#asking my mom to come here wanting to
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#how can you show love when you never felt that as a child#i just feel like a little kid crying alone in my room silently again#asking my mom to come here wanting to#tell her what im thinking. how im feeling#and choking up. not saying a damn thing. sitting there fighting to get a sound out for 5 minutes#just to be yelled at#waste of time. coward. it must not be bad enough if you cant spit it out#i only know to internalize all my feelings and thoughts.#i cannot ever allow myself to reveal truths about myself#i was created to be used up#my existence is to give but i will never be allowed to take#i will never deserve to feel the same love i try to give to others#and even then im not good at that either#fuck im tired of being so repressed i dont even have the words for what i feel truly
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okay but like. I just had the weirdest thought about that ‘don’t look I’m naked’ comic. Which is that that’s essentially the same thing Adam and Eve did after they ate the fruit of knowledge of good&evil. So I feel like the theological implications of that could kneecap Gabe if he doesn’t think V1 is a being with free will.
yeah ok. i dunno man. is this anything
((side note. this isn’t necessarily meant to be in-character or story-accurate or take place at any particular point in time, just a way to explore some Thoughts. i was also imagining more that V1’s words aren't actually spoken, more like Gabriel’s more articulate interpretation of whatever garbled mechanical noise V1 is using to communicate. I think an angel could do that.))
and then they fucked nasty the end
#my art#my writing#who fuckin sent this. fuck you. come off anon so i can kick your ass. (the thoughts this ask sparked consumed almost 3 days of my life)#i dont know what this even is#i just work here#disclaimer i don't come from a particularly religious background so like.#most of my knowledge of christianity comes from when my mom sent me to vbs for cheap babysitting in middle school or absorbed via osmosis#so i have no idea what im talking about except for when i do! hope this helps#i love how i say that like i expect biblical scholars to tear apart my ultrakill gay fanfiction#if you are a biblical scholar and you want to tear apart my ultrakill gay fanfiction please know i am not going to read the bible for this#ultrakill#v1 ultrakill#gabriel ultrakill#gabv1el#blood#love tagging ultrakill stuff with blood. hmm yes the floor here is made out of floor
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#mrs flood who are you: time lord edition
#dwedit#doctor who#mrs flood#fifteenth doctor#the master#jacobi!master#tenth doctor#jack harkness#martha jones#twelfth doctor#ninth doctor#*#okay here is my argument: mrs flood IS a time lord but her presence here has nothing to do with the doctor#instead she's here because of ruby. she's seemingly part of/related to the pantheon of discord & we know that ruby is connected to them too#so i think that she was deliberately placed as ruby's neighbor by the pantheon/oldest one/ruby's mom/? in order to watch over her#it also explains why she was there to check on ruby in 1.04. once she realizes she's on the phone w carla she says 'nothing to do with me'#and she leaves. which implies that it COULD have had something to do with her. if it had been something else going on#ANYWAY. to get to the time lordness of it all. rn i personally believe that she's a time lord that's been hiding on earth for 50+ years#bc i don't think she recognized the police box as a tardis initially. that first quote should be taken at face value.#instead picture this: she's watching over ruby as per usual. a police box is there - weird but nbd. then it dematerializes in front of her.#she drops her groceries. she's shocked. she kinda looks scared. if she already knew it was a tardis why would she react like that?#so imo she knows OF tardises. she DIDN'T know the police box was one. and she's worried the time lords have found her hence the fear.#but when nothing happens and nobody comes at her she realizes she's still safe#later when she sees the doctor she realizes the tardis is his/he must be a time lord. he doesn't identify her but that's happened before#so then when she asks him who he is i think what she's actually asking for is his title. WHICH time lord are you.#bc lbr if she knows abt tardises then she knows about time lords and if she knows abt time lords she knows what it means for ruby#to be joining him - and that's why she wishes ruby good luck. meanwhile this is clearly the outcome she WANTS (them to be together)#bc she gets visibly upset when the doctor seems to decide to leave without ruby.#and for once i'm not master clowning bc the list of names the doctor gives out is VERY interesting. some of them we've never heard before:#the bishop; the conquistador; later he adds the pedant and sagi-shi and reiterates the bishop AGAIN. so i wonder if she's the bishop.....
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🧙♀️🐈⬛
#xmen#avengers#xmen comics#avengers comics#wanda maximoff#scarlet witch#francesca the cat#ORGANIC FRANCESCA POSTING FROM SNAP ??more likely than you think..#snap sketches#did i doodle this just so i could rant in my tags. maybe.#i will talk about this doodle first tho ... cause i still like to ramble bout my own stuff....#uhhh i just wanted to draw wanda :) and fran :) yeah thats it jvAELKJEKLAJ#thought itd be cutesy ... they can be friends ... if mags will be apprehensive about the cat wanda will be the exact opposite#its only natural ..... ok Unrelated Vent/Ramble Time#i was very mad when i started drawing this but ive mellowed out considerably... still i love complaining..#ill delete my venty ranty tags in the morn .. for now i need my piece read .. or at least out there for my sanity ..#anyways tldr we all know i hate my mom and i very much do not like using 'hate' so lightly when i hate I Hate#like you know the hate speech from I Have No Mouth yeah literally me. literally me about my mom#most days i tolerate her because she barely exists in the same room as i for more than thirty seconds#but tonight. Ugh. note to self remember to never ask her for anything again. as is what ive said for years..#what a fool i was to think that would ever change. THAT in of itself is whatever yk her being irritating when it comes to. Being A Parent#but then she had the gall to start talking about my dad like oh my god see NOW im getting mad again#nothing makes me angrier than her talking about my dad like. UGH ill cap it there so i dont catch on fire somehow#also ill feel compelled to drop three novel's worth of lore and i dont have tags for that. also this is just supposed to be a cute doodlejV#i had plans to draw something else that was cutesy but then i got mad and couldnt focus on it#so now we're here... in any case bye bye. ill try to continue that other idea..#then i wanna focus on another thing.... if i make any progress on That afterwards it'll be a miracle
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Wait you guys are actually buying Disney products I thought it was a joke
(READ TAGS FOR FULL CONTEXT Sorry it’s long dies
#Honestly I’m only bothered bc I feel partially responsible (WTF EGOMANIAC OVER HERE)#I know I can’t control other people’s spending habits and my own habits are. Less than ideal !!#But when I wanted to spread my love for Wreck it Ralph I didn’t want people to get that takeaway 😔#IMPORTANT NOTE ‼️It’s okay to express your love for something through buying official things !!! That DOESN’T make you a “bad person” !!!#Still ! I think we have to let ourselves feel bothered by things and we need to be more critical of exploitative companies#Of course I chose to watch inside out 2 with my mom in theaters so I’m not immune lmao. Also using amazon / Etsy … just as a whole#But if you need help finding Disney movies without supporting them please just ask me!! PLEASE don’t use Disney+ if you can avoid it#I know we are all capable of finding our fulfillment from better places. But sometimes it’s hard#Capitalism sucks and yet that’s how we are endlessly pressured to live :(#We’re all at different points in our lives. Sometimes self care involves consumerism#Be hopeful that it someday won’t have to#Txt#again I’m sorry if this comes off as horribly egotistical to even consider being single-handedly responsible for#Social media is bad …. numbers bad…. Distorts reality and your perception of yourself…..#Or as me trying to guilt trip people in any way. Genuinely do what makes you happy but WE CAN BE HAPPIER & HEALTHIER I KNOW WE CAN#Wreck it ralph#Rant#Also sorry I have huge beef with streaming services I don’t mean to enforce that on other people but also. Sharing my opinion
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(rant incoming)
#okay. let's process together#why did i feel so annoyed when my mom said that the pictures i was posting on insta looked a little boring?#(it's not like a picture of me it's just some book and crochet stuff(#but here's the thing. i have no idea how i'm supposed to do better than that#sometimes i'm actually enjoying myself on insta and othertimes i really feel like i am not cut out for it#cause if i'm taking a picture of something it's so people can see the thing i am taking a picture of#i 100 percent understand the mindset of wanting an aesthetic picture that looks really nice#but i usually don't know how to execute that#sometimes! but not always#usually not.#and like. in that case i would ask the people in my family who are actually good at this stuff for help?#but i want to be able to do it myself because i don't want them to have to do even more stuff for me#and yeah okay fine YES it is another taking up space thing#but like#ugh#i don't know how to fix this#instagram is kinda fun and cool but it's so not me when it comes to posts#i hate videos and pictures of myself#and visual art is not my thing#and i feel a little lost and confused and i just want people to read my book so i can make enough money that i don't have to get#a horrible normal job#and i don't want my stupid relatives to be right and i never wanted to do instagram in the first place#and the money i saved up from my old job is running out! and i'm a little scared!#and i have a wedding coming up#and stuff is just. ugh. it's not the worst but it sure ain't the best#probably i need to pray and ask God for help instead of posting on tumblr#(in my defense i wanted to process my emotions)#anyways if you made it this far pray for me?#i've been trying to not freak out about all of this for a while but it's kinda pushing its way out now#which i hate. it's just all a lot
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Prayer request for C., a high schooler who tore his MCL recently during volleyball practice. He was SO sad, not being able to play the last home game. He's been going around in crutches for weeks. And he JUST wrecked his knee again today, which was a day he finally got to go around without crutches. And provincials are next week 😭😭😭
#my heart hurts for him!!! he wanted to play in the last game so bad and now he cant even be in provincials!!#he wants to play with his friends so bad!!! esp since most of the team is graduating soon and the season is coming to an end!!!#anyway SIGH i have a special place in my heart for this kid:') he's one of my mom's students#and he is such a GOOD kid. sweet hardworking diligent and so so kind. what a sweetheart.#anyway we'll be praying for him in the office tmr but i thought i'd ask for prayer here too
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one of my favorite things about getting older is that I’m just more sure and more confident in taking control in social situations and making other people feel at ease. I really love it!
#have always wanted to be good at it but it takes time#at least for me#my mom was describing one of her college friends to me the other day#and she goes ‘yeah she was kind of like you. personable and direct and kind.#‘and she was always going to deal with you (positive) instead of ignoring you’#honestly compliment of all time! because it does not come totally naturally to me#and there’s a lot that gets in my way—shyness anxiety a certain stiffness#but I love when i can feel it sort of giving way#anyway just rambling#also once again teaching has helped with this so much#because kids HAVE to be guided through a social situation. they don’t know what to do#and if I let them run it it’s always stupid#so just taking control asking the questions kind of —situating them so we can have a moment and then I can dismiss them#not that I do the same with adults lol. but works more often than you think#just having some direction and taking charge of a social interaction#I remember this comedian once saying he loved when someone took control in a social situation re: greetings/handshakes/hugs#like ‘oh thank goodness someone is figuring this out’ it’s so true and so funny skskdkdjd#I hope there is nothing peremptory about it! but I often find I’m so much ruder by doing nothing#than by being proactively kind and (hopefully) appropriate to the occasion#you know I’ve spoken on it before but my life really changed#when I made myself go back and say goodbye to my students after graduation my second year teaching#like. I literally ran away because I was so shy and it felt so awkward and no one was taking charge of how to do it#and the students wouldn’t (can’t) so it felt like they didn’t want to#and then I realized no—if someone is going to take the lead here it has to be me#and then I did! and there was in fact so much love waiting for me#people just don’t know how to show it#so you have to give them an opportunity#this is so many thoughts but I feel this sooooo much and I care about it so much
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i'm the birthday millie today
i'm super old now.
#^_^ I THINK TODAY IS GOINF TO BE A NICE BIRTHDAY#i'm not like. doing anything special. but! i was thinking about it last night and i've come a long way...#all things considered i'm doinf a pretty good job at like. living life!#i've accomplished quite a bit! i've grown! i know lots more about myself! i'm figuring it out!!!!#i'm going to go to lunch with my mom and then later this evening i'm going tooooo get Not Sober and just have fun 💖#thanks for sticking around with me for another year of my life !!!!!!#i know i haven't been posting here a ton lately. lots of reasons for that. but i think about you all my tumblr only friends lots...#i hope you've all been well! love you lots. if any mutuals want my priv twitter feel free to ask :3#if you read all of these here's a present for you: 🐦#doodles#felix
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Fucking Wild that 'children can wrong their parents' is a hot-take.
Like… damn. Parents don’t control their kid‘s every action. Even great parents.
Have these people ever MET a teenager??? They‘re usually at least a little mean and overly sensitive, and sometimes even for no reason.
Idk. Weird that some think of children only as a product of their parents rather than their own person.
Nooooo don’t you know that baby is forever and ever and baby can never hurt anyone???
But honestly i do understand why its a hot button issue and why someone would knee-jerk react like that, its just. Such a basic part of growing up. I wasn’t even referring to teenagers!! Everyone knows teenagers are Like That they grow out of it, its fine (<- doesnt have teenagers, cried in the bathroom the first time her kid called her mean). I was fully referring to grown ass adults with taxes and jobs and college classes.
#asks#idk it sounds like some of you want bruce to be the kind of parent that ends up on Reddit#you know what i mean#‘oh my sweet baby angel boy (34 man) cheated on his bitch wife just ONCE and now she wont let him sleep in her bed reddit how do i steal her#kids and shave her head as revenge like she deserves?!?!’#i hate the term boy mom but it describes a social trend between men and their parents (not necessarily moms usually more obviously moms)#very well#at some point in adult you are the person who makes yourself#your parents lay a foundation and if your lucky the first floor#do you want to live on that first floor forever?? you can. youll just be a little shallow and have no room for friends to come over. but you#can#build up a little and let your parents stay on the first floor. you can go back to visit them all the time.#my parents moved away (like barely 1.5 hours its nothing) after i got married and the amount of people who went oh no!! so when are you#moving too? was insane#hi i have a life. i have a spouse. i am happy here and we can drive over when we want or need them#your parents can fuck you up good but conversly if they do their job right you’ll probably never notice is the funny thing
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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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My Mom Is Cool
My mom is unfamiliar with the term "robofucker" and has probably not heard me say "robot porn" because i think i usually say Allen or just Transformer or something
Anyhow she just referred to one of my stories i was showing her the stats on (my mom likes following my author blog progress and she also sometimes reads the reviews with me we're silly yes) as Techno Smut and I
how was I today years old hearing that for the first time
I love it
I'm stealing it
T e c h n o s m u t
conversations I never thought I'd have with my mom, I adore her.
#Dat Rambles#Gigglesnort#My mom keeps asking when I'll release the next chapter of Travel Buddies#*profuse sweating*#(she doesn't nag me or anything she just asks every now and then and it's totally okay I'm just being dramatic)#Soon i swear#Maybe next month maybe next year I DUNNO I'M TRYING I SWEAR IS NOT READY YET#hnmnnnn#Also the story in question of course is Leaking Down#Her response when I showed her the cover art for Gladiators of Kaon:#“Ooh looks like a sci fi horror.”#And i was like:#*holding up a finger with mouth hanging open but nothing comes out*#*leading symbol*#*brain.exe reboot*#"Well shit you're right. But there's smut so like#It's a sexy horror book?#HOW DID I GET HERE I DON'T EVEN WATCH HORROR MOVIES I HIDE BEHIND THE COUCH#i want to say it's just dystopian but Cybertron has a history as fucked up as Earth's#I mean i can't look at Empurata and go “nah that's not horror” no really that's honestly REALLY FUCKED UP#anyhow#*sips tea*#Back to my bullshit I go
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Did you ever need to read something so bad you fucking WRITHE with agony when you realize you probably will never be able to?
i was trying to find the sone with the indent on the wall and the guy bleeding out of its forehead but I couldn’t find it
#the prescription#I wanna read it so bad but I don’t have money of my own yet I can’t ask for patron because I looked and it’s for 18 plus#In not 18 and there is no way my mom would let me do that for 10 dollars a month#I know there is a. Slim possibility that there is a print version coming eventually but I think I’m jus misinformed on that I have to check#I’m going to get a job and my own bank account soon#Then I can do the stuff with the patreon#There is hope for me#Eventually#I just gotta get a job#That’s a stupid reason to get a job lol#“Why are you here?” “I wanna read something that requires I spend 10 smackaroonies a month to access and I’ve got just the right amount of#Of anxiety preventing me from asking my mom for the thing I would like to read….. also I wanna buy my own shit and not have to be#Be embarrassed every time I want something because I have to asks my mom for money” “are you sure there are no other reasons??” “Nope!”#Eppy
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I swear. I comprehend I’m not the best teaching intern in the world. I also was not the best camp counselor, cashier, and so on. But if my observer gives me so much criticism that I cry again I’m going to be so motherfucking pissed.
Especially since she’s asking me to stay late just to review me. While I have family visiting. And I’m gone for most of the day. And my commute is over half an hour. Which isn’t bad around here but still.
#vent#I’m working on it but I cry after like 5+ concentrated minutes of disappointment from bosses and such#we’re staying late because she observed yesterday but#but just like last week she thought my planning period was *at the wrong spot*#it turns out that I did tell her wrong twice FUCK#BUT THERE WAS ALSO ONE TIME I DID TELL HER RIGHT I SWEAR. PLUS I TOLD HER LAST WEEK IN PERSON. I COMBED THROIGH MY EMAILS#I just sent an email with all the correct information so hopefully that resolves the issue#I cried for like two days last week. her criticism is fairly valid but alsoooooo I’m trying to work with my partner Teachers values& methods#WHICH THE OBSERVOR ESPOUSED. last week she was like ‘omg your partner teacher is the best omg you better treat her as the great resource#that she is’ and meanwhile I like my partner teacher but her methods are boring and teacher centered#she swears it’s how she gets through to these kids and I can see that#like by tenth grade a huge change in educational structure would probably be more distracting than helpful for the better part of a year to#these kids#especially since I’m here for maybe a month.#not worth fucking these kids over#and considering the students get to use their notes on tests im just. kind of blanking on better ideas???#even the kids in the ‘smart’ periods are so hesitant with so many math skills#I just want to fix it but I’m basically at the end of the process. idk#my cashier job made me come in on my day off (I did clock in) to get criticized#idk how to stand up about this with a woman who can decide whether I pass or not but god I hope this isn’t going to be a pattern#she didn’t have ONE fucking good thing to say about me last week#my mom suggested that I ask for a compliment when I’m near tears because that might stave off any tears#I’m hoping her method works
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guy who has only read kekkaishi, watching interstellar for the first time: wow this guy is soooo sumikocore
#just thinking thoughts...#good news everybody! interstellar was great!!#so sad that I got to watch it and karasuma didn't. I think he would have liked it#and yoshimori? he would have been devastated#I think it goes like this. sen would ask yoshimori and tokine to watch it at the theaters with him bc he doesn't want to watch it alone#knowing nothing more than sen said someone else said it was really good#they go. movie starts. when it becomes clear that the dad is going on a trip to save the world and he will likely never return#tokine starts shooting angry glares at sen who is staring defensively back like I did not know about the plot dont come after me#obviously yoshimori is crying sobbing at multiple points#like audibly dry heaving in the theater. other people are looking at him. he doesn't care he's having a moment with his mom#when the movie ends and they go to Birdy's (knockoff Denny's) for dinner#he smiles placidly and goes 'damn it was nice that she got to see her dad just once before she died' with the musou and everything#and sen and tokine are both tryna be like. damn. um. are you okay brother. and they know he's not but also don't know what to do#two weeks later an interstellar dvd arrives at their place and sen and tokine are having a hushed whisper argument about it#like yeah that was a good movie but why would you order this#what the fuck are you on I didn't order it can you stop just assuming shit???#and yoshimori just comes by and goes 'oh nice it's here!' and casually grabs it from them#and trots off to a distant part of the house and they can audibly hear him go#'hey dad I watched this awesome movie with sen and tokine a while ago we should watch this together some time'#THE END. thanks for reading this comic with me that's in my head. you should be able to see it
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Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.
#my mom gave me a really really lonf lecture and upset me because her and my dad want me to start thinking about settling down ans getting#married. again. cos this comes up all the time. ans I reiterated that i do wanna marry and have kids. i know im 26 years old why do they'#think im also not aware of this??? like i suddenly forgot my own age and have my head in the clouds all the time. and i got so heated cos i#said they only believe in that in theory. in reality neither of them have accepted the idea od my leaving home or the idea of mw being with#a man. and they start freaking out if they even find out i talk to them so to say they want me to get married is so fucking naive#ans when i mentioned this and that they're more than ok w mt brothers talking tp women she said that if i wanted to settle down she could#talk to dad and they could “go about finding someone for me” and I've never been so pissed#i got so upset. why does everyone keep saying this to me. as if anyone my dad knows could ever be a half decent man#and the truth is they don't care if im in a happy marriage they've accepted that i won't be they only care that im gone and saving face in#front of family. that's all. it's always reputation it's always “what will people say?”#not once did love come up. not once did shw even imply that i should marryfor love#or that they hope i love someone and marry them. because they're more happy with the idea of me marrying for the sake of it than#they are at the idea of me finding genuine lovw#im not a fucking broodmare im not here to push out babies for the sake od reputation.#and then i said nor being married isn't the end of the world and she said “it's important that you settle down”#and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the#kind of man i want to be with and when i do marry him i want it to bw genuine. because be loves me and vice versa not because im ticking off#somethin from a damn checklist to appease them. and if being unwavering on my principles means staying unmarried then so be it.#my obligations are to god and myself and that's it#and y'know what??? i am in love with a boy already#and yet they don't care that i wanna be in love at all. no im just a puppet to follow a certain narrative in life live according to evergone#else has and that's it.#im done.#and then she tried to apologise by getting me a slice of cake and that somehow made me feel worse.#i dont want an apology. i want to be heard and actually listened to for once. i want someone to ask what i want. to actually give a shit#and love me cos it's me. not cos im some thing to further an agenda. or some toy or puppet that does your bidding.#is it so much??? to just want to be loved in return? to marry and live according to how i want to?? ans not want anyone to make these#decision's for me?#ruined my whole day.
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