#at least I’m being honest about it
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Weapons and Character Personalities
Disclaimer: This is not a list that I created! It was from the original PocketWriters website, which sadly no longer exists (the link I am sharing is from a previous attempt to repost it and figure out if the person who initially made the list managed to find their way to the small Amino community that former PocketWriter members are part of). I don’t remember who the original creator of this list was, so I hope whoever made it happens to be on tumblr so that they may see it and reclaim it…
Anyway, here’s the actual list:
If a blade: They tend to be confident
If ranged: They tend to be conservative
If blunt: They tend to be expressive of their feelings
If (can be) used for stealth: They tend to be manipulative, sneaky, or mysterious
If used for upfront battle: They tend to be honest
If duel-wielded (if it can): They like teamwork
If wielded by itself (if given the option): They like to work alone
If throwable/shootable: They tend to be hard-working
If worn/it’s their fists: They tend to be loyal
I hope this list somehow manages to find its original creator. Even if it doesn’t, I thought it would be interesting to share.
#pocketwriters#fighting styles#character personalities#writers on tumblr#not mine#at least I’m being honest about it#amino apps
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I tried writing you affectionate filth again. It came out fluffy as all hell. I think I just have to accept that I'm a shy, sweet and romantic person and leave the smut to the pros 😩
But SEE I love attention, I’m an attention whore. Also I just like when people are nice 😂
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underneath all that denial and being flippant about it steph is Definitely a hopeless romantic and no one can tell me otherwise. this girl can and will spend all day talking about how she definitely does not want to kiss some dweeb in suspenders & then will start giggling twirling her hair and kicking her feet because he bought her a coffee or held a door open for her or some shit. she talks like her heart is made of steel but it’s made of fucking porridge
#i also have a heart made of porridge and would melt if some twink as sweet as pete did those things for me#well maybe not the coffee i hate coffee#but the point is#at least i’m honest about being this pathetic#🙄 /lh#lautski#starkid#hatchetfield#npmd#i’m being silly if that wasnt clear and they are everything to me
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Some fresh air
#hazbin hotel#arackniss#been wanting to draw Niss properly for a while#I’m officially I’m a waiting list to try tackle my arachnophobia because a massive black spider locked me out of my house#and with it being Halloween there is spider decor everywhere and his colour scheme matches the vibes#so it seemed like the perfect time#it was a bit rushed and wonkey but I’m happy with him for now :)#may be afk for a while cause my works really hard at the moment#Also apologies to the people I owe art to I haven’t forgotten honest#i think ive said this before bht i have a headcannin niss and Angel smoke the same brank cigarette's#so its just important to me to include smoking when i draw him atm#at least until he's in the show cause we technically dont know shit about him
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Teller of Small Fortunes
lighthearted fantasy adventure
follows an immigrant fortune teller who travels between villages telling small fortunes for people
when she runs into a (mostly reformed) thief and an an ex-mercenary searching for his lost daughter, she ends up traveling with them in the hopes she can help, along with a baker they meet along the way,
they encounter various magical creatures and adventurous situations, and eventually she has to face her past
no romance
#The Teller of Small Fortunes#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#this was okay#to be honest I didn’t get very attached to any of the characters - I found most of them a bit one dimensional.#(I kept forgetting the cat even existed - why keep mentioning the magical cat in the promo if it’s barely there!!!)#And not feeling much for the characters meant I struggled to feel much about everything else about the story honestly#The exploration of being diaspora in a foreign country & experiences of racism & her relationship with her mother was probably the most#interesting to me.#I always give cozy fantasy a chance but honestly I need it to be deeply introspective or maybe like really funny#it’s just a bit too light for me? (other than the racism and xenophobia - I’m glad to see more of that in this space)#It’s just I think not deeply enough for me - and combined with not feeling attached to the characters I just wasn’t feeling it#Also one of the reasons I picked this up was because I was seeing people say it has an asexual MC and let me just say-#it has a very vaguely AROace CODED mc#If you’re looking for it there’s a few lines of implications but it’s not super clear and also any mention is romance related - aro! not ac#There were SO many instances that would have been an opportunity to bring up aro/aceness and the choice to not do that#felt sightly strange to me?. however tdlr readers could be promoting this on it having no romance and focusing on#friendship/family instead of saying it has an ace MC which is….only there if you squint#no romance#***other than side characters being married and also:#There’s a minor subplot where a side character has a crush on another SC which is unrequited#and there’s a bit of a confrontation after which he backs off. but then it’s implied they might get together in the end :(#which was unnecessary! come on!#I always find fantasy characters inventing real life foods slightly odd but at least this one is more from the author’s culture#anyway. it's okay! just didn't really end up being for me
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fob brainrot really has me thinking insane shit 24/7 tell me why i saw a diary of a wimpy kid edit on tiktok of greg and rowley being best friends and my first thought was “oh they’re so p2 coded”
#they’re not even really if i’m honest. and yet#but they also kind of are. so it’s both#they have the right look about them kinda sorta at least#sorry for being in my diary of a wimpy kid era do you guys still like me
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it is so vitally important to me that aziraphale and crowley not only love each other but choose to love each other.
i don’t want it to be fate. i don’t want it to be god’s will. i want it to be a conscious and continuous choice.
i want aziraphale choosing every day of his goddamn existence to love crowley and all that he is. i want aziraphale choosing to love crowley not in spite of being a demon, but because he is a demon. i want aziraphale choosing to love crowley’s curiosity and creative wonder. i want aziraphale choosing to love crowley’s love of plants and gardening.
i want crowley choosing to love aziraphale’s passion for books. i want crowley choosing to love aziraphale’s desire to do things the human way even if he could just miracle it. i want crowley choosing to love aziraphale’s angel-ness because it is a fundamental part of him.
i want aziraphale choosing to love everything about crowley and vise versa. and i want it to be a very conscious and intentional choice.
it being fate negates the entire point of the story. good omens is a love story between an angel and a demon, yes. but that’s not all that it is. it’s a story about two occult/ethereal beings who choose humanity over the great plan. two beings who choose the world over armageddon. and they make those choices because despite it all they have chosen to fall in love with the world and with humanity.
it only makes sense that they choose each other. that they choose their love. it being fate or god’s will ruins the foundational pillar of their relationship. that they choose each other over and over and over again. year after year, century after century, time and time again. they always choose. they choose the arrangement, they choose saving the other from harm, they choose lying to protect the other.
it is always a choice. and it better stay a choice or i am going to be so devastated.
#look i’m good with most anything for s3#as long as they end up in the south downs & hug at least once i will be happy#but this is one thing that isn’t necessarily a need but more like a deep rooted desire that will break me if not met#like if it’s all ‘haha this was god’s plan all along’ i will be so upset#disappointed even#because neil can do better than that#he’s a better writer than that#not to mention it makes absolutely no sense in the context of the story#like i understand how it’s fun to play around with ‘they were made for each other’#but i really want them to choose each other despite everything#because if i’m being honest it’s one of the things about aziracrow that feels fundamentally queer#to say ‘yeah fuck that’ to what the systems in power tell you you should act like#or who you should love and care for#and instead say ‘i choose this’ ‘i choose you’ to the people and things that actually fulfill you#that is powerful and that is foundational to queerness and queer liberation in my opinion#it’s not about fate or being made for whatever#it’s saying ‘i don’t care if it’s fate or the divine plan or not. it just is and you can’t change the fact that it simply /is/.’#and maybe that’s just me#but it sure as hell makes sense in my mind#good omens#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#crowley#aziraphale#good omens 2#ineffable wives#neil gaiman#good omens meta#aziracrow meta#gomens meta
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I need to see movies <- person spending 26 dollars a month on a AMC premiere A-list membership
#if I see at least two a month I’ve made my money back#so if you follow me on letterboxd and see me being more active that’s why#to be honest I bought the membership thinking It would motivate me to get out of the house#and it has I just have been not using it as much as I can#I’m about to make these people regret offering this tier#the amc is about to be my second home
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Okay so as an alterhuman who loves fandom-
Does anyone else feel the struggle when you are just downright obsessed with a character, just feral over a fictional entity
And then you remember that people who kin fictional entities exist.
AND IT’S NOT IN A NEGATIVE WAY
But you have that moment of realization
Because you have said, jokingly, a million times, “lol I’m so glad this character isn’t real, I’d die of embarrassment if that real actual entity ever saw me going insane like this”.
And
Lo and behold
You make eye contact with this (not)person
That exact entity
and you just have to deal with that.
You just have to stand there knowing that you have gone “my scrimblo and their bimbinis,,,” about this entity.
And they at any time can come demand an explanation for your rabid feral tendencies that just so happen to be about them.
Like there is nothing that will ever prepare you for the experience that is-
Me, having just gotten done with the tangent of the century about how much i would kill and die for a character:
Character, leaning over my shoulder:
Me:
Anyways am I entitled to financial compensation or do i need medical insurance for that cardiac arrest (/j)
#can you tell i made a social blunder#it’s a little funny if I’m being honest#anyways @ the ink demon kin who’s following me now you gave me a heart attack#you will likely be witness to many unhinged yells and i ask you to avert your eyes#or don’t frankly I have no idea if you’ll even see this#either way would be hilarious#but one of those allows me to keep my dignity and at least pretend I’m normal about this game#anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk#funnier as an angelkin#alterhuman#angelkin#otherkin#divinekin#fictionkin
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obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog
Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️
Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D
#guys help is it time for a rebranding?? am I just gonna post about f1 now??#I still can’t believe this has all started because bestie and I were watching Ted Lasso (because I’ve been obsessed with that show for a#while now too) and I paused the episode to talk about how I really like the way Jamie interacts with kids (I’m sorry people being good with#and nice to kids is one of my weaknesses I work with kids now and have been invested in treating kids well forever)#so me saying that apparently reminded her of max and she showed me a video of him with p and yeah it was very effective in making me like#him and then we left the episode on pause and she told me a lot about f1 and max specifically cause I was interested now lmao (funny thing#is that she also got roped into it by our other friends I swear it’s speeding lmao#she also compared him to Jamie from Ted lasso (if you know you know) and showed me some heart wrenching Taylor swift edits (i haven’t#emotionally recovered yet) and yeah that’s how I started consuming way too much f1 content on YouTube and got into this whole mess lmao#oh yeah our friends also made me and another friend make a Tier list for all the drivers based on vibes alone (cause I only knew a bit about#max at that time and the other one knew nothing really) which was very funny too#especially looking back at it (we did some of them so dirty lmao 😂)#I’ve also come to the conclusion that tumblr is still one of the least annoying platforms to engage with other people (still)#YouTube is full of hate comments about drivers and stuff it’s so annoying actually#not to mention Twitter but I don’t go there and probably never will 😂#I personally don’t enjoy fics and scenarios and shipping of real people cause it makes me a bit uncomfy (not judging people who do#you do you as long as it doesn’t negatively affect anyone#but yeah I’d much rather just scroll by those here than have to look away from all the mindless hate and which driver is better discussions#everywhere else like I’m not one to engage with stuff like that but it does upset me to some#degree so yeah tumblr making memes and being rather positive about their drivers (most of what I’ve seen here of course there are gonna be#annoying people everywhere) is much more tolerable and a lot more enjoyable for me#whoops this post got away from me again oh dear#I’ve had the idea for a meme stuck in my head for days now: Max verstappen but make it if you don’t love me at my *swearing on team radio#giving spicy replies and attitude to the media maxplaining and complaining going for risky overtakes* you don’t deserve me at my *precious#interactions with p talking about his cats being a goofball with other drivers and especially danny defending other drivers driving#beautifully in the rain* it’s a package deal you can’t just pick and choose and personally I don’t even get why people complain about some#of the other stuff I appreciate someone who’s passionate and honest and genuinely kind where it matters 🤷🏻♀️#I think I’ve seen someone else say that but the more people complain about and criticize max the more I feel the need to defend him#god forbid women have hobbies for real (can’t believe I’ve yapped so much I can’t put more tags 💀)#also shoutout to Oscar Piastri and Danny Ric (I was so happy Oscar won even tho McLaren where being very silly in a not so funny way)
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I mean this from a social perspective not a health one : why does everything feel weird right now. Like yes I’m heartbroken about the reality of my position in the lives of my so called friends but now I just feel confused. I don’t understand why I’m not important and why I can’t change to be important to others, nor what makes a person important either.
#like okay yeah I’ve been lowkey crying in the middle of the night because of how unimportant I feel but that’s down pat now we get it#I just want to know why am I not ? like am I doing something wrong ? I could’ve sworn I’m trying my best to not be annoying frustrating and#to be there but the reality of things is that I can’t always be there given my condition#sometimes I wonder how hard it is to ask me a simple ‘are you okay’ or ‘how are you’ or god forbid that I am missed lmao pls fniesksn ignore#the last one I think that’s too much but at least the other two#I don’t want to tell people to ask me these because then it feels fake and that they’re doing it just for the sake of getting me to shut up#about it but I don’t know#dora daily#a reason why I hate insta with my whole life because it just never fails to prove how worthless I really am#like I could’ve died yk … and it’d still be the sahara desert there#anyways I like being alone a lot something I’ve found out about myself#(I hate it actually but I only like it because I cannot make myself do anything like even talking seems so very exhausting so I can manage#with the loneliness when I’m ill but I can’t cope with it when I’m even a smidge better)#sigh.#just sigh. where did I get my friends from and why does everyone seem to love their friends so much but I cannot#don’t get me wrong I talk about how much I love them to everyone and if I don’t I obsess abt them in my head but it is not reciprocated to#be honest. not at all#and that’s what makes me sad. I still love them because I love unconditionally it seems#but from a conditional viewpoint they do not cut it#and that makes me disappointed#that’s why I’d kill to be loved or heck even remotely liked the way I like others even half of that yk#I am not a good person in my eyes but I would do so much just to be liked like that I wish I knew why I’m not worth being liked only worthy#of being tolerated.
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mental health experts are not a thing
#i don’t think anyone should claim to be one#as someone who has been through many many mental health trainings and has various certificates and volunteered for a suicide helpline#and whose job is v closely to do with mental health#no one really knows what they’re doing#we’re all just winging it#yes there’s some evidence for cbt helping some people but it’s not going to help with v deep seated issues#also i know my own personal experience is not everyone’s but it has not been good#i remember going to talking therapy for the first time and saying idk what I’m doing#and they said you need to remember WE know what WE’RE doing#i used the service twice & they did not#i’m sure they were kind#well meaning compassionate people and i admire them for that#but it’s frustrating being encouraged to trust people bc they’re ‘professionals’#and then seeing they have no idea how to help#a psychiatrist told me he could make my bdd go away#he just kept asking me if I thought he was delusional bc he thought I looked okay#no but that doesn’t make me delusional either#we just have different standards and values#one bdd ‘expert’ literally said nothing about BDD the entire time#he was nice though & we talked about his pets p much the entire time#had one meeting with a counsellor who gave me factually incorrect information then told me i was wrong even though i could easily prove it#one bdd ‘expert’ at least was honest with me that she couldn’t help#bc ‘you can only get better if you’re doing it for you not your parents’#another lady thought that if she could get me to retrain my attention that would solve everything#basically ‘just think about other things’#a lady at the counselling place at uni told me to read a book on social anxiety#one psychiatrist asked me what celebrity I’d like to look like#said oh I see it you look like her#I do not#then a bit later said I think you look way better than her
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Sometimes after months and months of stressed induced illness progressively getting worse while feeling very alone and isolated, you’ve just got to read about two 18th century Swiss gays, one of which facing months and months of stress induced illness while NOT feeling very alone and isolated.
Thank god after tomorrow I’m off on study leave, I don’t think I can force myself through one more school day while progressively getting more and more out of it mentally and generally physically worse.
#clervalstein#some of my mates really encouraged me see a doctor lately#I’m starting to wonder if I should but at the same time#I haven’t seen a doctor since I was around 7 or 8 and I#frankly#do NOT have the balls to go to a doctor myself for the first time in almost 10 years#and especially don’t have the balls to actually have a conversation whining about myself#I’m also a wee bit irrationally afraid of being put in a vulnerable position with a diagnosis or if things are taken seriously#i tried to explain that to my friends but they kind of just seemed pissed and told me to stop whining if I wasn’t going to improve myself#i dont think I complain THAT often#or at least I really try not to#i dont really know what to do to be honest#I’m scared of losing control if I try to look for help#but I also don’t want to be a burden to my friends family and teachers for being ill#any advice would be genuinely appreciated#classic literature#gothic lit#goth lit#gothic literature#classic lit#frankenstein weekly#frankenstein
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I need to print out or pin that post somewhere about taking breaks from dnp to just like focus on your own life bc they’ll always be there I’ve been an avid viewer since 2014 only taking a small break sometime in between the hiatus but obviously like everyone else my online phannieism has come back full force since the comeback i only started using tumblr again around december but I would use another blog just to lurk and like posts I made this blog less than 2 months ago which is insane to me I feel like I’ve lived a thousand lives since then and it’s been so much fun being able to interact with other phannies and share my thoughts in a way that I haven’t interacted with the phandom since like 2015 but it has also rapidly increased my brainrot i already spent most of my free time just rewatching old videos and edits but I’ve noticed since like gamingmas my mind is constantly occupied with dnp and posting and whether my ask got answered and like I’m unemployed lmao so it’s all fun and games to a certain point but I’m also a student and I genuinely think me being weak and flawed in the brain and getting easily distracted has derailed me in my last semester of uni which is kind of not good I’m like oh lol it’s so funny and relatable I just love dnp!!! but there’s also phannies in med school and other stuff which is great and I genuinely feel like I’m holding myself back personally and professionally with how much time I spend thinking about them again I don’t think it’s a bad thing I just need to train myself into being More Normal and maybe blocking off times for blogging and watching and actually focusing on my life y’know
#this makes me sound so pathetic but I’m being honest a lot of my time revolves around them and thinking about them#I think another thing is that I get a rush from people liking my posts but I’m not in any phannie group chats#or have irl friends I can talk to them about#I think at least that would make it easier to get thoughts out instead of having to consider how I want to write them out for a post#i also only lurk on phannie twit bc some posts are fun but you have to be way too involved on there#any time in my life I’ve been an active twitter user in a fandom has been the worst most unproductive high screen time periods of my life#can’t have that rn tumblr is enough fun and distraction for me#I already know I’m not going to take my own advice lmao it’s not like an addiction I do have a life outside of dnp#they just make me happy and all their content is so comforting#nightly over sharing over sorry to anyone reading this I have enough shit to journal about this blog is my phannie journal#i say all this while knowing I have an assignment due tomorrow but I’m about to make tit tour bracelets#and rewatch massive pizza mukbang 2 for the 4th time#yolo#dnp#my thots
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I am visiting extended family and experiencing a spectrum of shrimp emotions both positive and negative. Positive because I love them and love spending time with them. Negative for reasons I feel so self conscious about I can’t bring myself to explain them outside of the tags even in my anonymous personal blog. I can’t sleep even though I’m exhausted. every night I’m pacing from anxiety as I try to figure out which parts of me to be honest about and which to conceal for the sake of not? Deeply hurting the people I care about? Even though I haven’t done anything wrong so if they are hurt that’s not on me.
#this post is primarily about whether I confess that I categorically and completely do not believe in the divinity of Jesus#And maybe telling them to stop trying to make my Jewish faith about the guy because that is offensive along multiple axes#So far I’ve been evading things and giving noncommittal answers to their questions but I feel so… dishonest#Not that I owe them honesty. Their questions are not appropriate#But I feel like I’m not being honest and respecting MYSELF by not owning my own deeply held beliefs#And I have no reason not to tell them except fear that they’ll be upset. Even though that reaction would be on them and not on me!#Once I start my PhD in the fall my stipend will allow me to be financially independent. I am exceedingly privileged in that regard#So there’s no financial risk to me if I alienate them to the point of cutting me off. Not that I think that’s remotely likely.#My own immediate family have been really supportive. My mom especially (my brother less so but he’s trying and I think he’ll get there)#But also. Jesus is so important to them that the one thing I could see myself getting cut off from at least extended family over is this#I’m so frustrated with them and honestly hurt by all the Christian supercessionist bullshit they’ve foisted on me this week#Trying to contort my faith into some validation of theirs. Completely steamrollering and erasing all the beautiful and unique aspects of#Judaism in the process. Trying to explain my own religion to me even though I’ve studied it for YEARS#There are some things they’ve said that are so offensively wrong it hurts#They mean well but honestly it makes it feel even worse#I feel bad but… it’s gotten to the point that I viscerally hate any mention of Jesus#Used to feel neutral about him. Could talk about him positively in the name of interfaith understanding#But the more my family tries to force him on me the more I loathe the idea of him#vent#personal#religion#religion tw#sorry I know this is potentially sensitive subject matter for people#Christian antisemitism
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is my header nice i need validation
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