#at least they now have people they can rely on
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massages forehead So Ambessa hid Mel away because she was a weapon in the literal sense, a mage. But Ambessa came to Piltover for Hextech? And Ambessa had nothing to say to Mel about her powers having visibly awakened? Even when Mel offered to go with Ambessa, giving her the ultimate opportunity to make Mel a weapon for real? And Ambessa made no attempt to find or retrieve Mel - not just her daughter and the remnants of the family Ambessa professes to love, but also her ultimate weapon - when she disappeared? And Ambessa trusted Singed and Viktor on their home turf - neither of them hiding how insane and self-serving they are with every reason to take over Ambessa's soldiers or just blatantly turn on her as soon as it benefits them - more than she trusted Mel? While Caitlyn (and by extension Piltover) was visibly and clearly falling away from Ambessa's teachings before Ambessa's eyes? (as if getting rid of certain people allows piltover to get rid of fascism but we won't get into All That)
Not only do I struggle to be hyped for Mel's powers beyond how amazing and beautiful she looks, but I can't help but feel like Mel is somehow less powerful in season 2 than she was in season 1, and not in an interesting way. As if Mel's ability to bend all of Piltover politics and economics to her will in season 1 now means nothing in season 2? You can argue that Jinx's attack led directly to Mel losing ground in Piltover - because I expected Mel to have to claw back that power without being able to rely on people who are too easily seduced by Ambessa and authoritarianism, and she would have to get creative to go toe to toe with her mother. I expected pushback to her mage identity that she would have to navigate. But instead this went either unwritten, or was ignored or discarded. Instead Mel is removed from the main plot, cutting her off from what made her the most interesting - only for all of Mel's very real talents, her very real powers and abilities, to be not only translated but REPLACED with magical powers she doesn't know how to control, and by the finale, those magic powers are the only powers that are considered real. Mel takes a backseat to Piltover's governing and decisions, a backseat to Jayce of all people who was not only new to politics mere months ago but made poor governing, strategic, and diplomatic decisions when he had that power. In season 1 Mel stayed off the "throne" but she did pull its strings one way or the other, and she makes no attempt at this in season 2
In my least generous suspicions, Mel was gentled and quieted to capitulate to an agenda for other characters who had to be correct and heroic - or wrong and villainous - no matter what the leadup narrative said, given her powers to help sell the game and set up future shows, and was effectively ejected from the Arcane story with faceless soldiers and a role she doesn't want because she was inconvenient there
#arcane#spoilers#arcane spoilers#arcane s2#arcane critical#mel medarda#mel arcane#ambessa medarda#this is not helped by having watched Shogun recently with Toranaga in all his horrible glory#Toranaga and Mariko are FRESH in my mind Riot do not PLAY with me#MARIKO WAS TORANAGA'S ULTIMATE HUMAN WEAPON AND SHE DID IT WITH NO SUPERNATURAL POWERS OR REAL MARTIAL PROWESS#SHE DID IT BY BEING GOOD AT BEING A NOBLE IN HER SPECIFIC CULTURE AND GARNERING TRUST AND SYMPATHY IN HER FRIENDS AND PEERS#IN SPITE OF BEING A CHILD OF A CURSED AND SHUNNED BLOODLINE#NOW DOESN'T THAT SOUND FAMILIAR#cough cough anyway I like Mel being a mage but I don't like how they did it and I don't like how separating Mel from Piltover wasn't MORE#sidenote i cannot better express my BAFFLEMENT that viktor and mel were in the same room and mel made no attempt to speak to him#when he was INTERESTED IN HER WHOLE DEAL. he literally REACHES OUT and mel did not use talk no jutsu#season 1 viktor was never in her influence bc 1) he was not just her employee but her SECONDARY employee socially and politically and#2) he's implied to be aware and resistant to her. but in season 2 her mage abilities make him VULNERABLE TO HER physically AND mentally#and she doesn't exploit that???? not even to protect jayce???? let alone piltover?????#also making ambessa less cunning less scary and more predictable than season 1 silco ought to be a criminal offense somewhere
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I've got to say, it's a very strange feeling, becoming the sort of person that is in the exact target audience for Buttercup Festival.
Like, this thing has been running for decades, since 2000 if you believe wikipedia, and it got around without ever being really discussed explicitly by people I know. The strips always drifted past me every now and then without incident- neither offensive nor inoffensive, a bit puzzling at times.
And then... something? Something in me, not in the strip, that much is clear enough. But now I just love these little things to death, on a good day it's competitive with Calvin and Hobbes or something else really top-tier.
And it's just bizarre, you know? They certainly don't rely on what you'd traditionally call humor, and even when there's a belly laugh it's not because there was anything like a joke per se. But if I try to explain to people what it is that makes the strip work, I just come up with all these ridiculous sentences that may or may not mean anything.
So I went from not getting the strips at all, and just walking past them without registering their presence, to really enjoying them and considering them one of my favorite comics ever, without once passing through a moment in time where I understood what made them so poignant. Just bouncing between two very different kinds of ignorance.
And that's interesting in itself, no? One kind of wants to reason through one's aesthetic preferences. I know I do. I suppose, on the grounds that I want to reason through everything. But my experience with Buttercup Festival seems determined to resist that treatment, at least so far.
Jokes as an art form are rather interesting- they get a laugh out of us before we know why they're funny, and discussions about humor tend to be unsatisfying after the fact. Explaining a joke doesn't make it any funnier, and the experience of 'funny' itself can't really be explained. Most forms of art, you can develop a deeper appreciation of the form by breaking it down in to specific shapes and methods and styles, and find new layers of beauty as you explore the structure of it. But it seems like laughter doesn't follow the same path, exactly.
Jokes aren't necessarily the only thing with this kind of structure. The koan, also, is supposed to open something to the student without any intervening explanation or analytical framework. Like a good joke, a koan often don't seem to make any damn sense at all, and like a good joke, a koan is often quite short. So that's two examples.
So there's this tricky thing where there's a class of experiences that seems to resist explanation, and we mostly encounter it through humor, but it's not actually limited to humor per se. I don't think I have the slightest idea where the contours of that thing are, or how to explore it, even though it's quite beautiful.
I don't think it's meaningless either, even though it sort of challenges the usual ways we define that term. I don't know how deep it goes, though it's much deeper than I expected. And you can grow in it over time, either because of certain experiences or certain insights or... I don't know. It wasn't signposted. I just kinda woke up here one day.
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Let’s discuss Avery,Tristan and Max’s bucket lists.
Tristan
Kitesurfing
Break a world record
Dog, house
Fall in love, family,married
Threesome
Avery
See the world
Doctor
Know herself
Perform because she wants joy and to be bold
Threesome
Max
See the world
Fall in love have kids teach them to rely on themselves
Life to have meaning
Threesome
Let’s talk about the threesome first because it’s only item on all their lists that is the exact same. First let’s discuss why they all may been so quickly on board for the threesome (besides ya know the obvious attraction they all have towards each other that they’ve been showing us since the pilot) all of them have white picket fantasies. Tristan and Max are much more open about them and wanting them than Avery they both mention that on their bucket lists and they mention it on their bucket lists and in other scenes. Avery however, she never mentions it to the boys and she doesn’t mention it on her bucket list. In fact she tells Max that she doesn’t really believe in marriage anymore after what happened between her and her first husband.
BUT the catch is that when Avery gets pregnant and she’s talking to her friends we learn she actually DOES want kids and DOES dream about the white picket fence life. And has had those thoughts relatively recently considering she just donated her eggs on their last hiatus and hasn’t even gotten back on the pill yet. But she just doesn’t discuss it really with the boys like they do with her. She keeps it closer to her chest. Which is understandable considering her last marriage she may not want to speak that into existence just yet worried it’ll be taken away from her again. But regardless she clearly DOES also want the white picket fence life. Or at least thinks she does.
They all have said they want the white picket fence life ya know husband/wife 2.5 kids. Now that is a perfectly okay and normal thing to want. HOWEVER. What’s important to acknowledge about that concept is that that is a heteronormative monogamous concept. Which most people in western countries such as the US and UK where Avery,Max and Tristan are from, are culturally conditioned to want. And monogamous heteronormativity can be dangerous sometimes. And Avery,Max and Tristan all saw that in action in episode 6. They watched this family be torn apart by their desperation to follow heteronormative monogamous norms. The mother of the bride,the bride,the groom,the best man,probably some of the bridesmaids and groomsmen too. All have their lives destroyed. So they’re walking around the ship talking about bucket lists talking about what they want their lives to be and what they want to be remembered as and who they wanna be. And Tristan brings up a threesome adds that to his bucket list.I think it’s important to acknowledge that even though Avery is the one who suggests the three of them have a threesome Tristan is the one who brought it up in the first place. Avery eagerly agrees with Tristan and makes that her fifth thing on her bucket list with the only prompt being she only had said four items. So she didn’t say it unprompted like Tristan did but she agree with that pretty enthusiastically. MAX however. Max. Max says four items. Then he is told he needs a fifth. He says can’t think of a fifth he says so he stalls. Then when (yet again Tristan) says it’s okay if Max says it’s a threesome. BUT. Max has already had a threesome. He won’t talk about it though. He made a pact. (Which he also did with Tristan and Avery which is interesting but that’s a whole other thing for a different analysis). But nevertheless they all end up having the threesome. Similar to their bucket lists Tristan and Avery start it and basically kind of coax Max into it. But Max does admit he enjoyed it and that it was wonderful and Avery and Tristan acknowledge they noticed he enjoyed it. And even with ya know everything that happened afterwards I think the threesome was a product of them sorta rejecting heteronormative monogamous norms at least on a subconscious level.
Then next items on the bucket list. They each have at least one similar item to each other besides the threesome.
Avery wants to travel the world (which she’s doing)
Max wants to travel the world (which he’s doing)
Tristan and Max both want to fall in love and have kids
The difference between Tristan and Max is that Max outright says he wants to fall in love and have kids and teach the kids to rely on themselves with no prompting
Tristan is prompted by Avery about “Six little Tristans” yes of course she’s quoting him when he said that earlier but she still had to prompt it this particular time
There were less direct similarities as well.
Tristan - Kitesurfing
Avery - Perform because she wants to feel joy and be bold
Tristan’s kitesurfing is absolutely because he wants to feel joy and be bold as well he just doesn’t outright say it like Avery did.
So there’s that on both their bucket lists as well.
And then in the same vein Max - Wants his life to have meaning. I’d say that’s in the same vein because ya know if your life has meaning I assume you’re experiencing joy and being bold. So it’s not as directly compared to Avery and Tristan but still comparable.
All of the things on this bucket list are about their lives and the meaning of them. What they want to do who they want to be how they want to be remembered. But also guess what they are? Fantasies. And they’re faced with the reality of some of these things and they reject them because they don’t fit the fantasies or they don’t reject them but they panic when faced with the reality of them.
Tristan and Max: Are given a chance to fall in love and have a relationship with both Avery and Max like Avery puts it right out there. And they both reject it because it doesn’t look like how they pictured. It’s not their who he picket fence fantasy it’s too different so they push it away.
Max: Faced with the prospect of having a child when Avery says she’s pregnant, panics immediately and starts word vomiting all over Avery cause he doesn’t know what to do this wasn’t his fantasy it doesn’t fit
Now Avery’s isn’t as direct as Max and Tristan’s because she fully supports them becoming a throuple even though it’s different and it’s understandable why she would be trepidatious pregnancy is a lot to put your body through and it’s very unexpected so that’s not strange.
The bucket list item Avery starts to question is being a doctor. She seems to start to wonder if she still wants to be a doctor. And I think that’s because in her head it went “Once I become a doctor I’ll meet a cool guy and then we’ll have kids and it’ll be happy ever after” but if she has a kid now this way. It’s already shattered her white picket fence fantasy cause that’s not the order she planned to do it in. And I think she starts to wonder. “Were there any other reasons I wanted to be a doctor? Or was it just because I thought that would facilitate my white picket fence fantasy somehow”
And I think it’s interesting how this show that makes a big deal about keeping up the fantasy of the ship and ship life has these three main characters with this big lofty fantasies about their lives and what they’ll be like in the hypothetical future where they stop working on the ship and settle down. And what happens when that fantasy is then shattered. And they have to face a reality that isn’t at all what they pictured? How does that change who they are? What they want to become? How they’ll be remembered? Who are they once the fantasy is gone and reality is all that’s left? I think they’re all on the ship cause they’re running from reality. But they can’t run anymore. Reality is sitting right there in Avery’s uterus and they’ve all gotta face it and in order to do that. They’ve gotta face everything else. Their past,their present,what their relationship is,who they are,why they’re here, and most importantly, do they actually all want that white picket fence monogamous one partner heteronormative life? Or could they be happy with their lives looking differently than they did in all their fantasies?
#I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this show yes it is a fun show about a throuple on a boat BUT ITS GOT LAYERS!!!!!!!!!#doctor odyssey#ody3#avery morgan#tristan silva#max bankman#doctor odyssey analysis#this shows got me writing essays
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There is literally no way this idea can be come to by accident. The traits these people point to as Arab or black are basic Jewish traits. Everybody knows what a Jewfro is and still they decide Jesus' hair must signify he is black or Arab. Everybody SHOULD know full blooded Jews are darker than whites but nah, his bronzed skin is Arab (or, somehow, full darkness black again). That's not even getting into the fact that the Bible is ABOUT JEWS or the fact that there were SIX HUNDRED YEARS to go before the Arabs invaded and began to live there.
This always chaps my ass especially hard. This is by great amounts from people that don't read the text and don't know about the above, either because they rely entirely on preaching (🙄) or because they're reddit atheists.
It's literally kids/manbabies still mad that their mommy dragged them to Sunday school that are now trying to "gotcha" her. They know she knows Christ is a Jew (even if her perception might be erroneously Ashkenazi based which allows her to accept all that white Jesus art)-- and, subconsciously, that baby boomers are the least antisemitic American generation alive-- so that's out. They need to pick something "exotic" and inflammatory instead. As usual POC are not people, just cudgels that serve the dual purpose of making the wielder look good instead of the instigators they are.
There is also the liberal perception of Jews as whities that need to be put in their place while darker races are in desperate need of condescending aggrandizement no matter what the facts are. The political brownie point adherents. These are the liberals that think NOTHING matters as long as their intentions are good. They are Good Leftists so they aren't capable of doing anything wrong and don't have to put in too much effort. So toying with religion to try and manipulate people that do believe is fine. I have seen Christian websites that devote articles to fighting antisemitic readings that still use art that portrays Jesus as fully black or otherwise of a totally different race than all the (Jewish) people around him. The article in particular I refer to is a great one, but I struggle to recommend it to Christians because the repeated Christ-sans-Jewishness art kills its accuracy immediately. It signals "I am not a believer: I am trying to manipulate you". Changing minds is less important that virtue signalling I guess.
Like, sorry for truly believing that all races are fundamentally equal human beings and that as a result the full truth will always prove this. Silly me! I should have some internal doubt that makes me insecure and makes a fool of myself in front of the rest of society instead!
people heard "jesus and mary were middle eastern" and took that to mean "jesus and mary were arab" and its because they're historically illiterate 👍
#my mother's family was home taught for generations#and my father is ex catholic#I've always thought church was weird and insane.....#why would you rely exclusively on some other inevitably biased dude to tell you what the book you believe is divine revelation means...
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Just saw ANOTHER person on shifttok pull a
“Now that it’s 2024 can we all talk about how that shifting thing was fake?”
^^^ and everyone in the comments was saying “I lied” “I actually got diagnosed with schizophrenia” etc etc…
{disclaimer: I’m not trying to come across as annoying and if so just scroll, but I have never in all the three + years I’ve know of shifting have asked for validation (in terms of the validity of shifting) from the community. I’m well aware of how not to rely on external validation.}
So with that out of the way, people who have shifted, if you feel like it can you talk about it in the replies, tell me I’m not insane for this, that I haven’t wasted three years of my life. And I’m not saying deep down I don’t believe it’s real, it’s just shifting, yes is a personal journey, but is often a very isolating and lonely one (at least to me).
#reality shifting#shiftblr#shifters#shifting antis dni#shifting blog#shifting community#law of assumption#shifting#shifting consciousness#meditation#shifting methods#shifting question#shiftingrealities#shiftinconsciousness#shifting script#shifting motivation#shifting diary#shifting affirmations
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ok hear me out: Given what I've already said, I feel like I have to at least submit a defense for why I still think Satoru is redeemable lol. First, I imagine reader already knew he was arrogant before they got together. And I can see a justification for his frustration and why he would lash out, he is under a lot of pressure, people do ask him to do a lot (gojo's daily schedule that gege shared?? crazy), and I'm sure he does feel like he can't take a break w/o someone needing him for something, which is annoying!! And yes he is the strongest and is capable, but that's a mindset thing and everyone has lashed out at someone that felt safe, because you assume they are not going to leave -- it's just unfortunate for him that his consequences ended up being so dire. I just also think those are the only kind of consequences that he would learn from. He doesn't ever really think anything is his fault, and if reader and students hadn't almost died, I don't think he would have really ever change his behavior, just continued on an "apologize for the behaviour instead of work on improvement" path. So obviously the consequences needed to be serious, however their jobs are dangerous and they could technically always die on a mission, so I would also argue that its sort of not.. that serious...? (DONT COME FOR ME PLS) I'm not eloquent enough to explain what I mean by that properly, so that's just gonna have to be enough.
I think that reader would absolutely need space bc who wouldn't?? I certainly wouldn't be able o look at him without resenting him for a while. But without other longstanding relationship issues, I can see a world where I would personally come to accept it? If Satoru expressed genuine remorse (and ideally took some time to think about what his issues are stemming from instead of taking it out on reader...), accepted that space was required, and showed he was more present/attentive with the people who actually rely on him, I would miss him!!! and probably would rationalize "well, technically I could always die". Now, those are a lot of hypotheticals and assumptions that we don't know, I just wanted to provide an example of how/why I think it could still work.
I truly think that depending on a persons priorities, a lot of things can be worked through/forgiven, but of course that is person to person and not everyone is going to feel or think the same way, no matter what the outcome may not be what everyone wants and that's just how it is no one's wrong for wanting one or the other.
omg I'm so sorry for the essay, this could all be completely irrelevant anyone, since you're gonna make what you're gonna make, I just felt like I needed to express its not completely delulu to forgive any of them. I'm just a happy ending kind of person at heart I fully and openly admit I am a sympathizer tho, so there are plenty who would read this and think that's not good enough to forgive lol
some parts of this post were a part of my thought process when writing pt four (and five tbh) 🩷
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I think Hyo has something against dragons in their games because honestly, they are one of the most well written as they go from seemingly stoic and cold to kindest and most emotional beings, and they go through most heartbreaking pain it's pure emotional damage for me (just look at not only Genshin but HSR too, Natlan is probably gonna be death of me).
#hydro drogona pls donr cry but take vacation#at least they now have people they can rely on#neuvillette#genshin impact#honkai star rail#dan hang#dan feng#zhongli#hoyoverse
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Lanolin watched Sonic, Belle and Kit enter, with Sonic leaning against a wall, and Kit finding a place to sit. She rubbed the back of her neck looking to Blaze with unsure eyes. It stood to reason that GUN had its network of spies. Two people knew all about Belle outside of the people who worked here. It was easy to assume Rouge and Shadow had given all kinds of reports to GUN though she liked to believe Rouge wouldn't have given those kinds of details.
" It could have been anyone, Both shadow and rouge work for GUN and had full access to this information. But even if we say they wouldn't do that--- plenty of volunteers come and go through the workshop. Any one of them could have overheard her, or us talk about it. Or they could have gained information from the eggnet itself... how isn't important right now. The fact is they know and she's on there radar... honestly this was bound to happen eventually. I think we all knew that... "
Sonic looked at Belle flexing his hands with that anger flashing across his face again. He wasn't gonna let anyone get to Belle, and he'd die before he let them take her. But Belle was right running from GUN was probably the last thing she wanted. This was a mess and worse, it wasn't the kind of mess he could punch away. Eggman was easy to deal with but GUN? Politics sucked! But his eyes went to Kitsunami and he couldn't help but worry how he'd react to Surge's plans, damn how was he gonna do this? His eyes shifted to Rowan as he came back and he smiled!
" Hah! well ring tail! you are doing better then most! you wouldn't believe how many can't hold it down! so kudos to you! "
His thoughts broke as Miles finally made his way up stairs, and Sonic and he shared a fist Bump. At least his mood seemed 10 shades brighter as if the fox mellowed him out. His eyes turned to Lanolin as she got everyones attention now that Miles was there.
" Alright... guess that is everyone but Surge--- Here is the situation! The United Federation of Nations president has personally spoke with me. He's made his stance clear... he sees Restoration as a rogue element... it was fine at first they even commended our work. But taking in Surge, Kitsunami, and Belle seemed to set of red flags. Clutch's deception only cemented there stance... "
" The President ants to shut us down until a full investigation can be performed. It's likely he intends to arrest Surge, and Kitsunami... i can't say what his intent with Belle is yet. The point is... if we fight back we become enemies of the the free world... enemies of gun and we prove them right! I don't trust them either... i doubt Amy would... I think we have to play there game... I don't see another way out of this that doesn't get people killed and our donations cut for good... "
She sighed and rubbed her own cheek looking at Belle and Kit specifically.
" Belle, Kitsunami and Surge i get it if you want to cut and run... i won't stop you. But this ... this is the only choice we have to keep our work going... no matter what i feel about you both, and i've come to see you as friends. I have to look out for the well being of the organization... our work is to important... i hope you understand..."
Sonic let out a deep breath through his nose, he somehow ventured this was the outcome. He hated every word Lanolin said! She was just gonna give up like that? and what let them come in and shut it all down! or worse take control? this was bullshit!
" Oh come on Lanolin you can't be serious! Those guys will make up what ever story they want! just let surge and i kick there butts! and send them packing! "
" No Sonic, she's right... Restoration relies heavily on donations and volunteers. If the United Federation of Nations declares us an enemy of the state or terrorists. We'd lose all funding, and worse people would be to afraid to help out. If we fight we lose, if they come in we still lose but at least there is a chance to fight it in court, or argue our side of things... logically speaking its a risky move but... if we fight we defiantly lose..."
Miles looked over at Belle with a sad look
" It might also be a chance for Belle to finally argue her case to the people and be accepted as a citizen... but, they could also dismantle her or lump her in with eggman. This is a big risk for all parties... especially surge, Kitsunami and belle... they have a tough choice to make..."
" Well, we chaotix have always remained free lance--- but ifin' they do come in and investigate. We can do our own investigation... least have our own evidence to use against them... but as someone who grew up in the hood--- If they gots the right judge you ain't ever gonna win that case... you all sure you wanna go down that road? "
" I know this is bad but ... unless anyone has better plan... i'm out of options... and the clock is ticking. I don't want anyone hurt... we all came together to fight eggman, not the goverment. I just--- i'm open to ideas... its why i called you here... "
"Though from what I know you concealed Belle's creator besides a select few, and I believe given how different her design is only someone used to fighting Badniks could put together who she was made by. In that sense, the mole either has to be one of the volunteer soldiers that's been here a while, or someone in the inner circle." Blaze was more concerned why go after Belle. She's never been seen with Eggman, or his forces. As far as they're concerned she's just an advanced robot living her life.
"I have doubts they'd take it that far, if only because did warn Lupus that attack me is like declaring war against the Sol Empire." It was a scare tactic, though an effective one as she was sure he mentioned it to the president. "If we have too I can simply move Belle, Surge, and Kitsunami to the Sol Dimension and bring them back some place else."
"I don't think Surge or Kitsunami would like that idea very much. I'm not opposed to it, even if I don't want to runway and stand my ground I'm sure that'd be a good idea. Though perhaps convincing them to leave me alone would be better in the long run." Belle was only offering her ideas as she entered the room right after Sonic. The tinkerer didn't want GUN breathing down her neck for the rest of her life.
Rowan would walk back in, looking a bit annoyed. "You know, you could've just asked me to leave for a second to talk to her. I've never moved at high speeds and nearly threw up my lunch." The lemur guessed he was being pushy, though was also trying not to come off too strong. Guess he needs to work on that a bit more, though there are certainly a lot of people her now.
A moment later Kitsunami would walk in, not saying a word to anyone before finding a chair and sitting down. The fennec never expected Surge to be here, sure she was out by the check point as a warning for GUN not to try anything. The tenrec wants him to keep the inside of the base safe so that's what he's going to do. Only intending to assist her if she calls him.
#Unit Commander#Lanolin#Blue Streak Speeds By#Sonic#All Grown up and Ready to Fly#Tails#The Karma Collector#Vector#Gears and Starters#Belle#Sorrowful Storm#Kitsunami#The Cool Uncle#Rowan
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I hope Jamarr is picking Joe up right now because he needs it. He looks so defeated in the press conference.
you know, i get an ask like this after every loss lol. and i'm gonna be honest, ja'marr also needs picking up. he's not happy about this, he's devastated too. i hope they're picking /each other/ up.
#like i get what you're saying anon. i do.#joe absolutely needs support#but so does my boy ja'marr.#he's out there giving it his all every game.#breaking records. with nONE of the security that joe has#i'm glad they have each other and can be there for each other#although most likely what that looks like now is sitting silently next to each other sulking on the plane home lol#but at least they're there with each other. they can rely on each other if no one else#(tee also. tee should be involved too. he needs some TLC because he has the least security of all)#no offense whatsoever to you anon but like.#there are more people on this team than joe who are in their feelings about all these losses.
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thinks about "you would kill me?" "i would kill for you. never you," and cellbit's love language being destruction.
thinks about how cellbit will go to any length of self destruction for those he loves. thinks about him not sleeping for months, drinking coffee obsessively, until he's eventually too tired even to boil it and thus begins resorting to eating coffee beans, so he could keep himself sane. thinks about cellbit running from a bear with a chainsaw, and being forced to talk to him as a subordinate for months afterwards. thinks about him pushing people away so theyd let him destroy himself for the federation, unsure if the information he gathered would even be worth it. thinks about the slow death of the self, how much time one can spend running before they collapse from exhaustion, the love in demanding your family eat your corpse.
and then... thinks about outward destruction. thinks about broken trust in the form of an unusable xp machine. thinks about broken hearts in the form of custody battles. corpses with ciphers scribbled in blood left for long lost sisters who don't get it, not yet. badboyhalo describes cellbit pulling a knife on someone when he jokingly asks him to as less personal, and more like a dog being told to play fetch. thinks about him plunging into ravines and caves to kill bad's enemies as bad followed behind, being the first of them to die for bad's victory. thinks about "keep your hands clean." cats bring their owners dead birds out of concern for them being fed, cellbit brings enigmas and bodies because it's all the damage he can do. in a life shaped by violence, how else do you show loyalty than through a willingness to hunt for those who arent strong enough, to kill unthinkingly when they ask? it terrifies his family, but it's all he has left to give.
there are so many parallels between felps' kidnapping arc and the current one. the difference is in how many people are also at their breaking point and couldn't afford to see their rock crumbling. cellbit's mind was the bright light for every damn person on the server who had questions, and at this point, that number is all of them. and no matter where he looks, how much he wants to save them, there are no answers. there is no satisfying conclusion. if only he could go home at night and sleep soundly without thinking about the evidence of his failure to protect anyone resting beneath his feet. there are only more dead ends, more wheels, more humiliation, more degradation of his sanity as he's unable to sleep. his family has been picked off and the remainder have picked apart his corpse to scraps of marrow and flesh and are still starving, too terrified to hunt for themselves. what a blessing that cellbit's hands are already bloodied, and he's angry enough to tear apart the wardens for them to feast.
#habeas speaks#qsmp cellbit#cellbit#i have so many thoughts on autocannibalism and love#i have even more thoughts on death as a love language#evidently there are people who dont share the same Romanticism but it's what he's good at and all he can do#and at the very least they will keep their hands clean for now#the see you on the battlefield kind of shows how frustrated he is in feeling like his anger is solitary#after months of hunting you might as well start feeding him back you cant rely on his anger to burn incessantly#sorry. im abnormal about him
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Sort of a ramble, sort of me just writing my thoughts out while I'm stuck with writer's block, but I keep thinking about how Fulcrum was in stasis for roughly 3 million years??
Like, that's a long time, even for Cybertronians. Not a really long time, not an entire lifespan. But still, it's a large chunk of a normal lifespan just gone. Poof.
One second you're crawling across the pockmarked terrain of an alien planet, surrounded by the sound of gunfire, and the shouting and screaming before and after each earth shuddering impact of another k-con hitting the ground. And then it's quiet. You're not there anymore. You're drifting somewhere between not alive and just asleep. Preserved somewhere in the background of a doomed body, ignored by time and space, still here, but also not.
And then there's sound. Not gunfire. Not shouting or screaming. Not the sounds that'll haunt you till your dying days, your own death sentence pounding in your head. No. Just voices, talking, standing out against a silent, dead world. Wondering. Joking. Bickering. Familiar. Just, not familiar to you. And you're awake. Pulled back from the nothingness you've been frozen in, consciousness tugged forwards with the yank of a fuel pump and the nearness of life.
These two moments are roughly 3 million years apart, but only minutes, maybe even seconds, to him. From a hectic harrowing battlefield, to an old silent graveyard in one blink.
How long did it take to really sink in? I mean, he seems to just roll with it. He doesn't seem particularly bothered. But like, what happened outside of what we see? How did he really feel?
Also, his body aged without him. While his mind preserved itself, freezing him as he was right then, his body was left to weather Clemency for all those years. No wonder it crumbled to dust when he jumped off the world sweeper. It's probably a miracle of some kind that it didn't just fall apart each time someone leaned on him.
And even after they rebuild him, give him a better, newer body. His spark, it's casing, all the irreplaceable core bits that make up their inner bodies, it aged in the time without him. Does he feel it? Does it make his body even more foreign to him?
Then he's also a technician with information that's 3 million years out of date. Lucky him that the scavengers probably weren't working with top of the line material. But still it's gotta be weird when faced with anything brand new, because a lot can change and progress in 3 million years, and now some of the knowledge he once prided himself in is obsolete.
Besides those things, his view of the galaxy, of the war, of their kind, of other kinds, is one of the few things actually pointed out when it comes to him being stuck in the past. So, how often were his old views challenged? Facts of life he held close proved to no longer true? There's 3 million years worth of new science, new beliefs, new words, new terms, new views.
And sure, some of it can be familiar, because they're an ever evolving kind, and they have patterns, core beliefs, repeating behaviors, but a lot of it's gonna be unfamiliar at the same time, because it's 3 million years worth of catch up, it's not like missing last week's trend.
In a way, it makes him a living relic of a bygone era for Decepticons. It would've been really interesting to have had that explored a little more.
#rq i wanna say i love seeing others thoughts on these if you have them. esp those that have thought about it longer than i lol#like. im still just starting to sink my teeth into the lore and put things together. so your thoughts are much appreciated#sometimes i wish that i could turn these rambles into those really well worded. slightly pretentious. but in a fun way. character metas?#but i dont think i can organize my thoughts that well. so. rambles it is lol#not to say rambling is lesser or smth tho. i love a good ramble. love to read them. i support ramblers#speaking of rambling-#idk why it fascinates me so. but theres just something rlly interesting about fulcrum being somewhat stuck in the past#i think it could've played interestingly into his and kroks dynamic had it been explored more?#like. the past and history play big parts in their lives. krok having studied it. and fulcrum having been fast forwarded thru it#it would've been interesting to see them talk more about it? since logically fulcrum wouldve gone to krok for more of the 3mill year rundow#and its like. krok is shown to be really knowledgeable on not only history. but cultures as well. theres and others.#so certain eras of their own culture would probably be a slight interest of his. esp decepticon ones.#and then theres fulcrum. who pretty much got plucked from the empire era only to land in kroks lap (metaphorically) ((...unless?))#so heres this walking talking piece of history. and a dude that has a sort of passion for history. why not explore it more?#and like. yeah. the ''history'' krok has studied is all mostly shit he lived through. but people study the times they lived through-#-because while they may have lived through it. theirs is only one perspective. a good historian takes into account multiple perspectives#idk where i'm going with this now. smth smth fulcrum relying on krok for future stuff and krok having someone to talk history stuff with#i just. augh. i wanna know what their dynamic is more. what we see in the comics is so back and forth at times#like. they seem to hit it off pretty well. but then fulcrum fucks it up ig by being oblivious and a little too ''i can fix him'' vibey#and his taste in comedy is bad. to say the least. which is apparently grounds for messy divorce#also krok is sometimes cool with selling a whole dude. at least when the dude is their befriended giant killer autobot buddy :/#that is also grounds for divorce. obviously#sorry. this is derailing the more i start thinking about how messy fulkrok could be. like. ough <3#they're a little ''i hate my wife'' coded. but in a greater scav codependent poly way. and it's more krok being annoyed with fulcrum#its like. fulcrum: ''i can fix him bcs i need to feel validated'' vs krok: ''wtf is wrong with this guy?! who does he think he is??''#i think they'd want to pick each other apart intellectually. maybe emotionally. smth smth two officers. both disgraced. and power dynamics#its fun. they're both hypocrites. they'd need couples therapy. its also 4am. shit. ok goodnight
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#oc txt.#c: hattie#c: mary ellen#hattie being able to make it back to her own vault just in time to be with her mom in her final moments is 🤕#she’s not the overconfident self assured put together person she was when she left however long ago it was#and her mother isn’t the hyper independent stoic emotionally constipated woman that didn’t even hug her before she left#her mother really did believe that this colony that had supposedly been growing since she was a girl WAS her kids’ only hope at a future#they knew for years that the vault was running out of supplies and falling apart#she was getting older and really didn’t think a future above ground was for her or her husband or the other adults that had grown up there#it was for their kids.#bc the vault wasn’t going to be able to sustain them for much longer#it’s why she pushed her kids so hard and pushed them away even harder#bc it made sending them into that world ‘easier’#she wouldn’t miss them as much and they wouldn’t miss her#sending her twins up there (her first borns) years prior was HELL#and she dreaded the day hattie was old enough to be thrust out there and even debated whether or not she’d even go through with it#so seeing her now … especially in the state hattie is in when she returns#she feels guilty but at the same time proud? because despite it she knows hattie had and HAS what it takes to survive up there#and seeing tj??? she doesn’t know if the twins made it to the colony or whether the colony was even real operating ect ect#so she’d never get to see them with her grandkids if they had any#she at least gets a slice of what could have been if things were different#it’s good that hattie gets to tell her truth of everything#it’s good that hattie gets to reconcile and be the last thing she sees before she passes#it’s all mary ellen ever wanted … to see her girls again#and in her mind if hattie made it … then she knows the other two did too#and i think for hattie she was just on the cusp of giving up and throwing in the towel#but she’s got people relying on her and she’s not a quitter … was never allowed to be#and i think by now she’d be searching for them less for herself and more for her parents#the least she can do is find out if their sacrifices (and the sacrifices of everyone else) were warranted
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I am so fucking done being everybody's bit on the side
#i hate when people call me their friend and then ignore me for days or even weeks#like okay maybe you're busy but at least say something?#and then you act like I don't even exist?#why the fuck am i even trying anymore#it seems like i can only rely on one person these days#we've been going strong for 3 years now and I'm ao grateful to have her#bitching hour#vent ig#and just when i thought i finally made a friend who i can relate to#ignore this
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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The pushback to the term "cultural Christianity" from atheists is real odd to me because, as someone who has been an atheist since 13, only ever went to church a handful of times never with my own family (made a note never to sleep over at that friends house on a Saturday again bc I HATED church it smelled like shit, was boring, pews are uncomfortable as fuck, and the religious people I knew were all wildly misogynistic and I've never been here for being told I was less of a person for being Born Like This), and generally had no actual connection to Christianity in a meaningful way but still only knows Christian mythology, has been steeped in Christian values I had to untangle, and my religious understandings are still deeply Christian.
Like Ive never paid attention to the bible, church, Jesus, Christian teachings, or whatever but if you asked me about any religion the one I'll reliably know the most about is Christianity. I don't know why atheists are offended by being called culturally Christian because they have bad blood with the religion because like sorry bruh that doesn't mean you're less indoctrinated by Christian values if the culture you grew up in is predominantly Christian. In fact I'd say that religion being this ubiquitous in the culture regardless of anyone's consent to exactly ONE religion being shoved down our throats is reason to team up with other religious folks who ALSO don't like being constantly evangelized to by the culture at large, not a reason to throw a fit because you don't like being tied to a religion that is so ingrained into the culture that shit like "oh my god" and "Jesus Christ" are common expressions of surprise regardless of how atheist you are. Like surely I'm not the only atheist to notice the shocking amount of cultural religious shit that works it's way into my life and speech despite having not set foot in a church since I was like 10, and I can't remember the last time I was in one before that.
Idk man cultural Christianity seems like a pretty damn useful term to describe my relationship with a religion I never fully bought into and then actively rejected as a child yet still hold weird connections to and knowledge of just because Christianity is so baked into the culture I grew up in like it or not. If you want to be mad, be mad at the Christians who stole your freedom from religion from you, not usually religious minorities who discuss cultural Christianity and how it damages them too.
#winters ramblings#like breh i HATE how much christian bullshit ive had to detangle from my life. like the idea of sin and punishment for example#id say a LOOOOOT of discussion regardless of religion leans towards a Christian understanding of the pridon system#prison is basically a recreation of hell on earth where youre supposed to go to burn off your sins in your 10x10 cell#now i gotta say not all Christians buy inti the styke of punishment and sin i know normal well adjusted Christians#but for the most part a HUGE portion of shit comes with a helping of cultural Christianity. but prison is probably the best example#hell any discussion of punishment relies on a distinctly christian flavor of 'atone for your sin or be doomed forever"#repubs bitch about so called cancel culture but thats just how Christians act towards sin lmao they do it too#except they choose shit you didnt ACTIVITY make a choice about like being gay to condem you to hell.#cant be mad that twitter cancels people for small shit like a crap joke if you actively subscribe to the same belief system#and are only mad bc that logic is applied to YOU now. anyway i could do without this logic in activist spaces#or ANY spaces being doomed forever over sin is only one way to do Christianity. like damn can the ones who like#rehabilitation and justice and helping the poor at least be the ones in charge??#regardless ive never been a Christian and barely have a meaningful connection to the religion. whuch is why i find it rather salient#that i still have this deep connection and knowledge of something i ACTIVELY REJECTED at 13#do you know HOW MUCH i had to have been indoctrinated into this shit with as LITTLE of a connection to organized religion as i do??#the fact i have ANY connection at all is kind if fucked honestly it shows you really REALLY do not get to choose#your religious leanings unless youre actively ANOTHER RELIGION BESIDES CHRISTIAN otherwise tough tiddy#you get to be Christian By Default and i don't like it either. but when i see jewish people talking about it#i know EXACTLY what they mean because i dont like my connection to a religion i never believed in and rejected at 13 either#i don't like that my choice to reject Christianity was stolen from me by such a ubiquitously christian culture#im not mad at jews for pointing this out im mad at christians for stealing my freedom of choice
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Trust fall (Patreon)
#Doodles#Just Desserts#Villainsona#Vent-or-close-enough lol#More untreated Charm yaaaay#Always learning and growing in Season 2! Having to rely on others - vulnerable and scary!!! But worth it <3#Better than regressing to her villain role in Season 1 - the whole point of S2 is for her to learn that relying on others is worth it!#That she can trust others with her safety and comfort and people will care for her and still want to be around her#Terrifying! So much easier to just run away and be evil and not have to be vulnerable to anyone!#But to be able to trust that she can ask for something and not be shunned for it - a learning experience!#Not something she's used to! Not something she has much faith in! But that's what practice is for#Man Marshmallow Fluff is so frickin' cute ahh the one of her with Charm leaning on her wehhh cuute!!#I really ought to give her a last name at some point lol#I mean a lot of the JD Residents could use First names lol at least she's got that - and yet I still call her by her candy lol#I really like that there are so many residents that choose kindness towards Charm :D#Like there are the obvious exceptions - Grape Soda and Chocolate Chip Cookie and hgh Cherry Shortcake#Not that Cirrus means to she's just Like That#But there are others who are kind on purpose! Dango and Kiwi Tart and Coffee and Marshmallow Fluff <3#Reassurance and kindness and distractions - not a big deal let's go do something else now :) This wasn't the be-all-end-all just a bump#That's so nice! A very direct way to affirm that things just Continue rather than making a big deal out of things#Gentle movement forward :) Charm's in need of a bit of that haha
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