#bc i know im not aro bc i do experience attraction

[sunflowerrboyy]

hmmmm thinking thoughts again

[aceinthefreakinspace]

Not aroace not alloace but a secret third thing (being ace impacts how I experience romantic attraction in a way I cannot define)

[eqho]

YOU ARE STILL ARO/ACE IF:

- you experience rare romantic attraction

- you experience rare sexual attraction

- you experience romantic/sexual attraction but do not desire a relationship

- you don't experience attraction but desire a relationship

- you feel tertiary attraction AND sexual/romantic attraction

- you used to be in relationships and had attraction, but don't anymore

- you have libido, enjoy sex, etc.

- you are completely repulsed

- your aro/ace identity/intensity fluctuates

- you don't know how to label yourself

- you don't want to label yourself

- you enjoy romantic/sexual content

- are aro/ace due to trauma

- are indifferent rather than repulsed

- you use multiple labels

- you feel romantic/sexual attraction, and fantasize about being with that person, but wouldn't actually date them or do things with them

- you are aro/ace but identify with another label off the aspec

- you crush on people, but it stops there and you don't wanna date!

- you fantasize about sex/romance, not just fictional but in real life, but once it's about to happen or it comes up, you don't actually want it

- desire a relationship but can't feel attraction

- can't differentiate between attractions

- can't differentiate between attractions due to being neurodivergent

- are on the aspec due to being neurodivergent

- you have 'contradictory' labels

- you feel non-tertiary attraction sometimes but don't use a label that describes that, just using plain old aro/ace instead! keeping it simple :3+<

- if you identity as aro/ace!!

Made this post bc of my aroace crisis and feeling kinda invalid/left out being grayromantic asexual but still experiencing rare romantic attraction (please ask for more to add to the list!)

THIS IS TO ALL MY ORCHIDROMANTICS/SEXUALS, GRAYROMANTIC/SEXUALS, CAEDROMANTIC/SEXUALS, APOTHIROMANTIC/SEXUALS, LITHROMANTIC/SEXUALS, MYRROMANTIC/SEXUALS, DESINOROMANTIC/SEXUALS, REQUISROMANTIC/SEXUAL, RECIPROMANTIC/SEXUAL, CUPIOROMANTIC/SEXUAL, ANGLED AROACES, IDEMROMANTIC/SEXUALS, NEBULAROMANTIC/SEXUALS, NOVIROMANTIC/SEXUALS, PLACIOROMANTIC/SEXUALS, FRAYROMANTIC/SEXUALS, DEMIROMANTIC/SEXUALS, ZINNIAROMANTIC/SEXUALS, ICULAROMANTIC/SEXUALS, AMIDS AND ANYONE ELSE WHO FEELS LEFT OUT.

AS AN ARO/ACE PERSON, IF YOU ARE ON THE SPECTRUM, STOP INVALIDATING PEOPLES' IDENTITIES. WE NEED ASPEC SOLIDARITY, NOT DISCOURSE. IM NOT SAYING "oh, just tolerate them! we have bigger problems than.." NO. ACCEPT THEM. SUPPORT THEM.

(Ily also just aroaces that are more recognized, but I want the people who feel left out to know they're loved)

OP rarely feels romantic attraction but only uses aroace to describe their identity! I used to use grayromantic but less labels :3

[mossy-aro]

been thinking about the idea of 'coming out' and whether the experience of it is different at all for aspecs. like i feel with other identities when you come out generally (esp in queer circles like most of my friend groups) people already have a baseline of knowledge about gay (and to a lesser extent) trans identities. i think that's kind of different for aspecs though since the default amount of knowledge tends to be zero, or close to it. and so coming out, which is something you typically have to do over and over again, can become an exhausting process instead of a cathartic one (at least to me).

personally, i came out once and then called it quits. i told the people i felt needed to be told, and if i meet more, i'll tell them too. but i would say the vast majority of people i know irl don't realllyyy know that im aroace. coming out isn't really a thing i do. me being aspec/aroace is like an open secret - i'm not hiding it, but it's not something i'll bring up and i'll usually avoid the question if asked. and it's not because i care if anyone knows bc i really don't! but because once that's out there it changes the way people view my behaviour in a way i really don't like. if i say 'that person's good looking' people question whether i am attracted to them and thus my asexuality. it raises questions. if i do anything that contradicts the idea of being aroace = zero attraction and repulsed by the idea of romance/sex, my identity gets questioned and i will have to inevitability explain aspec 101 to them. like no we're not all sex/romance repulsed, also it's a spectrum, also ace and aro people can have sex and date and it doesn't make them less aspec, attraction is complicated, etc. which is something i just genuinely do not and never will have the energy for. i'd rather people just assume i'm allo because it makes my life so much easier unfortunately. my close friends know and that's all that really matters to me. if i sense that someone doesn't already know a lot about aspec people i'm just not going to tell them even if they ask.

[14th-century-verona-queer]

HEY GUYS SO GUESS WHAT ABOUT VIKTOR FROM ARCANE

HES CONFIRMED ACE!!

BOOYAH

ONE OF US. ONE OF US. ONE OF US.

AND BEFORE SOME OF THE JAYVIK SHIPPERS GET ON MY FUCKING ASS; JUST BC YOU’RE ACE DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN’T EXPERIENCE ROMANTIC ATTRACTION. ACE DOES NOT EQUAL AROACE.

STOP INVALIDATING AROS, ACES, AND AROACES. WE’RE TIRED OF Y’ALL’S BULLSHIT.

i would also like to take this moment to remind everyone that asexuality is a spectrum. just because viktor is asexual doesn’t mean he’s 100% sex-averse. there are sex-favorable aces. but this also CAN mean he’s sex averse. both are equally likely and it doesn’t matter which one he is, he’s still asexual.

its a spectrum so PLEASE don’t whine to me about how now you cant write fanfic about jayvik smut now or smth. i frankly don’t wanna hear it. you can always write your own headcannons or write something ooc. nobody cares.

im just very happy that we’re getting some ace rep (esp cause viktor is one of my faves TALK TO A WALLLL) in more shows. lets start with some aro (JUST ARO. NOT AROACE. THEYRE STILL DIFFERENT) and also some aroace rep. and nonbinary rep! and so many other identities :)

im loving the progress tho

and hell yea viktor, come join our conquest of taking over Denmark and eat some garlic bread with us. you will prove to be an invaluable asset.

EDIT: I WAS NOT AWARE THAT LINKE WAS A HOMOPHOBE WHEN WRITING THIS. i think it’s super gross that he made viktor ace for the hell of it to try to dissuade jayvik shippers. like please bsfr 😭😭 that’s so gross oml. and just when we thought we actually got some ace rep, it’s just to cover up some stupid shit like this like omfg

thank you to everyone for making me aware of this, i quite genuinely live under a rock and i didn’t even know anything about Christian Linke!

also just wanna take the time to mention i’m not bashing yall for reading jayvik smut 😭😭 like do whatever tf you want man i don’t care

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

going to format this like a reddit post because it’s the only way. i (transmasc) don’t know if i’m sexually attracted to the girl (transfem) im having sex with. i’ve known for a while that i’m asexual and fuck for fun, and when i see my friend who i’m fucking, i don’t have any immediate overwhelming desire to have sex with her, unless we’re like, in the moment yknow? like i totally forget that it’s even an option bc i could just sit there and talk to her for hours as my friend bc i love (platonic) her dearly and we have a lot of stuff in common. my only quip is that like, is that sexual attraction ???? being in her bed and having our hands on each other and kinda feeling it then? but not at other times? is sexual attraction constant?? maybe im bisexual and aromantic. or maybe i’m regular bisexual and i just dont like romantic relationships. makenzie why are human minds so goddamn difficult to parse the emotions of? i want to be her friend but im confused by my emotions towards her. how am i consistently having sex with someone im not literally sexually attracted to? and liking it? i mean that kinda has to be sexual attraction right? idk. help girl (gender neutral)

hi anon,

have a seat. drink some water. take a deep breath. we're wildly overthinking this.

what you call yourself - asexual, aro bi, bi but not into romance, whatever - that doesn't actually matter.

here are the things I'm worried about here: are you feeling at all pressured or coerced here? given the choice would you want to stop having sex with this person? do you feel comfortable setting boundaries and saying no when you have sex? you don't need to be overcome with raw sexual yearning for your sexual buddy, but do you enjoy and look forward to having sex with her? is this a positive experience for you?

it's fine to have sex even if you don't walk around thinking about it drooling like a horny cartoon wolf, whether it's because you're asexual or just allosexual without a particularly vigorous sex drive. (the line between those things can be pretty blurry and is pretty up to you to define, by the way.) sex can be fun and feel great; it's fine to want to do that even if you don't have a longing in your loins for it.

think of it this way? I don't particularly like most vegetables, but I like how my body will feel when I eat them, so I make a point of doing that as much as I can. and when I cook them they'll usually come out pretty tasty, and I'll enjoy or at least fell neutral about them. and still doesn't mean I like vegetables, or at least I don't particularly identify as someone who likes vegetables, but I did. eat those vegetables.

the sex is vegetables.

I can't tell you if this is sexual attraction. but also it doesn't matter very much as long as you're being safe and having fun.

[mischiefsystem]

Unpopular opinion but if youre not fully aro or fully ace please just call yourself arospec or acespec its kind of annoying having people call themselves aro and ace when they expereince those attractions. Im not saying its not valid to be demi its just like pushing people who do not have attraction out of having a label that communicates what they mean.

LIke you can say acespec or demi or something nad its clear but now if i say ace people dont know what i mean anymore and also i will be talking about stuff that specifically only applies to people who are fully ace and dont experience attraction at all and then people come in like im ace but- and they will be someone who still experiences sexual attraction. Like im sorry if you experience sexual attraction at all and I make a post about being ace I am not talking about you and its annoying when I am trying to speak on experiences or issues that only apply to people who do not have the attraction at all and then people come in and talk on it as if they are someone with the same exepreince as me bc they also call themselves ace but they experience attraction.

im not your dad and I cant force you to do anything obviously. Nor would i want to force you. But I am. Asking

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - June 15

2 problems anon (new), clicked anon (new), bi? friend anon (new), @teasiswriter, midnights anon

2 problems anon

I dont have to question my gender or sexuality anymore. I know them. But i have 2 problems 1 with each.

With my gender i know it i know the feeling i know other people feel it i read something and it described exactly what im feeling and i almost cried i swear. But i still feel like its not real and its not actually an identity and im making it up. And i want a label. I so badly want a label. But nothing fits.

And with sexuality im almost 100% that im aro ace but the problem is i dont want to be. I want to experience love and relationships and be attracted to people and talk about crushes with my friends without having to make up awkward lies and then not know how to respond when they ask me questions. I want to marry someone and go on dates and flaunt relationshipsand have someone love me and love them back but i cant bc i cant feel what i need to feel for that to happen. I feel like its the worst thinv for me to be bc at least now everyone thinks im a lesbian so they think they can relate to me like "you just feel the same way i feel about boys but about girls" but thats not true. I dont feel anything. I hate this.

Hi! <3

As far as your gender, there are a lot of things called 'microlabels.' Have you tried looking into those? There are a TON of them. Maybe one of those would feel better than one of the more well-known ones, you know?

And your sexuality...just because you don't feel/want ROMANTIC love (based on what you're saying), doesn't mean you can't have love! There are plenty of aro/ace/aroace people who still have some form of a relationship. Have you heard of queerplatonic relationships? You should look those up and see if that's something you might want someday!

Just remember that just because you identify a certain way doesn't mean you can't still experience the type of love you still want <3

Sending love!

___

clicked anon (new)

hi cas!

i’ve never really dated before, and i don’t really know how to break it off with people. i’ve gone on a few dates with this girl, and she’s nice and all, but we never really clicked. we mostly text and that’s not really my preferred form of communication, so that could be part of it. but every time we meet up the conversation feels unnatural and honestly it’s hard to get a word in edgewise. how do i tell her i’m not really interested in pursuing this?

Hi!

Honestly, the best thing to do is to be honest. Not rudely honest, but just...truthful. Because when you lie about this stuff it can end up being more hurtful when people find out.

Say something along the lines of "Hey, I think you're cool and you're a nice person but I just don't see something romantic with you. I wish you the best!" she might get mad or upset, but as someone who HAS been broken up with before, she will appreciate it in the long run. It's much better to get the respect of the (kind) truth than some bullshit lie or, even worse, being ghosted.

Wishing you luck! ___

bi? friend anon

cascascas

ok so this guy that i like

i’m friends with him and it’s kinda this running joke that he’s straight because all of our other friends in that friend group are all very very queer and he’s like the definition of a bisexual twink (read: theatre kid, plays dnd, wears flannels, jorts, and all his friends are gay) except he’s straight right

so we’re all kinda like “oh haha someday you’ll have your bisexual awakening and join all of us”

and he’s always like “sorry guys i’m still straight”

ANYWAYS

we’re at school and walking down the hall holding hands because we’re both very physically affectionate right

and our friends are like oh you guys are dating! (as a joke) and they get very excited and are like “omg are you gay now because you’d have to be gay to date (my name)” (i’m transmasc, but i was identifying as like.. not a boy for a while so the boy thing is more recent)

and we’re not dating but they ask him anyways because THE BIT ok???

so they’re like “are you gay???” AND CAS

he’s like “yeah. actually. i think im bi,”

NOW IT COULD BE A COINCIDENCE

IT VERY WELL COULD BE

but like there’s other things too that i was just like oh but he’s straight

BUT HES NOT

ahekodosheieoosmpl

help cas

also i feel like even if he does like me nothing will happen because we are both awkward people and won’t say anything

but I REALLY WANT SOMETHING TO HAPPEN (read: i want him to ask me out)

ahhh

Hi!!! Honestly it does seem like you two being a thing could be a possibility in the future! I would just make sure to take things slowly. He's still clearly figuring things out, and you guys are good friends, so I'm a bit worried that he'll like...jump ahead and try to date you before fully figuring his shit out, and you both will get hurt in the process. Obviously if he asks you out, don't say no, but like...I wouldn't run up to him tomorrow and be all "well youre bi now, lets go out!" Try to let things go where they go naturally. You say you're both awkward which will probably be good to like...keep things slow. But I was smiling reading about you two holding hands, you guys sound cute together, you have to keep me updated <3

___

@teasiswriter

Hey! Thank you so much for your last answer to my ask

Most people on my street don’t really have kids? Like, it’s mostly middle aged/old couples/childless couples but the ones that do have kids who are super close in age to me. BUT tutoring sounds like a really good idea. I’m planning on being a peer tutor for my school next year since I got all As, and I don’t think that’s payed, but I think I’ll try to look into finding ways to tutor people for money, like online or in the city? I LOVE teaching so much and it’d be cool to be payed for it. I usually just do it to help my friends

Also my martial arts program is super age-friendly and has junior instructor positions and stuff, and I’ve been a student for 2 years, so maybe I could try applying to there too?

Thank you for letting be all sad and dramatic in your inbox. You’re a very lovely person 🫶

Goodbye!

I'm so glad you thought of some more ideas! You have to let me know if they work out! Tutoring is great, especially if you can build up a bit of a clientele. Good luck on the job search! <3

___

midnights anon tw- scars

Hi! did you decide to go to the movie thing for your friend? I know social things can be stressful, especially if the time changes. I feel the exact same way, so I get it completely! It's hard, especially when you build it up in your head. I think sometimes just doing something can be draining. I hope it went okay!

As far as scars...your feelings are valid, and they don't invalidate what other people went through. Your parents ARENT right, either. I think sometimes it's like...we want some sort of physical proof of the mental anguish we've been through. Something to point at and be like- 'look at the shit I had to experience! BELIEVE ME!' So I get that. Please don't feel guilty.

I'm glad you're home and you get to relax a bit now!

[bubblyernie]

I’m going to say something so outta nowhere but the one line that’s prevailed in making me a more accepting person to myself and others came from a teen titans episode I watched when I was like. 10. Maybe 9? Where Raven says (to BB) “I respect the fact that you don’t eat meat. Please respect the fact I don’t eat /fake/ meat.” (Yknow cuz he’s a vegetarian)

And to put it in context as someone who’s aromantic but allosexual in a lot of niche kink circles and a very queer friendly place IRL (the school and city I’m living in) it really helped me to come to terms with 1. YKINMK ATOK as well as 2. getting over the “sex = impurity” culture that I grew up with. Like I hung around a lot of people who were also aro or ace or both around very, for lack of a better term, horny communities which had allo people too, and that’s all cool for them but then pretending Im “above” attraction or that it’s like ‘alt’ to not be into sex to be part of this inner circle was smth I had to get over. And it wasn’t anyone else’s fault but my own, and ofc we were all like fresh adults and stuff and having to learn this stuff of course comes with bumps in the road.

To reel it back to my point, it made me learn to be comfortable as someone who wants to be intimate by saying like “I respect the fact that you don’t want to have sex. Please respect the fact that I do”. Like to me this was a way I could avoid being dismissive or disrespectful, because that’s not what I want, what I wanted was to say like I’m not comfortable with this kinda tone, I’m going to excuse myself if that’s the case, but I still respect you speaking about your relationship with your identity

This is all personal experience ofc, I was raised religious too so that was a part of it. And this isn’t to compare myself to others who are aro/ace/both or put them down, and I’m especially not saying (to make this abundantly clear) that asexual/aromanticism and religious/purity/chastity ideologies are the same, that sort of thing can affect ANYBODY. Me overcoming purity culture was not a result of stepping over others.

As a side, most of the kinkiest circles I’m in are made up of ace spec people with the brightest personalities ever and even if you aren’t into kink that’s 100% cool!! again, personal experience, this is the only lens I’ve connected through which is why I bring it up, not bc it’s the only community for queerness. Im still learning, trying to get out there and that means not knowing everything. and I can’t speak for everyone in one post either ofc

ALL THAT TO SAY every time this comes up and I think about accidentally offending people I care about by establishing my comfort and boundaries, I think of “I respect that you don’t do (thing), please respect the fact that I do” from teen titans and it’s really helped as a way to frame what I’m trying to say

ANYWAY I was going to post this during pride month but I forgot so I’m saying it now bc every month that I’m queer is pride month lmao happy July 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 there’s parts I forgot to explain bc this is all stream of consciousness but I hope my point is clear.

Ps If you misinterpret this as a way to bash ace OR allo people, then I’ll literally saw off your teeth

[radios-universe]

how come you like heartstopper and not romance? is it that you like the idea of romance but not the real thing? did you say romance as in you just don't like being involved in it yourself?

i have no idea what post this might be referring to or maybe just in general but i probably have talked about this so here we go!

fun ask to get tbh i Do talk about this a lot

short answer: you’re right, i enjoy consuming romance media (especially queer media) because i love the idea of romance…. however, when i personally have gotten too close to it in the past, i just freak out.

no matter how much i think i want it, my brain and my body just shut down when i get too close… and then the aftermath of that can feel pretty shit! bc usually i’m just annoyed at myself in some weird way, as if i didn’t just experience the same thing as i did last time, and the time before….

LONGER answer:

in terms of heartstopper, of course there are aro/ace characters represented (i mean, come on, duh, even alice themself) but we all know it’s a very romance centric show/comic

i’ve never been able to define if it’s just… a sense of identity within the characters or just generally being happy for them or…. a whole mix of emotions but!

seeing characters im emotionally attached and invested in get together and be happy is like!!!! drugs!!! idk!!!! and probably the closest thing i’ll get to experiencing that with… another person which seems like a very odd thing to say!!!

but that kind of excitement is something i guess i could never feel with a relationship of my own so… living vicariously through characters like the ones in heartstopper actually really helps me with aromanticism? it’s odd! and that def doesn’t go for everyone but it’s at least what happens for me

to expand on the queer media comment too, i’ll consume queer media that even might not represent aro/ace people at all! and still feel that same fulfilment!

if you take a story about a character realising they’re gay, people will focus on them realising they feel attraction for the same sex. i mean, that’s what it is at face value.

but an equally important part of the representation for gay characters is the realisation that they are not attracted to the opposite sex. and THAT i can relate to.

when representation for aro/ace people is this sparse, you get pretty used to finding representation in people you don’t really expect to. and that’s also what heartstopper does for me, while it fulfils my desire for romance through me living vicariously, it also represents me, not just in its aro/ace characters, but in every queer journey! because there’s always a sneaky hint of aro/ace representation anywhere as long as we can do something about it! hah

[our-aplatonic-experience]

Hi! Im aroace, trying to learn more abt other aspec identities bc I only recently found out they existed, I had truly no idea (and it makes me a lil sad that they're so not talked abt)

Ive been wondering, since I know aromantic and asexual people dont feel the "attraction" to someone else but may still desire a relationship, how come looking through the aplatonic experiences, many dont want friends at all? Dont want to be called friends? Or otherwise express being uncomfortable w the idea of friendship?

There are certainly many arospec and acespec people that feel the same in regards to romantic/sexual relationships, that do not want them or want to be associated w them at all. I myself am quite repulsed by the idea of a sexual relationship by various aspects of it. But my question is, is aplatonic about the attraction (like aromantic and asexual) or is it about not wanting a platonic relationship?

And, side note, do people feel platonic attraction??? That is a thing?? How does it feel and how is it shown, bc I am *very* much starting to wonder whether that is a feeling I have felt before or not.

The thing is though, I do want friendships, I am selective or otherwise feel a requirement for a certain closeness/amount of knowing each other before referring to someone as a friend. I tend to, in my head bc in my language and in english there is no distinction, have two types of friendships.

The "aquaintance friendship" where I barely know the other person, and though I may see them on multiple occasions and be friendly or even have fun conversations, they know nothing "deep"/that is not surface level about me and I wouldnt rely on them w that level of information/care. I tend to still refer to these as friends bc aquaintances feels like I might offend the other person, putting a distance that they might take personal offense with. Example of this are classmates, even ones I have known for years.

The "close friendship" which are the ones I actually know, talk to constantly, that I rely on during hard times and that I feel a genuine care and affection and love towards. I have very few of these, say 1, maybe 2, mayyyybe.

I guess "friendship" that doesnt fit in either could be one that eventually itd be nice to move to close friendship, aka someone that Id be okay with having that closer relationship to (many people, even if nice or kind, I do not feel okay w them being close friends), or otherwise someone that I would rely on during hard times, aka trust w sensitive info abt myself, but that still dont qualify for that amount of affection and love that you can only get after years of knowing each other.

If any of that makes any sense. I long for close relationships, the close friendships are everything to me, but I do not understand if I've felt the "platonic attraction" which I basically just found out is a thing! Thinking someone is nice and maybe would be cool to talk to? Yeah, that makes sense to me, but is that platonic attraction? Is it if I dont feel pulled or otherwise invested in that thought, if I dont feel disappointed if it doesnt happen? Is my experience with different kinds of friendship the alloplatonic experience or was I mistaken in thinking everyone feels like this and it's actually closer to what aplatonic people experience?

Sorry this is so long, just had a lot of thoughts bc I just found this and it's incredibly rare to find queer info blogs that arent inactive. Thank you for your time <3

imm pretty sure platonic attraction is just like, wanting to be friends with someone, whether you want friends or not isnt the point, just like with aro or ace.

if you want advice that sounds like demiplatonic ? or at least aplspec, but its up to what you feel comfortable with

[enlighten3d]

Hi sorry I know this might be really personal and you obviously don't have to answer if you don't want to but you post a lot about being aroace and I've been thinking about that for myself kind of a lot lately and was just wondering how you know for sure that that's what you are as opposed to not having found the right person yet kind of thing that people always tell you.

Again sorry personal absolutely don't feel pressured.

mmmm okay so! idm answering this, im happy to help (: but for claritys sake: i am asexual by definition, but i dont indentify as such! i only id as aromantic bcs thats the only indentity that actually feels important and like a part of me. might not make any sense but whatever lol

how i knew that im aro? i just. found the label, and was like, 'sure, why not.' and it stuck. its... for the difference between being aro and not having found the right person yet, its that, well. okay, so what if youre not actually aro? you do meet someone you love romantically even after youve ided as aro for years? cool, whatever, you can keep the aro label, or change it. or you never do fall in love romantically, and dont need to do anth abt the label.

what im saying is... mm okay label is a misnomer. i once heard someone say that labels are more akin to fridge magnets - you stick them on, and maybe they stay and you like how they look and make you happy. or maybe you stick them on and they look bad and you dont like them so you take them down. or maybe you stick them on and you like them for a while, but it starts feeling wrong eventually, so you take them down. labels - like magnets - arent permanent.

its impossible to really, truly, make a mistake in finding a label that explains your experiences. even if its wrong, there was smth that felt right abt it at that time. its a part of your journey. we, as people, are ever-changing - its literally impossible to know what will happen tomorrow, nevermind in a few years (sorry the isat reference is mostly unintentional).

so how did i know? i stuck the aro magnet on. and i like how it looks for now, maybe forever. maybe ill find the 'right one' or whatever, or maybe i wont. if i do, then whatever, down goes the magnet. if i dont (and i dont think i will, for the record! i dont have any Reasoning, its just... okay ill explain this next paragraph), then up there it stays. youre free to say youre aro for now and then change it if it ever changes. theres nothing stopping you, nonnie

as for yeah, whatever vague wording i can give to my reasoning, its... standard stuff, sorry. ive never understood romance? i think its completely fucking unnecessary and overrated. stupid, even. i straightup Do Not Get It. i forced myself to say i have a crush on a guy in gr4 bcs everyone else was talking abt crushes. decided i was romantically attracted to this girl in dance class bcs i liked her vibes. trying to conform to actually wanting romance when i just dont. dated this girl in gr8, and then when we broke up (i am bad at communication and unfortunately incredibly fucking clingy), i was like... 'huh, i didnt really feel that different about her than i did abt any of my other friends'. i just really really cared abt her and wanted to be close w her, and the only way i knew how to do that was 'romance'. but that wasnt it. found out abt aro ppl (forget how; memory is Trash), and was like 'oh damn, thats... that makes sense'. i definitely had a crisis and Logic but i do not remember that, sorry. all of this is pieced together from old text messages and half-remembered memories hajdjdzkzos

imo the concept of a 'right one' is pretty damn fucking stupid (/nay; at Society). 8 billion ppl on earth. im not going to find this hypothetical right one who can change absolutely everything about me and my identity. ive got the ppl around me that i already love. im happy w that. chasing after some hypothetical infinitesimal chance of a person whos Perfect for oneself is just a damn waste of time

so just... these decisions dont have to be permanent, nonnie. youre allowed to be wrong and realise that you werent actually aroace. youre allowed to be wrong. so if you want my advice? say youre aroace. stick the magnet on, see if it falls off or not. its still a valid and valuable part of your journey. youre allowed to be wrong. youre always allowed to be wrong.

i mean, afterall, how can one be sure that they ARE allo? that they WILL find that 'right one'? through experience. so fuck around, find out. stick that magnet on.

good luck (: i rly rly hope this is helpful and not just me repeating what youve already heard, sry for yapping so much LMAO. i have a lot to say

[conceptofjoy]

feel free to delete this of you don't want to answer but how did you determine you were aro? i feel like im not aro but im not... not aro either? like the concept of romance is weird to me but i dont think its because of me i think it's just an objectively wack ass concept. but i find myself relating to the experiences of aro people often. so i wanted to know what that label means for you and how it relates to your feelings/views on relationships because I am maybe a little lost on this journey.

IT WAS A STRUUUUGGLGLLEEEEE. omg i think i finally got confident in calling myself aro like this year?

like in the post before, theres so many types of attraction and it all sorta blends together. when you get flustered when someone pretty comes talks to you, were you platonically admiring their looks? was the feeling romantic? sexual? even then, maybe you just werent expecting them to come up to you and you got caught off guard and embarrassed by fumbling the interaction.

your relationship to romance is unique and its hard to know if every one else feels about it the same way you do, no body does we're all flying blind when it comes to communication. when i say im aro, im using it as an umbrella term and a lot of other people use it the same way. i dont feel like looking for the specific label bc im just kinda like that.

there's also different types of relationships that are just as fulfilling as romantic ones can be so its hard to ask "would you be ok with never being in a romantic relationship" because theres also societal pressures that give people major fomo if you decide to opt out (despite being in a relationship would probably not give you the fulfillment you need).

i think the question should rather be, would id'ing as aro (or any of the more specific labels) give you something/ help you in any way? because you're questioning in the first place, i feel like its safe to say that you've done introspection enough to push past those biases society instills in us to assume we all desire romance since we were born. to give you something i mean for example like, would it give you confidence? would it feel affirming in your experiences? would you feel better in acknowledging your stance on romance? you're absolutely allowed to fuck around w the label for as long as you'd like as well!!! up to you :]

[stanlunter]

Characters that I think are actually straight even tho a lot of people consider them as queer:

Bc I have the whole hour before Pride Month and I'm bored, lol

Rainer. Well, he didn't show to have feelings for any male characters (and no, I don't think he likes Bertholomulo, he litterally ships him with Annie), only to Historia, plus he just doesn't give me this vibes, so yeah

Bojack main five. All of them have shown interest only to the opposite gender, so there are no reasons for them to be anything rather than straight. The only exception can be Mr Peanutbutter with his interest in Bojack bc of which I don't mind people hc him as bi, but I think it was just a platonic admiration, nothing more. Also hc any of them as aro or ace (except Todd, obviously) doesn't make sense either, since we know damn well that all of them are very romantic and almost all of them are very sexual

Howleen. I can see her being bi, but I personally don't think she's actually interested in women. She was shown to have interest in men, but women? Just no. Twyls is her bestie, not a gf. I don't mind headcanons ofc, but I just don't see it

Denji. I mean, this guy is obsessed with women and never shown interest in men, he's straight as a line, sorry

Rika & Momoe. I really don't know where it even comes from, but a lot of people hc Rika as lesbian, while she's pretty much canon straight. She litterally says "I wish you was a boy" line and you still don't get it?

What about Momoe... This one confuses me even more. For some reason the whole fandom thinks Momoe is barely canon bi/trans, I have to fully desagree with this, cuz it basically goes against her whole arc

No, she wasn't in love with her friend that killed herself. That basically was the point that her friend killed herself bc Momoe didn't like her back (at least I read it this way). In fact, Momoe litterally was sad bc only women were attracted to her bc they thought she waa a boy. While she wanted a man to find her attracted. So it makes no sense for her to like girls.

Trans think is mb arguble, but I interpritate her story as an experience of being gender nonconforming: she doesn't look like a gender she is. I don't see any trans allegories here, especially considering the fact that we have a canon trans character there, Im pretty sure, if the creators wanted Momoe to be trans, they would say she is. Also the fact that she could get in this "magical world" , since only afab can go there (considering the fact that Kaoru, as a transman, got there)

Shinji & Kaoru. Yes, this one is super objectionable. Tbh, I can see him being bi, as everybody thinks he is. However, I do like another explanation of his character arc and his relationship with Kaoru, bc It's just much more interesting than him just being bisexual

Well, in the way I see it, Shinji is straight and basically can be only attracted to girls, however, Kaoru is the only person that showed "love" to Shinji and who "cared" about him. While everyone else were rejecting and just using him, Kaoru is the first person who said Shinji he loves him and the only one that basically didn't want anything from him. Who could give Shinji unconditional love he can't get from others. And I really do not think that Shinji loved him "back" in romantic way. Imo, he didn't love him at all, but since Kaoru was the only one who gave Shinji at least some love, Shinji had no other choice than take this love anyways. Just bc it was the only way for him to feel loved in general. And to me this idea reveales Shinji's character much better than just "he's bisexual, that's why he hang out with Kaoru" and "Kaoru exists only for lgbt rep" (also have to add that It's only about original anime, not rebuilds, bc I basically haven't watched it and mb It's different there)

What about Kaoru? Kaoru isn't a human to have feelings or love. In reality he doesn't care about Shinji, he just pretended to love him only to find out what love for humans is. So ofc I don't think he's straight either. He just doesn't have feelings bc he's not a human and not even a person. He's just an angel who pretended to be a boy to know humans better

Ramona (from the movie). I thought this one is basically canon, but for some reason some people still think she's bi. Yes, she had relationship with another girl, but she has litterally said that she was just "a little bi-curious" - which literally means that she's straight and just wanted to have this experience and that she's not wlw in any way, unlike Roxie. Imo, headcanoning movie Ramona is bi is kinda even biphobic, since it sounds exactly like this stereotype that bi girls only play with girls and always chose men anyways

Higuchi. This take isn't as strong, but I just personally don't see her as wlw. She's obsessed with Ryunosuke and has never shown any sign of being interested in Gin, so yeah, I think she's just straight and gives me these vibes tbh

Annie & Hitch. Again, both girls that have shown interest only to men. Annie loves Armin, and, even tho I don't like Aruani, It's litterally canon and even has some build up. And Hitch talks only about men as well. Also I really love her relationship with Marlo and their love was really so important. Yeah, both of them could be bisexual, but I just don't see this. The only hc Im really against is any of them being lesbian, bc it just doesn't make sense

Lute. I mean, she's litterally homophobic and It's basically canon. And she didn't show any signs of being closest gay/bi anyways and Imo she loves Adam. Idk why would she be anything besides homophobic straight. Like, I can see Adam being bi, but Lute? Nah

And yeah, if anyone thinks me seing some characters as straights makes me homophobic, I advise you to use your brain or smth. Anyways, that's just my vision which I'm not trying to impose on anyone, lol

[knifearo]

beloved aro blog thank u for that response to the anon who didnt know how to tell if they were aro (it says asexual, but maybe that was a typo?). i generally use the aro label for myself because it fits 95% of the time but that 5% is when the doubt comes in and i feel like im "faking it." but that anon u answered has Cleared the Cobwebs of Doubt. youre Right. Amatonormativity is So Prevalent. the paragraph about wanting romance bc romance, or wanting romance bc society says u need a romantic relationship to get xyz thing from life Hit Me So Hard. i think i will come back to this post every time i feel Unsure about my label. so thank u for placing your words in that order for me. love loses. love wins. violence. have a great day homie

first of all. i'm ur beloved aro blog 🥺 nd yeah i do think it was a typo haha

second of all i'm so glad that it helped out for you :) the thing about amatonormativity is that you will constantly go "it can't be doing ALL of these things." but then it IS. EVERY TIME. you look up and amatonormativity is warping your ideas of self-worth and your plans for the future and your interactions with friends and family and holding society as a whole in a fucking vice grip and it's fucking. stealing your lunch money too. idk. that bitch. you know how it is. anyway that 5% is so real and you're so real for feeling it and it is NOT silly or cringe to take a few seconds in the bathroom mirror telling yourself "you ARE aromantic. and it's okay." if that's something that'll help. and also yada yada "aromanticism is not one uniform experience and arospec identities are valid and you can call yourself aromantic even if you experience romantic attraction sometimes as long as it feels like a label that's relevant to your experience" all the things that i'll say anytime someone is coming to me saying that they don't know if they're Really aro haha. just to get it out of the way. sounds like you've got stuff in a good place rn and i'm so glad that you're feeling that way :) hell yeah brother love loses!!!!! aromanticism forever and ever 🖤

[itsabea]

i'm in a dilemma and idk what to do :''))))

do yk my oc clio, the one i talked about lats time,

well i was planning on making her aroace bcs i thought it'd be cool representation and didn't want to ship her with anyone bcs not every oc should be shipped (bonk on my head bcs i fail that)

BUT THEN i had a fic idea about her and balor meeting in the capital by coincidence while they were both on their way to mistria and deciding to make the trip together (still haven't decided if they're gonna bond and be besties to rip each others throats)

now i can't stop thinking about them together and i hate it 😭😭😭 so much for representation shfkjtkzgztjatktjrjfjrqrhggz

oh. meh. GOODNESS!!

bro- pal- mate- IM aroace!!(and i will now yabber my tune about aroace vil-)

ok- so, first things first.

aro(aromantic) is the romantic label for people who feel little to no romantic attraction - and ace(asexual) is the same, but with sexual attraction.

i bold attraction because that's where most get confused and jump the gun- ATTRACTION AND DESIRE ARE NOT THE SAME THING.

you can be aro and have a romantic partner

you can be ace and have sexual experiences

the confusion usually stirs with misunderstanding - and while it's fully okay to misunderstand! - a lot of people tend to think that their misinformation is correct(when it's not)

so, here is my advice: research, and then make up your mind.

but as an aroace that someday wants to find a partner suitable for me, i personally think it would be great if your oc clio got together with balor :))

there's also a thing called being demi(sexual and romantic), it's like a sub class of ace/aro where you end up developing feelings over time once getting to know someone.

this is such a cool thing to get to talk about! and if you(or anyone else) has questions, i am more than happy to answer them to the best of my ability!

while i am aroace, please keep in mind that my experience is not universal. in my whole life i have only been romantically attracted to one irl person(and that was over a decade ago) and no sexual attraction to anyone irl so far - but other people will obviously have differing experiences.

overall, the choice is yours!

but remember that you aren't hurting anyone with an oc, and that you get to choose their fate, personality, and attractions :))