#asd thoughts

[blackberryjaami]

Life at the Flying J truck stop has been nothing short of interesting, to say the least. I’ve come to recognize the regulars like myself - car living, van living, truck living, everyone simply trying to live. I often wonder do they break down in tears when the heaviness is too much to bear? Are they lacking support or running from something that brought them here? Do they want to be invisible like me?

Much like the regulars from the Walmart parking lot in Florida, there’s an odd sense of neighborhood that develops overtime. Everyone has a particular space, we all go about our routines, we dwell and pass the time separated by yellow lines on concrete. No one knows the other’s story but we co-exist together for a time. We will all move on someday but the memories will remain.

In honor of my time here I’m compiling a playlist of the music from the restroom. It seems fitting somehow.

[snakeautistic]

People underestimate how much it fucks you up to be subtly excluded as a kid. I would try to talk to my classmates and be met with disinterest or annoyance. The one friend I had, who I clung to and nodded along to his every word, had other friends he liked just as much or more. And his other friends didn’t care for me at all.

I look back at pictures from the time and see how separated I was from them. I remember knowing I was different. I remember posing questions about the world to the girls playing next to me and realizing that they had never asked the same ones to themselves. That the ways we thought couldn’t be more different.

I kept myself amused with my own fanatical stories and musings in my head. I would wander the playground on a circular path, imagining a friend and being sorely disappointed when it didn’t feel as real as I’d hoped.

There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me

[pigeon-cave]

Spectrum of overwhelm, now in triangle form due to popular demand

[Image description: A triangle chart titled, ‘Spectrum of Overwhelm.’ The three points are ‘404 Error,’ showing a person with an empty thought bubble; ‘wet beast,’ showing a person sweating and sobbing; and ‘rage beast’ showing a person clenching their fists in an outline of orange fire. The peak is the ‘404 error’ vertex, and the inside of the triangle here is coloured beige and labelled, ‘shutdown.’ The lower half is labelled ‘meltdown’ and is red on the rage beast side and blue on the wet beast side. \End description]

[neurodivergenttales]

Shoutout to all the people who...

Are always talked over in group settings

Rehearse what they are going to say loads of times in their head and still end-up with their words coming out jumbled

Take longer to process jokes/people's speech

Just get brushed-off when they ask people to repeat their jokes

Always feel like they are seen as an acquaintance rather than a best friend by others

Find parties overwhelming and feel boring for preferring nights in

Feel lonely but also don't know how to go about making friends as an adult

Feel embarrassed/ashamed for not having friends

[borderlinejessie]

No silly!! My bpd doesn't make me your dream girl.

You're forgetting I can love you to the point it aches but I can also despise you so much I could ruin your life.

I can be hypers3xual and fun but would you still love me when I'm crying in an oversized hoodie scared to let anyone touch me?

Sure I can party, I'll rave, but what about when the liquor and dr/ug5 become more than a just a little weekend fun?

Maybe I understand why you're also scared of me. I'm scared of me too.

[veryferaldistributions]

Psst. Hey. Just so you know, autistic people don’t have to be ludicrously intelligent or even mildly intelligent to be worthy of love and companionship. Your intelligence is not a measure of your worth.

[aithusarosekiller]

'It's not that deep' I repeat in my head 14939843 times while by brain connects dots that make it seem like it very much is that deep

[titan-god-helios]

simply existing as neurodivergent is tiring.

no matter which it is, every neurodivergence comes with its own set of symptoms and traits that makes even sitting and trying to relax something that takes energy.

for me, my adhd makes it so that i have a CONSTANT inner monologue. and that "monologue" consists of SO much. it feels like there's a main monologue of my most prominent thoughts, another monologue in the background and another after that too, with music playing off in the distance, mental images flashing in and out and also having to stay present in the real world so i don't fuck everything up in real life. my brain is always on high speed and when it isn't there's still mental noise regardless from the monologue. and its fucking tiring. it makes my social battery lower than ever and means that i never truly get a moments' peace unless i superengineer my surroundings to force it. which again, takes energy.

if you add the fact that my autism connotes sensory issues, a baseline of anxiety for pretty much everything due to yk. uncertainty of situations, having to mask and be hypervigilant to keep up my masking etc, it becomes even more tiring. masking whilst being distracted in a conversation is even harder.

then my npd dogpiles essentially and makes it so there's a subsection of my inner monologue dedicated to screaming at me and mocking me or others all the time. that's fucking tiring.

i get intrusive thoughts. i disassociate a lot. my mood can change very quickly due to the emotional dysregulation that comes with my everything. that's tiring.

it feels like my brain is constantly doing its best to fuck with me at all times. and its doing a pretty damn good job at it.

that's not to mention other neurodivergences that other people may have such as did/osdd, schizospec disorders, cluster a, b and c personality disorders, down syndrome, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, bipolar disorder, synaesthesia, intellectual disabilities, auditory processing disorders, anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, tourettes' syndrome, tic disorders, cerebral palsy, parkinsons', alexithymia (which i have and makes it exhausting to just. figure out how you feel at any given time and makes things such as giving consent much harder and lengthier) and so on

if you happen to have physical disabilities alongside neurodivergence, it's even fucking harder.

it's fucking hard. it's not a bed of roses, or doesn't only affect us when we're doing stuff. us sitting on the couch and trying to relax may take enormous amounts of effort that you simply do not see.

please be patient with us. we're trying our best.

[martha-autie]

I'm upset with tiktok. Particularly the mental health aspect of tiktok. It's so inaccurate most of the time but people act like it's not. You shouldn't take mental advice from tiktok. Tiktok is partially responsible for setting back the public's perception of OCD, we were gaining traction in helping people understand that intrusive thoughts don't make us, killers, creeps, or dangerous.

Now we've got tiktok people telling everyone that intrusive thoughts are about wanting to eat too much candy, or poke a Llama in the face because it's so cute. No those are just thoughts, normal thoughts, impulsive thoughts.

They are likely not ego dystonic. They likely do not clash with your sense of self, you most likely do not have a negative or anxious reaction to these thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, scary, distressing thoughts that pop into your mind randomly and you don't want them.

People with ocd can't control their thoughts, but now we have people calling OCD people and people with other conditions monsters because they have real intrusive thoughts that follow a common theme, hurting others, doing something bad or perverted. Or something you don't want to do, it can even be thoughts about joining another religion or secretly being a sexuality and not knowing it.

Intrusive thoughts can be anything, but they are always unpleasant and unwanted, they are considered to be ego dystonic meaning they do not go along with a person's sense of self.

When I was younger I would have thoughts about pushing people into the street and them getting run over by cars, I hated those thoughts. I didn't want them, those were intrusive thoughts. Tiktok has harmed OCD acceptance and imagine what it's going to do to Autism, which I also have, if people keep taking advice from tiktok. Please don't take tiktok advice

[wanderingmind867]

Rick Riordan takes every opportunity to demonize Octavian. But every time, I seem to be able to find defenses of octavian's actions. The newest offense from page 485 of the Son of Neptune (I only know this page number because I wrote this as soon as I finished the page): Octavian apparently looked outraged when Percy managed to use the power of the Twelfth Legion's Eagle. We're clearly supposed to hate him for this, see him as an unreasonable jerk.

But…No. Octavian's just showing a sensible reaction to change. Let me give you the metaphor. If some strange person who I barely knew came to my home, messed with my stuff, became more popular then me (even amongst the people who I trusted and cared about), and then showed an ability to do things I've only ever been capable of doing, I would snap too! I would look outraged, because it's something definitely worth getting outraged over!

Octavian is not evil! He's just a man who's lost every single scrap of stability in his life, because someone completely new to his life has come in and uprooted everything! And boy, am I really, really feeling finding that relatable now! I've lost my mom, I leave high school this year, my old tablet is dead, my phone may be slowly dying, I have no friends, and everything is going against me! If I could blame a person for all of this, I think I would've snapped and killed that person by now! So you know what!? Octavian is justified in everything he's done!

[kaboom--bitch]

'Kay, maybe if you're gonna have a sensory room in a very big goddamn popular aquarium, have someone on staff guarding the fucking door. Please. People having meltdowns or shutdowns or literally just trying to fucking chill in there shouldn't have to deal with assholes opening the door--which is soundproof only when it's closed and also blocks out light ONLY WHEN IT'S FUCKING CLOSED--poking their head in and gawking at the "special needs issues people" thinking it's a fucking exhibit because they can't be bothered to read the sign until they're confused as fuck at what they see.

Just a fucking thought, guys. Do not advertise a fucking safe space if it's not fucking safe! Use your god damn brains!

[blackberryjaami]

It’s been my experience that people don’t really give a fuck. You’d think that by now, at my age, I should know better. Goddamn my trusting nature.

[snakeautistic]

Please, for the love of god, leave me CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS!!! If you think it’s implied, I promise you that to me it is not. If you give me poorly worded or vague directions I’m gonna spend half an hour stressing over the potential different ways to interpret them and either become paralyzed with indecision or inevitably interpret them the least correct way possible

[pigeon-cave]

Diagrams are helpful to me

[willtheweirdrat]

Btw big big love to all autistics that have "autism staring", especially those who have gotten in trouble for it. You guys are amazing and I love you /p

[borderlinejessie]

I want to say goodbye but everyone left...