#also i know my own personal experience is not everyone’s but it has not been good
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I mean, nothing I said was suggesting that nothing can or should be done. I have a couple things I can think of but people are already rightly pointing out that my experience, like all experiences, isnt universal. Calling out a shallow take isn't something I'm doing because I'm so so wise and I know how to fix everything.
I have heard the take that part of the fix for this will probably be a lot more white men with podcasts, and that is almost definitely *part* of the fix. It is legitimately difficult for young men to find content about random ass basic hobbies that isn't being served to them by low-key fascists. That needs to change. When talking with other progressive men, something that came up a lot was after school programs, especially ones that bring boys in more contact with their communities and expose them to different kinds of people in positive ways. Hate breeds in ignorance and isolation.
You already seem very anti-terf, which is great. That is also part of it. I don't honestly think that women are the cause of this problem but like, in terms of fixing this and convincing men that feminists are on their side, yeah, some small part of it is probably looking at the state of feminism currently and recognizing that it has devolved in many very public online spaces into reactionary gender essentialism and that radical feminism takes up a lot more air than anyone would like to pretend it does. "Sure I wholeheartedly reblogged something that claimed that any man who seems decent is just trying to let women's guards down to make it easier to assault them, something all men are trying to do to women at all times, but that's just venting. Ignore that broadside that me and my friends just unloaded on you and everyone who looks anything like you, if you think that your hurt feelings about that matter, that's on you for not recognizing that our pain justifies saying literally whatever we want" (to call up a random example) is certainly a standard that it is possible to enforce in some more isolated corners of the internet, but there has been a serious breakdown between the personal and the public, which is hell for messaging as a movement. This is no longer drinks with friends, this stuff gets broadcast worldwide to men who are trying to get a sense of what feminism is about. At some level, what is cathartic to say will have to give way to what is tactically wise to announce. The only men who will willingly share space with that sentiment if it is core to this movement are either convinced that they are personally exempt from examining their own privilege, which is its own problem, or men who agree wholeheartedly that all men are evil, them included, and are trying to atone. I've interacted plenty with both in male feminist spaces. It's not a winning team. I am aware how hard that will be. 4B type political lesbianism/lesbian separatism seems to be having a moment (at least as a meme) right now as people process their grief in this moment. That's understandable. But it's not wise.
Considering this is happening in the wake of the US election, and I'm saying this as a Canadian, it's also worth gently and precisely noting that even if the harm is the same, someone who voted for trump didn't necessarily do it because they despise women. If we're just looking at the raw numbers and saying "we're doomed", that's probably not helpful or, luckily, accurate. The project of changing the cultural narrative is huge and depressingly long. The rise of reactionary right wing populism when a society starts failing its young people economically isn't. That is a different, and much easier project. If you don't want people to vote for right wing populism, you need to give them left wing populism, and infiltrating the democratic party and pulling all the same tricks the right did but towards economic policy that will provide the next generation of men with the opportunity to own homes and pull their weight supporting families will do a hell of a lot more in a much shorter time than systematically changing each and every man's heart, especially considering a lot of the people who voted for trump weren't men. This project will outlast us, but MAGA doesn't have to.
If your vision for the deradicalization of right-wing men begins and ends with "other men telling them that that's gross and to stop it" then I'm sorry, you do not understand how masculinity works.
"Men who hold patriarchal status" and "men who are feminists" are two groups who overlap less than you want them to. I'm sorry. That's not solely because men are so happy with patriarchal status that they don't want to risk it by policing misogyny/queerphobia/racism, It's because being misogynistic, queerphobic, and racist, end expressing other forms of toxic masculinity(and often abusively so) are part of how people establish and maintain patriarchal status. The men who have the ability to stop this via nothing but peer pressure are the very people who are doing it. That's by design. And engaging in feminist intervention is, in and of itself, usually the abrupt end of that status and its associated power to persuade misogynistic men.
Like, I have worked in blue collar jobs as a notably queer person. It was pretty much a constant deluge of verbal abuse. In my experience, most blue collar work environments are exploitative, abusive, and bigoted, and very gleefully so. On the occasions I have spoken up about someone saying something that was super fucking out of line (asking me which of the girls walking by was hottest. We were installing a portable classroom at a middle school), believe it or not, they completely failed to be shamed! Because nobody else on the crew gave a fuck. *I* was the weird one. They ghosted me. A full blown company ghosted me. I suddenly didn't have a job anymore because they just straightforwardly stopped telling me where the next job site was.
Like, this doesn't mean that it's your job to do it, but this vision you have of these big groups of men where everyone is on the fence and there is precisely one shit stirrer who can be shut down by a brave feminist man who can single handedly set the example for all these other guys...you are high. You are describing an "everybody clapped" level absurd scenario. Most of these truly virulent misogynistic guys either have zero friends, because, you know, our society is atomized to fuck, or they are in a group where the feminist guy is actually the weirdo who can be shut down and ostracized much, much easier than the misogynists, because there is no such thing as a man misogynists respect who stands up for women.
You might be saying "well, we're talking about longstanding personal relationships, actually. Like, they need to have to want to spend time with you and then, as a side effect, you can mind control them out of being a threat to us."
Problem with that being:
1: Many feminist men also have no friends, see the atomized society above.
2: Feminist men already stopped hanging out with men who make rape jokes because why the fuck would we want to spend time with them.
3: That isn't just because we respect women so hard. We are in many cases talking about men who are also deeply queerphobic, heirarchical, violent and abusive to other men. What initially drew me to feminism and women was a lack of heirarchical squabbling and constant bullying, and the ability to be openly queer. A lot of men who came to feminism did so because they knew that the patriarchy was not a place they would find success or acceptance. These are not the men who are gonna be able to change right wing minds.
4. Men do not view themselves as a monolith. There is no universal brotherhood of men. The actual meaning of the term "Fragile masculinity" is that men are constantly expected to prove that they are deserving of the status of being a member of their own gender. There are large swathes of men--including most of the men who you'd look to as examples of good, feminist men who you want to undertake this project--who are considered failed men, sissies, f****ts, soyboys, ect. They are. Not. Going. To. Convince. These. Men. Of. Jack. Shit. Much less successfully *shame* them. Jesus.
I know all of this sucks. I know it would be cool to be able to just point at a group and have them be responsible for the work. But nah. It's gonna have to be a societal project, one that will probably outlast all of us. Sorry. The thing you want these men to do is, absolutely, the morally correct thing to do. But presuming that it would be effective is, and once again I am so sorry about this, just ignorance of how these social groups function.
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I know that some people in the Wings of Fire fandom complain about how Tui based the IceWings on tiger moms (a stereotype commonly applied to East Asian mothers) and I know that that and the model minority stereotype for Asian-Americans that is common in American media is terribly containing and reduces an entire community to this monolith of mean parents and unhappy, but high-performing children, but I personally like how IceWings are based on my group, even as much as the stereotypes hurt me. You may write this off as dumb, but it's possible to feel proud of something similar to your culture being depicted while disliking how your culture is seen in the media.
When I read about the IceWing experience in canon and fanon, I feel seen. It's probably due to the fact that I've only found one or two books starring East Asian protagonists that I personally feel show the experience I've grown up in and am used to, and even overall AAPI month tends to get overlooked on the social media I use (tumblr). Now I'm just wofbrained enough to project on fictional dragons because they've been based on a stereotype that gets applied to my community. You'd think that I need to touch grass and search for more books, but I'm happy that IceWings and I have something in common.
Nowhere else do you see the portrayal of feeling both locked and contained in the identity that everyone else has imposed upon you, and so has your community, and so has your parents, and so have you imposed on yourself, but also proud of it when the concrete results come in, all the As, all the comments that you're high-performing. There's the portrayal of feeling that some aspects of that identity are something to be proud of, but there are also the darker parts that you know are bad: the bigotry (where parents say the racist things out loud, straight to your face), the constant competition, the empty feeling from complying with your parents wishes and the fact that you've been doing it for so long that you don't even know your own. There's the feeling of always being inadequate in comparison to your peers. There's the feeling of occasionally wondering what it would be like to not be part of your group, and just be happy with Bs and be able to have a social life and actually hang out with friends outside of school.
While people say that Tui made the IceWings stereotypical as hell, I like what she did with her IceWing protagonists and other characters. We see Winter, who lost his family, but can do what he wants as a scavenger researcher, which is something that feels like a realistic possibility in my community- pursuing your dreams, but losing familial support. But, he can follow his dreams. We see Crystal, who ran away to be with Gharial, a MudWing, and it's reminds me of how falling in love with someone that you community says you shouldn't have but being happy with them is possible. There's Lynx, who reminds me of the classmates that I should have competed against, but became friends with instead. There are all the Caribous, who show the more fun parts of IceWing culture outside the palace, where IceWing dragonets sing and read and listen to stories and eat together, which shows that the IceWings aren't a monolith. There's Glacier, who genuinely loved her daughters, even though she was likely distant from them as a queen, which shows how beneath the strictness, the love is there, even if it's not apparent at first. There's Snowfall, who's from the younger generation and wants to change things for the IceWings. While Tui initially wrote the IceWings based on stereotypes associated with East Asian-Americans, her IceWing characters show how they're much more than that. To me, that reminds me in a way that we student, second-gen children of East Asian immigrants are more vibrant and faceted than how media paints us (emotionless, uncreative, studious, deferent to authority, etc etc).
Now, I'm going to say that not everything that IceWings do is what Asian-Americans do. I haven't heard of anyone making their son kill the other one to regain their status. Given how people like to reblog these confessions and openly address the anons with their disagreements and this ask will probably get a bunch of accusations directed at it that weren't part of my original intention, I would like to reiterate that this ask is my personal opinion as one Asian-American out of the 19.9 million+ of them here. If you personally disagree, please direct me to all the way better forms of representation that I know are out there but can't find so I can stop projecting on fictional dragons. Someone wrote on tumblr how what's empowering to one person comes off as demeaning to the next when it comes to representation. Thank you for receiving my confession that wouldn't do well at all off anon. That is why this blog is here.
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Isn't It.. Lovely? (Chapter 3#)
One month.
You had one month to make the biggest decision you'd ever make in your life. Part of you wondered why you didn't tell Alastor to have a field day with your Father's corpse, until you remembered that the other part of you still loved and cared for him.
He was still your Dad and once upon a time he was a very good Dad. Your parents were practically a power couple when your Mom was alive, after her death, depression fell on him like a bag of bricks. Leading him to find feeling again in glasses of wine and bottles of hard liquor.
Everyday you pondered on this, wondering if something would finally push you over the edge. If you'd snap and take revenge for yourself.
You didn't like having those thoughts. Yes, the idea of liberty made you feel elated but at the cost of the last family member you had? It was conflicting to say the least.
All that worrying came to a halt once Alastor began to solidify his place in your life.
Every night at 9pm sharp, when you were dressed for bed and your despicable abuser was asleep. Alastor used his powers to turn your radio into your own personal hotline. He was ever so happy to hear from you, happiest when he saw nor heard any traces of harm inflicted on you that day.
He soon found out that you were a curious one and a terrible over-sharer. It was obvious you never really had friends before and if you did, they left you behind long ago. You were as innocent and pure as the driven snow. Always asking questions about him, about Hell, and what it was like back when he was on Earth.
You loved when he told you more about his life. It was like he was reading you your own personal bedtime stories. Tales of speakeasies and the depression, parties that lasted from dusk to dawn, and of course, all of the completely justified crimes he committed before his demise.
As payment for his stories, you told him about your own and caught him up on modern day issues. He seemed especially interested in World War I, disappointed that he died a few years shy of when it started. You told him about your health science classes, your school, and he even became a good study buddy to help you out with your tests.
“Alright darling, last question.” He stated, a drum roll playing in the background. “If your patient performs a forward lunge, which plane of the body are they moving in?”
You chewed on the end of your pencil. “..Coronal?”
A bell dinging made you smile. “Correct! Well done darling, but I'd like for you to work on your confidence when you answer. No one wants a doctor that's unsure of what they're doing.”
“Yeah..I just get so unsure sometimes. I think I'm more scared of being wrong than being right.”
He chuckled. “Do not fret my dear! I've been doing these little pop quizzes with you long enough to know you have a sharp mind. Confidence is a tool that will solidify your place in the career you plan to pursue, so don't be afraid to utilize it more.” His voice was so kind and mentoirish. It felt like he was giving you life lessons almost every time he talked.
On one hand that made you embarrassed. Like these were things you should have already known but you didn't, but you decided to give yourself some grace. Life was different for you than everyone else, so obviously there would be some things you didn't experience to gain knowledge from.
You placed your pencil down and sat cross legged in your chair. Not being the type of person who could sit still, nor do things normally. “Is that how you become a radio host? Because you were super confident?”
There was a pause. “Well, it was something that helped. Being a professional at what I do required more than just believing in myself. Most people think it's easy, but it has its challenges. For example, I used to rehearse my script in the mirror to stop myself from unconsciously going ‘umm’ every 10-30 seconds. It also aided in preventing myself from fumbling my words.”
“That sounds like solid advice.” You smiled. “I should start keeping a journal when you're around and call it ‘Life Lessons As Taught By The Radio Demon.’”
A loud cackling broke out over the radio. “Ah, so the girl does have a sense of humor. A good one at that!” He said proudly. “And here I thought you were all doom and gloom.”
“Hey! I'll have you know staying positive at all times can be very exhausting.” You huffed, placing your hands on your hips in a pouty attitude. “It's really hard to smile when it feels like the world is against you...”
There was a stagnant silence in the air as you turned your head to gaze out the window, watching the rain drizzle from the grey sky. It was your favorite weather, even more so because of the friend it allowed you to find.
Alastor pondered over your words before he took a deep breath. “That leads to a question that I've been meaning to ask you for some time now. It's a rather sensitive one so if you'd prefer not to answer, I would understand.”
Giving the plushie your attention, Alastor's tone turned concerned as he asked. “I can’t help but wonder, Darling, where is your mother..?”
Without missing a beat, you replied. “Oh, my Dad murdered her.”
A sharp microphone screech omitted from the radio. It was safe to say he most definitely was not expecting that..
Not because he can't see your degenerate of a guardian doing something of the sort, he was actually more curious as to how someone as sloppy as your Dad could get away with something like that. No. What got him was even though you were saying words that no child should ever say until they're well into adulthood, you smiled. A soft one, filled with unspeakable pain and a lust for something you could not yet gain.
You could feel him hesitating to ask you some more questions on the topic, so you decided that you could quickly give him your life story. “Whenever anyone asks about it, I always tell them that she passed from cancer but, that's not true..”
Alastor’s signal chirped in curiosity, but he made sure to sound sympathetic. “What happened?..”
You chuckled a bitter melody.
“She was born a diabetic and I was around twelve.. Everyday my Mom took her medicine, the diabetes is actually what led her to becoming a doctor in the first place. Every morning my Dad would make her coffee, as a way of telling her he loved her. I snuck a few sips before only to find out she made it black, when she caught me she told me “Mommy can't have sugar…”
When I turned fourteen, they started arguing. A lot. I can remember hearing them sometimes. Mom threatened to leave him because he was starting to grow a gambling issue and she was tired of taking the brunt of most of the bills. He promised to change and that's when everything started to go downhill.. Weeks went by, she just started getting sicker and sicker seemingly out of nowhere. Still had her morning coffee though. I'd make it for her sometimes and she reminded me “Mommy can't have sugar.” Hardly able to do anything for herself, much less take her medicine. Of course he said he'd do it, he promised me he did when he took me to school..He still made her coffee, before he went to work and after she had been made bed bound..I thought it was a lie, that it wasn't true until I realized that she died that morning with a cup of coffee in her hand..”
A sour laugh left your lips, as you recalled that day you came home from school and found her lying there with blood on the pillow, blood that she had been coughing up for almost a month.
“That bastard was poisoning her with fucking sugar… Everyday he was putting a little bit in her morning coffee and not giving her the insulin she needed. She was a Type 1 diabetic and he did all of it for some fuckin insurance money..” You sighed, running a hand through your hair. Before yanking it in frustration and punching your fist through the nearest wall, your face was blank and unmoving for a second not even flinching as you removed your bruised fist from the drywall. “Mama couldn't have sugar..”
Alastor listened as you explained your mother's demise. His distaste for your father grew more and more as he recalled memories of his own childhood. He'd never tell you to your face, but he could see parts of himself in you from his younger years, if lead in the proper manner, you could become quite the promising killer.
He shook his head. Not the best thoughts to be having right now, not while you're on the edge of a mental breakdown.
“I..Would be lying to you if I said I knew what to tell you about such an awful situation..” He stated hesitantly. “But I can say that I am sorry, that you had to deal with something like this so early in life.”
“Don't be sorry, there's nothing to be done about it…She's gone now and I have to get away from him.” You declared, looking at your now bruised hand. “Now you understand why I made that wish. On any day, at any time, for any reason, that man could decide to kill me. To kill his own daughter in cold blood..”
Alastor hummed. “If you know this, then let me help you." He demanded. "I cannot sit idly by forever my dear, these links to your world are only good for short times to prevent other demons from causing other problems. No one understands the severity of this situation more than you. I would love to help you exact revenge on that putrid sack of skin but you must choose before it is too late and I am no longer around..
You sat in silence as Alastor did his best to help you come to a decision. As much as you hated being rushed, you couldn't deny that he was correct. But the decision was hard, harder than you thought it would be considering the fact that you still loved your father and the man he used to be…
All these thoughts ran through your head on a daily basis, everytime they made you wanna curl up and cry. Snatching up the plush doll, you gave it a good squeeze and hid your face in your knees, wishing that your Mom was still around.
The Radio Demon pursed his lips in thought, he wasn't good with others emotions unless he could feed off of the entertainment from it, much less comforting them. There was nothing entertaining about this, about you being sad. He didn't like it for a reason he couldn't explain, perhaps because you were so bubbly in the beginning?
You weren't trying to do anything miraculous, you just wanted to live your life in peace and possibly get justice for your mother. That was something he could understand. He wouldn't mind completely decimating your Dad, truly he wouldn't! It'd be on the house for you, truly you're the most pitiful soul he's come across in a long while.
He supposed he could pull a few quick strings to make you feel better in the moment. To bring back that smile of yours, full of wonder and a desire for life.
As you continued to seek shelter in your knees, you felt a gentle touch caress the top of your head, sharp claws softly scraping your scalp in an attempt to comfort you.
Wait..
WHAT?!
Quickly yet carefully, you snapped your head up to see none other than The Radio Demon crouched down right in front of you. His hand still rested on the crown of the head as you both stared at each other for a moment.
“I'm sorry.. am I dreaming?” You blurted out.
Alastor smiled, laughing in a low tone at your completely gobsmacked expression. “Fortunately for you, the answer is no my dear. As a gentleman, it'd be rude of me not to at least attempt to help a lady in emotional distress.”
You were still dazed and confused about him being here, much less t o u c h i n g you!! “Ida..I-- I didn't know you could-”
“Travel through the radio? It is quite possible but I only do so on rare occasions since it requires a fair bit of my power that cannot be overexerted in one day.”
Standing up to his full height, you realized how tall he was and thanked God that the ceiling was high enough for his antlers not to scrape. Crawling out of your chair, you immediately felt like an ant compared to him, the top of your head barely came to his collarbone.
“Holy crap you're tall." You blurted again. "I mean, I knew that you were tall but, you're really, really tall..”
Smirking with pride, he twirled his cane expertly like the show off you knew and loved. “7”0 exactly my dear, a foot taller than I was when I was a mortal! Though I suppose that was the universes funny way of punishing me for my crimes, I've bumped my forehead on door frames a good 50 times in both life and death!”
As you examined his real life appearance, you couldn't help but laugh. “Yeah well, the heels don't help.” You pointed to his shoes.
He huffed in feigned offense. “They are not heels, darling they are tap dancing shoes and it was quite common for them to have a bit of height back in my day.”
“Okay, Fred Astare.” You snorted as he settled himself on the side of your bed as you marveled at the fact that he was still taller than you even while sitting down. “And here I was preparing to offer you a dance in hopes of lifting your spirits, only for you to insult my tastes in fashion.” He hmphed, crossing his arms and legs while sticking up his pointy nose towards you.
In a daring moment, you sat right next to him crissed crossed, careful not to to touch him while he continued to play offended. “C’mon Al, don't be so huffy. I didn't mean anything by it.”
“ ‘Al’ huh?” He hummed. “Sounds like someone is getting rather familiar.”
“Hey, you call me 'Darling' and 'Dear' so often I think that it's only fair that I call you 'Al' on occasions.”
“I suppose you have a point. Nevertheless, I came here to try and boost your spirits, you seem to be doing better so if you wish to be bratty I can just go back home..” He teased with an evil grin.
“Wait!” You said just a bit too loudly. “Would you like to play a game with me? Ya know, before you go..”
Alastor raised an eyebrow in curiosity as he parted his lips to deny your offer, until you pulled out the big guns and gave him your best puppy girl eyes. A chill went down his spine from your usage of such cheap tactics, remembering his years as a lad and doing the exact same thing when he wanted something desperately from his dear mother.
“Okay! Okay!” He said, placing his hands up in surrender. “I shall subject myself to whatever game this is for one round, as long as you stop making that revolting expression..”
He watched as you smiled with pure enthusiasm. Such a beautiful smile you had, it made him irritated that you didn't do it more, yet proud that he typically was the source of it sprouting in the first place. Crimson eyes followed your movements as you shuffled off the bed to grab a small deck of cards off of your shelf. A part of him hoped you heard the chuckle that left his lips while you struggled to stand on your toes to retrieve this game.
“It's called ‘Uno’ “ You explained, walking back to him with a red box in hand. “It's a pretty simple game and the rules are easy.” Dumping the cards out of the box, the two of you sat parallel with one another.
”However, this simple game has been known to end more friendships than Monopoly and Mario Kart put together. It shall truly test our bond as companions, only the strongest survive it's trials..” You spoke in a dramatic tone while shuffling the cards and placing the proper numbers out for the both of you. Once you were finished, you placed the extra cards in the middle and looked the Radio Demon square in the eye. “Are you ready?”
“Yes yes,” He replied aloofly. “There isn't any possible way this silly game could cause such a staggering amount of broken relationships. I refuse to believe it's that bad.’
You chuckled bitterly. “You beautiful unsuspecting fool.”
---------------------- ( 2 Hours Later) ---------------------
“That's against the rules!” Alastor hissed underneath his breath as you threw out a fat stack of +2 cards.
“No it's not Alastor, you said you wanted to play stacks and this is how it's played.” You muttered.
The first round between you two consisted of showing Alastor the ropes. The confident man he was, he assured you that the game was easy enough for an infant to play and win effortlessly, especially since he won the first round. You then decide to spice things up by teaching him how to play stacks. He claimed that was easy as well and you allowed him to believe this as the next round consisted of him losing, and so did the next round, and the round after that, and the round after that…
Before you knew it, two hours had gone by and Alastor was determined to beat you at least once. It had gotten so intense that he resorted to taking his tail coat off and even putting his hair up, leaving him in his tight red office shirt and hair that framed his face like the scrumdiddlyumptious being that he was. The sight of his bare arms totally didn't have you blushing up a storm behind your cards.
While he was stewing over his next move, you got to confirm a few fan theories and ogled at his appearance.
Respectfully, of course.
But, the game wasn't over yet. Alastor sat across from you, irritated and with at least eleven cards in his hand, while you had three. The air was tense as he scratched his head and finally decided to throw out a small handful of 8’s, bringing his card count down to five.
Your poker face remained unmoving as you calmly threw out a wild card. “Blue.”
A warble of interference omitted from Alastor's person as his eyes scanned his cards carefully. You were actually surprised at how the tables had turned personality wise. In the beginning, it was Alastor who was calm and collected, but every loss slowly chipped away at the pride that fueled his unwavering persona. His usual smile was now looking more forced, making his disdain obvious.
Throwing out a blue card, you threw out two on top, leaving you with one card as you stated that dreadful word. “Uno.”
With a growl, Alastor tossed out a draw +4. “Red.” He stated blandly. A quick glance at the clock let him know he was late for a meeting with Charlie, but formalities be damned because he was going to win this game.
You took your cards quickly and deemed your hand an amazing one. He replied by tossing out a 2 and leaving three cards left. Victory was close and he swore that once he won he would ‘kindly’ rub it in your face.
But, just as you had been doing for these past five rounds, you had an ace up your sleeve. You tossed out the red ‘Skip’ card, costing Alastor a vital turn that could have turned the tables, only to metaphorically slap him in the face by cheering “Uno!” and dropping your final cards in the middle of the messy deck.
He suppressed a scream of irritation as you did your little victory dance, glaring at you both with gaiety and pure spite. He stood up and snapped his coat back on and his hair back down, he pinched your cheek just a little too hard. “That's enough cutting a rug darling, especially for someone that has two left feet such as yourself.”
“Stop trying to cease my dancing, I must wiggle out my joy.”
With a roll of his eyes, he tuned the radio on to his station to prepare to go back home. “Well you can dance until your heart's content, unfortunately I have to return back home to handle some business.”
Immediately your uncoordinated movements stopped, as you frowned. “Oh, right..”
Part of him felt bad. Not that he would tell you outright, but he didn't exactly want to leave you behind either. The thoughts of what your father could do unannounced made him concerned for your safety, but there wasn't anything he could do. Instead, he smiled genuinely and lifted your gaze up with his finger.
“Chin up, dearest. I shall check on you tomorrow as always and don't forget, you still need to make up your mind about what you want from the options presented to you.”
You didn't reply verbally, but you did nod your head sadly which would have to be enough for now. As he prepared to walk off, he was suddenly stopped by a tight embrace from behind. Anyone else who would have ever dared to think of such a thing would have been a splatter on the wall and he was just about to give you a kind yet serious talk about personal space until he felt something wet soaking through his clothes.
“..Thank you.” You mumbled through the fabric. Inhaling his scent as you sniffled and tried to calm down, honestly you were surprised he didn't push you off.
As mentioned before, emotions were not Alastor's think nor was physical affection. However in this moment, with you crying lightly and hugging him as if he were your only hope of survival, he decided that maybe, just this once, he would let it slide.
For his comfort, you didn't allow the hug to last longer than a minute. Once you pulled away you were embarrassed to say the least and prepared for him to possibly scold or never talk to you again. But, to your surprise, he simply pat your head and whispered, “Sleep tight, cher.”and was gone with a blink of your eyes.
To say you were sad was an understatement, but you knew that he'd be back tomorrow like he was everyday. The idea of talking to him tomorrow. To hear his voice in real time, talking to you and to offer comfort because he actually cared made your heart pound in your chest. As much as you didn't want to think this way, you couldn't help it. He seemed so concerned about you, in a way that no one else has until now.
You did your best to still your beating heart as you began to clean up your fun from earlier, only to find your cards were missing. You looked everywhere and still couldn't find them, ultimately you claimed into bed and decided that maybe Alastor snapped them somewhere you'd never find so that he wouldn't have to loose, I mean, play anymore.
Meanwhile…
“Alastor you're late!” Vaggie snapped as he came waltzing down the stairs, following her to where the rest of the group sat waiting.
“I am aware Vagatha, I was busy doing something else.” He replied calmly, only to make the fallen angel more irritated. “Whatever, I hope you brought something because it's your turn for a group activity today..”
“But of course! How could I forget?” He smiled impishly, before pulling out a red box with a familiar word on it. Once with the rest of the residents, Alastor clapped his hands together and pulled out a chalkboard seemingly out of nowhere.
“For today's activity being hosted by yours truly, we shall all be playing a game suited for bonding and the strengthening of relationships,” He beamed, writing out the title of the game in big letters for everyone to see.
“The name of the game is...UNO!"
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(Thank you for coming back for Chapter 3# of this story! I hope you stick around for the next one because I plan to make it the last. I've been so busy with life and stuff, it's kinda hard to find time or motivation to write, but I do want this to come to a close while still making room for a bit of fun between Al and the Reader.
For those who asked me to make a tag list, I'm not entirely sure how to 😅. Though I will try to figure it out for the next time I write a short story. Don't forget to leave your opinions behind in the comments and thank you for all the love you guys give me, it means a lot 💜
Stay Tuned! :D
Taglist: @twistedvanillacoffee @diffidentphantom @boldlyenchantingfox22
#alastor#hazbin hotel#alastor x you#alastor x reader#hazbin alastor#alastor x oc#drabbles#alastor the radio demon#fanfic
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Out of curiosity, why do you dislike Midnight Mass? It's really like hear your opinions.
it's just so fucking BORING!! the concept is interesting i do find the concept interesting (vampire priest who believes his vampirism is a gift from god) but somehow it was done in the least interesting way possible. sometimes there's like a minute where i thought "holy shit is it finally gonna get better" and then i watched the next episode and it continued to be exactly the same.
all the characters are basically exactly the same. i know it's by monologue flanagan but can they at least monologue in DIFFERENT ways??? dear god. he edited it himself and you can REALLY tell. the fucking ten minute scene that's just "what do you think happens after we die? vcnvncmrnwbvnjef vdmnnc cmnennwneetnewnnwbefnbrtnbemrbermnbmrbtrtbwnrebeb" is crazy who thought that was a good idea. god every character was so forgettable i think i remember like 4 names. genuinely i see people talking about a character and i have to look them up and i STILL don't remember them. don't get me started on the fucking therapy speak. also riley flynn is the most boring protagonist i've ever seen i can't think of a single personality trait he has. i can barely think of ANY personality traits ANY characters have.
i know we shit on his adaptations a lot (as we should) and at the very fucking least he didn't ruin another excellent work of horror with midnight mass but he is NOT a good writer with his own stuff either!! it's so BLAND. even when it's not boring it's bland and uninteresting. i know i'm biased i know i watch extreme horror to find artistic value in underlooked pieces of media so i'm used to "that freak shit" but he did nothing!!! he did nothing with his vampire priest! he was literally irrelevant by the end because he gave that antagonist role to some other character and he was never really the protagonist either. he was just there for a really dumb late-game romance plot/plot twist.
it's such an unbearable show and the ending isn't even good!!! its tone is so fucking weird like everyone dies and yet there's still a weirdly hopeful tone to it. i feel like that's a moment to REALLY lean into the tragedy. it doesn't have a happy ending but it also doesn't let you feel sad enough for it to be truly tragic.
also there's like three different types of vampire in the show and it makes NO sense why they're so different from each other. i'm not asking for extensive lore i'm just asking for consistency.
it's like 8 hours long and i know i've probably spent way more than that complaining about this fucking show but still a waste of my time. it just sucks so much. it could have been an okay movie but as a whole show it's so dragged out and doesn't DO anything with those eight hours. i don't mind a slow burn i really don't but a) the build up has to be worth something and b) it has to have something really really good at the end of the build up.
honestly it looks SO good in gifs and screenshots and fanart that it makes me wish the show was better because you could have a much better experience just looking at those and imagining a good show than actually watching it.
on the plus side if you DO watch the actual show riley's death scene is the funniest shit in the whole thing.
#asks#anti mike flanagan#i don't know if you've seen it actually but thank you for the ask i enjoyed ranting#that ten minute scene haunts me. it was so awful
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@zudz @vixensdungeon
i want to highlight and express how much i appreciate this sentiment. Y'all and everyone who has been following this blog for any length of time already knows it, but there is a real.. disrespect for TTRPGs as an artform in the so-called TTRPG fanbase, the idea that the rules, which are what make up a TTRPG, are just annoying byproducts that are best ignored and that every TTRPG is just sort of a setting skin for doing whatever the hell you want, and this sentiment comprises most "advice" for both players and game masters alike from popular personalities and influencers in the hobby space.
So I really really appreciate seeing a conversation that goes "maybe this rule in this TTRPG isn't automatically the be-all-end-all for how to handle this particular concept in a TTRPG" but then both of you also agreeing that, because it's what the game says and is based around, it should be taken as the default course of action when playing this particular game.
TTRPGs are a flexible artform, there's never going to be a rule for every situation, and even in well written TTRPGs, there may be rare situations which arise over the course of normal play wherein the rules result in something that doesn't make sense, but that is of course one of the reasons we have game masters. I am rambling and kinda lost the point a but what what I'm saying is it's very nice, especially when it's about my own TTRPG, to see two people agree that the rules being presented were probably written with actual intent to give the best experience, so they shouldn't be bulldozed over just because some guy did something cool one time in another game that didn't have those rules.
Exerpt from Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy. (with art by @theblackwarden )
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An Influencer at Home
A few days after Sophie and Miranda had connected with Ava online, they invited her to join the other women at a gathering for the growing community of women affected by their shared condition. It was a special meeting for the group of women who had been in the same situation—experiencing the sudden, unexplained growth of their bellies and the strange, life-changing effects that came with it.
Miranda, who had been working on fostering the Infinite 92 community, was excited to have Ava join. The gathering had become a safe space for women to connect, share their stories, and find comfort in knowing they weren’t alone. There was a sense of empowerment in these meetings, where they could be open about their experiences and also celebrate the changes they had gone through.
Ava, who had been sharing her experience online, was intrigued but a bit nervous about meeting the group in person. She was already quite active in the online support group, but meeting these women face-to-face—especially those like Sophie and Miranda, who had gone through the same things—felt like the next big step.
The Gathering
The event took place at Miranda’s house, a cozy space that had become the unofficial meeting point for the Infinite 92 members. As the women arrived, they exchanged greetings, some still feeling tentative, others visibly more comfortable in their bodies, chatting openly about the experiences they had shared. There was a sense of solidarity in the air, a bond that had formed through the shared nature of their condition.
Ava arrived, a little apprehensive but excited. Sophie and Miranda greeted her warmly, introducing her to the others. She was surprised at how quickly everyone made her feel welcome—there was an understanding, an unspoken connection between them all. As she looked around, she realised how different the group of women was now from when they had first started meeting. They were no longer just women coping with a bizarre physical change. They had evolved into a community of strong, empowered individuals, each owning their journey in their own way.
Sharing Experiences
After the introductions, Miranda suggested that they sit down and share their experiences. Sophie, who had been a part of the group the longest, began by talking about how her perception of her body had changed.
“I never thought I’d feel attractive like this,” Sophie admitted, running a hand over her full belly. “At first, I was overwhelmed. But the more I embraced it, the more I realized that it wasn’t just about my body changing—it was about how I felt about myself. There’s something empowering about it. I feel different, in a good way.”
The others nodded, each woman reflecting on her own journey. Miranda, though still cautious at times, had developed a growing confidence, especially as she had witnessed the changes and growth of the women in the group. She had come to see how their condition wasn’t just physical; it was transforming how they saw themselves and how they interacted with the world.
“I can’t explain it fully,” Miranda added. “But there’s this sense of... power? It’s like we’re embracing our new selves. It’s not just about the size of our bellies. It’s about owning this transformation and realizing how strong we are.”
Ava’s Turn
When it was Ava’s turn to speak, she hesitated for a moment but then stood up confidently, looking around at the women who had become her peers.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what this condition has done to me,” she began. “At first, I was shocked. I didn’t know what was happening, why I was changing so fast. But now, I’m starting to see it differently. I never thought I’d feel more attractive with a belly this size, but here I am. It’s not just physical, like I said. I feel... empowered. Like there’s something beautiful about embracing this change.”
The other women nodded in agreement, some even smiling proudly. Ava continued, “I used to think that beauty was a certain standard, a certain way of looking. But now, I’ve learned that it’s about how you feel about yourself. I’ve never felt more comfortable, more confident in my body, even with all the changes.”
There was a collective sense of empowerment as Ava spoke, and the women all began to open up about the same realization. There was something about their condition that had forced them to face their self-image head-on. In the process, many had found a new sense of confidence and attractiveness that they hadn’t expected.
Reflection
As the meeting went on, the conversation shifted from discussing the physical changes to exploring how these changes had impacted their lives—how they had become more comfortable in their own skin, how they had learned to embrace their bodies and own their newfound power. For many of the women, including Ava, Sophie, and Miranda, this experience had led to a deep sense of self-acceptance and, perhaps more surprisingly, an increasing sense of attraction to themselves.
Sophie looked around at the faces of the women in the room, each one unique in their journey, yet united in their experience. They had each gone from feeling confused and uncertain about their changing bodies to realising that their condition had actually given them a sense of strength and beauty they never expected.
A New Beginning
As the evening wound down and the women began to leave, Sophie felt a surge of gratitude. She had entered this community searching for answers, but now, she realized, she had found something even more valuable: connection. She wasn’t just dealing with this transformation alone; she had found a group of women who not only understood but celebrated their shared experiences.
Ava, too, seemed transformed. She had arrived unsure of how she would be received but left feeling more confident and empowered than ever. The support from the group, the way they had all shared their experiences and uplifted each other, made Ava feel like she was part of something much bigger than just herself.
As she left Miranda’s house, she exchanged a smile with Sophie, who had been by her side since the beginning of the night. They both knew that the Infinite 92 community was growing stronger, and they were more than ready to continue their journey together.
#preggie#pregnant women#pregnant#pregnant woman#pregnancy#pregblr#preggo kink#huge pregnant belly#big pregnant belly#preggophilia#pregnancy fantasy#plus size preggo#super preggo#preggolife#preggo k!nk#pregnant kink#pregnant bump#pregnant beauty
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The idea that uni protesters are "elitist ivy-league rich kids larping as revolutionaries" on Twitter and Reddit and even here is so fucking funny to me if you actually know anything about the student bodies at these unis. Take it from someone who's going to one of the biggest private unis in the US, 80% of the peers I know are either from the suburbs or an apartment somewhere in America, children of immigrants, or here on a student visa. I've heard about one-percenter students, but I've never met one in person. Like, don't get me wrong, the institution as a whole is still very privileged and white. I've talked with friends and classmates about feeling weird or dissonant being here and coming from such a different background. But in my art program, I see BIPOC, disabled, queer, lower-income students and faculty trying to deconstruct and tear that down and make space every day. So to take a cursory glance at a crowd of student protesters in coalitions that are led by BIPOC & 1st/2nd-gen immigrant students and HQ'd in ethnic housings and student organizations and say, "ah. children of the elite." Get real.
#also idk how to tell you this but even if it were true. wealthy children potentially sacrificing their educational careers to protest is#a good thing actually. idk how to tell you that caring about people from other nations is good#personal#“this war has nothing to do with most students cuz nobody's getting drafted” idk how to explain to you that we should be angry#that our tuitions of 10s of thousands of dollars that we pay every year for an education is being used to fund a genocidal campaign#also the implication that if you go to a uni institution you are automatically privileged by participation no matter your bg#i didn't /want/ to go to this school. i was supposed to go to a school with an art/animation program. but i realized my immigrant#parents have been working their whole lives to get me here. and turning the opportunity down would be a disservice to their sacrifice#this is getting into convos of “what 2nd gen kids owe their parents” which is different for everyone but. yeah#i just get pissed off at seeing people misrepresenting student bodies as “wealthy” and “privileged” and “elite” when it's such a blatant li#i remember a year ago a friend told me they can't fly home to hong kong for winter break because the plane tickets are too expensive#so they have to find temporary housing around the area#last quarter for a film doc class my film partner made a doc on a small group of marxist grad students from india discussing praxis#during a rally a few months ago in response to police presence the coalition invited palestinian students to speak about their experiences#and lead songs and read poems they wrote. these are STUDENTS. are they elitist too?#this is not to disregard my own personal privilege either.#this whole narrative's just to rationalize a lack of empathy to me. seeing a 19yo student get shot by a rubber bullet and your first#reaction is “HAW! HAW! bet richy rich didn't see THAT coming when she put on her terrorist hood!”#newsflash. these big uni campuses are HAUNTED by the violence of past protests and revolutions and police brutality. we know.#why do you think these coalitions have been making reinforced barricades at record speed
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i lost the post but i saw someone talking about how some of y’all act like being weird is a choice and like. YEAHHHHHHH.
that’s fine, it might be for you. but i just live like this and don’t know any other way. like yeah i’ve worked customer service, i can do innocuous small talk, but anything beyond that, i don’t understand what i’m missing. and it’s frustrating to see the tonal disconnect especially from people who are like “uwu embrace weirdness!!” where they’re like. dressing quirky and talking about bugs and listening to obscure music and eschewing small talk to ask Deep Questions on the first date and unlearning their tendency to not infodump. and generally have an idea of what Weirdness is supposed to look like. idk man some of us wake up and get out of bed and can’t figure out why the rest of their coworkers chitchat with each other but when they join the conversation it dies.
weirdness is value neutral. let’s stop trying to turn it into a badge because quite frankly, it’s not a choice for everyone. it’s fucking exhausting to never be on the same wavelength as other people and they’re going to react the way they do and label you the way they will without any conscious actions on your end. it’s difficult to talk about this without feeling like you’ll be dismissed as immature, a teenager whining “no one understands me” but the thing is. sometimes you don’t grow out of feeling alone and different, and there’s no good way to talk about it without feeling like people will think you’re just fishing for pity.
#most of it is stuff i can’t help like!!!#coworkers and i don’t share a lot of interests so i’m always like. yes i’ve heard of that show but haven’t seen it. no idk that band sorry#and they’ll like. talk shit abt other people who share my interests without realizing that i also like those things#so i just have to sit there and take it#i feel like i don’t have a lot in common with my friends even. a few shared interests but very different lives#in my experience the conscious choice has been to try to keep up with what’s popular but it’s just. not interesting to me#i got bored and forgot to finish s2 of stranger things and never picked it back up#even alt subcultures have gone kinda mainstream and i never quite slot in#let’s not even touch the gay culture ‘flags’ that are extremely online and unrelatablr#and the most frustrating thing. every time i try to talk about myself and my interests i feel people shutting down#one person i know. open mouth sighs in exasperation when i open my mouth#i don’t know why you’re making it my problem that we’re different#i know there is supposed to be a niche out there for everyone but some of that feels like#those niches are falling prey to marketability. if you’re too far out of the mainstream. too out of touch. it can’t be helped#a lot of messaging online is like. embrace weirdness but only if it’s subversive in a very specific way#too normal to hang out with self-proclaimed proud weirdos. too weird to hang out with normies#like i thought the thing was to disavow performativity. i’m sorry i don’t find the same things interesting#i don’t care about the office and you don’t care about the hundred years’ war. that’s fine. why is that seen as a personal fault of mine#i feel like some of the reaction i get might be bc it comes across as hipster shit. idk#i’m literally just oblivious and looking for any kind of indicator for social interaction#but so often it feels like the onus of finding common ground is on me. i have to listen abt things idk but no one cares what i have to say#i think what makes it more frustrating is this reaction from people who claim to not care. do their own thing#and then get annoyed when i do mine and it’s. different#instead of being like ‘fuck the mainstream! conformity is bullshit! be yourself!’ it’s like#‘fuck the mainstream because it doesn’t appeal to me personally and i’ve made my own club!’#and this is not going to come out right because i’m just at my limit and venting and don’t know how to say things the right way#so people don’t misunderstand me#i just happen to never like the Right Things and know the Right Things and act the Right Way and idk how else to say it other than#can we be more normal about weird people#idk it’s hard to talk abt this without sounding like i’m just complaining but i’m more bewildered and trying to state things as i see them
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Bună seara, my migraine inflicted friend. Take a nice hot bath. I have this well in hand.
And Bună seara, not so friendly anonymous. I am The Țepeș. I am a trans person of Japanese and Romani heritage over 30 who has been in the Lily sphere for some time. You are in good hands. So sit down and listen to your, probably given her age range of fans and followers, LGBTQ+ Elder. Now, let's begin with the very first issue here...
What is happening is not pedojacketing.
I understand, I really do, that it's hard to find the meanings for these terms. A lot of our language is buried in blogs, videos, and forums where finding a consensus of the meanings is near impossible. I struggled myself as a nonnative English speaker to find the meaning of things that are so insular to our community and ended up having to take the time to really sit and talk with others and learn through examples of what is and isn't. I'm afraid you've fallen into a bad faith interpretation of this word.
Pedojacketing is not accusing a transwomen or LGBTQ+ member of pedophilia. It is accusing them falsely. Without proof or reason.
Now, I do not know about you, but I am a very critical person by nature. Being a person of not just nonwhite, but mixed race has conditioned me to not accept off the cuff accusations especially with no proof readily offered. Good proof, not all proof is created equal.
Let me show you what convinced me. I can't show you everything I saw because posting Stockholm itself would be a horrible idea, but I did read parts of that as it was put out at the time it was put out and it has absolutely been provably tied to Lily without a shadow of a doubt not just by me seeing her posting parts of it at the time, but by her own words and data proof.
youtube
And something else I rarely see people talk about, but was the biggest nail in the coffin was a RPGgame she made called Doomsday Ascending. I was in the MLP fandom with this was dropped and saw it dropped and saw everyone's reactions to it, but did not play it myself after hearing what was in it because I am a victim of incestual childhood sexual assault. Going back through my messages though that I saved I have this screenshot.
It is filled and I mean filled with rape, incest, pedophilia and Lily's characters. This is totally and completely tied to Lily in a way no one can deny and the video of the "easter eggs" shows the very disturbing porn that was put in that game. The video is still up. This is something I do not care about how long ago it was made, same with Stockholm.
At one point you could have said it was made a very long time ago, but Lily negated that when she outright denied ever making these things. Multiple times. Including saying that someone used AI to make her say she wrote Stockholm ignoring the fact that AI tech is very new and didn't exist when she was pointed out as having made these things.
This isn't pedojacketing.
Media aside, Lily has victims. Victims that have publicly posted their stories and it is not my place to speak for them. Please listen to them and their stories of abuse. We are so rarely heard. No matter how loud we scream no one seems to listen until it's too late and there's another victim. Don't let there be another victim. Especially her sister who she abused and raped.
youtube
Lily has echoed her abuse of her sister in her writing from PokeMad house to Stockholm. I can't speak on it more, listen to her.
Britt has repeatedly shared her own experience.
youtube
Lizzy's experience is well documented, but please leave her be she's repeatedly said she wants no involvement with any of this anymore and just wants to move on.
There are minors other that have spoken out on their grooming and exposure by Lily that have stated their experiences especially the one who was very specifically flashed on stream after Lily told him to join and see why it was marked 18+. That is not the only flashing. There is another documented flashing WITH Mikay also flashing the camera. Obviously I can not share those screenshots, but that is well documented.
Here's Lily arguing why it's ok to flash on youtube? I don't know why you'd argue that. Apparently, one of her girlfriends asked her to and she just did it. I'm as baffled as you are.
I hope this helps you understand where we're coming from and why these accusations have been so pervasive for so many years. Please remember, the majority of these accusations come from LGBTQ+ people themselves and we speak out at the theoretical threat of making our community look worse if we're being untrue. No one here wants this kind of accusations to be made among us. No one here wants this kind of drama. We are saying these things for the sake of truth, safety, and it being the right thing to do.
Have a kinder night than the morning you awoke to.
are y'all really that dense? why wouldn't lily be aggressive when sai and the others support transmisogynistic pedojacketing weirdos like you? there's no normal dude on the "lily orchard critical community" who just disagrees with lily and her media takes, all of you are intertwined and constantly propagate the same disgusting accusations be it directly or via proxy, lily doesnt owe y'all ANY respect.
Pedojacketing means baseless accusations of pedophilia. The accusations against Lily are about as far from baseless as you can possibly get.
I've had to clarify and dig up evidence and rehash things she's said to me for people who refuse to look at any of it again and again and I've got a migraine today and I'm fuckin tired...
@thetepes would you mind taking this one..
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:/
#that vaginismus post got me feeling all fucked up tbh#and this is nothing against op. i have no issues with op here and i don't think they did anything wrong.#they were just sharing their own experience#but it's hard when you kinda feel like a freak of nature a little bit#like I've had people straight-up not believe me when I've told them nothing can go in my vagina (and it's almost like I don't have one)#so it was nice to read a post from someone with a similar experience in that regard#but like...again. nothing against op at all.#but it got me really triggered. just thinking at all about 'treatments' for it#like thinking about the idea that I'm supposedly not having sex 'correctly' because I can't have anything inside my vagina#(even though I have a lot of sex that I and my partners really enjoy)#and thinking about doctors and just...any framing of it as something that's not normal and would need to be 'treated'#while also at the same time knowing my inability to get a pap smear might be a genuine medical issue#but it just gets me so triggered to think about it#I'm sure all my weird gender stuff isn't helping either#though my vaginismus has been present long before I had any *idea* that I might not be cis#I'm sorry I'm venting. It's just hard I guess#like it doesn't feel like anything is wrong with me but it's hard to live in a world that assumes there must be#or that assumes people like me just don't exist and everyone with a pussy wants to and can be penetrated#personal#vaginismus
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transfem furries hornyposting online about the relatively niche/"out there" things they're into have inadvertently helped me accept myself more than the body positivity movement of the 2010s ever did
#this will not be rebloggable because i don't want people to get transmisogynistic in the notes#it's just something i've been thinking about lately#i hope i'm not like out of line for saying this please let me know if i say anything disrespectful#i just have a lot of love in my heart for transfems; especially those who log on to this website to be gay on my dash and do their thing#trans wlw being proud of their identities helped me come to terms with my own in a way. idk how to properly explain it but#idk. our experiences are very different - you have to fight to be seen as a woman and i have to fight not to#(though that is part of my identity in most cases people would use it to negate the rest)#(and of course none of us should Have to fight that but. i hope it's clear what i mean lol)#and idk like. womanhood is not achieved painlessly for you and yet so many of you embrace it so beautifully and in so many ways#it makes me want to accept that part of myself i thought i had to kill for so long#i am not entirely a woman but i love being a woman and loving other women-#platonically romantically sexually it doesn't matter#i'm so grateful i get to share a community with you all and read/hear/watch your thoughts and experiences and such#which goes beyond sex stuff but sex stuff is a particular personal struggle of mine and it's something i've been trying to cultivate a more#healthy relationship to lately. and i also know that unfortunately transfems get treated even worse than everyone else when it comes to#kinks or whatever. i don't mean to imply that everyone has to be open about that stuff. i just mean that i'm grateful for those who bravely#and proudly are. anyway i'm losing my train of thought bc i'm packing for a trip and i'm a little scattered atm but the point is#transfem wlw i love you dearly thank you for existing#[oh also this post isn't meant to bash body positivity stuff and i know it's not all the same. it just often felt too sanitized and forced#for me to relate to. ok bye]#finielspeaks
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This popped up on my dash and since you said that the conversation is open, I thought I would share my two cents, even if it might be stuff you are already familiar with and do yourself. I don't think I'm in the same fandoms as you but things mentioned here are observations made from multiple fandoms. Although I have been writing in AO3 instead of tumblr for the most part, my experience here comes from writing almost exclusively Steve Rogers longfics (mostly 50k+ words, 10+ chapters) from 2021. I don't claim to be super popular - I'm just reflecting on the relative differencies I have noticed in my engagement.
First of all, please don't quit a series just because it has been over a month. That's not a long time for an update at all! If you're writing fic, it's something you do on your free time without getting paid, so there's absolutely no reason at all to apologize life getting in the way.
From my own experience, I have to agree with the consistency and speed of updates being pretty big factors on engagement. I have noticed most reader engagement when I have been able to push out one or more update a week for multiple weeks straight. It helps people stay engaged with the story and invested when the story is fresh in their minds. But then again, I have gotten a lot of comments when coming back from a hiatus too so I think it's not the only factor at all.
Writing a lot, even if it's not the same series, helps keep one's fics on people's minds, and helps establish you as someone who writes X character (with a certain kind of characterization). I share sneak peeks sometimes, but that's just because I am too impatient to wait, they're not from 'marketing' standpoint. Personally I try to focus on writing and let the writing itself do the rest, but I do make a point to reply to comments and thank people, even if that is sometimes very delayed, so that they know I appreciate them. I also don't talk badly about my own writing, because as a reader, seeing someone do that can very easily turn me off from reading their story. (To be clear, I don't mean venting about the human frustrations of writing but publically calling your own stories bad etc.)
One of the big things for me as a reader and a writer is having multiple storylines going and having 'hooks' in the story, so to speak, so that the readers know what they're looking forward to when the story continues. Cliffhangers are the ultimate form of this but things like a character uncovering a partial piece of information that raises questions work too. I spend a lot of time establishing chemistry, both romantic and platonic, so that the readers have something to root for.
Then again, engagement always depends on the story. Some things do better than others. Sometimes I think a fic is going to be well-liked and it doesn't get much attention, sometimes a thing I thought was just pure self-indulgence gains a lot of reader interaction. Which brings me to my next point - I think that the writer's enjoyment bleeds through the story to readers; things that I have enjoyed writing the most are my most popular fics. And sometimes when I think I'll write some easy 'trope soup' that'll get a lot of interest, it's crickets. I think there's a lesson there for me.
I try to engage with people and be a part of fandom beyond writing. I read and comment other people's fics, I reblog stuff, I talk about everyday things and try to stay active even when I have no capacity to write (happens to us all). It helps foster a sense of community, and while it's not self-serving and I read and comment out of genuine enjoyment, ultimately being active in fandom and engaging with writing helps us all. It does feel like current fandom population doesn't comment as much as they used to, which is a shame. But I try to be the change I want to see in the world.
It's also worth noting that sometimes there are these 'lulls' in fandom where everyone is sort of quiet and busy with life, I assume. Like major holidays. They just happen, and the season will change again. Also, scheduled reblogs and comment replies help reach different sets of people.
Finally, focusing too much on the stats is a thing that for me is a road to madness that sucks all enjoyment out of writing. It is human to want engagement and look at the pretty numbers but again, what matters is the enjoyment you get from a story. Personally I have written a 250k longfic in a tiny niché that was commented regularly by one single person and occasionally by about five people. And I still love that fic to death and am so proud of myself for writing it.
That's my two cents, from my personal experience. As always, they should be taken with a grain of salt, and they might not be universally applicable. I wish you the best with writing and hope that the muses are kind to you.
Writers of multi-chapter fics:
How do you keep your readers engaged as the story gets longer?
I've heard from many, and seen it myself, that interaction drops significantly as the chapters accumulate (which I honestly do not even understand...hence why I'm asking this) but I've also seen a lot of writers who have quite lengthy fics where the engagement and excitement seems to stay consistent throughout.
They're receiving asks with comments and questions about the latest chapters, the reblogs are abundant compared to likes, and I'm just curious if there's anything anyone does differently to help maintain this other than just being a great writer 🤣 (which I'm realizing is probably the key thing and that there's nothing to do other than just be able to write a really good story which I'm clearly not haaaaa)
I've tried sharing snippets of upcoming chapters in the past and they've always fallen on their face, I've released chapter playlists, etc so I feel like from a "marketing" standpoint I've done what I can? And also as writers we shouldn't even have to work that hard to "promote" our fics considering people ask to be on taglists and what have you. (This is the site for sharing and ACTIVELY participating in fandom...)
It's been a struggle to keep myself motivated to finish up my series and I'm starting to wonder if there's even a point now that it's been over a month since I've updated (which I realize consistent updates are likely a huge factor as well 🙃 but, you know, life.)
Anyway. Thinking out loud here. Any advice/conversation is welcome! 💗
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Another Thing Wrong With The Former Gifted Kid Discourse, Since I Can't Stop Thinking About It:
people have such an unhelpful tendency to universalize their own experience when talking about the plights and struggles about Gifted Kids™—and what they are talking about is not necessarily invalid, but they're more often talking about their individual responses to their particular schools' policies. This Is Not A Systemic Analysis. it's helpful; i sympathize with you. But You Are Not Dismantling The Inequities by saying this or that happened At Your School when you were a child, and it affected you this or that way because of Who You Are.
example. i always see people talking about neurodivergence in this conversation, which is actually helpful in spotlighting how the Gifted Kid discourse often glosses over such complex intersectional issues. you can talk about how you were Gifted & Neurodivergent and how those experiences lead you to future disappointment. this is, i must stress, valid. but your analysis of your own life Is Not A Systemic Analysis. your experience alone will never speak for how the educational system and trends in policy among schools across the united states affect ALL neurodivergent people negatively because there are neurodivergent people who are Different From You. not to mention that when people point out that very often "Gifted Kid" usually correlates with some degrees of privilege, people push back and go nooooo I'm neurodivergent. people across all other marginalized identities who are systemically disadvantaged by the educational system can be neurodivergent. this does not make you, initially, when you were as a young Kid determined to be Gifted, NOT also in fact privileged.
if you are not ready to discuss experiences that were different from your own growing up, you aren't really engaging in the discourse of how to improve public education in the united states. it's a diiii-verse country we live in. not only in the ways we traditionally think of. when we think of "marginalized" or "oppressed" people, some specific and historically significant groups come to mind. when it comes to advantages that set up a child for future educational success, these broad categories often leave gaps because they lead people to generalizations, and ultimately, fatalism.
but there's really so much hope in early childhood education if we were to make things more equitable, ie like i always say UNIVERSAL PRE-K. these kids who are determined as "gifted" more often than not were just from more enriched home environments that prepared them for learning how to read, write, and do math. it's often not special innate abilities that leads to differences in outcomes for different students, but That's How The Kids Interpret It When Some of Them Are Called "Gifted." they're more often than not, not doing something that's truly exceptional or precocious for their age. they're displaying signs of age-appropriate development, when often, the kids who may be lagging behind them skill-wise just Haven't Practiced Those Skills As Much.
so yes, that's why there's a correlation in things like upper- and middle-class white kids being seemingly more successful in school (and more commonly deemed "gifted") at a young age. it's from privilege. it's not even just the implicit biases of their educators already working in their favor for their race and class. it's the fact that being more privileged, generally, means their family and parents had all of their basic needs provided for. they had more time to read with you. they could buy more development-promoting toys. they probably had better mental health to cope with the demands of child-rearing. if they suffered chronic or sudden physical health issues, they were insured. privileged children are usually less exposed at a younger age to the harshnesses of this world, as every child should be. ALL of these little advantages build up, in terms of what a child can be provided with before they go to school. anything that's going wrong in a child's family system can negatively impact them without them even being old enough to understand it.
you may not think of yourself as Privileged. you might prefer to think of yourself as Gifted. Gifted is so nice, even if it's demoted to Former Gifted. at one point you were told you were superior and it felt really good. and You, reader, i do not know You. i'm not calling You privileged, even if you are! hell, everyone's privileged in some way. i am at the point in the post where for transparency's sake i think i should say I Could Be What Some People Call "Former Gifted". i was called smart as a kid and given special homework sometimes etc. i'm not calling any Former Gifted people stupid for not realizing this either. what i mean is that this kids Are Not Usually Actually Gifted. this is a compliment given overwhelmingly to children who were just simply not deprived. when people say they were once Gifted, they're more often than not saying I Had The Early Opportunities To Learn Everyone Should Have, But Doesn't. this doesn't make you an outlier. It Might Just Be A Sign of Privilege.
#also I Am Privileged#i wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth in fact my parents were unemployed for much of my childhood#and there were many medical stressors for multiple of my immediate family members that complicated things#my father was diagnosed w type 1 diabetes when he was recently laid off in a pre-affordable care act world.#but in terms of having basic needs met and provided for. i did!#i didn't know the differences for my family's circumstances#also both of my parents are college-educated which helped them get out of that and helped provide for the privilege i was born into.#I Acknowledge These Privileges Not Because They Make Me Bad But Because Not Everyone Has These Things Handed To Them!#privilege doesn't mean you don't struggle. it means you don't struggle as much as you could've.#things couldve been worse#rant#long post#im not making it rebloggable bc i dont trust this website lol#people wanting to say 'im not privileged im neurodivergent' in this convo just grinds my gears#theyre making it seem like 'gifted' = neurodivergent which is NOT true#even if what they were praised for seems in retrospect to them to be their neurodivergent qualities. and#how that might emotionally interact with the future disappointment of realizing you're Not Special.#or even the social isolation you MAYBE experienced from your own school's policies for students like you!#that's again though not a systemic analysis but a personal one. and that's fine. that needs room#but people will assign a disproportionate amount of importance on their individual experience. and deny they could be privileged!#it feels very 'oh officer id never kill my husband' but about privilege lol.#its ok to be privileged. its ok#if those privileges are that you were regularly fed and lived in a stable home and your parents were there for you then thats a good thing.#universal pre-k is what ive been driving home but really all other systemic inequalities affect educational success is what im saying.#much like suicide prevention is more than just having a hotline. it's correcting the injustices of the world that make ppl feel hopeless.#educational justice is providing an equitable world for all children SO THAT they are capable of being reached by education#let's acknowledge the layers please. please
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#i've been getting asked how i'm doing by everyone around me#honest to god i've run out words to describe what's happening internally#not because i don't feel anything (quite the opposite actually)#but simply because everything i could've said about this experience? i've already said#so now all that's left is for me to go through it#also i understand that i'm incredibly fortunate to have an ample support system#however you know the age old belief of feeling lonely even when you're surrounded by others? yeah#that's life sometimes i guess#people can love you and be a source of comfort but even that has its limits#at the end of the day the grief i feel the difficult task of adjusting to life without my person is my own#casual late night thoughts wbk#but with only about a week until he goes? it's to be expected#insert every weary sigh here
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mental health experts are not a thing
#i don’t think anyone should claim to be one#as someone who has been through many many mental health trainings and has various certificates and volunteered for a suicide helpline#and whose job is v closely to do with mental health#no one really knows what they’re doing#we’re all just winging it#yes there’s some evidence for cbt helping some people but it’s not going to help with v deep seated issues#also i know my own personal experience is not everyone’s but it has not been good#i remember going to talking therapy for the first time and saying idk what I’m doing#and they said you need to remember WE know what WE’RE doing#i used the service twice & they did not#i’m sure they were kind#well meaning compassionate people and i admire them for that#but it’s frustrating being encouraged to trust people bc they’re ‘professionals’#and then seeing they have no idea how to help#a psychiatrist told me he could make my bdd go away#he just kept asking me if I thought he was delusional bc he thought I looked okay#no but that doesn’t make me delusional either#we just have different standards and values#one bdd ‘expert’ literally said nothing about BDD the entire time#he was nice though & we talked about his pets p much the entire time#had one meeting with a counsellor who gave me factually incorrect information then told me i was wrong even though i could easily prove it#one bdd ‘expert’ at least was honest with me that she couldn’t help#bc ‘you can only get better if you’re doing it for you not your parents’#another lady thought that if she could get me to retrain my attention that would solve everything#basically ‘just think about other things’#a lady at the counselling place at uni told me to read a book on social anxiety#one psychiatrist asked me what celebrity I’d like to look like#said oh I see it you look like her#I do not#then a bit later said I think you look way better than her
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I wish that I was more
#sad hours at the huskin bee#personal#graduating soon and the animation department is collecting photos of everyone in the drive#and seeing all these group photos of everyone in the program makes me realize how distant i am from them#and how close knit everyone else has become...#ive never been good at making friends and within like the first few weeks of school it was like everyone got to know each other#and the few friends i made in the program left after the first year#i wish my social anxiety wasnt so bad i tried harder to make friends in college#also i have an essay due on monday and i might just not do it#or itll be really half assed#ive been doing well so far in that class so if i dont do it i think the least id get is a C#idk maybe i can still make friends w these ppl after college somehow but itd still feel weird bc i had a completely different shm experience#than they had#ahhhh#i can imagine a future reunion where ppl will talk to be about old drama that was big among this giant friend group#that consists of most people in my year that ill have no idea what theyre talking abt#bc im never in the loop abt anything ever lol#this actually happened at my hs animation reunion except i actually knew and talked to most ppl in that class#i wasnt like super close to most of them but i had a few closeish friends#and i know one of those friends probably werent/arent in the know#also like i did hear abt relationship drama back in the day bc gossip spread p easily#anyways i was told completely new information abt someone getting stalked back then so thats wild#and apparently there was a super handsome guy in our class that i for some reason have zero recollection of#point is i be the last person to know something and if i know smth then everyone probably already knew#which is annoying. i wanna hear gossip too. even in my own family my sisters will tell each other and our mom about shit that went down w#their friends or our cousins and i only hear abt it when im in the room#so i end up hearing a lot but never directly and sometimes not in full#man i shouldve gone on more college field trips#shouldve done a lot more in life that my insecurities get the way of#tbh i genuinely think i might have a form of undiagnosed anxiety; tism; or some other mental disorder
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