#as i said i dont mind i dont want anyone to feel guilty
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ive never had a problem with none of my friends being into s.igcorp but the fact that this means i have no one to have matching s.igcorp icons with is so homophobic
#not that i have anyone to have matching icons with in general but#this is a certified colin s.igcorp moment. i really need to go back to using that name#but yeag its not a game for everyone i can see why all of my friends that i made play it kinda dropped it after a while#as i said i dont mind i dont want anyone to feel guilty#its MY comfort special interest and i realize how unfun it can be for some#i need to stop recommending it to people and yet. i still have hope i will someday manage to pull someone into my corner
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Being self aware is literally hell I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
#diary#god I could rant about about this forever#tw mentions of assault in the tags dont read if that makes u uncomfortable#im kinda getting tired of people asking why i dont date 🤩 it sends me into a mental spiral hahahaaaaa#i just tell people im not looking for anything serious rn but its a big fat fucking lie because i DO want to date#but i think my nervous system is so shot from living with my dad still and he can be so emotionally abusive it's insane#it makes me not trust my judgement because shitty behavior is so normalized and i KNOW whats Right and Wrong but im so used to keeping the–#–peace because its a survival tactic for me and always has been#like when people like me i think one of two things usually:#1) they're genuinely interested in me and i hate myself so much i cant understand why anyone would like me#or 2) theyre interested in me for my body which is both easier to understand and terrifying because people in the past have hurt me because–#–they wanted to be with me. read between the lines for that one#because of how i grew up and what I've experienced i genuinely do not trust people. i trust no one fully and it kills me#i feel so fucking guilty all the time bc most people arent out to get you but that wasn't the case for me#i feel like i cant grow as a person because im stuck in a survival mindset. i KNOW why I people please and i hate it#i genuinely do love people and i want the best for them but its also ingrained into my head that if something is wrong it's My Fault#and there will be Consequences#back to dating though#there are so many reasons I do and dont want to date#i call myself a Helpless Romantic because there's no way I'll be dating in the near future. i cant just go on dates I have to know you for–#–a while and build trust. but what if it ends badly and im the idiot who cant take a goddamn hint and realise love isnt meant for someone–#–like me?#i grew up knowing my parents hated each other and “stayed together for the kids” whatever thet means. like that fucks with your mind#seeing my mom being mistreated by my dad made me snap out of the disney movie princess x prince charming daze everyone else was in as a kid#i realised very early on that relationships won't save you and can actually be the worst thing to ever happen to someone#theres more to this but ive already said enough lol. anyway
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👎
#I domt think I made it clear enough to my now ex girlfriend that I broke up with her because she is absolutely unbearably clingy#and now.i feel guilty that she didnt get it cuz like until she realizes that all her relationships are gonna fail cuz any normal guy would#lose his fucking mind at her and anyone who WOULDNT would probably use her depedence to abuse her and like. I know that and i feel.bad for#evidently not making it clear enough to her#cause like also even now shes still being clingy with me ....and i find myself unable to set proper boundaries cause I dont wanna be mean#and them im morally unhappy with myself. but like then again i DO set boundaries she just doesnt respect them . and then I lose my#composure and get mean and thats even worse cuz i dont wanna be mean to someome as fragile as her but like. Shes suffocated me so much im#in the mindset of a cornered injured animal . and they bite#and it frustrates me that i cant react organically to her cause i always have to keep quiet and not protest even when she really crosses#my boundarjes cuz i dont wanna upset her#and she even said herself that even now im the omly.person she wants to talk to and i told her several.times to go talk to our other#friends cuz how am i supposed to comfort her about her breakup WHEN I DID THE FUCKING BREAKING UP..#plus I dont want that like i dont want the sole responsiblity for her social interactioms and emotional support just because shes#got unhealthy attachment behavior and refuses to get therapy ..#and like now its like well i domt wanna be mean or hurt her even more but also I dont wanna comfort my ex ABOUT *OUR* FUCKIMG BREAKUP that#is 1. fucked up EVEN THO we are still friends like id.comfort her about other stuff but how does she not realize that this wont. help#and 2. it gives me fuckin war flashbacks to my last relationship which just activates my injured animal instinct even further#and Idk why i cant set boundaries w her cuz i can do it well with other people but she just paralyzes me somehow w this stuff EVEN THO WE#GET ALONG WELL WHEN WERE LIKE NORMALLY PLATONICALLY INTERACRING#idk man i just need a fucking breather like i understand breakups hurt and i was anticipating giving her space until we can properly be#friends again (which we agreed on wanting) but like#Its not gonna get any better for her if shes constantly interacting w me#and on god her attachmenr to me isnt entirely healthy AND I DOMR WANNA SUPPORT HER UNHEALTHY BEHAVIORS but i also dont wanna be constantly#like acting on a meta level thinking whats besr for HER instead of just acting on instinct ...
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.... I feel bad bc my friend is sad ) :
#miranda talking shit#I feel a bit guilty too... I think thabks to my meds i am taking this better than normal but yeah#Fabian and me have only like spoken twice over the past month or two? Which is not much#Considering we have basically talked almost daily for years (a minimum at once per week) ...#The irony is that he implied that he was too big of an part of my life before we had this ... Break#... But as far as i know the few friends he have... Are the ones we have in common. Two irl friends . And me#Hes .... Been feeling lonely. He is now. He wants to talk to people etc and im like ): ...#I... Like oliver said 'i think fabian takes solitude a lot harder than you do. He does mind being alone' and yeah...#I think i may have unintentionally made him rely on me rather hard for socializing... For years hes basically only been in my social 'hot'#Zone. And now he have ended up in my 'cold' zone for the first time for this long... Like oliver said i dont mind solitude.#I grew up playing pretend on my own 80% of my time at home. Now i can get in isolation periods where im focusing on a video game#And literally not... Talk to anyone for a month or more. Then i talk to someone again and i realize i had been lacking social time but i#Dont actively... Feel it. I only get lonely at night badly id like to share bed with someone. But ... Yeah. Fabian is probably used to#Getting all this attention from me constantly and now im... Not providing it. Bc im focusing on other people socially...#I said im glad he shared feeling lonely with me and that i am here for him etc but...#I feel like ive failed him. Is failing him. Idk... I know its not my fault and so on but... My social... Functions have many downsides#I probably make people feel very special. I love to listen and ask about everything and encourage them and such. But then i can just stop#Talking for a long period of time and its .... Its never intentional but its how ive always been. Its why ive always kept to having like 3#Friends up until becoming an adult and now jts... Its hard. I love many people and i want to give them as much of me as possible at a time#So instead of dividing myself to everyone always... I give one or two people all my attention at a time
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we're going to have our own safe home again and then we can process the. aughh
#i kind of forget how much that bothered me. why did i have to reach out#make up your mind. dont you hate him??? didnt he hurt you too???? why won't you look at me. why wont you think about.#the implications. why did nobody ever think to worry about me#every person in his life who he hurt knew i existed i was right there the whole time and none of them ever stopped to wonder#if i was ok. none of them thought the things he woukd say or do IN FRONT OF THEM were signs of anything bad#my telling her i am there to talk and she still sees me as a child and assumes i cant have an adult conversation abt him.#but apparently seeing me as a child doesnt extend to bothering to protect me from him.#she knew. they all knew. i said it to their faces . fucking so many cries for help but im just a spoiled brat#one of them said i had him wrapped around my finger. haha#i was nine years old... and that was during the worst of it too. in the apartment w him. i was so scared all the time#was i really that invisible or did nobody want to bother to look?#after everything he did to all those women and girls not a single one of them ever considered his daughter.#man like that but sure he must be a great dad. because he says he is idk. because he loves me so much and they can all tell#he traps me and i cant turn to anyone. nobody notices. nobody acknowledges.#i feel guilty for reaching out TO HIS EX GIRLFRIEND and asking if she wanted to talk about being abused that i was here. to talk.#and what. she turned around and told him??? she ignored me??????#she full well knows. she must. he abused her and injured her more badly than he did me#even though he compared what happened with her and what happened with me#. even then. she must have at least wondered if he hurt me too right.#but she never did bother. nobody ever bothered to wonder about me.#why should i feel guilty for reaching out to HER as an adult asking if SHE is okay.#maybe she should have tried even a little bit when i was a kid and i needed help.
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wait also my tags on that post were about people i knew in freshman and sophomore year of college specifically. i mean some of them i knew after that and most of them i knew from high school but damn some people really made everything about themselves when i was being emotionally manipulated in my freshman year
#i cant even think about it. makes so like disappointed and upset to think about some people.#its also just crazy how some people have like no introspection abilities at all.#they'll be like 'you did x once you abused me' ignoring how they did x 15 times and y 20 times and also came at me physically violently#and i know its not a calculator. i know i cant put all the bad things we did to each other into an algorithm that tells us who abused who#like i am aware that we had a toxic relationship and its better now that we are not in contact#but it makes me shake my head when i think about screenshots people used to send me of stuff my ex friends were saying about me on twt#because those people DO think they can put every bad thing ive ever done into a calculator that will show the result that i abused them#anyway. i like to think any person who knows me well and/or irl knows thats not me and i dont talk to almost anyone from that time anymore#i still follow and talk to fee...i think i still follow joanna but she is never on anymore....#in the end there is not much use in thinking anf agonizing about this anymore. i used to go into spirals a lot like maybe i DID abuse x fri#end and i just didnt REALIZE it maybe im CRAZY but. i definitely dont do that anymore. what she said to me made me do that.#(again. emotional manipulation.)#but its so crazy to remember high school and college from my current vantage point. i've lived so much good life since then.#now i own a house. i garden (something x friend told me i would never be responsible enough for) i have a boyfriend who has been scretly#into me for over year before we started dating (something x friend always told me i was imagining in people) i have a job i find fulfillment#in (something x friend said i would never find if i kept changing jobs looking for one i liked)#i feel like i make a post ever year or so when i inevitably end up looking back on those times...and i always feel guilty for making them#because i dont want it to seem like im gossiping or slandering (even though x friend posted about me all the time) but idk#i dont go to therapy yknow. i just journal and write and think in my head and on occasion i make a blog post with rambling tags#i talk to people and learn about them and through that learn about me. i read and learn about the world and the mind.#im not saying i wouldnt go to therapy if i could afford it...but i guess im defending my right to make a post about the past every year-ish.#it helps#t
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Shakes the bars of my cage I need to draw soooo bad I need to draw I need to draw let me draw I have to draw I need to draw I must draw (<- has been too sick to be on electronics much and doesn't like doing traditional art)
#rat rambles#Im starting to feel better tho Im betting within a day or two Ill have made a full recovery#but I just have so many things I wanna draw all the sudden and its killing me#its because I've been thinking abt ocs again and that gives me a lot more options lol#in particular I've been thinking abt marci and toon more again recently#its just the two of them flirting in their mutual workplace environment with toon being dead serious and marci doing it ironically#the main thing is that marci was rly under the impression that toon like. hated her and was taunting her since they're friends with loonie#who long story short is marci's ex childhood best friend who she fell out with after the death of loonie's mom#the two are not on good terms in the slightest and marci knows very well that loonie would want her dead if she had been more honest#so as toon starts to like get more casual and like genuine with marci as the two spend more time together marci warms up somewhat but still#doesn't rly see toon as a friendly figure until they take her out to a museum and marci kind of snaps a bit and asks toon to stop beating#around the bush and is caught off guard when toon seems genuinely kind of hurt and meekly explains that they were just trying to help her#because she had seemed rly stressed and sad all the time and they thought that their lil dates had been helping her relax a bit#that confrontation left marci initially feeling confused but after the initial shock she was mostly left with a sense of dread and guilt#partially because she had just snapped at someone who she had grown to care abt for no reason and partially because she now felt that she#was hiding stuff from toon that would cause them to change their mind on her immediately if they knew#aka that she and loonie are divorced and that she thinks its mom sucked absolute ass (which she did)#oh and also that she used to have a crush on the guy that killed its mom who was also his mom which is also the reason she hates said mom#said mom treated him (aka midas) like shit and tried to get him killed several times#so when all hell broke loose marci at the end ended up mourning midas much more than his mom who everyone else was mourning#including loonie since it actually had a very positive relationship with its mom and a very distant relationship from its siblings#now marci never admitted all of this to anyone but she did act on those feelings to eventually lash out at loonie causing a huge fight#basically she yelled at it for being pushy and clingy and forcing her into a job she didnt want and expecting her to solve all its problems#the two dont necessarily hate eachother but they definitely heavily resent eachother#they still often long for eachothers companionship but not nearly enough for either to wanna make ammends#so toon quite liking both of them causes some internal conflict for the both of them#loonie is fully aware that toon has a big ol crush on marci but doesnt stop them from being friends with her even if it makes it sad#and marci rly wishes that toon wasnt friends with loonie but feels guilty for feeling that way#its a complicated situation and one that rly isn't helped by the fact that one of the three has the dead god queen mom#loonie could get away with a Lot and everyone knows it
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giving urself princess treatment⋆.ೃ࿔*:・🎀
princess treatment feels AMAZING when ur receiving it from others, but when ur receiving princess treatment from yourself, the feeling that u get from it is unmatched. no one can love u better then u can love you ✨
YOUR SPACE ;
turn ur space into your own palace. keep fresh flowers in ur room and keep ur space clean and tidy. surround urself with beautiful things for a beautiful mind.
light sweet smelling candles, invest in ur space bcuz we spend a lot of time in our bedrooms so turn that into a sanctuary.
NEVER SAY NO TO DESSERT ;
i dont like the term "guilty pleasures" because why should we feel guilt for things that bring us pleasure? like having ur cute drink of the day or having extra dessert? let yourself indulge in what u love. everything in moderation ofc but dont deny yourself something like that. you're a princess.
cute pastries
fruit with honey
rich teas and milks
indulge in sweet treats like fruits with honey, or frosted cupcakes with sprinkles. stay sweet~
INTENTION AND DESIGNATION ;
have a designated space where u do _ activity. or have a designated cup that u drink ur favorite tea in. putting intention into the things that u do helps u feel like a princess.
also have intention with the things that u say and the things that u continuously think every single day bcuz as we all know "our thoughts manifest"
have good posture
say ur affirmations
use sweet smelling lotions and perfumes on your body, intentionally sleep 8 hours a night and have a designated time for a nap bcuz a princess needs her beauty sleep.
"I DESERVE IT" MENTALITY ;
you deserve that new dress that u want. you deserve whatever ur manifesting. YOU DESERVE IT. you deserve everything good in your life and dont believe anything or anyone who tells you different. when you think of what you deserve you should only think of the best.
with that being said dont deny yourself your desires especially if u have the ability to give it to yourself (which u do)
remember how deserving you are of the good things in life. you deserve to feel the sun on ur skin, you deserve to be loved by yourself, you deserve to take a bubble bath.
LISTEN TO BEAUTIFUL CLASSICAL PIECES ;
listen to classical music or better yet, pick up an instrument that seems magical to you. maybe learn to play your favorite pieces on the piano, or learn how to play the harp.
ATTITUDE ;
offer your help when u have the capacity to do so, give out compliments and smile at people. be nice!! helping others when u can is a beautiful thing that a princess would do.
know that you are a princess and move accordingly. since u know that u deserve the best dont settle for anything less then the best. be willing to walk away from whats considered the "norm" for something better.
BE WILLING TO GO THE EXTRA MILE ;
be willing to do the extra things in order to make ur life easier or more enjoyable in the near/far future. have your own back!! when ur willing to go the extra mile, you'll reap more. bcuz ur not mediocre ✨
#law of assumption#advice#self concept#becoming that girl#it girl#that girl#self love#it girl energy#honeytonedhottie⭐️#self care#princess#hyper femininity#dream girl tips#dream girl#dream life#self development#self improvement#girl blogging#im just a girl#affirmations#princesscore#self discipline#self growth#doll
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Guilty As Sin Pt2
A/n: a part 2 was asked for, so I have delivered. I will be doing a part 3 and that will be it :) I'm glad I've got some writing mojo back lol.
Part 1
I've also posted a character request list. I dont have much on it for the moment, but will add to it :)
Pairing: Mattheo x Fem!Reader
History of Magic was the last class of the day. Which was probably the best class to have, for it was so boring it would make getting an early sleep possible. In fact, Theodore had taken to taking a nap, leaving Lorenzo and Mattheo to keep themselves occupied. Lorenzo was flirting with a Hufflepuff girl in front of him, which Mattheo rolled his eyes at.
Looking around, he noted a few other students already a sleep or on the verge of it. While there were students taking notes of what the Professor was saying, among them there was you. You were taking notes, but not a vigorously as some of the others. You lifted your free hand to cover the small yawn. While he could see the slight droop to your eye, you were even bored. Smiling softly in humor at how cute you were right then.
Coming to his mind was the image of him sitting next to you, and how you would rest your tired head on his shoulder. He would happily wrap and arm around you, holding you in place in case you fell sleep. Recalling the smells from the Amortentia potion, his nose would pick up the citrus from your hair. A pleasant scent that he would delight in. He would then whisper in your ear, telling you how much he enjoyed the scent of your shampoo, that citrus was his new favorite thing because of you.
A nudge from Lorenzo to his side brought Mattheo back to reality. The quizzical look from his mate told him he had spaced out. But Lorenzo never said a word, just going back to flirting with the Hufflepuff girl. Mattheo slumped down in his chair, casting his gaze to you again. This time we were in conversation with one of your friends.
Reflecting on his fantasy, he was surprised on how tame it had been. Usually when he thought about a girl it was always intense and a tad dirty. But with you it had been innocent and sweet. If anyone learnt of this, his Bad Boy rep would take a hit. Mattheo knew the attraction to him was for how bad he was, how he was known to snog a girl without a care about those who saw. How he would place his hands on them in a scandalous way that would have them give in to him. How depraved behind closed doors he could be.
Yet part of him didn’t want that when it came to you. Of course, Mattheo wanted to kiss those lips, that were currently pouting at your friends comment, while she laughed quietly. Earlier in Potions he had noticed how when working on your potion, you would bite your lip when reading over the textbook. Or how those lips would part slightly as you stir your potion. Those lips were the reason for how he incorrectly stirred his potion, but you noticed and save the day.
Then when you took over stirring, how your hands had touched. It was the briefest of touch, but it was enough for him to know your skin was soft. Then when your legs brushed, Lord have mercy on him. How he wanted to run his fingers from your ankle up your leg. Coming to your thigh, Mattheo knew he would draw mindless patterns over that flesh. Savoring the warmth and supple skin. He could only imagine your reaction; face flushed, and breath labored coming from those parted lips he was beginning to adore.
Alright, maybe his thoughts of you weren’t entirely innocent. He couldn’t help himself. You were temping. Had always been. Over the last year he noticed you more, thinking how nice you were. How different you were to the girls that threw themselves at him. He couldn’t see you doing that. You were more of the kind of girl to pine from a distance, never having the confidence to admit their feelings to their crush. You were shy and he liked that about you. But there was a small part of him, the Devilish side, that wanted to taint you. For you to go from saint to sinner, and only with him.
Finally, the lesson came to an end at the decree of the Professor. All the students packed their things, Mattheo moving slightly quicker than everyone with the hope to get a head of you. Thankfully his friends didn’t notice his haste, for Lorenzo was waking the sleeping Theodore by knocking his arm out from under his head. Which lead to his head landing on his unopened textbook on the table. From there, there was laughter from Lorenzo and heated words from Theodore.
Using the distraction, Mattheo grabbed his packed bag before telling his friends he was going on a head. Not waiting for a reply, Mattheo slipped past students and made it to the door of the room, all the while you had just left your desk headed for the door. Smiling to himself, he pulled open the door just as you and your friends stepped up. With a charming smile on his face, Mattheo gestured for you and your friends to go. Your friends didn’t pay him much mind while walking on, as Mattheo had opened the door for them at Potions.
When it was your turn to step past the dashing boy, you looked to him with a soft smile. In turn Mattheo’s smile brightened, a twinkle in his eye at your cute smile. Casting your gaze down with a small blush on your cheeks, you passed through the door and out into the hallway. Watching you walk on Mattheo took in your retreating form. Any other girl that he was interested in, he would have run after them, giving them his full charm. But with you, he felt nervous to do that. So, he opted to watch you go, the view not so bad.
In his mind though, he was picturing himself going after you. Striking up a conversation, hoping not to sound like a bumbling idiot. You would smile at him with that shyness, telling him that he wasn’t an idiot. He would engage you in conversation; be it on the class that concluded, other subjects, hobbies, etc. Anything to have your focus on him, and only him. Feeling brave he would move his hand to grasp your own, trying to convince you that you were about to go the wrong way. But when you would correct him, with justified reason, would he then fold and allow you to lead the way, never letting go of your hand. Sneaky but effective.
“Why don’t you just talk to her” Lorenzo said walking past Mattheo, “instead of daydreaming like some lovesick puppy”.
Both Lorenzo and Theodore laughed walking from the room, snapping Mattheo from his moment. He took off after his mates down the hallway, sputtering over his words. What could he say? They had a point, but they didn’t need to know that.
“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about” he retorted knocking into Lorenzo’s shoulder as he passed the young man.
Once again, his friends laughed at him. “Deny all you like mate, but we don’t buy it” Theodore said shaking his head.
“I know in Potions the cauldron we were using in the beginning wasn’t having troubles. You just wanted to work by her” mused Lorenzo. Which Mattheo couldn’t entirely deny.
“It was n-not lighting” Mattheo retorted, feeling like he was on trial.
“Really? Sure, it wasn’t user error” laughed Theodore.
Mattheo huffed. “No. It would not light”. He pouted.
Both his mates laughed, pushing Mattheo’s shoulder before letting it go, for now. They all knew what they did, choosing to leave Mattheo be. For they had jested him for the moment. The trio made their way out into the courtyard, taking to hanging out there with a few other Slytherin’s before dinner in The Great Hall.
Lounging in the last of the day’s light by a large tree, Mattheo cast his thoughts to you once more. He knows he should just talk to you. It’s what he would usually do. But it being you turned him into a mess of thoughts and words. Mattheo doubted he would be able to converse with you. He worried his charm would not come through, and he would embarrass himself.
Out the corner of Mattheo’s eye he spotted a familiar head of (color) hair, which Mattheo turned to without a thought. You had come from the same doors he and his friends had. You were linked arm in arm with whom Mattheo guessed to be your best friend. He noted that you both were in full conversation, neither noticing nor caring about those around you. He observed how comfortable you were with her, relaxed and free. The smile on your face was bright and followed by what had to be a giggle.
It might have been a brief passing, but Mattheo saw more of who you are. He liked that he got see you like that. Relaxed, caring, friendly and beautiful in your own way. In that moment Mattheo made a promise that he would talk to you. He didn’t know when or how, but he would! And it looks like the opportunity was going to come to him.
“Oi Mattheo!” Called Theodore, as he through a stick at him. “Are you going to stay with us?”
“Huh?” Mattheo said picking the stick from his hair. “What’s the matter?”
His mates laughed at him. “Malfoy was telling us about the Slytherin party Friday night. But you were off with the pixies”.
Mattheo felt the flush to his cheeks but nodded. “Sounds good”.
Turning back to the direction you had gone, Mattheo smiled to himself. If you came to the Slytherin party, he would get an opportunity to talk to you. And in a setting with alcohol, which will help keep him cool and calm. Feeling like he could jump up and down like an excited child, Mattheo looked forward to Friday.
A/N: Feedback welcome :) Also feel free to send requests.
#mattheo riddle x you#mattheo x reader#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheoxreader#mattheo x you#mattheo x y/n
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Try
FWB!Ghost x GN Reader x pastHookup!Konig
Tags: Hookup,semi public sex, regret, angst, yelling, ginger konig, konig doesn't wear his mask constantly like ghost (Only on the field), vulnerability , crying, arguments,no beta we die like men
Part: 1 - 2
A/n: I finally finished this on two days of no sleep and a missing beta reader. Hope guys enjoy the tad bit of spice at the beginning and as needed 18+.
Seeing the head of ginger hair standing out not only cause of its color but because it belonged to the tallest person in the room, filled your stomach with stones.
The memory of the familiar face shot through your mind like a bolt of lighting igniting your nerves as you tensed next to your teammates.
You were all shipped up and sent to a warehouse a couple of weeks after finding out you’d be working with kortac.
Having arrived days before they had you were granted time to stop for a drink with johnny and kyle. Price didnt join claiming he wanted to be prepared and if price isn't coming neither did ghost much to your benefit.
Maybe if he had come you would be piss drunk with the team probably getting dragged back to the warehouse by the man himself, instead you were barely tipsy with your cheek pressed into the leather seating of a stranger's car.
His broad chest rubbing against your back with each harsh thrust, the car surely visibly shaking on the outside.
You dont even have to guess how fucked you would be if he remembered you and decided to ope his mouth.
You cross your arms over your chest and lean against one of the metal support beams that the building had an abundance of.
Despite your wishful thinking the red headed man's eyes fell on you and you knew he knew.
You were quick to notice the slight quirk in his lip before going stoned face once more.
He introduced himself as “konig” before introducing the rest of his team, his eyes occasionally flicking over to you.
“Fuck sake, this guys huge.” Kyle whispered to you coming around to your side.
Kyle had no idea how true his words were, the phantom feeling of being filled by Konig's thick cock.
You nod in acknowledgement to what Kyle says letting out a sigh, “Laswell described him as a battering ram, yeah” you say.
You don't fail to notice the way Konig eyes you up every chance he gets like he had done in the bar nights prior. When you saw him in the bar he was far more blatant with his staring, his interest apparent as he shifted his stance debating on whether to approach you or not.
Rubbing the sweat built from nervousness off his palms and onto the tight cargo pants he wore he finally came over when the boys were getting another round of drinks to approach you.
The conversation between you two was short as you both seemed to have the same goal in mind: get laid.
After Simon you hadn't slept with anyone else but it was a welcomed gift to feel wanted again.
Konig was definitely someone you found attractive, you wouldn't have had breathy moans pulled from your throat in the back of his car if he wasn't.
But he wasn't simon.
A small piece of you felt guilty while the rest was saying fuck it, ghost ditched you not the other way around.
You mentally return to the conversation when you hear your name being said, you realize price is introducing the team and you give a small acknowledgement, your fingers twitching at your hip.
“Oh, I’m familiar.” König responds to your introduction with quick ease causing your teammates eyes to fall on you. Johnny gave you a knowing look of mischief, his bright blues having seen you with the man before you disappeared from the group.
“Just a brief meeting in a bar, unfortunately I did not stay long enough to meet the rest of you.” He clarifies noticing your subtle glare.
The encounter was anything but brief, you thought to yourself as the conversation was then drawn off of you.
It’s wasn’t until later that you bumped into the behemoth of a man.
“You were so vocal a few nights ago now you walk around quiet as a mouse.” He comments a smirk playing on his uncovered lips.
“You pester all your random hookups?” You retort your lips stretching into a thin line as you looked up at him.
“Just the ones I have to work with, mein Freundin.“ he chuckles ignoring your unamused expression.
“Well if that’s all I’ll be going.” You sigh not wanting to get involved any further.
But as you pass his hand grips your wrist and suddenly your back in front of him with his other hand at your chin.
He forces your head to the side and a smirk comes to his lips as he looks at the newly exposed skin .
“So schön, sie sind wie eine Blume .” And then he’s gone and already halfway down the hallway by the time you gather yourself.
Ghost walking down the opposite side of the hallway having seen the interaction from a distance. His eyes arrow on you and then the retreating redhead.
You let out a huff of frustration when you see him and reluctantly start walking in his direction.
“You two seem close, got anything you want to share?” He questioned you his tone accusatory. After weeks of barely speaking to you he breaks the silence to ask about a personal situation.
“It doesn’t concern you lieutenant.” Your quick to respond but he doesn’t want to take that answer.
“It’s concerns me when it’s involves an enemy and You.” He grumbled crossing his arms over his chest.
“Why do I concern you Ghost? I’m just someone you used to use so fuck off cause I already know what your thinking.” The words come out harsher and more bitter than what you intended. Your frustration and resentment to the man you wish you didn’t love coming out almost full force.
Ghost stiffened at your words, his jaw and fists clenching as you brushed past him.
Once he could no longer hear your steps his entire body deflated his shoulders feeling heavy with shame.
He was being unfair to you and he hated himself for it but he felt so selfishly it was hard to stop.
Ghost adjusted his mask and shook off the guilty feeling that loomed over him before continuing down his path.
You could feel your skin buzzing with irritation, your palms stinging from being squeezed into tight fists. Why did he have to make everything in your life harder every time?
No matter how many steps you take away, ghost manages to still be right on your tail. You found yourself spacing for the rest of the day until your sat across from the same person you didn't want to see again that day.
Ghost sat across from you staring you down as you ate the unappetizing food served in mess.
His gaze was unrelenting; he looked as if he was aching to say something but stopped himself instead opting to tap his finger on the edge of his empty plate idley.
“Y’think Lt’s mad at ye?” Johnny questions quietly from his place beside you. You narrow your eyes at the sergeant, “Why would he be?”
Johnny had this look on his face like he did something he wasn't supposed to as he clicked his teeth and shifted awkwardly in his seat.
“He asked aboot whit we were up to at the pub, an i think i might ‘ave talked ye into some trouble.” he confessed glancing over at simon who was still boring holes into the side of your head.
You didn't have time to retaliate against your teammate for his loose lips before simon was standing from his seat arms crossed. “We need to talk, now.” His tone was sharp, his words spoken in that usual gruff manchester accent.
You sucked your teeth and agreed not wanting to make a scene in the mess hall, mentally you vowed to eventually get johnny back for damning you.
After leaving mess ghost lead you to an unoccupied meeting room shutting the door behind the both of you.
“Looks like you got a type.” Ghost started leaning against the door with his arms crossed.
“Don’t fucking start with me ghost, what i do outside of work is none of your damn business.” you hiss plopping down on one of the many chairs in the room.
“Don't tell me it's not my business when you have a drawer of shit at my apartment.” he retorted, his eyes narrowing on you. His body was tense and his shoulders squared like he needed to move but wouldn't allow himself to.
You could feel your eyes burn as your frustration grew, your fists clenching and unclenching.
“You can throw all the shit away, i don't even know why you still even have it.” you mutter looking down at ghost’s shoes avoiding his glare.
“I kept them because i ca-” you cut ghost off before he could say anymore, “Dont you dare fucking do that to me simon!” you snap meeting his glare with glazed eyes.
Standing from the seat you approached Simon's further tensing figure. “You're a jackass, Simon, y’know why? Because i told you how i fucking felt and you fucking left. Now im living my adult life and you want to act like im your fucking girlfriend or something, let me move on!” you were borderline shouting the frustration bleeding out of your eyes and into your voice.
Simon couldnt hold your gaze anymore he couldn't stand that look in your eyes or the dampness of your cheeks. He could feel the words crawling into the back of his throat but none of them were the right thing.
What could he say to fix this, what could he do when your fury spoke so loudly that he wanted to shrink away.
“I…” he took a breath “Im sorry” his arms hung loosely by his side, fingers tapping rapidly at his palm.
“Sorry doesnt change the fact that you left, then treated me like nothing, and ar now trying to grill me about my sex life when you removed yourself from all of my personal life.”
You wiped your face as your tone came down, the short burst of aggression dying down with it.
“I'm tired simon, I devoted so much to you for so long for it all to end because you cant figure yourself out.” You bring your eye’s down to the ground again before back up at simon.
“You’ve had years of us playing this cat and mouse game, if your still confused, if your still unsure, if you don't want…” Your eyebrows pinch together as you clench your jaw.
“If you don't want me, then why are you here? Why are we even having this conversation if your actions speak your truth, because that's all I have to go off of?” Your question struck Simon and his breath caught in his throat.
He rubbed his face over the mask, the feeling of the fabric suddenly becoming so suffocating.
The rough material rubbed uncomfortably on his skin as he pulled it off his chapped lips parting for a heavy breath.
He disheveled with his messy blonde hair and eye bags that seemed deeper than usual.
“You’ve ruined everything for me…” he starts your eyebrows furrowing at his words.
“Everything in my life is so fucking mixed with yours and i can let it go. I thought avoiding you would help make you leave every piece of my being but it just made it worse. You know what happened to my family, and i dont want to use that as an excuse but im fucking terrified of seeing you in my nightmares.” Simon's lips are drawn into a thin line and his body slumps into the wall, his shoulders dropping.
“I know im an arse and big fucking mess and selfish as all hell, but i feel different for you and i dont know what to do with it.” his shaky hands clasped together in front of him.
“You have no idea how many times we’ve been together and i just wanted to have all of you, how many futures that have lingered in my mind over our years together. I want you for the rest of my life but I don't know how long that life will even be.” simon looks to you with a tired sigh.
You feel frozen in your spot the bitterness and frustration in your chest deflating into an equal exhaustion.
“Where do we go from here simon? I love you and I've loved you for over a decade but I can't keep going if you’re going to take years to tell me what you want.” You say stuffing your hands into your pockets unsure what to do with them.
“I like who i am around you, and i dont want to loose one of the only good things left in my life cause im being fucking daft. Am I too late?” his tone was soft almost a whisper. It felt so uncharacteristic for a man like simon ‘ghost’ riley to say something like this, to speak so softly and seem so nervous. You almost felt unsure about how genuine his words were but his glazed eyes had crushed your doubt.
Bringing your hands from your pockets you hesitantly grabbed simons hands before pulling them around you. He immediately melted into the hug, his hands gripping at you as if you'd disappear if he didn't hold you so tightly.
You could feel his relief as you held onto him his shaky breath evening out and his muscles going almost lax.
“We can try again.”
[Good ending] :)
#call of duty#cod mw2#call of duty fanfic#fanfic#call of duty modern warfare#john soap mactavish#cod angst#ghost mw2#simon ghost riley#john price cod#konig cod#konig x reader#call of duty smut#no beta we die like men#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost x gender neutral reader#simon ghost riley x gender neutral reader#simon ghost x you#konig smut#konig call of duty#konig mw2#call of duty angst#angst with a happy ending#good ending#john price call of duty#call of dooty#simon riley x you#simon riley x reader
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Perfect - LEE KNOW
pairing: idol!minho x fem!reader
word count: 0.9k
warnings: insecure reader, hurt comfort, lots of crying, cursing, pls dont let this make you think things about yourself 🙏🏾
A/N : I actually, love this?!?! Incredibly self indulgent! PS : YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! Despite anything anyone says please know you are perfect the way you are, even tho it may not seem like that.
“You could have anyone you want, why would you want to be with me? I’m nothing special..” - Jealousy- eye dress
You were having a hard time recently. You and your boyfriend had finally gotten the go ahead to make your relationship public from his company. You wanted this, to let everyone know you were his, and you had gotten tons of support from fans, but there was still the hate.
The hate was small at first, a negative comment here and there. You knew this was going to happen, you just weren’t prepared for how much it would actually affect you.
You went from laughing it off, to it making you insecure, to crying. The post about you, the comments about how “ugly” and “fat” you are. The numerous tweets that criticize every single thing you do. It made every last day feel like hell.
Now you were here, reading the comments you swore that you would stop reading as streams of tears ran down your face. You know you shouldn’t be doing this, that it’s not good for you. But you can’t help but feel like you somehow deserved this.
“Y/n, im home!” You heard Minho’s voice say. Fuck. He must have gotten off of work early, he’s not supposed to be home for another hour.
You quickly try to gather yourself as you hear him put down his bag, walking towards the door. You tuck your phone away, before looking for someway to cover your face, but he was already at the door.
“Y/n, how was your d-“ he stops as he takes in your expression. Your eyes were puffy and red, and you just had a genuinely tired look on your face.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” He asks, trying to find out why you appeared as if you had been crying, and most importantly, why you were trying to hide it from him.
“N-nothing.” You lied, and he knew it. Before you could protest he was already sitting on the bed, pulling you into his arms. Minho looked at you with gentle eyes, silently coaxing you to speak. And like a chain reaction, you started sobbing, hiding your face in his shirt.
He immediately started running his hand up and down your back, making you cry even louder, if that was even possible.
“I- I just-“ you tried to say, but the tears made in sound like pathetic chokes as all the emotions you were trying to keep from him, desperately left you.
“It’s ok, take your time.” He whispers, trying to soothe your crying whilst also allowing you to finish. He knew that you needed to get all of this off of your chest.
After a few minutes, you finally stop crying. You peel your face away from Minho’s now soaked shirt, not that it mattered to him anyways. His soft and glossy eyes met yours, giving you all the freedom to speak up when you were ready.
“I was reading comments about me, and it made me start thinking. I don’t deserve you. You deserve better than me, you could be dating any other person, but you’re dating me. I’m not pretty, I’m not that smart, I’m just everything that you aren’t. You’re beautiful min, you’re so talented and smart. I’m nothing, I’m not special at all.” You choked out, letting everything that was pent up in your mind free.
You reconnected your eyes with his, feeling a little guilty when you saw a fresh tear roll out of Minho’s eyes.
When he didn’t respond, a pit of worry built in your stomach. You thought this was the moment that he was going to admit that everything the comments said were in fact true.
You tried to pull away, but his firm arms kept you in place. You looked away, ashamed to even be in his presence, but he brought up a hand and turned your face towards his.
“How did those thoughts come into that pretty brain of yours, hm? You’re so smart y/n, you’re the smartest person I know. You’re incredibly talented at what you do as well. Don’t even get me started, on how beautiful you are. You’re so fucking beautiful that it makes my head spin. You drive me crazy, you know that? You know how hard it is to keep my composure when you wear that dress of yours, how quick my heart races when you simply look at me, and how you make me feel like I’ve ascended to heaven when you simply flash your gorgeous smile at me. God, you’re so intoxicating. I can’t even imagine how these thoughts appeared in your mind when you’re so perfect.”
You were not sure when you began crying again. You thought he didn’t love you anymore, that he was just keeping you around because he didn’t have the heart to tell you. But his confession was anything but that.
“I love you so much, I love you so much that it scares me sometimes. You mean everything to me ok? Let me love you so much that you never think of anything like that ever again.” He asks gently.
“Okay…” you stammer timidly. The things be said repeating in your mind, coaxing your brain like honey and making anything negative thoughts scatter.
“I’m going to run a bath for us now, ok?” He suggested, and you nodded yes before he walked away, starting the water.
Your eyes watered again, this time not out of pain, but out of love. You no longer had to second guess how much love he had for you, you knew now.
You knew that no matter what you were going through, he would always be there for you. No matter what.
Back to masterlist
#stray kids#straykids x reader#skz fluff#skz#skz x reader#lee know#lee minho#lee know x reader#skz hurt/comfort
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fit my poems like a perfect rhyme - everything has changed au
wc: 3k
tw: talks of sex. angst. drinking. lmk if more!
gabe perreault x oc
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
rachel summers was a girl everyone around her was drawn too. she was the cool it girl who seemed to be blessed, in just about every aspect of her life; she was.
she was born and raised in california, where her hobbies included surfing and hanging out with friends. in high school she was the popular girl who dated the star quarterback, and of course they won prom queen and king.
she even had her two best friends, that too the average eye; were her minions. together they were the hottest trio in school, it was iconic in a way. sadly, those minions chose to have a mind of their own, and stay on the west coast.
whereas she did not. Rachel. who of course went by the name 'summer', committed to a school on the easy coast; boston college.
she had flowy blonde hair that fell to her shoulders and a heart of gold that made her easy to love by just about anyone who met her. so when she moved into a new city, knowing no one but her beloved cat, she wasn't all too nervous.
"no I dont want to know who he got with tonight mary" rachel rolled her eyes as she face timed one of the minions, who she wanted to call a friend, but wasn't. mary was across the country at college and it happened to be the same college as said quarterback boyfriend, who was now her ex.
mary felt the need to update summer on just about everything he did. of course including the fact he got with a new girl every night.
at least he's finally getting what I couldn't give him.
"i'm not telling you this to be evil summer! I'm telling you this so you don't feel guilty, to go live a life. don't be a nobody, its gross" mary's voice said on the phone seeing as she was in thought. she had a bit of a point.
"I dont feel guilty to go out!"
"then go out!"
rachel thought for a moment, she could go out.
she had a neighbor, who seemed to love going out. that is, if she had been observing right, her neighbor would go alone? maybe she wouldn't mind a companion? they seemed to be around the same age and she seemed cool.
"anyways, I gotta go. love you babe" mary said before kissing the camera and hanging up, not even waiting for summer to mutter a goodbye.
it's like mary only called her, to rub in how much fun college had been going for her. summer on the other hand, was going through a nasty breakup for the beginning of it.
I do need to enjoy it
rachel was left nervously juggling the idea of whether or not she should ask her neighbor.
what do I even say
"wanna join me for drinks?" summer practiced pacing in her living room.
"hey! were neighbors can I join you?" too forward.
"lets have a blast tonight!" what's wrong with you?
what if her neighbor liked to go out alone? or what if she didn't go out alone, and just met up with friends? no summer was sure of the fact she did these activities alone. maybe she's just an alcoholic.
she decided to man up and shake off the nerves and just ask. the worst that could happen, would be she says no, and they go about their lives.
while we awkwardly avoid each other for our rest of co-existency.
summer decided to just go ahead and knock on her neighbors door.
"in a minuite!" she heard rustling and things knocking down on the other side for a minute, before the door swung open and there stood a brunette girl with going out boots. she is going out
the girl seemed to be surprised and confused. summer deciding start the conversation, before the girl thought she was just some creep.
"hi! were neighbors, my names rachel, but like everyone calls me summer" she nervously smiled.
"yeah! I've like seen you in the hallway and stuff sometimes" the neighbor nervously rambled.
"yeah me too. look, I don't know if this is weird or anything, but I was wondering if you would be down to get some drinks some time?"
yes summer! you sounded cool and chill!
the neighbor had not been expecting that. she had thought she was going to open the door to her situation ship , ending things with her, for the crap she pulled last night. but when she opened the door to find summer, she thought she was going to get confronted for the fact she had sex in the middle of said hallway last night. she wasn't proud of that fact either.
"oh! uhm. yeah, that sounds nice! -actually, i'm going out right now, did you want to join?"
"yes!- I mean- yeah sounds cool. super cool" summer cringed, realizing she scream 'yes' and seemed far too desperate.
"let me just get changed real quick" she added.
"okay slay! wear something cute! oh! and by the way my names frankie" the brunette smiled.
"sick name!"
"thanks I was gonna say summer's sick too!" the two girls told each other excitedly. this really felt the start of something new and good for the both of them.
____
the two girls hit the town with a sense of belonging. frankie had been searching for the feeling of a girl friend since she moved in, and summer was the ultimate coolest person you can find.
summer was finally happy she built up the courage to talk to her neighbor, that frankly intimidated her.
"wait so that guy from the beginning of the year wasn't even your boyfriend!?!" summer exclaimed as they got off the uber. she remembered seeing a tall boy in the hallway alot.
"nope. i thought he was gonna fall in love with me over time, news flash, I was wrong"
"he's a douche and love is fake"
"got that right" frankie said smiling.
"so... you got a love life?" frankie asked curiously, she was excited to have the bond of girl hood.
"not really, its kinda dead at the moment. I had a boyfriend, but college happened and everything" summer said kinda sadly.
"im sorry, but I mean we can get you laid?" she smiled wiggling her eyebrows.
summer wasn't the type of girl for hookups. she knew frankie was, she often saw them, but she didn't know if she could throw all her eggs in one basket like that. no-hate but she didn't even let her ex-boyfriend do anything to her till it was the summer of their senior year, ad even that didn't go all too well.
frankie saw her in thought and rewinded.
"oh my god! are you a virgin? i'm sorry. we'll find you just love, then!" frankie said hoping she didn't weird out the poor girl.
"no- I mean- well... kinda. its complicated" summer said, red in the face.
"you dont have to tell-"
summer cut her off by whispering something in frankie's ear. something that made her eyes go wide.
"your half a virgin!" frankie whispered yelled.
"oh shut up franks" summer said as the girls got giggling and gave the bouncer there very fake ID's. frankie knew they were going to be a duo.
___
the bar was frankie's favorite and summer soon understood why. it was a cool vintage bar that kind of resembled a dive bar.
the girls ordered themselves some shots and quickly downed them, needing to feel the feeling sooner than faster.
"oh my god, the boys hockey team just walked in" frankie said, turning and facing away from the door.
"why does that matter, their kinda cute" summer said tilting her head as the filed in sipping on her vodka cranberry.
"the douche guy is a hockey player" frankie told her.
"ohhhh. now I get it"
"I also have a little thing with one of his friends" frankie guilty told her.
"the guy from last night?"
"you saw that!" frankie said, embarrassed as hell.
"please. your not exactly quite either" summer told the girl as frankie wanted to die.
"it's not the guy from last night" frankie told her overall guilty as summer gasped.
"I slept with a BU guy last night. but I mean ryan keeps saying were not anything" frankie said shamelessly as summer had her hands over her mouth.
"do the guys know you" summer asked seeing as alot of them kept looking over at the two.
"yes" frankie said scared to ask why she was asking that.
"oh god four of them are coming over" summer said to her wanting to run away. she hated confrontation.
"your staying with me" frankie said grabbing her shirt before she tried to leave her.
"frankie! missed you at the game tonight" will said being petty, they were pissed at her.
frankie turned and looked at all of them, and by the look of their faces they were mad at her. ryan's face made her want to crumble. they weren't together, he made that very clear, but a girl like frankie had needs.
"it was meaningless" frankie told them, avoiding eye contact with ryan.
"he brought it up on the ice" ryan said to her, frankie now noticing he had a light black eye and busted up lip.
"ry-"
"we need to talk" he said, looking the most serious frankie had ever seen it.
frankie turned to look at summer who saw how frankie wanted to fix things between them. she wasn't going to get in the way of that, just because she was afraid to be left alone.
"go" summer urged her. as she gave her a sorry look and walked out behind a fuming ryan, leaving her with three boys.
"well that was uncomfortable" summer joked to the three boys. all of them eyeing her trying to figure out who she was, frankie didn't have friends.
"i'm her neighbor by the way, summer" she added, not wanting to seem like some nosy person as they nodded.
"jacob" a ginger haired guy said
"will" the blonde one said.
"gabe" a boy that summer found unbelievably handsome said.
"you go to BC?" a gabe asked.
"yeah... I know you guys do, good game today " summer said. she had been watching it on ESPN before she went to frankies apartment. they all smiled and thanked her as they got to talking. even though they looked intimidating they were overall nice goofy guys.
"you think lenny's letting up?" jacob asked as he noticed they were still outside.
"I don't know, he was pretty pissed" will said looking at the door.
"did he get in a fight over her or something" summer asked feeling like she was missing out on something.
"yeah. she has him on a leash and they're not even dating yet" gabe said chuckling.
"well they're not official" summer defended.
"they basically are, they hang out everyday" will said
"she said he's made it very clear, that they're not together" summer said.
"that doesn't give her the green light to sleep with other guys though" gabe argued.
"guy. just one. i think you guys are just mad it was with a BU guy" summer said to them.
"I mean obviously! before the champion ship game is crazy too. he was just trying to get in our heads too, especially lennys. hughes is smarter than that" will said while the other two nodded.
they have to be full of themselves, for them to think this is about them!
"all that over... hockey?" summer said confused. hockey was the not a big deal in the oc, where she grew up. but then again, she remembers the quarterback from the cross town rival school, claiming to have her nudes; he didn't.
so I mean they could be right... but that seemed very high school to summer; this was college.
"why'd you say hockey like that" gabe said to her, not liking she said 'hockey' with a tone of disgust.
"I just don't think it's all that serious" summer said, trying to not offend them. obviously still getting under ones skin though, specifically gabe.
"hockeys not important?"
"no! I mean it is for people like you guys-" summer said trying to save herself but failing horribly.
"like us? what's that supposed to mean?" gabe said. he felt summer was some stuck up girl and even though he had found the girl to be quite attractive he didnt know if he liked her all too well.
"not like that. i mean it's important to hockey players and stuff, but like its not someones whole life, you know?" summer didnt even know if she knew exactly what she was trying to say.
"so now you think we have no life?" gabe said honestly just wanting to pick on the flustered blonde.
"oh my god, im just going to shutup" summer said taking a sip out of her vodka cranberry as will and jacob laughed. they decided they liked the girl, gabe not so much.
"do you even know anything, hockey related?" gabe asked still wanting to bicker with the girl.
"not really. I honestly forget its like a real thing out here" summer said.
"you don't think hockey's a real sport" gabe said as will and jacob rolled their eyes. they knew their friend and if they didn't know any better, they'd say he was flirting?
"who doesn't think hockey is a real sport!?!" frankie said, as her and ryan rejoining the group, seemingly on good terms. gabe pointed to summer.
"nice! I knew I liked you!" frankie said giggling as the boys rolled their eyes.
"I didn't even mean it like that, its just I grew up in california. and over there, the closest ice rink is probably three hours away"
"isn't there hockey in california? they have three NHL teams" jacob asked.
"californias big. where'd you grow up?" ryan asked the girl as he had an arm wrapped around frankie.
"the oc. newport beach" summer answered. god she missed her hometown.
"can you surf?" will asked her,
"yeah, pretty well actually. when I was sixteen i got a silver medal for it too" summer answered casually.
"OMG! you have to teach me I've been trying to learn for so long now!" frankie said excitedly, remembering the memory of her and her brothers failing miserably. it wasn't like wake boarding on the lake.
"you guys are free to join us anytime. my parents are traveling across europe, for like a year, so the house is just sitting there, its on the beach too" summer told them as the boys and frankie agreed.
gabe on the other hand just couldn't stop his thoughts of thinking summer was some stuck up girl. everything that came out of her mouth, just now, wasn't helping either. 'its on the beach by the way' who says that! gabe thought.
the night went on, frankie and summer unknowingly becoming the best friends they've always needed, ryan finally happy that him and frankie made it official, and the other three boys creating a friendship with the two girls, it was all just so college.
right now though, the night was close to finished and the boys were taking the two very drunk girls back to their apartments. girls who thought everything in that moment was the most hilarious thing in the world.
the group stumbled on a large hill and it didn't take long for the two girls to want to roll down it.
"frankie and summer don't you dare!" ryan said speeding up, seeing as the boys had been walking a couple meters behind the two girls.
the two girls ignoring his please and giggling. ryan turned his head to look at his friends as if he was giving them the mom look for help. gabe huffed and went to help him, with summer.
"one-" frankie started off as the two girls sat side by side holding each others hands
"two" summer said giggling
"GO!" frankie screamed seeing as the boys were right behind them.
the girls began to slide as ryan missed his attempt to lunge at frankie, while gabe not so much. he attempted to grab summer but lost footing and down he went along with them.
only causing the girls to laugh ten times more, at gabe. summer was laughing loudly, a sound that gabe didn't know if he hated or loved.
"you good gabe?" she said as she held a hand out to him, trying to hold back a giggle.
gabe obviously holding his pride, ignored her hand and got up on his own.
"you are absolutely insufferable" he huffed as he walked past her.
"c'mon perreault! don't be mad at summer! she's just a girl" frankie said as she saw gabe began to walk back up the hill towards the group.
"yeah! its not my fault you ate shit!" summer said, before the two girls unleashed laughter, once again. both taking breaks as they walked up the hill.
"you guys pissed gabe off, him and jacob left back to the dorms" ryan told the two as will began to hold summer up.
"I don't think he likes me very much" summer told them.
"well, your lucky I like you enough to help you" will said as she began to slump herself onto him.
"gabes just being like that because he thinks he's flirting" frankie said against ryans back as he decided to haul her up over his shoulder.
"ewwwww" a drunk summer let out. as the group laughed.
it had been a great night for them, except gabe of course.
#nhl imagine#nhl imagines#hockey fic#ryan leonard#gabe perreault#will smith hockey#bc hockey#frankie x ryan#gabe perreault x reader#gabe x summer
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Another story idea given by @maturedadsandmen
BIRD IN THE HAND
Cole Walker was about two blocks from his destination when his phone rang. He normally wouldn't answer it, but it was his sorta-kinda boyfriend/fuckbuddy John. Cole still made fun of John for still preferring to call instead of just text, but that's what you get sometimes for dating a man much older.
"Hey," the 24 year old answered. DC weather had moved from cold to brisk and his cheeks were flush.
"Hiya sexy," the said. John's voice was a craggy tenor, with an upstate New York accent. "Just wanted to hear your voice."
Cole smiled. The whole arrangement with John was weird, to say the least. The congressional staffer didn't even know the guy's last name. John was an FBI agent who was VERY closeted. In a town like DC, that wasn't unusual, and Cole himself had only told a couple of close friends that he was gay. But John seemed to want the boyfriend stuff as much as the sex. Cuddling, long talks, dates. All while being crazy protective of his privacy.
"Tough day?" Cole asked. He wished he didn't feel so eager to talk to the man, but it wasn't like he was ready for an open boyfriend either. The fact the federal agent was 47 made something real and public seem impossible to the younger man. He, too, enjoyed the play-pretend nature of their dating if he was honest with himself.
"And how," John breathed. "I'm about to meet a buddy for dinner, but I wanted to call... we still on for date night Saturday? I'll take you somewhere nice." It was only then that Cole could tell the man was in a public place and talking a little quieter than normal.
"Yeah," Cole replied. "And you don't have to go all out. I just enjoy seeing you."
There was a contrite pause on the other end. "I know I've not been good at things lately.. but would it be pushing my luck to have you stay over this time?"
Cole's heart pounded. It was hard to hold a grudge. "No, not at all."
John's volume got lower. "Damn, studly," he hissed. "That's gonna help me get through this week all right."
"Yeah," the younger man chimed in.
"Listen... I gotta go. But see you Saturday?"
"Yep," Cole replied. "Looking forward to it."
After they hung up, Cole felt guilty. It wasn't like he and John were boyfriends, really, not in the conventional sense, and they'd never said anything about being exclusive. If the agent ever asked, Cole would very likely agree to be a one-man guy but until then...
But the real reason he felt guilty is that Paul Ricciardi pushed his buttons in a different way than John. Cole dubbed him the "Head Honcho" is his mind, and while Ricciardi wasn't the number one guy at the Bureau, he wasn't that far down the org chart. In a lot of ways, he was the opposite of John - married and addicted to down-low sex, more dominant in bed, and confident in hooking up with a recently graduated dude despite his high-profile position. He knew Cole Walker was after dick and wasn't gonna blab to anyone.
Paul was just wrapping up a phone call when he heard the buzzer of the apartment. The rental was justified as a place to crash for late nights, but certainly his wife knew her 53-year-old husband kept on an affair, maybe more than one. They just never talked about it. The dont-ask-dont-tell approach worked for the law man.
Ricciardi's gruff face cracked a smile when he opened the door to see Cole. Dudes like this were dime a dozen in DC... congressional staffer, needy bottom, daddy issues galore. But this Walker kid was exceptional: he'd played soccer at Georgetown and his bulking up since graduation had interfered with that youthful jock look. The real deal. No two ways about, Cole was gorgeous. Just the right amount of masculine, the right amount of cute, total boy-next-door who still carried that jock gain as he walked in.
"Hey," Cole's voice said, quietly as he walked in. He respected Paul's need for discretion, it was almost intuitive.
"Hey," the career law enforcement man whispered in a soft growl, shutting the door. "You look hot as fuck."
Cole's eyes swept up Ricciardi's build. Mid-50s and fit as ever, the toned daddy beef filling out Paul's conservative but expensive suit and the short-cropped gray hair setting off the intensity of the man's brown eyes. The tie was loosened but other wise he was a poster boy for Bureau leadership. "You too," he gulped.
Paul grinned and reached up to cup the back of Cole's neck, yanking the younger man into a hot kiss.
Cole moaned into Paul's mouth as that thick tongue conquered him. He could taste scotch and smell the man's cologne. Reflexes kicked in as he reached forward to hold the man's suited waist, enjoying the feel of the Head Honcho's hard body beneath.
The kiss was over as quickly as it started. Ricciardi stepped back and reached down to unzip his suit trousers. The man wasn't overly hung - like John, his cock was meaty, even fat. "Gonna suck Daddy's cock, kid?" Paul roughly growled.
"Fuck yes," Cole said. He's been with only six men since first becoming sexually active at 21. But he quickly realized he was all bottom - orally and anally. He was still surprised he'd bagged two FBI men over the last year and a half. Luck, for sure, but it was also clear the ex-soccer jock had a type. Both Paul and John were strong, silent daddy personalities. His own father was a PA state trooper, and one day Cole would have to analyze the fucked-up part of his head that got turned on by that. Or not. Maybe it was something that could never fully be explained - it's just something about a law enforcement man pushed his buttons big time.
Paul Ricciardi was careful about who he fucked. He had a one-at-a-time rule, for the sake of discretion. By now, he'd had his share of hot young men. He'd met some real sluts and a couple of ex-jocks like Cole. But no one had combined that effortless masculinity with a real bottom eagerness like this kid.
"Fuck yeah," he growled as Cole began deep throating that fat hog. "Swallow Daddy."
More than he realized Cole was worked up that evening. He would have chalked it up to missing this cock, but actually Paul had reached out to him more frequently lately, no longer the once a month booty call. Maybe the more he had it, the more he wanted it.
That hand now clasped the back of Cole's neck and held tight as Paul's hips went into overdrive. Fast hard jabs battered the back of Cole's gullet. It was too much, and Cole coughed some on it, which made Paul pause before starting a gentler, if no less deep, thrusting.
Finally he pulled out, that dick spit wet and rock hard. It was beautiful to Cole. Like with John, he decided he liked the extra girth more than he craved extra length. For as bottomy as he was, the young stud wasn't a size queen. He'd prefer a tool that could use him without too much discomfort.
"To the bedroom, kid," Paul hissed, a hint of a smile cracking on the stern face. He was used to being in charge in every aspect of his life. He was in charge now. But something about this jock stud made him feel a little less in control.
Cole scrambled up. He'd learned to come over to Paul's prepared. Sometimes the two took their time, sometimes the married man seeded him in two minutes flat and sent him back home. As they entered the spare bedroom for the apartment, Cole quickly peeled off his sweatshirt and T in one move and just as quickly kicked off his sneakers and peeled down the jeans. There was nothing underneath and his own hardon stood up erect and excited. Cole may not have had the girth of his boyfriend or this man, but he was hung longer and the sparser crotch hair made his jock bone look even longer.
Paul was taking off his suit and laying it on a chair. He'd hang it up later. For now, his ravenous eyes were on Cole as he got onto the bed, on all fours. They didn't always mate this way but it was Ricciardi's favorite position, and Cole's too, thought they'd never talked about it. They just fucked.
Then watched the Head Honcho step toward the bed, his body tightly dense from dedicated workouts. The chest fur wasn't as silver as his hair, but it was getting there, and it got denser the closer toward that magic cock, which was already dripping.
"Damn, when was the last time you got off?" Cole asked.
Paul climbed on the bed and ran his hand over the ex-jock's dusty haired but half smooth rump. "Fucked the wife yesterday," he hissed. "I'm just a horny guy."
"I'll say," Cole replied. He didn't know what he thought about fooling around with a married man. It probably wasn't the moral thing to do. At least John was single, or said he was single. Maybe the man lied, hence the lack of a last name.
Then Cole felt the nuzzling of the man's face in his clean crack and the contact of that thick tongue. John was actually better at rimming, or at least liked to go longer, but something about Paul's intensity drove him wild. "Yes," he hissed backing his ass back against the man's munching face. A hard slap hit his cheek as the Head Honcho dove in more eagerly. It was gonna be a quick one, but Ricciardi was a grade-A ass man and could rarely resist a taste of Cole's jock hole.
"Goddamn," the FBI man finally said as he leaned up. Cole could feel that hard beef press against his back as Paul reached over for some lube. Just a squirt, not too much... Ricciardi liked a snug ride.
The man quickly fingere Cole and almost as quickly lined up that fat prick to press in.
Cole's deflowering, the night after his 21st birthday, had been by a very patient man, and he'd lucked out to find a couple of tops who knew how to go slow at first. Paul Ricciardi was the first man to show Cole he didn't always need slow.
That dick popped in now, snapping open the elasticity of the young man's pucker.
"Fuck yes!" Paul growled. He leaned forward again, covering Cole's smooth back with his own meaty furry one. "You feel that kid?"
"God yes," Cole hissed. Maybe it was the rank or the badge, but everything about Paul turned him on and made this FAR easier than he'd ever imagine. He even enjoyed the crude way Ricciardi's bone just barreled in further, past his internal tightness. "Fuck me, man."
That was Paul's cue, his green light. Wrapping an arm around Cole's shoulder and neck, he held on tightly and thrust all the way into the hot stud. Barely taking a rest, he began fucking, hard.
"Oh fuck!" Cole whimpered. He wished he could keep his normally deep voice low, but the pitch rose once Paul reamed him like this. "Oh god, oh fuck!"
A hand clasped over his mouth. Paul wasn't overly verbal today, though he could be. Instead he gripped the kid close and rode him hard. It had been a tough week and he needed a fuck like this to channel his stress.
Each mating like this made Cole wonder if it could get better. His prick was now leaking like crazy on Paul's bedsheets and his muscles flexed involuntarily in the man's strong grip.
THIS is what made him feel about going around behind John's back. Cole wished to god that John could fuck like this, or would fuck like this. The Head Honcho was even less available a man than John, but he outmanned Cole's boyfriend in the sack.
BAM, BAM, BAM. Paul's fat cock was relentless now. Some guys couldn't take it. Cole could, and would. The very knowledge had the FBI big-wig's prick getting slick with his own precum.
Cole concentrated and forced himself to quiet his moans. The hand unclasped from his mouth and moved to feel up more of the ex-soccer jock's lean body.
"You're close," he heard. Paul wasn't asking a question.
Cole forced his voice back to its deeper register. "Yah." He felt light headed now. Before Paul he thought hands-free cums were a myth. They weren't though, and he was about to offer proof again now.
"Oh shit," he breathed in a whisper. His dick jerked and the first spray of precum jetted out, matching what Paul was pushing deeper and deep into his guts with each hard jab.
BAM, BAM, BAM. The fucking was harder and faster, if possible, only Ricciardi was starting to lose his cadence. The man was orgasming now.
Cole's dick now jerked again, and the cum flew out. Seven heavy ropes of young cum being pressed out from within. Cole didn't pass out exactly, but he lost focus, like he'd sucked too many poppers at once.
Paul's body slowed and now rested immobile on his back. A light kiss was the one gesture of affection Ricciardi offered him, ever, but the simple act was more powerful for it. Cole wished he could have experienced his partner's cum more vividly, but the payoff of the simultaneous orgasm made up for it. He and John had done that once.
Paul rolled his muscular, FBI-fit body off his sexual conquest and lazily plopped onto the mattress. He was sweaty and handsome as fuck and his prick still twitched in its wetness, semen oozing out of the tip.
Just as lazily Ricciardi reached over to stroke Cole's side as the younger stud gingerly stretched his legs and lay on his back. "Remind me to thank your boyfriend for the hall pass," he hissed.
Cole had told the Head Honcho that he was seeing someone. He's admitted it to put Paul at ease for a discreet hookup, but he regretted sharing that info now. "He doesn't know, actually."
Paul chuckled. "I thought you said you had an arrangement... but that's cool, kid."
Cole felt embarrassed. "I mean, we don't have an exclusive thing, but I guess I haven't gone into details with him."
Normally the Head Honcho would be getting up, going to piss, showering off, or just slipping on some sweat pants in a clear signal it was Cole's time to go. Instead the man's eyes seemed not to get enough of the 24-year old and his hand moved up to gingerly stroke Cole's cute-handsome face.
"Well, I'm glad this works out for you," Ricciardi said. "I know I come on strong, but you're really fucking hot."
"I know," Cole smiled. He knew his worth, but it was also a joke.
Paul got it, chuckling. "As you can tell, I'm a busy man... but I'd love to see you a little more often. If it works out with you and your boyfriend." For a take-charge man, he seemed surprisingly shy in his request.
"That's be hot," Cole said. Paul Ricciardi didn't kiss as much as Cole would like, almost never after the act itself. But it was hard to give up the man's harder approach in bed and his overall sexiness. "You're really fucking hot, too."
"I know," Paul repeated Cole's joke back to him in perfect timing. "Am I hotter than your boyfriend?" he asked with a wink, then patted Cole's chest. "Sorry, that was my male competitiveness kicking in."
Cole nodded. He wasn't going to give Paul the satisfaction of an answer. Besides he didn't know how he would answer. John was sexy as fuck, too, and reminded Cole a lot of Paul in his stature, build, and appearance. "Maybe I shouldn't admit this but he works for the bureau, too."
"Yeah?" he smirked.
"Yeah," Cole nodded. He was glad to see Paul's laid back side. Maybe being married, the man wasn't bothered by hearing about another man. Lazily, the man's fingers caressed Cole's chest muscle. "John. A field agent," Cole said, opening up. He'd not been able to tell a single other soul about the most important development of his life over the last year. It turns out this DL hookup with a DC big shot gave him the only opportunity. He blushed as he added, "Funny thing is I don't even know his last name. He's super closeted. Always going on about how he's married to the Bureau and doesn't have time for anything else."
"Sounds like my brother Jo..." Paul stopped, his face growing beet red and his fingers pausing in their motion on Cole's naked body. "Jesus Christ, you're not fucking my brother are you?"
Cole was taken aback. The idea was crazy and yet once Paul said, he knew it was possible, even likely. The resemblance wasn't dead-on, but it wasn't far apart either. "I dunno," he stammered. "Fuck."
Paul got out of bed and Cole felt bad. Ashamed but also pissed. This guy was probably overreacting. There had to be a thousand Johns in the Bureau. But judging from the Head Honcho's reaction, Cole worried he'd fucked up a good thing.
Only Paul's expression wasn't anger as he walked back in. He had his phone in his hand. He slid back into bed and held it up. There was a photo of John already, probably taken a year ago at the beach, the agent in chino shorts and a casual polo, barefoot in the sand at sunset.
"Is that him?" Paul asked, like he was interrogating a suspect.
Cole nodded, tears welling at the edge of his eyes. "Sorry, Paul," he muttered. "Fuck, I didn't know."
Paul gave a grimace which was strangely comforting as he set down his phone. "I know you didn't, kiddo." He gave Cole a good look, like he was still trying to process things. "Confirmed bachelor, my ass," he laughed cynically.
"I don't know... he's kept things casual with us. Sometimes I think it's more a fuck buddy thing, you know?" Cole was trying to make it sound better, but the more he talked the more he realized it was sounding worse.
Paul had one last shake of the head. "Well, my brother had good fucking taste... I'll give him that." Then, "maybe you should go, OK?"
His tone was surprisingly empathetic, not mean. Cole could tell Paul was feeling concern that he'd encroached in onto his brother's guy and was processing the fact John was very probably full-on gay. And maybe the Head Honcho was worried how Cole was processing all this.
"Yeah," the ex-jock said, quickly gathering his clothes to put back on.
"Don't worry, kid," Paul said, leaning up in his bed, still naked and hunky looking. "This shit happens. Well, maybe not very often, but it's nothing to get freaked over."
"I'm OK," Cole said gamely. A million thoughts were racing in his mind but one worry in particular.
"But what?" Ricciairdi prompted, able to tell something was bugging the young guy.
"I shouldn't admit this," Cole said. "But I'm gonna miss the sex we've had."
Paul's brown eyes sought his and it was like their connection was a spark of energy. "Me, too, kid, me too."
Cole Walker thought about those words the whole walk back to his apartment.
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im insane and a nigel defender for life so heres my theory/take on like minds
i truely think that its likely Alex was the manipulator and nigel was the victim (to a degree).
this is kinda all over the place and just my thoughts so take everything with a grain of salt im just bored
we all agree that Alex is an unreliable narrator, and when it comes to the interrogation, it would but likely that Alex changed the story for a “solid” alibi to seem at least not guilty, which is very common behavior for people, especially younger people who have committed a crime to do.
most of my reasoning for this comes from the fact that he makes sure to include the detail that *somehow* nigel got into his room in the middle of night (assumably) and put a bloody knife and playing card on his desk.
it could be very likely that he had this whole alibi, that he "missed" his date with susan was entirely made up, that he made it seem like nigel was the one who planted the knife for "for fingerprint insurance” making nigel seem like this criminal mastermind to a degree.
that and also the hand that nigel “gifted him” could have also been a cover up for (maybe) that alex could have very likely been the reason why his friend let go of the train, by messing with his hand. idk on this one tho for sure honestly, though i feel like nigel care a lot about anatomy and dissection that it would be out of character for him to sever a hand.
AND that when alex was asked “how he was sure it was his friends” he said that it wouldnt make sense otherwise (or something along those lines) which honestly is kinda strange bc i would rather rationalize that its not my dead friends hand and just some fucked up prank but maybe thats just me.
you can look into real interrogations and its not unusual for people to make up these crazy complex and wild stories to victimize themselves to seem innocent, even when the story is strange or off putting or has holes.
especially because this is a time when the attention is all on them and what better way to ganer sympathy and attention that alex could have possibly lacked in his childhood then now in the interrogation. with someone who alex could have possibly seen as some sort of mother figure, because she listened to him, and embraced him when alex talked about nigel.
“well susans body was “disected” it had to be nigel” it could have also been alex copying in the way of something that nigel would have done to again, make the evidence point at nigel.
now, this theory is a bit spotty and honestly its not great I KNOW its just my thoughts ive had that ive wanted to share, because honestly i dont have a great reason for why nigel would have invited alex over to his house if not for nigel being a little shit, but who knows, that could have also been made up, and alex really was planning on killing nigel, and just happened to show up at that time
but that being said, im also not saying nigel has never killed anyone, i am just saying alex’s series of events is a bit weird, i do think nigel has some issues, but those probably due to the obvious abuse he as suffered as a kid, and his weird interest could be a symptom of that and his curious for dead things, i wouldnt be surprised if he had witnessed death early as a child seems how it was mentioned in the show that it can result in mental illness.
which kinda leads me to my next point, at the end, when alex totally doesnt kill nigel, and nigel kills himself, alex has a sort of smile at the end, that either he was happy nigel died or that he, really *did* kill nigel and he “enjoyed” it.
to add onto this, alex never really cried when he talked about his friends dying, he cried when he talked about how it made *him* feel and how when nigel had wanted him to get “freaky” per say with susan, he was crying in the interigation because it upset *him* and it was something bad that happened to *him*. im not a professional at all and i only know a little bit about mental illnesses but in certain personaility disorders,, its not uncommon for people to have intense feelings when it comes to something that effects themselves, and apathy towards other people.
and at the very end of the show, it shows that alex clearly has a pattern of this behavior, of manipulating people in certain ways. that its not something unusual for him to do, when he asks the teacher if it’s possible to get into someones head, its likely because hes the one who, atleast thinks, he has control of nigel.
anyways thats kinda just my collection of thoughts ive had about this movie for a long time so i thought id throw them out here, do with this as you wish. dont be too mean tho i am dyslexic and not the smartest lmfao. i just like yapping. obviously i dont know everything and i likely got information wrong which like whatever.
anyways im sick and bored and wanted to yap so maybe someone actually read this
#all i do is yap yap yap#this could very well just seem crazy#but yk what#thats fine#i dont have anyone else to talk about this theory i have to#so im putting it here#hopefully someone cares#like minds#like minds 2006#alex forbes#nigel colbie#murderous intent#alex forbes x nigel colbie#like minds theory#alex is a stinky evel like guy#trust me
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this isnt a call out for anyone; i keep getting asked why i even post my opinions on the internet if i dont want to argue whenever i mention how tired i am of people trying to argue with me or proof me wrong
and i just ... for one its bc there are people that have told me they like hearing my opinions bc it makes them feel less alone, its validating to hear that i am not alone and i make them feel less alone (this is a big reason)
then theres the thing .. do you feel good never saying your opinion on anything and just keeping everything to yourself? be it big or small, i tried to do that for years, just trying to crawl deeper and deeper into a hole bc clearly i am the problem and should be able to deal with everything on my own, never say anything, i could be annoying, i could be a burden, and it nearly killed me; i have very few friends and i already spam them enough to feel constantly guilty
and if i did that on some private account ... what use is that, thats the same thing as not saying anything, whats the use of saying anything when no one listens, even to select few, whats the point if others cant find it, there might be people i dont know at all that would find solace in hearing my stupid ramblings about games
its true i lack self control and just tend to talk about stuff when i feel the need of talking, but is that really so bad?
correct me if im wrong but i was never of the impression that posting something on the internet automatically means wanting to debate and argue unless you specifically say or initiate it on someone elses post? like thats why i pretty much always make my own post to complain and dont go on other peoples posts of opposing views, id view the latter as an invitation to argue moreso than the former
when i post some stupid opinion (im talking about harmless personal video game opinions mind you) on my own account who am i bothering, if people agree thats great! if they dont they can just move on- i know people love to discuss and share different opinions but the the ones i most often encounter are ones where its a basically trying to start a fight over whos more right (like theres always one correct opinion to have) or just telling me i am not allowed to feel like i feel-
im aware i cant expect everyone to be able to see a differeing opinion and move on without saying anything, but when i say something, unless its specifically a question, i just do it to vent, to let my thoughts out so they dont slowly gnaw at me, maybe find validation in others also thinking like that (i know i cant also expect everyone to think that way .. i just see it as a form of politeness? sorta?); in all honesty, i dont do it to get told opposing opinions (i know thats maybe a little ... idk, selfish i guess?) bc i usually have seen or heard those already and am saying mine bc i havent seen it before or very very little- what i think is often very much not the majority so the need to say something gets greater the more i see somethign i dont agree with, like an urge to balance it? a call to see if i am alone or not? and much less so to argue or debate over something like that, im tired and exhausted at all times, and have often trouble even getting myself to draw, i dont enjoy fights of any kind, and especialyl so when its about something so completely ignorable like a game opinion i only said bc i wanted it out of my head and bc i have seen that the majority seems to be of a different one
like a sticky note on a wall, not an invitation to a political meeting?
maybe this is something i need to work on and get better at, i havent found a way that lets me get rid of my thoughts in a way that doesnt leave me feeling guilty (like spamming my friends) or to gnaw at me (not saying anything, or somewhere no ones gonna hear it)
i know im incapable of shutting up ever (though at least i got a better control over my emotions by now) and i risk accidentally seeming like im inviting people to a fight but i dont know what else to do
maybe its something i horribly missunderstood about the internet, but its my only outlet for that, i dont have anyone IRL to talk to about my interests, maybe its a flaw that needs work, maybe its just a flaw, i dont know :/
#ganondoodles talks#personal#and thats enough personal talk for today#already feeling shitty enough#im also really bad at lying- if some of this seems self centered then .. i guess it is- im sorry?#dont think im ever gonna be a perfect human being#even while trying to better myself#:(
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(Can’t) Sleep - Eddie Munson x reader
Warnings: vague mentions of abuse/trouble at home, oral (f receiving), fingering, smut, cum
I DONT KNOW IF IT SNOWS IN INDIANA LOL
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“Hey, eds. Can you come get me? You said to call you if I ever need you and I need you now.” You say shakily into the phone after he picks up.
“Oh, yeah. Of course. Give me a few and I’ll be right there.”
“K. Thank you.”
Eddie jumps up from the couch right away, rushing to action. He tries to put on his shoes so fast that he falls over and heads out to his van.
You felt bad, borderline awful, because it was snowing and already starting to get dark out but you had to leave and he was the first thing to come to mind when you wanted safety. The fact he didn’t even think for a second before saying “of course” sort of melted your heart, but you still felt guilty.
Either way, you go to your room, and change into some warm clothes and pack your backpack with a few things you’d need like medication and makeup and an outfit to sleep in. You were gonna sleep over, but he just had no idea yet because you hadn’t asked him. You were extremely confident, however, in the probability he’ll say yes.
You stand in your living room, looking out the window for headlights on your dim street. Soon enough you see them, not the brightest but just enough for him to see to drive.
You made him drive in the freezing cold and the dark in his piece of shit van that barely made its way around every day, but he’s not thinking about it that way. You wanted him. You needed him. And to feel that from someone was something he hadn’t felt in a long time.
You trudge outside, walking up to open the passenger side door and toss your bag in the floor next to your feet on the floorboard after you get in.
“You okay?” He asks, concerned, dark eyes still somehow shimmering.
“I’ll be okay. Thank you, again. I know this probably isn’t what you wanted to do with your Saturday night.”
“Yeah, you actually caused me to miss the red carpet event and then the fashion show I was going to. I was actually gonna star IN the fashion show. But yeah, you just had to go and crush my dreams.”
“Shut up.” You smile, and you ride the rest of the way back to his house in comfortable silence. You pull into his driveway and he turns off the car, unbuckling as you do the same.
“Here.” He takes your backpack and slings it over his shoulder to carry it in for you and you meekly follow behind him to the front door.
“So like I was saying, I’m actually quite famous. The mansion I usually live in is being cleaned so we’re gonna have to tough it out here. Deplorable living conditions, if you ask me.” He gestures his arms wide at the general area around him.
“Well even if it has to be in this sad little home, I’m honored that you took time out of your schedule to hang out with me.” You say sarcastically, matching his energy.
“You wanna smoke?” He offers, trying to make you feel at home the best way he knows how.
“I’m okay, that shit makes me paranoid.”
“Ah, gotcha. Well, what do you wanna do?”
“You got any movies?”
He looks at you as if you just asked the most stupid question anyones ever asked.
“Do I have any movies? Come on. Of course I have movies.”
He walks towards his bedroom and you assume he wants you to follow him, so you do, and you’re met with what is undoubtedly very much a teenage boy’s room.
“Sorry, just don’t look at all the shit. There’s a ton of shit in the floor but the bed is fine.”
You nod and start to go towards the bed.
“Well-wait…” he stops you, seeming to think for a minute. “Nah, yeah the bed should be fine.” He tells you as he collects a pile of tapes in his arms. He comes to you, dropping them all on the bed beside you where you sat perched on the edge.
“Wow. You really did have movies.”
“What did I say?”
The sarcasm, again. Charming, very sweet in a way.
“I’m assuming you want me to pick one…. Here.” You pick up and hand him the copy of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and he seems impressed by your choice.
“Huh. Wasn’t expecting that one. You look more like a rom-com typa girl.”
You tilt your head in confusion.
“No, not in a mean way. This is perfect.” He clarifies. He goes to put all the other tapes back onto the shitty table holding up his TV and you start to unlace your sneakers and kick them off. You slip your jacket off your shoulders, feeling so much lighter immediately.
“Yeah, get comfy. It’s okay. I won’t bite ya.” He glances back at you and you smile to yourself. You crawl over to the side of the bed that’s against the wall and sit there, legs crisscrossed.
“Alright.” He announces as the movie is in and he starts to do the same, kicking off his boots and shedding his vest and leather jacket.
“You can uh… you can get under the covers if you want to. All yours.”
There was a slight awkwardness there, you never having been in his room like this before. It was oddly comfortable, kinda like home, but also new and unfamiliar. You break the silence.
“But for real, you actually didn’t have any plans? Anything I messed up?”
“No. You wanna know my plans? They’re pretty much the same every weekend. I lay here, smoke weed, watch movies.”
“Oh. I guess that’s nice.”
“What about you, what’s going on with you? Something happen?”
“Yeah, just uh… just my dad. It’s nothing new, but tonight I just couldn’t really handle it. I had this overwhelming need to get out of there, I felt like I was suffocating on all the bitterness and anger in the air of the house.”
“Damn.”
You giggle a little.
“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to just say that.” He starts to ramble, desperately trying to defend himself and clarify that he didn’t mean to sound rude.
“It’s okay. What can I possibly expect you to say? It’s fine.” You shrug.
“Yeah, I just feel like that was a little insensitive on my part. I don’t have any advice, because I don’t even fuckin’ have a dad. They suck.”
“Yep. Pretty much.”
You sit together for a moment, watching the title screen play out,
“Thank you for being there, eds. Thank you for being here, I mean.” You say softly, head falling to the side to rest on his shoulder, a gesture he felt with great warmth.
“It’s no problem. I told you I would be, didn’t I? From the first time we met. It means a lot to me too, because it makes me feel like you’re starting to trust me.”
“I trust you, stupid. I already trust you.” You joke, but meaning the general message.
“Really?”
“Mhm.”
He places a hand to rest on your knee, the one closest to him and mindlessly runs his thumb in gentle circles. Your head stays where it’s at, finding comfort on him. You stay like this for a while, until about halfway through the movie.
“Do you wanna lay down? No, that sounds weird. I mean, just lay down and you can keep resting your head on my shoulder. Seems like you like that. And that sounded cocky. I’m digging myself into a hole right now.” He rambles.
“Yes, we can lay down.” You say calmly, trying to give off the vibe that he doesn’t need to be so nervous around you. You do, you on your side and him on his back and arm out as you slip between his arm and his body, effectively giving him the opportunity to wrap his arm around you. He does, and you snuggle into his shoulder, closing your eyes before you know it.
-
“Hey. Eds.” You whisper, having awaken in pitch black and silence except for the bugs outside and the hum of fluorescent lighting from the streetlights.
“Hey.” You repeat, shaking him a bit this time. He looked so sweet, so soft, fast asleep. You felt bad about waking him but you needed to.
“Hmm?” He stirs, eyes squinting as they open up slowly.
“It’s too dark in here. And too quiet. I’m scared.”
“Oh, you’re afraid of the dark. Shit, sorry.” His voice is groggy with sleep and he rolls over to flip on his lamp on the bedside table.
“And can you put in another movie? I don’t care which one.”
“Course.” He gets up out of the bed, walking over to the tv and you realize you both fell asleep in your daytime clothes and on top of the covers. You lift the blanket up just in time for him to crawl under it right next to you.
“Better?”
“Yes, thank you. I’m sorry, you can go back to sleep now.”
“Are you gonna go back to sleep to?”
“No, probably not right now, anyways.”
“Then I won’t either.”
“Okay.” You whisper like you’re at a slumber party and your friend’s mom told you guys to be quiet, but it’s just the two of you. He points this out and that’s when you realize.
“So sweet. Little whispers.” He muses, pretty smile on his face.
“Be quiet.” You say softly, smiling, only a bit louder than a whisper.
It was crazy, insane, almost incomprehensible how fast it happened. The moment the words finished falling from your mouth, your lips were on his or maybe his were on yours, you didn’t even really know who went for it but that didn’t matter as sparks lit up your whole body.
You swear with how intense the fireworks are that you’re glowing from the inside out. Like if he looked at you, he could see all the mini explosions going off in your heart and all around your stomach, and before you know it you’re whimpering with need. Once he hears this, he disconnects your lips.
“Hey, you know what you’re doing, right?”
“Wha-what do you mean?” You ask, confusedly.
“Like you really meant to kiss me.”
So it was you.
“Like, just making sure you’re not like half asleep and not thinking straight. Or maybe you’re just scared and that’s why, but either way we probably shouldn’t if you don’t mean it.”
“Yes, I meant to. And I really want to again. Unless you don’t-“
Your sentence cuts off when he closes the distance between you two again. It becomes fairly intense, a little bit messy as his tongue slides across your lips and you part them, allowing him into your mouth.
You make out with each other as if you’ve done it a million times before, like your lips and tongues are already very familiar with each other even though this is the first time they’ve met.
Both laying on your sides, facing each other, you bring your hand to cup his face and pull it impossibly closer to yours, hand then snaking around to the back of his neck where you reached up to run your fingers roughly through his hair at the back of his scalp.
“Fuck,” he breathes, grabbing your hips and pulling your body so much closer to his that they’re pressing against each other and you feel something hard brushing against your thigh when he does this. He starts to wander, but stops.
He tries silently to think of a nice way to say “can I touch your ass” but evidently comes up short.
“Keep going.” You assure him.
His hands move the rest of the way down to your ass where he kneads over and over, taking handfuls, squeezing, pushing. Pushing and pushing until he’s basically grinding your body against his.
“Take these off, please.” You pull away to say, reaching down to feel the way his cock was incredibly hard and straining against his jeans. You take it in your hand and squeeze his bulge gently but also firm.
“Jesus fuck. Ah- okay.” He’s taken aback for a moment but nods, taking his pants off and leaving him in his boxers and loose fitting band tee. You slip your hand underneath his shirt, running it up and down his warm abdomen as you feel the muscles freeze and twitch, you guess maybe it’s because it tickles, so you stop.
Instead, you attach your lips to his neck, licking the slightly salty skin there before sucking on it, biting down with teeth, which caused a groan from him, one you swear must’ve been brewing in there for a while because it was so loud and so lewd.
The way he moans just encourages you, continuing on to bite and suck marks into his skin and then kitten licking over them to soothe the sting.
“God, I know this might be rude, but I can’t take it anymore. I’m gonna cum in my pants if you keep doing this to me.”
“So then don’t.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t take it. Do something about it.” You whisper.
“Jesus Christ, are you sure?” His voice is raspy.
“I am.”
“Take your pants off too, then, okay?”
You nod, pulling your pants down your legs and off your body.
“You’re right. The dark sucks. Because then I can’t see you.” He comments, eyeing you up and down, especially focusing on your bare legs and feet.
“Stop it.” You say, blushing, shutting him up with a kiss. He couldn’t help being corny, and you couldn’t help the fact that it somehow worked on you.
He gets up and climbs onto you, slotting himself between your legs, which you part open for him. You feel his erection press up against your core, which makes you gasp.
It was incredibly hard and admittedly bigger than you could’ve ever previously imagine, almost to the point you were nervous. You told yourself that you can take it, though, that you will take it. He grabs the cotton fabric of your shirt and pulls it off of you, leaving you almost completely exposed, still in your bra and underwear.
“God, you’re perfect.”
“Am not.”
“Yes. You. Are.” He punctuates each word with a kiss, trailing down your chest. He places a kiss in the very center of it, between your breasts. Next, he goes to your ribs, then your stomach, then your lower stomach.
He ends up between your thighs, biting the insides of them softly and kissing his way towards your center. Before he gets there, he takes a moment to lean back a bit to appreciate the sight in front of him. He reaches to rub your pussy through the fabric, but since it was black, it was a surprise how wet you were.
“Jesus Christ.” He marvels at the feeling, pressing gentle circles over your clit. You squirm a bit, bucking up against his hand, and he pulls the soaked undergarments from off of your body.
He places a kiss on your clit first, gentle but enough to make you twitch. Then he starts to lap at you, tongue seeming to try to consume everything that was dripping from your hole. He was like a dog who needed water.
“God, Eddie, oh god.” You moan, eyes involuntarily shut.
He comes back up to lick at your clit and dips a finger into you simultaneously.
“Ohhh, fuck.” You continue babbling.
He quickly adds a second digit and bends them inside you, and you cum right on the spot. It was so sudden and took you by surprise, and you couldn’t silence the moan that came from you while you orgasmed, his fingers still working you and eyes watching you as you fall apart.
You lay and pant, breathing heavy, body weightless like a feather. Getting ready for more, silently preparing. He concludes that his job is done, and comes back up to your level to lay beside you. You seemed pretty tired.
“Wait, are you done?” You turn to look at him.
“I- yeah, I got you off.” He says.
“Indeed you did. But don’t you want more?”
“More…” he repeats blankly, far off in thought. Clueless.
“Do you want to have sex, Eddie. I asked you to take your pants off for a reason.”
“O-oh shit, really? Are you sure?”
“I am. Are you?”
“Yeah. Of fucking course.”
“Good. Take everything else off for me?”
He pulls his shirt over his head, tossing it to the side, then shimmies out of his boxers. Once he’s done, you get on top of him. You stroke his cock a couple of times, just feeling the weight of it in your hand, and precum oozes from the tip. He needed you, now.
“Is this okay?” You want to make sure.
“Yes, fuck, yes.” He stammers, and you smile. You position his cock right below your entrance, and slowly sink down onto him. He groans, quite audibly, and you relish in the feeling.
He was stretching you, you can’t remember a time you’d felt so full in your life. The sting subsided once you sank all the way down and just sat on it for a moment, then you started to move.
With your hands on his bare chest, you ride him gently to begin with. You grind forwards and backwards, just getting a feel for how well he fits inside you, accidentally finding that special spot in the process and stimulating it.
“Oh my god, Eddie. Ohhh my god.” You whimper, continuing with your movements.
“So tight, shit, she’s fuckin’ squeezing me.” He groans beneath you.
He grabs your ass, squeezing so hard his fingernails dig into the plush fat of it. He starts to guide the way you ride him, setting a quicker pace. He must be close. You decide to lean down and let him take over. He pounds up into you from below and you choke on your moans, a new one coming out each time he hits the deepest part of you.
“Fuck, fuck me. Fuck me, eds.” You whimper into his ear and he moans, goosebumps crawling across his body. He continues even though he never stopped.
“Okay, ‘m gonna cum.” He eventually forces the words out while he thrusts into you quick, gradually becoming sloppy. You feel his cock twitch inside you and an overwhelming warmth immediately after.
He rides it out, fucking his cum back up into you for as long as he can before he’s overstimulated, and you get off of him when he stops. You immediately regret doing so, grabbing your pussy and keeping your hand over it. You didn’t want to leak cum all over the place you were about to sleep.
“Can you get a towel maybe?”
“Oh, shit, yeah one sec.” He jumps out of bed and grabs the nearest towel he could find, thankfully clean but not for long. He returned to give it to you and you placed it beneath your body and relaxed. It was a lot, evidently, it seemed to pour and pour until it finally stopped. It felt a little gross, but also nice.
Eventually, you threw the towel to the floor (his room was already messy anyways), and changed into the outfit you had brought but fell asleep before you could put it on. He did the same, getting dressed, but left his shirt off. The room was warm, even more so now after everything, so it was fine for him to do.
He lifts his arms and you crawl into them, resting your head on his chest. He fell asleep soon after, snoring slightly, which made you smile. It was just a little one, barely noticeable, but you noticed because you were right up against him. You closed your eyes and at some point you drifted away.
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