#at least it’s only two goals
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Ah yes, the story of Tottenham.
#didn’t expect them to win but at least a draw#at least it’s only two goals#tottenham hotspur#livtot
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Thank you all for voting in the poll to decide who was going to be the leader of the band! It turned out to be such a close race!
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#madam lan#A-qing#Band AU#(Reminder that Madam Lan's design inspiration goes to Qourmet!)#Madam Lan may have been the winner per vote count but there were so many strong advocates for A-Qing!#I played around with a few versions of what the 'poll winner' art was going to be and ultimately decided I wanted them both.#As any good theater love knows though - The battle for leadership was a ruse. They *all* get a chance to be featured.#Cooperation was the real end goal! However I do think these two have the best frontman energy of the group.#Or at least 'crowd favourite' energy. I also really loved hearing what people thought their vocal styles would be like!#This was probably one of my favourite polls to do and I love drawing these characters a lot B*)#I'd love to spend a bit more time in this AU so count on me bringing it back.#One thing I keep feeling like I need to redeem myself on is Madam Lan's Translucent skirt. I have *not* done the concept justice yet.#It is such a crack-platonic ship but I want to think Madam Lan and A-Qing would enjoy each other's company.#Possibly also with JYL as well. They can be like mutually beneficial therapy dogs to each other.#Madam Lan never got to see her kids grow up into teenagers after all. She only had sons. Never daughters.#Even if she saw her kids once a month we do know she treated them with so much love and kindness.#She would bite the shit out of YZY for yelling at JYL. What a sight to see. A-Qing would also start biting (for fun).
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in an older ask (before the bracelet comic) you broke down, basically, the odds of donnie recognizing his family to different degrees on any given day... i'm curious, what would the odds be now, now that he has the bracelet?
Hell yeah let's do more Swanatello Math~
Let's say his family visits him eight times-- this time with the bracelet.
-> Maybe one time out of eight, usually less, Donnie will not be able to recognize them and will treat them as intruders, driving them off. There are occasions when he disregards the message of the bracelet or forgets it too quickly to be helpful.
-> Two times out of eight, Donnie will be able to recognize them enough to not view them as threats, but will not be able to organically recall any further details about them. He is confused and frustrated. He recognizes something is wrong, and can comprehend the research materials he's reading, but no actual memories are being pinged in his brain, leaving him in a very frightening, bizarre, uncanny-valley sort of space. He has to repeatedly reference notes and journals to try to puzzle the identities of his family together, which is upsetting and embarrassing. Days like these focus on providing comfort and support to Donnie, but the context that his research board and bracelet provide does make this easier to manage now.
-> One time out of the eight, Donnie will be able to recognize his family but struggles to comprehend his current situation or recall details surrounding it, though he recognizes something is wrong. He knows that Raph is here, and he remembers Raph fully, but has a difficult time processing why they're here at the lake instead of being at home; it's just not sinking in for him. Things in his brain are not matching up, and he is confused and frustrated. His family will have to re-explain to him what's going on, typically multiple times. Days like these focus on providing comfort and support to Donnie, but the jumpstart that the research and bracelet provide often makes this process much easier.
-> One time out of eight, Donnie will be able to recognize his family enough to not view them as threats, but will not always be able to recall further details about them. He's not able to fully process that anything is wrong unless it's explained to him, (usually more than once,) but even then it seems to overall elude him and not fully sink in. He will happily spend the day showing his lake off to his family, dancing with them, etc. His bracelet and research board help, but on days like these he often seems unable to fully retain this information throughout the day. These days are usually pretty frustrating for his family, but are overall lower-stress for Donnie, at least. False memories are common on these days.
-> Three times out of eight, Donnie is able to both recognize his family and recall details about their current situation. He remembers the family members who are currently with them, and sometimes even those who are absent, and understands that he is currently being affected by magick that manipulates his memory and patterns of thinking.
Overall, the bracelet has improved the situation. The family has to take care to try to be present as much as possible, however, as receiving this information from the bracelet and research board can sometimes be very scary or disorientating, and they've found that having someone around either during this process or immediately after is very important. Typically, if Donnie wakes up, receives the message from his bracelet, inspects the research board, and waits for the promised family to arrive... and then they don't, he'll panic and quickly lose trust in the information. He may react negatively to any family members once they do show up. Swanatello overall tends to do poorly when left alone, they've discovered.
#swanatello#asks#its gotten better but its still rough#the difficult thing is is that while the situation has improved overall#and in terms of making progress towards their goal and spending time together its a big step forward#its arguably more difficult and higher stress for swanatello#in the past about five out of eight days would be days that he didnt recognize anything was wrong or that he was forgetting anything#and so that wasnt something he had to grapple with or stress over#now thats only one or two out of eight days#and every other day hes under huge amounts of emotional and mental strain trying to work through all of this#which is tough and takes a lot out of him#hes having breakdowns or panic attacks on a regular basis#which is hard on him and on his family (who ofc hates to see him suffer)#luckily he has his family's support at least <3
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to keep it short, here’s the cliffnotes of my chosen dead 3 obsessions (spoilers for act 2/act 3 babes)
ketheric thorm; his corrupted fatherhood, the tragic backstory vs the inability to sympathize with him because his daughter is alive and he no longer has her as an excuse for his actions, His Other Children and what it implies about his relationship with isobel, his morals—and by morals, i mean the way he treats religion and the gods themselves
orin the red; i can’t help but compare her to dark urge, and isn’t that her entire story? always a comparison, always someone else vying for the place she is trying to carve out for herself. i also see a similarity between her and the other groomed companions, trying to earn the love of a god that wants to see her die.
enver gortash; i think in different circumstances, he could’ve been like mol. and vice versa. i see them as a coin, both highly intelligent and highly manipulative, but mol had the others to take care of while gortash was left to fester in his own mind.
#there’s probably more i’m forgetting#i think about gortash less#but only because#he feels more basic?#not basic#he feels the most morally awful#like .#at least the other two have Goals intertwined with their fucked upness#orin wants to impress bhaal#and her grandfather#ketheric wants his daughter back#but gortash?#gortash just wants Power#maybe for safety#maybe for fun#idk#regardless#thoughts and feelings#feelings and thoughts#bg3#baldur’s gate 3#baldurs gate 3#bg3 orin#orin the red#bg3 ketheric#ketheric thorm#bg3 gortash#enver gortash#character analysis
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Re my previous post: On the other hand as far as I know nobody is working on a serious apologist /j biography of luigi lucheni, anarchist and one of the most dangerous. If I was more insane and not scared of reputation loss I would do that 💀💀💀💀
EDIT: a snippet from my drafts:
#i have so many posts in my drafts from when i was planning a fic 😂😂😂💀💀💀#basically: not to get put on a watchlist but imagine you're some guy with a shitty life in the late 19th century and your only wish is to#achieve fame and posterity#like you're pretty much never going to do that unless you do something horrible#royalty is famous automatically bastard peasants only if they murder someone important........#not saying it is a good or just goal - at one point he was comfortably employed in the household of a duke but threw it away#like he could've lived a decent life but he left that job on a whim and couldnt get back on his feet so became radicalised#obviously there is mental illness & lack of social cohesion and opportunity & rash personality at work there#none of those excuse murder but just saying. almost all of the lucheni articles out there are extremely unsympathetic of him#for gods sake rudolf killed at least two (2) people and we have meow meow literature of him... it's time for a lucheni era#history#💀😭😂
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i’m not being funny when i tell people who say sonny’s ‘too soft’ to be captain and that he’s half the player without kane and that other players deserve the captaincy more than him to get the fuck out of my club and the fanbase like honestly fuck off
#genuinely fuck you man is this how you treat an all time pl legend who’s had 400 appearances for our club#and who’s scored more than 100 goals and regularly gets 15/20 g+a a season#we’re so beyond lucky he didn’t fuck off to real or pool when he had the chance#like genuinely you only really appreciate what you have when it’s gone this lot were crying about sonny being gone for the asian cup#chatting wistfully like ‘oh sonny would’ve buried that’#now he’s had a few shite games you want to pull the plug wallahi you don’t deserve him or his loyalty#it’s a two way street man he’s given us EVERYTHING you could at least do with a bit of respect#it boils my blood when ppl say he’s half the player without harold fuck off man#if the roles were reversed and sonny had gone to b/yern then guarantee he would be having a similar season to him lmfao#this lot doesn’t deserve the love and commitment sonny has shown to spurs again and again#and fuck off abt him being too soft to be captain and abt giving it to romero genuinely#you lot will only ever praise cuti when he has good performances while the rest are shite#and suddenly he’s proper captain material??? the guy you lot were calling a hothead???#wallah if cuti heard all this he’d clock you one genuinely
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Thinking again about my plans for Vash and Knives in ITNL
Which I can't really get into the specifics for How I'm going to do things w/o going into spoiler territory. But I Do have Vash & Knives tagged on the fic for a reason. I set up in the first chapter that Vash is determined to try to save Knives too.
Which. That choice, as well as the entire basis for all of this, depends so much on that final fight in trimax. The one that was literally a scene away from where ITNL Vash went back in time. His mentality just a hair's width away from that...
At the end of trimax, there was reconciliation, however brief and incomplete it was. In ITNL, my question to myself was How could I induce that again? Under different circumstances, How Else could we get there? And that is the long-game in ITNL.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#i say reconciliation instead of redemption. because i think redemption is a difficult thing to capture well.#and it would require Knives to feel remorse or regret for his actions. which i dont think he would really.#but. potentially. if the stars align. maybe his goals can be redirected into something productive.#and maybe reconciliation can be achieved. just maybe.#the redirection here is important bc i dont think Knives would abandon his ideals Even If Vash got thru to him#but the key is convincing him that theres another way. that he can protect the plants w/o killing humanity.#easier said than done though. vash and knives are two peas in a pod after all. so incredibly stubborn.#but vash would want to try. because he Doesnt want to kill anyone. not even knives. though if it ended up necessary.....#well. better to try for reconciliation first. that one's as a last resort lol.#ultimately vash Does miss his brother. we see this at the end of trimax. that's the crux of that moment i think. for both of them.#realizing that once upon a time they only had each other. they were Brothers. they were Close. and they both Miss That.#those feelings were buried under miles of anger and resentment on both sides. but under the right circumstances.....#thats why it's important that ITNL was a hair's width away from that scene. bc he was on the verge of having that realization himself.#i replaced that moment with ITNL vash feeling thru the plant conglomerate the whole of knives' self. and his Realization.#the Knowledge that the brother he used to love is still in there somewhere. but he also wouldnt be able to survive this.#and thus his about-turn from 'nothing remained of the brother he loved. he had to stop him.' to 'i'm sorry. i'll save you too.'#hfalhxksd ultimately it's all so FINICKY and ive barely touched on it so far in ITNL. bc Knives has been off in the goop tube or whatever#but ive given it a Lot of thought. and id be so close to Getting There... to the next steps at least... if i kept writing.#hrrgmg. i am Thinking Thoughts...
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Spent my time actually planning out October fics last night so I can start writing and get everything queued in advance fully this year, since I’ll be out of town for like 10 days at the end of that month. September is gonna be a busy writing month lmao.
#I also will need to I think fully finish a zine fic during that time too#but my goal is to keep the kink fics under 1k and only do two full-length (like 5k+) pieces#of course I won’t stick to it bc that’s who I am as a person but. I have a plan on paper at least.#lo.txt
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I am endlessly entertained (perhaps that's the wrong word) by the concept that Knock Out was only ever doctor adjacent and just switched from a cosmetic surgeon to a full blown medic during the war, especially since apparently in human medicine you don't have to have a doctorate as a cosmetic surgeon, at minimum only needing their basic initial medical training.
But I've also been thinking of it shattered too, Shattered Glass specifically.
I mean, I could hypothetically keep SG Knock Out as a cosmetic surgeon, but why would a cosmetic surgeon not practice what they preach and at least look a little nice. Going with a literally shattered Knock Out, would you trust a bot that looks like he walked out fresh from a car crash to make your finish shine? Probably not, but he'll do it...
Though, not in the same way one might as a cosmetic surgeon do (beautician?)
If SG!KO is so hellbent on keeping every scar and only really fixing anything if it reduces the integrity of armour (Knock Out may scoff at scuffed paint but he isn't an idiot), what if frankly he's unused to working on anyone that was ever remotely alive, especially himself who would need to be alive to do anything in the first place. A scar here, a scrape there, battle hardened warriors on their deathbed might want to look grand and imposing even in death, no wayward medic is gonna make that body look pristine and perfect just to erase the story of what had happened.
So instead of being a cosmetic surgeon, Shattered Glass Knock Out may have been a mortician, perfectly adept at making a corpse shine without erasing the features the dearly departed so diligently requested, though gussying up a comatose body is a lot more living than he's particularly used to.
Part of what makes this funny (in perhaps a horrifying way) is that Knock Out uh has no history with being a doctor OR as a licensed medical professional; you don't need a to worry about the hippocratic oath if the patient you're working on hasn't been alive for a whole month. What counts as an open wound fresh from stabbing versus an old wound one wears proudly is if there's any live wires or leaking fuel actively compromising the integrity of a bot's frame. Buffing and waxing a living mecha's armour is different when there are still active nanites working their way on and throughout the body giving their vibrant armour colours. Stemming the flow of actual liquid energon versus the congealed clots of cold dead fuel is an entirely different experience than what Knock Out had been doing over and over again before he had to be a medic.
Trial and error, where the errors lead back into KO's expertise, dealing with the dead and following the wishes of the deceased; a new term to agree upon came about with the war, to harvest what can be salvaged and be stored (for as long as they will live) for spare parts.
If baseverse Knock Out was a charming, outgoing, and sociable mech, SG Knock Out isn't used to bodies (patients, mecha) walking around and talking. One of the first time he was fixing a finish, first time using the stuff for the living, he nearly clawed off his own work when the mech made conversation; the ensuing joke of 'having a BREAKDOWN' didn't stop the groan and eye roll from being his next response. He doesn't so much as flinch at a dead looking finish, the kinda grey you look at an immediately associate with a corpse, but he can certainly tell the difference from a hue of nanites and the absence of their activity. At the cordial 'Doctor Knock Out' sent his way, he has to shut himself up correcting them, for as true as he may say he isn't a doctor it isn't particularly assuring for the bot in charge of your medical care states blandly he doesn't have a license; not many do, but saying it aloud doesn't help anyone.
Working during the war KO has accrued a few scars of his own, never makes it the end of the solar cycle with a pristine finish... and not just because he doesn't really care to start the day with a fresh coat. Armour often left dented though repaired when split, face and portions of protoform littered with nicks and cuts and sometimes gaping wounds, sealed shut not with welding but a mesh net he had once used as a mortician for those very same scars, whatever bleeding there long since healed. The missing optic is inconvenient, though not quite as terrible as losing a few parts from his fingers, their delicate work hampered with some missing tips, another near fully gone.
Some of them have stories, others a quick flash. There was a bomb in a body, that took his fingers. There was a welding torch, the light burned his optic. A wound on his side, that was from a lucky shot.
He is his own walking autopsy.
#knock out#tfp knock out#shattered glass#tfp shattered glass#transformers#tfp#maccadam#i might've gotten carried away#and i might've also lost where i was and got stranded after getting said carried away#but i think that at least in the way i inform the choices of my idea of shattered knock out#is distinguishing the two from their previous profession- living beauty and deceased beauty#don't particularly know about how morticians are valued in cybertron lmao#might be unsightly in functionist views as so they're isolated- could be deemed a necessity and only really offputting to the average bot#intriguing a version of breakdown might say- who knows depends- might also be this breakdown that finds this ko intriguing too#i guess shattered glass might mean that kobd ain't as 'couple goals' as it may be in baseverse#okay- boop
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I know I’ve been talking about downsizing basically forever but things keep happening. But since taking in these emergency rats it has REALLY driven home that I *need* to be much further from my capacity limit.
I am not rehoming any of *my* animals, but I am doubling down on my efforts to increase my number of outside fosters so that there’s fewer fosters at my house, and will be keeping much fewer permanent animals going forward.
I am not planning to have any forever rats (except sanctuary rats) going forward, or forever mice. Once my current ones pass I will not be getting anymore. I have 9 gerbils through various circumstances but my limit is going to be 4. I have 3 hamsters & will be setting a limit of 1-2 going forward. I am planning to have no more than 6-7 permanent rodent enclosures (currently I have 14, so I will be halving my numbers essential, as they slowly pass of old age.
Before I ended up with these emergency rats I was doing just fine, not quite at my limit but getting close, and now I am over my limit and not sure when that’ll change. I’m managing, but since I never know when the next emergency will happen I need to maintain more open space and more bandwidth.
#it’s going to take me a WHILE to get down to these numbers- and they’re flexible#so like#i don’t anticipate having more than 1 hamster at a time after my current 3#until i am down to fewer than 4 gerbil cages (goal is 2 gerbil cages)#which will take a while because gerbils live a lot longer and mine are all healthy and all but two are only middle aged#etc#the rats most of mine are older but I’ll have 3 of them for at least another year or two#and so on#but yeah.. this has been a wake up call for me that i’ve been playing too close to my limits and it’s not sustainable#i am managing right now- and i am NOT taking more intakes into my home for the foreseeable future- but i need to give myself wiggle room
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i got a good grade in PT today AND i'm cleared to walk as far as i want as long as i do it on mostly-level ground :D
#pt tag#autoimmune tag#exercise tag#highlights: still scoring severely disabled but the level of disability has dropped 8% in two weeks#which according to my PT is Above And Beyond where i should be#hip strength remains SHOT so a lot of uphill walking is a no-no. adding more exercises to fix this though#i'm unlikely to graduate PT the same way i would for an injury (at least not anytime soon) since i have a chronic degenerative illness#BUT i can work toward a goal of only needing to check in every one or two months re: whether i'm doing okay.#once again i am.... so fucking blessed to have a jock's metabolism. this body sucks but is also so resilient#YAY. I GOT UP EARLY SO IT'S NICE THAT THE APPOINTMENT DIDN'T SUCK
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i think it’s fun that blossom and buttercup butt heads the most vs brick who targets boomer and more or less gets along swell with butch
#once again this is just me stating the obvious but i think about it a lot anyway#like with buttercup it’s a general refusal to follow the given instruction#vs boomer whose issue with brick tends to be incomprehension or lack of capability#and like. the difference between a leader who wants a Good Clean outcome vs one who just wants to have fun at all costs#butch has no reason to oppose brick because their goals basically align similar to how bubbles and blossom function#whereas buttercup Wants to be reckless under the instruction of someone who simply is Not#and boomers situation is a bit different because he really doesn’t oppose Brick much at all#he’s just a bit slow to catch on and will tend to speak out of turn out of excitement to contribute to a situation#vs butch who quite literally just parrots a lot of what brick says in a lot of his dialog#boomer is just ‘soft’ enough to be an easy target#it also Is just really fitting of brick to aim that kind of attitude at someone who’s less likely to do anything about it#whereas blossom generally has a real point she wants to drill into buttercups head so the resulting fight is. kind of the goal#idk where i’m going with this i just saw a post that made me want to organize these thoughts somewhere#bubble journal#editing to add more#like alright boomer is. undoubtedly a part of their group#i don’t think he’s a true odd one out he Isn’t#he scraps with them and likes the same things they do and generally likes to participate with them#he just so happens to be the ‘worst’ relative to the other two at being a Rowdy/ruff Boy#at least in the way they perceive one ought to be#so when he gets a bit too obviously naive he’ll get singled out#but it’s clear he can generally keep up with them anyway#if only for the fact that brick and butch can instantly tell when bubbles wasn’t able to#does this make sense i feel like i lost the plot
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the billionaires paying off the government to shape it to suit them will not voluntarily give up power, the working class must seize this power. trump does not stand for the average american but rather only serves to further divide the working class, by appealing overwhelmingly to folks that share his views of hatred and feeding them lies to make them believe their neighbor is the enemy instead of elon musk or jeff bezos. this distraction of in-fighting in the working class then diminishes the ability to organize and allows the mega-rich to do whatever they want behind the scenes. folks don't notice that these people are infringing on their rights because they're too concerned with harboring hate towards their immigrant neighbor or their liberal kids, who were never their enemy until trump told them so. it's all part of the plan to increase the divide between rich and poor and increase the power of the rich.
#working class#seize the means of production#eat the rich#america is being fed an illusion of separation to drive us apart until its real#the middle class is being separated and eroded down to widen the power gap between the rich and the poor#kamala wasnt gonna stop any of this either shes as much a part of the machine as trump#but trump cant even be bothered to try to conceal his interests in power above all else and using that power to only help his rich buddies#also the democratic party is crumbling as proven by their increasingly shady tactics every year#dems didnt even get a primary or a chance to pick their candidate...#kamala historically polled low like dems would not have chosen her if they ever even had the chance#no matter who won it was never going to be an actual election its all a farce and an illusion#no people had any real choice in which candidates made it to the election#it was purely here's your two choices#theyre exactly the same (capitalist imperialist etc) but different colors (red or blue)#i hate it here#t#trump is not for the average american#he is lying to you and tricking you to gain power#he wants you to fight with your neighbors and family so you have nothing left but an idol promising youre right and delivering nothing#trumps goal was to be as disagreeable and out there as possible so dems looks frantic and panicked and emotional#its LITERALLY all part of his plan#hes not gonna drain the swamp#hes gonna put rich out of touch people in positions of power and cut all funding to public support systems#if you voted for this i truly believe youve been tricked and youre stupid for letting that happen but also#its easier to trick someone than convince them they've been tricked so its an uphill battle once trump has already deceived the masses#literally fuck this people are so fucking dumb ive been trying to not insult people but this is truly what it comes down to#trumpers who say its all an illusion and we're being tricked but think trump is the solution rather than the puppetmaster himself is nuts#you're being fooled tricked bamboozled hijinksed#like i said i was not for kamala either shes still part of the machine but at least she didnt outwardly promise to dismantle rights...#lowkey wanna tag this trump 2024 just so trumpers actually see it like theyre the ones that need to know lmao
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driving lesson number 2/5 wish me luck !!!!!!
#i cant believe i only have 5 lessons total before my driving test 🥴🥴🥴 christ !!!!!#i have to get really good at driving in under a month cause my test is on the 16th#ok to be fair im actually pretty good so far at least in my own neighbourhood#im a lot less terrified#my two main goals are: be able to drive bf to the hospital in an emergency (im p sure im at that point now)#and in the future be able to drive him to his back surgery (which if anyones still following along there is gonna be another 3-ish months 🙃
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i cant get over how absolutely insane satosugu is...gege was born to write yaoi forced to write shounen
#sorry i remembered hidden inventory arc n im insane about them again :(( SAD LITTLE GAY PEOPLE IN MY PHONE!!!#nah but it just...OUGHHH they make me so upset!!!#its just they way they start out immediately understanding each other bc gojo has been alone on a pedestal basically his entire life+#but then he meets geto who treats him like a normal dude!!! not a weapon!!! and just watching them annoy each other as normal teens +#makes me emotional bc theres so much cruelty and just DEATH in their world but at the least they have each other to get through it!!!#theyre the strongest together after all right!!! then toji happens and gojo starts to perfect his abilities with him automating infinity#and then the gap between the two just gets wider and wider...until the final confrontation where the one who understood gojo all this time#not only leaves him but calls him arrogant at the same time showing gojo the ONLY person who he though understood just..doesnt+#and hes left alone again in the same place he was years ago...AND OUGHHHHH#idk i watched a video analysis of hidden inventory where the guy said geto was just as egotistical as gojo except in having a savior comple#and tbh i never though of that before!! but looking back it makes sense with how he spoke to riko + the way he slaughtered the whole villag#to not just save the girls but also prove to himself that he could make the world he wanted#the guy in the video put it basically that since the gap between gojo and geto was so wide geto would rather be the best villain+#than second best hero and that makes a lot of sense since his ideals/goals as a villain go against his usual rational behavior#he KNOWS its probably impossible (for him at least it wouldnt be for gojo which he admits) but he has to do it for himself#sorry im rambling but AHHHHHH how tf did gege write this??? its such a small part of the story but its arguably the catalyst for everything#aside from plot wise it simply just is impactful emotionally! gege had to go thru a toxic codependent homoerotic friendship to write this+#theres just no other way#jjk#jujustu kaisen#gojo satoru#geto suguru#satosugu
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Demon trying to feed on my insecurities: "You're a bad driver"
Me: "Of course I am. I hate driving. Going 80 mph surrounded by tons of metal is nerve-wrecking. I try to do it as little as possible. Of course I'm bad at it"
Demon: "You're a bad writer"
Me: "Well that part's simply not true. I never claimed I was the greatest author of my generation, but when I put pen to paper I know what I want to communicate and I usually do it well. If someone isn't impressed with my work, that's unfortunate but they're entitled to their opinion"
Demon: "You're a bad leader"
Me: "Well I don't know about that! I mean there was that one time when... Ok look just because people don't see me as an authority figure doesn't mean... 😠 You know you can be a real asshole, demon!"
#joking aside the reason I suck at helping people is probably not dissimilar from why I'm bad at driving#the joke is “having good ideas which would work if people let you boss them around” and#“having enough charisma to persuade people to let you boss them around” are two different skills and I don't have nearly enough patience#for the latter#but no really it makes me deeply insecure seeing sycophants rally around the most transparently incompetent and self-interested POS people#and meanwhile I'm getting called shrill and presumptuous for pointing out that the left-wing is poorly organized and I could do it better#can we agree it's at least a little bit because I have aspergers and no penis?#like I realize what I'm doing is the political equivalent of “but I'm such a nice guy!” and I'm literally complaining that no one#respects ma authoritah#but just saying: maybe I wouldn't come off as such a petulant misanthrope#if I wasn't constantly being asked to fix problems that could have been avoided if everyone listened to me in the first place#“nobody likes an i-told-you-so” yeah that's why democracies keep falling to fascism cus you want someone pleasant over someone correct#at the same time sooner or later you have to look in the mirror#and I can count the group projects I've successfully headed on one hand; maybe it's me#if it was just that people don't listen to me than yeah this would just mean I have an ego#but there are plenty of women the left could be rallying around and it doesn't because of minor scandals and anarchist ideals#it's stupid and I'm becoming a tankie just because i'm sick of the idea#that political goals can be accomplished without a clear chain of commmand#i don't need to be the leader but WE NEED A LEADER#the hatian revolution succeeded because Toussaint Louverture organized random slave rioting into an actual army#and I just wish I had that kind of magic myself but I might already be too bitter#ftr this isn't in response to anything that happened recently I'm just still mad thinking about an anarchist group I tried to join#on facebook five years ago where I asked point blank what the marching orders were and got blocked for being “obviously a cop”#and the mod comes at me with “anarchists don't have leaders IDIOT”#yeah well you're the guys always saying you only oppose UNJUST hierarchies idiot!#excuse me for thinking you guys had a plan beyond perpetual infighting#not everyone asking blunt questions about the anarchist platform are feds you guys are just paranoid and ableist#and when you block people for asking what game plan is it really sounds like you just plain don't have one (which is depressing)#I don't care how many books there are about how anarchism is more than just “wanting a free-for-all”#if you attack anyone who tries to impose a hierarchy just to get shit done it really seems like that first impression of
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