgroup that mostly means something very different than social standards but also what are social standards??

So many questionsss,, and I just have no clue where I stand on platonic attraction or what love means to me and it's confusing and I hate it and this amatonormative society makes it incredibly hard to exist like this sometime

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

going to format this like a reddit post because it’s the only way. i (transmasc) don’t know if i’m sexually attracted to the girl (transfem) im having sex with. i’ve known for a while that i’m asexual and fuck for fun, and when i see my friend who i’m fucking, i don’t have any immediate overwhelming desire to have sex with her, unless we’re like, in the moment yknow? like i totally forget that it’s even an option bc i could just sit there and talk to her for hours as my friend bc i love (platonic) her dearly and we have a lot of stuff in common. my only quip is that like, is that sexual attraction ???? being in her bed and having our hands on each other and kinda feeling it then? but not at other times? is sexual attraction constant?? maybe im bisexual and aromantic. or maybe i’m regular bisexual and i just dont like romantic relationships. makenzie why are human minds so goddamn difficult to parse the emotions of? i want to be her friend but im confused by my emotions towards her. how am i consistently having sex with someone im not literally sexually attracted to? and liking it? i mean that kinda has to be sexual attraction right? idk. help girl (gender neutral)

hi anon,

have a seat. drink some water. take a deep breath. we're wildly overthinking this.

what you call yourself - asexual, aro bi, bi but not into romance, whatever - that doesn't actually matter.

here are the things I'm worried about here: are you feeling at all pressured or coerced here? given the choice would you want to stop having sex with this person? do you feel comfortable setting boundaries and saying no when you have sex? you don't need to be overcome with raw sexual yearning for your sexual buddy, but do you enjoy and look forward to having sex with her? is this a positive experience for you?

it's fine to have sex even if you don't walk around thinking about it drooling like a horny cartoon wolf, whether it's because you're asexual or just allosexual without a particularly vigorous sex drive. (the line between those things can be pretty blurry and is pretty up to you to define, by the way.) sex can be fun and feel great; it's fine to want to do that even if you don't have a longing in your loins for it.

think of it this way? I don't particularly like most vegetables, but I like how my body will feel when I eat them, so I make a point of doing that as much as I can. and when I cook them they'll usually come out pretty tasty, and I'll enjoy or at least fell neutral about them. and still doesn't mean I like vegetables, or at least I don't particularly identify as someone who likes vegetables, but I did. eat those vegetables.

the sex is vegetables.

I can't tell you if this is sexual attraction. but also it doesn't matter very much as long as you're being safe and having fun.

[mossy-aro]

been thinking about the idea of 'coming out' and whether the experience of it is different at all for aspecs. like i feel with other identities when you come out generally (esp in queer circles like most of my friend groups) people already have a baseline of knowledge about gay (and to a lesser extent) trans identities. i think that's kind of different for aspecs though since the default amount of knowledge tends to be zero, or close to it. and so coming out, which is something you typically have to do over and over again, can become an exhausting process instead of a cathartic one (at least to me).

personally, i came out once and then called it quits. i told the people i felt needed to be told, and if i meet more, i'll tell them too. but i would say the vast majority of people i know irl don't realllyyy know that im aroace. coming out isn't really a thing i do. me being aspec/aroace is like an open secret - i'm not hiding it, but it's not something i'll bring up and i'll usually avoid the question if asked. and it's not because i care if anyone knows bc i really don't! but because once that's out there it changes the way people view my behaviour in a way i really don't like. if i say 'that person's good looking' people question whether i am attracted to them and thus my asexuality. it raises questions. if i do anything that contradicts the idea of being aroace = zero attraction and repulsed by the idea of romance/sex, my identity gets questioned and i will have to inevitability explain aspec 101 to them. like no we're not all sex/romance repulsed, also it's a spectrum, also ace and aro people can have sex and date and it doesn't make them less aspec, attraction is complicated, etc. which is something i just genuinely do not and never will have the energy for. i'd rather people just assume i'm allo because it makes my life so much easier unfortunately. my close friends know and that's all that really matters to me. if i sense that someone doesn't already know a lot about aspec people i'm just not going to tell them even if they ask.

[woofwoofwolf]

Go home, Hobie Brown

Hobie brown x reader

Part 2:

Notes: Alt reader, Aro Ace spec reader but this fic is still romantic in nature (bc im aro ace and this is wish fulfilment, so dont come for me if this doesnt line up with your lived experience), fluff, reader has anxiety over liking Hobie and he teases reader for it a lil, reader remains GN but might have a writing bias towards fem, nicknames: babe and sweetheart, Hobie and reader are adults, use of (y/n), no phonetic spelling of Hobies accent, brit wtitten by a European sue me

The type of alt space the reader belongs to is up to you. Alt meaning alternative, as in subculture spaces. I'm alt myself so this comes from experience. Get stared at a lot lol

Pls dont repost anywhere thx ✨️

There was a rush to the exit of the classroom. You were always slow packing your intricately decorated book-bag and were one of the last to leave.

"Thank you professor, have a nice rest of your day."

"See you on monday, (y/n)." The professors always knew your name, despite having so many students. Another curse or blessing (depending on the situation or your point of view) of dressing alternatively - people never seem to forget you.

You opened the door but immediately slammed it shut again, causing the professor to look back up at you.

"Oh. Hehe... sorry..." you turned back to the classroom. No other exits. Maybe you could jump out of the window?

But before you could reconsider your escape plan, the originator - or should I say instigator - of your panic and embarrassment entered the room with the heavy steps of his well-worn boots.

"Hey there," said Hobie Brown, as confident as always. "What are you up to,"

You felt an unwanted warmth crawl up your neck. You had always told your friends that romance wasn't for you and that you weren't going to date anyone just to 'find out.' You weren't ever ashamed of not ever having been attracted to someone before, but man, were you ever unprepared to have a crush as an adult.

You met Hobie through Gwen. From the moment he met you, it was as if a switch flipped inside of him. He decided that he liked you and that he wanted you. He had told you so right away.

"You single?" You were sure he didn't even know your name at that point. He liked the way you expressed yourself, and although you usually hated how people would pretend to know what you were about only from the way you dressed, it was like Hobie actually understood you in just a glance.

You felt it right to tell him that you didn't do dating, but it wouldn't leave your throat. Never had you been confessed to before, and you didn't know what to even say.

He started showing up places, more and more, he became an unpredictable part of your circle. You didn't know how to process him.

"Let's match pace together. You feel me?" He'd say.

"No, I don't, actually,"

But slowly, you did. It felt as if your slow and monotone life started to pick up some speed, all the while you felt more in tune than ever. You wondered if the pace of his life had slowed down a bit in return, but you were too scared to consider what he might specifically be feeling for you and why. You doubted he wasn't being genuine, but you had no idea why he insisted on you.

You'd bicker with him (oh. It was so fun to bicker with him- wait were you flirting with him?), but when Gwen asked if you wanted her to tell him to leave you alone, you told her not to. Which only further fanned the flames of Pav's incessant 'shipping' of the both of you.

And so, you realised that for the first time in your life, you felt something for someone. And you were completely unprepared to tackle it.

"I can't believe it, coming to see me while I'm at uni."

Your eyes shot back and forth from Hobie and the professor who looked at the both of you with sparkling curiosity. Even the small remainder of the otherwise consistently disinterested students were all looking at you. Dressing alternatively, you were used to people staring, but now you just felt embarrassed, as if even talking to him was the equivalent of making out in the middle of the room.

"You told me when your classes were yourself," Hobie reminded you with a little smirk, picking up on your embarrassment.

"No but-" you huffed. "this is harassment-"

"You know, I'll leave if you tell me to?" He teased, back straight, hands in his pockets. "You can say it, sweetheart. I believe in you. Say 'Go home, Hobie Brown'!"

You glared at him, yet no sound dared to leave your throat.

"C'mon babe, say it," he leaned forward challenging your gaze.

Both of you held it there for a couple of seconds. A pin could drop in that classroom and everybody would hear it.

Finally, after that afore-mentioned warmth reached your cheeks and had become visible to all, you broke.

"You like dunkin'?" You muttered, walking towards the door. You swore you could hear some students chuckle or gasp, and you wanted to get out as quickly as possible.

Hobie whistled and followed, just a few steps behind you, never actually invading your personal space until you were ready, "Asking me on a date? Now, that's bold,"

"It's not a date. But you ARE buying. I want a smoothie. And a donut, of course."

"Taking advantage of me now babe?"

"And why shouldn't I? If you're going to cling to me like a magnet, I might as well make use of you." You briefly stopped, and Hobie nearly walked into you. You peered up at him, batting your lashes. "You know I really don't know what you see in me. Maybe you better run home while you're ahead."

"Depends," Hobie said, ecstatic every time you took his bait. "Will you be going with me?"

-----------

Two fics in one day??? What is going on. Anyways hope you enjoyed, LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK, don't be shy to talk to me lol

You know as someone who's aro ace spec, I find an escape in fictional characters and the idea that they could be the ones to finally sweep me off my feet and get me to feel some type of attraction. It sounds cringy and emberassing, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it. If you're like me then I hope this scratched some kind of itch for you lol.

[kuromi-hoemie]

I'm still not 100% sure whether I'm aro or hyper-romantic or if the difference even matters..

me: haha i love my friends (: there's nothing I'd do for a lover i wouldn't do for a dear friend of mine if i think they're cute

> finds out i can love my friends like my lovers and hasn't wanted to “date” anyone in like a year

> treats my lovers and friends the same way and just acts according to each's boundaries

like. literally did not realize until my 29th year of being alive that i was ace bc it's subtle as hell to pick up on if you do have sex. and im just like. i just want to spend my life with everyone who matters to me idc about the semantics or labels I WILL LOVE YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART TO THE FULLEST IF YOU LET ME!!!!!!!!!!

there's probably better ways to articulate this but idk lol i just wonder if my perception of romantic feelings isn't actually what everyone else experiences as “romantic feelings”..... the same way i didn't know i was missing sexual attraction bc no one ever stopped to ask me if i actually do like having sex and what i like about it specifically.... like relationships?? LOVE having a web of relationships, but being IN one?? idk 😬 over a decade of monogamy has left me with thoughts and feelings™, mostly being i rly do not care about that and just... want to love my friends and find some friends i can get Real close to, who for all intents and purposes are basically my lovers but aren't actually my partners ykwim.........?? idk................ idk, anyways. Am I Aro Day #462, STATUS: UNKNOWN

[bubblyernie]

I’m going to say something so outta nowhere but the one line that’s prevailed in making me a more accepting person to myself and others came from a teen titans episode I watched when I was like. 10. Maybe 9? Where Raven says (to BB) “I respect the fact that you don’t eat meat. Please respect the fact I don’t eat /fake/ meat.” (Yknow cuz he’s a vegetarian)

And to put it in context as someone who’s aromantic but allosexual in a lot of niche kink circles and a very queer friendly place IRL (the school and city I’m living in) it really helped me to come to terms with 1. YKINMK ATOK as well as 2. getting over the “sex = impurity” culture that I grew up with. Like I hung around a lot of people who were also aro or ace or both around very, for lack of a better term, horny communities which had allo people too, and that’s all cool for them but then pretending Im “above” attraction or that it’s like ‘alt’ to not be into sex to be part of this inner circle was smth I had to get over. And it wasn’t anyone else’s fault but my own, and ofc we were all like fresh adults and stuff and having to learn this stuff of course comes with bumps in the road.

To reel it back to my point, it made me learn to be comfortable as someone who wants to be intimate by saying like “I respect the fact that you don’t want to have sex. Please respect the fact that I do”. Like to me this was a way I could avoid being dismissive or disrespectful, because that’s not what I want, what I wanted was to say like I’m not comfortable with this kinda tone, I’m going to excuse myself if that’s the case, but I still respect you speaking about your relationship with your identity

This is all personal experience ofc, I was raised religious too so that was a part of it. And this isn’t to compare myself to others who are aro/ace/both or put them down, and I’m especially not saying (to make this abundantly clear) that asexual/aromanticism and religious/purity/chastity ideologies are the same, that sort of thing can affect ANYBODY. Me overcoming purity culture was not a result of stepping over others.

As a side, most of the kinkiest circles I’m in are made up of ace spec people with the brightest personalities ever and even if you aren’t into kink that’s 100% cool!! again, personal experience, this is the only lens I’ve connected through which is why I bring it up, not bc it’s the only community for queerness. Im still learning, trying to get out there and that means not knowing everything. and I can’t speak for everyone in one post either ofc

ALL THAT TO SAY every time this comes up and I think about accidentally offending people I care about by establishing my comfort and boundaries, I think of “I respect that you don’t do (thing), please respect the fact that I do” from teen titans and it’s really helped as a way to frame what I’m trying to say

ANYWAY I was going to post this during pride month but I forgot so I’m saying it now bc every month that I’m queer is pride month lmao happy July 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 there’s parts I forgot to explain bc this is all stream of consciousness but I hope my point is clear.

Ps If you misinterpret this as a way to bash ace OR allo people, then I’ll literally saw off your teeth

[radios-universe]

how come you like heartstopper and not romance? is it that you like the idea of romance but not the real thing? did you say romance as in you just don't like being involved in it yourself?

i have no idea what post this might be referring to or maybe just in general but i probably have talked about this so here we go!

fun ask to get tbh i Do talk about this a lot

short answer: you’re right, i enjoy consuming romance media (especially queer media) because i love the idea of romance…. however, when i personally have gotten too close to it in the past, i just freak out.

no matter how much i think i want it, my brain and my body just shut down when i get too close… and then the aftermath of that can feel pretty shit! bc usually i’m just annoyed at myself in some weird way, as if i didn’t just experience the same thing as i did last time, and the time before….

LONGER answer:

in terms of heartstopper, of course there are aro/ace characters represented (i mean, come on, duh, even alice themself) but we all know it’s a very romance centric show/comic

i’ve never been able to define if it’s just… a sense of identity within the characters or just generally being happy for them or…. a whole mix of emotions but!

seeing characters im emotionally attached and invested in get together and be happy is like!!!! drugs!!! idk!!!! and probably the closest thing i’ll get to experiencing that with… another person which seems like a very odd thing to say!!!

but that kind of excitement is something i guess i could never feel with a relationship of my own so… living vicariously through characters like the ones in heartstopper actually really helps me with aromanticism? it’s odd! and that def doesn’t go for everyone but it’s at least what happens for me

to expand on the queer media comment too, i’ll consume queer media that even might not represent aro/ace people at all! and still feel that same fulfilment!

if you take a story about a character realising they’re gay, people will focus on them realising they feel attraction for the same sex. i mean, that’s what it is at face value.

but an equally important part of the representation for gay characters is the realisation that they are not attracted to the opposite sex. and THAT i can relate to.

when representation for aro/ace people is this sparse, you get pretty used to finding representation in people you don’t really expect to. and that’s also what heartstopper does for me, while it fulfils my desire for romance through me living vicariously, it also represents me, not just in its aro/ace characters, but in every queer journey! because there’s always a sneaky hint of aro/ace representation anywhere as long as we can do something about it! hah

[enlighten3d]

Hi sorry I know this might be really personal and you obviously don't have to answer if you don't want to but you post a lot about being aroace and I've been thinking about that for myself kind of a lot lately and was just wondering how you know for sure that that's what you are as opposed to not having found the right person yet kind of thing that people always tell you.

Again sorry personal absolutely don't feel pressured.

mmmm okay so! idm answering this, im happy to help (: but for claritys sake: i am asexual by definition, but i dont indentify as such! i only id as aromantic bcs thats the only indentity that actually feels important and like a part of me. might not make any sense but whatever lol

how i knew that im aro? i just. found the label, and was like, 'sure, why not.' and it stuck. its... for the difference between being aro and not having found the right person yet, its that, well. okay, so what if youre not actually aro? you do meet someone you love romantically even after youve ided as aro for years? cool, whatever, you can keep the aro label, or change it. or you never do fall in love romantically, and dont need to do anth abt the label.

what im saying is... mm okay label is a misnomer. i once heard someone say that labels are more akin to fridge magnets - you stick them on, and maybe they stay and you like how they look and make you happy. or maybe you stick them on and they look bad and you dont like them so you take them down. or maybe you stick them on and you like them for a while, but it starts feeling wrong eventually, so you take them down. labels - like magnets - arent permanent.

its impossible to really, truly, make a mistake in finding a label that explains your experiences. even if its wrong, there was smth that felt right abt it at that time. its a part of your journey. we, as people, are ever-changing - its literally impossible to know what will happen tomorrow, nevermind in a few years (sorry the isat reference is mostly unintentional).

so how did i know? i stuck the aro magnet on. and i like how it looks for now, maybe forever. maybe ill find the 'right one' or whatever, or maybe i wont. if i do, then whatever, down goes the magnet. if i dont (and i dont think i will, for the record! i dont have any Reasoning, its just... okay ill explain this next paragraph), then up there it stays. youre free to say youre aro for now and then change it if it ever changes. theres nothing stopping you, nonnie

as for yeah, whatever vague wording i can give to my reasoning, its... standard stuff, sorry. ive never understood romance? i think its completely fucking unnecessary and overrated. stupid, even. i straightup Do Not Get It. i forced myself to say i have a crush on a guy in gr4 bcs everyone else was talking abt crushes. decided i was romantically attracted to this girl in dance class bcs i liked her vibes. trying to conform to actually wanting romance when i just dont. dated this girl in gr8, and then when we broke up (i am bad at communication and unfortunately incredibly fucking clingy), i was like... 'huh, i didnt really feel that different about her than i did abt any of my other friends'. i just really really cared abt her and wanted to be close w her, and the only way i knew how to do that was 'romance'. but that wasnt it. found out abt aro ppl (forget how; memory is Trash), and was like 'oh damn, thats... that makes sense'. i definitely had a crisis and Logic but i do not remember that, sorry. all of this is pieced together from old text messages and half-remembered memories hajdjdzkzos

imo the concept of a 'right one' is pretty damn fucking stupid (/nay; at Society). 8 billion ppl on earth. im not going to find this hypothetical right one who can change absolutely everything about me and my identity. ive got the ppl around me that i already love. im happy w that. chasing after some hypothetical infinitesimal chance of a person whos Perfect for oneself is just a damn waste of time

so just... these decisions dont have to be permanent, nonnie. youre allowed to be wrong and realise that you werent actually aroace. youre allowed to be wrong. so if you want my advice? say youre aroace. stick the magnet on, see if it falls off or not. its still a valid and valuable part of your journey. youre allowed to be wrong. youre always allowed to be wrong.

i mean, afterall, how can one be sure that they ARE allo? that they WILL find that 'right one'? through experience. so fuck around, find out. stick that magnet on.

good luck (: i rly rly hope this is helpful and not just me repeating what youve already heard, sry for yapping so much LMAO. i have a lot to say

[conceptofjoy]

feel free to delete this of you don't want to answer but how did you determine you were aro? i feel like im not aro but im not... not aro either? like the concept of romance is weird to me but i dont think its because of me i think it's just an objectively wack ass concept. but i find myself relating to the experiences of aro people often. so i wanted to know what that label means for you and how it relates to your feelings/views on relationships because I am maybe a little lost on this journey.

IT WAS A STRUUUUGGLGLLEEEEE. omg i think i finally got confident in calling myself aro like this year?

like in the post before, theres so many types of attraction and it all sorta blends together. when you get flustered when someone pretty comes talks to you, were you platonically admiring their looks? was the feeling romantic? sexual? even then, maybe you just werent expecting them to come up to you and you got caught off guard and embarrassed by fumbling the interaction.

your relationship to romance is unique and its hard to know if every one else feels about it the same way you do, no body does we're all flying blind when it comes to communication. when i say im aro, im using it as an umbrella term and a lot of other people use it the same way. i dont feel like looking for the specific label bc im just kinda like that.

there's also different types of relationships that are just as fulfilling as romantic ones can be so its hard to ask "would you be ok with never being in a romantic relationship" because theres also societal pressures that give people major fomo if you decide to opt out (despite being in a relationship would probably not give you the fulfillment you need).

i think the question should rather be, would id'ing as aro (or any of the more specific labels) give you something/ help you in any way? because you're questioning in the first place, i feel like its safe to say that you've done introspection enough to push past those biases society instills in us to assume we all desire romance since we were born. to give you something i mean for example like, would it give you confidence? would it feel affirming in your experiences? would you feel better in acknowledging your stance on romance? you're absolutely allowed to fuck around w the label for as long as you'd like as well!!! up to you :]

[stanlunter]

Characters that I think are actually straight even tho a lot of people consider them as queer:

Bc I have the whole hour before Pride Month and I'm bored, lol

Rainer. Well, he didn't show to have feelings for any male characters (and no, I don't think he likes Bertholomulo, he litterally ships him with Annie), only to Historia, plus he just doesn't give me this vibes, so yeah

Bojack main five. All of them have shown interest only to the opposite gender, so there are no reasons for them to be anything rather than straight. The only exception can be Mr Peanutbutter with his interest in Bojack bc of which I don't mind people hc him as bi, but I think it was just a platonic admiration, nothing more. Also hc any of them as aro or ace (except Todd, obviously) doesn't make sense either, since we know damn well that all of them are very romantic and almost all of them are very sexual

Howleen. I can see her being bi, but I personally don't think she's actually interested in women. She was shown to have interest in men, but women? Just no. Twyls is her bestie, not a gf. I don't mind headcanons ofc, but I just don't see it

Denji. I mean, this guy is obsessed with women and never shown interest in men, he's straight as a line, sorry

Rika & Momoe. I really don't know where it even comes from, but a lot of people hc Rika as lesbian, while she's pretty much canon straight. She litterally says "I wish you was a boy" line and you still don't get it?

What about Momoe... This one confuses me even more. For some reason the whole fandom thinks Momoe is barely canon bi/trans, I have to fully desagree with this, cuz it basically goes against her whole arc

No, she wasn't in love with her friend that killed herself. That basically was the point that her friend killed herself bc Momoe didn't like her back (at least I read it this way). In fact, Momoe litterally was sad bc only women were attracted to her bc they thought she waa a boy. While she wanted a man to find her attracted. So it makes no sense for her to like girls.

Trans think is mb arguble, but I interpritate her story as an experience of being gender nonconforming: she doesn't look like a gender she is. I don't see any trans allegories here, especially considering the fact that we have a canon trans character there, Im pretty sure, if the creators wanted Momoe to be trans, they would say she is. Also the fact that she could get in this "magical world" , since only afab can go there (considering the fact that Kaoru, as a transman, got there)

Shinji & Kaoru. Yes, this one is super objectionable. Tbh, I can see him being bi, as everybody thinks he is. However, I do like another explanation of his character arc and his relationship with Kaoru, bc It's just much more interesting than him just being bisexual

Well, in the way I see it, Shinji is straight and basically can be only attracted to girls, however, Kaoru is the only person that showed "love" to Shinji and who "cared" about him. While everyone else were rejecting and just using him, Kaoru is the first person who said Shinji he loves him and the only one that basically didn't want anything from him. Who could give Shinji unconditional love he can't get from others. And I really do not think that Shinji loved him "back" in romantic way. Imo, he didn't love him at all, but since Kaoru was the only one who gave Shinji at least some love, Shinji had no other choice than take this love anyways. Just bc it was the only way for him to feel loved in general. And to me this idea reveales Shinji's character much better than just "he's bisexual, that's why he hang out with Kaoru" and "Kaoru exists only for lgbt rep" (also have to add that It's only about original anime, not rebuilds, bc I basically haven't watched it and mb It's different there)

What about Kaoru? Kaoru isn't a human to have feelings or love. In reality he doesn't care about Shinji, he just pretended to love him only to find out what love for humans is. So ofc I don't think he's straight either. He just doesn't have feelings bc he's not a human and not even a person. He's just an angel who pretended to be a boy to know humans better

Ramona (from the movie). I thought this one is basically canon, but for some reason some people still think she's bi. Yes, she had relationship with another girl, but she has litterally said that she was just "a little bi-curious" - which literally means that she's straight and just wanted to have this experience and that she's not wlw in any way, unlike Roxie. Imo, headcanoning movie Ramona is bi is kinda even biphobic, since it sounds exactly like this stereotype that bi girls only play with girls and always chose men anyways

Higuchi. This take isn't as strong, but I just personally don't see her as wlw. She's obsessed with Ryunosuke and has never shown any sign of being interested in Gin, so yeah, I think she's just straight and gives me these vibes tbh

Annie & Hitch. Again, both girls that have shown interest only to men. Annie loves Armin, and, even tho I don't like Aruani, It's litterally canon and even has some build up. And Hitch talks only about men as well. Also I really love her relationship with Marlo and their love was really so important. Yeah, both of them could be bisexual, but I just don't see this. The only hc Im really against is any of them being lesbian, bc it just doesn't make sense

Lute. I mean, she's litterally homophobic and It's basically canon. And she didn't show any signs of being closest gay/bi anyways and Imo she loves Adam. Idk why would she be anything besides homophobic straight. Like, I can see Adam being bi, but Lute? Nah

And yeah, if anyone thinks me seing some characters as straights makes me homophobic, I advise you to use your brain or smth. Anyways, that's just my vision which I'm not trying to impose on anyone, lol

[knifearo]

beloved aro blog thank u for that response to the anon who didnt know how to tell if they were aro (it says asexual, but maybe that was a typo?). i generally use the aro label for myself because it fits 95% of the time but that 5% is when the doubt comes in and i feel like im "faking it." but that anon u answered has Cleared the Cobwebs of Doubt. youre Right. Amatonormativity is So Prevalent. the paragraph about wanting romance bc romance, or wanting romance bc society says u need a romantic relationship to get xyz thing from life Hit Me So Hard. i think i will come back to this post every time i feel Unsure about my label. so thank u for placing your words in that order for me. love loses. love wins. violence. have a great day homie

first of all. i'm ur beloved aro blog 🥺 nd yeah i do think it was a typo haha

second of all i'm so glad that it helped out for you :) the thing about amatonormativity is that you will constantly go "it can't be doing ALL of these things." but then it IS. EVERY TIME. you look up and amatonormativity is warping your ideas of self-worth and your plans for the future and your interactions with friends and family and holding society as a whole in a fucking vice grip and it's fucking. stealing your lunch money too. idk. that bitch. you know how it is. anyway that 5% is so real and you're so real for feeling it and it is NOT silly or cringe to take a few seconds in the bathroom mirror telling yourself "you ARE aromantic. and it's okay." if that's something that'll help. and also yada yada "aromanticism is not one uniform experience and arospec identities are valid and you can call yourself aromantic even if you experience romantic attraction sometimes as long as it feels like a label that's relevant to your experience" all the things that i'll say anytime someone is coming to me saying that they don't know if they're Really aro haha. just to get it out of the way. sounds like you've got stuff in a good place rn and i'm so glad that you're feeling that way :) hell yeah brother love loses!!!!! aromanticism forever and ever 🖤

[itsabea]

i'm in a dilemma and idk what to do :''))))

do yk my oc clio, the one i talked about lats time,

well i was planning on making her aroace bcs i thought it'd be cool representation and didn't want to ship her with anyone bcs not every oc should be shipped (bonk on my head bcs i fail that)

BUT THEN i had a fic idea about her and balor meeting in the capital by coincidence while they were both on their way to mistria and deciding to make the trip together (still haven't decided if they're gonna bond and be besties to rip each others throats)

now i can't stop thinking about them together and i hate it 😭😭😭 so much for representation shfkjtkzgztjatktjrjfjrqrhggz

oh. meh. GOODNESS!!

bro- pal- mate- IM aroace!!(and i will now yabber my tune about aroace vil-)

ok- so, first things first.

aro(aromantic) is the romantic label for people who feel little to no romantic attraction - and ace(asexual) is the same, but with sexual attraction.

i bold attraction because that's where most get confused and jump the gun- ATTRACTION AND DESIRE ARE NOT THE SAME THING.

you can be aro and have a romantic partner

you can be ace and have sexual experiences

the confusion usually stirs with misunderstanding - and while it's fully okay to misunderstand! - a lot of people tend to think that their misinformation is correct(when it's not)

so, here is my advice: research, and then make up your mind.

but as an aroace that someday wants to find a partner suitable for me, i personally think it would be great if your oc clio got together with balor :))

there's also a thing called being demi(sexual and romantic), it's like a sub class of ace/aro where you end up developing feelings over time once getting to know someone.

this is such a cool thing to get to talk about! and if you(or anyone else) has questions, i am more than happy to answer them to the best of my ability!

while i am aroace, please keep in mind that my experience is not universal. in my whole life i have only been romantically attracted to one irl person(and that was over a decade ago) and no sexual attraction to anyone irl so far - but other people will obviously have differing experiences.

overall, the choice is yours!

but remember that you aren't hurting anyone with an oc, and that you get to choose their fate, personality, and attractions :))

[talon-dragonbeast]

if I identify as something, but I feel like that identity also embodies my anger and fight response and makes me feel strong. does that mean it’s a copinglink? bc. I’m not necessarily doing it specifically to cope, but I can see how it can relate back to my trauma feelings? does that just mean it’s an origin of it? although not completely sure it is bc I’ve always been interested in this creature. hm. how do u know if you’re forcing an identity just bc u like and want to be that creature or if that is you?

i think you might me a little confused about what copinglink means. copinglink is a perfect synonym of otherlink, its a term for all identities that are consciously created. copinglink and otherlink are not something you are, they are something you do: the action of sitting down and deciding "okay, im going to put the effort of identifying this way". you cant accidentally become copinglink, its something you choose to be. and i know that the name implies it must be for coping reasons, but copinglinkers may choose their identities for any reason.

i think it comes down to: do you feel like that identity is a choice, as if you could just drop it whenever you want and it would disappear on its own? or is it intrinsic to you, like something you cant help being even if you tried not to?

i will give you the example of my unicorn kintype. its an identity that i labeled as quoiluntary (so not voluntary or involuntary), because even tho its intrinsic to me and i didnt choose to be it, if i stopped identifying as an unicorn the feelings would fade pretty quickly. i could stop being a unicorn if i wanted. in fact, i ignored this kintype for a long time, and i never felt like something was missing or that i was incomplete in my identity. but now that im actively accepting this kintype, i do feel happier for it.

you can use whatever labels you want of course. if you feel like copinglink accurately describes your experiences, then by all means go for it! the thing about labels is that you use them only if you feel like they could be helpful for you, not necessarily if theyre accurate. this is true for all kinds of labels btw: like if someone felt romantic attraction but felt like "aromantic" accurately described their relationship with romance, then whos to say they couldnt identify as aro? you can use a label for any reason whatsoever; and if someone gives you a hard time for it, bite them. literally just bite them.

[leafcabbage]

Same anon as from before, first of all the tangets were wonderful and really nice to read so thank you <3 and second of all something i forgot to mention previously: TOMMY!!!! His whole "i don't think i want a girlfriend" was AMAZING and i really hope they come back to that at some point bc just,,,, watching them discover their identities and feelings just makes this so realistic and such an amazing read!! Also him just admitting to himself that yeah he finds Ranboo hot, 10/10 no notes <3

I'm going to go on a tangent now, sorry about that, but i think you do an amazing job of showing how complex aro relationships are and how much thought and consideration actually goes into them! I feel like sometimes aro relationships and/or QPRs are portrayed as,, sort of easy? Bc it's "friendship" or whatever? But like i've definitely spent time and thoughts on trying to figure out what i actually feel and what i want out of a relationship and even "what if this is actually romantic attraction" so it makes me feel so so so seen when those same themes are coming into play here! (No idea if you are planning on delving deeper into that but no matter what i'm really thankful for what we already got <3)

HI so so sorry for the delay in answering you will not BELIEVE the week i have had (actually you totally would work was just SO MUCH)

first of all YES absolutely coming back to that. tommy has always thought he needed to have a wife and kids one day as a way to like... prove himself better than his dad. like if he could be a good husband and father it would be proof that he was better than his dad and that he wasnt like... too "damaged" from his childhood. and realizing that he doesnt in fact want that is a really big thing for him that hes only now starting to deal with.and YEAH. let me. let me bring you back to one of my favorite winterlude lines (whjich. man im rereading that rn. because i forgot my own story. and bro how was i allowed to make them so god dam gay in that.)

"He pulled back, looking up at them. Their hair had fallen to almost entirely cover their face, so he tucked it back again, because he happened to think their face was quite nice. The gentle glow of the string lights illuminated Ranboo softly, and their smile had so much warmth and so much adoration, and Tommy wondered when he had fallen in love with them."

this man. is in love. its crazy.

secondly, THANK YOU!! honestly i just try to write things that feel real to me. i do a TON of research for things i dont experience, but as an aroace person and someone in a lot of aroace spaces online, i just write what i know. i DO absolutely want to delve into it more, because the relationships are such a major part of drdi and all relationships are gonna be complex. especially the trio like... theyve all got trauma and shitty relationships in their past, and on top of that they're in what is becoming a very serious, committed relationship. theres gonna be lots of feelings and complexities and stuff. theyre also not all aroace which means theres varying feelings going into the relationship which certainly isnt BAD but it adds more! the trio's relationship is just very unique as QPRs often are!!! i am very excited to keep delving into all of that its gonna be so fun!!!

but yeah!!! thank you so much for being so supportive!!!!! i really appreciate the ask(s)!!!!

[our-alterous-experience]

What kind of relationship would you want with someone you have alterous feelings for? Would you be open to a romantic relationship with an allo, or would it be a qpr? or sth else?

Honestly i think this is what makes the alterous experience such a diverse thing.

I’ve dated two people since i’ve came out aro/apl/alterous. I started dating someone while I was still coming to find out what alterous was. And that relationship it was implied my allo(?) partner said their feelings weren’t exactly romantic or platonic either. Since then I’ve also more directly embraced polyamory around the time before I met my current boyfriend. I’m not sure if he’s romo pilled @ me but we r gay at each other and we are dating.

I think what’s important to me is that who I’m dating knows I won’t feel romantic feelings Like That, I won’t experience platonic feelings, it’s something much different and expansive in its own way. That being said I’m very devoted to certain ideas related to romance so despite me being aroapl I really am relationship favorable.

I honestly haven’t had a relationship where I’ve heard someone talk about having direct romantic feelings for me. At least not in the most explicit way. I think it would be flattering and if I liked them like that it would make dating or pairing up viable which I’d probably enjoy!

But one of the largest reasons I was like. Oh im hella aplatonic bc. I always wanted queer relationship but was sooo uncomfortable with the idea of being in a qpr. And I think that’s just bc of the “platonic” implication. Because I don’t do platonic feelings. I think if someone did like me in a like platonic squish way, I don’t know how I would be actually comfortable dating that person? So idk it would have to be talked through.

I like dating people who are attracted to me in queer ways and I would like dating someone who liked me romantically! I’ll never call my experience with someone a QPR but if my partner wanted to call it that I would just make it clear as possible that that’s not the same status I’m in. No matter how my partner liked me, if they were someone I genuinely really got along with I could probably trust them enough to love me in whatever their capacity is because we’ve built up a strong relationship, or we have the possibility of doing so in the future.