#as usual. 4 my mutual
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rolan for the character thang ...!!!
yayyy!!!
how i feel abt this character: i lauve rolan so super much!!!! out of the three of them i think abt him the least but thats just bc im obsessed w kian and also rand as a character just hits a little too close to home (eldest siblings when there is an eldest sibling in media 馃檨馃槮) but like. the fact that theres no way of saying who the "real" rolan is. it is also slightly frightening the degree to which i can relate being changed into a Literal entirely new person by a traumatic event /system 馃様
all the people i ship romantically w this character: kian & rand (sometimes separately w just kian but mostly all 3 together) (im not much of a keeperschampion guy bc i think its just a little too obvious. yk)
my non-romantic OTP for this character: honestly tho speaking of keeperschampion. those two. as best friends they are also deeply tragic
my unpopular opinion abt this character: something my beloved mutual plantboiart pointed out to me so credit to them but guyssss guyssssssss he wasnt always (that) lameeeee he used to be cool w the other two and steal shit
and finally one thing i wish had happened to him in canon: i think we all know this one i wish his stupid gay bug ass lived 馃檨馃檨 fly high rolan deep u wouldve loved . the law
#i am back briefly from doing lots of things now hello thank u for this it was super duper fun 馃敟馃敟#bitb spoilers#as usual. 4 my mutual#asks
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Send this to all your favorite moots and pass the pumpkin round! KEEP THE PUMPKIN TRAIN GOING 馃巸馃枻馃巸馃枻馃巸
got pumpkin'd
#i dont usually repost those mutual chain links text stuff but eh we'll see 4 this one#gourmand#originally meant to be just a lil doodle... got too ahead of myself#ask#my art jumpscare#rain world#the gourmand
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Very rarely I'll (accidentally) find someone who's blocked me on pokemon tumblr, and realistically I know that they probably saw one of my posts too many times and just got sick of seeing it or I simply annoy them or whatever. But part of me really wants to believe that my pokemon anime opinions were just too much for someone. I want to believe that someone saw me say 'The absol scene needed better build-up to justify Drew talking to one of his pokemon like that, it goes against everything we've seen of him imo' or whatever and they just put a hand over their heart, wounded, and clicked the block button while cursing my family for several generations, past and future. I really want to think that I had a lukewarm enough drew opinion that someone blocked me about it
#another option is that I interacted with someone that we're all supposed to be mad at and I didn't know or care about it tbh.#I remember early on in my blog I got an anon that was like#'your mutual stole a fic idea from this other person' and it's like. hm. okay.#1.) too vague. You didn't tell me who it was on either side. just 'my mutual'. What do you expect me to do with this information?#2) this sounds like personal drama that I have no reason to know about. Why would I ostracize someone for something that doesn't involve me#3.) what do you mean by 'stealing'? because the nature of fanfiction centers around derivation.#every writer is stealing to some extent and I'm very big on benefit of the doubt when it comes to that kind of thing.#4.) you being on anon means you're not willing to put your reputation on the statement. so why should I take it seriously if you can't?#5.) I have like 200 mutuals. 75% chance this is about someone I've spoken to twice.#I don't really have a point I guess. just feels like a fun anecdote to share now that the statute of limitations has hopefully expired#my asks are usually great. I love you anons!!! but there have been a couple of ones that make for fun stories lol
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My blog just turned NINE today. It's not old you are.
#;Ooc#Usually i'll make a big thing for it#But not this year#I've neglected it a lot the past year so#It's literally been a decade#I've written this kid#Wrow#Neway.#Not to repeat myself over and over#But i love my mutuals so much#& appreciate them#4 always sticking around#making my days funner#This blog would have perished long ago#if it werent for them n my friends#So thk u all so fucking much#4 everything
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 馃槶 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 馃挴 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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Do you guys have podcast recommendations? I'm caught up on everything I listen to, but you guys are my favorite podcast, so I assume we have similar tastes
AWWW i'm so honored that we're your faves! grey is no longer a podcast listener so i (crystal) shall be the only answerer
in terms of people-watching-a-thing podcasts, i've enjoyed:
doctor huh- two brothers, one a former doctor who watcher and one who... only knows about it from social media... watch nuwho eps in a random order
zero to zero- three friends watch dc/marvel properties and respond w fun and funny levels of haterism. i have enjoyed ALL of this despite never once touching something they reviewed. on maybe-permanent hiatus
LMNOP- the only good cbs elementary podcast. also on maybe-permanent hiatus
i've been meaning to watch that- i've listened to less of this one, but it's hosted by manika dulcio, who we had on our s4 wrapped, so if you liked her there check her out on her home base!
as for fiction podcasts, listing my fave subscribeds below! for some of these, the first few eps are kinda rough but i've found them all resoundingly Worth It eventually! also if you, babpod listener, care about this, all of these have queer main characters and i'll bold the ones where the main char is explicitly a poc:
hi nay- "a supernatural horror fictional podcast about Filipina immigrant Mari Datuin, whose babaylan (shaman) family background accidentally gets her involved in stopping dangerous supernatural events in Toronto." v rich lore v good at being creepy! (ongoing)
the silt verses- what if every single folk deity was real and hungry and society ran on ppl being sacrificed on telephone poles? incredibly sexy writing like SO sexy (ongoing)
midnight burger- space diner adventures and friendships! they recently dropped a 3-hour beautifully audio-engineered season finale they've grown so much since the beginning. great cast and fills you w so much wonder about The Universe (ongoing)
greater boston- an expanding cast of chars tell the story of the forming of a new city on the boston red line train cars. makes u wild about community and interconnectedness and local politics and how no one is beyond compassion while also having like. cheese robots (ongoing)
within the wires- what if a world war led to a worldwide cultural shift that decried all tribalism starting at the family unit and babies were separated from their parents at birth? extremely interesting world and formats though i do think it's kinda tired after s4. i think listening to s1 then reading the companion novel might be the Move (ongoing)
unwell, a midwestern gothic mystery- what it says on the tin! lily returns to the fading small town she grew up in to care for her mom. there are ghosts and town history and wolves in the woods. some rlly beautiful and complex family relationships and friendships, great vibe and sound design (complete)
parkdale haunt- p classic haunted house horror (well i say classic. there's also an influencers cult) which i also consider a Top Friendship-Focused Media (complete)
alice isn't dead- usamerican road trip show about the horrors of freedom. spn wishes. love jasika nicole as a VA (complete)
the pasithea powder- epistolary space bisexuals after a war that left them on opposite sides. excellent interpersonal drama and aliens (complete)
wooden overcoats- v funny british funeral home rivalry show antigone funn is the weirdgirl extraordinaire (complete)
monstrous agonies- nice soothing ten-minute segments of a supernatural advice show. i think i've mentioned it as being the anti-spn in terms of the monster rights and monster-human cohabitation background of the world (complete)
midnight radio- ten-episode small town radio show ghost romance. it's an excellent annual fall listen if you have a saturday free (complete)
mabel podcast- ONE OF THE PODCASTS OF ALL TIME. if you care about women you will like this podcast. i've always found anna and mabel so revolutionary and freeing to listen to. horror podcast about fairies and a house that loves (creepy edition?) you (long hiatus)
brimstone valley mall- silly delightful y2k demons in a mall (long hiatus)
the far meridian- magical realism story about a girl living in a teleporting lighthouse. sweet and melancholic (long hiatus)
kh么ra podcast- greek myths in space. i need to hug all the characters (long hiatus)
ty for this ask i love podcasts i need to catch up on them!
- Crystal :)
#hope this is a helpful list! idk what pods you usually listen to i hope this list isn't like. sooo basic#i feel like ppl's relationships to fiction pods are like 1. what's that? -> 2. only magnus archives and night vale ->#3. a nice portfolio (where i'm at i think. i've been here like 8 years i think) -> 4. Knows Every Single One (my cool mutuals)#i also hope you aren't a fully nonfiction pod listener this would be so unhelpful if so#asks
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not to cringe post on main because this is the most suicidal I ever felt in my life yet, but sometimes when I'm feeling extremely lonely and tumblr sends me a notification that a moot has made a post, I feel a little less alone
#random stuff on my account like usual#cringe posting#this last 4 days been a nightmare#i cried today like i never cried before#loneliness#tumblr mutuals#tumblr moots#moots#mutuals#love my moots
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recently ive been getting really sick of my neighbors i wish that i had a bunch of money so that i could buy up their houses and only let people i live live near me
#neighbors 1 used to be friends but theyre trumpies and also neglect and borderline abuse their dog#i like river hes not a bad dog but hes not trained well and is a very large and powerful dog and really really wants to kill my cats#and they just let him loose wander in the road wander into other peoples yards and hes trapped me and my mom outside because#he tries to force his way into our house if we try to go back inside of our house and i kinda dont want my cats guts splattered everywhere#neighbors 2 have a fenced in yard with a lab and a husky that they leave outside all of the time in their yard#as far as i know they dont have a dog house or even food and water out there and absolutely no toys and the dogs bark constntly#probably because theyre so bored outside in the hot weather usually without shade and no entertainment they bark at each other#or anyone in the yards of the neighboring houses or they bark at the door begging to be let back inside or bark at the windows#and theyre patriots too they got one of those huge skeletons last halloween and theyve kept it up ever since changing out the spotlight#for holidays which initially i really liked i thought it was funny but then for memorialday/july 4th they dressed in patriotically#and i hate america so . i hate them and how they neglect their dogs#neighbors 3 they are related to the one good neighbor BUT. theyre married (?) and they scream at each other arguing all of the time and#because of the geography of where we live it echos right to our house very loudly and it gives me anxiety and they have a kid or kids#who sometimes cry loudly because they scream yell at each other loudly i kinda hope they (not the kids) go to hell#neighbors 4 i . im not sure if theyre newer here but they also have dogs but so far theyve kept them on leashes i think?#except for that one time where their dog just. walked up to me. idk if they let the dog loose on purpose or if it was accidental#but recently me and my mom were outside messing with the garden and They are also a couple and were screaming at each other#also ! i love straight people 馃槏 please breakup or get a divorce or move away or go to hell youre fucking crazy people go to therapy#and then theres the people on super loud motorcycles or in super loud cars and then theres the other neighbors with the isra hell flag#and the other neighbors that i SUPER SUPER SUPER HATE and have hated for YEARS ecause i went to school with one and hes#racist as fuck i hope he dies or something. and because of them we dont even go down the road that way#they have free roaming animals that would go into the road and they run some ? atv repair or something out of their house and sometimes#completely occupy the whole road loading shit or something. like if you want stereotypical redneck assholes its them#and i hate all of these people so much. mutuals you should live here instead of them. its the blue ridge mountains its higher altitude#its pretty but sometimes it rains and causes something of a 'creek' to flow but were on a mountain so it flows down and away#and well sometimes the sewer smells really bad for some reason idk but like . its fine dont worry about it#and bears might drag your trashcans up the mountain but just dont leave food outside and they wont do that#we have a . shockingly beautiful ?? dumpster on the road too so its okay 馃憤#dear lird i just scrolled up and thats a lot of words . o well
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also idk enough about music and how this works to explain it but there's a very specific way Pete Wentz plays bass and it's so fun to single out in a song and listen to it
#it's almost like... stuttered and at the same time melodic#like he plays individual melodic notes a lot and there's kinda this. stuttered rhythm to it#he also plays 3s on a 4 count pretty often which is SUPER fun one of my favorite things#like the song can be a 4/4 meter. but he's playing like it's a 6/8#or at least that's how it sounds to my (untrained) ear#but yeah. a lot of melodic playing + stuttered rhythms/strumming patterns + he usually cuts loose and plays steadier on the refrain#or last part of a song#idk man it's just fun to try and pinpoint how different people play and bass is always the one I go for so like. yeah#Lu rambles#I'm being embarrassing on main but honestly I just wanna ramble at my established mutuals about stuff tonight I guess#fob#pete
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#i wrote a 4 sentence review instead of the usual 1 sentence so i think you guys should all applaud and become my letterboxd mutual :3#anyway I'M SO INSANE ABOUT THIS MOVIE AURGH.....so glad to finally have rewatched it#kim.txt
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I haven't seen the new episodes yet. But from what I can gather this show is wish fulfillment and I'm quite excited that from what I've heard so far the plot is going like. The Most ideal way i would have hoped for it to be written
#lb#mysterious lotus casebook#like? oh yeah i can tell its Love and Redemption screenwriter or i wouldnt be SO satisfied#like 1. murder mystery cases check 2. natural scenery check. 3. cheng yi getting to do comedy check. 4. clingy young man with a shizun crush#whos a clingy bitch <3 check 5. clingy ex rival enemy whos obsessed with li lianhua living check#6. enough *bromance you could just use it as the dangai/danmei of the summer tbh (check check check)#7. themes about growing up about illness about trauma about whats right versus easy right versus normal check#8. wedding dress check. 9. my boy ye baiyi who usually plays a villain... pitentially playing one again CHECK#10 a sexy evil lady <3 check 11 the plot valuing sharing emotions as Strength over physical strength (huge check. lead protagonist#is ordinary. his biggest hurdle is facing his regrets and wanting to die and choosing to keep going)#12 moving lotus tower = howls moving castle CHECK#13 cute dog!!! (and not cgi dog like so many cdramas lol)#14 instead of fighting yr rival you move in with him and take care of him mutually <3 check#just like. excellent exceplent all around#oh and for me bonus: case of the week plots with character arcs as the other half of the episode writing#which i find is a much easier structure to watch on and off (like Guardian Torchwood Buffy etc)#also the show recaps the last scene at the start of the new episode. which again is great for making#things easier to remember
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I'm starting to not care about football anymore
#and honestly#good for me#I couldn't name our new recruits to save my life#I know we got one of the wife beater#and speaking of disgusting men#I unfollowed pogba as soon as I saw him supporting one of the rapists#and then I realised how many people were supporting him#and those tags don't really make sense#as usual#but I just wanted to say that I'm not sure I'll start watching the new season#but who cares cause I think I've got 4 active mutuals left#that being said : jamie tartt doo doo doo doo doo
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diversity loss! those ppl correctly gendering u assumed you're straight..
#well 'correctly gendering' they genuinely just saw me as Some Guy i think so automatically referred to me as he#anyway there are a group of usually four to five ppl at the train station nearest to me who stop u and talk to you about sj stuff and/or as#you to donate. so stuff like immigrant rights lgbtq+ rights the environment et cetera & they were eyeing me when i was approaching (to#potentially be stopped & talked to etc. i get stopped like. 80% of the time around there) but then turned back towards each other and said#something along the lines of 'oh this is so scary this is so hard he's so scary' and then didn't stop me to talk and literally as i walked#away (i was JUST past them some ppl rlly do not wait for someone to be out of earsight to tall abt them) one of them said 'his face looked#good (as in approachable & a potential Person To Converse With) but the rest of him....straight man. look at that blouse.'#the previous sentence loosely quoted but it was smth like that...........WTF DO U MEAN STRAIGHT MAN??? TAKE THAT BACK PLEASE I BEG 馃槶馃檹#<<<<<< also they meant cis straight man specifically i'm pretty sure...which is the absolute worst part of that whole assumption.#ALSO what's wrong with my blouse.........#thanks 4 the gender euphoria though. much obliged 馃憤#double also i don't think i'm using this meme setup thingie in the way it is supposed to be used but it makes sense either way. to me.#TRIPLE ALSO we're just assuming that if someone is a straight man they immediately don't gaf about social justice stuff?? okay.....#i mean i get it but also big generalization. but also i get it. but also big generalization. anyway. in other news i found out my grandma#used to write my grandpa actual poems. like ACTUAL actual poems of the professional sort that she made up and wrote down herself to give#to him <3333#& more news though this one is not very surprising and in fact very predictable I AM SO SLEEPY TIRED. ZONK TOWN I'M COMING DON'T U WORRY鉂椻潡#just need to read the newspaper (the mutuals' posts of 2day) and then i am going to bed IMMEDIATELY u best believe.
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Ummmmm the guy I think is cute started a conversation with me unprompted today
#by unprompted i mean we usually sit beside each other in tutorial with some other mutual friends but only say hi and nothing else directly#but today i showed up and sat down and HE asked me how im doing and i didnt hear him the first time 馃拃 but then i did#and then i returned the question as one does and then he just started telling me about how shit his classes are 馃槶馃槶馃槶#but like that doesnt usually happen teehee#also i think he moved where he sits so now hes beside me but thats DEFINITELY reading too far into it#like its a table 4 seats wide i usually sit middle right and he DID sit against the wall to the far left with a friend inbetween us#but this week and last week he sat middle left aka beside me while the friend sits against the wall#but thats definitely not anything#also like idk like that much at all i just think hes a bit cute thats all teehee#also i am 1000000x playing up my raction LOOOOL
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Damn, I forgot what it was like posting in a popular Fandom
#its been over 5 years since my last SOC ff#ive been posting in pretty small fandoms recently#like i got multiple comments in an hour#but i also love the small fandoms#like on one hand they were quick but also like thats 4 commenrs to almost 150 kudos#i love kudos bc they help others find my fic#but i have small fics with a one comment to two kudos ratio#i also miss my mutuals messaging me to talk about it#small fandoms are great#its tricky to compare tho cuz i usually do multichapter#my only one shot was smut which changes things#idk its weird#small fandoms are more like grateful#like yayy content!!!!#wheras big ones just inhale#im in both like no hate to the fand obv#buts its weird to compare like NHIE and The Goldfinch to Shadow and Bone#the number 1 trending topic for days now#tho its not even that huge a fandom fic wise#like compared to raven cycle and foxjole court theres not a lot of content#still a obv difference compared to nhie and goldfinch tho
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broke: are you mad at me
woke: do you think i鈥檓 mad at you
#moon.txt#usually this would go on twitter but the text that prompted this is one i sent to one of my twitter mutuals#(they did not in fact think i鈥檓 mad at them and said they understand that i鈥檓 bad at texting and are never upset with me over it)#(which i will remember for the next 4-6 months and then probably totally forget and do it again)#(鈥s i have done with them at least three times)
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