#sorry I know this is potentially sensitive subject matter for people

[positivelyapunovexponent-good]

I am visiting extended family and experiencing a spectrum of shrimp emotions both positive and negative. Positive because I love them and love spending time with them. Negative for reasons I feel so self conscious about I can’t bring myself to explain them outside of the tags even in my anonymous personal blog. I can’t sleep even though I’m exhausted. every night I’m pacing from anxiety as I try to figure out which parts of me to be honest about and which to conceal for the sake of not? Deeply hurting the people I care about? Even though I haven’t done anything wrong so if they are hurt that’s not on me.

[iniziare]

🔥 GO WILD

Prompt: Send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion. // Accepting. // @ccaptain

I don't think that there's a single thing that I feel as strongly about, as my opinions of the following two lines: 'Every portrayal is equal' and 'There are multiple interpretations of a character'. I think that they both play into harvesting and perpetuating the worst mentalities on Tumblr: insecurity and egos. I disliked the PSAs about the former back in 2013, I hated the transition of the former to the latter in 2015/2016, and I hate how the latter still seems to resonate around the RPC as if it's some sort of bible that does anyone any good. And before any potential 'but Sae, those are two different things', no, not really, they play into the same concept, it's simply the phrasing that changes to make it all the more mentally inclusive and sound more socially welcoming. But a bad message remains a bad message no matter how pretty its packaging is. It all plays into not wanting to hurt people's feelings, which I fully understand and it's even a noble cause at its basis, but coddling doesn't help people, it never has, and it has and will only continue to make people more sensitive (which is a topic for a different salt send-in), all the while demotivating and utterly frustrating others. I'm sorry folks, but not every portrayal is equal, there are people who will create a blog merely because a character is hot, or for social political reasons of 'look at me', or because they simply ache to write a fandom's popular ship, and they disappear as quickly as they come when the 'urge' has been fulfilled. Those, for instance, are not equal to people who put a lot of time into their portrayals, and I'm not saying that everyone needs to live up to the latter, but don't be telling me that everyone is equal on the mere premise that they all 'exist' and we should 'all support one another'. Not every portrayal is equal, not everyone's writing is equal, and people's understanding of a character will not always be equal. And these things aren't subjective, they are factual. There can be such clear differences between portrayals and ignoring them is actually doing an injustice to every single depiction out there. If you tell a blog that does minimal writing and seems to not have a great understanding of the character (yet?), or the worst one: seems to really not care— that they’re equal to everyone else, then you’re telling them, for starters, that they could have nothing to improve on. And trust me, I’ve seen it happen time and time again, people will not put in effort to improve if you tell them that there’s nothing to actually better. And of course simultaneously, you demotivate the ones that have stuck around for years and put much time into what they do on Tumblr. And that sucks pretty hardcore.

Now luckily, that first line has somewhat died out, but now in its stead, we're left with 'There are multiple interpretations of a character'. I don't know whether it's worse, better, or just equally as bad of a take. I vote for... worse, actually. — No, no one will ever convince me that if they wrote an OC, and then released them to the world, that they'd be okay if RPers anywhere would claim that one can read their OC multiple different ways. I've seen RPers on Tumblr blow up over much less. What I need people to realize and remember, is that all creators and writers alike, have an intent with their characters, and that isn't subjective. Just like personality traits aren't subjective. For instance, one can't look at Veritas Ratio and go 'he's confident' and have someone else state 'he's insecure', and say that both are factually true and that both takes are equal in 'value' if we look at accuracy, because they're not. They cannot both be true, and I'm not talking about minor details that can be considered to be 'exceptions', I'm talking about the rule. What I need people to admit to, more often than not, is that it seems to have become a common take to conflate what they want a character to be like with what they actually are. I sometimes can look at a character and objectively go 'I wish they had done this instead, focusing on this and this, or this part of their personality'. but if I then choose to portray the character like that instead, it doesn't mean that it's what the character that we ultimately see on screen is actually like. And admitting that it's not the case isn't a bad thing, being canon divergent isn't a bad thing, but it is entirely different from intending to write the character based on what we actually see.

[ask-mobile-iterator-project]

welcome to my iterator OC's ask blog! ヾ(ˊᗜˋ*)

⚠️warning: there is a good chance of seeing heavy and disturbing subject matter and emotionally distressing content! please proceed with caution!

rules and info under the readmore!

specifically I want to bring light to specific upsetting themes I will tag:

abuse

manipulation

depictions of trauma

depictions of mental illness

more that may be revealed as the story progresses (and i understand what stuff to tag ;;; i will do my best!!)

potentially sensitive and upsetting content will be tagged with "upsetting content" along with specific tags if applicable

I have so many thoughts about SLS, and I thought it'd be fun to make unraveling her backstory kinda interactive with you guys! I may post comics unrelated to asks expanding on her backstory at points ^_^

I think being able to interact with her is really fun...

Rules:

please don't send question lists or several asks in one submission- split them up please!

no rp asks - I am not sure how to handle other people's OCs and I don't want things to derail too much;; sorry!

no character changing magic asks

you can give her items but...please be reasonable ^^;;

please nothing suggestive or nsfw

i can reject anything im uncomfy with

If I don't answer your ask, it doesn't necessarily mean it broke a rule. Please be understanding! I may just not know how to answer it, or be too busy, or have already answered it, etc

Tag Guide

this post will be tagged with all of these for your convenience!

#ask sls: answers to asks

#ooc: out of character. admin stuff

#non-canon: for sillier stuff or things that are definitely not canon.

#fanart: reblogs of fanart (i would be overjoyed if you made fanart!)

#moon's art: posts/reblogs of my own art of SLS, unrelated to asks.

#sls worldbuilding: asks/posts that contribute to the worldbuilding of sls's universe.

#sls lore: asks/posts that contribute to sls's lore.

#sls characters: asks/posts that relate to other characters in sls's story.

#minor angst: asks/posts that contain minor angst, or have hints of angst.

#angst: asks/posts with angst

#major angst: usually paired with upsetting content, but hey why not have three levels of angst anyways.

#upsetting content: see above section about warnings!

#backstory post: not ask related. just for lore hehe

Inbox Status: Open!

[fthistumblershit]

Sorry you’re so easily upset, but saying you’re an adult responsible for managing your own triggers and symptoms isn’t pseudo-psychology, it’s just a fact. I know personal responsibility is uncomfortable especially for ED sufferers but there will always be triggers. The philosophical and political affiliations of the community you immerse yourself in doesn’t preclude those individuals from saying things that you might personally find upsetting or triggering. You clearly have a lot of negative emotions to sort through and I’d advise you to step away from social media if you’re having difficulty managing them and are so upset and unbalanced by what strangers say to each other on tumblr. If you choose to relapse it’s on you, not someone who said something you found fatphobic.

I see you're taking the "you're hysterical" route right now.

1. I'm easily upset by unknown people not showing their face and telling me who I am, what I feel, and what I should do. Especially when they're condescending about it. It happens when you're a human being.

2. When I say it's "pseudo-psychology", I mean that there are many currents in nowadays psychology that have many different perspectives on how to deal with trauma, trauma-response, boundaries, and triggers. So, I'm not saying that being an adult who should be responsible for their triggers is not a fact (I said it myself); I'm saying your approach to psychological problems isn't a proven one nor the only one.

3. Honestly, the fact that you think that I, again a person you don't know, struggle with personal responsibility is absolutely beyond me. My sense of personal responsibility is none of your concern. I assure you I'm a functional adult which has achieved many important things in my life (at least I consider them so) that in other times I would have thought impossible. Really, you don't have to be this concerned about my mental health or my sense of adulthood. I'm doing fine. And that's according to professionals. Ofc, now you'll say I don't seem to be or that you don't believe me or whatever trick you might have up your sleeve. Idc.

3 and 4. I know they'll always be triggers because you never fully recover from an eating disorder, partly because we live in a very sick society that hates women and fatness. You really, really don't have to tell me that, thank you. I was in therapy for many years and not with an anon, but with actual professionals who knew me personally. I have never implied (but after all, this is my third language) that I expected the community I "immerse myself in" to be nice no matter what, or walk on eggshells with me, because that's absurd and frankly inconsiderate. If not right down abusive. What I meant was two things that maybe were easily confused with one another: that I was potentially triggered by the rudeness, as in name-calling, mocking, etc. used by some people on this website; and, separate from that, that I was shocked (not triggered) by the apparent ignorance and prejudice on radblr related to the intersection between female fatness (not EDs) and medical misogyny. So, to correct your point, No, I wasn't expecting radblr to be nice to poor me with their opinions on that subject. They can have all the opinions they want, but one can always express themselves in a civil manner when exposing them, especially when talking about very sensitive subjects.

5. This is just insulting, to be honest. Don't worry! I'm not triggered. I'm just stating my opinion. Again, you stranger on the Internet who don't know me and seems to be adamant on worrying about my health, I wouldn't know what to tell you about my negative emotions. I don't usually measure them. When someone makes me angry, I express my anger as healthily as I can, trying to be assertive but not aggressive. When I'm sad, I try to cope by being functional and dealing with my responsiblities (job, house chores, master's, family and friends) as best as I can and try not to dampen anyone's mood in the process. When I'm horny, I masturbate and feel much better afterwards. I'm unable to tell you how many negative or positive emotions I have on a daily basis; I can assure I also have very positive ones, like feeling loved or achieving new things in my professional and academic life. I'm not upset nor "unbalanced" (you meant to say "hysterical" but stopped at the last moment?) by what strangers say to each other on the Internet. I am upset (because I'm a human being) by insults, mockery, prejudice, etc. regarding someone's physical appearance or diet because it was worded aggresively and maliciously. If someone insults you and you're affected by it, it's your responsibility to manage it, but you have a right to feel it and defend yourself. On the other hand, if someone talks about weight, physical appearance, and dieting in a neutral or respectful manner, I don't feel triggered at all.

7. May I say, that your rhetoric is somewhat reminding me of DARVO tactics with all the gaslighting and guilt-tripping. "If you CHOOSE to relapse," something "YOU FOUND fatphobic." If I relapsed, it'd mostly be my responsibility, sure, but you don't choose to. In that moment, it's already out of your control. And, ONCE AGAIN, I haven't relapsed. I was talking about a potential trigger. I've fought with this for many years without a single relapse, but I know this illness well enough to recognise potential triggers. And again, these posts are appearing on my dash. I don't follow these people.

8. Last of all, why are you so invested in my mental health all of a sudden? Do you send anons to every recovered bulimic/anorexic on Tumblr? I understand my initial post might have striked controversy but a psychological profile seems a bit exaggerated. And, look, I'm sorry if my sarcasm strikes you as me being "unbalanced" or being "easily upset." But I think, unfortunately, we agree to disagree.

Now, I have work tomorrow and it's quite late here, so if you could leave me alone, I'd thank you immensely. Btw, I'll leave Tumblr whenever I see fit. It wouldn't be the first time, nor the last. But that's my choice and my reasons to stay in it.

[finerandbonnier]

The Roseate Couple

Chapter Seven of Lucian, just before the fall

[AO3]

A totally unrelated series of recollections, half remember truths, and outright fabrications regarding London shortly before the event that would come to be known as the Fall and that hold no greater meaning or significance.

It was late. The fireworks had died out a while ago and with them the majority of the crowd that had flooded the banks of the Stolen River had dispersed. Little pockets of people remained, a couple or small group here and there who were unwilling to let the frivolities of the Feast end quite so soon. Some meandered along the paths talking animatedly with their companions, some stole away to darkened corners where they allowed the illusion of privacy to embolden them, and some simply sat and watched the city go by.

One such couple sat by themselves overlooking the ruins of Parliament. The spot had been carefully chosen to give them the best view but also keep a good distance from any possible eavesdroppers. They rested almost shoulder to shoulder, hands placed near each other’s but not quite touching. A barrier of less than an inch that neither could quite bring themselves to break.

There the pair sat unspeaking as they watched strangers scurry home through the night back to their beds. Or at least to someone’s bed. The silence that stretched between them was not quite comfortable but it was, at least to them, better than the alternative. There was simply too much to say for either one to risk breaking the silence.

Archie turned to Harjit and studied the other man’s profile. He’d always found Harjit handsome, but how much of that attraction was genuine and not just a holdover of some forgotten past? Did it even matter? And Harjit, did he truly want Archie or was this just the closest he could get to having Lucian back? Would he leave when it became clear that Archie was no longer the man he loved? His eyes trailed along the length of Harjit’s nose and across his lips. He’d kissed them once or twice before his arrest, moments stolen in hidden buildings late at night. It had all been much easier then.

His melancholy gaze eventually disturbed his companion and Harjit turned from watching the broken face of the Clock Tower with a slight smile on his face. His eyebrow cocked, inviting Archie to speak what was on his mind.

“Sorry, it’s nothin’,” Archie’s voice was hoarse as he spoke. “I’m just thinking,”

“About?” Harjit responded.

Archie paused. Any subject he bought up had the potential to be fraught, to break the uneasy peace the two of them had settled into since the trial. With Lucian his lack of memories created a distance that made discussing him almost easy, like talking about a tragedy you’d heard had befallen a distant relative. It was sad, of course, but abstract. Far removed from him. He felt no real connection between himself and the man he supposedly used to be. But for Harjit it was the opposite, almost anything would be easier for him than looking into Archie’s unremembering eyes, the remanent of Lucian, while talking about the things they had once shared a lifetime ago.

This was dangerous ground. Still, Archie thought, we will have to broach it at some point. Maybe if he spoke of what fragments he could remember from his dreams it might persuade Harjit to open up a little himself, or maybe it would just give him false hope that Lucian was still somewhere recoverable. Harjit bore his hurt like a wounded animal; he didn’t let it show. If Archie misstepped he may not realise it until it was too late.

“I dinnae remember being Lucian but I think I remember the shift. Or I dream of it at least,” Archie spoke, hoping he wasn’t about to ruin the evening.

Harjit looked at him patiently. If the topic distressed him, he did not show it. “Will you tell me about it?”

“Aye, if you’ll trade me. I know it’s difficult for you to talk about him, Lucian, to me. And I get it, I do. I’ve no’ always been too sensitive when talking of him. But I do want to know more about him, about who I they say I was. Tell me a story about him, any which one you choose, and I'll tell you of my dream.”

Harjit nodded slowly, “I think I can manage that.”

“So, which of us is going to start?”

“I asked first, so courtesy states it should be you.” No smile stretched across Harjit’s lips but his eyes were warm and fond despite the seriousness of his voice.

Well, Archie could hardly argue with that, could he? He took a deep breath to centre himself and began.

“I’ve dreamt a lot of the events leading up to it but they’re always a jumble. The moment itself is a rarer dream but it’s clearer. Always follows the same path. I wake in a dark room. My body aches and my mind is pounding. My hands are bound behind me, attached to something I can’t see and no matter how hard I struggle I cannae move them. There’s nothing much in the room with me, a couple of books maybe and one or two bits of furniture that are too dark for me to make out the shape of. And of course, there are the scarlet letters on the wall.

“I know you’ve seen it yourself, the writing on some of the buildings around here. Think I told you at some point they were just beggar marks but we both know better now, don’t we? I don’t know how long Lucian was stuck there. It could have been minutes or days from what I dreamt. And there was nothing to do but stare at the wall. At that damn lettering.”

Archie’s voice shifted as he continued talking. His eyes that had once focused on Harjit’s own now stared through him. He spoke like a man possessed, unaware of his surroundings.

“I couldnae read them but by the end he must’ve understood them well enough. Glyphs that laid dormant until the city fell and then activated in a searing burst of light. Turning a building that Was into a building that Was Not. The pain was immense. I felt my whole body aflame, he should have burned to ash but we remained, alive and still somehow burning hotter and hotter. Some small version of the house fell with the city and it took the bits of Lucian that became me with it. Most of it stayed on the surface as a mockery of consequential science and law until the sun’s light hit it and cleansed all trace of it from the Earth, Lucian included –”

Harjit had been quietly taking in Archie’s words until the last part. Confused he interrupted, “What does that mean, a ‘building that Was Not’?”

His voice broke whatever spell had gripped hold of Archie and the other man looked equally confused. “I – I don’t know. It’s what those marks said, what action they caused, I’m sure of it. But I do not know the meaning behind it.” His gaze hardened, “I mean to find out though.”

Harjit’s hand reached out, finally spanning the gap that they had kept between themselves. His fingers clasped around Archie’s, cradling the other man’s hand in his own. Despite the chill in the air he was burning hot.

“I suppose I owe you a tale of Lucian then.”

“It can wait for another time –” Harjit started to protest but Archie cut him off with a weary smile. “It’s fine, truth be told I’m awful tired. You can tell me some other night.”

Archie moved to stand and say his goodbye. In response Harjit’s grip on his hand tightened and before he could second guess himself he voiced the question that had hung in the air between the two of them since they first met that evening, since the trial even, "So, where does this leave us?”

Archie hovered in the air for a moment partway between sitting and standing before settling back down with a breath. He shifted and positioned himself directly facing Harjit, gazing deep into his eyes as he spoke, “About where we were before I’d say, but with a wee bit more knowledge.

"I’m very fond of you Harjit. But I like you in much the same way I did before all this business with David and the trial, as Archie. I cannae love you the way Lucian did because I’m no’ him. Even if I did manage to regain some of what was taken from me that night it’d take years and I’d still not be the man you loved. And I understand if that’s not enough for you and you’d prefer a clean break. There’d be no hard feelings. But I cannae be with you if you’re just waiting for me to remember that I’m someone I’m not.”

Archie’s words hung in the air as Harjit listened to him, face blank and his thoughts impenetrable. When he finally spoke it was with clear conviction, “Months ago, you talked to me at length about how the two of us could carve out a life here in the Neath. A little house of our own with room for a clinic downstairs. You doctoring and me guiding people, bringing back what monsters I killed so you could make medicine from them. No more box room in a boarding house, no more constabulary.”

“I remember.”

“I think I’d like that.”

“Aye, I would too. And if your heart changes – “

“I’ll let you know, and you will do the same.”

“Agreed.”

Hands still clasped together they held each other’s gaze. Neither could be sure where this would go or how long it would last, but both were committed to the attempt and, for now at least, that would be enough.

[runeseaks]

✨Writeblr Intro✨

Hello! (Finally getting around to doing this lol.) I’m fairly new to actually using tumblr, and not just viewing other people’s posts, so have mercy on me as I learn what the hell I’m doing lol. DMs, feedback, and advice welcome!

ABOUT ME 🖋

Name: Ren or Rune

Pronouns: They/Them

Age: Physically tired, mentally still kicking (20s)

Hobbies: Writing, reading, drawing, photography, video games, and I’ve dabbled in cosplay. I love crafting things and learning new skills.

Favorite punctuation: Ellipses… [I’m sorry, in advance.]

And I’m aroace as fuh. 💚🤍🖤🤍💜

MY WRITING ⚔

Primarily write new adult or adult fantasy of the character driven variety, and include many human and non-human characters (vampires, demons, fae, and other immortal beings...). [Disclaimer that the demons I write are not of the religious variety, and could just as easily be called fae or aliens. I just chose demon as a catch-all term. They are non-human and quite varied and/or inspired by mythical creatures.]

🏳‍🌈 Naturally, many of my characters are LGBTQIA+ in some way. And a good number of my non-humans do not necessarily follow human constructs (of sex and gender and all those lovely things).

🔥 I’ve started dabbling in romance and spicy content. I may not be sexual, but some of my characters definitely are, so, y’know. Tumblr of spice: https://www.tumblr.com/runewilde. Twitter of spice: @RuneWilde. [18+ only, please]

I do try to post content warnings for any potentially sensitive topics. Feel free to let me know if I miss any.

Many of my current WIPs take place within the same universe.

I actually do like poetry in the times when I’ve been forced to write it lol—which might sound strange. It’s not something I typically write in my spare time, but sometimes it just happens…  

WIPS

🔥 Playing with Fire (1st person retrospective, character driven, adult, fantasy) Includes morally grey characters galore, dark themes, and family struggles. Alcander’s younger years as he grows into a notorious killer—with the help of a few bad influences—and digs himself into a deep hole he may never escape. 

🐺 The Hunter’s Dog (1st person retrospective, character driven, adult, fantasy with some slowburn romance) After the events of Playing with Fire. It took nearly 200 years, but Alcander starts to realize how deep of a hole his past self dug. Just when he can no longer see any way out, he meets a Hunter willing to give him a hand [kinda sus]. Can the Hunter pull Alcander out or will Alcander drag the Hunter down with him? [I do have 2 chapters of this posted on Medium, but I plan on majorly reworking it, so… lol.]    

🧛‍♀️💘 Untitled (3rd person, adult, fantasy, historical romance) How Alcander’s parents, a demon and a vampire, fell in love in the early 1800s despite opposition. Claudia Revell was never one for doing as she was told. So, when her father tell her demons should be avoided, the headstrong vampire waltzes directly into the demon district to find out why. Little did she know she'd find herself entranced by the very beings her father despises and doing everything in her power to keep it a secret. It can only end well.  

Various Shorts:

I have a few different short form projects… Most are character driven, many are episodic, and so far all connect to the same main world (all the main characters tend to know each other in some capacity). 

Reluctant Service [18+] (3rd person, M/M, erotic fantasy… I hesitate to say romance for reasons lol) Another spicy short fic, involving Leon (asexual) and Eras (some sort of sexual). There will be other shorts with them, but I haven’t decided a ‘main title’ for the stories involving them. They have a rather dark dynamic at it’s core, so be warned.

Untitled [18+] Tales of an incubus sex worker [Alcander’s uncle, Lysander]. Will be spicy and potentially have dark themes at times. Definitely will be more episodic. [I need more confidence with this genre and subject matter, before I feel capable of writing this lol.]

Definitely some shorts involving Alcander, spicy or not, that aren’t necessarily going to be included in his main WIPs. 

[livredebelle]

Twenty-seven.

I WAS STUNNED--I HAD NEVER IMAGINED he would get on his knees for me, let alone be physically capable of it at all. The man was all about his pride, I knew all too well. Too much between us was changing, too fast, all of a sudden. I started feeling uncomfortable.

"First off, you have to know that you mean everything to me. I care only for you. That means no matter what bullshit comes our way, promise me that if your feelings are true, you won't ever try to leave me."

"What?"

"I don't want us to start off on the wrong foot. You want me to be completely candid and honest--so here I am." He took my hands gingerly in his. "I'm saying your sister has no hold on me whatsoever. So let us drop that issue between us, here and now."

I found that incredibly hard to believe--all my life, people in my family had preferred Rosalie over me. She was prettier, kinder, softer--everything a proper lady should be. Me? I was the degenerate daughter who they were ashamed of, someone who had let down their hopes from the very beginning.

What was I so afraid of? Heath was confessing his love to me, and promising me that he had no feelings for her. If I loved him too, I should believe him. Shouldn't I?

'You can never trust what men say. They may promise you the world, but what they really mean is you'll only ever be a fraction of the world to him.'

Mother's education had encompassed many topics, her favorite of them all being relationships and men. Because of her own failures in her love life, she felt the need to impart her 'wisdom' to her daughters, mostly me because I was the eldest and therefore carried the higher burden of expectations.

Maybe I had subconsciously pushed away dating potentials all my life because of that. At least in part. I figured from the very beginning, I shouldn't get into relationships if it only meant getting burned. I was too prideful for that; I didn't want to feel inferior to anybody, nor give anyone the right to make me feel that way.

More so than I already felt.

So I hesitated. And Heath noticed.

"I'm different, and you know it deep in your heart. I'm not the kind of foolish lad to believe in silly things like fate. But the way our paths are intertwined--I would say at this point, it would almost be silly not to believe in it, with you before my eyes."

God, he had such a way with words. It almost made me want to cave, but I held my tongue to his evident dismay.

"What more can I do to prove my loyalty to you?" he asked with a twinge of pain in his voice. I flinched. Hurting him had not been my intent, but I also had no intention of apologizing for it, because I was prioritizing myself over him.

"I don't think there's anything you can do," I confessed. "I just... need more time to process things between us. But... I'll do my best." I paused, then blurted, "So what did Rosalie's text say?" I wanted to change the subject to a less serious one, true, but he hadn't answered that part of the question yet.

"She wants to meet," Heath said carefully, probably not wanting to antagonize me. He knew my sister was a sensitive subject, especially right now. When had the axis on my world become so tilted? "For what reason, I can guess: she knows that I met with Pete. And she's probably going to ask about it--which will confirm whether she's helping her father or not--while also trying to act weak in front of me so I feel sorry for her." The steel coldness in his eyes told me her plan would not work, which made me feel relieved.

"Where?"

"Does it matter? I'm not meeting her," he said, one of his eyebrows rising. "I'm not leaving you alone when things are so risky as it is."

"What does Pete want with me, do you think...?"

That was the real question, wasn't it? I was confused as to what he'd want to see me for--we hadn't spoken in years; besides that, we had never had a good relationship for the brief moment in history we'd been acquainted under the title of 'family.' I could understand him wanting to meet with Rose, but...

Seeing Heath's expression harden made me realize instantly that no matter what the reason, it was definitely sinister.

But why? I hadn't done anything to him! I wanted to scream it, but would it change anything? No. So what was the point of throwing a tantrum like a child? I bit my lip in frustration.

"Don't worry. I'll take care of it," Heath promised, squeezing my hands tighter in his. "You are not alone in this."

My heart warmed at his words. How desperately I wanted to believe him wholeheartedly. But there was always that 1% that would doubt. It was simply in my nature.

"Maybe I should meet him after all," I suggested after thinking for a bit. "You know, use me as bait and set up a trap."

"Hell no. Do you seriously think I'd consider that option for even a moment?" His tone dripped with disapproval. "I'm perfectly capable of cleaning up someone like him."

"Wait, what do you mean, 'clean up'? Don't tell me you--"

"What, surely you can't seriously expect me to let him live?" Heath's baby blue eyes twinkled with malice. "He is a risk otherwise. He'll keep coming back, and we'll forever be running away or hiding in the shadows. Why in the nine hells would I allow that?"

"But... but that would be--" I stammered.

"Murder?" It was like he was really saying, "So?" He couldn't be serious.

"You're talking about killing somebody. It's a crime!"

"What solution would you suggest, then?"

"I don't know... but... There must be something else. I don't want to think of that as our first option."

"You wouldn't have to be involved in anything; I'll take care of it all."

"You've already implicated me by telling me! How could I let you go on when I know...?"

He was really going to drive me crazy. I mean, it made sense. I had always known that Heath Ashford was a crazy, fucked up guy. I had fallen in love with him regardless, and now I was going to have to pay the price.

How to make him see reason?

"I would do anything to protect you, Rina," he said solemnly. "It doesn't matter who or what they are. I'll make sure it can't be traced back to us. Just... don't ask me to change myself for the sake of someone as grotesque as Pete. Don't I mean more to you?"

"..."

"Trust me on this. This problem won't go away until and unless I nip it in the bud. It would also send a message to the real mastermind behind the plan, whoever that is--"

That thought made me feel ill. The mastermind contenders were either my mother, or my sister. Maybe, just maybe, Richard too--but he was less likely. It didn't matter; they were all from the same circle--my family. What a sick joke. I closed my eyes, almost willing myself to be okay with the fact, and then to just completely forget it had ever happened. I wanted to reset everything in my life--go back to a better time. But when would that be? My childhood? I had no memory of ever being really happy. My life was an empty shell; it was so plain and unremarkable that I wanted to scream. Had I been born as anybody else, maybe my life would have meant more.

"Okay, fine, whatever--I don't want to talk about this anymore," I sighed, plopping backwards on the bed. "I want to rest."

"You should. In the meantime, I'll go meet your sister and scope her out. Report back to you soon." He leaned forward to leave me a kiss on the forehead, and I felt my cheeks flush in response. I was seriously going to have to get used to his affectionate side--my heart drummed excitedly in my chest.

As I heard him leave the room, I sat up abruptly. Maybe this was a chance to witness things for myself instead of merely leaving it up to someone else--not that it meant I didn't trust Heath, I assured myself quickly. But because I had to see it with my own eyes if it was true that my sister had been wearing a mask in front of me all our lives. The possibility made my hands sweat, and I almost decided against it, but I powered through. No more inactive Irina. No more complaining when things don't go my way. No, I was going to take action. I had nothing to lose, now that I had a partner in crime by my side.

Maybe almost too literally.

***

I had followed behind Heath carefully, instructing the taxi driver to trail his Audi as inconspicuously as possible. Thankfully, the driver didn't ask any questions, so long as I paid the cab fare. His Audi had parked in the lot in front of a small mom-and-pop cafe near the university; it was obvious Heath had picked the place, not wanting to alert Rose to the location of my whereabouts. The sincerity reflected in his actions made me hopeful that maybe, just maybe, Mother had been wrong. Maybe she was just shitty at finding love, and I shouldn't take her words too seriously.

But again, old habits die hard.

I had a dilemma: how was I going to trail him further than this? It wasn't like I was wearing a disguise or anything; if I entered the cafe to eavesdrop, I would be found out immediately by the both of them. So I decided against that plan, deciding instead to stay put in the taxi and pay the meter while it was running. Again, the driver was happy to oblige so long as the fare was taken care of. I wished the window glass was tinted to allow myself better cover, but this would have to do; it was the best I was going to get.

Rosalie was inside and waiting already--she was clearly visible, as she was sitting on a table right next to the cafe window. As Heath entered the cafe, I could see her beaming. Like she was really in love with him. It was hard to see, but I forced myself to watch. I wanted to verify everything with my eyes, even if I couldn't hear what was being said.

He sat across from her, and she pushed the menu across the table to him, which he refused. When she insisted, he tossed the menu to the floor, and I nearly laughed. I loved his attitude towards her--if he kept this up, he was going to get rewarded well for it later. She smiled sadly, then he barked a question, or an accusation, at her. Her face crumpled, but she maintained her calm demeanor for the most part and her hands moved about as she explained her side of the story. Heath didn't look pleased, but I couldn't read anything but sternness from his body language. Then, Rosalie reached across the table and grasped his hand in hers.

I almost bolted out of the taxi, ran across the lot, and punched her in the face. The audacity of her to be doing this, when she clearly knew... Wait, did she? Had I ever confessed to her--or anybody for that matter--how I had felt? No. So then, this was my fault once again. I sank back in my seat, dejected. I should have been more honest; then it wouldn't have come back to bite me in the ass later like this.

He shrugged her off, and said something with a blank expression on his face. She flinched at his words and reclined in her seat as well, her doe eyes fixated on his face. It was painful to watch. Even with this weird conflict between us, I found it hard to suppress the feelings of wanting to protect my little sister--it was automatic at this point, embedded in my body as if second nature.

How pathetic this whole situation was. It was like I was the worst protagonist in the story, idly waiting to be rescued while not doing anything to better the situation herself. I had always despised fairy tales because I hated the weak portrayal of women in them; but perhaps all this time, I had been jealous of their ability to skirt responsibilities and get away with it, all because they were beautiful. And because they were princesses. Why should those automatically grant you a license to be a nuisance to others?

After a couple more exchanges, Heath stood, and I saw Rose burst into tears--it was clear she was begging him to stay, or begging him for... something. My breath caught in my throat. Even in my eyes, my crying sister was too beautiful to ignore. If I were a guy, or Heath even, I would find her difficult, if not impossible, to resist. This was the moment of truth. I held my breath, resolved to release it only when it was safe to do so.

But Heath left the table after all. I let out my breath, relief flooding over me. But that relief was so shortlived as I realized he was sauntering over confidently towards me. In the taxi. I cowered, trying my best to disappear or assimilate into the car seats. But no dice.

Knock, knock.

"Hello, love. Missed me already?"

[true-blue-megamind]

What Makes Hal a Great Villain?

Okay, I’m saying it upfront: this one is going to get a little dark and very real.  Potential triggers for harassment, stalking, sexual predation.  Nothing graphic or heavy, of course, but if these are especially highly sensitive subjects for you, please proceed with caution.

Also, SPOILER ALERT for anyone who has not yet watched the animated awesomeness that is Megamind.  (If you are that person, the DVD is on sale on Amazon, and the movie is available to stream on NowTV.  Go watch it.  I’ll wait.)

We all know Megamind is an awesome protagonist--multi-layered, relatable, and surprisingly complex-- but, truthfully, his antagonist is just as interesting.  In fact, when compared with other animated villains of the early 2000′s, he’s by far the most memorable... and the most terrifying.

Many may question my assessment.  I mean, let’s be honest: this guy doesn’t exactly look like the face of evil.  But make no mistake: Hal, who later becomes Titan, is an extremely scary person.

I don’t want to leave readers with the impression that this character is one-sided, however, so before we get started on just what makes this fellow complete nightmare fuel, let’s look briefly at a few of the other reasons that Hal makes a fascinating Bad Guy.

One of my favorite things about Hal’s character arch is that it defies expectations.  Superhero comics have a long tradition of Average Nobodies who somehow receive extraordinary powers and go on to save the city.  Or the world.  Or the universe.  You get the idea.  Many comic book fans, upon watching Megamind for the first time, probably expected Hal to do the same, but he doesn’t.  In fact, he goes rogue, choosing to use his newly-obtained gifts for wanton destruction.  Thus the film inverts the established trope.

Like the protagonist he faces, (and is thankfully conquered by,) Hal is complex, and his true nature reveals itself slowly.  I’ve heard some people say that they actually felt a bit sorry for him in the first scene he appears, as he awkwardly tries to express his feelings to reporter Roxanne Ritchi.  At first he seemed like nothing worse than a socially inept and sexually frustrated nerd.  Only as the move progressed, and the aforementioned viewers saw his creepiness more clearly, did they begin to revile him.  One of the many clever things about the movie is that the gradual development provides audiences with the experience of slowly getting to know the characters.  While Megamind is the somewhat anarchical Goth who worries you a little at first, but whose heart of gold has you loving him once you really understand him, Hal is that guy you really, really regret talking to at a party.  You know, the one who quickly starts sending your internal Creep-o-Meter off the scale and persistently follows you around for the rest of the night.  This is, indeed, part of what makes Hal disturbing; just like real villains, he hides in plain sight, wearing the guise of an ordinary fellow.

Which brings us back to the scary part.  Even before he gets superpowers, Hal is bad guy deep down.  He’s a creep and a stalker.  He harasses Roxanne at work and keeps pestering her for a date no matter how many times she says no.  Either consciously or unconsciously, he assumes that she’s shallow, and that once he has a muscular body and a bevy of godlike abilities, she’ll fawn on him.  The idea that he himself might be the problem never seems to occur to him.  In fact, he seems to feel that she will then owe him her affection.  This is because, even before becoming Titan, Hal appears to have an overblown sense of self-importance and an unrealistic concept about what he deserves.  (I go into detail about that in an earlier post, Megamind and Identity, which you can read here.)  The fact that he doesn’t get what he feels is his right seems to have created a deep-seeded bitterness in him that rises to the surface once he obtains power.

But Hal really is the problem.  His combined possessive harassment and complete lack of empathy are exactly why Roxanne neither likes nor trusts him.  And she’s right to feel that way.  Almost immediately after gaining his powers, now feeling that he is above society’s rules, Titan begins revealing just how terrible of a person he really is.  He uses his supervision to spy on Roxanne while he and Megamind (disguised as Space Dad) are in the park, and that must not be the only incident because he later tells Roxanne: “I know everything about you.”  This is just before he grabs her off of her balcony, without her consent, and begins throwing her around like a rag doll, terrifying her and putting her life in real danger because, apparently, he thinks she’ll be impressed.

Yeah.  This guy is pretty much human garbage.

Once he finally understands (more or less) that Roxanne really means it when she says she’s not interested, Hal/Titan reveals himself to be a man-child.  He  begins by using his abilities for selfish and criminal reasons, essentially stating that he doesn’t feel heroism is worth his time.  When he learns that Megamind has been dating Roxanne, (albeit in disguise,) he reacts with violence.  This is because Megamind, like Hal himself, is an outsider: unpopular, unwelcome, and considered unattractive by most of the population of Metro City.  In Hal’s mind, this revelation highlights the fact that none of these factors were the cause of Roxanne’s rejection, leaving only he himself to blame.  (In fact, the movie contrasts Megamind, who, although imperfect, respects Roxanne’s wishes and intelligence, with Hal, who basically views her as an object to be won.  Again, you can read more about that in Megamind and Identity.) Hal can’t handle that.  He can’t accept it.  So instead he turns his rage on the city as a whole.  (This is despite the fact that, deep down, Hal knows he is the problem, hence why he rejects his identity as Hal and fully embraces the new one as Titan.  That’s illustrated by his final line before abandoning Roxanne on Metro Tower: “It’s Titan, not Hal!”)

Hal abuses his power, and society suffers as a result.  Even then, however, Hal/Titan still tries to lay claim to Roxanne.  He accuses Megamind of “stealing his girlfriend,” and later tells Roxanne: “Let me guess, after seeing how awesome I am, you’ve come to your senses.”  All the way to the end, Hal still can’t quite seem to accept that reality is not following his design.

If the idea of a man who lets power go to his head, objectifies women, won’t take “no” for an answer, and reacts violently when denied what he feels he’s owed sounds familiar, that’s because it is.  Humanity has a huge problem with these sorts of behaviors, ranging from sexism and sexual predation to unfeeling abuses of power.  The Sarah Everard case in London, and the fact that several officials essentially blamed the victim, asking why Sarah was walking home alone rather than asking why some guy felt he had the right to attack her, is the most recent well-known testament to this, but it’s sadly far from the only one.  A.J. White said it best in his YouTube video, The Terror of the Incel Superman, when he expressed that news archives are full of stories about women being murdered by the sort of overgrown boys who can’t accept their refusals.  And although men of that sort do not have the ability to fly or shoot lasers out of their eyes, some of them do rise to social and political power.  They are Hals. 

That is exactly what makes this character so especially scary.  Unlike more farcical supervillains, he is based upon something that truly exists.  Preternatural abilities aside, Hal is terrifying because he is very real.  Let’s just hope our world will see more Megaminds willing to stand up to them. #BeMegamindNotHal

[theyilinglaozus]

I am woefully out of the loop, what's happening with antis and Zhang Zhehan?

Oof.

I'm going to pop my response behind a cut, if you don't mind anon. It's a bit of a heavy subject for many and I know there are likely people who follow me who are trying to avoid reading about it for their own mental health, which is completely valid.

That's a very big and complicated pool right now, and one which I'm probably not the best person to go ask if you want all the information, given how far it's now reaching. The information I have been following has been through accounts on Twitter that are much more informed and knowledgeable on the situation, so I would absolutely look to QuelleVous and Bluebirdmuppet as well as this article on the situation. They will be able to provide a better understanding. I would also highly recommend doing a google search on Li Xuezheng vs CAPA, as he is a producer in China who first started investigating into this more, and is currently leading the investigation into this highly sensitive matter. He has posted many videos and has spoken out much about it, both acting as a voice for Zhang Zhehan and his family as well as also wanting to fight back on the corruption which has been uncovered (this started with Xuezhang speaking out on the damage a blacklist which had been created by CAPA could cause for China, and what it meant and asking who had the authority to create such a list - as well as questioning why Zhang Zhehan's name was among those listed). *EDIT: @huaschengs kindly recommends @screaming-apple for further information also! They have a collection of posts on what’s been happening, including posts they have here in their 813 tag. Thank you once again for the additional source, it’s very much appreciated! 💖 

The best I can summarize for you is that due to the recent fight for justice for both Zhang Zhehan and his family over 813, antis are doing their best to attempt to take down and silence those that are providing either neutral or supportive evidence for Zhang Zhehan's innocence in the matter, as well as the proof that what he was canceled for back in August had been an orchestrated attack to take him down and ruin his career. I don't really feel too comfortable talking much about it myself in fear that I may misinterpret or say something incorrect to what's been shared and what's currently being investigated upon, and seeing as this has now turned into a legal matter (wherein, lawyers have now come out in defense of Zhang Zhehan as well as fighting against the potential corruption within the industry, CAPA has been found to be acting against government ruling, Zhang Zhehan has decided to take further action and is working alongside lawyers after the effect the slander and abuse he has received has impacted his family and private life etc.) it's ... rather serious and sensitive. Not just in clearing Zhang Zhehan's name, but also for the larger impact it has on China's entertainment industry as well as its laws.

It's an ongoing matter where news is constantly coming out nearly every day still, and right now anti's are now attempting to extend their reach in trying to take down an internationally posted article (the one linked above) that provides a neutral talk on the events whilst also relying on facts and not rumors.

If you are interested in following along with what's been happening, I truly urge you to check out the links provided as at least a starting point for researching into it. I'm sorry that I can't be of much more help, but as I say this is a pretty serious and sensitive situation and rather complex too. A lot has come out and been uncovered and what I've mentioned above barely touches the surface. I truly do feel for the impact it's had on Zhang Zhehan and his family - especially that of his mother and nephew who have been impacted by the events.

[potteresque-ire]

Hello! I have a question related to your answer for your previous anon's question (WQ and WWX backup plan).

So the book fans knew about the backup plan and the actress who played W/Q got cyberbullied. I wanna ask why did that happened (sry if this is a dumb question), because even though she's the one who's playing W/Q, wasn't she just went with the script? I mean she wasn't the one who get to decide wether to film a backup or not.

I can understand the displeasure of the book fans, but is it 'normal' (I can't find the right word for it, English isn't my first language, sry) to get to the point where she was bullied for that? Is there any similar incidents occured to other actor(s)/actress(es) in the past because of the change of script/story?

Hello Anons! I apologise for the especially long wait for one of you. I was debating for a while whether I’d like to get into the old rumours surrounding The Untamed that weren’t immediately related to the genre of its source material. 

I’m not really a follower of the finer details of c-ent—my interest in it wanes rapidly with the subject’s distance from Gg, Dd and BL/Dangai as a genre. I’m also a very late comer into the BJYX fandom, and I’m never quite in The Untamed fandom to begin with. 

The more important reason, however, is this: it’s very difficult to pull out facts. There are just so many rumours, so many lies told about … everything and everyone. All for the sake of profit.

So this is likely the last time I’ll address rumours concerning the actors of the show. I’m answering these asks as you two reached me before I make this statement.

First of all, I’d like to kindly ask everyone to please consider disregarding the negative things said about The Untamed’s development and its participants. The series is about to reach its 2 years old birthday by airing date, and 3 years old by its start-of-filming date. Many things ... don’t really matter anymore. The Untamed has become an international success, and whatever was told about anyone has very likely changed.

(People change.)

To answer these asks, it’s important to understand that despite being a Communist country by name, China is at heart a highly capitalistic society, and money REALLY talks in the major industries including c-ent. Corruption is also rampant and is often associated with families with political power; anti-corruption laws are inconsistently and selectively enforced. Both the acts of corruption and the acts against corruption are therefore intimately tied to politics and related to politics, something that I haven’t talked about largely because it’s highly complex and my knowledge of it is limited — the infighting between the different factions of the Chinese Communist Party. Supporters and beneficiaries of one leader—a faction—competing for power, for money and resources with the supporters and beneficiaries of another, often equally powerful leader.

The main point of mentioning Chinese factional politics here is this: what seems to be a regular business war in c-ent, a simple competition for viewership and profit by different media companies, can actually be a battlefront of top political factions fighting for power, or more accurately, for the money that comes from with the power—not only the profit, but the bribes paid to different departments to make things happen, to bypass different laws and regulations. 

Facts about the cash flow in c-ent are therefore very difficult to track down, as both the powers-that-be and the media they control make sure the political ties and conflicts, the under-the-table negotiations and the money changing hands, are kept well away from the public eye. Example: c-ent used to be an even more lucrative industry than it is now, before President Xi began an anti-corruption campaign around 2018. There have been whispers that while corruption was indeed a major issue in the industry, the campaign was also a ploy to funnel c-ent’s profit, a significant fraction of which was once held in the hands of the Jiang faction (supporters of former President Jiang Zemin), into the hands of Xi faction (supporters of President Xi). (Here’s a good article about the once top actress Fan Bing Bing, who was made an example in the anti-corruption campaign, and how the campaign affected the people who actually worked in the industry). 

What this also means is this: c-ent is an industry where rumours and lies can REALLY thrive, their spread propagated by powerful commercial interests that are often (secretly) backed by even more powerful government interests. These are people who can afford to pay, who often have the right connections to not have to worry about the legal consequences. 

With these two factors alone, they can make almost any rumour sound true. 

I’ve looked more closely into c-ent in the recent months, and as of today, the lesson I’ve learned is this—I can’t believe in almost any of its so-called “entertainment news”. For every article that sells a viewpoint, a set of facts, there’s another one that sells exactly the opposite, and the pair of articles happily sit beside each other, waiting for their readers to pick the one they wish to read—the one praising the show and actors they like; the one dissing the shows and actors they don’t. 

Yxh, water armies...c-ent is an industry where “facts” are often constructed by money.

Entertainers are often swept into the whirlpool of falsehoods just because they happen to work on a project / for a company another side or faction wants to take down. With the exception of a very few, they don’t have much of a way to defend themselves. There have also been longstanding whispers that beautiful actors and actresses are often forced to … service, for lack of a better word, the higher-ups in the government / commercial forces (and their families) in exchange for opportunities or even survival in the industry. While such “unspoken rule” (潛規則) is, to a certain extent, true in many entertainment industries around the world, that the higher-ups in China hold very concentrated power makes it much more difficult for the entertainers to refuse to cooperate, or ask for help.

That entertainers are traditionally held in very low regard—their “career ancestors”, 戲子 (roughly, “showperson”), being one of the “lowest 9 professions” (下九流) that included prostitutes—doesn’t help their case.

Back to your questions, Anons: the consequence of c-ent money flow often being hush-hush and potentially politically sensitive is that, when a production team receives money, it doesn’t always try to look very hard at where the money comes from. Because of this, it’s easy for Yxh and Antis to make up rumours about participants of a project bringing in cash in exchange for making themselves more at the centre of the spotlight—increase the screen time for an actor / actress, for example. And when it’s pointed out that a starlet, in particular, cannot possibly have that kind of money to bring into a project, the rumour mill can conveniently explain away this lapse in logic by implying that the starlet is sleeping with someone.

This was essentially what happened to the actress who played WQ, despite her denying the rumour with a public statement and no evidences existed to suggest any truth in the rumour — that she‘d brought in money into The Untamed’s production team in exchange for a romantic plot w/ WWX as the female lead. She wasn’t paired with WWX in final version of The Untamed; WQ died pretty early on in the show. Nonetheless, the rumour (and the poor reputation it brought) has stuck with her since. It can still be found on the internet.

About the actor who played Wen Ning… I haven’t really paid much attention to him (sorry!). A quick search online shows that at some point, he said something that was interpreted to be not as friendly towards Gg, compared to how much he seemed to like Dd. After 227, however, he spoke out for Gg and personally, I think that’s what really counts because anyone who spoke out for Gg at the time also risked being harassed and boycotted. I don’t know of any successful effort in creating a popular cp between him and Dd. Since all that is required to create a supertopic on Weibo, including a cp supertopic, is sufficient seed membership (10 people) plus a moderator with demonstrated familiarity and popularity in the platform, however, is it possible that this cp, if it existed at some point, was simply because some fans wanted to explore this rare pair? I don’t know (if anyone would like to jump in with more info, please do!). But I think it doesn’t have to translate into judgement of the actor’s character at all.

[caffernnn]

Are we the same person, because I had almost the EXACT same experience with my creative writing professor, which was the reason I related a little TOO hard to Haru's struggle in S2, about the pressure to write in a particular way for a particular purpose, and it took me three years (and self indulgent Free! fanfic writing) to get back to normal.

F Azuma and "mentors" like him.

So sorry you had to go through that, but I’m glad you were able to reclaim the writing process as your own again 💚 I have quiiiite a collection of opinions and beliefs when it comes to teaching and guidance with ELA, which I could talk about for way too long (pedagogical rants could make up their own sideblog entirely). No matter what subject you’re coaching or mentoring in though, I feel like a primary goal should be to make somebody a self-sufficient learner. The person you’re working with doesn’t have to fall in love with whatever you’re trying to teach them, but there has to be some level of investment (intrinsic or extrinsic; figure out what helps get someone listening and work from there). Get them invested, set some specific goals, and gradually build on those goals in a way that helps someone believe that they can succeed. Teaching and working well with someone follows a process and has intention behind it - you do what you can to meet someone where they’re at and figure out the tools and challenges they will need to grow.

People need constructive feedback. That doesn’t mean only giving out corrective comments (only speaking up when something is ‘wrong’), or leaving vague criticisms that barely acknowledge the person you’re working with. At large, people struggle with clear and constructive feedback, and I’d argue that it ties back to some of the issues people face with clear communication overall. I mean, we yell about the fr! guys and their communication skills all the time - sometimes they lash out, sitting in their anger or sadness but not considering a resolution beyond that pain; sometimes they hedge and rely on politeness and repression until glaring issues bubble up and burst. Being an effective mentor means figuring out when and how to intervene with specific comments (both about what’s working and what’s not) in order to come up with a growth plan together.

Mentoring isn’t about feeding your own ego. It isn’t about giving someone a “tough love reality check.” It isn’t about doing all of the work for someone or lulling them into a state of helplessness where they think there is no room left to grow. I already stated the problems I have with Ryuuji, but I think the biggest thing for me is that I fear he’ll march on without realizing how much support Haru needs to have any sort of healthy growth mindset. We know his history and have seen how Haru struggles with not only changes, but learning. He’s skilled at a number of things and is a decent student, but when it comes to trying something new that he’s either 1) not invested in or 2) quick to pick up on, he instinctively pulls back or shuts down. It might not be full-on perfectionism or rejection sensitivity, but it’s an adjacent sort of mindset. So, when working with Ryuuji, Haru is in a vulnerable spot because he’s trying something new and pushing against his usual instinct to run from new experiences he might not quickly pick up on (and I don’t think he has the language to overtly make this known, but in a general sense, he knows he’s been trying to be more “open” after everything that went down in ES). He’s reaching out because he needs that assistance when it comes to goal-setting and planning; the physical prowess and experience with swimming is already there, so now Haru’s trusting Ryuuji to show him what he’s actually supposed to do with all of this “prodigal potential” he’s been toting about for years. I imagine that as more unfolds with FS and FS2, Ryuuji will (or at least should) see where Haru struggles with setting clear goals/pacing for himself and how he masks his struggles with stubbornness. I’d hope at some point that he’d realize how his blanket statement of needing to give something/someone up and swim alone can be especially counterproductive to someone like Haru. Sure, it already sucks by encouraging Haru to push away the friends and support system he’s sustained by, but it also reinforces the hesitance Haru already has to ever reaching out when he needs help or admitting that he doesn’t know how to do something. It’s advice that reduces Haru’s circle down to just Haru and his coaches while also limiting how much he can trust his coaches - he’s no longer there to learn, but to perform, and that defeats the purpose of having a mentor in the first place, y’know?

[newcaptainofsquad9]

Twice wanting to help with their Black girlfriend’s hair would include...

I’mma see how this goes. I know all Black hair is different, but I’m going off of my own experiences as a Black woman.  I just wanted to make some Black women Once’s  smile with this. Some of these have potentials for becoming entire fics, but let me know if ya’ll like them. Hope ya’ll enjoy!

 Nayeon

• Nayeon would be so fixated on your hair, giggling every time you combed through it and applied whatever products you chose.

• She’d be super curious, it might come off as a bit rude sometimes but she’d always follow it up with aeygo, a hug or kiss. If you were really having a hard time with your hair, maybe all three.

• “Jagi, your hair looks so different from before? Do all these different gels and moisturizers help?”

• You nod, eyes staying on your reflection in the mirror as your hands grow tired. 

• Nayoen notices, reaching to grab your hand, but flinches as you sigh. 

“I’m sorry Nayeon, I still need to get out a few more kinks in the back.” 

“Kinks?”

•You explain how your hair is extremely different from her own, going into detail as she listens to every word. The moment you finish, she asks if she could help.

This took you a little by surprise, but you allowed her to help moisturize your hair. 

“Like this?” she’d ask as she carefully rubbed the Creme of Nature throughout your hair. 

You nodded and showed her how to comb down to the root. 

•Whenever you’d flinch or jump as she comb through a tangle or knot, she’d stop kiss you and rub down your arms. 

• It didn’t take as long with Nayeon’s help, but instead of stopping because of your tired hands, it’d be Nayeon wanting to make-out

• “But my hair’s not finished yet?” you’d ask.

Nayeon would flash her signature bunny grin and kiss you anyway. 

“You’re still perfect jagi.”

Jeongyeon

• Jeongyeon sat down in front of you with her attention fully on you with a puzzled expression as she watched you mix in the two relaxers you bought with a tiny, flat wooden stick.

• She’d be so engrossed as you put on the gloves and began to comb out your hair; her expression changing from curious to  concerned in a matter of moments as you tensed at the knots and kinks you came across.

• She hurried to retrieve your moisturizer, spritz and all while looking to help.

“You forgot to add the moisturizer,” she’d say. “Isn’t that why it’s so hard to comb? I remember you told me. To get it softer.”

• Your heart sank at her soft tone, she remembered. 

“Aww, well I can’t mix the products in with the perm,” you say, gesturing to the relaxer before you. “I have to comb it out then put it in.” 

“Will that make it easier to manage?” she asks. “I-I just hate to see you in pain.” 

• You had to embrace Jeongyeon to ease her, she always worried about knots and kinks a lot. 

“Could I put the perm in for you? it could can go an hour less if I help.” 

• You couldn’t say no with Jeongyeon’s intense stare and how much you already knew she cared and wanted to learn. 

• It took awhile for Jeongyeon to comb a bit harder without fear of hurting you, but once you reassured her, it went well.

• Showed you memes while you sat with the perm in your hair and applied more Vaseline to your forehead to avoid burns and rashes.

• She shampooed your hair at your request after the perm was initially washed out to ensure it was completely out. She scratched your scalp too, just to ensure a bit more comfort during the process.

• Helped you blow dry, grease your scalp and all before ending the day with cuddles and kisses. 

Momo

• Momo is the type of girlfriend who’d sit you in between her legs to help you with your hair. 

• You thought against it, getting flashbacks from when your mom would fix your hair but of course you couldn’t resist her pouts.

• Momo might be a bit slower than the others when picking up on fixing your hair. 

• She’d try to run her fingers through the knotted, kinky parts, but stopped as soon as you flinched or hissed in pain.

“Sorry!” she’d yelp before stopping completely to hug and kiss your cheek. 

• You’d always reassure her and told her to watch until she was confident enough to do it herself.

• Even if she was 100 percent confident, she’d always try to make you feel comfortable while she combed through the tough parts.

“Boo! Mommy wants to hold you!” she’d say to Boo as the dog trotted into the room. 

It’s as if the dog and owner were linked because Boo came over to you, crawled into your lap and licked your fingers.

• Momo always whispered sweet nothings in your ear, urging you to hold Boo tight for you both. 

“Boo and I got you baby, I’m almost done. I promise.“

Sana

• Would love to help braid your hair all the time.

• Was confused as to why you need so many sections platted off. 

• “So, you aren’t keeping it braided up this time?” she asked. 

“No, well at least over night,” you say. “I’ll take it out in the morning.”

“Why? I love the braids, they bring out your eyes.” 

• You tell her about your worries of wearing your hair in braids or cornrows, due to how people perceive hairstyles like that. 

 • Sana always told you otherwise, but wanted to go with whatever hairstyles that made you happy and comfortable. 

• Whenever your hand would get tired while taking out your braids, Sana would help.

• She’d always ask if she was going too fast or slow, making sure you were ok. 

• Would be confused about the concept of a bonnet, since she loved touching your hair, but understood why thanks to a talk with you. 

• She’s puzzled as hell in the morning when you both way up and it’s halfway on your head. 

“What happened?” she asks.

You shook your head as you adjusted it back on your head. 

“It happens when I sleep kind of rough.” 

Jihyo 

• Jihyo is the type of girlfriend who will make an attempt to buy hair care products for you. 

Calls you asking which product you use. 

“What’s it called again? The pink bottle, right?” she asks. 

“Pink oil moisturizer,” you say. “Could you pick up a thing of grease too?”

“Of course baby.”

 • Would like to completely educated on your hair, texture and all before she even attempts to help. 

• You’ve even caught her looking up Youtube videos on how to braid, twist etc. 

“You can always ask, you know,” you’d say. 

“I know, but it’s a sensitive subject and I just want to approach it the right way.”  

• When she does try though, she sits you in her lap and you have to talk her through it while she does so.

• Comments on how beautiful you are and kisses your cheek and neck whenever you get flustered.

•  Always has your bonnet ready when and if you need it. 

Mina

• Mina was always fascinated with your hair, and it wasn’t until you stayed over one night that she began to ask a lot of questions about it.

• You had never seen her so inquisitive, especially when she was in the middle of a game. 

“Is everything ok, Mina?”

“Yeah jagi, it’s just--your hair is so--amazing! You need that entire bag of products to do it?”

 • Will just stare into your eyes while you’re fixing your hair, and grins with glee once you catch her(like in the gif above). 

“You look so beautiful when you’re concentrating like that,” she says. “I-I can’t help it.” 

• Mina is the one who catches on extremely quick on how to fix your hair and often asks if she could help with any new styles you’d like to try.

“Only if you want to,” she’d say. “I wouldn’t want to ruin it.”

• Once you’re comfortable with her fixing it, she’d definitely let you sit in her lap while she works and you’re gaming.

“You’re doing amazing baby, you barely tensed up,” Mina says. “Gaming really does relax you.”

Dahyun  

• Dahyun loved your hair, yet always tread lightly when it came to how you when about doing and fixing it.

 • She often came up to you with a giddy smile, yet she couldn’t find the words to tell you. 

“Hi babe, you good?” you’d ask. 

“Yeah, uh. I know you do it yourself and all but I can help. You seem a little down at times.”

• While you showed her how to do it, she’d always lighten the mood if you grew frustrated. 

If your hand got tired she’d hold it and never let go until you’re smiling. 

• Like Jeongyeon, she will show you memes and even take pictures of you (after you’ve finished a new hairstyle of course :) ) so you can make your own. 

The captain would read: “When you’re too pretty for your own good” or “when you know you’re girlfriend material”

Of course Dahyun would keep it between the both of you, and it never ceased to make you smile or cringe at times. 

• Is super giddy when you let her practice braiding your hair. She gets super engrossed in talking about your hair and just talking about the funny thing that have happened that you have to put her back on track at times. 

Chaeyoung

• Chaeyoung always wanted to know more about your hair and finally asked to help you during wash day.

• You happened to be about to go over to the sink with your towel, shampoo and conditioner. 

Chaeyoung popped in to use the bathroom and couldn’t help but ask if you needed her to do anything to assist. 

 • Like Jihyo, she’d do her research, but will always find your opinion on your own hair valid. 

• Loves to sketch you whenever you just fixed your hair, and gives you a cute aesthetic like Cottagecore.

• Will just take you outside in the fresh air to take in how beautiful you look and take many Polaroids. 

 • When applying whatever products you need, she’d be super slow and extremely careful. Often times a little too slow, since the oils and/or moisturizers feel a certain way to her. 

“Ooo, it feels so cool!” she’d say.

“Uh, Chae? You still have four more sections to go.”

“Oh, right! Sorry!”

Tzuyu

• You both were going to dinner and a movie one night. Tzuyu really wanted to see you, but your hair wasn’t really working for you. It usually didn’t take you as long.

• Tzuyu texted and called you from the living room where she waited, but got worried and knocked on your bedroom door, urging if you were ok or not. 

• You told her to give you a few minutes, only for you to turn around and see her standing at the threshold of door (of course you forgot to lock it). Tzuyu staring at while you finish combing out your hair.

• She just stared, blankly then walked out.

• At the end of the date that night she just brought the encounter up again.

“I could have helped jagi,” she said.

“Tzuyu, you don’t have to.” 

“But you were frustrated. I know that look.”

 • Unlike the others, I think Tzuyu would leave most of the handling to you. It’s not that she didn’t find herself capable, but that she knew you could handle it. 

  • She mostly held parts of hair for you, along with apply grease or spritz to an area you couldn’t reach. 

• Loves to just sit in your presence, take in your beauty and compliment you.

[uvobreakmylegs]

Coffee Break

there’s a severe lack of Franklin x reader content and I wanted to try and fix that

Franklin sat at the back of the small cafe, almost tucked away behind an oddly-placed wall and out of view of the majority of the other patrons in the building. He was aware that the manager didn't like him due to how his appearance tended to make other people nervous, and that didn't at all fit with the inviting atmosphere the cafe was supposed to give off. So every time Franklin came in the hostess would take him to the small table in the back at the manager's instruction, in an attempt to hide him from other customers. Unwanted because he scared customers, but tolerated because he brought in money for the business. Franklin suspected that the instant he did anything to upset the manager further he would be promptly banned. But that didn't particularly matter to him; he didn't even like the food that they served.

The only reason he came to that cafe was because of you.

His first time entering the cafe had been an impulsive decision, just to see if it was any good. In general he didn't like going out to eat on his own. Among other nen users, he unusual, but among the non-nen using majority of the population he was a freak. And while he could hardly care of what others thought of him, the fearful reactions and the constant worried glances got old quick.

The reaction from the hostess had been stiff, and the dinner he ordered wasn't good at all. If anyone else had served him that evening, he wouldn't have come back.

But it had been you. Even hours after he had left he found his thoughts drifting to you.

Though you had done well to mask it, he could spot the surprise on your face when you laid eyes on him and took in his unusual appearance. But it had only been in that one moment, and after that you had taken on a professional retail smile as you greeted him and wrote down his order. Your body language indicated that you were comfortable with him, and you had even engaged in some light small talk, asking if it was his first time at the cafe. It was obvious that it was, but he just nodded, prompting you to thank him for visiting the cafe and expressing your hope that he would enjoy the food. When you'd checked on him in the middle of his meal he lied and said that the food tasted fine. And on handing him his check, you had told him that you hoped he would come again.

Anyone but you and he would have forgotten the place.

“Sorry for the wait, Franklin.”

Your voice pulled him out of his thoughts and he looked up to see you approaching. You didn't bother pulling out your notepad after you placed a glass of water in front of him.

“Just the usual, or did you want something different today?”

“The usual,” he said, nodding.

“Alright. One coffee coming up.”

The only options on the cafe's menu that Franklin found he somewhat liked were only on their breakfast menu, and he suspected that was where the cafe found the majority of its business as that was always when it was busiest. But you didn't work mornings often, so when he went in during lunch hours he would order a single coffee. It only served to further annoy the manager with how little he was spending, but you didn't mind, greeting him just as warmly whenever he came in.

When he decided that he wanted you, he memorized your schedule and made an effort to go in two or three times a week. With the hostesses always placing him at that table in your section, he quickly became a regular customer of yours, and by now you knew him well enough to call him by name. Hearing his name coming from your lips was nice. He wished he could hear that more often. To talk to you outside of that cafe setting, for you to open yourself up to him completely and accept him.

If only that was something that could be done fast.

Franklin wasn't delusional. While he was infatuated, he was well aware that part of the way you treated him was just you doing your job and that you didn't have any sort of romantic feelings for him. He could tell that you at least found him interesting. You asked him questions in the brief chances that you had, asking him about his life: where he was from, what he did for a living, how he came to be in the area. Your desire to know more about him was an innocent one. He imagined that you had never encountered anyone quite like him in your life and your curiosity got the better of you. It was just a shame that almost all of his answers were lies; they had to be given the nature of his life as a criminal. At times it made him feel guilty that he gave you so few honest answers. But lying was his only option and he told himself that he would make it up to you later, when he had gotten closer.

As many of those small questions you asked, you were always careful to never bring up the scars on his face. Likely because you perceived that to be a sensitive subject, but it was also just as likely that you asking such a question would be grossly inappropriate. At this point Franklin could say that the two of  you had a thin friendship, but there was always a barrier that separated the two of you as 'customer' and 'worker', and as certain as he was that you did genuinely like him, it didn't go beyond that. That scenario of the two of you together, of you loving him, was a long way off.

It would have been easy to just take you. You didn't live with any family and seemed to keep to yourself outside of your work hours. There would be some news if you suddenly disappeared, but the sad truth was it wouldn't take all that long for you to become another missing person who vanished without a trace and inevitably forgotten by those who had known you. But the experience of being kidnapped would no doubt break you. You would fear him, and that was the one thing he didn't want. The last thing he wanted was for you to be afraid.

So for this, he would take his time and slowly reel you in. He wasn't always the most patient man, but he could be for the things that mattered, and slowly but surely he would break down the barrier between you two.

You set down a hot cup in front of him, along with a small bowl filled with coffee creamers.

“Anything interesting happening with your job?” you asked. It was a recent development that you skipped the formalities, not bothering to ask if he needed anything else since the answer was always 'no'.

“What did you say your job was again?”

“Security,” he answered.

“Ah! Right.”

“There's nothing interesting to speak of, I'm afraid,” Franklin continued, “work is the same as ever.”

You hummed.

“That can be nice, though,” you said, “nothing interesting means nothing bad happening, right? And that must be good for that line of work.”

“I suppose that's true,” he said, smiling at you. He then noticed your manager glaring from behind you.

“Your boss doesn't seem too happy,” he whispered.

“Ah!”

You moved quickly, giving him the standard customer service line of enjoying his drink before vanishing to the kitchen, your manager following after.

Franklin sat there with the coffee, the mug comically small in his hand, sipping the beverage slowly. The time he had with you was always too short, but that was to be expected. The setting didn't allow for any long or truly meaningful conversations. You were, after all, on the clock. At some point soon, he hoped he could go to that next step: of meeting you outside of your workplace and speaking with you freely, when there wouldn't be any sense of obligation on your part because he was a customer who knew where you worked. That you would trust him, and then he could work on getting closer.

Minutes passed. You had come back out and were doing other tasks, serving other customers. Franklin watched you from the corner of his eye. It wouldn't do if the other staff caught him blatantly staring at you and warned you about it. He had to be certain that he didn't do anything that could potentially put you off. His glances were brief, and you made your way through your section, unaware of the eyes on you and the thoughts that ran through his head. You were such a weak thing in this incredibly harsh world. So many like you died every day and you didn't even know it. There were so many ways you could have died before this point, from being eaten by some magical beast, getting killed by a rouge nen user, or just by being taken advantage of by a man with dark intentions.

Someone like himself.

That thought flew through his mind, and Franklin couldn't help but smirk. He was exactly the sort of man you should be avoiding: a wanted criminal followed by an endless trail of bodies of which he held no remorse for. But he intended on you remaining ignorant of that fact. He didn't want you to view him in such a light, so he would simply tread carefully and as time went on, he would wedge his way further into your life until you were his.

You came by with the check a short time later, placing the slip on the table as you collected the now empty cup. He thought once again of your boss, and decided to see what your reaction would be if he mentioned him.

“Your manager doesn't like me much, does he?” Franklin asked.

You paused.

“Ah, well....” you trailed off, glancing behind you as if your boss would magically appear at the sound of his name.

“Between you and me,” you whispered, leaning in closer, to which Franklin found himself leaning in as well.

“He's just an asshole. So don't pay attention to him.”

You straightened back up quickly, looking back behind you while Franklin chuckled.

“And don't tell him I said that,” you laughed, a light blush on your face.

“Never,” he replied.

You vanished once more into the kitchen while he paid the bill. It may not have meant much to you, but it was the most you had ever done to drop the customer service veil and speak with him like that, even if it was just about the worthless manager. It meant that you trusted him to a certain extent.

Franklin made his way out of the cafe, other patrons and servers stepping out of his path as he walked along, all looking anxious as he walked by. The typical reactions he was used to. Out on the sidewalk, he checked his phone for the time. Nobu wanted him to join in on a job, and since Uvogin was also going to be there, he didn't want to deal with a lecture on being late.

With one last glance through the cafe window, he hoped to see you before he left. And he did.

But what he didn't expect was to see you looking back at him.

You seemed caught as off-guard as he was, with you blinking in surprise as the two of you made eye contact. But then you smiled at him. A small, but genuine smile accompanied by a small wave of your hand. Franklin couldn't remember any time someone had looked at him so sweetly.

He waved back in response and watched as you quickly returned to your work.

This was good.

As Franklin began to make his way to his meeting point, his thoughts remained on you. That barrier was breaking faster than he expected.

[compartmentalisinghmpf]

Complicated feelings

This is, in a way, another removed/unfinished bit from my review, with some pretty hefty more recent additions. It was intended and still is intended as a service for potential readers, specifically ones who might have complicated feelings about Dave and Bro, and would like to get a better sense of how this topic is handled in the fic before they commit.

I’m putting my actual discussion under a readmore, because better safe than sorry. I don’t think I’m going to any particularly disturbing place with it, but some people who follow me may not want to see this issue discussed on their dash at all. (See tags for content warning.)

The Bro and Dave situation is - this is probably extremely unsurprising to people who know anything at all about Homestuck - the biggest issue I struggled with in trying to write my review/rec thing. It’s a topic I have Complicated Feelings™ about, and I felt I should probably Say Something About It™ in my rec, mainly because I didn’t want to send people unwarned towards something that may range from severely unpleasant to actively triggering for some, depending on their own experiences.

To be clear: the relationship between the two teen Daves and Bro - i.e., the relationship between two kids and their former abuser - absolutely is at the heart of this fic.

As you know if you’ve read my rec, I ended up basically not talking about this at all - even though it is, as I said, absolutely central. This is mostly because I did not feel qualified to address it in a useful way. Also, any attempt to tackle it almost inevitably started taking over the entire review. (I mean, look at the length of this thing here. Sheesh.) Anyway, I figured eventually, there is enough info in the tags of the fic on AO3, and in the front matter of the first chapter, to give a newly arrived reader at least *some* sort of warning, if they need it.

There was enough there, in fact, to warn *me* away, initially. I only came back via someone’s bookmark, I think, or possibly a rec somewhere. I’m glad I did, obviously. And the fic did not, for me, cross any lines I have issues with in fiction, even though I had worried that it might. Other readers’ feelings about this may differ, of course. I can really only offer my own reaction here, in the hope that it may help potential readers with sensitivities in this direction to gauge their own possible reactions - if that is something they would like to do, in advance.

I do not have first-hand abuse experience, at least not with parental/familial abuse - I was pretty thoroughly bullied, including physically, by fellow students, but that’s a fairly different kind of thing - so none of this, neither in canon nor in fic, is personally triggering to me, no matter how it is handled. Nevertheless, even as someone who reads primarily angst fic about very heavy subject matters, there are things I simply, personally, strongly do not want to read, in fic. One of those is abuse apologism. And, having been in fandom for a very long time, and mostly having liked characters who’ve done terrible things, I know that fic, in general, runs rife with that. (I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t write or read stuff like that; it’s fic, it’s the playground of the subconscious, and characters aren’t people; do what you need, here. Just, *I* really don’t want to read it.)

So. The Run and Go is, make no mistake about it, *intensely* invested in the relationship between the Daves and Bro. It’s also invested in Bro himself. There is a clear, ongoing project here, for Bro to “become better”, and of constructing a path for these three to move forward, somehow, together - and that is probably utopian, an impossible fairytale ending, in terms of real world psychology. It’s also something I can very well imagine being in itself upsetting, to some readers.

This project of a better future will only be even remotely plausible with a certain *kind* of Bro, of course. The range of Bros that could be considered potentially supported by canon is vast, and on the far end, there be monsters. Of necessity, for reconciliation of some sort to seem at all possible, a story needs to present us with a Bro who exists on the “lesser awfulness” end of the scale, and that is what TRaG does.

(For what it’s worth, in the light of Dirk as seen in Homestuck proper, and the fact that Bro is a version of Dirk, a “less awful” Bro does make a certain sense to me, even in canon, although I also consider darker interpretations well supported.)

Mind you, a “less awful” Bro is still pretty bad. He has to be, if you take canon at all seriously. He’s not “just misunderstood”. He’s a deeply, sometimes dangerously dysfunctional human being. There are reasons for this (not even just the one, obvious one); and TRaG has empathy for him. Which isn’t the same as excusing him.

What is important to me here is that in pursuing its project, the story doesn’t take the easy route. It explains, but it doesn’t justify. It never forgets about the Daves’ pain; it pretty solidly centres and prioritises the Daves’ emotional needs, and it doesn’t ever give us straightforward progress or miraculous epiphanies, because those would make neither psychological nor moral sense here.

Some edges do get sanded off a little too completely, for my taste, but overall things stay emotionally complicated and kind of fucked up – as they should be, as they would be - even as they slowly get better in the long view

Better is always a relative term.

[mylifeisactuallyamess]

Serial Killer!Armitage Hux x Blood Spatter Analyst F Reader/DCI!Ben Solo x BSA!Fem Reader

A/N: THIS IS A DARKFIC. This is a only prelude for the whole fic which I am still working on. Exploring Hux’s potential darker side is something that’s been on my mind for a really long time and then I watched Hannibal and my serial killer enjoyment kicked up again 🤣 just the picture for this weeks Writer Wednesday prompted this little snippet. Also RC does enjoy her job probably as much as Dexter 🤣The first half is from Hux’s pov and the second is from RC’s. DO NOT READ if you are sensitive to anything remotely dubious. 18+ Minors DNI. @autumnleaves1991-blog @clydesducktape

Warnings: description of taking life, stalker Hux, dark thoughts, he’s a strangler so be warned. Mention of food, moving between jobs, description of blood. Set in London but I am using artistic licence in this fic so not 100% accurate with locations, but I have done my research into BSA and the job they do. (My google search is not something that the police should look at right now 🤣)

Word Count: 1541

Read the Prelude here on AO3.

These places were perfect, it was dark, the lighting wasn’t great and he could hug the shadows as he watched people go about their unsuspecting lives. It had been a few weeks since he’d felt the strain of his garrotte and his hands itched, his mind cried out for that relief he felt when the life left their body.

The heaviness of their form was always a comfort and he wondered often if his father felt the same way after he’d killed his wife. It played in Hux’s mind every time he took a life, he felt like he was in his fathers shoes. The only time he was good enough to step up to his fathers legacy. Killing was a habit now, he craved the rush it gave him that they couldn’t over power him or take anything from him, unlike everyone else in his life. He was taking the most precious thing from them and it gave him such a heady feeling.

He looked up when a few people arrived at the temporary diner, the soft light highlighted you as you stepped up to deliver your order and he was instantly captivated. The way you moved was enchanting, life seemed to blossom from you, alighting everything around you and he couldn’t look away. You looked up at the man you were with, your beautiful face breaking out into a smile and your laugh reached Hux’s ears making his fists clench in desperation. The garrotte was in his pocket ready and waiting to wrap around the column of your beautiful neck but when Hux finally paid attention to the man behind you he withdrew around the tree.

DCI Ben Solo…the copper who had suspicions about Hux but had no proof. Oh, Hux knew about the board of supposed facts the DCI had in his office, like a shrine to Hux’s misdeeds and he smirked into the darkness. Taking one right from under the nose of the DCI was so appealing, a game with high stakes and strict rules, a game Hux wanted to play.

He peered around the trunk of the tree, watching you with a renewed intensity, the desire burned through his blood like a fire that only one action could douse. His eyelids flickered as he imagined the way your throat would constrict, the way you’d fight, he could see you had spirit. You’d be a challenge. His gaze fixated on the column of your throat and he rested heavily against the tree, the longer he watched you the more he wanted….no. He needed you. He needed to feel your soft skin, he needed to hear you struggle, he needed to pull you close to his chest as he choked you. To smell your hair, to feel your warmth, to know that he was in that moment, the most powerful being in your life.

Your gaze swept over his hiding place and he moved, now was not the time. He needed to be patient, it would come down to a particular moment and only when that moment was upon him, would he know how perfect it was.

“What do you fancy? My treat.” You turned to Ben, his cinnamon eyes roaming over the menu over the top of your head because he stood so much taller than anyone else.

“I think you’re doing enough for me, this is my treat,” you exclaimed firmly.

“But I called you here…”

“So? This is on me.” He shrugged, a smile pulling on the corner of his mouth and you swatted his arm, a small laugh bursting forth as you tried not to notice the dimples that appeared in his cheeks. The soft light of the mobile diner gave them a sense of life which he snuffed out as he ran a hand over his stubble.

“Nah, come on. I’m starving,” he moaned and you rolled your eyes.

“Ok ok,” you peered at the menu asking for a basket of loaded fries and Ben ordered the same. You both sat down on the red stools which were much more comfortable than they looked. You turned your seat round, lifting your face up to the dark sky and letting a gentle breeze flow over you. The quiet trickle of conversation filled the air around you and people sat at the tables dotted around enjoying their food, some music played in the background and if you closed your eyes you could easily imagine you were across the pond sat in a real diner. The smell of the coffee, the sizzle of the fries, it all coagulated together into a comforting sensation in the middle of your chest and you let out a little sigh. Ben nudged your arm alerting you to food so you turned and grabbed the Tabasco bottle off the little sauce shelf.

“Tabasco. Really?” You smiled as you dribbled some over the melted cheese.

“Yeah, you don’t like spicy food?” You asked. He wrinkled his face in distaste and you couldn’t stop the giggles.

“Anyway,” he started clearly in an effort to change the subject. “How’s the lab? You think I could persuade you to stay here, permanently?” You shook your head, chewing on a chip and reaching for some napkins before answering.

“I’m a nomad. I like moving around…”

“But you have no home. Doesn’t it get you know, lonely?” You shrugged. You’d never really thought about it, you went where the blood was flowing the most, following the trail of destruction across the country. You didn’t tell many people but you enjoyed the thrill, when you stepped into a new blood soaked crime scene it gave you a sense of awe. None of the patterns were ever the same and it fascinated you how a simple flick of the wrist could produce different results for different killers. Your eyes rose to meet Ben’s and you felt like you wanted to tell him, I wanted to explain the way your job made you feel. As a fellow colleague he might understand but you always kept this part of you locked away. There was a fine line between enjoying your job and enjoying your job.

“No, not lonely, just means I can do what I like or work as long as I like.” Ben licked his fingers, reaching for a napkin he nodded.

“Yeah I get that. My parents are constantly on at me to find someone but I refuse to date a fellow copper and aside from the victims' families I don’t meet anyone else.”

“Oh, that’s not much of a dating pool,” you mumbled and he smirked at your words.

“No, no dating pool. If my mother had her way I’d be all “I’m really sorry your husband died, looking to remarry because my mother wants grandkids!” Yeah, no thanks.” You giggled wiping your greasy hands on another napkin.

“She sounds like she just wants the best for you.”

“The best for me isn’t meeting someone on the worst day of their lives,” he rumbled, suddenly withdrawing into himself and you turned to see him looking down at his food with a vacant expression.

“There’ll be someone. I have to believe there is someone for everyone, otherwise what’s the point of all this.”

“Yeah.” You didn’t like the dip in mood and you looked around trying to see something to distract you both. Some movement caught your eye, over by a tree just outside the pool of light and you squinted, but instantly dismissed it when you saw the railings along the edge of a pond beyond the tree.

“Come on,” you tugged on his arm offering no explanation and dumping your empty basket into the bin provided. You waved and thanked the staff getting a chorus of farewells back and sauntered over to the path.

“Where are we going?” He asked, finally catching up with you. You peered into the darkness, hoping your eyes were playing tricks on you because you swore there had been someone standing next to this tree, but there was no one here.

“I saw a pond, I wanted to see the ducks,” you said without thinking.

“You do know it’s around ten thirty at night the ducks will be sleeping. Like we should be,” he muttered.

“It was your idea to get dinner.” He huffed in resignation, stuffing his hands in his pockets and picking up his pace to follow you to the edge of the lake. You peered into the darkness, something didn’t feel right and your skin prickled. Ben instantly noticed and followed your line of sight.

“What is it?” His tone hushed as though not wanting to disturb you.

“You know, I think I should head back now.” The sense you were being watched was increasing, making your stomach flip uncomfortably with nerves.

“Ok, I’ll walk you back. I left my car at the station anyway. Your hotel is on the way.” You flinched slightly when he pressed his hand against the top of your back steering you back down the path. Finally you turned, telling yourself you were being stupid you were safe here and yet the sense of danger was there, nibbling at your subconscious telling you no matter where you went, you were never completely safe.

[anti-catradora-receipts]

Idk if this has only happened to me, but it seems that whenever I bring up being anti-catradora with people they claim I'm Lesphobic or simply want a "Fetishized Version" of a Lesbian Relationship in media. No, what I want is a good portrayal of not just Lesbian romance, but LGBT romance. But since I don't like the abusive & incestuous lgbt relationship, I'm the problematic one. It's tiring. (P.S: Do you know of any Discord Servers that are accepting of Anti-Catradora?)

(updated: with link to chat room!)

Dear anon,

Firstly, I’m really sorry but I no longer know about a discord server accepting of anti-catradora people. I used to but I think the link to the server disappeared. 

Update: Here’s a link to a chat room that is accepting of anti-catradora people.

Secondly, I’m really sorry that you were treated that way. That’s not okay.

I haven’t personally experienced this specific issue. But I have seen people call anti-catradora people “lesbophobic” and accused anti-catradora people of not liking complex w|w relationships. In fact, I’ve seen people call anti-catradora people a lot of terrible things. 

That kind of behavior is unacceptable.

But I just want to unpack this statement here:

“or simply want a "Fetishized Version" of a Lesbian Relationship in media.”

I feel that the people who make this accusation of “anti-catradora people just want a “Fetishized” w|w relationship or a “sunshine and rainbows” w|w relationship” actually has an underlying meaning. The statement presents the fact that these people want more portrayals of conflict in w|w relationships in the media.

And I also believe that having realistic portrayals of conflict in w|w relationships in the media is important. 

But conflict can be portrayed in the media in a healthy way because in reality, there is such a thing as healthy conflict in a relationship. This article presented 11 ways in which partners can have a healthy conflict (the article’s information is within the quotations): 

“Yes, all couples argue. But it’s the way they argue that determines if their relationship will not only last a lifetime, but will be *happy* for a lifetime (there’s a big difference). Disagreements and, yes, even fights, don’t actually have to be emotionally distressing or negative. The happiest relationships don’t avoid or fear disagreements, but use them to become closer. Here’s how to have healthy fights with your partner and use disagreements to strengthen your relationship:

1. Make requests, not complaints.

If you’re not getting what you want out of the relationship (but your partner loves you and treats you well), you’re likely not asking for it the right way. 

Make your partner feel like they have the power to make you happy, and then tell them exactly how to, instead of making them feel that they don’t make you happy.

2. Acknowledge your partner’s point of view.

In the happiest relationships, both people feel heard and acknowledged. 

It’s not because they never argue, but because when they do argue, they know how to make the other feel listened to.

3. Don’t avoid disagreements

Couples that are in it for the long haul cannot shy away from arguments or sweep little things under the rug. 

Get in the habit of asking the big, scary questions ASAP instead of putting them off, and remember that every bad feeling or disagreement should be addressed. 

Communicate everything you’re feeling with your partner, and listen when they’re communicating to you.

If you find that your partner doesn’t voice little things but then blows up with bigger arguments, or that it’s hard for you to bring up issues, make it a priority to check in with each other.

4. Take turns talking

Couples who know how to argue have mastered the art of give and take — a useful conversation will include both people listening and responding. 

An unproductive fight will include one person speaking the entire time, or both people speaking without responding to what the other one said. Interrupting means you’re listening in order to respond, not listening in order to understand — wait until your partner is finished talking, and then respond to what they said before bringing up a new point. 

Don’t talk for too long without giving your partner a chance to respond, and always ask A LOT of questions.

5. Be curious about reoccurring disagreements

Fights should technically be solved after you’re done having them, but that’s likely not the case. 

Couples usually have one specific thing they fight about the most, and might even have one time of day or week that they fight the most. 

Notice the arguments that reoccur, and look for any patterns in your arguing.

6. Don’t label

No matter how mad you get and how much that inner temper in all of us might flare up, resist the urge to unleash your anger in your speech. 

Think through everything you say so you don’t say anything you don’t truly mean. 

Don’t label their actions as bad or wrong — instead, just explain why the specific actions hurt you and what about your past or priorities make you care about that specific action. 

This should go without saying, but absolutely zero name calling under any circumstance.

7. Know when to pause

If you feel like a fight is getting too heated, say, “can we revisit this in the morning?” or offer to do something relaxing together so you can both reset your perspective. 

But here’s the key: whatever it is, make sure you’re taking a pause together. 

Pauses should not mean not talking at all or spending some time apart (that will only build up anger). 

They’re meant to remind both of you that you care more about the other person than you do about the fight.

8. Set mutual rules for your arguments

You probably have made argument mistakes in the past (all couples do) that you’ve learned from, whether it was a subject that was particularly sensitive for your partner or a statement you didn’t mean. 

Making mistakes is a good thing, as it gives you the groundwork to potential rules you can make together to argue better and more efficiently. 

Whether it’s no interrupting or no generalizing, come up with a set of rules that will help you both disagree in a productive way that won’t cause any more hurt.

9. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt

Part of being in a happy, supportive relationship means always seeing the best in your partner. 

This doesn’t mean you can never feel hurt or angry, but it does mean that if there are little things you don’t really care about, let them go and realize your annoyance or anger is about something other than your partner. 

You should also separate your insecurities from your partner’s actual actions, and make sure you don’t jump to conclusions based on your own fears. 

A healthy relationship means both people assume their partner is doing the best they can, and not doubting their love or dedication to you.

10. Learn the right way to apologize to your partner

Because what would a relationship article be if I didn’t mention love languages, right? 

Whether or not you were wrong is irrelevant — if you’re in a fight, you should want to get back to a happy equilibrium as soon as possible. 

Instead of just saying “sorry,” put a little extra effort into making your partner feel loved and secure after every argument. 

If they’re a words-of-affirmation person, tell them how much you love them, or if they’re more acts of service, finish a chore they usually do.

11. Rather than you against your partner, remember that it’s you two against the problem

As cliche as it sounds, you’re on the same team. 

Every argument you’ll ever have should be thought about through the lens of how to fix it, rather than how to win it — because when you find the person that you like enough to spend your life with and love enough to standby through ups and downs, do the dirty dishes in the sink or a careless comment really matter? 

What matters — and will continue to matter through the rest of your lives — is the strength of your relationship and the happiness of your partner.”

Moreover, there are lots of ways of portraying healthy conflict in w|w relationships in the media. 

But the conflicts that Adora and Catra have throughout the show are not healthy. Catra abuses Adora and attempts to murder Adora. And that’s not healthy whatsoever. 

Lastly, I understand your fatigue because I’m also very tired. Please make sure you are taking time to rest. 

For me, I’m going to try to highlight the problems with Catradora as much as possible, so that this kind of poor LGBT+ representation is not repeated in the future. And thankfully, I see more and more people coming to the realization that Catradora is poorly written and extremely problematic. 

Thus, progress is on the horizon.

Again, I just want you to remember to please take care of your mental health, especially if you’ve been harassed or bullied. It’s perfectly okay to take some time to heal and recover. 

Thank you very much for sharing. ✨