#asd thoughts

[extraterrestrialenby]

i wish human society had been built over more waterways; then i could be like a swamp monster at every social gathering - fully submerged in water except for the top of my head and my eyes, human sounds deadened by the water in my ears while i lurk and peak out at everyone

[blackberryjaami]

It’s been my experience that people don’t really give a fuck. You’d think that by now, at my age, I should know better. Goddamn my trusting nature.

[snakeautistic]

People underestimate how much it fucks you up to be subtly excluded as a kid. I would try to talk to my classmates and be met with disinterest or annoyance. The one friend I had, who I clung to and nodded along to his every word, had other friends he liked just as much or more. And his other friends didn’t care for me at all.

I look back at pictures from the time and see how separated I was from them. I remember knowing I was different. I remember posing questions about the world to the girls playing next to me and realizing that they had never asked the same ones to themselves. That the ways we thought couldn’t be more different.

I kept myself amused with my own fanatical stories and musings in my head. I would wander the playground on a circular path, imagining a friend and being sorely disappointed when it didn’t feel as real as I’d hoped.

There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me

[pigeon-cave]

Spectrum of overwhelm, now in triangle form due to popular demand

[Image description: A triangle chart titled, ‘Spectrum of Overwhelm.’ The three points are ‘404 Error,’ showing a person with an empty thought bubble; ‘wet beast,’ showing a person sweating and sobbing; and ‘rage beast’ showing a person clenching their fists in an outline of orange fire. The peak is the ‘404 error’ vertex, and the inside of the triangle here is coloured beige and labelled, ‘shutdown.’ The lower half is labelled ‘meltdown’ and is red on the rage beast side and blue on the wet beast side. \End description]

[neurodivergenttales]

Shoutout to all the people who...

Are always talked over in group settings

Rehearse what they are going to say loads of times in their head and still end-up with their words coming out jumbled

Take longer to process jokes/people's speech

Just get brushed-off when they ask people to repeat their jokes

Always feel like they are seen as an acquaintance rather than a best friend by others

Find parties overwhelming and feel boring for preferring nights in

Feel lonely but also don't know how to go about making friends as an adult

Feel embarrassed/ashamed for not having friends

[veryferaldistributions]

Psst. Hey. Just so you know, autistic people don’t have to be ludicrously intelligent or even mildly intelligent to be worthy of love and companionship. Your intelligence is not a measure of your worth.

[martha-autie]

I'm upset with tiktok. Particularly the mental health aspect of tiktok. It's so inaccurate most of the time but people act like it's not. You shouldn't take mental advice from tiktok. Tiktok is partially responsible for setting back the public's perception of OCD, we were gaining traction in helping people understand that intrusive thoughts don't make us, killers, creeps, or dangerous.

Now we've got tiktok people telling everyone that intrusive thoughts are about wanting to eat too much candy, or poke a Llama in the face because it's so cute. No those are just thoughts, normal thoughts, impulsive thoughts.

They are likely not ego dystonic. They likely do not clash with your sense of self, you most likely do not have a negative or anxious reaction to these thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, scary, distressing thoughts that pop into your mind randomly and you don't want them.

People with ocd can't control their thoughts, but now we have people calling OCD people and people with other conditions monsters because they have real intrusive thoughts that follow a common theme, hurting others, doing something bad or perverted. Or something you don't want to do, it can even be thoughts about joining another religion or secretly being a sexuality and not knowing it.

Intrusive thoughts can be anything, but they are always unpleasant and unwanted, they are considered to be ego dystonic meaning they do not go along with a person's sense of self.

When I was younger I would have thoughts about pushing people into the street and them getting run over by cars, I hated those thoughts. I didn't want them, those were intrusive thoughts. Tiktok has harmed OCD acceptance and imagine what it's going to do to Autism, which I also have, if people keep taking advice from tiktok. Please don't take tiktok advice

[wanderingmind867]

Rick Riordan takes every opportunity to demonize Octavian. But every time, I seem to be able to find defenses of octavian's actions. The newest offense from page 485 of the Son of Neptune (I only know this page number because I wrote this as soon as I finished the page): Octavian apparently looked outraged when Percy managed to use the power of the Twelfth Legion's Eagle. We're clearly supposed to hate him for this, see him as an unreasonable jerk.

But…No. Octavian's just showing a sensible reaction to change. Let me give you the metaphor. If some strange person who I barely knew came to my home, messed with my stuff, became more popular then me (even amongst the people who I trusted and cared about), and then showed an ability to do things I've only ever been capable of doing, I would snap too! I would look outraged, because it's something definitely worth getting outraged over!

Octavian is not evil! He's just a man who's lost every single scrap of stability in his life, because someone completely new to his life has come in and uprooted everything! And boy, am I really, really feeling finding that relatable now! I've lost my mom, I leave high school this year, my old tablet is dead, my phone may be slowly dying, I have no friends, and everything is going against me! If I could blame a person for all of this, I think I would've snapped and killed that person by now! So you know what!? Octavian is justified in everything he's done!

[willtheweirdrat]

Btw big big love to all autistics that have "autism staring", especially those who have gotten in trouble for it. You guys are amazing and I love you /p

[blackberryjaami]

Life has a funny way of proving a point. Or just shocking the hell out of you in general.

Not so much about the recent Dx, I was expecting that. What I wasn’t expecting was that I would be living in my car and separated from my kids. And I am aware that this shit is nothing new. It can happen to literally anyone and does on a daily basis. But you never really prepare yourself for the moment when it happens to you. You just try to adapt and survive.

Adapt and survive. Be grateful. Remain humble. Be thankful. Those are all things that I strive to do everyday when I open my eyes. However, I am hurting. Alone. Mentally unwell. And most of all, scared. It’s not the fear of being homeless. It’s the fear of the unknown. The fear of being totally unprepared.

I yearn for the feeling of safety and sameness. For the warm hugs of my kids. For stability. For allowing myself to tap back into my feelings. Instead I wake up and go to sleep wondering when I’ll be able to kiss my kids goodnight or sit down and have an actual conversation with them in person again. Rush home from work to cook them dinner or pile them into the car for a grueling trip to the grocery store. All the small daily stresses that I grumbled about would bring me so much joy right now.

I felt a bit ashamed that I teared up after having a hot shower after a month of living in my car. Because I knew that it’s a luxury that a lot of people don’t have access to. In that moment, the overwhelming feeling of allowing the running water to wash away the dried tears, sweat, sadness, and daily grime was so intense that I couldn’t help but stand still and just be. Another thing taken for granted.

I’m taking this chapter of my life as a learning experience. Not necessarily of what NOT to do but of how important it is to appreciate things. To cherish every moment of the day and the people who surround you. And to prepare for the next big life hiccup.

xo

[snakeautistic]

Please, for the love of god, leave me CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS!!! If you think it’s implied, I promise you that to me it is not. If you give me poorly worded or vague directions I’m gonna spend half an hour stressing over the potential different ways to interpret them and either become paralyzed with indecision or inevitably interpret them the least correct way possible

[pigeon-cave]

Diagrams are helpful to me

[titan-god-helios]

simply existing as neurodivergent is tiring.

no matter which it is, every neurodivergence comes with its own set of symptoms and traits that makes even sitting and trying to relax something that takes energy.

for me, my adhd makes it so that i have a CONSTANT inner monologue. and that "monologue" consists of SO much. it feels like there's a main monologue of my most prominent thoughts, another monologue in the background and another after that too, with music playing off in the distance, mental images flashing in and out and also having to stay present in the real world so i don't fuck everything up in real life. my brain is always on high speed and when it isn't there's still mental noise regardless from the monologue. and its fucking tiring. it makes my social battery lower than ever and means that i never truly get a moments' peace unless i superengineer my surroundings to force it. which again, takes energy.

if you add the fact that my autism connotes sensory issues, a baseline of anxiety for pretty much everything due to yk. uncertainty of situations, having to mask and be hypervigilant to keep up my masking etc, it becomes even more tiring. masking whilst being distracted in a conversation is even harder.

then my npd dogpiles essentially and makes it so there's a subsection of my inner monologue dedicated to screaming at me and mocking me or others all the time. that's fucking tiring.

i get intrusive thoughts. i disassociate a lot. my mood can change very quickly due to the emotional dysregulation that comes with my everything. that's tiring.

it feels like my brain is constantly doing its best to fuck with me at all times. and its doing a pretty damn good job at it.

that's not to mention other neurodivergences that other people may have such as did/osdd, schizospec disorders, cluster a, b and c personality disorders, down syndrome, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, bipolar disorder, synaesthesia, intellectual disabilities, auditory processing disorders, anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, tourettes' syndrome, tic disorders, cerebral palsy, parkinsons', alexithymia (which i have and makes it exhausting to just. figure out how you feel at any given time and makes things such as giving consent much harder and lengthier) and so on

if you happen to have physical disabilities alongside neurodivergence, it's even fucking harder.

it's fucking hard. it's not a bed of roses, or doesn't only affect us when we're doing stuff. us sitting on the couch and trying to relax may take enormous amounts of effort that you simply do not see.

please be patient with us. we're trying our best.

[lilqu33rboi]

anyone else just wanna run away to the woods with ur bsf to get away from shitty ppl and u could live in a lil cabin and have like 20 cats and read good books and infodump to each other and just be happy?

[unhingedfemmecontent]

things you never have to feel bad for

needing accommodations

asking for help

going non verbal

struggling to identify feelings

having an episode

coping in ways others don’t understand

stimming

having diffrent interests

showing your love differently than others

fidgeting

saying no

saying yes

"over reacting" (no such thing)

not understanding someone

asking for tone clarity

needing to isolate

having a hard time taking care of yourself

being dependent/ needing a caregiver

asking for respect

coming out

and so many more you are all beautiful humans

[wanderingmind867]

I made like 20 posts about my stupid ideas today. Almost all of them have zero notes. And today that's really bugging me. Because it took me way too damn long to write those notes out on here, and the lack of attention makes it seem like I did something annoying and futile. And I really don't like that feeling. So I need to ask if anyone actually did see them. In some of the posts I even tagged people to them, hoping that would prevent them from complete isolation. But it seems nothing worked. And considering i've been feeling pretty messed up all day (despite waking up at seven or seven thirty, i've only felt tired, sad and agitated today), it makes me feel just incredibly deeply bothered. I hate it. sigh...