#already feeling shitty enough

[ganondoodle]

this isnt a call out for anyone; i keep getting asked why i even post my opinions on the internet if i dont want to argue whenever i mention how tired i am of people trying to argue with me or proof me wrong

and i just ... for one its bc there are people that have told me they like hearing my opinions bc it makes them feel less alone, its validating to hear that i am not alone and i make them feel less alone (this is a big reason)

then theres the thing .. do you feel good never saying your opinion on anything and just keeping everything to yourself? be it big or small, i tried to do that for years, just trying to crawl deeper and deeper into a hole bc clearly i am the problem and should be able to deal with everything on my own, never say anything, i could be annoying, i could be a burden, and it nearly killed me; i have very few friends and i already spam them enough to feel constantly guilty

and if i did that on some private account ... what use is that, thats the same thing as not saying anything, whats the use of saying anything when no one listens, even to select few, whats the point if others cant find it, there might be people i dont know at all that would find solace in hearing my stupid ramblings about games

its true i lack self control and just tend to talk about stuff when i feel the need of talking, but is that really so bad?

correct me if im wrong but i was never of the impression that posting something on the internet automatically means wanting to debate and argue unless you specifically say or initiate it on someone elses post? like thats why i pretty much always make my own post to complain and dont go on other peoples posts of opposing views, id view the latter as an invitation to argue moreso than the former

when i post some stupid opinion (im talking about harmless personal video game opinions mind you) on my own account who am i bothering, if people agree thats great! if they dont they can just move on- i know people love to discuss and share different opinions but the the ones i most often encounter are ones where its a basically trying to start a fight over whos more right (like theres always one correct opinion to have) or just telling me i am not allowed to feel like i feel-

im aware i cant expect everyone to be able to see a differeing opinion and move on without saying anything, but when i say something, unless its specifically a question, i just do it to vent, to let my thoughts out so they dont slowly gnaw at me, maybe find validation in others also thinking like that (i know i cant also expect everyone to think that way .. i just see it as a form of politeness? sorta?); in all honesty, i dont do it to get told opposing opinions (i know thats maybe a little ... idk, selfish i guess?) bc i usually have seen or heard those already and am saying mine bc i havent seen it before or very very little- what i think is often very much not the majority so the need to say something gets greater the more i see somethign i dont agree with, like an urge to balance it? a call to see if i am alone or not? and much less so to argue or debate over something like that, im tired and exhausted at all times, and have often trouble even getting myself to draw, i dont enjoy fights of any kind, and especialyl so when its about something so completely ignorable like a game opinion i only said bc i wanted it out of my head and bc i have seen that the majority seems to be of a different one

like a sticky note on a wall, not an invitation to a political meeting?

maybe this is something i need to work on and get better at, i havent found a way that lets me get rid of my thoughts in a way that doesnt leave me feeling guilty (like spamming my friends) or to gnaw at me (not saying anything, or somewhere no ones gonna hear it)

i know im incapable of shutting up ever (though at least i got a better control over my emotions by now) and i risk accidentally seeming like im inviting people to a fight but i dont know what else to do

maybe its something i horribly missunderstood about the internet, but its my only outlet for that, i dont have anyone IRL to talk to about my interests, maybe its a flaw that needs work, maybe its just a flaw, i dont know :/

[decepti-geek]

also - I know this is secondary to the abuse that actually materialised for gaiman's victims, but I've seen enough other secondary concerns being aired that I think this one needs doing too:

Talking about the gaiman allegations in a way that treats 'fans' and 'victims' as entirely separate, siloed categories is common but supremely unhelpful. Some of his victims were fans that he met at signings. That alone means there's no clear categories, however much you might want it.

But the additional point is - Well, some of his victims were fans who liked him enough to go to signings. All of his victims seem to have been young women. There's quite a lot of people who've been fans of his work and identified as a young woman at the same point in their lives.

There is SO much disdain for the fans who have been trying to process all this stuff on a personal level, even to the extent of insinuating that personal processing is an immoral thing to do in this case. But I feel like there is basically ZERO acknowledgement, so far, that for anyone who is or has been a gaiman fan and a young woman at the same time - processing all this may well include processing the knowledge that he would likely have viewed/assessed them as a potential victim, had they met. And some of them did meet him!

That's not nothing to have to come to terms with about someone you previously looked up to, and it's not something you can easily ignore, even for the noblest of reasons!

[badninken]

I'm telling Kakashi that you abandoned him /t

I do not respond well to attempts to guilt me. It doesn't matter if it's a joke or not. Don't give me that shit, it will backfire immediately.

I'm still feeling spiteful against the anon who tried to guilt me after drawing Kakashi and Zabuza kissing by reminding me that I've never drawn Kakashi and Obito doing that. Guess what I still don't feel like drawing?

This is my blog. I post about the things that bring me joy right now, because it's for me. I know that a lot of people who follow me won't be interested when I stray from the usual and it's unfortunate if I clutter someone's dash with stuff they don't want to see but you can filter the tag or unfollow. I won't hold that against anyone.

Just don't make comments like that, it makes my fucking skin crawl.

[roughroadhaley]

i don’t think it is humanly possible for the Robby-Johnny relationship to be as good as the writers want me to believe it currently is going, but i also don’t think it’s going half as bad as people on here or on reddit say it is, so it is incredibly challenging for me to find posts I agree with about them anywhere

[umemiyan]

sometimes having a body SUCKS why can't we just be floating brains or disembodied heads like in futurama. and maybe we could attach ourselves to our to bodies at will when we wanna fuck or eat something good

[autism-corner]

5guys

comments on em under the cut <3

quincy:

-Jagged scars bc he did it himself with. a big knife.

-no sixpack. just bc.

-many pubes. other bodyhair is a bit less bc he isnt on T (<- excuse bc i couldnt make it look good /hj)

eiden:

-pretty neat scars. got them done fairly early in his life.

-left his abs bc he really tries to keep em. dont particularly like it but :/ i feel like its part of him idk

-was on T a few years before getting isekai'd, aster helped him find a replacement.

dante:

-NEAT surgery scars. got them done, after his parents died, by top-level surgeons (+ didnt have big boobs to begin with)

-nips+snakebites+eyebrows pierced. hes a royal man he deserves it.

-left his pack bc i think he uses it as a coping mechanism....

-has been on proxy-T since a few months before his parents died.

rei:

-tiny boobs tiny scars. did them himself aswell.

-navel pierced bc hes a slut so ofc.

-no abs. this man does nothing to keep himself in shape.

-not on T but has found some remedy that has permanently lowerd his voice

-main reason for transition was so he could be in hiding better, he really doesnt care for much else.

balde:

-no nips.

-main control panel is in his abdomen bc its easily defendable. distinct connection of panels at the lines where they open bc i didnt want him to have abs and this works <3 + i couldnt figure out a reason behind topsurgery scars other than that <3

-no pubes bc hes a ken doll down there (i forgor)

[one-winged-dreams]

Owen's sister, whom I hate, is coming over to drop off a christmas present and take him to do an errand and my hackles are just up on top of me being stressed and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[sydmarch]

it was so stupidly difficult to find any nutritionist who has experience with arfid & takes insurance so after having to go through all these referrals my therapist sent me & jumping through hoops I lowkey hate the lady lmao feels like such a waste of time & energy

[catboyidia]

how i think asgzc handles being/behaves while sick

(except im actually projecting because im really sick and miserable and mildly (very) delirious)(also this was written mostly in the short period between like 30 min fever dream plagued naps… so its all over the place and don’t expect accurate characterization)

angeal: hes that one motherfucker that can have a high fever and will still insist on doing everything, he could be on his deathbed and still trying to do stuff and care for everyone else until everyone else literally forces him to stop and rest, and even then he will still try to downplay his illness and worry about everyone else

sephiroth: realistically he doesn’t get sick but like… we’re ignoring that… he’s absolutely pitiful but without even meaning to be, like he’s perfectly fine being alone and letting it run its course but he ends up just looking so pitiful that genesis and angeal can’t resist him, they won’t leave him alone and end up trying to comfort sephiroth in any way possible, and upon trying to cuddle him, sephiroth will immediately cling to them, betraying his original ability to be alright alone

genesis: gets super clingy and whiny and refuses to let sephiroth or angeal leave him alone, inevitably forcing them to get sick with him, and hes total crybaby the entire time, needing reassurance about everything he has ever done and will ever do because for some reason being really sick makes him reflect on himself which makes him emotional and regret everything he’s ever done and fear that he isn’t good enough for sephiroth and angeal, all the emotional baggage and insecurities come flooding out until he cries himself to sleep again, wakes up from the strangest fever dream, clings to whoever is closest and the cycle continues, only breaking every so often when he forces sephiroth and angeal to feed him or they force genesis to take medicine, all the necessities ect.

zack: whiny clingy and needy, will cling to cloud like his life depends on it and uses cloud as a living teddy bear, unable to be left alone because if anyone even mentions leaving him alone for a second he immediately starts looking like a kicked puppy and clings on even tighter, desperate to be comforted, and needs to be distracted often from the fact that he is sick or else he will complain about how shitty he feels 24/7, also he will throw a fit and refuse any medication like a child until angeal either shoves a pill down his throat like a dog or crushes it up and hides it in some kind of food… also like a dog… angeal basically has to employ every dog medicine giving tactic

cloud: tries to isolate and let the illness do its thing, not wanting to get anyone else sick, and also not really wanting anyone else to see him sick and think he’s weak because he thinks every little thing, including unavoidable things like getting sick, will make him seem weak, but zack refuses to leave him alone, trying to comfort cloud in any way possible, trying to tend to every single one of clouds needs and constantly makes sure cloud is okay, although cloud tries to push zack away because he doesn’t want zack to get sick, plus unfortunately zack can get a bit stressful and be a bit of a pain in the ass to handle at times

[breakbreadwithme]

okay i’m caving today, who cares (the answer is me, likely for the few days following this one)

[intertexts]

gggh.

[citrlet]

very sad this morning seeing Ryan and Shane leaving youtube to start yet another exclusive subscription service :/

[lanawinterscigarettes]

my period cramps are hurting me soooo bad right now wtf why

[anachronistic-falsehood]

OK ok ok. i don't THINK they're doing an evil alter type thing with qcellbit and fcell. i have enough faith in the admins and cellbit himself that i don't think they would fall back on a shitty horror trope even if they don't know it's harmful, and separating them into two different entities would retcon a lot of established stuff about qcellbit. i don't think that's what they're doing, i think the worst they will do is make it so cellbit was sleepwalking or something. i genuinely think the federation is framing cellbit, but even if they do somehow pull off a "fcell is another entity/something in cellbit's head/etc" kind of thing, i think they can pull it off somehow in a way that isn't shitty writing. we've seen cellbit and the admins' storytelling. i have faith in them and i think they can pull this off no matter what they decide to do

[adm-starblitzsteel-4305]

Alright, 1 week left before we said goodbye to my favorite month April and welcome the month of May, wherein flowers bloom everywhere (known as Flores de Mayo), yada yada get to the point.

Anyway, which among of these two I choose should be the winner of May (I've been drawing flowers for some reason you know, for something)?

~|[✿]|~

A plant Kaiju spliced with roses, deceased human (girl) cells and G-Cells?

Or this motherfucking talking, singing man-eating plant?

[allthebestcowgirls]

people on here acting so superior about the fact that they fuck/drink/go clubbing/ whatever the fuck is so funny bc 1 u are still here on tumblr and 2 explain to me what is so bad about not doing any of those things?? what makes YOU a better person for having sex and what makes someone else a lesser person for not? genuinely ur all such fucking annoying losers who are just itching for a chance to put ppl down and make people feel bad about themselves